by Britney McMaster
MORFS can do some really strange things. Logan goes into the a deep coma pretty much as everyone does. And wakes up as Laura. All right, what's new about that? it happens to many MORFS victims. Then, she meets Logan ...
Chapter 1
I opened my eyes and looked out the window and saw that we were still driving home through the snow. This was the worst part of the holiday season. Every year, Mom and Dad would pack all us kids into the van and then we’d travel for several hours through slow traffic and blowing snow until we got to my grandparent’s house. We’d spend a day of two there with the entire extended family packed into the house and then we’d cram back into the car with all our stuff and drive back home.
I sat up in my seat and looked around the van, trying to stretch my arms in the confined space. My little sisters were both asleep, and my little brother was playing some video game. I looked up front and watched as Dad battled the blowing snow while Mom read a book in the passenger seat.
“Mom, I’m hungry,” my stomach was rumbling.
“Logan, you just ate a huge turkey dinner two hours ago, and I know you had several helpings.”
“I know that, but I’m hungry again.”
~~~~~
That started a pattern of events. Prior to Christmas I’d had a case of the flu, and was sick for a few days before I started feeling better. From that point on I ate like food was going out of style. By the end of the Christmas break I had gained 50 lbs. and it was starting to show. I tried to stop myself from eating, but after only a few hours I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days and gave in to my cravings.
I can’t say that my friends shunned me because I had gained weight. It was more as if I shunned them. Each day after school I would rush home, raid the refrigerator and then hide up in my room, snacking until dinnertime. I would then eat several servings at dinner. By the end of January I had gained 80 lbs. since Christmas.
Mom and Dad were really worried, and for weeks on end I was dragged to various doctors as they did a variety tests. My metabolism was extremely low and they concluded that I was constantly eating in order to get enough energy to keep my body functioning. They tried different ways of raising my metabolism, but none of them worked. Weeks passed and I continued to gain weight. I was starting to become depressed and spent all my free time alone in my room.
It was around the middle of February when I noticed a hard lump growing on the back of my head. I mentioned this to one of my doctors and that led to several x-rays and tests before they figured it out and the whole puzzle seemed to come together. Over the space of two months I had put on around 100 lbs. and none of the doctors could tell me why until now. According to their tests, I had started stage two of MORFS back before Christmas. However, without the required energy packs to supply the essential nutrients, I hadn’t started to change. Instead, my body had started storing fat to be used when I did start to morf.
The doctor gave Mom the things that we would need and then we went home. I was given an energy pack and a sleeping pill and within a few minutes I was asleep and my changes began.
~~~~
I awoke slowly. I had managed to open my eyes but after a week in a medically induced coma, my head was pretty foggy. I watched the ceiling fan slowly spin above me while I continued to adjust to being awake again. I had mixed feelings as I contemplated what MORFS might have done to me. I wanted to know, but at the same time I wished I could just stay in bed forever and avoid confronting what had happened.
I brought my hands up to rub the sleep out of my eyes. My hands felt a lot smaller then I remembered them being. 'At least I'm not fat anymore,' I thought. 'Maybe this change didn't do much to me.' In the back of my mind I knew that wasn't the case. I had put on all that weight because it was going to be a big change.
My body was still a bit achy and numb from the medication and lying in bed for a whole week, but I forced myself up and on to my feet. I fought the urges to look down at myself and staggered over to the mirror on my wall. I rubbed my eyes and looked at my new reflection.
It’s a frightening feeling to look in a mirror to see another person staring back at you. The fear was quickly replaced by shock as I took in the new me. My once short hair now came down past my waist. It was still blonde and it was now full of natural highlights and lowlights and had a healthy shine to it. My face still held a strong resemblance to how I used to look, but my features were now decidedly feminine. My nose was smaller and slightly upturned. It was one of those 'cute' noses a lot of girls have. My eyes were the same as they had been, but were now surrounded by much thicker and longer lashes. My lips were the other noticeable change, as they were now much fuller. It’s amazing how such subtle changes, when combined together could make me look so different.
I finally looked down at the rest of me. Someone, probably Mom, had dressed me in a set of girls' pajamas. The top of the pajamas was one of those cami tops and pushing above the neckline was a large pair of breasts. Without emotion, I removed my top and cupped the breasts in my hands. I started to feel sick as I looked down at what had happened to me. I already knew the answer, but I had to make sure. I stepped out of the pajama bottoms and then lowered my panties.
'Oh ... my ..."
I rushed towards my trashcan as the nausea overcame me. I made it just in time and dry heaved for several minutes before curling up into a ball and breaking down in tears.
when my tears eventually stopped, I glanced at the clock on my wall. It was a little before four in the morning. I figured I could take a nice hot shower without anyone in the family disturbing me. I found a towel and wrapped it around myself before leaving my room.
I got to the bathroom and reached out for the doorknob when the door quickly opened. Startled, I let out a very high-pitched scream as I stared at the person who had opened the door. It was me.
~~~~
"Who the hell are you?" I cringed at the high musical sound of my new voice.
"I could ask you the same question," said my male double. "Name’s Logan and this is my house. I'm allowed to be here. Who are you? How’d you get in here?"
"But ... But this is my house. ..." I took a step back. ‘This can't be real. Maybe I'm still drugged and this is all a dream.’ "You can't be Logan. You just can’t.'' I backed up against the wall and slid down to the floor, where I curled up into a ball and just let the tears pour. "This can't be happening," I mumbled to myself over and over again.
I heard him walk past me and down the hallway. I sat there crying for what seemed like hours. Everything kept replaying through my head. I lifted my head up at the sound of people rushing down the hallway. It was my parents and my double.
Mom was beside me in an instant and took me into her arms. "It's okay, Sweetheart, Mommy is here," she said as she held me.
"Y ... You know who I am?" I asked.
"Of course I do, Honey. Even though MORFS changed how you look, you're still my baby."
"Then who is that?" I said, pointing at my double.
"That's your twin brother. MORFS caused your body to split into two different people. You need to go take a shower and get dressed and then we'll all sit down and talk about this. I'll lay out some clothes for you to wear. Come with me."
I took Mom’s hand and followed her down the hallway, into her room and then into my parent’s bathroom. Mom pulled a few things out of the vanity before turning back to me with a pair of scissors in her hand..
“What are those for?” I asked.
“We’ve got to do something with that hair. I trimmed your nails for you while you were sleeping, so that you wouldn’t cut yourself but I didn’t want to mess around with your hair until you woke up. It certainly did grow long enough. At that length it would be completely unmanageable. The most I can do is just cut it shorter, but we’ll have to go to the salon and get it styled properly, later today.” Mom turned me around and pulled all my hair back behind me and held it in a low pony tail with her hand. Her hand was down around my shoulder blades.
“Mom, I want more of it cut off than that. I want short hair again.”
“I don’t think so, Sweetie. You have beautiful hair, and we’re not going to cut that all off. I know this is hard for you to take in all at once, but it’s best for you to get used to being a girl right away.”
“But I don’t want to be a girl,” I whined, as Mom snipped away clumps of hair.
“I know that Honey,” said Mom, “but the world is going to expect you to act like a girl based on what they see. They’re not going to know what’s in your head.” Mom released her hold on my hair and it was amazing how much of a difference there was in how much my hair weighed. It now came to the middle of my back.
“Your father and I just want you to be happy, and we know you’re going to have to fit in with the rest of the kids for that to happen. So you’re going to have to do some things that you don’t want to. We’re going to get you some new clothes, and whether you like it or not, you are going to have to wear skirts from time to time. Girls your age wear makeup and though you don’t have to wear it all the time if you don’t want to, you do need to learn how to put it on.”
I just nodded my head at what Mom was saying. It made sense to me and I knew that eventually I would have to do all the stuff a girl does, but right now I just wanted to avoid it all. Mom pointed out which shampoo and conditioner I should use and handed me a stick of girls deodorant to use once I got out. She gave me a few tips on how to blow dry my hair and then left me to shower.
~~~~
Taking a shower as a girl was a totally bizarre experience. I really didn't want to accept that MORFS had given me a sex change, but that's hard to ignore when trying to wash yourself. To make it worse, the soap Mom told me to use left me smelling like a girl. I got really annoyed at how long it took to wash the shampoo and conditioner completely out of my hair.
I got out and dried off. I learned the hard way not to towel dry long hair. It took me nearly a half hour just to brush painfully through all the tangles and nearly another half hour to blow dry it. Once that was all done, I took a look at the clothes Mom had left on the counter for me and started getting dressed.
First was just a pair of plain white panties and a white camisole that had a built in bra. Next was a pastel blue long sleeve top. It was definitely a girl’s top but it could have been worse. I pulled on the light and dark blue striped toe socks and then reached for the neatly folded pair of jeans. I lifted them off the counter and they unfolded into a long denim skirt. 'Damn.' Regrettably I pulled on the skirt and was grateful for the small mercy that at least it was a long skirt. It was almost too long as it came all the way down to the floor.
As much as I wanted to just run and hide, I wanted to find out what was going on. I walked into the kitchen and all three of them looked over at me. Mom patted the seat next to her and I sat down.
"Okay," started Dad. "This is a bit of a strange situation MORFS has put us in. Your mother and I will do our best to explain everything to you two." he turned towards my double. "Logan, this is your new sister, Laura," he said, pointing at me.
"My name is not Laura," I interrupted. Mom put her hand on top of mine.
"Laura would have been your name if you had been born as a girl. That's now your new name. I know you still feel like Logan, but that is your brother's name."
Mom looked over to Dad and he continued, "Laura, Logan, the two of you are identical twins. Except for the obvious different sex of course. When Logan started to morf, his body began to grow a second body out of the back of his skull. The extra weight gained over the last few months was used to form that second body. Until yesterday the two of you were still attached at the skull and sharing brain matter. The split must have completed some time during the night."
“So that’s why my hair was so long? My body grew fifteen years worth in a week?”
“That’s a good way to look at it Laura, and that is probably why your hair was so long.”
"So you’re saying we're the same person?" asked Logan.
"That's what the doctors told us. The fact that Laura remembers being Logan before all this, means that she has a copy of your memories, Logan. She's as much you as you are. That means we expect you to help her to adjust to her new life. It could have been you who became a girl."
"So what am I supposed to do now that I'm a girl?" I asked.
"Well, you and your mother will be going shopping for some new clothes, while I try to figure out how to obtain a legal identity for you and Logan will be at home working on your new room and watching the rest of the kids," Said Dad.
"New Room?" Logan and I said at the same time.
"Well the two of you can't share the same bedroom, so we've been building Laura a new room in the basement."
"I get a new room? Can I see it?" I asked.
"You can see it this afternoon, once it's done."
"How come she gets the new room?" questioned Logan.
"Cus I'm the one who got the forced sex change, that's why."
"She's got a point, Son," said Dad. "Laura, there's a book of paint colours on the counter. Why don't you and your Mother pick out a colour for your room while Logan and I make us some breakfast."
"Okay Dad." I grabbed the paint samples and sat down next to Mom. I immediately flipped through to my favourite colour, Green. I pointed out a few that I liked.
"Laura, you should pick out something a bit more ... feminine than a dark green."
"Mom, I don't want a girlie room. I'm not painting it pink or yellow or purple or anything like that."
"I'm not saying you have to make it really girlie. But just something that has a bit more of a feminine touch. I know that right now you don't like being a girl, but eventually you'll get used to it and once you do, it will be nice to have a room that reflects that you are a girl."
"Fine." We kept looking through the colours. Mom pointed out a light orange, which I thought looked too peachy and a powder blue that I also rejected. "Why can't I have green? It's my favourite," I whined.
"We haven't looked at the lighter shades of green. What about this one?" the one Mom was pointing to was called 'shimmering lime' and while it was pretty light and definitely a girls' colour I did like it.
"I actually like that one Mom. Let’s get that one."
~~~~
Immediately after breakfast, Mom and I left the house. I wasn't happy with the heeled boots Mom gave me to wear, but they did keep my feet warm while we walked through the snow to the car. Thankfully, the heels were nice and wide and not too high, so I also managed to walk easily in them. I was informed that I had an appointment at Mom's salon to get the works. I, of course, tried to protest to no avail.
When we arrived at the salon and went inside, I was introduced to Margie and after Mom explained what she wanted, she left, saying she would be back in about three hours to pick me up. That began to worry me, 'What are they planning to do to me, that I'm going to be here for three whole hours?'
