On the way back to Nina's room, Christina felt a mechanical rumble from the back pocket of her jeans. She took out her cell phone and saw that Richard was calling. She immediately froze, feeling a slight tightness in her chest. She was transfixed by the name on the tiny screen and was unable to move her fingers on the device before the call went to voice mail. Christina waited for the notification that indicated there was a new voice message, but it never came. Instead, there was a second rumble indicating that she'd just received a text message. She felt her stomach sink and it was though she'd temporarily lost her ability to differentiate up from down. She forced herself to read the message.

It read simply, "We should talk."
 

by Admiral Krunch

---

 
Chapter 49

        Christina lay in darkness. She wasn't sure how long she'd stayed there, but it didn't really matter. Her life was crashing down around her. While she'd managed to survive tight situations before, this one was different. There was no way to make it better this time. She knew that Richard could never love her knowing what he now knew. It wasn't a surprise. She always knew that their relationship would have to end. She knew all her relationships would eventually end. She understood, that in the end, everyone always leaves. Sometimes they die. Sometimes people moved on and had no place left for her in their lives. Mostly, Christina thought, people eventually saw her for who she really was, and no one could love that person. Not Amy, not Richard, not anyone.

         Pulling the blanket down off of her face, Christina saw the plate of food on her nightstand that Misha had brought her last night. The woman had tried yet again to speak with her, but Christina hadn't wanted to talk to anyone.

        How long had she been in bed? She couldn't be sure. Looking at the untouched chicken on the plate, she couldn't remember the last time she'd actually eaten anything. How many days could a person go without eating? Probably about as long as she'd been in bed, she decided.

        Doctor Stone had been to visit her twice. He'd changed the dressing on her arm and asked about her anxiety all while Misha had looked on. The worried look on her aunt's face only deepened Christina's depression. With Doctor Stone's visits, Misha learned of Christina's panic attacks and that she'd fallen through Richard's coffee table. She'd also learned that Richard had dumped her, though Christina refused to tell her why. Being discovered and losing Richard was already too much for Christina to bear. Knowing that she was causing her aunt pain made it impossible to even consider getting out of bed.

        Hearing a rumble from the nightstand, Christina reached over and grabbed her phone. The charger cable fell out of the back of the phone as she took it. It crossed her mind to feel around on the floor to find the cable, but she decided it was probably best to let the phone run out of energy. Looking at the display, she saw it was another text message from Steph. She had dozens of texts from both Steph and Lisa, none of which she'd read. Deciding not to read the latest message either, she let her phone drop onto the floor.

        The sound of the phone hitting the hardwood floor woke the large German Shepherd who had been slumbering in the corner of Christina's bedroom. Boris, it seemed, could sense Christina's emotional state and was unwilling to leave her side. Apart from breaks to eat and to go outside to relieve himself, the dog had become a fixture in her room, much like the chest of drawers or Christina's antique vanity. At least Boris didn't want to talk about what was bothering her.

        Nina had pressed her for details about everything. Christina had eventually surrendered, telling her younger cousin about her attacks and about the dumping, though she did not share Richard's motivations nor did she tell Nina that she'd handled Richard's manhood. Even though Christina's life was over, she still felt obligated to be something of a role model for Nina, and she wasn't going to tell the girl that she'd capitulated to her prurient impulses.

        Andrei was just as bad as Nina, though rather than being concerned, he was incredibly angry. In spite of Christina's insistence that the breakup was entirely her fault, her older cousin was furious with Richard. Christina had begged him to stay out of the affair, but she really wished there was a way she could have convinced him that, in spite of what Andrei felt, she really wasn't worth defending.

        A knock at the door interrupted the girl's thoughts. Without sitting up, Christina answered, "I don't think I can go to the store today, Uncle Alek." Her uncle had regularly checked in on her before leaving in the morning and each night before Christina went to sleep. He'd looked just as worried as his wife and almost as angry as his son. At least he didn't press her. He merely asked if she would be working at the grocery store, or if she would join him for dinner. Each time Christina declined, and each time the man reminded her that he loved her. Christina wished he wouldn't waste his love on someone like her.

        "It is me, Tina," Misha said as she entered the room.

        Christina didn't utter a word in response. She just averted her gaze, as she could not bear to see the sadness she caused in her aunt's eyes.

        Misha sat on the bed next to Christina, noticing that the girl had not eaten a bite of the food she'd left last night. Reaching down, Misha collected Christina's phone and charger cable. She reconnected the cable and placed the phone back on the nightstand where it had been the previous evening. As she stroked her niece's hair, she asked, "How much longer do you intend to stay in bed?"

        Christina merely shook her head in lieu of an answer.

