Marcus sighed. There was no way he was going to manage to make his rent this month.
Women had it so easy. They just had to flutter their eyelashes and some asshole with more money than sense would throw cash at them.
He had come to a decision. He opened a dating site and created a new profile. “Marcia.”
Men were all too willing to message the twenty four year old fitness trainer who loved dogs and walks on the beach. “Marcia” lived across the country from where he actually lived, so he had an excuse for not meeting up. However, too many of the men wanted a phone call or a video chat.
He finally gave in when he realized he was starting to lose marks. He watched several videos on how to talk in a female voice, and spent the next few days practicing. Finally, he felt confident enough to risk a call.
“Marcia! It’s so good to finally talk to you!” Rob, the boisterous manchild on the other end of the line, clamored. “I’m so glad I can finally hear your voice!”
“Do you… like what you’re hearing?” Marcus practically whispered in a husky voice.
“I love it! It’s just as sexy as I imagined!”
From the other end he started to hear regular, heavy panting. He realized with horror that Rob was probably jerking it on the other end.
Might as well go all in. “I’m wearing nothing but teddy right now,” Marcus lied smoothly. “Oh, my tits are so round and they’re almost aching. They need your touch.”
“Yes, that’s right, baby!” Rob shouted. “Let me come on your tits!”
Marcus finished the phone call feeling dirtier than he had ever felt.
Rob was a software engineer, which seemed promising. However, he kept pressuring Marcus to video chat. Marcus finally gave in and watched several tutorials on makeup. He ended up spending an alarming amount on cosmetics, clothing, false breasts. Well, gotta spend money to make money.
“It’s so good to finally see your face,” Marcus breathed as he thrust his fake tits forward, his long wig cascading down on either side. He rubbed his hands along his body. “So good.”
The next day, Marcus was practicing applying makeup and the false breasts, just in case he ever had to use them again, when a loud knocking at the door alarmed him. He opened the door a crack to peer through, only to have it forced open by Rob!
“I’m sorry, Marcia,” he explained breathlessly. “I just couldn’t stay away.”
“How did you know where I live!?” Marcus shouted.
“I specialize in internet protocols. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have, but I traced your IP address.”
He engulfed Marcus in his arms and pressed his lips into an unwilling kiss. Marcus was disgusted to realize he could feel Rob’s erection against his body. Marcus was about to shout at him to leave and never come back, when Rob made an offer he couldn’t refuse. “How would you like to try $200 steak?”
Marcus hung off of Rob’s arm, giggling. The steak had been fantastic, as had the restaurant’s atmosphere. He was feeling a little lightheaded from the champagne. He couldn’t stop beaming. This was sure to solve his money problems!
“So…” Rob said gently. “I couldn’t help but notice your apartment is in a bad part of town. I’m not sure a pretty girl like you is safe there. I’m worried for you.” Marcus hiccuped at the idea anyone would think he was pretty. “I was wondering… I know this is kind of sudden…. Ii you would want to move in with me?”
Marcus literally leapt at the chance. “Yes! Yes! Of course!” This was better than anything he had hoped for.
His wardrobe and collection of makeup had grown vastly, but he still had plenty of room in his vanity and walk-in closet. It turns out Rob was not just a programmer, but had founded a well-known company before. And fortunately for his deception, Rob said he was willing to wait until marriage.
Marcus puttered around in the kitchen wearing a low cut dress, waiting for Rob to get home. He didn’t have to cook—that was what the servants were for—but it was something to do during his long days at home. He heard the front door open and ran to embrace him. The two of them hugged tightly, Rob picking Marcus up and swinging him around before they both collapsed onto the sofa, laughing. Marcus hadn’t expected it, but Rob had really grown on him. Besides, the mansion was really boring without him.
“Hey, honey,” Rob said, suddenly serious. “I have an important question for you.”
“Yess?” Marcus quavered.
Rob got down on one knee. Marcus’ heart start beating faster and faster.
“Will you… Marcia Roberts… marry me?”
“YES! Yes, of course!”
Marcus recalculated his long term plans. They just had to stay married for a year or two—then he could take Rob for everything he had in the divorce.
Marcus lay by the pool, sipping his piña colada. He had taken a short vacation to Thailand a month before the wedding. He still idly wondered sometimes when he should try for a divorce. But honestly now he didn’t have to worry about rent, work, or the future. Everything was taken care of.
He glanced over at Rob at the other end of the pool.
Life was great.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT A DIVORCE?!” Marcus screamed at Rob. This was terrible! He couldn’t go back to his old life.
“Marcia, you know it’s for the best,” Rob said calmly. Where did that jerk get off! Just because he caught Marcus sleeping with the pool boy. It wasn’t Marcus’s fault! Rob was gone on those long business trips so much, how was he supposed to wait?
But what would happen to his platinum card? His walk-in closet? His full-time foot masseuse?
Marcus limped home to his shabby apartment from a long day at the office. These heels were killing him, and he was sick of every guy who came in hitting on him. MAYBE he’d consider dating these scrubs if they had, say, about a million more dollars than they do.
After taking off his makeup, he carefully inspected his face for any signs of wrinkles before sighing in relief, and then plucking a stray gray hair from his scalp. It never hurt to be careful.
In the back of his mind, though, he couldn’t stop worrying. How was he going to make rent?
Experiencing paradise, he thought, sometimes just made the real world more bitter.
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