Steven yearns for acceptance. His sister and friends want to put makeup on him. In exchange, his sister offers honorary sisterhood among her tight-knit group of friends. When they see how he looks, they want to dress him en femme and for this his sister promises full sisterhood if he accepts. However, another member of the group is more protective of this sisterhood than the others. Having justifiable concerns about allowing a boy to be part of that circle, she insists upon including an initiation to ensure that he is worthy of their sisterhood. What will Steven have to do? Will Steven pass the initiation?

(There is no dominating feminization and only a brief mention of a past bullying incident.)

THE INITIATION

Spring Break
Friday, March 21, 1986

CHAPTER 1

I screwed up! One mistake was all it took to expose my secret! In the early afternoon of the second day of my spring break, the Agatha Christie novel I was reading lost its fight with the rising temperature in my room. Sighing under my breath, I stepped into the off-white painted hallway to check the thermostat. To no surprise, I found it set too high.

Why does Liz always turn this damn thing up?

It was an ordinary inconvenience but, engrossed in my novel, I had taken too long to respond this time. Rolling my eyes, I twisted the thermostat dial to its proper setting.

Where the hell is she, anyway? This is too much even for her!

That was when I realized that I could hear her voice wafting up from the kitchen downstairs.

Oh, she’s on the phone again. No wonder!

Rolling my eyes, I returned to my room. As I closed the door, I noticed that my blonde ponytail, which I kept down the back of my shirt to hide its length, was overheating my neck and back. I opened the window to cool the room, but that would take awhile and I hated perspiring. Besides, I had just washed my hair. It still smelled of my coconut shampoo! Sighing, I pulled my ponytail out of its hiding place and, standing before the mirror over my dresser, I removed the elastic band. I brushed out my hair, which hung nearly to what would have been my bust line if I had been a girl, and redid my ponytail at the back of my head. When I finished, I let it hang outside of my shirt and away from my neck.

It was a girlish way to wear my hair, and I felt vulnerable not knowing what Liz would think if she saw it, but I couldn’t leave it hanging against my skin. It was too hot.

Well, Liz is downstairs and Mom and Dad are on a cruise to Mexico. The room will cool down soon enough. No-one will know.

However, there was one more complication. The heating system always dried out the air and that soon made me thirsty. Sighing loudly, as I had just gotten through doing my hair in its exposed, feminine style, I rose and opened my bedroom door to have a listen for Liz. There was nobody else in the house, as she was my only sibling.

Liz knew about the length of my hair, but even she hadn’t seen me wear it in such a girlish way. If she ever did, she might decide that I was getting carried away and change her mind about keeping my hair a secret from our parents, or so I feared.

She was still talking on the kitchen phone, which she did often enough to annoy our mother to no end. Satisfied that the coast was clear, I eased out of my room and stole down the off-white-carpeted stairs. Liz stopped talking as I got a few steps down. When I reached the bottom, I heard the distinct sounds of someone dumping trash into the can outside.

Liz is taking out the trash! This is perfect! I only need a few seconds!

I darted into the kitchen, planning to be gone before she returned. I was halfway across the plank floor before I heard the shriek.

“Oh, my God! Look at Stevie’s hair!!”

I froze on the spot, as I recognized the voice of Dinah Slocum, Liz’s friend.

Oh shit!! What have I done??

Our white, farmhouse table was in the near right-hand corner, far enough to the right of the kitchen door that it could not be seen from outside the room. Liz and I had made occasional use of that quirk to give each other a mischievous morning scare, to our parents’ eternal consternation. Now the Universe had played that same card.

Turning around in slow shock, my face white, I caught a glimpse of the next-door neighbor stepping up to his back porch with an empty trash can. My gaze swung toward my sister and Dinah, who were seated at the table with Samantha Walsh, their friend and my crush. All of them gawked at me as though I had run in naked.

I’ve made a royal fuckup!! That’s what I’ve done!!

Liz stood wringing her hands, her face a vision of sympathetic frustration, as though she had jumped to her feet, trying and failing to warn me before the others saw me. Dinah stared at me with her eyes wide and mouth agape, rising from the table. Samantha squealed, clasping her hands and grinning, her shoulder-length sandy blonde hair dancing as she hopped to her feet. “Wow! Stevie! I had no idea your hair is so long!!”

She beelined over to me, fingering my ponytail as if to confirm that it wasn’t an attached fall. Dinah followed her, by all appearances mesmerized. Liz drifted over with an odd expression on her face betraying that she had noticed my feminine hairstyle.

“Erm... y-yeah.” I stammered. “I’ve been g-growing it.”

It was all I could do to hold back from executing a perfect facepalm. For more than fifteen months I had gotten away with hiding the length of my hair down the back of my shirt. Now, my crush stood gazing upon my feminine hairdo and finding that my hair was longer than hers!

I can’t believe I just blew my secret! Well, at least Samantha’s not screaming and running down the front steps!

Dazed, I stood there, in the rustic kitchen, not knowing what to do, other than quench my thirst. Meanwhile, the girls had a shared idea, judging from their faces. It was Dinah who spoke it.

“Oh, now we have to put makeup on you! Can we? Please?” she blurted, making me take an involuntary step back.

“Yeah!!” Samantha jumped on Dinah’s bandwagon. “Can we please, Stevie? Please??” Her gaze was enough to melt my heart – and her puppy eyes always worked on me.

How awkward is it that my crush wants to put makeup on me?! I’ve only recently been getting the feeling that she likes me and now this happens! God damn it!!

“I’ll tell you what.” Liz negotiated. “We’ll make you an honorary sister if you let us!” Always the peacemaker, she was just being fair – but, knowing her, she was also having a bit of fun at my expense. Dinah looked at her askance, but remained quiet.

Samantha’s face lit up, as she nodded with enthusiasm. “I love that idea!” She approved!

They had no idea how much I wanted their acceptance. They were tight-knit friends who thought of themselves as sisters. Even honorary sisterhood was a privilege for someone trustworthy, and I knew that I wanted to be that someone. To me, that kind of acceptance was a dream. My long hair got me picked on at school, along with my short stature and glaring lack of masculinity, which helped not at all. As I scanned their faces, I found approval in each one – except Dinah’s.

Turning to Liz with her arms folded, Dinah insisted, “Erm, Liz? A boy can’t be a sister. Duh!”

“I said honorary, didn’t I?” Liz mollified.

“Oh, alright!” Dinah caved with a giggle, making it obvious how much she wanted to see me wear makeup.

Now that the sisterhood was in agreement, I decided to let them put makeup on me. It was the acceptance that I wanted; I didn’t care that they were girls. Besides, Samantha seemed to want this as much as Dinah did, and the thought of making Samantha happy was a genuine extra perk.

It’s only a makeup job. Who would it hurt?

Before I gave verbal consent, however, Liz grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the stairs. She knew me too well! With an impish grin, Dinah followed her lead and seized my other one. Samantha squealed and hurried after us.

Why are they getting so worked up over makeup? Is it a feminist thing to put makeup on boys?

CHAPTER 2

In Liz’s powder blue bedroom, the girls had me sit at her white makeup station, which consisted of her desk and the mirror affixed to the wall behind it. With a gentle touch, Samantha removed the elastic band from my ponytail, stuffed it in her pocket, and ran her fingers through my hair.

Suddenly, I’m really glad I just washed it!

Still marveling at its length, Dinah blurted, “I’m kind of surprised that your parents let you grow your hair this long. I don’t think a lot of parents would!”

I winced. “Well... they didn’t... exactly.”

“They didn’t? You mean they don’t know how long it is?” Samantha gasped. “How is that possible?”

I grinned. “It’s easier than you think. They’re both attorneys who work long hours. When I shower, I clean up all of my hairs, wrap them in toilet paper, and flush them. When I get dressed, I hide my ponytail down the back of my shirt. I started doing that as soon as it was long enough, and collared shirts came in handy for a while. It’s a cinch to hide my hair from my parents.”

“What about school, though?” Samantha probed as she spritzed my hair with a spray bottle that Liz kept in her room.

“Well, that stopped being a problem the hard way. Surely you heard about the locker room incident last fall?” I looked up at Samantha.

“Yeah. A couple of boys started throwing punches, as I recall,” she frowned at the memory.

“Exactly. The school expelled my attackers, and agreed to permanent home exercise in lieu of a lawsuit. That’s the benefit of a private school* and two attorneys for parents!” I smirked. “Anyway, after that, it was easy to hide the length of my hair at school. A boy’s hair doesn’t have to be super short. My hair is always hidden, and collared shirts are required under the dress code, so they still think my hair is within the rules. It’s easy.”

(*In the States, private schools are funded by the families of the students, which means that those schools are fully empowered to choose which students to admit as well as to decide upon their own rules.)

“Have you always known about his hair, Liz?” Dinah inquired.

“No. He actually made it six months before I walked in on him brushing it out in the bathroom,” she chuckled.

“I forgot to lock the door,” I admitted, giggling. “But it’s kind of a good thing, because after that, Liz taught me the benefits of using the right shampoo and conditioner – and she even trims the split ends every once in a while!”

“I guess it was a blessing in disguise, but frankly, Stevie, I’m amazed you weren’t found out sooner. I guess, today, you finally let your guard down, huh?” Liz glanced at me.

“Yeah, I guess so!” I shrugged with a nervous smile.

“Alright, enough talk! I want to see a makeover on Stevie!” Dinah gestured at me.

* * * * *

“Okay, hon. Let’s pretty you up!” Samantha turned on the hair dryer and began blow drying and styling. When she was done, my hair had graceful, feminine waves. She then gathered the top half and held it back with a shiny, silver barrette placed high on the back of my head. “Close your eyes!” She recommended. After I did, she finished the job with hair spray.

“Time for makeup!” Dinah giggled. She set to work and dolled me up with light mascara before adding light penciled eyeliner to give a touch of the classic “puppy eyes” style. She added pink lip gloss, and pronounced the makeup done.

They had me stand and brought me over to the full-length mirror on Liz’s closet door. When I saw my reflection, I drew in a soft breath, amazed at what I saw. “Wow! I look so different!” I marveled in a hushed tone, as though admiring a painting in a museum. Puberty had yet to begin for me, which meant that I saw no masculinity.

“You look incredible!” Samantha gushed! The look on her face expressed something complex. I wasn’t sure what I saw in it... until she stood behind me and wrapped her arms around me. In the background, I heard Liz and Dinah whispering and giggling, perhaps kidding each other that Samantha and I made a cute couple.

Wrong!

“Stevie, how would you like to become a full sister to us?” Liz proposed, making Dinah turn and stare at her with a face full of angst.

I would love it! More than anything! I hate being the outsider!

“Now, wait a minute! Just hold on! Liz, I told you. Boys can’t be sisters, stupid!” Dinah snapped, standing with her arms akimbo.

“Does she look like a boy to you?” Liz pointed out.

“Well, not at the moment! Duh!” Dinah confessed, making us all laugh. “But he is one!”

“Dinah, in case I didn’t make it clear, I’m talking about Stephanie being a full member, not Stevie, okay?” Liz explained, winning another round of giggles... except from Dinah. She was not amused.

“No, it’s not okay! You never said anything about him being a full sister!” she called Liz out.

“Well, no, but we’re talking about it right now,” Liz soothed.

“Well, hey, I love that idea!” Samantha weighed in, with her hand raised.

“Well, how could I be a full sister?” I ventured in a nervous voice, staring at them, hungry for their acceptance. It was obvious that Dinah found the prospect less than thrilling but, at this point, I was only trying to understand what Liz was talking about in the first place.

“Well,” Liz began, “For that, you have to let us dress you up as a girl from the skin out, wearing everything that we tell you to.”

“Girls’ clothes.” I acknowledged, staring at nothing.

“And you have to face an initiation,” Dinah insisted, her arms crossed like a displeased bouncer at a nightclub. She was putting up a fight about Stephanie becoming first an honorary sister and now a full one. She was not about to back down.

“I-initiation?” I stuttered, my widened eyes staring, my face blanched.

“We need to know that you are worthy of our sisterhood. There must be an initiation.” She stated, in a take-it-or-leave-it tone.

I knew the look on Liz’s face like I knew the color of our house. She was debating herself. Samantha seemed to be in a similar state.

“Erm, Dinah, what’s this about an initiation? We really should discuss these things and decide on them together?” Samantha peered at Dinah with hooded eyes.