        "Tina, I know that you are in despair. I wish there was something I could say to make it not so, but I cannot. I can only tell you that time will mend your heart, and that this time will not begin until you leave this room."

        "I'm sorry," Christina apologized. She wasn't sorry that she'd been hiding in bed, but she was truly remorseful that her actions troubled Misha. "I just don't feel up to it."

        "Of course," Misha said as she continued to stroke Christina's hair. "I would not expect you to be. But you must get out of bed regardless." Misha went to Christina's closet and took the girl's fluffy pink bath towel off the hook of the closet door. She placed it on the bed next to Christina, saying, "I could use your help today."

        Christina definitely did not want to get out of bed, but she despised being a burden to her aunt. If Misha did need help tending to the house, then perhaps she could get out of bed for a few hours. "Okay," Christina weakly yielded as she pulled back the covers.

        Misha gave Christina a touch on the shoulder before she left the room.

        Noticing that Christina was moving more than he'd seen in days, Boris perked up. He watched as the girl stripped out of her pajamas and put on the robe. He wagged his tail when Christina acknowledged him on the way out the door.

        After she'd taken a long shower, Christina shuffled back to her room to find that Boris had not left. Sitting at her vanity, she finished towel drying her long blond hair before taking out some brushes and her hair dryer. For a moment she thought about whether or not it was worth the effort to do her hair, but ultimately she decided that going downstairs with a mop of wet tresses would only heighten Misha's concern.

        Christina was on autopilot as she blow dried her hair. She barely looked at herself in the mirror, nor did she use a brush. She was lost in the sound of the small electric motor, not noticing when Misha returned to her bedroom.

        Misha gently took the hair dryer from Christina's hand, causing the girl to rise out of her slouch and watch the older woman in the mirror of her vanity. Misha picked up Christina's flat wooden brush and brushed the girl's hair as she took over the drying.

        Misha put away the hair dryer once Christina's hair was dry, but she continued to brush. "I used to brush my Anastasia's hair when she was young," she said as she removed the tangles from Christina's mane. "Did your mother brush your hair, Tina?" she asked.

        "I think so," Christina answered. "I mean, I think she did when I was little. I don't really remember."

        "I used to love to brush Nina's hair, and Anastasia's. Anastasia did not allow me to do this for very long. She was always in such a rush to grow up."

        Though Christina was still frowning, she enjoyed her aunt's attention and found it hard to believe that anyone wouldn't want to feel as close to Misha as she did in that moment.

        "Anastasia was very much like your uncle. She was headstrong. Independent. Stubborn. She would never tell me what was troubling her. Do you know why?"

        Christina answered, "No."

        "Anastasia," Misha explained as she continued to style Christina's hair, "did not want help with her problems. She thought that she should face everything alone. She believed that if she spoke of what troubled her or if she asked for any kind of help, that it diminished her." Misha put down the flat brush, selecting a rounded one to continue. "But this is not why you do not tell me things, Tina."

        Christina frowned at herself in the mirror. She would have preferred it if Misha had been still in the dark about all of the things that had transpired in the last few days.

        Misha looked into Christina's eyes through the mirror and said incisively, "You do not tell me things because you do not wish me to worry for you." The woman paused for Christina to say something, but when the girl did not, she continued, "You must understand that I will be concerned for your well being regardless of whether you tell me what troubles you. I will always care for you."

        Eventually Christina said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about what happened. And there's nothing to talk about when it comes to Richard."

        "I do not know what happened between you and Richard, but I do know that you should not hide away from the world. If he does not know what he gave up in you, then he is not worth your tears."

        "Aunt Misha," Christina tried to explain, "you don't understand. He saw the real me. I know you think you know me, but you don't. I'm not a very good person. Richard knows who I really am, and there's no way anyone could love that."

        Misha put down the brush and embraced Christina as she continued to look at her through the mirror. "Tina," She insisted tenderly, "I know who you are, and I love you more than you could know."

        Christina turned her head to the side and stared at the floor.

        "When Andrei felt he was nothing, you gave him confidence. He was frozen until he met you."

        Christina was unmoved by her aunt's words.

        "You have been a good sister to Nina, and when she is in need, you become a lion."

        Saying nothing, Christina merely shook her head.

        Misha continued, "And you healed your uncle's broken heart. You did this when no one else could reach him."

        "That's different," Christina dismissed. "I love them all so much ... there's nothing I wouldn't do for them."

        "I know Tina," Misha agreed. "You saved my family, but I fear that I have failed you. I wish I could teach you to love yourself half as much as I love you." The woman broke off her embrace with Christina, adding, "You are stronger than you know, and once you realize this there will be no storm that you could not endure." As Misha went to the bedroom door, she asked, "Are you ready now to leave your room?"

        "Yeah," Christina sighed, though she didn't agree with what her aunt had told her. "I guess I should eat breakfast."