"Okay, we'll do the waxing first," Margie told me as she led me into a private room in the back.
"Uh ... Waxing?" I asked.
"That's what your mother said. We're doing your legs, bikini line, armpits and eyebrows. Now I need you to strip down to your bra and panties, and then hop up on the table for me.
I did as I was asked and awaited my fate. She brought over everything she needed and placed it on a small rolling table beside me.
"We’ll do your bikini area first as that's the most sensitive area. Once that's done, the rest will be a breeze. You can either keep your panties on or take them off. It's easier and quicker with them off, though."
"I ... I’d rather keep them on" Margie instructed me on how to hold the edge of the panties out of the way as she worked. The wax was a little warm going on, but otherwise not that bad. The first strip was right across the top of the small patch of hair I had down there. I had no idea what it would feel like ahead of time, but there is no way could have prepared myself for the pain of that first strip being ripped off. I'm sure even people outside the salon would have heard my bloodcurdling screams as the next few strips were torn from my skin. Finally I was left with a neat patch of hair surrounded by red hairless skin.
Margie was right though. My armpits and eyebrows were painful, but the pain was nothing compared to the bikini area. Having my legs done was even less painful than that. Finally I was done and got dressed. It was amazing how sensitive my legs were now that they were hairless.
Next I was taken over to a chair in front of a sink. Margie spent about ten minutes washing my hair, and managed to shampoo and condition it twice. 'How did she do that so fast?' From there I was taken to another chair where she started in on my hair with a pair of scissors. Everything she did was just a blur to me. All the time she was working, she raved about the highlights I had in my hair. When I told her they were natural, she raved about them even more, and then confessed her jealousy of my beautiful hair. When I told her I’d rather have my hair cut short, she looked at me like I was crazy and said that my Mom would kill her if she did that to my pretty hair. ‘Mom would kill me too if I did that to my hair,’ I thought.
Margie was really nice and really funny, yet despite that, she failed to get me to relax and enjoy being pampered. This just wasn’t something I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be a boy again. She tried to draw me into conversation about how I wanted my hair, but I couldn’t add much to the conversation, because I had zero experience at being a girl- I didn’t know enough to say anything halfway intelligent even if I did want to. We finally finished with my hair and I was left looking at myself in the mirror as she left to set up for whatever we were doing next.
My hair had been given some soft waves and I looked even prettier than before. I hated looking at myself. I tried to hold it back, but a few tears made their way down my cheeks before Margie came back to get me. I quickly wiped them away when I heard her coming back. This time she led me over to a big chair with a basin of water at the base of it. I was instructed to lift my skirt up around my knees and sit down with my feet in the water. There were jets in the warm water and it did actually feel good. The chair was one of those massage chairs and I just closed my eyes and tried to drift away from this nightmare of a life I had found myself in. I knew Margie was doing something to my feet, taking one out of the water at a time. They were all new sensations to me, as I’ve never really had someone touching my feet like this in the past. I tried to ignore what she was doing, even when it tickled and just kept my eyes closed.
Eventually both of my feet were taken out of the water and dried off. I felt something being placed between my toes, but I was too lost in the massage and self pity to really care. She finished what she was doing and again I was left there by myself. ‘Why is Mom making me do all of this stuff? She knows I don’t want to be a girl. At least I get a new room, not that that makes up for losing a penis. I don’t even have any clothes. This is so unfair, Logan gets to go on with life as if nothing ever happened while I get totally shafted.’
A little while later I felt Margie remove the stuff between my toes and start putting my socks back on. I opened my eyes as she pulled my second sock over my ankle and up my leg.
“The floor is a bit cold to walk around on barefoot, so put your boots back on and follow me. Just two things left and then your Mom will be here to get you.” Without a word, I followed Margie over to a little desk in front of one of the salon’s large windows. She sat down on one side of the table and I sat on the other. This time she began working on my fingernails. She started by cleaning my nails and removing the cuticles. After all that she had me move my hands underneath some sort of plastic hood. She seemed to be paying close attention to what she was doing, but my view was blocked by the vent, the clear plastic having become weathered over time.
I let her do the work Mom had asked her to do and distracted myself by looking out the window. All that did was remind me of what I’ve lost. A light snow was falling and there were a group of boys my age playing a game of road hockey. I recognized some of them from school. ‘What I wouldn’t give to be out there playing with them instead of being in here being made to look even more like a girl.’ My right hand was placed under a heater, while Margie switched to work on my left hand. I just closed my eyes and continued to fight back the tears. ‘I’ve never been this emotional before, but I think I have a pretty good excuse. I’m not going to let myself cry again,’ I decided.
Time passed as Margie switched between working on my two hands, eventually leaving me with both of them under the dryer. I just hoped she hadn’t painted them pink or something.
When I saw Mom’s car pull into the lot, I let out a sigh of relief knowing we’d be leaving soon. Mom entered the store and waved at me, I looked back out the window. I felt bad snubbing Mom like that, but she was the one responsible for me being stuck in this damn salon. Mom and Margie made their way over to me and I saw Mom hand a little card with something shiny on it to Margie. I didn’t give it much thought while they brushed my hair behind my ears. Margie was doing something with my ears and then I felt a sharp pain in my ear. It was so sudden that I didn’t have time to say anything before it was repeated in my other ear.
“Oh, those look beautiful on you, Honey!” I gave Mom the most evil glare that I could muster As she held up a mirror so that I could see my new earrings. They were a pair of fake diamond studs that I thought were too big and too girlie. ‘They’ll be coming out as soon as my ears have healed,’ I told myself.
As she and Mom checked my nails, Margie told me they were finished and that the only thing left was makeup.
‘I’m not wearing makeup!,’ I thought to myself as I removed my hands from under the vent. Then, ‘What the hell did she do to my nails?’ They were longer than they had been by about half an inch. Thankfully they weren’t painted, but they were white on the part past my finger and they were really shiny from some sort of clear polish. ‘That’s the last straw!’
I pushed back the chair and stood up. I guess they were expecting me to go let Margie do my makeup or something, because neither of them tried to comfort me as my eyes welled up with tears and my lips started to quiver. Mom put her arm around my shoulders and said, “You look so beautiful.”
I spun around, pushing myself out of her embrace. “I hate you for this!” I spat at her, and then the tears started. I ran as fast as those stupid boots would let me, out of the shop and down the street. It was cold outside, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel anything. I reached the small park on the corner and after wiping away the snow, took a seat on the end of the slide. For the second time that day I pulled my knees to my chest and just curled into a ball while I cried.
~~~~
“Mikey, stop bugging the girls!” I yelled at my little brother. The noise stopped and I went back to rolling the light green paint on the bare walls. I still can’t believe I had MORFS and didn’t get stuck with something stupid. Most of the kids I know all changed physically somehow, and I all I got was some serious weight loss. Well, I ended up with a twin sister, but that doesn’t effect me much. Other than painting her stupid room that is. ‘It’s no fair that she gets this room and I don’t. This room is twice the size of mine. Mom and Dad always did spoil the girls, I guess they’ll do the same with Laura.’
I looked around at the spacious room. Once I was done painting, I had to assemble a dresser and a vanity. Then I had to put together the bed frame for her new queen sized bed. ‘While I get stuck on my crappy double bed. Then I have to clean up all the tools and the drop cloth and then vacuum her new carpet. All while watching my three younger siblings. This sucks.’
“Logan?” called my littlest sister Joannah. “We’re hungry.”
‘It’s always something with those kids. At least with Laura around, I won’t get stuck babysitting all three of them by myself anymore.’ I put the roller down on the paint tray and headed up stairs. “Alright Joannah, I’ll get lunch started.”
“Alright!” she screeched, before running back to play.
“Jadyn? Can you come help me in here with lunch?” I could hear the loud sigh all the way in the kitchen. A minute later my twelve-year-old sister came into the kitchen.
“I’m missing my show, you know …” she said, as if that was going to make me change my mind.
“And you think I care? Jadyn, you’re almost thirteen, I shouldn’t have to babysit you, too. You are old enough to help out. Now help me get lunch together so I can get back to painting that stupid room.”
“So is Laura as mean as you?” she asked as she got to work.
“Well, she thinks like I do, but she is a girl. So she’s probably meaner …” Jadyn elbowed me in the ribs for saying that. “My point exactly.”
“I think it’s so cool that I’ve got a big sister now. I’ve always wanted one,” said Jade. “It’s gonna be so much fun hanging out with her, talking about boys, and playing around with our makeup and our hair …”
“You do realize, she’s an exact female version of me, right?”
Jadyn nodded. “Well I doubt she’s gonna want to do any of that stuff. She was pissed this morning that she’s not a boy anymore. I don’t think she’s going to be the ideal big sister you’ve been dreaming of.”
“Oh … I guess you’re right.”
~~~~
My whole body was numb from the blowing wind. My tears were freezing on my cheeks. I heard her feet crunching through the snow. She put her hand on my shoulder. I didn’t look up. I felt horrible. Mostly it was about the situation in which I'd found myself when I woke up this morning, but part of it was the fact that I had told my Mom that I hated her.
“Laura …”
“That’s not my name,” I snapped.
“Yes it is, Honey. Even if you don’t like it. But there’s nothing we can do about that now. MORFS puts people into situations that they never expect to be in. You just have to learn to accept this. I know with time that this will become easier for you.”
“Mom, I don’t want to accept this. I didn’t want to do any of the things you had done to me back at Margie’s.”
“Nothing was done to you against your will. You could have stopped Margie anytime you wanted,” she told me.
“Maybe, maybe not. But you could have talked to me about it first. I’m a man inside; you have no idea what this is like for me. I hate all of this. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.”
“Laura, you have to get used to all this. Girls get their hair and nails done. Girls wear makeup and pretty clothes. Society is going to expect the same from you, and your father and I aren’t going to let you just go around trying to fool yourself into thinking you can still act like a boy. Now get up! We have shopping to do. The makeup can wait for another day.”
I got up without a word and walked to the car. I got in, buckled up and stared out the window. ‘So both my parents want to force me to be a girl. What can I do? Run away? I have nowhere to go. None of my friends will know who I am. Same with family. Mom can have her way, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.’
~~~~
“How’s it going down here, sport?” asked Dad as he came into the room.
“I’ve got the painting done, I’m just trying to get this dresser put together. How’d it go at city hall?”
Dad came over ,and started helping me with the dresser. “We got all the paper work filled out but your mother, Laura and I all have to get a DNA test done so that we can prove that Laura is our daughter. Once we have the results from the test, they’ll process the paperwork and Laura will get her new ID.”
“So when do we have to go back to school?” I asked.
“Laura is going to be off school for a bit. I talked with your principal and Laura is going to have to take a bunch of aptitude tests to prove that she’s still at the same grade level as you. Once she’s done that, they’ll simply give her a copy of your existing transcript with her new name on it.” Dad looked over at me and gave me that grin that he has when he’s about to say something I’m not going to like. “Now Logan, you will be going back to school on Monday afternoon. You have your post-MORFS check up in the morning. Laura has her appointment with another doctor at the clinic at the same time. Once you two are done with that, you’ll both have your physical aptitude tests at the school to determine which gym class you’ll be going to. Tuesday morning you’ll be back to your regular classes.”
“I don’t get any extra time off?” I asked.
“You’ve already been off school for over a week. Tuesday you’ll be back, and with lots of catching up I would assume. We also want you to pick up a copy of your assignments for Laura.”
~~~~
“Come on Laura, just try and cheer up. Shopping can be lots of fun,” said Mom.
“I doubt it,” I mumbled.
“And stand up straight. Girls don’t slouch like that.”
“Fine!”
“First stop is to get you properly measured for your bras. Then once we’ve taken care of underwear, we’ll move on to outerwear, then shoes and accessories and makeup and we’ll be done.”
“Whatever! Let’s just get this over with.” Mom was shaking her head slightly. I know my attitude did not impress her. ‘There’s no way I’m letting this shopping trip drag on forever.’
As Mom had promised, the first stop was to get me some bras and panties. ‘Oh joy! Not.’ Even though I was now a girl, it felt weird to be walking into a lingerie store. Mom caught me staring at the pictures on the wall of the lingerie models, and elbowed me lightly to get me to stop. I was distracted looking around at all the foreign articles of clothing in the store while Mom talked with one of the store employees. A moment later I was being led into the changing rooms.
