by Mark McDonald
Timothy Glass and Benjamin Ackerman sat on the banks of the Tennessee River tossing flat stones into the calmly flowing waters. Over head the sun had well begun its westward journey to the Pacific and the Tennessee afternoon was beginning to cool. The air was thick with Mayflies and every so often one would dance dangerously close to the surface of the river’s smooth current only to be snapped up by a lurking trout.
Spring was slowly yielding to the heat and humidity of summer as the seasons marched endlessly on, so too was Tim and Ben’s first year of high school coming to a conclusion. As with many students, the transition had not been an easy one. Going from being at the top of the food chain to a pair of bottom feeders had been a great shock. It didn’t help that both of them were hopeless geeks, hard studiers with great academic skills but lacking in the art of social communication, especially in the company of the fairer sex.
“Ask Amy to the prom?” Tim asked Ben. Ben had boasted how he had planned to do just that two weeks ago. Amy Silverman was a sweet friendly girl of the same grade and age as Ben. She often stopped to chat with Ben between classes but Tim suspected there was more to it than just friendly fraternity. At least for Ben’s part anyway.
“Naw― I ain’t goin...” Ben said glumly. Tim could tell that in the end, Ben had been to frightened to ask. “What about you, you ask anyone?” Ben asked.
“You know I didn’t.” Tim answered sarcastically. He could be honest with Ben. “It’s not like this is even our prom. We have two more years of proms after this one. I’m not in any hurry.” Tim bluff his way though his discomfort and embarrassment about the issue.
Ben depended on Tim to take the lead in most matters of social interaction. Ben could not interoperate or anticipate social queues and innuendo. For Ben, the unspoken language of suggestion and body language didn’t exist. Without Tim’s help to set the example, Ben found he could not communicate on a social level. Now, as Tim grew apart from his own youth, Ben found himself increasingly frustrated with Tim’s seemingly unwillingness to set the example that Ben could follow.
Now Tim was allowing his own fear begin to impede on Ben’s ability to satisfy something Ben saw as a true need, the need to experience a girl. Ben held his tongue for the time being. Instead, he drew in a deep breath, exhaled long and slow and tossed another small stone into the river.
* KER PLUNK *
Tim swatted at a few mosquitoes that were snacking on his arms and finally hopped up and declared. “I hate this fucking river... Why do we always come down here? The fucking bugs are like something from ‘The Land That Time Forgot’; it’s muddy all the time... It stinks like shit down here...” Tim fumed as he stomped about bitching about his environment.
“Hey Tim― when you’re the one with the car, then you can bitch about where we go,” Ben said, his frustration with Tim beginning to show.
There he goes again, Tim thought, striking out at everyone else because HE’s a geek! Tim fired back, “Fuck you!” “Screw you Ben. Why can’t we go to the mall or something? Why do we always come down here?”
“Stop whining... you sound like a girl. Do I look like your fucking boyfriend?” Ben asked sarcastically. “The mall sucks anyway. It’s filled with girls that don’t want anything to do with you or me. I feel like a kid with no hands in a candy store. Even if I could pick up the candy, I couldn’t get my money out of my pocket to pay for it!”
“What do you want Ben, a girl to simply walk up to you and ask you to let her sit on your face?”
“That would be nice for starters.” Ben admitted with a large grin.
“Jesus,” Tim sighed in frustration, “Who do you think you’re fooling Ben,” Tim asked? “If you think it’s me then you’re nuts. I’ve known you too long Ben. So don’t sit there and think that if I manage to get a date, then you’re in too. I can’t make a girl like you Ben. Fuck, I can’t even make girls like me!”
Ben didn’t answer. Instead he brooded, choosing to turn back to the river and stare out over the muddy green water of the Tennessee. Ben didn’t want to believe that Tim, his best friend couldn’t help him. He chose instead to believe that Tim wouldn’t help. He believed that if Tim got a date, that Ben would jeopardize his own chances at getting laid by making Ben part of the ‘Package Deal’. So what was the best answer for Tim? No deals, Ben would be on his own if Tim got a date.
Every time we get together, Ben seems to have drifted further away than before. What’s going on with him? Tim thought.
As Ben got older it seemed he was withdrawing some place deep within himself. He needed more and more help bridging the distance between his place in the world and the rest of humanity.
Tim stood there looking at Ben stare out at the river. He simply sat there tossing pebbles out into the stream. Tim had a good idea of what Ben was waiting to hear. Okay Ben― Tim rehearsed in his head, ―I’m sorry. We’re a team. Where I go you go. All for one and alone together until we die! Right buddy ole pal o’ mine?
BULLSHIT! Tim’s mind screamed. You can’t carry him for the rest of his life. What in the fuck are you thinking? Tim felt trapped. If Tim didn’t stick with Ben, no one else certainly would. But that was a death sentence for Tim. It felt like one anyway. A life time of sacrifice for someone that would forever become needier and needier seemed like and insurmountable task for someone with so much life yet to live.
After a brief measure of time, Tim kicked the large mound of dirt he had been piling up with his feet, spilling it out in a mess on the boat ramp where Ben had parked his car. Ben turned angrily to where Tim had been standing; but Tim had turned away and had begun walking in the direction of the road. Ben didn’t pursue him, truth be known, Ben’s bravado was an act, a bluff. Be was grateful that Tim wasn’t charging him. Tim was a big boy and could have hurt Ben easily.
Not that Tim would have ever even considered such a thing, but Ben’s angry nature had gotten the best of him many times in the past. It wouldn’t have been much of a surprise to Ben if Tim had attacked. It was just another symptom of Ben’s inability to make sense of the world around him.
The fact was that all the boys and the girls their age were dealing with sexual awareness to varying degrees. That story has been told a million times throughout history. It’s a tale without end. Still, even knowing this wouldn’t have made that internal struggle any better for either boy. It didn’t quell need brought on by desire. Knowledge didn’t help put out the flames of their personal sex drives.
Ben grappled to push the anger he felt for his friend’s perceived betrayal deep down inside. Without Tim’s help, Ben felt his chances at a date this year had faded to something less than transparent. Ben turned again and watched as Tim carried his bulk up the boat ramp and down the long dirt road toward the paved highway.
He could sit there and let Tim walk away, but Ben feared that if he did that, the only dependable companion he had in the world would have nothing more to do with him. In the end, the risk had been weighed in the balance and found to be too costly for Ben. Loneliness was absolute when there was no one there to talk to except yourself. “Tim!” Ben scrambled to get to his feet as his buddy stalked off in a huff. “Wait up!” Ben ran for his car, a gift from his mother, paid for out of great sacrifice from their meager fixed income.
The car however, an old beat up 76 Mustang, was nothing more than a symbol of his mother’s denial of Ben’s progressing condition. There was something wrong with her son. Her only solution had been to try to jumpstart her son’s desirable traits by giving him something that all kids his age wanted. There was no possession that would make Ben Ackerman attractive to his peers, however. Still greater problems existed in the fact that Ben was not mature enough to handle the responsibility of such a thing. Susan, Ben’s mother refused to acknowledge any of this. She saw Ben as nothing more than a late bloomer waiting on just the right set of circumstances to pull him out of his shell. To admit anything else would have been the same as giving up on her only child. Susan Ackerman would not do that.
“Tim!” Ben shouted again as he fired up the Mustang convertible. It was Ben’s first year driving and in spite of what he had learned about handling a car, there would be no denying that his youthful approach to motor vehicles was at best, reckless.
Ben floored the accelerator throwing dust and rocks out behind the car, peppering the surface of the river with the debris. The loose dirt of the dusty road that led to the highway made control of the vehicle difficult. Ben over compensated speed and steering and nearly pinned Tim to a tree that was only feet away before managing to stop the car.
“God damn it Ben!” Tim said as he fought back the almost uncontrollable urge to urinate on himself. Tim could see Ben laughing inside the cab of the car but understood that this was nervous laughter, meant to save face. No one knew Ben better that Tim. It was a dubious distinction Tim was not so sure he wanted much longer. Something had to break for both their sakes.
“Pussy!” Ben cried, but to Tim it looked as if Ben might really start crying. This machine was too powerful for Ben. It was at times like this that Tim felt Ben might actually drive it into the river and walk away from the machine, if it weren’t for Ben’s massive sense of pride. Ben’s own fear and lack of understanding for control over that mechanical power was very clear at times after he fucked up, as it was now. Oh well, Tim thought, he’d be safe for a few days now. It always happened that way. One near miss and Ben was the safest driver on the road. The problem was that Ben easily forgot the lessons of his near misses. All it would take was one of those lax moments at the wrong time and Ben would wind up dead from complacency. All Tim could hope for was that he wasn’t with Ben when that complacency turned fatal.
“Get in the car butt-munch.” Ben called out.
Tim, with no way to get home, short of walking, but still angry with Ben at being the victim of his ugly display and nearly being run over as a reward, shoved his anger aside and got in. “You almost killed me.” Tim snapped.
“I did not! This ol bucket of bolts loves me.” Ben said patting the dash. “I know her every move.”
“Bullshit Ben.” Tim said, buckling his seat belt for good measure, “One day you’re going to kill someone because you can’t keep it in your head that you haven’t been driving for ten years.”
“Don’t need to have. It’s easy, you steer the wheel and the car goes where you want it to.” Ben turned to Tim passing his index finger from his forehead to the dashboard, “We have a psychic link this car and me. We’re on the same frequency.”
“Bullshit.” Tim said and turned around, arms folded over his chest.
“Truly,” Ben said, “Watch this.” But Ben couldn’t seem to muster the bravery it was going to take to race out of the wooded area. Instead he paced himself at a much slower forty miles an hour. Still, he managed to slide here and there as he took curves in the road that were dryer and less stable than he anticipated. Ben would turn and scowl when Tim would chuckle as the Mustang’s rear end would occasionally slide sideways surprising Ben. But much to his credit, Ben kept the vehicle at a slow pace and would not tempt fate this day.
Once on the highway, Ben asked, “So, where’d ya’ wanna go?”
“Home― I want to go home,” Tim responded wearily.
“To the mall it is.” Ben cried.
“Mall?”
“Sure, that’s where you wanted to go in the first place,” Ben said.
“Now I just want to go home,” Tim said emotionally finished with the day.
“Come on… Look, I’m sorry I got pissed. You’re right, the river sucks. You want to go to the mall, no problem. I got some cash. Who knows, maybe this is our lucky day. We sure as hell aren’t going to meet any girls on a muddy river bank.” Ben admitted.
“We aren’t going to meet any girls anywhere. At least, not any that want to be with us.” Tim replied.
“Jesus!” Ben said shaking his head, “I sure as shit feel better about myself now. I don’t know why I hang out with you.” He mumbled.
“That’s easy; I’m the only one you know that won’t shove your head in a toilet or try to stuff you in a trash can.” Tim said. Ben was silent. It was true. Tim was the only person, a part from his mother, who liked Ben.
For the first time in his life, Tim considered what life without Ben as his friend might be like?
At the mall a half an hour and one soda later, Tim and Ben were standing in front of a storefront that boasted a strange name. The Spells-R-Us storefront had an old English-Tudor style façade. Neither of the boys had ever seen the place before.
It appeared to be open. Odd thing was that none of the shoppers in the mall seemed to be interested in this place that appeared to have cropped up over night. In fact it looked to Tim as if they hadn’t noticed it at all. This was unusual in Baker, Tennessee. Baker was a town where the opening of a new Taco Bell often drew a crowd of a thousand plus as well as the Mayor, City Selectmen, at least one local Bluegrass band and Harrison Kitcher’s Dancing Doggie Darlings act.
“I wonder what they sell?” Tim asked quietly trying to peer in windows that appeared to have been dirtied deliberately. .
“Spells-R-Us,” Ben pronounced, “Sounds like a magic store.” Ben said and Tim nodded in agreement.
Ben pushed the door open and a small bell sounded alerting those within of the arrival of potential customers. Timothy walked in the door after Ben. The boys looked around the dank, dark space. It looked more a like poorly organized antique shop with knickknacks and odds and ends from other peoples lives strewn haphazardly about the shop. "This place is soooo Kewl," Ben was saying as Timothy made his way into the main body of the store. Tim thought that it was anything but kewl. It was creepy, that much was certain, but that didn't make the place kewl.
Tim looked around at the environment. The place was dusty. Most everything looked old to him, but that could have been because of the dust. Everywhere he looked there were shelves of boxes, books, bottles, clothing, and other things that looked like spices or ingredients. There was a long counter, actually a glass case that was haphazardly filled with gold and silver rings, necklaces, jewelry and other things that he couldn't identify. Over that counter on the wall behind it, were a number of masks, some were animal some were more human in appearance. They ranged from the wildly colorful to blandly white or black.
Toward the back were what looked like a number of costumes. Clothing racks lined the walls of the rear of the shop and stood two racks deep away from the wall toward the interior of the shop. On them hung dresses, pants, shorts, suits, and what looked to Tim to be the empty husks of people’s bodies. Tim strode to the rack with the empty people suits. They hung from clips at the shoulders. They seemed to stare at Tim with empty socket eyes as if expecting something from him… something akin to life.
As Tim drew nearer, he felt he could hear someone whispering to him. With dawning revulsion, Tim realized that it was the empty socket eyed people suits that were lip-lessly calling to him.
‘Pick me…’ pleaded one sweetly feminine voice. ‘Oh pleeeaaaassssseeeee pick me. I want to feel someone’s touch again. I’m so lonely’. To Tim the voice sounded so wretchedly sad. ‘I was soooo pretty. I can make you pretty… You’ll love being me I promise you…’ Tim backed up a step and the voice; that of a girl that couldn’t be more than 20 years old, cried, ‘Wait! Please… I want to live again! Please put me on and let me live.’
There were many voices, male and female; he heard them all at once, as if the one voice had woken the voices of the others. It was almost as if these were not costumes but really empty bodies with souls still attached to them.
Another voice protested, ‘No… pick me, put me on and I can show you so much.’ this voice one equally as feminine and sexy insisted. Only this was almost demanding.
‘You don’t want to be a bitch son!’ said one masculine voice. ‘Put me on. I’m not supposed to be here. This is all a mistake. Come on Kid, take me off this rack and let me show you what pussy is all about!’
‘You shut up!’ fired another woman’s voice from someplace in Tim’s head. ‘You got exactly what you deserved for trying to cheat the magic and you know it.’
‘Liar! Liar! I’m telling you she stole my skin I didn’t want to live inside her body… I shouldn’t be here!’
‘Don’t listen to them handsome said another completely sexy voice. Come over here, and let me whisper to you…’
Tim did as he was told. He was drawn inexorably to the grotesque visage of the empty skin of what looked to be a girl with dark red hair. The skin was anatomically correct but it was hard to tell what point of maturity this costume was supposed to represent in the life of a human. The breasts were not too large, they sagged a bit being attached to a loose empty skin. There was a patch of reddish brown pubic hair at the groin and from his vantage-point; he could see just the top of the lips of the costume’s vulva. ‘Take me in your hands and feel me. I’m still warm…’ Tim gently lifted the skin in his hands. It was indeed warm. He was about to let it fall from his hands when he was jolted by a memory, a vision that played out rapidly.
It was that of a young girl, maybe sixteen though she could have been older. She had wanted to try being… something else but Tim couldn’t quite see it. ‘I only wanted to see what it was like… you know, from a different perspective, said the voice. Put me on and see, I’ll never leave you my love. You and I will be together always… just put me on, I can keep you wet all the time. Don’t you want to feel something deep inside of you? Put me on and see what it’s like to be me. Just try it; you’ll love being…Wwwwwet!’
Without much warning there was a hand gripping, pulling him back from some place inexplicable. Tim felt as if he were surfacing for air from deep under the depths of some soundless, liquid world. In fact, he gasped as he was pulled away from the racks of skins and voices and his head filled with the sights and sounds of the present and the world he actually lived. Almost as if they had been following him up from whatever depths he had come from, Tim could hear the screams of anguish from the souls trapped inside, pleading for life and the pleasure of touch and sight and taste once more.
Tim found he still had the empty arm of the skin of the young girl who had enticed him so in his grip. He flung the empty skin back into the mix with the other. She wailed painfully as he rejected her advances, a jilted suitor denied the ultimate gift of union, that of life. With distance, mercifully, came silence. They were out of range or he had finally broken the hallucination, either way, it was over. The skins stared back at him accusingly now with the lifeless empty holes in their heads.
Tim turned to say, ‘Ben, I think we should leave.’ when a voice startled him.
"Greetings young Sir's!" bellowed a deep, robust voice from behind them. Both Ben and Tim spun around, with shouts of surprise, toward the glass case to find an old man standing there where only a second ago there had been no one. His long white hair and beard fell over his white shirt and tan vest. Tim could not see below the counter and therefore could not see the trousers the old man was wearing and Tim thought, He could be some sick old man naked from the waste down for all I know!
"Where the hell―" Tim checked himself, "Ah... I mean, where in heck did you come from?"
"I assure you son; I came from no place in Hell. I do not practice the 'Black Arts';" The old man replied, "And I can assure you young man, that I am not!"
"Not what?" Tim asked confused.
"Some crazy old man, 'naked from the waist down!" said the old man. Tim blushed. How in the fuck had he known I was thinking that?’ Tim glanced at Ben who was staring at Tim with an odd embarrassed look.
Tim started denial at his friend by holding out his hands in a "what" gesture and shaking his head, "You... How..." Tim stuttered, "I don't know what you're talking about!"
The old man squinted one eye at Tim, "Are you calling me a teller of untruths young man?" Tim blushed a deeper shade of red and stammered several incoherencies and finally fell silent before this crazy old man did more to damage his already bruised ego.
Ben asked, "Who are you?" Tim was grateful that the moment was broken.
"The owner of this fine establishment," said the old man.
"And this establishment is a..." Tim asked humbly, holding a poker face and trying hard not to not to ruffle the old man's feathers or give away any other clues to his thoughts.
The old man smiled at Tim, "It's an establishment of enchantment, un atelier magique, un negozio di magia."
"A what?" Tim asked in confusion.
The frustration on the old man’s face was clear, "It's a magic shop," the old man bristled as his shoulders sagged in disappointment, "Ugh! That always sounds completely unromantic in English."
"Then where are all the magic tricks?" Ben asked.
"Tricks?" The old man cried, sounding insulted and surprised at the same time.
"Yeah, it looks more like a costume shop," Tim agreed.
"I don't sell tricks gentlemen. I sell spells and enchanted devices, powders, potions and the like that achieve the deepest desires of my customers through magic." The old man spread his hands out wide at the accent of the last word and held his stance.
Tim and Ben held their tongues as long as they could, then on queue, both started to snicker and then bray laughter. The old man looked on with a kind, almost devious smile.
"So?" Tim started between bursts of laughter, "So? You mean to tell me that you're a magician?"
"Yeah, yeah..." Ben added. "You do things like, birthday parties and shit like that, right?" That got Tim and Ben laughing hard all over again. For the moment, it was one of those classic moments shared between friends; that in most cases, is spoken of for years to come.
As the two boys laughed, the old man said in a flat, disgusted tone, "No, not exactly."
"Then… then… you must be some sort of wizard right?" Tim said as he laughed. He slapped Ben on the back with great humor. His experience with the human costumes now had been rationalized as being some sort of trick.
The old man smiled a broad grin, "Exactly young man." This statement from the obviously pleased old man almost brought them to their knees with laughter.
"Okay?” Ben said trying his best to regain his composure which had long ago fled the scene. “Okay then?", Ben spat out. Beside him, Tim was trying to wave Ben off the question, knowing exactly where Ben was going. Tim feared that if Ben were able to get the question out, he just might piss in his pants. "Then where's your pointy hat. Don’t all wizards wear tall pointy hats?”
With no warning, both boys experienced a jolt of what felt like high intensity electricity surge through them. There was a huge pop that sounded more like a low-level explosion. Behind the counter, the old man vanished inside a cloud of snow-white, odorless smoke, and then there was only silence.
As the smoke cleared, the old man stood; deep blue cape and robe made of satin. It was marked here and there with white stars, and crescent moons of varying shape and size. Perched on his head was a wide-brim cone shaped hat of the same color and design, "I hate doing that,” The Wizard mulled, “it reduces what I am to nothing but a parlor trick.” He smoothed out his cape and asked, “Well, is this more along the lines of what you expect a Wizard to wear on say... a trip to the grocery store?"
"Whoa!" Both boys breathed softly under their breath in unison. Neither boy was laughing any longer. Both stood wild-eyed, bent slightly at the waist, leaning forward just a bit as though they’re jaws had each gained 40 pounds in the moment.
"Now, you boys came in here looking for something." Ben and Tim began shaking their heads, moving backwards towards the door. "Come, come... don't be afraid. It's not like I'm going to turn you into toads or something."
Tim and Ben stopped; swallowed deep and hard and looked at each other. It was Tim that spoke up, "Ah, I don’t think either of us really wanted anything. We just wanted to see what was in here. So, we’ll just go now.” Tim turned and made for the door but didn’t get far before he realized Ben was not following. He returned to Ben’s side and was tugging on his shirt for him to follow when the old man continued to reason out his confusion as if Tim and Ben weren’t even in the same room.
"That's curious..." said the Wizard, "Usually most people don't even know I'm here until they have a real need for my services."
"Really, we don't want " Tim continued to protest while Ben remained oddly silent.
"Welllll,” the Wizard said drawing out the word, “that must mean that both of you are looking for something... Because if only one of you had wanted something, then you wouldn't have come here until you were alone.” the wizard paused, “Let me see…”
"No really, I mean” Tim started to say, but was cut off.
The wizard’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights and he announced, “I have it! Prom dates!" announced the Wizard proudly."
Tim looked at Ben and this time Tim whispered, "I think we should leave."
Tim again turned for the door when Ben grabbed Tim by the shoulder, "Wait a minute... Give the old guy a chance."
"Ben!" Tim whispered even more softly, "This isn't good. How in the hell could he have known that?"
"That's exactly what I want to find out."
Ben began to move back to the counter as Tim called after him, "No... Ben! BEN!"
"Okay," Ben admitted, "You have my attention."
The Wizard raised his eyebrows, "Aren't you interested too Tim?"
“Ben,” Tim hissed, “the guy's spying on us or something, how else could he have known? He's a stalker! One of those kidnappers you're always hearing about. Why else would this place be here when it wasn't here the day before?"
Ben turned to his friend with frustrated, teenage bewilderment on his face, "What is wrong with you? This kind man" with that the Wizard mumbled, "Thank you, Ben," and without missing a beat Ben continued, "has seen from the look on our faces that we are hopelessly dateless. Hell, Tim, the entire school knows we're geeks. Half the guy's think we're gay because we only hang out with each other. Not to mention, I can think of easier ways to kidnap two boys. It isn’t really much of a plan to rent floor space in a mall, build a store there, stock it up and hope your victims will wander in one day."
“Excellent point Ben!” declared the Wizard. “You really should listen to him, that sort of plan would be far too costly.”
Tim almost didn’t hear what the old man was saying. He had fixated on something Ben had said, "They think we’re gay?" Tim mumbled embarrassed.
"Yes Tim, they do, and you know it." Ben corrected. "Do you think we’re invisible? That no one ever sees us with dates, or girlfriends? Even this guy can probably see it for God's sake. He's offered us prom dates," Ben turned to the Wizard, "That is what you're offering right, dates for both of us?"
The Wizard smirked, "It's within my power to make that possible. It's also within your power to, how do you teenagers say it, ‘Fuck it up’?”
“See Tim… see? This may be our only chance to break this stereotype we’re stuck with.” Ben pleaded excitedly.
“Ben… Come on! No one can make the girls just want to start liking us. There’s no such thing as magic.”
Ben turned to the Wizard again, obviously excited by the prospect, “They’ll be beautiful right… I want everyone to be jealous of us… everyone.
The Wizard took out a pad of paper and began to scribble on it. He mumbled as he scratched out the words, “beautiful, everyone jealous. Okay, I got it, anything else?”
“Ah… Ah,” Ben said as he hurriedly tried to think of other desirable traits.
“Take your time Ben,” The Wizard soothed patiently. “I won’t be seeing anyone else until tomorrow at about five o’clock. You have all day.”
Tim stood in the wings, listening, while this so-called wizard took down Ben’s shopping list for the perfect prom date.
It did nothing to calm Ben’s excitement. “I want them to want us! You know… in that way.”
The Wizard glanced up over the tops of a pair of his wire rimmed glasses, “No Ben, I can’t do that. Or should I say, I won’t do that.”
“Why?” Ben practically whined.
“I can think of two very good reasons. First, you’re only sixteen. You’re not prepared for fatherhood. I just don’t trust that you would have the common good sense it would take to do the right thing yet.”
Tim stood behind Ben and secretively whispered, ‘Yes,’ to himself in celebration. Someone else see’s what I see.
Secondly, if I were to cast a spell that powerful, the girl would fall helplessly in love with you. She might not even want to, and deep down in her heart she would know it. She would silently resent you for what you asked. She would remain silent about that because she would also be in love and never able to voice her resentment to you. Is that what you want out of a wife?”
“WIFE?” Ben cried, “I never said anything about a wife.”
“What are you asking for Ben, are you looking for love or lust? Are you asking me to make a woman love you or just want you? I don’t do lust Ben, not at all. All that does is create disposable people. I won’t cast any spell that would allow you or anyone else to toss someone that has an investment in you aside. If I would make her want you then the only thing I could do to ensure that is cast a love spell. You’re asking for sex. Today, for most it’s just a casual thing. The magic of becoming one with someone is just that, magic. Not contrived or a metaphor, but real magic. If you’re asking for a heart you can throw away when you’re done with it and all at no risk to you, then, no Ben, I can’t do that for you. And you have to promise that you will not try to defy my will on this one. Otherwise the deal is off.”
Tim stood silently by and watched as the words of one of the feminine voice in his head play back, ‘You’re here for trying to cheat the magic and you know it.’
Ben sulked, but in his head he knew he had possibly just caught the old Wizard in a mistake. “That mean’s no kissing either?”
“Ben, nothing, do you understand? She’ll like you. That’s all you get until you understand what love is about. It’s not about selfishly wanting sex from your partner and until you know what that’s about I won’t make that part of the deal. That doesn’t mean you don’t have the power to bring her to love you.”
“Okay, I got it.” Ben responded pitifully.
“I don’t know…” The Wizard thought long and hard. Tim was grateful Ben had stuck his foot in it and now it seemed the deal was off. Ben lamented testing the theory with such miserable results. He should have waited to field-test it, fuck the Wizard. Now it seemed the jig was up.
“Alright, here’s what I’ll agree to. In spite of your friend’s rude behavior when he came in here, I’ll propose a test.”
“Okay, great! Anything―”
“We’ll see if Tim is more responsible than you.” This time Tim wasn’t silent or only half-listening. He made a beeline to Ben’s side and started babbling right away.
“Ben, no… I don’t want to have anything to do with this.” Now it was the Wizard’s turn for silent listening.
“Come on buddy, think about it. Girls! Of our own, for the prom…”
“No Ben, I’d rather be dateless. It sounds risky. Just in the short time we’ve been here―” Tim started to say and then cut himself short.
“What?” Ben asked. “He hasn’t told us anything yet! What part of NOTHING sounds risky to you?”
“Nothing.” Tim replied curtly.
“You’re afraid of nothing?” Ben asked incredulous?
“I’m not afraid,” but the truth was that he was afraid, terrified in fact. So Tim tried to employ misdirection, “How can he promise us dates? And what can I possibly do to make that happen for us?”
Ben imitated his friend with great exaggeration, “He’s asking if we want the possibility to prove that we’re not just geeks Tim! I don’t want to be a loser for the rest of my freakin’ life! Okay? Maybe you’re happy with being the punching bag of the entire high school community, but I’m not. Now you’re going to fuck this up for me because you’re scared? What are you scared of, a night out with a date of your own, one night with a girl?” Ben asked, “I fucked up and got over anxious a minute ago. Now it’s up to you pal.” Ben turned to the wizard, “If he doesn’t want to do this―”
“Then the deal is off Ben,” the wizard confirmed, “I’m sorry. Tim seems to have a good head on his shoulders I can trust. The last thing in the world I can afford now is to give you a chance when you’ve already shown me that you don’t have any self-control. Tim here, I believe has enough to make sure neither of you get into any trouble. That’s the deal, take it or leave it.”
“We’ll leave it if you don’t mind,” Tim replied.
“No!” Ben cried. “Look, let me talk to him for just a moment.” The Wizard shrugged and waited. “Tim!” Ben said grabbing him by the shirt and stepping him out of ear shot of the old man. “Are you a fagot?”
“What? Let go of me,” Tim insisted, surprised at Ben’s question, “No I’m not a fagot. If you say that again, I will punch you in the face. Count on it.”
“I don’t care!” Ben said. “Punch me. It would be easier to take than what you’re doing to me now. Don’t blow this man. Don’t you get tired of just hanging out with me?”
“Funny you should mention that at just this precise moment Ben,” It was a notion that he had toyed with all day long in fact. And what if it works? What if this is your key to a more normal relationship with Ben? What if he did find someone as a result of his ‘experiment’ so-called? What if… What if… What if… What if... The questions swirled about in his mind, growing in number until they overwhelmed him.
Ben brought Tim back with yet another question, “You don’t like being called a fagot.”
“I warned you Ben…” Tim said getting angry.
“You did, but what are you going to do about it everyone else that calls you a fagot behind your back Tim? What are you going to do about the Jocks that are telling everyone that you and I are fagot lovers?”
“That’s not true. They aren’t saying that,” Tim said, but the authority was now gone from his bravado.
“Yes they are Tim. I’ve heard it. Maybe you haven’t because you choose not to, but I have. They’re all laughing at you Tim. They’re laughing at both of us.”
Tim was silent while he considered this latest news flash. Then Tim said, “But Ben, magic…come on. There is no way that this old man can just hand us beautiful prom dates on a platter. It’s not possible, and the whole idea of fucking magic, Jesus Ben, where has your mind gone?”
“It’s in a trashcan where Kirk shoved the rest of me last week because he didn’t’ like the way I was walkin’ down his hall way. You know why it’s there?” Ben asked his friend. Tim shook his head, “Because I’m not big enough or strong enough to get any real respect from those clowns. They do it because I’m different from them, so are you fat boy and they’ll keep doing that to us until we can show them that we can do what they do, at least in part. So please… Please do this and save us from the hell of the senior class.”
“No one thinks that I’m a fagot…” Tim said softly.
“Yeah, tell yourself that the next time you get a locker opened in your face or you’re tripped in the hallway with your mountain of books piled in your arms. Face it Tim, we’re geeks and no girl is ever going to pay any attention to us as long as we’re seen as geeks.”
“Jenny Turner doesn’t think we’re geeks.”
“Because Jenny is a freakin’ geek,” Ben snapped back! “We have the chance to be the envy of the school and you’re going to blow it for me.”
Tim narrowed his eyes, “For you?”
Ben’s excitement level dropped a notch, “I… I… I meant for us, Okay, for both of us. I’m just excited that’s all. We about to give us the golden ticket and you’re telling me, no thanks, I’ll pass I’m afraid of Uoompaloompas. I don’t want to blow it because you’re scared of girls. He said it was just a test.” Ben again turned to the Wizard, “That’s right. That’s what you said. It’s just a test, isn’t it?”
The Wizard only nodded to the affirmative.
Ben turned back to Tim, “See. If it doesn’t work out, then the deal is off. No harm no foul. He’s looking to you to prove that you have the common sense to keep me out of trouble.” Again Ben turned back for confirmation.
“That’s exactly right Ben,” the wizard agreed.
Tim looked confused, “Ben, this isn’t right.” Tim extended his arm toward the Wizard, palm up and asked, “Have you noticed that he knew our names without our having to tell him?”
“Tim, we must have told him.”
“We didn’t Ben. It’s like he knows stuff he shouldn’t, stuff about us.”
The old man said, “I explained that. I’m a wizard.”
Tim shook his head, “No offence Sir, I don’t believe that. In fact, it’s bullshit.”
The Wizard was taken aback by the harsh statement. He hadn’t seen that coming, but it was a moment of passion, not all such extremes are seen by the likes of him. Passion, he thought, very unpredictable.
“Then there’s no harm in humoring your friend then is there, just to see,” Ben looked at time with pleading eyes. Please… Please… Please…
Tim paused for a moment, putting together everything he’d heard to this point and then exhaled in a long frustrated breath, “What do I have to do?”
“YESSSSSSSSSSS,” Ben cried out!
The Wizard reached up behind him with an arm that seemed impossibly long and reached for a plain white mask on the wall at the top near the ten-foot ceiling. Holy shit! Tim thought as the old man’s arm reached and reached and reached to impossible lengths, It’s a trick of the light. There is no way this man has a seven-foot arm! He withdrew the mask from the pin that held it and turned and handed it to Tim.
“What’s this?” Ben asked disappointedly.
“It’s a mask.”
“Yes, I can see that. What do we do with it?”
“It’s for Tim,” said the wizard. Ben looked totally deflated at the news. “He wears it and for the next twenty-four hours we see how you to behave once his identity is hidden from the general population. We see if Tim has the restraint to keep you out of trouble. Come back tomorrow and give me a report. If all goes well, you will both have dates for the prom in five weeks.”
“What’s it do,” Tim asked this time?
“It hides your current self from others, everyone but those that know you had the mask in the first place.”
“I’m gonna look silly wearing this around school.” Tim said, almost laughing.
“No one will know you have it on. Try it if you wish, otherwise, I will put it back on the wall.”
“We’ll try it! We’ll try it!” barked Ben.
“No we won’t,” Tim said smacking Ben in the back of his head with the flat of his hand! “I’m not going into school or any place with this white stage mask on my face. Forget it Sir, thanks for amusing us.”
“Then I want to try it!” Ben hollered.
“That’s not the deal. I need someone I believe I can trust to keep you in check, Ben.” The wizard scolded.
“TIM, Come on buddy.”
Tim looked to the wizard, a look of Why are you egging him on? Let it go already, etched on his face.
The wizard responded to the look, “Tim, I know how this sounds,” admitted the wizard. “There are just some things we were never brought up to believe in. I didn’t believe in magic either, not at first anyway. Then a man took me under his wing and taught me that magic was real. It didn’t matter if you believed in it, because after you’ve seen it work, you believe anyway. You’ve already seen magic work… it will happen. After the test, you’ll both have dates for the prom. That is an un-retractable, inescapable, non-refundable, guarantee. You’ll both be the envy of the entire student body and then you can both have what your dreams call you to when the magic is done.”
“Just put it on right?” Tim asked skeptically.
“Well…” the wizard hesitated.
Tim pointed an accusatory finger at the wizard, “I knew it!” said Tim feeling he had just rooted out a conspiracy.
The Wizard held up his hand, “Calm down Tim, of course there are rules. But the rules are put in place to protect you just as much as they are put in place to protect everyone else around you. You want protection, correct,” asked the wizard leveling a scrutinizing eye at Tim?
“Protection is good,” Tim agreed. “Okay, shoot!” During the exchange Ben was quiet, painfully aware his big mouth had very nearly blown a chance at respect, as he understood it.
“First, only let one person put the mask on you. Don’t do it yourself. The mask can only be removed by the one that placed it on you. Do you understand that Tim?”
“Why is that?”
“The mask knows who put it on you. The mask will also make you and everyone see the person the mask makes you appear to be. Everyone except Ben and yourself will believe it as if you’d always been the person everyone perceives you to be. The mask will also recognize you as the person everyone else perceives you to be. The mask will not be able to understand that it’s really Tim under the mask. If you put it on as Tim, then only someone the mask perceives at being Tim can take it back off again. This merely prevents the mask from becoming dislodged or accidentally taken off by someone else. That would be bad,” The wizard finished.
“Why?”
The old man whimsically gestured and said, “The entire fabric of the universe might actually unravel destroying life throughout.”
Tim and Ben stood fearfully by, looked at each other and said in unison, “Really?”
The wizard grinned, “No― not really.” The relief on their faces was plain to see.
“But―” the wizard continued, “―if it could just be knocked off you’d be exposed as a fraud eventually. It’s imperative that only Ben put the mask on you. If anyone but Ben puts it on you Tim, it could leave you permanently trapped within the perception of the person you become while in the mask.
“That sounds scary.” Tim said now holding the mask away from him at arms length.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” dismissed the wizard. “You can’t help but follow this rule. If Ben puts the mask on you, he’ll be the only one that can take it off anyway. That’s the safeguard.”
“Okay, any others?”
“It can’t be taken off in front of anyone else. You and Ben must be alone when it goes on or comes off. When you’re wearing it, it simply won’t come off if others are around. No one else can see the magic; the mask simply won’t allow it. If Ben tries to put it on you when others are around, then the magic is drained out of it and it will never work again. This is a valuable mask. I want it to be in full working order when you bring it back.”
“Sounds easy enough, Ben puts it on me and then Ben takes it off. All this happens when we’re totally alone.”
“Right, you got it.” The Wizard said happily. “
Tim took a deep breath, turned to Ben, and said, “You’d better pay the man sphincter lips.”
“Me?” Ben wailed.
“It’s your test. You want a date, you pay,” Tim said still uneasy about the whole thing.
“Oh, all right,” Ben turned to the Wizard digging for his wallet, “―how much?”
“Let’s see if you get through the test, how’s that? If you do and I let you have a date for the prom, you can pay then.”
“Gee thanks…” Ben turned to Tim, “You hear that? Try now, pay later.”
“Yeah, yeah―” Tim said motioning toward the door. He had no intention of putting the mask on. Tim’s objective was to get Ben out of this store before something happened Tim couldn’t control. If he could get Ben out of here, then he was sure that he could dodge that bullet easily. “This had better not make me look any more foolish than I already look or I’m going to shove this mask up your ass Ben. I swear to God―” Tim added for good measure.
“Okay, Okay.” Ben said. He reached out and shook the wizard’s hand. “Thanks Mister. I promise, I’ll remember every word you said.”
The wizard nodded and grinned, he then called out to Tim who was trying to leave with mask in hand, “Tim, you too. Oh and don’t make promises you don’t intend on keeping.”
Tim assumed this was in reference to his notion of blowing off the entire experience once he got out side. How the fuck does he do that? Rattled now that the old man might expose Tim’s plan to refuse to let Ben put the mask on him, Tim moved even faster toward the door, putting distance between himself and the creepy old wizard, “Right, thanks,” and with the tinkle of the bell over the door, Tim was gone.
“I don’t think your friend heard that last part Ben, make sure he understands not to make promises he can’t fulfill.”
“Yeah, sure thing,” Ben cried out as he hit the door and was gone. The Wizard watched as the door closed and rang the bell at the top. He chuckled to himself and, in a flash and a puff of smoke, returned to where he had come from.
The two rode home in Ben’s Mustang, with the top down. The late afternoon sun dappled their faces with fast moving patches of shadow and light as Ben drove toward the neighborhood where they both lived. Ben was clearly excited, if this worked, Ben would get his own mask and potentially, a date for the prom. Tim could also tell Ben was agitated. If things went according to the old man’s plan, then once he put the mask on later, he (Tim) would become popular, good looking and charismatic, no longer the science geek of the 10th grade, at least that was the implication the ‘Wizard’ had given them. Ben’s irritation stemmed from the fact that Tim would become Mr. Popular, Ben would miss his turn this time around.
Tim sat quietly hoping the subject of what had happened to them at the mall would just blow over. The mask, the so-called wizard, had handed him sat in his lap. There was no bag, no receipt no proof of ownership one way or the other. They could just walk away with it if they wanted to... but why? There was no need to. The answer was easy for Tim, it pointed to a set up as he now believed this was.
Tim regarded the mask again. It was not an uncommon thing, nothing more really than one might be able to pick up in a novelty or theatrical store. Its surface was smooth and glossy, the eyes were empty. He held it up to examine it and the mask felt as if it shifted slightly in his hands. Tim had looked at it carefully in the shop where they had gotten it. Now however, Tim noticed that there was something that was either different or something he had missed before.
In the store, the mask seemed to be androgynous, smooth with little definition or facial personality. Tim was certain that the thing had no representation of lips in the store. Now however, the face of it had high cheek bone impressions, a soft brow, slender nose that flared gently to uniform nostrils. There where a pair of full, plump lips, sensual lips that curved upward into a soft almost feminine smile almost as if the model had just caught the faint hint of roses on the air or perhaps had just been graced with the sweet memory of distant love.
Tim smiled at the face as though the mask’s smile was meant for him, then blinked in confusion as a thought came to him. Not for me… but to be worn on me!
Holy Shit, this is a girl’s face! He cast the mask down on the seat between them startled, not only by its miraculous shift in appearance, but by the way it seemed to draw itself to him. “Hey Ben, this mask...”
“What?” Ben asked.
“It’s a girl’s face.”
Ben glanced over from the driver’s seat, “Lemme see.” Tim held up the mask. Ben made several glances at the mask which was plain and void of any level of personality as far as Ben could see; then said, “I don’t see the resemblance.”
“What?” Tim asked surprised. Tim was also a bit startled at the idea of putting something on his face that would cause him to resemble a girl in any fashion. “Ben, this is a girl’s face. Look at it.” Ben did and shook his head. “I’m not putting it on.” Tim’s intentional ruse was now forgotten. Whatever was going on here was truly stranger than fiction. This latest development only added fuel to the fire of Tim’s objections.
Ben stewed for a moment; his fingers were bone white on the steering-wheel. As Ben relaxed, he finally said, “Fine, give it to me and we’ll take it back. But I swear to God, the next time we find ourselves down at the river tossing rocks in it and wondering what the fuck we’re doing there, don’t bother to bitch about it to me. You’ll already have your answer.”
Ben didn’t turn around right away. He waited to allow Tim a moment to think about it. Tim held the mask up to his face the empty side toward his own face and looked though the eyes, being careful at the thought of the Wizard’s warning not to actually put it on himself. From this angle it didn’t quite look so feminine.
“Okay. I’ll try it, just once. I still think the whole thing is creepy man. Magic for fuck sake”
Ben responded. “It’s like you said, it’s probably bullshit anyway. But what if it’s not? What if the old guy is for-real? Then we got dates... hot dates for the prom. No one will be able to look at us the same way ever again.”
“He’s not right Ben, in more ways than one. This is about something else. Free magic, a test? I think the guy is scoping us for some other reason.”
“Like what?”
“Ever hear of a dude named John Wayne Gacey?” Tim asked.
“Oh...”
“You know... He was a magician too,” Tim added, “and a clown. He used to entertain at little kids birthday parties and shit. The whole time he was stackin’ bodies up down in his crawl space.”
“Mannnnnn.” Ben said seeming to think hard for the first time since this impossible opportunity had been presented to them.
“Yeah,” Tim answered.
Neither one of them spoke much the rest of the way. Tim continued to stare into the eyes of the mask in his hand. If the old man was right, then Tim would be giving Ben all his trust to take the mask back off when Tim wanted him to. He had no reason to mistrust Ben. If this thing could make him more appealing and get a date to the prom, then what was the harm? It was just until tomorrow, not a long time to wait out of an entire lifetime. If I don’t like it, I can just ask Ben to take it back off. I’ll probably do just that before the test is over anyway. Magic my ass, I know there no such thing, right?
Tim lived with his mother, Cindy, and his older brother Robert. It was the same house they had lived in when his father had died in an airplane accident in the mountains of Colorado. He had been traveling on a business trip when the aircraft experienced severe icing on the wings as they were crossing the Rockies. Eighty-seven people were lost, only the First Officer and a flight attendant survived the crash initially, but later froze to death trying to descend the craggy mountain heights trying to get help. Now, eight years later the pain of their loss was just beginning to become a distant memory. Life finally felt normal again.
Their home was not an uncommon structure. It was a four bedroom home, two stories tall and painted white with black false shutters and large, simple columns in front that held up a heavy awning that hung over both the lower porch and an upper balcony. The house was anything but palatial, but it was large and roomy, left to Thomas Glass by his parents after they passed away when he was 20. It was nestled in an up-scale neighborhood called Creekside in the northern suburbs of Baker, TN. and had been Thomas’s boyhood home.
The yard out front was large, almost sprawling with a distinct lack of shrubs, its wide open slightly rolling expanse had seen its fair share of touch football games, Easter egg hunts and block parties over the years. The crisp, manicured appearance of the lawn was broken only by a long winding stone walkway that led directly to the steps of the long front porch where rocking chairs waited for weary visitors.
The Glass’s had some money thanks to a one million dollar trust funded from two separate life insurance policies Tom Glass had purchased on himself, one only days before the crash that had claimed his life. It was all there was to last a very long time, This included college for both boys, one of whom would be leaving in the fall. Their income was supplemented by Cindy’s job as a travel agent, but it didn’t bring in much and the trust fund had been tapped several times for home and automotive repairs and necessities.
In spite of the trust fund and the outwardly appearance of wealth, The Glass’s were not rich. Given their financial needs, the Glass’s were just on the poor side of upper middle class. They had enough money to live comfortably and send both their sons’ to school. This was aided by the fact that Robert Glass was an athlete. He had, much to the relief of his mother, secured a partial scholarship to LSU after graduation last year with the contingence that he defer for one year. In the mean time Robert lived at home, working and saving money for the upcoming year to help keep their family’s trust fund intact.
At the house, Ben parked in front of the main walkway on the street. Robert was home, building a rather large sandwich at the kitchen table when Tim and Ben arrived back from the mall. It was 5:37 in the afternoon and their mother would be home any minute. Robert, known as Bob to both Tim and Ben, was just stuffing the first large bite of a bologna, cheese and jelly sandwich into his mouth when the two came in the back door. “Mumph Dim, Wasssss Uhump!” Robert asked though a mouth full of sandwich, spraying crumbs on the table like white confetti the whole time.
“Not much Bob,” Tim answered, perhaps a little too cheerfully.
Bob held his hand high and Ben slapped it as he passed, “Bmem, my manm!” Bob spat with sandwich still in his mouth.
“Yo!” Ben responded.
Now, while there was nothing extraordinary about the mask from its appearance, Tim none the less felt self-conscious about having it. If seen, the question would be asked, Hey, what’s that for? Anticipating this, Tim found he could not fabricate a plausible answer to that question. This was compounded by the fact that Tim was an awful liar as was Ben. So rather than stop and chat as they often did with Bob, the two went directly up to Tim’s room, the mask hidden under Tim’s shirt. There was no way to explain it; nothing about the thing seemed sufficient or easy to explain. They trudged upstairs not wanting anyone or anything to stop them before they could, at the very least, hide the thing.
They slid into Tim’s room and Ben closed the door behind them. “Okay, try it on. I want to see what happens.”
Tim pulled the mask from beneath his shirt and once more, held it up to his face. He could see Ben standing before him through the eyes of it. There was a light tugging on Tim’s arms. It felt to Tim that the mask was trying to pull itself to his face. Tim yanked the mask away from him in a panic. With a confused and slightly frightened voice said, “I can’t put it on, remember?”
A frustrated, cross look clouded Ben’s face for a moment and then, recollection spread over Ben’s features, “Oh... Oh yeah. Okay, gimme the mask.” But Tim didn’t give it to him. He continued to stare through the eyes at a distance, his hands shook. “What are you afraid of? The old man said that I could take it back off.”
“He also said that you were the only one that could take it off. What if something happens to you between now and then?”
“You don’t believe in magic, remember? And even if it is true, I’m not going to have a heart attack at 16 or get hit by a bus in the next twenty-four hours.”
No, but you could ram your Mustang into an oak tree on the way home tonight! Tim thought.
“Look Tim, let’s just do this. I don’t think the old man is going to give me one anyway, I was just a little too excited for his tastes. I should have just kept my fucking yap shut about the sex part.”
“Horn dog ¾”
“Don’t tell me you don’t think about it Tim. I bet if I looked I could find four or five crusty towels under your bed your Mom has long since given up on finding,” Tim blushed a bright red and tried to deny it; but his mortified face told the real story. He did, in fact, have one or two ‘launching pads’ sequestered away. “Yeah, I’m a ‘horn dog’. Most boys our age are already doing it all the time.” Ben fired back. “I like girls... so shoot me! I don’t want to be a geek and excluded from the fun for another day. I hate being a fucking nerd. All we need is one break to be cool, one point in our history where we fit in and the doors will open up for us.”
“I don’t think that’s true either, no more so than magic is real. They hate us because we’re different Ben. Because I’m fat and have pimples and you’re a fucking beanpole that possesses no more social graces than a glass of water. You never learned how to talk to people, you’re too blunt. You can’t just blurt out inappropriate crap all the time. It makes you look stupid.”
This was the first time they had said these things to each other. Each of them knew what their short comings were without having to cut each other with the gleaming razors edge of that reality. The pressures of being outcasts coupled with the stress of what the mask might really mean for both of them was coming to bear on their fragile peace of mind.
“That hurt Tim,” Ben admitted as he snatched the mask from Tim’s hands. The rest of Tim’s explanation was ignored. Ben believed that once accepted, always excepted. Ben felt he wore a sign put on him without his knowledge, one that read, “KICK ME AS HARD AND AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN.” Like the magic of the mask, it could only be removed by someone else. If he could lose that sign, life would turn around. Admitting that the problem was not with others, but rested with Ben himself was too much of a trap. Ben couldn’t change who he was any more than he could change the direction of the setting sun. Getting people see that he could be cool being who he was though, would change everything. The door to the world would open and he would be welcomed in with open arms.
“That’s the thing I’ve been trying to explain all day Ben. We DON’T fit in and we never will. One night with a couple of good looking girls isn’t going to change that. The beautiful people aren’t going to think we’re cool. In fact, they’ll probably come and take our dates from us and then kick our asses for good measure. If you think I like this shit any more than you do, then you’re fucking crazy! The one thing I do know is that we can’t change history.” Tim was getting red in the face with anger, anger at the abuse he and Ben both took because they hadn’t been born with favorable looks. He was tired of feeling that the laughs dished out by his contemporaries were all at his expense. Most of all, just when Tim was becoming comfortable with who he was, he was tried of trying hair-brained scheme’s like this in an endless series of failed attempts to conform with people that didn’t want him anyway. Fuck ‘um.
“You boys hold it down to a dull roar please.” It was his mother, Cindy. She was home.
“Great!” Tim said. “Yeah. Okay Mom. Sorry.” Tim hollered through the closed door.
“Dinner in ten Tim, Ben can stay if he wants to.”
“Thanks Mrs. Glass.” Ben responded.
Tim turned to Ben and reached for the mask. Ben pulled it away with a confused look, “What?”
“Come on Ben, my mother is home. All bets are off.”
Tim could almost see the whine a mile off steaming his way. “Aw come on Tim! We only have this thing for the next twenty-four. If you don’t put it on now, then we might not get another chance.”
“That’s not how I read what the old man said,” Tim answered, happy to be off the hook. “He said he wanted the person who would wear it to keep you in check. That’s what I’m doing. Maybe by exercising some responsibility, he’ll let you use it again in time for the prom.”
“Shit! Shit!” Ben muttered. “Fine you old fucking woman. Take it! I’m leaving.” Ben tossed the mask to Tim and it hit him in the chest. After a second of fumbling, Tim managed to catch it in his open arms as Ben got up to storm off.
“Ben.” Tim called after him, “Come on.”
He hated it when Ben acted this way. It was an embarrassment when it happened in plain view of others. More than anything else, it made Tim feel guilty. He understood Ben had some issues and that he really counted on Tim to help make them go away. Now, in a very large sense, Tim was beginning to lose that sense of duty to Ben that had plagued him in years past. Tim was growing to understand that childhood was fleeting and so too the predigests that often follow hand in hand. He was not responsible for Ben’s happiness. Ben didn’t see things as clear cut however, and so employed the same games that he had since he was six to get his own way when ever possible.
Every so often, like now, they still pulled on Tim’s heart strings.
“Okay, let’s do this and get it over with. I want it off before dinner.” Tim handed Ben the mask.
“Tim, the old man said until tomorrow.” Ben reminded him. “24 hours, remember?” Ben said with a twinge of disappointment in his voice.
“Ben, if this thing makes me look stupid or doesn’t work or is some big fucking set up by those jock assholes, then it comes off tonight. That’s all the negotiating I’m going to do.
“Look, I’m eager to try it out,” Ben told Tim. “You put it on me and I’ll just prove to that old fart that I can control myself. That will leave you off the hook buddy.”
The offer was tempting. Tim felt that was a situation he could trust. Then the old man’s stern warning about Tim’s stabilizing influence came back hauntingly to him and Tim knew that he could not violate the strict code of ethics set down by the so called wizard. “No, you know what the old man said. Shit! Listen to me. Now you’ve got me doubting what I know to be rational. Just put it on my face and let’s get this over with, dinner’s almost ready.” Tim said with angry resignation.
Tim bent forward closed his eyes. Ben began to move the mask to Tim’s face. When it was about three or four inches from Tim’s face, the mask leapt from Ben’s fingers and seated to Tim’s face with an audible * SMACK *. Tim’s head rocked backward with the impact. Instantly his hands flew to his face to remove the mask. Ben could see the cords of muscles in his arms stand out as Tim tried hopelessly to pull the device from his face.
It took only a brief second for both to realize that the old man was right about one thing; Tim could not take the mask off by himself. Tim’s struggles were fruitless. No matter how he fought to get free of the mask on his face, he could not remove it.
Without warning, the room was rocked by a powerful Whump! that they both felt and heard. The books and personal items on the shelves around the room rattled with the impact. It felt as if the entire house had fallen two feet into a hole. This was followed by a deep thrumming vibration that reverberated through the house. Tim’s eyes flew open wide in shock and fear. As Tim bent forward, Ben could hear the deeply muffled screams of a terrified boy trapped behind the plastic facade of a decidedly girlish looking face. Ben watched as the mask vanished from sight. It seemed to blend into Tim’s flesh and then into the skull beneath. What was left was the face of a young lady, perhaps Tim’s age. There were no animated facial gestures; the mouth was still cast in that delicate smile of the mask. Tim’s brown eyes on the other hand were wild with fear and terror, trapped in the face’s frozen sea of serenity. Ben watched amazed as those terrified brown eyes began to change not only color, but hue.
Fluid rings of distortion, like ripples on a pond, emanated from Tim. Ben backed away uncertain what might happen if he were to become caught up in those silvery, distortions. Through them Ben could see that the room behind Tim was much different than the room on his side of the rings. There were light, pastel hues of pink and yellow on the walls, though he could not clearly see the details yet. The room, the walls, and bed beyond it were vastly different.
Behind the mask, stirring in his brain like a thousand tornados were the thoughts and memories of his lifetime. Images of he and his father, his brother, times and places flashed and flowed before him. However, something alarming began to happen to them. Each one near and far, dear to his heart or incidental began to fade. They turned to half seen ghosts before his eyes. Some vanished completely while others seemed to remain visible but just out of reach. Mentally, he reached for them in an attempt to cling to them but their distance seemed to great for his brain to span and they remained fuzzy and obscure.
Not all of his memories vanished or became hazy. There seemed to be no pattern to this decay. Some abandon him, while others remained strong and yet others became translucent. At the same time he became aware of experiences flooding his mind, strong memories, fresh and vivid crowding in. People he didn’t recognize, voices he could not place, smells, places, picture that were all alien but rapidly gaining a sense of familiarity.
The face of a boy, maybe fifteen flooded her mind. Tim knew he had never seen this boy before and still, deep in him somewhere was the idea that this boy was very familiar to him. He was kind looking, happy and sad at the same time. His visage filled Tim’s vision for a split second. He was descending down on Tim, smiling. He knew this boy was going to kiss him, had in fact kissed him some time ago. “I love you Kim,” the image said and Tim was horrified to find that his heart, in spite of the fear he was experiencing, was thrilled at the words spoken by this boy next door.
He still had the presence of mind to wonder, Who the FUCK is Kim? But Tim lost all cogent ability after his brain answered, You are stupid, duh!
Tim’s mind was not the only thing going through changes. His body too was changing. He seemed to have become smaller when Ben returned his attention to him. Ben watched, transfixed on the miraculous transformation occurring in his friend. Tim’s face had narrowed. Tim’s eyes changed shape; they widened and became more angled. Ben felt they almost appeared more cat-like. Ben watched as the iris’s changed color from brown to blue, then to a very pale shade of blue in only a few moments.
Tim had begun to develop what looked like breasts, a narrow, feminine waist, long slender jean clad legs with cute button toes sticking out of split toe sandals. It was then that Ben realized that not only had Tim’s body change but the clothes he had worn that day. Gone was his ordinary, and usually hand smeared jeans and old, hole pocked T-shirt and grimy old sneakers had been replaced. Tim now wore a slim pair of low-rise black jeans with a wide band of suede around the waist and a large white belt. His top was a small, black cotton T-shirt with pink letters across the breast that read, “American Born Hottie.”
Tim’s hands were still on his face and he appeared to struggle with something that was no longer there. Still he could not seem to speak. Beneath his frozen lips Ben could still hear the muffled cries for help but now the voice belonged to that of a girl screaming in terror and not Tim’s voice at all.
There were new smells in the room as well. Ben registered the smell of strawberry shampoo and the delicate smell of some sort of perfume as well. Ben was also aware that the mustiness of the room had vanished. It was replaced by a fresh smell of clean, sun dried laundry and talcum powder.
Tim’s hair shot out of his head, almost as a fountain might jet water up and out of a nozzle. It came out in a thick shock of pale platinum hair, almost white in color and it lay well past his friend’s shoulders, framing those light blue eyes in a halo of almost mystic qualities. These colors offset the girl’s face that was now stuck to his friend and seemed to give it beautiful life.
Slowly, flexibility returned to Tim’s face, around the eyes at first, so that the terror of the moment was now visible in the reflection of the girl’s features. From the cheeks up, Ben fancied that this is what it would look like if a mannequin were to miraculously come to life in a department store window in front of unbelieving shoppers.
Ben understood that Tim was pleading for help, but Ben wanted to see the final results of this extraordinary change taking place before him. That old fart was right! She can’t get it off by herself. She’s stuck like that until I decide to let her out. Then on the heels of that thought came one more, How very interesting.
The waves that haloed Tim’s body widened and consumed the room. Instantly the appearance of the room in all directions was different. Kim reached out for Ben from a kneeling position, arms outstretched and palms up, finger splayed out in desperation, soundlessly pleading for help.
Ben considered how she was going to feel when she realized the extent of the changes that had happened, Could he really do that to Kim? Ben stopped confused by the mental slip, Wait... that’s not her name... Her name is Kim! Ben tried to insert his friend’s true name into his thoughts. Oh shit! How totally Kewl! Whatever that stuff is; it’s changing everything I ever knew about her.
No matter how hard Ben tried to think of his friend as Tim, the thoughts that centered around his friend’s identity, or history were always associated with the name Kim. He could not inject his friend’s former name into them, even in his thoughts. Now the sympathy Ben had been feeling for Tim fled with the idea that this was no longer Tim. This was a girl who was completely dependent on him for her freedom this life.
Internally, Ben smiled to himself. This could have some very rewarding possibilities.
Without warning, the girl’s face seemed to loosen completely from the stiff and rigid mask it had been and quickly softened, and smooth into the face of an angel, a screaming scared to shit angel. The girl was now where Tim had been sitting only moments ago was suddenly wailing in fear. The waves of distortion continued to radiate out ward away from Kim and out of the walls and seemingly out into space itself. There were now, however, no new waves following them. Each concentric waved moved away, carrying with them any sign of what had once been. How far will the changes reach? Ben wondered. How far out into the world will this change things?
As soon as the girl heard herself screaming she was quiet. She knelt in the precise spot where Tim had been only seconds ago, sitting back on her calves. She was still. Her hands still on the sides of her face, clutching it as if it had tried to fly off her head. Her chest rose and fell with the deep breaths of one who had only recently, recovered her ability to breathe normally. Kim stared at Ben with a look of thankfulness, smiled unknowingly, and sighed. She let her hands fall to her lap as she closed her eyes to enjoy the blissful feel of air as it was drawn into her lungs.
“Jesus...” Ben whispered. He remembered the Wizard’s words about hiding their identities, “So that’s what he meant.”
The girl opened her eyes groggily and asked, “What?” At the sound of her own voice she froze. Instinctively, she clapped both hands over her mouth with an audible smack. Her eyes once more practically exploded with surprise. She did not look around, her eyes remained trained on Ben’s who simply sat and smiled.
Slowly, she let her hands slip from her mouth and she managed to squeak out a questioning, “Ben?”. The sound of his name coming from her mouth was enough to start the domino’s falling in her mind. “Oh no!”
“Don’t panic Kim.” Ben said.
Panic however, seemed to be the only appropriate thing to do. She flashed Ben a surprised wild-eyed look at the sound of her name as it hit her ears. At the same time, Kim’s hands flew to the place where the mask should have been but she could not feel a thing and she began chanting, “No, no, no, no, no, no…” It wasn’t there or didn’t seem to be. There was nothing there for her to remove. Still, she dug at her jawbone trying to gain leverage over something she could not feel or see.
“I can’t find it! I can’t find where it starts! BEN!” she shrieked, “What’s wrong with my voice? What’s it done to me?” Kim pulled and tugged on her face, behind the jaw line and along her forehead. The results were the same everywhere she felt. There was no longer a mask on her face. “BEN? What did it do...” she happened to look down at the body below the head and gasped.
“Kim, relax... its not that bad.”
Ben watched as the hands of the girl in front of him grabbed the two mounds that had grown on her chest, “what are, what are…” the girl whispered. She mashed them flat as if by pushing them back in she might cure whatever had caused such grotesque protrusions. It didn’t work. When she removed her hands, her newly formed breasts simply popped back out, taking their natural form and size once more beneath her shirt. She was left without explanation to what had happened to her and dark, surrealism swallowed her reality. “Oh God,” she whispered desperate for this nightmare to end and end fast.
For Ben, it was an amazing thing to watch the dawning self recognition. She glanced up at Ben as her hands explored her hips. She wore a pained look in her eyes and on her mouth. It seemed she would begin to break down and cry any second. “Ben?” she asked, but there was nothing Ben could say to comfort her, so he said nothing. Her hands slipped between her legs and the switch was flipped. Her eyes flew open wide with the revelation her hand had found. She then looked back to Ben as she searched for a confirmation of some sort, an explanation for something that was no longer there, “BEN?”
“Kim, it’s just until tomorrow. Try to relax.” Ben said again.
The girl’s eyes glazed over and her face turned pale, her skin losing all color. She seemed to swoon and she wavered there on her knees, pitching a little to her port side then some to her starboard; like an abandon ship moored to a rotting, unstable dock. She whispered in utter disbelief, “I’m a girl...” Ben leaned forward, taking her by the shoulders and gently shook her. The girl blinked, once, twice and then clarity seemed to fill her face. She looked around, saw Ben sitting before her and again her face became animated and agitated. Her hands flew to her face and she cupped the sides of her head with them, “This fucking mask turned me into a girl!” Again she struggled to get the mask off her face without success at even loosening it. “Ooooooh no. I’m a girl.” Her hands began to tremble perceptibly with shock and fear.
Kim’s face bunched into a tight ball that was so pinched it resembled a wad of notebook paper. She pointed an angry accusatory finger at Ben and cried. “I told you that it looked like a girl’s face to me!”
“Hum, whatdoyaknow, you were right!” Ben said with a chuckle, the girl again began struggling to remove the mask again. Ben sat, watched and listened for a moment as the young girl before him fought to free herself from some unseen thing. “You know what that old man said. You can’t take it off yourself.”
She looked up at Ben with tears welling up behind her eyes. He was right... Ben could though, “Please Ben, help me. Please take it off. I don’t want to ¾”
“Why? You look cute!” Kimberly Glass sat back as if she’d been punched in the stomach, her mouth hung open in shock, her eyes wide with hatred.
“What do you mean why Ben? How could you even ask such a thing? You have to get this off me, NOW,” Kim bellowed.
“I have to take it off in time to take it back tomorrow,” Ben corrected, toying with her.
“This is exactly why girls don’t like you Ben Ackerman,” She leaned forward and struck at Ben’s shoulder with a clumsy, overhand fist. “You’re not going to leave me like this, not for one more minute!”
Then suddenly, the door to the girl’s rearranged bedroom opened unexpectedly, startling Kim. Reflexively she tried to hide herself, unaware how much the world around her had changed and unwilling to let her family see her like this. How could she possibly explain it? Ben caught her foot as she tried to crawl away and hide between her canopy bed and the wall. When she couldn’t pull away she turned angrily to Ben who was shaking his head, ‘no’ as the person at the door entered. It was Bobby. “Kim! It’s time for dinner. Mom wants you to set the ....” Robert paused, looking at Ben kneeling on the floor in front of his sister, “Hey, what’s Ben doing up here?”
Kim couldn’t answer; the shock of the last seven minutes had overloaded the thought centers of her mind. “I... I... he... I’m...” she could feel her face beginning to break apart in emotional stress. She felt like crying. She turned to Ben and asked, “Ben?”
“We came up here to ¾” Ben started. Just what was he doing up here with a girl, in a girl’s room. What would a guy be doing in a place like this except… Ben’s eye’s lit up, “We weren’t really doing anything except talking.”
“About what?” demanded Robert.
“Not much, school, homework the prom.” Ben smiled his usual toothy grin for his friend’s brother, but this time Robert didn’t return the gesture. Instead, Robert simply glared menacingly at Ben making Ben feel like something vile in Robert’s eye. Is that simply an impression, or does Robert really think I’m scum? Ben discovered that he KNEW that Robert felt he was scum. In fact, Ben could remember back into some sort of distorted sense of the past, at least one argument between Robert and his mother about why his mother allowed Kim to continue to be friends with such a dead-beat, geek, trouble making looser like Ben. Ben’s memory drifted back to an event he couldn’t remember attending but seemed to have happened just the same.
He could almost see the scene being played out in his head. In his mind, he could see himself, pressed against the exterior wall beneath the kitchen window in the back yard. He had been hooking up the hose for Kim to help her wash her brother’s car when he heard Robert talking angrily to his mother.
“…Mom, Ben is nothing but trouble. You know it, I know it, Hell the entire school knows it! He’s going to wind up just like his old man, and if we’re not careful, he’s going to drag Kimmy down with him, just like Mrs. Ackerman.”
“That’s enough Robert Lee Glass. First of all, I don’t tell you who you can have for friends. That Oswalter boy isn’t the most savory character in my judgment, but he’s your friend, I respect that. I’m not going to treat your sister with any less respect.”
“Mom, she’s a girl!” Robert cried, as if to imply his sister was handicapped by her gender.
‘So am I if you hadn’t noticed,’ Cindy Glass retorted with surprise, ‘Are you suggesting she deserves less respect than you since she’s a girl?’
In his mind, Ben could picture himself in the back yard, stooped beneath the window to what had once been Mr. Glass’s home office, and Cindy and Robert just on the other side of it.
“Er ah… no! That’s not what I ¾” Robert stammered, “ ¾ She’s vulnerable that’s all. She’s…” Robert had stammered trying to recover his point. “You’re the one that put all those restrictions on her, no boys in her bedroom, not out unescorted after 10:00 p.m. and not out at all after 11:30 p.m. She can’t go out with anyone you don’t know well. Come on, why put all those restrictions in place if you’re going to let her have a friend like that Ackerman Kid?” Robert cried.
“Those aren’t restrictions Robert, they’re safety precautions. Believe it or not, I was young like you once too,” Cindy had paused and smiled softly to her son though Ben hadn’t seen it, “It wasn’t all that long ago either. She’s still young Robert, and so are you, neither of you knows everything about the world. In one respect, you’re right, she’s vulnerable. But only because this is still a man’s world, she just hasn’t figured that out yet. I still have to let her make her own mistakes from time to time so she’ll learn what a woman’s limitations are because of the way the world is structured; and how best to break through those limitations. I can’t protect her forever Robert, neither can you. I don’t think she’d want that either. At some point, we’re going to have to give her ownership of all of her decisions, good or bad. If you hadn’t noticed, majority age in this country is just a couple of years off for her.”
“But Mom…”
“Robert, in the end, if she wants to see Ben as more than a friend, we can’t stop her. We just can’t. It’s her life. This runs just a little deeper than what your friends think of you because you’re sister might be developing feelings for Ben Ackerman.”
Now, looking at Robert, he could sense the malevolence behind his eyes, ‘Jeeze… the guy hates me now. What the fuck did I ever do to him?’ No answer came to him. All Ben knew was that more than just his friend Tim had changed. With his change it seemed, had come a host of other changes, not all of them clear and apparent to them.
From the door, Robert looked at his kid sister and she was nodding her head wildly trying to force a smile. Ben also somehow knew that Kim’s brother was embarrassed that some of the friends he had that were now seniors in the same high school saw Robert as a pansy for letting his sister associate at all with Ben. It wouldn’t have hurt Robert one bit if the earth opened up and Ben fell into the pit that formed there.
We have a history, Ben marveled. She already likes me. It’s like stepping into a pre-fabricated world.
The glee at the knowledge that Kim was his friend in spite of what everyone else believed was soon tempered by a quite inner voice, one Ben would soon grow to hate worse than he hated his own life. Yeah, that may be my boy, but you’re an even bigger asshole now than you ever were. Good form old man, bully and all that rot!
Kim had noticed the differences in their relationship as well. She could sort of... remember it! It was almost as if she had lived it in the past. That’s not all that had changed. Kim quickly surveyed her surroundings. Everything was different. Worse, it was familiar. She knew this room well. She knew where her things were, WHAT they were... Hell, she knew that she had a quarter of a box of tampons in her bathroom under the sink. Worse, she knew that in a couple of days, she was probably going to need them.
Why the fuck would I want to know that? she thought desperately.
The answer that came back was an unpleasant one... Because that’s the kind of thing you WANT to know since you’re going to start your period soon and you only have three left!
Kim began to tremble even harder. Holy shit, time out! Time out I said! The ride is too fast. I want off, I want to get off this fucking ride!
“Ben and I want to be alone for just a minute, please Bobby.” Kim asked. Since when do I call him Bobby? She wanted to call him Rob, but she had felt the name Bobby coming out of her mouth and tried to stem it but was helpless to do so. This was starting to get more than scary for her. The worst was perhaps the helpless and constant use of the name Kim. She understood that was the name of the girl whose body she was in, but wanted to rebel against that. She wanted to scream out MY NAME IS TIM, but she couldn’t even formulate that sentence in her head. The name Tim kept coming out as Kim, involuntarily.
Robert was shaking his head, “No can do. You know how Mom feels about boys upstairs.” Robert looked at Ben and gestured with one finger, “Come on Ben, down stairs. You want to talk to him Kim; you have to do it down stairs.” Ben stood and made his way to the door; he looked back at Kim and shrugged. Kim sat wide-eyed and in shock. She could easily see the combination dial on the safe door turning, locking the door with her still inside the safe. She could not get out Kim’s life without Ben. If he left before taking the mask off, she would have to remain a girl for… for… Oh GOD! Maybe forever!
“WAIT!” Kim pleaded. She practically sprung to her feet from a dead sitting position.
“What Kim?” Robert stood now between Ben and his sister.
“We’ll...ah... follow you down right now.” She would have to try to get Ben to remove the mask on the way down stairs while they followed her brother. With luck, he wouldn’t notice until the changes were complete. By then everything should have changed back to normal and there would be nothing to explain except perhaps where the white plastic mask he would have by then had come from.
She bounded to where Ben stood with her brother. Her center of gravity was different. Her chest felt heavy and the constant movement there when she walked was foreign to her. Coupled with the awful void she felt between her legs where there had only moments ago been a male organ, served only to frighten her and remind her of what she was now.
As luck would have it, Robert stood between them the entire way down the stairs. There would be no opportunity here for Ben to remove the mask from her face. As they walked, Ben smiled to himself. She was beautiful, the kind of girl that would never be interested in him. Best of all for Ben, he came to realize she was totally dependent on him if she wanted to ever see the other side of the gender tunnel again.
Kim pushed past her brother who had moved Ben out of her room, “Excuse me please,” she said sweetly as she eased her way around her brother and drew up next to Ben. She couldn’t afford to let Ben out of the house without removing the mask that had done this to her. Having gone around Robert however put Robert behind them. Instead of following him down the stairs so Ben could try to remove the mask from her face. They would lead the way down the stairs and be in full sight of Robert the whole way. Kim tried let to Robert pass, but he extended his hand indicating, ‘ladies first’ and Kim slumped slightly, reluctantly moving toward the stairs with a smirk of frustration on her face.
Near the bottom of the stairs, Robert said, “Tell Mom I’ll be right down Kimmy, I’m want to get my class catalog so I can go over some of my electives with her at dinner.” Before waiting for an answer, Robert turned and leapt back up the stairs two at a time and was gone.
Kim nodded, then turned quickly to Ben and hissed, “Okay Ben, get this off me, quick!” She put her palms and fingers on the sides of her face and began pulling.
When she didn’t feel Ben’s fingers on the sides of her head, she looked up, “What are you waiting for Ben? We don’t have much time, get it off me.”
Ben began to reach for her face and then dropped his hands for a second, “Let’s think about this for a moment. This doesn’t seem to be a problem, they don’t know what’s happened, it’s like you had been born a girl.”
“This isn’t funny Ben. I’m canceling the test. We’re alone! Take it off,” Kim demanded and added, with teeth clinched and an almost cute, feminine growl, “Right now!”
“But this is so cool. I mean, they think that you’re really Kim!”
Kim went slack jawed in shock when she realized that Ben wasn’t going to remove the mask, “I really am Kim,” she growled, “look at me!” Her mind seemed to work at the issue for a moment, her face clouded with suspicion and she asked, “Ben, what are you doing?”
“Nothing, I don’t know what you mean,” Ben lied, “The guy was nice enough to let us test drive the damned thing. And I mean, God damn it really works. I just think we owe it to ourselves to find out what this thing is all about, that’s all.” Ben tried to bluff that his intentions were honorable, but a deep red blush that crept into his features betrayed Ben.
“You’re stalling―”
“No I’m not,” Ben said in a cheesy sort of voice.
“Now you’re lying to me. You’re stalling until someone comes along and then you won’t have to worry about getting this off me. You’re a real shit Ben.”
“Kim, really―”
Kim pressed her lips together in stubborn determination, “You think this is so cool, fine, you want to find out what it’s all about, you put it on. You can take all the crap in my room with you when you go, including my tampons! Now take this off me.”
Ben just stood there. He made no move to rescue his friend from her fate.
Slowly, Kim’s features began to sink. Her eyes filled with a sort of sadness that only comes with betrayal. Kim put her hand back on her face and began wrestling to get the mask off, “You’re trying to trap me because you’re hoping that this will turn into something that will never be. I’m not your girlfriend Ben. I’m a bo…” Kim struggled to get the words past her teeth, “I’m a gu… I’m a…” Frustrated she finally spat, “Get it off me Ben, Now,” her arms fully extended past her hips, rigid, fists in tight balls at the ends, in a girlish gesture of Do what I tell you to do right now or I swear…
With visible reluctance, Ben again reached for Kim’s face.
The second Ben’s fingers touched her face; the edges of the mask rose in stark contrast to her skin. Her face began to turn white and the mask rose from the skin of Kim’s face. He could feel the slick and now warmed, smooth surface of the hard plastic, or acrylic or whatever it was made of, beneath his finger tips. He could see the eyes of a startled teenager, a teen that from the neck down was still female, he could hear her breathing rhythmically, but heavily through the nostrils provided in the mask.
‘God damn this shit if freaky…’ Ben thought to himself.
“Do it Ben!” growled Kim furiously in a voice that was starting to become distant as the effects of the mask’s hardening began to move forward to Kim’s face.
All he had to do’ was wedge his fingers beneath the edges of the mask and pull. Before he could get a purchase to remove the mask the edges vanished beneath his fingers. The mask settled back into her skin on its own, without warning, reseeded back becoming once more the sweet face of a beautiful teen age girl, a girl whose face and body promised that one day she would grow into a stunningly beautiful adult woman.
Kim clutched at her face and jaw trying to pry the thing up and off her face where Ben had failed. Her eyes burned at Ben with hate. Just as she was about to speak, they were startled by a voice from the landing below.
Kim suddenly stopped her exaggerated struggles with a jolt, but her hands remained on the sides of her face along the jaw line. She turned like that to face the direction of where the voice had come from. Cindy Glass stood at the bottom of the stairs. “What are you two doing? Come down here and set the table like you’re supposed to.”
Kim groaned, she had felt the mask recede back into her flesh with the presence of her mother. Further, she knew with horrible certainty that she was not going to be left unattended with Ben. She slowly turned and faced her mother. Her mother looked exactly the same as she had when Tim had left that morning. She was still dressed in the same clothes she had worn when Tim had last seen her before leaving for school. It seemed the only thing that had changed was Tim’s entire life. Kim gave a weak wave from the hip to Cindy, “Hi... Mom.”
“Don’t ‘hi Mom’ me Missy. I asked your brother to―”
“Yeah he did.” Kim said hastily cutting her mother off. The surrealism of the moment was strong enough to make Kim want to swoon. She held fast however and did her best to buy Ben and herself more time to fix what had come unhinged in the universe. “I was just coming down.” Kim however could not keep the agitation she felt at Ben from her voice, this raised more than just her mother’s eyebrows. Kim knew it was not a good omen when she realized what her mother must be thinking.
Cindy however did not give them the time they wanted, instead, hands on hips she asked, “Well?” and Kim knew her window of opportunity was gone. This is how it feels to know the jaws of the trap are closing and you’re not fast enough to beat them out, she thought. Kim turned and glared with a ‘Gee, thanks for nothin!,’ look at Ben for a moment before heading down one stair to the landing, but not before striking him in the shoulder with a balled up fist just out of eyesight of her mother.
“Hello Ben.” Cindy Glass said in a slightly cynical voice.
“Hi Mrs. Glass.” Ben countered with unexplainable shame. He made his way down the last riser behind Kim. His eyes followed the lines and shape of Kim’s ass as she jiggled her way into the kitchen.
The sound of flatware being pulled from a drawer floated into the hall as Ben descended the stairs. “You two were up in Kimberly’s room?” Mrs. Glass asked.
“Um.... We were just talking.” Ben replied. Stashed in his head was the memory of an ancient conversation that had never really happened. It boiled down to no boy’s in Kim’s bedroom.
“I know Ben. And it’s not that I don’t trust you (although in reality she didn’t), but if you go up and some of Kimberly’s other male friends find out, then they might try to convince Kim it’s Okay for them to be up there too.”
Kim came out of the kitchen with, her hands laden with flatware. She glared at Ben again, apparently still upset about not being able to take off the mask that was holding her in her current body. “We’ve been up there a lot of times Mom. I don’t know what you’re so worried about.”
Cindy gave a surprised look at the idea that these two had been up in Kimberly’s room “a lot”; turned to give Kim a questioning look as she passed back into the kitchen for some something-or-other she needed to finish setting the table, and then turned back to Ben even though she was addressing Kim’s question, “I worry about lots of things Kim. It’s a rule I put in place to keep you safe. And since it’s my rule, and this is my house then all the boys that come over are going to obey it. I just don’t want you out of sight or alone in the house with boys for a while. That’s final. From now on I want you to be in plain sight when boys are concerned. That includes Ben.”
“We were just up there talking about the prom. Besides, I’m sixteen…” Kim was about to add to her argument when Cindy broke it up.
“Kim, I’m not trying to make your life a living Hell. I know that Brenda Tomlinson has much tighter restrictions than you have,”
“Brenda has also slept with every boy in school. She needs a chastity belt not restrictions.” Kim snapped back and returned to the dining room wide eyed and in shock. ‘Did that come out of my mouth?’
“That’s enough Kim…”
“Yes Ma’am.” Kim said humbly.
“The point is,” Cindy continued, “I let you pick pretty much whatever it is you want to wear, you pick your own music; I don’t interfere with who you choose as friends. These may all seem like rights to you but I could just as easily ban Rap music from the house and a quarter of your music collection would simply have to vanish. I like Hip Hop? Kim wondered. In return, I get to make sure you’re not put in a compromising or pressure filled situation where something might happen.”
Kim understood what her counterpart’s response would have been at that moment, Like getting pregnant? And she caught it just before it slipped out, Pregnant? Me Pregnant, Oh my God, let me out of this fucking nightmare, PLEASE!
“I’m sorry Mom. Is that what you want to hear me say? I’m sorry, it really was about the prom,” and then muttered under her breath, “in some strange twisted sort of way I guess.”
Cindy stood, arms folded under her breasts, “Hummmm, well I guess there’s no harm done really. Did you decide on who was going to take you?”
Kim froze; this was a situation she hadn’t expected from her mother. The implication of her mother’s statement was that she had not only had an offer from a boy to take her, but had received several offers. Kim was panic stricken, This is real, I’m in my house, with my family and they believe I’m a girl!
“Well, Ben asked me. I might just go with Ben.” Kim searched her mind for a moment, Kirk Oswalter had asked her to go with him, demanded that she go with him really. Kim could feel her respiration become shallow and something she called the creep factor rise. She discovered that most of her intrinsic memory was recent, short term memory she had never actually been party to. Oh my God, I’m remembering things I wasn’t here for… Kim felt there had been other offers to the prom as well, but she had committed to no one yet, Thank God. Not that any of this mattered, Kim intended for this to end tonight, now if at all possible. That would negate her having to accept any invitation to anything in this strange parody of her life. If her mother felt that she and Ben were an item, then some private time with Ben to say good night would be enough to stop this right now, before things got out of control.
Cindy tried to hide the reaction to this piece of news, but Kim saw her cringe slightly at the announcement. That served to do nothing but make her mad. What could her mother be thinking? This was Ben, she and Ben had been friends for years.
That was back when you were someone else, not her little girl and certainly not a potential date for your childhood chum. Everything has changed now.
“So Ben asked you to go to the prom?” Cindy asked, not looking at her daughter, but rather at Ben, as she probed for the truth.
“Well, not really.” Kim admitted. She went that extra mile by smiling what felt like to be a sweet and tender smile of desire and batted her eyelashes (perhaps a bit too much,) at Ben to get the message through loud and clear.
This train was moving far too fast for Kim. In reality, it was life at normal speed, but it was someone else’s life and the car she was on was moving too fast for her to just jump off and back in to her life as Tim. The idea she had been asked by other boys to the prom was much too shocking for her to even acknowledge, except for the idea that she had to somehow make all those other inquiries go away.
Ben didn’t waste a second at Kim’s prompt, “You want to go to the prom with me?” It wasn’t a proposal. It was more of a stunned question spawned by disbelief.
“Sure, I’ll go to the prom with you.” She said sounding every bit the happy high school teenage girl she knew her mother would expect to hear.
Without warning, however, there was a sudden pain that struck her around the perimeter of her face along the out line of where the mask would have sat. It started as a dull ache and rapidly turned to a blinding white pain that blocked out her vision. In an instant, all she could see was static snow, like that you might see on a television with no reception. Kim dropped the forks and knives on the floor and brought her hands to her temples.
Alarmed, Cindy dashed the three steps to her daughter, “Kim?” Her mother asked as she tried to cradle her, “Are you all right?”
“Mmmmmm,” she groaned with her hands set flush to the sides of her face. Already however, the pain was fading back into a dull ache and her vision was clearing. “I think so.”
“What happened Kim?” Cindy asked, the concern in her voice was now very plain. Gone was any agitation that may have been left by tonight’s incident with Ben.
“Just a head ache Mom. One of those sinus splitters, you know?”
“I’m going to call the doctor,” Cindy said, beneath them both, Ben had kneeled and was trying to gather the flatware off the floor, scooping it into a small pile.
“No Mom, I’m fine, it’s gone, really.”
“I don’t know Kim.”
“Please,” Kim begged. If she let her mother rush her out of the house to the emergency room, any chance of getting back to what Kim was beginning to identify as her “real life” would be gone tonight.
Cindy looked intently into her daughter’s eyes. They were not blood shot, the pupils seemed to react appropriately with the light when she turned Kim’s head to the ceiling. Cindy was perplexed.
“See. I’m fine,” Kim insisted.
Ben, who hadn’t keyed in on what was happening to Kim handed the bundled knives and forks up to Mrs. Glass.
“Hum? Oh, thank you Ben,” Cindy said. She gathered the flatware together from his hands and she took it to the kitchen and began loading it in the dishwasher. Perhaps this was a sign that Cindy was relaxing a little bit. Kim thought she knew better than to believe that however. She turned to Ben quickly, her hands on the sides of her head, preparing for another burst of pain begged, “Ben, take it off now. Something’s wrong.”
