Chapter 1 Becoming Lexie
After a long drive up from my former home in the English Midlands, I arrived at Manor Lodge on the outskirts of the village of St John’s Chapel in Upper Weardale in County Durham. In some ways it was a new home for me, but in others I was just coming back to my roots.
I had been researching my ancestry and had found that my family for several generations back to the 1700s had lived and farmed in the area. Further investigations showed it to be a remote area set among the rolling slopes of the Pennine Hills. as I was looking to relocate anyway, I checked out the local property market and could not believe my eyes when I saw Manor Lodge up for sale, my great grandparents and two generations before them had lived there. It just drew me to it and I decided that fate had decreed that would be my next move.
The Lodge had been well maintained but was badly in need of a good clean and redecoration and for the next few days my time was spent washing down and freshening up the paintwork, painting over most of the dated wallpaper, which would have to be replaced eventually, but would do for the time being, and moving in what little furniture I had decided to bring with me.
With all the work that was needed I just carried on through the days, barely stopping for food and drink. i just wanted to get the place in order and be able to relax instead of sitting amongst turmoil.
Friday evening I decided that I needed a rest and made my way to the Maltby Arms down in the village to get a decent meal. It was a pleasant enough country pub and the food on the menu looked to be tasty and wholesome. It seemed to be the haunt of a lot of local regulars who were all sitting or standing around in their little social groups.
“ Hi, we’ve not seen you in here before, are you visiting?” the barmaid/waitress asked as she brought over my pint of local bitter and waited to take my order for food.
“ No, I’ve just moved in to Manor Lodge and hope to be here for a long time. I’m Alexander Robson, but everyone calls me Leckie.”
“ That’s a fine local name, Robson, there are a few of us around here up in the dale, I’m Julie Robson, or used to be, I am now Julie Marshal, and this is my pub.”
“ Pleased to meet you Julie, you never know we may even be related, my family are from this area several generations ago.”
“ I have been checking up my family tree too, maybe we ought to get together and compare notes some time. Anyway, people are waiting to be served, so I better get back to the bar. I hope to see you again.”
Julie seemed pleasant enough and friendly, and the opportunity to get even more information for my family tree seemed too good to be true. I resolved that I would have a look at the other pubs and hotels locally, but would definitely come back here again.
I had used up what little food supplies I had brought with me and needed to find a decent shop. It turned out that the only places locally were small convenience shops with high prices and a limited range but there was a Farmers Market on Saturday morning not too far way which served to get enough fresh stuff to keep me going. As I was leaving i bumped into Julie from the pub.
“ Hi Julie, what do you do for grocery shopping around here, there’s not a lot of choice in the village?”
“ You can go into Bishop Auckland, there a couple of supermarkets there, but it’s a bit of a drive, I get weekly deliveries brought out to me from online orders. You pay for delivery but it’s not much more than the cost of petrol to get there, If I were you that’s what I would do. I use the local shop for anything small or if I run out of stuff, but for a big weekly or monthly shop go online and order. It’s the same if you need anything DIY for doing the house up, it’s a lot easier to get it delivered.”
I took her advice and rather than waste the rest of the day driving over to Auckland, I was able to spend the time usefully working on the house.
By Tuesday, i had got the house in a fit state to live in and relax, I’d got my grocery delivery and had stocked the cupboards and freezer and was able to think about getting a bit of social life again. When i was in the Maltby Arms the previous week I had seen a notice that Tuesday was Quiz Night and decided to go and see how challenging it would be.
Most of the regulars seemed to have their own groups so I just decided to sit at the bar and work solo and see how I would get on. Julie was not working behind the bar, but was sitting with friends taking part in the quiz, the bar was being tended by what I found to be her husband Kelvin, who was acting as quizmaster for the night.
After ten rounds and two ‘refresh your glasses’ breaks it was all over, and I thought that I had done reasonably well.
“In third place are the ‘Robson Lasses’, at which Julie and her friends all gave a large cheer, in second place “ The Maltby Misfits’, and in first place, a clear winner, is Mr solo at the bar here, Leckie Robson. At which point Julie rushed over, grabbed the prize of a large bottle of gin, presented it to me, gave me a congratulatory kiss and took my hand.’’Come over and meet the rest of the Robson clan.”
“ Girls this is Alexander, or Leckie as he prefers, who may or may not be a distant long-lost relative, but anyway he is a Robson, Leckie these are my sisters Jane and Jeanette, and our cousin Josie. I have a brother Jason too, but he is away in the army and does not come home very often.” I smiled a hello at them all and thought that I hope we are relatives, it looks like a fine gene pool to come from.
“ We saw you at the bar, signing in to take part in the quiz and I was going to invite you over to join us, but the rules are teams with a maximum of four people only, but you didn’t need any help from us.”
“Look, I am not a great gin drinker, If I’m not interrupting anything why not go and get some tonic and ice, I’ll join you and you can help me get rid of some of it.”
Julie was off like a shot, quickly coming back with five clean glasses, a bucket of ice and a bowl of lemon slices. By the time we all left Julie and Kelvin to clean up after everyone, I had learned a lot about the Robson clan and had lost a lot of my prize bottle of gin to the ‘Lasses’. I made my way a bit unsteadily back to the Lodge, I was not used to drinking spirits and collapsed on the bed, either into sleep or drunken unconsciousness.
I woke in the morning with a heavy head and a splitting headache and decided that it would not be a good day to work on the house. Either I would damage something, hurt myself, or make a mess, so I just sat down in the garden with a pot of coffee and a plate of toast to try to bring myself back into the world. In a bit of a a daydream I had visions of people in Georgian and Victorian costumes walking up to me, greeting me and smiling, before continuing on their walk.
I was soon up to walking around again and took myself off into the hills to familiarise myself with the lands of my forefathers and many of the vistas gave me a flashback to the background behind the people who I had seen in my daydream. Maybe something deep down in my psyche or genes was being stirred by the conversations with the ‘Lasses’, or maybe it was still the after-effects of the gin.
Now that the house was almost in order, it was time to think about work again. My work as a freelance commercial artist and technical illustrator allowed me to operate from a studio virtually anywhere in the country and, within limits, to my own timescales, as long as I met deadlines from my clients. Most of my commissions were for the exploded view sketches of domestic and gardening equipment that serve as instruction manuals nowadays, which challenged my understanding of the products as well as my artistic ability, paid very well and gave me a comfortable living. As a refuge from this dry artistry, I often indulged in my hobby of painting comic-style, vivid-colour fantasy cartoon stories, which was much more fun and satisfying for the soul.
After I had completed the jobs I was getting paid for, I set up my easels to see what fantasies I could create and just started sketching, still in a bit of a metal haze, just going where the spirits moved me. When I sat back to look at what I had produced, instead my normal ‘Marvel’ or ‘DC’ adventure action scene, I had created a very victorian landscape with two figures, a young man and a young girl, running towards each other, very ‘Cathy and Heathcliffe’ from Wuthering Heights, except instead of the windswept wild Yorkshire moors, It showed the rolling hills above Weardale that I had walked in the morning. This surprised me as landscapes were not really my normal art genre, in my mental haze I had just reproduced what was in my most recent memory.
I put the painting aside on the bench by the door and was just sitting down for a coffee to clear my head when I heard someone approaching the Lodge.
“ We were just worried that you were feeling as hungover and sickly as we are, that gin went down far too easily last night.”
Julie and Jane were standing there with worried looks on their faces so I invited them to come through into the garden to join me in coffee. As they passed through, Jane stopped to have a good look at my new painting.
“What a lovely painting, is that of the hills just up above Wearhead, Middlehope Moor. It looks familiar, and I love the romantic touch of the couple rushing to each other. Did you do that.”
“Let’s sit out in the sunshine, let me get you a drink and I will tell you everything. I went for a walk this morning but not in that direction, just around the Fell above the village. When I came back I was still in a bit of a mental fog from last night and just started painting from my ‘mind’s-eye’ and that’s what turned out. I don’t know where it is, or indeed if it is an actual place.”
“I’m sure that I know where it is, what do you think Julie?”
“You’re right Jane, it is the hills between us and Allenheads, I think Lexie has captured it beautifully.”
“Thank you very much, Julie, but the name is Leckie, not Lexie.”
“Sorry about that , but I think Lexie rolls off the tongue more easily and it has a ring to it, if you don’t mind that is what I would like to call you.”
“With a smile like that you can call me anything you like.”
“Well Lexie, what we were thinking is that you have been researching the history of the Robsons round here, and so have we, let’s put the two family trees together and see if there are links. Not today because I don’t think any of us are thinking clearly, and we will be busy for the rest of the week. We don’t open the pub on Mondays, why not come round then and we can see what we have got.”
“Sounds good to me, I’ll see you then, and thank you for coming round to check on me. If you both like the painting that much, please take it with you, either for Jane for home or for you in the bar, it might give a bit of local interest.”
On Monday morning I arrived at the pub, armed with my laptop with all my ancestry research stored on it and was greeted with a big hug from Julie.
“Glad you’ve made it Lexie, I told Jeanette about your painting and when she came and looked at it she gasped. She ran back to her home and came back with a, bundle of old photos and one of them showed who we think is our great grandmother, Charlotte, when she was young and she looked the spitting image of the girl in the painting. If you did all that from your minds-eye and somewhere deep in your subconscious, your genes must be triggering memories from the past. You are definitely one of the Robsons of St John’s Chapel, let’s open up the computers and prove it.”
I did not take long to show that our great grandmothers had been sisters, making us third-cousins. Julie had found some earlier family members and I had found some different ones, so we were able to fill in the gaps and get leads for another generation back from hints from the website. So I was suddenly re-united with a family I knew very little about and my sense of belonging to Weardale was now even stronger.
After some phone calls Josie and Jeanette soon joined us, Julie told them the news, and the rest of the day was spent telling stories of the different sides of the family and the characters we remembered.
That night back at the Lodge I slept fitfully, my mind was turning over and over all the things I had discovered today. I had dreams involving the various ancestors we had discussed, including my Great Great Aunt Charlotte, the great grandmother of Julie and her sisters. I had a vision of her running across the hills to meet the man who was obviously the love of her life, just as I portrayed in my painting.
Tuesday night I was down at the pub again for the quiz night, but instead of being on my own like last time, Julie called me over.
“Josie can’t make it tonight, so if you don’t mind being one of ‘The Robson Lasses’ you’re more than welcome to join us. I promise that we won’t be drinking like last week, that was way over the top for all of us.” The girls were pleasant company and made me feel part of the family and so we settled down to take part in the quiz. The girls were quite knowledgeable but a lot of times did not have the confidence to write down their gut-feeling answers to the questions asked, which is where I made the difference. My general knowledge was quite broad and even if the answers did not come to me immediately, their suggestions triggered the answers in my head which confirmed their thoughts, and between us we considered that we had done quite well.
In third place are ‘The Rambling Boys’, in second place for the second week running, ‘The Maltby Misfits, the winners, with perfect scores in 8 of the 10 rounds are ‘The Robson Lasses’.
Julie went up to collect our prize from her husband, which this week was a couple of bottles of Prosecco, amidst a light-hearted barrage of ‘fix’ and ‘do you have to be a Robson to win in here’.
“Right girls, oh sorry and Lexie, let’s just share the one bottle and Lexie can take the other home, after all he made the difference to us tonight.
As I was leaving later, I saw that they had hung my painting to the side of the doorway and that it was getting a lot of admiring looks from the other customers, as they came and left.