“Okay, I need you to take off your top so that I can measure you.” I pulled off the blue top and stood there in the camisole. The girl chuckled. “That needs to come off too. Don’t worry. It’s just us girls here.” I pulled off the camisole and she got to work taking her measurements. She had to tell me everything to do, where to put my arms, how to stand and all of that. After she had the information she needed, she left to get a few bras for me to try on. A few minutes later she returned with a few bras in different styles. She handed them to me and I just stood there looking at them. "Go ahead, try them on.”
“I uh… don’t know how,” I admitted to her.
“You used to be a boy didn’t you? Before MORFS I mean.”
I nodded. “I thought so. Here, give me that!” She took the bra from me and showed me how to put it on. “You’d be surprised how many boys end up in bras after they morf. I had a good friend in high school that became a boy though, so it does go both ways. Don’t worry, everyone gets used to it eventually. It’s not like you can go back, anyways. Just forget about what you were, and go on with your new life. How’s that feel?”
“I dunno, it’s not too tight. I definitely can feel the support.”
“Well, that is why we wear them. So anyways, my friend who became a boy, she just kinda stopped hanging around with her old friends, I think trying to help her forget that she had been a girl and that seemed to work for her. I mean, like, if you keep dwelling on your past and trying to still act like a boy then you’re never going to get used to being a girl.” She helped me into the next bra, leaving me to try and do it up. Not an easy task with these long nails.
“I don’t know if I can forget my past like most people would. I’m going to be confronted with it everyday. MORFS didn’t just turn me into a girl. Oh, this one feels better than the last one.”
“Ok, now try this one. What else did MORFS do?”
“My body actually split off of my old one, if that makes any sense, so now its like there’s two of me, like I’m a clone or something, except I became a girl, while my old body stayed the same. So now I’ve got a twin brother who gets to keep living my old life.”
“So let him live it. Go out and make new friends and live a new life. That’s all I can suggest.” She handed me the last bra and I tried it on. “How’s that one?”
“It’s comfortable, weird but comfortable. As I said, I don’t know if I can just forget my old life.”
“You’ll never know if you can until you try. You can leave that one on and then get dressed. You want to look for bras in a size 30B.”
She left and I put my top back on. She did have a point. I needed to let go of my life as Logan, but I just wasn’t ready to do that yet. I went back out into the store and found Mom with a basket full of underwear. She asked my opinion, but I didn’t have one. After being dragged around the store and having to try on things that I had never thought I would ever wear, we left the store. It was carrying the large pink bag that contained my eight new bras, nearly two dozen panties, and three nightgowns, all picked out by Mom.
I knew Mom wouldn’t buy me boys’ clothes or even tomboyish clothes but if I had to wear girls stuff I didn’t want her dressing me like a forty year old woman. So while I was trying to detach myself from reality I did have the common sense to make Mom go to the stores I used to buy my clothes at. Although I was now shopping on the female side of those stores, at least the clothing there would be in style. Mom was used to shopping with my sister Jadyn, who is a very feminine girl, so she continuously picked out the most feminine things available. I just tried to disappear into the background. Most of the stores found me standing off to the side, a disinterested look on my face with my arms folded across my chest while Mom rooted through the various racks. She was unrelenting though. She would constantly ask my opinion on different skirts or dresses that she liked or had me try on. It amazed me that she kept asking my opinion after comments from me like, “I hate it,” or, “it’s a skirt.”
It was at one of my favourite stores where I finally broke. Mom had me trying on a dress that I hated. I hated it because I looked way too hot in it. It was short, and it barely covered my boobs. If I wore that dress anywhere I would be nothing more than eye candy for the guys. “Mom, we’re not buying this. It’s too revealing. We’ve got enough dresses already anyways. Lets just buy me some pants and go home.”
“But you look so pretty in that dress,” she stated.
“No, I look sexy in this dress. I don’t want to look like this. Please, can we just get me some jeans? We haven’t bought any pants yet. I’m not trying on another skirt or dress until we buy me some pants.” I suddenly realized that I was standing there with my hands on my hips, like any other girl. ‘I can’t even get angry without doing it like a girl!’
“That’s fine, we’ll get you some pants. All you had to do was ask, but you’ve been to busy sulking. Go pick out some pants and tops to try on. I’ll help you find the right size.”
‘I swear Mom is just doing this to screw with me.’ I went over to where the jeans were and started looking for a pair that I liked. I usually buy my jeans at this store but there’s a huge difference between the guys’ and girls’ jeans. The girls’ jeans were all designed to fit tightly with a low-rise waist. ‘It’s better than wearing a skirt,’ I thought as I picked out a few pairs in the size Mom suggested. I grabbed a few tee shirts and then headed to the change rooms. I was about to put on the first pair of jeans when Mom stuck her hand in over the door.
“You’ll have to wear this with a pair of tight pants like those,” she half whispered. Hanging from her hand was a scrap of light blue fabric. I grabbed it and held it up in front of me. It was a thong. I let out a loud sigh and exchanged the panties I had been wearing for the thong. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world but I figured that I’d have to get used to it if it meant I could wear pants. I pulled on the pants and was met with another new feeling; tight fitting pants. They weren’t that bad. Despite how snug they were, they were pretty comfortable. Once again I went out and modeled them for Mom. I did the same with another three pairs of jeans, a pair of what Mom called capri pants and a few pairs of other girls’ pants. We bought all the pants that fit me, along with the skirts and dresses we liked from that store.
Mom reassured me that we were almost done as we lugged our purchases out to the car before returning to the mall. We stopped in the food court before we finished our shopping and got ourselves a late lunch. I felt famished and Mom let me order what I normally would. We sat down at a table and I started into my triple bacon cheeseburger. I managed to get about three quarters of the burger eaten before I couldn’t eat anymore. I picked at my fries but left them mostly untouched. “Go ahead and say it, Mom, you know you want to.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, it’s just the first time that I’ve seen you leave food uneaten.”
“Can we finish shopping and go home? I need some alone time.”
“Sure we can. We only have a few thing left to get.”
her ‘few things’, turned into ten pairs of shoes, most of which I couldn’t even walk in due to the heels, a bunch of jewelry that I didn’t want, several purses, belts and hats. Our last stop was at a drug store where Mom loaded up a basket with all sorts of make up, hair accessories, a curling iron and a blow dryer. I stayed as far away as I could when she was picking out the makeup. Luckily, the only thing she made me help with was finding a foundation that was the right color for my skin tone.
I started to feel nauseous again when she tossed a package of tampons and pads into the basket. ‘Maybe I should get myself a hysterectomy,’ I mused to myself. ‘No way Mom and Dad would let me do that.’
~~~~
“Laura has the coolest room,” exclaimed Jadyn as she finished making Laura’s new bed.
“She’d better like it, after all the work I did.” I looked around the room. It was a really nice looking room, but it was definitely a girls’ room. ‘She’s gonna hate this room if she really thinks like I do.’
“Logan?” called Dad. “I need your help bringing some things downstairs.” I went up stairs and into the garage. Sitting in the back of Dad’s truck was a bathtub, a big bathtub.
“What’s that for? Don’t tell me she’s getting her own bathroom too,” I complained.
“Just help me get it in the basement. You can be jealous later.”
~~~~
We pulled into the driveway and loaded our selves up with as many bags as we could and then hurried inside. Mom sent Jadyn and Logan outside to get the rest of the bags.
Dad was waiting for us at the top of the basement stairs. “Ok Laura, ready to see your new room?” I nodded.
“Ok, put your bags down here and go downstairs and close your eyes.” I put down the bags and followed Mom and Dad down the stairs. I closed my eyes and covered them with my hands.
Dad led me over to the doorway and told me to open my eyes. I was shocked. The room was huge. The walls were all painted in ‘shimmering lime’ and the floor was covered in a thick white shag carpet. There was a long 8-drawer dresser up against one wall and a vanity with a lighted mirror on another. Both of those were in white. There was a white love seat over in one corner. The other corner of the room was built out to create a walk in closet.
What really caught my eye though, was the bed. It was bigger than my old one. It was made with what looked like pink silk sheets and a thick pink and light green comforter. Suspended from the ceiling and draping around the bed was sheer pink fabric, which made it look like one of those canopy beds.
“Well what do you think?” asked Mom.
“I like the room, but why is my bed pink?”
Just then Jadyn and Logan came down the stairs with a load of bags. Jadyn rushed over to my side. “Laura, do you like your new room? Do you like your bed? Dad let me pick out the sheets and everything for you. Isn’t it the coolest?”
I looked over at Dad who nodded, confirming that she was telling me the truth. My sister was beaming at me. “Yeah, Jadyn, I like it. Thanks for picking it out.” I gave my sister a one armed hug and her smile got even bigger. We hauled all my new clothes into the room and sat the bags in my closet. I noticed that there was a door between my bed and my closet and asked Dad why my room had two doors.
“That’s going to be the door to your bathroom. It’s not finished yet. It needs painting and a floor, but the toilet and the sink are both hooked up. So you can use those, but you’ll have to shower upstairs until I get the tub installed and the shower piped in.”
~~~~
I had gone up stairs as soon as Jadyn and Laura started putting everything away in her closet. I still couldn’t believe all the stuff Mom and Dad had bought for her. It just wasn’t fair. They must have spent a fortune on all that stuff. I sat in the living room watching TV for about an hour before Mom dragged me into the kitchen to help with dinner. Of course Laura didn’t have to help. She just got to sit around in her new room.
I was standing at the kitchen counter making a salad, still brooding over how unfair it was that Laura got spoiled. The anger that had been building inside suddenly changed to an intense feeling of hopelessness, and I felt like I was going to cry. I was surprised by the change in emotions, but at the same time, felt strangely detached from these new feelings. I tried ignoring the feelings and after a few minutes they went away as quickly as they had appeared. ‘weird.’
~~~~
Jadyn was quite enthusiastic about helping me put away all my new clothes. Of course she had to go on and on about every single thing she put away. With the two of us both working, we managed to get everything put away in record time. I had to almost force Jadyn to leave the room in order to have some time to myself.
I sat down heavily on my bed and let out a deep sigh. ‘I don’t want this life… I wish I was still a boy, but there’s little hope of that ever happening again.’ As that thought sunk in, the tears began to build again. The despair sat deep in the pit of my stomach as I curled up and cried into my pillows.
~~~~
“Laura, dinner time!” Dad called from the top of the stairs. I had run out of tears about half an hour ago and after a check in the mirror, decided my eyes weren’t red enough to suggest I had been crying. I took a deep breath and went up stairs and into the dining room. I was the last one to arrive … and all the seats were full, only six places having been set.
“Mikey, why did you only set the table for six?” asked Dad.
“I forgot there were seven now,” he admitted.
“Logan, go get a chair for you sister,” said Dad. I was still just standing there feeling awkward. Apparently everyone else had forgotten about me, if they hadn’t noticed Mike’s mistake.
“Why do I have to get her a chair?” snapped Logan. “Mikey is the one who forgot.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I found myself saying. “I wasn’t hungry anyways.” I quickly retreated back to the basement while Mom called after me and Dad lectured Logan.
A few minutes later there was a soft knocking on my bedroom door. I didn’t respond, so Mom opened the door and came in. She sat beside me on the loveseat. “Laura, please come up for dinner.”
“I said, I’m not hungry!”
“Honey, I know you’re hurting inside, but no one did that on purpose. It was just a mistake. Your brother feels really bad about what happened. Please come up stairs.”
“Which of my brothers feels bad? The one who forgot I was part of the family, or the one who couldn’t be bothered to get off his ass and help me feel welcome in my own damn house?” I spat bitterly.
“Laura, you know we don’t approve of that kind of language in this house. Now both of them are sorry. Mikey feels really bad. He hasn’t even got much of a chance to even get to know you, and now he thinks that his new big sister hates him. Please come have dinner with us.”
“Mom … I just can’t go back up there. I can’t.” I did feel bad for little Mikey, but the way Logan had acted really hurt me a lot. ‘We may have been the same person, but now we’re apparently not that much alike. He’s being a jerk!’
“It’s been a hard day. I understand.” Mom stood up and left the room without another word and I went back to sulking. I looked around my room and realized that there wasn’t really anything to do in there. No TV, no stereo, no computer. I decided I’d have to get my old stuff from Logan’s room. I heard someone coming downstairs again and a moment later my door opened and Mom came in carrying a tray with a plate of food on it.
