Hello, my name is Hortense and I’m a dryad.

I know that and now you know that. Everyone else thinks that I’m a satyr named Horny. I have this enormous thing that I just hate. It has a mind of it’s own when I get around the other nymphs, I hate that too. You think that you human transgender people have it bad? We’re always naked so I can’t present as myself with clothing. I’m hairy all over too. I try to act as feminine as possible but having a huge erection all the time just kills the effect. If I try to put a feminine sway in my hips it just sets my testicles to swinging. Unfortunately they match the erection.

I tried to tell my family about my true nature but they didn’t understand. Dad thought I meant I liked boys(we are ancient Greek myths after all.) I mean, I would love to have one of the satyrs chase me. I might even let him catch me! But they wouldn’t want the real me. The ones who would chase me would want that disgusting thing I hate. Mom said I was just as pretty as any nymph in my own satyrish way. Huh? Mom, Satyrs aren’t pretty! They aren’t even handsome. They’re just the epitome of excess male virility. I look like just the opposite of what I feel I am inside.

There’s just no hope for me. I can’t live like this. I’m going to consult the Delphic oracle. Maybe she can help me. I just know what she’s going to want first, too. I’ll do what I have to do.

Whew, that was disgusting. She’s a wrinkled old hag to boot. She said “to thine own self be true.” I think she stole the line from somewhere; it’s way more clear than most of her pronouncements. So:

...........................................................My name is Hortense and I AM a dryad......................