Worried now, Ben agreed without hesitation, “Okay,” This time something was different. When he began to feel for the seam, he could not find it. “Kim...” he said searching. “Something’s wrong...”
“I just told you that…” Then she realized that they were probably talking about two different situations and she asked, “What do you mean?” Kim was counting the seconds they could expect to be alone.
“When I touched it before, on the stairs, I could feel where the mask began. It just sort of lifted up under my touch. I could feel the edges of it. I can’t feel it now, the edges are gone.” In his secret heart, he was deeply relieved that he had not had to resolve to trickery to keep Kim where she was.
“Just pull,” Kim ordered. Ben pulled and she could feel a sort of separation start, only now, it was her jaw that was separating from her skull at the hinge. There was no sensation as there had been before on the stairs. Then, she had felt her mouth sealing into a solid thing she could not open. She had felt the skin on her face go rigid and her jaw lock in place like it were some artificial thing. Now she knew what she felt was bone and tendon being pried apart. She could sense Ben’s fingers digging into the flesh covered cavity beneath her jaw. When Ben pulled, Kim was jerked forward by the force of it, but nothing happened. “Pull harder!” Kim hissed in spite of the pain that Ben was causing. For Kim, there was no amount of pain she would not endure to free herself of this identity.
After several seconds of having her head jerked about, Ben let go and both Kim and Ben grunted with the release of effort. Ben’s demeanor changed. It was reflected in his next statement. For Kim, it conjured more dread in her heart than facing the specter of death could have at that moment. “Kim, it’s stuck for some reason.”
Her reaction was intense and immediate, “NO! You’re lying.” Kim snapped under her breath. Kim’s mind couldn’t accept the concept that this wasn’t going to end instantly, she couldn’t allow her self to believe that Ben was telling the truth, she was petrified of the implication and wasn’t about to accept It’s stuck, as an answer. It’s stuck, didn’t come with a time limit, or a money back guarantee. It’s stuck, often meant that it’s stuck FOREVER.
Ben’s tone was truly remorseful, “I’m sorry. I can’t get it off. I don’t know what to do, I can’t find the edges. You’re going to have to stay in it until we can get back to the mall and talk with the old man.”
“No Ben, don’t you even think that. I can’t stay like this all night.”
“You’re going to have to. I can’t get it off of you.” Ben insisted.
“You’re lying. You want me to be like this. You’re trying to keep me like this. Aren’t you?” Kim finished with her signature gesture, the accusatory finger in the face. She finished with a flourish this time by punching him in the chest with a girlish effort.
“Ouch! Stop hitting me!” Ben ordered.
“Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t do! I want this off!” Kim cupped her face to illustrate she meant the mask. “I don’t want to stay like this another minute. Take it off!” she hissed.
“I tried Kim, honest! I wouldn’t....”
The sound of utensils being put away stopped and Kim quickly dropped her hands from her face, as Cindy suddenly appeared with a fresh supply of forks and knives in her hand. Cindy stopped short, “You still Okay?” she asked Kim.
Sensing that her mother was eyeing her with hawk-like intensity, Kim did her best to put on the happy face she had forced herself to wear only seconds before the pain had blinded her. “Nonsense, I’m as right as the mail,” Kim said quoting a line from one of Tim’s favorite movies.
“Ugh, I hate that movie.” Cindy said. “Yeah, you’re fine. Here, put these on the table, then get the plates and glasses set,” Cindy turned to Ben, “I’d ask you to stay for dinner we really didn’t plan for that. I hope you’ll forgive us Ben. Tonight just isn’t a good night.”
“Uh, Okay, sure!” Ben answer, even Ben understood he was being given the bums rush.
Kim was still standing in the hall between the kitchen and the dining room, mouth agape at the realization that her chance to return to being Tim was slipping away. She had understood everything the Wizard or whatever he was had said, but things had changed. Her mind for one, she didn’t want to be a girl, not for 24 hours, not even for another 24 seconds for that matter. What she wanted had to count for something, didn’t she deserve a vote?
“Mom...” Kim started, trying to stall the inevitable, but what was there to say, what argument could she use? She couldn’t tell anyone what had happened. It wasn’t for lack of trying. She would gladly have spilled the entire story if she had been able to, but then proving it would have been hopeless. Her mother and brother saw her as if she’d been born Kimberly. If she couldn’t make a convincing case with evidence on her side, then the only thing that was likely to happen was a nice long vacation trapped in this body in the palatial suites of Chattanooga General Psychiatric Ward.
“Set the table Kim. That’s your job.”
Kim opened her mouth to say something else. She looked back and forth from Ben to her mother but when no words came, she turned toward the dining room and huffed off utensils in hand. As Kim saw things, she had no choice; she had to try to play this part the way those around her expected her to play it out or her access to her real life might not be as conveniently available as it might otherwise be.
Cindy placed her small hand in the center of Ben’s back and began guiding him to the door, “Ben, I’m afraid it’s time to go home. You’ll see Kim tomorrow at school.”
“Yes Ma’am.”
“Kim, say goodnight to Ben, he’s going home.” Cindy called out.
Once more came the sound of clattering flatware. This time it sounded as if it were being spilled out on a wooden surface. “Wait!” Kim called out.
“No, it’s time for Ben to go home Kim. I’m sure his parents are wondering where he is.” Neither Ben nor Kim felt the statement was unusually out of context or odd for any reason. But it was, and Ben would find out soon enough how badly askew their world had become.
Kim came rushing out of the dining room. “Can I just go out on the porch and―”
“No Kim,” her mother admonished. “Set the table.”
“But―”
“Kim.” Cindy said sternly her hand on her hips, back to Ben who stood behind her.
“Moooommmm?” begged Kim with obvious frustration.
Cindy glared balefully at her disobedient daughter as she turned to show Ben out repeating what she’d said to him only moments before, “Ben, Kim will see you tomorrow at school, goodnight.” Cindy ushered him out the door and closed it before Ben could say so much as ‘goodnight’ in return.
Robert appeared behind them from the landing to Kim’s right, as he usually did when there was someone at the door, in support of his mother. This tactic annoyed Cindy at times. Now however, even though Ben did not intimidate her, she was grateful for the support, even if it was silent support.
Kim stood there staring at the closing door. How very appropriate, Kim thought. A closed door with Ben on the other side. I bet if I open that door now, Ben would be almost to his car. In a couple of seconds he’ll be pulling away. I’m a girl now. Oh God help me, I’m a girl and I can’t get out of it
The door latched closed. The bolt caught and slammed home. To Kim, it sounded every bit the theatrical echoing bolt of a prison door slamming closed in the movies. Cindy turned, happy that the incident was over and asked happily, “Okay, whose hungry?”
At 7:16 p.m. Ben turned from the door that had just closed in his face. It was a feeling he was familiar with, but not from the Glass family. His heart sunk to new depths as he realized the one family, apart from his own, that cared anything about him, now thought he was some sort of loser too. He was tempted to knock on the door, to try to explain what had happened. But even as he tried to rehearse what he might say, he came to the understanding that the words would not come. Whatever he had done tonight was going to be with them tomorrow, possibly longer since the mask now appeared to be stuck on his friend’s face.
As he stood there trying to assess exactly what had happened beyond Tim’s physical appearance, Ben sensed something else had been altered too, something deeper in the fabric of all reality. Unexplained dread filled him. Outside the house, here on the porch he was able to feel the winds of change, even though they had already blown past their little part of the world. Baker was a different place. He didn’t need to look around to know that they had done something terrible to their lives.
Ben was the only son of Susan and Abner Ackerman. He was an only child because Susan had made up her mind, only after it was too late, not to have another child by her husband who was known as Abs to the people that loosely called him their friend.
Not that Abs wanted another child. He had not wanted the one he had.
Susan’s pregnancy had been an act of rebellion. Susan Meredith Silverberg was the youngest daughter of a prominent family of retail merchants. Willful, Susan had a wild streak and had taken up with a handsome, charismatic biker to satisfy her sense of danger. When Ira and Miare had vigorously objected to their daughter’s association with Abs, she decided to have sex with him. Ben had been conceived on a picnic table in the Smokey Mountain National Park.
At the time, Abs had been not only a member of the Tennessee Fire Riders, but its leader. He was also a major player in the Tennessee drug supply chain. When Ben was three, Abs was removed from his life. Abs was ambushed by state police at a small road side bar deep in the mountains after returning from New York City with fifty pounds of cocaine stashed in the saddle bags of his Harley. In his attempt to flea, he shot and wounded two officers, one of whom later died of his injuries.
No one was more grateful than Susan.
It wasn’t until later that Ira found out that Abs had threatened Susan that he would kill the entire Silverberg family if she ever tried to leave. It wasn’t that he loved her or even felt he possessed her.
Abs had merely seen the opportunity for inheriting part of the Silverberg legacy to claim as his own. This was the only reason Ben had lived to the ripe old age of three. Abs had understood that Susan’s relationship with her parents had been wiped away. Ben on the other hand stood to benefit. Ira and Miare had been engaged in actively trying to separate their grandson from the Ackerman’s.
The Silverberg’s would have probably won the case in the end. Abner’s known conviction record, his dealings in large amounts of narcotics and his association with known felons weighed heavily against him. But the issue never made it to court. After his conviction, Susan told all and the family was able to reconcile.
Ben had grown up fatherless, but the alternative would have been much worse for Ben. Even though Ben knew this about his father, he had always believed that his father would have come to love him eventually. Ben’s desire to be, ‘just like everybody else’ consumed him nearly every day. In the end, he just wanted to be liked. Not all that unreasonable when you think about it, but you might as well have asked Ben to jump the Grand Canyon on a Moped.
Now the Glass’s were on the other side of the peer fence along with the rest of the world.
It doesn’t matter, he tried to tell himself, you’ll have time to figure out what went wrong tomorrow and get that thing off her in the morning. What could happen between now and then anyway?
Just the same, disappointment flooded Ben’s heart. He was not angry at Kim, she was just one of the hapless victims in this scam. In a way, she’d been right in her objections on their way home from the magic shop that afternoon. It had been a scam! A huge emotional hoax meant to sucker the stupid geeks.
No, Ben was angry with the wizard. The scheme had sounded so promising too. Listen to yourself! Magic! No wonder you’re such a fuckin’ loser Ackerman.
“It could have worked! Look at what that thing did to her. The magic of the thing is real!” Ben protested, bordering on obsession in his argument with himself.
Would you have thought that if the panty, so to speak, was on the other ass?
Ben thought about Kim’s offer to let him have the mask and all her things, including her tampons, and shivered. No, Ben thought, conceding to his disappointment, I think we’ll just take the mask back after school. God only knows what it will turn me into. I think I’d rather have things the way they were.
While it wasn’t completely true, Ben did have the good sense to know the difference between what he’d lost and the value behind what he might never see anyway. Sex could still happen for him. It wasn’t as if he would turn to stone at 18 if he was still a virgin. The Glass family were the only people, apart from his mother, that had made any effort in giving him a normal life. Sex only ran a distant second to that.
Resolved that the solution to this would have to come tomorrow, at school, Ben decided it was time to head home. Defeat was, in deed, a bitter pill to swallow, especially since he had pinned all his hopes for this year on this one stunt. In the morning, then I’ll let Kirk, or whoever wants to, shove me into the deepest trashcan at school and I promise, I won’t bitch about it. Status quo mother fucker, once an asshole, always an asshole.
He turned, shoving his hands deep into his pockets to retrieve the keys to his Mustang. On first examination however, he could not find them. He looked again, but the keys were not there. “Fuck.” He muttered, his agitation only building. “They must have fallen out when I was inside. They’re probably lying on Kim’s bedroom floor.”
He lived right next door. The house belonged to his grandparents, when he was younger, they used to rent it out. He and his mother had lived there since his father had gone to prison. He could just go next door and get his spare set of keys. Or he could just leave the car parked out front. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Think again jerk-tooth. This is a new world you’re living in.
True enough. Ben recognized this was not the same universe or reality or whatever, he was used to waking up in. Leaving the car out front might just get it towed away. Hell, he probably didn’t even know half the people living around here any more. Best to move the car and be done with it.
A thought crossed his mind at that moment. His missing keys just might be the answer to their prayers. Well, Kim’s prayers anyway. Part of him still wanted a chance to convince Kim to stay as she was, just long enough to try to get her into bed. He could talk to her, unlike the other girls at school. Maybe even better, if she was anything like Tim was, he could probably talk her into almost anything at some point. All he had to do make it a condition of going back.
Ben wiped that thought from his mind the way an eraser removes an equation from a chalk board. It was a horrible idea, for more reasons than Ben wanted to acknowledge. He focused once more on the idea that had begun to develop around his missing car keys. If he could talk Mrs. Glass into letting Kim bring his keys to him while he waited in the car, they might have enough time to actually get the mask off. Perhaps it wasn’t really stuck. Mrs. Glass had been only a few steps away when they had last tried to remove it. Maybe they hadn’t been alone enough for the mask to come off.
Ben struggled with the morality of the moment. He had a girl now that was depended on him for something. In Ben’s distorted sense of the world, he could not see how girls were expected to capitulate to his desires if he had nothing to make them capitulate. Now he had one, and his inner self did not want to let that go. Still, Ben’s fear of what might lie out there, mouth open, waiting to gobble him up in a savage, blood mess frightened him more than his desires motivated him.
With the sun fading behind him to the west, Ben turned around to knock on the Glass’s front door. He had to try something. The fear of the unknown was beginning to get the better of him.
The world swam before his eyes. The white, colonial style house that he had grown up next to wavered like a mirage trapped in heat ripples rising from the pavement in summer. Ben took a step backward, afraid that perhaps the mask still on Kim’s face was once more coming to life. No longer inside the protective center where Kim was, God only knew what would become of him. “Gotta get that off her now,” he muttered.
Ben lurched for the door handle but the door evaporated. Its molecules flew apart into a thousand microscopic bits of floating sand. A hole existed in the door where his hand had passed through. The edges of the hole were loose, wavering like the rest of the world and beginning to lose their cohesive structure.
“What…” Ben began to ask, and before he could finish, he had his answer. The world around him began to dissolve. The small flecks of all things around him, trees, buildings, cars, everything, began to become detached and drift away. They were carried on some sort of unfelt solar breeze that moved them away and up into the sky.
Darkness settled around Ben. Stars in the sky mixed with the millions of particles of matter that were now drifting away out of reach greeted him. “Whoa…” Ben whispered. With his face upturned to the starry velvet Tennessee sky he watched. The reality of a moment he was not supposed to have been a part of drifted away into the nothing and the everything of the universe.
It had been light only seconds ago, sometime after 7:00 p.m. Now, all the light was gone from the sky. The sun had set instantly somehow and he was in a place he felt he should know but didn’t want to. Time had changed in the blink of an eye, he had been put someplace he was supposed to be at this time of day, on this day, in Kim’s reality! Time or something had compensated for this once he was no longer in the presence of witnesses.
“Hey, what the fuck are you staring at retard?”
The voice was harsh, lifeless and full of malevolence. That’s Turk, Run!
Ben’s legs locked, preparing to run when he realized he didn’t know anyone named Turk. Only that wasn’t quite right now was it? He felt he should know someone named Turk. In fact, it seemed desperately important, especially at that very moment.
“Didn’t you hear me talkin’ to you retard? I said, whatcha staring at up there, some sort of UF-fucking-O? A crowd of men laughed hysterically but menacingly. Footsteps clacked on the pavement somewhere behind him, getting closer. Ben wanted to look but his head would not obey the commands of his brain. Fear had frozen his neck in place. Better not to see it coming. If it’s fast, maybe I won’t feel it before everything goes black.
“I’m gonna kick the dog snot out of you this time Ackerman. No one ignores me, especially some stupid fucking retard!”
“Hey Turk, you know who won’t like that,” one of Turk’s unseen cronies called out from someplace across the street.
“Like I give a shit about that washed up old fuck,” Turk replied, the clacking of his shoes measured the closing distance between himself and Ben. Now nothing worked on Ben’s body, his legs were frozen popsicle sticks, rigid and useless. His arms trembled horribly and were sore from the tightness that was increasing by the second. He wanted to cry. Right then, he wanted to cry. From what he could see, he was no longer in his neighborhood, yet, this place, surrounded by beaten down, worn out old clapboard houses and shops with barred windows and gated doors was familiar.
It’s called home moron. Learn it, love it, live it!
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Ben’s mind chanted.
“Come here you mute bastard. Let’s make this fast, I have a fat doobie over there those Bogarts are going to suck down if I don’t make fast fucking meat of you.”
“TURK WILLIAMS!” cried an angry female voice from his side of the road. He knew that voice, and nothing had ever sounded so sweet in his life.
“Huh?” Ben could hear Turk say in bewilderment from someplace very close behind him.
“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SON!”
From across the street came cat calls and chortles that brought the blood of embarrassment to Turks normally tan face. “Ooooooooo”, “Better run Turk, here she comes.”
Angrily, Turk bent behind Ben and whispered in his ear, unseen, but still freezing Ben’s blood solid, “Next time you fucking dummy. Next time they won’t find the fucking body let alone come to save your pussy ass.”
“I SAID GET A WAY FROM HIM!” Susan screamed. She bent and picked something up off the ground and flung it in that direction, barely missing Ben, but striking Turk in the eye.
“AH,” Turk cried stumbling backward, “YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING PUT MY EYE OUT.”
“I’ll put a lot more out than that if I ever see you around him again.” Susan said angrily, closer now and with the threat diminished some, she no longer needed to scream. The men across the street now stared in dumfounded fascination. They could not see Susan in this light or the Louisville Slugger that hung by her right side.
“I’LL KILL YOU!” Turk growled in abject rage. He raised his hands above his head to grapple with her, his eye leaking blood but that was all. Sue could see and was silently grateful that she had not, in fact, put it out. Turk towered over the two of them, mother and child, like a great silver screen movie monster when Sue swept the bat backward and down, like the backswing of a golf club. With all her might she then swung the pendulum head back, out and upward.
The head of the bat caught Turk square in the crotch of his jeans. Turk uttered a muffled “Ooooffffff.” And collapsed to the street on his side in a fetal position.
Susan now stood over the prone figure in the street, “I could kill you, you fucking bastard. I could crush your head right now.” She raised the bat over her head as if to do just that as Turk tracked the bat with his one visible but bloody eye. Turk shook his head, grunting for forgiveness, his battered eye wild with fright.
On the other side of the street three of Turk’s companions lined up and prepared to rush the woman with the bat when her eye fell upon them. “Oh no you are not!” she exclaimed. She bent and scooped up the bloody projectile she had just hit Turk with and fired it at the lead rusher. The rock struck a man named Jelly in the side of the head hard enough to make him yelp and scamper off, followed closely by everyone else on the corner. With the threat gone, Susan Ackerman turned her attention back to Turk.
“You listen to me, you’re thinking that you’re going to come and get me for this, put me in my place. I’ve been through a lot more than you can put me through. You know who I’m married to, don’t you?”
Turk nodded miserably and wished that this monster would simply go away and leave him alone. If you think for a second that miserable son-of-a-bitch hasn’t taken me to school, then you need to come by for a few fucking lessons.”
She turned to Ben and her
tone changed completely. Ben was ghost white, in shock and stunned that his
mother had somehow become John Rambo since this morning. “Are you
Okay?” she asked sweetly, with all the tenderness he could have ever
remembered. “Did this bastard touch you?”
On the ground, Turk, still cupping his groin, a wet spot spreading on his jeans beneath his hands, shook his head wildly, whimpering, trying to answer the question himself.
“N… n… no Mom.” Ben finally replied. On the ground Turk practically fainted from relief.
“Let’s get you home, come on.” Susan slung her arm around Ben’s waist and led him across the street to a broken down hovel of an apartment building.
“Mom, where’s you’re car?”
“Around back, Ben, why?”
“Why is it around back?” Ben asked, his “oh fuck, sphincter pucker” factor rising steadily.
“Where else would I park it? If I try to park it on the street, someone’s going to try to steal it.”
Ben tried to sort through the confusion of everything that had just happened and was still happening. Susan was leading them to a building that look scary applying the kindest of definitions. “Mom, where are we going?” Ben didn’t want to get any closer to the building they were approaching. It was a horrible place. The windows in one of the four units were boarded up with plywood. Even still, Ben thought he could hear thumping and voices coming from inside that very unit.
“I don’t want to go in there Mom.” Ben protested, his memory beginning to kick in now. Memories that had no root in experience, and yet, he could see himself in them. His perspective was first person, he was behind the eyes of the observer in all of them. NO! This is not happening.
Tell that to your cute little girl friend you left stranded in that hot little bod.
I’m SORRY, I’m SORRY. I’LL FIX IT, BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO IN THERE. THERE ARE MONSTERS IN THERE! MONSTERS!
“Ben, what in Christ’s name is wrong with you? Have you been drinking?”
“I want to go home Mom! I just want to go home!” Ben was on the edge of near panic now, tugging away from the building where they had lived since Ben was born. Almost as if this place wasn’t the home he was referring to.
“But Ben, this is home,” Susan said, “It’s Okay, they’re gone. Turk won’t bother you again. I promise you that.”
Across the yard a man appeared at the door of the apartment where Ben was suddenly sure his mother was leading him. He wore a white tank top, dirty jeans and leather strap-side boots. A chain hung from his belt and vanished into his back left pocket. The huge arms that were folded over his massive chest were covered with tattoos, some of the professionally drawn, others, were clearly prison tattoos. They twisted down the man’s arms to the wrists and covered his chest where exposed. Ben could imagine this man’s entire torso covered with these odd, grotesque objects D’art. The man’s face was weathered and aged from sun, alcohol and drugs. He looked much older than Ben knew he was. The jaw was covered with a thick graying beard. Above this, his eyes were set in narrow, intense slits of distaste.
“Oh no,” Ben whispered. “No please… not him. He’s in jail.”
“Ben, quiet.” Susan said between gritted teeth shaking him slightly to get her point across. “Don’t piss him off again, please.” Ben jerked and pulled wildly to escape, but Susan held him fast, still trying to sooth him. Deep down, Ben had always dreamt that his father might one day accept him, take him in and be a father. Abs was, after all the only father he’d ever have. It was natural to want this.
Ben could see now there was nothing natural about Abs Ackerman. The man was a freak. Now, he no longer wanted his father to accept him. He didn’t want to give his father a chance to like him. It wasn’t going to happen. Not ever! Ben knew this because Ben now remembered a very different past, one where his father had been with them all his life.
“Come here boy!” Abs shouted in his deep, gravelly voice. Ben was horror stricken. He was not fast enough to outrun this mountain, nor was he strong enough to fight him off. “I SAID COME HERE!” Abs bellowed. This time it was Ben’s turn to wet his pants.
“Abs, stop it, please.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Ben’s father said meeting them at the street. He pushed Susan aside, took Ben by the arm and marched him back into their apartment with Susan hot on their heels, begging for leniency.
The screaming started at 9:17 p.m.
No one in the neighborhood had the courage to called the police.
“Okay, who’s hungry?” Cindy said cheerfully after closing the door on Kim’s only route home.
Kim turned ashen. Gone... Ben’s gone... I’m not getting out of this. I’m Kimberly Glass for real. Kim began to hyperventilate. Her mother turned in time to see Kim sway on her feet. Her complexion, which was already pale (the family referred to her complexion as ‘soft’), was now absolutely white.
“I’m a girl!” Kim blurted out.
Cindy stood, one arm slung over Kim’s back, rubbing her back for comfort. Cindy’s face clouded with confusion at the odd statement, “Yes Hon,” Cindy replied softly, almost flatly, “you were born a girl. You’ve been one for a while now.”
It started low in Kim’s belly. If you could have asked her to describe it, she might have said it felt a bit the way one might imagine a large Victorian machine might sound like when it failed. One of those large Orwellian monstrosities, with great brass gears and shiny steel cogs and flywheels, leather drive belts and brightly painted parts; all spinning in magnificent, scientific unison, humming to some higher mechanical heart beat. When all at once, you might feel a Thud or hear a gear crack with a subtle metallic TINK and know that something in the belly of the beast was no longer quite on. The timing of the great beast had changed and while you couldn’t hear it yet, you could still sense that something had gone disastrously askew.
This is how that heavy feeling of doom settled into her body. We’ve all known it at one time or another in our lives. For some it comes with a phone call at 2:00 am where there should be only restful sleep. For still others, we find it on that odd morning with that peculiar silence from once talkative and friendly coworkers. We may not always know what it is, but we know that it’s there just the same.
Tonight Kim felt a mild Flip deep inside her, near body parts she didn’t want to think about having. Something rumbled inside her or perhaps it was more of a gurgle, we may never know. What she did know however is something else that all of us known at one point or another. We’ve all experienced it, but just the same, its birth is dreadful and almost always takes us by surprise when it comes to life.
It came to Kim, this idea, in a moment of such crystal clarity, it struck her that this was how Einstein had come to the knowledge that the theory of relativity would actually work. He must have known all at once and absolutely, without doubt, before the first calculation was even conceived. She understood above all other things that only one certainty lay in her future. This thing was going to happen with savage, pre-determined single-mindedness, just as the people of the earth could count on the sun rising in the morning.
No, it was not death or taxes. Neither would have been much of a surprise at the moment, though Kim found herself wishing desperately for the former. And while death couldn’t be stopped, it could be forestalled and taxes differed. There was nothing that could stop this particular out of control locomotive from barreling its way into her future.
It was the undeniable certainty that… I’m gonna ralph!
Cindy turned to talk to her about Ben and the incident up in her room. Kim could see she was not pleased but for some reason could not find the motivation to care. The young teen surprised herself by issuing horribly wretched belch. The surprise and revulsion appropriate to such an atrocity was well reflected on her face afterward.
The vapors however, to which Kim was thankfully immune, caused her mother’s eyes to water and her brother’s nostrils to begin to smoke. “Aw,” Robert cried. His brain temporarily short circuited and became unable to communicate beyond an occasional grunt or whine. He shook his head instinctively trying to find breathable air while his crippled brain tried to work out the details of an escape route. But he found escape was blocked by his sister and a growing toxic cloud. He was trapped between the closed door in the foyer and his family.
“Kimberly?” Cindy said wiping her eyes so she could see.
“Uhhhhhhh,” Kim moaned clutching her mouth with one hand and folding her other arm around her stomach. “Sick!” she uttered from behind her hand and broke her mother’s grip and dashed for the half bathroom just six paces away. Kim vanished through the open door of the lower floor’s half-bath. The sound of retching was loud and clear from the open door way.
Kim’s thoughts were a parade of images and fears that were stacked up one behind the other in a great queue waiting to greet their new Queen. The first of these thoughts came to her as she hurled the contents of her stomach into the bowl she knelt before. That’s pizza! Funny, I don’t remember eating that! she thought, looking into the bowl between flashes, I must have had pizza this afternoon. It’s almost like she’s been living in the background waiting for me to come and fill her up.
Soundlessly, her mother appeared at the open door of the bathroom. Cindy knelt behind her daughter and gently stroked her back and soothed her. “It’s Okay, Baby... let it out,” she cooed to her daughter in that way that mother’s do when their children are sick. Kim began to cry from not only the force of each convulsive retch, but also from the taste, smell and just plain embarrassment of doing this in front of people she felt she no longer knew. Somewhere in what was still Tim’s memory was the idea that girls don’t throw up. Yeah, whatever, her mind told her, they don’t fart either... wake up and smell the vomit. You’re still human aren’t you? Not some mythical enchanted beast.
When at last Kim seemed empty she collapsed against the wall in the narrow half bath. She rested the side of her face on the cold tiles on the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to float back to the life she had been born to. Instead her mind filled with a memory from Kim’s life or what she would come to know as a ‘Kimmeory’. It was a time when she had been a little girl of five or six. God, I can remember when I was a little girl... Oh God, help me... I don’t want to remember this.
She had been sailing with her family on vacation in Crescent Beach, Florida, when Bobby decided to toss the boat’s large heavy anchor over the side for kicks. Kim had been sitting on the port rail, her foot nestled snugly in the coil of rope the anchor was attached to. As the anchor descended, the rope had tightened around her foot and had dragged her over the side. In just a few seconds she was in over thirty feet of water. It had been her father that had dove in to rescue her. Now, weary from being sick, much as she had been after being rescued, she could still feel the safety and security of being carried off the boat after making port at the marina. She could remember she had been still shaking and upset, but safe in her father’s strong and loving arms. How she had screamed and clung to his neck when the ambulance attendant had tried to take her from him.
Kim wept where she sat. She cried soft and slow tears. Even here she knew she missed her father. He was not with them in their house. Even with this indignity, being forced into the body of a female counterpart, she did not have her father with her.
Well, we seem to have something in common after all! She thought on Tim’s behalf.
At the door, somewhat recovered, Robert poked his head in the door, “You want some water Kim?” Robert asked trying now to be supportive. Kim just shook her head no. “Is there something I can do then?”
Yeah, make me your... she had wanted to finish that thought with baby brother again, the concept of the thought was there, she could recognize it, just not formulate the thought into words. It seemed that as long as she was female, she would be unable to acknowledge anything to the contrary. So she shook her head again. No one could help her right now. She was trapped in this reality until tomorrow when they could get together and could Ben take this stupid mask from her face.
The unspoken possibilities sparked a whole new round of retching again, but this time there was nothing left to come up and poor Kim was left dry heaving over the bowl. Robert fled the sounds of his sister flashing and returned a moment later with a cold glass of ginger ale.
Once again, sitting on the floor, Kim this time took the drink gratefully and sipped it. Cindy had gathered a wet washcloth and was dabbing her forehead when she finally spoke. “Maybe you’d better stay home tomorrow,” and at first Kim nodded her agreement grateful that she could count on tomorrow as a day of rest. Then suddenly her eyes snapped open and she began to protest.
“NO!” she practically shouted. “I... I can’t stay home.”
“Kim?”
“Mom... I have to go to school tomorrow.” Kim acted as if someone had told her she was going to be handed over to Child Welfare Services in the morning.
“Honey, you’re sick. Don’t you think it―” Cindy started but Kim cut her off.
“No I don’t! I want to go to school tomorrow?” insisted Kim.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. If you’re coming down with something, then I think I would rather have you at home.
“Mom!”
“Think about it Kim, first that weird headache, now vomiting. No, I think we may even plan a trip to the doctor, make sure everything is Okay.” Robert rolled his eyes, but only because his mother couldn’t see him do it. Kim did however and understood immediately her mother was over-reacting. This is what she does with me. I’m the one she wanted all along, a girl, a daughter. With that realization she also understood that she was the kind of kid that had been prone to getting hurt. Cindy was fiercely protective of her. Great, wonderful, that should make getting out of here a whole lot easier. I’m screwed.
I can take the day off tomorrow, and I can watch over you and make you peanut butter and banana sandwiches with the crust cut off, just like I used to.” Kim’s mind reeled. If she stayed at home her opportunity to get free of this girls body would be lost for another day, maybe until following the weekend.
Kim started to get up and it was Cindy that placed a hand on her arm and eased her back down. “Kim, I’m worried about you. You’ve been acting very strange tonight. I want you to stay home tomorrow. You can lie in bed all day, snuggle up with your bears and get as much sleep as you need.”
She was now becoming a prisoner of circumstance. Not going to school tomorrow meant her access to Ben and her only means of return were once again beyond her reach.
Hold on girlfriend, relax, Kim reassured herself, He’s right next door remember, so what if you have to wait a few extra hours? That was the thing though. Because she and Ben had not thought this through, she was trapped as Kim Glass for the night when she didn’t want to be. She felt sure it would be one thing to sleep through the night in this body, if I can sleep at all her conscious self added. It would be yet an entirely different thing to have to spend seven or eight hours like this wide awake with her engine running.
This however didn’t seem to be the greatest cause of concern, yet she couldn’t quite put her finger on exactly what it was she should be so worried about. Not knowing why however, did nothing to allay the idea that she should be frightened, very frightened.
Don’t stop insisting! Get to school and get out of this, do it! Her brain urged her unceasingly. But when she consciously sought the answer as to why, all she received in return was ignorant silence and that same empty sense of urgency.
Vagueness shrouded her mind. Her recollections seemed… Blended with experiences she could no longer identify as genuine or imagined. Things she felt she should know fell under a long black shadow of doubt. Places she’d seen, things she knew she’d done felt ambiguous or altogether lost completely. Kim felt the first inkling of the dread Ben had felt after the door had closed on him. There’s more to this than just me. I’m not the only thing that’s changed am I?
There was no definitive answer forthcoming. The truth was, she didn’t know.
She could see bits and pieces of her past as Kim, but not all of it, not all at once. Not like before as Tim where she could recall it all at will if she had wanted to. Like the memory of her overboard excursion, it had come only with a link, a bridge if you will, something that helped her put it in context with something else. Worse, Kim sensed there were great gaps in the information, pieces that would require some other association to bring it all back to her.
It was entirely possible Ben’s previous life had changed as well. Perhaps that was what was so gray about that thought. A very small span of that gap was filled by the very act of exploring that gray field. It came to her in a weak and incomplete news flash.
Ben doesn’t have a car. There was more there, but she couldn’t bring it out into the light to look at it. Whatever was there however was worrisome. Kim hoped they wouldn’t need Ben’s missing transportation, or that the Kimmory was a false one. If it turned out they would need it, especially to get this thing off her, then they were essentially screwed.
Kim dismissed the issue of Ben’s car. If she was able to get to school, they might not need it. If it wasn’t there now, it would miraculously be so again after their worlds shifted back on whatever axis they had been jerked out of. Either way, Kim could not fix that problem without Ben. He was the cornerstone of all things now. The fucking sun and planets orbited Ben as far as she was concerned.
The more she thought, the more overpoweringly complex the scenarios became until she felt she could no longer withstand the deviating pressure of the gloom that followed with them.
She felt she was slowly being isolated from the one person that could change her back. All the doors that had once stood open when she had been Tim, were rapidly closing behind in the back draft of a double standard. Even if she was forced to wait until afternoon when Ben returned from school, Ben would clearly need something that would make him want to remove the mask. Kim had no idea what kind of an incentive plan she could offer that would keep her dignity, her piece of mind and anything else she had, intact.
His assertion that the mask had become stuck was a clear indication of Ben’s true intent as far as she was concerned. She refused to believe this claim for obvious reasons. For Kim, it was inconceivable that Ben had not been able to remove the mask. It had to be a ploy on Ben’s part to keep her as she was a prisoner, dependent on Ben for release. Had this been what the old man was talking about when he suggested she was the more responsible of the two? Was possible though, that Ben was lying? Would he attempt to extort her into doing something she didn’t want to do in exchange for being released.
Part of this belief lie in her understanding of what motivated Ben. Consequently, there was hope. Kim was well versed in spotting an Ackerman lie. She’d seen them thousands of times before. Initially, Ben had been lying. Toward the end though, he had seemed as puzzled as she could ever remember having seen him.
And therein lie the brick wall her reasoning kept smashing into. Part of her refusal to believe was also the belief that it couldn’t be that simple to have everything taken away, replaced. One stupid, seemingly innocent mistake and she found herself in a house of strangers who thought she was someone she wasn’t. Please, please, please, that can’t be true.
Ben wanted sex. He wanted it more than he wanted to breathe. In the back of her mind she couldn’t help thinking that Ben saw her as an opportunity and not a friend. If this were the case, then he could conceivably refuse to take the mask off until she rewarded him. If he were able to force her into that, why should he ever take the mask off? Until an endless string of demands were met?
Kim clutched her head to try to stop the cyclonic spinning of thoughts in her brain. All of that was simply speculation. She had no reason to believe this was some sort of cosmic conspiracy to permanently keep her here as Kim.
School would offer her one advantage over all these things. In that environment Ben’s mind set would be, not on his pride or his desire, but mired in a logical framework. Years of making the transition from the outside world to the academic environment had become engrained habit. The foundation of which was virtually unshakeable. When Ben walked onto the campus grounds of school, the logic switch came on and he became a critical thinker. He could not stop that from happening. She needed that advantage now.
With that in mind, Kim pressed the issue, desperate to leave her female counterpart’s life and get her old one back, “Please Mom, I have to...”
“Tell me why then Kim.” Her mother’s tone had changed from understanding to inquisitive.
If this isn’t the most bas-ackwards thing, I want to go to school and Mom ISN’T LETTING ME! Kim opened her mouth to explain why. The word, “I―”, fell out and then her mouth snapped it shut again. There wasn’t a reason, not one, her mother would ever understand anyway. FUCK! She screamed silently to herself. “I just want to go.”
“Kim, you haven’t WANTED to go to school since that time you had a crush on Tommy Watson. Kim almost recoiled in horror. Holy shit, where’d that bridge come from? There it was again, a link, a bridge to yet another memory from Kim’s past. It was as bright and shiny as the day it had been made, in focus and large as life. She could remember Tommy. She had gone to school with Tom in the sixth grade and he had been the first boy she had ever wondered about how he might look naked…
Kim flinched as the idea popped into her head. Her arms too jerked to ward off the vile thought, NO! NO! I don’t want to hear that... I can’t see it either, I don’t want to see that, Na Na Na Na Na Naaaaaaaa I’m not listening... I’m not listening to that!
“Kim,” Cindy said softly, “I want you to tell me the truth now,” Kim looked at her with large frightened blue eyes. “Are you taking drugs?”
“No.” Kim answered in a matter of fact way, and then the surprise of the accusation hit her. She did a double take at her mother, her face crinkled into a mask of shock and disgust, and she insisted, “NO!” She waited for a sign on her mother’s face, and then looked to her brother who was still there at the doorway, now with a look of deep anger and concern on his face. “I’m telling you,” she insisted, “I’m not taking drugs...”
“Kimmy,” Robert said in his authority way, “If I catch you doing something like that...”
“Bobby... I’m not!”
“I won’t stand for that Kim...” Robert emphasized sternly, like a parent.
“Robert!” Cindy said, “I can handle this. It isn’t your problem. I’m the parent here, remember?”
“She’s my sister isn’t she?” Robert bellowed with overprotective, brotherly bravado.
“Yes, and I’m her mother and I think this is what parents are supposed to do. So if you please Robert.”
“Okay, but I swear, if I catch her with as much as a joi―”
“Robert Lee!” Cindy finally barked, reaching the limit of her patience with her son.
“Fine… whatever,” her brother said sulking and walked off someplace where Kim could no longer see him.
Kim turned her attention back to the more pressing situation, “Mom,” Kim protested, “It’s not a problem at all. I’m not taking drugs... I’m just having a very unusual day. All I want to do is go to school, my friends are there. I would have thought you’d be happy about my WANTING to go.”
“I think I would have been happier to see you want to go when you weren’t acting so strangely Kim.” Kim did her best to remain calm. Her own panicked behavior was part of the reason her mother wanted more control of her. That much was clear, but why? Before putting this mask on, she had been able to do and go pretty much anywhere that she pleased.
She seemed to be at an impasse in her resistance and she knew she was close to being restricted to the house. If she pressed her mother much harder, then it would become a reality and she WOULD be trapped like this perhaps until next week. As it stood now, that outcome was only a possibility.
The thing to do now was to act as Kim was expected to act, as they had come to know their daughter and sister, disarm them. That meant settling in to Kim’s life as Kimberly. There was nothing she could do otherwise. As long as she was locked in Kim’s body, that’s who she was. Kim drew in a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh and began the dance, “If you want me to stay home tomorrow, then I guess I will. I don’t want to, but I don’t seem to have much choice in it.”
“Now you want to stay home?” Cindy said.
“Oh Mom... please! Do you want me to stay home or not? I’ll do whatever you want.” Kim groaned.
Cindy was now completely confused if not a bit skeptical, “You’re sure you’re Okay?”
“Well, I don’t feel like eating supper if that’s Okay with you. But otherwise, I guess I feel alright.” Kim admitted.
Cindy looked at Kim who stared back and shook her head.
Robert reappeared, sticking his face in around the jamb of the door. His large, goofy grin had always made Tim smile. The current situation, it seemed, had done nothing to alter that for Kim. She was glad that his feelings didn’t appear to be hurt from the admonishment her mother had given him only moments ago. “Hi.” She said with the first genuine smile she had worn since becoming Kim.
“Hi yourself; how-ya-doin?” He asked as if it were one word.
“Sa-right,” she answered in a fake, feminine, Latino voice and then giggled at her own impression. “I feel much better really. I guess the lunchroom pizza was bad today.”
“You didn’t?” Robert asked.
Kim pointed to the bowl, “Have a look for your self.”
“No thanks,” he said grimacing, “Tell me, was it green when they served it?” Robert asked.
“Ewe….” Kim squealed and frowned.
“Should have warned ya,” he said, “That stuff was bad yesterday, it’ll be bad tomorrow, next year, next decade.”
Cindy cringed at the mental image. Trying to change the subject, she turned to Kim and asked, “If you’re feeling all right in the morning then you can go to school, how’s that?”
“It’s your call Mom. I think I would just like to go to bed right now, if that’s Okay?” Life was moving on now, dragging her with it whether she wanted to go or not. Kim stuck out her hand, “Help me up?” she asked, and Robert pulled her up effortlessly.
“Thanks Bobby.” Robert grinned a soft loving grin and then enveloped Kim in his huge arms. He squeezed tightly cutting off Kim’s ability to draw air in for only a moment and then released her.
“Sleep well Kimmy.” Kim smiled a genuine smile borne of love. She thought to herself, I bet I don’t have much to worry about with Bobby standing guard over me. Not much freedom in that, but there’s a truckload of security. It made her feel unbelievably good in this uncertain time. She made a mental note that when she returned to her real life, to try to remember how that felt.
Cindy leaned into her, bent at the waist and hugged Kim’s neck. “Night Baby...”
“Night Mom,” Kim offered, hugging back. She could feel the eyes of her family on her as she trudged up the stairs. They were familiar people, but were they really her family? She reasoned that, no, they were not, mostly because she was not supposed to be here, not like this. Being born Kimberly had changed them some time ago. Her birth as a girl had influenced who they had become at this point in time. They were not the people she had once known as Tim. They never would be. They were, in essence, familiar strangers.
She turned the corner at the upstairs landing and caught them both, looking up after her as she did. She waived; appearing to be casual about it, said, “ga-night,” one more time and was around the corner. Once out of sight, she did the one thing she had not been able to do since all this happened. She broke down.
She got as close to the door to her bedroom as her legs would carry her until the blackness and weight of uncertainty finally pushed her to the ground. She was only inches from her door way. She covered her mouth to keep the sobs of fear strangled within her chest. The tears came harsh and salty; stinging her eyes and now, with all this emotion out, the true terror could grip her.
She kneeled, her right hand on the guardrail of the landing. Her body convulsed with the force of the sobs. Kim’s mind turned to Ben and what he had done to her. She agonized over why Ben had left her like this. Surely he must understand this is not what she wanted. Everything the old man had told them had been true, God damn him. He had been less than completely honest about what would happen when the mask was put on. The mask had done more than make her appear to someone different! However, the magic had been real enough, that was for sure. She was a living testament to that fact.
The notion that she may have lost everything in the misadventure of a single moment caused her to reel. What if that were true? What if she were stuck, stuck for all time! Destined to be a girl, a woman, a wife, a mother?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, her mind lashed out at her. You have not done this to me… Tell me you have not fucked my entire life over some kind of stupid magic trick, you stupid mother-fucker, you stupid BITCH! Don’t you dare tell me that I’m stuck like this? Because I’ll fucking kill myself if that’s the case.
She bent completely over with sorrow in to a ball on the floor and put her forehead on the floor and shook and silently wept.
When the first of many of these waves of grief and fear passed, she knelt there in the short hallway between the bedrooms of the house feeling sorry for herself. The “what ifs” started running through her mind, increasing the level of her anxiety. What if Ben couldn’t take it off now? The thought tortured her. She had been so close to backing out of this. She had never trusted the old man and his claims about magic. She had felt something else was at the core of his insistence. But how could she have known that something like this would happen.
She kept trying to send her mind backward in time, to grasp the moment of decision and change it, to warn herself as Tim to run, to throw the mask in the trash compactor, to slam it onto Ben’s face instead and hold him hostage for a while. With each passing second she could feel herself floating further from that moment in time, a drift on a raft christened Kimberly.
Surly something like this had to have some sort of safety control to it. Some sort of dead-man switch in case the engineer died of a heart attack with the throttle open. If Ben wasn’t around or, as Ben claimed now, what if he lost control over the mask? That couldn’t mean that she was simply trapped would it? Nothing that dangerous could be sold to the general public. There were regulations, safeguards, there was the Good Housekeeping Seal of America for Christ’s sake! You can’t just go around changing teenage boys to teenage girls without a way to change them back! Who would make something that treacherous? Nothing is made now-a-days without safety releases and built in redundant systems in case of emergency, right? What if Ben got hit by a bus, surely she wouldn’t have to pay the price of that mistake with what her life had once been, would she?
That might be true with machinery... but ask yourself one question...
“No.” Kim mumbled weakly.
Okay then, I’ll ask. Her mind responded, Have you ever heard of anything like this before? Did you have any expectation that this would really turn out to be real? And if you’re not convinced, then why not drop those cute flower embroidered jeans and take a peek and see? This mess you’re in doesn’t conform to normal life experience, boys becoming girls... come on Kim, what makes you think for a second that the rules have to conform to the rules of normal life? Haven’t those already flown out the window?
Kim’s stomach began to roll once more with dread of the idea that now, based on what had just happened outside, she might have to live the rest of her life like this. Kim placed her hand on her stomach to try to settle the rebellion that was taking place in her body. It didn’t help, as she knelt, one hand on the floor and one on her stomach she could feel the weight of her breasts as gravity pulled on them and the restraint against gravity the bra she wore offered. That was real. Her slight frame, the hair hanging past her face, those things were real. The absolute knowledge that she had experienced the bits and pieces of a past she could not quite put together were REAL! Soon, all the memories would return in vivid living Technicolor as they used to say. She didn’t have to look beneath the clothing to understand that, in this world, she had inherited more from her mother than her father.
Her mind turned helplessly to what she could have done to have prevented this from happening. It was an exercise in futility she couldn’t help engage in. But her mind groped for a way to the past, a way to prevent the present from becoming what it had. But it was done. All visages of who she had been before were gone from everyone’s memory except Ben’s and her own. “Shit like this just doesn’t happen,” she muttered in an unfamiliar voice. Whispering low she said, “Just wake up― it’s all a bad dream, you’re not...” she struggled to say, ‘Not a girl.’ What came out was “... not a boy.” She moaned a deep low groan in her lungs, a moan that was the signature of someone suffering in the mind.
Kim groaned again, finally pulling herself into her room. Panic gripped her heart anew with the overwhelming enormity of what had happened. The icons of teenage girlhood surrounded her here. Tim’s prized chemistry set and her volume of ‘Fox Fire’ books were nowhere to be found. There had once been boxes of comic books stacked on wall near her bed and a scattered collection of video games on the floor beneath her T.V. All of these were now gone. This included Tim’s television, a stereo had taken its place.
She stomped her feet on the floor several times in frustration, her fists clinched, teeth grinding, hoping beyond hope that pure desire would counteract the “magic”. Her body was unconsciously trying to burn off the excess adrenaline flooding her system. This tantrum changed nothing however and that only fueled her panic more.
On the heels of her admission was the knowledge that what she wanted or didn’t want was no longer relevant. She was stuck in the reality where she WAS a girl, where everyone knew her as a girl and where she had always been a girl. Her face began to become numb as she tried once more to rip the mask from her face.
“Kim,” it was her mother, probably at the foot of the stairs, “You Okay?”
CRAP! They heard me. She took just a second to suck up her fear, then answered, “Yeah, why?”
“Sounds like a herd of elephants stomping around up there.” Cindy called up.
Oh crap. Just leave me alone whoever you are! Let me be mad, let me be afraid for God’s sake, but don’t ask me to just step in your daughter’s shoes like it’s my fucking job!
That was what she wanted to scream down the stairs. The temptation was almost irresistible. The words wouldn’t have come, even if she’d let go with a tirade. It would have come out as gibberish. Instead, what she said was, “Gee thanks. Are you saying that you think I’m fat!”
“Oh for goodness sake,” Kim could hear her mother mutter exasperatedly as she returned to where she’d come from. “Go to bed Kim.”
Defeated, she could only circle her limited reality inside the confines of a much different mind than the one she had recently traded in. She could not help brooding on the changes, on the possibilities. She had no answers except one. She could not change this by herself. If it ended up just her, then the game was over and Tim had ceased to exist unexpectedly.
What she desired now was something to clutch. Perhaps it would distract her, keep her from thinking about the unanswered questions. Her eyes wandered over Kim’s collection of Teddy Bears. She chose a glittery white bear, reached out and pulled it close and enfolded it in her long delicate arms. Kim buried her face in the bear’s belly and wept loudly, letting the bear’s ticking muffle her cries.
As she cried she would intermittently struggle with her face to get the unseen mask off. These attempts would only end in frustration and pillow-muffled screeches of anguish with each failed attempt. Still, she could not resist try after try. Failure after failure only enforced the feeling of being entombed she desperately wanted to be free of. The scene was not unlike that of an animal that might chew its own limb off out of desperation to be liberated.
Some minutes later, the sobs were starting to subside a little. Her face felt hot and itchy and she was certain that her eyes were puffy. She couldn’t let anyone see her like this. That would only raise more questions. Kim understood she had to maintain a semblance of normalcy as her mother understood it (whatever that meant to her) while she was here.
She didn’t want anyone coming up here on the off chance that her mother or Bobby might come and check up on her and see her this way. She decided to retreat to the bathroom for a short while, pretend she was ‘indisposed’, and do what she could to straighten out her appearance.
Not long after she closed and locked the door, she heard Robert calling her from somewhere in her room. “Kimmy?”
She acknowledged that person this was her brother, but he was acting so damned sappy around her. It almost wanted to make her gag with revulsion. “Yeah Bobby, I’m in here.”
“Oh, sorry.” He said sounding startled and genuinely embarrassed. Girls don’t use the bathroom on this planet Bobby? Relax... I’m your ever loving baby sister remember? Just one big happy family. I wonder just how different life for you is, living in a life-raft in the middle of the estrogen sea O’ brother of mine?
“Naw... it’s Okay. Just takin’ a crap!” she lied and almost silently giggled herself aneurism.
“That’s gross Kimmy.” Robert sounded truly disgusted at that idea. She could just imagine her brother on the other side of the door, helplessly trying to fend off the mental image of his sister taking a dump that must have popped into his head. I guess girls don’t use the bathroom here. That’s gonna be uncomfortable.
“Sorry, I was just kidding,” she said helping him off the etiquette hook. “Say, why are you skulking about in my room?”
“I’m not skulking... shit Kimmy. I was just bringing you another ginger-ale and a little dessert... if you wanted it.”
She instantly felt bad, but not bad enough to keep from acting on a perfectly evil idea. “I’m sorry Bobby. I’m just not feeling like myself tonight. Thanks for thinking about me. I’d give you a hug... but... whew... I can’t reach the fan switch and it’s pretty stinky in here.”
“KIM!” Robert barked, alarmed. “That’s gross! Stop it please...” Bobby, cried sounding completely aghast.
She had to cover her mouth to help stifle the gale of giggles. She pressed her legs together and bent at the waist, flexing her knees to prevent an accident. Finally when she got the giggles under control she couldn’t help but press it joke just a little further, “Okay, fine. I’m opening the door.”
“Nooooooo!” Robert yelled, but there was humor in his voice this time and that was comforting. She could hear him running out of the room laughing the whole way. Just the sight of it made her giggle again. She didn’t dare wait any longer to relieve herself. For a frightening few minutes she thought she would not be able to get out of her jeans in time to use the toilet. She tried to unzip them but there was no zipper on the front, only a suede string that was permanently tied to the lacings. There appeared to be no way to open them and they were too tight and too narrow at the waist to slide over her flared hips. T hen her hands found something on the back, a zipper tab and button on the waistband and she managed to unzip the back fighting now, to keep from peeing too soon.
Once she got her pants pulled down, Kim’s instinct kicked in and she spun and squatted. Realizing too late that the seat was still up she fell halfway in before she was able to stop herself. Her skinny frame not was nearly wide enough to seat the bowl and she squealed as her cheeks just dipped just below the waterline. The cold of the toilet water set her own water works into motion and she was helpless to do anything but hold herself up by the sides of the bowl until she finished.
The dampness on her backside afterward was a distasteful sensation and she had to stand partially hang her fanny over the bowl until she could get some paper with which to wipe.
She thought of all the times she’d left the seat up in the night, and the fitful crabbing she’d endured as Tim from his mother about the seat being left down. She muttered, “If all this was just so I could appreciate that Mom needs the seat down, then fine, I get it...” she mumbled as she dabbed herself dry. “I hope Bobby’s been better trained. That sucked!”
Gross! She felt dirty, physically dirty. Once dry enough to avoid dripping she stepped from the puddle of her clothing piled around her legs, grabbed a wash cloth and some soap and began to delicately sponge herself clean. Consumed by this, she didn’t once take time to appraise her assets.
When she stood to pull up her underwear and jeans however, she was halted by the image across the bathroom reflected in the mirror. “Jesus...” she whispered in a small girlish voice as she approached the mirror. In an almost dream like state, she moved slowly to the reflection of herself. She reached out with her right hand, as if to touch the two dimensional image to confirm its existence. At the last second she let her arm drop by her side.
There, the half-nude image of a young girl; slim but well proportioned for her size, greeted her eyes. She was maybe a little over five feet tall. Her hair was a little longer than shoulder length and beautifully wavy. The color was incredible and matched that of her eyebrows, and she realized the platinum color was natural.
A Kimmory bridge appeared before her mind’s eye and she traversed its span. My hair is always this light, except in the winter when it gets just a shade darker. That’s because I’m missing just a little pigment in my body. I can’t stay in the sun too long in summer until I get a good tan going. There was that time we all went to the beach and I burned so badly when I was seven. That’s when we found out…
* FLASH *
The image of the moment came to life all at once, full and complete. This was a disturbing first for her. She could now see part of Kim’s life as Kim had lived it, through her eyes, standing just behind the vision, an integrated participant. It was her memory now and she knew with dreadful certainty she would never be able to scower it from her mind as long as she remained Kimberly. The power of the memory damn near rocked her off her feet.
She could still remember the smell of the beach with the faint hint of salt, the occasional dead fish, suntan oil and sun heated coco butter slathered bodies. Before her, mild surf crashed gently on the sand and she had been able to see first the sea retreat from the shore and then the water the sand absorbed retreat. It had left a surface as smooth as virgin peanut butter, firm and fresh. When she had scored it with her foot, it had left a flawlessly crisp impression behind.
Fascinated, that is where she had staked a claim to her section of beach.
It had not taken long to roast under the hot Florida sun. She could clearly remember being burned, but not until it was far too late to do anything about it. In years past, her mother had always insisted she wear a shirt over her suit. That year had been different. All of the other girls on the beach had bikinis. She was older now and she had wanted nothing more than to be like other girls. It had been bad enough having to wear a one-piece. She had refused to wear anything over it. She felt like a big enough dork as it was.
The sun had felt good and Kim had loved the feel of its deceptively gentle morning warmth on her back and shoulders, until her shoulders had started to itch madly. When she scratched them, the blisters that had boiled up on them as she sat in the sand playing had burst.
No one had noticed... they had only been there for only a little longer than an hour or so. Her father raced to her when he heard the crying thinking she’d perhaps been pinched by a crab or bitten by a sand flea. But he’d been shocked to see that her shoulders had turned as red as a boiled lobster, her father had wrapped her in a blanket and charged for the car to get his daughter out of the sun. That spelled the end of her day at the beach. The rest of her vacation had been spent in the hospital and at home two days later with sun poisoning.
After several follow up visits, the Doctor had called the family to schedule an appointment to discuss the results of tests taken in the weeks prior to find out why she had burned so severely in such a short period of time.
“I don’t want to go to the doctor!” She was remembering a conversation she’d had with her father about that very visit. Kim could remember the sweet little girl’s voice as if she had spoken the words herself.
“Don’t worry cupcake, they just want to talk to us about what happened at the beach. That’s all.” This was the voice of a man she saw so clearly that it was almost enough to start the tears flowing again.
Her father looked the same as he had in her life as Tim, but her memory of that moment, of him at that time was so different than anything she had ever experienced before.
She could remember being in awe of this handsome man as he drove their car to the family doctor’s office. She sat next to him, so small... and she loved him so much that powerful emotions threatened to sweep her away.
If he said all the doctor would do is talk, she believed him unconditionally. Still, the fear of pain, of an injection forced her to ask the one question most children her age must ask.
“Is he going to give me a shot?”
“I don’t think so cupcake. But if he thinks he needs to, what do we do? Do you remember?”
Little Kimberly smiled a scared smile, “Just hold on to you as hard as I can.”
“And?” her father asked.
“And... it will only hurt for a second.” Kim answered doubtfully. “But I still don’t want him to give me a shot.”
“I’ll tell him that sweetie. Okay?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
Then another Kimmory rocked her, different, but inexorably connected to the first.
*FLASH *
The doctor had helped Kim up onto an examination table. Kim had eyed her father worriedly expecting the doctor to magically produce a syringe from his sleeve, like some malevolent magic trick. Instead he began speaking, “Well Mr. Glass... the tests we conducted over the last few days has revealed a very small problem in your daughter’s ability to produce melanin.”
“Produce melons?” Kim had seen the doctor almost laugh at her father’s question, but didn’t really understand why. “What’s that supposed to mean?” her father had asked. Kim had nodded her agreement with the question. She felt little risk of an injection from such a question so she agreed.
“Mel ·a ·nin“ The doctor pronounced carefully. He took his glasses off, closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. “In laymen’s terms she’s suffering from a slight lack of pigmentation. It’s the substance produced by the skin that allows exposure to the sun’s rays without burning. Now, a girl Kim’s age would probably have burned anyway without a good sunscreen of some sort. And girls tend to burn more readily than boys do, softer skin.” The Doctor added. “But the fact that Kim burned as badly as she did with sunscreen applied is worrisome. I suggest that she remain covered in some way when she’s out in the sun. T-shirt, light pants and some good strong sun block. It won’t mean she can’t have bare arms and legs outside, but you should limit her exposure until her skin can produce enough melanin in the course of a season to prevent most of the burning. Even then, there’s going to be some risk for a serious burn I’m afraid and an elevated risk of skin cancer. The good news is that it hasn’t seemed to have affected her eyesight. ”
Her father had looked at Kim concerned about what she might be thinking at the mention of the big “C”. Kim had not really understood the words “elevated risk” and had mostly dismissed what the doctor had said. So Tom had pressed the next nagging question. “Are you telling me she’s an albino?” Her father asked.
“A rhino?” Kim had asked terrified. She had not wanted to become some ugly spike nosed creature.
Tom had smiled in spite of her concern, “No Baby, Albino. Don’t worry about it,” He had said, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand, “I’ll explain on the way home.”
“No, not a true albino,” The doctor responded, “I estimate there’s only about a 15 to 25% degradation of melanin production. It’s hard to say though, because everyone’s level of melanin production is different. It’s based mostly on heritage. In Kim’s case, it seems to be enough to cause significant problems with UV exposure.”
Kim sat on the examination table in her yellow nit top and lime green clam-diggers listening with a worried look on her face. “Is keeping her covered in the summer the only answer for this you have?”
“There are some medications, topical treatments mostly, meant to treat a condition called vitiligo that can stimulate melanin production and cause repigmentation. There are also a few drugs…”
“You said no shots!” she had cried to her father, gripping his hand and bristling at the mention of drugs.
The doctor had smiled to Kim, “No Kim, no shots, not today. The present day Kimberly Glass could still recall the sense of relief she’d felt when the doctor had reassuringly ruffled her hair.
Her Daddy took the conversation again, “Why wasn’t this caught before Doctor Novak?”
Novak responded, “Well, Kim’s case is very mild, as I’ve already pointed out. There usually has to be some sort of trigger to let us know that something’s wrong. In this case, she burned very quickly. Over exposure to bright sunlight, causes her skin to react faster than you could expect from a child with normal pigment levels. And part of it is because she’s young. Now in her younger years, she may have a tendency to get sicker than some girls her age from over exposure. In time, some of this should correct itself as she grows older...”
The memory slowly faded out... When Kim came back to the real world, she was staring into a pair of light blue eyes framed by platinum hair and a soft feminine face.
Kim’s eyes danced over the reflection of the slim, creamy skinned girl in the mirror. She gasped as she now saw for the first time, the gentle rise of two, superbly formed young and eager breasts. Their areoles staring back like large brown owl’s eyes. She followed the image down to the subtle inward slope of her body at the pubis. The pronounced flare of feminine hips, the small patch of hair was also very light in color. It was a rich golden blonde. Something else she wasn’t used to seeing was a gap between the union of her legs. There, just visible through the light hair was the top of the cleft of her genitals which she quickly covered with one hand as if embarrassed to see it.
She turned her back on the image as a tear forced its way out of the corner of her eye. She fought to keep further tears back, afraid of losing control again. She slipped the panties up and hoisted her jeans back up, zipped and buttoned them and returned to her room.
On the night-stand next to the bed was a sparkling, golden glass of ginger-ale and a small piece of what looked like her mother’s chocolate pudding cake. The sight of that cake was enough to tear down the dam she had so carefully built to hold back the tears. Everything in this life was the same... except her.
Next to her Kimberly could hear the hissssssss of the bubbles of carbonation dancing on the surface of the liquid. She saw the micro-splash in the light of her bedside lamp thrown up by the bursting bubbles. They sparkled like small fireworks in a microcosm universe. A celebration in miniature meant to welcome her to this world with brightness and sparkle.
She quietly loathed the tiny pyro-technicians for this jubilee in the face of her gloom. She picked up the glass, returned to the bathroom and flushed the celebration where she felt it belonged. Something in her mind however, told her to save the chocolate cake. When she questioned this, her brain simply answered, Just in case… Just in case. So, she let the chocolate cake sit there… just in case.
Frightened and upset, she laid down and curled up with on of her many stuffed bears and wept bitterly.
Next morning, Kim woke all at once. There was no transition from one state to the other this bright clear late spring morning. Worry and dread, consumed her. She sat bolt upright, still dressed in the clothes she had worn the day before. Everything was strange and familiar all at once. As soon as she identified one item after another the confusion passed. These were her things and the fear of whatever had followed her up from the dream world had once again retreated back to whence it came. Slowly she relaxed.
Just the same, the paranoia did not abate. The fear that a plot was a foot to take her prisoner, steal her things, hurt her, murder her… and a dozen other unspeakable horrors would not leave her. Kim lay back down, staring up, considering these thoughts. She crept to the edge of her canopy bed, and reluctantly peered over it. Kim half expected a scaled, green claw to appear from beneath, grab her and drag her screaming, underneath the mysterious, evil underworld beneath her bed. Nothing, however, grabbed her.
Laying back and brushing the hair from her face, she wondered, What’s wrong with me? It wasn’t a cogent question, more an abstract wandering, a curiosity in the scheme of everything she was thinking. She felt detached and out of place.
Her head turned and caught sight of her reflection from the side in her vanity mirror. It was the out of perspective likeness that jolted her back to an upright seated stance, like an overcharged defibrillation unit. Her body convulsed briefly with a deluge of information, dumped in her head like so much rotting garbage at a landfill.
A low moan began deep in her amply breasted torso. Limp, she fell back to the mattress, her head crash landing safely on her pillows. The memories came from both lives. The sudden recollection of all that had happened in the last twelve hours left her mouth tasting like copper. The moment when she ceased to exist as she had been born and had become the girl that now looked back from her vanity mirror racked her with heart palpitations and immobilized her on her bed where she lay. She was trapped in a taffy puller.
Soon the sound of footfalls on the stairs getting louder, coming her way, “Kim?” It was her mother.
She squeezed her eyes tight and wished for all of this to go away. She feared that if that door opened and she was recognized again as Kimberly, she would not be able to control what came out of her mouth.
“Kim? Are you Okay?” There was deep concern in Cindy’s voice.
Kim clutched at her blankets for a moment and then forced herself to relax a bit. The anxiety eased some. She was still here, and still Kim but she was also still alive and remarkably, she had to admit, feeling physically good; well, not sick at any rate. The fear of being left as Kim was still present. Her desire to end this masquerade was manifesting itself as a need now, a dire need.
Find Ben.
She forced a response from her lips, mindful that time was passing, “Fine Mom, just stubbed my toe on the leg of my bed,” she called out as matter-of-factly as she could manage. Yep, I remember that voice… she thought, That’s me. I’ll be glad when it’s not.
What she wanted now more than anything was as little contact with Kim’s family as possible. She feared if she began to acknowledge she loved them as she suspected that Kim did, she’d find herself on the road to permanent exile on the Island of Kim. She tried once again to leverage some control over her situation by trying to deny what she had become. I’m not gu… And again, failed. CRAP!
“You sure you’re Okay?” her mother called out.
Kim wondered, Why isn’t she coming in? Her brain shot an answer back almost as fast as the question had arisen, Don’t look a fucking miracle in the mouth, stupid.
“Yeah, fine Mom. I’ll be out in a minute.” There was an unusually long pause before her mother answered.
“Take your time Sweetie. No hurry,” then the sound of footfalls fading away. Kim didn’t have time to feel grateful. The feeling of waking up aware that being in this body could even remotely seem normal had been a true wake up call. Clearly Kim’s experiences were starting overshadow to Tim’s now. Kim’s identity, her personality was becoming more deeply engrained as Tim’s got further from having ever existed. The longer she stayed this way, Kim also guessed, the harder it would be to assimilate back into her true identity.
Get the mask off! All other considerations before that were secondary.
Once out of bed, she set about in a business like fashion to prepare for school. That was where redemption and salvation would be found. There was no time and no room for negative possibilities, she would not entertain them.
She was intent on taking a fast shower, redressing and waiting for her ride with Ben. After a moment however, the shakes were back. The revelations of last night began to dog-pile on one another again. Ben doesn’t have a car, remember? “Ride the bus then,” she coached herself out loud. “Get to school, find him and get the hell out of this mess.”
Soon, she forced herself to stop before the mirror and beg, “Please make it go away, please. I can’t do this. I want a vote, I want a choice in this and I don’t choose this!”
It, all of It, didn’t go away, It remained firmly attached to her and she knew It was threatening to stay right where it was for as long as it could. It and It’s partners in crime, left mammary, right mammary, labia, ovaries, uterus and a host of equally diabolical criminals were holding her hostage. Most terrifying was that they wanted no ransom. They were not negotiating for release, they had simply taken her prisoner and now it seemed, they planned to keep her.
Kim proceeded to strip her clothes off. She then raced to the bathroom and removed her shirt and bra. She showered a in bare two minutes, trying hard to ignore and avoid her new configuration reflected so keenly before her in the bathroom mirror. Kim dried and returned to her room only to find her mother standing there.
“Morning Sweetie.” There was an odd, almost repentant tone in her voice. While this was a concern, Kim had only a brief amount of time to get ready and get the bus. It came much earlier than Ben would have picked her up because of all the stops it had to make between here and school.
“Hi Mom,” Kim said, waving with a nervous flip of her hand, a towel wrapped around her torso. “What’s up? Oh wait, let me guess. I am.” Kim danced a goofy, clumsy little dance in response to her own joke and moved toward her closet.
“Ha, ha.” Cindy groaned sarcastically. “I wanted to talk to you.”
Kim vanished inside her walk in closet and began searching for something, anything to wear. Beyond, Cindy could hear hangers being dragged over the hanger rail as her daughter pushed the clothes around. Kim called out from inside, “Okay, talk.”
“No, I think you should come out here.”
“What? I didn’t hear you. Can’t this wait? I have to get going or I’m gonna be really late.”
“Kim. Come out here for a minute.” Cindy said nervously.
Kim however did not respond directly. Perhaps it was because she didn’t hear, or didn’t want to hear. Either way, she simply rambled on, as Kim had a habit of doing, “If I miss the bus then I’ll miss my first period class. Mr. Mika makes us do the last days assignment plus the homework that―”
The frantic search for something appropriate to wear continued in the recesses of Kim’s closet as Cindy nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Kimmy.” Cindy repeated.
“―we missed and it’s all due back the next day. I don’t know about most kids, but I’ve got waaaaay too much homework to do and…
“KIM.” Cindy almost barked.
Kim slowly stuck her head out of the closet and asked tentatively, “Mom?”
Kim then fell quiet and Cindy took the opportunity to speak, “I… I felt bad about last night Kim, you know about your being sick and then all but suggesting that you might be using drugs, and well… So this morning when I came in here to wake you up, you were sleeping so peacefully…”
Cindy glanced at the alarm clock that sat on the bed side table to the right of Kim’s canopy bed. Kim offered a look of confusion when the significance of the quality of the bright sunlight, the birds singing outside and the warmth offered by the rays of sunlight streaming into the room clicked together to paint a coherent picture for Kim. Kim’s eyes flew open wide, her face went slack and her mouth dropped open, “Don’t be mad at me Kim.”
“Mommmmm, No!” Kim raced from her closet to the table and fumbled with the clock. After what seemed like an eternity, she steadied the clock and read the red digital face, 10:49 a.m. The switch of the alarm was set to ‘Off’. Kim spun on pads of her feet, “Why Mom?” The reaction was harsh, probably too harsh.
Cindy was surprise by the angry response, even after last night’s conversation about her insistence to go to class, Cindy felt that once the deed was done, Kim would be grateful to have a day off and rest. In the past, Kim had often faked being sick, and in extreme moments, begged to stay home and have a “vacation” of sorts from the drudgery of school. This about face was most unfamiliar and uncharacteristic for her daughter. It was so atypical in fact, it only served to stir the flame of concern about her daughter once more. To this Cindy had no real answer.
Kim’s face became a mask of determination. She tossed the clock back on the night stand and announced, “Well, I’m going anyway.” Kim moved back to her closet and once more began the task of finding something to clothe herself with.
“Kim, I want you to stay home today and rest. There isn’t anything at school that won’t wait until tomorrow.” Cindy insisted, now with a tone of, I’m your mother and you’ll do what I say, in her voice. It was a test, a mother’s test to see if Kim was willing to let go of whatever it was she seemed so insistently drawn to. If it ended here, Cindy felt she could relax. If it didn’t, she didn’t know what she would be able to do.
Once more, Kim popped her head out of the closet. This time however, the sweet look of the compliant daughter had been replaced by a rebellious visage Cindy was unfamiliar with. “My whole life you’ve wanted me to get ‘positive about school’ and now that I have you want me to stay home? I don’t want to stay home; I’m not going to stay home!”
There was something in the quality of Kim’s voice Cindy detected but couldn’t quite identify, something disturbing. “I’m not driving you Kim.” Cindy announced.
“Then I’ll walk.” Kim rebutted.
“No Kim, you won’t. If you’re not up to something, you sure have a funny way of proving it to me.” Kim’s eyes popped open in disbelief, “Well, what am I supposed to think? You want me to give you time, that everything is just fine and you’re working out some sort of abstract life issue? But Kim, everything you’re doing tells me there is no time. If you were me, what would you be thinking at this very moment? You are not going to school today.”
Kim could see that her desperation had pushed her mother to the point of desperate action. Kim quietly slipped into a pair of panties and shouldered a bra, unfastened in the back and humbly stepped out of the closet, hanging her towel on the knob of the door as she came back into her room. She faced her mother and then symbolically lowered her eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry Mom.”
“No Miss Ma’am. I’m not buying it. Something’s up and I want to know what it is, and I want to know right now.” Cindy insisted.
Kim hung her head, her impatience had cost her, she knew this now. If there wasn’t a way to fix it who knew what was going to happen to her and her access to Ben. Somehow, this thing had become a confused mess quickly and for the life of her she couldn’t find a way to diffuse the problem.
“I said last night that if you wanted me to stay home, I would. I’m not having a breakdown or anything like that.”
“I wonder about that Kim.” Cindy said, encouraged that her daughter was calm again, but guarded about what might bring on the next hysterical reaction. “You’ll stay home today, maybe go back tomorrow.”
“Maybe?”
“Maybe Kim, This morning I fully expected to find my same sweet baby girl, like most American kids, grateful to have a day off from school. What do I find? You’re going to walk? It’s fifteen miles to school Kim. Even if you walked, it would take you all day to get there and all night to get back!” Kimberly bit her lower lip in embarrassment and found she could not look her mother in the face. Instead she stared at her pink polished toes.
Cindy held up her hand indicating she had more to say, “You were insistent to the point of argument and hysteria that you were going to school with or without my blessing.”
“I need your blessing to go to school? Blessing? Are you listening to what you’re saying Mom? Insistent on going to school? I’m sorry, I’m confused. And I was not hysterical. I was disappointed.” Kim said, being sure to remain calm.
“Okay, fine, why do you want to go to school so badly then, what’s at school that’s so important that you would get upset–”
“Disappointed…” Kim corrected.
“Right, disappointed, what would be so important that you would rebuke a free pass from school? Can you tell me that Kim?”
Kim was cornered. There wasn’t an excuse she would be able to come up with in short order to cover her tracks with such limited and sporadic memory about her life as Kim.
Kim tried diversion instead, “I would rather not say anything about that right now if I could.”
“You don’t have that option.” Kim could only stare with large doe eyes at her mother. After a measure of time, Cindy finally said, “I’ll call and have your work packaged. Robert can swing by and pick it up. You’ll do it here tomorrow. I’ll turn it in for you.”
“WHAT?”
“This erratic behavior is scaring me. If I’m going to continue to trust what you say then I have to know what it is that IS going on.”
“Please Mom…”
Cindy stood and walked toward the door, “You aren’t leaving a lot of options here Kim. We’ve never had a problem communicating except when you’re trying to hide something from me. To me, that’s what’s happening right now.”
“Mom, I’m not―” Kim started and was oddly grateful when her mother cut her off. She had no idea what she would have said if her mother had let her continue.
“Not now Kimberly! When you’re ready to tell me what you ARE into then let me know. Until then I’m going to call the school and let them know you’re not going to be there until further notice unless I find out what’s going on.”
“Why?” Kim pleaded, trying to push back the panic of how far out of control this was getting.
“Because if you are involved with something that’s going to put you at risk, it’s at school, I think that much is pretty clear. I’m not going to continue to knowingly put you in an environment that is going to turn you into some kind of tramp or drug addict.”
“MOM!” Kim was shocked that her mother would even think such a thing.
“I have calls to make Kimberly Lynn, you sit right here and think about what I’m talking about. When you’re ready to talk, you know where you can find me.”
Cindy turned her back on Kim and walked calmly out of her room, closing the door behind her. Half dressed, Kim eased herself down, sitting on the edge of the bed and tried to figure out at what point things had gone so wrong.
“…until further notice…”
“Oh shit,” she muttered covering her mouth, her eyes wide with shock, as she turned those words over in her mind again and again.
Ben easily survived his first terrifying night in the same house as his father in Ben’s original memory. Somewhere deep in his past Ben understood that the beating he received was nothing new. Nor had it been the worst one he’d ever received, to be sure. A sock in the eye for being a “God damned pussy” as Abs had growled, Ben felt he’d gotten off light. What worried him more was the intense recollection of past ‘whuppins’ he received when his father’s fist had slammed into his face like a small comet impacting the surface Earth.
Ben’s own memory had borne out several visits to the emergency room and just as many times when he should have been taken and wasn’t. His left leg ached from the distant haunting of a formerly broken leg. There had been a time when his skull had been cracked, from falling down a flight of stairs, great big meaty stairs with a name, Abs the staircase. Ben carried the dark souvenirs his father had given him that were beginning to point the way to a very certain future.
Worse, no one cared enough or felt they were strong enough to stop it. His mother tried, God bless her, but she was too small and too scared to really be effective. Her demonstration with Turk the jerk not withstanding, Susan knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if pushed, Abs would hurt them both. Turk was a coward and toyed with people like Ben for entertainment. Sure, Turk would be mad for weeks, but eventually he would learn to let it go as soon as someone else helpless came along. Standing up to Abs however was an entirely different matter, a matter that could potentially find them dead at the bottom of a quartz pit somewhere along the Appalachian Trail.
Ben had not come close to death, not yet. But Ben felt that was really only a matter of time. Abs didn’t want nor need an unexpected dead body lying around his living room. The ones that came with a plan for disposal were so much more convenient.
As Ben considered his new world and the enlightenment that came with it, he considered all his past complaints. He saw now he had never had anything to complain about before. He had of course, many times. And many times he had been very bitter in his complaint, always spoiling for the argument that society had made him an outcast.
He now found something very odd to be grateful for. With all the truly wonderful things he had been fortunate enough to have, a great friend, a car, good food and regular meals, a brain… A brain, mind you, that was capable of working through complex problems at a glance. With all this, Ben found himself being thankful that his beating had been a minor one. He was grateful he was walking and not wearing a cast, not suffering the pain of broken bones or ruptured organs. He was grateful for not bleeding.
When he returned to school Thursday, the day after the incident at the Glass’s home, he sported an enormous black eye. This was the only visible injury he boasted. The others were hidden conveniently on under his jeans and his too-large, second hand, thrift store T-shirt. The logo on the front was a skull circled by a wreath of red roses. Above it was lettered the legend The Grateful Dead.
When Ben had seen it where his mother had laid it out for him, his first thought was, Not just yet, almost… maybe tomorrow, but not today. Just grateful thank you very much.
Ben also understood, that in spite of the shiner, no one would ask how he had been hurt. This was the pattern for the perceived looser that was Ben Ackerman. Here, Ben had a criminal record. Most of it consisted of accusations of stealing food. He regularly came to school with no money for lunch. The State’s Free Lunch program provided a nominal meal, but by the end of the day, Ben was hungry again, ravenously hungry sometimes. Ben had been caught trying to steal food three times. He had succeeded countless other times however.
With this came a reputation for being a thief. With that reputation, came the lies about all things that had been rumored to have been lifted by Five Fingers Ackerman, things like BMX bikes, skateboards, dope, and cigarettes. Never mind the fact that Ben didn’t smoke. Those lies led to disdain, and more rumors and lies. It was a cycle that guaranteed Ben’s failure in life before his life had ever even really begun.
Yesterday had been a debacle. Upon seeing the black eye, Krik Oswalter, one of Robert Glass’s best friends and heir to Robert’s throne as the Captain football team, declared it open season on Ben. He had possibly the worse day in his life at school, in this reality or any. By the time he got home, he had a cut on the bridge of his nose from taking a locker door to the face. His hair had been washed twice. That’s right, in the toilet. Further, his ankle had been twisted so badly from being tripped that he was walking with a limp. Still, Ben got the distinct impression that things could get much, much worse.
The cut was minor. Once the bleeding stopped he was able to hide it with a small amount of petroleum jelly. He suffered through the discomfort of the twisted ankle at home so no one would see, especially dear old dad. The rest was cosmetic and took care of itself with a small amount of time.
Even these things had not been too disconcerting. What had bothered Ben was that there had been no Kim at school. As confused as he was, Ben began to wonder if there ever really been a Kimberly Glass at all. Perhaps there had been and she just no longer attended this school. Ben had to force himself to consider the possibility that the aberrant ideas in his head, the image of a fat, pimple faces boy he felt he should be able to name, had all been part of a dream. An elaborate dream, granted, one that his mind had designed to escape his true life, but possibly a dream none the less.
By the end of the day, he had found an image of her on the schools website during a computer lab. The caption under her picture had read simply, Kimberly Lynn Glass — Freshman — Captain Mather’s Cheerleading Squad. She was wearing her uniform, blue, white and gold, pictured from her chest up. Her smiling face and bubbly presence made Ben smile with relief, at least she was real.
Why she had not come to school was anyone’s guess. Only Ben couldn’t just ask anyone. Anyone wouldn’t tell him. That was the simple truth. By the end of the day, he had resolved himself to do the only thing he could do, that was to try again the next day. He boarded the bus home and sat as close to the driver as possible to avoid further trouble.
The loss of his car seemed like small potatoes compared to what lie in wait for him at home. Once there, he was able to remember to do what he could to make something for his father to eat, fully expecting him to complain angrily about how rotten the food tasted. Ben cleaned up as best he could, to save his mother the trouble and vanished into the hole that was his room. He did not come out until morning. His mother stopped in for about a half an hour, with her she had brought several cookies she had filched from work and two slices of pizza, a rare treat. Ben devoured them and only afterward thought about his mother. She assured him she was fine and had eaten two pieces herself at work. They shared the six cookies that remained and talked about nothing until Ben, secure for the first time that day fell fast asleep.
The second day as Ben climbed off the bus, he could tell that history was about to repeat itself. His bruised eye, now turning an ugly, sick, blackish-yellow seemed to be a beacon for all who would vent their pent up frustrations on the weak. It seemed to cry, Come and beat me! Look! Look! I’m here, come and pummel me!
“Uhhh” Ben groaned, resolved to the inevitability of his plight. Afraid to fight and unable to hide, he began his slow funerary drudge across the long wide apron in front of the school toward the building of doom. Ben lightly touched his eye, the dull ache there was irritating and hard to ignore. He flinched when his fingers made contact with the bruised flesh, “Ouch!”
Now, something was different though. The beacon he was afraid would attract so much attention didn’t seem to be the attraction at all. Everyone was murmuring, staring at him more oddly than he expected. Is my zipper open? The off hand thought was Ben’s attempt at self-humor. He found however that the answer was yes, his fly was indeed open and flushed bright red as other’s watched and laughed as he struggled to pull it back up. A few people laughed in the distance, others however continued to stare.
Once his fly was secure again, Ben found that whatever these people had been whispering about to begin with was still firmly on their minds. The secretive chatter continued unabated.
Whatever it was, Ben felt certain he would find out about it, probably the hard way, but then, it was tough being Ben Ackerman these days, then again, somebody had to do it. He glanced at an old beat-up Timex watch he had on his wrist, there was fifteen minutes before the first bell. He decided to wait for twelve and then go in.
Suddenly, he was thrust forward from behind. He crashed through a stand of waist high privet hedges as he pin-wheeled forward, caught his foot on the stalk of one of the hedges and fell hard, smashing his face on the ground and bloodying his nose. “Hey, Ackerman can fucking fly,” someone chortled behind him. “That’s not flying, that’s fucking crashing,” someone else cried. Laughter broke out and moved away before Ben
could see who had shoved him. His ribs sung an exquisite song of agony, and he lay there for a moment to let the pain of it subside before attempting to get up. He had faced a life time of this kind of treatment. He should be used to it by now. He wasn’t however, what he really wanted to do now was cry.
Ben didn’t allow himself to cry. He knuckled up and fought back tears of indignity as he struggled to his feet. His rib, one his father had damaged, maybe even cracked, would hurt all the worse now. He brushed off the leaves and grass, but was unable to remove the stains of wet dirt and grass from the knees of his jeans. ‘Great!’ he thought, ‘Thank God, now I’ve got shit stains on my clothes. I don’t know how I would have made it through the fucking day without something else for them to target.’
It had started already. He wasn’t even in the building and he had already hit the ground once today. What is it about me that everyone hates?
Just then a car drove by, playing the radio loudly, its newly rebuilt engine rumbling deeply through its muffler. The noise of it caught Ben’s attention as it passed. In the front seat of the car sat Robert Glass and his sister, Kimberly. The pain in his eye and rib vanished when Ben spied Kim looking in his direction. She seemed to give a double take, and then craned her head around in recognition as the modified station wagon passed the spot where he stood. Kim waived and smiled in his direction, but his insecurity had grown to such a state the he was unable to bring himself to waive back or even smile, less her enthusiastic greeting be meant for someone else. Still, he could see her confusion and something else mingled with it. Could it have been fear, when he failed to respond to her. Still his mind was overjoyed and his hear flooded with relief. Maybe it wasn’t just a dream. Maybe the pressing urgency of the dream had been real and the things he remembered about himself were more than just some sort of imagined and detached wishful residual image.
He watched as the car pulled into the drop-off circle and vanished around the corner. Shortly after, the station wagon pulled out and into the parking lot. It cruised up to and stopped next to a band of jocks, among their order, Kirk Oswalter, who was, no doubt, pontificating his greatness to the crowd of admirers gathered there around him.