“I know you didn’t want to eat with the family, but you do need to eat something.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Mom left the room and I slowly ate my dinner. I still couldn’t shake the way I was feeling. It seemed I was just an inconvenience to the rest of my family. I had toyed with the thought earlier in the day, and now the idea of running away didn’t seem so crazy. I had no idea where I would run to, but maybe I could start a new life somewhere else. Somewhere where I wouldn’t be reminded of my old life. ‘I doubt that I’d even be missed. They could just go back to how things used to be.’
~~~~
Roselle Miller got into bed beside her husband and started to knead her temples with her fingers. Her husband, Nathan, was busy going through their budget.
“I have such a headache,” said Roselle. “This has been quite a day.”
“I know exactly how you feel, Honey. I am way too old to me lugging around bathtubs and all that.”
“This is definitely a strange situation we’ve found ourselves in. We had agreed we were done having children.”
“I only agreed to that because I didn’t want to have to change anymore diapers,” Nathan remarked as he chuckled softly. “If I had known our next child would be born as a teenager, then I would have been happy to have another kid. The only problem with that is, that we haven’t really budgeted for another teenager in the family. Especially not another teenage girl.”
“We’ll find a way to make everything work out. We always have. Besides, once she see the doctor, we can get a letter from him and then we’ll get that MORFS rebate from the government. That should cover the cost of building the new room and all the clothing we got her today.”
“You kept all the receipts, right?” asked Nathan.
“Of course I kept the receipts! So what are we going to do about Logan? He’s definitely not helping Laura adjust. That outburst at dinner really hurt her.”
“We just need to get the two of them to be friends. They’re the same person mentally, it can’t be that hard.”
“Hon, you know how stubborn Logan is. He and Laura are just going to butt heads if we try to force them to be friends. I think our first priority is just to get Logan to accept that he has a sister now, and that he needs to be there for her right now.”
“Roselle, it’s going to take time for all of us. I’m as guilty of it as the rest of us. Did either of us notice that Mikey had forgotten about Laura? No, because we had, too. It’s going to take a while to get used to having a family of seven.”
~~~~
Laura exited the bathroom and made her way quietly towards the basement steps. As she passed her parent’s room, she heard them talking. She stopped at door to listen.
“Nate, I know we couldn’t foresee any of this, but like it or not, Laura is here to stay and she is part of this family.”
“I know that. All I said is that it’s going to take time to get used to her being around. I never said I didn’t care about her. In fact I’m really worried about her. She’s going through something I couldn’t even fathom. But its pretty easy to see how depressed all this is making her. I think you may have gone a bit over the top with the salon and shopping today.”
“I just want her to be able to fit in with the other girls her age. I want her to be able to make friends. Her appearance has a lot to do with that. I mean, I was shocked when the doctors told us what was going on, but when we found her crying in the hall this morning, she just had this look in her eyes that proved she was our child and I just fell in love with her. Just like I did when I gave birth to all of our other children and looked in their faces for the first time. That’s why I was pushing her to accept who she is. She’s a beautiful, special person and she deserves the best. I may have pushed her a bit hard today, but it was all out of love and I hope she realizes that.”
“I love her too, Rosie. I just want to see her smile.”
~~~~
Laura brushed away the few tears that were running down her face. ‘Mom and Dad love me. I guess I can’t run away after all.’ She quietly made it to the stairs and went to her room. As she got into bed and pulled the soft covers around herself, she closed her eyes and fell asleep with a smile on her face.
~~~~
To Be Continued …
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MORFS has left Laura in a strange situation. She's now the female idential twin of her former male self. If that wasn't bad enough, everyone around her is pushing her to accept her new life as a girl, but is that what she really wants ...?
Chapter 2
I awoke to the banging on the ceiling as Mikey and Joannah ran around the main floor of the house. Sleepily, I rolled out of my bed and staggered towards the bathroom. Walking across the bare concrete of my bathroom floor woke me up enough that I caught myself before I tried to pee standing up. I looked around the room as I sat on the toilet. It was clear that the room was still under construction. There were boxes of tiles in the corner with a can of paint sitting on top of them. The tub was leaning against the wall. It was one of those big Jacuzzi tubs and while I wasn’t exactly a bath person, I was excited to be getting that in my new bathroom.
I finished up and washed my hands before heading back into my room. Washing my hands reminded me that I needed to do something about these nails. I went over to my vanity and started rummaging through the various cosmetics Mom had bought. After a short search, I came across the nail kit I was looking for. I contemplated cutting them short, but Mom would be sure to notice that. Instead, I cut them down to a more manageable length and then filed down the sharp edges left from the clippers. The nails were still a lot longer than I was used to, but at least now I would be able to use my fingers more normally.
I felt I was modestly dressed in the pajamas I was wearing, but since it was cold in the mornings, I grabbed the bathrobe we had bought and put it on as I went upstairs.
Mom was cleaning up in the kitchen as I walked in. Dad was sitting at the table and was the first to notice me. “Good morning sleepyhead.”
“Morn’n Dad, Mom. What’s for breakfast?”
“That depends on what you’re making yourself,” said Mom.
I let out an audible sigh and started pouring myself some cereal and ignored Mom and Dad while I ate. I could tell they were watching me and it was getting really annoying. Every time I looked up, they would act as if they hadn’t been watching me. I couldn’t really blame them for it though. I was a new person in the house and I’m sure that they weren’t really sure how to deal with me yet.
When Logan came into the kitchen and started making his breakfast, I took that as my opportunity and quickly put my dishes in the sink before leaving the room. I quietly made my way past the stairs and down the hall to Logan’s room.
I walked in the room and headed straight to the things I wanted. First was the computer. I unplugged it from the wall and turned off the projection screen. Next I grabbed my stereo and a bunch of my music. I put my favourite baseball hat on and then picked up the football I had got for Christmas along with my favourite jersey. My arms were pretty full so I quietly exited the room and went down into the basement, where I set up the computer and stereo and put the rest of the stuff in my closet. I kept the hat on as it held my long hair out of my face.
I turned on the computer and cranked up my music. I set about changing the passwords on my email to something Logan wouldn’t guess and changing my profile. I had just finished when Logan came bursting into my room.
“Hey, you ever heard of knocking? What if I was getting changed?” I yelled at him.
“So what?” he replied.
“I’m a girl, Logan. You can’t just bust in her.”
“I don’t care, I want my stuff back,” he said.
“What stuff would that be?”
“You know what I mean. My computer, stereo and that hat you’re wearing. And I’m sure you took some other things, too,” he accused.
“These are my things, too, I don’t have to give anything back!” I shouted at him.
“If you don’t give them back, I’ll take them back.” I stood up and walked up to him. He was a little taller than me and definitely outweighed me.
“Oh yeah? You gonna fight with a girl?” I challenged.
“Just give me back my stuff … NOW!” He tried to grab the hat off my head but I ducked and pushed him back a few steps. “Bitch!” He rushed forward and shoved me back. His hands hit me in the chest and I was surprised at how much it had hurt. I brought my arms up around my breasts as I fell backwards onto the floor.
“You are such a bastard!” Tears were stinging my eyes again and my first impulse was to hit him. But then I got a better idea. I inhaled deeply and smirked at him before yelling, “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!”
Within a minute, Mom and Dad rushed into my room. I had let the tears start to flow and Logan was just standing there as he realized what was happening.
“What is going on in here?” Mom shrieked as she came over to my side. I was still hugging my chest, but pried away an arm long enough to point at Logan.
“He … he hit me!” I sobbed.
“I … she … but ... she took my stuff…” he stammered.
“Logan, did you hit your sister?” asked Dad.
“All I did was push her, AFTER she pushed me.”
“He hit me in the chest. He’s not supposed to hit girls.”
“Logan, go to your room!” Dad ordered
“But what about the stuff she took? I want it back,” demanded Logan.
“It’s my stuff, too, Logan.”
“Logan, do as your father told you. We’ll worry about what belongs to who, later,” said Mom.
Logan glared at me before turning and stomping angrily up the stairs.
“Laura, we’ll talk to Logan about his behavior towards you. But you can’t antagonize him like that and expect him not to retaliate, just because you’re a girl. Yes, he’s not supposed to hit girls, but that doesn’t mean you can hit him. Now, are you ok?” Mom asked.
I nodded my head as I stood up.
“We’re going to have to figure out who gets to keep what, as both of you feel you own all of your old things,” said Dad. “I think you’ll get the eCom though, until we can get another one. I don’t want you being out without a way to get a hold of you.”
“Dad, I can take care of myself,” I protested.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I don’t trust the other people out there. It’s not always safe for a young woman. Especially with all these Morfs, thinking they can do whatever they want because they have special powers.” Dad gave me a hug. “Why don’t you go get ready for the day while your mother and I talk with Logan?”
“Okay, Dad.”
~~~~
“Logan, your mother and I are very disappointed in your behavior. We understand that you were angry, and since Laura thinks like you do, she’s really going to be able to push your buttons, but that is never an excuse to hit her. Do I make myself clear?” inquired Dad.
I sat there quietly and nodded my head. “Good.”
“Now Honey, we didn’t consider that Laura would take things from your room. That’s our fault for not working that out before you two got to fighting. However, she does have as much claim on those things as you do. I imagine there’s a lot of sentimental value for her in the things in your room. It’s a link to her past, and right now she’s feeling bad because she feels she doesn’t belong in her own life. That is why we asked you to help her.” Can you do that?” Mom hugged me as she asked, "Can you do that?” ”.
I nodded again.
“Now, you’re not going to be punished for hitting her this time, as long as you apologize to your sister and promise it won’t happen again. . Okay?”
“Okay, Mom, I promise.”
~~~~
I was sitting at my vanity, wrapped in a towel, trying to brush out my wet hair when there was a knock at my bedroom door. It was the same way I usually knocked, so I knew it was Logan. “Just a minute Logan, I’m just getting dressed.” I rushed over to my dresser and pulled on my panties, picked up a bra and dashed into my closet. I wiggled into a pair of jeans, put on the bra and then pulled a thick purple knit sweater over my head. “Okay, you can come in.”
I walked out of my closet as Logan entered my room. Her walked over to my love seat and sat down. “Laura, I … uh… I’m sorry about earlier. If you want to share some of our stuff, then that’s fine with me. I just was angry that you didn’t ask first.” somehow, I knew he was being sincere.
I smiled at him, “Thanks Logan, that means a lot that you’re willing to share with me. This is just really hard for me. Everything is new and different and it’s nice to have something that’s familiar.”
“So what’s it like?”
“What’s what like? I asked.
“Being a girl, what’s it like?”
“Well, I’ve only been a girl for like one day but as far as I can tell, it kind of sucks. I mean, Mom expects me to be her pretty little daughter and to act like a lady. Meanwhile, I have no idea how to do anything like a girl. Long hair is a pain in the ass. So are long nails and I’m not even attempting to figure out makeup.”
“You’re going to have to though, right? I mean all the girls at school wear makeup.”
“Please don’t remind me of school. I am so not looking forward to having to wear that stupid school skirt everyday.”
“It can’t be that bad …”
“I’ve got lots of skirts, you want to wear one?” I offered.
“Hell no! By the way, I can see your bra through that sweater,” he told me.
“Damn it!” I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a white camisole. It only took me a minute to duck into my closet and put it on under the sweater. I walked back over to the loveseat and sat down next to Logan. “Better?”
“Yeah, it’s better. So I doubt we’ll be making it into the advanced gym class after our tests. Unless you’ve noticed some super powers that I haven’t.” I shook my head. “So now that you’re a girl and I’m not fat anymore, you’re going to help me find a girlfriend, right?”
“And just why would I do that?” I laughed.
“Because you want to, I dunno. I’ll help you find a boyfriend,”
I glared at him for that remark.
“Or a girlfriend,” he quickly added. “Whichever one you want.”
“Honestly, I have no desire to be in a relationship right now. I’ve got to get used to just being who I am, first.”
Logan nodded his agreement. “Well, I’m gonna go get a shower. But we should hang out today.”
“Okay.” Logan and I stood up and he left the room. I went back to my vanity and back to work on my hair. I managed to get all the tangles out and then pulled it up into a ponytail. I went back over to my desk and turned on the stereo. I turned up the volume as one of my favourite songs started to play. I fell back onto my bed and lost myself in the music.
