CHAPTER 22
It was a day that left me more than a little out of sorts. I had smiled at the way Steph’n’Geoff danced attendance on each other, but each little moment raised Caro’s memory. That could, should, have been us, was my first thought, which was then kicked well into touch by the simple understanding that it HAD been us. The wave of loss left me silent most of the way back to Sheffield, and after Kul dropped me off I waited at my closed front door before he had turned the corner, then walked to the local convenience store and bought a half bottle of Grouse and a bottle of dry white.
Both were empty when I woke the next morning, but at least I was in bed, and undressed, although when I went to the loo I had to wipe a small puddle I had left during the night. Not good. I looked at the bike, realised I would definitely not be safe to ride, and after some milky cereal and a couple of slices of toast, I walked down to the bus stop and took the first one into town.
It was a pretty aimless day, wandering around the shops, having a second, greasier breakfast in a greasy spoon and picking up a couple of books as well as two CDs I had been eyeing for a couple of months. Stuff for a proper meal could come from my freezer, but I left the alcohol on the shelves, as I had already played that game for far too long back in That Place.
I simply felt empty.
“Mike?”
I looked round so sharply I felt my neck click
“Betty? Sorry; I was miles away”
“No you weren’t You’re about four feet away. What are you up to?”
“Ah, I was out with Kul and his boy yesterday, and today’s sort of all loose ends, so I just thought I’d have a bimble round the shops”
“Not that much open on a Sunday, is there?”
“Well, more than was available in That Place”
“The L-word?”
“Yes indeed. We had the Arndale Centre and, well, a load of Asian grocers and that sort of thing. And pubs. Lots of pubs”
“Well, I fancy a cuppa. You dry?”
Not last night, I wasn’t.
“You trying to entice me, Mrs Ansell?”
“Oh give over! Got enough problems with the old man!”
“I was referring to tempting me to drink a cuppa, woman”
“Oh, and there I was thinking… Well, a woman can dream. Cuppa, aye. Got some goss to share”
“Juicy?”
“Could be, but more likely to be greasy”
I could feel my mood lifting as she rattled away, and led me off to Marks and Spencer’s café. I was now feeling really hungry as I came down from my drunkenness, and along with my little pot of tea, I bought us each a toasted sandwich and a slice of “Ooh, just this once, then” cake. After my first bite of cheese and ham, I wiped my mouth and asked the obvious question.
“This gossip, then?”
“Eh? Oh, aye! Well, you know the Fettler’s?”
“The mocktails and pie floater place? I should bloody well think so by now”
“Well, the landlord had an idea”
“Why am I getting worried?”
“Oh? No, not that sort of idea. One to do with where he’s from”
“Not bloody ostrich steaks, like that other place in Leeds?”
“What place?”
“Out by the college. Was in the news the other day. You can order all sorts of meat as a burger or a steak. Ostrich, alligator, that sort of thing”
“Ah. No, not like that. And wouldn’t his be emu, anyway?”
“Good point. So what’s his idea?”
“Well, he’s from Australia, right?”
“Well, yes”
“He’s got family down there still, and he’s been speaking to the boss. Our boss, that is”
“Bit confused, Bets. What’s he want with the boss?”
She took a sip of her tea, staring at the cup for a few seconds.
“More the Board than Mr Enright. Jacko—the landlord—has a proposal”
“Decent or indecent?”
“Oh, give over! Decent, and interesting as well. His family, it is”
“You are a worse tease then… Sorry. Can’t think of an example. Tease, anyway. What’s he asking?”
“Well, it’s that turn-round thing. He’s got family back there, like I said, and they have friends and that, and it’s what we do with the grease and that. What you and Kul do, really”
“Me? I just give advice”
“Exactly. Thing is, them Aussies, they’re going all green and eco-stuff. The recycling thing is big, and his brother, he does biodiesel. Converts chip fat into road fuel. He could do with a few more grease suppliers. Jacko fancies having us sort some out for Big Brother, hands-on style”
“Bloody hell! You mean someone going over there, don’t you?”
“Yup. But don’t get your hopes up, there’ll be a lot of folk wanting that job”
“Hell, Bets, I’m still settling down”
She stared at me, very directly, for nearly a minute, then smiled.
“Aye. Put my foot in it right at the start, didn’t I? right. No teasing, Mike. How long has it been since, you know?”