Dinah took an unsteady breath, but it was Liz who spoke. “Well, I think that’s what she’s doing right now. She just proposed the initiation and now we’re discussing it.”

“Right!” Dinah agreed, holding her arms with elbows in and palms up. “As a girl, I just feel that...” She struggled for words, searching her mind, crossing her arms. “...I am not comfortable with a boy being a part of my closest circle of trust, okay?” She sighed. “I mean... we talk about girl stuff... meaning No Boys girl stuff. Come on!” she implored her sisters.

My heart sank. Awwww! Why am I always stuck being the outsider?

Yet, in my mind, Dinah was right. “I can understand that. I think you have a point.” The last thing I dared to do was to give Dinah, or the others, any reason to distrust me. If the sisters were not in full agreement, then... I wanted them to discuss it further.

“Well, I mean, we value our sisterhood, too, Dinah. You’re right about what we talk about, and about trust, but I know Stephanie. She’s family. I know that she would fit,” Liz stated.

“I was going to say almost the same thing,” Samantha smiled. “I feel the same need that Dinah does to protect my closest circle of trust, but...” she shrugged. “Steph is a perfect fit and I absolutely trust her with it. I mean... even Stevie’s not exactly one of the guys.” Then she turned to me. “I know that you can handle the No Boys girl talk. You’ve walked into the kitchen while we were talking about that kind of stuff at the table and you haven’t responded in the same demeaning way that the boys do. You’re...” She took a breath as she chose her words with care. “Well, you’re different is all.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I murmured, with a tentative smile.

So it really is okay with the other sisters... and an initiation is fair... depending on the initiation, of course.

“Then the next step is to tell me what the initiation is. I mean... it’s not some kind of a prank, is it?” I ventured.

“No, it’s not a prank, but... in fairness, we haven’t thought of everything yet.” Dinah chuckled. “Hmmmm. You definitely have to walk in our shoes for a while for me to even consider letting you into our group. How about this? After we dress you up completely as a girl, your initiation, with the approval of all sisters,” she glanced at her friends, “is to go somewhere outside of this house, somewhere public, I mean. When we get there, how about... you find one of the girls there and talk to her and... let’s say, you deliver a short message? That way, if you’re nervous, you don’t have to figure out what to say.” Dinah revealed. Sarah and Liz stared at her mutely for a moment, before mumbling their approval.

“If that’s okay with Steph, it’s okay with me.” Samantha added.

I think I understand this choice of initiation. If I’m not willing to step into their shoes for a while, and to be a girl for a bit, then why should they consider me a sister? How would I deserve to be their sister? It really wouldn’t make any sense.

“What message?” I probed. “I mean... how do I know it won’t... hurt her feelings or humiliate us both or something?”

“It won’t be anything like that. What do you think we are, anyway?” Dinah scowled.

“Sorry. I’m just... being responsible. I would think you want that in a sister.” I challenged.

“True,” she admitted.

“We absolutely do,” Samantha agreed, smiling at me with admiration.

“So what’s the message?” I demanded.

“Erm, well, okay, we don’t know the message yet.” Dinah giggled, getting the others started. “I promise you, though, that it will be harmless.” Then her eyes widened in true dizzy fashion. “How about just telling her that it’s an initiation and you’re on a mission, or something like that?”

“That sounds reasonable,” Liz approved. “But the way you phrase it sounds a bit like a frat boy or a soldier to me, at least for our purposes. Let’s rework it a bit. I don’t want her giving herself away.”

“Okay. How about saying that you’re on an adventure like Alice in Wonderland? How’s that for a message?” Dinah offered, with the same goofy expression.

“Works for me!” Samantha smiled.

“Yeah, same here,” Liz agreed.

“Well, I’m definitely going through the looking glass, I’ll give you that!” I joked, winning a laugh.

“Yeah, you are!” Liz agreed.

“Okay... but there are other things you haven’t revealed. Where am I going and who am I talking to? I’m not going in a women’s locker room, if that’s what you have in mind.” I insisted. “I’m not going to do anything... you know... scandalous.”

“I’ll say it again. What do you think we are?” Dinah smirked. “We just got through telling you about wanting to protect our circle of trust and you think we’re sending you into a girls’ locker room?”

“Okay, terrible example. But you know what I mean,” I persisted, standing my ground. “And you still haven’t answered my questions.”

Now Samantha crossed her arms and peered at Dinah, her growing suspicion making itself evident.

Dinah sighed. “I know I haven’t. Let’s decide that right now. I think that we need to choose someone safe for you to talk to and there’s only one person who I know is safe. That’s my sister, Emma. She’s your age, Steph, and she will have no idea what’s going on.” Dinah giggled. “Just so you know, well, Emma’s not going to figure you out, but even if something went wrong and, by some miracle, she did, she is not going to freak out. She won’t even care. Like I said, she’s safe.”

“Okay. You’re making sense,” Samantha approved. I nodded along with her.

“I agree,” Liz nodded. “Okay then. Where should we do this?”

“Well, for Stevie to truly step into our shoes for a while, it can’t just be someone else’s house, right? That’s no different from here. It has to be out in public somewhere. If Stevie is going to find Emma and talk to her, then the easiest place to go to is Emma’s school,” she smiled. “It’s all-girls. Today’s her last day before her spring break. Her school gets out at three o’clock, so the timing will work, too.”

Samantha and Liz both looked conflicted.

Meanwhile, I marveled, “You want me to dress as a girl... in public... at a girls’ school?”

“Well, it is a safe place, Steph,” Samantha allowed, rubbing my shoulders. “Besides, I will tell you right now that if anything happens to you, then... let’s just say something will happen to Dinah,” Samantha glared at her. “You know I will kick your butt.”

“Yeah, Dinah. I have to agree with that.” Liz agreed.

“I’ll tell you what,” Samantha looked around the room. “Let’s pause right now. Let me speak to Steph privately. You two, please leave the room. Go on!” She gestured to the door. They shrugged at each other and stepped out of the room.

CHAPTER 3

Samantha closed the door, leaned on it, and blew out a breath that lifted her bangs. With a smile, she walked over to me and put her arms around me. “You know Emma’s school, don’t you?” She checked.

“Yeah. We drive by it all the time. It’s in a good neighborhood. It’s impressive looking. It never makes the news,” I kidded, making Sarah grin.

“I know it sounds insane to send you into any school dressed as a girl, but you know I would never allow anything to happen to you.” She locked eyes with me. She really meant it!

“Yeah, I know that.” I smiled.

“Okay. So, here’s the thing.” My eyebrows rose as I teetered on the edge of losing myself in her baby blues as she continued. “I know that it’s important to you to find acceptance and that trust matters to all of us, especially Dinah. That’s why we would be there with you. We would make sure nothing happens to you. Like I said, it’s a girls’ school. Not many girls are going to beat you up. We’re not like boys.” Then she caught herself. “Oh, erm, neither are you. I don’t mean you.” She tittered.

“I know. It’s okay.” I assured her.

“So what do you think? I suppose I’m of two minds about this, but I think that an initiation is fair as long as we do it properly.” she reasoned.

“I do, too. This is scary to think about, but...” I looked down for a moment before looking back up into her eyes, knowing that I trusted her. “You’re right. An initiation done properly is fair and a girls’ school is probably safe. It’s also a great place for me to blend in among hundreds of other girls. Besides, I’m only going to be there for a few minutes at the end of the day. I’m not enrolling as a girl!” I joked, before taking a breath. “Anyway, I want to do this. For the sisterhood.”

“Okay,” she beamed. “Let’s bring the others back in.” Releasing me, she took my hand and led me to the door.

CHAPTER 4

“Alright, sisters. Steph has an answer.” Samantha announced from the doorway.

“So?” Liz fought her anticipation. “Are you going to do it?”

“Samantha tells me that you will all be looking out for me.” I waited for an answer.

“Of course we will,” Liz insisted, looking at Dinah.

“Well, yeah, we will be there to look out for you! Otherwise, we’re not very good sisters!” Dinah’s eyes widened. “Oh, wait! You don’t think we’re just going to dump you off, do you?” She shot off her mouth.

“I didn’t... until now,” I stared at Dinah.

“Di-nah! Don’t scare her like that!” Samantha scolded. “Ugh! I swear, you can be so impulsive sometimes!”

“Sorry. I just wanted you to know that we are positively not doing anything like that.” Dinah apologized. “Like I said, we wouldn’t be very good sisters!”

But I’m not your sister, not yet. Then again, Liz is. So is Samantha. Dinah wouldn’t let them down, would she?

Fighting off fresh doubt, my mind easing, I nodded. “Okay, then I’ll still do it.”

For a moment, I reconsidered whether their acceptance was worth all of this. Yet... they weren’t hiding anything. I trusted them. Deep down, I knew that if I could make friends with these girls... and keep them as friends... then maybe it was worth it.

Aw, hell! It’s totally worth it.

Mine was a world without real friends, except for two boys who didn’t mind me. What would it harm to let these girls dress me up? Who would it hurt? They would have their fun and I would be accepted into the sisterhood! We would all come out of it winners!

“Okay.” I looked back at them. “I’ll do it... to be a... f-full sister, I mean.” My words stumbled but my gaze was steady.

“I’m proud of you,” Samantha smiled.

“Well... you know my reasons,” I responded. “I know,” she whispered. “You want to be accepted. I do, you know. I accept you.”

“Yeah, I know. But thanks, Samantha. That means a lot.” I beamed.

“Alright then! Let’s get started, huh?” Liz suggested, drawing our attention. “We have work to do.”

“Work? Nah, this’ll be fun!” Dinah kidded.

* * * * *

For the next ten minutes, they polished my nails and dried them with a hairdryer. It was not lost on me that applying the polish was a sensual process and even the motions of the brush were smooth and graceful. Yet, wearing the stuff was enough to provoke my nerves. Once the polish was done, Liz jumped to her feet.

“Alright. Nail polish is done. Next step!” She chirped as the girls went to work.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t go away,” Samantha smiled, batting her lashes.

As Samantha crossed to the closet, Dinah unzipped a duffle bag on the floor, making me wonder if the girls were staying over for the night. She took out a pair of matte-black, leather, flat shoes with rubber soles and straps over the insoles. Transferring those to her left hand, she then extracted an unopened package of off-white pantyhose. With my eyes wide, I stared at the hosiery.

Samantha opened the closet door, revealing a garment bag hanging on the door that I knew contained a dress. As I watched, she unzipped it and crossed to the bed holding a navy tank dress with a scoop neck, a curved, drop waist and a tartan design. Red, white, and green bands of color criss-crossed one another to make the pattern. It looked as though it would hang just below the knee. Samantha returned to the closet and got out a white, scoop-neck, long-sleeved top and placed it on top of the dress. Next to the feminine garments, Liz laid a bra and panty set in navy satin, along with a set of foam falsies, making my eyes bulge.

As I gazed upon the feminine finery, suspicion germinated in my mind. Given Dinah’s reaction to the prospect of my full sisterhood, the offer was unpremeditated, as was the initiation. However, it was now beyond question that they had planned to dress me up as a girl all along, even before I blew my secret about my hair. Still, as my eyes came to rest on the dress, I smiled at the thought of wearing something of Samantha’s. It felt almost as though she was extending some measure of intimacy.

“Now, don’t be embarrassed to wear falsies. I used them back when my hips started to flare and the girls were off to a slow start,” Samantha gestured at her breasts with a giggle. “A lot of us need a little help when we’re just starting out. That’s your first sisterhood secret to motivate you to pass this initiation,” she smiled, walking over and putting her arms around me. “Seriously, though. If you dress up in that,” she pointed at the bed, “and pass the initiation, you will be a full sister!”

“That’s right!” Liz agreed, staring at Dinah.

“Yeah, you’ll be a full sister,” Dinah concurred, in a half-hearted tone.

“Okay, hon. We’re going to go downstairs to let you get dressed. I think you’ll look amazing,” Samantha flashed a dreamy smile. Somehow, that smile made me feel better about all of this.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll, uh... just change my clothes then.” I held her gaze.

The other two girls turned and headed for the door. As they got there, Samantha turned to follow them, closing the door behind them.

CHAPTER 5

As though the feminine finery pulled me in, I drifted over to the bed to stare at the garments.

They want me to wear panties... and a bra... and pantyhose! They want me to wear them in public. Why not? I am willing to step into their shoes for a while. I want to be accepted.

