Rob and I go for an evening walk
which helps me to make a decision about my future

A Fortuitous Adventure:
or, how I got my first job

by Louise Anne Smithson

Chapter 20

An evening walk

Over the last week Clare had got me in to reading the ‘Georgia Nicolson’ series of novels by Louise Rennison, the latest of which had just appeared the previous month. She had the whole series, which she had begun reading as a fifteen year old, and remained a great fan.

‘You should try these, they’re very funny and Georgia’s adventures will give you more of an insight into what it is like to be a teenage girl.’

I’d agreed to try reading Angus, thongs and full-frontal snogging, and soon became hooked and was mid-way through my third title during my break at work on Sunday morning when Jenny and Clare joined me.

‘I hear you had an ‘interesting’ time after we left you last night, Emily.’

‘I can see that I can’t trust my cousin with any secrets,’ I said.

‘Not when it comes to the matter of boyfriends,’ said Clare laughing. ‘I’m going to need Jenny to help me extract every last detail of Friday night from you.’

Inevitably, I was teased a little by Jenny and Clare, regarding Rob’s birthday present to me, but not in a nasty way. They were keen to learn exactly what had happened after Clare and Geoff had dropped us off and where we planned to go later that evening. I tried to change the subject of conversation to other things, but they were doing no more to me than I had previously done to both of them regarding their own boyfriends. So in the end I resigned myself to answering their questions about my planned date.

‘We’re only going out for a walk round town, that’s all.’

‘There are several possible places you could go for a romantic, evening walk by the riverside,’ said Clare, with laboured emphasis on that one word.

I ignored her implication.

‘I was going to leave it up to Rob since he appears to know the town pretty well.’

‘So what are you planning to wear tonight Emily?’ asked Jenny.

‘Nothing too glam, I don’t want him to think that I always dress myself like a Barbie doll,’ I replied.

‘So you won’t be wearing your new Teddy then,’ said Clare.

‘I don’t think so, not on a first date.’

‘That pink halter top looks nice on you with your white jeans, Clare suggested.

‘Alright, but I’d better stick to low heeled shoes since we’ll be walking on grass by the river,’ I added.

‘In that case you have those white open-toed sandals, but make sure you put some varnish on your toe nails.’

‘I last did them a fortnight ago, so I probably should do them again.’

‘We can do each other’s nails after work this afternoon, if you want,’ suggested Clare.

‘Alright but I don’t have any colour which will go with that pink top,’ I replied.

‘I expect I’ve some that will do, and if not I am sure we could borrow some from Anne or Karen as it is for a ‘special occasion,’ said Clare.

‘Remember what I said to you about your makeup. It may be ok for you to dress simply but you’ll still need to make the most of your eyes and your lips if you want to look truly irresistible to him’ said Jenny, laughing.

‘Don’t worry; I put on mascara and lipstick as a matter of course these days, to boost my self-confidence. Also I have to take some trouble with my hair or else it would look awful.’

‘Yes, I think you’re getting to know what’s required, but perhaps a little subtle eye shadow and eye-liner might also be in order if you are going to sweep him off his feet tonight.’

I sighed.

‘Jenny, we’re only going out for a quiet friendly walk in the town, not a torrid love affair.’

‘Well, you never know, great things can sometimes come from quiet friendly beginnings,’ added Clare laughing.

Sometimes attack is the best form of defence, so I turned on her.

‘There speaks the voice of experience, by the way Clare, you never did tell us how you got on at that pop festival,’ I said joining in the fun.

‘Not a lot, unfortunately,’ she replied. ‘With Rob tagging along to play Gooseberry we didn’t have much chance to do anything except listen to the music. That’s why I was quite keen for you to take him off our hands, Emm,’ she replied.

‘Thanks a lot!’ I said in mock anger. ‘So you palmed him off on to me just to give yourself more opportunity with his friend.’

‘Maybe, but I could see that you quite fancied him on that first occasion we all met.’

I blushed, knowing that Clare was right.

‘From the looks of things it seems he feels the same way about you,’ said Jenny smiling.