        "It is past two in the afternoon," Misha corrected.

        "Oh," Christina said, feeling a bit more dejected than she had a moment before.

        "But I will cook for you whatever you wish should you decide to come downstairs."

         The girl nodded as Misha left her to get ready for what was left of the day.
 
 
 
        Over the course of the next week, Christina made a regular habit of leaving her room, though she couldn't quite bring herself to leave the house. In a way, staying home with Misha was more of a challenge than working in the store with Alek. Christina always felt secure when she was with her uncle; allowing Alek to protect her wasn't all that different from hiding under her blanket. He had no problems sheltering her from the world, letting her take long breaks in the back room when she felt overwhelmed. Working in the house with Misha made her feel more engaged, even though it was just the two of them for most of the day.

        It was over a year since Christina had begun her second visit to Oak Grove. That was the first time she'd spent a large amount of time under her aunt's tutelage, and only now did she realize that she hadn't truly appreciated all her aunt had to teach. When Misha had instructed Christina how to clean laundry, how to cook, or even how to beat the dirt out of a rug, Christina looked upon the activities derogatorily as "women's work". She felt as though Misha was grooming her to be a mere housewife and even though the skills she'd learned were valuable, on some level, Christina had felt insulted when she was asked to learn them.

        This was no longer the case. In the week she'd spent in retreat with her aunt, Christina came to realize that Misha's lessons, while they appeared to be about menial things, were really about how to be. She found that when she truly committed herself to the task of folding clothes or preparing a meal with the same level of attention and care as her aunt, she felt truly aware. Engaging fully in each task allowed her to escape the maelstrom in her mind, even if it was just for a brief moment of clarity. When she worked as Misha had directed, she wasn't focused on all the hurt in her past nor all the despair she saw in the future. For these fleeting moments, Christina existed only in the instant she shared with her aunt. In these sparing seconds, it was as though she could put down all the burdens she felt weighing her down. She had already learned from Misha that her intention in tending house could be an expression of love for all those who dwelled in it, but she was only beginning to understand that the same acts could instill her with tiny glimpses of peace in the bottomless sea of apprehension that had become her life.

        Though she could never make these feelings of calm last beyond the act of dusting, rolling socks, or cleaning the oven, she began to realize that Misha was the wisest person that she'd ever met. Christina had long ago decided that she wanted to become more like her aunt, but only now did she realize that she'd vastly underestimated the older woman.
 
 
 
        On her twelfth day at home with Misha, Christina got up early. This was a small improvement, as before, Misha'd had come to collect Christina each day. Christina thought of this as a victory, not because she felt any less devastated, but rather as she figured it would at least give the appearance that she was progressing, and perhaps that would be enough to get her family to stop feeling crushed on her behalf.

        As she went down the second floor hallway to the stairs, she noticed that Nina was already awake. As she peeked into her younger cousin's room, she saw that Nina was sitting at her desk. Christina sighed, seeing the girl studying yet another book. As she went into the room, Christina saw what Nina was actually doing; inside the fold of the math book were several pictures. Some of them were pictures of Nina looking very serious as she studied. Others were of her boyfriend James, and the rest were pictures of them together. In all of the pictures of the couple, Nina was smiling.

        "I was just about to bust you for studying too much," Christina said, causing Nina to notice her.

        "Oh, hey," the girl replied. "I was just looking at some pictures James took."

        Christina sat down next to her cousin and examined a few of the photos. Seeing Nina smile was perhaps the only thing that genuinely cheered Christina up. "It looks like James makes you pretty happy," she said.

        "Yeah," Nina admitted. "It's strange. When I was with David it made me feel ... I guess ... special, because he was so popular. And handsome. And I really wanted him to like me. So, when he went out with me it's like, I felt good because someone like him wanted to be with someone like me."

        "I think I know what that's like, Nina," Christina commiserated, thinking of Amy. "Does James make you feel that way?"

        "No," Nina blurted. "It's different. With David, I never wanted to say anything that would make me seem like a nerd, because I was always afraid that maybe he would want to break up with me if I didn't act the way I thought he expected me to. But James seems to actually like that I'm smart."

        "Nina ," Christina said with a laugh, "James has it so bad for you I dunno how to even say it."

        "Have you ever had someone really, I mean really want you? It's just different. I mean, it's good different. I've never been the one that someone else really wanted to be with."

        "Yeah," Christina sighed thinking of Richard. "That does feel pretty good. I guess the important thing is how you feel about James."

        "I think ..." Nina started, "I know I really like him. At first I thought it was maybe just because he liked me so much, but I really like him. I don't feel weird just being me around him."

        "You should never feel weird about being you, Nina," Christina assured. "I happen to think you're pretty awesome."