As I contemplated where to begin, I found that I was afraid to mess up my hair, as though doing so would get me rejected. Acceptance was so close and I didn’t want to ruin it. I needed a strategy to remove my t-shirt without messing up my hair – or my makeup!

Pulling my arms inside it, leaving them free to grasp the collar, I bunched up the shirt and eased it over my head in a slow, careful motion. Once it was behind my head, I gently held my hair and let the shirt drop to the floor. A sigh of relief escaped my lips. On impulse, I picked up my shirt and put it on the bed. Next, I slid my pants to my ankles and stepped out of them, placing them on top of my t-shirt. Taking a breath, I removed my underwear and socks, adding them to the pile. Feeling awkward about having disrobed in Liz’s room, I picked up the panties and stepped into them. They had a comfortable, snug fit.

With a bit of adjustment, I found that I could improve the fit and the appearance. The bra looked as though it would pose a challenge, but as I studied it for a minute and saw how it worked, I slipped my arms through the straps and reached around to fasten it. It took some groping, but it worked. Eyeing the falsies, I inserted the foam sculptures into my bra, one at a time.

With the lingerie on, I glanced at my body... and saw none of the curves found on a girl beyond the foam breasts. My body gave the appearance of having the opposite problem to Samantha’s. It was the hips that were off to a slow start. To be more accurate, they had no idea that they were in the race!

I hope I don’t look stupid as a girl. I would really hate to go out in public that way! Well, the falsies aren’t all that big. I think I look normal enough for my age.

As I turned to don my outfit, my heart warmed, knowing that the clothes belonged to Samantha.

I love that they’re hers and not Liz’s or Dinah’s! I feel like I’m somehow closer to her this way. I just wish I could stop feeling so nervous and enjoy this intimate feeling! Alright, the top has to go on first. How do I put it on without disturbing my hair?

Picking it up and fretting, I decided to reverse the steps that I had used to remove my t-shirt. I bunched it up and carefully passed it downward over my head until I had it around my neck. Then, while my arms were free, I pulled my hair upward through the collar and let it fall behind me. Now I could put my arms through the sleeves.

Okay, I sighed. Now what? Pantyhose or dress? I’m thinking pantyhose. Gawd, I can’t believe I’m about to wear pantyhose!

Putting them on took some thought... until I remembered the time when my mother had been brash enough to pull on a pair in the living room. She had been running late that day, bustling into the room in her tweed skirt suit and heels, wondering aloud what the hell she had done with her damned pantyhose. She snatched up a shopping bag, retrieved a package from it, ripped it open, sat on the ottoman to pull them up to her knees, and stood, raising her skirt to slip them up to her waist. All of this she did while I was in the front hall, frozen mid-step with a surprised expression, as I went to get my coat for school.

As I chuckled at the memory, it came to me that I remembered admiring the feminine grace with which she did that, if not where she did that, wondering why women were so graceful, even in a rush, while men gave their movements little thought. Recalling my mother’s technique, I made quick work of donning the hosiery, wary of keeping the girls waiting.

With that done, I held the dress in my hands, my mind filling with a memory of Samantha wearing that dress to a party two years earlier. She had looked beautiful in it and I wondered if I would look as good. My anxiety flared with that uncertainty and the thought of my crush seeing me in her dress. Then I marveled that I was curious to know if I would look as good.

Examining the dress to see if it needed a slip, I found that it was lined. A quick glance at the bed yielded no indication that the girls had provided one. The garment bag in the closet was empty when I went over to check. That made up my mind and, after I lowered the hidden side zipper, I stepped into the dress. It didn’t belong on the floor, I was sure, but I had already risked messing up my hair once. Pulling on the dress, I zipped it up and smoothed it, making sure that it hadn’t picked up any lint from the off-white carpet. All that remained were the shoes, which I stepped into with ease.

Now dressed as a girl, I stood and returned to Liz’s full-length mirror to see what I looked like... and straighten my hair, if need be. Everything fit and the falsies made the dress hang well. Even the hips looked like those of a normal girl who was slow to develop. I liked what I saw! It was like nothing I had ever experienced before, especially the bra and pantyhose! I loved the way the off-white nylons looked and felt on my legs.

Smiling at my reflection for a couple of minutes, as I gently dragged a few loose strands of hair back into place, I turned and headed downstairs. When I reached the door and opened it, I stopped and turned to look toward the mirror. With one last smile, I headed downstairs.

CHAPTER 6

My gait into the kitchen was soft, measured, and feminine this time, my steps small. Samantha was the first to notice. She uttered a soft gasp and rose to throw her arms around me.

“I knew you’d look amazing!” She squealed.

She is so cute when she does that!

“Wow, Steph! Look at you!” Liz admired.

“Yeah, wow!” Dinah’s face radiated her struggle to wrap her mind around what she was seeing. “You look like you were born a girl!”

“You’re going to do great!” Samantha beamed.

“I’m really nervous!” I murmured. “I can’t believe I’m doing this!”

“Are you feeling ready?” Liz checked.

“As ready as I’m going to feel, yeah.” I nodded.

“Okay, then. If we leave now, we’ll get there about the time that Emma gets out of school. That’ll be perfect! Let’s go!” Dinah enthused.

And if the students are leaving then I won’t be there very long! That will be perfect!

“Let’s go!” I accepted before taking a deep breath.

“There is one more little thing.” Samantha pointed out, making everyone stop in the front hall.

“I just want to remind everyone to call her Stephanie while we’re out, okay?” She turned to me, placing gentle hands on my shoulders. “If we call you Stevie, or worse yet, Steven, then you could be found out, of course.” She shrugged.

“That’s a good point. Steph it is,” I agreed. “Besides, you’re already calling me that,” I giggled.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “Okay, Steph. We should get going.” Samantha smiled.

With that, Liz handed me a small purse, and Samantha took my hand, leading me toward the front door.

CHAPTER 7

Being a girl outside the house was the strangest thing I had ever experienced. A gentle breeze caressed my legs through the nylon and teased strands of my loose hair, all of it new to me. As Liz locked the door, I had a sudden revelation.

Oh, my God! I can not allow anyone to figure me out. If I can’t keep my own secret, then how are the girls supposed to trust me with theirs? It’s just so simple! If I blow this, then they’ll never accept me. Well, that does it! I will not allow that to happen!

“Ready, Steph?” Samantha smiled at me, her grin spreading to my own lips.

This is scary, but I have to be confident from here on out! Everything depends on it!

“I’m ready.” I nodded with emphasis, careful not to do anything boyish.

We turned and headed south, out of the cul-de-sac, and waited at the corner for the next round of traffic to obey the stop sign. The breeze blew strands of hair across my face which I carefully placed behind my ear with one finger. As I watched the girls walk, I saw that they used their hips for balance, not their shoulders like the boys. Knowing that, I made a conscious effort to do the same, amazed at how much I felt like a girl.

I hope my neighbors aren’t looking out their windows at me. If they recognize me and mention it to my parents, Liz will almost certainly find out about it and that will cost me the sisterhood!

As we crossed the street, with cars lining up in wait on either side, the nylons on my legs made themselves noticed.

That will remind me to behave myself! I granted myself an inward chuckle.

On the far side of the crosswalk, about midway down the block, a couple of male high schoolers walked by, going the other way. They stared, as boys do, at all of us. One of them even took a second look at me!

Weird! They’re treating me so differently even though I’m the same person, all because of what they see and what they believe!

At the end of the block, we had a green light to cross California Street. On the far side of the crosswalk was the bus stop.

“I’m glad to see you smiling, Steph!” Samantha remarked.

“Yeah, Steph! Me, too!” Liz patted me on the back.

Dinah mumbled something unintelligible, which I took to be half-hearted agreement. With a chuckle, I smirked at her antics, half-surprised that she hadn’t run out in front of a car, given that she was impulsive enough to require both of her friends to keep her in check. Meanwhile, some part of me almost wished that she would. I understood how she felt, but she didn’t have to be such a grouch about it!

Just then, an old woman in a mauve skirt and sweater set ambled up to me, her silver-rimmed spectacles reflecting the sun. “That’s a lovely dress you have on, dear! Tartan suits you!” She smiled.

“Oh! Thank you!” I grinned, bobbing my head.

A minute later, the bus arrived and we got on. The old lady sat up front and I followed the sisters to seats just behind the rear door. Dinah and I sat on the aisle, across from each other, with Samantha next to me and Liz next to Dinah.

CHAPTER 8

At the end of the twenty-minute ride, the bus came to an easy stop at a traffic light. On the right-hand side of the street, on the far corner of the cross street, was an imposing school of Beaux Arts Revival architecture with its entrance at the corner. To the south, along the cross street, was a line of double-parked cars waiting for the last bell and the stampede of homeward bound children.

There’s Emma’s school. Well, if the rule is to do this somewhere public, then it’s a good thing that her school hasn’t let out for Spring Break yet. Otherwise, who knows where I would have to go! I shudder to think!

“Okay, Steph, we’re almost there.” Dinah reported.

I looked across the aisle to her. “Emma’s a redhead, right?”

“Right.” Dinah dug out a picture of Emma from her purse and handed it to me. “That’s her. You need to go in, find her, give her the short message, and come back.” Dinah rambled, staring until I confirmed.

“Got it,” I smiled, stowing the photo in my purse.

Liz returned my smile, as did Samantha when I turned to look. With that, the bus proceeded straight across the street and the driver pulled up to the stop on California Street, directly outside the school, hissing the brakes and opening the doors.

As we stopped outside the corner entrance to the school, I murmured, “It’s quiet. They’re still in class. I’m going to stick out like a fire in a trash can!”

“Don’t worry-” Liz began, silenced by the final bell ringing out the end of the day.

“And now the hallways are jammed. I don’t know which is worse!” I tittered. “It’s okay. I’m doing this!”

Samantha smiled at me. She did that a lot and I loved it!

“Okay. Here I go!” I affirmed.

With that, I turned and stepped inside, my nylons reminding me that I was dressed as a girl. It was then that something occurred to me.

Shit. I don’t think girls wear pantyhose to school! Tights, maybe, but not pantyhose. Oh, well! I’m just glad they don’t wear uniforms or I would really stand out!

CHAPTER 9

As I entered the lobby, doing my level best to move like a girl, my anxiety intensified. At least I enjoyed being a girl in public. It made me feel a curious mix of simultaneous boldness and softness. Focusing on that sensation, I used it to manage my nerves.

A strange girl should go unnoticed here. There are plenty of little sisters at the end of the day – or big sisters. The only thing to see is the pair of nylons on my legs. Nobody cares much about that. Alright, where the hell do I go?

Ahead of me was the south corridor. It was full of young children between perhaps five and ten years of age.

That’s the lower school. Emma won’t be over there.

A glance down the east corridor, to my left, rewarded me with the sight of a sea of older girls, maybe ten to twelve years old. Emma was my age, fourteen.

I doubt she’s down that way. She must be... wherever the eighth graders are. I guess they’re upstairs.

With that, I turned and headed for the main stairs a few steps away. At the top, I let out a shudder to vent some nerve, before making myself walk at a calm pace, resisting my temptation to do the opposite. My gait was soft, measured, and feminine, much as it was when I entered the kitchen just after dressing up, with the same small steps.

They never said anything about a time limit, so I don’t need to rush this... though it might be smart not to give anyone too much time to look me over... just in case. Now, where are those eighth graders?

The second-floor, south corridor looked to be full of locker rooms and offices for the gym teachers. There were no lockers in that hallway and they said they wouldn't send me into a girls' locker room. Turning left, I followed the hallway as it rounded a corner to the right and led into the east hallway and a crowd of girls chatting at their lockers. They looked to be my age.

Hopefully, Emma is around here somewhere!

As I drifted down the hallway, my anxiety kicked up a notch until I finally spotted Emma, midway down on the right, standing a few lockers past the girls’ bathroom, in an emerald sweater and denim skirt, with matching knee socks. She chatted with a blonde friend with long, curly hair, who wore jeans and a royal blue sweater that brought out her blue eyes.

There she is! That wasn’t too hard. She’s pretty cute! So is her friend! Now to deliver the message.

Taking a silent breath to garner my nerve, I approached Emma. Her conversation paused as they turned to look at me.

“Excuse me, Emma?” I started to bite my lower lip but, catching myself, I relaxed lest I screw up my lip gloss.