---

That evening, Clare and I left the house at the same time so as not to arouse Aunt Carol’s suspicions, although we were going to go our separate ways once we reached Shrewsbury. We’d also agreed to meet up again at ten-thirty at the bus station, which would be just in time to catch the last bus home, although Clare was hoping that Geoff would be able to borrow his father’s car again and so would be able to drive us both home. The main thing was that we should arrive home together. I could see Rob was waiting for me at the bus station as our bus pulled in. He looked nice; casually dressed in jeans and a new t-shirt and I was glad that I had not dressed up as well. I must have seemed nervous though as Clare turned to me.

‘I’ll see you later, Emily; good luck and have a good time.’

‘Thanks.’

‘And don’t worry, you look great,’ she added smiling.

Clare got off first and made her way across the bus station in the direction of the pub where she’d agreed to meet Geoff, waving to Rob as she did so. I followed her off the bus but walked over to where he was waiting, feeling distinctly nervous, wondering if I had done the right thing in coming in the first place, and whether I’d chosen the right clothes to wear.

‘Hi Emily, it nice to see you again,’ he said a little awkwardly.

He bent down and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I went bright red.

‘Hi Rob, did you get home ok last night?’ I asked, somewhat lamely, for want of anything more interesting to say.

He could hardly answer my question without stating the obvious. So thankfully he ignored it.

‘Shall we walk towards the Welsh Bridge, and then follow the River to Quarry Park?’ he asked.

‘You’re the expert; I’ll leave it for you to decide where we go.’

After walking for a little while Rob and I both began to relax and the ice melted between us. He took my free hand as we walked along, and when we stopped to look at a family of swans and their cygnets on the river, he casually put his arm round my shoulder and so I imperceptibly moved closer to him.

Although I’d been staying just outside of the town for the last month and had worked at a number of different venues, there was still much of Shrewsbury that I’d never seen. For example, I’d not yet made it into Quarry Park which I discovered was full of flower beds, and in fact they were just beginning to prepare for the Shrewsbury Flower Show which was due to begin the following week. We spent nearly an hour there admiring the landscaped sunken garden before we made our way back to the Town Walls and then towards the English Bridge on the eastern side of the old town. We crossed the river briefly there to have a look at the Abbey ruins, before turning back and making a detour to the castle. Finally, we made our way back through the mediaeval streets of the town centre.

During the course of our walk Rob greeted a couple of people he knew and we briefly stopped to talk to one couple in the town. I was introduced as Emily and there was no trace of any awkwardness on his part. I felt a frisson of pleasure to be acknowledged as the girlfriend of someone so good looking. As we walked we chatted about various things: our families, where we’d come from, what we hoped to do in the future. From time to time we stopped to look at buildings or other features, and particularly the black and white buildings in Fish Street. Rob seemed to know a fair amount about architecture and the history of the town. He could date buildings and knew what was original and what had nineteenth century additions or alterations. I learned a lot just by being in his company.

It felt somehow right to be spending time with Rob, but it was also clear to us both that our friendship couldn’t last. He was studying at the University of East Anglia which, as far as I knew was hundreds of miles away, on the other side of England. He would be returning there in mid-September and he was already planning to spend his next year’s summer vacation working overseas. Goodness only knows what I would be doing this time next year, or even what gender I would be, for that matter. But in some respects the temporary nature of our friendship made the situation simpler, we both knew where we stood and could enjoy one another’s company for a few weeks without raising any long term expectations

‘So what are your plans for the autumn, Emily?’ he asked me at last.

‘If everything works out ok I want to leave school and study at home for my ‘A’ levels. I also hope to work part-time for my mother.’

‘Don’t you like school?’

‘I enjoy learning about new things, just as I’ve enjoyed learning about Shrewsbury from you tonight. But I didn’t have any friends at home, and I would now be so depressed if I had to go back to being Chris.

‘Will you ever go back to being Chris again?’ he asked.

Now that was a good question, one that I’d been asking myself all week, ever since my conversation with my mother. Yet for some inexplicable reason I now knew the answer. I looked directly into his eyes.

‘No. As far as I’m concerned Chris is finished and I don’t even want to go back to Eastbourne if I can avoid it. There’s nothing for me there. I’m just waiting for my mother to return so that I can start to make Emily a more permanent feature of my life.’

‘What does that mean exactly?’ he asked.

I turned away and looked at the floor.

‘I want to start taking female hormones, and, when I’m old enough, have an operation-to become a real woman.’

