Homecoming Princess (Revised) Princess Found   Part 9 By Arecee   Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller

 
“Mother! Please!” I begged.

This was not going the way it should!

“It’s what I really want!”

“And how do you know just what it is you really want?” Mom stared straight into my eyes.

“I know Mother! I AM a girl! I AM your daughter!” I forcefully raised my voice in sheer conviction.

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“Linda?” My Mother questioned.

“Yes, she’s a friend of Mindy’s. I didn’t hear you come in,” she said looking at me.

“Umm… Mrs. Swanson… I’m not really… Linda,” I managed to squeak out before my eyes filled with tears and my throat tightened too much to talk. I just stared down at the floor.

“Mindy, what’s going on here?” her Mother asked as she turned to face her.

Mrs. Swanson’s displeasure was clearly evident on her face. It was bad enough that Mindy had gone to the hospital the night before, but now, her friend admitted to not being whom she had thought her to be, but someone else entirely, before she broke down in tears. Mrs. Swanson was looking at me with some concern as I dissolved into tears and I could almost see some pity through my blurred vision as she watched me cry.

Then it hit her!

She finally recognized who I was.

The expression on her face was fluctuating between both shock and anger. The look she just gave Mindy was frightening!

Mrs. Swanson turned and grabbed both of Mindy’s arms and pulled her face to hers until they were only inches away from each other.

“You tell me what this is all about young lady!” she snarled.

“It was only a joke, Mom,” Mindy whimpered.

“Only a joke? Only… a joke?” she said for emphasis. “For the love of God, he has breasts! I mean she… Damn! I don’t know what I mean,” she sputtered as she let go of Mindy’s arms.

Did I mention that tying my shirt up emphasized my new additions?

As serious as the situation seemed, my Mother couldn’t help but start giggling.

“Janet, calm down. It’s okay,” Mom laughed.

“Okay? For God’s sake Susan - your son has breasts!!!”

I sniffled, “They do come off, Mrs. Swanson. *sniff!* Just not right now.”

“Why not?”

“Umm…” I took a hold of the tissue my Mother passed me from out of her purse and wiped my nose. It is kind of handy having a purse! “Mindy, like, has the remover.”

“Mindy Belle, you’d better have an explanation for this!”

When Mrs. Swanson wanted to make a point with Mindy, she always used her middle name, which Mindy despised!

“Janet,” my Mom interrupted, “How about I tell you what happened while we drive over to the mall. Lynn has to find something to wear this afternoon and we don’t have a whole lot of time.”

Mrs. Swanson shook her head in disbelief as she went off to find her purse. When she came back, all four of us walked out to the curb to my Mom’s car.

“I hope you can explain this better that Mindy has,” Janet said.

“You’re not going to believe what I’m about to tell you,” Mom just groaned.

Mom and Mrs. Swanson sat in the front seat while Mindy and I sat in the back.

“Alright Susan, other than the obvious, tell me what I don’t know?” Janet said.

“I guess I should start by telling you that Lynn’s the Homecoming Princess for her freshman class this year at school,” Mom stated.

Janet’s face went back to that look of incredulousness as her eyes opened wide in disbelief.

“Did you say Princess?” she recomposed herself.

“Yes. That’s the little joke Mindy was referring to,” Mom answered.

Janet turned around in her seat to look at me, only this time, like a mother would look at one of her daughter’s friends.

I blinked my eyes a couple of times and gave her as friendly a smile as I could.

I couldn’t tell what she was thinking as she stared at me, but finally, a small smile crossed her lips.

“I can see why she won,” Janet declared as she turned back to face the front again. “Now, Mindy Belle, what did you have to do with all of this?”

“I entered Lynn in the contest as a joke. We weren’t supposed to win.”

“What do you mean - we? The way I see it, Lynn is the one that won, not you.”

I squirmed in my seat.

“But Mrs. Swanson, Mindy’s my partner. I couldn’t have done this without her,” I said.

Oops! Absolutely the wrong thing to say as I saw Janet’s face turn sour again.

“That’s just the point Lynn! I don’t understand any of this! Why didn’t you just withdraw after you had won?” Janet asked.

“We tried Mom, but Lynn didn’t want to. At first he thought he had to, after Miss Benson explained the situation we had put her and the whole school in. But later, he … sorta just wanted to do it,” Mindy said.

“Who’s Miss Benson?”

“The school Principal.”

Mindy explained to her mother how Miss Benson had originally taken to our prank, and all the events between then and why I looked the way I do today. She purposefully left out the part about Rex and Charlie at the mall; since we, well… her, she isn’t supposed to be seeing boys yet. And I’m definitely sure my mother would blow a blood vessel in her head to hear that I had already made out with a boy in a darkened theater!
 
 
Mom then filled in behind Mindy and told Janet about finding me asleep in that beautiful dress I had worn to the dance and that pretty much brought her up to date.

“Okay, so I understand all that. But why are we going shopping for Lynn now?” she asked.

“There’s one more function she has to attend this afternoon. Lynn has to go to a convalescent home at four o’clock. She doesn’t have anything to wear, so I thought it would be a good excuse for us to go shopping,” Mom grinned.

“I’m still having trouble with this. But is Lynn your son, or daughter now?”