“If you do any more like this Lexie, use the pub as your gallery, I’m sure that we can sell some of them for you.” Julie said as she gave me and her sisters goodnight hugs and kisses. Having been brought up as an only child it gave me a warm feeling to have someone close that I felt I could rely on.
Over the following days I was quite busy working on my commissions and did not have time for my ‘hobby paintings’, but Friday was warm and calm so I walked to Wearhead and up into the hills where I had captured the image of Great Aunt Charlotte and her companion and drank in the atmosphere. On my return after a long energetic walk I dozed off and woke with a start, rushed to my studio and started to capture the image that I had in my head. When it was competed I sat and looked at it for several minutes contemplating what I had produced.
The scene was similar to the last one but much more close up showing the tears and the haunting look of dejection on Charlotte’s face. This was so far away from the gaudy dynamic action scenes I normally produced, and seemed to come from my soul rather than from my eyes. I was unsure whether to show this to the girls as in a way it was quite depressing, unlike the joy of the two subjects in my first painting.
That night I had even more vivid dreams of Charlotte and her life and how she felt when she was rejected by her lover, and woke up with tears running down my face. I decided that this was becoming an obsession for me and that I needed to talk it through firstly with Julie, then depending on what she thought, following it up with the others.
“That’s a wonderful picture, I can feel the hurt she was experiencing and that is definitely Great Gran Charlotte, I can see bits of my mother in her face, the eyes and the wild raven hair. Are you sure that you haven’t been googling for more images of her and that this is all coming from your mind’s-eye?”
“I am having dreams about her too, as if she had been spurned and had her heart broken. I am not normally a sensitive emotional person, but it is as if she is speaking to me and passing on her feelings. Coming back to where my forebears lived seems to have kicked some genetic memory into my subconscious.”
“Let’s go back to the ancestry site and see if we can get any more details about her, there might be an explanation hidden away. We can look in the electoral registers and parish records to find out who she was living with and who her family were. “
Our research found out that she was not married and was living with her parents when Arthur, Julie’s grandfather, was born and that the birth certificate was blank in the sections for ‘Fathers Name’ and ‘Occupation’. At the time, having children out of wedlock was not uncommon but it was still considered scandalous and the mothers often treated as social outcasts, at least Charlotte’s parents seemed to stand by her.
“I’ve not heard any mention in the family about that, but then it is not something that people of my parent’s and grandparent’s age would talk to their children about. I must visit my Gran Edith, Arthurs wife, and talk to her about this, but she is getting a bit confused now and I don’t want to upset her.”
“What’s past is past Julie, it is good to know your family background, it’s part of who you are, but it’s not worth causing any upset for.”
“Changing the subject completely, Kelvin has been in touch with some other pubs and hotels in the area that do quiz nights and they all want to organise a tournament and maybe even start up a league, are you interested.”
“It’s ok in the Maltby Arms , but having me in a team of ‘The Robson Lasses’ will be at best confusing and could even cause some embarrassing comments.”
“Don’t worry about a little thing like that Lexie, you are man enough to laugh it all off, but I must admit that you have definitely got the Robson genes and could pass as another of my sisters with a bit of makeup and work on your hair, and that’s without even thinking about wearing a skirt or a
dress.”
“ Drop that thought straight away, it’s not going to happen.”
“Have you never thought what it would be like to be a woman instead of a man, most people have at least imagined being the opposite gender at some time in their life, even if it is just when watching films such as ‘Tootsie’, ‘Some like it hot’, ‘Yentl’ or ‘The Danish Girl’.”
“I can honestly say that I have not. Even if I had it would just be a fantasy, there is no way that I could ever pass as a woman.”
“Actually, I think you could, it could be a laugh. When we go to this tournament nobody there will know you. Let me and the girls give you a makeover and find you something to wear and you could really be one of ‘The Robson Lasses’, at least for one night.
“I’d know and I would feel awkward and stupid and it would be obvious that I am a man.”
“ Go on Lexie, please, give it a go, it would really make you part of our family. Let us see what we can do, if you don’t look right, I will drop it and never mention it again, but if you appear ok, you agree to go to the tournament as a woman as my cousin Lexie. After all, you’re already going by a name which is usually taken as a shortened nickname for Alexandra anyway.
Julie called the girls to see if they wanted to take part in the tournament and, as she thought she would be, was one person short. Jeanette could not commit to anything other than a social quiz night at the pub with her sisters. However, along with Jane and Josie she thought that the idea of humiliating me by giving me a makeover would be fun. I stayed there with Julie for the rest of the day until late afternoon when the others turned up. Before they even said anything they were captivated by my painting of Charlotte and they too recognised some of their mothers traits.
Jeanette was the first to show interest. “Is there any chance doing another copy for me, I will pay for your time and materials, I would love to have that on the wall at home, although I am not sure it is right for the public bar. “ and that turned into tour requests for copies
The four of them sat and planned out my transformation as if I wasn’t in the room.
“ I think I can do something with her hair.”
“I’ve got some skirts and tops I don’t wear anymore that will fit her.”
“Shoes might be a problem, although Lexie has quite small feet for a man.”
“I’ve got more make up than I know what to do with, it will do for a trial anyway, but we will have to get her some concealer and the right shade of foundation.”
“And of course she will have to have a good waxing to clean up her skin.”
“Just slow down a minute girls, you are already planning to turn me completely into a female, and even calling me ‘her’ and ‘she”, don’t I get any say in what you are suggesting.”
“No Lexie, you don’t, you agreed to this, we know what we are doing, just go with the flow.”
A week later I was transformed by Julie and Jane, my body was now completely hairless, my hair shampooed conditioned and set in soft waves, my face covered in all sorts of creams and colouring, wearing a bra and panties underneath a scoop-necked sleeveless top which showed of the cleavage formed by breast forms, a mid-thigh flared skirt and sandals with a 2”heel.
“Ok Lexie you can go and look at yourself now and see the result of this morning’s work. What do you think?” Jane asked as she pushed me over to the full-length mirror on my wardrobe.
I was amazed, I was almost indistinguishable from the sisters, although a bit taller and heavier built. I would definitely pass as one of the ‘Robson Lasses’.
“Ok you win girls, I will agree to give it a try at the tournament, now let me get changed back and cleaned up and we can discuss what we will do next week.”
“You must be joking Lexie, you can’t turn up there and expect to just be accepted as a woman, you need to be comfortable in the clothes and in who you are, you need to act, move and even talk like a woman, you need a lot of practice to be able to pull this off. Between now and then, you need to be a woman, continue to wear skirts until you are comfortable in them, get used to how they feel when you sit and move, You need to get used to the breasts you now have and change your posture, you need to get used to walking in heels, even low chunky ones like you are wearing now. In short, between now and then you have to think that you are a woman until it becomes second nature”Julie snapped back at me.
“Is all that really necessary, after all it is just a village pub quiz?”
“As a man you do not think about how you move and react to things, you have to get just as natural as a woman so that you are not constantly thinking about what you are doing, but just getting on with it and going about your daily life. Between now and then you must, to all intents and purposes, be a woman.”
“But what if anyone sees me, what will they think?”
“ If you throw yourself fully into this Lexie, all they will see is another woman. Are you going to do this properly or are we going to just get you cleaned up and forget all about it? We need you on our quiz team as one of the ‘Robson Lasses’, without you there is no chance of us doing well in the tournament.” Jane pleaded.
“ Ok, Ok, I give in, where do we go from here?”
“ First things first, take off your top and the bra, those breast forms sit fine and the size is right , but you need to get used to the weight of them on your chest and how they move, I got the medical adhesive to go with them, for the next week you are going to have breasts 24/7, let’s get them fixed on you properly.”
“They feel strange now, different to when they were just sitting in the bra.”
“ You’ll get used to them , half the population have had to live with them.”
“ Yes, but you adapted to them gradually as they grew, they did not suddenly just appear.”
“ Enough of that. Since you are now living as a woman, we have bought over some clothes to see you through the week, some skirts and tops, underwear, shoes, a couple of coats, and even a few pairs oft trousers for you, but try not to wear them until you get used to the skirts, oh and a bag of cosmetics and creams. You need to practice putting it on yourself, just repeat what we did to you. We’ll leave you to get them all put away and get on with your day. welcome to womanhood Lexie.”
To be continued.
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Authors note:
‘Lasses’ is a common term for ‘girls’ in the North-east counties ( Lasses, not Lassies -that is Scottish). Similarly ‘Pet ‘is commonly used as a term of endearment, much like dear, darling, honey, sweetheart or ducks in other parts of the country,, mostly towards women and young children, but often by women towards their menfolk too. .
Links for further information, click link to open.
St John’s Chapel http://www.discoverweardale.com/explore-weardale/our-village...
Chapter 2 Lexie comes Out
After they had left, I sat down with a coffee to think about what I had committed to. It had all just started off as joining my cousins at the pub quiz, but somehow it now appeared that I had joined them in a lot more than that. I was on the point of deciding that it had all gone too far and ringing Julie to say that I had changed my mind when there was a knock on the door. I was in two minds as to whether to answer it. i was not looking forward to being seen as a man in a skirt and the humiliation that would follow. However I could not hide myself away forever. the girls had told me that I was quite passable as a woman and I had to face the world sometime or just give up.
I looked out from behind the net curtains and saw a supermarket delivery van and decided that it was as safe an option as any other for a test, after all, these guys were normally in a rush and usually just wanted to get the delivery over and done with and get on their way.
“Grocery delivery Pet, where do you want it all put? Some of the bags are quite heavy, I can carry them through to the kitchen for you if you like.”
In a bit of a panic I managed to squeak out “That’ll be great, just drop them on the kitchen table and I’ll sort them out. Sorry for the mess and all the clothes lying around, I’ve just had some friends round and haven’t sorted things out yet.”When he had brought all the bags through I had regained my composure somewhat and with a forced but genuine-looking friendly smile thanked him in what I hoped was a reasonably feminine tone.
“My pleasure Pet, I’ll maybe see you again next week. Enjoy the rest of your day”, he left and went on his way to his next delivery
That seemed to go ok, no shouting of “bloody pervert “or anything like that, no giggles or rolling of the eyes, and I said to myself. “Maybe this will work out.”. Feeling a little more relaxed I stored the groceries away in the cupboard, cleared some space in my wardrobe and drawers and put away all my new clothes. I was soon getting used to the feel of the skirt brushing my legs and my breasts bouncing and swaying as I moved around.
My mind was still a bit on edge, and thinking that I couldn’t concentrate on work, despite what Julie had said I changed into a pair of leggings and some flat walking shoes, put on my anorak and took myself off for a walk up the hills to the top of Chapel Fell.
After the trek to the top I found a big rock to sit on, took off my jacket and admired the views of Teesdale and North Yorkshire to the South, and North over Weardale and the Tyne Valley to the hills of Northumberland beyond. This was a world away from the large urban Midlands conurbation where I had been brought up. I was away from the hustle and bustle and cares of the real world, or so I thought.
“Are you alright bonny lass, you look in a bit of a daze, we were worried about you, sometimes the heat and the exertion can take it out of you?” I looked up to see a middle-aged couple, dressed for a days walk over the hills, carrying backpacks.
“ I’m fine thanks, I was just lost in a bit of a daydream, thinking things through and trying to make sense of my life. Are you heading far?”
“We are generally heading North over to Alston to pick up the Pennine Way again, to end up in border country, but are in no rush and taking it day by day. We were thinking of taking a break soon, do you know anywhere decent to stay the night?”
“You could try the Maltby Arms down in St Johns Chapel, it’s about an hour away, but it’s mostly downhill. It’s run by my cousin Julie and her husband Kelvin. Tell them Lexie sent you and they will see you right.”
