Chapter 8 – This is your big night, Bro !

The next day I was nervous once more. I was meeting Kelly who I knew I had strong affection for but at the same time I had sensed she was nervous about me in my Angus mode. She had loved me when I dressed as Susan and tonight I would dress as my alter ego once again and take Kelly for dinner. Could I rebuild the fences that had been damaged by Angus and is there a future in a relationship that requires me to be en-femme full time?

I made another visit to the lock up in search of clothing. I wanted to be smart but casual this evening – nothing too showy and over the top. I had my heart set on the skinny jeans and ankle boots again and so was really searching for a pretty top to set that off with. I began hunting through the boxes and was seriously contemplating taking the underground into town and buying something when my eyes caught the blouse. It was one of those long line styles that would hang over the jeans. It had three quarter sleeves and a button neckline that had enough of a plunge to show off my neck but not so much that my chest would be visible. It was pale pink with a floral image throughout in multiple shades of darker pink. More importantly it was in a large size that would fit me.

In an unexpected stroke of good fortune I found a small brown leather shoulder bag hanging on a manikin at the back of the lock up which was neutral enough for me to make use of and carried it and the blouse back up to the flat and gave the top a quick iron to ensure it was looking its best. I had just finished doing so when my mobile rang and the screen told me my sister was calling. “Hey, Sue” I said and she replied “Hi Angus, just letting you know that’s us back home so I’m about to do a rather large wash and unpack the camping kit and make sure its dry and fit for another tour. So I’ll pop in and see mum later and see how she is.”

“Yea, that would be great Susan, thanks, it’s been quite difficult the past few days – she’s getting a little less communicative and a little bit confused.” Then I dropped in the lie. “She actually thinks you were visiting her last week when it was me! I took her in flowers the other night and then next day when I dropped in she said she got them from you! So she may say she saw you the other night.”

Susan sighed “Oh dear, that doesn’t sound too good!” I quickly added “Oh she’s not distressed with it, she’s just confused, you know? She was better when I talked about back in the day before dad died and such like.” Susan came back “Yea, well they say that happens. OK, well I’ll see her tonight and I’ll call you and let you know how she was.” I realised she would do so just after visiting time so I replied “Actually, I’ve got something on tonight – how about we chat Monday?” I realised I had a lot to tell her if I was going to be honest with her. “Look, why don’t you come over for coffee Monday morning and you can tell me all about the holiday.”

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. My sister was something I would think about tomorrow. For now I had a dinner date to prepare for – an event where I wanted to rebuild my relationship with Kelly and talk openly and honestly with her about whether we had a future together as a couple. I had realised that I felt deeply enough for her that I wanted to move our relationship forward if at all possible but knew that this would not be a simple thing to achieve without making adjustments in my own life. I knew I was ready to make those changes if Kelly was prepared to accept them.

I had a light lunch. I was conscious of my figure, having had to squeeze into slim clothing recently, and realised I had let “middle age spread” take over what was once a trim physique. Furthermore, I wanted to have a good appetite later when we were eating in the restaurant. No point in paying for food you don’t feel like eating!

I sat for some time thinking over what I would be saying to Kelly later this evening. I wanted to rebuild our relationship and make her love me again. I needed to be honest with her and make her realise how I truly felt about her and what I wanted from our relationship. I considered her a straight shooter and expected she would be totally honest with me too, which was fine. A relationship lives or dies on trust and if there is no future for us, it is better that me both know before investing more time and emotion to the relationship. I prayed that things would work out the way I hoped for.

After I had washed up my lunch dishes I began working on my nails. I wanted to look my complete best this evening and I buffed and shaped them as best I could before varnishing them and letting them dry. I decided to do my toe nails also. I knew I would be wearing my boots so they may not be seen but I wanted to know they were painted as a reminder to myself that I was en-femme tonight.

I bathed rather than showered and poured a little lavender scented oil into the water which if nothing else made me feel a little calmer as I gently scrubbed and washed my body. It had been a while since I had washed this way and I realised why women enjoyed it so much – I was genuinely feeling so much calmer and cleaner after my 30 minute soak than I ever had after a 10 minute shower. I made a mental note to have have more baths, whatever tonight’s outcome was.

I slipped on the bra that fitted me best and slid the breast forms in to get the correct location aligned before I affixed them to my chest. The first time I had done so they felt alien to me but now it was as though I was attaching a limb that I had lost. I felt somehow whole wearing my appendages, which was a strange thing to admit to myself. I pulled on a pair of panties from the batch I had bought the day before and rejoiced in the feeling of the silky material against my skin, pulling my member back into my perineum where it would not be so obvious.

I slipped my legs into a pair of tights – partially because I loved the way they felt against my legs but also to give my legs easier passage into my skinny jeans which were a tight fit but which made my legs look slim and attractive and I knew that with my heeled boots I would appear pretty hot from the waist down at least! I used a non perfumed antiperspirant so as not to block the perfume I had bought myself. I dabbed it around myself and enjoyed the fragrance. I would top it up just before I headed off later.

I started on my make up, applying the foundation and mascara before blending in some colour around my eyes and cheekbones and then doing my lips so that they looked plumper and sexier. Finally I fitted my bobbed wig to my scalp and began gently brushing it so that it looked extremely natural. I smiled at my reflection. I was “Sally” once more – the pretty female that Kelly and Jo had grown fond of and who attracted the friendly waves and greetings from the regulars at the Basement Bar.

I somehow felt different when I was dressed this way – more confident, more attractive certainly and less of a loner. Sally was someone people said hello to and talked to and wanted to be around while Angus was nothing really. There were no business leads as such, and no social invitations because he didn’t really have friends - just business contacts who were no longer giving him business. It was a sobering thought.