        "Do you think ..." Nina started, but stopped herself.

        "What?"

        "James has been helping me study for the Math Olympiad finals. I really would like him to go with me. He's been helping me study for weeks. We haven't even been on any dates really, except for the fireworks, and I guess I feel like we're kind of a team now."

        "I think that's a great idea," Christina gushed. She was thrilled that Nina was finally with a boy that not only liked her for who she was, but had become a truly positive influence on her. "What's the problem?"

        "It's an overnight trip. James said he can get his own hotel room, but Dad ..." Nina paused for a moment, unsure if this was a topic Christina would want to discuss. "Ever since you broke up with ... " Nina held her palm out in lieu of saying the man's name, "Dad's hated James more than ever."

        Christina insisted, "He doesn't hate James."

        "Yeah he does," Nina objected.

        "Look, your Dad doesn't like James on principle. I'm sure on the boyfriend scale, James is actually pretty high up there."

        "I think 'pretty high up there' still means he hates him," Nina sighed.

        "Did you talk to your father abut this?" Christina asked.

        Nina balked at the suggestion. "Yeah, right. Like I want to have that conversation with Dad. I'm lucky he even lets me see James the way he's been lately."

        Christina winced at the thought that her own actions were poisoning the well for her younger cousin. "Look," she offered, "How about I talk to your mom and dad and see if I can get permission for James to go?"

        "Mom's not going," Nina clarified.

        "What?" Christina responded. "What do you mean she's not going? This is such a big deal! You're going to win the whole state!"

        "I might not-"

        "You're gonna win, Nina, I just know you are," interrupted Christina. "Why would your mom want to miss that?"

        Again, Nina paused, unsure if her older cousin would want to hear what she was going to say. "She's gonna stay home because she doesn't want you to be alone. Christina's face sank, and Nina quickly added, "I think it's the right thing to do."

        "Oh Nina," Christina said dejectedly. "Your mom can't miss this because of me."

        "Maybe you should come with us?" Nina offered.

        "It's not that I don't want to," Christina said sadly. "I just ... I don't feel up to it. Besides, I think I'd just be kind of a distraction."

        Nina did want her older cousin to come, but she wasn't going to press her in the state she was in.

        "I'm going to talk to your mom about this, okay?"

        "Christina, you don't have to do that."

        Christina shook her head. "No Nina, this is crazy. Your mom should be there." Feeling guilty, Christina pressed, "I'm going to make sure James can be there too. He has a right to go."

        "Do you really think we could get dad to go along with that?"

        Christina stood up and straightened out her skirt. "Nina," she promised, "I'm going to work it out. Don't worry about a thing."

        Nina would never have asked Christina to talk to her parents, but she knew from experience that when Christina promised something like this, she always delivered, in spite of the fact that Nina assumed it was impossible. "You really don't have to," she assured her cousin.

        "Please, Nina," Christina insisted. She exhaled audibly. "It would really make me feel better if you let me help." Nina nodded, which was more than enough encouragement for Christina to seek out her aunt. She left Nina's room and went downstairs, not even noticing that Boris, her ever present shadow, had been waiting for her at the first floor landing. She and the dog went to the kitchen where Misha was removing sausages from a large frying pan with a spatula.

        "Aunt Misha," Christina said, as the older woman emptied all the sausages onto a plate and turned off the oven. "Can I talk to you about something?"

        "In a moment, Tina," the woman said brightly. "I have to check on the laundry."

        "Okay," Christina said as she took over for her aunt who went down to the basement. Checking the oven, Christina saw that the biscuits her aunt was baking were just about done.

        Alek came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes between his thick fingers. Seeing that Christina was washing a frying pan in the kitchen sink, he felt pleased that the girl had once again become a fixture in his morning routine. "Tina," he said as he poured himself a cup of coffee, "Will you be joining me at the store today?"

        While Christina still did not feel up to leaving the house and she had cherished her time at home with her aunt, she felt guilty that her uncle had been managing the store alone. She answered, "I think maybe this afternoon, if that's alright?"

        "Of course, Tina" he said warmly. "You may return any time you wish."

        Christina dried her hands before giving the large man a hug. "Thank you Uncle Alek," she whispered. Once she let go she insisted that the man sit down at the kitchen table while she made him a plate of food. After she'd served Alek a heaping plate of sausages and homemade biscuits, she sat down next to him. While she barely ate herself, Christina was content to spend a quiet moment with her uncle.

        Misha returned from the basement carrying a basket of folded clothes. Before Misha could even shut the basement door, Christina got up and took the basket from her aunt. After carrying the basket to the master bedroom, Christina returned to the kitchen to sit with her aunt and uncle. In spite of the fact that worry for their niece persisted behind both of their eyes, sitting with Misha and Alek made Christina feel grounded.