“That’s me!” She chirped, turning around with a curious smile, shutting her locker in absent fashion as she shouldered her bag. Meanwhile, her blonde friend glanced at my legs.

“Hi. I’m Steph, and-”

“Hi, Steph. You already seem to know my name. This is Charlotte.” Emma introduced her friend with the wandering eyes.

“Hi, Charlotte.” I smiled.

“Pantyhose, huh? You must be going somewhere! I know you didn’t wear those to class!” she smirked as she settled into silence, watching us as though expecting to be entertained.

“Erm, y-yeah, you see, they-they’re part of my initiation into my s-sister’s, erm, sisterhood.” I stumbled, giggling with a hand over my mouth, taking a breath to calm my nerves. “I mean, they knew I’d be the only girl wearing them, right?” I chortled, rolling my eyes, hoping the two girls would accept my explanation.

“Initiation?? Uh oh! Does this have anything to do with my sister, Dinah?” Emma demanded. “It sure sounds like it!”

“Yes. This initiation is all Dinah’s idea.” I shrugged.

“Wonderful. The harebrain strikes again.” Emma carped. “What’s she doing now?” She stared at me, arms akimbo.

“Well, my initiation is to show up here in pantyhose, just to make sure I’m overdressed,” I glanced at my own shiny, white legs with a sigh, “and deliver a message to you, Emma.” I began.

“Oh, really.” She rolled her eyes. “Okay, what the hell. Lay it on me! This oughtta be rich,” she glanced at Charlotte with a chuckle before turning back to me, shaking her head at her sister’s trademark antics.

“I’m supposed to say that I’m on an adventure like Alice in Wonderland. Don’t ask me what it means. I have no idea.” I laughed, venting some of my nerve. “I mean, it’s an initiation. Is it even supposed to make sense?”

At the mention of Alice in Wonderland, Charlotte’s eyebrows rose in surprise, for reasons unknown to me.

Uh oh. I don’t think I like that.

“Nothing about my stupid sister ever makes sense!” She smirked with hooded eyes. “Now you know why I want no part of that sisterhood. Because she’s in it!” she giggled. “She bugs the crap out of me!”

“I can’t say I blame you.” I smirked. “She is just a touch unpredictable.”

“Yeah, a touch with a sledgehammer!” She laughed with a playful dirty look.

“She seems nice, though,” I hedged.

“Well... okay, I’ll give you that. She is nice. She is just so... augh!” She facepalmed.

“Erm... yeah. No argument there.” I laughed.

“So how do you know those girls, anyway?” Emma inquired.

“Easy. Liz is my sister.” I shrugged with a smile.

It was then that I remembered not to allow anyone to get a good chance to look me over. Oh God. I really need to get out of here! Alright, I just need to make a graceful exit and I’m done! “Speaking of which, they’re waiting for me and I should get back,” I explained.

“Yeah, my mom’s waiting, too!” Emma realized.

“Oh yeah! Mine too! We’d better go!” Charlotte giggled.

Oh shit! That reminds me! I hope Emma’s mother doesn’t see Dinah! What would Dinah say to explain why she’s here? She didn’t even talk to Emma! God damn it! Emma’s right about Dinah. She is just so... augh!

With that, we headed for the stairs. Most of my initiation was behind me and I began to focus on the positives. I had succeeded and would soon be a new sister! Acceptance at last! Charlotte pulled Emma into the girls’ bathroom not far from their lockers, and I descended to the lobby full of girls going home.

* * * * *

Stepping outside with a bright smile, knowing that I had passed my initiation, I stopped to look for my soon-to-be sisters... but I couldn’t find them.

Huh. They said to come back but they didn’t say they would be outside. I wonder where they are waiting?

Then I spotted another city bus idling at the stop. I gasped, suddenly unsure what was happening.

Oh no! They didn’t! They said they weren’t going to dump me off! Well, I’m not letting them get away with this!!

Darting for the bus, I tried to avoid breaking into a run because I feared it would give me away. The fates must have been with me, for I made it onto the bus, dropped the 75 cents into the fare collector and started down the aisle scanning for my new sisters. Halfway down, I stopped dead, realizing that they were not on the bus... and the bus was pulling away from the curb... and it was an express bus that wouldn’t stop again until it got downtown!

Oh shit!! What have I done? I’ve made another royal fuckup!!

CHAPTER 10

As the girls crossed the lobby toward the glass doors, Samantha could not hide her joy at the outcome of the day’s events. “She passed! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to tell her!”

“Me too!” Liz concurred.

Suddenly, through the doors, she saw her younger sister dart toward a waiting bus. “Oh, my God! Steph’s getting on that bus! Quick!!” She burst outside, followed by the others. They ran toward the bus stop only to see it pull away from the curb.

“Oh no! It’s an express bus! It’ll take her all the way downtown!” Samantha wailed. She beelined for the map at the bus stop shelter, and the others crowded in for a look.

“Here it is!” Samantha pointed at the schedule portion of the map. “The next stop is Sansome Street! That’s two or three miles from here!” Then she turned on Dinah. “You and your stupid ideas! We should have waited outside!”

“But this is an initiation! We had to make sure he didn’t just hide in the bathroom and come back out without talking to Emma!” Dinah defended.

“Well, yes, but Samantha has a point, too, Dinah. We didn’t all need to go inside and watch.” Liz realized.

“Well, before you go off on me, Liz,” Dinah adopted an abrupt, indignant, akimbo stance. “How were we supposed to know he’d get on a bus going the wrong fuckin’ way? I mean, who does that?”

“Well, I have to give you that one,” Samantha sighed. “Nobody saw that coming! Frankly, I’m surprised at her!” Throwing her arms up in the air and shaking her head, she began to think. “Okay, what’s Steph familiar with around that bus stop?”

“Well, Dad’s office is near there, but it’s no good, even though they’re out of town. She’d stand out way too much.” Liz murmured to nobody.

Samantha continued scanning the map, being the one with the best view. “Hey! Union Square’s not far!” she tapped the map with her pointer finger. “That’s only, like, a ten-minute walk from there, maybe a little more.”

“And a shopping district is the best place for him to blend in, too, by far!” Dinah added. “He’ll probably go straight there and find a payphone. Let’s go!”

“Hold up, Dinah! Let’s think this through.” Samantha blurted, eyes rolled, one hand raised toward Dinah as she concentrated. “She might ask someone for bus fare and go home. Or someone might even pay for a taxi. If so, then either way, she’ll be gone by the time we get there. I don’t know about you, but I only have one bus fare.”

“Hmm, you’re right... and if she does call home, then we’re going to want to be there when she does. Besides, I only have one fare, too.” Liz pointed out with a sigh.

“Well, that makes all of us,” Dinah reported.

“You know what,” Liz reckoned, “if her bus hits a couple of extra traffic lights and we get on a bus home right now, we might just make it before she calls!”

“Yes! That is a great idea! Let’s go!” Samantha agrees. With that, they crossed the street to wait for the bus home.

CHAPTER 11

Stunned, I tried to process the turn of events. What was I thinking? This bus isn’t even going in the right direction! Oh, right, I was thinking that they dumped me off. Stupid Dinah and her big mouth! I never would have worried about that if not for her! Well, I guess I’d better sit down.

The passenger side wall of the bus had a line of single-passenger seats against it. I selected one and sat, smoothing my dress beneath me, grateful that I didn’t have to share the seat with a stranger. A few pairs of eyes looked in my direction from across the wide aisle, and I hoped that they were too far away to figure me out.

They seem to be admiring looks, at least... but I can’t get over how strange this is!

With time on my hands and a chilled heart, I began to think things through, wondering where the girls might have gone.

They said they wouldn’t dump me off. I really can’t bear to think of Samantha having anything to do with that. She wouldn’t! I know she wouldn’t! Is it possible that they didn’t?

Then it hit me.

Wait a minute! It was an initiation! They would have to be able to verify that I really did what we agreed on. Otherwise, how would they know that I passed? They must have followed me inside to watch me talk to Emma. Then I was the first one back to the curb and when I couldn’t find them, I thought they got on this bus! If only I could have thought of that before I got on this stupid thing!

As the coach stopped for a light two blocks down the street, I reviewed my options.

I could jump out a back window. I did that once before. Of course, the driver was seriously pissed... but it’s no good. There’s no chance that a girl would ever do that in pantyhose! She’d put a ladder in them for sure! I am not giving myself away! Maybe the driver will let me off here?

I rose to approach him and ask, but as I got to my feet, I watched as an old man up front in a white windbreaker, khaki slacks, and a flat cap hat beat me to it.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you off here,” the driver barked, tired of hearing that request, by the sound of it. “I could be sued if you got hurt, even if we weren’t in the center lane!”

“But Sansome Street is two and a half miles (4 km) out of my way! I’ll have to pay extra fare!” The old man complained.

Now the driver became heated. “Look, pal! It’s your own fault for getting on the wrong bus. Either you sit down right now, or I’m going to have to radio for the cops. Now sit down!”

Miffed, the old man obeyed, muttering to himself. Knowing that I couldn’t get off, either, I sank back into my own seat, minding my skirt.

Well, shit. Now what? How much money do I have? I dug through my purse only to find that I was now flat broke. Great. I just used my return fare to go two and a half miles in the wrong direction! Marvelous.

With the bus driver in a snit, I dared not ask him where the next stop would be, but I knew that I could figure it out if I thought about it for a moment.

I remember now! My dad takes this bus to work. It stops on Bush Street at the corner of Sansome Street. Okay, then. When I get off, I need to find a payphone and make a collect call* home. What’s close to that bus stop? My dad’s office. Duh. My parents are out of town, but still, screw that! I can’t walk into an office tower in a tartan dress and white pantyhose. I don’t think I have a prayer of going unnoticed. What else is around there?

(* In case anyone needs to know, that’s the American term, from the time of payphones, for a call paid for by the party who picks up a landline phone on the other end and consents to have the charge added to their phone bill, to accommodate a caller who has no coins for the payphone.)

After a bit of thought, a solution presented itself.

I know! Union Square is only a few blocks west and maybe a couple of blocks south. I can walk that without getting sweaty.

It was a perfect plan. I knew where to find the payphones at the Macy*s across from the square. Nobody would notice a well-dressed girl in a department store, as kids were apt to go off on their own when their parents shopped for something boring like men’s wear. If need be, I could pretend to shop in the girl’s department. Most importantly, it would be a safe place to go. All of my bases would be covered.

* * * * *

At length, the bus drew up to its next stop, with a hiss of the brakes, and the doors opened. I immediately headed for the rear exit. A gallant older man stopped, bidding me to pass.

I like the way I’m treated as a girl. I’m actually getting respect from people!

Stepping off the bus, I paused to choose a route. Bush Street took on an increasing slope to the west, but to the south, Sansome Street was flat.

Alright then, I’ll head that way – and I’d better get moving. Adults might want to know what I’m doing alone in the financial district.

With that, I headed down Sansome Street. Just before I reached the first corner, there was a boy to my left, sitting in a car at a red light, staring at me with wide eyes. Rolling my own eyes, I kept going.

I’d like to kick him between the legs but I have more important things to do! Okay, maybe I don’t get respect from everyone, as a girl, but I do get much more of it this way!

I rounded the corner onto Sutter Street and, two blocks down, I found relief in the transition of the crowds from the workers of the financial district to the shoppers of Union Square. A couple of adult women gave me the inevitable dressing down for being on my own in that part of town. It was all I could do to offer an apologetic shrug, mutter that I hadn’t planned it that way, and move along. At the corner of Sutter and Stockton Streets, there was a massive, above-ground, parking garage to my right.

There are bound to be payphones in there... and I wouldn’t be out of place, but... aren’t parking lots a classic danger zone for a girl? No, I’m not going in there. I’m only two blocks from Macy*s. I’d better stick to my plan.

Crossing Stockton Street to the west, I turned south. As I passed Union Square itself, I realized that there was another parking garage beneath it, but the thought of an underground parking garage gave me the creeps like never before. I didn’t even like it as a boy, but now I feared I’d be risking my life to venture inside!

Nobody would hear me scream over those deafening exhaust fans. Talk about failing the initiation! Besides, I think it’s too noisy for payphones in there – or at least too noisy for the girls to hear me over the phone! Anyway, Macy*s is right over there!