Then something happened that caught Ben by complete surprise. Robert Glass stopped his car and to Ben, it seemed that Robert, who had graduated last year, was simply going to chat with his protégée, instead strutted menacingly up to Kirk and whispered something in the man’s ear. Kirk looked confused and just a little afraid. Then he shrugged and shook his head. Robert pointed his finger first at Marla Dalton, next at
Wendy Graff and finally pushed that same finger deep into Kirk’s chest. Robert’s face was set to a determined and angry glare as he backed Kirk into the trunk of Kirk’s Camaro. Kirk stumbled backward and fell, sprawling over the hood. When Kirk tried to push off the trunk lid and stand, Robert pushed him back down. There was a struggle that Robert eventually won in short order, pressing Kirk back to the surface of the trunk of his sports car ending the confrontation shouting “… my baby SISTER!”
Robert returned to his car, climbed in and started the motor. He said one more thing to Kirk though Ben couldn’t’ hear it. From behind his windshield, Robert leveled an accusatory finger at Kirk who looked angry and terrified in the same moment. Kirk then watched as Robert Glass sped away. Kirk stood and watched with a scowl, Marla flipped Robert the bird when as he drove away, choosing to wait until Robert had reached a safe enough distance that would prevent Robert’s return.
Ben watched as the two girls flocked around Kirk to comfort him. They were rebuked however, scattering from him when Kirk cried, “Get the fuck away from me!” Kirk then grabbed his belongings and charged toward the school building.
What was that about? Ben wondered, smiling to himself. He was comforted by the idea that Kirk had a vulnerable side, granted, it was to a much greater power than he himself possessed, but it was reassuring to see that Kirk was not all powerful. Ben gathered himself and slowly walked toward the building. He was in no hurry. He certainly didn’t want to run into Kirk now, so he planned a large margin of distance between himself and where he had to go.
Ben approached the school to go to homeroom class eight minutes before the first bell rang. He paced himself watching and evading people in the hope that he could avoid another confrontation and giving his aching ribs as much of a break from further injury as he could. He smiled for the first time in 48 hours thinking that at least the day had not been a total loss. He didn’t see Kim Glass racing across the drop-off apron behind him waving her arms and shouting his name faintly.
Kirk Oswalter however saw Ben, his back to Kirk, enter the school. After his confrontation with Robert about the man’s baby sister, Kirk felt like re-establishing his manhood. Ben was just the ticket for that sort of call. Yes Sir, Ben will do just nicely. And seein’ as how he’s the founder of my feast, so-to-speak, it would be rude of me not to offer him a nice steaming helping of what Bobby just gave me to snack on. Yup, come get some boy.
-*-
Kim woke slowly on the second morning of her existence with little of the confusion that had plagued her the day before. The previous night she had found that she had cried herself to sleep, resting her head on her beloved “Sparkle Bear” and woke to find she had fallen asleep fully clothed.
This morning the malaise of yesterday, of waking up without the knowledge of who she had once been trapped deep inside her present life had not been as lost to her. This is how it will be if I can’t get out of this. I wake up every morning as Kim, knowing that I wasn’t supposed to be her. The thought made her shiver with dread. She also recognized the urgent signs she was hours away from actually experiencing her first menstrual cycle. Inside she could feel the pain of her uterus as its outer layer prepared to shed.
“Ugh, God I have to end this.” She mumbled as she sourly threw the sheets from her body and rose to shower. The night before, Cindy had relented, allowing Kim to return to school having (in Kim’s fine opinion) finally come to a dawning of common sense. “Note to self, remember to take tampons today,” Kim said aloud. It was a trick she used to remember critical tasks with little or no planning involved, not unlike a string around her finger. Kim halted dead in her tracks in the middle of her room. “I can’t believe I just said that,” she said disbelievingly.
Yesterday had given her all the time she needed to invent every conceivable horror where the mask was concerned. Even the collective minds of Edgar Allen Poe, Stephen King, Clive Barker, and Peter Straube would have trembled at the possibilities she was able to formulate to torture herself. The worst had been about Ben, where he might be and if fate had some how stepped in and made him a different person like everyone else. She was the one that had been transformed after all. Wasn’t it logical to assume that since he wasn’t under the influence of the mask as she was that he would walk away and then meld into this time line as if he’d always been a part of it?
There wasn’t much she could recall about Ben’s here and now life. She knew she had him in two late afternoon classes and in homeroom. She had been heart broken to discover (covertly) that Ben did not live next door. He apparently never had. If he had at one time, she couldn’t remember it. She couldn’t recall, however, just where he did live now or what the circumstances of his life were. This one aspect fueled the fires of conjecture for hours. She didn’t know how to reach him except at school. What if he didn’t remember her, what then? If either Ben or herself never made it to school again, she was essentially stuck like this until she could either find Ben or give up and accept what had happened.
A random spark of memory flashed in her head. It crippled her, making her home sick. “Oh no!” She whispered. She saw her father in a pasture. A radio remote control in his hand, in the air above them was a bright red and white model Cessna 182. “Let me try Dad,” cried the small voice of a small boy who stood next to his big brother, Robert.
She hardened herself against the image of this memory. She shut her eyes and ordered it to leave her be. “Not now, I need to focus. Go away.” But she didn’t really want it to leave. It was a fond memory, a ritual the men in the house had shared. Her father loved flying. He had been a pilot in his younger days. The expense of it, coupled with failing eyes had cost him his “ticket” as her father had called it. He resorted to flying models on the weekend instead. He shared this passion with his sons and while Robert had cooled some on the idea of flying, Tim had always wanted to be a pilot, just like his dad.
The memory however did just as Kim had commanded and faded from view, perhaps a little too quickly. Mentally she chased after the way a small child will chase a parent leaving for work, desperate and terrified they might never see them again.
In this life, Kim could now see that her father had not taken her flying. He had still been a pilot, but it was something shared with Robert. Kim had been her mother’s little doll. That memory made her want to cry. She did her best to shrug it off, but the ghost of it haunted her for nearly an hour.
Still reflecting on the torture of the previous day, she thought about how she could hear her mother speaking, making one call after another. Some of them were presumably about her. Occasionally the phone would ring and Cindy would have yet another, almost surprised sounding conversation with yet someone else. Or, for all Kim knew, these conversations were taking place with the same person, a recruiter for the Naval Academy for Girls perhaps, who knew for sure.
Around one o’clock, the angst-filled little voice in her head proposed yet another terrible possibility to her, it whispered to her, What if he’s dead? Kim, who had been trying to read a stupid ‘girl’s magazine’ as she thought of it, gasped out loud. She nearly fell off her bed. “He’s not dead.” Kim said in a trembling voice. Now, however, the voice would neither confirm nor deny its earlier claim. Not long after, the day found her crying once more, and searching for a way to get out of the mask. It remained futile to try; the mask remained resolutely hidden from her fingers.
Around 2:00 in the afternoon, the anxiety was almost more than she could stand, only this time she had practiced exercising restraint and composure. When at last she heard her mother making her way up the stairs, Kim crawled onto her bed, grabbed another magazine and pretended to read. Cindy cracked the door of Kim’s bedroom. Kim looked, saw her mother peering in and pretended to be indifferent, her heart pounding in her chest harder than a steam powered jackhammer.
“Hi Sweetie.” Cindy said tenderly. It was the last sort of greeting Kim expected.
Kim resisted the urge to run and humble herself in front of her mother. This would have been looked upon as more bizarre behavior. It might have also served to have thrown her deeper down the pit she was already in. Nor did she have anything she could confess.
In stead Kim simply said. “Hi.” cheerfully enough to seem sane but carefree enough to suggest she had nothing to hide.
“Can I come in?” Kim’s back was to the door, but she could hear that her mother’s tone was repentant and meek. What’s up now? I don’t think I can take one more fucking surprise Mom. I sure hope this is good. What Kim said was, “Sure.”
Cindy came in and sat on the edge of the bed silently while Kim pretended to read. Each could feel the tension of the uncomfortable silence between them. Kim was too petrified to break the ice, afraid to find out what kind of axe was going to fall on her skinny neck. On Cindy’s part, the phone calls had revealed much. It was the results of those phone calls that she had to bare her soul over.
At length, Cindy reached over and placed her hand over the magazine and gently closed it, “We need to talk about something Kim.” Her mother drew the magazine away from her and Kim bent her head in a dreadful pose.
She wished more than ever now that her ‘Kimmories’ were working overtime so she might have some idea about what her mother wanted to talk to her about. What now? Am I juvenile delinquent on top of everything else? “What did I do now?”
“You know perfectly well what you did young lady.” Kim cringed. Not so much at the unspoken accusation, but at the words ‘young lady.’
“Could you help me remember then please?” Kim begged.
Cindy paused for moment, took a deep breath and began, “It seems that during my calls the school, Mrs. Barns, the Girls Dean, informed me about how disappointed you must be about having to stay home.” Kim was frozen, she didn’t dare move or the house of cards she felt she lived in would surely cave in around her.
“And?” Kim asked. Now no one was more curious to hear the outcome now than Kim was.
“Aaaaannnnd, she told me how hard you were working to bring your grade point average up to a 4.0 before the end of the year, doing extra credit work, special projects, you know, that sort of thing. She told me that you’ve aced all your tests since the end of the last quarter and that you’re up to a 3.83 average as of yesterday. You’re going to make the honor roll.” Cindy squealed with delight and wrapped her daughter up in her arms and damn near squeezed the light from her.
Kim’s jaw was agape. She couldn’t believe that something had actually happened to give her a helping hand. Waytogo girl, she silently congratulated her predecessor, I’m sorta sorry for all those nasty things I thought about you.
Kim open pie-hole turned to a thin, weak smile and had to turn her head to keep from laughing out loud when she glimpsed tear glistening in the corner of her mother’s eye. To her mother, Kim appeared to be crying. She was instead, trying her best to suppress gales of hysterical laughter.
“Oh Honey, I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you. I feel just awful. Mrs. Barnes said that this shouldn’t do any harm to your grade point average. I can always go down and argue that I didn’t know anything about this. I hope you know that if I had I would never have done anything to have held you up. You do know that don’t you? What I want to know is why you never told me?”
“It’s kind of hard to surprise someone if you tell them what the surprise is, don’t you think?” Kim was as stunned as her mother was humbled. Kim had no idea where the answer had come from. She only knew that she hadn’t missed a beat in answering. She had not had to guess or invent an answer AND she felt a certain amount of self-righteous indignation at the idea that her mother had pried it out of the various resources she had at her disposal as a parent. To Kim it felt as if the answer were HER answer. Not some contrived, trite string of words intended to make her mother feel guilty or to facilitate a means to an end, namely her freedom from her feminine prison. Kim knew it was exactly what the ‘other’ Kim would have been planning before she (Tim) had been inserted into this life.
Even that synopsis didn’t feel right to her. Slowly, Kim was becoming aware that there was no ‘other’ Kim. What she felt was the residual memory of a life that had never happened but had still had to play out. This way there would be a life for her to inherit once she had been transformed. She had dragged it here with her when Ben and Tim caused the world to shift in time. Now, all that was left of Tim was the memory of that boy who didn’t want to be a girl, was repulsed by everything it was to be a girl. He had wanted to BE WITH a girl, marry a girl, have children WITH a girl, but never wanted to BE a girl.
Now the fact was that she was and had always been one. The dilemma was, how to reconcile that in her mind or return to what she felt her proper place and time was? Was that even possible now? Kim couldn’t say. She knew the he part of her was being destroyed from within and if she didn’t find an answer soon she would either be absorbed by the girl called Kim, lost forever in a world that was very different from the one she’d come from.
Cindy was talking, apologizing profusely, and cuddling with her last born child, her daughter. Kim didn’t hear what she was saying. She was lost in her own train of thought immersed with a mental image she could not break from. She stood on the muddy bank of a great wide river its calm, slow current so inviting, the water on her feet so cool in the midst of the deep Tennessee heat. At her back were the sweet oak and Lop Lolly Pine woods so prevalent in Southern Tennessee.
She took a step out into the river and felt the dark, tea colored water slip fluidly up her ankles. Her toes squished into the soft mud-sand bottom and she wiggled them and giggled at the way it tickled the tender spaces between her toes. It was so deliciously cool. Butterflies were spawned in the pit of her stomach where they fluttered excitedly all about her insides, making her feel like the small girl she had been not so very long ago. Gradually she took another step as the excitement built.
But as she eased her hips down into the cold water, she discovered there was no longer a bottom. She had stepped off a bank ledge into the deeper water. Her momentum was sweeping her out in slow-motion. Her torso already forward, so even pulling her one leg back still set her center of gravity out in the current. Kim also found that the current was not calm but swift, alarmingly swift and she was dragged out and away from the bank she had waded in from.
Now, out in the river, she thrashed to find something to cling to. The current pulled down at the plain, white cotton dress she wore. Sodden, it threatened to weigh her down and bind her legs, preventing her from swimming. Gasping, she fought to find something that would keep her afloat. At last she saw ahead, a large fallen oak, its dark, water soaked branches protruding from the river like the bones of a long dead hand. The tree frightened her. They harbored snakes and rats from the river, but what choice did she have? The water would swallow her if she didn’t ignore her fear of river critters and embrace her fear of death.
Kim drifted closer and soon was caught by the unseen branches below the surface. She tipped over briefly, soaking her head but managed to right herself choking and coughing up brown water. At last she was able to grab the branches and steady herself. Still the current pulled and tugged and bent the branches she clung to.
Suddenly, there was an unexpected separation, a kind of parting or release of dead weight and she thought for a moment that her cotton gown had been torn free of her body. When she looked however, she saw that it was, in fact, a boy, a young man with a large round face peppered with acne. His terrified face turned up to hers. He had managed to grab a branch and was clinging on for dear life.
The current however, appeared to strong for him. He was completely submerged to his neck while Kim was nearly half out of the water now, where the drag of the current would not be as strong. It was clear that the temperature of the water was also exhausting his body.
“Tim?” she could hear herself cry in this waking vision.
“Don’t let go of me…” He cried back, his voice full of desperation. He looked briefly down river to draw Kim’s attention to the perils down there if he were allowed to slip away and then looked back at Kim. Fear had caused his eyes to become milky and he shivered endlessly against the cold of the water. “I can’t swim in this water.”
Kim scrambled to try to help him. She couldn’t let the boy drown. She knew him, was intimate with him. The boy was her. She was this boy.
The drag of the water on her body prevented her from lowering her self too far into the water. She was afraid that if the water got a hold of her, she too would be torn from the safety of the tree’s branches. Still she got as low to the water as she safely felt she could without risking… Risking what? If he drowns, don’t I drown too?
“COME ON KIM, YOU BITCH, I’M DROWNING HERE!”
Kim was taken aback just a bit, “That wasn’t very nice,” Kim explained to her alter-ego, offended and hurt.
Tim looked back in utter amazement and replied, “Fuck nice,” the round faced boy barked! The branch that Tim was clinging to suddenly cracked under the strain of the water and weight.
“HURRY!” Tim screamed and Kim renewed her efforts.
“I can’t reach you. Swim! SWIM TO ME!” The branch broke before either could act.
“Noooooooo.” Kim screamed as Tim was carried away. “TIM!”
The body of the boy she was so familiar with tumbled over a half submerged rock and Tim let out a wail of pain as he somersaulted backward over the rock. He submerged beneath the eddy behind the rock and then came splashing and gagging to the surface again, as he inched ever further away. “Help me Kim!” but Kim couldn’t move, she was terrified, “KIM!” Again Tim hitched as his body caught something below the surface; he then bobbed and vanished below the water amid wild splashing.
He resurfaced now several yards away where the river was at its most turbulent and swift current. Tim screamed in the distance, “Not fair! I was here first. Not fucking fai…” Tim submerged the water laden branch becoming a weight. Even the bubbles of Tim’s last exhale were carried off before she could see them surface.
“So, if there’s something you want to tell me. If you want to scream at me…” Her mother was saying when Kim had emerged from the terrible sight of watching her male self float away down the rain swollen Tennessee.
“What?”
Cindy sighed, “I deserve anything you want to throw at me. Let her rip.” Cindy closed her eyes and waited bravely for the assault.
Kim thought about it. She was certainly mad enough to do it. After all, she had not asked to be put into this body or this life. Nevertheless, she found she could not fault Kim’s mother, her mother for looking out for her, for loving her. “Thanks for checking my story. I guess a spoiled surprise isn’t as bad as the Naval Academy.”
“You saw the pamphlets?” Cindy asked with genuine surprise.
This news was a shock to Kim who had simply been joking. “MOM?” she cried, but even as she did, she could see the smile on her mothers face. It was going to be hard going back now, knowing what she would be taking from her mother. Especially now after seeing how much Cindy reveled in having a daughter.
For a moment, just a split second mind you, she considered abandoning this entire quest. Who knew what else might become ‘unhinged’ if the pursued it? The idea died quickly however. Tim’s desires and revulsion at being female finally won out.
Today, Friday, two days after becoming Kimberly Lynn Glass, she was ready for it to end. She was beginning to blend in too much now. It had to stop.
From the inside out, it was now becoming impossible for Kim to know where Tim ended and she began. Ben would have noticed profound changes in her habits and personality right away. Had it not been for the paradox of her Timmories, she would have just gone about her day as whoever this girl was in this life, oblivious to anything else. She knew, however, that she had been placed in this vessel from some other point and had been unceremoniously locked inside with only one way back out.
She leaned forward toward the mirror, arms still around her waist, “I’m not staying like this,” She spitefully told her reflection, “You go back to being a theoretical “what-if” today.”
Kim?” her mother called from the base of the stairs. Her mind told her that her mother would wait there until Kim hung her head over the rail to prove that she was in deed up and getting ready for school. Even after yesterday afternoon, Cindy still had that control mechanism somewhere in her psychological profile.
Kim dashed to the door and flung it open. “I’m up Mom, down in a few, I need to shower.
“Well, it’s almost time Kim, you’ll have to hurry. What do you want me to make for a nosh on the way?”
“I’m not hungry Mom.” Cindy seemed about to say something, but was cut off by the sound of Kim’s door slamming.
“Okay then, toast.” Cindy said quietly to herself and wandered off into her kitchen.
Kim started her shower, uncomfortable with her body she waited to strip off her underclothes until the last minute. When she turned, there again was her reflection in the mirror. It was a dream that she (as Tim) had dreamt many times as a young boy. This was almost the dream come true. To have simply been able to have been around someone that looked as she did now would have been more than Tim could have ever felt he had a right to have. The simple fact was that she didn’t want to be on the inside of it, she didn’t want to BE the dream.
Her ample breasts, covered by two white satiny cups with a small pink bow set in the cleavage. Oh, how absolutely cute is that? She thought bitterly. Trying to ignore her physical changes, she caught a waft of the sweaty smell coming from the fabric of her bra. Kim noted that it wasn’t a vile smell but in the same respect it wasn’t clean either.
“Peeeee-u,” she said wrinkling her nose. “The girl needs a shower.”
She showered quickly. Then dried, and wrapped the towel clumsily around waist, and with boobies jiggling, she stepped out into her cool bedroom. Almost instantly, her nipples hardened and began to prominently protrude forward. The feeling was just a bit startling and somewhat alarming. Stopping she readjusted her towel higher on her body, covering her breasts, a chagrinned smirk on her face and proceeded to find something to wear.
Kim stepped out into her room to find her mother had laid out a pair of jeans, a black top covered with pink flowers scooped out at the neck, some black panties and bra. Hum… different colored underwear, shit when you have to micromanage down to your underwear, you can be pretty sure that your life is too fucking complicated.
Kim dressed, slipped into pink ankle socks and white tennis shoes with pink trim, grabbed her books and trotted down the stairs. Cindy slipped five dollars into her hand for lunch which vanished into her front pocket, “Thanks Mom.”
Kim moved toward the door and her mother stopped her as she reached around behind her and lifted a plate with four triangular pieces of browned and buttered bread, “Toast,” Cindy again declared. Kim grabbed a single piece, took a quick bite and dropped the toast back on the plate,
“Thanks Mom.” Kim called out, crumbs spraying from her mouth as she dashed out the door.
“But…” Cindy cried looking desperately from her daughter to the plate. Kim was out the door and on her way out to her brother’s car. Today, she felt good. She could almost appreciate what it might be like to actually be Kim for a while.
“Have a nice day!” Cindy called out as Kim left the door. Bobby was waiting in his refurbished and cut down 66’ Colony Park station wagon; car warmed up and in idle.
She took her place in the passenger seat and strapped the seat belt around her waist. “Good morning brother O’mine,” she said cheerfully.
He had a very serious air to him, “Well Kim, that’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while now…”
Kim stopped and stared at him cautiously. What now? She wondered, “Talk about what?”
“Well, see it’s like this, you’re adopted,” Robert said with a grin.
“Shut up!” she cried, giggling.
Once there were on the road and alone, Robert confided in her, “Kirk was hurt you didn’t take his invitation to the prom.”
“You didn’t tell him, did you? Oh, Bobby he didn’t have to know about that yet.”
“Hey the guy deserves to know. He’s a friend of mine and I… Well, asking Ben to take you… He didn’t even ask, you had to Kim.
Kim turned to face him in the seat, “And I would have told him, when he needed to know Bobby. God Bobby, Don’t you think something like that was my responsibility?”
“No! Not when it’s my best friend, not when you’re turning down you’re one true opportunity to have something valuable in this life. I mean, just look at the guy. He could have any girl in school and he wants you.” Bobby said angrily, “This is why I feel I have to protect you the way I do Kim. Its stupid mistakes like this that forces me to take control and point you in the…”
It was time to let AutoKim take over. She relaxed, opened her mind and let her mental triggers do their handy-work, “I don’t like him Bobby. And for your information, he does have any girl in school. I don’t care what he thinks or what you think about it. Besides, he gives me a major case of the spinal creeps.”
Robert squinted his eyes, confused. “Kirk? Ah… he’s Okay, just eager and motivated. He likes you Kimmy, and that’s all that really matters. He’s going to be a huge football star one day. And I do mean huge…” Robert rotated his hips in driver’s seat to give a visual to his metaphor.
Kim saw this and wrinkled her nose, “Gross. What makes you think I would ever sleep with that pompous overstuffed meatball?”
“Because he’s the closest thing to a real man you’re going to find in this town next to me. Since I’m off limits, thank you…”
“No thank you… again that’s just too gross for words.” Kim interrupted.
“I agree, so that leaves my buddy and competitor, Mr. Kirk Oswalter, future gridiron superstar.” Kim didn’t answer, she remembered Bobby pushing the Oswalter product on her last year when Kirk took an interest in her. It had been a light push. Kirk was after all only a year and a half older than she, but Kim had been fifteen then and Bobby knew that something like that wouldn’t sit will with their mother.
Gradually Bobby had increased the pressure for his buddy and former teammate. As Kim could remember, there was barely a week that would go by that Bobby would try to sell Kirk as some glorious and fantastic new product for long term security and romance.
Finally Bobby broke the silence and said, “He wants to tale you to the prom Kim. It’s not too late.” Robert kept his eyes forward.
Kim looked at Robert and assured him, “Yes it is.”
”You turned him down in favor of that dweeb, Ben. He wants to ask you again, the right way.”
“He doesn’t have to appease my vanity Bobby. I’m not asking anything from him. I don’t want what he’s got. I just don’t. What I want is for him to leave me alone.”
Robert remained silent and after a time, Kim asked, “No comment?”
“Nope!”
“I’m surprised.” Kim admitted.
“So am I Kim. I guess that’s why I have nothing to say,” her brother informed her. Kim had felt like a stranger in someone else’s home the night she put the mask on, now however, she could feel the love that both personalities had for Robert. The feelings were exactly the same. This surprised her most of all. She felt that as a girl, she would feel differently about her brother. If asked to explain how, she wouldn’t have been able to give an answer. Talking to him now, it was not Robert that had changed. This was the same old Bobby, in this world or any other would. The fact that she was now his sister and not his brother had changed the way he treated her.
“I don’t like Kirk, Bobby.”
“Okay.” Robert simply said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kim asked back annoyed.
“It means Okay Kim, you don’t like Kirk. You like Ben. Personally I think you’re better than that. But it’s your choice,” Robert fell silent again.
“I don’t like anyone. I just feel more comfortable around Ben, that’s all.” She crossed her arms and huffed. How did he get me so defensive? “And what do you mean, ‘deserve better than that’?”
Now the surprise was evident on his face, “Have you seen yourself lately Kim, you’re PHAT.”
“Excuse me?” She didn’t want to be annoyed or cross, especially about a vanity issue. She couldn’t seem to entirely control it. It seemed to Kim that when she was around people, she was going to interact as Kim, whether she liked it or not. She simply had no control over it.
“Not fat! P H A T, Pretty, Hot And Tasty. Look Kim, even as your bother I can see it. Shit, you grew up in to beautiful girl and you’re more like a grown woman everyday I see you.
“Oh.” Kim replied flustered.
“Kim, I know you know this so I’ll just come out and say it. You’re hot. You’re going to grow up to be even hotter. Sometimes I’m sorry you’re my sister.”
“Bobby!” Kim screeched in surprise, disgusted by the idea her brother was suggesting.
“Well, look at you. Geezzzzzz. Can you blame Kirk?” Robert finished.
Kim thought about her answer, “You know he talks about me.”
“Sure I do, he talks about you to me all the time,” Robert admitted.
“No Bobby, he talks about me to others,” Kim turned three shades of red at the thought of what she was about to say. Before she could say it however,
Robert broke in. “He likes you Kim. He wants to be by your side and protect and care for you. I think he’s in love with you. I think…”
There was surly more to follow, but now Kim just didn’t wanted to hear what a snow job Kirk had given her brother. “Don’t think Bobby, just listen. You’re not at school anymore, so he feels safe talking about me.” Kim shifted in her seat a bit, “He’s telling people he wants me alright, he’s telling them he wants me in the locker room, out at the lake, in the back seat of his car.” As harsh as it was, she dropped the “F” bomb on him to drive her point home, so to speak. “He wants to fuck me. He tells them how he wants to fuck me, how long he wants to fuck me and WHERE he wants to fuck me Bobby,” she watched him squirm for a moment then added, “Paints a nice picture of your sister doesn’t it?”
The car Robert was piloting wavered over the centerline and back again unexpectedly, Kim squealed in surprise as it did and was quiet. “He… he wouldn’t do that Kim. I’m surprised at you. He just wouldn’t do those things! Not about you.”
“Oh, but you know he’s said it about other girls hasn’t he? You don’t think that the jocks talk to their girlfriends. Bobby, their placing bets on when he ‘nails me’ as they put it. Wake up Bobby, what makes you think I’m any different in his eyes.”
“Kirk’s not like that…”
“Yes he is Bobby, so are you!” Kim surprised him badly with that one.
Robert slammed on the breaks and brought his station wagon to a screaming stop, “Take that back Kim, right now,” Kim recoiled from the angry demand. She couldn’t remember seeing Robert this mad in this reality or any other for that matter.
Kim manned her guns however and refused, “No Bobby, I’ve heard the talk about Susan Richards and Verona Cline. I’ve heard how you wanted to ‘get into their pants’ and that’s putting it nicely isn’t it?”
“Who told you that?” he demanded to know.
“It doesn’t matter. The fact is that Kirk wants me only as a fuck toy.”
Robert winced at his baby sister’s fowl mouthed metaphor, “Kim, I’m warning you. Don’t say that again.”
“What’s wrong Bobby, afraid your little sister is going to grow up and find out what fucking is really all about. I already know!”
“You haven’t… Ah, You…”
“No Bobby, I haven’t had sex yet,” Kim lied. The lie had a two pronged purpose. First, just the realization, that as Kim, she had already had sex and that it had been with a guy was enough to cause a stroke. In fact, Kim’s left eye lid had developed an almost imperceptible tick as a result of the information. With the realization also came the memory of the act with a host of conflicting emotions surrounding it. The lie simply allowed Kim to remain in mental denial a while longer. Second, and even more important, it wasn’t any of Robert’s business. “I don’t need to have sex to know about it or are baby sisters forbidden by law from acquiring that kind of knowledge?”
Robert smiled at the idea, “If they aren’t, they should be. As for you, consider it a taboo subject, at least until your 45.”
Ignoring him, Kim continued, “I’m not a kid Bobby, I’m human and one day I’m going to do it. I just want to do it with someone I believe cares more about me than… let me see how did Kirk put it, Oh yeah, I remember, ‘The snatch that stashed inside my pants’. That’s a nasty way of putting it, but I think it makes the point quite nicely.”
Robert’s fingers were dug into the foam steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white. Kim couldn’t tell if he was upset with her, Kirk, someone else or everyone.
“Bobby?” she asked meekly. There was no pretence in her behavior; she simply understood this was the best way to approach him when he was angry.
“What!” He snapped.
“Are you angry with me?” Kim asked.
“No… Yes… No… Ah Hell, I don’t know. Embarrassed more than anything I guess.” He took a deep breath, exhaled and turned to Kim, “You’re right, what you said about me, that was right. But it’s just guy talk you know… I never would have done anything to have humiliated Susan or Verona. I just thought I was being, you know…”
“One of the guys,” Kim finished and Robert nodded shamefaced. As she watched the blush on her brothers face spread, she became aware of something she found completely overwhelming. More than an idea or something that could be articulated, Kim understood that her brother respected her ideas, her thoughts more highly than many of his peers. It’s because I’m honest with him, I tell him exactly what I think. He likes that in people. Even as Tim, Robert didn’t spend much time to understand his younger brother. Robert always thought him… quirky, even a little odd.
Here, things were different. Even if she felt she was pushing his patience, she still wielded a kind of power over him. It wasn’t limitless and it had to be used sparingly least he grow tired of its influence, but it was there just the same. She understood its name too, respect.
Kim pushed on with her lecture letting instinct and memory lead the way. “You may not have set out to humiliate them, but they heard about some of the things you said, and I was being nice by not mentioning it to you in detail, you know that don’t you?” Her brother groaned and slammed his head on the steering wheel in frustration. “I don’t want to go out with someone that thinks of me as something he can rub his penis between. I’m a person Bobby. Not something he can use to relieve a woody with. That’s all I’d be in his eyes.”
“You know Kim, that’s just locker room bullshit. All the guys do it; most of them don’t mean any harm by it.” Bobby said but his heart didn’t seem convinced by the lame excuse. In fact, Robert was boiling inside. He couldn’t imagine how Kim must feel, but he knew she was right about the rumors. It happened everywhere. Now his sister was the subject of that filth.
It should have been obvious to both of them that she was going to become the subject of such ideas. She was gorgeous. It had probably happened in junior high as well, but high school was decidedly different. That was the place where children grow to find the limits of who and what they will become. Experimentation with the societal elements of what’s acceptable and what isn’t often backfire horribly leaving a wake of hard feelings for those victims of the experiment.
It was difficult for her brother to lump Kim into the body of girls he had known as such a different breed of people. To Robert she was simply his sister, just another one of the family. It didn’t hurt that she was totally unpretentious, polite, and sweet to a fault. She never really primped or fawned over her good looks. If her hair got mussed or tangled, she was just as happy to leave it as it was until she could care for it correctly. She was so different from all the girls Robert had known, it just never occurred that someone else might see her as he had seen all the other girls in school, merely a conquest.
That’s not to say she didn’t care about her looks. She did! She took care to watch what she ate, she exercised and was an active teen. Kim took care to look good and dressed well, if not a bit provocative. That was just his sister’s style. She liked the racy look, tight clothes and current styles made her feel in step with something she couldn’t or wouldn’t define except to say that it defined how she felt inside. That couldn’t be helping the way the guys were seeing her. So in large part, was Kim to blame as well? Robert didn’t think so. Wasn’t it her right to dress the way she felt best dressing? The world was saying no. For Robert, it was a double standard that he wasn’t comfortable with when it came to Kim.
For the most part she was sweet, little innocent Kimberly. She liked everyone, as evidenced by her long term friendship with Ben as strained as that was at times.
It broke his heart to think of Kim being spoken about like that by people she had to interact with. A vision came to him, a vision of Kim walking the halls at school. In the vision she was wearing one of her ridiculously short mini-skirts, but something was amiss. The hem of her skirt was caught in the waistband of her underwear in back. Everyone was laughing as she walked by. One or two of the guys standing around would race up behind her and pretend to air hump her. If she were to happen to turn around and see them following her, she would only smile her most genuine smile and keep moving toward her next class oblivious that she was literally, the butt of all the laughter. That was his little innocent sister, always thinking the best of everyone, everyone that is except Kirk.
“When you say, ‘didn’t mean nothing by it,’ you really mean like hurting someone’s feelings, making her look stupid or foolish in front of the school population on her first year? You mean taking the honest feelings of someone that has a crush on you and crushing them back for giving you that gift? You mean things like that, right?” Kim asked innocently.
“Shit, when did you start thinking so hard about this crap?”
“Oh, its crap is it? I’m sorry Bobby I didn’t mean to bother you with all this girl crap.”
“Kim… come on.” He reached out to pat her shoulder but Kim moved out of his reach.
“No, Bobby really, I’m sorry to bother you with this. I’m obviously making more of this than I need to.” Even Kim was surprised by her reaction to this. She genuinely felt hurt by her brother’s response. Even more confusing was the depth to which she had become engaged in this subject. Where is this coming from?
But she knew where it was coming from. More and more of Kimberly was coming back to her every second she remained in this body. Soon, she suspected, going back to being Tim would be just as traumatic as finding herself as she was.
“Look it doesn’t make it right, it’s just one of those things guys do. Hell, Kimmy, guys would love for women to talk about them that way. We’d be in heaven if women were slutty and trashy and came on to us that way.”
“So let me get this right…”
“Ugh!” Robert exclaimed aware he had inadvertently opened the lid to Pandora’s Box.
“If while you were dating Robin last year, she started talking to the other girls about how she wanted to ‘nail you’ or if she were to come up and say in front of all your friends something like,” Kim put on her raunchiest attitude, “‘Hey there sugar dick, Mmmmmmm, you know I just can’t get through the day without a nice squeeze Baby. Come on over here and let Mamma get a hand full of that…’ then slap you on the ass. You’re saying that you’d be Okay with that?”
“Uh… Robin wouldn’t have done anything like that.”
“Oh,” Kim asked, again in an innocent voice. “Why ever not?”
“Okay, I see your point.” Robert finally admitted.
“There’s a double standard out there Robert. It’s in plain sight of everyone and you guys just explain it away as being something guys do.”
“Well Kim, there are some things that only guys do.”
“Grrrrrrr.” Kim growled. It was a habit she had developed as a little girl that had developed into an involuntary response to things she got very angry about. “Okay, like what?”
“Football!”
“Stupid sport, next.”
“Baseball.”
“On the same list, and not true by the way, lots of girls play softball.”
“I don’t know how you can say those are stupid sports. You’ve never said anything like that before. And as Captain of the cheerleading squad I’m frankly just a little surprised, Kim. Okay how about this military, combat!”
Kim was no longer listening. She had fallen wretchedly silent. Her face cloudy and full of fear, ‘I’m Captain of the… of the… of the WHAT!’ She wanted to shriek. ‘I hate this…If I have to wear this face, then why can’t I have all the memories I need all at once, why am I being rationed out memories as triggered? I don’t know how to cheerlead! What the fuck am I going to do now?’ But as she searched the Kimmories that had suddenly been bridged by Robert’s admission, she found she did know how to lead cheers. The lyrics, words and moves to all the cheers in their catalog came back to her in horrifyingly vivid detail.
Then as they approached the school, something, or rather someone caught her eye that took her mind off all the information inside her mind. On the sidewalk stood a boy that had looked very much like Ben, with the obvious exception that Ben didn’t wear a book bag and was usually better dressed than the boy she had seen. Kim turned in her seat to face the direction as they passed to get a better look at the boy before he faded out of sight. On second glance, she was surprised to find the boy covered with what appeared to be leaves here and there stuck to his shirt and pants, as if he’d been rolling on the ground. It sure looked like Ben to her.
She tried to get his attention by waving to him, and although she was not aware she was doing it, she smiled sweetly at him. But the boy didn’t respond. In fact, he looked down at his shoes, there seemed to be something intensely interesting there that he didn’t want to take his eyes away from. As the car pulled around the corner of the drop-off-circle, the boy in question was still looking at that something on his shoes.
“Kim? What about the last one?” Robert was asking. He turned as saw her facing the back of the station wagon, “What are you looking at?”
“Huh? What? Did you say something?” Kim came back unwillingly; she now wished she’d never started this conversation. She couldn’t even remember what the conversation had been started over in the first place. The predicament she was in was now far too accentuated in her head for her to continue as she had only moments ago without seeming upset or odd to her brother. Best to stop now before more flags were raised.
“Military, Kim. Forget sports, forget things like construction or things like that… what about combat?”
“Uh… I don’t know.” She prayed now, that among other things, she would be out of this realm before she had to put on a cheerleader uniform and lead her squad in practice. School loomed in the foreground. It didn’t appear to have changed to her, but who could tell? Robert pulled up to the curb in the drop off circle as Kim gathered her things. Now, going to school didn’t seem like such a good idea. Whatever else might have or might not have changed, one thing was certain, she was a very different person. God only knew what that might lead to.
Resolute to getting back to her former life however, she opened the car door to get out, “Thanks Bobby.” She said touching his arm. Robert smiled but it was a pained smile. “
He was about to pull away when Kirk drove past in his Camaro. “Hey… wasn’t that?”
“Yep,” Kim followed the cars tract with her eyes, “He’s parking over there with all the jock’s and jockette’s.” Kim said with a sneer.
Robert looked at her with a funny puzzled look on his face, “Kim, you’re a jockette, remember?”
Kim snorted and said, “Yeah, please don’t remind me.” She backed away from the car. “See ya.”
“After school, I’ll be here at 3:00 to pick you up,” Robert glanced over his shoulder to where Kirk and his cronies were parked. “Think I’ll pay a little visit to Kirk over there.”
“Don’t embarrass him Bobby, please.” Kim begged.
“Now you’re concerned about him? If half of what you told me was true, I see that as a cause for his absence from the Home Coming game due to an unexpected leg, neck, back, arm, shoulder, and ass injury.” Robert grinned at his sister. Without waiting for a response, Robert pulled away. She watched as his car pulled across the space where Kirk’s car was parked effectively blocking it in.
Kim quickly turned and walked toward the school. Robert had a temper, especially when it came to people messing with his baby sister. Among her conflicting memories was one she remembered of her brother chasing down the Tarzac kid, ambushing him in the middle of the street when they had been younger. Robert had beat the kid until he had, as Bobby put it, ‘screamed like a little girl,” for harassing and frightening Kim just a few years ago.
The memory of the beating that boy had received, though well deserved for the fright Warren Tarzac had given her had, none the less been excessive and horrifying. Kim didn’t want to see something like that happen again. Kim shut the ‘Kimmory’ down before the movie could begin to play in what she was sure would be terribly graphic detail.
Kim did her best to move quickly away and back to the edge of the school where she had seen Ben standing, looking lost and confused. There was no cheerfulness in the air. Kim moved with deliberate determination, her eyes set forward, scanning the sidewalk in the distance for the disheveled boy in the worn T-shirt and faded jeans they had passed on the way onto the property.
An over-enthusiastic feminine voice called out, “Kim?” but it spawned no recognition in Kim to turn and acknowledge its owner. “Kimberly?” it called out again, then there was a tugging at her sleeve. “Kimberly,”
It was Melinda Gilman. Kim remembered her from both this life and the one that no longer existed. A hated enemy for Tim, she had been the source of many indignities he had suffered in school. Melinda had hated Tim for reasons unknown expect both boys had not been ‘cool’.
Here however, Melinda had been sort of a friend. Kim could see however that there was some sort of sinister feel to that friendship. Pleasant on the outside, both Melinda and herself harbored dark feelings for one another. And that’s the way it is with girls… Kim’s mind told her. Most of the girls here feel that way about the others. It’s a sort of… rivalry thing. Even that wasn’t quite right, but it was the closest label she could put on it. Girls are far more competitive than boys give them credit for being. A rivalry doesn’t end with a confrontation. Boys can slug it out and twenty minutes later, forget there had ever been anything to fight over. Girls were far worse. Their memories were long and their spite harsh and bitter.
Kim understood that Melinda was a shallow girl whose main motivation was to find and capture the most eligible and wealthiest boy in school and eventually marry him to secure her future. This fact had probably been no different in Tim’s world either but had been an element unknown until she had become Kim. To Kim’s disgust, when she spoke of such things, she had a knack for making it sound like a 401(k) retirement plan.
Melinda pulled up along side Kim as she walked toward the school doors. Kim understood that the façade was merely designed to lower her adversary’s guard for some other purpose. Melinda wanted information. “Hi Mel,” Kim offered kindly, but to Kim the statement smacked of sarcasm.
“I don’t know why you call me that. You know I don’t like the name Mel, it makes me sound like some old bald fat sailor.” Melinda returned, making Kim grin just the slightest bit.
“Yes, I know,” Kim admitted with a happy smile.
“I swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were doing that just to annoy me.”
“Well then Mel, it’s a good thing you know better isn’t it?” Kim said cheerfully.
“Mmmmm, er yeah,” Melinda said sounding slightly confused. “Anyway,” Melinda said, blissfully dismissing anything that wasn’t useful to her primary purpose. “The word on the street is that you blew off Kirk for the prom.”
Kim stopped and turned to face Melinda, “Is there a reason the street needs to know?”
“No, no reason. I was just curious why anyone would brush Kirk off. I mean, I told everyone that it had to be a mistake, you know? Some kind of vicious rumor…”
“I see…” Kim replied not tipping her hand. She resumed her march to the school leaving Melinda standing, staring after her.
Melinda finally raced to catch up with her. “Well?”
“Well what?” Kim asked.
“Did you? Did you tell Kirk you didn’t want to go to the prom with him?”
Kim stopped just shy of the steps to the front door, “No, I didn’t.”
Melinda looked absolutely crushed, and Kim decided to draw this out just a moment or two longer. “I thought so, that damned Tracy Seeds, I swear,”
“My brother did!” Kim interrupted, stopping Melinda in her tracks. “Bobby did because I never told Kirk I was going to go to the prom with him.”
“Oh,” Melinda said in wide-eyed surprise.
“Ben Ackerman asked me to go with him and I accepted,” Kim turned and mounted the steps and vanished into the school, leaving Melinda on the walkway in stunned disbelief unable to speak.
Kim continued to scan the influx of teens for Ben’s familiar scruff of uncombed hair and his dark mysterious eyes in the faces of the kids that passed. It was soon apparent that something else was happening. Almost everyone was looking back at her for some reason. There were waves and hellos and greetings from almost every eye, hand or mouth that passed within twenty feet of her. The distraction was enormous and disconcerting. Before long she was avoiding making eye contact. Still the calls continued.
If Kim wasn’t the prettiest girl in school, she was at least in the running and raked high in the top five. This was a point of self-conscious contention with her as she entered the school. Even with her eyes averted she could sense other eyes upon her. Most were male eyes. This simple fact made her the most uncomfortable, but there were those girls in the school that disliked her because of her natural good looks. Every so often she could feel the dislike of those eyes on her, burning a hole in her, willing her beauty to burst into flames.
Left and right, the voices of people that knew her offered greetings, and wishes for a good morning as she moved along the hall. With each voice, a flash of memory, but the flashes were coming too close together to make any cogent sense to her. Soon she felt totally overwhelmed as a starlet might in a sea of camera flashing paparazzi for the first time.
Kim found a stand of lockers that was unoccupied with fellow students and ducked between them to give her flash-blind brain a rest from all the transient, disjointed memories. She lay with her back against the locker, the raised clasp of her bra conspicuously pressing into the center of her back. She hid her face behind her school books to shield herself from a world that seemed to have little or no regard for her stress as it continued to go on with its business all around her. She could not recall a time when she had ever felt lonelier in either existence.
Even trying to hide, the greetings from an unknown world filtered in from somewhere beyond her shut eyes. Please, please, please… just leave me alone!
Then the sounds of a world that had never existed filtered through the noise,
“Come on!” cried a voice. Then came the sounds of someone stumbling with papers and books spilling across a carpeted floor.
“What a dweeb,” came the cry from one. There was laughter by several, “Looser!” The sound of it made her quake with its bitter familiarity as the harsh and hateful calls moved away out of earshot down the hall.
Kim peeked above her books and saw a clumsy figure on his knees amid the ruins of a once well organized note book. The papers and text books were strewn out in a debris trail that extended out into the traffic area of the hall. Those still making their way to class were marching on the papers of completed work, some even taking time to grind the material into the carpet with a few good twists of their feet.
From her vantage point, the actions of these people seemed so much more extreme than anything she and Ben had ever experienced before. Ben would reach out for his work, trying to selectively rescue those papers that seemed in the greatest danger from passers by. As quickly as he could gather those already torn and smudged by those that were working them into the floor, someone else would begin destroying another page someplace else. Now with a distraction, the vast ocean of attention that had been turned her way was now focused on Ben and the devastation of his school work.
Ben made grunting noises as he attempted to reach out and save what work he could. Kim dashed out into the hall and dropped to her knees and began helping. “Stop it!” she cried out. “What in the Hell is wrong with you people?” It wasn’t long before the kids were starting to give both a wide birth, no longer willing to attack if Kim was set on helping the geek put his belongings back in order. Many gave her a curious look however, unable to reconcile why she would be helping such a looser.
She had her fingers on one of the last pages in the hall, one others had missed when a large athletic shoe landed on it with deliberate intent. “On a mercy mission again Kim? Is the looser the subject of one of your Pity Crusades?”
Kim visually followed the leg up to where the voice had come from. “Its not pity Kirk!” She snapped at him, “Ben is a friend of mine. I’m doing what friends do.”
Kirk stood six feet three inches tall, his massive frame was draped with nearly 200 plus pounds of muscle. With bone, skin, organs and fat, Kirk weighed in at a whopping but lean 280 pounds. Kim tugged on the sheet of paper under Kirks foot and Kirk lifted his foot and released it to her. “You’re really going out with this puttz?”
Kim snatched the paper Kirk had been standing on and put it with the rest of Ben’s work she was cradling. “Why do you think that’s any of your business?”
“I just want to hear you say it, that’s all,” Kirk said throwing his hands up to illustrate how defenseless he was. His defenselessness turned quickly to evil glee when with a sneer he said, “I want you to tell me in front of all your friends that you, Kim Glass is going out with the lowest form of life on the planet.”
“Stop it Kirk.” Kim demanded. Kim struggled to maintain her balance as she stood with an armload of paperwork. Kirk offered her his hand but she pulled away from it with a quick jerk, “I can manage on my own, thank you!”
“Oooo Hooooo! Defensive aren’t we?” Kirk observed
“Just go Kirk, leave him alone.” Kim shouted. She was close to tears. Her heart broke for Ben who was still trying to remain invisible. His head turned shamefully away to avoid the baleful stares of those that looked on. She understood what was going on in his mind. His life had come down to having to be saved by a girl. A girl who was smaller than him, weaker than him, but could still defend him and guard against anyone else hurting him.
“Not before you say it Kim.” Kirk demanded.
“Why is it so important to you that I come out and say it?” Kim asked bewildered why anyone would do this to another human being.
“Are you ashamed of going out with him? If you not, why shouldn’t you say it. I just want to hear it. I want to hear my girl tell me she’s dumping me over this piece of human tras…”
Kim flushed with anger, “Since you put it that way, you bet I am! I turned you down Kirk. You wanted a public announcement. I turned you down so that I could go to the prom with BEN ACKERMAN.” Kim shouted, cutting Kirk’s thought in two. “The only thing I’m ashamed of is that I didn’t get the opportunity to tell you first.”
There was a flash of recollection in Kim’s mind. It wasn’t just one memory but a string of several small clips, images, feelings and words. All of these images and feelings were playbacks of Kirk. Kirk putting his arm around her waist at sporting events, feelings of revulsion and disgust at the act. There were feelings of being ambushed by Kirk. Times when he could not make his presence known but show up where Kim was unexpectedly escorting her around, Kim helpless to extricate herself from his company. There were memories of hearing that Kirk was telling everyone that they were together, there were arguments about the subject that always ended the same way, with Kirk dismissing her protests and telling her that she was his and she was going to remain his unless she wanted to get hurt. This eclectic assortment of memories all painted the same story, Kirk was stalking her, holding her hostage and warning everyone that she was his. That’s why she didn’t have any boy friends.
Kim’s face became grim with determination, “And you know what Kirk?” Kirk began to gather his entourage to leave, “I’m not your girl. I never have been! It’s just some sick fantasy you’ve cooked up inside that pressure cooker you call a brain. I’m no ones girl until I say so! I should have said so a long time ago. You made up all this shit you’ve told people since the beginning of the year. You made it up and I’m the one that had to sit quietly and pretend that I liked you to save you’re precious ego and your spotless womanizing reputation. So I’m going out with Ben because I like Ben, and I don’t like you!”
Kirk had stopped, his back turned to her. When she finished, Kirk turned slowly and Kimberly was suddenly very afraid. “Kirk walked to where Kim now stood. He stood close enough so that she could smell the cigarette smoke on his rancid breath. She could feel the residual heat of his body on her face. His face was a boil that needed lancing, a hot read thing full of puss and poison. Kirk suddenly smiled, “I bet you wish that were true. It would be a lot easier for you to believe than accept the fact that I dumped you.”
“You WHAT?” It sounded to the gathering crowd that Kim was surprised that their affair was now over and she was the last to hear about it. Kim understood she’d been drawn in to the farce. “Dumped me? You and I, we were never...” Kim stopped in mid sentence and switched oars, “You know what, you’re right. Okay, you dumped me. Either way, you and I, simply, are not anything.”
Kirk on the other hand was circling her within their circle of friends, arms stretched out a shit eating grin on his face as if to say, Did I not tell you she was fucking crazy? Is this not the proof? That circle of friends were all nodding their heads in agreement to this most loud of silent questions.
Kim watched him circling for a moment but soon returned her attention to Ben. Her peers were beginning to move off toward classes as the warning bell rung. Kirk broke off his victory dance and bent low where Kim was crouching next to Ben, “Come on Ben, let me…”
Kirk began whine, mocking Kim as she spoke to him, “Come on Ben… Pretty please.”
Kim turned as slapped at Kirk’s chest. “Leave… him… alone…” she emphasis each word with a slap. Kirk scrabbled backward, laughing at the weak slaps until he lost his balance and ended up on his back defending himself with his arms. At length, he finally had had enough and grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him, as he lay on his back on the floor.
Kim gasped at the suddenness and fury with which Kirk handled her. She tried to pull away but his hands were more like iron shackles, “Let gooooo.”
“Shut up Kim,” Kirk growled low and quiet. In all her memories, Kirk had never before been this aggressive. “That was very cute what you did today, with your brother. Very cute, but he don’t scared me Kim. You are MY girl.” Kirk hissed. Then he shook her as he said it, “My girl! Don’t fucking forget it Kimberly. It doesn’t matter what your brother says, what you say, and least of all what that piece of dog shit says,” Kirk gestured to Ben who was still on the floor. “You may think you’re going out with the grease spot over there. I’m telling you, you’re not. Remember it Kim, I’d hate to have to remind you.”
Kirk locked his eyes to hers for just a moment and Kim could see the eyes of a crazy man stirring behind the former clear blue eyes of a boy trying to become a man. He jerked her once more, then suddenly released her, pitching her back off him. He was done with her. Kirk stood, brushed himself off with no more concern than a man who had just gotten dust on his jacket and then sauntered off without so much as a glance backward.
Kim watched him, enraged and embarrassed. Behind her, Ben was still arranging his paperwork. “Kim,” he said pausing.
She turned and acknowledged him, “Yeah Ben… Oh my God,” Kim cried noticing for the large yellow and purple shiner for the first time. “Ben, you’re hurt.”
“I fell down,” Ben said as nonchalantly as someone ordering buttered toast.
“What did you fall down on, an anvil?” Kim said examining the eye.
“My dad’s fist.” Ben said glumly. Kimberly froze. A rush of memories attacked her mind. Each one was terrifying. All included Abs and Ben. One included a rather nasty confrontation with her father a long, long time ago. As she cradled Ben’s face, Ben finally let go of the fear that had been stranded within him for the past two days. He sobbed helplessly as Kim did her best to hide Ben’s shame from the passing students.
“Shush, it’s Okay. We can fix this.” Kim whispered to him. If she felt she had needed some leverage to convince Ben to get them out of this mess, she now believed she had just what the doctor ordered.
Ben looked at Kim with a pathetic stare, “I just want to go home Kim. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t help, but I am. I just want to go home.”
Kim smiled sweetly at him and on impulse, kissed his forehead tenderly. “I know you do.” Kim glanced about. The halls were clearing of students. The bell for first period was about to close. It was now or never. Kim turned back to Ben and whispered, “Come on Ben, let’s go home.”
Kirk had arrived at school this morning still brooding about yesterday’s news from Bob Glass about his sister’s decision to go to the prom with the weasel. Now, something else had happened to upset his happy universe, something he couldn’t quite get his mind wrapped around.
Bob had come and damn near attacked him. Worse he had done this in front of everyone! Well, everyone important anyway. The others looking on could be dealt with in time. What they thought could be… corrected. But Kirk’s peers would see something all together different now. They would see that Bob Glass had, for some reason, withdrawn his support for Kirk. Kirk’s mind drifted back thirty-five minutes, to the parking lot where he had been socializing as he did every morning, being worshiped by his idolizers as he should have been.
Then Bob had shown up and all that had changed.
Kirk had smiled as the car came to a short sliding stop. He had no reason to believe that anything else was wrong. In fact, he had hoped for good news from Bob. Kirk had almost imagined that Bob was eager to tell him all things were back in fluid harmony with the gears and cogs of the Universe of Kirk. But time had not righted itself. Bob got out of the car, a mask of revulsion and hatred clouded his face and for the first time in quite awhile, Kirk experienced a pang of fear in his heart.
“What’s up Bob?” Kirk had asked. What was up soon became apparent.
“What’s up? Here’s what’s up! Kim tells me you think you’re going to use her as cum sack.” Bob said as he approached Kirk swiftly. Bob laid his forearm harshly over Kirks chest and forced him back ward onto the trunk of his car.
“What the FUCK!” Kirk had cried out angrily.
“Shut your fucking mouth.” Bob had ordered, growling. “You don’t talk about my sister that way, you piece of shit. You don’t think about my sister like that! Those thoughts do not exist for you about her.”
“Get off me!” Kirk ordered and tried to break free, but Robert had only leaned in, bearing down on him with the full force of his weight. Kirk’s back dug painfully into the rise of the airfoil on the back of the Camaro trunk lid.
“Shut up!” Robert ordered. “Last warning.”
Kirk fell silent this time as three girls from the cheerleading squad looked on in horror and to be truthful, a pinch of excitement. “I don’t know how you managed to keep it from me, maybe I just wasn’t listening hard enough. I think that’s probably more true than I wanted to believe, but I’m listening now. Kim’s different. You’re not going to treat her like she’s a piece of meat to wrap around your stinking dick. She’s my kid sister. Do you understand this?”
“You don’t live here any more Bob!” Kirk said defiantly, speaking of the campus as a kingdom and the school as his castle.
“I SAID SHUT UP!” Robert cried out. He grabbed Kirk by his T-shirt, lifted him six inches off the car and slammed him back down hard enough to leave a small indentation in the trunk of Kirk’s car. “You don’t scare me Kirk. I’m bigger, I’m stronger and I know a hell of a lot more about hurting people that try to hurt Kim than you do.”
“Whatcha gonna do, kick my ass?”
Robert smiled. “I probably won’t have to do that.”
Confusion crossed Kirk’s face, “Huh?”
“My mother will have you killed if you hurt her. But if for some reason she doesn’t, I’ll do it myself. That’s the only warning you’re going to get, remember it.”
Robert let Kirk go. For good measure, he swept Kirks feet out from under him with a wide arching swipe of his right leg. He then turned and went back to his vehicle leaving Kirk hanging on the back of his car by his arms, crucified on the trunk of his Camaro. Kirk, red faced and full of shame at the idea that other’s had seen this display got up angrily. He straightened out his shirt and hoisted his pants back into place and cried out, “You can’t stop her if she wants to be with me.”
Robert, back in his car pointed an index finger angrily at Kirk. “You’re a young man Kirk, you want to think about your future before you do anything that will land you in a wheelchair for the rest of your miserable life,” Robert shouted from inside his car. He then screeched out of the parking lot furious, worried that if he stayed he would be unable to stop the rage in his heart before something else happened.
Once he had recovered as much as he could, Kirk had spotted Ben entering the school. Just as Ben had predicted, Kirk had charged after him. If Kim hadn’t come along, well, Kirk may have had the chance to hurt Ben enough to keep him out of school for a few days.
Now, what was he going to do? Talk to her, tell her how much she’s going to be missing out on. Show her how important it is for her to be with me. All the other girls see it, why can’t Kim?
And this was the issue at the very core of the problem. In Kirk’s mind, Kim and her ilk were waiting around to be chosen. They were supposed to wait until he, Kirk, came around and selected them. For Kirk, the girls of this school were his harem. Other guys could select from the general population, but there were some that were marked especially for him. They wore special uniforms to let the others know that those girls were off limits. Somewhere however, the message hadn’t gotten to one of the girls. The memo had been lost. Kim was unaware that her status on the squad was a reservation, a commitment to a hierarchy that started with him. For some reason, Kim was unaware how important it was to her that she not be allowed to mingle with the cattle of the school’s common people. She was elite, she was off limits, and most importantly she was HIS.
How had the weasel gotten in to the hen house? How had Kim been allowed to think she could choose? These were the questions that nagged Kirk as he blundered blindly down the hall. People in his way moved to let him pass, as they usually did. Some however, were not fast enough and ended up glancing off him, bugs on the windshield of a semi-trailer speeding down the highway. Every so often, there would be an indignant cry of “Hey!” or a mumbled grumble of “Asshole.” But Kirk did not respond, either because he did not hear or did not care.
The weasel was the problem. For a brief moment, the idea of killing the weasel actually settled on the branch of cogent thought in Kirk’s head. Fortunately for Kirk, he was not yet enough of a sociopath to believe that he could get away with that. It was not a moral decision for Kirk, merely a logical one. He would not be able to have Kim if he were in jail. While Kirk knew no one really cared one way or the other about Ben Ackerman, he did know that even the deaths of homeless men didn’t go uninvestigated.
For the moment Kirk shoved the idea aside.
“Kirk,” a voice from behind him said.
Kirk spun and found Eric Devlon standing behind him. Devlon could tell right away that something had deeply disturbed his friend. “What?” Kirk said moodily and now, for the first time, Eric found himself simply wanting to walk away.
Instead Eric pushed the issue, “What in the hell happened back there?”
“Back there? You mean that dead little fucking puke Ben Ackerman? SSDD.”
The news about Kim and Ben
was now all over the school. The teenage-girl-grapevine had once more proved
that if Daniel Morse used the power of girl rumor instead of wire and telegraph
poles, communications might be far more advanced today than they are. Even kids
who had no stake in the outcome had watched the ensuing build up in aggressions
that morning with raw fascination, much the same way most people can not look
away from an accident on the highway. Everyone wants to see something they’ll
be sorry they saw later. “Look man this thing with Ackerman is going"
“Going where Eric? He stole
my girlfriend.” Kirk’s massive frame approached the more diminutive running
back. “Don’t tell me you’re a traitor too.” “What are you talking about?”
Eric asked, genuinely perplexed. “Kim said she’s going to the
fucking dance with that pencil neck. Someone’s gotten to Bob, turn him against
me.” “You mean Glass? He probably
just found out what you’ve been sayin about his sister.” Kirk’s face knotted up into a
snarl, “That’s EXCACTLY what he said. How would you know that unless
you had sumpin’ to do with it?” Kirk growled. Eric put the flat of his
hands on Kirk’s chest, “First of all, step back. You’re breath stinks and so
does what you’re accusing me of. I haven’t said a word to anyone about
anything. It’s not my business. If Glass found out you’ve been talkin’ trash
about lil Kimmy, then I say, he should’a kicked your ass. Other than that, as
far as I’m concerned it’s just talk, you can have it. This shit with Ackerman
though; you’ve stepped over a line in the sand with that. You’re hurting the
dwarf.” “So,” “Man, if you can’t see that
little geek is human, then you need professional help. He’s just a little
guy. Did you see the black eye you put on that sad little man.” “As much as I’d like to take
credit for that, he came to the party with that on already.” Kirk said
snickering at his own joke. “Then that’s a bigger
problem, because others are beginning to follow your lead. He ain’t tough.
One well placed punch and someone’s gonna be facein’ murder charges my
overgrown oafish friend.” Kirk grumbled, “He’d be
better off dead.” “Oh I did NOT just hear
you say that.” Eric, aware that soon the halls would be clear rested his hand
on Kirk’s back and walked him down the hall. “Let her go,” “NO,” Kirk
screamed, enraged. “Shut up man, this is a
school. People around here are trying to sleep.” He patted Kirk on the back,
“She don’t want you man. That’s the simple fact.” “Again, I have to ask you, so
what? She’s mine. I want her.” “You can’t have her until she
gives herself to you. Listen to me. Man you know how this works! You weren’t
born yesterday. Get your act together. There are at least ten other girls…
well five, yeah five other… I know there’s at least three other girls
that want you, may be more!” Kirk stared wordlessly at
Eric. Let her go? Why? He couldn’t figure that one out. There was
nothing in that deal for him. Kim got everything. Possession was six tenths
of the law wasn’t it? He should get something for his six tenths. She
was his. He saw her first, years ago. This wasn’t right. How could she profit
for not wanting to be with him? “Good, it looks like it’s
registering,” Eric said, unsure if he’d gotten through or not. “I’ve gotta
run. Oh and, leave that Ackerman kid alone Kirk. If she likes him, she likes
him. You can’t split that apart. If it’s really love, then she’ll do anything
for him. You lost.” Eric turned and shambled off.
“Anything,” Kirk whispered to
himself. Kirk smiled. If she’d do anything for him, what would she do to make
sure, say, his legs didn’t accidentally break off? While the idea of pounding
that pathetic little worm brightened his mood a little, the idea that Kim might
not try to tear herself away from the weasel only served to darkened Kirk’s day
further. -*- “I’d like to get out of here
before your boy friend comes back and breaks me in half.” Ben was scrabbling
about trying to gather his papers and books. The last bell rang as Kim
crawled her way to Ben, picking up the last of his papers and books as she
went, “I’m sorry Ben, I didn’t know he was nuts and he’s not my boy friend!” “Well, that’s not what he
says.” Ben grumbled. “Besides, it doesn’t matter; I know this whole thing was
all just a joke at my expense.” Ben continued to hobble about on his hands and
knees, noticeably hurt. “I mean, what else would a girl like you be talking to
me for anyway?” Uh oh, Kim thought, recognizing the syndrome of fading in and
out of two realities, I’m losing him again. “Ben I didn’t set anyone
up.” “Well, Okay little Miss
Innocent. I hope you got a hat full of laughs out of it…” “Oh Ben, come back to me.
Try to remember…” Her voice was filled with the absolute terror that she had
been the one set up. She was alone here, female and doomed to remain as she
was. “Look Ben, there’s not going to be a prom, not for us, not like this.” Ben looked at her as if he
had expected what she’d just said the whole time, “See,” Ben exclaimed,
dropping papers back down to the floor in his frustration, “I knew it.” He
sounded completely heart broken. His pain tore at Kim’s heart like a rusty knife
blade. “Ben,” She clasp his hand
tightly in hers and whispered, “Please Ben, remember. You put that mask on me
the other night. It did this to us. I need you to take it off Ben. We need
to go home.” Like Kim, the last two
mornings, Ben was hit with a tsunami of memories. His body went rigid and Kim
leapt to his side to support him. From the outside, watching infusion what she
felt certain were memories into Ben’s mind was an awful sight to see. She
could only be thankful that her mother had not yet witnessed this in her.
Quickly, Ben relaxed. The image reminded her of what she’d seen when she and
Robert had gone to see the Matrix when Morpheus had put that metal rod in the
back of ‘Neo’s’ head and turned the machine on. “Ben?” Ben blinked a few
times, then looked down and regarded Kim. His eyes were as empty of
recognition as when she had come to help him. Kim almost fled crying,
convinced that Ben didn’t remember the mask or any such thing. Then he
surprised her by smiling. “Hi Kim,” he said cheerfully.
Kim burst out in emotional laughter and did weep a few tears of gratitude. “Hi Ben, how ya been?” she
asked in a light and happy voice. “Pretty good I thin―”
Ben trailed off with recollection, “Oh Kim, we are in deep shit.” “The mask Ben, if you take
the mask off of me, then it all goes back to the way it’s supposed to be.” Kim waited for a response but
none came. Then a horrible thought crossed her mind. What if he doesn’t
remember it all? How much time have I got to give him a crash course in history?
How much do I have the ability to even talk about? “Ben, you do remember
what happened the day before yesterday, don’t you?” “You mean at that magic shop,
the old man?” Ben asked and Kim blew a sigh of relief. “Yes,” Kim answered, “the
magic shop, the mask!” “We can’t do that here!” Ben
looked around, here and there were stragglers still making their way to class. “No, I think that’s part of
our problem. We weren’t truly alone the other night when you tried to get it off
of me the second time. We have to leave school, now.” “Leave? We can’t leave.
That would be ditching.” Ben protested. “Ben, it’ll only be ditching
in this place where I’m a girl, not back where we’re supposed to be.” Kim
explained with excited urgency. “We need to go, get this thing off me and get
back to our lives.” “I’ve never ditched before,
Kim. If someone catches us…” Ben argued. “It’s not going to happen,
Ben. I’ve done this before.” “You’ve never ditched …” “No, I haven’t but Kim has,
and in about ten or fifteen minutes, it won’t matter. You and I won’t have to
worry about who answers for it.” Ben rose to his feet and
Kimberly took the stack of books and papers he carried and deposited them in a
near by trash can. “Hey,” Ben cried as Kim dumped all the school work they had
just rescued together. “Shush,” Kim warned, “You’ll
get them all back once we’ve reversed what you did to me. Now come on.”
Kim took Ben’s hand and moved in the direction of the cafeteria, dragging Ben
behind her like a lost puppy on a short leash. Kim hit the exterior doors
that gave egress to the parking lot and the P.E. field that sat on a large
piece of property behind the school. The large floor to ceiling
windows of the classrooms reviled their trek across the sidewalks, framed
within them were the heads of classmates some peered out at them as they
hurriedly passed by. Ben watched several with, their faces frozen in shocked
masks of surprise at the sight of Kim, arguably the most popular girl in
school, dragging Ben by his jacket sleeve to destinations unknown. “We’re being watched,” Ben
warned as Kim dragged him along behind her. Kim said nothing. She simply
followed the course she’d plotted, hell-bent on escape from her soft, feminine
jail cell back to the world of harsh but familiar realities. “Where are you going?” Ben
complained, obviously nervous about still being so far from class after the
first bell had already sounded. Ben pulled away in the direction of the doors
they had just passed through. For Ben, they seemed a million miles away. Kim pulled him back to her,
“Get back here, I want to get this off Ben. I want to… I want to be a … Grrrrrrrrr,”
she growled frustrated again at her inability to voice her gender preference. “Kim, we’re going to be late
for class!” “We’re already late Ben,” Kim
turned desperately, a wild look on her face, “I’m not going back in there like
this Ben, and you’re not going to class while I’m stuck like this! I can’t do
it any longer.” Something’s had changed, but
for Ben, he was still lockstep in tune with whatever syndrome or whatever, his
dear old daddy had passed on to him. This was turning into a maze of surreal
experiences for both of them. It didn’t matter to anyone that Ben was being
victimized on a nearly daily basis, not just at home. So why was Ben so
worried about what happened here, in this world? Why wasn’t he more eager to
get home? Still, Ben was a mess. He was
clearly in pain. How could people just turn their heads to this? With all
that, he was still afraid to leave school, even if it made all the sense in the
world to go back to where they had come from and leave Weirdo World
behind. “Ben, your father. You said your father did that to you,” she said
pointing to his eye. He once again touched the eye
and winced. “Oh yeah, my Dad,” Ben said. Kim watched as Ben’s shoulders
hunched and what little life that still remained in him drained out of his
shoes. Ben’s resolve was fortified a bit with whatever memory he had been
graced with and he said, “Let’s do this.” Still clutching his jacket
sleeve, she pulled in to a place where the corners of two buildings stood some
six feet apart. To the east was the corner of the academics building, to the
west, the wood and metal shop along with the graphic arts shop. Large, over
grown red tips stood to the north and south between the two buildings providing
cover from sight for an area about six feet by eight feet square in the center
between the bushes and buildings. Except for a path that ran between two of the
Red Tips that was used as a short cut to get back and forth from the P.E. field,
the small space was about as secluded as any on school grounds. Kim ducked her head and
slipped between the hedges. Not having much of a choice, Ben followed her.
When Ben slipped into the small clearing Kim was waiting. “Okay Ben, do it!”
She mashed her eyes closed and waited, looking as if she were expecting a blow
to the back of the head. Ben looked around for a minute, saw no one, but still
hesitated. She peeked at him with one
open eye, when she saw him standing there just looking around, she got worried.
“Don’t do this Ben,” she warned. “Do what? Oh!” Ben
exclaimed. “No, I was just thinking, the last time, things got pretty out of
hand. I was thinking that you might want to sit down for this, you know, in
case you fall or something.” Surprised, but grateful, Kim
said, “Oh, sure,” and knelt down on the dirt path before Ben. Kim was sitting
back on the heels of her feet, knees planted on the leaf strewn soil that
served as a floor to the clearing. “Okay, let’s get this thing off me,” Kim
declared. She closed her eyes and pushed her face forward. To Ben it looked as
if she were waiting for a kiss. Kneeling before her, he
raised his hands to her face, much as he had the two nights before on the
stairs of her house the night he had placed the damnable thing on her face. He
gently touched the line of her jaw just below her ear and waited with
anticipation for the feeling of the mask rising from the surface of her face. Nothing happened. “Come on Ben, pull it off,”
whined Kim. “There’s nothing there to
pull off Kim,” Ben informed Kim rudely. “What are you talking about?
Just pull the thing off Ben, now.” Not wanting to hurt her, Ben
gave a gentle tug. All Kim felt were fingers hooked behind her jaw, pulling
softly, but firmly forward. “Ben, I swear, if you’re trying to keep me in this
body so you can get a little, you’re barking up the wrong tree. The only thing
that’s going to happen is more of whatever you’ve already been through. Now,
pull the mask off me and let’s get back home.” Ben sat back, insulted. “Why
would I do that Kim? I’ve spent the last two days in a waking nightmare. I
live in a fucking hovel, the roaches are so thick at home they’ll tie you up
and hijack your dinner plate. As for eating, that’s an entirely different
subject anyway, we have nothing! My Dad takes all the money my Mom earns and
smokes it or drinks it up. We have nothing. Everyone hates me. I’m probably
going to get my ass kicked again today by your fucking boyfriend…” “I told you, he’s not my
boyfriend,” Kim corrected angrily. “You want to tell him that!
He doesn’t seem to believe me,” Ben cracked. “He tries to break my head open
every time I try to tell him.” Kim gestured back to the
school with a wide sweep of her arm, “Already did, remember?” Kim asked him to
try again, only calmer this time, gentler. Ben repositioned himself and once
more tried to make the mask work its magic. He pulled and tugged, his finger
hooked behind Kim’s jaw. “It’s no use Kim, it’s
stuck.” “That can’t be possible!”
Kim’s eyes were wild with fear, “That old man said you could take it off!
Jesus…” Once more she grabbed the edges of her face with her fingers and began
to try to pull the mask off. She grunted short, high pitched, feminine grunts
of effort with each tug. “Come off!” she soon began to chant, “Come off, come
off, comeoff, comeoffcomeoffcomeoffcomeoff,” she chanted until her chant became
one long comeoff, she finally screamed! “GOD DAMN IT!” brought her hands to her
face and wept. “I’m trapped.” Ben didn’t know what to do.
He sat and watched as Kim cried. Tears began to well up in his eyes as well,
he wanted to weep for so much, he wanted to weep because he was stuck here too,
his mother was miserable and on the edge of suicide. He strongly suspected
that, were it not of him, she might have already have taken the drop. “Oh Ben,” she said pulling
her hands away from her face, “what are we going to do? I can’t just be a
girl! Not all of a sudden like this.” He wanted to offer something,
anything that might absolve him of the responsibility of this thing, all he could
say however was, “I don’t know Kim; I don’t know what’s happened. If I could
take it off of you I would.” Kim appeared to anguish over the idea. For her,
if the mask couldn’t be taken off, then she would remain a girl for the rest of
her life. Ben peered out between the narrow opening of the bushes while Kim’s
mind whirled around in a mental vortex of confusion and irrationality. “No
one’s around Kim, they’ve all gone to class”, Ben pulled his head back. “We’re
late.” “I don’t care,” she declared,
“I’m not going to school like this, not ever.” “Kim…” “No Ben, not ever. I mean,
lookit me. God damn it! I told you Ben! I told you this was a bad idea!”
Her hands moved around her body, finger splayed, hovering just bare centimeters
above her clothes. To Ben it looked like she was avoiding touching something
indescribably horrible. “I’m sorry Kim. I’m sorry I
got you into this.” “I don’t want sorry, I want
out! I don’t want to do this anymore Ben!” Ben looked on and to Kim’s
surprise he looked as if he might not comprehend the severity of Kim’s
predicament. “Do you understand what I’m saying Ben? If the mask doesn’t come
off, then I don’t change back. Not ever Ben. I have to stay like this as long
as I’m stuck with the mask.” “What about the old man?”
Ben asked. Kim calmed for a moment, and
then she began to nod slightly. It was not a new idea but one she had lost in
the panic of the moment. “Sure, yeah…” she said softly, “The old man, he has
to have a way for me to get this off. A smile broke out on her face. For a
moment, Ben could see the woman Kim had yet to develop into should she truly end
up stuck in that body. It made him ache for her. Watching her smile, Ben
almost wished that something would happen to prevent her from ever being anyone
else. But Ben hated his father and wanted to put the old man back behind bars
as quickly as he could. He also believed he would never be this close to
anyone as beautiful as Kim ever again. The suffering he endured now seemed
worth the sacrifice his wish would bring. Kim, still crying some, gave
a burst of grateful laughter, “It’s funny you know. I was thinking about that
yesterday when I was stuck at home. How did I forget that?” Kim scrabbled to her feet,
“Come on!” she shouted, reaching around behind her to grab his jacket. Startled, Ben cried, “Now? Wait,
I didn’t mean now! I can’t go,” Ben insisted. Kim turned on him with another
accusation on her lips but Ben stymied it, “I want it to stop Kim, I really do,
but I’m not the same person here, I can’t afford to be. I think we’re all
different here.” Ben said a little subdued. “I don’t understand,” Kim
said, “you said…” “I know what I said. But
Kim, I’m scared, my father…” Kim swallowed as the half
remembered moments of whispered brutalities of Abs Ackerman tried to penetrate
her conscious mind. “Yes Ben, of course. You can’t help us, there’s no reason
for you to… you know, in case we’re really―” “I wish I could go.” “It’s Okay Ben. I’m not
angry at you.” Ben searched Kim’s pale blue eyes. He thought for a moment he
caught the flicker of a lie hiding in the corner of one of them, but decided
not to look too closely. “I’m not, really. I’m just scared.” Ben shuffled his feet in the
dirt, “I’d better go get my books and stuff out of the trash.” Kim closed her eyes, one more
indignity, “I’ll help Ben.” “No, go see that fucker, get
him at least to tell you how to do this and I’ll take it off Kim, I swear.” Kim nodded. There was no
conviction in either of them now. Whatever they were going go do, it seemed it
was going to be done as they both existed now. “I’m sorry.” Ben offered once
more and then pushed his way through the hedges back out into the open. Kim’s
hands flew to her face and she gave the mask one more desperate pull. “SHIT!”
she cried as the mask stubbornly refused to materialize. It was clear to her now that
Ben hadn’t been lying the other night. From all appearances, she was going to
be Kimberly Glass for the foreseeable future. A fog of fury shadowed her face.
She balled up her fists and kicked her leg up behind her at the knee and
stomped it back down on the dirt, “NO!” She did this several more times,
emphasizing each stop with a fierce and angry “NO! NO! NO!” Frantic and
frightened, she paced around in a circle for a bit and stopped dead in her
tracks. Kim felt her face and body, a
thing that now seemed less and less unfamiliar to her. She muttered, “I never
wanted this. Oh God, please, PLEASE!” Nothing changed; she was still a girl,
only now there seemed no future for her but that of a female. She wiped new
born tears from her face and stood clinched against the onslaught of tears that
threatened. I won’t cry, I’m not going to cry. Kim gathered herself for a
moment and ducked through the branches where Ben, only seconds ago had exited.
She stood in the light of a world she didn’t want to live in. Trapped as a
person she could not escape from being. She wondered weakly how everything
could have gone so wrong. Three days ago, there had been no such thing as
magic. She had been a brilliant male child well on his way to a full
scholarship, a geek perhaps to most of the population of the school, but a
happy one. There was nothing wrong with her life. Now she was locked in someone
else’s body, a different sexed body, captain of the Cheerleading Team for
God’s sake! The name ‘The Tigresses’ popped into her head and she
groaned out loud. In the time before, as Tim, she had been unaware that the
cheerleading squad even had a name. How perfectly horrible was that name? She
was a Tigress. “That’s perfect. My day’s
complete now,” she said sarcastically to herself. There was fear and
uncertainty at every turn and now, alone, the only thing she could do was walk
into a school where the people of this place knew her as someone she had never
been meant to be. The world was spinning on its ear for her. In every way,
she was the exact opposite of the person she had been meant to be, in a life
she couldn’t seem to get back to. She had just built enough
courage to turn and run off the ground of the school and make a bee line for
the mall and the Wizard’s shop when someone called, “Miss Glass?” Kim’s head
whipped around in surprise in the direction the voice had come from. It was
Coach Monte, “Last bell rang over ten minutes ago, something wrong?” Flustered, Kim flushed, “Ah…
no Sir, Coach… I…” “Want to come on in and join
us then?” Monte said with a sarcastic smile. He waved her in with a large
overhead sweeping motion of his arm, “Come on, have some fun with us today.” Kim looked about in distress,
she was once again, trapped. The Wizard and any remaining hope she might have
for freedom from femdom would have to wait. She trudged labouringly toward the
steps. It seemed to Coach Monte that Kim’s feet must weigh eighty pounds each
for her to labor so over getting them to move. There must be something wrong.
He knew this child, knew her brother even better. She was always a lively,
happy, energetic student, enthusiastic on the field. What could be so wrong
that she would behave as if she were going to meet the executioner? Coach Monte made a mental
note to talk to Coach Karnes, Kim’s cheer coach, about this and see if she had
noted any changes in Kim’s behavior, he decided however, to refrain from
getting involved here and now except to say, “Kim, are you sure there’s
nothing you want to talk about?” “No Coach, thank you. I’m
fine.” “Yes, I can see that. You’re
going to have to put your feet on a diet if they’re getting so heavy they’ve
become useless for walking.” Kim smiled a sweet but obviously strained smile
and moved away from Monte and toward her home-room class. As Kim vanished around the
corner, Coach Monte shook his head and mumbled, “Good kid, I sure hope she
hasn’t gotten involved with something that’s going to wreck her life.” At that
precise moment Kurt Oswalter stepped around the corner from the Dean’s office.
Coach noted that his face was clouded and angrily dark. “Kirk, how’s it
hangin?” Kirk, who had obviously seen
Monte as he had made the corner, kept his head down, his eyes on his shoes and
growled low in his throat as he passed to wherever it was he was going,
stopping Monte dead in his tracks. “Glad to see everyone is in such fine
spirits today,” he muttered after Oswalter had passed. Coach Monte collected
himself and made his way down the hall toward the math pod. While Coach Monte
was unaware of the changes in everyone’s lives, time, life, normalcy had once
more seemed to regain much of its steam and was now pressing forward, carrying
all those it could with it. -*- Kim Glass, Ben Ackerman and
the rest of the world moved deeper into their appointed futures. Kim saw Ben
once more that day, during forth period. The two barely spoke. Ben chose to
keep his words to himself out of fear and guilt. Kim, now four and a half
hours past the devastating news that she would still be Kim over the weekend
had begun to nurture a single seed of resentment for Ben. Seeds such as those
often germinate and grow rapidly, like Kudzu on a Tennessee roadside, it had
already begun to hide her heart. Kim began her own period
between the schools forth and fifth. She became aware that her flow had begun
with the slick, slippery sensation her mind told her was blood. Diverting to
one of the girl’s restrooms along the way, she locked herself into one of the
stalls there to see. There were two small blood spots on the cotton crotch of
her panties. “Great!” she groused. She quickly extracted on of the tampons
she had brought with her from its wrapper. She removed one leg completely from
her jeans and lifted one leg and rested it on the toilet seat, giving her better
access to her genitals. She stared at the pink plastic tube with its bulbous
end she realized she was about to deliver a cotton plug inside her and leave it
there. “I hate you Ben,” she said absently. No one was around to hear her.
It wouldn’t have mattered if there had been, she would have said it anyway. She applied the tampon;
gently guiding it in had the effect of the final insult. The walls of her
vagina were sensitive as the plastic applicator parted them and settled inside
of her. She pressed the plunger and withdrew the plastic tube. The string
that was left behind tickled the inside of her thigh. She would never be able
to expunge the memory of that experience from her mind. The entire experience
seemed some how dehumanizing. School ended at the close of
sixth period. As promised, Robert was right there to pick her up. So too was
Kirk. He glared at them as he passed right in front of Robert’s car on the way
to his. Kim watched him pass nervously until Kirk finally broke his gaze. “What a creep,” she said. “Yeah well, I don’t think
he’ll bother again.” Robert fell silent for a moment, then he shifted in his
seat to better face his sister and said, “I’m sorry Kim. I don’t have an
excuse except to say that I really didn’t hurt anyone.” Kim smiled tenderly, all the
love she had ever had for her brother in both lives welled up inside her, “I’m
know Bobby. And I didn’t mean to be so blunt. Sometimes we have to hear
things the way they really are to understand.” She kept quite about Kirk’s
comments earlier that day in the hall. She didn’t want things snowballing out
of control any further than they already had. Perhaps if she kept them to
herself, it might all just go away. “Don’t ever be afraid to talk
to me Kim. If I do something stupid, then I need to know what it was so I
don’t do it again.” Robert regarded his sister for a moment. She seemed
melancholy and out of sorts. “Everything Okay Kim?” “I don’t know how to answer
that,” she said abruptly and was sorry she had chosen those words. “I guess
so. I started by period.” “Nice, thanks for sharing,”
Robert said with a look as if he’d just bitten into something bitter. Kim
giggled a little, grateful for being able to still find humor in something. On the way home, Kim asked
her brother if he wouldn’t drive her to the mall on Saturday on his way to
work. The old man was her last hope. If he couldn’t help her she had no idea
how she was ever going to restore her life to where it had been. Robert agreed and asked who
she was meeting there. Cindy’s over protective nature loomed large over her
head and the shadow of it seemed to further cool any chances of getting out. She
was as honest as she could be with Robert. He trusted her; she would have to
do the same if she expected to enlist his support. “No one, I just want some
time to myself. I can’t get that at home, not with Mom there.” “Then tell her you’re meeting
up with Sarah or something,” he warned her. Kim looked at him surprised,
“What?” he asked. “I’m not in on it,” Robert confessed. “Mom’s anal ways don’t
extend to me. I just don’t want to get caught in the fan when the shit hits
it, that’s all.” “Fair enough, Thanks Bobby.” That night, Kim was more
herself. With no choice and now 48 hours into her new life, making waves
didn’t seem wise. After dinner she cleaned up the kitchen, had a glass of diet
soda and watched a little television. She informed her mother that she and her
best friend Sarah Becklock wanted to go to the mall Saturday and asked if it
would be Okay if Robert drive her. Kim braced for the worst, but the news of
her grades and her change in behavior seemed to have done wonders for her
mother’s trust level. Without batting an eyelash, Cindy gave her approval. It wouldn’t matter if her
mother found out later that this was a lie; that Sarah would not be at the
mall. If the information came back to Cindy, it would only come back to her
because Kim had been unable to escape this reality. Nothing else at that point
would matter. She’d be trapped and there would be little else to it. If the
old man could change her back, then the lie would disappear along with
Kimberly. -*- At Heritage Mall, her fears were
renewed at the prospect of returning time to what she saw as its normal course.