I piped in, “Daughter, Mrs. Swanson.”

Janet raised her eyebrows. My Mother’s face had a mixed look. I couldn’t make out how she felt.

“Well Lynn, I’ll love you just the same as you were before. Don’t think I don’t want you to come over either. Feel free to as you always have, but… it will take some getting used to. You certainly had me fooled from before. I have to admit you make an extremely beautiful girl.”

I blushed. “Thank you Mrs. Swanson.”

Mrs. Swanson sighed. “I hope the both of you have learned your lesson from all of this?”

Mindy and I just looked at each other.

“Don’t play anymore pranks!”

Oh Gosh No! Never again!

I said first, “I certainly have Mrs. Swanson! No pranks from me again ever.”

“Me too Mom,” Mindy added next.

We both looked at our Mother’s gazes in the rear view mirror.

They both seemed satisfied somewhat with our responses. We just drove on in silence, listening to the car engine hum while we travelled. Finally, no longer able to keep it inside of me, I softly asked.

“Mother?”

She turned briefly around in her seat to look at me.

“I’m very sorry for having concealed all of this from you.”

I leaned forward and pressed my head against the side of her face as I felt her fingers slowly stroke my cheek.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you Mother… and… I was so afraid!” I whispered out as I kept my eyes closed tight. Mom slightly patted my cheek.

“I know Sweetheart,” she lovingly reassured me.

I really felt crappy for having hid this from her too! It was eating my heart out! Mom was the last person I ever wanted to lie to or hurt. And this had been the biggest thing I had ever done in my entire life! Call it a sense of loyalty or whatever, but I was determined to not ever do this to her again!

I know something inside her had changed too. I had sensed her sadness last night after her outburst. But now, she seemed to be a little more… enthusiastic maybe? About my situation? I really didn’t know what to think about that - it worried me.

But I did know one thing…

I loved my Mother!

I felt her hands slide away from my cheek and I sat back down into the rear seat again. Mindy gave my hand a squeeze.
 

*          *          *
 
We arrived at the mall and Mom parked in front of the Victoria’s Secret entrance from the outside.

“I won’t have you trying on clothes without the proper undergarments young lady. You need to get fitted.”

“Are you sure you want to shop here?” Janet questioned my Mother's choice of store to shop at.

“Janet, this is probably the only time I’ll ever get to do this, so I want to enjoy every minute of it. I might be spending a few dollars more than a store like Macy’s, but I can afford it and I want this to be memorable.”
 

*          *          *
 
“Miss, could you please measure my daughter for a bra?” Mom asked an attendant.

“I be more than happy to,” she replied. “Come this way.”

Mom and I followed the girl to the dressing rooms. She took a tape measure and measured me outside my T-shirt under my boobs and then across the nipples on my breasts. I was relieved when I didn’t have to remove my top! I imagined all sorts of things that could have probably happened if I had!

“Are your forms attached?” the girl quietly asked me.

I felt my face go red. How in the world did she know? I was even wearing the same bra I had worn yesterday. Then it hit me. She did this every day, all week long! If she didn’t know the difference between real and false, who would?

“Yes,” I meekly answered.

“Good, it’ll be easier to fit you then. Here, can I unsnap your bra underneath and see what the tag says?” she asked.

I blushed again. Oh God!

“Sure,” I managed to eek out. The girl led me into the changing room and shut the door. She helped me lift my shirt off and unhook the bra from behind.

“Hmm, this looks like one of ours. But this size is too tight for you. When you wear a bra, it should be comfortable and loose. Not this snug. They are meant to hold and slow the bounce, not completely immobilize movement. Wearing bra’s too tightly can cause you serious health problems when your real ones grow out too. The fluids inside have to circulate and wearing one too tight will cut the fluid flow off and let it poison you.”

She rechecked her measurements again on me with the tape measure and also measured my waist and from my hip to the inside of my leg. She then mentioned, “Is there any particular style or type that you would like?”

"Yes," came my mother's voice from the other side of the stall door,“She’d like two for everyday use, and two for special occasions. Use your best judgment."

I was like, so embarrassed!

The girl’s eyes brightened and she said, “I know just the ones that will work for you! I’ll be right back!”

She left and closed the door leaving me standing there half undressed and I just looked at myself in the mirror that hung on the stall wall.

I was definitely a very pretty girl! I mean, I really don’t see how I was seen as a boy before. I haven’t done anything really but let my hair grow long. My face is very smooth, my body frame small and lithe, and my waist was narrow. I did not have any of the rough features that most boys had. In fact, I didn’t look like a boy much at all. My arms and hands were thin and delicate. My legs were very long. I already looked like a girl in build and looks. Well, minus the breast part of it.

Then how come Mom never noticed any of this? Why is she really the only one who saw me as her son? Almost everyone else saw me as a girl.

“Here you go, your Mother can help you try these on,” she said, startling me out of my thought process. She had opened the door some and was holding the packages out towards me. I took them and then my Mother came in, closing the door behind her.

“Go ahead and finish taking that one off honey,” Mom said as she started to open one of the packages.

I felt my face return to red again. Mom was asking me to show her my boobs. How embarrassing is that? Even though they are not real, I thought of them as mine - like they were real. To me at least…

I paused longer than was necessary.