At the corner of Geary Street, I noticed the Neiman Marcus department store diagonally across from me, but it was upscale and I knew I would draw too much attention in there as an unaccompanied minor. I crossed to the far side of Geary Street and turned right. Halfway down the block, on my left, was the entrance to Macy*s.

Now I need just need a payphone. Hopefully, the girls will answer!

CHAPTER 12

“Where the fuck is the bus?!” Dinah spat.

“I don’t know, but it’s annoying the hell out of me.” Liz agreed.

“She’s going to call before we get back and when we don't answer, she's going to think we dumped her off,” Samantha wailed, looking across the street at the school, where only two cars waited for children. The deluge of students eager for Spring Break had slowed to a trickle. They had considered asking for a ride, but they didn’t want anyone asking what they were doing there.

Just then, after fifteen minutes, the bus finally came... but it was filled to capacity. The driver didn’t bother to stop, indicating that nobody needed to get off.

“Wow! It’s packed! What the hell is going on?” Samantha marveled.

“I don’t know, but we’ll have to wait for the next one,” Dinah complained.

“Marvelous!” Liz sighed.

CHAPTER 13

Macy*s was a safe place, so long as I paid attention to my surroundings. Inside, there were plenty of children about with their parents, and I caught a couple more boys giving me a good, long look with a certain smirk. This time, I didn’t think they were more than ten years old!

Yuck! You little pigs!

I thought about how Liz would react to them. Knowing what Liz would do, I gave the little perverts a cold stare. That made them turn away in shame! I almost laughed! It gave me a certain feeling of power to be able to handle boys, but I pushed it away to remain clear and alert for creeps luring me to see puppies or... eat candy or something.

Standing before the directory, I reflected on where I’d seen the payphones.

Aren’t they next to the restrooms on the 6th floor?

A quick check reminded me that there were payphones in the basement, near the purses and wallets, but the idea of a basement held little more appeal than an underground parking garage. There were more payphones on the fourth floor, but that was the boys’ department.

Gah! Only at a porn shop would I stand out more than in the boys’ department! Besides, I don’t want to die of boredom. Next??

The directory also showed payphones on the 6th floor next to the restrooms and the Customer Service desk, just as I remembered. The girls’ department was on the 5th floor.

That’s perfect! If I don’t get an answer the first time, then I can camouflage in the girls’ department and stay close to Customer Service. That’s what I’ll do!

Avoiding the elevator, lest I share it with a nosy adult, I rode the escalator. On the way up the first flight, something occurred to me.

Uh oh. A born girl really wouldn’t browse without trying on a few things... but I wonder if I can do that without getting caught. Well, what else am I going to do in the girls’ department?

The construction of the escalators featured a landing halfway between floors and it was necessary to step off of one, make a one-hundred-eighty degree turn, and board another to reach the next floor. On each landing between floors, there was a small display of merchandise. Halfway to the 5th floor was a display of girls’ dresses. A cute, satin, turquoise dress caught my attention. I quickly fingered the material.

Oooh, it’s so smooth! Nice color, too!

Smiling with enjoyment and amusement, I turned and boarded the next escalator to reach the 5th floor. Casting a glance into the girls’ department, I was curious about browsing it, and I knew that a born girl would do exactly that, but I wanted to try calling home before I did anything else.

On the 6th floor, I stepped off of the escalator and turned left, toward the payphones in the center of that floor. All three were available. As I reached for a handset, it occurred to me that I might be able to get bus fare if I asked for it at Customer Service.

Do girls ask for money from strangers? Maybe they would ask for help, like they ask for directions, preferably from a woman. But then again, if I make the wrong choice, I could give myself away.

For a moment, I pondered my options.

I know! I’ll compromise. I’ll ask the girls when I get a hold of them. If they say it’s okay, then I’ll ask for bus fare at Customer Service and take the bus home.

I picked up the handset of the middle payphone, dialed zero for the operator, and placed a collect call. It rang but nobody answered. I was tempted to slam the handset back into the cradle, but as I shifted my body weight, my nylons reminded me not to give myself away. I replaced the handset in normal fashion.

Augh! Now what? There’s nobody else to call. I can’t call a taxi because they won’t take a collect call and I have no money. I could walk the three and a half miles home but I’d have to walk through dangerous territory if I don’t want to add another mile. Nah, I’ll browse the girls’ department for a while and call again in ten minutes. At least I’ll blend in!

As I rode the escalator down to the 5th floor, I made a decision.

If anyone asks, my mother is shopping in the boys’ department. That’s got to be miserably boring for a girl! It is for me!

Thinking of the turquoise dress I had seen, I found myself tempted to try it on.

I have to do something around here and I don’t want to give myself away.

I couldn’t hold back an amused smile.

Oh, what the hell! I’m already wearing one dress! What does it matter now?

Doubting that I was supposed to disturb the display on the landing, I elected to find the dress on the 5th floor, but as I stepped off of the escalator, I realized I had a different problem.

I don’t know what size I am. I didn’t check the tag when I put this dress on. Hey, that’s it! I can check the tag on the dress I’m wearing!

A mischievous smile crossed my face as I resolved to go through with it. As I approached the entrance to the changing rooms, I noticed a mother and daughter stepping into a cubicle on the left-hand side. On the right-hand side I saw a few open doors. I chose the nearest one, closed the door, hung my purse on a hook, and removed my dress. It took a moment to find the size but my effort was rewarded. Now that I knew my size, I could try on that pretty, turquoise gown! I put my dress back on, grabbed my purse, and stepped out of the cubicle.

For the next several minutes, I browsed for a copy of the satin dress in my size, along with a couple of others to try on, since I had to pass the time. Smiling at my choices, I returned to the changing room cubicle I’d used earlier and hung up the dresses so that I could remove my tartan one. I removed my dress and top, carefully hanging them up.

My fingers began to shiver as I removed the turquoise, satin dress from its hanger, and lowered the back zipper. There was a tag that gave information about what the parts of the dress were made of, including a built-in slip made of 100% nylon. Grinning, I stepped in. I had to reach for the zipper to raise it, and with that, it was on! On a whim, I moved my hands under my hair and rotated them out in classic girl fashion. My reflection brought a smile to my face as I touched the skirt to either side, turning this way and that.

I wonder how this would look with nude pantyhose. That would be perfect! Suddenly, I looked my reflection in the eyes. What am I doing? Did I just choose a shade of pantyhose for a dress? Wow! How strange! I giggled. Suddenly, as I stared myself in the eyes, wearing that beautiful dress, it hit me. I see a girl... and only a girl. I can't find Stevie anymore! Stevie is gone!

With a wistful smile, I heard myself sigh with a feeling I couldn’t identify and removed the dress. The next one was a powder blue affair with a round neck. It featured a placket that closed with three buttons, short sleeves, and a hemline just above the knee. Knowing that I had to slip it on over my head, I took great pains to protect my hairdo from damage. Soon, I was admiring myself in the mirror.

I couldn’t wear this one to the same occasions as the satin one, but it does match my eyes better. It’s comfortable! I could wear this all day!

Realizing that I should try calling home again soon, I removed the powder blue dress and donned the last one. It was white with short, ruched sleeves and a round neck surrounded by a rectangular flap of material.

Haven’t I heard Liz or Mom refer to these as sailor dresses? Anyway, I look so innocent in this dress! I giggled. White shoes would be nicer, though.

Admiring myself from a few different angles, I let out another sigh and decided to call home.

CHAPTER 14

“Here comes another bus! Finally!” Samantha groused.

Her stomach was in a knot. If her crush had called home, they had missed it by now.

“God, what took so long! We’ve been waiting nearly half an hour for a bus that’s supposed to come every ten minutes!” Liz agreed.

“I just hope we can get on this one!” Dinah sighed.

They were in luck. The bus hissed to a stop and the doors opened.

“Sorry for the delays, folks! Another bus had an engine fire downtown and the one that came afterward picked up all the passengers from the disabled bus plus all the ones waiting at the stops. It filled up fast until they could only let people off.” The driver explained.

“Oh, wow!” Liz murmured. “Erm, well, thank you!”

The bus was crowded, and they had to stand, but at least they were on their way to Liz’s house.

CHAPTER 15

When I got to the 6th floor payphones, they were occupied and I had to wait. Standing there, in the open, brought on self-consciousness. In the girls’ department, I could move around, ducking behind a rack of clothes or into a changing room. Now I could only wait here in full view. The people on the phones paid me no mind, at least, but suddenly, the inevitable happened. My bladder demanded attention!

Well, I’ll have to use the ladies’ room. It’s either that or the mens’ room! Gawd, here I go!

Inside, I found an enormous ladies' room nearly the size of the footprint of my house!

Well, I guess it has to accommodate the massive crowds at Christmas time!

Neither hurrying nor dawdling, I did my business and washed my hands. The mirror showed that my hair needed brushing.

Huh! I guess, in the changing room, I must have been too focused on the clothes to notice my hair! I hope I can fix it!

I wondered if I had a brush in my purse. Rummaging though it, I saw that I did have a brush, as well as a tube of lip gloss, a tampon, a packet of tissues, and a spare pair of pantyhose. Alas, it did not escape my notice what was missing.

Wait a minute! I don’t have a house key? Oh, rats! Well, I’m just going to have to make sure they will be home when I get there! There’s nothing else I can do.

Sighing, I pulled out the brush to fix my hair. The clip was still in place, so I brushed beneath it, taking care not to disturb it. A few hairs were out of place, but I pulled them behind my ears. With that done, and a fresh smile on my face, I headed back to the payphones.

When I returned, they were still occupied by the same people. This time, however, a woman of about my mother’s age hung up and turned around. She held a pair of slacks and a blouse, both in cellophane wrap. I imagined that they were new purchases. She gave me a warm smile.

“That’s a cute dress!” She complimented.

“Oh! Thank you!” I flashed my sweetest, most girlish smile.

Finally, I placed another collect call home... and nobody answered.

Where are they, anyway? They didn’t really dump me off, did they? With that, the seed of my doubts grew into a shoot piercing the soil. Should I call the school to see if they’re trying to find me there? Well, I don’t know if they’re still there. I hope I didn’t leave them wondering what happened to me... if they didn’t dump me off, that is.

Shaking my head, I left the payphones to return to the girls’ department before I drew unwanted attention by standing there.

CHAPTER 16

Browsing skirts proved to be as much fun as flipping through dresses. They had one that I had seen on a girl at a restaurant. It was a black, calf-length skirt with a large floral pattern in shades of pale pink. Further searching rewarded me with a simple, knee-length denim skirt and a coral, layered skirt that looked to be about calf-length.

In the cubicle, I tried them all on. The floral skirt was my favorite and I almost wanted to wear it home. The denim skirt seemed like something every girl should own. I could wear it in comfort anywhere that didn’t require formal attire. It felt like the feminine equivalent of a pair of jeans. The coral, layered skirt belonged in a summery climate. I could see myself wearing it in the paradise of Hawaii or at a desert resort in Palm Springs. It was fun and girly. I was sure that Liz would call it “flirty.”

I think it probably needs a tank top and sandals, though! I’m pretty sure that my long-sleeved top is all wrong!

Giggling, I loved the way I felt in the clothes and I couldn’t help smiling at the girl in the mirror. With a sigh, I decided to call home again.

Third time’s the charm? I hope?

CHAPTER 17

As I headed for the escalators, hoping to talk to the girls, it bothered me that I didn’t have a house key.

I really hope they’ll be home. Otherwise, I can’t get in! I’d hate to have to sit on the porch, hoping that my neighbors don’t see me. Damn it! I’ve got to reach them.

As I approached the escalators, lost in thought, I saw a familiar head of curly, blond hair riding downward from above and nearing the 5th floor. The girl wore the same jeans and royal blue sweater that I’d seen at the school. It was Charlotte! She spotted me right away and smiled... but her smile was different this time. It was amused and amazed.

Uh oh. I don’t like that smile one bit. What is going on?

As she drew near, she looked me up and down, her eyes lingering on my pantyhose. “Hi Steph! What are you doing here?”

I told her about my stupid mistake with the bus.

“I don’t suppose you know where Dinah, Liz, and Samantha went?” I inquired. “I’ve tried calling home twice and I haven’t gotten an answer. My parents are away, celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary, so they’re not home, either.”

“Do you have a key?” She wondered.

“No, I don’t. That’s something else we messed up.” I admitted.

“Well, you’d better stick with me, then. I mean, I could lend you bus fare, but you probably shouldn’t ride the bus alone, even if you did have a key.” She warned.