I knew exactly what she meant, so I fixed the best smile I could drag out.
“Not that long, love. Don’t think it ever will be long enough”
She put her hand on mine.
“Aye. That I understand. Like me and my Mam, if you don’t mind me saying that. All I will say is, well, if the chance comes up, it might help the whatsit, grieving process. If I am out of order, mate, just tell me. Sod it”
She drew a slow breath.
“If I am out of order, forget telling me, just slap me. I think moving up here really helped you. I suspect going even further might do better, There: said it. News will come out in the next two days, so have a think. Now, how’s Kul doing with the climbing? Any really embarrassing goss?”
I did my best to come up with enough silliness to satisfy her, but my mind was on her news, and I am sure she fully understood that. The following weekend, I was back over in Bethesda, with a present for the Hiatts of a ‘Ouistiti’ children’s harness. Penny was giggling.
“You just assume, don’t you?”
“Oh, and knowing you two, could I ever be wrong?”
Keith was doing his best not to corpse himself, so I dragged out the harness and presented it to the Bearer Of The Gloves herself.
“Enfys?”
She put down her current Lego sculpture to look at the harness.
“Beth sy?”
Penny smiled at her.
“Dydy Ewi Mike ddim yn siarad yr iaith, cariad. English, ah?”
“Wossit, Uncle Mike?”
“It’s something you wear to go with Mum and Dad when they climb rocks, love”
“I got rocks!”
Penny laughed again.
“We sorted out a couple of those old belts from the club, made her a Parisian baudrier and sit harness with two of them and an eight foot sling”
“You got her climbing already?”
“Very small boulders, very tight rope. More sack hauling as yet than climbing. You up for a route this weekend? Weather’s not looking great. Could take her round the Kitchen, I suppose. Oh, and Geoff said he’d run into you and your mates at Stanage”
“Oh; yes. Bit of a shock for Dal. I’d already given Kul the heads-up at work, but the Woodruffs just turned up, plonked their kit next to ours and whoosh, steep learning curve for the lad. Anyway, a walk sounds good if it’s going to be wet”
“Well, she’ll want to visit the old bridge, for the waterfalls. Definitely goes on a rope there, especially when the water’s high.”
“Club tonight?”
“Yup. Vic and Nansi might not be out, though. Their kid’s being a bit difficult. Lots of sulks”
“Oh? That surprises me, after they’ve both been so good with the music”
“He’s still great there; just the rest of the time that’s the problem, and you can’t live your life in a pub, can you?”
Keith and I just stared at each other, eyebrows raised, until it became impossible not to corpse. Pen gave a sharp “Men!”, before she herself succumbed, and the laughter became even more raucous when Enfys appeared wearing her new harness, which was upside down.
She insisted on wearing it for our walk down to the hidden bridge the next day, as well as for that walk around Idwal, wearing what looked like a sailor’s dry suit and wellies. We did have the Edwards with us, their boy looking pale and drawn right up to the point where the children were released onto the broad path after the first wooden bridge.
The two little bundles of energy were yelling happily as they Splashed In Puddles and Stepped In Sheep Poo. The Slabs were running with water, especially the Ordinary Route, which was, in essence, a watercourse in spate, so of course there was a couple climbing it, water breaking round the leader’s waist. A moment of pain hit, remembering that day soling, and then the kids were Being Seagulls, with appropriate noises, and we were making our way up towards the Kitchen, a watercourse of our own to cross over which we handed the children, as their wellies were rather shorter than the water was deep, and socks and feet needed to stay dry.
The rain, which had been pretty persistent precipitation developed into a deluge as we arrived back at the gate by the lake, and my own socks were starting to feel moist as we started the descent. Dennis in the tea kiosk had hot jam doughnuts for the kids, which he insisted be left for a few minutes because they would be “Poeth yn y ganol” and he didn’t want little faces burned by hot strawberry sludge.
The club was without paid guest that night; after we had all dried off and two children were made ready to bed down in Enfys’ room under Galadriel’s watchful eye, five of us started what was now for me a familiar walk down to the Cow. Sausage and mash, with several pints of decent ale, and I found myself chuckling at Penny’s claim about living in a pub. As the rain hammered against the windows, it seemed an eminently practical idea. That rain was running down the streets as we trudged back up, and once I had my boots back off and stuffed with newspaper (Welsh ones, I noted), two women and myself looked in on the children, both fast asleep in the one bed.