        After Alek had left for work and Misha had started to clear the table, Christina decided the time was right to talk about Nina's championship meet. "Aunt Misha," she started, "I'm going to work with Uncle Alek this afternoon if that's okay with you."

        "Of course, Tina," Misha said as she started washing the breakfast plates. "I think this is a good idea."

        "And," Christina pressed, "I think I should probably get back to working full time." Since Misha made no protest as she continued to wash, Christina added, "And I think maybe I should run the store so you can go with Nina on Friday."

        Misha stopped what she was doing to face her niece. "Tina," she said, "Of course I wish to be with Nina, but I will not leave you now."

        "Aunt Misha," Christina insisted as she sat at the table, "this is the state championship. It's really important."

        "Yes," Misha agreed as she sat next to her niece, "but you are important as well."

        "I really appreciate that, Aunt Misha," Christina said sincerely, "But if you don't go I'm going to feel awful."

        "Why do you not come with us?"

        Christina objected, "You know Uncle Alek hates to close the store for even a single day. If I go, then he'll want to stay, and you should both be there."

        "Tina," Misha said seriously. "This is not the time for you to be by yourself."

        "I won't be," Christina countered. "Andrei will be around if I need anything. Besides ..." Christina sighed. "As much as I don't want to, it's probably good for me to be on my own and out of the house."

        Misha studied Christina's face, unconvinced.

        "Aunt Misha, I know you're worried about me and I'm really not okay, but being with you has made me feel a little better. I think running the store is something you should let me do. I really think it will be good for me."

        She saw Misha's resistance start to crumble. "And," Christina observed, "I know if something was happening in my life that was as important as Nina's state championship is to her ... I'd really want my mom to be there."

        Misha reached out and placed her hand on top of her niece's. "Tina," she began, "do you ever wish to contact your mother?"

        Christina stared at the woman blankly trying to connect what Misha had just said to the rest of the conversation. "Oh," she exhaled as her shoulders dropped. "When I said ... I meant ... if something important was going on in my life, I'd really want you to be there."

        Misha could not remember a time she had been so touched by anything someone had said to her. She leaned over and held Christina. "I will always be here for you, Tina," she said warmly.

        "I know, but I think it's really important that you let me do this so you can be there for Nina this time."

        "Alright," Misha conceded. "But you must tell me if you have a change of heart."

        "I will," Christina said, though there was no way she would let Misha miss Nina's big day under any circumstances. "Also, do you think maybe you could talk Uncle Alek into letting James go too?"

        The last comment caused the older woman to chuckle. "Your uncle is not fond of any boy who is seeing one of his girls."

        "I know," Christina agreed, feeling guilty that both her relationship and her breakup with Richard had caused all sorts of unwarranted blowback for James. "But he's been helping her study nonstop, and I think he's been really good for her. Just knowing he'll be there in the audience will mean a lot to her."

        "I agree," Misha said as she went back to her dishes. "I will speak with your uncle."

        "Really?" Christina said as she grinned on Nina's behalf.

        "I will speak with him," Misha repeated.

        It wasn't exactly a guarantee, but Christina was sure that Misha could convince her uncle in spite of his intensified distrust of James since Christina's breakup.
 
 
 
        Over the next few days, Christina marveled as her aunt worked her magic on her uncle. Misha started with the mere observation that James had been spending most of his time helping Nina prepare for her championship match and encouraging the girl to live up to her potential. That soon grew into the suggestion that Nina would appreciate the boy's presence in the audience. Alek was no fool; he knew from the very beginning what the woman was driving at, and he was not enthusiastic about sharing Nina's big event with an interloper. Misha did not let up. She always framed her suggestions in terms of what would make Nina happy.

        It was insidious, Christina thought. It was the same sort of constant prodding that had gotten her out of bed, even though it was the last thing in the world she had wanted to do. Christina never witnessed Misha telling anyone what they ought to do, she simply pointed out how their behavior didn't match their own values. It was as though she made you aware of certain truths and left it up to you to deal with the consequences of that knowledge.

        By the time her uncle gave in, Christina was not surprised that he couldn't refuse his wife's prodding, but she was particularly shocked that Misha had appealed to the man's pride to the point where he had even agreed to pay for James' lodging.

        While he had conceded that James should be a part of the trip, he was unwilling to give up his position as Nina's provider, even if that meant paying James way. Christina wondered if part of the man's acquiescence was related to the way he'd been treating her. Alek had started to accept her as an adult, and she wondered if he was beginning to see Nina as a grown-up as well. Part of Christina hoped this wasn't the case; she didn't want Nina to feel the same loss she felt now that Alek no longer cherished her as a little girl.

