CHAPTER 62
I had to register my source, naturally, but somehow the fact that Deb was merely acting as a go-between, rather than the primary, slipped my mind. There were too many tangled threads to unravel safely, and my friend was already listed as a source as a consequence of her work with us on the Cooper case.

In reality, I wanted any possible connection to a certain couple in Reading strangled before it was born.

I spent many sleepless nights trying to find justification for my own spectacular lapse in P, P, but the closest I could get to formal validation of my failure was from Lord Denning.

Look not at the letter of the law, but rather at what the law is for. Perhaps Steve and what had almost certainly been Pig could have been introduced to Ashley fucking Evans…

No. That was far too tempting a slope, and one impossible to climb back up. It did give me a laugh, though, when I realised that I was now automatically donating an extra middle name to my rapist. I mentioned that to Annie during one of our now-regular chats, and she burst out laughing.

“That’s like Piers Morgan getting his CBE!”

“You are bloody joking! Not in the New year Honours, surely? I mean, Liz is far from senile!”

“No, Di! Not that sort of CBE. It’s from my cycling friends, sort of a rule on one of the forums. The man can NOT be mentioned without adding ‘That CBE’ to his name”

“So spill?”

“Colossal Bell End…”

That was how I translated her reply, because she couldn’t stop laughing for nearly a minute, and that included the time she took in saying those three words. I saw her point, and for Rhod’s sake, Evans became AFE from that moment.

Our observation routine continued, which meant seeing little of my other man during the week, but Rhod was the important one, and he had one parent to love him every day, Mam covering any breaks and ensuring he was never left alone at the school gates.

So lucky.

I was watching Alun closely now I understood the real reason for his shabbiness and constant air of fatigue, but he never seemed to let go of his own peculiar interpretation of P, P. All I wanted to do was return that loyalty and commitment, but I was lost. I read up on MS, I watched endless on-line videos, but nothing jumped out of the screen shouting “Me! Me! I am the magic bullet!”

It really did seem to be merely the official term for ‘World of worsening shit’. That ‘lucky’ thought hurt me at times, for it left me feeling profoundly guilty. Lynne had done nothing to deserve such an affliction—no rubbish about karma---and I had done sod-all to deserve my own good fortune. If ‘karma’ was real, why did it not shit all over people like the Evans family, or Pritchard, or any of those other vermin?

I ended up smiling at that one, in a rather perverse way. I had used Deb as a cut-out to keep her biker friend out of the frame, a sort of subcontractor, and here was I, subcontracting for that karma I didn’t believe in.

Once again, it was a chat with my old friend that cleared my thoughts on that one. I had mentioned Tammy’s mantra, and Annie murmured agreement.

“Aye. Live a good life, and do your best to leave the world a better place than you found it”

“I like that one, woman!”

She sighed.

“Not mine, Di. One of Simon’s”

“Simon?”

“The vicar. Merry’s husband; you met him at Christmas. It was from that funeral we mentioned, someone we got to know a but late in life. All about leaving things better than you found them. Simon’s a bit into that sort of thing. Can’t think of many nicer people…”

She was silent for a short while, then came back far perkier in tone.

“Speaking of which, what are you doing on the weekend nearest the Summer Solstice?”

“Not playing druids, if that’s what you mean”

“No, not at all. Well, sort of. Think what we did at Christmas, but warmer and partly outdoors, aye? Annual thing it is now; Music Day at Saint Nick’s, Simon calls it. And the pubs and that aren’t all shut. Fancy it?”

“Could do. Rhod enjoyed the camping, so it could work, and it reminds me of someone else. Did you follow our paedophile investigation?”

Her voice tightened.

“Yes. Had one of our own, aye? But yes. You found some very brave witnesses, girl”

“Yeah, and that’s what came to mind. One of them has a date in Brighton in the Spring. Some slight adjustments that… Some procedures I think you might understand”

“Ah! Which one? You had a couple of trans girls in the box, from what I read”

“I’ll ask her first, Annie. She might not want to be so open, but I think you’ve guessed what I was asking”

“Could be two things, Di. Doing hospital visit duties for you, or providing B and B for others to do so. We can offer you both, once you’ve done the permission thing, aye? We have a lot of room around here. Not just my place, but Steph, the Woods, Simon and Merry, Dennis and Kirst—too many to remember in one go, aye?”

“I’ll let you know, nearer the day, yeah? But thanks, Annie. She’s as happy as, looking forward, isn’t it? But I think she’s rather nervous underneath all the bravado”

“Bound to be. It’s not exactly a small thing, is it?”

“Not after they chop it off”

“I keep thinking you can’t get much worse, and then… No. I am not going to get into a full description of what they do, woman. Been there, done that. I think you know full well. What I meant was that it is a hugely significant step, aye? Symbolic, as well as physical. Let me know nearer the day, and we’ll sort something that suits”

We wound up the chat with the usual promises, and I sat for a little while feeling far better about things, and I had the beginnings of another idea.

More observation, more cups of tea and bacon rolls, as well as a lot of looking over my shoulder. If the Valkyries had identified us so easily, what about our real opposition? I felt a little as I had the day Blake and I spoke to the woman in the heritage place at Dunraven, when we were shown how much our super-professional investigation had actually missed. One of Dai Gould’s own mantras was spot on, about learning on the job and never finishing the process. He had been quite insistent on the point.

“Di, make mistakes, the more the better, then put them right. That is how you learn. If you keep making the same ones, though, go and find another job”

Yeah, right. I could no longer imagine not doing the job, I had, so it was moot. Life went on as it always had, and I could as easily forget to breathe as much as I could stop coppering.

“Deb?”