Nansi shook her head in an odd way, and then we went back down for a last cuppa before the two couples headed for ‘master’ and ‘spare’ bedrooms, and I slipped on my approach shoes for the walk to the bunkhouse, boots left to dry in the Hiatts’ kitchen. Nansi looked pensive.
“I won’t say ‘penny for them’, Nansi, because these two will simply make a joke, but you know what I mean”
Her lips quirked, and she took Vic’s hand.
“Ah, Mike, been hard recently. Today was typical, really. Miserable as all hell before we came out, then he’s with her and it’s like a switch is thrown. They’re in a reception year now, and the teacher says Dafi doesn’t want to play with anyone else. Seeing them lying like that, I worry he’s getting a fixation. He won’t go near the other boys, and that could cause real problems when he gets older”
“You can’t… That age is a bit young to be thinking ‘gay’, Nansi. That is what you’ve got in mind, isn’t it?”
She shook her head.
“Ah, never that simple, Mike. I mean, if they were older and locked together like that, it would all be normal, something for the other kids to be jealous of, but boys hanging round girls, young ones, ah? He’ll be getting called a sissy till teenage years, and, well, everything that goes with it”
I couldn’t do anything but agree with her.
“Yup. Means we will all have to watch his back, then. Not tonight, though: don’t think the two of them could have looked more at peace”
Vic looked at me across their joined hands.
“You mean that. Statement, not question, ah? These two don’t pick bad folk for friends, do they?”
I could feel my cheeks heating, so I finished my cup and rose from my seat.
“Well, I owe them both a lot, so yes. Now, time to get to my pit, I think. Soonest into that rain, soonest out of it”
Keith waved at the door.
“Got a brolly in the porch; would help”
I grinned, slightly sheepish.
“Yes, it would. Just hope nobody sees me with it. Night, all!”
The umbrella did help, and after doing my teeth, and a last visit to the loo, I settled down in a space that didn’t hold one of the various campers who had chosen a roof over a tent in that weather.
I did owe them a lot: a wife, for starters, and now a back to watch.
Comments
I did owe them a lot: a wife, for starters
lovely
A good bloke
Poor Nansi and Vic, having to worry about their son being labeled a “sissy” for hanging out with girls. And feeling so grateful that Mike was just a good bloke — that he understood, and figured it just meant people like him should watch the boy’s back. Sad that such a decent reaction would be unusual.
Emma
I love reading this story…….
But I can’t help tearing up every time I do.
My oldest was married two days ago, this past Saturday. That makes two of three - the youngest is engaged with a wedding planned for spring of 2025, and the middle son has now been divorced for roughly a year. Saturday, the same day his older brother was wed, would have been his sixth anniversary if his wife hadn’t walked out on him. I won’t go into how ignorant and childish she was - nor will I describe what a huge slut she became after leaving him. No, I will try to stay above that topic beyond what I have already said.
But I will say that I was very proud of the way he stood up for his brother on the very same day that was tearing his own heart apart with memories and thoughts. He stood next to his brothers and even managed o joke about how his speech at the reception was shorter than his brothers for his wedding - and how he hoped that unlike their speeches, that his brother’s wedding was much longer and happier than his own.
Anyway, I sit here reading this and thinking of how blessed I have been in my life, and imagining just how devastated I would be to lose my spouse - and to have not had a life filled with the love of her and my children.
The first attached photo is the loving woman who I married some 38 years ago, and myself, at the reception.
The second attached photo is me dancing with my daughter in law and my spouse dancing with my son. My wonderful son had asked his new wife to dance with me while he danced the traditional mother-son dance at the reception. He didn’t want me to be left out - of course I couldn’t help but cry, lol.
It is for this that I weep every time I read more of this tale. How I deserve to be so lucky in life is beyond me.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
An Economic Proposition?
Somehow I don't think transporting used chip fat from the UK to Australia would make economic sense, even though Brexit probably stopped any export to Europe. Still, it's a nice idea.
Emu meat is great but you have to marinate the bird in vinegar for 24 hours to get rid of the worms before you can cook it.
Please send us some of that rain, we're a bit dry over here.
Chip fat
Mike's current role is on the waste/recycled/biodiesel account of his company
The company's main business is specialist accounting AND bespoke business development.