        Nina, of course, could not be more grateful to Christina for getting permission for James to accompany her, but Christina assured the girl that the credit belonged solely to her mother.

        Misha, to her word, also made sure that Christina was not left alone. While this was not a problem for Christina, it was not working out well for Steph.

        "No way." Steph dictated. "There's absolutely no way we're staying in here." She marched out of Andrei's bedroom with her large boyfriend trailing after her.

        "What's the big deal?" Andrei asked as he followed her down the stairs to the living room.

        Steph exclaimed, "I can't believe you live like that!"

        "What's the problem?" Christina asked, looking up from behind the Elle magazine she was reading as she sat in the comfy chair by the fireplace. Boris, who was resting at her feet, looked up as well.

        "What's the problem?" Steph repeated. "Have you seen Andrei's room?"

        "No one's seen Andrei's room," Christina joked. "It's covered in a layer of dirty clothes and trash."

        "It's not that bad," Andrei defended.

        "Not that bad?" Steph balked. "I had to follow a trail of breadcrumbs to get back out. And I'm not even the one who left them there!"

        "Come on," he sighed.

        "Sorry Andrei," Christina agreed through an amused grin. "Steph's right. It's a sty."

        "Look, I don't mind staying over to keep Blondie company," Steph offered as she planted herself on the couch. "I can even get over your family's weird no-TV policy, but there's no way I can sleep in that room."

        "It's not that bad," Andrei insisted.

        Christina, who had cleaned her cousin's room more times than he'd even slept in it the last few months, put down her magazine and tried not to laugh. "Andrei, there's so much dirt in your room that if we had enough water we could grow corn."

        "I get it," Steph said as she shot a lighthearted glance at Christina. "It's your deficient boy brain."

        "My what?" Andrei asked indignantly as he sat next to Steph.

        "Your busted boy brain," she repeated. "It's not your fault. You're genetically incapable of seeing filth. You can make furniture and fix pipes-"

        "Cars," Christina offered.

        "But you can't tell dirty from clean," concluded Steph.

        Andrei complained, "That's ridiculous."

        "Don't take it personally," Christina consoled. "It's all men, not just you. It's like ... you're colorblind. You can see, but you miss certain details."

        "I am not colorblind," Andrei mumbled.

        Steph pushed Andrei backwards, landing on top of him. "We could always bunk down on the couch," she said through her trademark wicked grin.

        "That could work," Andrei agreed.

        Christina rolled her eyes as she tossed what she'd been reading on top of a stack of women's magazines that she kept next to the fireplace. "How about this," she offered. "You two can take my room, and I'll sleep in Nina's bed."

        "You don't mind, Stretch?" Steph asked even though her attention was still on Andrei.

        "It's the least I can do since you're both babysitting me."

        Sitting up, Steph protested, "Can't a girl hang out without being accused of spying?"

        "No, it's fine," Christina assured her friend as she and Boris went up the stairs to the second floor. "I'm glad you're both here. The least I can do is offer you a clean bed to sleep in."

        "My room is not that bad," Andrei grunted as Christina disappeared up the staircase.

        Laying back down on top of her large boyfriend, Steph purred, "It's disgusting! I have half a mind to put you in the tub and scrub you clean."

        After a moment of serious thought, Andrei concluded, "It is kind of messy ..."

        Christina made a mental catalog of all the things she needed to extract from her room. She needed clothes for the next day, her phone charger, cosmetics ... the list grew as she walked down the hallway to her room. She loaded her arms, not once realizing that she now required more items to travel down the hall than she used to require to travel cross country. After she'd dumped all of her things on Nina's desk, she went back to her room to make sure everything was perfect for Andrei and Steph.

        On the way back to Nina's room, Christina felt a mechanical rumble from the back pocket of her jeans. She took out her cell phone and saw that Richard was calling. She immediately froze, feeling a slight tightness in her chest. She was transfixed by the name on the tiny screen and was unable to move her fingers on the device before the call went to voice mail. Christina waited for the notification that indicated there was a new voice message, but it never came. Instead, there was a second rumble indicating that she'd just received a text message. She felt her stomach sink and it was though she'd temporarily lost her ability to differentiate up from down. She forced herself to read the message. It read simply, "We should talk."

        Christina's heart sank. She wasn't sure what to expect. To the best of her knowledge, Richard had not told anyone her secret, but he hadn't tried to contact her either. She was sure that the man wouldn't want to see her ever again, and she couldn't think of what they could possibly have to talk about. She wondered if he wanted to yell at her, or tell her how disgusted she knew he must have felt.

        Unwilling to deal with the man, Christina turned off her phone. She had been leaving it on in case Nina might send her a message, but she couldn't take the chance that Richard might call again. Of course turning her phone off for one night was not a permanent solution, but it was all she could muster at the time.
 