She walked the Mall’s open plaza for almost thirty minutes in the place where
she and Ben had first spotted the Spells R Us boutique without finding it. It
wasn’t until she sat, distraught and worried that the store might not even
exist in this timeline that she saw the sign directly across from where she
sat. She raced in, hopeful that soon, all this would be over. As soon as she
was inside however, hope turned rapidly to anger. The Wizard’s attention was
drawn to the chiming of the door bell as the door opened and closed. As he
turned he could scarcely imagine the reaction, even with is ability to
occasionally foretell the future. Kim, relinquishing control to
her fear, immediately gave the Wizard a healthy, steaming portion of her mind
for lunch. “You old LIAR!” she shouted. “LOOK AT ME!” The Wizard smiled
good-naturedly. He peered over his spectacles that were seated low over his
nose and said, “Good afternoon to you too Kim,” “Don’t you even play nice
with me. This wasn’t supposed to happen!” Her anger had now manifested itself
in tears. Kim had wanted to put on a powerful persona but her fear of the recent
developments and disgust of her body overpowered her. Again, calmly the Wizard
asked, “What wasn’t supposed to happen Kim?” “THIS!” She shouted,
waving her hands in front of her body to indicate the extreme changes. “I’M
A GIRL!” Forgotten, though not permanently, was the self-gratification of
her abilities as an athlete. All the positives she had so subtly enjoyed had
been replaced with the fury of having been deceived. “Yes, and a lovely girl at
that. Funny how life from a...” “I don’t want anymore
philosophy,” Kim announced pacing back and forth. “I want out of this...
this... Grrrrrrrr” she growled, “I can’t even say it! I can’t deny what I look
like; I can’t even say my old name.” “That’s because the mask
changes you into your counterpart in life.” “It won’t come OFF!”
She cried. “Ben tried, once Thursday and once more on Friday. It’s stuck
somehow.” She placed her hands on the side of her face and pulled in an
exaggerated fashion pulling her head around from side to side to illustrate her
point. “See?” “That tells me nothing. You
will never be able to remove it yourself. I told you that. The person wearing
the mask can not take it off under any circumstances. Where’s Ben?” asked the
Wizard. “You don’t know?” Kim asked
skeptically. “I think you do. I think you know what’s happened to him as
well.” “He’s a different person
too,” the Wizard inquired? “You might say that. He’s
become a fucking punching bag for the entire state of Tennessee.” “Have you noticed other
changes, other than yours and Ben’s?” “Sure, I know what you’re
going to say. My mom is different, at least she acts different. Maybe she’s
really the same person, but I know why. It’s the changes in me since the mask
put Ben and I here…” Kim looked around a bit distractedly and added, “Wherever
here is?” “Kim, here is the planet
Earth. It’s Friday May 16th 2002. Everything was the same as it was before, up
to the time you were born April 9th 1986.” “That’s not right…” Kim said
confused, “I was born on…” Kim paused, she knew the Wizard was right, her
birthday was April ninth. “What’s happening to me?” Kim jolted and became rigid
as the Kimmory fell upon her. The day had been hot and
muggy. Cindy’s schoolgirl friend, Susan Ackerman had come by with her son, Ben.
Ben and Kim had been playing in a wading pool in the large front lawn. It was
one of those small blue plastic shells, the kind with the small slide that kids
play in when they’re too young to use a real pool. Kim could vaguely remember an
outline of the events. Most of what she remembered had been handed down to her
however. She had been too young to remember the events of the day herself
without assistance. Susan and Cindy had been in lawn chairs, sipping tea and
chatting pleasantly when they had decided to get up and leave for just a moment.
That was when Abs had
arrived. He had come looking for his wife. The chopped out Harley had
pulled up along the curb and what Kim could remember was the terrified look on
Ben’s face when the noise from the bike’s exhaust had caught his attention.
Ben had begun to cry as he toppled out of the pool and waddled away. Kim had
been left there alone. When she turned around, the human tattoo was nearly on
her. His size, his fearsome appearance was more than she could cope with and
she immediately peed where she sat in the pool. Abs stood at the edge of the
pool saying nothing. He surveyed the yard for signs of life as little Ben
disappeared around the corner of the house at the back yard. He then had
looked down at poor little Kimberly in the pool all alone. “Well now, what
have we got here?” Kim had been frozen with
fear. This too she remembered on her own quite well. In later years, she
equated it to what it must feel like to fall out of the watchful gaze of God
and into the sight of Satan himself, if you believed in that sort of thing. Abs had bent to pick her up.
To that day no one knew if Abs had pulled down her bathing suit bottoms or if
they had slid down by virtue of some other force. What was certain is that to
Tom, it didn’t much matter. “What the fuck are you doing
Ackerman?” Bellowed Tom from across the lawn. “Be cool man. I’m just
looking for my wife,” Abs as informed Tom dismissively as he set Kim on the
ground. Kim had immediately turned and run for the house where Cindy and Susan
now stood watching from the porch. “What’s wrong?” Cindy had
called, the uncertainty was strong and clear in her voice. “Son-of-a-bitch had
Kimberly’s pants down.” Tom cried back. “Whoa, wait just a fuckin
minute.” Abs began to protest, but Tom, who had been advancing reached back and
unleashed a cannon ball at the end of his right hand. It made contact with
Abs left eye, blinding him directly. Abs had fallen to the ground, screaming.
Kim remembered that sound a little. She wished at times she didn’t. She had
had a rabbit once. The neighbor’s dog had ambushed it in the yard on day when
they had it out of its pen. The way that rabbit screamed before it was
mercifully killed had reminded Kim of the way Abs had screamed as he writhed on
the ground. “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY YARD
ACKERMAN. GET OUT OR I’M CALLING THE FUCKING COPS.” When Kim came back she was
sweating slightly. “Dear God.” “That’s been happening a lot
I presume?” deduced the old man. Kim clutched her head as if
it might explode, “I hate this. I hate being locked in her life.” “It’s your life Kim. You’ve
always been a girl. You have to let go of this idea that there’s ever been
anything else.” “But I can remember being―” “A paradox, that’s all,”
explained the Wizard. “But you said―” Kim
started “For you, you have always
been Kim. To go back, you have to have access to the mask to change the
realities. Something you don’t have.” His words were cryptic,
meaningless gobble. Even worse for Kim, they vaguely pointed to something far
more final than she wanted to listen to. Forcing herself to remain clam, she
asked, “Why then. Can you tell me that? We did just what you said.” “I said only Ben would have
the ability to get it off once he put it on you. But your place in this life
is fragile. All things in the life you came from had filled in a balance.” “What’s that supposed to
mean?” Kim asked confused. “Everything has a balance
Kimberly. The entire world, the universe is poised that way to ensure that the
scales of balance, of equity don’t over tip and send the entire house of cards
spilling to the celestial floor.” “Sounds like another load of
philosophical bullshit to me.” The Wizard eyed her disapprovingly. Kim
understood why immediately, the word bullshit seemed to hang uncomfortably in
the air between them and Kim realized that she didn’t curse, at least, not out
loud. “Sorry.” She said humbly and lowered her eyes in shame. “That’s alright Kimberly, just
try harder to follow your own lead.” “But that’s just it. I don’t
want to; I want to go back to where I came from.” Kim whined, desperation was
rising in her voice again. “Ben can’t get it off now. How come?” “I told you, balance.” “I don’t understand,” Kim
said beginning to cry. “I just want to go home, why can’t I just go home to
what I was, who I was.” The Wizard came from around
the corner and crouched beside the girl. She threw her arms around his neck
and cried the tears of a girl that needed only comfort from a world that
offered little of that precious commodity. “Kim, you made a promise to Ben
that can’t be withdrawn.” “Promise,” she asked, “what
promise?” Kim said in a muffled tone with her head in the crook of the old
man’s neck and shoulder. “You promised to go with Ben
to the prom.” Kim groaned with regret and fear. “Now, because of your birth
as a girl, fate is trying to stabilize everything that has changed. You see,
not all things are right with the world yet.” “Well, if I could get this…”
The Wizard could sense the tension in the young girl’s body as she tried to say
what the mask would never let her say, “if you could take it off then
the world would go back to the way it was supposed to be, right? Wouldn’t that
solve all the problems?” “Not really, it’s sort of
complicated Kim,” He said compassionately. “I’m not sure you’d understand.” Kim took great offence at
that and withdrew from the Wizard’s comforting embrace. “What, I’m stupid
now?” The Wizard sighed. “Even with
Ben’s withdrawn behavior, he still wants to go to the prom with a beautiful
girl. More over; without really understanding what’s happening, he’s beginning
to fall in love with you. Kim shook her head in stunned denial. “This is the
element he sees as that life changing event in his life that will elevate him
beyond his status as human trash.” “Now that that seems within
his reach, even his deepest fear of his father’s wrath or what might befall him
at the hands of the thugs in school won’t let his heart admit that it’s in his
best interest to leg go of that idea. I told you both that love is the most
powerful magic of all. It could not be broken, forsaken yes, broken never. If
Ben is not truly in love with you, then he’s in love with the idea of being
in love with you. AND he’s even more excited about any chance he may
have, no matter how remote a possibility it might be, that you could someday
fall in love with him. You see Kim, Ben has to want to change you back. He has
to want to let go of the idea that he is falling in love with you and he
doesn’t want to do that.” “You never told us about
anything like this! Don’t you think you should have told me this thing would
change me into someone Ben would fall in love with? Or maybe you should have
told me about making promises and what that might do to me while I had this
thing on?” Kim paced around, upset, trying to think through the problem. “I did tell you, its part of
the reason you can’t just change your mind about the prom and have Ben remove the
mask. See, it’s not your choice alone. Ben is reverting to the person he
would be if he had come from your dimension Kim. A more confident Ben might
have had the courage to change his mind. He’s in a disparate situation now.
While he wants it to be over and done with, he either won’t or can’t let go of
the idea that this may be his only chance at a love of his own. The problem
here is that he’s so frightened now he hasn’t put any of this together yet.” “His father is partly to
blame for that. Abs is now still in his life. That means he won’t have the
second chance and the nurturing environment his mother provided for him,
however overindulgent it may have been. Then there’s the problem of you. You
haven’t been there as a friend all this time. The two of you were virtually
separated from each other after a fight between your Father and Abs at a back
yard…” “I remember that, but that…”
Kim trailed off uncertain of her memory on this issue. “Fate is trying to put the
pieces in an order that won’t let you disrupt the fabric normalcy again. It
knows you want to return to a time and a life that you and Ben erased. As fate
sees it, it’s not your choice to jump back and forth between the two
existences. The rules are the only reason the magic is allowed to work. Fate
wants its payment for the disruption you caused. But more than that, it
doesn’t want this to happen again.” “No,” Kim protested. The old
man stopped and raised his eyebrows in curiosity. Kim finally dropped her
gaze, “Oh God, there’s no way out this,” Everything I told you and
much, much more is all interconnected. It’s impossible to avoid the tendrils
of influence.” The wizard paused, “Have you ever seen the movie, It’s a
Wonderful Life? “Yeah,” Kim said dejectedly. “Well, it’s kind of like that
raised to the power of a million, in reverse. Everything out there that you
touch or that touches you has the potential to require the girl you were born
as in this timeline to stay and complete. If you make a promise then all that
potential you give birth to needs to be satisfied before the magic will work
again.” As Kim tried to allow her
mind to open to the infinite possibilities, the more stymied she seemed to
feel. “My head hurts,” Kim whined, stroking her forehead. “Nothing you’re
saying makes any sense to me. How could Ben be falling in love with me? I’m
his best friend. We practically grew up together…” Even as Kim said the
words, she understood that it wasn’t true. What she had known to be true as Tim
more and more felt like a dream she was waking up from. “As I said, you were not
there to be Ben’s friend. You know each other, but that’s it. Ben has no more
connection to you now than anyone else at school. It comes down to this Kim.
As long as the mask is locked on you, you’re going to remain Kimberly. That
may be five weeks; it could be another 60 or so years. There are no answers for
you today.” Kimberly audibly groaned. “Ben can’t change his mind
about any of this. No matter what else happens, no matter how badly he’ll come
to believe that he wants out, there will always be part of him that wanted your
promise to him to come true. He’s not capable of setting aside that desire for
himself. If Ben doesn’t truly want to give up his dream, then you’ll remain stuck
until you fulfill it Kim. That has become your job in all of this.” Kim tried to envision the Ben
she had seen doing anything outside of school and home and couldn’t draw a
mental image of it. Yesterday, he was so withdrawn and scared of his own shadow
that she was unsure of what he was to become in this place and time. “ME? How in the hell did it
suddenly become my responsibility to fulfill anything to anyone? I didn’t want
to do this in the first place and what’s my reward?” “I feel your pain sister,” a
young woman behind the counter said. She had come from the back of the store
with an armful of what looked like medieval costumes and hats. Kim eyed her
curiously for a moment but ignored the remark as she made her way deep into
store and began to hang the costumes on racks for display. “You made the promise Kim.” “But I didn’t know, you
didn’t tell me anything about that…” Kim protested as if it would make a
difference “Perhaps, not in the strictest
of senses, but I did warn you not to make promises you could not keep. You
chose to ignore what I said. I even told Ben to warn you.” “Well he didn’t. And I
barely remember you saying anything like that, forget understanding it at the
time. That should be enough for you to get me out of this.” The old man simply
shook his head. Kim stared at the old man in disbelief. The Wizard stood and
began to stroll to his place behind the counter. “You tricked us! You tricked
me! I never wanted to be this…” “If you sign a contract Kim,
without reading it, do you think a judge would let you just walk away because
you complained that you didn’t really understand what was expected of you?” the
old man asked. “This isn’t a contract.
Contracts can’t change a person into someone else! I didn’t ask to be changed
into a girl. I am NOT STAYING LIKE THIS!” Kim finished by screaming. “You never asked to be a boy
either, that’s what you would have gotten if had put the mask on as Kim.” The
Wizard reminded her. “You would have been changed into Tim if the shoe had
been on the other foot to begin with. And you be standing here demanding that
I change you back into a girl.” “I. wasn’t… I did… That’s not
fair,” She strained against the ideas and thoughts that were floating around in
her head. “I just want to go home.” “You keep saying that Kim,
but you are home.” Kim had had her fill of the
niceties of trying to understand what the old man was explaining to her, she
was finished with the explanations of how she was going to have to remain as
she was, “TAKE IT OFF OF ME!” Kim shrieked. “I can’t do that. No one can.
No amount of shouting at me is going to change that now, no one but Ben can
remove that mask and he can only remove it once his dreams have been granted by
you. The magic is very strong, the rules very strict. If it won’t come off by
Ben’s hand, then you’re going to have to start getting used to being Kim from
here on out.” “NO! I won’t.” Kim stomped
her foot down on the floor. “I won’t do it. I can’t take one more minute of
this. I will not be a―” but Kim couldn’t finish. “If you hadn’t already
noticed, you already are Kim. The mask does have the potential for becoming
stuck; trapping the wearer in the form he or she took. I’m sorry, but you knew
there were risks involved.” The Wizard said compassionately. “Oh my God... this is not
happening to me.” She mumbled to herself. “You’re telling me I’m going to be
like this for the rest of my life?” “That likely hood is entirely
possible Kim.” Kim, hearing the unthinkable out loud for the first time stared
slack-jawed at the old wizard. “There is always a chance Kim that for all of
Ben’s problems, he will let you go once you have completed your obligation to
your promise.” “None of this is up to you or
me any longer. Let me tell you however, if you don’t go and that means WITH
Ben, then the mask will not unlock itself and Ben will not be able to take it
off until you attend a prom with him.” Kim sat, dejected, on a small
pile of boxes near a rack of what looked like costumes. “I can’t believe this.
This was only supposed to last until the end of school Thursday. I didn’t even
want to do this.” Kim moped. “You know, being a girl isn’t
that bad. I’ve been a woman on several occasions. I expect gender reversal of
my help, those young kids that come in here for jobs in the summer.” The Wizard
admitted. “You change the guys that
come to work for you into girls?” Kim sounded appalled. “Not only the boys... I
insist that the girls become boys. It’s an important life lesson. It teaches
you how to think for both groups of people. They are very different you know,
boys and girls.” At that point the same young lady from before walked out of
the back carrying a basket with several small boxes and items that looked to
Kim like they were to be put out on display. “That’s sick.” Kim said
disgustedly. Then her mind hit on an idea, “I don’t suppose I could get a
summer job here.” “Nice try Kim, but I can’t
change you back, even if I gave you a job. Besides, I already have an
assistant. Darrel here. I’ve named her Darla, more appropriate don’t you
think?” “That’s a boy?” Kim asked
astonished. Darrel turned with an angry
look on her face, “Was... I was a boy.” Darrel barked in a sweet but angry
girl’s voice. “Sooorrrrrrrry!” Kim
remarked snidely. “She’s still upset about the
arrangement,” admitted the Wizard. “It wasn’t an arrangement. I
was tricked!” insisted Darrel. Now Kim felt she could understand the girl’s
comment from earlier. “You wanted to become a
Wizard, you signed the contract, and you graduate when you figure out the spell
and can change yourself back.” “Nope, that’s not how it
went. Even at that, I graduate as a woman! You said I’d never be capable of
holding my former form for more than a month at a time after that,” argued the
young girl. “It’s unfortunate, but you
have to graduate and hold your degree as you were when you were an apprentice.
Your diploma will say Sorceress not Wizard. But they’re really the same thing.”
The Wizard paused and waited. “You could always just leave.” “Oh no. If I’m stuck this
way, then I’m going to get something out of it,” Darrel answered quickly. “That’s the spirit!” Cried
the Wizard and slapped the girl on the back as if she were still one of the
guys. “Ooooowwwwww. That hurts!” cried
Darla doing her best not to drop the basket of goodies while writhing in pain. “Sorry.” The Wizard said
sheepishly. “Ahem!” coughed Kim. The
Wizard turned with eyebrows raised questioningly. “My problem?” “I heard you to talking about
that from back there,” said Darla. “Stop saying you’re going to be places as
you are if you want to change back. Consider yourself lucky. You want to talk
about stuck, how’s this? You have six weeks. I have at least two hundred years
before I can change myself back for five minutes.” “It’s really that simple,”
said the Wizard. “Don’t make appointments that Kim has to keep. No dates, no
commitments. If you do, the mask will make sure that Kim exists to fulfill the
commitment. If you decide not to be where you said you’ll be, the mask will stay
on until you follow through with what you said you’d do. Whatever you do, don’t
give a date and time, at the very least not a date and certainly not a year. If
you do, and you don’t show, then the only thing to do is resign yourself that
you’re going to be Kim for the rest of your life. Remember Kim, time travel
for you isn’t possible. You will not be able to go back and fulfill an
appointment for a date that has already passed. At that point the mask will
never let you go.” “Anything else you haven’t
told me?” Kim asked sarcastically. “No sex. If you have sex as
Kim, Kim stays. That includes voluntary intercourse, masturbation, genital
fondling and rape...” The Wizard eyed her, “You have ah... you know...” “NO!” Kim said with girlish
indignation. “I most certainly haven’t.” Then she remembered David Pratt,
“Does that include anything that Kim did before I put the mask on?” The Wizard coughed, blushed,
“No, I’m pretty sure that things that happened in the line of time before the
date and time you slipped into her life won’t count.” Beneath the counter,
Darla giggled under her breath as she put a tray of magic rings in the display
case. “That will be enough of that
Darla,” commanded the Wizard. “I hate that name.” Darla
muttered as she collected the trash and arrogantly marched back to the rear of
the store.” Kim watched her go, her heart
was heavy for the young girl who, it seemed, was doomed to remain a young girl
for sometime to come. “What will happen to her?” “Darla? I suspected that
she’ll quit eventually. She doesn’t have the stomach for this.” “Will you change her back
then?” Kim asked, digging for a flaw somewhere, something that would point to a
way out for herself. “I can’t. That’s the thing
about magic. Spells are almost exclusively designed to prevent or repel
tampering. Whether you believe it or not, magic won’t work unless you make a
conscious decision to let it work. It’s sort of like giving consent. Once
you’ve given consent, the magic is free to run its course without interference.
Only she can change what she’s done. The rules are fairly simple in your case
too. I admit, I should have given greater detail about what might happen, but
then, this is what I do.” “This is all just one big
game to you, changing people around into people they aren’t supposed to be?”
Kim asked bitterly. “As I said, the magic won’t
really work unless you consent to it. Contracts are for the contracted to
investigate, not the drafter to reveal. Since you’re here as you are now, you
consented. I would be careful of making vague accusations young lady. That
can only lead to trouble.” The Wizard met her gaze with stony intensity and
did not waver. “I don’t like this.” she
pouted, “I want to go home, my real home, my real time. I want to be the self
that I perceive myself to be.” Kim paused, lost in thought and then asked.
“What if something keeps me from going to the Prom or Ben decides not to take
me.” “I wish I could help Kim, I
do. I can’t change what’s been done, but if you follow the rules, barring a
catastrophe, you do stand a chance at getting home soon enough.” Kim stood shaking her head
unbelievingly. “You were my last hope,” she mumbled, then shrieked, “I can not
believe this!” She plopped back down on the boxes she’s been sitting on only a
moment before and laced her fingers through her platinum hair. “What now?” “You go home Kim. You go
home and you do what you can to try to play by the rules. And if the rules say
that you stay as you are, then you go on. Does it really matter what body you
do that in anyway.” “I used to think so,” Kim
admitted dejectedly. “Thanks for nothing.” She stood without so much as a
single glance back and exited the store. Behind her, the bell chimed her exit.
Maurice turned as Darla just
coming back from the storage area deep within the shop, “She doomed you know.” “Doomed Darla, please explain
yourself.” The old man said. “Explain myself,” She asked.
She turned angrily on The Wizard, “Okay. Look at me. All I was looking for was
what amounted to a job. “You were asking for a bit
more than just a job Darla,” the Wizard reminded her. “Whatever…” Darla dismissed
him. “I got the job alright, but I didn’t realize that the stipulation to
acceptance was that I had to become a girl to work here. Once that happened, I
became caught in a never ending series of circumstances that prevented me from
becoming me again. Finally, in the forlorn hope that I might be able to change
myself back, I decided to become a wizard.” “Now look at me. I’m stuck
like this. And the council has made sure that I’m going to remain like this. THEN
they added insult to injury by dangling a carrot out in front of me the
whole time by giving me the slimmest hope that I could make myself male again.
If I quit, I’m a girl for the rest of my life, BUUUUT, if I hang in
there I have some hope of occasionally being male again for short periods of
time. Oh yeah... that’s fair.” Darla paused for a moment,
“I’ve seen how this magic works... Spells that change people rarely offer any
real solution to a way back. Even if someone has the option of going back,
it’s not really an option. That’s the real illusion. Once you’re changed, you’d
better get used to it.” Darla paused again shaking her head and returning to
her work, “She’s going to be that poor little girl all her life and you know
it.” Darla quipped sarcastically. “Believe it or not Darla,
that will be her choice entirely.” Darla snorted a very
unladylike nasal growl and went back to her work. “I’ve heard that before,”
she groused under her breath.
“Your birth on the ninth as Kimberly is a sign that you developed in your
mother from a different fertilization. It could have been different sperm,
different egg, a different cycle, something that caused you to develop into a
female rather than a male. This event influenced all the other choices,
decisions and ideas of everyone that would come in contact with them and with
you and changed the world as you once knew it to be. That’s why Ben’s father
is not in jail but rather a detrimental force in Ben’s life.” The wizard waited
but the light in Kim’s eyes didn’t come on. “Ben’s father wasn’t there the day
he shot that police officer. He wasn’t there because of something that
happened three years earlier. He was at a doctor’s office in Nashville trying
to have an issue with his eye corrected. An injury your father gave him.”
For the rest of the weekend Kim was sullen and out of sorts. The bombshell that the old man had laid on her had exploded in her brain with deadly accuracy, destroying any optimism Kim may have hoped to have later on. As far as she could see, life as she understood it was over. Failure to execute a successful plan to just get she and Ben to the prom to unlock the mask seemed too great. What little had already changed to make that difficult could be made so much worse in the remaining weeks ahead. She dwelt on it bitterly at times. There was simply nothing effective to distract her from doing so. Sarah called several times, invited her to join her on at least two excursions to the mall, but Kim barely spoke to her. She even came by unannounced, as best friends do, but was unable to pull Kim from the morass she had slipped into.
More than once, Kim found herself in the midst of anxiety attacks that felt more like cardiac arrest. Her dreams were plagued with horror filled images of standing before the alter, dressed in a satiny white wedding gown, preparing to say her vows. Each night the groom was different. One night it was David Pratt, the only boy Kim had slept with (and the only one she ever would if the current Kim had anything to say about it). One night the groom had been Ben and of course, Monday night it had been Kirk, grinning his evil, malevolent, knowing grin at her, daring her to back out and run.
Slipping into Kim’s life right before her menstrual cycle hadn’t helped. It was a biological nightmare Kim could not ignore. If she tried, the punishment was terrible. The first three days were the worst. As natural as most women claimed it was, the event was messy and a bit stinky. Kim felt that using the word ‘natural’ was nothing more than trying to camouflage something that HAD to be dealt with, it didn’t matter if it was natural or not. It was awful, embarrassing and most of all, bleeding this way simply didn’t feel natural. She reeled at the volume of discharge from her body. Nothing that bleeds this much was meant to live, she caught herself thinking once as she tried to contain the mess her body was making.
But Kim didn’t bleed to death. By Monday, the worst of her flow was over and she was starting to feel better. That is until she remembered that there was a good chance she would probably be in the midst of her next period right around the time of the prom. She could hear Bob Barker saying in a disembodied voice, but we have a gift for our departing contestants…
Monday brought a new surprise, one she didn’t see coming until it was on her. Kim was apparently a heavy sleeper. She rose quickly, when she was awake, it came to her all at once. But it took a lot to rouse her. Kim’s mother had gotten in the habit of picking out Kim’s clothes when she had been little, then laid them out toward the foot of the mattress as she slept. Cindy would then begin preparing something for Kim to eat, wake her gently and finish breakfast and coffee as Kim showered and dressed. More often than not, Kim would change her mother’s selection for something a little less modest than what Cindy had picked for her to wear. Often this would amount to short skirts or shorter than average short shorts in the exceptionally hot Tennessee summers, jeans in fall or winter or when required, her uniform.
When Kim woke Monday at her mother’s gentle urging, this is exactly what she found, two tiny scraps of cloth, a shell for the top and a pleated skirt short skirt. It was blue and gold, the school colors, trimmed in white. On the floor next to it were impossibly white athletic sneakers, her dance shoes as her mother jokingly called them. “Ugh!” Kim had groaned when she saw them.
With the image came the Kimmories. They imprinted themselves on her mind instantly. This time, there was a trail of them that extended back three years. It was an endless stream of dances, cheers, competitions, practices and games that crowded in and taxed Kim’s ability to store information. To have seen her as the Kimmories flooded in, one might have thought she was having a mild seizure of some sort. The event was thankfully brief, only a few seconds. When it was done, the memories were hers to keep. Three years of life before Tim had anchored themselves firmly in her head. So too came the knowledge that there was no way she could avoid wearing this wretched thing today.
Kim’s head ached. She found a small spot of blood on the cleft of her lip, blood that had no doubt fallen from one of her nostrils. Brain damage I bet. Can’t go through something like that without causing some damage. Four and a half more weeks of this too, I won’t survive it. My poor brain will explode. She wiped it away and checked for additional bleeding, I can’t spare anymore blood either, she thought to her self absentmindedly thinking of the last three days and knowing her period had not yet ended.
“Kimberly?” Cindy called from downstairs, “Are you up?”
“If you call this up,” Kim mumbled to herself, “then yeah, I guess I’m up. I wonder how much blood a girl my size can lose and live through?” She dabbed at her nose with a tissue from her nightstand and found the bleeding had already stopped.
“Kim?” her mother called again.
“YEAH MOM, I’M UP!” Kim shouted back as pleasantly as she could.
After showering, Kim stood at the foot of her bed, dressed only in her underwear and stared at the costume before her. “God damn,” She whispered. “I do not want to put that on. How can you even call something that small clothing?”
She lifted one flap of the skirt with one finger and peeked inside. In there was a deep blue panty sewn into the skirt. “Oh man,” she whined, spun and sat down hard on her bed, holding her face in her hands. After a moment, Kim felt she had found enough courage to at least try to get it on. “Just do it. It’s not going away, just get it over with for God’s sake.”
Kim slipped into the skirt, zipped it closed and turned to the shell top. This was a little harder to figure out, but in short order she managed to get the tight top pulled down and after a few contortions, managed to get this too, zipped up in back. Turning to look at herself in the mirror Kim was surprised that she was actually pleased with the way she looked. Vainly, she twisted left, hand on her hips, then right and was amazed at how pretty the outfit made her look.
Then as though a needle had been dragged across the surface of a record with the volume at full, Kim stopped. Her eyes bugged out and she realized exactly who she was looking at. Just then the door to her room swung open. Kim jumped, started she screamed, her arms flailing in self defense. Her skinny frame bunched together as tightly as she could get it.
“Mom!” she cried when she realized who it was.
Cindy grinned, “I caught ya!”
“Er… caught me what?” Kim said, blushing.
“Admiring yourself. It’s Okay to like what you see. You’re a beautiful girl. There’s no crime in liking how you look. But, preening time is over. Come on, eat. Bobby’s almost ready.”
“Ah…” Kim said trying to stall, “My hair.” She laid her hands over her head, drawing her hair flat to it.
“Hurry Kim.” Cindy warned.
“Okay Mom, Okay.”
She didn’t spend much time on her hair after all. It wasn’t really the issue anyway. Delaying those subtle moments that made Kimberly, Kimberly, felt necessary. It felt like control, like she was able to put a barrier between what was left of Tim and the encroaching life trying to swallow her. Even if the barrier was eventually breached as it was about to be, it made her feel as though she has some control over when and where Kim could step in.
This effort was futile, only Kim couldn’t have known that. The body she lived in, her thoughts and memories that were becoming more and more present in her waking consciousness conspired together to make her the person she had always been. She could no more avoid being Kim than she could knowingly become the Empress of China. If she had looked around and taken note that no one had found exception in her behavior since Thursday, she might have understood this simple fact.
In spite of this; there was still enough of the conscious Tim left to make her feel uneasy about wearing her uniform to school. The memories of how Tim had gawked at the girls in such outfits from afar, how their blue panties had shown just below the hem line of the backs of their skirts. How, every-so-often, he would get the rare treat of what was known as a beaver shot during an impromptu practice at P.E. She knew the guys at school would be waiting, looking, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was underneath. She understood this on a level that other girls at school couldn’t possibly begin to grasp. It was a lecherous, disrespectful thing.
Kim searched her memories and found that the girls talked about this. They were aware of it, encouraged it and used it. Sex sold and she was surprised to find out from her female perspective just how little modesty there was connected to this knowledge. Even those girls who seemed so “pure bred” were just as sexually hungry as any guy might have been. It was a game, some times it ended with the guy getting what he wanted, but this was only when the girl wanted it to happen. Or at least, so went the illusion. There was fault in the game, imperfection that ended up in disaster at times. Not all passions could be so easily controlled, in spite of how much control the girls thought they wielded.
Teasing the guys made them feel powerful. It also made them feel wanted, desired. It put nearly all the face cards in their hands. Guys would bend over backward, shell out almost any price to get the prize. But what was created there was a very dangerous and powerful byproduct, lust. That lust could become a very dangerous thing at times. More than a few girls had either fallen to the jagged floor their own passions or had found that control was simply an illusion that, once evaporated, left only a harsh and dangerous landscape to exist in. That in the end, sometimes, control existed in the hands of the physically powerful. Choosing when to unleash it was the true measure of strength.
There was a sort of naiveté with the girls. A belief that these boys weren’t capable of the monstrous acts everyone knew existed in the world. They were after all, just boys. Each of the girls firmly believed their power over them was strong enough that, should they call it quits, should one of them want to go only so far, the boys would know they were serious and things would stop. They, after all, had what the boys wanted. It was theirs. If they really wanted it they would obey! It didn’t matter that in many cases there was never any intention to actually reward them.
Kim didn’t want any part of that existence.
On the way to school, both she and her brother sat wordlessly listening to the radio. Kim watched the mountains in the near distance as the music floated peacefully out of the speakers. He was out there somewhere, her brain told her. She didn’t have to question who it was she was thinking about. She knew his name. It made her sad to think of him. Kim could not deny knowing him, this boy from a past she had not been here to experience. She had known David Pratt, had tasted him, had smelled his lovely musk. She had held him in her arms for the most wonderful two hours of her life thus far.
She could not deny that she also missed him terribly.
Then she was shot in the head by another complete memory infusion. She gripped the arm rest of the Colony Park’s passenger door and did her best to steady herself against the onslaught.
They had all been swimming out back, playing Marko Polo. It was an opportunity to allow David to come close, to touch with seeming innocence in the watchful eye of her mother. She could remember slipping below the surface of the water with her brother’s goggles on to watch David’s body in relative privacy. David, then sixteen had not worn Baggies, like most of the guys. David was on a swim and dive team and wore Speedo’s.
She could very clearly remember the feeling of swooning at the image of his tight well defined body. Reeling at the way her nipples had hardened beneath the cups of her suit had been delicious and a bit embracing. She had has to rub them to loosen them again before breaking the surface. The sight of his body made her belly feel weightless. Even as a boy David already had superb muscle tone. His body, tanned and lean had reminded her of some of the fine marble sculptures she had seen in pictures. If he happened to touch her, she might just very well faint away and drown. Time was running out however. She didn’t want to like him anymore, she just couldn’t help it.
She surfaced and turned and faced the pools coping. She rested her forehead against it, pressing her legs together tightly in frustration. I love him… Oh no… I’m falling in love with him and he’s moving away in three weeks. Not fair! That is so fucking unfair! Upset, near tears, she decided to get out. “Getting out!” she cried so she would not interfere with their game. She submerged, swimming the distance across the pool underwater, keeping her eyes to the right, toward the end of the pool so no one would see that she was upset. If she could make her way to the ladder, she’d be Okay.
She sensed she was getting close and turned, but there had been no ladder there. Instead there had been a boy. David Pratt had moved in front of the ladder to intercept her and to ask her to stay. She had swum right into him, head first. When she looked to see what it was, or who it was she had hit, the air left her in a single belching gasp. She broke the surface, blushing and coughing.
“Kim? Are you Okay?” David had asked, helping to keep her above the surface with his hand around her waist. Still coughing, she nodded but she felt like air was something she would never again enjoy. David helped to the stairs and guided her up and out of the pool. Her embarrassment was complete. She had fled from the pool deck, pushing back the tears the whole way.
Once inside she flopped down on the couch and fought with herself to maintain control. It wouldn’t do to let anyone see her so upset over a boy. Her mother wouldn’t be surprised, but the restrictions that were still fairly new would only get tighter. If that happened, she probably wouldn’t even be able to see David again before he moved. She couldn’t let that happen. After a few minutes, the sliding glass door had opened and there stood David, dripping wet and smiling softly, sympathetically.
“Why did you leave?”
“Uh… I dunno, the sun was getting pretty hot…”
“That’s bullshit Kim. It’s been cloudy all day.” David called her bluff.
“The chlorine then ¾” The tears were once more trying to push their way to the surface.
“I tested the pool with your brother this morning, chlorine’s low.” David checked her again.
“Why are you here?” Kim asked a little bitterly.
“I was looking for someone to make me a sandwich and get me a beer.” David answered sarcastically, equaling Kim’s bitter bite. “I’m here to see you. Why else would I be here?”
“I can’t David. I’m sorry but I’m just so mad that you’re moving away. I just can’t.”
David had said nothing. What was there to say? Kim bent and put her face in her towel against her knees. The terrycloth towel had muffled the sounds of her sobs. To Kimberly they sounded as loud as the wails of the ghost wives of widowed sailors as they kept their vigil for their lost husbands out on the Widow’s Walks of Cape Hatteras.
At length David came and sat beside her. She collapsed into his lap and continued crying. “Why?”
“I don’t know Kim. I wish I didn’t have to.” David said. “Even if I stay with my Dad, we’d still end up moving to Florida. The house is sold.” He had held her as she cried, doubled over in his lap as she had been, convulsing and wailing, not the least bit worried if her mother had walked in right then. There would have been a fight if she had, and Cindy might not have walked away the victor.
When the weeping had started to subside, David asked, “Come back out with me, please Kim.”
Kim shook her head, “I can’t. If I do, I’m just going to start thinking about how you’re not going to be coming over to see me any more in a few weeks.”
“Then don’t think about it.” David encouraged.
“I can’t help it! Every time I look around I see places you’re AREN’T going to be.”
His face had seemed so sad at the time. He had gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I wish you wouldn’t cry. It breaks my heart to watch you cry.”
“I’ll try, but I don’t want to go out there. Can we go out on the porch maybe, out on the rocking chairs?”
“Will you’re mother let you do that?”
“I’m not alone in the house with a boy. What’s the worst she can do, sick Bobby the bulldog on us?” The memory faded with the recognition of a smile she had offered him. In her minds eye was the image of his soft grey eyes, pleasant and happily dancing over her face as she smiled up at him from her place in his lap.
When the memory ended, Kim was weeping softly to herself. The dark purple mountains in the early morning distance lent a soft focus nostalgia feel to the memory. He was out there, he really existed. Kim thought, he’s somewhere out beyond the line of hills. She could not deny that she still loved him. With Tim screaming in revulsion, she could not deny David and what they had shared, she would not. He had not called her, had not written since he moved and still she loved him, pined for him, and she could not let him go.
They’re coming more naturally now, you see that don’t you? Your memories are becoming part of you. Soon you won’t be able to escape them. They’ll own you as much as you own them, then what?
She couldn’t answer that question. If she was unable to escape them, then she would have no choice but to do what the Wizard said and move on as best she could.
“Kimmy?” Robert finally asked. Wiping her eyes, heavy in the heart, she turned and smiled. “You Okay?”
“Sure,” she said, but offered nothing more.
“Thinking about David?”
She smiled, “How did you know?”
“Hey, I’m not stupid. I know you liked him.”
“Then yeah, I was thinking about David,” Kim said. As if to punctuate that idea, she let one more bitter tear slip out. It fell down her cheek along her nose to the slope of her upper lip. It hung there for a moment before falling off onto her uniform.
“He’ll call Kim. I know he will. There was a lot of stuff going on there with his folks. It was an ugly divorce.”
“No he won’t. He’s moved on. I will too eventually I guess.” Kim turned back and stared out the passenger window and let her tears run dry. By the time they made it to school, Kim was more her bright and cheerful former self.
“Okay, I’ll be here ¾”
“ ¾at three o’clock, yes Bobby, I know, same time as every day. Love you.” Kim said happily and trotted off.
Robert watched after her for a moment. He was surprised to see that she hesitantly answered the calls from friends wishing her a good morning or just stopping to say hello. To Robert, it looked almost as if she was unfamiliar with the faces of her friends. The behavior didn’t seem to last long however, only brief seconds. He watched her stiffen for a moment. She seemed to stare off into the distance, disconnected from the moment and just as quickly she was back. Soon Kim was conversing, blabbing away in that same familiar style many teenage girls share, jabbering of nothing while they talked of everything at once. Robert lost sight of her when she was mobbed by a flock of cheerleaders, all of them bouncing around, calling out cheers as they entered the school for yet another fun filled Spirit Day. They’d be doing that all day long, wherever they went, when they passed each other in the hall, the cheers would break out.
Robert chuckled to himself as he pulled away from the curb. “Kids,” he muttered amused.
-*-
School Monday began better than her other mornings thus far. This was only because she had begun to stop resisting that which she could not change. This of course was her state of being. She was going to be Kimberly for a while, and even though it was difficult, she managed to let go of that resistance a little at a time. No one made fun of her in her uniform. Something she had feared terribly. She still felt like a boy wearing girl’s clothes. No one saw her that way. These people had never met Tim. Eventually, the simple act of simply acknowledging friends and acquaintances began to feel natural. More than that, it felt good. The loneliness of the past five days began to fade as people she knew and of whose lives she knew about approached her, spoke with her and welcomed her.
She allowed herself to become lost in conversation during the fifteen minutes she was in home room. She never saw Ben slip in and at the bell, slip out again. It wasn’t until after the bell rung that she remembered that she needed to tell Ben about what the old man had said.
In between noisy conversations that seemed to have no point, no plot and no end, Kim searched the halls for Ben. She was going to miss forth and sixth period because of the pep rally. If she didn’t catch him in the hall between classes, she would not see Ben again until tomorrow. For just a moment, the contriving of what Maurice eluded to as Fate’s plan flashed in her mind. Something told her to resist the comfortable place she was finding in Kim’s life. It wasn’t hers to have. She reminded herself that thinking that way only made it easier for Fate to stack the deck.
Soon however Kim was engaged in another conversation with her uniformed sisters, one where all the girls were speaking at once and yet, seemed able to grasp the deeper concepts of what was being said without once skipping a beat. Kim and her clique laughed and gasped, fawned and cheered. By the time the pep rally was over, Kim was too tired to think much about anything except the work ahead planning her team’s routine for Wednesday.
The cheers and the choreographed dances were etched in Kim’s mind so deeply that she briefly wondered if the infusions of Kimmories were actually infusions or something more along the lines of amnesia. She should have been scared to death when she took the gym floor for the rally earlier. But what she had remembered this morning had been more than just the moves, the steps and choreographed routines. That knowledge was something anyone could possess. What she also seemed to have remembered was the mechanics to do all of those things. That was talent, a nontransferable commodity! There had been confidence embedded in that gift as well. More than the knowledge of HOW it worked but that it would work and that she could work it. She had one misqueue, a minor one on a new routine that Stephanie Black had wanted to try.
Every so often, between routines, she would scan the crowd for Ben’s face. He had not shown up. If he had, she had not seen him. She did see Kirk however. He had made a point of sitting on the front row of the bleachers, directly in front of where he knew Kim would be performing. She had felt his dark eyes burning through the fabric of her costume, trying to rip away her underclothes to see what was underneath. As long as Kirk sat there, that self-conscious feeling she had had before remained.
Several times he tried to speak to her and she quickly turned her back on him. Twice she surprised her team by deliberately initiating cheers off queue. When she felt she pushed her luck as much as she could using that tactic, she would find a reason to talk to Coach Karnes or one of the girls on the squad. At the end of the rally, Kirk even when so far as to block the entrance to the girl’s locker room so Kim couldn’t slip past him. The flaw in his plan was that many of the girls on the team had to pee by that point and complained bitterly and loudly when he wouldn’t move. It wasn’t long before Coach Karnes forced him to move out of the way and let all the girls pass, including Kim. With Kim safely sequestered inside this most holy of holies, Kirk had no choice but to leave with the rest of the students as the rally came to a close.
Kim, as Captain of the squad, had the option of remaining after the rally to analyze the team’s performance and to try to identify problems before Wednesday’s game. The option was implied, but she was required to give a brief to Coach Karnes near the end of Sixth period about the performance. So the option, so called, really became a requirement. This was as much a matter of technique as it was safety. As coveted as trophies and titles were for schools, it didn’t bode well for teams who suffered heavy injuries because of poor planning. This was Kim’s primary function as team Captain,
Kim stopped herself. There had been no other Kim. That was me, I just can’t remember it all. The concept was a leap of faith that she hadn’t quite yet bridged. She was still struggling with the day and success of the rally. The idea alone of how something like what she was living through was maddening if you let your self think on it too long. At least I don’t look like a fool out there hopping around like my ass is on fire! That would definitely raise some eyebrows. She giggled at the mental picture this idea invoked. She set her mind on the image of it, her uniform panty smoking as she ran her skinny butt around the floor of the gym.
Kim sat on the grass of the P.E. field, her legs spread out in a “V” on the ground. Her playbook was between them. She was hunched over it, reading intently, as the sixth period bell rang. She lifted her head and watched in the distance as kids scrambled to get to class. Smiling she returned to her play book.
This was her peaceful time. Of each day, she looked forward to this day most. It was a place where she could get what she couldn’t even have at home, time to think alone.
While Kim sat there, an idea came to her. She smiled softly as she read, the thought she conjured pleasantly distracting her. She found she liked herself and wondered for a moment what all the panic of the last five days had been about? She was an athlete, she was also a leader. She was able to critique without being critical and to teach through example. Some deeper part of her reveled in her ability to vault and handspring, to perform physical activities that would have been impossible to do before. She found herself wanting to do this on the way out to where she now sat, simply for the sheer pleasure of being able to.
She had slipped only once, falling sideways and ungracefully to the ground. Even then, there had been no embarrassment associated with falling. Instead she lay on the ground and laughed at her mistake. This had not happened because of a body that was fat and clumsy but the simple missteps of a fluid form that danced like a reed in the wind. For the first time in her life she was proud to have a body that could actually do what she told it to do.
Mather’s had a championship athletic program and at the high school level, cheerleading was just as competitive as football, baseball, soccer, or basketball. Solid athletes meant additional grants for students. It meant that other schools came here in caravans to prospect for students for their programs, money in hand to pay for their educations in exchange for their talents. Schools such as Vanderbilt, USC, the University of Georgia and UT of course camped out to be the first in line for the privilege of being first in line. That meant futures for kids who otherwise couldn’t afford them, kids like her brother.
Kids like her.
She swallowed hard. She was assured of an athletic scholarship here. Offer’s had unofficially already begun arriving. She could not be considered for a scholarship officially until she completed her junior year. Coach Karnes however, sat on the Board of Regents for the school and could informally communicate interest to students that had been inquired about. Kim’s name had come up many times.
In that other world, she would only be afforded an academic scholarship in a very competitive field of students as Tim. Such a scholarship would not be afforded to a school but an entire state. One student in the state would be given such a scholarship. Ben was far more qualified to win than Tim would have been. Even if Ben hadn’t have competed for it, there were thousands beating the doors down to get it. Tim would have been near the bottom of the list.
“That’s what it want’s you to believe…”
Kim sat straight up. “What who want’s me to believe?” she said alone to the empty field. There was no answer to her question. But she thought she knew anyway and the thought of it made her shiver. She waited several moments for the voice to make its intensions plane. Nothing came. Defiance began to rise in her. Had that been the voice of Fate or some other thing playing them like pawns? She could not tell. When it didn’t answer after a measure of time, she decided to answer it herself. “I’m not staying like this,” she said out loud. “But I don’t have to suffer either. If I have to be Kim here, then so be it. I’ll act like it. I can even enjoy it. But don’t let yourself believe that I’m going to lie down and take it.”
She offered a stern look to the sky above her. Whatever it had been didn’t respond. After a few minutes more, satisfied she announced defiantly, “Good then, shut up.”
“My goodness,” a voice said very close to her. “What a strong statement for such a little girl.” She screeched in surprise and jumped almost an inch off the ground, a neat feat considering her stance.
The sun was in her eyes when she looked up, but something large blocked a good portion of it. Its silhouette loomed over her like an eclipsing moon. At first, the accent, and the hulking frame made her think that Ben’s father, Abs had somehow found his way onto school grounds.
The dark shadow of the walking tattoo returned to Kim’s living memory. She scrabbled backward in the hard, dry dirt and grass field. Inside of her, she could feel the familiar alarm begin to sound in her gut. Her bladder loosened, preparing to unload its contents. A whimper escaped her throat in her panic as she tried to get away from the hulking figure blotting out the sun. Something in her mind told her that long ago memory was somehow unfinished. She was certain that, in that long ago time when he had come to their house, Abs had found no one in the yard to protect her that day and had decided to explore her. Now he was back to finish that journey he had started oh so long ago.
“Whoa there little girl, not so fast,” the voice said. The moon moved forward and stepped squarely on the hem of her uniform skirt, pinning her to the spot where she sat. Kim grabbed what little exposed fabric had not fallen underneath the sole of that boot and pulled furiously at it, desperate to free it. Then the figure squatted before her and smiled. “Where ya goin?”
It took her brain a moment to process the image past the panic. When she did, she cried out, “KIRK!” and slapped at him. “You scared the shit out of me.” Kirk chuckled, her anger was matched only by her animation.
“Yeah, I got that much. Who in the hell did you think it was?”
“Never mind. What are you doing out here?”
“Just thought I come and see my girl. You know, show her the error of her ways.”
Kim, still tugging on her skirt to free it spat, “I don’t think so.” She finally gave up and looked at Kirk with a disgusted look, “My skirt please?”
“In a minute.”
“No Kirk, now. I told you―”
“As long as we’re making demands, I believe I told you something too.” Kim only stared at him. In truth, he seemed like a man who knew something about the impending future but wasn’t quite ready to reveal that secret just yet.
“I get a choice in this Kirk. It’s my life.”
“And I feel it’s my responsibility to make sure you don’t fuck it up.” Kirk answered smiling.
“That’s my business. I’m not property, I’m a person. I’m going to go to college, find a job I like, a career…”
Kirk’s face flattened out in an odd sort of, ‘what in the hell for’ look. Then he actually said it. “If you do all that then whose going to raise our babies?”
“BABIES?” Kim cried, her eyes as wide as saucers, her mouth a wide “O” of surprise. “I’m NOT having any babies, and certainly not YOUR babies.”
Before Kim could reason her way through the bizarre conversation they were having, Kirk hit her with another demeaning comment, “I think you should change your mind about that. A girl like you doesn’t need to worry about stupid things like making money and jobs and crap like that. They’re not suited for it. You wouldn’t last ten minutes on your own.”
“What?” Kim asked as if she hadn’t quite heard him correctly.
“Come on Kim, stop it. I got the message. I know how to be… well, less like me. You want someone who will act like one of those educated hoity toities… Like your brother, right? I can do that. But turning off the studly in me is going to be hard to do,” He said proudly. He stretched, flexing his bulk displaying it like plumage on a peacock. “I’ll behave, but at bed time, it’s gonna cost you extra.”
“Oh GROSS!” Kim yelled. She began slapping and punching at Kirk’s boot. “Get off my skirt!” she cried again, wanting nothing but to get as far away from Kirk as she possibly could. As it had the other morning, Kirk’s iron shackle hand locked around Kim’s wrist freezing it in place. “Let go.” Kim growled trying to pull free. It was futile. She could only move her arm above the wrist, everything else was locked tightly into place. “LET GO KIRK!” she yelled even louder.
“Shush.” Kirk warned her gravely. “You don’t want to cause a scene. If you do, someone might get hurt.”
Kim slowly looked up at him angrily. The threat felt real and it sounded as if it had been directly shot across her bow, meant for her. She decided to try to trump him, “My brother―”
“Shut up.” Kirk cut her off. “You know I wouldn’t hurt you. I love you Kim.” Kim could feel that creep factor once more climbing up her spine. She stared at him, gape mouthed for a moment until he said, “You’re gonna let all the flies in that way.”
She snapped her mouth shut for a moment, then shook her head. “Kirk, you don’t love me. You don’t even know who I am. You CAN’T love me. You’re feeling… horny, confused,” Kim couldn’t meet his stare. She felt that if she did she might go stark raving mad, “hungry… I don’t know, but I do know you DON’T love me.
“I’m in love with you. And I’m not the kind of guy that just says that.”
“Oh I think you are…” Kim disagreed.
“Kim, you’re mine.”
“No Kirk. I’m not. Even if you’re in love with me, which you’re not, but even if it were true, I get a say in that. I have to be in love with you for anything to work. And I’m not!”
“You can be. I know you can.”
“No Kirk,” Kim said shaking her head. She was desperate to make him see her point. For the life of her she could not understand how he could keep insisting that she might find some way to dig love for him out of her heart when there was none there to be had. The stress of it was making her feel sick to her stomach. “I can tell you that I will never be in love with you.”
“Kimmy, how can you be sure?”
“I’m pretty sure.” She pretended to mull it over. She put her chin on her knuckles as if thinking though a particularly difficult problem. Her face lit up after only a brief time and she announced, “Yep, I can pretty much say that I’m sure I’m never going to be in love with you.”
Kirk stood, his smile, his gentle gaze, his good nature seemed to be washed away by some unseen force. “But you love the weasel?”
“The weasel? You mean Ben? No, I’m not in love with Ben either. I’m not in love with anyone. I don’t have to be.”
“But… you’re a girl.” The notion that Kim, or any female for that matter, wasn’t pining endlessly for some guy seemed to have caught Kirk completely out of sorts.
“I’m a person Kirk.”
“You’re mine.” Kirk insisted.
“No!” Kim emphasized, “Now get off my skirt and let me up.”
“No.”
Kim was at a loss. She could try to undo her skirt and wriggle out of it, but she wasn’t eager to dash out across the field in her panties. “Kirk I said―”
“And I said no.” It was Kirk that now seemed frustrated, angrily so. Kim could almost imagine that in some twisted sort of way, he had come out here thinking that if he bore his soul to her that she would warm to him. Now he was at a loss. She had not fallen in tow. Kim could see that it didn’t matter to Kirk if she wanted him or not. This was not the real issue. Kirk saw this as a matter of capitulation. To entice her, he implied giving her the things he thought girls wanted, money, a home, safety. In short, stuff!
Kim searched the field for something or someone who could help. It was deserted. She grabbed Kirk’s leg and tried to move it, shoving her torso against it. It might has well have been a tree rooted deep in the soil. Then, from the egress doors of the gym, about a million miles away she saw Coach Karnes.
Kirk looked behind him in the direction Kim’s eyes were set, and saw Coach Karnes a second too late. “HEY COA―” Kim managed to get out of her mouth before Kirk could crouch down again and slap his steel fingers over Kim’s mouth. The mix of revulsion and anger in Kim’s eyes was almost comical. Kim however, found nothing funny in it.
“Don’t say a word Kimmy. I’d hate to see the Weasel loose a finger over this. Kim’s eyes turned in disbelief to Kirk who was once more smiling at her, “That’s right Kim. Lindsay and Jimmy have him in the gym. You’re my girl. You’re going to say goodbye to him today, right now or I swear he won’t live to see the prom. If he does, he’ll wish he hadn’t. Either way, he’ll wish he’d never met you.”
Kirk looked over his shoulder. Coach Karnes had apparently heard Kim’s cry and was rapidly making her way across the vast expanse of field in their direction. “Tell her we were just playing around, you know, lover’s horse play.” Kirk snarled menacingly. “If you do anything that goes against what I want, the weasel will be the one that pays Kim. You’re going to have to ask yourself, just how much is a pain free life worth to Ben?”
Kirk lifted his foot, removed his hand and hoisted her from the dirt in one fluid motion. “Don’t do it.” he warned her. He grabbed her up, enfolding her in his tree trunk arms and locked his lips to hers.
“Glugh,” Kim cried out revolted, sounding much like a girl downing in tar. Kirk’s tongue parted her lips and soon began driving itself into her mouth.
Karnes slowed her hastened pace when she saw the two kissing when she had closed to about thirty feet. Karnes had been concerned that someone was out here trying to hurt Kimberly, as it turned out, it was just Kirk Oswalter, her on again, off again boyfriend.
“Glass, can’t you and Oswalter get a room some place?” Kirk and Kim both turned and looked in the direction the voice had come from. The distaste was clearly visible in Kim’s angry, drawn expression. Kim had two choices as she saw it, to call his bluff and scream for help or to play this hand out and see what cards Kirk was willing to play. Kim did her best to look like a love sick teenage girl. Somehow it felt to Kim that she must have just looked sick.
“Sorry Coach…” Kim said wiping her mouth with the back of her arm.
Karnes checked her watch, “You’re usually in my office by now to go over your notes with me.” Karnes said apparently misunderstanding the nature of Kim’s cry. And why not, you’re out here in a lip lock with Kirk the Jerk! “The brief will have to wait until tomorrow,” Karnes continued. “I’ll send a note to Baxter letting you out of…” Karnes paused searching for Kim’s first period class.
“English…” Kim said flatly.
“English, yes. Letting you of English early and you can come by and brief me on your notes from today. ”
Karnes turned and looked back at the school building, “Bell’s gonna ring soon. I guess you can go and wait for your brother, he’ll be here soon I suppose.”
“We’ll be driving home together today Coach,” Kirk interjected.
Karnes didn’t bat an eyelash over the remark. The sports social clique intermingled to the point where the fraternization almost seemed like incest at times. “Whatever. Twenty minutes until the last bell. You two can’t stay out here and… make out however. So go to the gym, study hall, something, but you can’t stay here.” Karnes turned and left. Kim watched her walk away as panic rose in her. She wanted to scream, DON’T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THIS KOOK! But fear of what Kirk might actually do if she did locked her vocal cords securely down.
Hope of rescue began to fade as Karnes became a small doll like dot on the horizon of the P.E. field. As she stood there, in shocked silence, trying to muster the courage to cry out, she felt one of Kirk’s hulking arms slip behind her, across her back and around her waist. “Good girl.”
She tried to slip away from him but he held her tightly to her side. “Kim, don’t.”
“Let go of me,” she insisted angrily.
“I won’t do it. You see, this is how it should be Kim. You come to find out I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“I mean it Kirk ¾”
“I do too. Remember what I said about living life pain free?”
“I’m not afraid of you,” Kim blurted out. That however, was a lie. She found she was almost as afraid of Kirk as she was of Ben’s father.
“That’s a mistake Kim. But,” he admitted, “a good bluff. Like I said, I’d never hurt you. Ben on the other hand, I’d be more than happy to hurt him. You seem to like him too much for your own good. Fine, whatever,” Kirk said as be began walking, pulling Kim along with him.
“You leave him alone Kirk.” Kim’s warning was sincere. Kim knew that Ben’s suffering had nearly reached the pinnacle of anything they could have imagined before. The only place Ben could possibly go from where he found himself now was down, six feet down.
“Come,” Kirk said ignoring her threat, smiling once again. “I’ve got you something.”
Kirk escorted her across the field back toward the school’s athletic center, the home of the Tigers, the epicenter of their sports world. Here, Kim was the princess of that universe. Kirk, its crowned prince. He was trying to force a Royal shotgun wedding that Kim wanted no part of. Exposing his abuse should have been an easy thing to do. All she had to do was scream. She was Kim Glass after all. She understood her popularity here. People would listen to her. The students, the staff all liked her, they would help.
For some reason she just couldn’t muster the courage to do it. There were too many unspoken, unknown what if’s out there looming above her. They circled above, waiting for that one crucial mistake. If impulse drove her to make one, they would swoop down and pluck her eyes from her head before help could arrive. Do it Kim, this is the one moment when you have to do something, what’s going to happen if you don’t? Don’t you know? Well then I’ll tell you, no prom, not with Ben anyway. You like it here that much?
Kim still said nothing. She did not scream. She could only watch as the gymnasium grew larger in her field of vision. Fine then, her inner-self said spitefully, be a mouse, it suits you.
As they approached one of the double doors to the gym, the voice of doom in her head fell silent. It was right though, she could feel fate closing in around her, boxing her in as though it were a living, breathing thing stalking her. As she was preparing to let loose with a blood curdling scream of RAPE, Kirk tightened his grip on her, surprising her into silence. He said mocking her, “I hope you like what I’ve done. I’ve been thinking about it since Friday morning. Since our little public tiff, remember that?”
Kimberly glared up at him with pure hate burning in her cool blue eyes. She said nothing as Kirk pushed the doors open and they stepped into the relative dark of the gymnasium. Inside, Kim blinked to help her eyes adjust to the change in lighting. When it did, three faces came slowly into focus. James Slater, one of Kirk’s loyal linesmen, his Captain of the Guard so to speak. Lindsay Rogers, a massive boy, some 345 pounds of bulk who had a reputation for snacking on Quarterbacks when he got hungry.
Lindsay was particularly feared on the field of play. It was rumored that he had developed a talent for dislocating the fingers of players facing him. This was a rumor, nothing more, though he did have the distinct honor of being present for an unusually large number of hand injuries on the field. “Success comes with a price,” Lindsay was fond of saying, “you just have to make sure you get the other guy to pay the tab.”
She knew the players very well. While they both claimed to be her friends and were friendly to her, she had the sense they were a few screws short of a complete Erector set. Between them, looking more like a scale model in miniature of a human being was Ben Ackerman.
“Ben?” Kim asked.
“Don’t talk to him.” Kirk whispered so Ben couldn’t hear what he said. “You’re never going to speak to him again.”
“Don’t tell me what ¾” When Kim spoke out in defiance of his demand, Kirk’s eyes flicked at Rogers and Rogers lifted Ben’s left hand high so Kim could see it. Kim looked in the direction of the activity, recognizing the signal for what it was. She watched as Lindsay then slipped his oversized pinky finger between Ben’s third finger and pinky and gave it a quick twist. The horrifying POP that followed didn’t sound like a bone breaking, but it sounded nearly as painful. James Slater covered Ben’s mouth tightly to keep the scream stifled. Even with this measure, the subdued scream still echoed off the empty gym walls.
“BEN ¾” Now it was Kim whose mouth was covered. Kirk’s hand fit like an iron mask over her face. She struggled against him in vain, trying to get to Ben, to help him. She kicked and flailed, hands slapping, elbows digging into Kirk’s rock hard abdominal muscles all to no avail. Lindsay, smiling, still holding Ben’s left hand up, gave Ben’s pinky a little wiggle. To Kim’s horror, the finger seemed to move oddly where it connected to Ben’s palm. There was a distinct bulge that didn’t follow the contours of a normal hand and it looked to Kim as though the finger wasn’t completely attached any longer.
Ben issued yet another agonizing scream. His right knee buckled and he began to drop to the floor. James held him up though and Ben dangled askew in James’ arms. Kim squirmed almost painfully beneath Kirk’s hand.
“Listen to me carefully Kimberly,” Kirk whispered. Kim continued to struggle and try to scream for help, but there was no one in the gym. Kirk had probably posted more of his guys at the doors as security, there would be no help coming. She had no choice but to listen. “Good girl.”
Kim jerked defiantly at the second suggestion that she was supposed to be a good girl for this monster. The act of insolence went unnoticed by Kirk, “You and I were meant to be Kim. So unless you want to see Ben crippled you’ll tell him so.”
From somewhere in the distance, Kim thought she could hear a rhythmic pounding, metal on metal with some other thing tempering that sound. She didn’t answer Kirk right away. Instead she focused on that sound. It seemed vitally important she identify it before she told Kirk anything. A memory floated back to her. She saw her father, years ago as he worked in his woodshop out back. She had loved to watch him build things, watching something useful come from formless materials. Watching him, sawing, sanding, driving nails…
That was it! The sound was the sound of nails being driven into wood… into a casket. Tim’s casket! OH NO! If I tell Ben I’m not going to the prom with him. If I suggest that I’m going with Kirk, then I’m trapped! I can’t go with both of them! This notion of a Tim’s casket could have been no more real to her had someone been building that casket right there between the five of them.
In that flash of a second, Kim felt shame wash over her. Ben was hurt. Still, Kim was concerned about herself, about ‘going home’ as she thought of it. Even with the knowledge that she was living a much better life than Tim had ever known, she still wanted… no needed to get out of Kim’s life. Even Ben’s torture couldn’t curb that selfishness.
Kirk was still bent close to her ear, whispering his instructions. “That finger is just dislocated, but Lindsay can break it off just as easily. So, you’re going to tell him you were joking, that you’d never go to the prom with a worm like him. Then you’re going to laugh at him. You’re going to drive him off and never talk to him again.”
Kirk removed his hand from her mouth as Kim stood there trembling. She couldn’t speak. So Kirk began the ceremony with a gift. “I told you I had something for you,” Kirk dug deep in his pocket and pulled out a heavy class ring on a gold chain. The chain was fairly short to be worn prominently on the chest. He unclasped the chain and slipped it around Kim’s throat. With a small “clip” sound, Kim found Kirk Oswalter’s ring resting on the skin of her chest. Kirk leaned in again and said, “Don’t take it off. I’ll know and Ben over there will pay. Understand?”
The events that were playing out weren’t normal. Neither was the fact that she found herself living life as a girl either, she had to remind herself. Was this part of Fate’s balancing act? There was no way she could think herself out of this one. This wasn’t about her anymore. She looked across at Ben suffering needlessly in Jimmy’s arms. His eyes were closed at the moment but the pain displayed on his features was unbearable to watch. Stop being so selfish you stupid bitch and save him!
Kim stared at Ben sadly and nodded almost imperceptibly, acknowledging Kirk’s demands.
Kirk grinned, he had her. His heart was wild with excitement and he discovered something new about himself. He was excited by the act of forcing Kim under his thumb. He continued to whisper to her, “You’re going to be a good girl from now on Kim. You’re gong to do exactly as you’re told.” Again Kim nodded wordlessly. Her fingers twiddled the ring that Kirk had just placed on her. Ben had become a trump card somehow, not just for her, but for Kirk and for her family as well. Everyone was trying to play the Ben card to their advantage but no one really cared about what actually happened to Ben! The epiphany was blinding. What’s this really all about? Kim wondered to herself. How is it that Ben, unimportant, beaten down poor little Ben Ackerman keeps ending up at the center of all the problems, my problems, Kirk’s problems, his mother’s problems… What’s really going on here?
“I’m waiting.”
Kim dropped her hands to her side and looked down. Below her she saw the gentle rise of her breasts beneath a girl’s cheerleading uniform. Beyond that the flare of the pleated, blue and gold skirt draped over her hips, well formed athletic legs, not muscular, but smooth and softly shaped. Below that, she wore white ankle socks with white tennis shoes. Her heart was pounding hard enough to make her uniforms bib flap shake with the force of it. Oh Hell.
She turned to Kirk, “I’ll be a good girl. I’ll be good I promise.” Kim said choosing her words carefully, hoping the promise would be beguine and nondescript enough to give her some wiggle room. She wanted to let go of the selfishness for Ben’s sake, but she found she simply couldn’t. She prayed she would not feel the burning sensation she had felt the night she promised to go to the prom with Ben. If she did, she was screwed. She’d never be able to meet promises to both Kirk and Ben. That would be the same as trying to make the Sun and Earth occupy the same space at the same time.
Now it was time for her to try to get Kirk to make a promise for Ben. “Ben is going to be under your protection from now on. You don’t have to talk to him; you don’t have to be his friend. I’m sure no one’s going to be happier about that than Ben. But he’s on the list Kirk, officially.”
“No can do ¾”
Kim stepped up to him and struck as intimidating a stance as her small frame would allow, “I’m not arguing about this Kirk. I’m wearing your ring. I promised I’d be good. For that, Ben doesn’t get hurt, not by anyone, ever! I’ll get Ben to go away, but I’m not going to hurt him and neither are you, not ever again.” Kim’s eyes became threateningly narrow, “You want me so badly?” Kim asked. She poked Kirk in the chest with her index finger, “Then fucking act like it. Give me something that matters to me! You’re going to make sure that the entire school knows that he’s off limits. And if anything ever happens to him Kirk, anything at all, I swear, I’ll make you sorry you ever laid eyes on me.”
Kim turned and refused to look at him. Inside she was trembling terribly. Across the room, Jimmy and Lindsay’s eyes were wide open in surprise.
Kirk scowled down at her for just a moment.
Kim imagined that Kirk was just like a kid who had just had his favorite toy taken from him. It was hard to believe this was the same Kirk Oswalter she had known in a different time, a different place. While the other Kirk had been brash and obstinate, he had never been cruel. Before, he had always regarded Ben and Tim with a sort of indifferent disdain, but had always remained civil toward both.
Here, Kirk’s hatred of Ben bordered on psychotic. He was using Mafia blackmail techniques on Ben to achieve his goals with her. Am I serving some purpose by being here as a girl or is it Ben that has become the focus whatever is going on here? Things FELT out of balance. What kind of world was it where this kind of behavior could be used in a school of all places, against kids?
“Okay Baby,” Kirk relented. “Ben’s protected. No one will hurt him.”
Kim allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief. She was able to smile despite the incredible sorrow she felt for Ben at his treatment. “I need to take Ben to see the nurse.”
“No! Absolutely not.”
“Kirk, come on. Look at his hand.” This was ridiculous. She was not going to give in to leaving Ben’s hand in the condition it was in. Things were already bad enough for Ben. Who in the hell else was going to care for him if she wasn’t allowed to try to get this fixed?
Kirk looked to Lindsay and ordered, “Fix it.”
Kim’s eyes popped open in terrified surprise, “Kirk, NO!” But her pleas were already too late. There was an audible crunch as the ball of the joint seated back against the cartilage of the joint. Ben writhed horribly. His cries were heart breaking and Kim wept while Kirk kept one hand around her arm to hold her with him. “God damn it!” she cried out. “I said no more!” She turned and tried to meet Ben’s eyes, “Oh God, Ben, I’m sorry!”
After a moment Ben hung loosely in James Slater’s arms, weeping. James rummaged around in his pocket for something and soon pulled out two small, blue pills. “Here, take these shit head.” Not waiting for a response, James shoved the tablets into Ben’s mouth and forced him to swallow them.
“What were those?” Kim demanded.
“Valium, it won’t help much with the pain, but it will make him forget about it
a little faster.”
Now they’re giving him drugs… Jesus. Kim was still struggling to get to Ben, “Let go Kirk.” Kirk finally let go and Kim rushed across the gym to her friend.
“Oh Ben,” She said softly, mournfully. Ben wouldn’t meet stare. She crouched to see him but he did everything he could to evade her eyes. “I’m sorry. Please Ben, talk to me.”
At last he did lift his head, “I told you he was your boyfriend. Do you get it now? I should have listened to you before, you know, in that store.” Ben’s jaw didn’t move as he spoke. His teeth remained clamped firmly together. “I’m sorry. I am, but I can’t do this.” Kim wanted to wail out in anguish.
She touched his face tenderly with her soft hand, “Ben,” she whispered, “We have to stay away from each other for a while. I don’t know how long.” The words burned as she spoke them. There was no time frame connected to them and Kim was vaguely aware that no reprisals were heaped on her for it by either by Kirk or the mask that had put her here.
Ben painfully barked laughter at the senility of her comment, “No problem,” Ben wheezed. “You won’t have to worry about me again. I won’t bother you anymore.” With a single statement, Ben released her from any commitment she needed to make to satisfy Kirk… her boyfriend.
The idea made Kim physically sick to her stomach. She wavered for a moment, then finally knelt slowly to the ground, her arm around her midsection. Without looking up she demanded, “Let him go.” When Ben’s feet didn’t move, she looked up. Both James and Lindsay were looking in Kirk’s direction. “Don’t look at him for your answer. I’m wearing his ring for fuck’s sake, let him go.”
Kirk’s minions did as they were told. Great, Kim thought, let the Royal Court receive their Queen. Kim stood slowly and watched Ben staggered toward the door for a moment and then fell to his knees. Somewhere out in the school, the last bell rang. “Go on Ben, get out of here. No one’s going to hurt you again. Not here anyway. Isn’t that right Kirk?”
“You’re safe weas… Ben No one will fuck with you again. Stay the fuck away from her from now on. Spread the word, no one touches Kim. She’s mine.” Ben’s head hung loosely at the shoulders. He glared at Kirk from the side. He struggled to his feet and stumbled out of the gym.
It could have been her imagination. Uncertainty was the only certain thing left in her life now. But when the gym door slammed after Ben lurched out, she could have sworn that somewhere in the distance the pounding that Kim had heard earlier suddenly stopped.
Robert was waiting out front for his sister when Kirk and Kim emerged from the school hand in hand. Robert smiled at first, his brain either unable or unwilling to process the information before him. Kirk was smiling as broadly as Robert could ever remember seeing him. Kim didn't look all that happy.
He glanced down to adjust his radio when his brain said to him, Hold on there! He glanced up again and sure enough, there they were; his recently former best friend and his sister, walking together, holding hands, as if they were a couple. "Holy shit!" Robert mumbled under his breath and lept from his car.
"What in the hell is this?" he cried standing in the open door of his vehicle.
"Hey Bro." Kirk said cheerfully. "I told you, it was all just a big misunderstanding."
The confusion on her brother's face would have been laughable had it not been for the situation. "Kimmy, what's going on here?"
"What does it look it like Bobby?" Kim said as they passed her bother's car on their way to Kirk's car.
"But… But…" Robert stammered. His eyes trained in on something hanging around his sister's neck. "Is that Kirk's ring?" Kim glanced down, then back to her brother, but said nothing. "Kim!" Robert shouted and dashed off to catch up with them, slipping on the dry dirt and loose stones of the turn around.
Gaining his footing, he caught them just as Kim was closing the passenger side door of Kirk's car. "Wait," he cried, rapping his knuckle on the window. "Where are you going?"
Kim rolled down the window and looked up annoyed, "What?"
"What in the hell do you think you're doing?"
"We're going together, as in, going together…" Kim said a bit too bitterly for Robert's taste.
"I don't understand." Robert said totally confused. Kirk sat quietly his hands on the wheel and let Kim do the convincing for the moment.
"Well then, I appreciate that." Kim said flatly, offering no enlightenment to clear the fog.
"But…"
"It's not your choice Robert." Kim said. Her tone even more serious this time.
"Robert?" he questioned, his confusion now finding new depths. "Since when do you call me Robert?" It felt to him like Kim was trying to communicate some sort of cryptic message to him, but for the life of him, he couldn't think past that ring on Kim's chest.
"I'm only acting like a woman old enough to make her own decisions should act."
"Oh, so you're an adult now, is that it?" Robert asked, believing he was starting to understand.
"I didn't say that. Please don't put words in my mouth." Kim responded.
"Tell me something."
"I will if I can." Kim said almost pleasantly.
"Who am I talking to here, Kimberly Glass or Sybil Dorsett? Just last Friday you were saying what a fucking asshole this guy was, and I believed you!" Kim cringed and glanced at Kirk warily. Soon she was going to have two very angry men on either side of her unless she could get one of them to go away. She suspected Kirk wasn't going to go anywhere. For the moment she was stuck with him. Her brother on the other hand had the potential to be understanding, even if he didn't want to be.
"I changed my mind is all, is that so hard to understand? I was wrong, Okay? I've been wrong before, I'll be wrong again."
Robert glared at her, "Boy, you said a mouth full Kimmy."
"You don't have to be rude to me Robert." Kim said folding her arms over her chest, pouting.
"Oh boy." Robert groaned racking his fingers over his face, frustrated. "Okay," he said opening the car door. "Get out." Kim not only did not get out, she refused to acknowledge him. "Get out of the car Kim. Right now."
"I'm going home with Kirk."
"No you're not." Robert insisted,
"Hey man," Kirk finally jumped in, leaning over to look Robert in the face.
"You shut up!" Robert ordered. "There's something weird going on here and my sister isn't going anywhere with you until I find out what it is. You've done something or…" Robert trailed off. What was it Kirk could have done? Robert couldn't think of a thing that would turn someone's free will around the way he was seeing. "If I find out you're screwing around with my sister's head here, I can guarantee you will not like what happens next."
"Is this how you're going to be when we're brother's-in-law."
"BROTHER'S IN WHAT?" Robert cried, turning back to his sister almost desperately. "Kim, please… get out of the car."
Kim lowered her eyes for a moment, unfolded her hands and sat motionless for a moment, each of the men on either side waiting for a decision. She lifted her hand and rested it gently on Roberts arm. "I'm staying here with Kirk. I have to."
Kim's brother stood looking at her. He was obviously hurt, confused and didn't know what to do. At last he shut the door. "Fine," he said with terrible finality. "Don't come to me with your problems with this guy. He's your's now, he's your problem. You want to go off and get pregnant by him, fine by me." She didn't believe that her brother thought for a second that anything of the sort was actually going to happen. The words were a tool. A quite effective one, Kim admitted. They cut as deeply as any surgical steel could have. "I can't protect you from Mom, you know that. Having said that, I'm not going to get in her way either. If you manage to somehow get Mom to let go, then you'll be on your own with this guy, whatever that means for you down the road. I won't help you."
Kim wanted to cry. She was strong however and held a grim but determined face. In the doors rearview mirror she watched her brother turn his back and walk away. Don't be mad Bobby, please… If you knew, you'd understand.
Robert walked calmly back to his car, started the engine and drove away. This is a disaster.
"What an asshole!" Kirk said.
"Shut up." Kim snapped.
"Hey, don't you ¾"
Kim threw her hand up in front of his face, "No, don't you do it. I said I'd be good, I didn't say I'd sit here while you insult me or my family. I did what you wanted. I'm here. And it looks like I don't have anywhere else to go now, so you win. But if you think you're going to be rude to me, embarrass me or be a shit? Uh un, no, that's not going to happen."
"Sure thing," Kirk said unsure of himself. "Why would I do that?"
"You just did by calling my brother an asshole. So don't play dumb with me. You're the alpha male, Okay, I get it. But that doesn't mean you have to be an asshole too."
Kirk turned away from her, his face held a petulant child's pout. Kim understood she had gone too far long before he finally reacted. "You know, you told me earlier that you weren't negotiating with me. Maybe you thought I wanted you with me to change me, to make me some sort of idea of a 'better person.' If that's the case you're wrong. See, I deserve someone like you. I deserve to have what I want. And what I want is for you to behave like the mild little house mouse I want you to be. You and I are going to be together for a long time Kim. I can be as nice or as hard as you let me be." He turned to her and she was horrified to see that his eyes were almost as colorless as black marbles. "Don't ever tell me how to behave again. Don't tell me how to treat you or anyone else. Don't TELL me anything. You can ask. It would help you to learn to ask nicely."
Suddenly Kim's mind turned to what her brother had said only moments ago. What if he meant it? He seemed so determined to shut her off when he pulled away. She couldn't help but wonder if this too had been played by Kirk. If so, he had played it expertly.
Without much choice, Kim folded her hands demurely and said, "I understand. I'm sorry Kirk." She did not look at him as she spoke and Kirk didn't seem to mind, thank God. She stared at her hands, fidgeting as she said the words that seemed to burn in her mouth. "Don't do anything to Ben. I'll get better at this, if you could please just be patient with me."
She finally looked at him and the smile that formed on his face was one that made Kim's blood run cold. "You're forgiven Princess," he said. "Come here."
Oh nooooooo! She wanted to scream it, but she couldn't. Not yet, maybe not ever. She couldn't bear to think of poor little Ben suffering at this monster's hands. Much better that she have to deal with him than Ben. At least her suffering would only be emotional torture. Otherwise Ben wouldn't live-out the week. Kim leaned over and Kirk met her halfway over the console. Kirk's hand slipped behind her neck and drew her close to him until their lips met.
If she had not hated being Kim before, she hated it now. Her passion for that hate only grew as Kirk wormed his tongue into her mouth, forcing her to open it and let his squirming mouth serpent in. He held her there for several minutes. As they kissed, she could hear several people passing the car whoop and call out. A few applauded. In their world things had been set right. There was no doubt in Kim's mind that there were already rumors of a Home Coming King and Queen ballot with their names on it for that game in two weeks. They would be crowned prom King and Queen as well, if for some reason she found herself on his arm for the prom. How would she escape Kirk if she were forced to stay here like this?
Gesturing as if she needed to catch her breath, Kim finally broke away first. "We should probably head home, don't you think?"
Kirk has other ideas, "We could go grab a soda and some fries at The Gameline."
"My Mom isn't going to be happy about this Kirk. It might be better, easier, if I explain this to her a little at a time." Kim said, then added, "Less hassle for you."
"I could talk to her."
"Could I try first please? I think she'll be more understanding if I ease her into this. I'm not even supposed to be dating anyone yet, not unescorted anyway."
"Yeah, I know, but she'll change her mind when she find's out that you and I are finally together." Kirk's confidence was dwarfed only by his ego. He was lucky her mother didn't own a gun.
Whatever; you over-controlling, arrogant asshole! Kim thought, she smiled in response but the smile felt as though it probably looked fake. The two of them sped off out of the parking lot toward Kim's house.
When the arrived, Kim found Kirk expected a long wet one before he allowed her to leave. She capitulated but was rapidly running out of patience for his groping and feeling of her chest and legs, which had happened at random opportunities on the way home. "I'll pick up you tomorrow morning," he told her before she stepped out.
"Could we wait a couple of days before you do that? Mom is going to be here in the morning and…"
"Kim, you're not going to talk to her tonight about us?"
"Remember? It would be better if I could just ease her into the idea Kirk. She's stubborn. She worries about me. They've spent all their time protecting me from God knows what, it's kind of like their job. You're asking me to tell them they don't have a job any more."
"I'm here to protect you now, what more do you need?"
How about a Dixie cup full of poisoned grape juice? Kim flashed her fake smile again and avoided the question. "Can you give me that time Kirk?"
Kirk sat back disappointed. He seemed to seriously mull the question over and finally turned with a smile that she was certain he felt spoke of his generosity, "I suppose that's Okay. But just a couple of days Kim, we have our lives to live now. I'm eager to get started."
Ugh! It sounds like he want's to start having kids next week. What in the hell am I doing? "Thanks," was all she said. She turned and walked to the house slowly. Robert's car was in the driveway, an ominous sign. It was not a confrontation she was looking forward too. It was coming anyway. Robert she could handle, it was her mother that really worried her.
From his open window, Kirk called out after her, "Hey Kimmy, you should wear that uniform everyday. You look cute in it."
She slumped, deflated and muttered, "Why am I not surprised?"
Behind her she could sense Kirk's eyes on her ass. She prayed that her ass would simply burst into flames as she had envisioned earlier and burn completely off. She suppressed a smile at the thought, He wouldn't want me so badly then would he? - Holy Shit! Kim, what happened to your ass? It's… It's GONE! - Yeah, sorry Kirk, it burned up and fell off, you still love me right?
"If only." Kim groused. Finally the engine of Kirk's car roared into life and squealed away down the street. She was certain that he had wanted her to turn and waive, smiling sweetly. "Yeah, go beat your meat Kirk."
To her surprise, Robert was not in the house. He appeared, ambush style from the garage. He crossed the yard on an intercept course with his sister's path, "Kim…"
"Not now Bobby," Kim said holding up her hand, continuing to trudge single-mindedly to the house.
"Yes, now." Her brother demanded. At least he was still concerned enough to order her around. For Kim, it was a promising sign. "What was all that about? And did I just see you kissing Kirk?"
"Oh," Kim said not daring to look at him. "It's worse than that Bobby. I think I'm probably engaged! Now if you'll leave me alone, I need to find a pistol." She marched past him, furious.
"A… did you say a pistol?" It was enough to stop him dead in his tracks. "What in God's name do you need a pistol for?" he called after her.
"Well," she answered without turning around or stopping, "since we don't have any sleeping pills in the house, I figure that's gotta be the next best thing." she called back before she disappeared inside the house slamming the door behind her.
-*-
Kim didn't tell her mother about Kirk. She hoped her brother would. It just seemed too hard to actually start the conversation. If it was just out there with no choice about whether or not it got talked about, then she could defend herself. Starting it off, admitting to it just felt too difficult to do. Robert however, had noting to say apart from innuendo and vague suggestion. They had an almost silent, tense supper. Cindy tried to start conversation several times, asking the obvious ice breakers, "So, how did school go?"
Robert was the first to answer that question with another question. "Yes Kim, I was wondering the same thing." He had dropped his fork on his plate with a loud clank and propped his chin on his fists as if to listen intently. Fortunately, the noise was enough of a distraction to make Cindy forget about the question. She instead chided her son for rude table manners.
Dinner passed as did a very still TV hour before bed. Kim retired to her room and tried to complete her homework assignments, using the work to distract her from a situation she had no idea how to solve. The sticking point was Ben, how to avoid Kirk without getting Ben wedged in between. None of this solved her problem of getting to the prom. Kim was afraid that Ben wasn't going to come with in a thousand miles of her after this. Taking her to a dance, a school at that probably wasn't even a remote possibility at this point. Oh yeah, her chances of going home were down to nearly nothing at this point.
Kim stopped herself several times and asked for forgiveness from whatever forces that were driving her life now. It wasn't about going home anymore. She had a home, a good home. If she was going to have to live her life out as a girl and eventually as a woman, well, there were worse things weren't there? This was about Ben and what had happened to his life. She had to reminder self yet again of what she had and not focus on what she thought she'd lost. Her life was actually better now, or rather, it had been before Kirk muscled his way into a relationship with her.
Yet, she couldn't shake the notion that everything thing she had invested in herself as Tim was tied to the idea of identity. That identity was tied to Tim's gender. No matter how used to being Kim she got, no matter how good her life got, she felt she would never be able to tie her identity to this body. It was alien to her, even though she knew that she'd had it for sixteen years now. The Wizard had been right about one thing, she was more than likely stuck with it now.