Oh, she’s right. I didn’t think of that! Maybe I was right not to ask for bus fare at Customer Service. They would probably have told me off for taking that kind of a risk and then... what? I don’t even know! There’s nobody home for them to call!

Charlotte’s amused eyes strayed to my pantyhose. “Anyway, my mom is around here somewhere. We’re doing some early dress shopping for my aunt’s wedding next month, and some other things... although... I’m not sure how we can shop for dresses without giving you away,” she murmured, checking to see that she wasn’t overheard. “We can’t just make you stand outside the changing room and you are not coming in with us,” she giggled.

I couldn’t blame Charlotte for not wanting me in her changing room, but for the first time, because of her words, I felt as though I were shut out of being one of the girls. I hated that feeling.

Wait a minute! She’s worried about giving me away? Christ! She knows about me! I must have blown my cover! Damn it! I was so careful! How the hell did I give myself away?

“H-how did you know about me?” I stammered, crestfallen.

“I figured it out when you mentioned being Liz’s sister. I was in Emma’s room the last time Dinah had Liz and Samantha over. They were across the hall, in Dinah's room, and Liz was saying that she loves her little brother but sometimes she wishes she had a little sister. Then Dinah said that she was lucky she doesn’t have a little sister because they’re pests. Emma shouted that she wasn’t half as big a pest as Dinah and then she slammed her door.” Charlotte laughed. Then she leaned close. “You’re Liz’s brother, aren’t you?”

Too stunned to speak, I nodded.

All it took was to mention that Liz was my sister? Well, lesson learned. I will never forget that the information that I reveal can expose me. Maybe I should be glad that she didn’t figure it out from anything she saw. At least everyone else probably still thinks I’m a girl.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t say anything to Emma. I wouldn’t do that,” she promised, “and anyway I like boys like you! I have ever since I saw one of the neighbor boys dressed up as Alice in Wonderland for Halloween a couple of years ago! He wore tights, too! It was so cute!” She whispered with a giggle.

It irked me that she seemed to have a habit of reminding me that I’m not a girl. It was not helping me to get through my predicament!

Oh, brother! She is definitely not my first choice of savior, but if she can get me home then so be it. Of course, I’d better not mention that Samantha and I kind of have a thing starting. What if Charlotte tells me to drop dead and leaves me stranded? No, I’ll have to keep that to myself.

“Erm, I can tell you enjoyed that,” I blurted, returning my attention to her musing about Halloween.

“I loved it! It was so much fun!” Charlotte grinned, glancing at my nylons, making me sigh.

Ugh! She is making it impossible to see myself as a girl the way I was before she showed up. I was feeling so good about myself, even here, but Charlotte is making me feel like a boy in drag. She’s ruining it! Now I just want to go home! Maybe if I click my heels three times... oh wait; I left the ruby slippers at home. I wish a house would fall on me.

Just then, I spotted the woman who had complimented my dress at the payphones. She was riding the escalator down to the 5th floor, holding her slacks and smiling. The blouse that she had been holding was gone and I supposed that she had returned it at Customer Service. Stepping off, she strode toward us, and I realized that she was Charlotte’s mother!

“There you are! I’m sorry I took so long. I stopped by the ladies’ room after I called your father and then I had to wait in line at Customer Service to return that blouse. Who’s your friend?” She smiled.

“Hi. I’m Steph. I’m a friend of Emma’s and, well, now Charlotte’s.” I returned her smile. I hesitated to refer to myself as a friend of Charlotte’s but I had to get home somehow! Anyway, I hoped that she was a halfway decent person apart from this fetish of hers for cross-dressed boys. If she was then we could be friends.

“Mom, Steph accidentally took an express bus downtown because she thought her friends got on it and now she doesn’t have bus fare to get home. I told her to stick with me, but... that means we can’t really shop right now.” Charlotte informed her.

“Oh? Why not?” She wondered aloud, confused at the restriction.

Charlotte glanced at me, shrugged, and whispered in her mother’s ear.

“Oh, my stars!” Her mother glanced at me, her brows raised in surprise. “Erm, Steph, why...” she began, before catching herself, holding up one extended pointer finger. “I’ll tell you what. Would you care for a cup of hot cocoa up in the 7th floor cafe? They have a few secluded tables up there.”

“Oooh, yummy!” Charlotte effused, bobbing with excitement like an eight-year-old.

“Okay. Thank you,” I agreed. What else was I going to do?

With that, we turned for the escalators and I felt my anxiety ramp up, knowing that I was about to be grilled like the proverbial “shrimp on the barbie.”

CHAPTER 18

As we settled in a corner booth with steaming mugs of hot goodness, I struggled with my anguish over giving myself away.

Augh! Another royal fuckup! I’ve probably ruined everything! What if the girls won’t accept me as a sister now?

Taking a sip from her mug, taking care to wipe the whipped cream from her lip, Charlotte’s mother began the conversation. “Alright. Now that we have more privacy, Steph, may I ask why you’re dressed, erm, so nicely?” Charlotte’s mother probed.

Taking a breath, I explained my initiation and my hope for acceptance into the sisterhood of Samantha and friends.

“You know, Steph, now that you mention it, I was wondering why you had to be initiated into a group of girl friends,” Charlotte mentioned. “Now I know.”

“Mm hmm.” Charlotte’s mother gave her a gentle hand signal to let her talk. “Tell me, Steph. Why were you willing to dress up as a girl in public in order to be accepted into this group of girls?”

“Well, if I’m not willing to step into their shoes for a while, then why should they consider me a sister? Why would I deserve it?” I shrugged. It made perfect sense to me.

“I see. Why is their sisterhood, in particular, so important to you?” Came her next question. Then she elaborated, “I mean, uh... I notice that you seek sisterhood with girls rather than, say, brotherhood with boys. Is it a matter of slim pickings or is there something about their group in particular that appeals to you?”

How do I answer that?

“W-well, erm...” I began, searching for words. “It’s not just because I have no other options... even though that is true, because, erm... well, I get teased at school for being girly. This is my real hair, you know.”

That made Charlotte’s mother’s eyebrows jump up.

“Really? Well, it’s lovely,” she remarked. “Please, continue.”

“Thank you. Erm... it’s partly because I just want to be accepted, but it’s also because I’ve always been more comfortable with girls. I find that we do things the same way and we think alike.” I sighed. “I hate the way boys do things.” I fumbled, omitting the looks I’d been getting from boys today. “Everything has to have a score with them and they’re so rough. I’ve noticed that they don’t listen very well, either. I think they’re too busy planning what to say next.”

“Yeah! Tell me about it.” Charlotte rolled her eyes.

“Mmmm.” Charlotte’s mother repeated her signal to cease talking.

“Anyway, my sister is a member of this sisterhood, along with--” I glanced at Charlotte. “Erm, along with a good friend of mine. But I ruined it. I wasn’t going to give myself away because if I can’t keep my own stupid secret then I can hardly expect those girls to trust me with theirs. But I blew it.” I pouted, feeling tears coming on. I fought them back lest I ruin my pretty makeup. I did dab at one eye to prevent a leak.

“Well, I see that you’ve been resourceful about finding your way to a safe place and remaining there, not to mention using the payphone to call home. You’ve been wise and responsible. You care about the point of view of the girls in that sisterhood. You certainly show integrity. Don’t give up just yet.” Charlotte’s mother reassured.

“Okay.” That cheered me up some and I began to relax, though I still felt glum.

“Alright. Let me ask you something else, Steph. Do you have a key to your house?” She inquired.

“No, I don’t.” I sighed. “My sister handed me this purse on the way out the door. I guess I assumed that she put everything in it.” I supposed.

“Alright. I’ll tell you what,” Charlotte’s mother proposed. “Why don’t you call home from here one more time and see if your sister answers. If she does, then I’ll drive you home. If not, then you’ll come home with us. How does that sound?”

“That sounds good,” I tried to enthuse. Unbeknownst to Charlotte’s mother, Charlotte’s eyes returned to my pantyhose again and I sighed. The idea of spending time with Charlotte at her house had about as much appeal as jumping into a vat of acid. She made me feel like a buffet full of chocolate desserts. It was not wrong that she loved the idea of a boy dressed up as a girl, but that was exactly why I felt like a boy dressed up as a girl when I wanted to feel like a girl.

Oh well. I guess a drowning girl's got to grab the lifeline?

“Alright then. Let’s go see if you can get ahold of your sister.” Charlotte’s mother smiled. With that, we stood, paid the bill, and headed for the escalators.

CHAPTER 20

The payphones were available this time. Charlotte’s mother gave me a dime for the phone. There was still no answer. This time, however, it was a paid call that went through to the answering machine. Glancing at the wall clock behind the Customer Service desk, I left a message. “Hi, it’s me! It’s four o’clock and I’m at Macy*s in Union Square. I ran into Charlotte and we’re going straight to her house. I’ll call again when I get there. Bye.” With that, I hung up.

I had no idea where Charlotte lived, but Emma was Charlotte’s best friend. Dinah must know where her sister’s best friend lived. She would be able to estimate when I was expected there.

“Alright, shall we go?” Charlotte’s mother smiled.

“Let’s go,” I confirmed.

Charlotte linked elbows with me as we headed for the escalators.

Oh no. I like the girlish gesture, but... I think she likes me the way I really wish she didn’t. Something is happening between Samantha and I, I’m almost sure! I’ll have to find a way to tell Charlotte when we get to her house and hope I don’t break her heart. Even if I do, the sooner the better.

As we rode down the escalator, I wondered how I might accomplish that.

CHAPTER 21

We hurried across Geary Street, mid-block, straight toward the underground parking garage. The one-way traffic made the job somewhat easier. Sandwiched between the entering and exiting vehicle lanes was a pedestrian entrance that led to the cashier and the elevators.

This place is always creepy, but it’s never felt quite like this before. It’s not so bad having people with me, but I still say the place is a drive-in tomb!

Charlotte’s mother paid the fee and we rode the elevator down to the bottom floor, where she had parked.

Oh, God; it had to be the bottom floor, too! I sure would hate to be down here in a large earthquake!

Charlotte’s mother dug out her keys and we climbed into a burgundy Volvo 240 wagon. Minding my skirt, I slid over to the passenger side back seat to let Charlotte in. She got in and moved straight to my lap, giggling as she made my eyes fly wide open.

“Erm, Charlotte, you’d better put your seatbelt on!” I blurted.

Just then, her mother leaned over to the driver-side, rear door to hang up her slacks and saw what Charlotte was up to. “Charlotte, what on earth are you doing??” She stood with arms akimbo. “Please sit up and put your seatbelt on this instant!”

“Okay,” she snickered as she moved back to her seat. As soon as her mother hung up her slacks, closed the door, and moved for the driver's seat, Charlotte laid her head in my lap.

Oh, for the love of Chocolate!! Maybe she’s just immature and thinks she’s being cutesy? It seems like the stuff she’d probably do with her mom. Is it possible that she doesn’t know the difference?

Charlotte’s mother climbed into the driver seat and I decided to indirectly garner her attention.

“Charlotte, sit up!” I rolled my eyes.

Her mother turned around. “Charlotte Jane Wells! That is enough, young lady! I’m not going to move this car until you’ve got your seatbelt on.” Her mother ordered.

“Sorry, Mom. I’m ready.” Charlotte settled down, buckling her seat belt.

Her mother turned around to check. “Alright then. Let’s go home.”

“I’m sorry to throw a wrench in your plans,” I told her.

“That’s alright, dear. I did pick up my slacks and return that blouse, so I did get a couple of things done.” She responded.

As we drove up the ramp toward the exit, Charlotte couldn’t help herself. “Hey, Steph. How do you like wearing pantyhose?” She didn’t laugh but she did bear an impish smile.

Oh, Charlotte, I am so not in the mood for your bullshit! I don’t even know if I should tell you that I love them.

Sighing at Charlotte, her mother chimed in, “It’s really okay if you like them. You’re not alone, you know.”

“Yeah, Mom, I told him about Mark Post dressing up as Alice in Wonderland. He admitted that he liked wearing tights, too.” Charlotte giggled.

Why are you laughing at him? That doesn’t make me want to admit it. Not to you! I let out a sigh. Then again, this is one of those times when silence is as good as confession. I’ve already let that slip... although... maybe I’ll let my silence speak for me. That way I can deny, in truth, that I ever said it.