 
 
        The next morning, Christina woke up when she heard music playing from Nina's alarm clock. It took a moment for her to realize she was in her cousin's bed, but her mind quickly went to the text message she'd received the night before. As she got out of bed, her side felt sore. She wasn't sure if this was another symptom of her anxiety or just her standard nervous digestion. Rather than dwell on either the pain or her ex-boyfriend, she decided to focus on getting ready to run the store. In spite of everything that was going wrong, Christina took solace in the fact that running the store made it possible for both her aunt and uncle to be with Nina. She didn't care about herself, but at least she could be useful to her family.

        After she'd showered, Christina returned to Nina's room as quietly as possible, so as to not wake Andrei and Steph. She sat at Nina's desk and broke out her supplies. She used Nina's hair dryer and her own brushes to do her best to get ready for the day. Working in Nina's small mirror, she realized that she'd become incredibly spoiled by the vanity that Andrei had restored for her. Christina didn't feel like making herself presentable, but she was the public face of her uncle's grocery, and acting as though nothing was wrong made it less likely that she'd have to field questions from Oak Grove's more nosey residents.

        Dressed and expertly made up, Christina gingerly left Nina's room, walking silently through the hallway and down the stairs. Under other circumstances, she would have made breakfast for Andrei and Steph, but she rationalized that it was better to let them sleep in. In truth, Christina was slipping out early to avoid spending time with Steph. She'd told her friend that her breakup with Richard was entirely her own fault, but she knew that Steph would eventually press her for more specific details. Christina had yet to think of a credible reason for the breakup other than the truth. After seeing Richard's reaction, she was more sure than ever that she didn't want anyone else to find out about her former life.

        As she went to the front door, Christina felt the familiar sensation of fur brushing against her bare legs. Looking down, she saw Boris circling just beneath the hem of the skirt of her dress. "Not today, puppy," she apologized as she opened the door. With great effort, Christina shimmied through the door without letting the German Shepard escape. She stopped short once she was on the other side of the closed door when Boris started barking so loudly that she knew it would disturb the people sleeping in her room.

        "Cut that out!" she admonished. Boris did not relent and she opened the door a crack to chastise the dog. "Stop that barking!" she demanded.

        Boris pawed at her through the gap, unwilling to be left behind.

        "Shh," she insisted as she held her finger to her lips. She began to close the door and Boris again let out a loud, forceful bark. Reopening the crack, Christina insisted, "Hey! I'm the alpha girl around here. You're the ... I don't know, the beta dog? The point is, I'm the one in charge here, get it?"

        Boris, who did not at all get it, cocked his head to the side, trying to make sense of what Christina was saying.

        "Just cool it, puppy dog," she commanded as she closed the door. Again Boris launched into a tirade of barks and yelps, and Christina gave in. She opened the door, and the dog trotted out as though there had never been any question that he would accompany her to the store.

        Christina shut the door and marched after the dog, "But I'm still the alpha girl!" she complained. She opened the door of her Saab, and Boris hopped on to the back seat. She was miffed that she'd lost her power struggle, but she found that she didn't mind the dog's company as she drove to the store.

        Opening the store was now a mindless routine for the girl. She'd opened up the grocery so many times with her uncle that she no longer needed to run through the steps in her mind; it was nearly automatic. Even though her uncle was not there, Christina performed every task, from making sure the cash register had just the right balance of bills to make change to squaring all the items with the ends of the shelves, to a standard that she knew would have satisfied Alek.

        She was grateful when the store opened and a few people came in for early morning purchases. Having a routine and being forced to engage customers made it a bit easier for Christina to keep her mind off Richard and being discovered.

        This crutch was soon gone, as the trickle of early morning shoppers soon ran dry. While working at the Handi-Mart, Christina had been astounded that there were always a constant stream of customers even when she worked the graveyard shift. Oak Grove was such a small town it was not unusual to go an entire hour without helping a single customer during the slowest parts of the day.

        Christina looked at the large dog slumbering next to her behind the counter. "I dunno why people think I can't run the store by myself," she complained to the dog, causing him to open his eyes. "It's not like this is really hard. I mean, I ran the Handi-Mart every night and it was just me."

        She studied the look on Boris' face, concluding, "You don't care about anything I'm saying, do you?"

        She cast a glance out the front windows, and since there was no one in sight, went to the back room to see if there was any unopened inventory to process. As she entered the store room, she felt another nagging pain in her right side. Christina cursed herself as she pressed her hand to her hip. Upset stomachs, panic attacks ... they were all steady reminders that she couldn't handle the stresses that everyone else seemed to have no problems managing.