Her mind kept turning away from Ben and what she saw as the true core problem, her gender. She just wanted it all to be done. Whatever was going to happen, then just let it happen. But please God, let it happen soon, before she went insane. She had the crazy notion of promising herself out loud that Kim Glass was going to marry Ben Ackerman but fell short of actually following through. She couldn't slam the door herself. If it closed in her face on its own, as it probably would, then Okay, she'd deal with it at that point but she wouldn't close it herself. There was still a chance. That chance didn't belong to just her, it belonged to Ben too. There was a much better life on the other side of this for him as well.
But how much of that was concern for Ben and how much of it was selfishness? It was a hard question to answer. Kim suddenly needed the answer to be an honorable one, not just honest.
"Ahhhhhh," she cried out, no longer able to take the stress of the issue. "Jesus, do all girls obsess like this?" Again, it was a question she couldn't answer. Judging from her mother's behavior, it seemed at the very least it ran in the family.
Her lack of concentration was broken still further by a knock at the door, "It's open," she called out.
When the door opened the repentant face of her brother peeked in between the crack. "You're not on the toilet are you?"
"Very funny," Kim quipped, "Come on in. I'm just trying to do some homework."
"I can come back."
"But you don't want to." Kim finished for him.
"Well, no, that is if you want the truth." Kim gestured with a sideways nod of her head and Robert came in and closed the door.
"Where's Mom?"
"Down stairs on the phone with you know who." Kim didn't know who, nor did she care. "She's worried again." Robert informed her, "Frankly so am I."
"Welcome to the club." Kim said sarcastically.
"So something is wrong?"
"Duh!" Kim barked and was sorry the minute it was out. "I'm sorry Bobby."
"Oh, so it's Bobby again."
Kim blushed at the reminder of the way she had treated her brother earlier that day. "I was trying to slip you a message," Kim explained. Her tone was defensive and she fought to bring it into check. "I guess I did a lousy job, huh?"
"No, I got the message. I just didn't know what it said. Try English next time. I can read that." He waited and could tell Kim didn't want to volunteer the information. She was afraid to start the snowball down the hill. All too often one could get run over by that juggernaut just for standing around looking stupid. He had to ask, "So why don't you tell me now?"
Kim's face broke into a million pieces, "Oh Bobby…"
Robert was caught off guard by the sudden reversal in emotions. At first he didn't know what to do. He went to her; cautiously extended his arms and she fell into them. "Okay… it's Okay…"
"No it's not. Kirk… that bastard. He ambushed me today. He tried to order me to tell Ben to go away and leave me alone."
"Ambushed?"
"Pinned me to the ground on the P.E. field. I was out there, you know, going over my notes from practice."
"Ah, in your peaceful place."
"Yeah, anyway he just showed up. He stepped on my skirt and held me there. Then he started threatening to hurt Ben if I didn't tell him I didn't want to see him any more."
"I told you there'd be problems."
Kim broke free of his embrace. "No you didn't. You said you thought he loved me, which is a load of horse shit anyway. The only person Kirk cares about is Kirk."
"What did he say?"
"He said he loves me."
"Well I hate to say it…" Robert said knowingly.
"Don't, Okay Bobby. Don't say it."
"Well I did." Robert defended himself, not seeing the real issue yet.
"Bobby! He can't abuse someone else to get to me! What's wrong with you? You can't just dismiss this by saying 'See?' This is a big problem. Never mind the fact that Kirk only said that because he things girls want to hear it. Like they'll just fall down at his feet if he says the magic words, 'I love you.'"
"Gee, I wonder where he got that idea?"
Kim raked her sleeve across her nose and sniffled. "Okay, forget the rest of the cheerleading team. Forget the fact that Kirk's an idiot. They did a Lindsay on him today."
"What, on Ben?"
"Right in front of me Bobby. I mean, I've heard of it but I've never actually seen him do it to anyone. It was terrible. He and Jimmy did it on Kirk's orders. It was like watching a Mafia hit."
Robert looked around and found Kim's vanity chair and sat down in it. The small chair creaked under his weight but held. "Jesus. Lindsay used to do that to guys on the line when he could. It always looks like an accident and the other guys are down one starter. I saw it a couple of times, it's very efficient. He did that to little Ben?"
Kim nodded grimly, "Oh, that's not even the end. He told me that if I didn't take his fucking ring," Kim held the ring up that was still chained around her neck, and then tossed it back down on her chest, "Ben would keep getting hurt. I took a shower a little while ago and was too afraid to take the damn thing off. It was only a miracle that I was able to hide this stupid thing from Mom tonight."
Holding out his hand, Robert said, "Give it to me. I'll shove it right up his ass."
Kim clutched at the ring, protecting it. She shook her head furiously, "No," she gasped weeping. "If I don't show up as school with this, too much can go wrong. Ben could get really badly hurt."
"So you keep wearing it?"
"I have to. I'm his fucking girl friend." Kim threw her arms up and then down again in frustration. She began to pace back and forth.
"Okay, hold it down or Mom will be up here before you know it."
"I don't know what to do Bobby. Ben's just a sweet little guy. His father kicks his ass every night and he just keeps on going. He wants something better Bobby, he always has. But, Jesus, everyone keeps shitting on him."
"Has Ben become a personal cause for you or something?" Robert asked. Kim froze in her tracks. She turned on her brother who stood from the vanity chair and took two rather large steps in the opposite direction, "Hold on Kim, I didn't mean anything by that."
"Yes you did. Don't lie to me Bobby, I've always been able to tell when you're lying. It's not Okay that Kirk can take someone I care about and beat the hell out of them to make me do what he wants. Hell Bobby. Take me out of the equation. Ben deserves better. They call what Ben's been through child abuse and no one does anything about it. You remember what Dad did to his in the front yard? That happened because of me, not Ben. Poor Ben ran away because he knew what was coming. He was scared to death of his Dad. Imagine living like that day after day after day."
Robert felt an unexpected and overwhelming wave of grief wash over him, "Kim, I…"
"Shut up Bobby! Just shut up and listen. Ben isn't a cause. He's a human being. He wants the same things you and I want, what everyone wants. He wants to eat for God's sake. He goes to school every day and gets more of what his father dishes out every night. How's that for a cause?"
"Kim…"
"No. I'm not listening to you. I'll do this as long as I have to because Kirk promised to protect Ben. This is bigger than Kirk blackmailing me. It's about Ben getting a little justice for once. I just… I… I just don't have to like it, that's all."
Robert sat for a moment, stunned and silent. After a few minutes, Kim sat on the edge of her bed and watched him. "Whatchya thinking?" she finally asked him.
"That I'm a bigger asshole than Kirk is," he said, his feelings hurt by the admission.
Kim barked snotty laughter through her tears, "No one's a bigger asshole than Kirk," she replied.
The both fell into an uneasy quiet for a bit. At length she said, "So I'm Kirk's girlfriend." Kim shrugged, "I mean, how bad could it be right?"
"Except that you hate him."
"With every cell in my body," Kim confirmed.
"Then you can't be his girlfriend."
Kim's face tightened as though she might start crying again. "I don't have any choice. He'll get to Ben if I break it off. Will you listen to me? I'm stuck as Kirk's girlfriend. Oh my God! What is happening?" Kim began to hyperventilate. It took all the self control she could muster to keep from passing out.
"Calm down," Robert said.
"I can't… I can't…" Kim said taking deep breaths, "I can't breathe."
"Here," Robert said looking around. He found a small plastic bag that had some school papers in it and emptied it out. "Breathe in this."
"Pa… Pa…" Kim stammered.
"I know it's not paper, but it'll do. Increase your carbon dioxide levels and it'll stop."
Kim began huffing into the bag. When her breath returned she sat back, grateful for air. Robert told her, "Mom is going to find out."
"I know. He wanted to pick me up tomorrow morning. I asked him to give me a couple of days to break the news to her. What am I going to do?"
Robert thought for a moment. He then said, "Let him."
"What? Are you crazy. She'll kill him…" Robert opened his eyes knowingly and smiled. "It won't work, he'll still get to Ben."
"Not once I get finished with him."
"I don't know. My way seems easier," Kim said considering the options. "What happens after he leaves here?"
"Let me worry about that, you just call him, tell him you've changed your mind and you'd love for him to pick you up in the morning. After that, I'm going to step in… if I can get around Mom that is."
It took about twenty minutes of coaxing to get her to call Kirk, but she did. Her hands were shaking the entire time. So bad in fact that she misdialed Kirk's number twice. Robert could only remember Kim ever having been this scared once, and that had been his fault. It was devastating for Robert to see. He hated to see her so terrified and it made Robert boil in rage at what Kirk had done.
Kirk, on the other hand, couldn't have been happier, even going as far as telling Kim to come to dinner at his house after school. Kirk ended the conversation by telling her "I love you Baby." Kim did not reciprocate, she only said, "See you tomorrow," and hung up the phone.
Later on she lay awake in bed, worrying. There was much to worry about. Tomorrow might end badly. There was no way for her to protect everything in the balance. If the House of Glass landed on her should it fall, then she would have to do as the Wizard told her and move on. The problem was it was bound to fall on a lot of other's too. That would make her responsible for all that devastation. She wondered dreadfully if she could live with that.
-*-
When Kim came down, again dressed in her cheerleading uniform as Kirk had requested, Cindy didn't question it. There had been many times when Kim was required by some school function to wear her uniform for several days at a stretch. Since the end of school was fast approaching, Cindy simply assumed that there was yet some other closing ceremony that in which she needed to represent the athletic department. Cindy did not notice the rather large ring hanging from a gold chain around Kim's neck.
Kirk was there the next morning, happily trotting toward the door as Cindy opened it to send her daughter off to school. Kim was the first to see him marching up the flagstone walkway. Her face sagged in dread as he approached. Her mother craned her head around to see what it was that had affected her daughter so and saw something that should not have been there.
The quizzical look on Cindy's face when she noticed the colossal bulk of Kirk loping up their front yard was enough to cause Kirk to falter just a step or two out of uncertainty. Believing the open door was his invitation to come in, he traipsed in smiling. He intended to 'notify' Cindy that Kim would be home late, she had been invited to dinner at his house and would be staying to watch a movie.
When Kirk announced their (his) plans in a fashion that said to Cindy, like it or lump it lady, Cindy responded, hands on hips, "I beg your pardon, young man?" This caught Kirk off guard. No one spoke to him this way, not even his own parents. Kirk was used to telling and getting and not being questioned. It had been that way all his life.
"I said…"
"I heard what you said Kirk. I bet you don't talk to your parents..." Cindy started but Kirk was in a hurry and decided he'd heard enough.
"Sure I do, Cindy."
"Mrs. Glass to you," Cindy insisted.
"Since when…" Kirk wanted to know. In his mind they were almost related.
Cindy looked at her wrist watch, then soberly back to Kirk, "Since right now."
"But I…" Kirk began but Cindy cut him off.
"You are a smart-aleck and unless I woke up on a different planet this morning, I'm still Kimberly's mother and I'm the one responsible for her until she's 21. And since I'm the one footing the bills and providing a roof over her head, I'll tell Kimberly what's best and when and where she does things."
"Ah…"
"Don't Ah me Kirk. This is not open to discussion. Kim is not allowed to be with boys alone. Period!"
"That's not…" Kirk barked angrily.
"That's not going to happen, Kirk. Frankly I don't trust you, I never have…" Kimberly had a difficult time sequestering the wild laughter that wanted to escape from inside her. Just keeping a smirk off her face was struggle enough, she didn't need to start laughing at him too.
"Look Cin… Mrs. Glass, Kim is a big girl. We're together now and I'm perfectly capable of taking care of her…"
"Together?" Cindy cried in outrage. "What do you mean, together?" It was then Cindy saw the ring. "What's this?"
Kim glanced down at the ring and simply said, "It's Kirk's"
"Give it to me." Cindy said extending her hand.
When Kim reached behind her neck to unclasp it, Kirk stepped between Cindy and her daughter, "No. I told her she wasn't to take it off."
Cindy's eyes flew open in shocked surprise. "You TOLD her? You ORDERED her not to take off your ring? You ordered MY child to wear your school ring Kirk? Is that what I'm hearing you say?" She didn't wait for an answer. She really didn't want one from Kirk anyway. She pushed Kirk aside and looked at Kimberly. "What's going on here Kim?"
"I told you Cindy. Kim and I are a couple now."
Cindy stared gape-mouthed at Kim. Kim could not meet her mother's intense stare, she could only nod shamefully. It took a few seconds for Cindy to recover from Kirk's rude manipulation of Kim's reply. When she did however, Cindy screamed at Kirk, "DID I ASK YOU?"
"Huh?" Kirk responded taking a large step backward.
Angrily, Cindy continued, "You don't EVER cut my daughter off like that. She's not your pet Kirk. You will show my daughter and myself the respect we deserved by shutting your God damned mouth right now!"
She then turned back to Kim, fighting to control her anger, "Take it off Kim, do it right now." Kim proceeded as ordered.
"Don't you do it Kim or you know what will happen." Kirk countered and Kim obediently dropped her hands.
"What's going to happen?" Cindy asked now confused. Behind them Robert appeared at the open door, boxing Kirk in, blocking the front door and the yard beyond.
"Yeah Kirk," Robert said startling Kirk, "Tell us, what's going to happen?" Robert folded his arms over his chest and leaned nonchalantly against the frame of the open door.
"I don't think that's important to you," he said to Robert. Turning to Cindy, he continued, "or to you. What's important is that Kim assured me she would be a good girl and I'd made Kim a promise that I would do something for her in return."
"Translation:" Robert announced, "It means Mom, that Jerk here had Ben's finger dislocated by one of his flunkies on the football team. He did it and made Kim watch." Cindy's face became a mask of revulsion at the news. She looked from Kirk to Kim searching for the truth and founding in the watering eyes of her daughter. "He told Kim that Ben would become a target of a lot of pain if she didn't agree to become Kirk's girlfriend and drop Ben as a friend."
"Why would you do that?" Cindy whispered at Kirk in disbelief.
"Ackerman doesn't deserve your daughter. I on the other hand have a lot to offer her. Look at it as a service. I saved your-"
Cindy cut Kirk off, revolted by his presence. "Shut up Kirk, get out of my house. I don't want you to even speak to my daughter again." Kirk bristled as if to suggest he was about to challenge her when Cindy, nearly a full foot shorter than Kirk took the first step forward. Taken by surprise, Kirk stepped back.
"No you don't Kirk, you will not intimidate me." She shoved her index finger into Kirk's chest, much the same way her son had four mornings ago. Kim began to worry. In her estimation, Kirk was only mildly unstable. That didn't mean that he possessed the ability to remain only mildly unstable. She believed that if he wanted something, he would stop at nothing to get it.
Kim watched as Kirk's face clouded over like a violent storm blowing from the west, carrying the promise of tornados with it. Kirk did step forward this time and it was Cindy who was surprise by Kirk's imposing size. Now she stepped back two steps to stay out of his reach. Kirk balled up his mighty fist and cocked it. Mrs… Glass," he said deliberately, "Kim and I ¾"
Robert finished Kirk's sentence for him, " ¾aren't going to be seeing each other any more. I'm dropping her off and picking her up from school again, everyday Kirk." From the look on her mother's face, Cindy was not entirely ungrateful either. Nor did she seem to mind him taking the reigns this time, Robert pushed Kirk back and Kirk deflated right away.
Robert was big, really big! He had a two inch reach although Kirk probably outweighed him by thirty pounds maybe more. Robert was no slouch though. He was lean and muscular, every bit the athlete any athlete would want to be. A powerful quarterback, Robert had been actively hunted and sought after by sixteen major universities. Sports analysts already had him pegged as the man to watch to win the Heisman Trophy. One pro team, The Atlanta Falcons had even tried to lure him into the pro camps before college. Robert was, as most in school put it, a fucking badass. Kirk knew it too. It was exactly the situation that Kim feared most. Kirk was now cornered.
Kim was once more trying to remove the chain around her neck. This time however, she didn't need any prompting from her family. The ring and chain fell away into her hand and she let the whole thing fall to the floor. She said nothing however. The gesture was provocative enough not to have to add words. Kim stepped back away from the hotspot that was the foyer wanting to be clear of the explosion when it happened.
Cindy picked up the ring and the chain, took Kirk's right hand and put the thing in his palm, curling his fingers around it. "Get out."
Kirk looked stupidly at the ring in his hand. His face became pinched and his eyes narrowed in anger. He drew his hand back and he heaved the heavy ring at Robert's face. "NOOOOOOOO," Kirk cried as he unleashed the ring. "She's MINE!"
Robert spun around faster than a lightening bolt and grabbed Kirk by the throat and pressed him to the wall. It was Robert's turn to grit his teeth. "Be careful now ole buddy, that's my sister not your plaything or your private cheerleading squad. She's not your nasty, your snatch, old lady or even just plain yours. She's just a person Kirk, a kid, a sixteen year old. Not something you can manipulate through threats because you're bigger than she is." Robert pulled Kirk off the wall, lifting him completely off the ground and slammed him back into the wall again for emphasis, "She's a human being, and I love her."
Kirk struggled loose in a brief scuffle, but Robert quickly had him restrained again. Kirk turned his head to Kim, "The toad is fucking dea…" Kirk suddenly stopped talking. He began gurgling and turning red at first, then purple. Distracted now, Kim had time to think, 'That's a neat trick. Kirk Oswalter, the human chameleon.'
"Kirk, your football scholarship is showing. If I see or hear of anyone taking a hit from you or any of your team fucks over there, I can guarantee that you'll be happy to be able to earn a living tossing French fries when I'm done with your fucking future. You will never play football for money, Ever!"
"Fuck you!" Kirk shouted with a strangled spat. "I choose who I want to have, not yoooooooo," Kirk's voice trailed off in a hiss, like a leaking beach ball, as Robert pressed into Kirk's chest with is arm.
"You're leaving this house, standing up or feet first on a gurney. You make that choice. The choice I'm making for you is that you're going to leave Kimberly and Ben alone. "
Robert let Kirk up and opened the door for him. "Get out."
Kirk took his time getting out. Robert held as Kirk passed, glaring at him. In the street beyond, a Mathers School bus, loaded with students had stopped to pick up five other students for school. Robert had just about enough of Kirk's glaring and as soon as Kirk turned his head and noticed the school bus, Robert shoved Kirk out the door with a firm foot to the back.
Kirk went sprawling onto the porch, pin wheeling his arms for balance. He hit the boards of the porch with his face, hard. A loose nail head caught his letterman's jacket and tore it down the left side. He landed in a heap, a pile of dirty laundry and flesh as the door slammed. Before it closed, Robert could hear the laughter at Kirk's expense from the kids on the bus through the open windows.
He turned to his mother and sister, "Everyone Okay, Kim," Kim nodded but said nothing. Robert turned to Cindy, "Mom?"
Cindy nodded, yes she was fine. Then in her accustom style, she said, "I had that Robert."
Outside the door, Kirk roared in outrage, punctuating Cindy's statement with the truth that she had truly underestimated her power but was too proud to say so. There where hollow footfalls on the planks of the porch as he stormed off, presumably toward his car.
Robert's face was set and sober when he replied, "Yes Mom," acknowledging his mother's authority, "I know you did." He said nothing more to his mother about her competency. The battle had been brief and Team Glass had persevered. What difference did it make who the hero was? Cindy didn't let it go however.
Cindy said humbly, "Thank you, Bobby." Her face was flushed and she was close to crying. It was something Kim had never seen before, either as Tim or as Kim. Two life spans of sixteen years and this was the first time she had ever seen her mother this close to breaking down. Even when their father had been reported killed, Cindy had been strong for the rest of them, crying in the darkness of the bedroom she had once shared with him.
Robert put his arms around his mother and held her. She had the shakes and Robert soothed her with quiet tones and soft words until she had her composure back.
"If your father were here… he'd," Cindy began.
Robert stopped her, "He's not though. Believe me, I'm happy to fill in for him in this capacity." Cindy stroked his face and smiled. Robert held his index finger up to his mouth and whispered, "Shush."
Kim watched, shaking some in her own right. When the comforting was over, Cindy turned to Kim as he comforted his mother, "You want to tell me what happened?"
"Not particularly, but I will I guess." Kim paused for just a moment, "Will you promise me something first though?"
"I'll try," her mother responded warmly.
"Try not to be too mad at me. I was only trying to do what I thought was right."
"I'll keep that in mind."
True to her word, Cindy remained calm as he listened, though it was a struggle at times. Kim, animated as ever, cried intermittently as she recalled her fear and her inability to react to it, concerned about setting Kirk off. They both let Kim take the stage, her own one woman testimonial show. They watched as she would expound on things with great gestures of her body as if she were acting out the scenes of a play they'd all missed.
Cindy sat next to Robert at his silent insistence. He watched his mother out of the corner of her eye. When it became evident that Cindy was loosing her fight at composure, he would gently distracting her with a touch of his hand on the back of hers. Robert had established a place of dominance in his mother's house with his protection of his family. His mother had no choice but to respect it.
When Kim was finished, Robert stood and hugged his exhausted sister, supporting her while she came to grips with all the mistakes (as she saw them), she had made and now had been forced to admit.
"Did he hurt you?" Cindy asked. It was an element left out of her description, either omitted out of fear or because it hadn't happened. The implication of what 'hurt' meant was clearly understood to Kim, she shook her head. Robert and Cindy were both relieved.
Cindy motioned to the Kitchen, "I'm going to call the police."
Robert gently grabbed her arm, "Hold on Mom."
"I will not 'hold on' Robert Lee; and I'll thank you to take your hand off my arm. Kim has been assaulted and…"
"No she wasn't, unless you call a kiss assault."
"It felt like assault." Kimberly said glumly.
"I suppose it was, but I doubt the police will see it the same way. Frankly, I doubt the school will too. If they back Kim, they're staring down the barrel of a law suit. I think they'll try to protect themselves against that."
"And what about Ben Ackerman?" Cindy asked, "I supposed that wasn't assault either."
"That was assault, but Kirk didn't do it, Lindsay did. We could report that, but I don't expect anyone would believe you either. You didn't see it…"
"Kimberly did!" Cindy cried.
"Yeah, I did," Kim parroted.
Cindy just seemed to get more upset with every point. "I don't care Robert; he injured one child and threatened Kim for Christ's Sake. I'm supposed to believe that he's safe now because you roughed him up and scared him away?"
"I don't even think I've done that Mom. I do believe he won't bother Kim now though and…"
Kim interrupted, "What about Ben?"
"Hard to say Kim," Robert admitted.
"I'm sorry about Ben," Cindy tried to console her daughter; "We'll call his Mother and let her know he might be in the way of a runaway steamroller. My interests lie with you and your safety right now."
Robert broke in again, "Then don't send her to school today," Kim let out an exasperated breath, and her brother turned on her, "You want to go? Do you really want to go there, because he'll probably there, in spite of what happened? Mom's right, keeping you away from him is probably the safest bet."
Kim could only stare back in shocked, doe-eyed innocence and shake her head. "But Bobby, you said Ben would be Okay!"
Speaking to his mother, Robert continued, "I'll go to school and get her assignments for the couple of weeks. She can work here or with me if you want, at work. I'll have a nice long talk with Coach Monte while I'm there, a nice private one about our mutual friend and his issues. I'll make sure they know about Ben too. If I give them a chance to save face, I think I can convince them to take a larger stake in his future."
Kim had begun hopping about with Robert suggestion that she stay home for a couple of weeks, "Mom! No way, I don't want to go to work with Bobby. I don't even want to stay home for that long." Kim could feel the walls closing in on her. She needed opportunities, not walls between her and those chances to go home. She still wanted a possibility, even if she couldn't manipulate everything to make it happen, she found she still didn't want to be a girl.
Cindy agreed with Robert however, "No Honey, it's a good plan." Kim turned and kicked the closet door in the living room closed, mildly hurting her toe, then fidgeted with her uniform skirt hem. Cindy glared at Kim, "Watch it young lady," Kim turned her back on her mother and characteristically stuck out her bottom lip and pouted.
Robert smiled, "When did she turn into the bookworm?"
Cindy smiled, "Believe it or not, your sister is nearly at a 4.0 grade average,"
Her brother grabbed her by the shoulders and rocked her back and forth happily, "All right Kim! I knew there was a brain in there somewhere…"
"Okay, Okay," Kim complained, "If you keep shaking me like that brain you're so suddenly proud of is going to start oozing out my ears. Lets' just go and get this over with please."
-*-
The Dean of Boys was only too happy to provide the work for her after being informed of the confrontation earlier with Kirk at the Glass home. Dean Hill and Coach Monte had done everything but plead with Robert to allow them to handle the situation, they tried to convince him that Kirk had the potential to be a good kid and that they were certain that he was a product from his home environment that had never taught him the limitations of personal and moral boundaries.
Robert told them he was happy to let them handle it… until Kirk made one more attempt to blackmail his sister or hurt another student, like Ben Ackerman for instance. Then it would become a matter for the authorities. He also warned them that if they didn't take some sort of decisive action that would have a direct impact on Kirk's attitude and behavior, he couldn't guarantee that his mother wouldn't or hadn't already called the police. This left both Coach Monte and Dean Hill staring stupidly at each other without much to say.
Robert also reminded them that since they had been informed, it wouldn't look good if they just sat on their thumbs and waited for things to right themselves.
Robert had left them both silent as he gathered Kim's lessons and left for the parking lot. Coach Monte had caught Robert outside, chasing after him with concern on his face. Robert left this last part out of his explanation to Kim.
"Bobby, wait up!" the Coach had called after him.
Robert had turned around and Monte pulled up before him out of breath, "Yeah?"
"You didn't mean everything you said in there did you? I mean all that stuff about calling the cops and all. I mean did he really break the law here?" The Coach rested his hand on Robert's shoulder, smiling at him.
"That's not really for me to say. I would think that his bringing other members of the football team to hurt one student to manipulate Kim would be enough to raise a few hairs on the backs of everyone's neck. I'm not sure the community would like to hear their kids are in the same building all day long with people like that."
"That's not even cute Bobby," Monte said cutting him off. "Don't make threats like that. No one knows if that even really happened. We had no complaint from the Ackerman kid. He didn't even stop in and see the nurse. We only have Kim's descri…."
"Don't Coach. I'm not loyal to this school anymore. I was never THAT loyal to it in any case, and certainly not over my family. So let me warn you once, if you feel the answer to this thing is to vilify my sister, do don't go there."
Monte stood stoically regarding Roberts appraisal of his loyalties. Then he smiled, chuckling a bit, "You misunderstand me. Of course they're important to you. No one wants it any other way my boy. But we have to consider ruining someone else's career over an unsubstantiated rumor. Think how you would feel if someone made a baseless claim…"
Robert turned hard, planting his feet and causing Coach Monte to blunder right into Robert's front. Kim's brother took the coach by the shoulders and forcibly moved the man clear of his personal space. "If something else happens it won't be me you have to worry about. Everyone will be down here with torches and pitchforks demanding the monster. They'll take the guys that made him too. They'll take you guys and burn you at the stake. All I've done is give you the message that the monster's loose." It's going to be your job to catch him and put him back in his cage before he does something else.
-*-
Robert had left confident that Coach Monte had been sufficiently warned and would act on the information Robert had given him. Monte had no intention of doing anything before talking to Kirk and verifying as much of Robert's story as possible.
Kirk had not gone to school that day however. He had returned home, humiliated, seething about what his former friend had just put him through, enraged that Kim had betrayed him. He brooded all day as he bounced around inside his parent's house alone with only his self to comfort him. There were no thoughts of charity toward Kim in Kirk's mind. He had been denied something he wanted above all other things at that moment. She and done the one thing that he would never be able to excuse or forgive.
She had run away from him.
By morning, Kirk was in a fog that no one or nothing could penetrate. All he could see was Kimberly, his Kimberly. An endless film of what had supposed to be played over and over in his head, their wedding, his graduation from college, his draft to the NFL, the awards, the money… his children gathered around him to worship their father. All of this was now at risk of not coming true. All because of that bitch!
The phone calls to his home began Wednesday morning. The school of course was concerned about his absence in additions to the allegations. No one was there, however, to take the calls. Kirk spent Wednesday morning and afternoon bumbling around Heritage Mall. He spent the better part of the day there wandering around, doing nothing, stewing in pity for his broken dreams.
He finally left at 4:10 p.m., racing back to the Magnolia district where his and Kim's family lived with one idea burning in his mind, to get Kim to see the error of her decision. To convince her that he was just the sort of man she deserved.
-*-
Robert dropped Kim off at their house at 5:16 p.m. She was glad to be some place where there was a shower. It was her number one priority at the moment. She just knew she smelled like a cheeseburger.
"I swear Bobby, if I never see another French fry again, it'll be too soon. How can you stand that smell?" Kim asked holding her nose, her face pinched in an exaggerated fashion.
"You get used to it," Bobby excused, "Besides, as manager I'm not out front all day."
Kim got out but Robert didn't turn the car off. "You coming in?"
"I gotta run to the corner for a few things. I'll be right back. Want anything while I'm out?"
"Yeah, how about a few beers?" Kim asked sweetly.
"Nice try." Robert said chuckling. "I'll be right back." She watched as he pulled out, turned and made her way gratefully to the house.
Once inside, Kim leaned against the closed front door with her back. Boredom was tiring. Her school hadn't held her interest for too long and she was still able to get two days assignments completed before 1:00. Now she was nothing but exhausted.
Go change clothes... Get comfortable, that will help relax you.
It was a good idea. A pair of sweat pants and a soft top would calm her down. Her jeans were too tight and the boots she had worn felt like they were binding her toes, feet and calves.
"Yeah... good idea, go change..." It was strange being in the house alone. She'd almost forgotten how nice it was here with no one else to make noises or be distracting. As Tim, she used to like being here alone from time to time. As Kim, she couldn't really remember a specific moment when she had been afforded that luxury. A bit of solitude would be a welcomed break from the constant company she had to keep and the lack of peace that seemed to go right along with it. Kim slowly mounted the stairs taking her time and thinking to herself that a hot bath would be very relaxing.
She continued to climb in the gloom of the unlit stairwell toward the landing at the top. Once there, she peered blankly into Robert's darkened room. Her mind was still tried to inventory the shadows, putting them into logical order as she walked. There had been Robert's desk, the silhouette of his reading lamp, two posts of the footboard of his bed. There was the line of shoes he kept just under the edge of his bed. There had been the silhouette of his football pads near the door, a pair of disembodied legs in the corner, his freshwater fish tank that Kim could still hear bubbling behind her.
Kimberly froze dead in her tracks. Her breath was trapped in her lungs as her mind rapidly checked the inventory list of things she just identified.
Legs… There was no hint of thighs or body. There were no arms or head that might have given ownership to the legs. The legs had just stood there in the dark, the toes of the shoes pointed toward Robert's dresser.
One thing Kim felt she could recall very clearly however, was the idea that the legs had been men's legs.
From somewhere behind in the direction Robert's room a board creaked in the dim murk of the upstairs hall. Kim couldn't keep her throat from swallowing. Her fear and confusion were now pushing her emotions to the breaking point. Another creaking board, this one closer and she knew whoever it was were coming toward her. She mewed a pathetic little girlish cry through lips pressed together in stark terror. She could hear the owner of the legs breathing steadily as they creaked ever closed her to her.
"Hi Kim," said the voice from directly behind her. "You sure look sweet today. I have to say though, I still like that cheerleaders outfit better."
"Hi Kim," said the voice from directly behind her. "You sure look sweet today. I have to say though, I still like that cheerleaders outfit better."
Kim gasped and wheeled about 180 °, saw that her mind was not playing tricks on her, it was a man. That was about as far as her mind got before her books and papers hit the floor when her body spasmed with surprise and shock.
Kirk could see the fright in her eyes and smirked to himself at the rush of power he felt at that knowledge. There was something else in Kim's eyes however that threatened to unbalance his glee. Kirk recognized that she was angry with him. She's pissed! What the fuck could she possibly be pissed off at me about? Fucking little bitch. Kirk allowed himself to think and then stepped on that thought. It's not time yet, soon... but not yet. Instead he responded, "Whoa... Kimmy, relax. It's just me."
"What are you doing here?" Kim asked, her fear was underscored by the tremble in her tenor. Kim wanted THE answer, the true answer to that question. She couldn't keep her mind off the litany of horrible possibilities for why he might be here. She needed to hear him say, I just came by to apologize Kimmy. I promise, I won't bother you again. If that wasn't it, if there were another reason, Kim was afraid she'd have to start screaming. Just his appearance in the half-lit doorway of Robert's room was enough to nearly drive her mad. Shadows crossed his face only revealing the half-man thing Kim suspected Kirk was becoming in his mind.
"I've been waitin' for you." Kirk said stepping from the shadows. He was still wearing what he had worn yesterday, all the way down to his torn jacket. "I've been waiting to talk to you. I think we can still make this work Kimmy."
He's nuts. "My mother ¾" Kim began and then quickly rethought that strategy. "Robert is right behind me. You should leave Kirk."
"Why?" Kirk seemed genuinely perplexed at the suggestion. Kim's anger began to over shadow her fear and she beat it back. Fear keeps us alive… Stay alive Kim… she told herself. Whatever else you do, just stay alive.
The emotion was beginning to bubble up out of her. Her anger mingled with the frustration that he didn't care that he was frightening her, that he wouldn't leave, that she didn't want to have anything to do with him, was breaking free. "Because," Kim said tearing up, her fear winning out once more. "I'm not supposed to have boys up here. You weren't invited in… YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" Kim cried her nerves finally reaching they're breaking point. "Please, go home Kirk." She wiped her fingers over her eyes, clearing the tears so she could see.
"No," Kirk said in a matter-of-fact tone, it sounded to Kim as if she'd asked if he wanted ice cream and he simply turned it down, "I won't leave, not without you." The tremors came to her limbs with those words. A black cloud, like swarming locusts, veiled her thoughts and heart. Kim thought she just might stop breathing right then and there. She tried to draw a breath and her lungs would not respond. Kirk stepped toward her, just one. She took a reflexive backward step toward her bedroom door.
Kirk matched it by stepping closer, his face crinkled in confusion, "You're trembling Kim,"
God damn him, she knew Kirk understood just how frightened she was now, never display fear around a feral dog, they can smell it...
Kim tried to shake her head in weak denial and managed to only jerk it around erratically. Her neurons were now firing out of control, escalating fight or flight. Adrenaline spilled into her system in what felt like gallons at a time. Kim decided to try to tell him she was not frightened, "You gave me a start, that's all." This came out only as a barely audible series of squeaks.
"No, you're afraid of me aren't you?" Kirk said in a tone that suggested he was happy with that observation. Kirk took one huge step forward and he was now inches from her. Kim flinched at his speed and proximity to her. "Look at you. You're nothing but a scared little mouse."
"I... I… I'm... not a mouse," she demanded, but her words and her tone convinced neither Kirk nor herself. All that she could think of was the voice of Bert Lahr, in his Cowardly Lion costume, clutching his tail and lamenting, "I am a mouse, I am a mouse, I am a mouse. I am, I am, I am a mouse."
"Then why are you shaking so?"
There's no mistaking now, Kim thought, He's smiling like a hungry man smiles at a rare steak. He's going to eat me.
"I told you, you startled me, that's all." Kim replied as she tried to control the helpless shaking that felt like it might shake her completely apart at the joints. "You're not supposed to be here Kirk."
"NO!" Kirk roared. His voice thundered as loud as that of God himself to Kim. He swung one mighty, meaty fist in a wide arch to his left and it crashed through the sheetrock wall. There was an explosion of white dust and drywall fragments and Kim screamed at the fury of the impact. "I am supposed to be here, right here with you. You ruined everything. EVERYTHING!" he bellowed so hard that the cords of his neck stood out in sharp relief.
"Kirk, you can't make people love you… " Kirk's crestfallen face told Kim just how well that news had been taken? Good work, now why don't you just go right over there and poke him in the eye?
"You keep saying that." Kirk said, defeated. His face sagged. His eyes were drawn. He looked the very portrait of a man beaten with a tree branch. Kim thought he might actually begin to cry. "But how do you know? How DO YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T TRY?"
"Because-"
"I SAID HOW DO YOU FUCKING KNOW?" There was yet another explosion from the wall. Chunks of drywall peppered Kim in the face as she shrieked again and tried to duck out of the way of the blast. Dust from the wall settled in her hair and became camouflaged in her platinum forest.
"What do you WANT?" Kim cried, frightened, no longer able to stand the game of cat and mouse.
"I wanted you!" Kirk pleaded pathetically. He stood as if his knees might actually give out from the devastation of his feelings for her. The fact that Kirk had put that statement in the context of the past however, was not lost on Kim. To Kim it signaled that he believed he had lost and had come back only to exact vengeance on a wager that had met with misfortune. Kirk was still digging for reasons, "Was that really all that bad? Couldn't you have at least tied to love me? I loved you Kimmy." She didn't know what would drive her crazy faster, waiting through the excruciating agony of waiting to be killed, or the pain reflected back from his tortured black eyes.
Kim looked to her right for a route of escape. The second she did, Kirk's left limbs extended to the wall, boxing her in. "I want to go to my room." Kim said trying not to let it sound like a plea but a demand. She tried to stare him right in the eye, but couldn't hold her poise. She dropped her eyes and her head and hated herself for not being able to maintain her gaze.
Kirk reached in and took her chin and drew her eyes back into focus on his. "You really don't know how beautiful you are, do you?" Kim couldn't respond. All she wanted was for him to leave her alone and go away. She prayed she could stall just long enough for Bobby to get back home. She'd be safe then. She'd at least have a chance. There was no reason now to believe that Kirk wouldn't do something horrible to her.
"We... we don't have any business Kirk." Kim tried to assure him. Immediately she saw in the way he held his wounded eyes that telling him bluntly was a mistake.
"I know what the problem was…" Kim shook her head no. She knew there was no way he could possibly see what the problem was. "No, really. I was a rat bastard. I should have been making love to you. I know that's what you really wanted me to do."
"No Kirk, it really isn't." Kim said, trying to back away another step. She ran her back into the jamb of her bedroom door. "Please… don't." Kim whined.
"I know you want to get close to me." Kirk said tenderly. His agitation grew with his next sentence. "I also know that your FUCKING brother just won't back the fuck up!" Kirk calmed himself some. "The good news is that I tricked him, WE tricked him."
The direct approach wasn't working, so she tried to distract him. She tried the completely irrational approach. "Kirk, I have homework-" Kim said and tried to turn away
"Yep, and school's in baby... It's time to learn how to become a woman." Kirk agreed. Kim was taken by surprise by the lightening speed on which his lips closed on hers. Her head was painfully pressed against the wall and held still by Kirk's powerful left hand. Kim pushed on Kirk's chest but she couldn't budge.
There was nothing in her mind except pain and fear. The two most primal sensations human's can experience. Her mind was practically exploding with both. Fear however far outweighed the pain. Some where deep in her mind however, she knew that pain was rapidly gaining momentum and would over take fear any time now.
"Kirk," she mumbled desperately, "please don't do this. Please don't do this. Oh GOD! Please…" Her pleading continued while Kirk continued to work, fumbling about his body, then hers clumsily. Kim pushed and batted at him furiously, it was like hitting a tree trying to knock it down. The only thing she was accomplishing was injuring her hands.
She had to get out of the house. If she stayed here Kirk would rape her. This was no longer an unsubstantiated belief now, it was a certainty. Once he was done, well she couldn't be left around to tell mommy and big brother now could she?
As if to confirm her fear, Kirk's right hand explored the frontier of Kim's clothed body. Kim struggled in fear at this new invasion. She tried to back away from him once more but the impenetrable wall held her in place. She could feel her breasts being painfully squeezed through her shirt. "No," she argued and tried to fight. "Stop it! STOP IT!" Kim writhed and squirmed in Kirk's grasp to avoid the agonizing groping but this only further fueled the intensity of his aggression.
His hand traveled down to the waist band of her jeans and quickly and easily slipped inside. His fingers struggled to separate the band of her tight satin panties from her flesh but in the tight confines of her jeans Kirk could only get them to fumble about with no real progress. Finally, he abandoned his attempts to get inside and simply pulled his hand back and forced it lower over her jeans.
Kirk slipped his fingers between her legs easily as her legs were parted for leverage for an escape when the opportunity presented itself. Kim again felt the edges of where her mask would have been start to warm, lightly at first but it didn't take long for the warmth to become a distracting but mild burning sensation. Not nearly as bad as the night she had arrived in this life.
With that, Kim was reminded of a now distant and seemingly needless warning from the Wizard. He's sealing me in! He won't even have to rape me... I'm becoming Kim permanently RIGHT NOW!
Kim began to try to flail her head back and forth, anything to prevent what already might be too late to stop. He will not rape me! I won't let this happen to me!
Bobby... Oh please come home quick. Kim pleaded hard to send her brother a mental signal for help, Please hear me. I need you!
She tried to leverage her knee up and into Kirk's crotch, but it was blocked by the hand that was trying to grope her. It was enough to get Kirk to stop, if only for a minute. The burning ceased immediately. Kim prayed absently that it was good news.
Kirk withdrew his hand from her pants and grabbed hold of Kim's left wrist. Kim's face darkened with anger and shame and before she could stop what was building inside her, she worked up a generous amount of saliva and spit it in Kirk's face.
"Wrong answer mouse!" Kirk sneered; his cigarette tainted breath bathed her in its revolting tide. He dislodged her from the wall and began backing her toward her bedroom. Kim's pulse rate shot even higher. This was it. He was going to rape her. She wasn't about to just let that happen.
"No!" She squeaked.
"Yes. It's mine and I'm going to take it!" Kirk growled, bare centimeters from her face, his nose touching hers. She could smell the warm stink of his breath wash up her nose and was revolted by its putrid odor.
"No!" She insisted again. She tried again, eyeing her target, envisioning the motion, waiting for a clear shot. This time she brought up the toe of her pointed knee boot squarely in to Kirk's crotch. She actually managed to slice a small incision in his scrotum with a small metal toe plate on the boot, though neither of them would be aware of that for some time to come.
The look on Kirk's face changed instantly. He had what Kim liked to all, the Oh no, look. The girls joked about it in the locker room. It was a mad scramble boys did when they realized the Pain Train was about to roll through. Today, it was right on schedule.
Kirk scrambled backward his hands over his crotch, too late to protect himself, unable to keep from trying. The blood drained from every extremity and rushed to the wounded area, his bodily troops being called back to defend the castle. His face melted in slow motion and Kim couldn't help but stand and watch the phenomenon with some measure of satisfaction. God that felt good, she thought to herself. Kim knew the melt down was growing by the second, exponentially, with no sign of peaking. Kirk squeaked something, unintelligible as a tear slipped from his eye.
Just then he staggered forward and lunged awkwardly at Kim. She cursed herself for not taking the time she had to blow past him and tried to dodge his momentum. She failed. He fell upon her, once more latching onto Kim's wrist. Kim tried to struggle free but found that Kirk's reflex fed grip was just as strong has before. She could not free herself. Kirk closed his eyes and bent his head as his knees gave out. He sunk to the floor on his knees dragging Kim with him. She went down to her own knees, fighting to remain standing but unable to resist the weight of Kirk's body as he sank lower and lower.
Kim did the last thing she could thing of to do. she screamed, "SOMEONE HELP M...", Kirk clapped his hand over her mouth, but in his debilitated state, he could not maintain a grip on the contours of her face. She shook off his hand and screamed again, "RAPE! I'M BEING RA..." Kim's head hit the floor after a violent shove. Again Kirk's hand was over her mouth, now she could not shake it free. To her it felt as if it might now be part of her face.
As Kirk began to recover and motivated by the fear of discovery, he found the strength to crawl on top of her and silence her. "YOU SHUT UP!" Kirk said bearing his teeth at her. He pressed against her body and again kissed her with malice and violence twisting her face and lips about with the force of his kiss.
Kim could feel what she believed to be the rumble and pounding of her resistance and his insistence on the floor beneath them. How can we be making that much noise and without anyone hearing us?
Kim cried openly now. She was repulsed by what was happening to her. She could now feel Kirk's swollen and extended member trapped inside his jeans pressing against her belly. Close your eyes and when it's over, it's over. Bobby will kill him when he finds out.
That at least will be something.
She couldn't stop him. The horrifying reality was that she was going to be raped and there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't want this to happen. Someone had to know this was going on and would stop it! Wasn't that going to happen? In spite of desire to be far, far away from this place, she couldn't leave. Inside her heart, she didn't believe anyone was going to help her. From this day on, she would have to consider herself a rape victim, No, its survivor now, rape survivor.
What in God's name makes you think for one second you're going to survive this? Kim's mind snapped back at her politically correct brain. She continued to push and beat about Kirk's head. On a couple of occasions, she was almost able to hook her fingers into his eyes, but his hands were too fast. No sooner than she managed to get a little leverage, he somehow pinned her arms and she had to fight to try to free them again while keeping Kirk from ripping her clothes off.
Kirk had unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans and was trying to force them off her legs but the legs of the jeans wouldn't fit over Kim's high-heeled boots. The further down Kirk forced them, the more the jeans forced Kim's legs back together. Kirk finally gave a frustrated wail of anguish and rose from Kim's slight and slender body to find the cause of this problem.
Kirk sat up his hand still press powerfully over Kim's closed lips and warned, "I don't have to do this with you conscious. If you move, if you make a sound I'll simply put you to sleep and take you."
When Kirk removed his hand, Kim was still and quiet. She was even smiling a broad happy smile. The tears were still flowing freely, but she seemed genuinely happy to Kirk. Kirk's incredible hard-on faded at the sight of this calm, happy girl. He was instantly flushed with anger that she could manage to take the thrill of this moment away so quickly. She had managed to do what none of the others he had taken in the past could do to him, render him impotent.
Kirk was just about to scream in his deepest rage at her and put her back in that place of fear she should have stayed in when someone from behind him said, "Hey Buddy!"
Still pinning her legs to the floor, Kirk half turned and saw the smiling face of the winner of last year's Tennessee Quarterback of the Year Award standing just behind him and to the right. Robert gave Kirk enough time to say "Huh?" before Robert's fist descended into Kirk's face.
Kirk went sprawling in tumbleweed fashion across his sister's bedroom floor. Blood spurted from somewhere as he tumbled feet over elbows until his head crashed into the footboard of Kim's bed.
Robert's face was that of a demon. Kim had never seen any sort of look like this on her brother. It frightened her. The cords of his muscles stood out in base relief under his tight work uniform. They extended up from the neck and drew his face into a furious, fiery thing from Hell itself. Robert stared, breathing in deep heaving breaths at Kirk who lay in a lifeless heap at the foot of Kim's bed. His massive chest rising and falling dramatically from the volume of air he was taking in and letting out again. He was a wounded beast.
Robert turned his attention to Kimberly who flinched in fear at this new face she had never seen before. Then his features softened, and inexplicably, he started to cry. "Are you all right Kim?" He reached over and pulled an old knitted shawl from the back of a wicker chair in the corner and draped it over his sister's half nude body, pulling her forward to him off the floor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone."
Kim threw her arms around her brother's neck as she burst into wild sobs of relief. The tension flowed from her, a great black river of poison that had threatened to drown her. Robert had freed her from its suffocating, tar-like grip. The sobs racked her body while Robert held her tight to his to steady her. "Bob... Bob... Oh Bobby..." It was all she could manage.
He asked her without letting go of her, "Did he hurt you? Did he..." The emotions at the mere idea implied choked off his words.
Kim didn't know, she'd never been raped before. She had certainly been violated but, she thought, there had been no penetration... No penetration, No penetration... Oh my God... I may be a girl now forever. Oh Bobby where were you? She didn't voice any of this; she pushed it from her mind.
She made no effort to release him. Instead she spoke into his ear, holding him tightly, "No he didn't... Not if you mean he ... he wasn't inside me. He only touched me."
"Where Kim?"
"Bobby please..." she cried in a pained and frightened voice.
"All right. I'm sorry Kimmy. I'm so sorry."
Suddenly, Robert was gone from her arms, ripped away. She screamed an "Oh," of surprise at the speed with which he vanished from her grip, as the force of his leaving pulled her body forward a bit. Her eyes flew open and she saw Robert had been yanked to his feet. Robert was holding his face and Kirk was rapidly preparing to deliver another blow.
"NOOOOOO!" Kim screamed. She tried to get to her feet, but her jeans were bunched up tightly over her boots along with her underwear. The clothing acted as ankle cuffs, tossing her unceremoniously to the ground again. Kirk had enough time to deliver three more blows to Robert's face before she was able to pull her pants back up enough to move. She didn't bother to secure them. "BOBBY!" Kim screamed seeing the beating her brother was taking. "KIRK, LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
Kim charged and leapt on the back of her and now her brother's attacker. Kirk was screaming at Robert, "Why can't you just fucking leave us alone?" Kim reached around and dug into Kirk's face with sharp, medium length nails. Her nails cut his skin deeply and Kirk began to flail about to free them from his face. Two of the nails bent painfully back to the quick and Kim fell off shrieking in pain. It was enough, however, for Robert to regain the advantage.
Robert charged, his face was a bloody mess, as was Kirk's from Robert's single punch and the deep furrows Kim had dug into it. Robert hit Kirk low and drove him backward into the corner of the doorjamb of Kim's bathroom. Kirk let out a wail of pain and fury and amazingly, recovered quickly. Kirk repeated threw punch after punch into the back of Robert's head. Kim was horrified at the violent force that rocked her brother's head with each blow. Kirk would have to stop periodically wipe the blood from the wounds that Kim had inflicted to Kirk's forehead. During each break, Robert would jamb Kirk's back into that sharp corner over and over again.
Robert finally dropped Kirk and backed up out of Kirk's range. He was hurt and afraid of actually losing this fight. If that happened, Kim would be his target again. "Get out of the house Kirk, now while you can." Robert needed to get Kim out into the open where he wouldn't be able to get to Kimberly again. Her still being here, in harms way, was a huge distraction and could easily become a hostage unless he was able to put some considerable distance between his sister and Kirk.
Kirk considered this for a moment. Would it be better to flea and take this to another day? Then Kim, now as angry as she would ever become in her entire life did exactly what her brother was afraid she might do. "YOUR LIFE IS OVER FUCKER! EVERYONE IS GONNA KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME, EVERYONE! I'M GONNA TELL THE NEWSPAPERS, THE SCHOOLS...
"KIM!" Robert shouted.
"I'M TELLING EVERYONE. I'M TELLING VANDERBUILT, I'M TELLING USC, I'M TELLING GEORGIA TECH, I'M PERSONALLY GOING TO WRITE THE VOLS AND TELL THEM MYSELF! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GET WORK AS A FUCKING TRASHMAN WHEN I'M DONE TELLING MY STORY!
"KIMBERLY, SHUT UP!" Robert shouted again, but it was too late. Recognition of the consequences were hitting Kirk a cannon shot blow as Kim named each school. It was true, his life was over. They don't give scholarships to rapists and convicts.
Robert had misjudged the distance when he had backed away from Kirk. Now Kirk's left hand shot out and took Kim's wrist in its iron grip once more. "NO!" Kim screamed but he pulled her roughly to him as yet another one of Robert's satellite punches came burning into the planetary atmosphere of Kirk's head. Kirk shifted left and Robert's hand switched dangerously past Kirk's head. Kirk kicked out into Robert's midsection as Kim beat wildly with her one free hand at Kirk's face.
Robert collapsed to his knees sucking in air. Satisfied he would get out of the house with his hostage, Kirk turned and slapped Kim full-handed across her left cheek. Kim exclaimed in surprise, "Ow!" The sound of that slap triggered the beast Kim had seen earlier. There was now noting to avoid. If Kirk left with his sister, then it was certain she would be hurt, possibly killed.
Robert rose up, one arm extended and caught Kirk in the throat. Kirk released Kim involuntarily and staggered about the room unable to breathe. "KIM, Run!" Robert cried. Kim didn't need further instruction. She dashed out of the room, her pants still undone and unzipped. From behind her she heard Kirk growl in anger and begin to charge out of the room. Kim was still zipped into her boots. Running down the stairs wasn't an option. It would slow her down too much. She decided to hide in her brother's room. Kim dashed into the dark of Robert's room as the two men tumbled out into the hall tangled together.
She turned and saw them in a dangerous battle of fists and thrashing about, each one trying their best to disable or kill the other. There was no mistake about their intent. Her brother had death in his eyes. Kirk had hurt his sister. In Robert's eye, Kirk had to die. Anything short of that might mean he would have a second chance.
Once Kim cringed as Kirk almost pushed Robert over the rail and down into the stairwell. Robert regained his footing as Kirk screamed in ever increasing frustration at failure after failure to kill his attacker. Robert was wearing down doing the best he could just to defend himself. Kirk was being driven by something else. He was fighting for more than just his life. He was fighting for everything he wanted that life to be and had been taken from him. Kirk was fighting for revenge.
They reached the landing at the top of the stairs and Kirk spared a glance into Robert's darkened room. Kim could not tell if he had seen her hiding there, but she wasn't going to take any chances. As the two men struggled, Kim pulled Robert's heavy cast metal desk lamp free. She walked to the edge of the shadows and when Robert forced Kirk's back to her she raised the lamp and brained Kirk with it.
Kim could see Robert's surprised eyes as the weight of the two men's collective mass shifted toward him. Robert's back was to the stairs below and he pitched in that direction from the force of the blow alone. The weight of Kirk's limp body carried him past the point of no return. "BOBBY!" Kim screamed, but the damage was done. Robert vanished below the rise of the stairs in a tangle of legs. There was a terrible series of thumps, groans and one final scream she knew was her brother. The moment was punctuated with a crash as the half-round table at the bottom of the stairs blew apart with the weight of their bodies smashing into it.
Kim slowly approached the top of the stairs. She looked over the edge, one hand covering her mouth her eyes wide with shock. She hitched a small gasp as she looked at the pair of bodies lying motionless at the bottom of the stairs. She let the lamp with its bloody base slip from her and thump unnoticed to the carpet.
"Bobby?" she whispered. Bobby didn't move. She called again. "Bobby?" Again, Bobby didn't stir.
Kirk did.
"OH NO!" Kim screamed and she began to bolt for her brother's bedroom where she planned to lock the door and hope to buy enough time to call 911 for help. She locked the door and raced for the phone and was surprised when she heard the front door slam. Kim pressed her ear to Robert's door and heard nothing. Slowly she cracked open the door and peered cautiously out. Kim could hear someone cry out in the yard. She hurriedly rushed to her bedroom window and there saw Kirk, trying to lift himself from the ground where he had apparently fallen. Lodged in his arm was a large brown piece of wood. Kim recognized it as one of the three legs from the hallway curio table. It was stuck in so deep that it protruded five or six inches out of the opposite side his arm.
She could hear him cry out when he finally managed to stand. Someone passing by saw him and stopped. The woman driving the car got out and asked him something but Kirk managed to gain his feet and raced down the street, presumably to where his car was parked, hidden from sight.
Bobby
"Oh God!" she turned and raced down the stairs, her boots forgotten in her panic. When she reached Robert's body the heel of her boot accidentally hooked his arm and he cried out in pain. "Bobby?" She cried gratefully. "Are you Okay?" She began to roll him over and he screamed such a scream that she might have thought she'd inadvertently pulled off his arms. "I'M SORRY!" Kim cried as she eased him back. He was face down with his head turned toward the wall. She could not see his face nor could she get on the other side of him to see. His body was at a peculiar angle to his head and neck. It hurt to watch him lay there at such an awkward angle.
"Ahhhhhhhrrrggggggggg!" Kim jumped in surprise, "DON'T MOVE ME KIM!" He cried. "Just don't touch me..." He wept from the pain but seemed to be doing all he could do to remain still. "Call for help Kimmy, call now!"
"Okay Bobby, right now." Kim was crying yet again. Now however she cried for what she felt she had done to her brother. Kim dialed 911, when the operator asked "What's nature of your emergency?" she told the man that she had accidentally pushed her brother down the stairs. "Please hurry, he's in a lot of pain."
"Miss... I need you to say on the phone with me until the ambulance arrives. You need to be calm."
"I have to go to him..." Kim said disbelieving what she had just heard.
"No, I need you to stay with me." insisted the man, but Kim had already dropped the phone. She was again kneeling next to her brother's head. She periodically made as if she might try to stroke his hair, but she was afraid to touch him. She watched his breathing to make sure it didn't stop, but beyond that, she was totally helpless.
In the distance the sound of sirens were barely audible. "They're coming Bobby... Hold on."
"I swear Kim." She braced for an ugly series of accusations, as much as he could muster from this angle, "I swear I never meant to leave you alone..."
Kim's heart broke. He wasn't mad, He felt guilty. "No Bobby. Please don't be sorry. I'm a big girl. I should have seen it coming and said something."
"Bobby, you need to lie still. The ambulance is almost here."
Robert groaned. His breathing had started to become shallow and he wasn't answering any longer. The sound of the sirens died just outside and Kim ran to the door and flung it open. Her pants were still unclasped and were now hitched lower, down around her hips. She barely noticed the stares and odd looks she got from the EMTs, all that was in her head was trying to fix what she'd done to her brother.
"Please, hurry!" She called to them and vanished inside the house again.
The EMTs entered the house followed by Baker Police. They found her hunched over a seemingly lifeless body of a young man heaped at the bottom of a flight of stairs. "Miss," one of the officers asked taking her by the shoulder. "You're going to have to get up so we can work on him." Kim shook her head violently; the presence of the Police and EMTs brought the seriousness of all this crashing home to her. She has somehow hoped that Robert would get up, realize he wasn't that badly hurt after and they could just clean up the mess before their mother got home.
She had no idea how badly he was hurt, but she understood that it was bad enough that he didn't want to be moved, even in that weird and unnatural position he was in. He had not moved his body at all, not even out of pain. Kim was afraid to admit to her self the obvious conclusions that suggested.
Kim got up unwillingly, with the aid of an officer, not wanting to leave Bobby's side. "I love you Bobby!" She wanted him to explain what happened. She wanted him to protect her still and at the same time she felt compelled to protect him now. As she stood to be led away by police to the living room she felt lost and alone. Absently, she reached up and tried to remove the mask, not even aware she was doing it, faintly aware that there was something she could still do to reverse this terrible tide of misfortune. When it failed to come off, she dropped her hand limply by her side and allowed herself to be led away. Her hands and fingers were bloody from the wounds she had inflicted on Kirk's face. When she had touched her own, she transferred some of that blood to her face. It only worsened the appearance of the scene to the onlooker.
Kim watched as the EMTs took vital signs, placed a rigid blue and white collar around Robert's neck and gradually got him strapped to a back board. Robert groaned and occasionally cried out in pain as they worked to get him to a point where they could transport him for more intense evaluation and care. When they finally managed to flip him right-side-up and lay him in the foyer, Kim got her first good look at the work Kirk had done to her handsome brother's face.
She gasped in surprise. The last time she had seen is face, it was bloody from the blows delivered by Kirk, but not that bloody, not that disfigured. She had still been able to see her brother's face beneath the blood as he had pitched backward over the stairs. Now his nose was a flattened mess, his eyebrows were heavily swollen and his right cheek was bleeding profusely down the side of his face. Great pulses of blood could be seen from where she saw several feet away. She moved to stand and run to him. "Hold on a minute," One of the cops but a hand on her shoulder and eased her back down into the couch. "We have to find out what happened here. He's in the best possible hands for now."
Kim looked pleadingly with her big light blue eyes, "Please, I want to help him."
"He's being helped. I need you to sit down, try to be calm and help me." As the officer spoke, an EMT came over.
"Excuse me Officer." The man moved aside and this EMT stepped in, knelt and said, "Hi!" the woman said with a smile, "I'm Emily, what's your name?"
"Kimberly." Kim responded in a soft, sweet but frightened voice.
"Are you hurt Kimberly?" asked Emily. Kim shook her head no. She wasn't hurt, not physically anyway.
"Where did all this blood come from?" asked the EMT examining her face and hands.
"I was trying to help my brother." Kim looked to Robert who was now lying quiet for the time being.
The officer that had led her away, bent and whispered something in Emily's ear. Emily nodded as the officer walked off a short distance with his back turned.
"Okay Kimberly. Now I want to ask you what happened to your clothes?"
"Kim looked down at herself only then realizing she had not yet fastened her jeans. "Oh," she said blushing, "I ah," Kim said not really knowing how to finish, Emily nodded and Kim stood and closed her pants. Kim blushed but said nothing. Everyone understood that sometimes, zipping your pants simply isn't on the list of priorities. Her eyes were still glued to the prone figure of her brother.
"Kim," Emily asked trying to distract her, "can you tell me what happened?
Kim nodded. "My brother saved me." The words themselves seemed to cut her and Kim winced at the sound of them. "One of the kids from school was here when I got home. He attacked me. I'm pretty sure he wanted..." Kim trailed off. "Anyway, he did this. But my boots stopped my pants from coming off all the way."
"You're telling me he raped you?" Emily asked alarmed.
"No, I don't think he actually… you know… did that. He tried." Kim tried to remain calm but the living memory of having someone over power her, the recollection of the feel of his hands on her body was more than she could cope with considering the stress she was under and she again began to weep, but quietly this time. "Then Bobby came in and caught him. They got into a fight."
"Wait here for a sec Honey. I think this is something the police should hear right now. Do you feel up to that?"
Kim, still crying helplessly nodded and wiped the existing tears away with the heels of her hands. Emily went and stood by the police officer and spoke in hushed tones. The cop turned and looked sorrowfully back at Kim while she sat and watched them both with a distressed look on her features. There it is, Rape Victim, Kim thought. Even if he didn't really rape me, I'm always going to be known as a rape victim to everyone that knows me. Why is that so humiliating?
The officer spoke briefly into the radio strapped to the left breast of his shirt, got a reply, acknowledged it and then they both turned and came back to where Kim was seated.
"Hi Kim, its Kim right?"
"Yes," She said simply. "Can I go see my brother?"
"Not right now, Okay. Soon."
"Is he going to be alright?"
"Kim, I need you to concentrate on what happened to cause this. They're doing everything they possibly can to help him. Please Kim." It was the hardest thing she had ever done, trying to rip her eyes away from her battered and wounded brother.
Kim was finally encouraged to talk to Officer Jimmy Campbell about Kirk and what had happened. In the mean time, Cindy was contacted and urged to come home as quickly as possible. Kim did her best to recount the events with the carnival of emergency activity going on around her. At times it seems she might faint from the overwhelming spin of everything.
Robert was finally moved and transported to a hospital but Kimberly wasn't told where. With the critically wounded Robert on the way to better care, Emily decided to remain behind and help investigate any injuries Kim may have sustained and still be unaware of.
Kim was still explaining the events when Emily rejoined the two of them talking near the couch.
"I hit Kirk in the back of the head." Kim's face broke up at the utterance of the confession. She covered her mouth with one hand, closed her eyes and cried bitterly. From behind her hand she said, "That's what made them both fall down the stairs. It was my fault that Bobby got hurt."
"No, I don't think so. Didn't we just talk about that Kim?" Campbell asked calmly.
"Oh yes... it was my fault. See, I told you that you wouldn't understand. Oh God, I feel awful." Kim wailed. "He was trying to protect me and I practically shoved him down the stairs." This time she covered her whole face and sobbed into the palms of her hands.
Campbell looked at Emily who shook her head sympathetically.
"Kim?" Campbell waited for her to remove her hand from her face. When she didn't, Jimmy asked again. "Kim?'
A muffled and wailed, "What?" came from behind the mask of hands.
"Look at me please." Kim hitched once or twice and then slowly removed her hands from her face. "Listen to me very carefully." Kim sat still, her piercing, cyan colored eyes nearly hypnotizing the young officer. He had to shake himself mentally from becoming lost in those eyes. "Your brother was protecting you, trying to keep you safe. You were trying to do the same thing for him. It is not your fault or any fault of your brother's that this fellow decided to invade your home and try to force you to do something you didn't want to do. It took you and your brother's force combined to get him to leave. It simply didn't work out that no one got hurt. This Kirk fellow was just that determined. It sounds like he was pretty desperate at the end not to let any of this get out."
Kim moaned remembering her threat to Kirk up in her bedroom.
"KIM? ROBERT LEE?" came a frantic cry from somewhere around the front door. "KIM? Oh My GOD!" cried Cindy as she came into the house and saw the devastation.
"Mother?" Kim cried. Officers caught her as she came in ushered in to where Kim sat shaking. The two of them fell together and held on tightly to one another without a word for several minutes.
"She's Okay," Campbell finally offered. However, your son on the other hand had to be transported to the hospital. St. Anne's I believe."
"What in the Christ happened here?" Cindy asked now shaking herself. Campbell did his best at summarizing what he believed happened, looking to Kim to clarify the grey parts of the story. Cindy slowly became an emotional wreck, but managed to hold her self together for Kim.
Once she was caught up, the questioning started again. It was brief. Mostly fill-in information on what Kirk had been wearing, what he drove, if he had a weapon. Some of the officers knew him or knew of him. The officers understood that Cindy would want to get to the hospital and follow up on her son.
Their final request was that they take a change of clothes to the hospital for Kimberly.
"What for?"
"We're going to need to collect her clothing as evidence. We'll examine it for fibers, semen and other biological evidence we need when this goes to court. Since she's going to be at the hospital anyway, I'd like to have her take a rape test."
Cindy seemed heart broken. Kimberly just looked scared to death. Her mother only nodded with resignation, "I understand."
"No Mom. He didn't rape me. He couldn't."
"There still may be evidence there Kim that we'll need to collect. They'll have a place for you to shower at St. Anne's. For now however, you'll have to go there just as you are so we can collect that evidence. We can take you out there. In fact, I'd prefer that." Emiliy Ledwin said. Cindy agreed to let Kim ride with the police and she'd follow in her car. She promised Kim she'd be right there with her when they did the testing. Kim reluctantly agreed and was led away to with Emily to a waiting cruiser.
By now a small crowd had gathered outside the Glass homestead. They gawked and pointed, whispered and gasped, all the appropriate appalled gestures and expressions when something like this happens in your neighborhood. They were sad faced, their sympathy however fell on Kim like a cold, bitter, New Hampshire winter wind. Where had they been when Kirk had been breaking into her home? Where had they been when she was screaming, all alone up stairs? What had they done to help when her brother was busy giving his life so that she could get away? For the moment, she hated each and every one of those sad, sympathetic faces, every last damn one of them.
-*-
Kim and her new friend EMT, Emily Ledwin beat Cindy to the hospital by a respectable 15 minutes. She was there to oversee the physical examination Kim would undergo that would serve a two fold purpose. The first would be to determine the extent of any injuries Kim may have suffered as a result of the attack. Her injuries were qualified only to the extent of minor cuts, scrapes and external bruising. The second purpose was, of course, to collect evidence that would link her attacker to the crime. Examinations such as these often yielded information on her attacker's genetic profile.
No one felt it was important enough to mention the risk of sexually transmitted disease, blood borne or otherwise at this point. If something turned up in testing, then a plan could be put into action at that point. Everyone agreed Kim had been through enough already, there was no need to frighten her further.
Every day in her body was a study in the concept of epiphany. While the examination was necessary, she did not believe that anything, even her Kimmeries could have prepared her for just how invasive it would turn out to be. There had been no complaints from Kim however. As difficult as it might seem for half the population of which Kim was formerly a member, she bore the burden of the examination tremendously well, choosing to go through it alone so her mother could be with Robert.
Once the examination was over, a hospital orderly escorted her to the ICU where Robert was scheduled to be brought after he returned from surgery. Not knowing what to expect, the empty, glass-walled room with an extraordinary array of equipment to monitor was a devastating shock. An empty room could only mean one thing to Kim.
Cindy was seated in a small, uncomfortable chair staring into the room where her oldest child would be brought to recover. "Hi," Cindy greeted her daughter motionlessly. She tried on a weak smile but couldn't hold it in place. She enfolded Kim and the two of them stood silently for a moment, just being together, just being safe.
"What's happened?" Kim breathed dreading the answer she felt sure was coming.
"He was being taken from the Emergency room when I left him. Cindy changed the subject hoping the explanation would be enough to get Kim to stop digging until she found out how her daughter was, "Are you Okay?" Cindy asked.
Worried about her mother's state of mind, Kim decided to blow off any conversation about her self as much as possible. "I prefer the Fall Carnival but as examinations go, yeah, I guess I'm good. Are you going to tell me how Ding Dong's doing?"
"He's not good Kim." Cindy looked down at her hands. They twiddled a soaking handkerchief endlessly, working independently of any thought. "I don't know the extent of how badly he's hurt, but from what I've been able to over hear…" Cindy lifted her head and said, "I think he's paralyzed."
The effect this news had on Kim was profound. Every last word in her brain, every response she might have had to any given situation dried up. A switch in her brain flipped to the "Off" position and all speech died an instant death. Kim stared blankly at her mother. While Kim could observe that her mother appeared to be irrationally calm, she couldn't wrestle with the why's and how's of such a thing. Her mother had also been crying. The almost sodden handkerchief in her hand spoke of that particular story very well indeed. Her mother had cried herself out now.
"You said think," Cindy gave Kim a questioning look and Kim realized she had not been clear. "You said, you think, he's paralyzed. Don't they know something?"
"He's in surgery." Kim closed her eyes. He's going to die, just like Daddy. He's going to die and it'll just be me and Mom. Even if I get back, I'll never be able to shake the idea that I left her all alone.
"Is he going to die?" Cindy didn't answer. Why would she? Kim reasoned, She doesn't know any more than you do, but she's thinkin' about it! She may have been before you said anything, but it's a certainty now.
"I'm sorry Mom. I shouldn't have asked that." Kim squeezed her mother's hand trying to let her know that she was there, not that it meant much, but she was there just the same. Cindy patted her hand with her one free hand and said nothing. The two women sat and waited in silent torment as Robert pressed on in whatever direction he was silently taking.
A specialist, Doctor Grant Hennison, joined them about a half an hour after Robert's surgery was finished. He was young, clean cut with bright brown eyes that seemed to flash with life and confidence. He was the type who had his jeans dry cleaned. His hair wasn't combed, it appeared to be sculpted. Kim couldn't help thinking when she first saw him, 'Is anyone in the world really that clean cut?' apparently so. Still Kim couldn't quite believe her eyes. He was pleasant and had a gentle manner about him. In Kim's opinion, he was Okay.
As they stood to receive him, Kim noticed that he came in, as the saying goes, like a lamb, humble, a servant sharing the worries of the patient's family. He introduced himself, invited both women to sit and immediately got to the point, "Let me start off by saying that Robert is out of surgery and for the moment, I don't believe he's in any immediate danger. I don't wish to sound insensitive about this. There's nothing business like about what we do and I don't want to give the impression that's how I'm looking at this. We're going to do everything we can to get Robert healthy again."
Kim could feel the relief fall off her in sheets. From the look on her mother's face, the effect must have been mutually felt. But Kim knew there was more… there was always more. She held her tongue and waited for the inevitable, it didn't take long. "I don't want to mislead you, anything can happen to change that. For now, he's stable and I believe out of danger of declining any further, but he was badly hurt."
Cindy and Kim sat in exquisite alarm as the doctor explained that Robert had experienced some superficial head trauma that had resulted in some brain hemorrhaging. The bleeding was under control and the pressure from the trapped blood had been relieved during surgery. Some of the things they were going to see would not be life threatening, but they would be disturbing. Robert's cheek and jaw bones had been fractured at some point in the altercation. His jaw was repaired enough to allow him limited use for talking and some chewing in time. This and his cheek would require surgery later to repair the rest of the damage. This was, for the most part, a cosmetic issue. His right leg was broken in three places and was pinned together. Seven ribs had suffered minor fractures. He was swollen. It would take several days, even weeks perhaps for that to completely subside. He was bruised and in a lot of pain.
"We're going to keep him in a state of heavy sedation to allow as much of that pain to subside on its own as possible." Hennison explained. "He won't suffer through the worst of that. There'll still be pain when he wakes, so he'll be frustrated when that happens. It would be better for everyone if you're prepared for that. You also need to be prepared for the traction halo we are fitting with now him with until his neck injury heals."
"I don't understand," Cindy said. "Halo?" Kim however did understand. There were juniors from both her lives enrolled at Mathers wore halo's full-time. Gary Brice had a degenerative bone disorder that was slowly dissolving his skeleton. He now needed a halo to prevent breaking his neck by simply nodding his head yes. It was a horrible thing to see, like some sort of medieval torture device and it could only mean one thing. Inside her tiny chest, her heart blew into a million tiny shards of razor sharp glass.
"Your son broke his neck in the fall."
Cindy closed her eyes and bent forward as if someone had punched her in the stomach. "Oh no…"
"His spinal cord"
"OH GOD NO!" Cindy wailed, cutting the doctor off, expecting the worst. Kim's face was buried in her hands, she was sobbing helplessly.
"Relax Mrs. Glass," Doctor Hennison tried to soothe her. "Over all I think the news I have is pretty good. Please, let me finish."
"How can this be good news?"
"It's not of course. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to infer" Hennison stopped. "His spinal cord is NOT severed!" For a minute, Hennison thought Cindy might faint dead away. She wavered for a second, then burped an hysterical laugh of gratitude and fell forward into the Doctor's arms. As he held her, Hennison continued. "It was badly bruised. He shattered the C5 through C7 vertebra near the base of his skull, but I think he'll get back much of the use of his arms and legs."
Cindy sat up and withdrew from the Doctor's arms. She slipped her right hand into Kim's left and squeezed, "Thank God."
"Yes, Thank God," the Doctor agreed. "But his neck is still broken. I can't sugar coat this for you. It's a devastating injury. He's incapacitated. He'll be in a wheelchair for a long time. He'll need months, perhaps years of physical therapy. We've supported his head with a halo and shoulder brace. He needs bone graphs to reconstruct his neck. We've added a titanium cage to protect his spinal cord and give the bone graphs a structure to grow on, but there are more painful surgeries ahead of him."
"But he'll live," Cindy added hopefully.
Hennison nodded. He sighed. "Look, Mrs. Glass. I know of your son. The ambulance attendants that brought him in told everyone he was a pretty decent athlete, on his way to college on a sports scholarship."
"I know what you're trying to say. I know Robert may feel differently when he finds out, but I don't care. We'll have to deal with all that in its own time. This isn't the end of the world. I just glad my baby is going to get some kind of a second chance." Cindy smiled a little sadly but gratefully.
Kim was pleasantly surprised. She had believed that her mother's obsessive hold on the status quo would rule her passions in any situation where her children were concerned. This was a great departure from that assumption. Here, she was able to put aside all her aspirations for her son, happy to settle for the bare minimum, life itself. Even in the face that the quality of that life might become terribly diminished.
After several more minutes of consultation, Hennison left, leaving them both with a vague picture of Robert's immediate future. All they could do was wait.
An hour later a medical team came in to what the nurses were calling "Fish Bowl #3" wheeling a gurney with a beaten and bloated Robert Glass. Cindy could not contain the gasp when she saw him. Her entire frame shook with sorrow, with fear, with doubt for any sort of future from the look of his condition.
Hennison had not accurately described her brother's appearance. The halo on his head was bolted into his skull at four points. His face was one large bruise, black and swollen. It looked to Kim much like the photos of frost bite she had seen mountain climbers suffering from. His eye sockets were nearly indiscernible except for pinched slits in the vicinity of where she knew they should have been.
Robert's head and upper torso was elevated, his neck wrapped with a heavy bandage, slopped with gore, presumably from the surgery. His leg was in traction, his chest wrapped protectively. A machine cycled his breathing. Kim was aghast when she realized Robert's chest would rise and fall with each rhythmic pump of the respirator he was attached to. He looked like Frankenstein's Monster.
He was her monster. She had built this one all on her own. Kim watched as nurses let their mother in to see him. Kim watched from outside the fish bowl, not allowed in to the ICU area because she was still in school and in contact with thousands of other germ carrying teens.
Cindy had been by his side, carefully stroking what was left of his hair, holding the only unburied place on his body, his right hand. She whispered softly to him, kissed his hand and fawned over him gratefully. She told him everything would be Okay. That she would take care of him, no matter how long it took. She told him not to worry about a thing. Then, she said something that made Kim flea the room in abject shame. She thanked him for risking so much to save his sister.
When Kim found the strength to return to the family area of the Fish Bowl, Cindy had been with Robert for nearly a half an hour. Long enough for Kim to cry out her guilt and return to an ordinary state of melancholy by the time her mother reappeared on her side of the glass wall. Cindy took her seat next to Kim. Kim sarcastically thought while staring through the glass at her brother that sorrow was hard on families, separation and public grieving even harder. How nice of the hospital to put up this barrier so that families could conveniently view the object of their grief.
They sat together in reserved quiet for a while, each looking out on Robert as the machines he was connected to measured and monitored, hummed and beeped. At 6:00 a.m. the next morning, Cindy finally spoke. "This is not your fault Kim." Her tone was business like, factual and unfeeling.
"Thanks Mom. Just maybe if you say it a thousand times, you might actually start to believe it. I won't, not ever."
Cindy turned to face Kim. Kim could see that her expression was anything but businesslike. Her smile was tender and full of love. Cindy's eyes were sympathetic. "I think I can imagine what you must be feeling. He's not here because you did anything wrong. He's here because he chose to do everything right. If he hadn't have, it might be you in there, or worse."
"I'll take the worse thank you." Kim said.
"No," Cindy responded sharply, startling Kimberly. "That wasn't your choice, it was Robert's. Today, I have both of my children. They are alive and I love them both." Cindy turned away, unable to face Kim with what she had to say next. "If you'd had the choice, well, Robert might not be hurt, but he'd have died anyway. He wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt Kim. He feels bad enough for…" she said confidently and added, "It's doesn't matter. None of us could have lived with that Kim."
"No, you were about to say something." Kim prodded.
Cindy stiffened a bit, and realizing she'd already gone to far she let it go. "The boating accident, when you got tangled up in the anchor line. Robert has never really forgiven himself for that prank." Cindy turned to Kim. "Don't you ever wonder why you're brother hates April Fool's Day?"
Some pieces of her past began to cross a long expanse of bridge just set into place. Hand buzzers, whoopee cushions, firecrackers, in fact, most practical jokes didn't set well with her brother. Kim had always believed it was just because Bobby had a lousy sense of humor.
"It was a prank Kim. He was trying to scare you."
Kim snorted, "Well, it worked."
"He's been spending his entire life trying to make up for that."
"I barely remember it Mom. He can't think I still hold some sort of sick grudge about it."
"He can't forgive himself Kim. I don't think he'll ever be able to. In his eyes, he almost killed you. That's pretty powerful JuJu as guilt goes."
"Well, that's just stupid." Kim said. "I love him. It was an accident."
"And what happened today with you was even less than that as far as your involvement goes."
"But the lamp…"
"You're very quick to forgive your brother for a deliberate act, a prank that turned bad. You were trying to save your brother's life, and you very well may have done just that. But you won't forgive yourself a noble act gone wrong." Cindy sat quietly and let her words filter through. When she spoke again she said simply, "I think that's just… how did you put it? Oh yes, stupid."
Cindy's hand came to rest on her daughter's. They both looked through the heavy glass window into the ICU pod where Robert slowly began the process of recovery. "Kirk decided to take something that wasn't his to take Kim. This is his fault. You did a very noble thing for Ben trying to protect him. That was very brave. Even if you hadn't have done that however, this would probably have happened anyway. It wasn't Ben he wanted." Kim swallowed and fought back the tears. "But, we're not going to dwell on this for now. We're going to get your brother healthy again, Okay?"
Kim nodded. Yes, they were going to get him healthy again, and she felt she knew exactly how it had to be done.
By late morning Tuesday, they had fallen into a sort of silent, exhausted vigil, neither had slept. Visitors had begun arriving not long after the news of Kirk's attack on Kim had hit the Nashville News affiliates. Cindy did not accept any phone calls, either from well wishers, concerned friends or reporters. The ICU was also off limits to non family members so the visitors that did arrive were forced to leave their gifts of flowers, cards and other things at the nurse's station.
In the hours that passed between talking softly about him, about old times and memories. Most of what they spoke of Kim had been too young to remember. One thing was apparent however, Kim didn't feel disconnected from anything her mother brought up. She had settled in comfortably here, and in spite of the events of the last few hours, Kim was beginning to feel as if all that they talked about were her memories.
Kim blushed when her mother brought up the time when she had been age four to about five and Kim would take every chance she could to hang out with the Pratt boy next door and kiss him whenever she could. There were not many clear Kimmories of any of that for Kim at that age, but she could remember always having been drawn to David.
Kim couldn't remember the cute toe-headed boy her mother did and how he would push her away each time she would lean over and kiss him. Just that faint memory of two small children, seen in her mind as though she had been an observer rather than a participant made her smile. It must have been so cute for her mother to have watched. She could remember ambush-kissing him many times and the result was always the same, an embarrassed grunt and the inevitable shove. Until one day, he shoved her and she tripped and fell over one of his toy trucks and opened a gaping wound on her head. She remembered screaming on the doctors table. They hadn't used any local anesthesia, just sewn her right up. "Even with that Kim, we just couldn't keep you away from him."
Kim and Cindy both giggled over that.
At 5:00 p.m., Kim excused herself to get her mother and herself a cola from the vending machine in the public waiting area beyond the ICU. She had immediately been swamped by friends of both her brother's and hers as they crowded in for news. "How is he?" -
"What's the latest" - "Is he going to be able to" - "What's going" - "Have you heard"
"He's fine," she said in her soft voice. Her voice was almost miniscule in comparison to the clambering voices of everyone there. "He broke his neck, but he's going to be Okay." Gasps and cries met the news as best as Kim could give it. "Please…" Kim begged but hand after hand wanted her attention.
"Okay you animals, back up!" Kim would have known that voice anywhere. Sarah Beckland stepped into the fray and began pushing people back away from Kim, "ERIC!" Sarah called out and Eric Devlon raced in using an impressive flanking maneuver that would have impressed General Robert E. Lee. He got the crowd of students quieted and settled back. Kim did her best to let them know what was going on with Robert while Sarah fetched cola's for them. Kim was brief. She didn't want to talk to anyone about what had happened, but these were her friends, Robert's friends and they deserved something. When she finished, she told them to go home, "It's going to be a long wait. You'll know something when we're told. I promise. Thank you for all the flowers and cards. I'll make sure Bobby gets them when he wakes up."
Without saying another word she touched Eric's hand and thanked him with a look from her beautiful blue eyes. She then grabbed Sarah's hand and fled back into the private waiting area dragging Sarah with her.
They stopped in the small lobby that interconnected the many small waiting areas to the nurse's station. Kim dropped to one of the few chairs in the common area as it was called, and covered her face. "Pretty wild huh?" Sarah asked.
"If you only knew." She peeked out between her fingers. "Did I say thanks for the drinks?"
"Nope."
"How about the crowd control?"
"Uh uh," said indicated shaking her head.
"Nothin' but a selfish bitch, aren't I?"
"Pretty much," Sarah agreed.
"It's good to see you too." Kim said and spread her arms wide, looking fragile. She smiled, but to Sarah it was nothing more than a brave grimace. Sarah set the drinks down, bent and hugged her friend.
"You Okay?" Sarah whispered. Kim answered by with a few soft, emotional hitches of her body. "Shush… Sarah soothed. You're safe. You're safe now."
Kim broke their embrace. "I don't want my Mom to see me doing that. She's trying hard to be brave."
"They have him," Sarah said. "He's here, at St Anne's." Kim gasped, knowing full well she was speaking of Kirk. "They found him this morning, half dead, lying face down in a corn field just outside of town. The guy that found him was driving one of those big corn picker thingies. Anyway," Sarah waived off her distraction, "It almost ate him up and spit him out all over the corn."
"Too bad he stopped." Kim said flatly.
"You know, that's funny. I said the same thing," Sarah agreed flatly. Both girls looked at each other and despite the serious situation; both girls snickered at the suggestion.
Sarah opened Kim's soda and Kim gratefully downed half of it in a single gulp. Sarah then took Cindy the other one, said her hellos and offered her condolences, and returned to Kim as quickly as she could.
"Better?" Sarah asked.
"That son-of-a-bitch," Kim spat staring at the carpet.