“Thanks Lexie, we’re Jan and Mark, we run a guest house down in Lincoln. we’re having a bit of a break, getting lots of fresh air, no stress, and letting someone else look after us for a change. If we get a room at the Maltby Arms, maybe we will see you down there later. Enjoy the beauty and calm of the fells and the peaceful atmosphere up here, sort out your problems and the world will be a much better place.”
I sat there for about and hour, staring at the clear blue sky peppered with fluffy cumulus clouds, listening to the distinctive calls of the Peewits, coming to terms with my life, at least for the next week as a woman, and how I felt about it.
I remembered what Julie had asked about whether I had ever wondered what it would be like to be a woman and decided that, although it had never crossed my mind previously, this was a good opportunity to find out. Except for my cousins, nobody in the village really knew me, even the quiz regulars in the pub walked past me in the street without acknowledgement , not really recognising me.The delivery driver had just accepted me and called me ‘Pet’, Mark had called me ‘Bonny Lass’ and Jane and he had talked with me as if I was another friendly woman they met on their journey. I decided to just accept where I was and get on with things as normal, except for how I was dressed and looked.
I strolled back down to the village and was soon at home, a lot less stressed and confused than I had been when I had left for my walk. Back at home there was a missed call on my phone from Julie, so I gave her a ring back straight away.
“ Hi Julie what are you after?”
“ Firstly, thanks for sending Jan and Mark to us, they liked the room we gave them and booked in for a couple of nights. I was going to ask you how you were getting on, we may have steamrollered you a little bit and pushed you too far too quickly, but Jan was full of talk about the charming girl that they had met on the fell, and they wondered if you wanted to come over and have dinner with them tonight.”
“ I don’t think that is a good idea, it’s one thing having a few minutes casual chat with someone, but it will be a lot harder to be convincing for a couple of hours talking over dinner. Besides, they’ll be asking questions about who I am, where I am from, what I do for a living, and things like that, what am I going to tell them?”
“ Just tell them the truth, except for the fact that you are really Alexander, not Lexie. The more you keep to the truth, the less likely you are to slip up. They seem a nice couple and I am sure that you will be alright with them. If you get uncomfortable or flustered I will just be behind the bar and can come over and rescue you.”
“I suppose that you are right, what harm can it do, they are strangers passing through, please tell them that I will be down there later. I’ve been up on the fells, so I’ll need to have a shower and get changed. I’ll be ok with Jan and Mark, but what about the regulars, won’t I get recognised, I don’t want any embarrassing scenes.”
“You’ll be fine, don’t worry, you are so like me and my sisters that anyone will probably just think that you are another one of us.”
“ I’m new to all this, what should I wear?”
“ You are definitely adjusting to life as a woman asking that. Put on that sky-blue peasant top and the cream summer skirt, and don’t forget fresh underwear too. If you are walking down to here you need comfortable shoes, just wear the sandals you had on earlier.”
I stripped off, put my hair up and wore a shower cap to try to keep the style that Jane had done for me, cleaned off my makeup and was soon feeling relaxed and fresh in the shower, washing away all my cares and worries. It was too early to get ready to go out, so I put on a fresh pair of panties and a towelling dressing gown that they had left me, while I sorted myself out.
I decided to have a go at painting my nails, as far as I could remember, the girls always had theirs done, and it would look odd if I didn’t bother. I gave them a good file to try to get a decent shape to them before covering them with a soft red polish they had left me. The first two goes were streaky and a complete mess, so I just cleaned them down and had another try. This time they turned out not too bad and I decided to do my toes too, they were a lot easier and turned out fine first time.
I tried to remember all the make-up tricks Jane had used on my face, but it did not turn out nearly as good as when she had done it. I thought “That is good enough, it will do.”, but then had second thoughts that “If i am going to do this, I need to learn to make a good job of it.”, cleaned it all off and started again. I suddenly realised that the time had flown by and that I needed to get dressed and make my way down to the pub for dinner. I quickly put on a clean bra, my skirt, top, and sandal, sgrabbed a handbag, put in my wallet, keys, phone and a few feminine essentials and set off .
I nervously walked down to the village, keeping an eye out for anyone who might recognise me, and stopped for a few minutes outside the door to the pub to catch my breath and build up the nerve to go in. I almost turned back, Julie however must have been looking out for me and rushed over, took my hand and tried to lead me in,
“ Come on in Lexie, it’s no good just standing out here.”
“ I can’t Julie. I am not ready for this and don’t feel comfortable.”
“Don’t be daft Lexie, Jan and Mark are waiting for you. You’re looking gorgeous, just like the rest of the Robson lasses, just get in there and act as if it is completely normal for you, something you do every day,.walk slowly and hold your head up high, come in, smile, and enjoy yourself.”
I was greeted with a hug from Jan and a light kiss from Mark. “We’re so glad you could join us, this is a delightful little country inn and Julie and Kelvin rhaveeally made us welcome, thanks for suggesting that we stay here. Would you like a drink before we order the food?”
I was just about to tell him what I would like when Kelvin came over with a large glass of Sauvignon blanc. “Just your normal Lexie, Pet, sit yourself down and Julie will be over in a few minutes to take your food order.” he said with a sneaky wink on their blind side.
I sat down and made myself comfortable tugging at the hem of my skirt as girls always seemed to do to ensure their modesty, and was struggling to think how to start the conversation.
“What do you recommend, Lexie, you must know what is best on the menu?”
“ Whatever you fancy really Jan, it is all tasty and well cooked. The dish of the day, the lamb casserole, is always good, the meat is from all the free-ranging sheep you have seen on the way down from the fell, and the veg is either home-grown or from someone in the village, no food miles and no big processing plants involved,.”
I waved over to Julie, and ordered three lamb casseroles, and as she left she gave me a gentle squeeze on the shoulder and mouthed silently “You are doing great, just relax.”
It was a pleasant meal, most of the conversation about walks they had covered and where they planned to go next, as well as general chat about who we all were, and what we did. As Julie had suggested I was quite open about my background, keeping as near to the truth as I could..
“You are obviously not from round here Lexie, Midlands I reckon, what led you up into the wilds.” Jan asked.
“Call of my genes really, my forefathers lived in the village and when I was looking to move I thought that I would like to see where they moved away from, and find out a bit more about them. I’ve only been here a few weeks, but I’ve found long-lost family and been accepted into the community, I’m beginning to feel this is home already.”
“ What exactly is it you do?”
“ As I have told you, I’m an artist, mainly commercial technical stuff, but since coming here I have been doing a few landscapes as an escape and to satisfy my more artistic leanings, some of the paintings of the village hanging around the bar area are mine.”
“Did you do the one near the door, the ‘Cathy and Heathcliffe’ one? It really shows the stark grandeur of the fells around here and the two lovers rushing to meet really bring the scenery to life. I think it’s just lovely”
“ Yes, that is the first one I did when I settled here. Thank you so much, I really appreciate you saying that.”
“ This may sound a bit crass, but is it for sale, we would love to have it?”
“ That one actually belongs to Julie, the Landlady, you will have to ask her. However I assume that she will want to keep it as it has family significance, the girl in the picture is her great grandmother, and a great aunt of mine, a few generations back.”
“How wonderful for you all, you haven’t made any prints of it have you?”
“ No but my cousins want copies, I was going to just paint new ones, but it is getting to the stage where a print run might be easier. One way or another, I will get a copy to you, I assume Julie has your address and everything.”
“ We look forward to it.”
“I understand that you are staying for a couple of nights before continuing your walk,. There are some charming villages further down the dale, Frosterley , Stanhope and Wolsingham, it may be worthwhile having a look around while you are here.”
“Thanks for your company Lexie we have enjoyed meeting you, we may see you around tomorrow, if not take care and enjoy your new life here.”
“ Thank you for the meal and drinks it was a kind thought to ask me to join you, maybe we’ll see each other again before you move on.”
I want over and said goodnight to Julie and Kelvin and he took me aside. “Julie and the girls have done a really good job on you, but don’t let them push you too far, I know how persuasive they can be when they get bees in their bonnets. You actually look quite attractive, you certainly have a lot of the same genes as them, and you seem relaxed with people, but don’t forget who you really are.”
I left the bar a lot happier and more confident than when I had entered, and really pleased at how I had done, made my way home, thinking about what Kelvin had said to me..
I noticed when I had unpacked all the things that Julie and Jane had included a couple of light nighties. I thought that as I was stuck with my breast forms that I would strip off to just my panties and wear one of them, a light cotton mid-thigh floral patterned material with a sweetheart neckline and half sleeves. It fitted me well and was quite comfortable as I walked around to put everything away and go off to the bathroom to clean off all my makeup and tie up my hair in a high pony tail to try to keep it tidy overnight.
Probably with all the excitement of the day, the walk up the fell and the stress of my first time out in a skirt, I was exhausted and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. That night I had a dream of Aunt Charlotte walking up to me, smiling with open arms outstretched, embracing me, before walking off into the mist.
I woke with a start, hearing someone at the front door and slowly made my way to see who was there. I saw Jan, and still half asleep and forgetting how I was dressed, I opened the door to her.
“ Hi Lexie, you left your bag at the pub last night, I told Julie that we were heading out this way and would drop it off for her to save her a trip.”
My brain had now come into focus and I suddenly remembered about last night and the way I was dressed and luckily answered her in what was my new female voice.
“Thanks ever so much Jan, I would have been wondering later what had happened to it. Apologies for answering the door to you dressed like this but I was still asleep when you knocked. Do you want to come in for a coffee or anything?”
“ No thanks, we had breakfast at the pub, we’ll be on our way for the day, and leave you in peace to get yourself together.”
I had been in the middle of another vivid dream about Charlotte up on the moor, but with the sudden shock awakening, I couldn’t remember many details. I quickly dressed, it felt strange to be putting on a bra and skirt, with a linen gypsy blouse, but as Julie had said, it needed to become second-nature to me. Whereas yesterday I had been constantly aware of what I was wearing, today it was becoming unremarkable and I got got on with things, oblivious to what I was had on.
To be continued.
Chapter 3 Charlotte’s story
After finishing my work, there was still time to enjoy the late afternoon sun, I changed into leggings again and took myself off on a walk up to Middlehope Moor to where Charlotte had been, and looked back over the village towards Chapel Fell, It was a glorious view and I could have sat and breathed it all in for the rest of the day, but the sun was now dropping over Cross Fell distant in the West and I needed to get back before dusk set in.
Back at home I felt an urge to get into my studio and do some painting. Once again my artistic muse took over and images seemed to flow from my brain to my hand and onto the canvas. I must have been exhausted by all the events of the day and the trek up on the moor and dozed off. I woke later to find that it was pitch black outside, as you only find in the depths of the country, with a magnificent skyscape of thousands, if not millions, of stars on a jet black background.
I didn’t remember falling asleep or know how long for, but on waking up I felt strangely refreshed. I looked over at the easel and instead of seeing a landscape as I previously painted for my earlier work, it was just a head and shoulders image of a worried-looking young man turning to glance back over his shoulder seeing a young woman disappearing into the distance. After a cup of coffee to help me get going again I pictured the image of the view back to Chapel Fell that I had seen earlier. and added it as a backdrop to the young man.
A few hours later after a shower to freshen up and putting on a clean set of clothes, having given Julie a chance to clear breakfasts for her guests, I called her to ask her to pop over as there was something she needed to see.
“ Morning Julie , it’s me, are you free to talk or are you busy?”