~~~~
The day passed quickly as Logan and I helped Dad work on my bathroom. We managed to get the bathroom painted and the tub hooked up and in place, finishing up just in time for dinner. Jadyn had remembered how many places to set tonight, so I was actually feeling kind of happy for a change.
“So, Laura Kyle called and invited me to go see a movie with the guys tonight,” Logan asked tentatively. “You wanna come with?”
“I dunno …” I was hesitant to face my friends.
“Go on, Laura,” said Mom. “You need to get out of the house and have some fun.”
“But I …”
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you get ready after dinner,” interrupted Mom.
“That’s not what …” I started, but then decided to give up, “Fine, I’ll go.”
~~~~
Mom rushed me down to my room as soon as we finished dinner, and started going through my closet selecting the clothing she thought I should wear to the movies.
“Mom,” I said, and then waited for her to give me her attention. “I’m not wearing a skirt or a dress tonight. One, its winter and pants will be warmer. And two, I’m going with a bunch of my old guy friends. I want them to see that I’m still the same person on the inside, and wearing a skirt isn’t going to help me accomplish that.”
“That’s fine, Honey, but I want you to at least do something with your hair and maybe a bit of makeup,” replied Mom.
I let out a loud sigh of frustration. “Mom, I am not wearing makeup!”
“You won’t even notice that you’re wearing it and I’ll keep it nice and light. If you think it’s too much when I’m done, then I’ll help you take it off.”
“Alright.” I decided I would keep on the jeans I was already wearing, but Mom insisted I wear a different top. I rejected the first two tops because they showed off my boobs too much. I suggested just wearing a tee shirt and Mom agreed, after I compromised for a like, pink one. Since it was cold out, I figured I just wear a jacket to cover up the top.
“Okay, Laura, hair first, and then makeup.” Mom pointed to the seat at my vanity and I sat down. Not being completely clueless, I pulled out my hair out of its ponytail while Mom plugged in the curling iron we had bought the day before. “Now I want you to pay attention to how I do this, because you’re going to have to learn to do this yourself.” Mom brushed out my hair for a few minutes and then started sectioning off my hair and winding them around the curling iron. She didn’t curl all my hair, but once she was done and brushed my hair out again, it had soft waves all over.
“Okay, now for makeup. You have a really nice complexion, so we’ll skip foundation for now. Now since we want to keep it looking natural, we’re just going to uses some brown tones for your eyes. We’ll start with just a little bit of eyeliner using this pencil.” Having her run the eyeliner across the edge of my eyelid was surprisingly ticklish and I had a hard time keeping my eye open like she wanted me to. Once that was done, she used her finger to smudge the line a bit so that it didn’t stand out as much. Next she put on a few shades of eye shadow. She did one eye at a time so that I could watch. She worked quickly continuing to explain what she was doing.
Mascara was next and was just as ticklish as the eyeliner had been. Mom explained that we were using brown mascara because I was blonde and we were going for a natural look, but that for a more dramatic look I could use black mascara. “Now I’m just going to use a clear gloss on your lips tonight instead of using a lipstick.” She spread on the gloss and then stepped back while I looked in the mirror. The makeup was pretty much unnoticeable, just like Mom had promised and I decided I’d leave it on.
“Laura, we gotta go!” yelled Logan from upstairs.
“I’m coming!” I yelled back. “Thanks for helping me Mom.”
~~~~
“I wish Dad would’ve let me drive,” I complained.
“You don’t have a license, remember?” Logan replied.
“Technicalities, that’s all that is. So who all is coming?” “Well, Kyle of course, Brandon, Eric, Lance and Jack.” Logan pulled into the theater parking lot and started trying to find a place to park.
“So I’m going to be the only girl there.”
“Some of the guys might have their girlfriends with them. I dunno. Does it really even matter?”
“I feel a little insecure around guys now, okay?”
~~~~
Logan had to stifle his laughter as he looked over at Laura, who seemed to be hyperventilating. “Laura, calm down. They’re our friends. No one is going to hurt you or make fun of you.”
“Logan, what … what if they hit on me?” she asked nervously.
“Honestly, once they know who you are, I seriously doubt that would happen. Even if it does, all you have to do is tell them you’re not interested. Girls have turned us down in the past, so you know how they do it. You’ll be fine.”
“Just stay with me okay?” He nodded.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
~~~~
“Hey Logan!” shouted Kyle. We already had our tickets and headed over to where the guys were sitting. I noticed right away that there weren’t any girls sitting with the guys. “Hey Logan,” inquired Kyle as we reached the table. “Who’s your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, I thought this was guys night out,” said Lance.
“She’s not my girlfriend. This is my sister. Guys meet Laura. Laura, you know the guys.”
“Logan, what are you on? We all know you don’t have a sister our age,” Brandon stated.
I decided to jump in and get the introductions over with. “We’re twins. We had MORFS and split into two different people with the same memories. For some reason, I ended up as a girl. So you don’t have to act as if I’m a stranger. I remember all of you. Just treat me like you do Logan, and we’ll be cool.”
“That is the strangest Morf I’ve ever heard of, but that’s coming from a guy who has x-ray vision,” remarked Eric.
“Well let’s get our seats before they’re all taken.”
~~~~
“You guys wanna grab some food?” Logan inquired as we left the theater. All the guys thought it was a great idea. We ended up at the pizza place across from the theater. After we’d ordered our pizza, Kyle started a casual conversation about the movie. I tried to add my opinion but was pretty much ignored. As I looked over at Logan, I realized I was jealous of him. He was talking and telling jokes like he ( I ) always did. However, on the other hand, I was rudely being excluded from the conversation.
When 0ur pizza arrived, that pretty much killed all conversation. As I ate, I realized I was getting depressed again, and fast. I took as long as possible to eat the one slice of pizza I took. Lance was sitting across from me and I’d caught him looking at me a few times and he wasn’t looking me in the eyes. It was creeping me out and I tried to cover myself by crossing my arms.
The pizza disappeared quickly and Brandon, Kyle and Eric went over to play a game of pool. Lance, of course, started talking to Logan again. Once again, I was excluded from the conversation, yet Lance continued to glace over at me while he was talking. It was driving me crazy.
“Hey!” I said, but Lance kept talking as if I hadn’t said a word. I slammed my hand on the table and raised my voice a bit, “Hey!” This time Logan and Lance stopped talking and looked over at me. “I’ve been sitting here the whole time and not once have I been included. Why are all of you ignoring me? I’m just the same as Logan!”
“Because girls are nothing more than something pretty to look at, I could care less how you feel or what you think,” said Lance with a perverted grin on his face as he again looked at my chest.
I was stunned by the blatant remark he had made. As I slid out of the booth and started to walk away, Logan slid out behind me and put his hand on my arm.
Lance stood and walked back into my line of sight. “Oh, is the poor little girl going to run off and cry?” he taunted. Logan stepped between us.
“Lance, you shut your mouth, you bastard! If I ever hear you talk to her like that again …”
“Logan!” I said, as I moved beside him, “I don’t need you to fight my battles!” I turned and look up into Lance’s eyes. He still had that smug look on his face. “And you! You think its funny to try and demean me? You think you’re better than me because I’m a girl?”
“Ooh, you’ve got some guts, babe. What say you and me have a little fun?”
“You know, I’d like that,” I said sweetly as I took a step forward and slammed my knee into his crotch. He bent forward in pain as all boys do and I followed it with an uppercut I the face. He fell to the ground in pain. The aggression I’d felt was quickly replaced with anger, and again my eyes started to water. Pushing past Logan, I ran out of the restaurant. As I went through the door, I heard Lance yelling "I'll get you for this, Bitch!"
I made it to the car and collapsed against the door as I let myself cry out the pain. “All my friends are gone! All I am to them is some strange girl who they don’t know …’
~~~~
“Laura, are you alright?”
“Just take me home, Logan.”
“What Lance said …”
“I know that’s not how you feel, okay? You don’t have to tell me that or apologize for something you didn’t do.” Logan helped me up and we got in the car. We were silent as he navigated out of the parking lot and headed towards home.
“Well I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you.”
“You should be. I don’t need you protecting me. I’m not some defenseless little girl who need her brother to make anything bad go away.”
“Laura, I …”
“I’m done talking!” I interrupted.
~~~~
The next morning I awoke just as angry as I had been when I’d gone to bed. I still couldn’t get over how my former friends had treated me. What made me even angrier was that Logan hadn’t done anything to help me feel accepted, but then tried to come to my rescue when Lance said what he did. ‘Why the hell does he think I need him protecting me like that?”
I took my time getting ready before going upstairs. Mom had breakfast ready as I entered the kitchen. I took my plate and sat as far from Logan as I could. I didn’t say a word and neither did he. I could feel how uncomfortable he was. Mom tried to find out how our trip to the movies was, but didn’t press the subject when neither of us answered.
After breakfast, Mom, Dad, Logan and I got in the car and headed to our doctor’s appointments. First on the agenda was to take a DNA sample from Mom and Dad and me and send them off to the lab for a rush paternity test. With that out of the way, Dad led Logan into the waiting room of our regular family doctor, while Mom led me down the hall and into another waiting room.
“Mom, why am I going to a different doctor than Logan?” I asked.
“Laura, as a girl you have different medical needs that our family doctor isn’t specialized in. Dr. Jennings is qualified to perform the required post-MORFS tests for you.”
“You mean, like, tests with my … vagina?”
Mom laughed at question. “Yes, I guess you could say that. Dr. Jennings is an OBGYN. She’s the one you’ll see for any feminine problems.”
“Do I have to have these tests done? I don’t want anyone seeing … those areas.”
“Laura, she’s a doctor. She does this everyday. If it helps you feel better, I’ll come in with you, but you do have to get these tests done.”
~~~~
“So how’d your physical go?” Logan asked after Mom and Dad had dropped us off at the school.
“It was the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me before. Let’s just say that I’ll be doing everything I can to avoid future gynecological appointments. I’d gladly take the whole turn and cough deal over having someone stick a speculum in down there.”
“Hey, I know how you feel. Doc Roberts gave me a prostate exam this time. So let’s please not talk about sticking things in anywhere.”
I had to laugh at Logan’s comment and then realized that I was talking to him when I was supposed to be mad at him.
“It’s nice to hear you laugh and to have you talking to me again,” he said as if reading my mind.
“Okay, you’re off the hook for now. Just treat me as an equal is all I’m asking for.”
“I think I can do that. So about last night …”
“Logan, I’m still mad about that. I can’t hang out with guys like that,” I said. “It was pretty obvious that they don’t want me as a friend.”
“That’s not true, what Lance said …”
“Don’t you dare defend him! What he said hurt a lot, Logan. It was rude and sexist and … and… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I opened the door to the gym and walked in. “We’re done talking about this, it just makes me mad.”
~~~~
Logan and I were subjected to all sorts of different physical aptitude tests for over an hour. As they were designed to sort out Morfs that had advanced abilities, the two of us did very poorly. By the time we were done Logan had to practically dragg me out of the gym because I was so tired.
We met Mom and Dad down in the main office, where they were taking care of some paper work. I found a seat and dropped into it, closed my eyes and I guess I fell asleep as a little while later, Mom had to shake me to wake me up. I followed my parents and Logan out to the car.
“Laura, you’re going to have the next two weeks off of school. Every few days you’ll have to go in and write an exam for each of your classes to prove that you’re as educated as Logan. Since you’ll be writing so many of them, you’ll have days off in between exams for you to have some time to study,” Mom told me.
I let out an annoyed groan, which made everyone in the car laugh. “Now we’re going to get the two of you some new school uniforms. So we expect you to behave.”
“Wait,” said Logan. “ Why do I need new uniforms?”
“Son, you have noticed that you’ve lost some weight through MORFS, right?” asked Dad.
“Hey! Don’t refer to me as weight!” I said in mock anger.
“You know that’s not what I meant Laura,” replied Dad. “Logan, you’re thinner now than you were before you put on weight for MORFS, so you needs some new uniforms as much as Laura does.”
When we arrived at the store that sold the school uniforms, Mom led me over to the girl’s section. I followed Mom around as she picked out a few school shirts, two long sleeved blouses and two sweaters. A saleslady came over and took the tops from Mom and hung them up in a changing room for me. While she did that, Mom made her way over to the school skirts. They were essentially a short kilt by design, in a gray and burgundy plaid. The ones on the rack were long enough to come to the knee but they were un-hemmed and most of the girls in school wore them pretty short. As a guy, I had liked seeing those skirts ending at mid thigh on the girls at school, but now the thought of having to wear one to school each day was terrifying.