"Guess that's a no…" Sarah noted cautiously. She sat next to her friend and took her hands. "Kim, I'll be here for whatever you need. My folks said, if there's anything they can do, you tell em. They'll be in here in a hot second. But I know this too Kimmy, you have to be there for yourself. You can't let this thing eat you alive." Sarah paused, "He ah… he didn't?"
Kim looked up trying to figure out what Sarah was trying to ask. It became painfully clear that no one out there knew she had not been raped. "No Sarah. He didn't. He tried as hard as he could, but Bobby and I guess a sturdy pair of jeans kept it from actually happening."
"That's something to be thankful for then." Sarah finished. The two friends smiled and hugged. "I know you won't let it go all at once. I don't think I could," Sarah admitted. "I'll be there every step of the way Kim. You won't be alone."
Kim wept thankfully, softly with her friend for her love. They talked briefly for a few moments more, Sarah told her Lindsay and James had been arrested that morning for their part in Ben's torture. School had been let out early afterward on release of the news of what Kirk had done. Rumors were flying everywhere and the cops were crawling all over the school to find answers. "Dean Hill is in an absolute panic." She told Kim as she prepared to leave. "I guess your brother came down and said something to him?"
"Yeah, that whole thing with Ben."
"He must be very special to have done something like that for him." Sarah said wistfully, almost romantically.
"In more ways than one, you just have to get to know him."
"Call me if you need anything," Sarah begged. "I'll be back tomorrow."
"Let me call you. Robert's out for a while and there's nothing anyone can do for a while." Kim glanced back at the room where her mother sat bravely keeping her watch. "I have to be here, for Mom."
Sarah nodded, "You'll call me?"
"Just as soon as I know something," Kim assured her. That seemed to satisfy Sarah and she turned to leave. "Oh," Kim stopped her before she left. "Watch over Ben for me, you know, until I get back."
Sarah smiled a warm, inviting smile full of love. "Sure. Nothing's going to happen to him Kim. Ben's probably safer at school than anyone else right now. But I'll watch him, talk to him. I'll keep him company for you."
"Thanks," Kim offered gratefully and kissed Sarah on the cheek.
Kim returned to the waiting room where her mother sat. "That was nice," Cindy said.
"Half the school was out there," Kim said mystified.
"They're worried about you."
Kim shook her head, "I guess. I get the feeling some of them are here to see the car wreck though. Is that bad of me?"
Cindy only smirked a chagrinned smile.
Her mind turned slowly to Ben. She could fix her brother's broken body. She could reverse what Kirk had done here. Ben was now the key to Robert's problems as well. Ben, bet you didn't think you'd ever be this important did you? She had to hope that what Kirk had done to her, the almost incidental groping and the mild burning at her face were only superficial. There was a good reason to need to go back now, more than just for Ben or herself, Robert's life hung on the beams of Fate's balance. Fate had crossed the line in the sand this time.
Cindy continued to relive moments from the past to cut the boredom of sitting and the terror of not knowing. Some of these were not so pleasant. Surprising ones, vivid and terrifying, so clear that she felt like she was living them again for the first time…
Cindy recalled a time Kim they had both just brushed over. It seemed inevitable that they would talk about it in detail. The focal point of why they were there was in the other room. Now he was the one fighting for his life. The scene her mother constructed however brought to focus the event in unexpected clarity in Kim's mind, for there were parts of it she couldn't remember. Others she remembered very differently than the way her mother told them. Cindy spoke with choked voice about when Robert had tied the anchor line of their boat to Kim's ankle as a prank, during a fishing trip in Florida. Her father had been piloting the boat and she had been sitting on the bow of the boat enjoying the spray and the wind in her face. "I was scared as hell with you up there, but your father insisted you'd be just fine," Cindy had recounted almost bitterly. Robert had crept up through the cabin hatch and tied the rope on while his sister had her foot dangling through the hatch. As Robert was about to tighten the line in a double knot, the engines cut and their father unceremoniously cried "Anchor HO!"
The rope began to play out just as he tightened the knot. Seeing the rope uncoil overboard as fast as it was, Robert must have panicked. Desperate at that point, he tried to untie the knot before the rope was completely overboard. Kim felt him tugging on her leg and pulled it up and out of the hatch only to find the rope attached to it. With the rope wet from all day use, Robert had been unable to get it off. The knot was too tight to undo easily.
"DADDY!" a very small seven year old Kimberly had screamed.
Thomas had looked where the small worried voice came from and saw Robert desperately trying to free his sister from the knot he had tied to her leg, "Jesus!"
Cindy had seen it too, "OH GOD!" Cindy had screamed. "THOMAS, GET IT OFF HER"
"Robert! What did you do?" Tom Glass roared at his son.
Terrified, Robert began to whine, "I didn't mean to. I didn't know you're going to drop anchor. I just wanted to tease her." Tom was slapping at the anchor release button, but the clutch had jammed. The rope continued to play out. Then with no warning at all, the entire coil fell over board. Now no one knew how much time was left before the rope tightened.
"GRAB HER ROBBY!" Tom Cried. "HOLD ON TIGHT!" But Kim was already trying to get to her father and was out of reach of her brother.
"KIM COME BACK HERE!" Robert had cried out. But she didn't she continued to the wind visor reaching out and crying in fear.
"Get out of the way!" He said to Robert who was blocking the hatch opening. Robert planned to simply grab is daughter and hold on to her for dear life. It wasn't the thirty-five pound anchor that was a concern. He could easily keep his daughter from being pulled overboard by it if he could get to her before the line played out. What worried him most was that if he failed, the anchor line was not attached at the deck. It was attached to the port bow! If it popped out of the cradle that drew the line back up, he would not be able to reach easily it if he allowed her to slip completely off the deck. As his head popped out of the hatch, the rope on Kim's leg tightened. There was a soft * BOING * as the tension spring popped loose and the rope fell completely away from the deck. Kim who had been struggling to pull the rope over her foot watched as the rope tightened, she turned to the hatch seeing her father, "DADDY?" She reached out her hands but Tom had not been fast enough. There had been a wet spray of saltwater as the rope became taught. Kim's leg was pulled out and she hit the deck hard with her chest. She was pulled off the slippery surface of the deck in a mere second.
"THOMAS!!!!!!" Cindy had shrieked. But Kim was gone. Even before he had been able to get one hand on her. Gone too was the rope.
Tom screamed "KIMBERLY" with one arm out stretched. He pulled himself through the narrow opening in the deck of the bow unaware that he was cutting great furrows in his arms as he pulled himself up, "Oh God! Oh God!" he mumbled the whole time. He slapped his hand once on his side checking that his pocket knife was there. It was! Tom poked his head over the rail hoping that Kim would be near the surface. This hope was soon crushed once Thomas was in the water. Kim wasn't at the end of the rope closest to the boat. There was still plenty of rope between her and the boat and it was still playing out. Below him, he could not see his daughter. Tom had very little hope of finding Kim alive below.
Tom grabbed the rope and began to climb hand over hand down into the blue water of the Atlantic Ocean. He used the freefall of the rope to help his decent while helping himself get closer faster by aggressively climbing down the rope. Below, a white fluid spot began to appear. Before long he knew it was Kimberly, she was fighting to climb back up the rope and was obviously failing. When he reached her she was conscious but had to be running out of air in her tiny lungs.
Kim could remember feeling the vibration in the line but could not see clearly in darkening water. She was terrified. She was going deeper and deeper and she knew the only air she had was already inside her. The pressure on her hears and head had begun to become very painful and her reflex to breathe was beginning to fight her for control of her lungs. She had shut her eyes against the struggle hoping to keep what little air she had left, inside her for as long as she could.
Then there were hands on her. Her eyes flew open and there had been her Daddy. She threw her arms around his neck and held on as tight as she could.
In the increasing darkness, it was all Tom could do to get his knife out of its leather holster on his belt. His fingers were slippery-wet and he had to fight to gain a purchase on the brass and finished wood surface. He struggled to get the knife out, his terrified daughter clung to his neck and impairing his vision and mobility. Little Kimberly had grabbed violently to the hair on his head. She was dying now, running out of air. Her hands clutching, pulling, trying to force her way back to the surface anyway she could.
He wished he had thought to tell Cindy to get the rope off the bow-hook and start pulling them both back up. at least they would be moving up instead of down. Just as his knife came free of the case, there was a jerk on the rope. His knife bounced out, in and back out of his hand. He reached down below the point he judged the next position of the knife would fall by the way it was swishing its way to the bottom, praying for a miracle hoping it didn't dance it's way out of his reach. The knife landed directly in the center of his out stretched fingers. Tom quickly closed his hand around it and withdrew the blade using his teeth.
They were still moving but now they were moving up! Cindy had thought to retrieve the anchor herself, Thank God! He wanted to scream halleluiah at the top of his lungs but he figured they were some thirty or forty feet down now. He would need all of his air for his daughter.
Tom began to cut the rope below the knot on her ankle, soon the anchor and its remaining rope fell away to the bottom of the ocean. Now he could concentrate on Kim. It was hard to focus underwater, but even Tom could tell his daughter's eyes had become lazy. It amazed him that she had held her breath this long, his lungs were a pair of giant burning charcoal embers in his chest. She had been down a few seconds longer than he had.
Then she began to struggle fiercely. This is what he had worried was coming. He had hoped to beat this to the surface. Her body was going to try to breathe. Like it or not, it was going to happen. He looked up and they were still ten feet from the surface, maybe more. He slammed his hand over the poor girl's mouth and held it tight. Please forgive me Baby.
Kim thrashed wildly in his arms pulling at them, trying to pry her fingers under his hands to take a breath. Tom could feel water being drawn in between the natural separations in his fingers and tried to squeeze them closed tighter. Kim began to cough. She was taking in water. All he could do was pray they broke the surface soon.
Wind and air greeted him and he sucked in the air gratefully. Kim too had calmed, obviously happy to be in a breathable atmosphere once more. His lungs were not as appreciative. They were rather angry at having been denied the one thing they needed to do their job, so they staged a rebellion on the spot. In this time, Tom had been aware that Cindy and his son were peering over the edge of the boat at the two of them still in the water. Kim's suspended struggle for air and her calm still body had begun to form a picture in Tom's mind of horrific proportions. He tried to position Kimberly so he could see her face, gage her condition and see if she had been hurt or was just resting after her ordeal. As he turned her away from his shoulder, Kim's head rolled backward loosely, like that of a rag doll.
Tom needed no confirmation to Kim's condition once he saw her face. Her face had turned a frightening shade of blue, her lips were almost black in color. Perhaps worst of all was the fact that Kim's eyes were still wide open and staring up at the happily bright blue sky above them all, only Kim could not see the beauty of the day, Kim was not breathing. He heard Cindy screech from some where above him, "OH GOD TOM… SHE'S DEAD!"
Surprised, Tom gazed at the limp, cold, bluish figure in his arms. From that point on, nothing moved fast enough. Anything and everything they did moved at a frustratingly slow pace, almost casually in the midst of all their panic. "Get her on the boat! HURRY… Get her up there…. Get something to warm her up." Tom barked orders while Cindy did her best to grab her daughter and pull her up by one arm. "Breathe for her Cindy, start breathing for her! DO IT NOW!" Kim's head hung backward, lolling this way and that, vacant eyes still staring sightlessly up into the sky. Her legs and one arm swung freely as Cindy hoisted her up over the rail and onto the deck. The image of this only served to drive that sickening feeling of hopeless deeper into their hearts. Robert stood out of the way, terrified, sicker than he'd ever felt, waiting, wanting to help but unable to make sense of anything that was happening before him. "Bobbie, go get a blanket from inside the boat, hurry." Cindy ordered as she began to try to pump air into her daughter's lungs.
But after two breaths, she could see Robert had not moved, "ROBERT LEE!" Cindy screamed, startling Robert, wide eyed with terror into action.
Tom swam the painfully slow swim to the stern of the craft, hoisted himself up, and bounded to the place where his daughter lay dying. He collapsed beside her, driving both knees painfully against the deck of the boat. Robert returned with an old blanket and waited for instructions. Tom, meanwhile, did his best to empty her lung of salt water, checked her heart beat, gratefully found one and then began mouth to mouth.
After three minutes of breathing for her, Kim coughed, spat up what seemed like a gallon of water. She was still for a frightening moment, then Tom rolled her over on her side, and she threw up. After that, while the three of them listened to the sweet sounds of Kim crying, Robert, Cindy and Thomas all wept with relief and happiness, crowding in around Kim, touching her, rubbing her arms, trying to shield her from anything else out there, real or imagined, that might still want her.
Their miracle reunion didn't last long. The unfinished business of making sure that Kim didn't suffer any further injury lay a head of them, and they were still 15 miles from shore. This would prove to be Kim's second overnight experience at a hospital. Tom had to wrestle control of the chair next to Kim's bed away from Robert, who seemed intent on remaining next to her for her entire stay, no matter what. After a brief, compassionate and tender conversation with his son, Tom convinced Robert that nothing was going to hurt his sister now, that she was safe. Robert tearfully relinquished control of the night watch to Tom. Her father slept fitfully in the chair next to her all night.
The memories were more than a flood for Kim, the deluge seemed to have no end. These memories triggered even more, unrelated memories, thousands upon thousands of them. It felt as if the wall, the protective barrier that had in a sense, kept her from remembering everything had formed a huge crack letting everything out at once.
Kim clearly remembered laying in the hospital bed, not sure what had happened, barely able to remember being dragged down deep into the ocean. She could still see her father there, sleeping or trying to sleep in the chair next to her bed, one large masculine hand resting close by on the mattress next to her. She had reached out and taken his index finger in her small hand, said "I love you so much Daddy." She also remembered thinking to herself that when she got older that she was going to ask him if he would marry her.
Kim was crying with loving memories of her father. He had never done anything so dramatic in her previous life. Truth be known, he had never needed to. She was touched by his heroism and his love for her. Kim could still remember the taste of saltwater in her mouth after her mother had finished telling that story.
Kim could also feel the abject terror she had felt that day as she was sinking deeper and deeper below the surface. There was no doubt in her mind that she, the person she was, however one identifies with the concept of self, that this had happened to HER, and not some stand-in living her life until a few weeks ago. She trembled with the memory of the experience. She knew she was still deathly afraid of the ocean because of it and never accepted any invitations to go boats. She closed her eyes against the memory and covered her hands with her face. One thought about that moment stood out beyond all the rest. She remembered the certainty of it; she was going to die that day. It had been an incredibly adult idea for such a small girl.
It had not come to her in an adult fashion though. She had thought of all the things she still wanted and couldn't have at that moment. How scary it was to know very basically that she would never get another kiss from her mother or father. That she would never have another birthday party, or play in the sprinkler in their yard on hot summer days. She had thought of chocolate ice cream and the toys in her room, and even the cat next door which she thought of as her very own.
The saddest part was looking up and, not seeing anyone coming for her, believing that no one would come at all.
But she had been wrong about that, hadn't she? Yes, she had because her father…
Go on, say it…
Kim suddenly stopped crying. She pulled her hands from her face and now, instead of pain or fear of memory, there seemed to be a look of distant confusion set upon her features. 'What am I suppose to say here?'
Don't play stupid with me…
'No really,' Kim answered herself, 'I don't know,'
But she felt she should know. It was already out there. It was a thing she did. It was a wish or maybe it was just a longing…
There was a strained silence between mother and daughter, and Kim understood that Cindy seemed to be waiting for something as well. 'It always happened whenever we talk about Dad. It always ends the same way doesn't it? It always ends with…I wish Dad were here now.'
THAT'S IT!
Sometimes it made Cindy cry, sometimes she would calmly agree and at other times she could become very moody or even angry at the suggestion. But Kim could not change that desire in herself or the destiny of the moment. These things were written in stone and must be said by little girls that miss their fathers. For the most part, Cindy understood this and had never tried to change it. Kim got the impression that her mother lacked self confidence to say it out loud herself. At those weak moments, the memory of Tom Glass could provoke a wide range of emotions in Cindy.
Without even knowing that the words were moving from her brain to her mouth, she began, "I wish…
The door of Robert's ICU unit creaked open and the nurse poked her head in.
"Dad was…" Something had changed; the air seemed thicker, laden with something awful and yet wildly grand. Kimberly's heart began to pound in her chest painfully and she imagined that everyone must be able to hear that thump, thump, thumping from inside her. Kim clutched at her sweater between her breasts and grimaced slightly at the discomfort until it passed. 'What in the hell? What's happening to me?' Beads of salty sweat began popping up on her brow and cheeks. 'I'm going to pass out,' she thought in amazement.
The nurse was speaking, but Kim was having trouble making out exactly what woman in hospital scrubs was saying. She seemed to be speaking in slow motion. "T_h_e_r_e's s_o_m_e_o_n_e h_e_r_e t_o s_e_e t_h_e h_e_r_o." said the nurse. With that, a single brown wingtip dress shoe, size 12, fell firmly, confidently to the floor. Attached to it was a cuffed trouser leg that angled up and back behind the door.
"… here…" Kim squeaked finishing her statement. She sat in the chair leaning forward slightly, hands still hanging from her sweater; staring slack jawed at the ghost before her. Her eyes glazed over and she began to hyperventilate as the wall holding back all of the hidden Kimmories flooded out, threatening to drown her in a torrent of emotions.
When the gates crashed open, breeching that crack that had felt to Kim the sum total of her experiences her eyes flashed with a single instance of blinding knowledge. Much of it she saw in a flash, much too fast to acknowledge with any certainty of its meaning, only to watch it vanish again. Only now, she knew where it was. The bridges had all been repaired. It had not pushed out Tim's memories, but were now part of the complete complement of who she was. She understood now exactly who Kim was in her total being.
One memory stayed. It glared at her in the harsh light of a little girls deepest terror. She knew the difference now. She knew who that shoe belonged to in an instant of time.
She could remember sitting in her parent's room watching as he packed. It was just months after her birthday party. He and her mother had not been able to resolve some problems they were having and … SHE had asked him to move out! Kim had hated both of them for a long time for that. Still, she had not been able to hate him completely. She wanted to. As she sat there watching him, trying to understand why he was leaving, she had wanted to hurt him as they had hurt her.
But she hadn't been able to. So instead, she helped him pack, choosing to spend as many precious minutes with him as possible.
Now Kim's breathing began to hitch in her chest. The scene in her head changed with violent speed. to some months before her birthday party, still months way from having to watch her father pack to move. In the here and now, Kim began to hyperventilate.
Kim could remember her father packed and ready to go on a trip… the one that would kill him, but know one knew that then. He was just doing what he always did, traveling for business. He was packed and ready to leave in just a few hours. Kim was sick, really sick, but she didn't want to tell her father because he kept taking her to the hospital when she got sick like this. By the time he was ready to leave, she was sweating. Her side hurt. It felt like it might burst open from the pain. In fact, it was almost more than she could bear. She had stumbled down stairs to say good bye before she couldn't manage it any longer. When she saw the way he looked at her, she knew, she was going to the hospital. At that point she no longer cared.
It had been her appendix. It had burst on the way to the emergency room. There was no memory after that, except waking up in a hospital bed, her fingers wrapped tightly around her hero's pinkie finger. He had smiled at her with relief and love, "You scared me Princess. I thought you were trying to leave me for a moment."
"Nope… I have to marry you some day," They had been the first words from her groggy mind. She smiled back at him even though she didn't really feel like it at the time. "Why aren't you on your binnus trip?" His face had gone ashen with that question. "What's wrong Daddy?"
"Cause you were so sick. I couldn't leave my Fairy Princess." In the present, Kim unknowingly began to rub the spot where the surgeons had removed the rancid remains of a useless organ. There was only a faint scar there, but it was something she was still self-conscious about to this day.
She could also see this man's eyes were wet. Her father never cried. Yet, here he was, fighting to keep from doing so before her.
Kim wouldn't find out until some years later that the plane he was supposed to have flown out on that night had…
"… crashed!" Kim whispered as Cindy stood to greet him passing in front of Kim without her daughter even noticing.
Thomas Glass stepped forward in to the room in full view. For a moment, her parents, as she had always remembered them, hugged. Each one carrying the weight of their concern on their faces and set deep within their eyes. 'Not dead?' she thought, 'No. Not dead, but…' It was the most complete thought she'd be able to form for a time. Nothing else came, no explanations, no ideas, there simply was no room in her mind, in her heart for any of that. She was full, body and soul, to the top with the most amazing elation she had ever felt in the whole of her existence.
She had not heard this man's voice in years. She had not smelled his cologne or heard the soft whisper of his leather shoes as they whisked along the carpet where he walked, confident steps of an accomplished man and father. Kim could feel her self becoming unglued. The bravery she had tried to display after Hurricane Kirk had blown into their lives was eroding under the need to be comforted by the only man who could do that with a single word or a loving glance of his eyes. All of a sudden, feeling vulnerable, feeling "fragile" was exactly what she thought she needed. Dropping the façade of bravery for her mother's sake now seemed Okay. Tom Glass would keep the wall from caving in on them.
These thoughts spun out in an endless train of ideas Kim could not see the end of in either direction. Her mother and father were talking in subdued tones as Tom was trying to make his way past Cindy to where Kim was now, unsteadily, beginning to stand and receive him.
He looked at her with sympathetic eyes that reflected the pain all parents feel when their children have come to ill fated means. "Princess…" He had spoken to her as he approached. This is not real. This is some horrible prank, a mirage that will vanish the moment I reach out to touch it. Kim moved silently toward him, small and slight compared to his well built muscular body. He had always been her six million dollar man, That's right, I'd forgotten how much he looks like Lee Majors, not so much in photos, but in real life they could be related.
"Are you Okay?" There was a tremor in his voice. He's struggling to keep his emotions in check. Can a mirage have emotions? The detail on her memories continued to come into sharper and sharper focus. All the little fatherly things men do with their daughters that their son's either have no interest in or don't want to share. 'Like how he used to dance with me, letting me ride the tops of his shoes while he stepped through the dance…'
"Oh no…" she whimpered, knowing now that she would not be successful in holding back the tears.
Tom was a large man, tall, stocky but well built and strong. Standing at six feet, three and a half inches, to Kim, he might as well have been a giant. As she grew nearer, sobbing openly, he crouched before her and she fell upon him, confident that no matter what, he would catch her and keep her safe.
Her sobs became loud and she tucked her face into the crook of his neck to quite them as best she could. As her body quaked with the force of her emotion, so did her father;'s. This is real... Oh my God, it's really real. It's safe to believe now. I can believe he's real right? Right? He's holding me isn't he? And still, the evidence of her senses had lied to her before and was not to be trusted.
"It's Okay Precious, I'm here. I'm home. I won't let anything happen to you." Kim clutched at her father viciously, unintentionally driving her shoulder into his adam's apple, straggling him in the process.
"Ba…" Tom croaked and gently tried to ease Kim's grip. This only caused her to panic and clutch tighter as she began to whimper in fear. "Baby…" Tom coughed, "Lord… GAGK!" he cried in a horse, strangled voice. "Help!"
"Honey," Cindy intervened. "You're choking your father, let go." Kim only held on tighter, shaking her head violently like a child on the first day of school realizing that she's being left with total strangers.
"Hurry…" Tom pleaded with watering eyes.
"I'm trying Tom, she's got a… Good God, Kim, let go."
"Passing… out…" Tom croaked. With that, Kim's grip finally loosened enough for Tom to take a breath. They remained there for a wordless moment, holding each other until Kim finally pulled away.
Tom's eyes were still watering from the death grip Kim had locked around his neck, "I hurt you…" she said, her voice filled with regret.
"No," Tom said and smiled. "Not a chance." He gently brushed the tears from her cheek with his thumbs and smiled. "How are you doing Princess?"
"I'm Okay, I'm fine now." She was unable to stop the tears that flooded from her.
"Hey, hey… come on," Tom said easing her head around with a gentle nudge of her chin. When he had her eyes once more locked on his face, he smiled again, "I've got ya. Remember me, Steve Austin right?" She was still in his arms, weightless as he struck a pose the T.V. Steve Austin might hold and said, "Na_na_na_na_na_na_na_na…. Sending Kim into gales of phlegm choked laughs and nodded sending her hair flouncing around her head.
Without rising, Tom turned to Cindy and asked, "So, what have the doctors said?"
"Not much. Medically, Kim's fine. She was the one Kirk was after though. He tried to rape her." Anger flashed briefly in Tom's eye, but he was able to remember who he was with and where he was in time to gather himself and push the anger down where it could do no harm.
"And Robert?"
Cindy choked back the tears as best she could, but turned away and said nothing. "He's going to live right?" Tom asked. Cindy nodded, still refusing to show her face directly. "But…"
"But," Cindy repeated, "There's always one of those isn't there?" Her sarcasm was harsh and bitter. "No matter what we do in life, there's always a conditional 'But'."
Tom tried to be patient, to hold his tongue in spite of the pressure and anxiety over the unknown of his son's condition. When he could stand it no longer, he asked, "Cindy, please?"
"His spinal cord is damaged. He has a broken neck." The words were hot and angry. They came from her, searing meteors from far away, speeding in to obliterate everything they crashed into along the way. Tom Glass reeled from their impact. He understood without explanation what an injury like that could mean for Robert. For a while, he couldn't speak. He let the words melt into his brain while Kim stroked his hair and tried as best she could to sooth him.
"Can I go in there?" Thomas asked.
"We have to clear that through the nurse. I'm sure you can." They walked out together, her fathers large mighty hand in the delicate small of Cindy's back. How many times have I seen that? How many times after watching them together have I wanted someone to touch me just like that, just to see how it makes me feel?" It was Kim's past she looked back on as if it had always been there. She no longer felt detached from those moments. With this hurdle vaulted, she was bound to the moments of her past as tightly as she had once been bound to Tim's.
Soon the two of them were in with their son. Speaking to him, touching him, stroking his hair where they could get past the halo. Kim watched, her heart pounding. Not deceased… she marveled. Divorced. Only divorced. I could have called him any time. I just didn't remember he was still alive. What an idiot!
Why hadn't she remembered this, that he was still alive? Something Robert had said flashed back to her, she's talking to you know who… Her mind had blocked this. Even when she had still thought of her father as dead, there had been no bridge to the accurate information, why? Perhaps it would have been too much to recall all at once. Maybe it was some sort of safety switch. If she'd known and been able to reverse the effects of the mask, would she have done so? Probably not. Was this the masks way of restoring the original balance? Kim found she didn't care. He was alive!
She tried to hear what they were saying, impatient now, that he was back in her life, to be with him. It was no use, the glass was too well insulated. One word came to mind.
Love.
She loved him so much, had missed him awfully when he had died. He had been connected to so much in both her lives and here he was, ALIVE! She twirled and fell gracefully to a chair behind her. The world had righted itself. "I'm never…"
She gasped and the words caught in her throat painfully.
"Oh GOD!" she cried as she rose slowly from the chair before the window. She couldn't go back, not ever. She couldn't kill her father. She couldn't put him back in that box in the ground.
She sunk to her knees before the window and watched her parents. Her mother gently touched the back of Tom's hand with hers, brooding over her child, their child. He looked at her and smiled. Kim could see him mouth the words, He's going to be fine.
Cindy smiled in that particular way she had when Kim could tell she was thinking about him. She answered as Kim knew she would. Kim even mouthed the words in sync with her mother, I'm glad you're here, as Kim let a single tear slip out in mourning for what she believed she had lost forever.
Once more one word came to mind.
That word was, Checkmate.
Baker, TN was a town of only a few thousand residents. Like so many other small towns such as Alpine, nestled in the rolling ancient hills the Applications, Backer was a place where time had not necessarily stopped, but it could be said that time had slowed to a considerable crawl. So when the caravans of news media trucks began to arrive to cover what was fast becoming yet another incident in a growing national debate on school violence, the residents were not quite prepared for the circus when it came to town.
When the news of Kirk Oswatler's attack on Kimberly Glass broke it should have been no surprise to see the land flotilla of media trucks out in front of the school the morning after. Like a mighty invading army, trucks from as far away as Richmond, Atlanta and Orlando were parked willy nilly around the school grounds. Camera's and broadcasting equipment, satellite dishes and field reporters dotted the campus.
Ben peered out of the bus window and watched as the carnival set up its sideshow acts. The only thing more surreal was the idea that Kirk would have hurt Kim. Kirk had claimed to have loved her, and while Ben believed with his entire heart that Kirk had a lot to learn about love, he couldn't have known how morally bankrupt Kirk actually was. Now Kirk was in the hands of the police. Well, that was the word anyway. Robert was near death and Kim had been raped.
This was their little tragedy of errors. This was the place they brought the world when they changed everything. Ben turned and sat down glumly in the plain green bench bus seat as it swung onto the school grounds. He wanted to go to her and tell her how very sorry he was. He had of course, already said it several times. It just didn't seem like enough.
"Raped," he whispered to himself. "Aw God," he breathed. He was sick about it. This was never at all what he had intended. To Ben it didn't matter what Kirk and his buddies had done to him. What mattered was that Ben had put them both here for it to happen at all. The old man had been right about him. Even Kim had not been able to control him. He wanted to die. Ben wouldn't find out until much later that many of the rumors he had heard on the bus were not true. The most important of course was that Kimberly had not actually been raped.
The hallways were abuzz with everything that was the latest news and a lot of crap that wasn't. Ben heard everything from Kirk had found out that Kim was doing table dances at the Golden Lady in Nashville to Kim biting off Kirk's cock while giving him a blowjob. The police presence was strong. They were there as much to find out the truth of what had happened as they were to protect the other students. Not just from each other, but from the media. On two occasions, Ben observed officers escorting reporters and cameramen out of the building in spite of their vehement protests of constitutional freedoms.
As Ben passed the pass-through hallway where the administration offices were, Ben saw Lindsay Rogers being escorted into the office by a uniformed policeman. Ben grinned to himself, Oh yeah, he thought that feels good. He decided he could use a little more sunshine on his shoulders and dared to get closer and see what he could see.
"I know what you told police last night Lindsay, but I need you to repeat it again for these detectives." It was Dean Hall's voice Ben heard.
"Do my parent's know you're questioning me?"
"We've called them. They're on they're way down here now." It came from a voice Ben didn't recognize, probably one of the other cops in there with him. Ben inched closer and worked his way through the crowd until he could see into the office. It was then that Dean Hill saw the crowd gathering at the door and opted to close it.
"That's enough folks, nothing to see." Hill said as he grabbed the door to close it, "You too Ackerman," Hill added with clear disdain.
"Ackerman?" one of the detectives called out. "Hold on, he's on our list."
Hill turned confused, maybe even a little worried, "The only Ackerman we have here is old Abner Ackerman's son, Ben."
"That's him. We talked to Mrs. Glass this morning, she said he's in up to his eyeballs in this. Let him in."
Hill let out an exasperated breath, "Okay, this is going too damn far. Are you going to question every last…"
"Dean Hill, I'll question the fucking Pope if I feel it's relevant to this case. Now, show Mr. Ackerman in or I'll do it myself and remove you from these proceedings." Detective Crantz said. Hill stood there, a disbelieving look on his face for a moment. He then turned and said, "You heard him Ackerman. Get in here."
"We don't have permission to talk to him yet. Someone get his mother on the phone. Don't ask his father if he answers, that son-of…" the detective paused, "I know what he'll say."
"That's alright, I'll tell you whatever you want to know." Ben said happily.
"Okay Ben," the detective agreed, "We still need you're mother's permission to use what you say. But we can take your statement and then go over it with your mom, does that sound like a deal?"
Ben nodded.
Lindsay glared at Ben with a look that said, If you want to see the sun set, you'll keep your fucking mouth shut. Ben suddenly felt that sunsets were completely overrated and planned to the letter what he was going to say to these fine officers.
"Have a seat Mr. Ackerman."
One of them, a large black man with a bald head stuck out his hand and introduced himself. I'm Detective Crantz, this is Detective Blanchard." Ben took the man's hand and gave it a good shake.
"Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," said Crantz with a smile. "You know why we're here?"
"I think so. It's about what these guys did to me and what Kirk did to Kimberly and her brother."
Both detectives raised their eyebrows at Ben's inference to himself. "That's right Ben. We have Kim's side of the story, but we'd like to hear it from you first hand. Have you talked to Kim at all since this happened?"
"No, we don't have a phone. After they were done with me, they made me leave. I didn't get a chance to talk to her at all. Is Kim Okay?"
"She's fine. A little shaken up, but she'll be fine. Her brother is a lot worse off."
"Yeah, I heard. Okay… Where do you want me to start?" Ben asked.
"Well, start at the beginning Ben," Crantz prompted, so he did.
Ben recounted, nearly word for word, the same story Kim had given Detectives the day before at the hospital after the attack, only from a different perspective, his. The officers winced with the grim detail of how Lindsay had snapped Ben's finger out of joint. Ben could even show them that it was still swollen and sore from that encounter.
Lindsay was so frantic at Ben's story he had to be restrained and moved to another room, Dean Hill's office. Ben continued to the point where Kim begged him to leave before something else happened, a part of the story that Kim had left out. One that the detectives found very interesting given the charges that Lindsay and his cohorts were laying at Kim's doorstep.
"They told me Kim had something to do with this." Crantz said.
Ben shook his head, "Who said that?"
"Lindsay Rogers," Dean Hill answered. "He told us that she liked it when Kirk beat people up for her. That she, you know, started things with other students so Kirk would get jealous."
Ben stared in popeyed disbelief, silent and still for nearly a minute. Without warning, he burst into loud, hysterical laughter. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" he cried out between laughter and breathing. "She's a fucking pixie… She doesn't have a mean bone in her body." Ben doubled over and now couldn't stop laughing.
Hill stood back, blushing deeply, confused and totally unsure of himself now. "I don't understand."
"No shit!" Ben cried still laughing.
"Okay son. There's no need to be foul-"
"Yes there is," Ben stopped the Boys Dean dead in his tracks. "Kim is the victim here. Kim and her brother. It smells to me that someone's trying to wipe their ass after leaving the can."
"That will be enough." Hill bellowed.
"Not even. You are not going to do the same thing to Kim that you've done to me all year, turn a blind eye to what's really going on. You let kids like Kirk bully their way through their years here and dismiss it as 'shit that guys do,' because you used to do it. Let someone useless like me get a little out of line though and it isn't just shit that guys do anymore. I turn your stomach. I don't know why, but the fact is I won't ever be part of the club.
"Kim was, as long as she did as she was told. She crossed an invisible line someplace." Ben continued.
Hill bristled, "Are you suggesting that the faculty…"
"No," Ben interrupted, "I'm not, but you dismissed all the complaints out of hand. You did it because you think guys like Kirk won't do anything really out of line. The little shit is excusable because that's what competition is all about, and you want them to be competitive. You want them to excel at controlling and dominating everyone around them. Because that's what a man does right Dean? These guys are the choice members of society, the fuckers you're grooming to grow up and run things, like you would run them. Bastards like me-" Ben stopped, he was clearly agitated now. "Aw Hell, why am I even bothering."
"This is patently ridiculous," Dean said, "I never encouraged Kirk or anyone else to hurt anyone."
"Your definition of pain is probably a lot different than mine," Ben said, "or of any of the other students you think you know, so how do you know what hurts? Kim has a mind of her own. Kirk didn't like that. When you were told about it, you just didn't believe that Kirk didn't think like the rest of you. There wasn't any real harm in making her see her place in the grand scheme of things was there? I mean, it was probably in her best interest anyway, a talented, beautiful girl like that. A little encouragement to come back to the bosom of the school could only be a good thing, right?" Ben paused looking at Dean Hill who had nothing to say. Ben finished by saying, "Well surprise!"
Hill seemed about to say something, but he had no sooner opened his mouth when Detective Blanchard cut Hill off, "How do you know that Lindsay isn't telling the truth?"
Ben's eyes nearly crossed in confusion. He looked to Dean Hill and gestured with his thumb in the Dean's direction, "Ask around, once some of the kids that have been kicked around realize it's safe, they'll tell you. He doesn't do shit to help the guys the thinks are losers. Shit, you probably won't be able to shut'em up once they get going."
Hill looked embarrassed. He was at a loss for words. "All I know is what I've been told."
"I heard Robert Glass was up here yesterday. I wonder what he told you?" He turned to the detectives, "Did he tell you that? Did he tell you that Kimberly's brother was here to talk to them?"
Hill had not volunteered that juicy nugget. The detectives, however, did know about this as well and were still compiling facts before confronting who they believed to be involved.
From the other room, Ben could hear Lindsay cry out, "That little shit is a fucking liar!"
"Whatever," Ben shrugged. "I'm used to this. There's no conspiracy to erase all the losers in school. Guys like Lindsay in there, guys like Kirk just don't like us. If the school ever admitted shit like this goes on, Hill wouldn't be the only to loose his job. So they tell parent's lies. They've turned me into public enemy number one around here. To listen to it some of the rumors, I've stolen the fucking Space Shuttle and I'm keeping in my sock."
"All I want to do is get my work done. I'm smart. I could make straight A's and get the fuck out of this rat shit town. No one would ever hear from me again. Even that's not good enough for these guys." Ben said pointing to the room where Lindsay was nosily shuffling around in his chair. "I don't expect anyone will be me this time, but I know this…"
Ben got up to everyone's surprise and walked to the door of the room where Lindsay was being detained. One of the uniformed officers was about to step forward and block his path when Ben said, "I only want to talk to him." The officer glanced at the detective who nodded. Ben was allowed to proceed. "Do you think Kirk's going down that road by himself? They caught him you know. I bet no one told you that did they? It's all over school. He's going to fucking sell you out to get anything he can when he figures out how much shit he stepped in. You might want to try to do a little selling yourself before there's nothing left for them to buy." Ben returned emotionlessly to his chair and added for the benefit of the police. "They gave me Valium yesterday after they fucked up my hand. You might want to check his locker."
"YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD ASSERMAN…" cried the outraged football/future convict. Be could hear the chair Lindsay was attached to leaping and crashing to the floor as Lindsay try to get out of it and to Ben.
"Shut UP!" cried one of the officers and slammed the door to Hill's office closed.
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGG," came an anguished cry of instant justice from the other side of that closed door. The sound of it made Ben smile inwardly.
One of the detectives then asked, "Why didn't they want you associating with her Ben?"
"Because," Ben said as a slow, warm, rich smile spread across his face. "She asked me to go to the prom with her. I guess Kirk couldn't handle that."
Ben later implicated Jimmy Slater, and admitted that it had been Jimmy who had actually been the one with the Valium. After a search, the police did not find Valium or any other drugs in Jimmy's locker. They found it in his vehicle in the parking lot. Police found a gym bag with the Valium Kim had witnessed along with about $1,000, street value, of oxymetholone, a common steroid known to the kids as 'A-Bombs'.
Jimmy was isolated from Lindsay. He was confronted with the evidence and the charges, charges that ranged included possession with intent to distribute, armed aggravated assault, battery and, as one officer put it, "a host of other things I'd be more than happy to work late researching," he was faced with a staggering 55 years of non-nigotialable jail time. Jimmy watched his life, his potential and his future get flushed away in a single swipe. His parents arrived an hour later with a criminal lawyer who advised them to give up Kirk and Lindsay and hope for the best. With that, Jimmy was all too eager to turn on his two friends.
Ben was released from questioning, but was warned that a representative from the D.A.'s office would be contacting him. Ben was going to have to testify against Kirk and Lindsay. Jimmy would face his own reduced charges before a judge alone. In the bat of an eyelash Ben had become one of the two most important people to the integrity of Mather's High School. He was more than a witness, he was the poster child for Justice for the school.
The school had quietly tried to ignore allegations Robert Glass had brought against their star quarterback, confident they could handle the situation internally. Dragging their feet, waiting until it became convenient to deal with the problem; the situation had spiraled out of control too quickly. Now Robert was in the hospital. A sixteen year old girl was the victim a vicious attack and attempted rape for confronting what was beginning to look like a coordinated effort at extortion of sorts. Yet another student had been tormented and abused as part of that plan. If the school didn't embrace Ben and Kimberly and their victim status, it was quite possible a few more people might end up with their lives in the trashcan.
Ben was given a four day pass, time to recover and time for the school to make sure that the remaining students, the varsity players mostly, understood that no retributions were to be tried on either Kim or Ben, secretive or otherwise. The three boys involved were done, that was that. All were going to jail, some longer than others, the Dean and Coach Monte had explained. It was possible an investigation for steroid use might follow. Several of the boys had been uncomfortable with talk of an investigation and lawyered up quickly.
It would take about a week for the news media circus to die down to a manageable level. This came too late to matter for anyone, especially Ben.
-*-
Technology it has been said has made all luxuries convenient and convenience accessible to anyone anywhere. But not all convenience is a good thing. This was certainly true when Abner Ackerman, who had retreated to his shabby mountain cabin deep in the Shawnee National Forest turn on his stolen satellite receiver to catch up on the latest events in a seemingly distant world.
It was quiet here. There were no neighbors, no traffic and most importantly no cops. In fact, there was nothing for thousands of square miles. The cabin itself sat on five acres of land that had cost next to nothing. With few modifications, Abner had made it a basic but comfortable place to hide. Nothing happened here, Abs made sure of that. No deals, no drugs (except those Abs brought for personal use), no one came here or was shown the place.
Abs knew it wasn't impossible to find. He would have had to put it on the moon to make that happen. But it was damned hard to see. The canopy of cedar's and pines made visibility from the air hard. The ground was good cover. He'd seen the cabin only once on a satellite image taken during late fall when the hardwoods had dropped their leaf cover. Even then, the branches, pine needles and fallen leaf cover made it difficult to pick out.
This was not a fool-proof spot to hold up, but you could see for miles on his side of the hill where the cabin stood. It would certainly give him a good head start if things heated up and they decided to come looking for him. Abs was not a survivalist, he was a realist. He had killed people, he sold drugs for a living because it was lucrative. The people he'd killed would probably never be missed. The only reason any one would ever want to connect those deaths to him would be to ensure he stayed in prison if someone were to put him there. His land here would give him a sort of Eric Rudolf advantage.
Tonight, approaching inebriation, Abs was bored. He turned on his small television for nothing more than background noise as he sat naked on his balcony and drank from a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Abs began flipping the channels around on his satellite tuner trying to find something that might seem interesting. What he found shook him to his very foundations. As he flipped the channels, he saw, for just a flash in time, something that looked like his son's junior high picture on the Super Station. It was an image he knew well. Susan kept what Abs thought of that pathetically stupid picture taped to the refrigerator. On more than one occasion, Ahs had ripped it off, torn it up and thrown it away, claiming ignorance later. Somehow, that God damned thing kept coming back, brand new and unscathed. He had tried to find her stash of pictures once to get rid of all of them, but she had apparently learned a little about hiding things from living with Abs. Eventually he had given up.
Abs stopped and reversed the channel twice but the image was gone once he had regained the station. What was in its place was the image of a local Baker field reporter named Brick Taylor. Abs recognized him immediately from his reports at home on Channel 2, Baker's News Monster.
His first concern of course was that something had drawn attention to his dealings throughout the southeast. That perhaps his family had taken the leap, ignoring their fear of him and had turned. To date, his enigmatic comings and goings had been enough of a mystery to Susan that she hadn't dared do anything against him for fear of where he might turn up next. She knew full well that the odds of the police getting Abs before he got to Susan, in such a case, was remote. Getting to Ben would be even easer. But had Ben turned? He had frankly never even remotely considered such an idea. His primarily reasoning was because he felt Ben was nothing more than a coward.
The volume on Abs' set was turned down and he wrestled with the aging volume button to hear what could possibly so important as to put Baker, TN on national television. As the volume came up, Abs heard Brick broadcast the name "Benjamin Ackerman."
"God damn it!" Abs growled.
Abs listened as the man Abs called, Dumb as a Brick Taylor released the latest about a story that had badly shaken the tiny mountain town of Baker, Tennessee. "… police say as the story unfolded, the bizarre slant to what had happened simply began to twist in ever stranger directions. What began as police believed was a high school hazing incident soon turned to a tale of blackmail, torture and narcotics. This reporter has learned that Police now believe that a near fatal teenage love triangle developed when one young man, Benjamin Ackerman invited the popular young cheerleader to attend the school's annual prom as his date," the reporter with the ridiculous name of Brick, reported inaccurately.
Abs was astonished. "God damn," he whispered in amazement, drawing upon his depthless vocabulary once more to find yet another profound expression to vent his feelings.
"The trouble is said to have begun," the reporter continued, "when Miss Glass rejected an offer by the school's star quarterback and alleged attacker, Kirk Oswalter. She then did what some students are saying, is the unthinkable. She accepted Mr. Ackerman's invitation. Authorities now believe that Mr. Oswalter enlisted the help of two of his friends on the team to intimidate Miss Glass into accepting Mr. Oswatler's original proposal by drugging and beating Ben Ackerman. This is believed to have been a sort of extortion to gain the young lady's capitulation. It was Ackerman who came forward after the attack and revealed the details of the blackmail and information which led to additional charges of drug possession for at least one boy with possibly more charges to follow."
"Kirk Oswalter came to the attention of football aficionados when he led his team to victory over the undefeated Smithtown Hornets last autumn to win his first State Championship title…"
Abs sat down hard. His head was spinning, Ben turned in a guy dealing… Ben went to the cops. … resulted in charges of possession… Jesus Christ! How much does Ben really know about me?
The reporter continued with his story in the background. His local manner and naïve approach to news reporting becoming even more evident as he did. Dangerously, in the interest of sensationalism Brick Taylor planted a seed in Abner's brain whose roots would soon dominate The Hog's very being.
"Ben Ackerman is the son of one of Central Tennessee's most notorious alleged motorcycle riding crime figures, Abner Ackerman. Dubbed The Greased Hog by local police for his uncanny ability to slip free of charges brought against him for his alleged crimes. With this development, however, this reporter has to wonder how much cooperation the Hog's son will be giving police and how much longer Abner will be able to elude responsibility for the various charges that police have leveled at him in the past."
Abs thought about the implications of Ben dealing one on one with the Baker Police. Even in what seemed to be an event unrelated to anything that Abs had done, how long would it be before the police began to try to prime that pump too? Abs reckoned, probably not that long. Ben was as good a witness as they had ever had. Now they had a reason to come and talk to him. Probable cause went a long way in the U.S. Court system these days, as well Abner knew.
Was it possible this was ploy to smoke him out? To get Abs to reveal where he was? If it was, then they had all they wanted on him already and were ready to take him down. Abs dismissed that paranoid idea out of hand however. That would have had to have been a pretty elaborate ploy, staging a fake attack, getting it on the news and then hope Abs would be drawn in.
Abner finally concluded news of the attack was genuine. Only a Baker news crew would release the names of minor victims in such a crime. Everyone in Baker knew everyone else. A blunder like that wouldn't have even raised eyebrows in Baker. The tape itself had probably been lent to CNN or something and aired before reviewing it. Why would they have needed to? The ethics of the news media were probably pretty standard everywhere. Everywhere except small mountain towns where there were no secrets. Had it not been for that one spectacular blunder, Abs might not have ever known his son was cooperating with the police. Overall, for Abs, a pretty lucky break. But what now?
"Gonna have to think about this one…" he grabbed the open bottle of Jack and downed a rather large draw from the bottle. Abs chuckled to himself in spite of the implications. "Gotta hand it to him though, the little fucker finally grew one fuck of a set of balls. Deep sixed the entire athletic program. Little bastard fucked over a whole school… of… jocks."
"Hey now…" Abs said slowly considering his last thought. "Bet old Benny boy has pissed off a whole lot of jock fuckers down there in Baker." He downed the rest of his the Jack in a single pull of the bottle. "And Tommy's daughter's a cheerleader to boot. Bet that really chapped a few asses." Abs laughed out loud, long and strong. "Sound's like sumpin' I'd do."
His brain began to work overtime now. Through the whiskey fog that was thickening by the minute, Abs wondered briefly, "I wonder if old Tommy is back in town from California?" He had never had an issue with any of Tom's children. It was Tom that had crossed him so many years ago. Never mind that Abs had actually pulled down his daughters drawers to get a better look see, maybe a little more since no one was looking. But Tom hadn't even stopped to listen. He had proceeded to shove his fist into Abner's eyeball, separating this cornea and damn near causing him to go blind in that eye.
Ever since, Abs dreamed of the day he would run back into his old school buddy and even the score.
"Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone." He got up, distracted, fetched a fresh bottle and cracked the seal. "Bright iders just keep poppin' into my head…" he chuckled. Abs sat and listened to the birds as the sun crept toward the west. It got dark earlier around here, the mountains blocked the sun as it set. He liked the night. It offered good cover, even when people knew who you were. Night offered so much potential, so much power, how could anyone not like it?
His fledging plan "ider" as he referred to it depended on a number of things all falling into place. Each of those things independently were long-shots. Together, well, it suffices to say that Christmas would come early if these events all melded into a smooth seamless plan. If it if didn't happen, it really didn't matter much. The risk that Ben posed would still have to be dealt with. The fact of the matter was that if Ben wasn't makin hay today, he would one day soon enough. It was time to deal with his family, take his hard earned money and setup camp someplace else. Mexico maybe, or Argentina.
-*-
"Yoo-hoo?" the voice was still as soft and sweet as the last time she had heard it. That had been during better times and years had passed since, many unfortunate years. Cindy lept to her feet and turned. "Susan!" Cindy squealed and dashed the short distance to hug her long lost friend. "Thank you for coming."
"I've made excuses for too long I guess. I couldn't excuse this one away." Susan said a bit ashamed. She shoved a casserole dish into her friend's hands, "John Wayne's favorite," she said with a beaming smile. Cindy remembered this dish, several layers of cheese and chilies and onions baked into toasty cheese bars. It was mouth watering and the aroma was already leaking past the foil covered top, filling the room with cheesy delightful richness. "I knew Robert loves it."
Cindy did her best to smile past the pain. "You may have to give me the recipe," she said setting the casserole down on a small, nearby table. "I don't he'll be back in time to help with this one." Cindy turned to the glass separating the two rooms. For the first time Susan was able to see the horrific damaged Kirk Oswalter had done to Cindy's first born.
"Jesus, Cindy." Her hand went to her mouth and tears filled her eyes as Susan slowly drifted toward the window, trance like. Twenty four hours had only made Robert's condition look that much worse. Now, Wednesday night, a full week after Ben and Tim had first encountered the Wizard and his damnable mask, the town of 4,000 known as Baker, TN was in shock. Six of their teens were at the center of a regional controversy that was slowly becoming part of the hot national discussion on school security.
As Susan drifted in the room, Ben who had been standing in the hall behind her, followed her in. "Hello Ben." Cindy said. Her voice was tinged with regret.
"Hello Mrs. Glass," Ben said affably. He glanced through the window sadly at Robert, bruised, black and angry and winced. "I'm sorry about all this."
Cindy touched his shoulder and compassionately let her hand find his. "It's not your fault Ben. Kim's having a hard time believing it's not her fault either. She needs a friend to talk to. I'm glad you came." Ben seemed overcome with grief. His eyes watered constantly. They had been bloodshot since Saturday and his hand shook uncontrollably.
"She Okay?" Ben asked.
"She's surprisingly good," Cindy said.
"Oh good," Susan said relieved.
"I keep expecting her to fall apart, have a nervous break down or something. I just can't imagine being alone in that house with that monster and walking away from it with your sanity intact." Cindy admitted. She turned back to Ben, "She should be right back. She went down the hall for a sec…"
"Ben!" cried Kim happily from somewhere behind the Ackerman's.
"…Oh, here she is." Cindy finished.
Ben turned gratefully to see her bright smiling face standing in the doorway of the ICU pod. She flew the four feet or so into his arms. Ben expelled an audible grunt from the force of the impact followed by Kim nearly squeezing the life right out of his skinny body.
To Ben, she smelled like anything and everything wonderful he had ever smelled. The softness of her body the velvety quality of her hair caused his nerve endings to overload. He had to fight his body to keep an erection from occurring in this most inappropriate company. He gave her one more enthusiastic squeeze and released her before he lost control of his body. Bashfully, he said, "I never got to say thanks…"
Kim offered a bashful smile. She knew exactly what Ben was talking about, the afternoon in the gym. Her smile was mingled with something Ben thought looked a bit like surprise as well, "You would have done the same thing for me," she assured him, only he hadn't. The self realization hurt him more than he could have expressed.
"I didn't though," Ben said trying to put it in words. "I should have let him kill me."
"Don't ever say that!" Kim said, her eyes flashing angrily.
"Yes Ben," Cindy agreed. "Kim's right. I don't think there was anything else anyone could have done."
Before the conversation could go further, Kim asked, "Can I have some money Mom? Ben and I want to get something to eat down stairs."
"Kimberly," Cindy said warily, preparing to site her rule of no boy's unescorted when her eyes flicked from Susan to Ben and she stopped. Magically, she produced a ten and a twenty dollar bill from her clutch on the chair and handed it to Kim. "Thanks Mom," Kim said cheerfully. She took Ben by the hand, "Come on," and led him out of the room.
Susan watched them go, "They're growing up."
"God help me," Cindy pleaded, "I guess they are."
-*-
It was hard for Kim to reconcile the paradox of time and self. Though she could remember being Tim, that life seemed almost as distant to her now, as her present life had seemed alien just a few hours ago. It was a far cry from the days when Tim felt it would be in both their interests if the to friends began to walk in different directions together. So much had happened in those few short days. Kim had not had much of a chance to tell Ben anything. She had not even discussed her visit with the Wizard with him yet.
Kim worried about exactly how Ben was going to react with some of this news, particularly the idea that Kim's father was miraculously back from the dead. He had not, in fact died at all. But Kim was sure that to Ben it would feel that way, much as it had when she had first seen him.
Even Kim was not completely comfortable with saying, "I'm never going back, I can't," or words to that effect. Robert's future still lay at Kim's doorstep. For that matter, so did Ben's. Did she have the right to set the course of their future, to insist that they remain now, as they are for the sake of one man's life?
Robert wouldn't know the difference. For him this was the only true reality. For Ben on the other hand, he would be painfully aware for the rest of his life that she had denied him something that had been better on a daily basis than what she was going to force him to settle with. Inside her heart, a moral dilemma began. Right now, it was not much more than a peasant uprising, unsophisticated in its nature. In time however, this minor revolt in her heart would spread becoming a full-scale war with herself. It would threaten to rip her sanity from her grasp and cast doubt on all the decisions she would have to make.
For now, there were only her misgivings about how Ben might take the news and her excitement to see someone she could actually talk to without being limited by the masks magic.
She dragged him down the hall toward the elevators making very small talk along the way. She gave Ben no opportunity to answer or contribute, she just rattled away about this thing and that incessantly. Ben soon remembered that this is how she gets when she became excitedly nervous. About what, however Ben could not begin to guess.
They only just missed Tom Glass by mere moments, passing him in the elevator on their way down to the cafeteria. A sight such as that without preparation, might have sent poor Ben running for the nearest exit. Fortunately, it was still Kim's news to break to Ben. He would be allowed to keep his grip on reality for the moment.
Once in the cafeteria, Kim and Ben wound their way around the sad faced visitors who presumably had loved ones or friends here someplace within the hospital's walls. All of them were taking a break from grief to refuel and try to enjoy a measure of peace. Kim piled a tray with fried chicken, a cheeseburger, fries, peaches and cottage cheese and a milk shake. The gesture was meant to stab at the heart of one of Ben's biggest worries. A bribe that she felt might act as a good impulse gesture of good faith. Frankly, it was all she had to bargain with.
Carrying the food, Ben was already suspicious of her behavior. The mountain of food, while attractive to Ben's empty stomach, was also something that sent up more than just one distress flare in his mind. The total came to $15.22. Kim nearly skipped to a near by table with their feast and the change.
Once there, she handed Ben the change plus twenty dollars of her own money. "Take this," she said. "Hide it for when you need it."
It was Ben's turn to try to stifle the tears. Only, these tears were not tears of gratitude. These burned like acid as he held them back. "No Kim." He said pushing the money back into her hand, "I can't." Kim could not see the embarrassment in his eyes, Ben hid it well from her.
"Yes you can Ben," insisted Kim. "Now, don't make me feel bad about this. Just take it." Ben finally shoved it deep into the pockets of his grimy jeans to prevent the discussion from continuing. "Here," Kim offered and shoved the tray of food across to Ben.
"I can't eat all this," Ben said looking at the tray of greasy food. "What are you up to Kim?"
"Me?" Kim said sounding a little too innocent, smiling. "Go on. From now on, you and I are going to try to put things right again." Ben sat. He picked up a fry and eyed it before popping it into his mouth. It wasn't long before hunger began to rule the moment.
"What do you mean, put things right?" he mumbled around a couple of more fries. "You gonna hire a hit man to whack my Dad?" Then Ben remembered that Kim was going to go talk to that old fuck that had given them the mask and Ben's eyes lit up, "You talked to him-"
"Yep." Kim said proudly. "And you were right, it's stuck. You can't take it off."
Ben slumped down in his chair, "Oh…" Ben said broken hearted. "I'm sorry."
Kim stopped him by putting her hand up. "That's not the end."
"Huh?" Ben asked perking up.
"Eat, I'll talk." Ben nodded and picked up the cheeseburger. Kim watched smiling. She took a fast inventory of what she'd chosen for him to eat and scowled, "Hum…"
"Wath?" Ben asked around yet another mouthful of burger and bun.
"I think next time, a few more vegetables might be in order." Ben happily held up a few fries, "Brussels sprouts," she said seriously.
"Thanks Mom, you picked the stuff out." Ben said sarcastically.
"Eat," Kim insisted pointing to his food. "Okay, Maurice said," Ben questioned the unknown name with a confused look, "That's his name, Maurice. Anyway, he said that when I promised to got the prom with you, the mask got locked on. There's no way to get it off, unless… I fulfill that promise I made to you." Ben listened intently. He's in fact gathering mode. Kim noted. There was no affect in his face. She had switched on the old Ben somehow.
"So I have to take you to the prom." Ben said distractedly.
"No Ben." Kim informed him sadly. "If I wanted the mask off then I'd have to go to the prom with you. I don't think I can let that happen."
The cheeseburger he had just picked up slowly fell away from Ben's hand. "What you do mean? We're not going back?"
Kim took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "My father is still alive." Ben understood the implications immediately. "You see, I don't think we were meant to go back. This thing has been conspiring to keep us here, like this, since we slipped into these lives. The stakes keep getting higher and higher Ben."
"But…" Ben began to protest.
"I can't pay that kind of price. Hell Ben, I thought when Bobby got hurt I could make it all right again. I mean, first the mask got stuck, then Kirk wanted to make me some sort of slave, then Bobby…" Kim flashed angrily for a moment. "I wanted to go home. I still want to. I never wanted to be a girl. But this… Ben. I can't do that to him. He's my Dad."
Ben's face flushed and Kim thought for a moment that he was angry with her. Before, as a guy, Tim would have become angry right back in defense of his own emotions. Now, Kim could see yet another mile marker of her transformation. She didn't want Ben to be angry with her for this. He wanted him to understand. He wanted him to be happy for her. This seemed almost as important to her as her father still being alive.
Ben surprised her when he smiled a warm, inviting smile. "I'm glad Kim." Kim's hands were folded on the table before her. Ben wiped his and then reached out and took them, squeezing them gently. "You don't have to worry about me trying to change your mind. I'd do anything you asked me to do."
Kim looked up at the ceiling of the cafeteria. She had to pull her hands away and use them to cover her mouth. Ben watched her, proud of himself for holding back the anger at her selfishness. He didn't want to hurt her and the joy she had found in getting her father back. Even for Tim, that had been a devastating blow. Somehow Ben would figure out how to get around his father, to live the life of the unwanted. He was not the only one out there who had been pushed to the back burner of everyone else's priorities. Someone had benefited from his mistake this time. Someone had come out on top. More importantly, it was someone he cared deeply about.
Ben discovered something else. He found he didn't love Kim the way he thought he had. She was a friend, not much more, surprisingly becoming less by the day. Who was to say how he would feel about her next year. She was becoming self absorbed, deep in his recollection he knew that Kim Glass could be like that. Tim and Kim were indeed very different people. Still, he was able to find genuine happiness in his heart for her. She was beautiful when she was happy and it was a feast for his tired eyes to see her so joyful.
Still, the news had somehow soured his appetite. The idea of being here, permanently with Abs turned his gut. He fought not to let his fear and hate for his father show and spoil her moment.
"Thank you Ben," Kim said, her voice cracking into a high pitched squeal. "Thank you…" She laughed with relief, "I thought…"
"What?"
"I don't know. I just thought you'd be so mad at me."
Ben shook his head, "I'm sorry you'd think that. I must have been a really rotten friend." Now Kim could not speak. She could only shake her head and grope for his hands. "Don't cry," Ben begged. "It'll be Okay. I promise. You've got your Dad back. That's such a great thing."
Kim nodded, her face gratefully pinched, her mouth smiling, her eyes turned down in that crying sort of happy tears thing girls do. God, she's going to be a fucking knockout. I hope we're still friends by then.
"Here," Ben handed her a napkin and Kim dried her sodden eyes with it.
Kim squeaked, "Thanks." Soon however it became apparent she was overcome with emotion. As much as she fought to maintain control, she simply was not going to be able to hide the relief, the happiness and the feeling that something she really needed from him had been given so freely to her. "Oh," soon she was flailing her hands trying to fight it back but losing that battle. "Excuse me," she said and fled the table in the direction of the ladies room.
When he felt it was safe, Ben allowed his façade to drop. What replaced it was as stark as the surface of Mars. Ben began to breathe heavily, nearly hyperventilating. The color of his face changed from an almost normal flesh tone to ashen. His eyes sunk in noticeably and a few sitting around him figured him for a patient that had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. Looking around, Ben got up looking for an escape route. He would not be able to wait for her at the table. Hopefully he would be able to recover before she found him. He did not want to spoil the atmosphere he had helped her create. Fresh air… something… anything… just don't let her see how afraid you are!
Standing, Ben felt certain he would pass right out. He'd be here, face down in a pile of fries when she got back. No, that will never do… GET OUT NOW!
Ben's feet followed the order to move and a moment later, he crashed through an exterior door into a shaded parking area. Immediately, he began to feel better. Not great, but better. Ben moved out into the fading Wednesday sun near a side street and sat on a crosstie wall. There he recovered his breath and nearly all his color. Just in time too as Kim came calling for him, poking her head out the door and calling his name.
"Over here," Ben cried out.
Kim bounced happily over to where he sat. "Whacha doing out here? Your food's gettin' cold."
"I needed a little air. Hospital's give me the heebie-jeebies," Ben said using a convenient excuse. It wasn't quite a lie. Ben, like Kim had seen his fair share of hospitals in his lifetime. Not quite for the same reasons, most of Ben's visits had not included aftercare. His visits were limited to emergency room and trauma.
"Can I sit here?" Kim asked looking at the empty space on the crosstie wall beside Ben. Ben nodded and was happily surprised when she sat hip to hip with him. "There, that's cozy," Kim smiled.
"Hum." Ben agreed, finding that sometimes words were not necessary.
"Ben," she began, "I know you must be surprised. Probably a little frightened too, right?" Ben shrugged. "We'll always be friends Ben. I'll help you out. I'll help you get out." Kim didn't have to elaborate.
"I don't think you can help me there Kim," Ben answered. "I can't leave my mother there."
"But Ben, don't you think she'd want…"
"Kim," Ben said in a very level, mature tone. "No. Thank you, but no. Here or there, this life, or that oth…" Ben exhaled giving up. "She's sacrificed everything she might have had for herself to give it to me. I will not leave her on her own."
"Then money… I can get…" Kim counter offered.
"He'll find it Kim. He'll find it and take it and drink it all up. Then he'll beat her for giving it to me or he'll beat me up for taking it. He won't care which way it is. He won't care if he's wrong. It'll all be for nothing.
It was Kim's turn to protest, "But…"
"We'll be fine," Ben assured her tenderly. "We've made it this far together. We'll be fine where ever we end up. All I want is to make sure we stay friends."
"I feel like you have to get something out of this deal." Kim cried desperately. "I'm walking away with everything"
"You should," Ben agreed. "I think its fare you get everything. I took so much from you. I made you put the mask on. I changed you into a girl! Now you're going to have to stay like this… You should get something really nice for all that. I'd give it to you myself if I could. I just don't have anything like that you want. So this is fair. What I want now is for you to be as happy as you want to be."
Kim listened calmly. Her face expressed nothing but soft repose as she waited patiently for Ben to finish. Ben was nearly swept away in the color of her eyes. A soft, warm breeze tugged gently at her platinum hair, carrying with it the gentle fragrance of her perfume. That breeze caressed his face, teased his nose with the endless fantasy of what the future might bring for the lucky man who captured the heart of this girl. Her hair swirled, animating her face as she sat smiling at him with her soft skin and her seamless beauty. There was nothing left of the boy he had once known. In his place was this perfect being, tender and loving in her presence, perhaps a bit selfish in a childish way, but what would such a beautiful woman as this be without her child like ways? She was almost perfect. For a fleeting moment, Ben could almost understand Kirk's animal obsession with her.
Ben looked away for a moment, sad that she could not be his. This was not a question of self-loathing or low self-esteem. He didn't love her. Kim would not love him. She could not BE in love with him. Love was an impenetrable wall between them that could not be breeched. He did not know why this was and it made him angry.
What he did know is that with the memory of all the distrust, all the distaste and hate handed to him like so much rancid meat for his emotional meal each day, he wanted something genuine. He wanted it to be real, to be, as the Wizard himself had put it, magical. It did exist! Love for him must exist somewhere out there for him as well. Someone that would actually care about him, someone he could give that back to in grand bouquets of affection.
I'll be damned, Ben thought amused, that old fucker was right.
Soon he was able to shake the feeling of loss. The thing he thought he wanted and found he would never be happy with. This girl named Kim. He shrugged it off the way a child might shake the disappointment of losing a new penny. The dissatisfaction gave way to the resignation of fact and it was soon forgotten. When he turned to face her, she was still smiling at him. His look away had been no more alarming to her than that of a man seeking to put his thoughts in order before speaking. So he did, "Kim, you can't spend time now trying to make my life right. Be my friend. I think I can handle the rest."
Kim lurched backward to gain perspective on who and what she was observing. Her look was one of curious regard, "You've changed," Kim said smiling.
"So have you," Ben replied and Kim barked an unexpected laugh. "Come on. I'm sure you're Mom is wondering where you are." He took her hand and began to stand. Kim however pulled him back down beside her.
"I want to do something," she told him. Her face was serious but still in that soft focus.
"What?" Ben asked warily, his left eyebrow cocked suspiciously high over his eye.
"Just shut up and come here." Kim said and pulled him close. Before he could, cough, shit or go blind, Kim had her lips pressed tightly to his, her face turned at just a slight angle. He watched, sockeyed at close quarters, as Kim's eyes fluttered shut and her head undulated softly to some unheard rhythm. Instinctively his hand found the back of her neck. When he drew her in he could hear her inhale deeply, sharply in the passion of the moment. It was the first kiss of Ben's life, the first real kiss. It was also the first voluntary kiss Kim had given since her change. Both however seemed to dance through this as though their young lives had been filled with the benefit of years of practice.
When they parted, Ben followed her as she backed away to a point where he almost toppled right off the crosstie wall onto the sidewalk underfoot. When he opened his eyes Kim was there, smiling. The rouge of blush rising deeply on her cheeks, made even brighter by her pale complexion. "I just wanted to say thanks in a way that really said it, you know, for being understanding." she said laying her hand over his.
Ben swallowed, the ghost of an Adam's apple working up and down in his neck, "Well" he croaked, "you're welcome." It was right about then they noticed Tom Glass standing on the sidewalk not far away. He was grinning to himself, trying not to look intrusive.
"Daddy?"
"Oh," Tom exclaimed, pretending to be startled. "Kimmy, there you are…"
"How long have you been there?" she asked suspiciously.
Tom smiled softly, "Long enough. Hey Ben," he said extending his hand as he approached. "Long time no see. How are ya?"
Ben took Tom's firm grip in his own and shook vigorously. "I'm good, thanks to Kim."
"I heard. My Princess is quite the hero. You didn't do too badly yourself coming forward and rescuing her from suspicion. Thank you Ben."
This news was a surprise, something Cindy had not shared with Kim. "What's this?"
Ben looked down at his hands, "It's nothing really," he said. "Lindsay tried to make it look like you got off on making Kirk jealous. I just told them what really happened, that's all."
"Well," Tom said gratefully, "It may seem like only the truth. But I've known a lot of people that would have done nothing in the same place. Thank you Ben." Ben only smiled a humble smile in return.
"So," Tom changed the subject. "I hear you two are going to your first prom together. That's excellent!"
"Ah actually," Ben said. "I think that under the circumstances it might be best if Kim could be free to be with her brother." Kim was floored. Ben was taking the responsibility for canceling their date. It was a date wasn't it. After today, it was officially a date, and you spoiled it for him.
"Well, there's still time. A few hours out of one night" Tom began.
"I'm sure her heart isn't in it right now. I mean, it's been a pretty devastating two days. It's not a problem."
"Kim?" Tom asked.
Now she felt guilty, why didn't she want to go, really? All she had to do was simply not let Ben take the mask off afterward. She could stay as long as she wanted couldn't she? Could Ben force her to take it off if she didn't want that? Would he try such a thing? She didn't think so. So what was she afraid of?
"I suppose we could…" she said skeptically.
"See!" Tom said happily.
Holy shit! Kim thought, He genuinely likes Ben! This is wonderful! Things felt different suddenly, not so off kilter. Before the world seemed to have been spinning off its axis, wobbling though it's orbit. Had fluidity been restored?
Why don't you just sleep with him? He can't do that if he takes the mask off, once he it's done he won't be able to ever again.
Kim dismissed the aberrant idea. She couldn't just sleep with him, could she?
Ben squashed the idea though and Kim couldn't understand why. "No I think it's probably best that we don't plan to do that. Kim's had a pretty bad experience. I don't want to do anything make things more complicated."
"Don't I get a say-"
"No," Ben said as gently as he could, cutting off her thought. "I don't think you do this time. It's like we said, everything will be just fine."
Both Tom and Kim seemed a bit put off that Ben would simply reject the possibility of going out of hand the way he had. Tom however said nothing, not completely surprised by Ben;s gentle reaction. He had not been coarse about it, or mean. Tom was sure that somewhere inside of him, Ben was also a little hurt. But he seemed to have Kim's best interest at heart, and that comforted him.
The Ben he had known before moving away had always been a thoughtful, shy but friendly lad. Tom had liked him and had done his best to include him in family outings when possible. Abs had made that difficult. Conversations with Cindy in the past had revealed little about the man Ben had become. Cindy and Susan had slowly drifted apart after that awful incident in their front yard when the kids had been so small. He had supposed there had not been much news about Ben afterward, and Tom had never asked.
Ben seemed to have grown in to just as thoughtful of a man in spite of his father and Tom was glad to see that Kim and Ben were still friends and still watching each other's backs.
The three of them walked together back to Robert's room where they found Susan and Cindy chattering away about this and that. They both turned when the three came back in and smiled. "There you are." Cindy said. "I thought you'd all gone on vacation. together."
"Nope," Tom said, "safari."
"Very funny," Cindy scolded. Tom looked at the kids and simply shrugged. Cindy noticed that Kim seemed a bit out of sorts, looking a little sad. "Everything Okay?"
It was Tom who answered the question. "Well," he began, "It seems that given the gravity of things, the kids have decided to forego the dance this year."
"So you two talked about this already?" Cindy now seemed confused.
"Down stairs when we were eating." Ben said, "Oh, by the way, here's your change." Ben fished around and pulled the remaining change, and Kim's twenty. "She went and got a table while I got the food. Thank you." Ben dumped the money in Cindy's hand and added, "I think that twenty belongs to Kim."
Kim narrowed her eyes at Ben for exposing her deceit. Ben grinned lightly to himself but only spared a glance at Kimberly. The day was ending. Ben had somehow emerged the moral victor from the struggle between two egos. Kim, in spite of everything she thought she'd gained, now had another life on her hands. How had that happened? Ben was still at the center of everything they did together, only this time he had managed to become the selfless victim, the martyr and Kim wasn't even sure it was deliberate. He seemed to accept his plight happily for the sake of her happiness exclusively. Kim felt ashamed.
The atmosphere for Kim was taking on a finality that she didn't like. If someone had asked her, she might have said it felt as though a door was closing. Suddenly, Kim felt she had to put her foot in that door before it swung completely shut. She was certain that if she turned her back on it and let is slam shut, she would never be able to open it again.
Susan sighed, "We should probably think about going home."
Cindy smiled warmly at her old friend, "Thank you for coming down here…"
As the two friends embraced and exchanged farewells, Kim tugged Ben's shirt to get his attention. "Come with me," Kim said softly but firmly, her teeth mashed together. Taking Ben's hand she practically dragged him from the room. Once in the hall way she hissed, "What are you doing?" she demanded.
"We were leaving," Ben pointed out, turning toward the open door to Robert's pod. "I think Mom wants-"
"That's not what I'm talking about. Why did you give the money back?"
"I thought we talked about that," Ben maintained a even tone. "I never had any intention of keeping that. I put it in my pocket so you'd think I was. I could tell you weren't going to let it go."
"I still want to help Ben." Kim admitted shamefaced.
"You can't." The finality of his words bit hard in her emotions leaving a deep and vicious impression. "I appreciate that you want to. Believe me, that really means to world to me. The fact is, it could just make things worse. We'll cruise along like we are. It'll be Okay."
Kim sighed. "We can still go to the dance Ben. I guess I acted a little hasty. I just wanted to make sure… You know, that nothing happened."
Ben only nodded
"It's like Dad said, it's just for a couple of hours." Inside a name floated to the surface of her pool of thoughts. Judas… The sound of the name moaned hauntingly in her mind's ear, casting a frost upon her heart. She could almost hear the sound of thirty pieces of sliver chime musically as they bounced off the floor.
He regarded her for a moment. He then smiled cheerfully, "It's Okay Kim. There's too much pressure on you now as it is. I appreciate it. I know how hard it must be to swallow your pride and tell me you really want to go."
"No, Ben… You don't understand."
"I do though. I'm not hurt Kim. Look around you. I can see how totally weird things have gotten."
"Ben, God damn it! Just stop talking for a minute--"
Cindy walked out the observation pod, "Ready Ben."
"Yep, think so." He turned to Kim and opened his arms. "Take care."
Kim stood there, not moving for a minute. She was so mad at him then and there she felt the impulse to reach out and punch him. Instead, she assumed an awkward pose, hips jutted to the just left, her upper torso slightly to the right, hands askew, her body begging for an answer to the wordless question, Why are you doing this?
Just as Ben was about to give up Kim moved into his embrace, afraid that if the rejected this too, she might never see him again. "I hope Robert get's better soon."
"Ben…" she whispered. But Ben had released her from his arms.
"I gotta go." He surprised her by taking her left hand, raising it to his lips and kissing it. Then he was gone, down the hall around the corner with his mother before Kim could react.
"I'm sorry Ben," she whispered to an empty hallway.
Now something more than just guilt began to creep in. That feeling that the world has once again slipped out of fluidity was back. She could almost felt the Earth's uneven warbling beneath her feet. Perhaps it was just her imagination, but somehow, she didn't think so.
Time is the enemy of all things. Mountains crumble with its ravages. Stars expire in a fiery display of cosmic pyrotechnics or they implode into vacuous black holes. Rivers cut great furrows in the once solid rock on which life gained its first foot hold. Each minute brings us all closer to the ultimate end. These things are never far from our minds as we meander through life trying to make the best choices we can, often finding out too late that irreversible mistakes had been made in the heat of any passionate moment.
Time also leaves us alone with the possible consequences of our decisions long before their impact is ever realized. These are the things Kim, as a woman, prone to worry as women are, was left to contend with deep in the night when she had no other companion to comfort her than that of her own words. The implications of remaining as she was now played out before her, love, marriage, pregnancy, children. Each thought, each scenario brought with it images of submission, of invasion, of a responsibility that she was still not accustom to facing as HER fate, her natural place in the order of the engendered world.
She was fraught with panic attacks that left her, at times, unable to breathe or believing she might be suffering a heart-attack. Doubt of her ability to remain as she was, trapped forever in this life crept into the high water mark of her heart, black, putrid swamp water, full of leaches, deadly to the spirit. Even the knowledge that returning to her life before this would send her father back to his grave could not keep the fear spiders from finding her in the night.
In between the night sweats and the self-doubt life rolled on, dragging them all along with it for the ride. Kim remained by Robert's side, in shifts, for three weeks intermittently relieving her mother from her self imposed night watch. Kim stayed with her father in the evenings, taking every available moment to be with him when she wasn't with Robert so her mother could get some rest.
After a week, Robert was stable enough to be moved to a private room.
By the end of the second week, Robert was conscious of what those around him were saying. He was told about his injury when his family and doctors felt he would be able to understand the nature of just how badly he was hurt. Before that, as he was becoming aware, they had simply told him he had been badly hurt in a fall and left out much of the details When the news was delivered, Kim was dashed to see the horrible disappointment that filled his still blood filled eyes. She had knelt beside his bed and begged him to forgive her.
The halo brace had prevented him from seeing her in her anguish as she knelt there weeping. This was probably best. It would have broken his spirit to see first hand what this was doing to her. Unable to speak clearly yet, he had fumbled with his damaged right hand until he located her chin. He then coaxed her to her feet, gently lifting up on her chin until she understood he wanted her to stand. He tired to position her where he could see her face, but the brace was almost always in the way of is field of vision. He began patting his chest with is good hand and pointing to Kim. He repeated this several times but Kim had no idea what he was trying to say. "I'm sorry Bobby. I don't understand."
Robert added a gesture as their father entered the room. He slapped feebly at his chest as before, made a fist and swung it around as best he could and then pointed to Kimberly. "Yes Bobby. I know you want to kill me, I don't blame you." Robert growled in frustration, looking desperately to his father.
"I think he's trying to tell you that it was his job to protect you." Robert held his one good hand out flat, outstretched to his father as if to say, Thank you, it's about fucking time!
"Not like this Bobby. I'm just sorry. I should have gone to the store with you. I should have known Kirk was…" As she professed apologies on him again, Robert once more began to wave his fist around and point to her. "I know you think it was your job to protect me…"
Tom put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. "Uh, no Princess," Tom advised, "Now he's saying, if you don't shut up he's going to kill you." Robert made the same hand gesture as before to his father. Tom hooked his pinky finger in Robert's, they shook once, each made a fist, bumped knuckles and then acted as if nothing had happened. Tom sat and watched the news. Robert tried to nap as best he could. Kim could only stare gape mouthed at the nuances of a world to which she was now denied entry, the world of father and son.
Kim was in with her friend Sarah for the first week or so. They talked on the phone, exchanged news on Robert's condition, condolences and well wishes from friends at school. According to Sarah, there were no real hard feelings toward Kim as far as she could see.
Tom's younger brother, Phillip came for a two day visit. Cindy's twin sister Margaret came for support but had to leave and care for her own family after only one day.
Friends continued to call, concerned about both Kim and Robert. Eventually, the flowers and cards dwindled to a trickle. Kim kept their friends at school informed through Sarah. There was still much of the familiar banter between the two. Talk was comfortable until the subject of Ben came up. Sarah visited twice. Each time she brought sandwiches for the family. She had sat and talked with Kim, nibbled at a few chips and mostly talked about the gossip at school.
On the first visit, Kim asked how Ben was doing, if Sarah had been keeping an eye on him and Sarah confirmed that she had been. The news was that some of the guys at school were a little angry at Ben about Kirk. Sarah figured it was easier for some of them to be mad at Ben than at Kim or Kirk. "I think some of these people would have been mad at him if he'd just been standing around close by when it all happened," Sarah had confided. "But he's been really sweet. He doesn't pay any attention to it. I guess it's all that conditioning from years of abuse."
On the second visit however, Sarah seemed to deliberately avoid the subject of Ben. Kim was finally able to coax out just a smidgen of information. Ben was good. Most everyone was leaving him alone and that was really about it. During the conversation, Sarah refused to meet Kim's eyes, instead digging for change in her purse for a soda or some other such thing until the subject was closed. When they parted, Kim couldn't help but feel that Ben had been too much of a responsibility for poor Sarah.
The fact was that Sarah was a rich kid. She came from a family of rich kids, generations of them. Her father, Harvard Beckock was a successful business man and a member of 100 Black Men of Middle Tennessee, an off shoot of the organization 100 Black Men of Atlanta.
Sarah was well bred, beautiful and smart. She was also pampered. Still she had few dates because her father insisted on approving of all her dates prior to being allowed to go out with anyone. Sarah had once lamented to Kim that an interview with her father must be as difficult as military induction, prosecution for murder, a job interview with Donald Trump and selection for Sainthood by the Catholic Church. "I fully expect to be single until I'm 65." Sarah had groused bitterly.
Ben's poverty was so overwhelming it was more than Ben could deal with. It was just an uncomfortable situation for some to have to confront in person. Kim suspected that Sarah was just that kind of person.
Soon however, even Sarah stopped coming by. Like it or not, life went on and no matter how you looked at it, hospitals were not the venue of the living. Kim was too focused on Robert's recovery to worry too much about Sarah's absence. She needed a handle on just how well he was going to get. A part from her own misgivings concerning her "condition", Robert's recover was an enormous burden she could not shake. He recovered some of his voice during beginning of his third week. Here, Robert hit the wall.
Beyond additional healing of his scars and what bruising was left, there was not much else that could be done for him until he was well enough for his surgery. Physical therapy could not start until his leg was healed and his bone graphs to his neck were complete and healed.
With that, all there was left was to wait. By that time unfortunately, Kim only had six days left to change her mind and stop the torment.
-*-
Ben, on the other hand, had come full circle. With Kim's decree that she could not bring herself to once more consign her father to the ground, Ben found himself once more locked in the position of being relegated to the status of unwanted.
We've all seen them. Perhaps some of us have been them. In adulthood this status often changes to what we make of it. But in school, we are cast in the harsh molten mold of how others see us and want us to be, especially in the glaring light of their vast numbers.
He walked alone though the lunchroom the after his conversation with Kim at the hospital. In his hands was a lunch tray. On it sat his meager provisions, the minimum one meal nutritional requirement as specified by the Great State of Tennessee. It was a gift of sorts, something politicians nation wide allocated to underprivileged children of their districts to give everyone the illusion that their benevolent Senators and Congressmen cared deeply about their constituents. The contents of Ben's only regular mean had been hashed out in heated debate by Tennessee law makers over a seafood buffet, salmon flown in from Alaska, lobster from Maine, prawns from the North Pacific, and an assortment of scallops and oysters from Florida and the Carolina's. All of which was provided happily by the taxpayers of a grateful nation.
On the far side of the school cafeteria was a lonely, isolated set of tables where the less functional, the less accepted sat in relative safety from the movers and shakers of the schools general population. Andy McGilfey, also known as Filthy McGilfey was there. An unfortunate child with a perspiration and pimple plague so terrible, he was almost always greasy with sweat, even in the coolest of temperatures.
Mary Cotton, a girl with mild autism was there, sitting alone, isolated not only by her disorder, but also by the unaccepted children of the social pecking order. She was prone to what seemed to be angry bursts of aggression when confronted or cornered. These were, in fact, neurological storms. Electrical bursts of energy produced by a brain that could not properly channel that energy appropriately. Nearly every one except Ben called her "Rotten Mary Cotton".
Another boy, Bobby Lutz was a victim of Ben and Kimberly's little paradox. In Tim's world, Lutz had been a handsome, long haired, charismatic boy. Good with small talk, popular with the girls, Bobby never seemed to be without a girl on his arm. He was the son of a landscaper and he helped out in the family business after school and weekends.
Here however, Bobby had fallen victim to a gasoline flashover while fueling one of his father's industrial sized lawn mowers. For two years he suffered through painful skin grafts that left him horribly disfigured. "Hey Bob," Ben said as he sat down, setting his tray down across the table from the human scar others referred to as Burnt Bob.
Bob looked up, the scars of his many surgeries on his neck straining like mighty cables on a suspension bridge. He smiled a perfectly horrible smile that made Ben want to flee. He didn't though, nor did he avert his eyes like so many others. "Hey Ben. How's Kimberly?"
"Saw her yesterday. She's good. Her brother though…" Ben trailed off, unable to finish.
"Yeah, I heard." Burnt Bob paused for a moment, "You guys still going to the prom?"
"Naw." It was all the information Ben offered.