“ I’m sorry, who is that, who is me?”
“ Stop playing games with me, it’s Lexie.”
“ Oh, sorry pet, I didn’t recognise your voice, I thought you were a woman, but then you are at the moment, sort of, what am I saying, I am babbling.”
“ Never mind about that can you get yourself over here?”
“ Ten minutes, ok?”
“Hi Lexie, you’re looking good this morning, I hope that’s not what you called me over to see.”
“ Of course not, I’m not that vain, but thanks for the compliment, I have been up most of the night and must look a sight.”
“ Not at all, seriously you look fresh as a daisy.”
“Have a look at the painting on the easel and tell me what you see.”
“That’s another wonderful view, is that Chapel Fell in the distance, is that Charlotte running away, and who is the young man?”
“I don’t know who it is but I was working away and just fell asleep, when these paintings come to me they just drain me. It is definitely Chapel Fell because I painted that from my conscious memory after being up on the moor yesterday. I think that is Charlotte in the distance, we need to compare her dress with the one I painted the other day. I was hoping that just as Charlotte’s image is reasonably true, that the young man may be who she was up on the moor to see, and that you might have seen someone that he resembles.”
”He vaguely rings a bell, but I can’t put my finger on it, I’ll show it to Jeanette, Jane, and Josie to see if they have any ideas. By the way, Jeanette showed your last painting to Gran and she burst into tears, saying it was a beautiful picture of her mother-in-law, you definitely captured Charlotte, let’s hope that her fella is just as accurate.”
“The other night Jan and Mark asked me if they could buy the painting of the two of them running to meet on the moor, Jane, Jeanette, and Josie want a copy, has anyone else asked about it?”
“ I have had a few people asking where they could get a copy or print, why do you ask?”
“At Mark’s suggestion I was thinking of getting a small print run done, I don’t want to spend an awful lot of money, but it might be worth giving it a try, particularly if we can turn it into a collection tracing the story of what went on between them. What do you think?”
“With the economy as it is at the moment, diversification is the in buzzword, maybe using the spare wall space in the pub as a gallery for your work could work for both of us. But when you get this story out of your system you will need to find another theme, maybe the old lead mines up the dale at Killhope and things like that, industrial heritage.”
A few days later it was time for the quiz tournament and Jane came over to make sure I was presented at my best. When she arrived I was all ready for her, I had styled and brushed out my hair, applied a very subtle make up, and for the first time, put on a dress rather than a skirt and top. As I had been told, I needed to make an extra effort to stress my femininity to make up for any manly traits that were still present.
“ I don’t know why I bothered to come to check on you, you have done a good job yourself, in fact you’re probably better presented than the other three of us. You suit that red dress, it looks a lot better on you than it ever did on me. You have taken to living as a woman like a duck to water, you are a natural, are you sure that you have not done this before?”
“ Can I be honest with you? No, I have never even considered dressing or living as a woman. However since coming here and getting involved with Charlotte’s story, I am sure that I am being influenced by some sort of spirit guide who is helping me adjust to living as a woman to give me a greater affinity with her so that I can understand what she went through so her story can be told. I’m not a great believer in spiritualism or ghosts or anything like that, I just feel that I’m being nudged along by something outside my control.”
“You might be right, but that is getting a bit deep and weird, I’m not sure that I believe in all that stuff either, just tag along for the ride at the moment and see where life leads you. Grab your bag and coat and we can pick up Julie and Josie and head off to the venue at Stanhope and see what we can do.
When we arrived at the hotel in Stanhope hosting the quiz, I was surprised to see the list of teams that had entered. We were expecting just a handful from local pubs i Weardale, but there were over 40 entries from as far afield as Bishop Auckland, Consett and Durham, some had travelled over 20 miles on country roads to get there and were obviously serious quizzers. We weren’t sure that we wanted to continue and show ourselves up.
“Come on girls,” said Julie to Jane, Josie and me, “we are as good as any of them, let’s show them that we’re not dumb country hicks.” In a similar manner to the quizzes Kelvin organised in the Maltby Arms, there were ten rounds covering different topics, geography, history, sport, films&TV, Art, music, science, politics, fashion and mythology. Between us we had most subjects covered but we were weak on sport, I was the only one who admitted any knowledge at all.
As it turned out, even the sport section was not too bad for us, luckily most of the questions were athletics, skating and tennis which the other girls had some knowledge of, whilst I covered cricket, football and rugby.
At the end of the evening there was a buzz of excitement around the hall as it was realised that two or three sets of team scoresheets were being re-examined, obviously it was going to be a close run thing. We knew that we had done well, but also knew that we had some missing answers.
“ Ladies and gentlemen the results have been confirmed. After the prize winners are announced you are all welcome to pick up your answer sheets and check against the official answers if you so wish, but the winners we are about to announce are the final placings, there will be no appeals allowed.”
“In third place are the Dun Cow Dons who have joined us all the way from Durham, runners-up are the Moormen from Consett, but the winners by a clear result are…………..The Robson Lasses from The Maltby Arms just up the road in St John’s Chapel.” The MC was interrupted by shrieks of delight from the other girls. “Ladies Pease step up to receive your prize.”
We stood up and gave a group hug before making our way to the stage. it was not a major prize, only £250 and a celebratory magnum of champagne between us, and a plaque to go on the pub wall but we could hardly contain our excitement, the country bumpkins from Upper Weardale had beaten teams from Durham University and several major companies, as well as other local pub teams.
We were well on our way with emptying the champagne bottle when we were approached by a young casually dressed extremely striking young man.
“Excuse me Ladies, can you spare me a few minutes, if you don’t mind me interrupting your party. I’m Jim Newell and I represent Channel 5 TV, but I am just here tonight as a member of one of your rival teams. You may not be aware but Eggheads. the TV team quiz, is moving from the BBC to Channel 5 later in the year. We are currently taking applications for teams to challenge the Eggheads, and I wondered if you would be interested. Normally we wait for applications to come to us, but I would like to make a special case for you and guarantee you one of the early slots. you have proved tonight that you have what it takes to challenge the Eggheads and if you don’t mind me saying, you are a young and attractive family group, the kind of team we are looking for. We need a team of five, have you got anyone else?”
The other girls looked so excited that when they gave me a questioning look I didn’t have the heart to say no.
“ We’ve beaten this lot, the Eggheads don’t worry us, sign us up Pet, and our Jeanette will make up the team.” Julie trilled back at him showing the effects of the champagne. Before we embarrassed ourselves with him, I gave him my contact details and asked him to get in touch when they needed us and he left us to finish our celebrations.
The drive back up the dale was a big giggle, Jane as the driver was perfectly sober, but the rest of us were over-excited from too much fizz and the adrenaline rush from winning the tournament, Jane however got us all back home safely. Back in the house I just threw off my clothes and climbed into bed, and fell straight to sleep.
The next morning I woke up feeling quite fresh and happy until I saw the mess on the pillow and sheet from my makeup which I hadn’t bothered to clean off and the state of my my smeared face and totally messed up hair. I quickly threw the bedding into the washing machine and went for a long shower to clean myself up and give my hair a good wash to get rid of the tangles. I just put on the bathrobe while I had a light toast and coffee breakfast before I felt fit to get dressed and get on with my work. Today, for a change I had no urges to do another painting of Great Aunt Charlotte, the guiding spirits within me were letting me have a day of rest.
“Hi Julie, it’s Lexie, how are you feeling today, you were really knocking it back last night?”
“I’m fine, they do say that you shouldn’t get a hangover from champagne but I’ve never had the opportunity to test it before.”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said to me about painting scenes of our industrial heritage, do you fancy going up the dale to the Killhope Museum to see what is there?”
“Why not ,I haven’t been back since a school trip many years ago, the pub will be quiet today, Kelvin can hold the fort for a few hours.”
Having read on the website that Killhope was still a rugged industrial site and included a trip down one of the old mine shafts, I dressed in jeans, a loose crop top, and sensible flat shoes, put on a light moisturising foundation, mascara and lipstick and was sitting waiting for Julie when she arrived an hour later. (https://killhope.org.uk/about-us/history/)
I was surprised when we arrived at Killhope, it was a lot more extensive and interesting than I had anticipated. We walked through the restored buildings and took the trip down the mine shaft where the lead had been gouged out of the ground and having taken lots of photos to use as a guide for my paintings, we were wandering through the main exhibition area which had displays telling the history of Killhope and the lead-mining industry in the area, when Julie gave a gasping, “Lexie, over here now !’”
She was staring at an old sepia photograph labelled Stanley Graham, one of the owners of the mine at the end of the 19th century.
“ That’s Charlotte’s love interest if I am not mistaken, he is so like the portrait you did. If it is not him, at least it must be a family member. I think that we are beginning to piece it all together. It’s a typical Victorian story of a wealthy land owner, or in this case a mine owner, having an affair with a local peasant girl and then spurning her to follow his family’s wishes to marry for money and influence, just like in all those Catherine Cookson books I have read.”
“You are getting ahead of yourself, we need to do a bit more research on this, let’s take a few more photos of the family history in here and then go back home to do a few checks on the ancestry website.”
We soon dissevered that it could not have been Stanley Graham, he was the wrong age to match with the man in Charlotte’s paintings, but he had several sons who would fit the bill. Two of them had already married and had families, but the third, James, was the right age and we found that he had got married three months later to the daughter of a landowning family over the moor at Allenheads. We also found that his descendants still lived in the area, and were still important local dignitaries.
We dug a bit more into Charlotte’s life and found that about the same time as she gave birth to Arthur, Julie’s Grandfather, the family seemed to come into money and were able to buy Manor Lodge which they had previously occupied as tenants. Obviously it was a pay-off to Charlotte and her parents to keep the Graham family reputation intact. As Arthur was growing up Charlotte met a new love, George, but no more children followed. Unfortunately WW1 and WW2 took its toll of the extended family and “The Robson Girls’, including me, were the last of the family line, waiting for the next generation, but it would be left to me and Jason to carry on the Robson name, unless cousin Josie kept her maiden name if she married and had children.
“ I think we can call that a successful day Julie, let’s get together with the others, show them the new portrait and the photos I took and get them up to date with the family history.”
“ I’ll ring around and get them to meet us down at the pub, go and get yourself changed and do your makeup, I can sort myself out later back at home.”
“I thought that would be best if I went reasonably casual, so just changed into my denim skirt and a cotton blouse with Broderie Anglaise trimming, smart but not too dressy.” I was just sorting all these things out automatically now, it was no longer deciding on suitable women’s clothes, but selecting from my clothes, the guiding spirit was still in control of my thoughts leaving me totally comfortable with the life I was now living.
I collected the portrait and my camera, grabbed my bag, and Julie drove us down to the pub, where we found the girls all waiting for us.
“You are still with us then Lexie, I thought you were just being a woman for the quiz tournament?”asked a rather surprised Jeanette.
“ To be honest, I never really thought about what to wear it just seemed to be the natural thing to do, my guiding spirit still seems to be keeping me under control. Besides, you have all seen me dressed before so why worry about it. You’ve all known me as Lexie for a few weeks now, a lot longer that you knew Leckie, I’m quite comfortable like this, so let’s just forget it and talk about why we asked you to come here.”
“ Sorry Lexie, I didn’t mean to offend you, in fact it was a compliment, you just seem to fit in with us, as you are.”
“ I had another one of my dreams about Charlotte and did a painting from my minds-eye just like the other two, here, have a look.”
“ Oh, he is a bit of alright” said Josie, “it’s a pity he must be over a hundred yours old now.”