I slipped on the blouse and felt the material slide over my hairless arms and body. It was almost an erotic feeling, having something slide over you that way – so smooth and friction free, like a waterfall cascading off your body, barely leaving you wet. I took the little shoulder bag and stuck a lipstick inside along with some handkerchiefs and my wallet and loose coins. I would add my phone and house keys at the last minute. Standing at the hall mirror I looked at myself and smiled. Part one of the plan successfully completed.

I checked the kitchen clock. It was ten minutes to six. I decided I needed to leave the house as sitting around was only making me more nervous. I stepped out into the evening and locked the door behind me. I decided to walk to The Basement Bar and have a beer in my new regular bar and relax in the company of people who knew me or at least recognised me in my Sally appearance. I would chat with Jo – she always had sage advice and support. I held my posture, walked in short steps, and strolled confidently down the road.

Nobody stared, nobody laughed, and one older male nodded to me and said “lovely day!” to which I replied with a smile “Certainly is!” That’s what I love about this city – people talk to you on the underground or the bus or in a shop queue. It’s sociable unlike other UK cities where a stranger talking to you is deemed a threatening act or the action of a lunatic.

As if to prove my point I walked into The Basement Bar to a chorus of “Hi Sally” “Hello there!” and “Hey Sally” from the regulars – all of whom I greeted with a “Hi there!” I felt my spirits rise and a smile come to my face. “Cheers!” I said to the last greeting and chuckled. I was in the bar where everybody knows your name.

“Evening Jo, the usual please” I said as I greeted my friend the barmaid. She frowned at me. “You’re taking Kelly out for a meal, aren’t you?” I nodded and said “That’s right, trying to see if we have a future together.” She shook her head and put down the pint glass. “I’ll make you a Shirley Temple. Sit down and I’ll bring it over.” I opened my mouth to speak and she commanded “Sit. Now.” Her tone was enough to send me scuttling for my usual table, the giggles of my fellow regulars telling me this was classic Jo behaviour.

A few moments later she walked over to me with a tall glass containing a pink coloured cocktail of ginger ale and non alcoholic colorants and sat it beside me. She then sat down beside me and placed a hand on my thigh. “ One. Dates should never start with one partner drunker than the other. Two. Kissing Kelly with beer breath is no way to win her heart back. Three. You’ve probably got a speech prepared you want her to hear and you’ll need a clear head to remember it all without putting your dainty feet in your mouth. Have a gin or vodka here before you head up to the restaurant. Share a bottle of wine over your meal. Win her heart. Thank me later.”

She gave me a wink, kissed me on the lips and walked back over behind the bar to serve a beer to a shaven headed male whose breasts betrayed his original sex. I shook my head. If they could see me now, my family and work contacts, sipping my pink cocktail in my heeled boots and makeup and the smile of someone who felt at ease with himself – or should that be herself?!

“Were you watching the Rugby last night?” the girl sitting next to me asked, catching me off guard. “Em . . no, actually, I was in here for a little while and then went home and I missed it.” I responded. She smiled “Ah right. The Warriors were excellent entertainment, the back row were excellent and the flankers kept the Welsh wingers in check for most of the game. As good as I’ve seen them this season.” I smiled and nodded. She started laughing. “You’re not a Rugby fan then?” I shook my head and said “Never played it so don’t really understand it!” She put a hand on my arm. “I played it for 15 years. Thankfully I didn’t get the cauliflower ears or broken nose. My make up can do magic but not miracles!” We laughed and went back to our own drinks.

The Shirley Temple was refreshing and I nodded when Jo mimed across to see if I wanted another. She had given sage advice earlier. My mind was still clear and focussed on the night ahead. It would hopefully be a few hours before the night ended and I wanted to be able to remember it all – good or bad – so that I could learn from the outcome.

A tall. burly male arrived in the bar and walked over to the table next to me. “Hi, Sandra darling. Sorry I’m late” he said as he kissed her and asked if she wanted another drink, which he then went to the bar to buy along with his own. I looked across at my Rugby playing friend and said “He looks a bit of a catch!” and she smiled broadly. “Oh isn’t he just! He works at the Council too, just not in the same department. A lovely dancer, light on his feet for a man of his size!” I could see the affection in her face as she looked at him standing paying for his drinks. “I really think that he’s the one, you know?”

He turned and walked towards us and saw Sandra and I had been talking. “Jim, this is my friend Sally. Sally, this is my boyfriend Jim” she said proudly. “Nice to meet you, Sally” he said. “You too!” I replied with a smile and left them to their evening together. Seeing another couple happy together filled me with hope that Kelly and I could be the same. In many ways, I felt that she was “the one” for me – that instant connection telling me that she was special to me. The thought only made me realise how pivotal tonight could be.

Finishing my second long soft drink, I decided I needed a trip to the ladies. I went to the appropriate toilets without thinking – knowing that in this pub at least, it was the appropriate place for me. I found an available cubicle and squeezed out of my skinny jeans so I could urinate. I giggled to myself that it was so much easier as a man. Getting myself dressed once more, I stepped out into the main section of the toilet where I could check my make up. I had left a little lipstick on the glasses I had used so I decided to give my lips a little touch up and then paused to check myself out.

For a split second I wondered who I was. In the space of a week I had found this second persona, this female version of myself that had found love, acceptance and a social life that the male me never had. Could I maintain this persona as a new way of living my life? Did I want to do so? Did I need to do so to win the love of Kelly who I had fallen for in recent days? I took a deep breath and winked at myself. Let’s roll the dice and see where it takes us!