“Lynn,” my Mother reminded me, “Mothers help their daughters every day, especially when they are being fitted for their very first bra. I know this isn’t your first one, but it will be the first properly fitted one. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.”

I finished pulling the bra off of my chest, exposing my forms. Mom smiled lovingly towards me as I nervously did back to her.

“I remember when I was the same way with my Mother,” she grinned as she saw me trying not to cover my breasts with my hands. “My! They certainly make those things look realistic, don’t they?”

“I guess,” I mumbled, still embarrassed.

“Ok honey, turn around so I can hook this on for you.”

I turned around and Mom brought the bra around the front of me. I knew what to do already from my practice with Mindy and put my arms through the straps. Mom hooked the back and adjusted the straps. The bra was a Dream Angels pushup bra. It actually gave me cleavage! Not much, but it was noticeable.

“I sort of like this one Mother. It does fit right. And it feels good too.”

“My,” Mom said, and I could see her eyes growing moist. “I never thought I would experience this with my own child.”

I just leaned over and hugged her. Words did not need to be said.

It was a special moment.

I looked up at her smiling face as we pulled back.

“Let’s try on this other one on you,” she said excitedly as she started opening another package.

She removed the bra I had on and held up the second one for me to put my arms through. This one was very lacy, and I fell in love with it the moment I put it on! Mom said it was a Demi pushup bra. Now I knew why Mom wanted to come to this store!
 

*          *          *
 
A little while later, the sales attendant came back and tapped on the door.

“How do they fit?” the girl asked.

“Perfect,” Mom replied. “She’s going to need some panties too, so she’ll take six pair of bikini cut and six thongs. Be sure at least two match each of these two types of bra colors and the rest can be any other color.”

Woah!

“Mom! Why are you buying so many?”

“You need to be able to change every day. Don’t worry Sweety, I know what I’m doing. Just enjoy this moment Lynn - enjoy being a girl.”

And I did!

I put the first bra back on and tied my shirt under my breasts again. They looked so much nicer now with support!
 
 
After Mom paid for the merchandise, I eagerly asked, “Where to next?”

Mom thought for a moment and then admitted, “Let’s ask Mindy. She’ll know which store you will like and what type of clothes you would like as well. But I will refuse ones that look too risqué. Agreed?”

I didn’t need to think twice on that! Mom’s buying me clothing I wanted to wear!

“Agreed!” I beamed.
 
 
I walked from the dressing room and Mindy’s eyes checked me out.

“Looking good girl friend!” she complimented me.

“You’re kidding, right?” I asked, not believing my ears.

“No, really! You do. You have some ‘extra’ figure to you!” she giggled.

After settling down she asked, “Ok, where do you want to go to next Lynn?”

“I was going to ask you that same question! I know we came here before, but I don’t remember where we went. Mom said to ask you where we should go.”

Mindy looked at her watch and noticed it was already a little after noon.

“We don’t have much time. We’ll go to Wet Seal and Forever Twenty-one.”

“Lead the way Mindy,” Mom said.

Janet rejoined us and off we went.
 

*          *          *
 
I won’t bore you with the in and out of the dressing rooms. We found a really pretty pencil skirt and blouse at Wet Seal and then Mindy and I hit Twenty-One with a vengeance. I bought three skirts, two dresses, and three pairs of jeans. I wasn’t going to mention the seven blouses I bought too, because I don’t want you to think that Mom’s spoiling me. Well, she is. And she seemed to be enjoying every minute of it too! I was going to say something to her about it, like ‘Where was I going that I needed to wear everything you are getting me?’ but I just couldn’t! I didn’t want to break her trance. And yep! I wanted those clothes!!!

This felt like a dream come true!
 
 
“Lynn! We have to go! It’s almost two o’clock,” Mindy warned.

I turned to Mom. “Mom, we have to go. I only have two hours to get ready.”

Mom smiled, “Finally thinking like a girl? Oh wait, do you have shoes?”

“No, just the ones I wore last night and these sandals.”

“That won’t do! Quick, we’ll find something at Macy’s.”
 
 
We did find a pair there - well actually three pairs: black pumps with a two-inch heel, a different pair of flat sandals, and a pair of canvas shoes for everyday. Mom said two-inch heels were more than enough for a girl my age.

We were going to have lunch at the food court, but I was running out of time. So we dropped Mindy and her Mother off at their house and we went back home so I could change.

Mom suggested that I wear the pencil skirt with my new heels. I picked a blouse and soon Mom was driving me to school to meet the other girls.
 

*          *          *
 
Miss Benson had procured one of the district vans to drive us to the convalescent home. The other girls were already there waiting for me when I arrived.

“Lynn! You’re here!” Carla said excitedly.

We all hugged each other. It felt good to be back with my friends.

“Is it true? Did Jason really drive you home last night?” Tina asked.

“Yes,” I softly answered as I looked down at the ground, blushing.

“Oh God! Then what I heard was true?” Tina giggled. “Did he kiss you goodnight?”

The other girls gathered around me waiting to hear what I was going to say.

“Yes,” I breathed.

Even I was getting excited with that proclamation!

“Oooooooo! Lucky girl!!!!!God… Jason is so hot!” Tina exclaimed.

“Are you going to be seeing him again?” Melissa asked.

Hmmmmmm!