"Oh," Bob said simply. Bob was keenly aware how people like himself and Ben were treated, how rejection felt in the face of such unlikely fortune. Bob let the conversation end there, unwilling to pour salt in Ben's open wound by pursuing the matter further. Few of the kids spoke to one another, their outcast status driving their faces to their plates as they ate, unwilling to risk the danger of being called out, even among themselves. This section of the lunchroom was called The Island of Misfit Toys by most. Even so, for 45 minutes, they could enjoy peace and freedom from the unknown of everything else in between. This almost made it seem worth the terrible moniker.
"Hi Ben," a sweet, soft voice said from behind him. For a moment, he thought it was Kim and Ben spun around to see. But it wasn't Kim. It was Sarah Becklock, Kim's best friend.
"Ah… hi Sarah."
"Kim called last night," Sarah began, a little nervously, "said you went to see her."
"Yeah. She's doing real good."
Sarah stood uncomfortably with her tray and an awkward pile of books beneath that, patiently. "She puts on a good front I think. I'm pretty sure it got to her, though. I just don't think she knows it yet."
"I sure hope not."
"Me too," Sarah agreed. Oddly, Sarah didn't leave. She stood right there expectantly waiting for something Ben could not fathom. When the silence between them became uncomfortable, she asked, "Can I sit down?"
"Wha… Oh sure. Sorry," Ben fumbled quickly to clear a space for her and Sarah sat down gracefully. Beneath her tray were three geometry books for her next class. Ben carefully took the books from her, setting them aside. Ben was acutely aware of the stares that Sarah's presence on The Island were beginning to earn. Several of the Misfits began to move stealthily away in anticipation of an ambush attack.
"Geometry, I hate it." Sarah complained as she began to pick at her food, a plate that was decidedly different from Ben's.
"Geometry's a snap. Need some help?" It was precisely the answer she had hoped for. It had come much faster than she had expected though.
"I wouldn't want to impose." Sarah said coyly.
"Please…" Ben pushed a side his tray, not really interested in the canned corn, too small buttered roll and state issued fish sticks. He pulled the books closer and said, "Where are you having trouble?"
For the next 30 minutes Ben conducted a hastily tutoring session that had more useful information in it than the last six months of class had been for Sarah. This was an unexpected bonus considering that she had used it as merely an excuse to introduce herself formally to Ben. Bob and the other so called misfits sat and listened as the two vanished into a world where only existed.
At the bell, Ben picked up Sarah's books and offered to carry them to her next class. Old fashioned, yes, but still a useful ploy when experience is missing. Sarah however, didn't seem in a hurry to push him away and Ben basked in the warm, soft light of what felt like true human kindness.
With in a week Sarah and been had become close friends. He even began accepting rides to and from school from her, choosing to swallow his pride and admit his shame to be with her. Sarah saw no shame in this at all and greeting him enthusiastically with a smile each morning.
Slowly things changed for Ben in that week. He began to become accepted in the other social circles of the school. People began to talk to him, engaging him in the hall on his way to class. It amounted to nothing more than a few well placed niceties, but it was refreshing for Ben to here, "Hey Ben, how ya doing?" or "Yo," followed by a passing handshake. On the order of how kids are seen in the hallowed halls of high schools across the country, this was a clear indication that Ben was no longer considered an outcast.
It wasn't long before Ben and Sarah were seen together all the time between classes. The hand holding began a week and a half after Sarah approached him. At first Ben was self-conscious about it. But Sarah was patient. She understood that this was new territory for Ben and her soothing confidence evened the rocky road for Ben's previously injured self-esteem until he was confident enough in him self to be more aggressive in his desire for her. She found Ben funny. He was a vast departure from her cultured world of Southern grace, formal cotillions and lawn socials. He had an edge upon which she wanted very badly to open herself.
If Ben had these things, it was a mystery to him.
Within two weeks, she had encouraged him enough to let her take him shopping. The plan was to get him spiffed up to meet Harvard Becklock, Sarah's father. Sarah had struck more than just a passing fancy on Ben. She had somehow taken Kim's request to watch over him as an opportunity to get to know him, and had managed to be swept away by Ben.
Even when Sarah eventually persuaded her father to meet Ben, he was able to make a very positive impression on Mr. Becklock. He was invited to dinner and the customary Spanish Inquisition interview her father gave all prospective dates. Harvard was surprised to find Ben was causation. He was even more surprised that Ben was the son of their local neighborhood bad boy, Abs Ackerman. But Ben's easy temperament around Sarah had transformed him from a bumbling, shy, nervous wreck, to a calm, articulate and intelligent conversationalist.
While Ben didn't aim to impress Harvard, his goal was to simply get through the meal without making a fool of himself. By the end of the evening the two were talking like old friends. Ben's friendly, almost innocent demeanor had begun to convince Sarah's father that he might actually be a thoughtful, polite young man cast in an unwilling and unfair mold. Ben further impressed Harvard by insisting to take the bus home. He had not wanted Sarah in his neighborhood after dark. Sarah insisted and Harvard eventually intervened, driving Ben home himself. On the way there, Harvard and Ben had a small heart to heart.
"You know Ben, I feel the need to be frank with you. I don't care where you come from. Hard circumstances don't necessarily make a bad person."
"Thank you Sir. I think I understand what you're about to say."
"You do?"
"Yes Sir. I think you're about to tell me my family has a history, a rather ugly one."
"Since we're on the subject…" Harvard admitted.
"I wish we didn't. My mother is a decent person Mr. Becklock. It's my Dad that has the history. I'm not like him. I'm not going to be like him. I hope I can prove that to you."
"Me too son. Sarah means the world to me. You can understand my concerns, can't you?"
Ben was thoughtful for a moment, he then admitted, "Yes Sir, I think I can."
They drove along in silence. Ben pointed out the broken down duplex apartment building where he lived and Harvard pulled his Lexus over. "Ben, I was nice meeting you."
"It was nice meeting you too Sir," returned Ben. He opened the door and began to step out, when he stopped. Turning in his seat, Ben said, "Mr. Becklock. If you don't want me to continue to seeing Sarah, I understand. I can't say that I'd like it much, but I know you love her. I love her too. If it's in her best interest that we not be together, then I'll back off."
Harvard extended his hand and Ben took it. They shook, "Let's see how things go first Ben. She likes you a lot. I've been on the wrong side of prejudice before, it's an ugly thing. I hope I've learned something from my experiences. I'd hate to think that I'm not smarter than I was 20 years ago. You just remember that she's my little girl. She always will be."
"I think I can do that," Ben confided, "Thank you Sir. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Ben." With that, Ben got out and closed the door. Harvard watched Ben as he vanished through the door of his apartment shaking his head. Of all the people his daughter could have chosen to become involved with, Ben had to have been the most unlikely character he could have ever imagined her falling for. She was rarely wrong in her assessment of people. Sarah had a gift there, no doubt about it, but Ben Ackerman, how odd.
-*-
Kim returned to school after three weeks with four days left before the prom. Her parents decided this when Kimberly began talking in her sleep. While they could not make out exactly what she was saying, they could imagine it must be the tortured soul of a young girl being forced to grow up too quickly for her own good.
On the few times they intruded to listen as she slept, all they were able to discern were garbled mumblings and one terrified yelp. Something of a more normal existence, something other than sitting with her crippled brother each and every day might distract her, just a little, from the train wreck that their lives had become.
It was true, she was upset at night. Her father was the barrier that was preventing her from restoring Robert to his former glory. But she couldn't tell him that any more than she could tell him that in another life, she had been his youngest son, Timothy. She couldn't say, You died in a plane crash… then this man, a magician really, he gave me this mask. I became your daughter…see I used to be your son, Tim and then… What? Why are you looking at me that way? It happened, I swear!
She could only confide that she worried endlessly about her brother. This was certainly true for all of them, but Kim was also racked with uncertainty. Her brother's future was at stake here as was Ben's to some degree. She was the key to something much better for each of them. This was something she didn't want the responsibility for.
She had to some how stop the torment in her head before it drove her crazy. The decision she had made with Ben was one she feared she might not be able to live with. Time was her enemy and there was precious little of it. Soon, the clock would make that choice. Then, like it or not there would be no second chances.
The construct is far more complex than can be expressed in plain words. In a very real sense, the responsibility for her family's health as well as who and what they all became, now rested solely on Kim's shoulders. Each of its other members were blissfully unaware that the real head of the household was its junior member. It was a burden too large, too cumbersome for a girl of sixteen to carry alone.
Every so often, mild panic would rise inside of her and she would have to excuse herself and walk it off. Permanency, the idea that there were no more choices and she would have to live with the consequences of her decision was almost more than she could bear. She was uncertain if she could actually live happily as a female in spite of what that meant for everyone else in her life.
She gave real thought to the idea of trying to reverse her decision. Let Ben take her to the dance but not remove the mask. She could always make that choice later down the road, couldn't she? There was the little matter of all things that get in the way at times, promises that must be made in the course of everyday living. These things could trap her while she sat around trying to choose just as easily as her promise to go to the prom with Ben had. Apathy eventually takes control of all things. Routine makes us careless and comfortable that we have mastered the moment. One slip, one promise could lock the mask back on for a month, a year, God for bid; a decade. In the space between, if Ben died or moved away, wouldn't she be just as trapped?
The real question in her mind as she fought with herself was Who do I throw off the cliff?
The answer that almost always came back was Ahhh, that my dear girl is the question of the century.
These thoughts began to develop into a sort of plan. It was an idea that held hope of giving her enough time to see what the future would bring to either of her worlds and to choose, if she had to, a life that would be the best suited for her wants. With the Prom only days away, she readied herself, even taking time to let her father purchase a dress for the event. Just in case.
Kim had not stopped to consider why Ben had been conspicuously absent since she informed him of her decision. She was confident that she could convince him to take her. This was Ben after all. She was what he had gotten into this for in the first place.
But Tom knew Kim had unwittingly cut him, deeply. Tom suspected that it would take a lot to get Ben to reveal his wound to Kim again. If he were to do such a thing, how likely was it that she might cut him yet again in that same as of yet, unhealed gash? Tom couldn't say. Telling Kim might brace her for the disappointment; it might just as well submerge her in an even deeper funk.
The day she returned, the air was bright and clear. Summer was on the breeze, but the mornings were still cool in mid May in the mountains, but that would soon give way to days of still air and oppressive heat. Southern thunderstorms call frog stranglers in these parts would batter them once the heat of the day had had its way, leaving only steamy, thick humidity in its wake. For now however, the days were still nice. What little snow they had gotten in the winter was long gone and the landscape was rich with green and vibrant life.
Kim stood on the steps of the large red brick building as students passed her, eyeing her cautiously as they passed her on their way to class. Few said anything, unsure of exactly what to say. Everyone knew what had happened. News such as that in a tight-knit community as theirs did not remain unknown by all for long. Everywhere, kids stopped her and told her they were all praying for her brother's speedy recovery.
Kim made her way awkwardly back into a realm she once ruled, one step at a time, pensive and a little frightened. Half way up the stairs, she caught sight of the back of Ben's head moving towards the open school doors. Beside him was a young dark skinned girl, wearing a pink girl's sleeve T and pink short shorts, held up by a white vinyl belt. The girls hair flounced as she happily bounced impossibly close to Ben. Kim's eyes followed the lengths of their bodies down and found the two were connected together at the hands.
Kim gasped, staggering backward a step, light headed and disbelieving. Ben's holding Sarah's hand… For a brief moment she was so happy for him. An enormous smile broke on her face.
Then the business at hand struck her as hard as a blow to the stomach. "Oh no…" Her smile faded into something more closely resembling blind panic. Instead of bounding toward them, she used every athletic skill to catch them before they vanished into the crowd. When she entered the school he was not where she thought he might be. She stood, trying to peer through the moving wall of bodies as best she could. Kim was petite, seeing for great distances in the hall was a Herculean task for someone of her diminutive stature. "Excuse me." Kim said trying to make her way past her fellow students to home room where she knew he would be. There in the hallway was a large banner in school colors hanging from the ceiling that read,
! WELCOME BACK KIMBERLY !
She didn't even see it.
Ben and Sarah however did see it. They stood directly beneath it, both staring up at it in dumbfounded dismay. Their hand still locked together, their mouths open, each of them stock still.
"Did you know she was coming back?" Ben asked without looking away from the banner. He received no answer except for a terrified look from his companion. When he finally looked away from the banner, he could see the genuine concern on Sarah's face, "What are you so worried about?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe because I never said anything to her about you, about us."
"Is that your job?" Ben asked.
"It's someone's job. Someone has to tell her, who do you think that should be?" Sarah sounded terrified.
"I'll do it," volunteered Ben. "It won't be a big deal. Believe me. It'll be Okay," Ben assured. "Bell's about to ring. I'll see her in home room. I'll tell her then. We'd better get going." Sarah nodded unsure. Looking at her frightened, doe like eyes, Ben found it impossible to have any confidence that everything was going to be Okay, "Stop looking so worried," he tried to encourage her without much luck.
She leaned in and kissed Ben softly. "Hey guys!" The sound of Kim's voice gave them both a terrible start. They jerked as if high tension wires had fallen on them, smashing their foreheads with a painful, meaty Thock. Both Ben and Sarah turned slowly, rubbing their heads in unison. "Ah, Christ!" Ben complained. "What in the…" When he saw Kim standing there, only four feet away, he suddenly understood, It's not going to be Okay.
Sarah leaned over, still holding her forehead and whispered, "I thought you were going to tell her?" Ben shook his head imperceptibly at the suggestion. At that Sarah pushed him forward a step, volunteering him for duty. "Tell her…" she hissed.
"Ah, hi Kim!" Ben said sheepishly.
"So what's up?" Kim asked. The suspicion in her voice was plain t hear.
Ben stared a second or two longer. Then his head dipped and his eyes closed. He took a deep breath and began to speak. "It's like this Kim. Sarah and I... we sorta fell in love." Ben turned his head and fumbled clumsily for Sarah's hand. He pulled her forward, beside him for strength before looking into Kim's eyes. When he did however, he wished immediately that he hadn't.
Kim's face was crestfallen. It was the saddest he'd ever seen anyone except for his mother. It dashed his heart on thin steel blades, cutting it open with a glance from her watery blue eyes. "Kim… please…"
"We were going to tell you Kimberly," Sarah pleaded, trying to reassure her friend and protect Ben at the same time. "We just didn't know…"
Kim held up her hand. She turned her head to the side and stared up at the ceiling, a maneuver Ben had seen before when Kim was overwhelmed. "I have to get to class." She left them there with those words hanging between them. They watched her dash off, her petite body soon swallowed by the river of students as they ebbed their way to wherever the current was taking them.
The stood silently for a moment until Ben finally said, "That seemed to go well."
Sarah slapped him in the chest for being an insensitive oaf. "That's mean Ben."
"What?" he cried. "What did you want me to say?"
"She obviously still cares about you." Now Sarah was getting upset. "I stole my best friend's boyfriend. Oh my God. You told me you two were just friends!"
"We ARE just friends! I swear!" Ben was desperate suddenly. He could see something he wanted, something he needed slipping away before his very eyes. The worst part was he didn't even know why.
"Then why is she so upset?" Sarah wanted to know. Ben though he knew, but that damnable mask and its curse wouldn't let him say so. Kim had had some sort of change of heart. That could be the only reason she would have been upset to see Sarah with him the way they were. "I was never her boy friend. If she ever felt that way Sarah, I didn't do anything to lead her to think so. Not once." Sarah was not convinced. "Did you ever see us in the halls together?"
"Once," Sarah spat.
"Yeah, she was busy saving my life from Kirk the Jerk. But beyond that, did you ever see her with me, at all?" Sarah thought about it. "Come on Sarah, you're her best friend. Did she ever mention me at any time to you?'
This previously undiscovered bit of logic seemed to bright her mood a trifle. "No," Sarah sniffled, "she didn't."
"Don't you think that if she liked me… you know, as her boyfriend she would have told you, I don't know, weeks ago?" Ben continued to argue. "I know you girls well enough to know that you guys talk about everything!"
Sarah turned and looked in hard in the eye. "Ben, tell me the truth. Do you like her, even a little bit?"
"Sarah, that's not fair. She's a friend of mine. She has been for a long, long time. If I answer the question that way, I'd be lying."
"Okay then, do you like her… that way. Do you love her?"
Ben smiled the most tender smile Sarah could remember ever seeing before on a man's face. If he had said nothing, she would have believed he loved only her. "No Sarah. I don't love her. And she doesn't love me. I don't know why she's acting that way. But I'm going to find out."
The last bell rang loud and alarming all around them. They were late for homeroom. For the first time in his life, Ben wasn't worried about being late. He had Sarah locked firmly in his heart. His father had not been home in weeks and without saying it, both he and Susan hoped he had died of a drug overdose someplace. Maybe he was in jail, either way, to say it out loud might summon the demon, so they remained quietly hopeful. Ben's life was different. The old man had been right about that. The mask had sure changed a lot of things. For Ben, everything that had gone before in either life was well worth the sacrifice he had made to have Sarah.
Sarah smiled a coy smile, "Okay Ben. But don't hurt her."
"I don't want to Sarah. Please believe that. But I love you. She's never had any feelings for me. If something's happened to change that, then…" Sarah eyed him carefully, "I'll explain it gently to her. She'll understand."
Sarah stood looking into his eyes for a moment longer. She then kissed him, drawing away with a gentle smile on her lips. "Okay, take me to class, Sir Knight!"
Ben whinnied wildly, holding his hands as if he held the reigns of a mighty white steed, and began to gallop away, Sarah in tow laughing, her arm curled into his. Several other straggling students stopped and stared confused as the two fled on imaginary equestrian mounts.
-*-
Kim approached the door of her homeroom class a few minutes before the bell rang and poked her head in, "Welcome back Kim," Mrs. Harper offered, "I know we all hope you're doing well."
"Thank you," Kim offered timidly. As she took her seat and organized her books for the next class, the last bell rang and the classroom formalities began.
"Well," Mrs. Harper offered, "Come on in." Kim obliged reluctantly. Her spirit seemed broken. It was no wonder, Mrs. Harper thought, having to cope with what she had and her family had been put through recently. Mrs. Harper gave Kim's family troubles not much more thought than this. She had a class to run, students to account for. "Okay, roll call. Ben Ackerman?"
There was no answer, "Ben?" She looked up over her glasses to Ben's usual chair, but it was empty. "That's funny," she muttered.
"Ah, he's here Mrs. Harper," Kim volunteered. "I saw him in the hall."
Harper acknowledged this with a nod and continued with the roll. "Christina Atkins?"
"Here," called out a small voice from the back of the room.
Ben strolled in a few moments later. "Sorry," he apologized.
"Have a seat Mr. Ackerman." Ben did as directed, keenly aware that Kim's sad eyes were on him the whole way. He met her stare twice, but found he could not shake the feeling that he had somehow betrayed her.
As the roll call commenced, Kim turned and glanced at Ben and he seemed to sense this by blushing heavily. The tension was even felt by the other kids who had spent all year with them here in this class. Soon, everyone's attention was on Ben and Kim and their on again off again glancing.
Quickly, just before the bell for first period, Kim scratched out a note, labeled "Ben" and shoved it into Gale King's hand. "Pass it to Ben," Kim whispered. Gale nodded and passed the note to the next person in the chain. When Ben got it, he unfolded it and read it.
Meet me in the hall after homeroom.
K.
Ben looked and nodded. Kim sighed quietly. It was all that could be done for the moment. She sat for the remainder of the period, pretending to listen to the daily announcements.
Ben sat closest to the door and was out as soon as the bell rang. Kim gave her characteristic growl in frustration, gathered her books hastily and raced after him. In the hall, she looked desperately around but she could not find him. "God damn it Ben," she muttered, disappointed.
"What?" It was Ben, leaning against the wall behind her, the one place she had not looked.
She spun, her face dark and cloudy only to find Ben, his back against a bank of lockers, his face flat, hiding what he was thinking. Kim wanted to be careful. There was something at work for Ben that had never been part of his equation before. She slapped on a pretty smile and said, "Hi Ben,"
"Welcome back. How's your brother?"
Kim was anxious to dodge the pleasantries and get to the point. It felt to her as if the next four days were now suddenly counting down to the next four hours. "He's good" Kim checked herself, "Well, he's not good. I mean, he's better. He's doing better, thanks."
"And you?"
"Ah," she fudged as she pushed the toe of her sneaker around on the carpet, unable to meet Ben's gaze. "That's really what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh?"
Kim stepped forward, her hand out as if to touch him. Ben sidestepped her and Kim recoiled, choosing to wrap her books back up close to her chest. "Yeah, I need a favor Ben."
"What kind of favor?"
"I want you to go ahead and take me to the prom," Kim said this as casually as, 'I'd like a tuna on rye if you don't mind, no mayo please.'
Ben's eye's bugged out at her, "You WANT me to go ahead and…"
"Yes Ben, take me to the prom. I don't wan the mask off. But I want the chance to decide. I think I deserve that much. Too many people are involved, their futures their lives…"
"Yeah," Ben agreed, "One of those lives is mine. Another life involved here is Sarah's. And you're telling me that you want the right to decide if the rest of us are worth continuing? Am I getting all this?"
Kim shifted her weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably looking at the floor. Staring into Ben's eyes was harder than she imagined it would be. "No Ben, that's not what I'm saying."
"Then what is it you're saying exactly? Because if you decide you don't want the mask on anymore, for whatever reason, taking it off will simply cancel the rest of us. You're aware of that aren't you?"
"Yes," Kim said humbly. "Well, sort of. I mean, it's not like you'll be…"
Ben scrutinized his friend closely. "Who do you think you are?"
This stab pierced the very heart of the question and Ben was sorry he had asked it when Kim was done with him. "I'm a girl that never existed before. If you remember correctly, you made me Ben. I've been stuck here like this for weeks. My brother is crippled for life. He won't be able to do the one thing he's always loved, why? Because he was trying to protect me from someone else whose life is ruined because I exist."
"And your Dad?"
"I know…" The frustration was getting the best of her, "I'm sorry Ben. I'm scared." She tried to shake it off and get to the point. "Look, Ben I can keep using the mask to come here and see my Dad and to go home and let Bobby have his life!"
Ben's face was a study in shock. "How does that work for the rest of us Kim? You can't just jerk people's lives around, in and out of reality that way." Kim looked to Ben as if she hadn't even thought of this as a factor in her considerations.
She looked sheepishly away from him and didn't answer. "Jesus Kimberly, think about this for a second, there are people that don't even exist anymore because of what we did."
Kim dipped her head, "I know… All I'm asking for his the choice. If you don't do this for me it will be too late in a couple of days. We won't have any choice in it at all."
"What about me Kim? What about Sarah and what we want?" Ben asked.
"It's a high school fling Ben, really," Kim said as if stating the obvious. "I've had a few, they don't last. It's not like the two of you are going to get married."
"Just how in the hell do you know what's going to happen with us?" Ben argued back angrily, struggling to keep his voice down. Ben no longer wanted to talk. He was rapidly becoming torn between doing what he felt would be morally right which was giving Kim the opportunity to regain her former life if she felt so inclined or keeping what he'd found here with Sarah.
He was quiet for a while. Around them the halls of the school began to clear out. He paced back and forth between the rows of lockers on either side of him. Kim watched anxiously, waiting for him to break the silence.
When she could stand it no longer, she asked in a quiet voice, "Ben?"
He spun on her, startling her, "No God damn it! No. I'm taking Sarah to the prom. It's already arranged."
She was silent, shocked and heart broken. Ben saw this pain reflected back at him in her eyes and he softened his approach just a little. "Kim," now it was Ben's turn to hedge, "You know, since we talked the last time- A lot of things have happened." Kim seemed to focus her full attention on Ben's eyes.
Kim began to tear up, shaking her head gently in denial, no longer looking at Ben. "No Ben, you can't take Sarah."
"Yes I can. You blew me off remember?"
"I was confused. Hell, I'm still confused," Kim admitted with watery eyes.
"I'll say," Ben added sarcastically.
"You don't have to be mean to me Benjamin," Kim snapped. "I'm scared. My only chance to get this unlocked is almost here. Don't take it off… I can't do anything about that without you anyway. Nothing will change unless you agree to do it. Not yet anyway. I just need the option open to me if I decide I can't stay here like this."
"Everything will change Kim. Sarah will not understand if I take you to the prom instead of her. I wouldn't understand it for that matter," Ben admitted running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "It's too late for that now Kim. It's just too fucking late."
Kim backed up a few steps. "You owe me that much Ben. I'm suck like this because of you in the first place."
"Okay, hold on" Ben said, letting the first defensive posture hit him since their meeting had begun.
Kim didn't hold on thought, "I'm a frightened sixteen year old girl." She stepped forward into his space menacingly. "I had this friend who wanted to go to the prom and change his life, so here I am. What happens to me when the prom is over Ben? You'll grow up and move out. Your life will go back to something it was supposed to be. I'll still be stuck like this, and so will Bobby. I didn't do this Ben. You could at least give me the option to choose!"
"No Kim. I'm not the only one out here changing reality, not anymore. What about all the people here that won't exist if we change things back?" Ben asked.
"The same thing would have happened if you had taken it off when I asked you to the first time Ben. I don't have any control over that!" Kim shot back angrily. "You brought me here Ben."
"You're trying to cheat death Kim," Ben said leveling a finger in her direction. "This isn't about you or me. You're trying to cheat death. The problem you're having is that each time you try to compensate for something that's equalized itself, you think it's something else that you need to manipulate. You can't cheat death Kim. I'm going to die, you're going to die. We're all going to die someday. You can't stop that." Ben paused not knowing if what was left to say needed to be, then said it anyway, "So will your Dad. He'll die again, no matter what you try to do about."
"That's not at all what I'm trying to do," Kim insisted, but the conviction that had so powerfully carried her voice just moments ago was gone.
There was a long pause as the warning bell rang. "Have you ever thought that life, the world, everything is just trying to get back to where it was before we started screwing around with it? Maybe now other people are being slipped into those places in life where hardship had claimed others to make up for the imbalance. Who the hell are we to start shifting things around all over again?"
"Ben, I'm not saying…" Kim began desperately, but Ben stopped her dead in her tracks.
"I'm sorry Kim. I think you'd better get used to the way things are."
Ben began to walk away and Kim chased him down, grabbed him by the sleeve and spun him around to face her. "That's it? Get used to it? You're just going to make me stay like this? You can't do that Ben."
"Yes I can Kim." Ben corrected. "All I have to do is not take you to the prom. Something you didn't want me to do anyway." Kim began to tremble before him. He had her. There was nothing she could do about this. Yet she found she couldn't be entirely mad at him either. Hadn't she in effect told him that she had no intention of letting him take the mask off her? That wasn't much of a choice at all for Ben was it? She asked herself. He was trapped in a much worse life than she was stuck with. How could she expect him to be understanding, especially now that he had someone to stay for? Only then could she see how rapidly the tables had turned on her.
Now that painfully tight shoe was on her foot and she had no way to take it off without Ben's help. She would not be allowed to change things. Ben simply wasn't going to help her. Now, a much different Ben Ackerman looked down on her from his place in the Kingdom of Manhood and had laid down the rule. It was a rule that she couldn't change. She had no choice but to obey it.
"I have to go to class Kim. I'm sorry." He turned and left her standing there. There were several students looking at her as Ben walked off. They must know about Sarah. Now I've come back and started causing trouble again. First Kirk, now Ben… Oh boy, it's not going to be easy being me for a while.
Again, her inner bitch spoke up, Look on the bright side, you have the rest of your life to get it right.
Kim had to fight to keep her face from falling apart with the fear and sorrow of the moment.
Behind her, Kim didn't see Ben meet up with Sarah. Smiling, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek as he walked her to her next class.
-*-
Abs returned from his mountain cabin on the Wednesday before the Prom. He told no one he was coming. He didn't go home to execute a long over due family beating. He didn't want to be seen or recognized at all.
In the days just prior to returning after nearly 4 weeks away, he had carefully taped and reviewed all the available news on his son's involvement. From what Abs had been able to gather, he had gotten his ass kicked and ratted out the interested parties. Not nearly the impressive stance against Evil the news had made it out to be. Still, it could be a portent of things to come. Between the two of them, Abs intended to be the one to persevere.
The situation for Abs was entirely too delicate to leave it in play for very long. In Abs mind, witnesses were everything. Testimony could lead to the discovery of greater amounts of evidence. This was something that Abs wanted to avoid at all costs.
Timid little Ben had found the courage to go to the police with enough information to lead to battery and drug charges against three boys who had seen fit to punish him for trying to steal one of the jocks' girl friends. Coincidently the girl in question was an old acquaintance of his to whose father he owed a very special debt to. How wonderful the way the world works sometimes. How very special it will be to settle such an old score with an old friend and eliminate the whelp all at once. It made Abs fairly tingle with warmth just to think about it.
To this end, Abs had shaven his beard and mustache completely off. His arms were covered with a long sleeve T-shirt to cover his tattoos. On his head, he had a Chattanooga Lookouts ball cap on and a pair of inexpensive low magnification, tinted reading glasses. Once he had set the stage, he would remain out of sight for a few months, let his beard grow back and come out and test the waters.
He was driving a dark blue Toyota Celica. In Baker there had to be hundreds of these models in various dark shades of paint. All he wanted to do was make sure he wasn't spotted in town. At 2:10 A.M. it wasn't likely. To make sure however, Abs approached the school from the back side. Deep woods bordered the school all around. The sight of future sub-developments and yet to be family homes. There was a dirt road that led to an old dump about halfway back. Abs would have to walk the rest of the way. That was just as well.
By 3:17 A.M. Abs had broken into the Athletic Department. The back fire doors were loose and Abs had been pleased to find it hadn't taken much to get them open. There he found several baseball bats, each one monogrammed with the words, PROPERTY OF MATHERS HIGH SCHOOL. He took two and a rather large Mathers Letterman's Jacket from Coach Monte's office. It would be all he needed. Abs then began to paint the lockers in the boy's locker room with spray paint. He pried open a few lockers, throwing the contents around the place, making a general mess of things. Abs painted the names of the three boys, all but one of them in jail, in red acrylic paint on the walls, in the shower stalls and hallway areas of the gymnasium.
When Abs was finished, it looked like the work of a few disgruntled students, unhappy with the way the boys were dealt with. It didn't matter what spin anyone put on it, be vandalism inspired for the three offenders, or against them. None of that really mattered to Abs one way or the other. The purpose here was to instill doubt, nothing more. With any luck, it would be enough doubt to cast a shadow over the responsibility for the pending event. Abs was careful not to lead anyone to believe someone would be targeted, but rather that tempers were beginning to boil over.
By 4:00 A.M. Abs was back at his car and preparing for the long trip back to the mountains. He needed to be out of town. He'd come back late Thursday night and camp out back here in the woods. He would wait until Ben and Kimberly showed up. The woods would offer a fine view as everyone came and went. When they left, there was nearly twelve miles of deserted hillside roads before the first traffic light. Accident's happen all the time on those roads. Those accidents could be especially deadly when they were provoked by angry members of the varsity football team.
He'd follow them when they left. He'd follow them and see what happened. Kinda like fishin, ain't it? Cast in your line and see what comes back when you reel it in. Abs smiled to himself, exposing rotting teeth that looked more like a mouth full of poisonous fangs in the darkness of the woods.
He had now way of knowing that his son had already closed the door on Kimberly. Not that this would have mattered to Abs.
Friday after school, Kim returned home and charged up the stairs to her room without so much as a hello for her father who was waiting in the foyer to greet her. The better part of caution told him to just leave it alone. He returned to the living room. She would tell him what was wrong when she was ready. Tom had a good idea what the trouble was without having to be told, however.
There had not been much he had been able to say in recent days that had brought comfort to his youngest. That had been hard, not just on Tom but on Kim as well. For the last two days, Kim had locked herself in her room, refusing even to eat. Now she lay on her canopy bed, her feet on her pillows, her head at its foot and sulked.
She had tried to rationalize her situation a thousand different ways. She couldn't change it. She had her father, that at least was a major compensation. But even this rationale left her feeling cheap and petty. She turned her head and caught sight of her self in the mirror and sighed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Okay… give it up. This is the way it's going to be. You're Kimberly God damn it. Just let it go. But the minutes ticking by were like brass symbols in her ears. Each second was a timpani drum, pounding down to the Witching Hour, that point of no return when she would actually be Kimberly Glass for now and all time.
Steep panic, raw and gritty, coursed against every nerve in her body. "Stop it!" she cried to herself. She reached behind her and dragged one of her over stuffed pillows from beneath her feet and covered her head with it to drown out the noise of the imaginary timekeepers all around her. And the band played on.
She hoped that once the night was over, once the time to look forward, to measure the distance between here and home was passed she might be able to find a little peace. She knew though there would be a certain amount of looking back over her shoulder. Isn't that the way it always is? When you give up something forever, don't you look back at it one last time, watching it fade in perspective into the distance?
Downstairs her father put on one of his old vinyl LP's. He had left them here with the intension of having them sent to California when he and her mother split. He just never seemed to get around to asking for them. Through the floor, the steamy sounds of Louis Armstrong's trumpet filtered up into Kim's room, muffled by sheetrock, flooring and carpet, she could still identify La Vie En Rose being pumped from the speakers of a long unused stereo.
She could envision her father down stairs, his eyes closed behind his thick black rimmed glasses (he took his contacts out in the evening), his head slowly keeping time as Armstrong slowly carried all his cares away on an imaginary Mississippi River keel-paddle. A tear slipped from the corner of one eye at the guilt she felt over her selfishness. Even acknowledging that guilt couldn't quite wipe clean her desire to once again be Tim, the boy she had been for all but of five weeks of her life.
"I'm sorry Daddy," she whispered to herself. "I'm so sorry. I love you, I do, it's just so hard." She reached out and touched the floor in a spot she guessed was just above where he sat. "God I hate this." Leaping from the bed she glared at herself in the mirror and cried, "You are such a Bitch! I hate you."
To put a fine sharp point on that idea, the ghost of a mercifully brief conversation she had with Sarah Wednesday began haunting her thoughts. It had been Sarah who had approached Kim in the hall. Bracing for the worst, Kim bravely stood and waited when she had heard her name called by that sweet familiar, almost syrupy southern voice.
"I know what you're going to say," Kim started. "I'm sorry Sarah. I had no right…"
"God, can't you just wait until you know what I'm going to say first?" Sarah groused. It was not an unfamiliar complaint. Kim talked a lot when she felt good, sometimes to the point of babbling. Sarah was polite, unassuming and quiet. But when she felt she needed to be heard, she could be equally as tenacious. "I just want to know one thing,"
Kim lowered her head, "Just shoot me now, Okay?"
Sarah gently lifted Kim's head forcing Kim to meet her eyes. "There that's better."
"Oh for God's sake Sarah, just scream at me or something."
"Do you love him Kim?" Sarah asked. Kim imagined that this is what it must feel like to take a blast from a shotgun at close range. Of all the questions Sarah could have asked, this had been the one Kim would never have guessed Sarah would come to her with.
It would have been easy to say no. Kim knew that this was precisely what Sarah wanted to hear, Needed to hear. She understood intuitively that this would free Sarah's conscience from the stigma of any wrong doing. The motive of Sarah's presence before her now was crystal clear. Kim's only dilemma with that, she realized, was that the answer 'No' wouldn't have been the truth.
For once in your superficial life girl, do the right thing. Say no and move on. You've been a girl for over a month now. You're plenty used to it. Give Ben his day in the sun.
Opening her mouth to speak, the word, "Yes," fell out of it and landed like a lead ingot on the floor between them. She even fancied she could hear it hit the floor with a thunderous crash. The answer however appeared to be no surprise to Sarah. "That's what I thought." Sarah smiled knowingly, almost with glee, she turned to leave saying, "Thanks for being honest."
Kim watched Sarah walk away with an almost springy step, gape-mouthed. As Sarah began to be swallowed by the crowd, Kim charged after her, "Sarah!" she cried out, "Wait."
Kim fought the crowds of kids, flailing upstream to catch Sarah before she disappeared. When she caught up, Sarah still hadn't seemed to have heard her calling out. Kim grabbed her by the arm and turned her around and asked, "What do you mean, that's what you thought? You're not going to tell Ben I said that are you?"
"He deserves to know," Sarah replied. Now she sounded surprised.
"No, I don't think he does," Kim admitted a little panicked. "In fact, I think it will only make him mad at me."
"That's silly," dismissed Sarah with a wave of her hand. It seemed to Kim she was trying very hard to be light hearted. Kim noted that it didn't feel to her to be working out the way Sarah planned.
"Oh no it isn't," Kim insisted shaking her head dreadfully, her face grim, her eyes dark. "He'd be very angry with me if he thought I was trying to come between you and him."
"Kim, who came between who here?" Kim hated rhetoric. Even if the meaning with this rhetorical question was plain, she wasn't good at cutting through the multiple layers of meaning questions such as these often carried. There could have been an undercurrent of something else there that Kim might have missed. Sarah was looking down the hall as Kim spoke. She tried to follow Sarah's gaze to see if Ben was waiting down there for her, but she could see nothing. "Kim, I'm going to be late. Can we talk about this later?"
"Uh… sure." But she was left with dozens of unanswered questions. Later, when Kim saw Ben at the end of the day, he seemed sullen, almost dark in his mood. Kim had to wonder if Sarah said anything to him about their earlier conversation. Kim couldn't quite find the courage to ask him. This Ben was very different from the one she had dragged along with her though the rip in the fabric of time the mask created. This Ben was a lot more confident, stronger even a little socially reckless. It wasn't any one thing that she could put her finger on. It was as simple as, this Ben suddenly commanded a lot more respect than the Ben of just a couple of weeks ago.
Ben's mood had changed dramatically by Thursday. He spoke to no one and Kim had no intention of approaching. She actively avoided him and he did not pursue her. This was a great relief and by the end of the day, Kim was able to relax a little. She was not afraid that Ben would hurt her, but Kim didn't like confrontation with anyone. It was better to avoid than challenge in her mind. It assured happier times for all concerned.
Ben was not at school on Friday. And while Kim was greatly relieved, it also signaled the final blow to her attempt at going home. All day she was distracted, watching the clock, ticking the seconds by, playing the mental game of crossing the finish line in her head. Looking back over her metaphorical shoulder she found there was nothing behind the line she had just crossed, only her world a head of her. The image reminded her of a story, The Langoliers where great black Packman like balls of concentrated evil came and devoured the past with razor sharp teeth and ferocious appetites after it's life's energy had been spent.
No one noticed she was lost in these moments. Everyone else had their reasons to be distracted too. It was after all, Prom Night.
She was brought back to the here and now by the soft chime of the door bell. Kimberly thought of getting up and peering out the window to see who it was, then dismissed the notion. It was probably a neighbor participating in the Parade Of The Perpetual Casserole. The ceremony of the covered dish is one of the great mysteries of life. It was the idea that, in times of great grief or personal tragedy, friends and well-wishers would bring food for those who have no time to prepare it. The sentiment being that these poor people had enough to contend with as it was. Kim found it ironic that tragedy often robbed those same people of the will to eat. If she never saw another noodle in her life, it would be too soon.
-*-
If the final events unfolding in this time-altered world had transpired as planned the Monday before the prom, then who knows what would have happened. The vandalism at the school had been found and noted in the minds of the faculty. There had been talk of deep sixing the prom, but on such short notice it was decided to beef up the security inside the gym, where the prom was to be held.
If Abner had seen his son and Sarah driving into the parking lot, then his plans to undo his family, remove the risk of Ben turning on him and repaying the favor of the damaged eye Tom Glass gave him might have unraveled. Abs was a killer, but he had to have a reason. He knew perfectly well that people who killed without a reason posed an even greater risk to the public in the eyes of the police.
As it turned out Ben and Sarah did not attend the prom. The rest, as they say, is history.
-*-
6:15 p.m.
With Abs MIA, as it were, the night of the prom Susan was able to lend Ben her car without as much anxiety of the act being discovered by her husband. So when she began to get a little hungry, she had no choice but to walk to the corner for a two dollar bag of charcoal, some cola, a package of hotdogs and some buns. She'd cook outside tonight and spare the inside the extra heat of cooking on the stove.
Summer time in the south is brutal. The long days meant longer periods of heat deep into the night. It would be a while before her cramped little apartment would be cool enough to sleep comfortably.
It had almost been nice here since Abs was gone. This was the longest he'd been gone at one stretch in quite a while. She never said it out loud, but inside she hoped he had died. Her mind ran wild with the possibilities, perhaps he slid off a mountain road on his bike after a hard rain, or maybe he drowned in at some backwater lake or the beach. It was possible he was a Jon Doe, the victim of some drug deal gone wrong. Still, she didn't think it was likely. Someone would have called and congratulated her by now.
Just the same, she wasn't questioning her good fortune.
Coming in the back door, the strong smell of bleach was nearly overwhelming. She had taken every other day to completely sterilize the apartment. She was sure the other tenants were experiencing a plague of cockroaches and mice chased away by the bleach, but she didn't care. She had not seen a roach in three days. There was no dust, no beer cans, no trash anywhere to be seen. She felt human again.
Humming, she unloaded her one bag of food on the counter, put the soda in the fridge to chill and cracked open the bag of charcoal. Outside was a small, worn out hibachi. She removed the grill plates, emptied the coals into the fire pit and started them. She examined the grill plates and found they were a mess. "Yuck," she groused and decided they needed a hard cleaning.
Returning she put the plates gingerly in the sink and began rummaging for a wire brush she usually kept stashed under one of the two sink basins. Not finding it in the kitchen, she made her way to the bedroom.
When she opened the door to her room, she found a man, his arm buried up to his shoulder in a hole in the east wall. Susan screeched and jumped, turned to run and was knocked breathlessly to the floor of the hall from behind. The world swam as her vision faded in and out between darkness and a blurry sort of half focus. White hot pain seared through her right shoulder and something like liquid felt to be dripping down her arm there.
Behind her, she could hear foot falls, heavy and menacing. You have to get up! You have to get up right now and run or you'll never get up again. It seemed there should be something else attached to that, a reason for the urgency but her recent memory had been erased. She couldn't even reconcile why she was here on the floor or even where here might be. There was just pain and footsteps.
"uuuuuunnnnnhhhh," she groaned trying to pull her self forward, answering her brain's call to move but not really knowing why. Her mind latched onto one thing. There's a hole in my wall! She could see it clearly now in her mind's eye, but oddly, not the man whose arm she found digging around inside it. How did that get there? It hadn't been there this morning. God damn rats! Hey, maybe it was the Hole in the Wall Gang! She wanted to laugh but the pain made laughing impossible.
Suddenly she was flipped over and dumped painfully on her injured shoulder. There was a man straddling her about mid waist as she lay there on the floor. He was clean shaven. His head too had been shaved, but Susan could tell he had recently had hair, a beard and mustache. The skin of his face where the hair had once been was pale. The hair had deprived the skin of sunlight. She'd seen the effect on the few times Abs had shaved his beard off.
Her mind hitched. There was something familiar about the face. She squinted through her pain, fighting to focus on the details. Then it came to her. This was Abner, only he had never shaved his head bald before. "Abner?" she asked.
"Go to sleep," he said. He lifted his boot high over her face. Susan's last thought before the boot came down, crushing her head was, Huh, he's got a thumbtack stuck in the bottom of his shoe. Her world went black with a sickening wet crunch.
-*-
At 7:00 p.m. Ben was making his second stop in his game of musical dates having taken one last attempt to convince Sarah to go with him instead of making him do this. She would not be persuaded. He left, hurt beyond description, wearing the tuxedo she had purchased for him as he walked away from the Becklock estate. Now he stood here, a few blocks away, between the large white columns of the Southern Antebellum home of Kimberly Glass. Ben leaned forward and put his finger on the bell, but paused for a moment.
He almost turned away. He didn't want to take Kim to the prom. He never thought in his entire life that he would have turned down a date with a girl, a beautiful girl at that. His heart, however, simply wasn't in it. He was in love with Sarah. If he had lost her, he might recover from the heart break, but he felt he would never be able to fall in love again.
With a heavy sigh, Ben pushed the bell.
Tom answered the door bell in one hand a pint of ice cream, a spoon in his mouth. When he looked to see who had rung the bell, he found himself staring at a very odd sight. At first Tom couldn't even find the words to say hello.
"Hi Mr. Glass," Ben said with little enthusiasm in his voice. Tom still said nothing. Instead, he lifted his left arm at the elbow, gave a curt wave of his hand and let it fall down by his side again. Ben shrugged the odd behavior off and asked, "Is Kimberly here?"
"Bell Beb, sheth up starths," Tom said dribbling ice cream around a mouthful of spoon. He spat out the spoon, "Ah crap!" Tom complained wiping off his shirt. "Ben, what are you doing here?"
"I've come to take Kimberly to the prom. Is she here?"
Not knowing what to say, Tom invited Ben in. "Yes. I'm sorry Ben. How very rude of me. Please, come in." Tom allowed Ben in and closed the door. "Wait here, I'll go get her."
"Thanks."
Tom mounted the stairs and stopped. For just a second, he looked like a statue of a man climbing stairs, motionless in thought. Then Tom turned and asked. "You know Ben, I know what you're doing here, but I don't think you told me Why you're doing it."
"That's a long story Sir," Ben said lending nothing more to Tom's question.
"Yeah…" Tom agreed. After a brief pause, he added, "I bet it is. Well, you look good in that Tux." With that, Tom vanished upstairs. Ben could hear them talking in confused voices. Then there were a series of rapid, dainty footfalls approaching down the stairs. Soon Kim appeared, she was wearing a tight girl's sleeve T-Shirt with pink lettering on the front that read, When Mom Say's No… She was also wearing a pair of red polyester knit girl's athletic short shorts. Her hair was pulled up, piled and pinned to the top of her head, her eyes were red and puffy.
Kim wiped at her eyes and then fought to find a few words to say. The ones she found were, "Why are you here?"
"Hello to you too," Ben said calmly.
Kim blushed, "Hi," Ben smiled back. "Okay, now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, why are you here?"
"Sarah isn't going to go to the prom. She seems to think there's something between us and she wants me to find out what that is before she continues seeing me." Kim's mouth dropped open and she snorted once or twice blushing brightly acting aghast at the suggestion but never said anything outright. "Silly huh?" Ben asked. Again Kim nodded, eyes wide open as if to suggest that the word silly was beyond obvious.
"There's nothing between us, right?"
"No…" Kim laughed, "No of… of course not," But more than the nervousness of her speech was the way Kim would not meet his eyes that made him suspicious.
Ben scrutinized her behavior for a moment, then asked, "Did you tell her something Kim?"
"Me?" Kim asked laughing a little too loudly for Ben's comfort. "What could I tell her? I'm still stuck in this thing. It pretty much keeps me from telling anyone anything."
Ben eyed her carefully, trying to size up the moment. "Come out on the porch."
"I can't Ben, you know… the rules." But to Ben this didn't seem like an 'I can't' moment, it felt more like an 'I shouldn't'. Mr. Glass appeared behind Kim so quietly Ben was pretty sure Kim didn't know he was there.
"How about it, can Kim go out on the porch with me?"
Kim was looking at Ben with the strangest, who are you talking to, look when Tom said, "Sure," Kim jumped and screamed in surprise, leaping sideways into the kitchen and vanishing from view.
Ben gestured to the spot where Kim had just been standing and grinned, "I had a cat once that could do that."
Kim's disembodied voice echoed out from the kitchen where she had apparently landed safe and sound. "DADDY!" Tom had to bite down on his tongue to keep from laughing out loud. "You scared the crap out of me!"
When Kim came out, Ben saw the back of her shirt said, Daddy says Yes! Kim took Ben by the hand and marched him out onto the porch. "Make this quick Ben." Kim closed the door behind her.
"I don't know what's at work here Kim, but this was supposed to happen. Sarah and I were fine until yesterday. She told me she talked to you…" Kim flushed. "What did you say to her that changed her mind?"
Kim shuffled her feet about on the painted planks. In stead of saying those things she mentioned to Sarah in their all-to-brief conversation, she told Ben what she wished she could have said. "I told her how kind you'd been to me. I told her that when you and your Mom came up and I really didn't know what I was doing, you were very generous about giving me room to think." She puffed out a little breath from her nose in chagrinned surprise, "Guess I thought myself right into this life permanently." She looked up at Ben. Now it was Ben blushing. "It's Okay Ben. I'll get over it. This isn't as bad as some of the stuff I've gone through. It feels pretty normal most of the time, being me I mean. I'm sorry I cost you your date."
"She wasn't my date Kim. I love her," Ben corrected.
"Well then, we both have a reason to just leave well enough alone then don't we?" Kim said and turned to go back in.
"You never did answer my question." Ben said taking Kim by her arm.
Turning, Kim asked, "Which one?"
"There's nothing between us, right?" Ben repeated.
She took a deep breath, searching his eyes with her bright blue peepers, "I don't know Ben. You're not the same guy that followed me here. I'm beginning to believe you're probably the Ben from this reality. The part of Ben I knew, the one you got filled up with has gone back home, you know, has sort of been washed away by that. I think that Ben is still out there, in his own time. But you're not him. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to get close to you, cause I don't think I know you anymore."
Ben paused, thinking. Kim could not tell what was going on behind his mysterious brown eyes now. There had been a time when she could see what he was thinking as plainly as if he had spoken his thoughts. Now he was closed off to her. As he thought, she studied him, the tux fit well. It showed off a fairly impressive body. He wasn't too muscular but his body had changed. He was no longer the skinny, ungainly kid of a few weeks ago. He stood erect. There was power in his stance, something she'd noticed in a lot of boys since becoming Kimberly. That appearance of power, of self confidence was deeply seductive. He no longer had blemished skin. Every last pimple was gone. What was left looked to be a bit like comfortable leather, slightly rough but a trill to touch.
Ben's question rang sharply in her ears, There's nothing between us right Kim?
No, there can't be anything between us can there?
Ben brought Kim back to the here and now with one question, "Do you have a dress to wear tonight?" Kim nodded almost imperceptibly. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go find who we're going to be when we grow up, Okay?"
Kim smiled up at him, "Okay, wait here."
-*-
Abner Ackerman had no way of getting out of this now without someone knowing he had been here. No amount of false leads and evidence he planted now would lead investigators anywhere except back to him. He was going to have to go to plan "B". Hit and run. Removing Ben now had only one purpose, to buy him time. Police were going to tie him to Susan's death in a quick Dixie second when the body was found. He needed enough time to get to his cabin, get as much cash as he could and get out of the country. The cabin alone was roughly three hours away. Ben might come home anytime and find his mother in the hall with her head crushed.
The purpose now was to give himself two days to get as far away as possible. If Ben died tonight, before he found his mother, Susan's body might be found for perhaps four days considering the amount of cleaning fluids she'd doused the place in. Abs shook his sweaty head, NO, that won't work asshole! The police will go right to the apartment to find his fucking parents! They'll find Susan then.
Police were inquisitive little pricks. The smell of the bleach alone in the breezeway will make them want to investigate. "Fuck!" Abs spat angrily. Leave now… get the hell out of town. It might still look as though you were out of town when it all went down.
Abs knew that wasn't going to happen. There were boot prints in blood everywhere. Somewhere in that apartment, maybe in the wall, out in the grass of the courtyard even, was a bullet from his silenced .45 Colt. It was the only weapon he had with him, he couldn't give it up just yet. If they found him and took it, it would only be a matter of time before they found the bullet. The ballistics would match right away. A slug from a .45 was had a full copper jacket. They were sturdy, not like a .22 which had no protective jacket or a .38 with only a half-jacket. Ballistics would have no problem matching it.
What had she done with the fucking car? It hadn't been at the house when he drove by. He circled three times in his old clunker to make sure it was gone. He figured she'd driven Ben and that Glass girl to the dance. From that, he figured he had maybe 40 minutes to finish. He had only needed ten.
In the wall, Abs had stashed about $18,000 in assorted gold coins, currency that knew no international boundaries as well as two fake passports. He hadn't really needed them. The idea of leaving it behind just didn't sit well with him. After returning to town, this idea began to brew in his head until he decided that it wouldn't be a problem to retrieve them.
If she came home, he'd be able to hear the familiar clank of that old tow-hitch chain and he could duck out before he was seen. She wouldn't recognize him from a distance now, especially since he'd decided to shave his head after grabbing the crap from the school. As long as she didn't see him leaving the apartment, she wouldn't know.
Had she been there the whole time? Had they just somehow kept missing each other? He didn't think so. It didn't mater anyway. She had startled him and she had been startled too from the look of it. He turned, his hand and found the pistol grip very naturally, a reflex move, nothing more really. The pistol had fired. It made a quiet little * SIP * as the bullet discharged and Susan had fallen to the floor.
She was shot, bleeding to death. The police would have come and taken him. That alone was all they needed to charge him, hold him. It was exactly what they wanted. Even if she hadn't died he would have taken a life time ride eventually. He had crushed her head with his boot. It wouldn't have done to have left another bullet behind. In retrospect, it might have looked better if he just left her wounded.
"Done is done," Abs said quoting the only piece of literature he knew, Stephen King's Riding The Bullet.
Ben had to be kept from going home and raising the alarm. He should be able to expect Ben to stay here for a couple of hours. The entire thing wouldn't last more than four. If he even showed up, his brain noted, reminding him of the risks of this stakeout. True, if Ben had didn't show up for some reason, then he was screwed. The police might even already be looking for him right now.
He has the car though…where else would it be? So he'll show up. He'll show, he assured himself over and over. This one had been sloppy. There was no time to take care of the evidence, he was damage control mode. He had to stop Ben from getting home and calling police. No one would miss him. There would be no call if he were to simply vanish.
And what about the girl? Even if you hide the Ben's body, don't you think someone will come looking for her?
"FUCK!" He stomped around the small clearing deep in the woods with hate so deep for Susan he was practically breathing fire. "Why the fuck were you home without the fucking CAR?" Abs kicked a long dead empty can of pork and beans deep into the boughs of pine where it clanked quietly back to earth again somewhere in the distance. "GOD DAMN IT!"
In an hour his rage would feel as hot as the burning Sun itself. Abs was seething and frightened. The longer he was forced to remain without fleeing, the more upset he became. Still he watched, tucked back among the trees, his car out of sight. If Ben didn't show up soon, he would have no choice but to run and hope for the best.
-*-
Kimberly appeared at the bottom of the stairs wearing a tight fitting black spaghetti strap dress that stopped about mid thigh. Her feet were clad in black, four inch heels. The way her hair encircled her head reminded Ben of an angel's halo. It caught the light and exploded in brilliance all around her.
Ben exhaled audibly as his eyes drank in the vision before him. It was not unlike a man dying of thirst on a dry hot savanna, offered not just a drink of water, but an entire canteen of chilled, life giving, clear spring water from the purest pool. "You're Beautiful." Ben whispered.
Kim approached him, took his hand and caressed it gently. "Thank you Ben," she said and blushed brightly. "I hope this is what you had in mind when this whole thing started."
"No," he said nodding his head in contradiction to his answer, "It's a whole lot more."
Tom began walking at a brisk pace to where the two teens stood. Tom took a quick appraisal of his daughter, "Holy Moly, you look beautiful Kimmy. I wish your Mother was here to see this."
"Thank you Daddy," she said twisting this way and that allowing the bell of her dress to flare out a little, showing off just a little more leg. Ben watched Kim blush with girlish pride, her face flush with love. Ben himself, whatever Ben was left from that other world barely remember Tom Glass, but this Tom was just as warm, just as welcoming as he remembered Tim's father being. No matter what happened tonight, no matter how Kim felt should they be able to unlock the mask, he would not allow Kim to talk him into removing it until she had a chance to say goodbye should it come to that.
Tom dashed to the kitchen. They could both hear him rummaging around for something, slamming cabinet doors and junk drawers. When he reappeared, he had a digital camera in his hand. "I bring this to the hospital tonight when I pick up your Mom. She'll be so sorry she missed it. Okay now, close together."
Both smiled genuinely happy smiles. They both had dates for the prom. It was the promise made by Maurice the Wizard. Both of them were acutely aware that the promise had been kept. Had it been the wizard himself that had turned the tables on Ben's date with Sarah? Neither of them could answer that question. Kim didn't want to. Maurice had promised Ben a date with a pretty girl. She hoped she measured up to what Ben had had in mind when he had stipulated that for the old man. Now, tonight more than ever she wanted Ben to have what he wanted. If it wasn't her, then she would let him go to Sarah and put the past and the mask behind her forever. It was the least she could do to let that play out and see where life took them.
When the pictures were taken, they all looked at them though the replay screen. There were two with Ben standing, his eyes closed that he didn't like, but otherwise the pictures were just fine. He even quietly noted the same changes in his physique that Kim had seen earlier. He was different, maybe even a little taller. His face was stronger, he even looked a little… dangerous. So that's the guy who was accused of stealing… Ben thought to himself. I think I kind of like this guy.
Tom escorted them out to Susan's car. The thing was old, but it was clean. The only major malfunction was a old tow-chain someone had welded to the trailer hitch in back that would fall off every once in a while and drag nosily behind the car.
"You two be careful, Okay?" Tom asked leaning into Kimberly's passenger side window.
"We will Daddy. Thank you." She leaned out and kissed him on the cheek.
"Ten thrity Ben?"
"Yes Sir. On the button," Ben answered pleasantly.
"Take care of her Ben, this little girl is my entire life. She's the only reason I do anything these days." Tom leaned in and kissed Kimberly on the forehead.
Ben pulled out of the drive and down the street. It wasn't long before Kim turned to him and said, "Do you hear something?"
Ben listened and heard the familiar sound of the chain behind the car dragging along behind them. "Yep, sure do." Ben pulled the car over, and began to get out. "Wait here, be right back." After a few minutes of arguing with the chain, he managed to wedge it against the brace for the trailer hitch and got back in.
"What was that?"
"Just an old chain no one seems to be able to get it off. It falls lose sometimes, you know, kind of flops around back there. It's good now." Ben paused, "The car's a piece of crap isn't it?"
Kim thought about lying to him to make him feel better, but he suddenly smiled at her and she giggled and nodded. "It sure ain't your old Mustang."
"Yeah, I'll get another one. Ready?" Ben's statement told Kim he was prepared to stay here in this time and press on with life in spite of the changes they had both been put through. She found she admired that quality in him. It made her want to pull him close to her and just hold him. They were partners in the strangest dance of all, linked inexorably together by a wish, separated by their independent desires, unable to walk alone because of fate.
Kim smiled across the seat at him, "I bet you will too."
"You bet," Ben said with a wide, toothy grin. "Okay, ready?"
"As I'm ever going to be," Kim said smiling. Ben put the car in gear when Kim gently laid her hand across his. He pushed the clutch back in and turned to look at her. "Thank you Ben. I'll try not to get in your way after this."
Ben shoved the car back into neutral. "Look," he began, "I'm sorry about what happened the other day at school. We really did intend to tell you what was going on. I thought… after everything you said."
"It's Okay Ben. I understand. I think I have a lot I still need to learn about myself. For now, like you said, I should probably get used to the way things are. I'm grateful for the chance to be part of the decision if it doesn't work out."
"Just make sure that if you come and ask me to take it off, it's for all the right reasons." Ben finished.
"Take me to the dance Ben. We'll leave early, when we're sure, you know; that it'll come off. Then go get your damsel in distress and dance with her."
Ben smiled broadly. "One dance, coming up."
-*-
State road 881, a local thoroughfare, was a scenic drive around Smokey Cap Mountain. To the west, directly on the opposite side of Smokey Cap lay Baker. 881 was a parameter road that stretched around Smokey Cap. All around it, beyond the limits of the small town lay vast reaches of rich, fertile farmland; countless dirt roads whose edges were dotted with the last vestiges of Old Southern rural homesteads, the former homes of squatters and sharecroppers. It was desolate country, beautiful, but if you weren't a local, you could easily find yourself on the business end of a shotgun wielding, toothless wonder demanding that you, "Git off my land." Here the days of carpet baggers and revenuers were not long forgotten. The great grand children of the Civil War and the Great Depression had long memories. In spite of what the history books tell us, these people who were already poor when these things happened were particularly hard hit.
The kids coming to the dance were directed along the south ridge of the mountain. They would be funneled around the north side to get back to town. Everyone would be moving in the same direction and, hopefully, this would prevent some accidents from happening later in the evening. It also gave the local cops, whose resources were stretched thin as it was, a chance to shift positions and monitor the exodus with greater efficiency after the dance was over.
A long stream of head lights to Abner's right snaked around the mountain to the south. Police directed vehicles into the school's large dirt parking lot or residents through the traffic area to their homes beyond the school zone. He eyed each car as police waived them in, waiting for Susan's dusty blue Civic to make that turn. Time passed, 6:35, 7:00, 7:20 and still no sign of Ben. Abs began to get froggy, wanting jump at every sound the woods made behind him, no longer trusting his senses to tell him if danger was close. He couldn't tell if they had arrived before he did or not. He could not distinguish his wife's car from all the rest once they were parked.
At last, at 7:45 Abs saw his wife's old beat up Honda pull into the dusty dirt and gravel parking lot adjacent to the football stadium and wheel around and park close to the exit. All exiting traffic was being routed north. The roads in the opposite direction from town were closed everyone was coming from the south, from town. Abs started to relax. Ben didn't know his mother was dead.
Now the waiting game begun, what happened next depended on when they left the party. Abs grabbed a comfortable patch of leaves near an old stump. He stretched out and waited. He was parked about a tenth of a mile down the road, far enough that none of the police directing traffic would see him pull out when he left. They were too busy anyway ferrying kids in.
Abs watched as other couples called out them as Ben helped Kimberly from the car. The two stood nearly toe to toe as Ben acknowledged the other student's calling to him. Even from this distance, Abs could see that Kim had grown in to a fine looking young piece. It was hard for him to fathom that his rat bastard son was going to slice off a piece of that for himself. "Gonna have to spoil your night Buddy," Abs said absently. "Nothing personal…" after a moment he corrected himself. "I guess that's not quite right is it? It's completely personal. Honest is always the best policy, right?" he asked no one and chuckled.
He watched as Kim took Ben by the hand and led him away toward the white balloon arch way at the entrance of the gum. It was early; they'd be at it for a couple of hours at least. All he had to do now was wait.
Abs sat on the leaf strewn floor of the woods and got comfortable. He pulled his lock blade out and began whittling on a near by stick to pass the time.
-*-
Ben pulled Susan's car into the dusty overflow lot of the school's east wing near the entrance to the gymnasium. "There's a spot Ben," Kim pointed to an open slot nearest the exit. "We won't get blocked in over there." The object of this was to give them an easy out so Ben could go back and get Sarah and bring her back here. Kim played along eagerly, but in her secret heart, she wished Ben would stay here, dance with her, be her date tonight. There's nothing between us, right Kim?
Oh Ben, I'm not so sure about that any more, Kim thought jealously.
Ben got out, walked around and opened the door for Kim. "My lady," he said and extended his hand. Kim took it and stepped out. She looked back toward the school. "This is it. We're at the prom." She turned to him, "Bet you didn't think you'd be taking me as your date back in the store that day, did ya?"
"If someone had tried to tell me that I don't know what I would have done." Ben answered, a smirk spreading across his face. Two or three couples passed close by on their way into the gym. "Bennnnnn…" one of the guy called out approvingly as they eyed Kimberly. "…all right!"
"Nice Ben," yet another called out. Ben waved, a little embarrassed.
"Come on," Kim said softly, "let's get in there." She took his hand and the two of them walked toward the decorated entrance to the school gym. As the got closer, she let Ben's hand go to file into the gym single file. Behind her, Ben slipped his left hand into the small of her back, guiding her along. She closed her eyes at his touch, thrilled by the sensation of his hand there in such a sensitive place on her body. She wished silently it would fuse itself there, that they would become one in that instant, that she would taste his thoughts; know what he was thinking at that moment. She wished he could know what she was thinking.
Inside the bleachers had been rolled back to make room. Streamers and balloons hung from the ceiling in an elegant array of color. Bright decorated signs and banners filled the walls advertising the senior class, the stars and the scholars of that class that would be filing out into the world in a couple weeks. This was their last moment of adolescent splendor. Kim and Ben would return next year, moving closer to their final moment in these halls. Kim wondered if her name, her picture would be here in that final moment, or if it would be someone else's image that would grace these walls. Would she still exist to be remembered like these students were being honored here tonight?
Her stomach was filled with butterflies of excitement as they entered the darkened building. Spiraling lights of color twisted this way and that, creating a dizzying display of wonder. "It's beautiful," she whispered in amazement.
A band, Jonah's Wail played loud country music, the singer, a young girl, maybe eighteen sung Taylor Swift's Tear Drops On My Guitar and all the girls were holding tightly to their dates, softly swaying to the sad, mournful strains of this heartbreaking song. "Come on," Kim said and dragged Ben right out the center of the dance floor.
"Kim…" Ben cried out over the music.
Kim stopped in the sea of people and turned to him. There was nothing but abject terror in his eyes. Kim knew the look well. Smiled up at him and said, "I know what you're going to say. It's easy. I'll show you."
Ben shook his head, "You've never been to a dance in your life."
She signaled for him to come closer. Ben bent down a bit and Kim said in his ear, "I'm a cheerleader," Kim reminded him above the din. "It's just about all I do." Ben straightened up, when he did, he was smiling. She returned the smile in double doses and pulled him to her, "It's a slow dance anyway, like this." She took his arms and put them around her and pressed herself tight to his body. She directed him to the left one step, then a quarter turn and another step. Her body began to sway with the tempo of the music and Ben's body followed hers
Soon Kim's head was resting on his chest. His chest and stomach were tight, like a drum skin, his arms carried authority. She was being swept away by his touch.
He's not yours Kim, remember that. He belongs to someone else.
The thought snapped her back to reality. She didn't want to go places where Ben didn't want to go. She loosened her grip a little, dancing a little less passionately now. Ben must have sensed the change because he asked, "Something wrong?"
Kim shook her head but offered no other answer. Ben smiled oddly but let it go. I can't have him. One more dance and then we'll see. If it works, I'll let him go to Sarah. God, I don't want to though.
Kim glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 8:43 p.m. Darkness had come to the world outside and there was not much time left in the evening. It occurred to her that she probably wasn't going to even get one more dance. The music began to die and with it her wish that he would ask her to stay there and be with him. She closed her eyes as the last few notes were played and tried to push out all her disappointment and just be there in the moment.
In seconds, the moment was over.
Kim parted reluctantly and was pleasantly rewarded to see Ben smiling at her. "Well?"
"That was great Kim, thank you." Kim gave Ben's hand a bashful brush with her fingers.
Music began again, this time How Do I Live by Trisha Yearwood. "Ugh," Kim groaned at the sound of another romantic song. "Okay," she said grabbing Ben's hand, "let's go find out if it worked." She wanted out of here now. There was definitely an ember in her heart she could not allow to smolder any longer. Kim pushed her way through the crowd of dancing students patiently.
"Where?" Ben asked confused.
"Follow me," Kim said calling out behind her over the music. She moved in the direction of the locker rooms. They should be empty. Should be, however, was always a variable that couldn't be counted on. Kim slipped between the double doors that led to locker rooms, equipment room and the coaches offices, Ben followed, his hand clutched tightly by Kim who was dragging him along like a puppy on a leash. Here they found one couple pressed tightly to the wall, each one groping their partner. They paused for a moment, sparing a glance at Kim and Ben, "Hey Kim," it was Tony Abercrombie and Melissa Kanke "sorry, this spot's taken."
Kim said nothing. She turned and pushed her way into the girl's locker room. It was unnaturally dark inside. Ben was surprised to find this room didn't smell at all like the boy's locker room with its wet stale smell of musk and sweat. This smell was lighter. It still had the smell of body odor, but to Ben it was a pleasant sort of aroma, not a smell at all.
"Hello?" Kim called out dropping Ben's hand, "Anyone here?"
There was no answer. Kim turned to face Ben in the gloom, holding out her hands gropingly to find him. "Ben?" she called out, a bit of acidic panic rising as a result of total blindness.
"Right here Kim." Ben reached out and found her hands and grasp on to them.
"Try it Ben, but don't take it off, please."
In the darkness, she could hear Ben sigh in resignation and soon felt fingers exploring her face. In an instant, her lips hardened and would no longer part. The mask began to rise from her skin, sealing her face in a rigid white plastic-form representation of her own face. Ben saw the mask appear dimly in the darkness, a specter that had haunted their nightmares for weeks. Here it was again, ready to be removed, making itself known once more.
Suddenly Kimberly withdrew from him and the mask sank soundlessly back, becoming her flesh again. :"Ma…" Kim grunted as her lips became pliable again. She gasped for air in the darkness, giving Ben an idea of where she was, some three or for paces beyond him. Kim spoke up in the darkness and Ben could hear the sadness she harbored in her heart. "I guess we're done Ben. You can go and get Sarah now."
Ben took a tentative step toward her. Beyond they could hear the music playing softly, muffled by the cinder brick walls of the locker room and hallway. "I think I'd like one more dance if that's Okay. Then I'll take you home if you still want to go."
"You don't have to do that Ben. I know how you feel about Sarah. I'm sorry for ruining your night."
Ben reached out and caught her by the hand, surprising her. "You haven't ruined anything Kim. Let's go have one more dance before we say good night." He pulled her closer until they were nearly touching. Kim drew in a long lazy breath and slipped her arms around his waist.
It was her turn to surprise him, "Will you kiss me Ben?"
He hesitated for a moment then said, "I don't think I should." Kim only snuggled in tighter to him.
"I know you shouldn't. That's not what I asked. I asked will you… please." Ben felt for her face in the gloom, found her jaw and moved in slowly. His eyes had begun to adjust to the total darkness and he could see Kim's face hovering just a few inches away. Ben could smell her very powerfully at this distance, the creaminess of the soap she'd used, her perfume, the raspberry essence in her hair. She too was getting closer, he could sense her only centimeters away, her lips slightly parted. He could hear her expectant breath, waiting for his touch.
Ben suddenly stood erect, drawing away from her. "I can't Kim. I love Sarah. It wouldn't be right. That's what she sent me here to find out. I guess I did." Ben could make just see the faint silhouette of Kimberly's body. He could see the disappointment in her posture. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Kim answered in the darkness, her shape formless, a shadow with a voice. "She's lucky she has someone like you Ben. I'm glad for you." They stood in the darkness not really knowing how to proceed until Kim said, "I think I'll pass on that second dance Ben. It's getting late and I'm sure Sarah is sick with worry. I would be. Could you take me home now?"
"You're Dad's going to be pretty confused, you coming home so early."
"Yeah," she said dejectedly, "Well, we're all pretty confused right now. I don't think it will be all that abnormal. I'll explain it to him the best I can. I'll get him to understand, if that's what you're worried about."
Ben sighed in the darkness, he slipped his hand back into that place low on her back, but this time, there was no thrill. To Kim, it was a friendly gesture. Soon they would say goodbye. Kim didn't know if she could do that. She knew this time goodbye would be the last goodbye they ever said to each other.
Outside, Abner Ackerman began to settle in for a long wait. He even allowed himself the luxury of a small catnap.
Abner had dozed off. He sat beneath a tree sufficiently sheltered from sight from the road but with enough of a view from the woods that he would have no trouble seeing Susan's car as it left the parking lot. Disturbed only by the occasional car with screaming teens as they drove by, he took little notice of anything else. Checking his watch, it was still early, only 9:00. They'd be in there for a couple of hours yet. There would be time enough to catch a wink or two before then. The noise of all those kids leaving when they shut the party down would be enough to wake him when it was over. With that, Abner closed his eyes again.
But something nagged at him, tugging at the corners of his mind, preventing him from actually drifting completely off. In the distance, the sound of the band wavered in and out with the opening and closing of the gym doors. He attributed this to worrying about being able to get out of here before his wife was found with her head caved in. It was a legitimate worry as worries go. Unable to take his mind off his concerns, he happened to glance in that direction at the sound of some students laughing a bit too loudly when he caught sight of Susan's Honda pulling out of the parking lot. The car turned right, out on State Road 881
Abs got to his feet, his legs asleep from sitting oddly on the ground for so long, stumbled, fell and scrabbled back up again. When he looked, he saw the face of his son staring at him from the driver side window. Ben's face was drawn in a comical expression of disbelief. There was something else there too. Abs caught the unmistakable whiff of fear on the air.
Abs raced around and climbed in his car. Down by the school two police officers with separate cruisers directed traffic. To his left Mountain View was deserted. This was the long way around. Town traffic came from the east on Abs right, where it was only fifteen miles or so from town. To the west, the road meandered around the base of the mountain past the only rail line and back to the town from the north.
Abs pulled out slowly so as not to attract attention, turned left and began to follow Ben.
-*-
Ben's head was craned around to the left almost to the limits of its motion. He had been distracted by movement in the leaves. Thinking that it may have been a deer or a dog or maybe a razorback, he had been horrified to see a face peering back at him from the undergrowth. This face was free of hair, both on top and on the face, but the eyes were what grabbed his heart and gave it a good hearty squeeze. They were the eyes of a demon he had hoped had fallen back into the pits of Hell.
"Oh Crap!" Ben hollered, scaring poor Kimberly half to death.
"BEN, God damn it, you almost made me pee myself." Kim noticed the car's engine beginning to labor and checked the speedometer. They were traveling at nearly 58 miles an hour and speeding up. "Slow down Ben, the limit is 45 through here."
"My Dad was back there, hiding in the fucking woods."
"What?" Kim asked, she turned and saw the headlights of a vehicle some distance behind them swinging out onto the highway from a place where Kim could not remember ever seeing a road. "You're Dad drives a motorcycle." Kim said worried as she turned back around, "That's a car."
"He had a car, an old POS something or other; he used to work on in his spare time. I saw him Kim, back there, tucked just off the road."
Kim turned and looked back again. The car was closer, but in the fading light of the late Spring sky, she could not tell what kind of car it was. "Why would he be waiting for you in the woods?"
"Maybe found out Mom let me use the car. Maybe he just fucking hates me, he hates everyone that has something he doesn't. He hates me on general principal."
Ben hit the first of the roads curves, a wide lazy thing, not too difficult to negotiate at the posted speed. Ben was closing in on sixty when he hit this one however and the back of the car threatened to slide out onto the verge from the force of the turn. Kim clutched at seat and the dash squealing in fear as Ben fought the car for control.
"BEN, you have to slow down, you might kill us," Kim insisted.
"If I don't Kim, then he certainly will. At the very least, you'll wish you were dead. Remember when you were a little girl?" Ben said peering in his rearview mirror. "He's catching up." The car was nearly on them. The driver was obviously more experienced and had caught them effortlessly. Inside the other car, Kim could see a bald man, his face was shadowed but Kim could tell he was large. "That doesn't look like your Dad."
"Kim, that's him, he's lost the beard and shaved his head, but that's him."
"Ben, maybe he just wants to talk to you about something."
Ben found time to roll his eyes, "Do you really believe he came all the way out here, staked out the school and is chasing us down because he wants to give me a couple of rubbers and talk to me about safe sex? It's an odd time to have one of those father and son heart to hearts. He was hiding Kim. He's after me." Ben tried hard to think of a way to get Kim out of this mess without getting her hurt. "I need you call 911."
Kim slapped her forehead, "911, of course, Duh!" Kim said, but only stared at Ben afterward.
"Kim, call the police," Ben said trying to keep his attention on the road.
"Okay," Kim said agreeably, "give me your phone,"
"My phone? Kim, I don't have a stinking phone. Use your phone," Ben said caustically. Kim's face had an immediate air of defeat, she sulked embarrassed but said nothing. "Oh for Pete's sake Kim, tell me you have a phone, please!"
"Uh, no." Kim said in a petulant young girl's voice. Still she dug around inside her black clutch to make sure.
"What kind of teenage girl doesn't have a cell phone?" Ben cried.
"The kind whose mother doesn't buy one for her," Kim snapped back.
"Oh shit! HANG ON!" Ben cried as he went into a steeper turn. The car Abs was driving backed off some, giving Ben a bit of distance to play with. Instead of breaking to take the turn, Ben floored the accelerator. The car lurched forward, the back end fishtailing, trying to follow the commands of the driver, the engine and the laws of physics at the same time. The front wheel drive pulled the car into line on the short but treacherous turn. Ben found a straight away, saw that his father was still trying to negotiate the turn and had fallen out of view behind them. Ben killed his head lights and instantly Susan's beat up rice-burner blended into the mountain night.
Not much longer, twenty miles to town, "We're almost there."
"We should have turned around Ben. There were police at the school." Kim whined, frightened. One hand was buried into the seat cushion, the other clutched at her seat belt.
"He's between us and them. Wanna turn around and see what he does?" Ben asked with a certain sarcastic bite.
Kim shook her head. "No, not really." With Ben's statement came clarity. It seemed that particular option hadn't been a good idea to begin with. She was scared. But at the moment she was scared of only one thing, a wreck. She had no idea why Ben's father would be chasing them down. She couldn't quite convince herself that he had harmful intentions. Still, he was chasing them. You'd think if he wanted Ben to pull over, he'd be flashing his lights or honking his horn.
Kim turned to look out the rearview mirror. The lights of Abner's vehicle were just sweeping around the bend in the road. "He's still back there."
"Yeah, I know." Their thoughts were jolted as the car's right front wheel landed in a pothole. The rear wheel followed it with a mighty crash making everything in the vehicle not bolted down to rattle.
-*-
When Abs cleared the turn, the car was gone. There was no sign of it on the road at all. "Clever boy," he mumbled to himself as he scanned the darkness for signs of where Ben might have turned off.
He couldn't tell if they had gotten off on one of the many side roads that ran deep into the hills here or if he's just pulled off into the woods. Either way it would be nearly impossible to follow him once he was up in the hills or to tell exactly where he pulled off for that matter. Problem was there were no lights on this road. The highway was an old one. Very few people, apart from the permanent residents of the area and the students ever really used it anymore. Ben probably knew the area pretty well. For generations, almost all the boys in the area came down this road here to fish in the Tennessee or drink whatever boys drank away from prying eyes. If Abs hung around here much longer there was the very real risk of the cops tracking him down.
They're close to the railroad tracks. They'll be in town soon, can't let them get that far.
Abs stepped hard on the accelerator and rocketed forward in hopes of catching dust trail down a side road or a pair of tail lights going around a corner or up a hill. After a few minutes, something sparked not far in front of him. It wasn't more than a bright firefly flash in the distance. But it had been too brief, too bright, to be a lightening bug. Clutching the wheel to pull himself forward out of the glare of the dashboard lights, Abs leaned forward and squinted against the darkness.
In the greenish half-light glow beneath his chin, he looked no less a demon than had the gates of Hell opened and vomited him out. His neck was laced with cords of muscles, twined and standing out in stark relief of his skin. The shadows fell here and there creating the visual effect of empty spaces between them, making his head look only partially attached. He looked to be a rotting corpse, his massive chest pressed against the steering wheel, his eyes a pale sort of ghastly jaundiced yellow. There the complex roadmap of blood vessels appeared to be black, pumping bile like poison through his system.
He trained on the narrowing road before him and waited. "Come on… come on…" he muttered under his breath. The evil deity to whom he prayed did not disappoint him. Soon, there was another spark, then another!
"Gotcha mother fucker." He had been considering removing that chain only days before he left for his cabin, if for no other reason than to silence Susan's incessant nagging about how much noise it made while she was driving. "Well now, she won't be complaining about that any more, will she?" he asked himself with great glee. He burst into menacing laughter at his own sick joke, taking a second to mentally pat himself on the back for his quick wit. Now, here in the gloom of the back roads of the Tennessee Mountains he was grateful he had never taken the time to dislodge that chain from the trailer hitch. Tonight it was a homing beacon. He couldn't help laughing at the irony of it. And so he laughed and laughed and laughed as the RPMs of his car's engine rose steadily.
-*-
"He's not turning around Ben." Kim's voice was rising in octaves as the mounting stress weighted more significantly on her brain. Ben said nothing. His idea had not been meant to get Abs to turn around and give up, but to buy time to think. The ploy had not given him enough time. Behind them, Ben could hear the tow-chain skipping of the surface of the street. He knew it was beckoning to his father like a signal flare.
Whatever he wanted Ben felt Abs wasn't going to stop until he got it. Kim turned to him and spat, "BEN, are you listening to me. I said he's not fooled by putting your lights out, you have to do something."
Ben turn to her, "Yes Kim," Ben said as an odd calm washed over him. "I know. I'm trying to…" Ben turned his attention back to the road in front of him and terror filled the whole of his being. "OH SHIT KIM,"
Kim spun around but never saw the railroad crossing guard mechanism they hit. They were both ejected from the car. Ben flew across the seat and wrapped Kim up in his arm before the impact with the railroad crossing gate and broken down DOT truck parked along side it, waiting for its master to return and repair it. The position of the truck made it impossible to maneuver the car to avoid both by the time he saw it. If Ben had had his lights on, then it would have been visible. If he had been going the speed limit, it would have been avoidable even without his lights on. Neither case was true.
Susan's Civic impacted with the great steel arm and motorized mechanism that powers the crossing arm, placing as best he could, as much of the Impact on the driver's side of the car in order to spare his passenger. He then tried to hold her to prevent her from being ejected. The result was that the windshield of the car was forced out of the frame on impact. Ben and Kim were thrown free of the wreckage and Ben's body protected Kim from the impact with the ground.
The side of Kim's face impacted with the ground and gravel strewn about from the rail bed over time. Her knees and legs had deep abrasions as did her nose, cheeks and chin. Her forehead had a deep cut along the hair line. Ben's chest impacted with the dashboard on the way out of the vehicle then Kim landed on Ben after he had landed on the ground. The dash board broke three ribs and punctured one of his lungs. The fall to the ground fractured a portion of his skull. Unknown to either of them, Ben began bleeding in his brain. His impact with Kim broke three bones in his left arm and forced his leg and ankle around pulverizing his ankle, Talus bone into dust.
He never lost consciousness during the beating he took from the crash, he wanted to however. The pain that racked him was more than exquisite it was otherworldly. He tried to stand, rolling to his left slightly to give his right arm leverage. He tried to slide his leg below himself but only toppled over in the attempt. Ben's nerve endings sang but his brain did not join the chorus. He was already going into shock.
The world was a blur of dark and darker shades of black. Noises hummed relentlessly in his head. Lights, like phantoms, flashed on and off again, over and over in his head. After his first attempt at standing failed he remained still. He had to battle to breathe. Inside his chest as he fought for breath, was a deep rattling gurgle. He was vaguely aware that there seemed to be fluid deep down inside him obstructing his attempt to breathe.
You have to find her… GET UP!
Her who, Ben wondered? "Ohhhhh Jesus!," Ben groaned, trying to protect his arm and injured side.
He ordered himself again to get up, but he could not, so he did the next best thing. He lay there trying to collect his thoughts. Kimberly… Where the hell did Kimberly go? They were out together. "Kimberly…" Ben moaned. "Oh shit, KIM!" They hit something and then… What? He couldn't remember. But she was out there somewhere, dead or alive, she was out there. He had to find her.
He called out to her. "KIM! Where are you?" Behind him rose a soft groan in the high grass not far away. He could vaguely recall something (or someone), landing on him, but not much else. She must have bounced over there, he thought to himself. Looking in the direction where the moaning came from, he could just make out a glimpse of pale skin beneath the black dress she wore but could not see how badly she was injured. After a minute or so, he could hear her softly crying. He was gratefully relieved. It meant she was breathing, she was alive!"
"KIM, KIM! Answer me Kim."
"What happened?" Kim croaked. She began sobbing again. It was a pretty good sign. "Aw God, I'm dying."
"How badly are you hurt? Can you stand?" Ben cried out. In the grass there was movement and soon Kim was standing. She was covered in her own blood. It was all over her, streaked through her hair, in dark patches that glistened in the moon light down her dress. Her legs, her beautiful, beautiful legs were a wash in red. The hose she wore were shredded and hung in dripping strips. Her dress was torn and hung loosely from one shoulder. She walked through the grass, limping and pathetically mewing in pain as she did. Nothing seemed to be broken on her, but she was favoring her right arm. It hung limply at her side as she hobbled closer.
In the distance and through the haze of pain, Ben could hear the modified engine of his father's Toyota approaching.
Ben tried to reach out to her as she got closer, "Help me up Kim. My leg is broken; I think my arm is too."
