Family home

I tore the wrapping paper off. Inside was the bear. It was soft. I hugged him and buried my face in his artificial fur. And it felt soooo good…

Note to readers. Don't read if you don't like poor grammar, this may be rough.
This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
My thanks to Monica Rose for proofreading and help.
Copyright... are you kidding?

I needed a suit coat. Not a tuxedo, just a suit. For occasions like funerals. Let's say, especially for funerals. It was something I could not order online or buy at Walmart. For all other apparel, Walmart was enough. But not for this.

I wasn't sure I could find a suit for me in Millinocket. Especially since I had to go to Portland anyway. To Portland because my mom had passed away.

She lived alone in our old home on the coast. I was about to say on the beach but it was really a coast. Very little sand between the rocks. When we were kids, for us and our friends, it was the beach. We, I mean I, and my younger brother Aron. He and his wife lived literally next door to mom. Maybe not exactly next door but on the same street.

Mom refused to move into Aron's house. And Aron's wife refused to move into mom's house because they, Aron and his wife Pat, lived in her family home. You know how stubborn old people could be. Mom was not the only one who was old. Pat and Aron were too. Not me. I was different. I lived and worked in Millinocket. I retired, at last, a month ago.

Aron didn't call the funeral home. It was Pat's idea most probably. To leave all duties for me. Maybe I would want something special. She used to say this.

So now it was already the second day since mom had passed away. I had to arrange the cremation and a funeral. And buy me a suit. And everything had to be done in one day because tomorrow will be Christmas Eve. I was seventy-six, not a boy anymore.

About that, not a boy thing. I was never a boy. When I was younger, I didn't know how to name it or what to do about it. So I kept myself under the radar. Just so. I thought I was the only one like that in the world. I kept to myself. After the army, I was a forest ranger in Millinocket. Until I retired the last month. I lived there. Nothing fancy, just a place to live away from the crowd.

A cemetery and funeral home were behind the Back Cove. Not much to arrange there. Cremation had to be at six. I had four hours to get the suit.

Years ago, it would have been East End or Downtown on the other side of the Back Cove. Nowadays all the stores had moved to the mall. The Maine Mall. I had to get onto the highway. Then pass the airport. Sorry, it was named Jetport now. And only then I could get to the mall.

I was in the mall now changed into an exquisite suit of anthracite color. It didn't fit well. Because it was made for a young man, not a fossil like me.

“We will alter it for you,” the assistant offered. “Just give us an hour. Maximum of two.”

I looked at my watch and saw that it was a quarter to four.

“I don't have two hours. I have to be back at Deering at six,” I said.

“Ok. An hour,” the assistant agreed.

I had an hour to kill. The mall two days before Christmas. I couldn't stay there. I went outside. Maybe I'll find something not so crowded. I looked around. There was a nail salon. Handmade Christmas tree decorations. Huggles International. Wooden toys.

I opted for Huggles. Because I was curious about what it was. I stepped through the door and I was kind of dropped into a fairy tale. I was surrounded by stuffed animals. Of all possible sizes and all possible species.

I wanted a simple Teddy bear when I was a kid. I dreamed about it. But I was a boy and I had a firefighters' truck. And the tank. And sword. And gun.

“May I help you, sir?” the saleslady approached me.

“I want them all but I don't have a house big enough,” I exclaimed with a chuckle.

She giggled in response.

“Maybe a classic one?” she offered, “Teddy the Bear?”

She took the bear from the shelf and handed it to me. It was big. Like three feet big. And it was very soft. But not acryl soft. I didn't know what material it was but it wasn't synthetic.

“I'll take it,” I said.

“Don't you want to try to hug it before you buy?” the saleslady asked.

“No, I don't,” I responded. “If I'll start the hugging I'll be lost here for eternity. And I have things to do. And…”

“Yes?” she said questioningly.

“I pay you now, but I want you to send it to my mom's home at Lennox Street.”

“No prob,” she agreed, “I'll arrange this for you.”