“Hiya, Di!”

Her voice sounded lighter than usual, far more upbeat, which confirmed the decision I had formed only minutes before.

“What you up to on Friday night?”

“What are you offering, girl?”

“I’ve got two days off, but hubby’s tied up, and don’t start on that one. Just me and the littl’un, so wondered if you fancied a meal that evening? Round our place?”

“Ah. How many?”

“Just me and Rhod. And the cat”

“No. How many of us?”

“Charlie and tiff and Gemma not out with their lads?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake! You know who I mean!”

Of course I did, but I didn’t want to go directly to collect £200, etc.

“Um, yeah. Frank, isn’t it?”

“You know bloody well who you meant. Now, the short answer is a no. I am not bringing him along so you can inspect him for any flaws or feel his bumps. What were you thinking of cooking?”

“No bloody idea, to be honest. It’s a Friday, so could just hit the chippy. Hang on… How would you come over? There’s an Italian place not far from the station, if you want a back door”

“Explain”

“Deb, it will by now be obvious I haven’t really thought through details, isn’t it? Yes, I wanted to meet Frank somewhere I can talk to him, but perhaps my front room is a bit too pushy. Restaurant would let him decide where he feels comfortable”

“Yes… Di? Could I be cheeky?”

“Who?”

“Charlie and Seb. Let her see she can be normal, if you take my point. What would you feed Rhod?”

“Pizza, I suppose. Or I could get his rainsuit out, and set him loose on spaghetti, hose him down afterwards”

That brought a laugh, and agreement, and as soon as I put the phone down on her I rang the restaurant. Please let me be doing the right thing.

That Friday came, and I dressed Rhod as neatly as I could, making sure I had my old baby-change bag with me so I could carry a clean shirt for him along with a bilk supply of wet-wipes. I did love my little boy, but it would always be tempered with utter realism. Small boys, cluttered tables, tomato sauce by the gallon. What could possibly go wrong?

We were there before the others, and I had Rhod settled with a bottle of pop and a straw within five minutes.

“Mam!”

“Yes, love?”

“Can we have smelly bread?”

“Smelly bread?”

“With the cheese string and green bits!”

Deb spoke over my shoulder. I hadn’t spotted their arrival.

“Do you mean garlic, Rhodri?”

“My Mam calls me Rhodri. When she thinks I’ve been bad. Mam, what’s garlic?”

“What they put on bread to make it smelly, son. Hiya, you lot! Rhod, this is your Aunty Deb, and that’s her friend…”

I lifted an eyebrow to the older man, who clearly understood, smiled and took the hint.

“Hello Rhod. I am Uncle Frank, this is Aunty Charlie, and Uncle Seb”

“You’re not my uncle. I only got one uncle and he’s Uncle Sean”

Bugger, I thought, and then my boy pulled out his own rabbit of a response.

“Saying you is my uncle, is that mean you are friends of Mam and Dad? Dad’s at work. He’s called Blake Sutton and he’s a plismon, Aunty Lainey says”

Frank laughed out loud, and it was happy, it was warm and, most importantly, it was natural.

“You are a very sensible young man, Rhod. Yes, we are all friends, but saying Aunty and Uncle is being polite. And some people like to hear it. Charlie hasn’t any people to be an Aunty to, so could she be yours?”

“Yes! Smelly bread, Mam?”

That meal’s tone was set, and while I gave him pizza to avoid the laundry work, he did his best at the end of the meal by means of chocolate fudge cake. I should have known better.

What was best, though, best of everything that evening, was the company. I tried not to grill, but I suspect P, P was showing out too clearly. Probably as a result, the younger man sighed and shook his head before grinning.

“I think I know when I am being interviewed, assessed, whatever, Mrs Sutton!”

“Di. Please”

“Di. Me and Frank here, together, isn’t it? Both under the magnifying glass?”

“Not how I meant it, Seb”

“Not really a problem, Di. Frank? You OK if I say a few words? If I go out of line, just say so”

Frank nodded, and Seb turned back to me.

“No secrets at this table, are there? I mean, Deb and Charlie. All over the papers, those trials. Mam and Dad were glued to the story, and, well, you as well, Di? Couldn’t hardly miss it, could I? And Frank, I mean he’s got the other girl, Gemma, working for him. No secrets, right?”

I nodded at him, as he seemed to be waiting some reaction or other, and he continued.

“Charlie and Tiff were always together at college, ever since they began there, and the other lads, they were talking about… Small persons. They were all talking about them liking each other a lot, but it was Jake who saw. He said to me one day, when we were in the refectory, yeah? He says ‘Seb, look at them, they’re not fixed on each other, they’re looking outwards, like meerkats’, and he was right. And just then, Tiff made some rubbish joke, and Charlie here, she gives the most theatrical snort. I thought she was trying to vacuum the room. Honest! Then they both laugh, and Jake says, about Tiff, he says ‘look at the life there’ and… Charlie? You OK?”

She dabbed her eyes with a serviette.

“So you two plotted together, then?”

“No, love. We just saw a couple of girls we realised we should, we HAD to get to know better. And we were right. I know I was, and I think Jake feels the same, Now, it looks like Rhod needs a wash, and even though we don’t have college tomorrow, I wouldn’t mind seeing Charlie home. Just the two of us would be nice. It’s not a warm night, and I think we might be forced to snuggle up together. We’re seeing Jake and Tiff down the waterfront tomorrow. You OK with that, girl?”

A nod, the soppiest of smiles, and she was off, Deb the one to wipe her eyes that time. As the restaurant door closed behind the two young lovers, and that was so clearly the word, Frank turned to me with a grin.

“And I have to follow that?”