“ He might be a looker Josie but we have pieced together what we think is the real story and you may not like him so much when we are finished.”
“ Lexie and I were up at Killhope today and found this photo of Stanley Graham the mine owner who was very similar to the man in her painting. We then did a bit of research and found that one of his sons, James, was about the same age as Charlotte. We think that they were lovers and that he was forced to break it off to have an arranged marriage with the daughter of another wealthy family, leaving Charlotte with a child, your Grandfather Arthur. We reckon that his family bought off the Robsons by giving them the money to buy Manor Lodge, which Lexie now owns. We are planning on going over to Allenheads, where James Graham lived and seeing what we can find out about his descendants. Does that all sound plausible to you?”
“I’m not to sure, I think that you should let sleeping dogs lie. I know that Lexie feels she is being driven from the spirit world to get to the bottom of all this, but I don’t believe in all that stuff.”Jeanette threw a bucket of cold water on our enthusiasm.
“I’m with Jeanette.” added Jane.
“I’m in with you and Lexie.” Josie quickly jumped in, “it all sounds so romantic and just like all the Victorian and Edwardian tales you see on TV.”
“Still searching for your ideal man then Josie?” Jane quipped with a giggle.
“It’s alright for you three all settled down and married, but Im still at home with Mam and Dad.”
“Are you free on Monday Josie, Lexie and I will be going over to Allenheads to see what we can find out about the Graham Family, you’re welcome to come with us.”
Once again, as I was leaving Kelvin walked out with me. “I hope you know what you are doing, the girls are taking over your life, you are dressing like them, walking and talking like them, and looking just like one of their sisters.”
“Don’t worry Kelvin, this is just until we get a few things sorted out with the family history and have our appearance on the Eggheads. I am enjoying belonging to a family again, and if it is easier to join in with the girls as one of them, I can put up with it for a while.”
“ In that case, I’ll say the same to you as I say to them ‘Be careful walking home in the dark late at night, an attractive woman on her own is putting herself in danger .”
To be continued.
Chapter 4 New Experiences
Back at home, I sat in the garden with a bottle of wine, thinking about what Jeanette and Kelvin had said about me still dressing as a woman, As I had said to Jeanette, it was just becoming automatic for me. Obviously with the breast forms still fixed in place, putting on a bra just seemed the right thing to do, and everything else just followed on from that. I still felt that my guiding spirit, whether it was something buried in my genes and sub-conscious, or whether it was a ghostly influence on me, still had work for me to do as Lexie. I was comfortable and enjoying life, seemed to be accepted by everyone I met as a young woman, and had adopted my woman’s voice as normal, even when talking to myself.
I also had to consider the commitment we had made to appear on Eggheads, the girls were still on a high after the tournament win and Lexie would be needed as part of the team. Whether I liked it or not, for their sake, Lexie was here to stay until at least after that and I saw no reason not to just continue as I was.
That night Had another dream visit from Charlotte, but this time I heard her voice.
”Thank your what you are doing for me. I made a good choice in picking you to right the wrong done to me. I will help guide you where I can, but in the world of the living only you can discover things and put things right. If you help me I will help you discover who you are.” with that she just faded away and I returned to a deep sleep.
Feeling refreshed and with my mind buzzing when I woke, I set things up on my easel and started to sketch out a picture I had in my mind. It was a typical ‘turn of the century’ posed family portrait showing a seated teenage girl and a younger boy standing to her side, dressed in their Sunday best, against a backdrop of the garden of Manor Lodge, looking up towards the fell. The girl looked like a younger version of Charlotte, and I assumed that the boy was Harold my Great Grandfather. It may have been only a dream or a recollection from my early childhood memories, but I was becoming more and more convinced that the spirit of Charlotte was clearing up a lot to the family history for me.
I worked on the painting filling in the details for the rest of the day and when it was completed I could actually see some family resemblance to my father, the same high cheekbones, the deep dark eyes and the jutting chin, I was now even more certain that this was Charlotte and her brother Harold in the early 1900s. I also felt that this was more personal to me than to the Robson Lasses, it was a link to my side of the family, but with both my parents having passed away a few years previously in a car accident I had no way to get it confirmed. On the off chance that Julie’s grandmother Edith may have met Harold at some time. I dropped the painting off at the pub, asking Julie if she could get Edith to have a look at it.
“I reckon that you are right and that is definitely Charlotte, she has the same wild hair, even though it has been brushed tidily for the pose. From the family tree we have pulled together her brother was 5 years younger so that could very well be him. Where did the inspiration for this come from.? Have you had another of your visits from Charlotte?”
“ She spoke to me this time and has promised to help me find out more about my family.”
“ What are you going to do next Lexie, is this all not worrying you?”
“ As I keep saying, I do not believe in the spirit world and all that sort of stuff, it must just be some deep rooted memories of things I saw and heard as a young child, and my mind is linking them to the fact that I am now in the old family home at Manor Lodge.”
“Anyway Lexie, I will get this over to Gran Edith and see if she remembers anything. While you are here, let’s sit down have something to eat and drink and have a chat.”
The following day I decided to go ahead with organising some professional prints of the three ‘Charlotte’ paintings and drove up to Consett where several artwork quality Gicleé printers were located, showed them the paintings, discussed the quality of the print material and colour intensity with them, reviewed some of the work they had done for other artists and got quotations. The prices were reasonable, but if I was going to market them even unframed it would mean a selling price of at least £100 for a full-size print. I decided to order prints of the ‘Cathy and Heathcliffe’ for the girls, and for Jan and Mark, to see how they would turn out and whether they felt that they would be value for money. The printers I selected offered a while-you-wait service including simple mounting, so I left all three of the paintings with them and decided to travel up to the Metro Centre in Gateshead to do some shopping and have lunch until they were ready.
It was a new experience, in a shop buying women’s clothes for myself, not something that I had ever expected to do, At first I was very nervous and wary, but I gradually relaxed and actually enjoyed browsing through the racks and selecting and trying on various outfits. The clothes my cousins had given me were perfectly fine but I just felt that it would be nice to have some that were all my very own. I did not go too rash, a few tops, a couple of skirts, a smart cocktail dress, several sets of undies, and a pair of leather court shoes with a 3” heel. It was all a bit more than I had planned on spending, but I was happy with what I had bought and made my way back to the printers.
“ How did they turn out then Harry?” I asked with eager anticipation.
“They scanned and printed very well and they are super paintings.”
“ Come on then, let’s have a look, I can hardly wait. That’s a brilliant job Harry, they have turned out a lot better than I thought they would, the print quality is amazing and the textured paper you have used make them look like they are originals on canvas. How much do I owe you?”
“I have a suggestion for you first. We run a website selling fine-art prints for some of the other artists that use us, if you let us put them on the site and see what sales we get, I will open an account for you and offset today’s costs against any income they generate. The money from the first few sales will all go to us to cover our costs, after that we will charge you £20 a print for that size and £10 for a smaller copy, which is a lot lower than the retail costs as I expect that they will sell quite well, the rest of any sales will be yours. How does that sound?”
“ Sounds ok to me, although I don’t have any experience of doing this before. Let’s see how it goes.”
“ I thought that you might agree, so I’ve run off a few smaller prints from all the paintings, as samples for you.”
“ Thank you so much, my cousins will be delighted with them. See you soon Harry.”
“If you have any more, either email me a high-resolution photo or bring them up to me for scanning. The photo will be fine for the website and depending on the quality may even be good enough for the printing.”
I could hardly wait to get back home to give the girls their prints and get their reaction. To the untrained eye the prints were virtually indistinguishable from the original although they would never pass the critical eye of art experts. As expected they were delighted and even more so when I told them that they were gifts to repay all the friendship they had given me. Jeanette, who was probably the most cultured of the three suggested that she had seen similar size and quality prints from local artists in the £140 to £200 range, which gave me a bit of hope that I could even turn this into a viable business.
I sent a rolled, unmounted, copy in a protective tube to Jan and Mark as they would probably be more objective than my cousins. and a few days later got a call from Jan.
“ Thank you so much Lexie, it is beautiful we will get it framed and hang it in our living room so we are reminded of the wonderful few days we had up there with you. How much do we owe you?”
“ How much do you think it’s worth, if you saw it in a shop what would you be prepared to pay?”
“ You can buy poster prints that size for about the £50 mark, but artwork prints on quality paper are a lot more expensive, we bought one from a studio in the Derbyshire Dales for £135, and it was not nearly as well done as yours is.”
“ Thanks Jan, I’ll bear that in mind, but there is no charge to you, please accept it with my compliments for being a test-bed for me. All I want from you is a promise that you will come back to see us all again before too long.”
“ Try and keep us away ! Please tell Julie and Kelvin we will be back soon, and thanks again for the painting.”
On Monday, I picked up Josie and Julie and drove to the head of the dale and over the bleak moor to Allenheads, only to find that the Graham family had moved from there some time ago and settled in the larger town of Hexham in the Tyne Valley, where Charles Graham and his recently qualified son Russell ran a small solicitors practice. Using the excuse of needing some advice regarding some land purchase, we managed to get an appointment with Russell and an hour later we were ushered into his office, to be met by a modern version of a dead-ringer for James who had treated Charlotte so badly.
i blustered my way through a proposal to purchase a field behind my house, and he advised me of what would be involved and what their fees would be. He was a pleasant enough young man, and whilst he may have inherited his forebear’s looks, he seemed to have a much more reliable and friendly nature. we left him with a promise to let him know what we wanted him to do.
“What do you think of him then, girls?” I asked, to be met with a smile from Julie and a bit of a blush from Josie.
“ I was right when I said his grandfather was a bit of a looker, he is absolutely gorgeous and was so nice to us.” Josie answered too quickly.
“ Do you think that we should talk to him again and tell him why we are really here?” I asked, and again rather too quickly Josie agreed that it was a good idea, so I called back to his office.
“ Hello again Russell, Lexie Robson here, we would like have a talk with you, but it is more of a personal nature rather than business, can you meet us out of the office. We are not far from you, in the Abbey Tea Rooms. I’d rather not try to explain over the phone it will be much better face-to-face. Ok see you in a few minutes then.”
“ I’m intrigued Ladies.” he said as he came into the tea rooms, “I see you already have coffee and cakes, does anyone need a top-up or should I just sort myself out?”
When he came back with a pot of tea and joined us, I started by showing him photos on my phone of the paintings I had done without explaining what they were.
“It’s like looking in a mirror, where did you get these?”
Keeping away from the fact that I was really Leckie rather than Lexie, I told him the story of me returning to Weardale and my dreams and inspiration for the paintings, and what we had found out, or thought we had found out about Charlotte and James almost 100 years previously.”
“Excuse me a minute Ladies, I have to phone the office. Laura, is there anything urgent for me to rush back to deal with, otherwise I will be out for a while? No, good, see you later.”
That actually ties in with something I heard my Grandfather muttering about when I was younger. In your early teens you are not interested in things like that, but there was talk of a family scandal about that time. Can I come back with you to St John’s Chapel and see the actual paintings?’
“Of course, do you want to do it now, you can follow us back there?”
“ I’ll go with Russell just in case we get separated.” Josie volunteered, and Julie and I exchanged knowing looks, she obviously wanted to have some time to talk to Russell one-to-one.
I stopped of at the pub to get the ‘Cathy and Heathcliffe’ landscape and drove home to look at the two portrait scenes.
While I made coffee and sorted out some cake, they made themselves at home, looking at and talking about the paintings, and Josie made sure that she and Russell were side-by-side on the sofa, leaving Julie and I the two armchairs.