“I hope so. My mom hasn’t said one way or the other yet whether I can date now. If he asks me out, and she lets me, Yeppers!” I answered, as my heart did one of those little flip-flops when you think about the person you love!

*sigh*

“You’d be a fool not to! Jason’s really nice. I went out with him for a while until I met my current boyfriend. He’s not like some of the octopuses I’ve been out with,” Melissa related.

“I went out with the octopuses’ brother!” Tina laughed. “He couldn’t keep his hands off of my boobs!”

“What did you do?” I asked, definitely interested in the topic.

“I grabbed his thingy and squeezed it!!! Really, really hard! *laughing* and told him if he touched me like that again, he’d be joining the girls club!”

We all started laughing.

“But it feels so good when they touch me there,” Carla added.

“What???? Not on the first date! Ewwwww!” Tina responded.

“Eww? On the first date?” Melissa questioned also.

Tina continued, “Well he was definitely a jerk. He took me to a movie and thought I owed him something. So Mr. Eight hands was all over me. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I grabbed his thing. I didn’t think eyes could open that wide!” She laughed.
 
 
The van arrived just at that moment so we waited until we were seated inside to continue our conversation. Melissa and Tina sat on the forward bench; Carla and I sat behind them.

“Did he say anything?” Melissa asked.

“Not a word! His hands stayed in his lap the rest of the movie. I felt so bad for him I took his hand and held it about half way through the film. He did buy my ticket for me, but that’s about as far as it went.”

“Did he ask you out again?” Carla asked.

“Are you kidding? He couldn’t take me home fast enough! He didn’t even walk me to the door,” Tina giggled.

“What about you Lynn? Did Jason try to feel you up?” Melissa laughed.

Oh Gosh! Not me!!!! Yes, he did. But it was just a little. But I think it was me that wanted him to feel me up to. I definitely was in the mood and loved it. But do they need to know that?

“Melissa, you know she’s a virgin,” Tina reminded.

“I’m just teasing her Tina, let me have a little fun!” Melissa responded.

“All you’re doing is embarrassing her. What she and Jason did is really none of our business.”

Thank God for Tina! I was beginning to see differences in girls that I had never noticed before. Melissa wasn’t a very nice person, and Tina was quite the opposite. I really had grown to like her. Carla was… well, Carla. She was very quiet, but I think she was wilder than either of the other girls. Don’t ask me how I knew that, it was just a feeling I had about her.
 

*          *          *
 
We arrived at the convalescent home and quickly exited the van. The driver told us we had an hour to do whatever we had to do and to meet back here at the front doors.

We entered the home and were greeted by a well-dressed woman that looked as old as my Mother.

“Good afternoon, ladies! I’m Debbie Cantrell, the director of the Wellness Center for the Aged. It’s very nice of all of you to take the time to visit with some of our guests. I’m going to leave you with Gail Sanchez, my manager, and she’ll take you to see some of our more needy folks,” Debbie said, in a tone of voice I thought only happened on TV when they were trying to sell you something.

“Hi girls! I’m Gail. I have a list of your names but I don’t have a face to put them to,” she said as she looked each one of us over.

“I’m Melissa, the Queen,” Melissa stated in a tone of voice to make sure she was recognized as such.

What a bitch!!!

Snap! I don’t want to think of those bad words! But Melissa… oooo she makes me so mad!

“This is Tina, Carla, and our freshman, Lynn,” she finished with an air of haughtiness, as if she were real royalty or something. That meant we were the lowlife to her. The more I was around Melissa - the more I was starting to dislike her. Now I could see why Tina was always so abrupt with her.

“Well, come along girls and I’ll show you who each of you are to visit. Melissa, Tina, and Carla, we have the recreation room set up for you three and our patients will visit you there. Lynn, we always like to have the youngest girl visit one of our special ladies on this day every year, so I’ll be bringing you to see Irma Mac Lain. She’s ninety-three years old, and a real dear. I’ll take you to her first Lynn because I’ll have to stay with the other girls. Some of our other patients aren’t quite all there, and I have to supervise their behavior,” Gail chuckled a little nervously.
 
 
We walked down a corridor to a room and Gail lightly knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a frail voice said.

Gail opened the door and said, “Irma, here is you special visitor today! Go ahead Lynn. Come on in.”

To put it mildly, I wasn’t really sure about doing this. When Gail did her introduction, she really made me nervous! If all of these old people weren’t really all there in their minds… would one of them hurt me? Geez!

I gathered myself and slowly came through the door.

The room was small, but someone had really taken the time to make it into a home. The bed was made and pictures of family members were placed on every open space in the room. There were several vases of flowers on a dresser across from the bed. A very frail woman was looking out the window over to the garden, which had a rich variety of beautifully colored flowers.

“Come in child,” she said, as she slowly turned to face me. “I’m Irma Mac Lain. Please, just call me Irma.”

Irma was well groomed. Her hair was brushed and she had the slightest hint of lipstick on her lips. She wore a dress and what I would call ‘granny shoes’ — you know the ones with the small chunky heel? Her face was kind and I could still see the beauty within it, despite the wrinkles that had become her testament to age.

“Hi Mrs. Mac Lain, I mean, Irma. I’m Lynn Collins,” I said as I nervously extended my hand to hers.