With all the main parts of a uniform picked out, I was led to the changing room and asked to try on and model everything. I picked the school shirts first. I’d be wearing these most of the time, as they were nothing more than a golf shirt with the school logo embroidered over the left breast. They were as close to boys’ clothes as I was going to get at school. I pulled it on and looked in the mirror. The shirt was snug but I knew it was supposed to fit like that. Like all my new tops, it hugged my waist and emphasized my breasts.
Next I put on the school skirt. It was a little confusing at first. It had two leather straps with buckles at the sides and it took me a few tries to get it put on right. I opened the door and stepped out of the changing room. Mom and the saleslady immediately began fussing over me. I had to stand on a small pedestal while the sales lady pinned up the hem. I complained that it was too short but the saleslady assured Mom that this was how all the girls wore the skirts. With the hem pinned up I was sent back to change tops. When I returned the second time, this time wearing the sweater, I saw that Logan and Dad had joined Mom. Logan was holding a few pairs of pants in his arms.
‘It figures he’d be done shopping already while I have to try everything on for Mom to see,’ I thought as I modeled the sweater. I went back and forth between modeling and the change room before I was able to put my jeans and top back on. The drive home was uneventful and I made myself busy until dinner by putting away my uniform stuff in my closet.
~~~~
Tuesday morning I awoke and just lay in my bed staring at the pink sheers draped around my bed from the ceiling. ‘Today, I can finally just be myself. Mom and Dad are both back at work and everyone else is at school.’
I eventually got out of bed and showered,. dried myself off and went back into my room. I pulled on a pair of boy short panties in a vain attempt at wearing something similar to boys’ underwear for a change. I pulled out my one pair of jeans that weren’t tight fitting. They were a girls’ wide leg style so they were still obviously girls’ pants, but other than hugging my hips a bit, they were pretty boyish. I debated on whether to wear a bra or not. In the end I decided on a tight sports bra under a loose tee shirt.
I went upstairs and started making myself some eggs for breakfast. There was a note on the counter from Mom:
‘Laura,
Don’t spend too much time in front of the TV. Make sure you study for your first exam on Thursday. I also want you to practice doing your makeup and hair in your spare time.
Love, Mom’
The note quickly made its way to the trash. ‘Like I’m really going to practice wearing makeup.’ I finished making my eggs and sat down in front of the TV to eat them. I flipped channels while I ate. Not much was on and I ended up watching some talk show that had a group of Morfed guests. The first few guests were teens not much older than myself. They all got off lucky compared to me. The next guest really caught my attention.
They showed a picture of him from before MORFS and one of him after. The after shot was completely different looking. His hair was a different colour and his facial features had changed completely. They gave some information on how he had been treated by others due to his Morf and then he made his entrance on to the set. I had the same shocked reaction as the audience. He looked just like his before picture.
He went on to talk to the host about how he looked the way he did. Through years of various surgeries, he had been able to reclaim his old life. He talked about how friends and family who had shunned him had accepted him back. That struck a chord with me. I just wanted acceptance of who I really was. I don’t exactly feel like I did as Logan, but I really don’t feel like a girl either.
The show went to commercial and I sat there thinking about what I really wanted out of life.
~~~~
“Hey! How’s your sister doing?” asked Kyle who was sitting beside me in math class.
“She acts like she’s doing okay. You know, coping with the Morf and all that. I just have a feeling that she’s not being honest with us about how she really feels about it. Supposedly she thinks the same way I do, but if I had changed into a girl, I would be fighting it all the way.”
“Well she seemed pretty cool the other night. Except after what Lance said.”
“Well don’t expect her to hang out with us anymore,” I said. “She pretty much thinks that all the guys feel the same way that Lance does.”
“You told her what we did to Lance after you two left, right?”
“Kyle, she won’t talk to me about it or let me even explain. She’s still really mad about the whole thing. I barely got her talking to me again,” I stated as I thought back to yesterday. The bell rang and we gathered up our books and out into the hall.
“I guess we just give her time then?” asked Kyle.
“I think that would be best.”
“Hey!” I turned around and found myself face to face with Lance. He had two black eyes and the side of his face was bruised. “Where’s your damn sister?”
“She’s at home, Lance. What the hell do you want anyway?” I asked.
“I wanted to tell that little bitch to …”
I moved forward quickly and pinned him against the lockers that lined the hallways. My hand was on his neck and I squeezed it until he stopped talking. “Nobody calls Laura that. You hear me? If I ever hear that you so much as say her name, I will make you regret it!”
~~~~
The next guest they had on the show was a specialist in post-MORFS behavior. She was saying that most people are poorly treated after morfing and that most of the time, it wasn’t intended to hurt those people.
“The trend in most parts of the world is to force these children who have morfed to accept that they don’t have a choice in how to live after MORFS. Forcing someone into certain social norms is what doctors counsel parents to do. It’s what MORFS counselors are trained to instruct their patients to do and the government covers up the suicide statistics of recently morfed teens in this country.
“Accepting what MORFS has done to you and accepting someone else’s ideal of how you should live the rest of your life, are completely separate. In some parts of the world, absolute hybrids are sent to live in the wild as an animal. This country put a stop to that practice as being unconstitutional. Yet, just last year you could read in the paper about a fourteen year old who had morfed as a water elemental and been practically chased out of town by his former neighbors who felt it would be best for him if he lived near the ocean. Because of others, this young man is now living homeless along the coast of the Pacific Ocean. How is that any different than what used to happen to hybrids?
“If anyone in the audience or watching at home, is not happy with their life, then change it. You have the right to be happy.”
I turned off the TV and felt the anger surge inside me. I wasn’t sure why I was so angry, but the lady on the show was right. I did have the right to be happy, and I wasn’t happy doing what Mom wanted. I put on a pair of boots, grabbed my eCom and jacket and headed outside.
It was a bright sunny day, and the snow was starting to melt just a bit. The signs that spring was approaching were evident, but it was still cold enough that I fished out my toque and put it on. I walked towards the nearest business area that I could find. ‘That lady was right. I need to accept that I’m a girl. But I don’t have to be the kind of girl Mom wants me to be. I’ll be the kind of woman I want to be!’
I arrived at the shopping center a few blocks from our house and made a beeline for the salon. They had a sign in the window that said “walk-ins welcome” and they didn’t look too busy, so I pulled open the door and stepped up to the front desk. A disturbingly bubbly girl of about eighteen quickly greeted me.
“Hi, how can I help you today?”
“I was wondering if you had any openings for a cut and I want to get these nail extensions removed,” I said, flashing my nails at her.
“But those look good on you. Why do you want them removed?” she asked.
“I want them off because I don’t like them. My mom made me get them. So do you have any openings, or not?” I questioned as I felt the anger returning. I knew I was being a bit bitchy, but it felt good.
~~~~
My face hurt from the punches but I was beyond feeling pain at that point. The rage I felt was too strong for me to worry about how much I hurt. He took another swing. With my recent weight loss I was definitely outmatched for size, but it also meant that I was faster than he was. I easily dodged the punch and hit him in the back of the neck with my elbow. He went down … hard. I crouched down beside him and asked, “Who’s the bitch now, Lance?” I turned and quickly ran off with Kyle and Eric before any teachers showed up and we got in trouble.
~~~~
“So what style did you want to go with today?” asked Becky, the stylist.
“I don’t really have a style in mind,” I said. “I just want something shorter and easy to take care of.”
“Personally, I think you have lovely hair, but we’ll go short if that’s what you want. I think we can find something that will work.” She held a lock of my hair between her fingers, about halfway between my jaw and my shoulders. “I’m thinking we’ll leave it about this long. What do you think?”
“Yeah, that looks good. Remember, just something that’s easy to style, ok?”
“If that’s what you want. You should still be able to do a lot with it this length but I’ll layer it a bit so that you just have to blow dry it and it will be in place. So why are you insistent on something so no maintenance?”
“If you must know, I just morphed and I’m not used to long hair. I guess you could say I’m a tomboy.” I smiled at that comment. “I’ve never been very feminine, so I just need something that will look okay with out much effort.”
~~~~
“Hey Logan, looking good,” Lisa said as she walked by our table. I’ve known Lisa for a long time. We’ve shared classes at school since about fourth grade. Unfortunately, we’re more just acquaintances than friends. It seems the only times I get to actually hang out with her is when we have group assignments we have to do together.
“Hey, Lisa,” I said, without thinking. I mentally kicked myself as she turned around and my mind went blank as I took in her beauty. She was waiting for me to say something. ‘Say something Logan, before you make yourself look like an idiot!’ I opened my mouth a few times before I decided to stall for time. “Can I talk to you for a minute? In private?”
“Sure, I guess.” Ignoring the comments of my friends, she put her lunch tray down beside mine and then I followed her around the corner to a secluded spot of the school hallway.
“Lisa, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. We’ve known each other for a while and I feel we get along pretty well. So I was just wondering if you’d like to get together sometime and …”
“Logan, you’re a really nice guy and all but I just got out of a relationship and I’m not ready to date again yet.”
I tried to cover up my disappointment and an idea came to mind to try and redeem myself. “Lisa, you didn’t let me finish. I was wondering if you’d like to get together sometime and hang out with my sister and me. Pretty much everyone knows that I morphed but what he or she doesn’t know yet, is that my body actually split into two people, so now I have a twin sister. She thinks and acts the same way I do, but she doesn’t really have any friends, and so I was hoping maybe the two of you could hang out a bit so that when she starts school she doesn’t have to go through the whole ‘new kid’ phase.”
“Well now I feel like an idiot jumping the gun like that. I think it’s really sweet of you to be worried about your sister though. I’d love to meet her,” responded Lisa.
“Cool, you wanna get together tomorrow night then?”
“Sure, I’ll come by your place after school.”
~~~~
I was really pleased with the way my hair looked. Because of all the layering, my hair was had almost a jagged look to it as it fell at slightly different lengths. I glanced down at my hands and smiled. Nice normal nails were a huge improvement over those hated extensions. The nail tech had applied a clear topcoat, but I could live with that.
I made it back to the house and headed for my bedroom. I had spent way too much of my savings, but it was worth it. I stood on my bed and unhooked the pink sheers that hung around it. They went into a box. I had debated buying new sheets and getting rid of the pink ones, but the silk sheets did feel really nice. Next, I went to my vanity and put all the makeup and accessories in the drawers. In my closet, I moved all my skirts and dresses into the back. I didn’t plan on wearing any of them. The only skirts I kept at the front were my school skirts.
Back in my room, I started putting up the posters that I had bought of my favourite bands.
That is one thing Logan and I both agreed on. My taste in music hadn’t changed, but I had decided on getting my own posters, rather than trying to talk him out of some in what was now his room. I looked around me and decided that it now looked and felt more like MY room.
I sat at my desk and pulled out the books I had been given to read. Tomorrow was my English exam. As I looked at the books I had been given, I was actually glad I had read them the first time. Actually, having done my work in the past was going to keep me from having to read over 600 pages over night. I spent a few hours going over some grammar worksheets before I packed up my schoolwork and decided to go practice playing video games.
Logan was the first to arrive home from school and came into the family room. He dropped onto the couch beside me and picked up the second controller. “You want to play a multiplayer game?”
“Sure.” I exited my game and went to the menu. I scrolled through the hard drive and eventually we decided on a two-person fighter game that we’ve always liked. “You are going down, Logan.”
“I doubt it.” We both selected the same character and waited for the game to load. “By the way, did you do something with your hair?” Logan asked laughingly.
I shoved him playfully with my elbow. “Idiot, you’re so immature!” I said before we both started laughing. The game started and we both concentrated on winning. The problem with playing a game that you’ve played hundreds of times and then playing it against your exact double, is that you both try to do the same moves and no one really wins. Our first two games ended as a draw when the time ran out. On our third game we picked different characters and started to actually have a good game. We were both laughing and horsing around when Mom got home with the rest of the kids in tow.
“What on Earth did you do to your hair?” Mom asked in shock.
“Hello to you, too,” I quipped. Logan dissolved in laughter beside me. “I got it cut today, I didn’t like it long.”
“But we just had it done on Saturday. It looked so nice.”
“Yeah and if I recall, I never got a say in that. So I decided to get MY hair cut how I wanted it. I got rid of those stupid nails, too,” I said as I wiggled my fingers for her to see.
