"...if only in my dreams."

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“…if only in my dreams.”

Dawn brought no relief from the cold that caused each and every paratrooper in Company A to shiver, as much from what he knew what was coming as from the cold. Those who could not resist doing so peered over the lip of his foxhole and out across the small clearing toward a tree line not more than fifty yards off that was occupied by the enemy. All night they’d listened as the sound of Germans tanks and halftracks carefully picked their way forward, settling into positions from which they would jump off once the dark leaden grey sky had lightened enough to allow them to launch another attack.

This attack would be heralded as all the others had been by a short but vicious barrage, one the soldiers feared as much as the prospect of facing German tanks, for the enemy shells often detonate long before they reached the ground. These tree bursts were proving far more deadly than the shellings the paratroopers had endured during previous campaigns, for instead of throwing off razor sharp shrapnel in a fan like patter along the ground, the incoming rounds went off high among the trees. The splintered remains of shattered trees were proving to be just as deadly as the chucks of metal that rained down on the hapless paratroopers, tearing at unexposed flesh and bone with all the cold efficiency of a butcher’s cleaver.

Within the confined of the foxhole he’d scrapped out with the help of another medic, Jerald Webb didn’t bother looking across the snow covered field. He was too busy inventorying the merger contents of his aid bag. This didn’t take long, for he’d received no resupply since they’d left Camp Mourmelon in France and headed north into Belgium. Even when he added what he had found in his fellow medic’s aid bag with his after his friend had been struck down in midstride by a stich of machinegun fire while responding to a pitiful cry for help, Webb knew if the attack they were all bracing for was as vicious as the last one, he’d not have enough to help those who would need his attention.

Having done all he could to prepare himself for the coming ordeal, Webb closed up his bag, slung it over his shoulder and eased back against the frozen wall of his foxhole, looking up as he did so at a tangle of tree branches high above him, wondering as he did so what kind of odds he would have of being able to crawl out of his hole if a German shell just happened to go off in their midst. In an effort to keep himself from dwelling on this, Webb pulled a glove stained with the blood of other men off his right hand by clamping down on the tip of the glove’s middle finger with his teeth and pulling his hand out. With his free hand he grasped the glove and tucked it away in a pocket of his field jacket least he lose it.

Bringing his right hand up to his mouth, he blew on fingers that were already growing numb from the bitter cold in a vain effort to warm it. Then, ever so carefully, he reached into his field jacket and fished about until his fingers lit upon the right breast pocket of his fatigue shirt. When he found what he was looking for, he grasped a corner a plastic pouch and pulled it out of his pocket.

Like a child unwrapping the most precious and wonderful Christmas gift he’d ever been given, Webb pealed away the edges of the plastic wrapping he used to protect a photo he’d carried with him into Normandy and throughout the campaign in Holland. Cupping the photo in his hands, he looked down at the image of a young woman wearing an innocent little smile who was shyly returning his gaze.

As it had always done in the past, the memory of the day on which the photo had taken succeeded in taking Jerald Webb back to a time and place that was, for him, filled with nothing but happiness. The hope that he might one day be able to set aside all that he had seen and been trough since that day and once more recapture the beauty of that moment was the only thing that kept him going, enduring the horrors that filled his days and haunted him as he slept.

“You never have told me who she is,” a voice called out, catapulting Webb back to the grim reality of the snow filled Belgium wood.

Craning his head around, Webb saw the company first sergeant crouching down on the edge of his foxhole behind him. Fumbling about like a child who’d been caught by a parent looking at dirty postcards, Webb flipped the photo over in his hand before rewrapping it in the plastic he used to protect it.

“Is she your sister?” the first sergeant asked as he watched the young medic go about returning the photo to his breast pocket, the one closest to his heart.

“No,” was all Webb muttered as he went about pulling the glove he’d stuffed in his pocket out and slipping his right hand into it without bothering to look back over his shoulder at the first sergeant least that man see the blush rising in his cheeks.

“Well if she’s not, whoever she is I expect she will make some man very happy one day,” the first sergeant replied as he slowly rose to his feet.

“She already has,” Webb whispered to himself as he recalled the day his friend had taken the photo for him.

Deciding it would be best not to press the medic on the matter, the first sergeant turned his attention to the reason he’d stopped by Webb’s hole. “I expect you’re going to have one hell of a day,” he opined as he took to scanning once peaceful woods already brutally scared by war. “I hope you’re ready.”

“I am,” Webb replied softly as he patted the spot on his field jacket covering his photo.

~

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" is a Christmas song recorded in 1943 by Bing Crosby who scored a top ten hit with the song. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" has since gone on to become a Christmas standard.

The song is sung from the point of view of an overseas soldier during WWII, writing a letter to his family. In the message, he tells the family that he will be coming home, and to prepare the holiday for him including requests for "snow", "mistletoe", and "presents on the tree". The song ends on a melancholy note, with the soldier saying "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams."