She took my hand and used it to steady herself. Her eyes seemed to twinkle as she looked at me.

“My, my! You’re a very pretty young girl, Lynn,” she said.

“Thank you,” I blushed. I couldn’t help but smile at her compliment.

“Would you walk with me to the garden?” she asked.

“I’d be happy to,” I replied.

Irma took my arm to help her balance and we slowly walked and made our way outside to the garden. It wasn’t that far, but Irma couldn’t walk very fast either. Some minutes later, we finally made it.

“Please, sit down dear,” she said indicating a bench.

I helped Irma sit and then sat next to her. The air in the garden smelled fresh, with a variety of flower smells and just a hint of newly cut grass. The shadows from the trees made it comfortable to sit on this bench without the heat of the sun burning us.

“Is this your first time being a Princess?” she asked me as she formed a slight smile.

“Yes Ma’am. I was literally surprised when I had won. There were other girls much prettier and more experienced that should have won,” I politely replied.

“You’re a very sweet girl,” she giggled, “I remember when I was your age, long ago. I thought I was so mature then. Oh Lordy, how I tested my parent’s patience! I remember once my friend Sally Laughlin and I thought it would be fun to play hooky from school. We took the rickety old bus into the city and spent the day having fun. Well, on the trip home, the bus broke down.”

“Back then, there weren’t any radios or phones to call for help, so we had to wait until someone came by to repair the bus. We didn’t get home until after nine that night. I thought my parents would skin me alive! Goodness, I had never seen them so angry. I was grounded for weeks, and never skipped school again.”

“I’ve never skipped school. I believe in learning,” I said.

“Good for you sweetheart! Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked.

The blush factory again!!!!

I knew my feelings for Rex and Jason were more than just as friends. How should I answer that question?

“Umm, not really. I mean, I’ve gone out with a few boys, but I’m not really in a boyfriend - girlfriend thing yet,” I giggled nervously.

“That’s a smart girl! Have lots of admirers, that way you’ll be able to find the right man from the bunch. I was very much in demand before I met Mr. Mac Lain. I knew the minute I had met him, that he was the one for me. We were married for eight years before… he passed away.”

“Where did you meet him?” I asked, very intrigued.

“I met him at a dance in Hollywood. Ahhhh, those were the days! Movie stars were like Gods back then. Much different than how they were today. That’s why I was in Hollywood! I wanted to be the next Gloria Swanson.”

“Who’s Gloria Swanson?”

Irma couldn’t help but laugh at that question.

“Sweetheart, she was the Julia Roberts of her day. It’s a shame you don’t recognize her name, but I’m sure you wouldn’t know any other of the ladies I knew back then either. The men were just as popular. Oh! What a crush I had on Errol Flynn! I know, you don’t know who he was either, but he gave me the vapors every time I saw him.”

“The vapors?” I questioned. I never heard that term before.

“Oh, you young girls. I keep forgetting that you’ve never heard that expression before. I imagine you’d call it — ‘taking your breath away’ now. Well, I went to all the studios and was invited to so many parties that I can’t even remember them all.”

“I’m sorry dear, I know I’m rambling. I was at a dance in Hollywood when this beautiful man walked in. I thought Errol gave me the vapors! Well… I’ll tell you Sweetheart, I almost fainted when I first saw Mr. Mac Lain! He was so handsome! Words really can’t even describe how handsome he was. Well let me tell you, I wasn’t going to let some other girl get her hooks into him!”

“I walked up to him and looked him right in the eye and asked him to dance with me. I don’t think he could have been any more surprised at my boldness. We stayed together for the rest of the evening and he asked me out to dinner the next night. A year later we married.”

“How did you know he was the one?” I asked her, very much interested in her story.

“Honey! Believe me, you’ll know. And when you do, you’ll know what the vapors are.”

“Did you have any children?”

“Yes I did deary. We had three boys. I had always wanted a girl, but that was not to be. Grant was drafted and went away to the war. He was killed during a battle in Italy. After that, I could never be with another man. I was not going to spoil the memories I had of my husband.”

“My boys though, they were almost the death of me with all their crazy shenanigans. I still always wonder to this day… what it would have been like… to have had a daughter.”

I didn’t know what to say. Here was a woman who wanted a daughter and didn’t have that chance. It sort of humbled me some and made me feel a slight sorrow for her.

I definitely changed my opinion of this trip and what I thought about Irma.

“Was it hard for you to raise three boys by yourself?” I begged to know. If I ever have children, I had better know this stuff!

“No harder than any other woman had during those days. Grant had left me well off, but I didn’t feel right living off of the money he had left for us. So I went to work in his company that he worked for before the war. It was one of the few companies that didn’t discriminate against women. I worked hard and ended up buying the whole thing out from the stockholders.”

“Wow!! I would have never known…” I let out in amazement.

“Honey, you could do the very same thing! You know, I can tell that you are a very special girl and talented too. You’re very pretty, but beauty goes with age. Brains never do! A beautiful girl with brains can have the entire world at her feet!”

Wow!

“I want you to promise me something. What did you say your name was again Sweety?”

I said, “Lynn Ma’am.”

“Lynn. Yes! Promise me that you will take school seriously. Study hard. Don’t rely on anyone to take care of you! You can do that yourself! I see something very special in you Lynn. I’d be disappointed if you were to waste it.”