“I see …”
“Mom, what’s the matter? It’s my hair and my nails. Why can’t I choose what do to with them?”
Mom let out a sigh. “You’re right. It is your choice, but it’s just that we spent a lot of money to get your hair and nails done …”
“Well I’m glad you’re more concerned with money than whether I’m happy or not!” I said without emotion. I looked away from Mom and picked the game controller back up. I un-paused the game and started to play it again.
“Laura, that’s not what I meant. I just meant that …”
“Mom, I’m busy. If you want to spend money on making someone pretty, from now on, spend it on Jadyn,” I stated without looking up. Logan realized a little late that I had started playing again and was trying to stop me from killing him. Mom let out another sigh and left the room. A moment later Logan’s player was killed and I sat back and rubbed the cramps out of my thumbs.
“That was pretty harsh,” said Logan.
“What, with Mom?” I asked. He nodded. “You’re not the one she dragged to a salon for four hours of emasculation on your first morning as a girl.”
“Still, it’s Mom. She’s just trying to do what she thinks is right.”
“Who decided that I want what she thinks is right? I don’t want to look pretty. I don’t want to act girly. I don’t want to wear makeup or skirts. I don’t want to be a girl!”
“But you are a girl, and Mom and Dad just want you to be able to fit in
“I don’t want to fit in. and I’m not stupid, I know I’m a girl. I have no way of changing that. I’ll wear the panties and I’ll wear the bras, I’ll wear girls’ pants and girls’ shirts, but that doesn’t mean I have to dress all pretty and act all cute. If people don’t want to be friends with me because I act more like a boy than a girl, then that’s their problem.”
“Just try to be nicer to Mom.”
“If she lays off on trying to feminize me, then I’ll be nice.”
~~~~
To Be Continued …
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Laura is still stuggling with her new gender and although she has started to assert herself it is now causing tension with her Mother. She meets another new kid at school and makes a friend, but this new friend just brings up even more issues for Laura to deal with.
The rest of the night was rather strained. Mom and I weren’t talking and that seemed to keep everyone else from talking too. The tension in the air at dinner was only broken by the noise of Joannah rambling on about something. Dad complimented me on my new hairstyle. That earned him the evil eye from Mom and the conversation was quickly dropped. I cleared my plate as quickly as I could and then excused myself from the table.
The rest of my night was a mix of listening to music in my room and studying for tomorrow’s exam. I felt as though I would do well enough on the exam. The material was pretty straight forward stuff. I never had problems passing English class in the past, but studying the material for the exam was just plain boring.
~~~~
My alarm clock started screaming at me and I opened my eyes to find that I had fallen asleep with my head in the book I was reading. Rolling over, I turned off my alarm and rubbed my eyes. ‘I really don’t want to wear that skirt today.’ I looked over at the small window in my room and could see the snow whipping around outside. ‘And yesterday was such a nice day, too. I’m totally gonna freeze in that damn skirt.’
A sudden pounding on my door nearly gave me a heart attack. “Laura, time to get up!”
“I am up Mom! I DO have an alarm!” I trudged into my bathroom and turned on the water in the shower. I disrobed and stepped into the warm water. As had become my routine, I squirted some of the shower gel onto the little puff thing Mom had given me and worked it into a lather. Closing my eyes, I went to work covering myself with the fruity smelling suds. I rinsed myself off and then opened my eyes to locate my shampoo. I didn’t have to use quite as much as I did before the cut, but even what I used was way more then I ever remembered using as a boy.
Conditioner was a new necessity for me. Without it, my hair would be nothing but a mess of tangles. I enjoyed the water a little longer before I shut it off and stepped out of the shower. I grabbed a fluffy green towel and wrapped it around my hair before drying myself with a second towel.
Back in my room I dressed in a school skirt with the sweater. I pulled out a pair of thick black tights, then stopped, ‘How the hell do I put these on?’ I went over to my door and shouted upstairs. “Mo ... uh … JADYN?”
I heard her skip over to the top of the stairs. “What?”
“Can you come down here? I need your help with something.” I was really surprised that she came downstairs without a fuss. Usually I really had to twist her arm to get her to help me with anything.
“So what do you need, Sis?” she asked as she came into my room.
Then again she treats me completely different now that I’m a girl. “I need some help with these,” I held up the tights. “How do I put these on?”
“Oh, that’s easy. Sit on the edge of the bed and I’ll show you,” she instructed. I did as she said and she proceeded to show me the proper way to wear tights. “How do they feel?”
“Weird, I don’t like them,” I responded. “I wouldn’t be wearing them if it wasn’t so cold outside.”
“Yeah, tights can be a bit itchy. I prefer wearing pantyhose.”
“I prefer wearing pants.”
“Oh, it’s not that bad wearing skirts. You’ll get used to them.”
“I don’t want to get used to them. I’m not into being real girly, okay?”
“I get it, I was just saying, is all.” Jadyn got up and left the room while I slumped into my vanity chair.
I picked up a brush and my hair dryer and was happy when my hair pretty much fell into the style I wanted, just as the stylist had promised. I put down the brush and looked in the mirror at myself. I sat there for nearly ten minutes, just watching myself. ‘So familiar, yet so wrong,’ I thought. I toyed with the idea of putting on some makeup. Mom had made it look pretty natural the other night, but I knew I couldn’t duplicate that look myself. In the end I put a brush and a tube of clear lip gloss into my bag along with my books.
I went upstairs and grabbed a granola bar and a banana for my breakfast. I figured I could eat them on the way to school and stuffed them into the pocket of the jacket I had put on. Regrettably, I pulled on the boots I had worn the other day. I’d have worn the black shoes Mom bought me, but I figured the knee boots would be better for walking in the snow. I pulled my toque on and grabbing my bag, headed out the door.
~~~~
“Hey Laura,” I yelled. “Wait up.”
“I’m not waiting for you. My legs are freezing,” she yelled back. I started to jog a bit faster towards her. I was panting by the time I got to her.
“Why’d you leave without me?” I asked.
“I didn’t know we had to walk together. Does Mom want us to hold hands all the way there too?” she snapped at me.
“Why are you acting all pissy today?”
“Because I’m wearing a damn skirt and walking through a foot of snow! That’s why!”
“Uh … sorry?”
“It’s not your fault, stupid,” she said playfully slapping me in the head. “I’m just cold is all.”
“So I invited Lisa to hang out with us after school today. I though we could go to the mall or something.”
“Us? You just made plans for me, without asking me?”
“I just figured that since you won’t talk to the guys, that maybe you and Lisa can become friends.”
“You just want that so that I can get her to go on a date with you,” she grinned at me.
“That’s not it at all.”
“Su …ure it isn’t.”
~~~~
My hands were cramped and my eyes were sore, but I finally finished the exam after a long three hours. Packing up my bag, I headed to the cafeteria to get some lunch. I did my best to just try and ignore everyone around me. I managed to make it to the cafeteria line without incident, but given my luck, it was no surprise when Brian Summers, our school’s so called “lady’s man” got in line right behind me.
I just kept my back to him so that we wouldn’t make eye contact. He was infamous for hitting on almost anyone in a skirt. The only girls he didn’t chase were the ugly ones, and I knew that I didn’t fit in that category. I was almost to the front of the line when Kyle walked past with his food.
“Hey Laura, didn’t know you were starting today. We’re over at the usual table if you want to sit with us,” he said.
“Uh, okay,” was all I could think to say. I hadn’t realized I had turned sideways in the line until Brian stepped into my view.
“So, this is you first day?”
“Something like that.”
“Well if you need someone to show you around …” he grinned at me.
“Brian, I’m not going to sleep with you, ever, so you can stop trying to flirt with me.”
“Do I know you?” he asked confused.
“No, you don’t. But I know you. Now if you try hitting on me one more time, you’re going to find yourself minus one testicle. Got it?”
“Uh huh!” was his quick reply. I spun back around with a huge smile on my face.
~~~~
I saw Laura exit the cafeteria line with her food and waved her over to sit with us. She looked me in the eye from across the room and then sat at an empty table in the corner.
“What’s the deal with Laura?” asked Kyle. “She’s not still mad is she?”
“I honestly don’t know what’s going on with her. She doesn’t talk to anyone.”
“But she’s you, isn’t she? Shouldn’t you know how she feels and stuff?”
“How would I know how she feels, I’m not the one that turned into a girl.”
“Yeah, but you should be able to imagine what she’s going through. You have the same brain. You think the same.”
“Kyle, I don’t think it works quite like that. We have the same memories, but I doubt we have the same thoughts. Plus, she’s a girl so she’s got like different wiring or whatever. You know, hormones and stuff to deal with.”
I looked back over at Laura’s table and she wasn’t there. Her lunch was still on its tray, sticking out of the top of the garbage can.
~~~
I exited the cafeteria line up with my tray of food. I was tempted to go sit with Logan, but he was sitting with the guys. I decided I didn't want a repeat of the other night and sat at an empty table in the corner.
I watched Logan who was across the room at our usual table. He was laughing and goofing around with all my former friends. He saw me watching and waved me over. I ignored him and went back to picking at my lunch.
I couldn’t believe Logan. He was supposed to be my brother but he hardly acts like it. For some reason I expected Logan would come over and sit with me, but he didn’t even make an effort. I shouldn't have got my hopes up. He just waved me over to where he was sitting and apparently that was enough of an effort to include me. Why would I want to sit with those guys after what had happened?
‘Well this has been a great first day.’ I thought sarcastically. I pushed my half eaten lunch into the trash along with the cafeteria tray. I headed out of cafeteria and straight to my new locker, grabbed my coat and hat and started walking home. It had warmed up since this morning but I still felt frozen from the waist down by the time I got home.
Going right to my room, I quickly removed my stupid uniform. A pair of wide leg jeans and a plain black sweater helped me feel better and I headed back upstairs to make myself a mug of hot chocolate.
I was sitting in front of the TV when the phone started ringing. Putting down my mug, I picked up phone. ''Hello?"
''Hey Kiddo, just thought I’d call and see how your first exam went."
"It went fine, Dad. Thanks for calling, though."
"Laura?"
"Yeah?"
"How are you holding up?"
"I’m fine Dad."
"That’s great," he said. '' Now, how about telling me the truth?"
"I don't think I can handle all this Dad," I admitted. "It’s all too much. And I don't have any friends ... I feel like an outsider. Like I'm not wanted.
"Laura, you're not an outsider. You have a family who loves you. And you'll make friends. You just have to open up and let others get to know the real you."
"But the real me is a boy. I can't be the girl everyone wants me to be."
"As I said, just be yourself. I don't expect you to suddenly start acting like your sister. Lots of girls act like boys. I know its going to drive your mother wild, but I don’t care if you act like a tomboy. I just want you to be happy."
"Thanks Dad. I needed to hear someone say that."
"I've got some work I need to get finished before the end of the day."
"Okay Dad. Thanks again for calling."
"If you need to talk, you call me, okay?"
"I will."
~~~
Lisa and I walked the few blocks from school to my house. We talked mostly about Laura, but Lisa repeatedly said how nice it was that I cared so much about my sister. Maybe I could still end up dating her. Especially if she and Laura become friends.
When we got to my house and went in, Laura was sitting on the couch, her feet tucked up underneath her, watching TV. She didn’t even look up as we walked in.
“Laura? I brought Lisa with me.” Laura finally looked up and smiled at us.
“Hi Lisa … err … I’m Laura, Logan’s sister.”
“Hi Laura, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Logan, can I talk to you in private for a moment?”
“Sure.”
~~~
I dragged Logan into the kitchen while Lisa waited in the family room.
“Why did you bring Lisa here to meet me?”
“I figured you could use a friend, since you won’t hang out with the guys.”
“And the fact that we’ve had a crush on Lisa for like years had nothing to do with it?”
“No!”
“Really? You’re not trying to play the compassionate brother in front of her so she’ll go out with you?”
“Really. I just thought we could all hang out and you could become friends with her. You seem kinda lonely.”
I turned and left the kitchen, Logan trailing close behind. “Lisa?” She looked up at me. “Wanna come down to my room and we can hang out?”
“Sure.” She followed me to the stairs and Logan followed behind her.
We went down the stairs and I let Lisa into my room before I turned to Logan, who was still standing in the hall. “Sorry, Logan. No boys allowed.” The look on his face was priceless as I closed my bedroom door.
