Sometimes there’s no turning back.
And…
Sometimes there’s no moving forward.

“David?” I couldn’t believe what was happening. I felt like running, but there was no place to go.

He dropped the folder he had in his hand and the impact echoed in the room.

I tried to speak a thousand things at the same time, “Uh, um…”

“Dustee?” he asked again.

“Um, yah.” I gave him a little wave with my free arm. “Hi?”

I could see him swallow and glance around. Then he bent over and picked up the chart. “Um, I don’t know if you want me as your physician or not.”

“Physician?”
“Yes. I am a Gastroenterologist. I was assigned to work with your special dietary needs. I work here,” he gestured helpfully.

“Oh,” I answered. Then to be helpful I told him, “I’m only visiting.”

“I can see that.” He suddenly grinned and then looked away.

“What?”

He supplied, “I was thinking that you look pretty different since last time I saw you.”

“Oh, yah. I’m sorry.” I struggled to find something to add to that.

He looked back down to his feet, “So I…”

I busted through, “Sorry, my hair’s not normally curly.”

He looked up at my face to check my hair, “Oh. Yes, well…”

“And I normally don’t wear glasses. I can see fine without them for the most part, but I find they help me when I’m not feeling 100%. I like to think of them as hiding my secret identity, like Clark Kent.”

“They are quite…”

“And I use oxygen because I don’t have all my lung on my left side, but I don’t always have to use it. I can actually do quite well without it if I’m calm and not doing anything too vigorous….”

He touched my arm, “Dustee, please. It’s okay.”

“What’s okay? Something is wrong? I don’t know of anything wrong. Everything is fine here!”

He began to talk over me, “Everything is fine. Really, You’re okay. I’m okay. It isn’t like I didn’t know you weren’t 100% female you know. I am a doctor and I had a very good look at you from behind.”

I cleverly responded by pulling the sheet over my head.

“Dustee?”

I moaned softly behind the sheet, “how did you know?”

“Seriously? You’re asking me how I knew you weren’t really…” he trailed off, not sure how to proceed. I helped him out by not saying anything.

He took a deep breath. “Okay, let me set a few things to rest here, okay?” Responding my sheet covered nod, he continued, “First off. Are your records here up to date regarding your dietary needs?”

I put my hand out from under the sheet. “Can I see them?” He handed them to me and I put my glasses on over the sheet, then pretended to review them. “Yes, they are up to date.”

Chuckling he took the records back. “Okay, so let me help you out here…”

“No, really. They are up to date.”

“How do you know they are up to date?”

“Because I update them and review my data all the time.”

“Humor me please.”

“What’s the date on the record for last update?”

“It doesn’t say here, which is why I am asking.”

Moon pulled the sheet off his head, his hair now in disarray. “It doesn’t? Let me see that.”

Moon looked out of the corner of his eye at David, who was examining him as well.

“Looking good,” Moon declared. “That is, um, the document that is. It’s good.”

“Uh-huh. So are you ready to go back to eating regularly?”

“I guess so. I don’t know how long I’ll be here though.”

“Well, we’ll set you up for a few days, then if you need something more we can get it for you. I’ll personally make sure that you’re doing well on a daily basis…. That is, if you’d like for me to drop by.”

Moon let that hang in the air for a moment. David stopping by? On a daily basis?

“I, uh, I’m not sure if I can handle that.”

“Do you mind if I at least try it one more day?”

Swallowing, Moon considered it for a moment. If it worked out, then it would be okay. “Sure. One day at a time.”

“Exactly. Now that we have the diet element out of the way, can I ask what brought you to my place of business?” David smirked at Moon’s frown.

“Okay. Medically. We’re talking medically, right?”

“Yes, medically.”

Moon did his best to briefly sum up his problem with medications, and how difficult it was when he had to change them and how sometimes they didn’t do well at all with his situation.

“I see. Well, that’s okay. Now if you don’t mind, how did you end up at the party the other night? I went through the invitations afterwards, looking for your name ‘Dustee’, and I couldn’t find you at all.”

Looking away, Moon clarified for him, “Oh, well, I… That is…” Then suddenly, “Wait, you looked for me?”

David smiled at him, a sparkle coming to his eyes. “Yes, I looked for you. I enjoyed our time together. Both before and during. And I was hoping there would be an after as well.”

“After?” squeaked Moon.

“Yes, after. I was interested in knowing you better.”

Pointing to the file, Moon provided, “Well, you know a lot about me now.”

“Indeed. Look, I have to continue my rounds. And I know that this is still very uncomfortable for you, and awkward, …”

“… and weird, and disturbing.…”

“Exactly my point. It’s uncomfortable for me too. Look, I’m going to arrange to drop by tomorrow after my shift and see about talking to you some. If that’s okay? Not as a doctor, but as someone who wants to … um, visit with you.”

Moon felt flushed. “Okay.”

“Fine. It’s a date. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

After David left, Moon’s brain finally re-engaged. “Date? Oh My God! DATE?”

Spring laughed on the other end of the line, “So you’ve got a date tonight when he gets off work?” He had called her up like he said he would, grudgingly revealing more and more details of what had happened in an attempt to find some sort of advice or help.

“Look, it isn’t a date.”