Gosh! What could I say? I was embarrassed.

I lowered my eyelids, looking down at the bench. “Mrs. Mac Lain, I don’t see anything really special about myself.”

Mrs. Mac Lain laughed.

“Of course you don’t! You’re still a young girl. But there’s something about you that an old woman like me sees. Trust my intuition, please. You’ll make me proud someday.”

I was speechless! I was a fraud sitting with the most amazing woman I had ever met, other than my mother, and she was telling me how special I was. Boy was I! And not in the way that she meant! I had to change the subject before I said something to stupid or exposed my secret!

I looked back up into her eyes. “Where are your sons now?”

“Well, Carl, my oldest, is the president of my company. He is doing a wonderful job of running it to! Harold , my second oldest, is a surgeon in Boston. And Johnny… Johnny is gone,” she started sobbing.

I leaned over and hugged her. I just had to.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, realizing that I had brought back memories that had best been left alone.
 
 
After a few minutes of holding her to me, and her sadness quelled down, I let go and she started rocking herself slightly on the bench, back and forth.

“You needn’t be sorry dear. It’s just that I’ve never gotten over Johnny’s death.”

“It was an auto accident. Johnny and some friends had gone skiing during a spring break from his college. They were on their way home when they hit some ice on the road and skidded into oncoming traffic. The car was thrown off the road and Johnny was instantly killed when it hit a tree. The other boys survived. But my Johnny…”

Tears rolled down Mrs. Mac Lain’s face again, dropping onto her lap. I felt really bad for her to relive sad memories that she had buried for so many years.

I leaned up against her and held her hand while we sat together in silence.

It’s the best way to comfort a friend and to let them know that you are there for them.
 

*          *          *
 
A nurse had walked toward us as we sat together in silence.

“Irma, I’m afraid it’s time for your visitor to leave.”

Mrs. Mac Lain looked up at her and with a hint of sadness in her voice, asked, “It is?”

“Lynn, the other girls are waiting for you,” she stated, also with a sadness in her voice. She could see that Mrs. Mac Lain was really enjoying having me with her and hated to take me away. But the driver had said - one hour only.

Mrs. Mac Lain became more animated and affirmed, “My goodness, I can’t believe how quickly time passes!”

“I had a wonderful time with you dear. But I didn’t get to know anything about you. Sometimes I start talking and I just don’t know when to stop. You could come to visit me again… that is… if you’d like,” Irma asked hopefully.

I smiled, “I’d like to do that very much, Mrs. Mac Lain. I’ll see if it’s all right with my mother. Would you like me to help you back to your room?”

“No deary, I think I’d like to sit here for a little while. You run along young lady. Remember what I told you - be strong.”

“I will,” I replied.

I hugged her frail body and then left with the nurse. I did turn around again while we walked away to see her staring off, into the patch of flowers, reliving her past.

A tear trickled down my cheek.

My meeting with Mrs. Mac Lain was having a profound effect on me. She was an old woman with wisdom, sharing it with a young girl. What she had said was for me to be strong inside. Not as a man, but as a woman. I felt sad as I turned around once more to see her before I lost sight of this woman. What was said and done was going to have a very strong influence on my life.

 

*          *          *
 
Mom was sitting in the car waiting for me when the van returned me back to school.

“How was your trip to the hospital?” Mom asked as I sat down in the front seat with her and closed the car door.

“It was wonderful Mom! I met the most amazing woman while I was there! Her name is Irma Mac Lain. She’s ninety-three years old. She told me things about herself that were almost like from out of a history book! Mom, would it be okay if I could visit her again?” I asked.

Mom got a funny look on her face.

“Please?” I tried giving her my best Bambi impression.

Her look turned into a smile.

“Of course you may. I guess this whole thing has turned my sweet son into an even sweeter daughter,” she answered wistfully.

“Thanks Mom. You’re the greatest!”
 

*          *          *
 
We returned home and I went to change into something more comfortable. I might have only been a girl for just a couple of weeks, but even low heels weren’t the most comfortable things in the world to wear for long! I changed into a pair of shorts, my flat sandals and put one of my old white T-shirt’s on and went off to help Mom with our dinner.

“Hmm, I see I have my grungy son back!” she noted with a gleam in her eye.

“Not really,” I said with a straight face. I pulled my T-shirt up to reveal my new girl’s shorts. My shaved legs and feminine shorts left nothing to explain my new entry into womanhood.

“You really have turned into a typical teenage girl,” she giggled.

I wistfully replied, “Like Mother, like daughter!”
 
 
I helped my Mother with dinner and when we finished eating, she got all serious again. We had gone to the living room and mom patted the sofa next to her.

“Sit down honey, we still have a lot to talk about,” she said.

I slowly sat down on the opposite side of the sofa - knees together, of course!

“I thought I explained everything to you last night?”

“All we talked about was how you came to be here. Now we have to discuss what’s ahead. We have some very serious decisions to make concerning your future.”

“I don’t understand Mom.”

“The first thing is your school. I know your Miss Benson has decided to have you attend as a girl until Christmas.”

“Mother, that was my decision too!” I complained.