~~~
I slowly made my way back upstairs and sat in front of the TV. I couldn’t help but wonder what Laura and Lisa were talking about down there. Did Laura still like Lisa?
I tried to clear my head and simply lose myself in the show on TV.
~~~
“So I assume Logan told you about me?”
“That you’re his twin, from MORFS. I have to say, it sounds crazy.”
I grinned at her, “Try living it.”
“Still, I think it’s sweet of him to want to help you make friends”
I laughed out loud at that. “He only asked you over her to meet me because he has a crush on you.”
“Really? He said that?”
“He doesn’t have to, I have all his old memories, and we think quite a bit alike.”
“Really?” she asked, leaning a bit closer to me on the loveseat.
“Really.”
“So do you have a crush on me Laura?” This time she leaned in very close and smiled at me.
“I … uh … I don’t really know. I remember being attracted to you, and I remember having a crush on you, but since I morfed I’ve been really confused, and it’s hard to separate what I remember, and what I feel.”
“Well maybe I can help you separate some of your memories from your feelings.”
“How?”
“Like this,” she said as she put her hand on the back of my head and pulled me into a kiss.
A part of me shouted, ‘This is what you’ve waited for,’ so I kissed back. At the same time, I couldn’t ignore that I wasn’t feeling anything sexual towards Lisa. She kept the kiss going, even going as far as French kissing me before she broke our lip lock.
“So? How do you feel?”
“It was nice, but I didn’t really feel anything.”
“So you probably like boys then.”
“As gay as that seems to me, yes, I probably do.”
“You’re a girl. It’s not gay to like boys.”
“I know that,” I giggled slightly at the absurdity of our conversation. “It just sounds gay to me.”
~~~
Lisa and Laura finally came upstairs from Laura’s bedroom. Both were giggling away like girls often do, which was odd for Laura. Lisa gave Laura a hug and headed for the front door.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Laura told Lisa as she left. Laura came into the family room and sat on the other end of the couch.
“Looks like you two got along well,” I said.
Laura smiled. “Yeah, we did. Thanks for inviting her over.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
~~~
Studying for my math exam on Friday seemed to occupy less time than it should have. I only had a few days to get ready for the test but I couldn’t keep myself focused. My thoughts kept going back to the kiss I had shared with Lisa. I was constantly haunted by the lack of a reaction I’d had to the kiss.
Lisa had been my dream girl as Logan and being kissed by her had previously just been a fantasy. Actually being kissed, and not feeling the sexual attraction I expected to was like a slap in the face. Every time I thought of it, it left me feeling miserable. I had hoped that my sexuality would be at least a part of my old life I could hold on to, but apparently it wasn’t meant to happen that way.
I often found myself crying for my lost manhood. MORFing would have been so much better had I just started with a blank slate. I would have had to learn everything over again, but being devoid of Logan’s memories would have been worth the sacrifice. However, I was stuck being born at fifteen years old as a boy in a girl’s body.
At least my family usually had the decency to give me the time alone I needed to deal with all of this. I tried to convince myself that since I was a female double of Logan, that since he was a straight male, that I would thus be a straight female … that MORFS had simply aged my fifteen years worth in a week. Had I actually been raised female, then maybe none of this would be a problem.
By Thursday night, I began coming to grips with who I was, how I really felt, and what I wanted out of life. I was also very unprepared for my math exam the next day and ultimately stayed up too late cramming, now that I had averted my identity crisis.
~~~
“Uh, I’m here for a math exam?” I said as I walked into the class room.
“Please take a seat. We’re awaiting one other student. Once he arrives, I’ll have you both start.”
I sat there for a few minutes, my head down, until the other student arrived. I glanced up as the door opened. A guy about my old height walked into the room and the teacher directed him towards a desk. I looked over at him, his unusual hair style looked like he had grown icicles on his head, and it drew my attention. He caught me staring at him and gave me a grin. Blushing, I turned away and commenced looking at the top of my desk.
I could feel him watching me and did my best to ignore it. I was saved from his stares as the teacher handed us our tests and we both began the task of trying to get the right answers.
I tried my best to remember what I had studied, but I admit I was distracted. My mind kept wandering back to the moment when Lisa had kissed me. My depression continued to remind me of how much I had wanted that kiss and how I’d ultimately not felt anything when I finally received it. Just one more thing that Logan has taken from me.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and tried to fight back the tears.
~~~
I was sitting in my English class, sneaking glances at Lisa when I could. She hadn’t said much to me after to had left Laura’s room the other night other than to excuse herself before leaving. Laura wouldn’t tell me what had happened either. All I knew was that Laura had ended up crying about something. I even tried to be nice. Tried to be her friend, a good brother, and she just snapped at me. ‘Women!’ I thought to myself. It upset me that neither Lisa or Laura would talk to me about what happened. I tried fighting back the tears that were stinging my eyes. The last thing I needed was to be seen crying in class for no reason.
~~~
“Time’s up!” announced the teacher as she came and collected our tests. “You can both go study in the library until lunch. I’ll be checking later to make sure you’re there. So no ditching school.”
I packed my stuff and the teacher herded out into the hall and towards the library.
“My name’s Scotty, by the way.”
“Laura,” I said without looking at him.
“My dad just got transferred here for work. So are you new here too?” he asked, stepping in front of me and walking backwards so that I was forced to look at him.
“No. just new to the school, sorta.” We arrived at the library and I found a quiet corner to sit in. Scotty to my displeasure, sat sown beside me.
“So what’s there to do in this town?”
“I dunno, not much.”
“You’re not very talkative are you?”
“It’s not that,” I turned and looked out the window.
“Okay, I think I get it now.”
“Get what?” I turned and looked him in the eyes for the first time. His crystalline irises held my attention.
“I get it. I’m a Morf, you’re a Pure. If you didn’t want to talk with me, you should have said so, not just given me one word answers.”
I actually laughed out loud at that. So much so that the librarian had to tell me to be quiet.
“It’s definitely not that. I’m a Morf too, I just don’t look it. I’m just not one for being social lately.”
“PMS?”
“WHAT!?”
“Shhh!” went the librarian. Scotty had a grin plastered on his face.
“Post MORFS stress?”
“Oh, uh yeah. MORFS screwed me over pretty bad.”
“Don’t get me started; I freeze to things without conscious effort. Besides, it doesn’t look like it hit you that hard. I mean, look at you, you’re a very pretty girl …”
“Stop right there.”
“What? I just said you’re pretty, what’s wrong with that?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “Everything is wrong with how I look now. I just don’t look like me anymore.”
“Okay, so you got any powers?”
“Not that I know of. You’re an ice elemental?”
“That’s me. Body temperature of 28 degrees.”
“Wow!”
“So now that I’ve got you talking, I was wondering if I could persuade you to show me around town tomorrow. I’ll even take you to dinner, my treat.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure, that sounds fun,” just kinda came out of my mouth. ‘Crap! I think I just got asked on a date! And I said yes! He is kinda cute, though. Oh that’s so gay!’
~~~
“Hey! Laura!” I looked around the cafeteria and spotted an empty table near the exit that I could sit at. I was about to head that way when someone tapped me on the shoulder. ‘I hope it’s Scotty,’ I thought as I turned around.
It wasn’t Scotty, it was Lisa, and I felt weird knowing I was a little disappointed it wasn’t my icy new friend. “Hey, Lisa.”
“Oh, so you’re alive. Didn’t you hear me call you?”
“What? When?”
“Like just now, when you came out with your food.”
“Oh, sorry,” I apologized. “Laura is still a new name for me. If I’m not paying attention, I don’t really …”
“Oh, no problem. So you wanna have lunch with me?” I was still a bit out of it, and after Lisa cut me off, I simply nodded my head and followed her to a table.
I guess I was daydreaming again, because next thing I noticed Lisa was waving her hand in front of my face. “Girl, you are out of it today. What’s up?”
“I think I agreed to go on a date,” just tumbled out of my mouth.
“What? Really?” I nodded. “With a guy?”
“Well I did a lot of thinking after you came over the other night and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s where my attraction lies. I figure that I’m not a female clone of Logan, I’m more what Logan would have been had he been born a girl. That make sense?”
“I think so. It does to me at least.” Lisa looked down in thought for a moment and then back at me. “It’s like you both have the same attitude and personality but you have a girl’s brain and he has a boy’s brain.”
“Yeah, and both are wired ‘straight,’ but as a girl, that means I like boys.”
“Okay, that makes sense. So who asked you out?”
“He’s new here. We met during out math proficiency exam this morning.”
“Ooh, is he that tall guy, with like the spiky clear hair? Kinda looks like it’s made of crystal?”
“Yeah, that’s him. He’s an ice elemental. His name is Scotty.”
“Cool, I can’t wait to meet your new boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” I argued.
“Not yet,” grinned Lisa.
~~~
“Logan, come set the table for dinner,” Mom called. I got up and trudged into the kitchen.
“Why do I have to do it? And why isn’t Laura helping?” I asked as I pushed the kitchen door open.
“Because I’m cooking dinner, that’s why!” said Laura stood up from checking whatever was cooking in the oven.
“You’re cooking? I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Of course I know what I’m doing. Mom taught me err … is teaching me.” Laura went back to working on dinner, happily humming to herself. I stood there watching her for a few minutes before grabbing some plates and heading into the dining room.
Mom was in there putting a table cloth on the table. “So, is cooking another of your girl lessons for Laura?”
“Logan, I am not making Laura take ‘girl lessons’. I only tried to give her the basics of being a girl, and learning to cook was her idea.”
“So she asked you to show her how to cook?”
“Yes she did. She’s been acting a little different today. Not like her usual self, but I’m not going to say anything about it, and neither should you. She seems very happy, and I don’t want anyone ruining that for her.”
“Okay Mom, got it. Be nice to Laura.”
~~~
I was having a great time making dinner for my family. I was excited to have something that I could do that Logan can’t. I suppose he could learn, but as I had no interest in cooking before, when I was him, I doubted he would be able to ruin this for me.
I also kept thinking of Scotty. Was it really a date? Did I want to go on a date? I felt like I did. And I also thought he was pretty handsome. But my brain kept sending the mixed signal that while he was cute, and I liked him, that I was a guy, and that I liked girls. I suppose that was mostly just a memory of liking girls and being a guy, but it didn’t make things easier.
Maybe I could cook dinner for Scotty sometime. Would he like that? Do I want more than one date? Do I want to be his girlfriend? Do I want a boyfriend? Should I tell him I used to be a boy? Was I actually ever a boy, or do I just have Logan’s memories? The questions were coming fast and I didn’t have all the answers. I slid down one of the counters and sat on the kitchen floor crying softly.
~~~
“Logan? Why are you crying?” asked Mom. I had been so busy setting the table for dinner that I hadn’t noticed the tears leaking from my eyes.
“I … I don’t know why.” My answer was followed by silence and a strange look from my mother. We both turned towards the kitchen at the sounds of someone else crying. Mom rushed into the kitchen and I followed not far behind.
Laura was sitting on the floor, leaning against the counters with her knees pulled to her chest, quietly crying. I noticed that I too was still crying and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” soothed Mom as she gathered Laura in her arms.
“I don’t know how to live my life!” Laura forced out before returning to crying. “There’s … too many … questions … in my head … and I don’t … have any … of the answers …” she spat out between sobs.
“Shhh … It’s okay,” said Mom. “We’ll work it out together, one thing at a time.”
The timer on the stove went off and Mom looked up at me. I shrugged my shoulders and gave her an ‘I have no idea what to do’ look.
“Laura, sweetie, I’m just going to take your dinner out of the oven so it doesn’t burn and then I’ll be right back and we’ll work this out and get you feeling better, okay?” Laura kept on crying but she did nod her head. Mom got up and went over to the oven while I continued watching my twin cry.
I’m not exactly mister sensitive, but for some reason I couldn’t just stand there any more. I was crying emotionlessly, but really felt like I needed to be held, a strange feeling for me, so I knelt down next to Laura and hugged her.
She opened her eyes and looked at me with a shocked expression. She even stopped crying for a moment and then she hugged my back fiercely and let her tears fall again. She eventually cried herself out and we just sat there on the floor, holding each other.
She finally gave me one last crushing hug, looked me in the eyes and smiled, “Thanks.”
~~~
To Be Continued …
The entire MORFS Universe can be found at http://morfs.nowhere2go.org/