“ These are amazing pictures Lexie, you have a lot of talent.The one of James could be me, if you just updated the clothes and hair a bit. Can you do one like that for me? When I am stuck in the office going through dreary property transfers or divorce papers it will clear my head to look up and see that wild landscape.
“ Of course, I will be pleased to, let me take a photo of you so that I can sort out your portrait.”
“It is an amazing story that you have pulled together, however as a hard-nosed lawyer I am sceptical about your guiding spirit idea, but something has obviously led you to dig all this up. I will make a few discreet enquiries with my grandparents to see if the story makes sense from our family’s point of view, and will give you a call to arrange to come over again. It took a lot of nerve to open up to me about all this, I could quite easily have accused you of raking up scandal to shame my family.”
When he had left we talked through what we had found out.
“You don’t waste any time Josie, do you?” Julie looked over at her.
“You don’t know the half of it, we are going out for a drink next Tuesday.”
“What? you are giving up a quiz night out with your family for a first date with someone you hardly know, what are you thinking about?” Julie kept on at her, with a big grin on her her face, refusing to drop it.”
“You’ll all have to manage without me, I’m sure that you will survive, but you might end your winning streak without me there to support you.”
Josie walked back down to the village, happy at how her day had turned out, but Julie stayed behind.
“With a bit of luck that’s Josie sorted out with someone. What about you, is there anybody special in your life?”
“ I’ve had close friends and several potential partners, but nothing seemed to have worked out for one reason and another. I’m happy just on my own, and I can hardly go searching for someone looking like this can I?”
“You do not seem over-eager to go back to being Leckie, are you sure that you are ok as you are, I wouldn’t like you to think that you have to remain as a woman just to fit in with us?”
“After what Jeanette said the other day, I have been thinking about it. I am working from home, everything comes to me and is returned via email and document transfer, the only people I meet in person, other than casually, are you and the girls. I have no problems with other people I meet, I just seem to be accepted as a woman, and the longer it goes on the more normal it is becoming. Let’s get the “Eggheads’ over first and then see what I really want to do. I was perfectly happy as Leckie, and the thought of living as a woman had never entered my head, but now I am living as Lexie, I am just as happy, I have found family I can relate to. I enjoy meeting up with you all and the girlish chatter, and I seem to be able to socialise better, I am in no hurry to go back.”
“ If you decide to go back to being Leckie, that will not change what we think of you and you will still be in the family circle, but if you decide that you prefer life as Lexie that will be fine too, we have got used to having her around.”
It was two weeks later when I got the call from Jim at Channel 5 asking us to go in to record our challenge to the Eggheads. To make an impression We all had our hair done in similar styles, or as similar as they could be with the varied styles we all normally wore, and all dressed in the same primrose half-sleeve blouses and black short skirts, we looked not quite quins, but definitely a close family group.
At the end of the four rounds, Jeanette and Jane had won their individual challenges, Julie and Josie lost their rounds, and I, as team captain, went through automatically, leaving the three of us to take on the three remaining panel members. At the end of the final round, we just scraped through on tie-break questions to win the prize pot, which had grown since the last win up to £25000, a nice reward of £5000 each, but the main prize was actually beating the experts on the panel.
That night I had another dream of Charlotte. In it she walked towards me, smiling, gave me a hug and whispered “Thank you for bringing the Robsons and Grahams together again after all these years, you will hear from me again.”
A few days later I had a call from the media company behind ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ apparently they had been tipped off about me by Jim at Channel 5, inviting me to a regional audition to take part in the show, just me not the rest of the girls. I was worried that they would feel snubbed and jealous, but they were delighted for me and wished me luck.
Two weeks later i was in a studio in Leeds sitting in a chair similar to that on the show with one of the production team representing the show host. At first I was uneasy and nervous, not about the questions, but more about making sure that I was 100% Lexie and that no trace of Leckie would show. However, the audition went well, I answered most of the questions they threw at me and found it easy to chat to the ‘host’.
“Thanks for coming in Lexie, I’m pleased to tell you that you will be on the show being recorded at the end of next month. You performed well, weren’t bothered by the cameras and crew and should make a good contestant. Good luck and I look forward to seeing you win a large amount of money.”
Another hurdle had now been passed by me, even with the camera close-ups and the pressure of what I could potentially win, I came across as naturally feminine, my time spent with the girls had now been ingrained into me and there was no trace of masculinity left at all. I was really looking forward to appearing on the show.
To be continued.
Chapter 5 The Date
I was now seriously into painting the industrial landscapes and was building up quite a portfolio on the website run by the printers, and sales were going well, the income was now more than enough to pay my household bills. Lexie Robson was gathering a cult following amongst a lot of the art world, and even some well-known smart London Galleries were buying the prints and selling them at a lot higher price than I was getting from the website sales. I had given a set of prints of the images of Killhope to the museum there and they ordered more in various sizes for sale in their shop. Along with continuing to use the Maltby Arms as my personal gallery my studio was becoming a feature of the local tourist trail.
As some of the industrial heritage paintings were quite a niche market I started on other general historic sites, the Roman forts on Hadrians Wall; the ruined Abbeys and Monasteries, relics of the reformation under Henry VIII; National Trust Country Houses; the numerous castles in Northumberland and Cumberland, remnants of the border skirmishes with the Scots: and some of the glorious landscape vistas that I passed through on my travels to the various sites.
Living as Lexie was now becoming normal for me, wearing skirts, dresses, and the occasional leggings or women’s trousers was just an accepted part of my daily life, and I rarely thought that I was doing anything out of the ordinary. I was sleeping soundly, uninterrupted by dreams of visits from Charlotte, and life was generally calm and good.
One morning as i was working in my studio, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from Jim at Eggheads. “Hi Lexie, the show with you’ll on should be broadcast the week after next, keep an eye out for it in the schedules and get your DVR set up for it.”
“Thanks for letting me know Jim, do you do that for everybody?”
“No, just for ones we are particularly keen on and the ones who do well. That is not the real reason I called though, I was thinking would you like to get together for a drink or a meal sometime, it would be nice to meet up again?”
I was totally flustered, although I had now been living as Lexie for a few months, it had not even entered my head that anyone would be interested in me in that way. I needed time to think about it and decide whether it was fair to lead him on with him thinking I was a woman, it suddenly brought my situation back into my mind again.
“Thank you so much for thinking about me Jim, I truly appreciate it but I am throwing myself into my work at the moment, and I am not sure if I have the time to spare.”
“Oh, come on Lexie, you need to have a break sometime, you know what they say ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’or in your case ‘Jill a dull girl.”
“You’re right Jim, that was a bit sharp of me, it will be really good to see you again. How about if I meet you at The Bay Horse in Wolsingham, just for the moment I would like to keep away from St John’s Chapel.”
“I know the place, it sounds ideal. Are you free on Monday, at 7:30?”
“I’m looking forward to it, it will be a nice change.”, little did he know how much of a change it was for me.
I called Josie and arranged to go round to see her as there was a favour I wanted to ask from her. Half an hour later, after quickly changing and freshening my make up I made my way round to her place.
“ What’s all this big secret about Lexie?”
“ I’ve agreed to do something and I am not sure if I am doing the right thing.”
“Stop messing about, just come out with it, you can’t keep me dangling on a string like this.”
“I had a call from Jim, you remember him from the Eggheads. Well, he asked me out for a drink and I agreed to meet him.”
“ And? Why do you so desperately need to tell me this?”
“In case you have forgotten Josie, although I might look and dress as a female and even talk and act like a woman, I am a man, and there is no future in any relationship, so why bother and just lead him on?”
“Just think Lexie, for many months now you have been living totally as a woman, everyone accepts you as a woman, unless you are intending to soon return to life as a man, you need to start thinking like one too. Jim is attractive, pleasant, a bit of a charmer, and he obviously likes you as you are. What is stopping you going for a drink and an evening out with him, you might enjoy it?”
“I’m new to dating as a woman, in fact it is a long time since I dated as a man come to think of it, and I am not sure how to deal with it.”
“Why not give it a try, what harm can one night out do, I’m sure that he will be as nervous as you, and he won’t be expecting you to jump into bed with him.”
“Will you do me a favour? Can you and Russell ‘accidentally’ bump into us and make up a foursome, I will be a lot more comfortable? I’m meeting him in the Bay Horse next Monday.”
“Ok, I’m sure that Russell will go along with that. It will be a pleasant change to go out in a group, not that we need company to keep us amused, it just is nice to mix with someone else occasionally.”
“As I said, this is all new for me, what should I wear, what do we talk about. and how do I behave with him, it’s all so confusing? My mind is all over the place about this, I’m still not sure that I am doing the right thing.”
“Don’t be daft, you need to get out a bit more, other than the weekly quizzes you are locking yourself away working in your studio. You don’t need anything too dressy, but that’s exactly the right question girl, maybe you are more switched on than you realise. Nothing too fancy, just smart, like the stuff you wear for the quizzes down at the pub, but maybe a light blouse rather than the tops you normally have on. Let me know later what you are wearing and I will try not to outshine you. When you are out with us girls, you join in the chat like the rest of us, just be yourself, or yourself as Lexie, and the conversation should just flow. Ask him about his work, men always like that, and act like you are really interested in what he does, ask about his family and friends, When we arrive, if you are unsure just follow what I am doing. Another question for you though, why come to me rather than Julie, you seem to spend most time with her?”
“Oh, that’s easy, I wanted a double-date, you are still in the game, and it is not unusual for you and Russell to have a night out. With the others there would be all sorts of questions from their husbands. I’ll give you a call to let you know what I am wearing and I’ll see you there at 7:45, if you arrive a bit later than us it will seem to be an accidental meeting.”
After a walk-on the fell on Sunday afternoon to clear my head of the doubts I still had as to whether I was doing the right thing, my evening was spent getting ready for my date with Jim, removing all my body and leg hair, covering myself with moisturising body lotion. painting my fingernails and toenails, and then setting my hair in rollers. I thought back to how much easier life was as Leckie, a quick shower, brush my teeth, and I would be ready to face the world.
As Josie had suggested I did not want to appear too dressy, I just put on a cream knee-length straight skirt with side slits and a cyan half-sleeved v-neck satin blouse, which Josie called stylish and sophisticated when I called her to let her know what I had chosen.
When I arrived at the Bay Horse, I entered nervously, it was almost like being a teenager again on a first date, which in some ways it was, it was my first time out other than with the girls, but I just took a deep breath and made my way inside. Jim was already there sitting at a window alcove table and he waved me over, stood up to greet me with a kiss on the cheek, and went to the bar to order drinks.
“I’ve been here for a while, I didn’t want you to arrive and be on your own, I know that a lot of women are not comfortable sitting in bars by themselves, you can be a target for all the boys that are trying to impress their mates by chatting you up.”
“That’s very gallant of you, but you are right, even if they don’t come over to say anything, you can feel their eyes on you, checking you out. Anyway, we are both here now, tell me a bit about yourself, Other than the fact you like quizzes and are involved in TV productions, I know nothing about you.”
Jim was very easy to talk with and we soon knew a lot more about each other. We were comfortably chatting away, and the time quickly passed. I didn’t really notice that Josie and Russell had not arrived, and in a way I forgot all about them, I was enjoying my time with Jim too much.
“Is that one of your cousins that has just come in, over there by the bar?”
Josie was looking around and caught my eye, and walked over to us.
“Hi Lexie, this is a nice surprise, do you mind if we join you or would you rather be alone?”
“Of course Josie, come and sit down. This is Jim, from Eggheads, remember, we’re just out for a quiet drink together, you are not interrupting anything.”