“You said it was a date. He said it was a date. You both say it is a date. That’s what you said.”

“Yes, I know what I said, but it isn’t a ‘date’ type of date.”

“Well of course it isn’t that.”

“I’m glad you see it my way.”

“If it was a ‘date’ type of date, you’d have to put on your best dress, have your hair done, and then your nails…”

“Spring! You ass! It isn’t that way at all!” Spring laughed on the other end for a moment and then Moon continued, “And I don’t wear dresses or get my hair done or nails or anything like that!”

Spring let the silence hover for a moment. “Dusty, you aren’t fooling anyone. We’ve had this conversation before, right?”

“And you are wrong! I’m not that way!”

“And yet you have a date… sorry, a meeting scheduled… Wait, is he attractive?”

Moon accidentally softened in his reply, “Yah, he is.”

“So it’s a date with a man whom you find attractive…”

“Who told you he was attractive?”

“You did, just now.”

“I did not.”

“You are in huge denial. Admit it.”

“Spring, sometimes I don’t like talking to you.”

“That’s because you know I’m right.”

Moon hit the button to shut off his phone.

David sat at the table and looked absently out over the rest of the restaurant, “Look, Lon…”

“So? What gives?”

“It isn’t like that.”

“What? You mean you are actually smitten with her?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Who’s the lucky girl?” Barbara asked as she sat down.

“Look, it’s nothing,” David sat his drink down rather forcefully.

Lon pointed to him, “Our good friend here is pining over that bit of ass he had Saturday night.”

Barbara smiled, “Oh, her! She was rather delicious wasn’t she. I wouldn’t mind having her out again, if possible. So Lon honey, who is this mystery girl? What was her name again? Dustee?”

Lon frowned, “I’m not familiar with anyone by her name. I thought that maybe you had invited her or something.”

“No, I hadn’t.”

“She crashed the party I think,” supplied David helpfully.

“How did she do that?” Lon grew serious.

“I’ve no idea. I looked for her invitation afterwards, but I couldn’t find it. Now yesterday she shows up in the hospital because she had a bad reaction to her medication. I walked in and found her there in bed….”

Barbara laughed, “And then you jumped into bed with her all over again?”

David glared at her for a moment. “You know, there are times when your attempts at humor aren’t even worth the attempt.”

She stiffened, but held her tongue when Lon placed his hand on her knee under the table.

“So what is her name? Did she give a fake one or something to you? I’m curious if she had an invitation or not. My front door staff should not have let her in if she wasn’t on the list.”

“Oh, she had a different name in the hospital. Her first name for real is Dusty, with a y and not two -e’s- like I thought. But she goes by the name Moon Trail.”

Lon felt Barbara’s leg jerk violently and he quickly squeezed it so she wouldn’t make another sound. “Oh! Yes. I guess she was hiding the fact that her name isn’t normal or something. But yes, she’s on the list.” He smiled as he said it, but his mind began to race.

“She’s on the list then? That’s good. I didn’t ask if she had crashed, but I assumed it because she was so embarrassed about the whole thing.”

Lon gave a nod, “Probably because she ran into the man who had used his scimitar so well upon her.”

David frowned at him, “At times I wonder why I even bother with the two of you.”

Barbara recovered enough to reply, “Because old friends are good friends.”

“And friends help hold each other secrets,” Lon reminded.

Moon gently eased himself out of the taxi, allowing the driver to help him out and to retrieve his bag as well.

“Are you going to be okay, miss?” the driver asked.

Moon stretched and sighed at being called ‘miss’. It happened from time to time and he had learned not to bother trying to correct people. It sometimes made them uncomfortable and the whole situation would always become awkward. “I’ll be okay. I’m a little slow, but I’ll be okay.”

“Let me at least carry your bag.”

With the bag dropped off inside his house and the taxi driving off, Moon closed the door and leaned against it. They had let him go early. There was that part of him that was happy about that, but the other part of him had been looking forward to seeing David. Now he was struggling with what he should do. Call David or see if David would call him.

He went and sat down in his chair, pushing the buttons that would raise the legs and let him recline. He pulled his current mask off from his smaller, traveling unit, tucking it all away carefully in its carrying case and then he settled his second mask onto his nose and hit the button to turn on the oxygen, letting it cycle so he could breath normally again.

It was a tiring day.

His head kept running through memories with David. How they met at the party. How they had danced and enjoyed each other’s company. How he felt in his arms and how wonderful it felt being a woman with him. Not a pretend woman. Not a fake one. But a real actual living breathing woman.

It had felt so wonderful. But he couldn’t do that. He really couldn’t. His parents wouldn’t have approved. The thought of it all made him ill.

For the rest of the evening, he distracted himself with a show and then tried to do a little needle work, but his mind and spirit wasn’t with him. By nine that night, he finally gave up. David hadn’t called. Probably wouldn’t call. It was time to face facts and let it be.

As he laid there in bed, he couldn’t help but to think about David again. It seemed wherever his mind turned, there was another reminder. With a smile on his face remembering how it felt with his hands upon him, he at last he fell asleep…

… only to be woken up by a crash from his front room. He tried to detangle himself and lower the side rail, but three large figures ran into his room, grabbed his arms and threw something over his face. Then there was darkness.