“I’m sorry Lynn, but you aren’t old enough to make a decision like that. You’re only fourteen!”

Mom was becoming enraged again. I thought our shopping escapade had dispelled her anger, but I guess I was wrong!

“Mom, I know how I feel.”

“And, how’s that?” she irritatedly asked.

“Like a girl.”

Mom’s face went flush with anger. She didn’t say anything for what seemed to be minutes. I could see she was trying to regain control of her emotions before she said anything else.

“After all you’ve been through? I imagine you do. I’m just not convinced that you really do! But that’s beside the point right now. I’m more concerned about you and your school! Do you have any idea of the danger that you’re putting yourself in by dressing like a girl at school?”

What? Does she accept me or not?

“Mom,” I smiled, “Everyone at school thinks I have always been a girl. They all have wondered why I had been dressing up like a boy as it is.”

Mom’s mouth twitched! Just like I had seen Miss Benson do at school!

“I’d probably be in more danger now if I wore my boy clothes to school,” I finished. I hope she saw the logic to that.

“And what happens when someone accidently looks at your school records and sees that you’re a male?”

Yep! Already been through that one!

“The teachers originally ignored the ‘M’ on my records Mom. This past week, since the Coach made such an issue of it and the fact that I began dressing and attending school as a girl, instead of what everyone assumed was a girl trying to dress as a boy, the teachers were told by Miss Benson that my records were in error and that she would correct them soon.”

That was in fact, the truth.

“Oh really? Just like that?” my Mother retorted in a more higher pitched, angry sort of tone.

What the Fudge?

“And without my permission?” Mom continued, not even trying to conceal the anger in her voice. “I think NOT young lady!”

My jaw just dropped. Omigosh!

“Mother! Please!” I begged.

This was not going the way it should!

“It’s what I really want!”

“And how do you know just what it is you really want?” Mom stared straight into my eyes.

“I know Mother! I AM a girl! I AM your daughter!” I forcefully raised my voice in sheer conviction.

My Mother’s stare was unwavering, but her eyebrow did go up.

I GIVE UP!!! She hates me… how could she??? I mean... after shopping… and now…

“I…I-I’m sorry Mother. I apologize… for raising… my voice.” I whimpered.

I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. My whole world was caving in on me! I just buried my face into arms as I turned to face away from my Mother and cried.

This was just so unfair! Why couldn’t Mom really accept the fact that I’m a girl? It’s like she wants me back as her son. And I can’t do that! I can’t!!!! I’d… I’d rather… die.

I sobbed out, “Why Mother?...Why?...Why am I not allowed… to be me?”

I clenched my eyes closed and dreaded the thought of having to try and go back to being a boy. Being miserable again. No friends. And the feeling of being caged again.

I felt my Mother’s arm surround me and pull me back towards her into a hug. I didn’t have the will to resist anymore. She started to gently stroke my hair and lean into me.

“All I’m saying dear, is that you have to give this thing more thought. It’s an unalterable life decision you are committing to. And once things are done, that’s it! You can’t just decide and go back.”

I honestly didn’t know what she was referring to as being unalterable — I mean, It’s not like I was gluing clothes onto me or something.

“Honey,” my Mother soothed as she pulled my head against hers, “This is... really difficult for me! I really do love you! It’s just… I want so much to get you back to the way you were… as I gave birth to you — as my son.”

She held me tighter for a moment and was inhaling the smell of my hair.

“I feel like inside of me that I’ve lost you! Like you died - but you haven’t. It’s a loss, and I’m hurting and I’m really grasping at straws at what to do.”

… I was speechless.

“I’m right here Mom” I quietly whined. “I haven’t gone anywhere.”

This time, I hugged her back. Even though I’m her daughter, I felt like absolute garbage for making her hurt. I didn’t want her to cry or hurt! I just wanted to be me! I only wish that she would accept me.

“I’m not doing this to hurt you or anyone. I just want to be me!” I mumbled through as I had pressed my face up into her chest.

Mom pulled back from me a little and lovingly said, “I know baby… I know.”

“Mother,” I sniffled as I lifted my head up, “you know how unhappy I was before? I didn’t feel like I fit in - anywhere. I knew that I was different and weird. I was trying to please you and what Dad would have wanted me to be. B-but… It didn’t work. I was hurting inside.”

I could see my Mother’s face softening some.

“I didn’t know what to do. It was like totally frustrating and all I could do was keep to myself most of the time. In school, I joked around to try and get the frustration out. I didn’t have any friends except for Mindy! I wasn’t accepted for what I was physically — a boy. I could never understand why back then. Boys either ignored me or gave me funny stares. The few that did talk to me on a somewhat regular basis, well, they treated me as someone regular, you know like you see every day? But not as a close friend. Not like the friends that I have now. I know now they all thought that I was a girl back then, one that was trying to either be a tomboy or rebelling against something. But I didn’t know that back then.”

“And you know what? I was like all scared when Mindy suggested this prank after my hair band broke in class. I was afraid of trying something so different and what I thought was wrong at the time. I thought I had been a boy. But after, well — this, I finally found ME! This is me, Mother!”

Mom’s eyes were moistening up. She was listening intently to my feelings.