Russell came over with a tray of drinks, he must have looked over to see what Jim and I were drinking, or asked the bar staff, because he got it right. I introduced the guys to each other and we had a quick chat before Josie got up and headed to the ‘Ladies’, “Are you coming too Lexie, there is something I need to tell you?”
When we were safely out of hearing she smiled at me. “How is it going you seem to be getting on ok? Do you want us to hang around or would you rather we say that we have to be somewhere and leave you alone? Sorry, by the way, for being an hour late, I thought that we would let you have a bit of time together first.”
“To be honest, i didn’t realise how much time had passed, we were just enjoying getting to know about each other.”
“That’s a good sign, he seems like a nice bloke, just take it slowly with him though.”
We freshened our makeup and went back to the table and for the next couple of hours we all got on famously, there was a constant chatter between us and it was a shame when it was time to leave.
With hugs and kisses and a whispered” Are you alright being left with him?” from Josie, they left us in the car park.”
“Thanks so much Lexie, I’ve enjoyed tonight, can we do it again sometime soon?”
“Of course we can, give me a call.” I replied, reaching up to put my arms around his neck and drawing him in for passionate kiss. I hadn’t planned that , it just seemed the right thing to do, and I think it surprised him, he didn’t seem to be expecting that.
With a bit of a blush from the kiss, which had sent a shiver of excitement down me, I made my way back to my car and sat for a few minutes just to collect my thoughts and consider what I had just done. When we had planned tonight’s accidental meeting, Josie had told me that i needed to start thinking like a woman, but that kiss had taken it further and I had actually felt like a woman at that moment. As I drove off, I noticed that Jim pulled away after I was on my way, having seen that I had got away safely, it gave me a warm feeling that he was being protective towards me.
I was soon safely home, cleaned up and ready for bed and lay there my mind buzzing thinking about Jim and that kiss. I didn’t know what had driven me to it, but I knew that at that moment I had approached the point of no return, and for the first time began to accept that it wasn’t just convenience that kept me living as a woman, but that it seemed the right thing for me to be doing.
As I was dropping off to sleep , I had a vision of Charlotte standing at the end of my bed.
“Let me sit with you Alexandra, You are beginning to discover where your life may lead you, but I can help you understand a bit more about why you are here.”
“Are you driving me to becoming a woman? Is this a hatred of men for what James did to you?”
“ Far from it Alexandra, I am not forcing you to do anything, any choices you make are your decision, I am just showing you options for what path your life can take. You make a beautiful woman, you have inherited all the best features of the Robson family. You have now with that kiss tasted some of the pleasures of womanhood, enjoy them while you can.”
“Why pick me, Charlotte, there must have been others in your family who could have discovered the truth of you and James.”
“ The truth does not just affect me Alexandra it has influenced your life too.”
“I don’t understand.”
“ Let me put two images in your mind which will help to explain your connection to me.”
I had a vision of James and another man having a fight, which was broken up by several bystanders who gave the other man a severe beating, and left him rolling in agony on the ground. The second image was of Charlotte hugging a younger man who then walked away carrying a small suitcase.
“When Harold, my brother, your great-grandfather found out what James had done to me, he went over to Killhope to have it out with him,.They had a big argument and a fight started between James and him, but some of the mine workers joined in and beat Harold almost to death. As he walked away James told him. ‘If you know what is good for you and your family, I never want to see your face again, get out of my sight and away from the dale.’ Harold managed to get back home, crawling and limping and collapsed at the door. It was a few weeks before he fully recovered from his beating and was able to get about again. He told us about the threat to the family if he did not leave the dale and decided that it would be best if he went away. He packed his few belongings and left, never to return.”
“ So, that is how my family came to be living in the Midlands, well out of the reach of the Graham family?”
“ So you see, it is not only the wrong that James did to me that needs to be righted, but what happened to Harold too. He was forced away from his home and his family. At first there was the occasional letter from him but they did not last long. Until you came back to Manor Lodge to reunite our family, we had no idea of what had befallen him. He did not even dare to return for the Christening when Arthur was born a few months later, he never got to meet his nephew. Think about what I have told you and we will talk again.” She just faded from sight then, leaving me totally confused, I had never before believed in the spirit world or ghosts, but it was too vivid and detailed to just be my imagination in a dream. I slept fitfully, and every time I woke up my mind was buzzing with all the things Charlotte had said, and I was not particularly refreshed as I made my way down to the kitchen in the morning, when I was interrupted by the phone tones.
“ Hi Lexie, you seemed to be getting on well with Jim last night, Russell and I saw you in the car park before we drove off. I know I told you to start thinking like a woman, but you don’t do things by halves do you, that wasn’t just a friendly goodnight and thank you kiss, was it? Are you seeing him again?”
“I guess so Josie, I mean I hope so, I’m glad you convinced me to have a night out with him, I really enjoyed being with him. He said he would give me a call to arrange something else soon. Are you going down for the quiz tonight, there is something more I need to tell you all about Charlotte’s story?”
“I wasn’t going to but now that you have given me that teaser, I have no choice, I’ll see you there later.”
As all the girls were there, Julie agreed to help Kelvin behind the bar, leaving the other four of us to do the quiz. As was now becoming regular, we won again and Julie came to join us with our prize, 3 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, and a collection of clean glasses.
Josie was not going to let me tell my story in my own time and immediately took over the conversation. “ Right, Lexie, you have kept me on tenterhooks far too long, what is it that you promised to tell us.”
“After I got home from my night out with Jim I….”
“ What night out with Jim and who is he?” interrupted Jane, “You kept that quiet.”
“Jim, from the Eggheads, he called a few days ago and asked me out for a drink. I just met him for a drink and Josie and Russell happened to turn up at the same place. Anyway, I’ll tell you about that later”
“You are going to do that, we want all the details.”
“As I was saying, after I got home and into bed last night, I had another visit from Charlotte, and you may not like what I have to say Josie. Apparently my great-grandfather Harold was badly beaten by James and some of his workers and was forced to leave the area after he confronted him about the way he had treated Charlotte, which is why my side of the family have been living down in the Midlands for the last hundred years or so. So Charlotte is not only asking me to right the wrong done to her, but also trying to welcome me back into the family, which Harold was forced to abandon. That is why she has chosen me me to help her change the destiny of us all. So maybe.James was not just manipulated by his family but that he was knowingly leading Charlotte on and using her, and was not the nice kind genuine lover that we thought he was.”
“That’s a bit of a turn-up, I had a bit of sympathy for him, but, if you are right, he doesn’t deserve it. and maybe it was best that the two families drifted apart and never joined together.” Jane snapped back scowling
Josie sat quietly considering what I and Julie had said. “ But you have met Russell, he is not like that, I am not going to let something that happened 100 years ago spoil what I think of him, just because his ancestors were not nice people doesn’t mean that he is the same.”
“Josie, Has Russell found out any more from his family about the story of James and Charlotte?”
“Not a lot, his parents didn’t know anything about a family scandal, and his grandparents just quickly changed the subject when it was brought up. Obviously they knew something but didn’t want to talk about it, so everything you think you have discovered is all probably true.”
“ Ok,I think that is all there is to that at the moment, now you have to tell us all about Jim, come on girl, spill the beans.” Jane was not going to let the matter of my date drop, and I told them all about the call from him, and meeting him and getting to know him better.”
“You forgot to mention the goodnight snog as you were leaving Lexie.” Josie smiled and brought a blush to my cheeks.”
“It just seemed to be the natural thing to do at the end of a really pleasant night with him.”
“Are you trying to tell us that you didn’t enjoy it, because if you are, I for one don’t believe you. You are becoming more of a girl every day Lexie, I find it hard to think of you as a man anymore.” Jeanette completed the questioning of me.”
Lying in bed later I thought about their reactions. They were just treating me as one of their girl friends now expecting me to continue going out with Jim. Was this what I really wanted, to live my life like any other woman, or was I just playing at it, I really needed to seriously consider my future.
To be continued.
Chapter 6 Commitment
It was several months before I was called up for ‘Millionaire’. I was still living and working as Lexie, regularly going out with Jim, and it was becoming a strain trying to avoid a physical relationship. I still had not told him that I was still a man, despite my appearance and the way I acted, and was not inclined to test him with a proposal for a gay relationship, but my life as a man was becoming a distant memory. Other than my remaining male groin I was now effectively a woman, the way I dressed, carried myself, talked and even how I reacted to events. I had been secretly taking oestrogen hormones since not long after my first date with Jim, unknown to my cousins,, and my skin texture, muscle tone body fat distribution and lengthening thicker hair were definitely combining to give me an even more natural-looking female appearance.
I regularly had dreams of Charlotte in which she was now speaking to me, telling me about her life with George and bringing up Arthur, questioning me about Harold’s life and his family leading down to me. She was becoming more real to me and I was no longer concerned about being visited by the spirit of of ancestors, but was treating her more as a friend and confidante. Although she kept telling me that all the decisions were mine and that she was not influencing my thoughts, she was actively encouraging me to develop my path to femininity.
Julie and Jane had decided to come with me to watch me take part in ‘Millionaire’ and I put all my thoughts of Charlotte and worries about my changing body behind me as we made our way to the studios in Manchester. After a day of introductions and confirming the rules and what was expected of us, I was led along with the other contestants down to the main floor of the arena.
I missed out on the ‘fastest finger’ round at the start of the show, and watched with a bit of jealousy and disappointment as the first contestant made his way up to £64000 before bowing out. I won through second time round, and after being fitted up with a mic made my way nervously to the chair.
“You’re Lexie Robson from Weardale in County Durham and you are now only 16 steps away from one million pounds, do you want to play.” asked the host.
”I am, and it is a beautiful part of the country, and I am here to play.” I replied as I tugged at the hem of my skirt which had ridden up when I perched myself on the contestants high stool.
“What do you do up there.”
“I am an artist, mainly landscapes and heritage scenes.”
“Oh, you are that Lexie Robson, I actually have one of your scenes of the Lead mines at home, you are very talented.. You know the rules, Lexie, let’s get started.”
The first few rounds up to £32,000 went without any problems but as I progressed up the ladder, I struggled a bit and by the time I got to £500,000 I had used all my lifelines.
“Right Lexie, you can walk away with the £500,000 now, you are on your own with no lifelines left, so think carefully before deciding on the million pound question. Lets’s have a look at it before you decide. Are you ready?”
“As ready as I will ever be.”
“Lexie, for one million pounds, Segedunum is at the endpoint of what ancient Roman Structure. Is it?:
The Appian Way
The Aqueduct of Segovia
Hadrians Wall
The Pont du Gard “
I almost jumped out of the seat and screamed, but I contented myself with a punch in the air, and a ‘Yeeees’.
“Don’t you think you should give me your answer and get it confirmed before you start celebrating” the host said with a cheeky grin.
“A couple of weeks ago, I was at Chesters Fort on Hadrian’s wall to do some sketches, and read all about the various structures along the route. Segedunum was the garrison fort and supply point at the eastern end of the wall, and there is a charming and really interesting museum there. Segedunum is a part of answer C , Hadrians wall, final answer.”
As the screen turned green in confirmation a cascade of glittery tinsel fluttered down from the ceiling and the host came over, gave me a big hug and shook my hand. “Congratulations, Lexie Robson, you go back to County Durham with one million pounds. As I was leaving the stage Julie and Jane ran on to greet me and join in the celebrations.