        As she surveyed the shelves, she begin to feel worse. She felt as though the temperature had dropped, which didn't make any sense. It was the middle of the summer, and the poorly ventilated stock room was usually warmer than the front of the store. She wasn't even near the refrigerator.

        "What the hell?" Christina winced as she held her side more tightly. It seemed that not only was the pain growing stronger, but she was beginning to feel sick. She went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She saw that her face was pale and beads of sweat were forming on her forehead.

         She felt the moisture on her cheek, her mind becoming hazy. Remembering Doctor Stone's advice about panic attacks, she ran the faucet and splashed cold water on her face. After only one splash, she stopped. To her it seemed that the water was freezing, and the act didn't seem to affect how she was feeling at all.

        The pain in her side grew to a stab and she felt sick to her stomach. Christina knelt down in front of the toilet and braced herself as she threw up. She heaved into the bowl three times before she was done.

        "Crap," she shuddered as she noticed that some of the vomit had become entangled in the strands of her long blond hair. She began to think that she should close the store temporarily and call Andrei. Her legs felt unsteady as she got up, and she wondered if it would be better to call Doctor Stone. This didn't feel like a panic attack; she'd never felt anything quite like this before. Turning around, she saw that Boris was standing in the doorway. Christina wiped her sweaty brow and informed the dog, "I don't feel so good."

        The two of them walked across the storeroom to the front of the store. As she leaned against the door frame another stab in her right side nearly made her fall over. She gritted her teeth and inhaled forcefully as she shivered. She could no longer deny that something was seriously wrong. Christina went behind the counter and fished her cell phone from her purse, which she'd stored underneath the register. Her hand squeezed the phone against her side as she continued to the front of the store. "We're just gonna ... close ... for a little bit," she informed Boris as she flipped the sign on the screen door to "Closed".

        Christina was unsteady on her feet as she went back toward the counter. As she reached the middle of the store she cried out as the stabbing in her right side became unbearable. She bent over and her legs gave out. She dropped onto the ground and opened her mouth to scream. No sound came out; her body was so tense from the pain it was as though she could not engage her lungs. Boris became very upset and circled the girl nervously as he whined.

        "Oh God," Christina quivered as she clutched her side. Forcing herself to open her eyes, she saw that she'd dropped her cell phone about a foot away. Though her abdomen was on fire, she reached out and grabbed the phone. Flipping it open she saw that it was still powered off. She'd turned the phone off last night to avoid Richard, and neglected to turn it back on in the morning. She tried to turn on the phone, but was assaulted by another stab of pain so intense that she involuntarily tossed the phone even further away.

        Christina rolled on to her back as her body seethed. Only now did she realize that what she'd felt during her panic attacks was merely the fear of death; this was something much more grave. She didn't even attempt to reach her phone, it was far to late for that.

        Though the pain did not stop, Christina felt herself slipping away. It was as though her mind was slowing down and she was powerless to stop it. She turned her head, lost in the torment that repeatedly stung her body and the smell of vomit that hung in her hair. She saw that Boris was no longer crying or agitated. The dog was sitting at attention and looking at something intently.

        Turning her head, Christina followed the path of Boris' gaze and saw a figure standing at her feet. She saw a tall thin girl with long brown hair that moved slightly as though it were suspended under water. She studied the grey sad face and saw that it was very similar to her own. She made contact with a pair of perfect green eyes as the unearthly girl looked directly at her. In an instant, Christina recalled all her forgotten dreams of Anastasia. All the nightmares she knew she'd had but couldn't remember came flooding over her and she remembered exactly who the girl was. All of the thoughts that had been locked beneath her waking mind burst through, and she wondered how it was ever possible that she couldn't have perceived them before.

        The figure broke off gazing at her and turned back to Boris. She nodded at the dog who looked like he'd been waiting for that very signal for quite some time. Was this another dream, Christina wondered as the pain overtook her. This couldn't really be happening. She looked at the dog who unflinchingly rushed to the front door. At first he rose up on his hind legs, trying to force the door open with his paws, but it would not budge. After a second failed attempt, Boris went back to the middle of the room and charged the screen door. He leapt into the air, bursting through the door. The screens ripped and the wooden crossbeam splintered as the muscular dog sailed out onto the sidewalk.

        Christina looked back and saw that the girl was bent over, staring down at her. She should have been terrified, but Christina saw nothing but concern in the face that looked down at her. The girl drew closer, and Christina's field of vision was framed by the flowing brown hair. Darkness bled in from the sides of her eyes and Christina's sight grew more narrow as the other girl's face approached her own. Unable to speak or move as the darkness grew thicker, the pure green of the other girl's eyes was the last thing Christina saw as she finally lost all consciousness.
 

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Edited into coherence by Holly H. Hart.

Thanks to Sephrena Miller for taking an early read.