No fatbergs will end up stuck in the Suez Canal
Speaking as someone who deals with the topic daily……
But understandably from an American perspective, biodiesel has several major issues.
First is the cost. It is currently not economical to use. At least in this country, diesel refined from oil is still cheaper, thus making biodiesel a bad decision from an economic perspective.
Second, biodiesel is prone to jelling in cold weather. Admittedly this is an issue with refined diesel as well - but to a much lesser extent and it can be addressed by cold weather additives. Because of it’s greater propensity to jell, biodiesel is not practical in the colder areas of our country for a large percentage of the year. This impacts not just those who live and work in those areas, but also long haul trucking companies as their equipment may very well end up in those areas - which means they cannot take the chance of having fuel prone to jelling.
Third, whether we are talking about biodiesel produced organically (through the use of plants, algae, etc.) or biodiesel produced from cooking oil or other wastes, we are simply not set up for production in quantity, or for the logistics of distribution. Not to mention the large quantities of biomass needed for production - where it comes from, and what is required to produce the biomass.
In my honest opinion (an educated opinion not just as someone required to stay up to date on the industry, but also as someone with a MS in Chemical Engineering), a better alternative fuel would be hydrogen - whether burned as fuel in IC engines or used in fuel cells. It burns cleaner, producing water vapor, and simply put hydrogen is the most common element in the universe.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Biojuice
I have a friend who runs his camper van on biodiesel. Yes, the fumes are odd!
In the USA, the price of fuel, is a tiny fraction of what it is elsewhere, which affects the economics. This business, though, is in Australia, not that well known for cold temperatures (well, there are some bits...) so the waxing up isn't a worry. Australia also has a much more intensive 'green' attitude, as it is very vulnerable to climate change.
I won't mention their mining industry...
Now, where I live, our local bus company is now steadily transforming its fleet into hydrogen burners, so that is working well. My first degree, in aero engineering, by the way, involved a faculty that spent a lot of time developing hydrogen power as opposed to hydrogen fuel cells.
I Was Reluctant
To get involved here, but some facts are needed. I think that 50 years as a civil engineer entitles me to have a say.
You know we have compulsory voting, so figures from our elections do reflect national support. The Greens generally get about 10% and that figure hasn't moved significantly for a long time. I generally rate myself as an environmentalist/conservationist, but I cannot vote for the Greens. They are egregious liars (yes, I know all politicians lie, but they are the worst). They do not let the facts get in the way of their story.
We have recently had a Left-Of-Centre government elected. Before that we had a right-wing government for about ten years. They did nothing to implement any sensible measures to combat climate change and they did that off the back of the Greens ideology. 12 years ago the last Labor government proposed to bring in a carbon tax to promote transition to renewable fuels. The Greens opposed it because they said it didn't go far enough and voted with our right-wing to defeat the motion. So when the right-wingers got elected they did nothing and we became the poster children for climate-denial.
The Greens will not compromise. They want the perfect or nothing.
As one of our sanest ministers said, "I can talk to the Libs (our mainstream righties) but the Greens just scream at me."
I could give multiple examples of Green opposition to sensible measures but I don't want to write a book.
Our mining industry is not totally evil. The taxes they pay and the employment they provide are essential to our economy. Yes, they have to be controlled, but it's not only coal that's mined. There are non-atmospheric polluting products like iron, copper, silver and gold and elements essential to renewable energy like lithium, cobalt, palladium, etc. Oh, I almost forgot uranium. We have 30% of the world's supply.
And there are many companies (and governments) that are involved in developing hydrogen as a fuel, plus, of course, hydro, wind and solar and for the naysayers that claim renewables can't replace base-load power, we are installing huge batteries for the downtimes.
In my opinion the one thing missing is nuclear power, but dogmatism triumphs in that regard. That won't go down well with the Greens, who regard nuclear as anathema.
Nobody is perfect but we're trying. The Greens don't help.
Thank you for this glimpse at young Alys
This started me thinking of myself and my best friend at that age. I don't remember how we met – I'd always thought our parents knew each other, until decades later mum told me how it had been us kids becoming inseparable at the playground. We began to drift apart around the time school started, though: she'd wanted to take the test to go to school one year early so I followed suit, but only I was accepted, and then a year later we moved (only across town, but at that age it was enough). And I stated retreating into books, one of the traditional refuges for a bright girl.