We immediately had a meeting with the production team who made suggestions as to how to invest my winnings, and took us all out for an overpriced meal and celebratory drink in one of the smart City-Centre restaurants. They were keen to promote me on the news and current affairs daytime TV shows to raise the profile of the show. Because of my personal circumstances, I was a bit reluctant to get too high a profile, but got carried along on the tide of publicity and celebrity. Julie and Jane went back to St John’s Chapel, but I stayed in Manchester for the rest of the week doing the rounds of the TV studios.
Unfortunately the inevitable happened and some over-enthusiastic journalist dug into my life story and gender situationand it was splashed all over the more popular ‘red-top’ papers. Rather than resulting in a lot of criticism, abuse, and embarrassment, it actually started another round of tv appearances to discuss my life. I avoided any discussion on ‘special friendships’ in general and made no mention of Jim, he deserved better than being dragged into all this with me. However Idid have a long chat with him and I had to accept that he needed time to get his head around the situation and sadly we decided to have a break from each other for a while.
in one of the interviews the presenter was handed anew addition to the script by one of the production crew. “ Some of our researchers have been talking to the people in your home village and we have been told that since you returned to Weardale that you have been visited many times by the ghost of one of your ancestors, would you like to tell us more?”
“ Not really, I will not go into details. When I moved to Weardale It was just to give me a new start in life and to see the area where my Great-grandfather was from and to do a bit of research into my family history. I began to have regular dreams of events of long ago which led me to find out some more details of the family. Gradually the dreams turned into visits, by a long-dead Aunt, what you would call a ghost or a spirit, and she helped guide me along the path I have taken to where I am now.”
“ Are you saying that this ghost encouraged you to become a woman?”
“ Let’s just say this, I have never believed in ghosts or the spirit world but my Aunt has shown me things that I would not otherwise have known, I believe that she may have helped me realise the true purpose of my life which led me to make the decision to live as a woman. Beyond that, things are private and affect other peoples lives so can we leave the discussion there please.”
“ Thank you Lexie, you have definitely led an interesting life since you moved back up North, I am sure that we will be hearing a lot more of you in the future.”
Between living as a woman and the body changes being caused by the hormones I was taking, my contacts with the spirit of Charlotte, and having won a fortune in the quiz, I was feeling a bit of a freak and tried to avoid any contact or discussions with anyone on the journey home. I hoped that my brief moment of fame and celebrity was over and that I could just return to my quiet life in the tranquil dales of the North Pennines. When I arrived back at St.John’s Chapel, other than congratulating me, most people were pleasant and just treated me as they had done before and I soon calmed down, relaxed and considered where I wanted to go from now on.
A week later when the cheque had been cleared by the bank and I had sorted out what to do with the winning we had a private celebration in the Maltby Arms with the girls and all the regulars, At the end of the evening I called for a bit of quiet as I wanted to say a few words.
“Cousins, friends and neighbours, since I arrived here you have all made me very welcome, you are a wonderful friendly community and I would like to thank you for being so kind to me. I have here five cheques. Firstly for the chairman of the parish council £100,000 to upgrade and give a facelift to the Village Hall which I would like to be renamed ‘The Charlotte Robson Memorial Hall’, as I am sure that you have all had a giggle about my belief that her spirit has guided me along the way to my new life here. Secondly, I came here as a stranger to investigate my roots and was soon welcomed into their family by the four ’Robson Lasses”, and I have a thank-you cheque for each of them for £25000. Enjoy your night everyone and the bar is still on my tab.”
The celebrations carried on late into the night, but my cousins and I had a long private family moment away from the others where we all had a good cry, and they all thanked me for the money but wanted to give back the cheques, which I refused. Josie added to the celebrations by announcing that her and Russell were getting married and that she wanted all the ‘Robson Lasses’, me included, to be her bridesmaids and attendants, All of us were delighted for her, but especially me. I had never, in my wildest dreams, ever expected to take on that role. I now understood what Charlotte had said to me in one of my earlier dreams of her, I had now righted the wrong and united the Robson and Graham families as they should have been all those years ago.
I made my way home, happier than I could remember having been, unlocked the door and was just about to go in when I was grabbed from behind, a hand forced over my mouth and I was pushed roughly inside.
“ Acting like the Queen of the village, you are a queen for sure, you pervert. If you want so much to be a woman I will show you what it really means.” I recognised my attacker as one of the farm hands from a short way up the dale, who had a reputation for violence, particularly against women, usually when drunk. He pinned me against the wall and was running his hand up my thigh under my dress, I was terrified as he was much bigger and stronger than me and there was not much I could do to stop him.
All of a sudden, just as I was about to accept my fate, I heard a loud thump and felt him pull away from me. I opened my eyes to see him lying on the floor in a pool of blood and shards of glass, and standing over him, a worried look on his face was Jim. I ran to him and we hugged silently for a long time until I had stopped crying and had calmed down,
“Thank you so much Jim, I shudder to think what would have happened if you hadn’t turned up when you did. What are you doing here anyway?”
“That’s a nice welcome ! Josie phoned me to tell me about your party tonight and invited me along, but when I arrived I just couldn’t bring myself to come in and just waited outside in my car for you to leave. I was just about to get out to talk with you when I saw that you were being followed and decided to catch up with you to see you safely home, but you were back here before I reached you. I came in and saw and heard what was going on and just grabbed the nearest heavy object i could see, a large glass vase, and smashed it over his head. You are obviously shaken but are you otherwise ok, he didn’t hit you or anything?”
“I’ll be alright, Kelvin had warned me about the dangers of walking home in the dark, but I felt that nothing would ever happen to me, I will obviously have to be a lot more careful in future.”
“Well, that may not be such a big problem, as I’ll always be around to protect you from now on.”
“ Does that mean that you accept as I am, I thought that you would back off and not want to be involved as it is common knowledge that I am not a real woman? We will always be the butt of gossip and innuendo, it is not fair to ask you to put up with all that.”
“ Lexie, you may not have been born and raised as a girl, but you are as much a woman now as most others that I know. Let’s start again and see where it leads us, I will always be proud to have you by my side, no matter what.”
Just then we noticed that my attacker was stirring and groaning and I was worried that when he came fully round that he would be too big and strong for Jim to handle, but Jim just stood over him and shouted him
“Right you animal, you are drunk, but that doesn’t excuse what you have just done. You have two choices, either I call the police and you will end up with a long prison sentence, and I am sure that your fellow inmates will just love the fact that were about to rape a transgender woman, or you leave quietly and never come anywhere near Lexie again. If you do the whole village will get to know what a violent pervert you are, attacking someone who has been accepted by everyone around here and is extremely popular, you will be a laughing stock and a social outcast. It’s not just Lexie that you have to steer clear of. If we hear of any woman in the village being molested, this will all come out, from now on lay off the drink and keep your emotions in check”
He said nothing, just got up, rubbing the lump on the back of his head staggered out of the door and left.
Jim stayed the night to make sure that I was ok and we shared a bed for the first time, with him just hugging me and making me feel safe and protected. After that he was a regular stopover and we spent a lot of time together. He had decided that no matter what anyone else thought that he regarded me as a woman and treated me as such. As Josie knew that Jim had been waiting outside at the party, and asked me whether I had met him, I told her what had happened, how Jim had saved me from the attack and how we were now back together, hopefully for good. To save any further gossip in the village and just let me get on with my life, she promised to keep it to herself, not even telling our cousins.
Over the next few months a lot of time was taken up by the big wedding planned by Josie and Russell. I was surprised at the amount of effort and planning that Josie put into her big day. The obvious things like the church ceremony, the reception afterwards, and the honeymoon, were all arranged by her and Russell and their families, but Josie involved Julie, Jane, Jeanette, and me to a large extent in the selection of her wedding dress, our bridesmaid’s dresses, the flowers, how she wanted us to style our hair and what do for her ‘hen party’.
The weekend before the wedding the five of us went to stay in Newcastle and enjoyed a raucous time partying at the venues down on the quayside, one of the social centres of the city. Although we were all a bit older than most of the girls out on the town we joined in with the spirit of the place, going from bar to bar to club dressed up in matching quite cheeky and revealing mini dresses, with sashes showing pictures of Josie and Russell. By now the hormones had begun their work and I had no problems wearing the skimpy low-cut dresses revealing my now fairly obvious cleavage and to everyone we met I was just another one of the girls out for a good time.
Things calmed down for the rest of the week until the wedding day. Josie had a beautician booked to do her hair and makeup but the rest of us had early appointments at a local beauty salon, where we had the full makeover, hair, makeup, nails. By the time we left we were all looking so alike that I felt myself as one of their sisters. After a quick trip to collect our dresses we joined Josie to help her get ready, before putting on our dresses and shoes and escorting her to the waiting cars, one to take us to the church first and the main car for Josie and her dad.
We all made our way into the church and along with the others I nervously walked down the aisle behind Josie, wondering what those people who knew about me were really thinking, and whether it was appropriate for me to be taking attention away from Josie. After the ceremony we followed Josie and Russell into the vestry for the signing of the register and then processed back down the aisle being joined and escorted by Jim, Kelvin and Richard and James, the husbands of Jane and Jeanette. Amongst a lot of happy faces and lots of camera flashes. as we approached the door, in the back row, smiling and looking at me I saw Charlotte, dressed in her Edwardian ‘Sunday best’. She waved a hand at me and silently mouthed “Thank you Alexandra”.
The rest of the day, the reception and the evening party all passed in a bit of a blur, I was so caught up in the emotion of the day, and I wondered whether I would ever be going through anything like this myself. As we were seeing off Josie to go on her honeymoon, she pulled me close and whispered “Thank you so much for bringing us together, and just so you know, I saw Charlotte too as we left the church, she just gave me a big smile and mouthed ‘Good luck Josephine.”
Life soon returned to normal, my artwork sales were going well and although I had been worried that now my story was common knowledge, that my work would be shunned, it actually had the opposite effect. It created a lot of interest in the local area and the Maltby Arms was booked up with guests all through the Summer and Autumn.
I told the girls that after all the excitement I needed a break and that I had booked a long holiday and would be away in the far East for a couple of months and asked them to keep an eye on the lodge for me. Despite constant questioning I did not tell them where I was going, only that I needed a change.
I was actually back after 6 weeks and called them all together to the Lodge for an announcement.
“You look like you have had a good time Lexie, you are looking radiant and happy and relaxed, where have you been?”
“ There was something I had to do first, but then I had a few weeks in a spa retreat.”
“ Well it seems to have done you a lot of good, would you recommend it?”
“ I don’t really think it is your type of place, it runs special programmes for people recovering after
gender re-assignment surgery. to help them adjust to their new bodies.” there was a stunned silence for a while before Julie came over to me.
“ You haven’t?”
“I have. Now I really am one of ‘The Robson Lasses’, come here and lets’s have a girly group hug. it is something else to celebrate”
The end
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Authors notes.
The villages, towns, and features of Co. Durham and Northumberland are real, although the Maltby Arms does not exist. Robson is a common name in the area and the Graham family did own Killhope lead mine, but individual names and events are purely fictional.
For those of you that are interested in any of the places mentionedI have included a few links for further information, click link to open.
St John’s Chapel http://www.discoverweardale.com/explore-weardale/our-village...
Chapel Fell http://mynorthpennines.co.uk/hills-moor-fells/chapelfell-top/
Killhope https://killhope.org.uk/about-us/history/
Segedunum https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Segedunum#Subsequent_history
Hadrians Wall https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hadrian%27s_Wall
Appian way https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appian_Way
Aqueduct of Segovia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aqueduct_of_Segovia
Pont du Gard https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pont_du_Gard