BEACH BLANKET BOLLOCKS
by LAIKA PUPKINO

I don't know how relevant this blog will be to anyone who isn't reading my story PLAY NICE, but...

AND NOW FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT VERSION OF WHAT TEDDI DID IN PART 8 OF PLAY NICE; WHICH MAYBE WE COULD SAY WAS A DREAM THAT TEDDI HAD SOMEWHERE IN THE NIGHT BETWEEN CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT ......... IT BEGINS WITH A BRIEF, ALTERNATE VERSION OF GRANDMA & TEDDI'S DEPARTURE FROM PAPA'S HOSPITAL ROOM IN #7:
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....and with that Grandma grabbed me by the arm and literally dragged me out of the room, into the corridor, where all her rage with Papa evaporated as if it hadn't been real in the first place.

"You winked," I remarked.

"That I did," she chuckled, "I'm only staying away from here tomorrow, but being stuck in bed like that it should seem like a week, and hopefully he'll learn some gratitude for the fact that anyone would want to visit a nasty old sourpuss like him."

"I'll stay away too then. I guess I'll rent that rug shampooer and clean the upstairs, like I was planning on doing at some point."

"That doesn't sound fun at all."

"But I did plan to help out around the place, and the carpet needs it. There's this one spot, I don't know what someone spilled on there, but it's-"

"You want to help me out? Let's go have some fun. I need that a lot more right now. We can check out that new water park my coven sister Birda told me about. Supposedly they're going to to stay open for as long as this heat wave lasts."

"Water park? Where's this?"

"Out on the coast someplace. It just opened this year. Birda told me there was something special about the place, but she wouldn't say what exactly. I have an extra swimsuit that should fit you. You wanna go?"

"I guess. Sure. It'd be nice to go somewhere with you that wasn't a hospital."

"And ask Joey if he'd want to come too."

I wasn't crazy about this, but how could I bitch about him not partaking in wholesome recreational activities and then not invite him on a family outing like this? "All right, I will."

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||| WEDNESDAY OCT 8 ~~~

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And I would have, but he hadn't didn't come home all night and was still gone when Grandma picked me up in the Lincoln at 8:30 in the morning. We jumped onto the Bruce Springsteen Turnpike [NO!!! MAPQUEST ACTUAL ROUTE...] and headed for the Atlantic.

Perhaps a bit unfairly to Grandma Rosa, I pictured her loaner swimsuit as some 1911 thing with long sleeves and a ruffled knee-length skirt, but it was fairly normal looking, a no nonsense white one-piece suit like a competitive swimmer might've worn 40 years ago, with an optional matching rubber cap like a theatrical bald wig that I opted not to wear. I would have worn a bikini like the one Grandma had on (guess what color) if that's what she had offered me, but I was kind of glad it wasn't. I wasn't too sure about wearing something skimpier than my briefs and bra in front of a bunch of guys...

I needn't have worried about that though, because there didn't seem to be a single male person in the place. I asked the girl running the snackbar, "What is this, Ladies' Day?"

"It's always Ladies' Day at here," she giggled, her tone full of inside jokes and implications.

Cool, I thought, a lesbian water park! Leave it to my grandma to find a place like this.

But after quite a few trips down the park's amazing water slides (in one of which I was actually carried UPWARD by the rushing water far longer than it would've seemed possible) and a lunch of calimari sandwiches as good as Eddie could've whipped up, I realized that while there did seem to be some gay girls here---a little discreet smooching here and there---this wasn't a lesbian joint per se. Although I was still convinced there was something unusual about this water park.

Then after I overheard a conversation about a "Lifetime Pass---a woman begging her friend (Girlfriend? Wife?) to let her get one with the desperation of someone needing a life-saving operation---I had the peculiar notion that the reason I couldn't see any men here was because all the men who entered had been turned into women somehow.

Those four boisterous jocks I'd seen tromping in through the park's front gate ahead of us- were they now this quartet of hardbodied girls kicking ass and taking names in the volleyball game over on the lagoon's fake white beach?

But this was such a crazy idea, I couldn't see myself going up to someone and asking, "Excuse me, were you always a female?"

Besides there was one man here, so there went that whole insane theory. A white-haired, long-bearded old guy with a bathrobe on over his swimtrunks, who seemed quite energetic for his advanced age as he sat at a table under a metal umbrella having an animated conversation with the woman who ran the place.

They nodded mysteriously as Grandma approached them, an acknowledgement, and she spent the whole rest of our day at the water park yacking with them.

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YES, THEY HAD WOUND UP AT BIKINI BEACH, THAT MTF TRANSFORMATION WATERPARK OF T.G. FICTION FAME, WHERE GRANDMA MET UP WITH HER FELLOW SORCERORS- BIKINI BEACH'S OWNER AND THE SPELLS R US WIZARD...

IF NOTHING ELSE THIS VERSION OF TEDDI'S WEDNESDAY WAS FUN TO WRITE; AND I DID MANAGE TO SALVAGE A SENTENCE OR 2 FROM IT & STICK THEM HERE & THERE IN THE "REAL" VERSION ........ SOMETHING LIKE THIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN FINE IN SOME OTHER STORY, BUT I SOON REALIZED IT WAS ABYSMALLY WRONG FOR THIS ONE, AND WENT BACK TO WHAT I HAD IN MY OUTLINE, WHICH SERVED TO ADVANCE PLAY NICE'S PLOTLINE (YES THERE IS ONE, I THINK...) & CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT A BIT BETTER.

PART #9 SHOULD BE FINISHED AND POSTED BY NEXT WEDNESDAY.