CHAPTER 22

Samantha clambered off the bus at 6th Avenue, followed by Liz and Dinah. The mood was subdued, filled with a strained hope that they would find a message on the machine.

“I really hope she called.” Samantha murmured.

“You and me both!” Liz agreed.

“Let’s just get there.” Dinah added.

As they walked, Samantha began to speak her thoughts.

“Hey Dinah... do you think Steph ran into any of Emma’s friends at the school?” She probed.

“I guess. Maybe. You know how it is at the lockers at the end of the day.” Dinah confirmed. “Now, that you mention it, Charlotte’s locker is right there next to hers.”

“You think Steph had to talk to Charlotte??” Samantha bristled. “Isn’t she the one who like boys dressed as girls?”

Dinah grimaced. “Oh yeah. She told us about that last time you were over at my place while we were still downstairs. It was before we went upstairs and got into that bickering match when I said Emma was a pest and she said she wasn’t half as big a pest as I am and then she slammed her door.”

Samantha and Liz busted out laughing.

“Emma has a mouth on her,” Samantha remarked. “And she would have been talking to Charlotte.” Suddenly, Samantha gasped. “Wait! Charlotte was there that time! She was listening to you saying that little sisters were a pest and Liz should be glad to have a brother instead... or something like that. Oh no.”

“Yikes.” Liz sympathized. “Charlotte knows,” she sulked. “For that matter, so does Emma. She heard all of that, too. I can’t believe we didn’t think of that.”

“Listen, the next time I talk to Emma I will tell her to keep her mouth shut and make sure she does, too. If she doesn’t, so help me God, I will drown her in a toilet. And her little friend, too.” Dinah threatened.

“And I’m going to help you.” Samantha seconded.

“Yeah, so will I,” Liz jumped on board.

* * * * *

A few minutes later, Liz unlocked her front door and her friends followed her inside. She beelined for the answering machine, followed closely by Samantha, and found two messages waiting.

BEEP

“Hi, kids! It’s your mother! I’m just checking in. Hope you’re alright. We’re having a great time. Love you! We’ll call back later on.”

BEEP

“Hi, it’s me! It’s four o’clock and I’m at Macy*s in Union Square. I ran into Charlotte and we’re going straight to her house. I’ll call again when I get there. Bye.”

A collective groan poured out of the girls.

“She sounds upset. I wonder what happened,” Samantha fretted.

“I don’t know. I only know that he’s stuck with Charlotte-the-Harlot.” Dinah groused.

“Harlot? Is she that bad?” Samantha worried, her eyes wide.

“No,” Dinah chuckled. “She’s just immature and doesn’t know how to behave around a boy she likes,” Dinah confessed. “She does the same kind of stuff she does with her mother because she hasn’t figured out the difference. It would be kind of cute if it didn’t come across so wrong!” She giggled, getting the others started. “At her age, it makes her look, well, easy.”

“Oh, yuck! Poor Steph!” Samantha facepalmed. “Well, I’m glad she’s safe. What time is it?” She asked her wristwatch. “It’s 4:10. Where does Charlotte live?”

“She lives right near us, just a couple of blocks up and a most of a block to the left,” Dinah replied.

“That’s good. She’ll be there in about ten minutes, then. That’s in our direction, too. In fact, that’s only about, what, a fifteen-minute walk? Maybe a bit more? We can walk that.” Samantha planned.

“Yeah. We’ll walk.” Liz agreed.

With that, they helped themselves to sodas from the refrigerator and sat around the kitchen table to chat.

“Ten minutes,” Samantha repeated, worried about Steph’s tone.

CHAPTER 23

Charlotte’s mother pulled her car into the driveway along the right-hand edge of their property. Their home was the classiest, brick shoebox that I had ever seen! The brick driveway was flat until we passed the front door, at which point it sloped downward and opened onto a turnaround with a three-car garage on the left.

Wow! What’s a girl like Charlotte doing in a nice place like this?

After we clambered up the kitchen stairs from the garage, Charlotte got us a couple of Ginger Ales. Then we sat at the kitchen table while her mother answered the phone.

Oh! That reminds me to call home again. As soon as she’s off the phone I will.

Suspecting that it might prove useful to learn more about Charlotte’s little fetish, I decided to ask her some probing questions.

“Hey, Charlotte, did Mark really like being dressed up as a girl?” I began.

“Yep. He did!” She giggled. “He liked all of it, including the tights, but it was just a costume to him. He didn’t like it the way I think you do. Just between you and me, he has three sisters and they dress him up sometimes. I don’t think he’s wild about it, unless it’s Halloween and it doesn’t matter. Anyway, whenever I’m over there, I love to help his sisters dress him up – but Mark is already starting to turn into a man, so he doesn’t look nearly as good as you do! His behavior is boyish, too. He could never get away with what you did today, not in a thousand years.”

Huh. I wonder what that means?

Charlotte continued as though I had invited her to. “Anyway, there’s just something special about a boy dressed up pretty like a girl. Especially when you can’t tell he’s really a boy, like you, Stephanie!”

I wish she’d stop saying I’m a boy! I don’t want to be reminded! Maybe another question will shut her up. What else can I learn?

“Have you ever known any other boys who dressed up as girls?” I tried.

“Well... there was one kid, Edward Cullen.” Her face took on a dreamy look. “Last year, in 5th grade, he dressed up as a regular girl for Halloween. He looked convincing, too, and he wore a dress complete with tights just like you. It was funny because people thought he was a girl who didn’t dress up for Halloween,” she giggled.

Just then, her mother joined at the table.

“Steph, did you want to call home again to see if the girls are back?” She checked.

“Yes! I need to do that.” I jumped up and headed for the phone she had been using.

Please be there this time, damn you!

“Hello?” Liz answered.

Finally! Thank God!

“Hi, Sis! It’s me! I’m at Charlotte’s now.” I greeted.

“Steph!” Liz gushed. “I’m so sorry we got separated. That was not our plan. I swear to God! Dinah needed to know that you would really do everything we discussed and not just hide in the bathroom,” she explained.

In the background, Dinah shouted, “Sorry you got stuck with Charlotte!” I could hear her giggle.

“Erm, yeah. Thanks a lot. Can you pick me up now?” I smirked.

“Yeah. We’re coming, but I can’t drive Mom’s car without another licensed driver yet, and we’re out of bus fare, so we’re walking over there. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes, okay?” She replied.

“Okay. See you then!” With that, I hung up.

Sighing, I returned to the table, at which point Charlotte’s eyes took their earliest opportunity to steal another glance at my nylons.

She really does love pantyhose on a boy, doesn’t she? God, she’s getting tiring!

“Steph, tell me something,” Her mother asked, leaning back in her chair with a steaming cup of tea. “What have you thought of your experiences today, as a girl?”

It’s against my better judgement to discuss this in front of Charlotte... although... maybe the more I talk about it the more I’ll sound less like a normal boy and the more it will turn her off!

“W-well... erm... I’ve enjoyed being a girl. I seem to get a lot more respect from most people.” I glanced at Charlotte, whose face displayed a smile of blithe oblivion to my innuendo about her behavior. “I feel like I stepped outside of being a boy for awhile, and I like that, too. I even had fun shopping in the girls’ department.”

I described the dresses and skirts I had tried on and mentioned how I had mentally chosen a shade of hosiery for one dress as well as visualized a skirt with sandals and a tank top.

“I have to admit, though. I feel less safe out there as a girl. I walked past the Sutter-Stockton garage but I didn’t want to go in because parking lots are dangerous for a girl. Especially the Union Square garage because it’s underground and it has those loud fans that would make it hard to hear you scream! That place really gave me the creeps today.” I tittered.

“Well, it is all too true that a girl has to be more mindful of her safety than a boy in this world. In fact, now that you bring it up, Stephanie, you made some very wise choices today,” Charlotte’s mother complimented.

“Hey, Steph, why’d you grow your hair so long?” Charlotte wondered. “Did you grow it that long to look like a girl?”

“That’s an interesting question,” her mother agreed.

“Well, when I started growing it, I just wanted to see what it was like. Once it got past my chin, I didn’t want to cut it anymore.” I pondered it further. “I mean, I didn’t think I was growing it out to look like a girl, but it really did look girly, especially once it grew past my shoulders, and after today, well... maybe I did grow it to look like a girl.”

Just then, the phone rang, saving me from further questioning. Charlotte’s mother rose to answer it and returned seconds later.

“Charlotte, it’s Emma,” she announced.

“Oh, thanks!” Charlotte jumped up and scampered to the phone, returning before her mother could ask another question.

“I told Emma she could come over. I hope it’s okay,” Charlotte informed her mother.

“Sure. Why not?” Her mother approved. “I want to talk to you both when she gets here, anyway.”

“You do?” Charlotte looked nervous.

“Yes. We’ll discuss it then, you little devil,” her mother joked.

Looking back at me, Charlotte snickered, “She calls me that when I drive her crazy.”

“Yes, and your sister isn’t helping, either. You mentioned that she got this started, Steph?” Charlotte’s mother verified.

“Well, the initiation was her idea,” I confirmed, “but dressing as a girl was more of a hive mind idea.” I explained how the girls had all planned to dress me up, even before I blew my secret about my long hair, which only made them all the more eager to make me over in exchange for honorary sisterhood, the makeover soon snowballing into dressing me up and initiating me for full sisterhood.

“I see,” Charlotte’s mother paused to ponder her next question. “Dinah didn’t have anything to do with you ending up downtown, did she?”

“No. I mean, they should have had someone wait outside for me, but that was mostly my fault. I thought they got on that bus to dump me off, but after I was on the bus and it left the curb, I saw that the whole point of the initiation was to make sure that I deserved to be part of their sisterhood. It wouldn’t really mean anything if they didn’t follow me inside to make sure that I did what I said I would. Anyway, the bus I got on was an express bus headed downtown, so I should have known right away they wouldn’t get on it.” I shrugged.

Just then, the doorbell rang and I knew Emma had arrived.

CHAPTER 24

Charlotte grabbed my hand as she stood up and dragged me out to the front door, which she threw open with a smile. “Hi, Emma! Look who’s here!”

“Hi, Steph! What brings you here?” Emma asked with a bright smile. While Charlotte closed the door, I explained it all again.

“I knew it! When you mentioned being Liz’s sister, you gave yourself away.” Emma giggled.

“Yeah, I know.” I lamented. “I should have said I was her cousin.”

“Hello, Emma,” Charlotte’s mother greeted, stepping into the front hall. “I would like to talk to you two girls for a moment.” With that, she gestured toward the living room.

Exchanging glances, we filed in and seated ourselves, the girls on the sofa and Charlotte’s mother facing us from a wing chair. Charlotte reached up and twirled my hair around her finger.

“Charlotte! Cut that out!” I growled, removing her hand from my locks before she messed up my hair.

“Charlotte Jane Wells, that really is enough. I’m not going to tell you again,” her mother declared.

“Sorry,” she tittered.

No you’re not!

“Alright. Look.” She faced the other two girls. “I know that you two have figured out who Stephanie is,” she began, making them giggle. “What I wanted to say is that you two are not to share that information with a soul, do I make myself clear?”

“Yeah, Mom,” Charlotte chirped.

“Yes, Mrs. Wells,” Emma agreed.

“Good. Why don’t you—” Charlotte’s mother began, before being interrupted by the doorbell. “Oh, that must be the other girls!”

She stood to answer the door and we followed her to the front hall. Sure enough, there they stood.

CHAPTER 25

Without a word, Samantha beelined toward me and threw her arms around me. She bear hugged me and surprised everyone by planting a long, deep kiss square on my lips, melting me into her arms with a sigh. When it ended, I glanced at Charlotte, who looked dismayed. It would not be necessary to tell her about Samantha and I after that glorious kiss!

“I am so sorry, Steph! We went inside so that Dinah would know that you didn’t hide in the bathroom instead of talking to Charlotte. I knew you wouldn’t do that, but it was an initiation, after all, and Dinah is right about the trust in our circle, so I went along with it. I just can’t believe I didn’t wait for you outside, Steph! It’s our fault. We didn’t all have to go inside!” Samantha apologized. “You must have thought that we dumped you off.”

“The thought had crossed my mind,” I admitted.

Samantha glared at Dinah. “God damn it, Dinah! I told you not to scare her with that kind of talk!”