I wrote down the exact address, paid with my card, and left.

I was back in the apparel store when my suit was brought there. I didn't have to wait. The suit fitted properly now. I changed into it and left. I had to go directly to Evergreen cemetery where the cremation was scheduled. I had no time left to go home to change.

The funeral was depressing. All funerals are depressing but this one was special. Because it was my mom. And because there were only Aron and Pat and me. Mom was too old to have friends. She was ninety-nine and she had outlived everyone she had grown up with. A couple of neighbors came and left. Aron's kids didn't come. I couldn't understand why. Was it because it was the Christmas season or simply indifference?

Mom had left the Christmas tree already decorated. When we were kids, it was the mom who decorated the tree. I only helped her.

I spent the night alone. Then the courier delivered the parcel from Huggles International. It was wrapped in red paper with a golden ribbon and a bow. I put the thing under the Christmas tree. It was the only present here.

When I was a kid, the house was always full. My grandparents, dad's father, and mother, had a bedroom on the first floor. The guestroom on the first floor was occupied by dad's baby sister, Kelly. For me, she was Aunt Kelly. She was in university when I was in elementary school.

On the second floor was the whole of our family. Mom and dad occupied the master bedroom. Next to them was my little room. Then there was a studio. It served as an emergency bedroom when relatives were staying at our home. And then there was the bedroom for the twins, Aron and David. Aron's twin, David, died from an overdose when I was in the army.

Over the years, the house gradually emptied. Kelly was the first. She moved to Albany after marriage. I was drafted and after I returned, I moved to Millinocket. Aron moved to Pat's place after their marriage. Then my grandparents and later dad passed away and mom was left alone.

Kelly's youngest son, Sean, wanted to move in with his wife, Irene. Sean was my cousin and he had the right to live at our family home. The same as I or Aron. But… Nobody had said anything but I suspected Pat and Aron played dirty and Sean and Irene rented a house in Falmouth instead.

It could be a solution. Somebody at mom's side. Not just somebody… Irene was a nurse. Maybe mom would be still alive.

The weather wasn't what one could expect for Christmas. Overcast for two weeks. Inclement or sleet depending on the temperature. Pure Portland-ish. As always.

Christmas morning dawned. I went downstairs to the living room with mom's decorated tree. Under it sat the lonely present from me to me. The steady thrum of rain on the windows filled the room.

I managed to sit down on the floor in front of the tree. Don't laugh! At seventy-six, it's a challenge.

So I took the present and tore the wrapping paper off. Inside was the bear. The same stuffed Teddy the Bear I had bought two days before. It was soft to the touch. It was made for hugging. I hugged him and buried my face in his artificial fur. And it felt soooo good…

I opened my eyes and looked around. The thrum of the rain was the same, but the room had changed. Was it bigger? And there were more presents under the tree. Not so many as when I was a kid but more. And there were more sounds. Somebody was busy in the kitchen.

I turned toward the sound and Irene was standing in the doorway. I could see mom behind her.

“Someone has found her Christmas presents already?” Irene said with a chuckle.

“Who is it with you, sweetie?” mom asked from behind Irene.

I glanced down at myself. I was kneeling on the floor and I was in a long flannel nightshirt. I turned my head back to face Irene and mom and my pigtails bobbed.

“What have you got this year, Cindy?” Irene asked.

“It's Graham,” I said. Graham was my name when I was Graham so I felt I needed to give that name to my bear. Then I added, “Graham is a bear.”

“Isn't he big?” mom said. It dawned on me that she was not my mom anymore. Granny? Yep. Granny. “Almost as big as your daddy.”

“Graham has a greeting card for you,” Irene said showing to my lap. No. It's wrong. Not Irene. Mom. Mommy. If it was a dream it was the most natural and sweetest dream.

Mommy was right. There was a card attached to Graham's neck with golden lace. On one side was “Christmas greetings from Huggles International.” and then in the fine print: “Feel the magic of soft touch.” Maybe that was true and not only the promotional slogan?