“I enjoy looking beautiful! I enjoy others finding me beautiful. It’s — it’s I can’t describe it all, really. It just feels so right! For the first time in my entire life I feel that everything about who and what I am now, is right! I love how I am! I like how others see me! I have lots of friends now. I can talk and relate to people now. It’s like a huge rock has been lifted off from on top of me. I feel free!”

Now tears were trickling down my mother’s face.

“I really hated myself before, Mother. I hated being awake, I hated being in school. I practically kept my eyes glued to my books so that I could ignore everyone else around me. But I don’t do that anymore! I like being there and around other people now. And as a girl!”

Now my Mother rested her head against mine.

“Honestly Mom, when you look at me… do you really see me as a boy — or as a girl?”

I pushed my hand against hers and we both stared down at it. My hand was just about the same thinness and length as my Mother’s, mine being slightly smaller.

We just sort of let time stand still and enjoyed this moment with one another. I really felt so much closer to my Mother, as a person, more than at any time I could ever remember in my life. This felt so good! I should have been this way with her so much sooner!

I know she was having a hard time with accepting me as a girl. But honestly, wasn’t I always a girl inside? I thought so.

“Lynn,” my mother started, “I don’t think… I can answer that…”

I looked up into her eyes. She gave me a small smile through her tears.

“…on the grounds that I may really have a daughter.”

We both giggled and cried together.
 
 
“Lynn, honey, you and I aren’t really aren’t in any position to make this kind of decision for yourself just yet. While I may see my daughter before me and I'm trying hard to accept her, and you believe that you are a girl, I’d like a doctor to assess you and really make sure this isn’t some passing fad or misplaced notion of perception. Can we agree on that?”

I simply nodded, wiping the last of my tears away.

“You don’t have to be a girl to be accepted by others as you are now, you know?” Mom gently squeezed my hand.

I thought about that statement. That was very true! I didn’t have to be a girl for acceptance. But… then why did feeling that I was a girl so right and being a boy so wrong?

“Mom. There is one other thing though, that you should know.”

“Oh?”

“It might be better if I was a girl anyways. It would be a lot harder on me and more dangerous if I was seen as a boy… dating boys.”

Mom’s eyes widened.

“I thought you liked girls though? Oh wait! The dance… Jason.”

I slowly nodded.

“I really do love the attention of boys Mom. Girls, well, they feel like sisters to me. I don’t feel the fire inside of me when I kiss a girl that I do when a boy does.”

My Mother frowned at that.

“And I love their strength when they hold me,” I continued rather dreamily. “I just want to lose myself in their arms and let them kiss me, and…”

“Ok, ok. Enough of that imagery,” my Mother cut me off. “I know exactly what you mean. I know someone who went through what you’re going through now and I’m going to ask her whom we should see. I won’t risk taking you to the wrong person.”

“You know someone - like me?” I asked, bewildered to that fact.

“Yes Sweety. A number of years ago one of the men that I worked with told us that he was really a woman inside and wanted to become one on the outside. He was the best salesperson we had and when he became a woman, he didn’t lose his job. Now, she’s better at selling houses than she was before. When I asked her how her sales could really be so much better, do you know what she said to me?”

“No.”

“She said her customers could see the happiness and honesty when she showed a house. Before, all she was doing was making a sale, but now it’s different. She really believes in what she’s doing. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and see if she can help.”

My Mother helped me to stand up.

“And tomorrow, I’m going to have a talk with your Miss Benson. We have a lot to discuss!” Mom snapped.

“Mother? Please! Don’t be harsh with her.”

“Harsh? That’s a kind way of putting what I’m going to say to her. That woman has NO place being where she is! If it was up to me, she’d be looking for a new job!”

“But Mom!!! I am to blame, not her!”

“Really? Just how do you see that young lady?

I gulped.

“I volunteered Mother! I did! I did it to protect Miss Benson, I did it to protect Coach, and I did it to protect the school. It was my fault for doing the prank, I accepted the responsibility Mother. Miss Benson did not force me to do one thing or the other. I chose this path rather than admit to the entire school to what I had done. I couldn’t face the school Mom! I couldn’t! I was too afraid of what the boys would do to me afterwards and how everyone would treat me!”

“And I’m not doing this or going along with this just to protect everyone else anymore either Mom. I am doing this for me! Because I’m a girl, and because...well… this is really me.”

Mom slightly smiled. “Nevertheless honey, you are a child — and my child. One who may be a little more grown up than I originally thought, but still, my child. She’s an adult, and she is supposed to know better.”

“Look,” she suggested, as she lay her hand upon my shoulder, “It’s late and you have school tomorrow. We can talk about this later after I’ve talked to Miss Benson and Marilyn Grant at work. Go on to bed and try to sleep well Sweetheart.”

“Goodnight Mom.” I kissed her cheek. “I’ll try.”

My Mom seemed a little shocked at that. Her face was still a mix of emotions and I was the entire reason that she was going through what she was feeling right now.

As I got to the hallway, I paused.

“Mother?” I raised my voice some so that she could hear me.

“Yes Sweety?”

I couldn’t help but feel love for my mother because she was actually trying to protect me in her own way. She is the woman who gave birth to me and accepted me, now, as I was. And, in not so much as in really saying it, I could see that she really did like me as her daughter - just not the circumstances of how I became it.

“I love you.”

---

 
To Be Continued...