“And I told you that I was only trying to say that we wouldn’t dump her off!” Dinah defended.

Emma facepalmed. “Let me guess, Steph. The thought didn’t cross your mind the first time until Dinah’s little reassurance, right?” She surmised.

“Right,” I smirked.

“Oh, my God!” She glowered at Dinah. “And I’m the pest? Yeah, right!” Emma turned back to me. “This is why I can’t stand her!” she gibed.

Charlotte giggled at both sisters.

“Anyway, I know you guys weren’t trying to dump me off, but...” I looked around at them before returning my gaze to Samantha, my emotions welling up, anticipating their rejection. “I blew it,” I confessed in a subdued tone. “They know. Emma and Charlotte both figured it out because I mentioned that Liz is my sister and they’ve both heard her say that she doesn’t have one. I wasn’t gonna let anyone know because if I can’t keep my own secrets then how can you trust me to keep yours? I’m sorry I let you down, Samantha.”

“Aw, sweetie, you didn’t let me down. You did me proud!” Samantha smiled. “You did everything right. You went somewhere safe, you called home, you called again when you got here, and you didn’t walk home through dangerous neighborhoods. By the way, we were not expecting you to go undetected downtown all day – although it sounds like you did, really – and we never made you promise not to reveal yourself. The deal was only to go to Emma’s school and deliver that message. You did that very well. Maybe we shouldn’t have had you talk to Emma because she knew that Liz only has a brother. No offense, Emma,” Samantha apologized.

“None taken,” Emma smiled. “Actually, I was probably the safest choice because I don’t care.”

“And Steph, I really do trust you with my secrets. You have to remember that you didn’t tell anyone about you. They just figured it out. That’s not on you. None of us could have done anything about that,” Samantha reassured. Liz and Dinah nodded their agreement.

I smiled, knowing that I still had a chance to be a full sister. Although, as much as I wanted their sisterhood, I was most concerned about losing Samantha. We were just getting something romantic started and I wanted it to last.

“Liz, speaking of Emma and Charlotte knowing about Steph, I wanted to mention that I have forbidden them from ever telling anyone what they know about Steph because I will deal with them severely if they do,” she eyed them, “and by severely, I mean that you shall require a coroner.”

“Right, because if you do, I promise I’ll shove your heads in the toilet and drown you one by one. And Samantha and Liz will help me. Got that, squirts?” Dinah smirked.

“Damn right I’ll help her!” Samantha stared at them.

“So will I!” Liz agreed.

“We already promised not to!” Emma complained, rolling her eyes at Dinah’s fresh annoyance.

“Good,” Dinah nodded.

Naturally, I was touched by the fierce protection of my new sisters, especially Samantha’s... not to mention that Samantha had yet to let go of me since she arrived. Samantha’s company filled me with joy. She kept her eyes on mine while conversing, unlike Charlotte, who allowed hers to wander like unleashed puppies. Samantha had built trust with me before she put her arms around me and kissed me, whereas Charlotte seemed to have all of the self-control of a five-year-old.

“Now that that’s settled, please, let’s sit down in the living room,” Mrs. Wells requested.

Exchanging glances and shrugging, Samantha and friends followed her in, along with Charlotte and Emma.

* * * * *

As we seated ourselves, Samantha’s hand found its way into mine. Meanwhile, Charlotte’s mother urged me to share our discussion about what I had thought about my experiences as girl. I took a breath and repeated what I had said. As I opened up, revealing all of my thoughts, reactions, and strategies concerning everything from the bus driver’s refusal to let the old man off of the bus to my arrival at the Wells residence, I noticed my new sisters exchanging concerned glances... except for Samantha. Her face had a knowing expression on it. She wasn’t surprised.

“I’m proud of you, Steph,” she whispered, kissing me again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the downcast look on Charlotte’s face. She really was jealous.

Someone’s got to have a talk with that girl.

Just then, Charlotte’s mother revealed, “Steph, I’m not sure if you knew, but I am a licensed social worker. I’m going to refer you to a specialist to help you sort out your gender identity, alright?”

“My gender identity?” I murmured.

“Yes, Steph. You seem to be more comfortable as a girl than as a boy,” she clarified. “You need to talk to someone about it who can help you understand why that is.”

Samantha nodded. I knew that she agreed that I was more comfortable as a girl and that I should talk to someone. “Okay,” I consented.

“Is there anything else that you would like to add, Steph?” Charlotte’s mother probed.

“Well... not about me, but... I would like us to talk about Charlotte for a minute... y-you know, while it’s just us girls.” I began.

Charlotte’s mother nodded, now a bit apprehensive.

“Charlotte... I don’t want to hurt you or embarrass you but... you really need to hear this before you get into trouble out there.” I glanced out the window. Charlotte looked as though she expected her mother to punish her. “There is nothing wrong with having a thing for boys who dress up as girls, and I don’t doubt that it’s a lot of fun... but the way you behaved today was off-putting and... even dangerous for you.”

“What do you mean?” she murmured, her tone conveying that she knew what I meant.

“I know you were interested,” I continued, “but the way you came across... I mean, I’m sorry, but I don’t think there is a gentle way to say this.” I paused. “You came across as... really shallow. You... you never looked me in the eyes when you talked to me because you were too busy looking at my pantyhose. The dangerous part is that you were way too flirty. To be honest, I think you were only doing some of the same stuff that you probably do with your mom, but... if you do that stuff out there with a boy you don’t know, you could get yourself into serious trouble, especially an older boy.”

“Oh, Charlotte,” her mother lamented.

“She’s right, Charlotte, you need to get better about that.” Emma rubbed her back. “A lot of guys take that stuff as a come-on. Some boys even think I like ‘em because I smile at them, like, just one time.” Emma rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, maybe they see what they’re hoping to see or something, but it’s true.”

“Charlotte, you need to build trust and respect first and express attraction after that. Then it comes across like a special gift,” I smiled at Samantha, squeezing her hand, “and it feels amazing.” Reluctant to stop gazing at my new girlfriend, I turned back to Charlotte. “You just went straight for what excited you and if you were looking to bond with me, well, I couldn’t tell at all. You let your eyes roam all over me like I’m a chocolate cake. Your signals were saying that you were ready and willing, especially when you climbed onto my lap in the car and when put your head in my lap.”

Charlotte at least had the decency to look horrified and insulted. “I wasn’t going to do anything like that! I was only having some fun!”

“We know that, but a lot of boys out there have a different definition of fun. It’s probably a good thing that you do prefer boys who dress as girls. They tend to be safer because of their... feminine side, if that’s what you call it, but other boys will think that you want to start necking, if not more.”

Charlotte wept as she confronted her ways.

“Oh, Charlotte, sweetheart!” Her mother rose and strode toward her. Dinah stood to vacate her seat next to Charlotte, which Charlotte’s mother readily occupied. Dinah then sat in the wing chair. “Stephanie has raised a very important point, and I’m glad for that. Honey, I’m not sure that you’re ready for what you’re inviting or even aware of it. You are a truly beautiful child and I worry that you don’t yet realize how quickly and aggressively some boys can respond to the simplest gesture. Emma’s right that even if you smile at them they can take it as a sign of interest.” She looked at me. “Stephanie is right that this was a good time to talk about this. I know that you’re feeling hurt but she never intended to hurt you. She wants you to be safe like a true friend does.“

“That’s right,” I confirmed. “Alright, I think we made our point. Everyone gather around.” With that, I gave her the hug that only a female friend can, and everyone else followed my lead.

“I’m glad that we had this talk now so that you know that you have a lot of girls on your side,” Charlotte’s mother smiled at her and Charlotte grinned in return.

“Yeah, you’re right.” she admitted.

“Come on, hon. Let’s go upstairs and get you cleaned up,” her mother stood and waited for Charlotte to follow her upstairs.

Emma jumped up to her feet, announcing, “I’ll just go upstairs and help her.”

That left me in the living room with Samantha, Liz, and Dinah. Samantha still held my hand.

* * * * *

“Steph, I need to tell you something,” Dinah began, using my feminine name for the first time. “I should have known that Emma would chat with Charlotte at the lockers because their lockers are right next to each other. I should have known they would figure you out.”

“Dinah, please tell me that you didn’t choose Emma for Steph to talk to for that reason.” Samantha probed with menace.

“Of course not! I just didn’t think of it.” Dinah defended.

“You were just being impulsive again, huh?” Liz mediated.

“Yeah,” Dinah hung her head.

“And did you know that Charlotte’s neighbor, Mark Post, dressed up like Alice in Wonderland for Halloween a couple of years ago?” I interrogated, making Samantha glare at Dinah.

Dinah stared into space with her eyes wide, her mouth gaping until she covered it with her hands. “Oh shit! I forgot all about that!”

Somehow, I think Dinah should be Charlotte’s sister instead of Emma’s! They’re both impulsive!

“Well, unfortunately, Dinah, this initiation was really important to Steph and having Charlotte around really degraded it.” Samantha groused.

“You’re right,” she sighed. “I’m sorry, Steph.” Dinah then lowered her voice. “It must have sucked being around her.”

“It really did.” I spoke sotto voce. “I felt like a real girl at first because everyone thought I was one. I was relaxed and comfortable. I even felt normal. Then Charlotte arrived at Macy*s with a stupid grin on her face and her behavior kept reminding me that I’m not a girl. She spoiled the illusion and made me feel really self-conscious in public. Plus, she made me feel like a chocolate truffle that she wanted to wolf down.”

“Well, she’s just immature and doesn’t know what she’s doing,” Dinah thought aloud, “but you have to admit, even though that sucked, the experience was a good test of who you really are and you passed with flying colors!” She smiled.

With that, Samantha beamed at me. “Yeah! I think I can speak for all of us when I say that you’re in. You’re our sister now.” She hugged me and kissed me.

I love it when she kisses me! I hope she never stops!

The other girls threw their arms around me and made it a group hug.

Acceptance at last! I did it! Now I did have to fight not to cry and destroy my beautiful makeup.

“Come talk to me!” Samantha rose and led me to the nearest bathroom.

* * * * *

Samantha took me in her arms and smiled at me.

“I’m so proud of you, Steph,” she praised. “I’m impressed with how you kept your wits and how you handled yourself. I’m impressed with how you handled Charlotte in every way, including giving her the verbal kick in the butt that she needed, proving that you’re more mature than she is. Actually, you’re more mature than Dinah, too, but please don’t ever tell her I said that!” We shared a chuckle.

“I won’t. I promise.” I smiled.

Then Samantha became nervous. “You know, Steph, she glanced down. “I like you a lot. I always have. I want to start dating you. You’re obviously special and I want to take you off of the market before anyone else discovers you.”

I beamed like the sun at that. “I have always felt the same way about you and I want to date you, too.”

Samantha removed a simple, silver band from her ring finger and offered it to me. With joy, I accepted it and put it on my own ring finger. We kissed for what seemed like ages and when we finally stopped, I had a question in my head.

“Samantha, when you look at me... do you... do you see a girl? Even when I’m Stevie?” I wondered.

She nodded with a smile. "You know, Steph, I think it takes a girl to walk around downtown as long as you did without being detected."

"I think you're right," I smiled.

"So how about you? Do you see a girl in the mirror?" Samantha probed.

“Yes,” I admitted. “When I looked at my reflection in the mirror while I was trying on dresses and skirts... I saw a girl looking back at me. I don’t think I see Stevie anymore. I think he’s gone.”

Samantha kissed me again, “Steph is the one I love, you know.”

“And you’re the one I love,” I kissed her back.

EPILOGUE

Standing before the mirror on the back of the bathroom door, I saw my true self looking back at me. She wore an old nightie of Liz’s. Her hair was in “sleep braids” for the first time. She had applied tinted lip balm. She was happy. Smiling at myself, I turned and headed for my room to get in bed. As I lay there, staring at the ceiling, I basked in the joy of having Samantha for a girlfriend. My mind drifted to the thrill of being a full sister to Liz, Dinah, and Samantha, but it scared me. I knew that I was a girl on the inside and that was why Charlotte’s mother had given me the name of a specialist to talk to.

Just then, Liz came in.

“Hey, Steph. I just wanted to say congratulations on joining our sisterhood – and for hooking up with Samantha! She just told me over the phone! I'm happy for you two!” Liz smiled.

“Thanks, sis. What are we going to tell Mom and Dad about me?” I fretted.

“We’ll tell them the truth... little sis.”

The End