~

On 16 December 1944 the Germans launched a major attack on American forces defending a stretch of the front in the Ardennes Forest. In what would become known as the Battle of the Bulge, 610,00 Americans would participate in the bloodiest battle fought by the United States in World War II, resulting in 19,000 dead and 70,000 wounded. The 101st Airborne Division, pulled form a reserve position, would be surrounded in Bastogne, Belgium from 20 December until 27 December. Of the 11,000 men of the division who went into the fight, more than 2,000 became casualties during those eight days.

~

Though I did not participate in this battle, there was a photo I carried with me during the Gulf War in 1991. Those who have been there like my fictional character and I will understand.

Nancy Cole
a.k.a. HW Coyle

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One Would hope

littlerocksilver's picture

... that her dreams came true. 1952 was not that far off.

Portia

if only in MY dreams...

Andrea Lena's picture

...I never went to battle like so many brave souls, and I never had a photo, but she does exist in my dreams. What a precious story. You've got me weeping. Thank you and Merry Christmas if a bit early.

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Thanks

From one who has been "there" thanks for the memory bump

Thought about this

The other day I caught a fragment of this song being performed as a light pop/country song, I quickly changed the channel before I got po'd. I wondered at the time if anybody watching really understood the meaning behind the song. I had the chance to visit Bastogne and the memorial there, something I'll never forget. Thanks for the story and the reminder of battles fought long ago and the men long forgotten that fought them so honorably under such conditions.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Until now, I had always

Until now, I had always thought that the song referred to anyone forced to be away from home during Christmas. I hadn't realized that it was written from the point of view of a soldier deployed overseas. Thank you for that piece of information. When I hear the song in the future, it will give me another reminder of those who have sacrificed so much for us back here at home.

Thank you also for this story. It is a powerful piece.

I can truly understand the feelings ...

I never saw or heard a shot fired in anger though I sailed into war-zones on ships supplying ammunition, or worse, crude oil or aviation fuel or gasoline; (Cyprus, Vietnam, Persian Gulf) Yeah, merchant ships and seamen get into some pretty weird places under some pretty strange flags.

Though I never saw any 'action' I endured another sort of 'action' long, long before I was ever old enough to hold a rifle.

T'was 'the merch' that saved my life and sanity ... and yeah, secret little pictures remain with me to this day. Only one other person has ever seen them and unlike the wild stuff I post here, these pictures remain our secret; too much anger, too many memories.

As to being 'Home by Christmas', first one has to have a home to go to. The only thing I remember about 'Christmas at sea' was an extra day's pay and later, as conditions improved, an additional day's leave. The same went for New year's day.

Thanks Nan.

Bevs.

bev_1.jpg

Cyprus

If you ever put in at Iskenderun Turkey, we may have cast eyes on one another. I was stationed there when Cyprus blew up back in the 70's.

Best,

DJ

Putting into Iskenderun.

Yes, we put into Iskenderun twice to load cotton, carobs and citrus fruit. Did you work in those big Radar Domes up on the hill?" We also docked in Mersin to load cotton and Carobs. We also discharged some Leyland buses there as well.

Bevs.

bev_1.jpg

Thank you Nancy

I was just reading about the Ardennes Offensive trying to recreate part of what those guys went though in a story of mine. I was a peacetime solider and rear echelon to boot. I have never seen the 'elephant' and am happy not to. For all of those who have, you all have my deepest respects.

For us who can only be our selves in our dreams, we have our touchstones we hold onto with all of our heart, soul, and strength. They are what let us go on for one more day.

Thanks again Nancy for reminding us.
hugs
Grover

101st AB

In the mid 80's I was assigned to Headquarters and Service Battery, 3rd Battalion 319th Field Artillery, Division Artillery, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault). I have always been an amateur military historian and became more so when I was sent to Ft Campbell KY. During Desert Shield/Storm I was with Bravo Battery 6th FA (MLRS), 1st Infantry Division as a Field Artillery Surveyor. I make it a point to read each of your stories because you know what it is like to be out at the end of the spear.

Battle of Bulge

My late father-in-law went ashore day 3 at Normany. He was one of those surrounded by the Germans in that village. He was on a mortor crew as some may know they moved people around to confuse the Germans and make them think there were more Allied forces than the had. The location he moved from had gotten a direct hit that night killing all.

He lived to marry and raise a family of three boys and one girl, whom I married.

His name was Edward C. Piller.

Bill

Sniffle sniffle.....

Thank you Nancy for posting this. I hope she got her chance to be happy again. So many didn't, sobering reminder of the horrors of war.... (Hugs) Taarpa

Thanks, Nancy, a very nice

Thanks, Nancy, a very nice "military" story that I am sure covers many, many members of the military even today, that no-one except them know about. Maybe one day however.