I had at last said what had been in my mind for the last two weeks or so.

‘Wow, that sounds quite far-reaching; are you sure?’

‘Yes. I am certain, and become more so with every hour that passes,’ I said quietly.

‘Well good luck to you, if that is what you really want,’ said Rob.

---

I was in something of a state of shock; after all, I had just spelled out something to this lad, whom I hardly knew, that I had not previously admitted to myself before that point, let alone to my family. We both became quite thoughtful and neither of us said anything for some time, until we reached a café that was open.

‘I’ve been trying to buy you a cappuccino ever since Birmingham New Street Station,’ he said laughing.

‘Alright then,’ I replied.

---

After a few minutes of talking about nothing in particular, I returned to the subject we’d been discussing before.

‘Rob, for some reason I’ve admitted some things to you this evening which I’ve not yet said to my family. Please don’t say anything about my plans to Geoff until I’ve had a chance to explain the situation to Clare and her family.’

He smiled and took my hand across the coffee table.

‘That’s ok Emily, I promise to be discreet.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, leaving my hand where it was.

I was pleased that Clare had persuaded me to redo my nails before I came out.

---

We met up with Clare and Geoff, at the time planned, and we agreed to go out as a foursome to see Slumdog Millionaire the following Friday evening, which was the first occasion we all had time off together. Clare suggested that we should also invite Jenny and her boyfriend along as none of us would be working on that evening. This idea suited me as I liked to go out as part of a group and both their boyfriends already knew about my situation and appeared to accept me as Emily without too much awkwardness. The two lads also raised no objection to them joining us, so a text message was duly dispatched. Half an hour later Jenny confirmed that they would be joining us.

As expected, Geoff gave us a lift to Clare’s house, but pulled up just short of the drive, into the unlit lay-by next to the bus stop, where the car could not be seen from the house. Clare and Geoff proceeded to indulge in a passionate embrace in the front seats, ignoring our presence in the seats behind them. Rob smiled, looked a little embarrassed, but put his arm around me. I snuggled up against his body, slipped my hand into his shirt and began to stroke the hair on his chest. For a moment I was sorry that I’d chosen to wear jeans rather than a skirt, as I felt his hand caress my thigh. But perhaps it was just as well; the late night bus suddenly drew up next to the car and its lights illuminated the interior. A couple of Clare’s neighbours alighted. The four of us sat up and straightened our dishevelled clothes. We had no choice but to leave as Aunt Carol would have heard the last bus pull up outside her house and expected us to be on it.

‘Good night Rob,’ I said leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, before I got out, ‘I’ll see you on Friday night.’

Clare and I waved goodbye to the guys and then went in to the house. After a brief chat to Aunt Carol, who was watching television, we both took a mug of coffee up to Clare’s room, to have a chat and compare notes about our evenings.

---

‘So how did it go Emm?’ she asked as soon as we got to her bedroom.

‘OK, I suppose,’ I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

‘Come on, you can do better than that.’

‘Well he’s good fun to be with, but I have to remember that he’ll only be around for about three or four weeks.’

‘An awful lot can happen in about three or four weeks.’

’You’re right there,’’ I thought to myself remembering just what had happened to my life in the last three or four weeks.

‘It’ll be nice to have someone to go out with for the rest of the summer, particularly as you and Jenny have boyfriends, as long as things don’t get too serious.

‘Yes it does make a difference to have someone special, but Geoff will be returning to his Uni as well mid-way through September, and so life will become pretty bleak again come the Autumn. That’s why I’m hoping that your Mum will move here and then you can remain as Emily and we can continue to be good friends.

‘I would love that to happen,’ I replied.

---

Before I went to bed that night, I conducted an Internet search about the physiological and psychological effects of taking female hormones, then downloaded and printed off several pages of information. I read them through and put them in my handbag intending to look at them again later. It was clear that if I was going to do so, it would be better for me to start as quickly as possible before my body began to change much more, and I grew to look and sound more like a man. I really enjoyed looking the way I did and the prospect that it would soon change was distasteful. But how would I go about obtaining hormones for myself? The decision to take them would inevitably be a watershed in my life — a point of no return - but I was now quite clear that it was the right thing for me to do. It was just a question of how I would go about explaining that to my mother, aunt and cousins.