Kim tried to help him up. Fighting the pain and the tears being moved invoked, he strained to help her right him, but Ben was too heavy to lift, the pain too great. Unexpectedly Kim fell very still. She crouched next to him, easing his head down beside her. The whispered warning that fell from her mouth felt to be a portent of prophesized evil come to bear on the heads of all mankind, "Oh Ben, he's here." He could hear the engine of his father's vehicle idle down and then shut off.
Both of them could hear the driver's side door open. Soon Abs boots were crunching through the gravel and coal strewn around the ground. These were slow, deliberate steps. Ben could hear the pumice mixed in with the gravel popping, its delicate structure giving way under Abs' boots the way Susan's head had. They were the steps of a man savoring the moment, surveying a great lost treasure sought for years, but only now rediscovered. Ben knew Abs would take his time. He would try to terrify them. He would feed off that energy much the way a vampire would feed on blood. When they had no more fear to offer him, then and only then would Abs end it.
Ben knew something else with great clarity of mind that the idea nearly caused him to pass out. His father would make sure Kim's parents understood exactly how much their daughter had suffered. One way or the other, he would make sure Thomas Glass would enjoy the same terror Kim was about to experience.
The head lights had been left on. All the better to see you with my Dear… Ben thought as a verse of the Perrault nursery rhyme danced in his head. Ben and Kim could only see the colossal silhouette Abs cast as he passed in front of those lights. All at once he stopped. He was facing them, they could both see that, it was then Abs began to chuckle to himself.
"So," his father greeted cheerfully. "Had a little fender-bender did ya?"
"Run Kim," Ben whispered.
Confused, either by the impact or fear, Kim didn't run, she only asked, "Ben?"
Ben lay frustrated, unable to help, scared but more than that, he was angry. If he could, he was going to do what he could to kill Abs. Only Ben wasn't so confident he'd be successful. It was best to get Kim as far away as possible in either case. "Kim, do as I'm telling you and fucking run into the woods, go, run away. DO IT NOW KIM!"
But Kim was frozen, she could not run, she could not even move. She simply knelt next to Ben and whimpered, frightened.
"That's right little girlie, run. I like it when they run. Makes it feel like it's really more of a challenge. So run, please. Cause I can tell you right now when I'm done putting this worthless pile of shit out of my misery, I'm gonna come and get me a little snapper pie."
For an old man, as Ben saw him, he was fast, faster than Ben could have imagined. Before either of them could blink, he had her. He pulled her to him across Ben's prone body, as he stepped over Ben to get closer. "I just bet you're about the tightest thing I've ever seen. All grown up now too." Abs grabbed her already torn dress at her bodice and in one fluid motion ripped it from her body, leaving her only black strapless bra, panties, hose and shoes. "That's better," he said. Taking her by the neck, he forced her to stand. Kim mewed in pain and panic, wishing silently she had found her legs and had run when Ben begged her to. With Kim now standing semi-erect, Ben's father then reached down and grabbed her crotch in an iron claw of a hand. She squealed as he cupped it roughly squeezing it in a painful handful of flesh. She tried not to cry out, but each attempt to be strong was subdued with a tighter and tighter grip. Soon it felt like he was trying to rip her genitals from her body.
Kim finally cried out clutching the man's arm with her left hand and tried to bend her knees to position her body as far from his reach as possible. Around the edges of her face, an all too familiar burning began to grow. She cried out hard and loud, weeping and thrashing to get free, convulsing cries of pain and fear. Abs pulled back viciously and Kim cried out again, "Don't pull away from me bitch. Keep it where I can get to it." Abs snarled shaking her by her neck.
What had just transpired before his eyes had taken less than five seconds, but Ben had seen enough. There was no pain in the world that was going to keep him from preventing this somehow. No pain, that is, except the one in his arm and ankle that is. He tried once more to get up on his own and failed. Now, to his horror, his vision was starting to close out on him. What he could still see was cloudy, but a large part of his field of vision was simply gone. He had a truly fucked headache and a dry mouth. He feared he was going to pass out soon, leaving Kimberly helpless.
Beside him, a large rock, coincidently the very one that had fractured his skull though he wasn't aware of that, lay close at hand. He rolled it to him and clutched it frantically to his chest. Ben then bent his damaged leg at the knee, dragging his now unsupported foot clumsily along the gravel beneath. The pain sent new flashes of light into his brain. Struggling to get his leg braced beneath Kim, he set himself against the pain that he knew was just a head of him. Suddenly, Kim jerked backward trying again to free Abs' grip. When she did she jammed Ben's limp ankle down into the ground like a hammer drives a nail.
It did the trick. Ben was all at once awake and alert, brought back from the depths of a fading consciousness. He screamed out against the anguish of the pain in such a ghastly shriek, it distracted both antagonist and victim from the course of their business. His father stood directly above him, almost straddling him where he lay. Ben forced the large rock he had gathered and drove it with all his force upward in to Abs scrotum.
The effort brought new worlds of pain to Ben. His side flexed and tried to retreat. Ben's left arm, useless as it was still tried to brace against further abuse. Ben screamed in shear agony as white hot pain flashed in him. Every nerve ending felt as if it had been dipped in flaming alcohol. But he was dimly aware that his scream wasn't the only one on the air. Both Kim and his father were screaming as well. Hearing Abs cry out made Ben smile in spite of the suffering he endured.
Above him, like magic, Abs iron maniacal of a hand let go of Kim's crotch. The burning at the edges of her mask ceased all at once. The pain in her groin however had evolved into a throbbing sort of heat.
The sensation Abs experienced initially was only a reaction to the instinctual knowledge of what he knew was coming next. It would be his brain's only chance to react for a time. So react it did. Then his screaming all at once, dried up. He grabbed his jeans at the union of its legs almost knocking the rock from Ben's hand. His knees buckled and then he seemed to just lock up. Abs posed like that for a few seconds and then pitched forward without a sound, face first into the gravel to Ben's right. To Kim, it looked like an invisible assailant had shoved Abs forward from the back.
Abs's legs finally relaxed and Ben took the opportunity to bring the rock down on his father's right ankle smashing the man's calcaneus, the lower fibula and tibia as well. Ben would have crushed his skull with it but Abs head had fallen out of Ben's reach. Abs twitched and tried to roll away to prevent the additional injuries he knew where happening but was powerless to prevent. The pain in his groin was still a major motivation in the life of Abner Ackerman at the moment. Ben lifted the mighty rock once more and brought it down on the joint at the back of his father's knee. It did little damage except to open a major gash in his father's leg. Not much but it helped to level the playing field just a bit more.
Kim watched as Ben did his best to disable his monster of a father, oblivious to the concept of self preservation. Ben was a mess. She had to get him some help. He was bleeding from at least a half a dozen places, including his ears and his mouth. As he tried to breathe, foamy blood gurgled from his mouth. When Ben finally turned to Kim and cried, "Kim, GO!" Blood spewed from his mouth in a grizzly display.
This time she didn't wait. Staggering backward, terrified, she fled. Ben was right, her experience with Kirk had taught her that when a man wanted something bad enough, he could probably take it long before help ever arrived. She would not be able to stop Abs alone. If she could do anything at all for Ben, it would be to run and find help. In the back of her mind however, she knew that there was no way she would get back in time to keep Abs from killing Ben. It was the ultimate sacrifice he was making for her. When that realization hit her it couldn't have stopped her faster than if she'd hit a brick wall. He's going to die if I don't do something.
She had managed to run ten yards into the woods and had gotten turned around. Now she didn't know which way was out. Until, that is, she heard Abs growl from somewhere behind her, "Gonna kill you now, boy." She searched the ground around her franticly for something to use as a weapon and found only a large pine branch that was too clumsy and heavy to wield effectively. Still, she felt she had to try something. "I'm coming Ben…" she hefted the large branch between her body and her left arm and began dragging it out of the woods behind her.
-*-
Ben was about to fade out. He could feel himself slipping away when his father growled deep and low in his throat, the pain subsiding enough that he had once more regained some control over his damaged body. "Gonna kill you now boy."
Somewhere in the distance, he thought he heard Kimberly crying out for him. Is she still in trouble? Oh God, I can't make it to her… Please… Let her get out alive.
He let his head turn toward the road. No one… Where is everyone? He was stunned that no cars had come along this barren stretch of road. It wasn't even that late, 9:30 at the latest. Someone should have heard or seen the accident, sent help, screamed for them to hold it down, something! There was nothing, no help, no savior. Ben pushed off with is right hand and found himself kneeling. He planted his left foot and pressed his lower leg bones into the fractured joint of his ankle until it felt stable and then used is right leg to lift himself to a full stand. Ben cried out in great pain as he stood. It was not only the grinding of what felt like broken glass in his ankle, but the gravity pulling on his left arm as the broken shards of bone from three breaks ground against each other.
When Ben cried out, to Abner it sounded a lot like the roar of some great monster and for a moment, Abner experienced a flicker of fear.
Ben's only intent was to simply get across the tracks. He had no plan beyond that. His thoughts were becoming confused and disoriented. For just a moment, he was at his grandmother's house, Susan's mother. She was sweet and had spoiled Ben with ice cream and honey after her good old fashion country dinners.
Someone called his name, "Ben…" It was a voice he felt he should have known. In his half dazed state however, it was his Grams that spoke his name. But the image didn't match the voice. "Ben… he's coming, look out." The visage of his Grams evaporated. The softly decorated country décor of her old-time kitchen vanished. It was an effect Ben was familiar with. One he had seen once before, standing on the porch of his best friend Tim Glass as the world dissolved around him. As it had that night, he found himself lost in the middle of a night-time landscape and a monster close on his heels.
The sound of Kim's voice had brought him back, 'Now, exactly why am I here again?'
Behind Ben, some monstrous creature roared his name, "BEEEEEENNNNNN!"
'Oh yeah, now I remember.' That thought was more than he could take and he began laughing as he limped along the line. Down line Ben saw a linesman's box. There would be a phone to the dispatcher in there. He wouldn't live to see help arrive but Kim might. Ben locked his eyes on the equipment box and leaned forward to give himself momentum.
"Where are you going Ben?" cried his father, "You can't hide from me."
When Kim reached the tree line she was shocked to find Ben stumbling clumsily along between the two rails of the track on the raised track bed. He was moving away from her, east away from town. Not far behind, about twenty feet was Abs. He was making bad time and losing ground on Ben with each step. Abs right foot flopped about like a cat's toy on a string. His injury not withstanding, he was still up and moving. Even more alarming to Kim was the idea that he seemed to be getting better at walking with each step.
"Shit or get off the pot Pop," Ben fired back and be hobbled along. The pain in his leg seemed to be gone now and he was making much better time than his father who was still hurting in the lower leg pretty badly.
Abs laughed, "It took dying to make you brave enough to face me? That's fucking comedy boy. If I'd known that's what it would take, I would have killed you a long time ago."
"You keep talkin Pop, but I'm still walkin. Why don't you go home and hang your worthless, stupid ass from a rafter where no one will fuckin find The BODY!"
"Holy shit Ben. What did your dear old Dad ever do to you to deserve that?" That one question held more humor than Abs and Ben had ever shared at any point in their lives. Both men were suddenly racked with gales of mutual, hysterical laughter. Still they limped along, two soldiers sharing the hilarity of their tragic personal experience after battle. Ben was almost doubled over from laughing. Abs, also still laughing heartily, wanted to take advantage of this but was laughing too hard to do anything but stand there and roar with the humor of it. "You know, I left something for you at home. Call it an over due birthday present. Too bad you won't live to see it."
Limping away, leading him as far away from Kim as he could, Ben called back, "So tell me anyway?"
Each step for Abs was molten steel under his now battered skin. But the nerves were beginning to weaken or perhaps his foot and ankle were dying. He wasn't going to be able to catch Ben this way. It was going to come down to who fell down first. One way or the other, the police were going to catch him now. Abs was only concerned about one thing, doing Ben before they got here.
"I left it in the hallway Ben. I'm afraid it's probably startin' to stink by now though."
Ben stopped dead. Inside him, his gut spun wildly. He understood perfectly well what his father was insinuating. Putting words to the idea was more than poor Ben could handle. Between the pain and this new, horrible idea Ben vomited uncontrollably.
"Don't thank me boy," his father said for a minute, savoring his victory, "It really was my pleasure."
He turned on his father with yellowish gore hanging from his chin, glaring at him. "No… you couldn't have."
Kim watched the exchange from the edge of the woods, but she could not hear clearly what Abs was saying to Ben. Ben looked furious at whatever it was and Kim prayed that he would not let himself be goaded into approaching Abs. Strains of what Abs said drifted in and out of her hearing coupled with the distant sound of a train horn.
Kim's head turned west, her eyes searching in the darkness at a point in space where she felt she would see the first hint of what she knew she's soon see, Train's coming…Kim fretted. She turned her gaze back to the drama playing out to the east, Ben get off the tracks.
Abs pressed on now that Ben was still. He could make ground on him now. "You bet I did, shoved my boot right through her face. She didn't even recognize me at first." Abs crowed.
"You're a liar." Ben fired back out of breath, "You've never told me the truth, not once."
"That hurt Ben." Abs said mocking his son with a sympathetic tone. "I told you all kinds of truth. I'm the one that called you a worthless pussy, remember. That was the truth. That shit your mother fed you, now that was 100 percent unadulterated bullshit, Son."
"Mom's not dead," Ben insisted. "You're trying to trick me into coming over there."
"Right on one count, Benny Boy. Judges, anything on the first part of Ben's answer," Abs made an angry buzzing noise, "Judges say she's as dead as a fucking coffin nail boy. Don't worry though, you'll see her soon enough."
Ben ran his bloody fingers through his hair, NOOOOO, he's lying. Don't listen to him. But Ben knew he wasn't lying. Abs was evil, but he wasn't a liar. If he said he'd killed her, then Ben could count on the fact that his mother was dead. "YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!"
"Never claimed otherwise my boy." Abs said lurching closer, smiling larger with each step.
Ben fell backwards, painfully stumbling over the rail switch that diverted trains to a local spur. Leaning against the long lever to rest, trying to let the pain in his shattered ankle and ribs fade, the rail switch shifted slightly under Ben's weight. Beneath him, he noticed that the padlock that was put in place to keep the lever in a stable position was splintered. It wasn't unusual to find a rail switch with a busted lock. Vandals did things like this all the time.
The train horn sounded, this time much louder. Ben could here the thrum of the diesel engines coming through the valley. Abs laughed, "Hey Ben, train's coming, better move yer car!"
Through the valley, Ben could see the head light of the lead engine. Kim was standing on the rail bed. Her black satin underwear stood out in sharp contrast against her creamy white skin, even in this darkness. He could only pray that she moved back away from the tracks. His father was supporting himself on one foot. If he teetered Ben noticed, he would touch a rail tie painfully with his bent and shattered left leg, just enough to steady himself. Ben could see the pain reflected in Abs face, a face that, for the first time, Ben recognized as his own. In his original timeline, Ben had never really gotten to know his father. His mother had never taken him to see Abs in jail, thankful just to be rid of him.
Now Ben could see the family resemblance and he hated his father more than ever for giving him a face that he would forever see as someone else's, a monster's face.
Abs limped up the tracks. Ben was too tired and injured to move any more. It would end this way then. Ben would stand his ground here, keeping Abs on the side of the track with the rail switch when the train passed. It would be between Kim and Abs, at least for a while. Ben hoped she would take the initiative and run like Hell while she had the chance.
The horn from the approaching train sounded again, closer this time. Ben's eyes followed the tracks from where the train was to where his father was limping along, trying to shorten the distance between them. He would have to remain here and keep his father on course as long as possible. He viewed the elevated rail bed, dreading the jump he knew he would have make to keep his father on the south side of the tracks. Ben once more gauged the distance between Abs and himself.
Then Ben noticed a curious thing. Abs was using the inner edge of the rail and the crossties as a flat surface to steady his course. He was sliding his good foot along the rail, hooking against the thing to keep himself on a straight line. Ben watched as Abs slipped his foot between the stock rails and the point blades of the spur. Ben's attention leaped briefly to the rail switch for a second and then slowly back at his father, who was now only a few steps away. "Hey Dad,"
"Yeah son," Abs said in the kindliest of voices.
Ben smiled a tremendous smile and spat, "Fuck you." Ben thrust the entire weight of his body against the rail switch. At first it stuck, driving a deep and disturbing pain into the core of Ben's chest. Then it gave, spinning around to Ben's left and sending him toppling down the rail bed embankment in a heap. The point blades closed with crushing force against the stock rails of the main line trapping Abs good foot between them, crushing it in a giant vice, locking him to the tracks. Abs was trapped.
The scream of pain that erupted from his father was agonizing. Ben didn't realize that men could scream that way. Abs had fallen to his knees, the train behind him was now getting close. Abs suddenly raised his head and howled a blood curdling sound from deep in his chest. In the track bed, Ben could feel the vibrations from the train's large steel wheels. Ben watched as Abs tried to pull his leg free, but the tendons beneath the burst flesh of his ankle would not give way.
The horn blared again, this time it was deafening. Ben watched as his father's head swung around to gage both distance and time. Abs struggles became panicked as he understood that he was now nearly out of at least one very valuable commodity, time. He struggled with agonizing determination to a standing position. Abs searched the tracks for an escape. When he found none he grabbed his trapped leg and tried to pull it free. Abs opened his mouth to scream., his face wild with panic, the train's lamp giving a strange surreal light to his father from behind. Abs wavered; his mouth open, the only sound on the air was the sound of the train's horn, making it look to Ben as if that awful sound was coming from his father.
From where he lay, he could see Kim running in their direction, still on the opposite side of the tracks with the train now in full site. The Engineer saw the mangled wreck of Ben's car and a man and a woman close enough to get killed by the on rush. He blared his horn to warn them, and startled beyond words, Kim jumped backward. Ben watched as she lost her footing and fell back away from the tracks and out of sight down the embankment.
The horn was still blasting when the train hit what was left of his mother's Civic. It smashed it back into the crossing gate, bringing the gate mechanism down with a thunderous crash. The car was forced down the track bouncing and rolling as it went. The train hit it again and shoved it off the track in a twisted heap. Abs was still screaming when the train hit him from behind. His body seemed to explode in a shower of blood and body parts, all of which was highlighted by the engines powerful torch. Parts of his father rained down on Ben as the trains breaks engaged sending sparks flying from all the steel wheels as far as Ben could see down the tracks.
The train it turned out was pulled by only two engines. It coasted by and managed to stop some 250 yards down the line. By the time the crew had come back to inspect the damage and look for survivors, Kim was already by Ben's side. The Engineer stopped short of the site. Kim was cradling Ben's head and whispering to him. "I'm still here Ben. Kim's scrapes from her fall down the steep track bed had stopped bleeding but not before she had once again been slathered in blood. Ben was fading in and out of consciousness and the girl with him was pleading for him to hang on. All around them and strewn down the tracks were the obvious signs of another. A person that was no longer recognizable as a person.
Kim looked up at the engineer, she was trembling and obviously injured. She spoke in a weak and shaky voice, "Please help us,"
"I radioed for help. It should be here soon." He approached and crouched beside her. He could see that she was clad only in bloody undergarments. "Where are you injured," he asked gently?
"It's… It's… It's not me, it's B… B… B… en. He's h… h… h… urt real bad," Her breaths were coming in hitches and fits. Completing whole thoughts was more than a challenge at the moment.
The man looked down at Ben and saw a visible depression in the boys head. He examined Ben's eyes with a pen light and found them dilated. Nor did they respond to the light of his flashlight. The boy was breathing however, but the rest of his body was a mess. "Sweetheart, I…" He wanted to tell her that he didn't think her friend was going to make it and move her away from him before the moment came. But he found he couldn't. The rest of his crew came running up and stopped short where he was kneeling beside this young girl and this badly battered young man.
One of them whispered, "Jesus, they're just kids." All of them were heart sick. Some of them even knew associates in the industry that had been involved in accidents like this. The actual scene was far more gruesome than words had been able to convey.
"How many Chief," one of his crew asked?
Chief Farway glanced over his shoulder and said, "Looks like it's gonna be two. The girl's in shock I think." There was a sudden, sharp pain to his right cheek. He turned to see where it had come from and Kim slapped him again.
"He's not dead! He's not gonna die. Do you hear me? Now help him!"
"Honey…" Kim slapped the man again.
"I SAID HELP HIM," she screamed at the Engineer with all the fight and fury of a tornado.
Chief Farway turned and shouted, "Call the state police on the radio, get them the fuck out here. Get Jackson to bring some blankets from the cab, bring it back with a bottle of water, no two bottles and bandages from the first aid kit and a fucking tourniquet. HURRY!"
When he looked back at Kim she was nodding rapidly. To him, it looked more like a convulsion. "Thank you," the girl said and went back to attending her friend. "Ben, help is on the way, hang on. Please hang on." She then sat and rocked him gently. Down the road they could see the authorities coming. "I hope I didn't hurt you," Kim said without looking up. When Chief Farway didn't answer, Kim did look up and lock eyes with him.
His first thought echoed that of his crewmen, 'Good God, they really are just kids. This is someone's little girl. I probably killed someone's kids,' He leaned in once more and asked, "Are you hurt miss?" The girl was covered in blood and wearing only her undergarments. 'What in the hell was going on here?'
The girl was not crying, Farway sensed she did not want to let go in front of her boyfriend. That would be too much like admitting that the kid wasn't going to make it. If Farway had ever seen a kid that wasn't going to make it though, it was the boy this young lady was cradling in her arms.
"Help is coming. I can hear the sirens. What about you, are you hurt?" Just then, one of the train crew, Jackson presumably, was heard running along the rail bed, gravel from the bed crunching beneath his hurried steps.
"Good Gawd," he cried out when he saw the carnage. "Did we hit them?"
"I thought so at first," Farway said grabbing one of the blankets from Jackson. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the Honda wrapped around the crossing guard control, "But I think they hit that trying to avoid that truck."
"There's blood all over the number one engine, we hit something and it weren't no deer either."
"That car is not on the tracks. It didn't even get close. How do you know it wasn't a deer."
"Deer don't wear blue jeans boss." Jackson informed him. "I wonder if what we hit didn't get here in that?" Jackson pointed to a spot just behind where the smashed Civic lay. Abs' Toyota was parked just off the winding mountain road on the shoulder.
"Jesus Christ," Farway muttered, shaking his head.
'I need to call my daughter when this is over, tell her that I love her.'
"Did we hurt anyone on your train," the young lady in the blood streaked underwear asked?
"No Sweetheart," Farway assured her in his softest voice, "you didn't hurt anyone."
"Good, that's good," Kim sighed, relieved.
"Just be still, Okay? What's your name? Can you tell me if you're hurt," But it was clear she was hurt, the question was, just how bad. Kim still wouldn't answer, Farway reckoned she didn't want her young man to hear. Farway didn't know what to do. He did know what not to do however.
He looked at Jackson and said, "Don't move them, even though she's sitting up, she may still have injuries we can see that could get worse if we move her. The boy isn't going anywhere, so just keep her still. I'm going to go flag down the cops when they get close."
"Miss, what's your name," Jackson asked this time?
"My name?" Kim seemed to have to think about it for a moment. She looked straight into the man's eyes and said, "I'm Kimberly. I'm sorry about your train."
"My name is Dave, Dave Jackson," They could hear the sirens of the approaching emergency vehicles.
"Here they come Ben…" Ben responded by going into a serious grand mal seizure.
Together, they helped to stabilize Ben. Dave pulled his wallet out and shoved it into Ben's mouth and received a healthy bite to one of his finger for his efforts. Kim whined in distress and held onto Ben as best she could. She was no longer concerned with anything other than Ben's survival. If Ben was going to die tonight, she wanted him to know she was with him. She had stayed with him and it seemed important that he know that.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
Kim could only stare blankly back at the man remembering the near intimacy they had shared just before reentering the school gym, "Tonight was our first date." With that, Kim stalwart resolve broke. Her face crumbled as she leaned over and kissed Ben's bloody forehead. Dave Jackson, a thirty year employee of the railroad, veteran of two foreign wars, wounded twice in Vietnam and generally one tough son-of-a-bitch couldn't help himself. He broke down and cried with Kim. The questions were over as far as he was concerned. He couldn't stand another heart breaking answer.
Dave Jackson reflected back to a time when his own baby sister had been killed by a drunk driver. She had left the house happy, laughing and full of life. No one, least of all Emily, would have believed that when she shut the door behind her, it would be the last time. Dave prayed to himself that this night would not be the last time their parents would ever see their children. He sat silently with Kim and Ben until paramedics arrived to take over a few moments later, thinking about just how fast life could turn on a dime.
"Good evening, I'm Clark Jessup and this is Eyewitness News.
"Overnight, tragedy struck the sleepy Central Tennessee town of Baker where two people are believed to have been killed as a freight train crushed a car carrying two teens that had been attending the Mathers' High School Senior Prom tonight. Details are sketchy, but what we do know is that the two teens involved in the incident are the same two teens who made such a stir in that same embattled high school just a month ago. Kimberly Glass, Captain of the school's State Champion Tigress's and Benjamin Ackerman, son of the reputed Tennessee drug lord were reportedly on their way home from attending the prom when they were involved in an accident at the east railroad crossing on Highway 188. Also involved in the accident was Abner Ackerman, known as the Greased Hog by State Police."
"Police are reporting that Abner Ackerman was killed when a train, approaching from Baker, struck him while Ackerman was standing on the tracks. There is no indication from police why the senior Ackerman was on the tracks or exactly what he might have been doing in the vicinity of a school on the night of a school sponsored activity. Additional reports seem to indicate that the other fatality was his son, Benjamin Ackerman who received massive internal injuries as a result of a car crash. There is no word on the condition of Ms. Glass as of yet."
"If you'll recall, it was their desire to attend the prom together that began a bitter feud between athletes loyal to Mather's star Quarterback Kirk Oswalter and the junior Ackerman over the love interest of Ms. Glass…"
-*-
Tom Glass reached up and turned off the television in the waiting room. "God damned thing," he muttered. "I'm sure Ben is fine. The hospital would have told us something if he wasn't." His statement was directed to three people, Sarah and Harvard Becklock and his ex-wife Cindy. When Tom turned, he could see that Sarah had been badly shaken by the report. "I'm sure that was just a mistake Sarah. They surely wouldn't have released that to the media."
"That's right Baby," Harvard agreed, "They'd have to get permission before they…" Harvard fell silent realizing there was no one left to give permission. The police had found Susan's body about a half hour after they identified Ben.
That cat was out of the bag, but good now. "Who are they going to ask Daddy? He's got no one now."
"Yes he does." Harvard said. The authority in his baritone voice left little doubt in Tom's mind about the conviction in Harvard's heart. "He has us. We're his family now. All of us."
Tom glided in beside Sarah. "That's right Sarah. We're not going to let anything happen to him if we can help it. He's a genuine hero that boy. He saved my little girl. You can bet your last dime I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he gets the best treatment."
Sarah looked up at her father's large and imposing figure. He smiled gently to her, "Hey, what's all that money we got for if you can't spend it on the people you love." Tom stood and braced himself on Harvard's shoulder. When Mr. Becklock looked up, he caught Tom wiping tear's away. "You Okay Tom?"
Tom nodded, but said nothing. He looked anything but Okay to Harvard. They had just come back from the ICU pods where Robert had been only a few short weeks ago. Now both their children were hospitalized. How would you be if it were Sarah instead of Kimberly? Harvard thought to himself.
"How is she?"
"Banged up, scraped. She'll have a few scars the Doctor said, most of them will heal up and you'll never know. The one on her chin will probably be visible, a couple on her leg. She has a nasty cut up near her scalp, but her hair should hide that one. Over all, she got off lucky."
Tom barked an hysterical little laugh, "Listen to me, I'm talking about vanity like it's the end of all of why we're here… She's alive Harvard. She'll live, I don't give a rats ass about the fucking scars. I know she will though. I know that whatever comfort she's able to get out of any of this, she'll at least get some from the idea of not looking like Lady Frankenstein."
Cindy was fairly crawling out of her skin. She had joined Tom and the Becklocks in the waiting room when it was clear she was impeding in Kim's ability to rest. Now, she was on that fine razor's edge between sanity and stark raving madness. "Tom," Cindy broke in sounding distressed, "You have to talk to someone. I can't sit out here with my baby all alone up there."
"They're just worried about you," Tom said sitting next to Cindy to try to reassure her. "Kimberly is fine. You, on the other hand are going to end up in one of those beds yourself if you don't give it a break."
"But Tom…"
"No, no buts Cindy. You heard what the Doctor said. If you don't try to relax, he said he'd sedate you. And I'll guarantee I will do everything I can to back him up. I'm letting you stay, but you're going to stop hovering over them."
"God, I just hate this." Cindy folded her arms, slouched back in the chair she was in and pouted. Her left eye had developed a small but noticeable tick. Tom gently stroked her hair, trying as he always had, to calm her. In Cindy's eyes her children were all she knew. It was the only reason for her existence. The troubles they had encountered over the years, the accident's Kim had suffered had only made this protective instinct more acute for Cindy. So much so in fact, her condition had nearly manifested itself into an illness. He knew now he'd been wrong to let this drive them apart. Cindy needed him here. More than that, he needed Cindy more than he had once believed. If it was within his power to restore that trust, he would never leave again.
It was Sarah's turn again to let the worry overtake her, "What am I going to tell him? He's alone." Sarah fretted for Ben.
"We'll tell him that we love him and we'll always be there for him, no matter what," was Harvard's honest answer. Sarah buried her face in her father's massive chest and resumed grieving.
Kimberly was going to be fine. No life threatening injuries. Among the scrapes and cuts, she had also dislocated her right shoulder. She had a pretty serious concussion that had resulted in her being under the watchful eye of the Intensive Care Unit where she was currently resting, being woken up every hour to insure she didn't slip away into a coma. She would live.
After thirteen grueling hours in surgery, Ben on the other hand might not. At least that was the last word when he had arrived. Maybe the news report had been accurate. Maybe with no parents, no other living relatives, the hospital had released the news. The incident with Kirk and Kim, his relationship to his father had made Ben a subject of state wide interest. The phrase, Inquiring minds what to know, danced in Tom's head. Could it be that Ben was of such interest that they would waive his right to medical privacy? Tom wondered if the four of them here to see Ben to whatever next plane of existence he would go to would be ignored for the public's veracious appetite for dirt? He didn't know. He knew however, that he must find out.
The door to the private family waiting area opened and Dr. Phillip Sato came in. His expression was drawn, his eyes looked tired. No one in the room felt he had good news to share. "Well, Ben survived the surgery. They're closing now."
Everyone gave a collective sigh of relief. Sarah broke down in tears and fell against her father gratefully.
"I don't want everyone to get their hopes up." It had only been a carrot, the calm before the preverbal storm. Tom sat, bracing himself for the worst, supporting Cindy. Harvard closed his eyes against the news and Sarah cringed. "I can't make this into something it's not. It's a miracle he's alive at all. There were a lot of internal injuries. They were only made worse by being forced to defend himself. I gotta tell you. I was an Army surgeon in Vietnam. We saw some pretty horrendous things come in and out of that field hospital. Infections that went untreated for weeks, wounds from bamboo spikes, organs ruptured from concussion grenades and a lot worse. Never have I seen injuries like this where the person in question was able to continue to walk let alone fight the way he did."
"What's the bottom line Doc," Harvard asked.
Dr. Sato inhaled deeply, preparing himself and said, "Mr. Ackerman most likely won't make it through to tomorrow night." Sarah vacillated between loud sobbing and soft tearful moaning. "I'm sorry I wish I had better news. His skull has a fairly significant fracture. We've removed a portion of it to allow his brain to swell without cutting off blood flow, but just the damage to his brain from the blow should have been enough to kill him. Is liver was ruptured. His bowel was damaged. He has multiple fractures including three ribs, a punctured lung." Sato went on and on for what seemed like hours describing Ben's injuries. Tom understood why. These things were being outlined for them so they could comprehend when the end finally came, Ben really didn't stand a chance.
"With all that," Sato chuckled to himself for a moment.
"What?" Tom asked, confused. He looked around the room at the faces all staring back at the doctor. They too appeared to be mystified by the man's amused demeanor.
With a look of utter amazement on his face, Sato admitted, "He's breathing on his own." The doctor shook his head, "I suppose it's too much to ask and it will probably change, but that one development is reason for hope. The condition of his body should make breathing impossible for him. He should be on a ventilator. In his state, that alone would have its on inherent risks, not the least of which is infection. But he doesn't seem to need it. And while the odds are so slim they're almost incalculable, they still jumped 100% in Ben's favor."
Sato checked his watch, "It's almost noon, they'll be waking Kim up again soon. I've scheduled to have her moved at 4:00 to her brother's room. I want to keep her over night. If she's still doing this well tomorrow at this time, we'll work up her release papers and she can go home."
"Can I go up and see her?" Cindy whined anxiously.
"Yes, but she's weak, she's in pain. In a few hours, after the risk of brain injury due to cranial pressure has passed, I'm going to be sedating her for a while. If she's disturbed by any one other than our staff," Sato glanced deliberately at Cindy, "then that room will be off limits to friends and family. Do I make myself clear?"
Cindy looked away, but nodded. Tom couldn't help think that must have been the most difficult admission Cindy had ever made.
Sarah turned to Sato, "What about me? Can I go see her too? Just for a little while."
"I think she could use all the support she can get right now given the circumstances," Sato said sympathetically.
Tom turned to Cindy, "Why don't you two go a head and go up. Harvard and I have a few things to work out with Dr. Sato." He glanced at Harvard and Harvard gave Tom an almost imperceptible nod.
"Does Kim know about Ben?" Sarah asked timidly.
"She was told he was in surgery. That's about it." The girls nodded understanding and moved toward the exit.
Cindy spared Tom a speculative glance and Tom smiled back softly. "I'll be right up." Cindy smiled in spite of the situation and left with Sarah in tow.
Tom then turned to Dr. Sato and asked, "Okay, I want to make sure Ben is getting the best care possible."
"I know you do. But the problem is Ben isn't likely to live long enough for any of it to make a difference. Not to mention that the state will only provide so much care. In a situation like this, the DWHS will probably look at this case and say the money could be used for someone more likely to survive. They work very much like a triage unit. Those with a lower than 50% chance of survival are simply allowed to die. Too few funds to go around you know, and trying to get the most effective care for the least about of cash. It's really in God's hands now."
"Well, for one, I don't think we should be helping God along with this by refusing to do what we can. Personally, I don't go to church. I'd rather put my faith and my money in something more substantial than prayer." Tom withdrew his checkbook and began scribbling. A moment later he tore a draft from the leaves of the book and handed it to Dr. Sato. "That will have to do for a start." Sato looked at the check, the amount written there was $60,000.
"This is quite a bit of money Mr. Glass."
"Nope," Harvard said. He too was now scribing in his check book. "This is quite a bit of money." With a flourish that would have made Liberace proud, Harvard tore out his check and handed it to the doctor.
Sato coughed, "Two hundred thousand? Like Tom said, that's a start. I'm a very wealthy man Dr. Ben WILL get the best of care. Won't he?"
Tom snapped his checkbook closed. "Show off," Tom groused with a genuine smile.
Harvard clapped Tom on the back and replied, "The best."
"I'll take these because you want to help. It's good to see people step up like this."
"I meant it Doc," Harvard assured, "If you need more, I've got it."
"If Ben needs more," Sato said, "I think I can convince the hospital to give the rest. If they won't, then I'll do it."
"You?" Tom asked perplexed.
"My baby sister's son was a good kid, smart, never in trouble. He wanted to be an Astronaut. He washed out of the pilot program in the Navy. After that he took to drinking, then drugs. The police told her that it was probably Mr. Ackerman's drug network that made the cocaine he O.D'd on available." Sato's face was pulled into a tight grimace as he spoke. "If it hadn't have been Ackerman, it would have been someone else. Barry would have found the drugs some place. I've spent my life trying to save kids like Barry. We save more than we lose, but even one kid, just one, is one kid too many. With Ackerman gone, maybe a few more will live long enough to see they have a chance. Ben deserves everything we have to give him for that. Don't worry about the rest. I'll make sure he's taken care of."
The two men rested their hands, one each gratefully on Sato's shoulders before he turned without another word and left.
Tom turned to Harvard before leaving the waiting area, "Thanks Harvard. You didn't have to do that."
"It's like the Doc said, boy's a hero. He deserves to be treated like one. I've got more money than one man deserves anyway. It's time I start spreading some of it around."
"So can I have some?" Tom asked trying to slip his arm around Harvard's massive shoulder and failed.
"How much you want?" Harvard asked skeptically.
"How much you got?" Tom asked with a smile.
"Not THAT much." Harvard said, conspicuously putting his checkbook away. Both men shared a brief moment of laughter as they left for Kimberly's room. It would be the last laugh anyone would share for a while. Both men seemed to sense this and savored it in the midst of the tragedy that had fallen on the heads of their children.
-*-
When Tom and Harvard entered the room, they were greeted by Kim demanding, "You're not telling me something." To say Kim was distraught was an understatement. She had visible stitches along her hairline and her chin. Her hair which had been cleaned of blood hung in strings from her head. Her right arm was in a blue sling tied behind her neck. There were angry abrasions on her cheeks and nose. Her face was red and puffy.
This was aggravated by her temper. "I want to know how he is. I want to see him."
"Honey," Tom said softly as he and Harvard entered the room.
"Oh Daddy," Kim cried and burst into tears, "They won't tell me how Ben is."
"I know Princess." He approached the bed, drew up a small metal hospital chair and sat beside her. "I don't think you're in any shape to go see him. Even if you were, he's still in surgery Sweet Heart. They were just finishing up on him when we left."
"So he's not dead?"
Tom managed a weak smile, "No," he answered sympathetically, "he's not dead." There was little relief in her face and Tom decided then and there to take responsibility for telling her daughter the truth. "But…"
"Oh no…" Kim groaned dreadfully. Her swollen face bunched up, her eyes became tiny slits as she braced for another impact, this time with the dashboard of bad news.
"Honey, he was hurt pretty badly. You knew that didn't you." Kim wiped her eyes with the back of her left hand clumsily and nodded trying to be strong. Tom spoke softly, kindly to her, conscious of her feelings. "He did something very special for all of us. He gave everything he had to try to make sure that you weren't hurt by his father."
"He's a God damned hero," Robert called out from the bed adjacent to Kim's.
"That's fine Robert. Let me handle this."
"Sorry Dad."
"Sweetie, he just didn't have much left afterward. He's fighting." Tom choked up. He had not yet said this out loud. He found hearing it was much different than saying it. Speaking the truth seemed somehow all the more horrible, self fulfilling somehow. It also seemed to sanctify Ben's heroics, to elevate them to a point beyond human to something almost Holy. "He's trying to hold on," Tom continued. "The doctor even told us he's breathing on his own. Now Sarah's father and I are going to make sure he has the best chance of recovering. But I think we have to do everything we can to be prepared for the possibility that he won't. Believe me, we're going to do whatever it takes to try to make sure he stays with us."
Kim clapped her hands over her face and wept. She remained like that for some time while the others in the room did their best to comfort her, a touch here, a kiss on her forehead, Cindy softly stroking her arm. After a time, she finally uncovered her face, "What about his mother? Where is she? How is she taking this?"
Kim gauged the looks of the adults in the room. It didn't take her long to figure out from the disturbed looks and pregnant silence that something else was horribly wrong. "She knows doesn't she? Someone's told her what happened right?"
For the first time in his life, Tom was not able to meet his daughter's eyes. He dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap and said, "Sweetie, Abs killed Ben's mother..." Kim fell backward limply, in shock as her father tried to finish, "some time before the prom…"
The absolute totality of what she and Ben had brought with them crashed upon her chest, a Baby Grand piano dropped from a hundred story building. The weight of it was finally more than she could bear. Now, someone that hadn't deserved it had died because of them, maybe two would be dead soon. She couldn't even reverse this now. Ben was busy fighting again, this time for his own life. Even if she could go to him now, before he passed away, if she put his hands on her face she suspected that the mask would stay on her. It had to be Ben, conscious and willing to remove it from her face. With her selfishness finally melted away in the flames of all this calamity, she could not do a thing to save him, to reverse what they had done. Now it was Susan in the box where her own father had once been. Ben was certainly next.
The price of staying, the price of having her father back had just become too high to pay. At least she had not been responsible for her father's death in that other place. Here, she felt she was a murderer.
"OH NO!" Kim wailed, "OH NO, OH NO… OH GOD WHAT HAVE WE DONE?" She began whipping her head around from left to right and back again. "OH NO… BEN… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! NOT ALL OF THEM…"
Tom lept up and tried to hold Kim's head still, "HONEY… HOLD STILL…" Others were moving in to help, "Hold her… Someone get a nurse, HURRY!"
Sarah dashed out, she too was crying, more out of fear than grief now. Still Kimberly thrashed about. To Tom it felt as though she might actually be trying to hurt herself. "Hold still Kim. Calm down."
A nurse rushed in followed by Sarah close behind, administered an injection and soon Kim began to quite down. "Okay, everyone out except family," ordered the nurse. Harvard spared a moment to hug Cindy, then Tom.
"Well be right outside," Harvard assured them both, "We're not going anywhere."
"Thanks," Tom said now distraught himself. Harvard and Sarah, still crying, both left the room to give Kim some peace.
Two days later, Kim was released after the doctor insisted she stay one more day. She was released at 9:00 in the morning. Cindy and Tom were there to collect her. They had with them a modest black dress for her to wear. When they left, they drove to St. Michael's Episcopal Church were Susan's service was being held.
There they sat with the Becklock's and the family of Dr. Phillip Sato who had come to pay their respects. No one else attended. Ben was still holding his own.
Afterward, the eleven mourners stood grim faced, thinking of the boy that still didn't know he was an orphan. Little was said. Cindy cried intermittently for most of the day, sad for Ben's loss, angry that she had wasted so much time, that she had not helped in some way someone who had once been a good friend. Kim eventually took Sarah's hand and limping, pulled her to the side while the others watched, but did not interfere.
Kim's eyes were everywhere except on Sarah's when she spoke. "He was taking me home… He wanted… He wanted… Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry."
"Shush… It's Okay," Sarah insisted.
"No it's not!" Kim insisted, "I was so selfish."
Sarah fumbled for Kim's hand. When she found it she latched onto it and held on for dear life. Kim was trembling mightily. "This is silliness." Sarah scolded Kim. "You have to accept that there are just some things we have no say so over Kim. I not going to feel any better if it's you in Ben's place. Thank God you're Okay."
"He wanted to take me back, once he did as you asked him to do. He wanted to take me home and go get you. He said you wanted him to find out what there was between us. He did. You need to know he's in love with you. I tried to kiss him and he pulled away from me. It was you Sarah." Kim squeezed Sarah's soft, dark hands tightly. "He would want you to know that."
Sarah could say nothing. If she did, she knew she would start playing the blame game that girls and women play so well. She would blame herself for forcing Ben to take Kim, for not having that one night with him if it turned out to be his last, for putting Kim in that situation needlessly. How does one reconcile all the twists? How is Kim going to get peace from this, how will I? There were no answers. There probably never would be unless God himself floated down and told them why.
Instead of talking about it, they fell together and simply held one another.
-*-
Kim did not return for the last three weeks of school. Enough was enough. Emotionally she was drained. Physically, she tired easily with exertion. She was becoming stronger rapidly however. Her well toned body had helped her resist a lot more injury than she might otherwise have suffered. The condition of her body also helped her heal faster.
Instead, when she was strong enough, she tended to Robert and to Ben. Sarah helped after school. When school ended, Sarah joined her with her father's blessing spending much of her time with Ben. He would need the help. Ben had slipped into a profound coma. Graded on the Glascow Coma Scale, he attained the lowest rating possible, a 3. No motor, verbal or eye responses to any stimuli.
Each day, the girls watched helplessly as Ben's body atrophied from lack of movement and less than optimal nutrition. They took turns exercising him, flexing his legs and arms, washing him and talking to him, trying to keep him limber while, at the same time, fishing around in the darkness for him, trying to bring him to the surface. A week passed, then two.
Kim and Sarah had taken the role of Ben's guardians. Their parents paid the bills, brought food for the girls and, when they felt it necessary, took them home for rest or to simply give them a break. One of them, Mr. or Mrs Becklock, Tom or Cindy were almost always there at some point to support the girls.
June gave way to July and Ben's condition did not change. He became thinner, weaker more emaciated with time. Tom watched as Kimberly changed, losing that delicate, innocent teenage girl spring in her step, trading that in for the deliberate, but graceful gait of an adult woman. She and Sarah had become almost maternal in Ben's care, adjusting his sheets, doting over him, flexing his arms and legs, massaging his back after turning him every 30 minutes without fail. Kim read to him, Sarah sang. Each of them brought to him what they could. Tom almost began to get the idea that they were tending him as though Ben were some failing but greatly loved Sovereign, carefully being tended to by his loyal subjects after a life of service to his Kingdom. The drama being played out in Ben's little room was one of the most touching it had ever been Tom's pleasure to witness.
Once, around mid July, Melinda Gilman and Wendy Graff can to the hospital to "visit". Ever the antagonist, they barged into Ben's room laughing too loudly, vying for everyone's attention, even that of the dying. Their self-absorbed behavior was an instant point of irritation for both Kim and Sarah who did their best to be brief hoping the social vampires would realize the sun had risen and it was past time to flea back to their coffins.
Their laughing ended abruptly as though it had been Kim and Sarah who had blundered mistakenly into Ben's room and not the other way around. Wendy was the first to speak. She tried to embrace Kim, but Kim stood rigidly stoic, refusing to return the embrace.
Undaunted, either by pride or indifference, Wendy said, "Everyone wants to bring something to show how much we miss you and how much we love you." Kim rolled her eyes noticeably, causing Wendy to stumble over some of the words in her prepared speech. "Uh, well, everyone, Okay, not everyone, but some of us chipped in and bought you this," Wendy pulled a cute, soft pink teddy bear from a bag she was carrying.
Wendy thrust it forward into Kim's arms. Kim examined it and asked, "Did you bring anything for Ben, for Sarah?"
"Well, like, we didn't know Sarah was going to be here? If we had…"
Kim stopped her in mid sentence, "You have to have known that Ben was going to be here right?"
"Uh, yeah!" Wendy said with the typical teenage indignance of a self absorbed teen put on the spot.
"Well?"
"Oh really, this isn't about Ben now is it?" Wendy said dismissing the notion. "This is about you. You almost died Kim. You're friends wanted to say…"
"It's not about me at all. It was Ben that almost died. I'm fine," Kimberly corrected.
"If you don't mind my saying so Kimberly," Wendy said with a particularly snotty tone, "you don't look Okay. In fact you look like you fell into a juicer. Besides, you don't really think this changes the way the whole world sees him? He's a looser Kim."
Kim ignored Wendy and turned her attention back to Sarah, "Come on," indicating the conversation was over and they both had better things to do.
Sarah pursed her lips and turned away, but once again, Wendy interrupted, "He's tougher than anyone thought. The little rat is still alive."
Kim turned on Wendy viciously, "You can go now Wendy
"Kim," Wendy implored, "Are you still clinging to this virus? You can't be seriously concerned about Ben. He's the reason you're here in the first place."
"You bet he is." Kim said proudly, "If it weren't for Ben I'd be dead now…"
"That's not what she means," Melinda protested. "He wrecked the car with you in it. He ran like a little weasel. The other boys would have stopped Ben's old man if he'd just turned around and gone back to the school. All you would have had to do was come back to your rightful place, with us."
At length Kim opened her eyes and said, "You don't know the entire truth. It was Ben his father wanted most of all anyway. Ben did everything to save me. He has probably given up his life to save mine. He killed his own father to save me."
"Everyone knows he ran away. It was all over school after the prom." Wendy said, then gestured toward Melinda Gilman and continued, "Melinda told me-," Wendy asked, hands on her hips as if she'd caught Kim in an obvious lie?
"I don't believe this," Kim said exasperated. "Neither of you were even there I was, remember?"
"Kim," Wendy said, "We understand that you want to show that you stand by Ben. But he isn't going to live, you can stop pretending that you like him. This game has gone on far too long to be believed …"
"You need to get out of here, both of you," Kim demanded.
The two girls stood looking at themselves disbelievingly. They had come to pay homage to the girl the other boys of the school had dubbed queen. They hadn't even wanted to come. The other's in their group felt it would go a long way to bringing Kim back into the fold if her primary rivals acquiesced and showed a little soft underbelly. Now they were not getting the respect they deserved for that selfless act.
"You're obviously not yourself today Kim," Melinda huffed aloud trying to sound sweet but at the same time wanting Kim to understand that she had just stepped on the toes of the entire royal court.
"No Mel you're wrong, I feel exactly like myself. I know what Ben did and he did it for me and me alone. The thing is; he would have done the same thing for you if you had needed it. He wouldn't have even thought twice about it."
Sarah looked at Kim, and asked, "Tell me again why you let her hang out with you all this time?"
Kim turned to Melinda and Wendy, "I thought you were leaving." She then turned her back on the two teenage social vampires with no more regard than she might have given a rotten orange.
"If you turn your back on us now, there's no coming back," Melinda warned.
Kim stopped dead in her tracks and ordered, "Leave Mel. Leave now, you're not worthy to be in the same room as this man."
"Don't you tell us what to do," Wendy charged. "Ben isn't worthy of anything. Just look at him. If he wasn't a disgusting worm before, he is…"
A loud * CRACK * disturbed Wendy's poisonous tirade, stopping it dead, leaving both Wendy and Melinda in wide eyed shock. Kim was now facing them both. The speed at which she had turned on them had been alarming and had caught both girls completely off guard. A large red, hand shaped spot began to rise on Wendy's right cheek. "Why in God's name would I want to have anything to do with the likes of someone like you Wendy, or you?" Wendy's hands gently caressed the spot where Kim's hand had fallen. Her eyes watered, more from the indignity of being slapped than from any real pain.
Wendy began to lunge at Kim, "You BITCH!" But Kim once more struck her with lightening fast reflexes.
* CRACK *
The blow, harder this time, in exactly the same spot, this time brought real tears to Wendy's eyes. "Open your mouth, make one move other than leaving and I swear Wendy, you'll find yourself in a bed just like his before the end of the day." Kim returned to Ben's side. Sarah eyed her disbelievingly.
"What?" Kim said, a faint hint of a smile braking at the corners of Kim's mouth.
Afraid to speak, the two left, humiliated. In the hall, Sarah could hear Wendy begin to cry, spewing an angry fountain of curses at Kim and Ben. "You've wanted to do that for a while, haven't you?"
"Did show that much?" Kim asked. "It's over now and I'm a social outcast." Kim giggled to her self lightly. "Funny thing is, I can't say I'm sorry about it in the least. There was a time with I thought being popular was all I ever wanted. I thought that was the true measure of being liked. Those people don't like me. They never have. I wish I'd known that before it all came down to this."
Sarah slipped her hand over Kim's. You're still my friend." Sarah assured her.
"I don't deserve that Sarah. I don't deserve your friendship. That makes it all the more special to me." Kim finally looked up into Sarah's large brown eyes. "Thank you." After that, the silence of their routine that circled around Ben settled in once more and they both began the familiar dance of caring for this tragic soul.
Robert was released on August 1st. A welcome home party was thrown at their home by his parents. Kim was on hand to welcome her brother home, but she was soon off back at the hospital to watch over Ben.
School would start in a few short weeks. Summer was over. That time on the riverbank when Ben had made such an ass of himself seemed so out of reach to Kim now. If they had not gone to the mall, how different would things be? Susan would be alive, Ben would not be dying. Her brother would be in college now, doing what he loved best, playing football instead of trying to learn how to live as a cripple.
Kirk who had recovered from his wounds would be attending his last year of high school and possibly receiving his own well deserved scholarship. Instead, he was locked in a cell awaiting trial for assault, attempted rape and a number of other charges. His life was over.
On August 19th, a little more than two weeks before the beginning of school, Kim sat reading the final chapter of, Richard Adams - Watership Down to Ben. She loved not only the story of Hazel his brother Fiver and their adventurous band of lapine comrades, but found she enjoyed sharing it with Ben even more. While Tim had never read it, nor would he have ever done so, it was a book she had read many times since she had first discovered it at the age of nine. She had tried to read one other Adams work, a book called Shardik but found it too rough for her tastes and decided to read Watership Down again and again until she had practically committed it to memory.
In the last two weeks, Ben had begun moving, opening his eyes but had remained unresponsive. Still, Kim and Sarah both felt it was and encouraging sign. Each girl stepped up efforts to reach Ben in the blackness of where ever it was he was hiding. The doctors had all warned not to make more of Ben's new found animation than was warranted. It was not uncommon for coma victims to open their eyes, track movement in the room or shift positions in bed. They cautioned that Ben was showing no cognitive activity. These movements were nothing more than the ordinary electrical activity of a dormant brain.
This did not dissuade the girls from trying. None of the staff at the hospital felt there would be any harm in this, so life as it was went on. Now she was fully involved with acting out the book as she read to him. The tones of her voice rose and fell with each dramatic element. She would lower her voice as much as she could to imitate her perception of each character. Bigwig was perhaps the hardest. She envisioned the tough former officer from the Sandleford Warren Owsla as rabbit having a deep, stern voice with a short temper he used to hide his deep compassion for his fellows. Her portrayal of the large fur tufted rabbit, whose lapine name was Thlayli, and the other characters of the story, was a comical thing to watch and had entertained Sarah many nights.
This night she was alone with Ben as she read. Kim glanced over at Ben as she sometimes did while reading to him and registered briefly that something had radically changed.
She was taken off guard for just a second when it appeared to her that Ben was actually looking at her, smiling. She was so surprised that she forgot what she had been saying and had to scurry to regain her place in the book. Kim told herself that it had just been one of Ben's open eye moments and was inwardly pleased that some of the typical behavior they had all been accustom to was resuming. 'Maybe we can find some hope in that, maybe.' This one, however, had been alarming because it had happened so unexpectedly. That look on his face almost made him look like a gleeful corpse enjoying a moment of clear recognition of now distant life. Kim listened as she continued to read, hoping perhaps that there might be some sign that Ben might be actually waking up, but Ben was silent.
Kim finished reading, closed the book and lay back with her eyes closed, resting them for a moment. She could hear Ben's regular breathing as she rested. The entire room seemed filled with it. She looked at Ben again. "I hope you liked that Ben, wherever you are in there."
Kim put her head back again and once more closed her eyes. There was a pause and then a strained voice whispered with atrophied vocal cords, "It was very nice."
Without batting an eye lash, Kim smiled and responded, "Thank you Ben, I've always loved-"
Kim flew out of her chair screaming her hands covering her chest as if her heart might leap right out through her rib cage, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She felt a small warm spot of fluid spread between her legs, but she couldn't take her eyes off of the smiling face of her best friend. "YOU!" she accused trying to cover the wet spot on her pink capri shorts with one hand and pointing with the other.
"Me?" Ben croaked.
Kim nodded wild-eyed, with out speaking, then accused again, "YOU... Y... Y... YOU!" This time she jabbed her finger at Ben, on the last "YOU!" to illustrate that she indeed meant Ben.
"Ben weakly smiled. "Me." he agreed. His speech was slurred a little, almost lazy. His left eye seemed to look off somewhere all on its own. His conscious appearance was nearly more startling than when he was asleep.
Finally Kim recognized him through the injuries, in spite of his mild disfigurement and realized he had come back to them. "You-" her face broke into a million grateful pieces as she rushed to him and fell to her knees. "You..." she said again, "You scared me so bad, I peed in my pants." Kim scolded him as she clutched at his chest and neck. She gently wrapped her arms around him and slowly rocked him. "I missed you."
"Missed me?" Ben slurred, struggling to get the words from his throat to her ears. His voice was weak, almost strangled in the effort to speak. He lay there, still, unmoving, his eyes and head were the only parts of him he seemed to be able to manipulate. "Where was I?"
"Far away…" she whispered to him and with that, they settled into a sort of comfortable quiet for a moment, each letting pass whatever anxiety they had, whatever questions that might come pass away for a time. When the unexpected shock of the moment had passed, Kim became aware that someone, a nurse or a doctor had to be told. There was no telling how long Ben might be awake. She didn't want him slipping back into that place he had been now for months.
"Ben, I have to go get your doctor…"
Ben then looked around, his surroundings constructing bridges in his head to places unknown. "What happened?"
Kim stood, determined to get help, "The doctor will explain everything Ben. I promise, I'll be right back."
"No," Ben groaned. "Don't leave me."
"I'm just…"
"Please," Ben pleaded. "Just tell me."
The fretfulness of the moment tripled on itself. It folded over and became heavy on her heart. "Ben, we were in an accident," she said clutching his hand as though it might simply fly away.
"We?"
"You don't remember? We went to the prom, you and me. We went together Ben." Kim said. But Ben could only shake his head no, subtly."
"We wrecked… We were tossed from the car."
Ben eyed her as he listened, studying her, his right eye dancing over her face. At last he said, "Come here."
"Ben," Kim cried anxiously, "I have too…"
"Kimberly, don't let me stay in the dark."
Kim groaned, knowing she should go and get help but unable to silence the heart strings Ben was plucking one by one. It was then she spotted the nurses call button strapped to the rail of Ben's bed. She reached for it, but as she did, Ben somehow managed to lift his emaciated arm and clutch her wrist before she was able to clutch the button.
Ben examined the condition of his arm in stunned disbelief, "Jesus," he whispered.
Without a single instant of doubt she understood what he was doing. He was checking for injuries. "Oh Ben…" Kim said sorrowfully, the pain of Ben's shock brightly reflected back to him in her beautiful but sadly drawn eyes. "I…" she began but she didn't have any idea after that what she could say to him.
He released her wrist, and slowly moved his hand to her face. There was still evidence of the abrasions she had suffered in the form of discolored patches of skin on her cheeks. "These aren't new Kim. But," Ben said struggling with the evidence of his eyes. "they weren't there before. These have healed."
Kim grabbed for the button but Ben weakly pulled it away from reach, "Not yet," he told her. "How long?" he asked, but the answer came to him in a manner Kim could not have anticipated. She brushed away a lock of her hair barely exposing the tail end of angry red scar from the stitches in her forehead. They had been removed a week ago, but the wound was still healing. Ben reached up and pushed her hair clear, exposing the evidence of a serious but recovering deep wound. Kim only realized what he was looking at too late to pull away.
Ben let Kim's hair fall away from his fingers. His face became slack with knowledge that a wound that deep would take months to get to that stage. The small pinholes the stitches had once occupied were still visible, scabbed over, but visible. "Ben, don't panic, Okay?"
"What month is it?" Kim lunged for the call button but Ben managed to keep it from her reach. "Come on Kim," Ben coaxed.
"It's August."
Ben swallowed painfully, his throat dry. He then looked around the room, "Coma," he whispered painfully and glanced at Kim. Kim nodded. "Where's my Mom?"
Terror gripped her. If she had thought for a second that Ben would have ever been this cogent, that he would have woken up at all, she would have had a nurse standing there with her. Now, she couldn't meet his eyes. Kim knew this was 'a tell', but to look at him and have to try not to tell him would have been harder than looking away. She glanced down and away to gather her nerve, then she knelt next to Ben's bed. Turning her eyes to him, she sighed and said, "Your father ambushed us Ben. I'm not sure exactly why, but he wanted to kill us. You saved us Ben. You trapped him on the tracks and a train hit him."
"Did it hit me too?" he asked humoring her misdirection for the moment.
Kim smiled softly, "I bet it feels like it." Ben nodded his concurrence slowly.
"But this isn't about my Dad is it?"
"Sort of," Kim said softly. She fought to stay in control. But the look on Ben's face, the absolute knowledge in his eyes of what was about to be said.
Ben mercifully closed his eyes. Kim honestly didn't believe she could have held his stare much longer without breaking down. "He killed her didn't he?" Ben asked, not really expecting an answer.
Kim fumbled for Ben's hand. "What do you want me to do Ben? Tell me and I'll do it."
"There's nothing to do. I suppose you should go get the nurse now." Dying inside for him, Kim hesitated for a moment, but when Ben said nothing, she slowly stood and left to tell the nurses that Ben was awake.
-*-
The next three days was a flurry of activity for Ben. There was a great deal of disappointment on the part of the doctors that Kim had allowed herself to be coaxed into giving Ben the details she had about the night of the accident. This was quickly tempered by the two families who wasted no time in verbally reprimanding the medical staff for expecting a sixteen year old to inherently understand those risks, let alone chide her for it.
The doctors found it to their benefit to issue an immediate apology to Kim. It was of little consequence to Kimberly however. She felt guilty for her complicity in breaking Ben's heart. Having him back was now somehow worse than having him alive, blissfully unaware of how his world had changed while he was in a coma.
Kim did visit Ben the first day, at least she came to the hospital. She accompanied her father the day after Ben's reawakening. Sarah was there already and curiously came out in the hall where Kim waited, wondering why Kim didn't come in and join the party. To be blunt, she had no spirit for any festivities. She was just heartsick over the entire affair. To have Ben look at her right now, knowing what they knew, knowing it was their fault, she felt would be more than she could bear. So to this end, Kim admitted to herself, there was a bit of selfishness to it.
Sarah did her best to dispel the angst Kim felt. Ben felt no animosity toward Kim about the events of that night. That, however didn't seem to matter. Kim told Sarah that she held animosity toward herself. When Sarah admitted she didn't understand why, Kim informed her she wasn't likely to understand it anytime in the near future. Sarah finally settled to let Kim work it out the best way she knew how.
That evening and the next day, Ben was scheduled for a battery of neurological tests that consumed a total of 33 hours. No one was allowed to see Ben until the day following the tests. Kim spent one nervous night after another worrying about weather or not Ben would slip away once more, never again to wake. Worry gnawed at her that their last words would be those shared just before she left Ben's side, dejected and feeling guilty.
The next morning, Kim was there, outside Ben's door as soon as the hospital would allow her to come in and visit. Sarah was buying some basic toiletries for Ben, some things to read, some easily digested snacks, berries, a banana or two and a few other things. They would have a little time alone, hopefully, to face the enormity of what they had done. A nurse exiting his room let her in with a warning that the day before had been hard on him and to be quite and let him sleep as long as he could.
The door creaked open slightly and Kim poked her head into the wedge of light that spilled out from the opening. There, across the room, Ben lay asleep, looking very much as he had in the depths of his coma. For one ghastly moment Kim was fooled by the illusion and gasped at the sight of him there unconscious. This of course woke Ben fitfully from his dreams startling Kim in the process.
Kim pushed the door open, hand over her pounding heart but grateful Ben had not fallen into an unwakeable slumber. "You scared me. I thought…"
"I scared you?" Ben croaked in his still weak and gravely voice.
Kim smiled bashfully, "Sorry,"
"Sarah said you were here before the tests began, outside." Ben pointed feebly to the door of his room. "Why didn't you come in?"
She tried to wave it off. "Ah, you know, everyone was in here. I got to be here when you woke up." No matter how upbeat she tried to sound, something just below the surface in her voice betrayed another vague emotion. Just what that was, however, Ben couldn't tell. Kim tried to change the subject. "What did the doctors say?" she asked pulling up a chair.
"I'm blind in my left eye."
"Oh no," Kim said, her face stricken with sadness. No matter how she tried not to look at Ben's eye now, she could not keep her own from drifting back to it. It had a lazy, off center feel to it, like it was off somewhere enjoying life on it's own with no consideration to its Master. It stared contentedly this way and that, but never in the direction of its twin. It was hard for Kim to believe that the eye was sightless when it seemed to be off on its own sightseeing excursion.
"Ah, I got a spare," Ben said and smiled crookedly. There was something about that smile that just didn't look right to Kim. Then Ben put the pieces in place on his own, "The knock I took on the head partially paralyzed me I guess." Kim's breath caught in her chest. "My left arm; half of my face, a good part of my left leg are pretty much useless." Ben was looking around his body which lay underneath a sheet, taking inventory like a store-keep checking his stock. "Overall, I'm pretty good. Won't be running any marathons for a while, but it'll give me time to work on my needle point. I'll have to figure out how to do that with one hand though." Ben squeaked a laugh, but to Kim, it sounded forced, even a little sad.
It didn't take long for the cool wind of Ben's emotional front to change dark and stormy. With in seconds, Ben's façade crumbled, he burst into tears, turning his head away from her and croaked. "We did this. I did this."
Kim hung her head, "I think we is much more appropriate."
"Okay," Ben agreed weakly, "have it your way. It doesn't really matter though, My mom got killed because we let the that rats-ass bastard out of jail." Ben was silent for a moment. Even here, crippled, he was not complaining about himself, not at all. Even in his grief, Kim did not get the sense he grieved for what he'd lost but for costing someone he loved their life. This was guilt, not self-centeredness, not pity. He's really changed so much… Kim thought.
She turned her eyes to the window. Outside, everything looked pretty much the same as it had when she had been living in Tim's life. In the distance, she could see the medium rise buildings of the Baker business district. There was little there to the inexperienced eye to distinguish it from the one she had known before. It was almost like looking through a window in time and space. A window that, should she step through it, all things would be made right with the world once more.
Kim drew in a burdened breath. "Ben?" Ben didn't answer. He lay, his head turned away from her. "Ben, look at me please?" she asked. Ben slowly turned his head. When he finally faced her, she was standing directly next to him. Ben could see the flat, flawless belly of her pink Capri pants pressing into the railing of his bed. He gazed up at her, and she smiled oh so sweetly. "We can fix this." Her voice was Angelic, her face was so serene that looking upon it filled him with profound peace.
He heard himself ask, "What about your father?"
But Kim didn't answer him. She bent over him, freeing his useless hand from the sheets. She gently lifted it toward her, "Give me your right hand," she insisted gently. Ben withdrew it and looked stupidly at it for a moment, gone from his mind it seemed was the purpose of what such a thing might be for.
Kim took his left hand and gently pressed it to the side of her face, then grasped his right and did the same. Kim's face hardened, becoming rigid. Her mouth became a representation of a mouth in white plastic. Her eyes however remained clear and sharp, focused on Ben's. He was breathing hard, scared to death of what was about to happen. He knew she could not breathe like this, but he could not grasp the mask.
At first, Kim did nothing to help him. She only stood looking lovingly down on him for a moment. Ben could see that she was smiling sweetly by the way she held her eyes. She blinked once and Ben could feel his fingers being manipulated. The expression in Kim's eyes had changed from sweetness to concentration as she tried to slip Ben's fingers beneath the edges of the mask.
She struggled with them for a few moments. Ben could see panic rising in her, the skin around her eyes beginning to turn an angry red from lack of oxygen, still, Kim tried to remain quiet to conserve oxygen. Finally, Ben's fingers began to pry beneath the mask, pushed under by Kimberly's slender digits.
"Kim, you don't have to do this," Ben cautioned. Kim glanced down regarding him, dismissed his suggestion and returned to working Ben's hands around the mask. Ben's left hand was proving to be very difficult. His fingers had drawn into a sort of claw from disuse. With no control, Ben couldn't help her hook them under the edge of the mask. They kept slipping out one after the other. Finally Kim was able to hold three of them in.
With that Kim stopped.
Ben watched her very intently as she withdrew her left hand from his right. She pushed a lock of brown hair from his eyes and smiled once again with her eyes, caressing his forehead. Ben was beginning to think she would let go of his hands altogether, allowing his hands fall away when she clasped them hard and pulled away with her whole body as hard as she could.
-*-
He surveyed the room cautiously. Before him was a white theatrical mask. It hung, suspended in the air. He slowly reached out with one hand, to touch it. To watch him, you might think the thing before him would leap out and bite him if it could. It remained there, hanging, motionless when all at once, the invisible wires that seemed to hold it up gave way all at once and it fell with a soft *thwap* on an empty hospital bed.
Tim turned to a small vanity mirror set in a small recessed alcove and beheld the image of a boy he had not seen in four months, "Holy shit," he whispered. He no longer wore the delicate white sleeveless, scoop neck pull over and pink Capri's. On his legs were the same dirty jeans he had worn when their adventure began. Only now there was something terribly wrong. His shirt was loose and hung on him like a tarp. His clothes appeared to be several sizes too large. Sadness gripped him. He shed a momentary tear for a father that was once more dead.
He returned his attention to where the mask had fallen, "Ben…" he said with purpose. He snatched the mask off the bed and charged out of the unoccupied hospital room.
Tim was unprepared for the profound sorrow that engulfed him. The short journey from the 4th floor to the world outside was filled with blackness. He struggled to maintain his composure, doing his best to avoid raising alarms of concern from hospital staff.
On his way to the double sliding glass doors in the lobby, Tim was struck by overwhelming panic with all the force of a major cardiac infarction. His breath left him, driven from him with such force that he felt he would fall to the floor and die in front of everyone. His face became grey as the blood drained from his extremities in an attempt to protect his vital organs in his state of shock.
He burst through the first bathroom door he could find, hoping to recover on his own. His senses told him to avoid being seen for the time being. He had no idea why however. As it turned out, the first restroom he had chosen had been the ladies room. Nothing seemed out of place, toilet stalls in a row, a stand of sinks, paper towel dispensers. The conspicuous lack of urinals triggered no flags of concern. It wasn't until a woman occupying one of the stalls coughed while Tim was standing there, looking at his reflection in the mirror that the connection of exactly where he was could establish itself.
He received only cursory looks from those who saw him exit the woman's room and with a deeply embarrassed looked enter the men's. At some point, many of them had made the same mistake and found only sympathy for Tim if not a few chuckles at his expense. He locked himself in the furthest stall, sat and prayed for the pain in his chest to pass.
But even here, in the men's room, a gender specific public facility he had, in some capacity used a thousand times before as Tim, he was not comfortable. He felt out of place and he understood instinctively that he would have felt more comfortable back in the ladies room. He realized he was experiencing the same panicked emotions he had felt when he first realized he had been transformed in to his female counterpart in some sort of freakish parallel universe, if there was even such a thing. Now however, it was Kim's shoe on the other foot. He could hear the part of him that was still Kimberly screaming in abject terror at the idea of finding herself in a male body.
He intermittently ran, jogged then walked to rest when running became too much. He tired easily. Had his body in this reality become ill while he was off on sabbatical in Kimberly's life? Why had he gotten so thin? He could answer none of these questions. After resting he would began running again. At times he burst into tears, weeping angrily at the sensations from his body, the loss of who he felt he still was, a father he would never again see. Finally, gasping, out of breath with a tear streaked face, he stopped to rest against a telephone pole.
He braced himself with one hand, bent over at the waist he dry heaved. When the nausea had and the tears had run themselves dry, Tim eased himself up to see just where he was. Home was still some two miles away. He was worn out, yet he experienced no thirst. But there was too much to think about right now for that to become a concern. For a moment he stared into the empty interior of the mask thinking that letting Ben take it off had been a mistake after all.
"You don't have to do this Kim…" Ben had offered.
A much larger portion of himself wished now that he hadn't. He would not put the mask back on however. Not now, he couldn't. Not until he talked to Ben. If he was wrong about coming back only Ben could fix it. If Tim tried, he knew there would be no way to undo it.
Here, Ben's body was whole again. There was no Abner to murder the only person in his life that had treated him with dignity and love. Tim doubted that he would want to go back. This was the least that Kim could for him for saving her life. Exchange her existence for Susan's. Give Ben back body, intact. When he was ready, he stood up when something caught is eye. A poster, stapled to the phone pole he leaned on. The masthead read:
Have You Seen Me?
Below that, the image of himself, face plump, eyes nearly squinting with one of his I just ate an entire quart of ice cream looks on his face. It was an old school picture from last year.
Below that was the legend, Missing since April 22nd.
"Oh God," Tim breathed. "Four months." Tim's conscious thoughts whirled wildly. What does that mean? I've been gone for four months, gone since I put the mask on? Did I turn up and someone just forgot to take this poster down? There were no clues in his thoughts like the ones he had had after slipping into his Kim's body. There were no Timmories to bridge the gap of experience. It felt almost as if when Ben had put the mask on him that he had simply ceased to be. Had there had been no dual life here as there had been with Kimberly's life with Tim mindlessly waiting around for Kim to jump back into it?
That couldn't be right could it? There had been a complete life for Tim to transition into in Kim's world, memories, likes, wants, needs - a history. If that didn't exist here now for Tim, what would he say to his mother, to Bobby? Tim struggled to recall one thing from this world since he'd been gone. Something to build one bridge to a thing that happened in his life in the last four months. All he got was darkness.
Tim pushed off the phone pole unable to rip his eyes away from the image of the smiling plump face depicted in black and white. The flyer itself was dirty and somewhat faded. It's been here a while, Tim noted with a measure of fear, weeks, maybe longer. It was puckered in places, evidence that it had suffered at least one rain storm. If it hadn't have been stapled to the pole at all four corners, it probably wouldn't still be here.
The only possible explanation was when he had become Kimberly, he had vanished here. He had not slipped from one parallel existence to another. He had to get home. He had to try to explain his absence somehow, to let his family know he was alive and well.
Tim dashed out against the light onto the busy main thoroughfare through Baker, known to locals as "the four lane". He narrowly missed getting hit twice. Angry drivers blared their horns but Tim paid little attention to them. No one stopped. No one recognized him, even with posters of his face up on electrical poles here and there. Of course not, his mind rebuked, how many people actually look at those things, he wondered? Tim doubted even if he'd ever run across a missing child in his life that he'd recognize them from the posters. He couldn't remember a time when he'd ever had been able to recall the faces printed on them.
He didn't want to get stopped by a stranger anyway. There was going to be enough negative fallout from this as it was. Not being able to tell the truth about where he'd been all this time was only going to make matters worse. It would be better to be in the protective hands of his family for as long as possible before the authorities became involved.
Tim ran where possible down the sidewalk passing small familiar businesses. Ahead, just past a small convenience store was a vacant lot, beyond that lot through the woods at the back was his neighborhood. Tim set his next resting point at the far corner of the convenience store. The sun had risen fairly high in the early afternoon sky when Tim passed before the large plate windows of the Lil' Champ store. When he did, he saw the ghost of a translucent reflection in the convenience store window.
The image in the window startled him. It looked nothing like the boy he remembered from just a few months back. Worse still was the fact that he looked remarkably different than he had only hours ago in the rest facilities of the hospital. The weak reflection looked more like the abused child Ben had been in Kim's dimension, dirty, thin, scratched and scarred. He sported a huge, almost gangrenous, weeping black eye. The very image of it made Tim gasp in alarm. How could he have not noticed that before?
Simple, Kimberly answered in a voice he more closely associated as his own voice, It wasn't there before.
He was tempted to get closer to that reflection, to examine it, to reconcile the changes his eyes registered. But something told him not to ask too many questions… press on, find out if Ben was Okay. Don't linger too long. Remember there are much worse things to lose than weight. Tim took the advice and quickly moved beyond eyesight of the plate glass storefront.
As he moved away however, he could not help but search is mind desperately for anything from Tim's past he had not been part of. He wanted something that would give him a clue about what had happened since Ben had put the mask on him. There was nothing. It was black. His last memory here had been in his room as the mask struck his face as it had leapt from Ben's hands.
With mounting fear that something here had gone horribly wrong, Tim ran as fast as he could. As he ran he noticed something else peculiar. His body didn't respond easily or accurately to his commands. He felt uncoordinated in his step. While, he had been no where near the athlete Kimberly was, his legs had never felt as lethargic as they did now. When not planted on they ground, his feet wobbled crazily, his arms wobbled about at his sides. He had to focus to keep them under control.
Fear of what it meant kept him from dwelling on it too long. Perhaps he was sick. Maybe returning to Tim's life had offered him an opportunity to undo whatever had caused him to go missing in the first place. There would be an explanation of his condition eventually. He couldn't force the answer. He didn't really want to. Don't think about it… You can't change it right now anyway. Just find Ben. He plunged head long into the woods behind the convenience store. The short cut would get him home faster, but it would mean cutting through several yards and over many fences.
Jesus, where have I been to have gotten so beaten up? Tim thought. If he had simply vanished as he had first believed, if he didn't exist here, like some crazy alternate universe version of It's a Wonderful Life, then why were there such intense changes in his body?
He knew this would not only be his question, but the question of everyone else that was looking for him. How would he explain THAT? Maybe Ben will remember something… But if he, Tim, couldn't remember anything of the last four months here, how could Ben be expected to? Deep down inside Tim was his suspicion he had held as Kimberly that Ben, the physical Ben from this existence had not really transitioned completely to Kimberly's world. Rather, only a consciousness had followed him into Kim's life, supplanting itself into the Ben from Kim's existence.
In that case, would that Ben have come back with her to Tim's life? Suddenly, Tim no longer held any great hope of that. If not, how would he be able to explain where he'd been all this time? If he couldn't, what then? They'll lock you up for years trying to "cure you", he thought to himself. Somehow, it didn't matter. If Abs was back in jail, if Ben and Bobby were not crippled, if Ben's mother was no longer dead; everything would right itself. Everyone would be back where they belonged.
At the edge of their neighborhood, Tim stopped as he emerged from the woods. There were the two houses, just as they had existed in both worlds. His appeared to be completely deserted. A realtor's sign pierced the front yard, a large red SOLD placard mounted above it. "Sold?" Tim asked quizzically. Any remaining strength his legs held ebbed out of them like syrup from a bottle on a cold day. I must have been found; they wouldn't have sold the house and moved without knowing where I was…
A flash of circumspect reality wedged its way into the center of Tim's logic. Yeah, but what condition were you in when they found you? Tim growled at the renegade thought, shoving it as far away from the present as he could, jerking physically with the effort of it. Then Tim turned his eyes to Ben's home and that reality began to force its way back in, in spite of Tim's efforts to keep it away.
Susan's Saturn sat in the driveway of the house Tim remembered from his childhood as Ben's home. It was stained with the yellow and white crust of drying egg. Toilet paper hung from the trees like white Spanish moss. Someone had dug the yard up with a pair of mud tires attached to a fairly powerful transmission, judging from the depth of the furrows in the yard. A window downstairs was broken. Tim knew this to be Ben's bedroom window.
Most alarming was the yellow tape that surrounded the entire yard. It drifted lazily in the late summer breeze, dancing on its soft currents, signaling to the passers by, CRIME SCENE - DO NOT CROSS, in large black letters. Someone had hung a black mourning wreath on the front door, but it seemed old and tattered. It hung askew, almost loosely on the door. It had not been tended to for quite some time.
Tim's breath locked inside his chest. His heart beat shortened becoming irregular. The feet at the end of his legs had seemingly grown roots. There was no way he could get any closer to that house. It was a ghost house. It almost seemed to sag in the middle from sorrow, as if the structure itself was weeping for some great lost part of itself, if such a thing is possible. The condition of it spoke of nothing good inside or out. The two yards were silent. Nothing moved within sight of either home.
Swallowing hard, Tim forced his right foot off the ground and forward. It felt as heavy as lead. The tears were backing up behind him, hot and full of fear. He was shaking his head at the inevitability of what that yellow tape meant. If he didn't acknowledge it was really there, he would not go insane. There would be no problem. All of this would end logically. But his heart could not deny what the tape had been put there to protect. His brain spoke out of turn again, this time with only one word;
Evidence!
Tim turned away from the Ackerman home. If he continued to look at it his head would begin trying to deduce a reason again. Moving once more, Tim launched himself toward his family home, giving Ben's house a wide, cautious berth. He swung onto the long stone walkway, the same one on which he had felt Kirk's hungry eyes gobbling up the sight of his ass in Kimberly's cheerleader uniform. One strained moment passed when Tim glanced over his shoulder approximately at the point where he had as Kim. He fully expected to see Kirk there in his football hero's muscle car, window down, drooling as Tim walked to the house.
The feeling's and signals he was getting from his senses made him feel gravely uneasy. The entire tone of the place had changed at some basic level. Even the bright and happily shining sun casting its rays down so warmly, as it had as long as he could remember in either life, seemed full of foreboding malevolence.
The entire neighborhood felt haunted.
Tim mounted the stairs to the porch. The creaking of the old boards was the only sound. Even the birds, if there were any, weren't singing. The image of Kirk, sprawled out on it where he had fallen in his first confrontation with Bobby flashed in his mind, his jacket sleeve torn by a loose nail. There, as in Kim's world, was the loose nail, exactly as it had existed, right down to the dogleg to the left. Tim ripped his eyes from the spot and turned instead to the door. Tim flexed his fingers, preparing to open the door when he stopped, If I open that door and Kimberly is in there, I'll never be able to stop screaming.
Before reaching for the door, Tim looked again down into the curved interior of the mask. Through the eyes, he could see the boards of the oak porch, painted green. It made it look like the mask had green eyes in reverse. I have blue eyes though… he thought, still thinking of himself in the context of Kimberly.
Tim put his hand on the large brass handle, depressed the lever and pushed the door open.
It swung inward without a sound, and what rushed out almost knocked him to his knees, not so much with intensity as with what the odors meant. It was the smell of ammonia, cleansers and fresh paint. Inside the house was a dark and silent as an old stone tomb. Worse for him was the fact that the house was completely empty.
All the furnishings were gone. They've moved, He thought to himself.
What part of SOLD didn't you understand Timmy? The sweet and lightly southern accented voice of Kimberly asked in his head.
The place was immaculately empty in fact. There was neither a cobweb nor speck of dust anywhere. He could still smell fresh latex paint on the air, but its aroma was faint enough for Tim to tell that his had been painted weeks ago. They've been gone for a while now.
Unable to reconcile what his eyes told him to be the truth, Tim explored the old antebellum home, all five bedrooms, the study that had been left just the way his father had kept it of for all those years after he died, the back yard. Even the pool had been emptied and resurfaced. Where had they gone? Had they moved from Baker or just down the road? Why would they have left knowing he was missing and possible alive out there some where?
The idea of abandonment began to settle into his system, pounding fear and profound sadness deep into his soul. He was alone. They had left to carry on someplace and he had no idea where to begin to look for them.
Go to the police Tim… They're looking for you anyway, they'll know where your family is.
It seemed like the logical answer. But the question of where he'd been all this time remained. How was he going to explain that beyond being over simplistic? Being folded into Kimberly's life had been almost easy compared to this. The life there had been ready made. All she had had to do was remember what had come before. It was a little like having an on-line owner's manual to her own life in her head. There was no record, no accounting for Tim of the time that had passed since going there. He could remember nothing. It was like peering into a black box where light could not infiltrate or escape. It reminded him of The Nothing from the book, The Never Ending Story by Michael Ende.
"Why can't I remember?" Tim muttered pathetically. Tim noticed that even his emotions seemed dulled, diluted somewhat. He should have been hysterical at this event. His family was gone, he'd been missing for months and yet, he only felt afraid. His body felt frail his legs and arms weak but he felt no hunger, no thirst. This realization scared him the most. They were clues to a larger picture he could not seem to piece together. Yet, in the back of his mind, he felt if he dared to look hard enough at the pieces as they lay there, he just might be able to catch a glimpse of what that picture was supposed to be.
He turned his mind's eye away from that image, unwilling to be distracted by it. He told himself that he needed to think straight but that was only an excuse. He didn't want to see the monster laying in wait there for him. It would consume his mind. If he did and then he'd be lost forever.
Once, Tim was startled by the image of a boy that flashed in the corner of his mind as he explored his mother's room. It wasn't until he saw that it was his own reflection on a floor length mirror mounted on the open door of his mother's closet that his heart began to calm. Checking that reflection however sent sharp shards of terror into is brain, like broken glass tearing at the tissue of his poor mind.
Now he could see exactly what had appeared to be so off kilter with his reflection at the convenience store. There stood a boy Tim did not recognize at all. The image was terribly thin, bluish tint in pallor, eyes sunken into skeletal orbits. He stood there looking at a living corpse. Three of his teeth were missing and he had scrapes and cuts that were old and unhealed on his arms, legs and face. Some of his hair was missing and his clothes hung off of him like a circus tent hung on a broomstick. The eye that had so startled him was not just infected. If it had been that might have been a relief. It was deflated, withered and discolored. A large bruise, maybe three inches wide lay across it in a rectangular pattern. To Tim, it had the familiar shape of the end of a brick.
Tim covered the damaged eye with one hand and realized there was no change in his vision. He had not been using that eye at all. It was dead.
In fact, if he had not been standing there looking at this horrid image, he would not have believed the boy in the reflection was alive. Yet, he had not looked nearly this bad in the reflection of the window of the Lil' Champ.
The image was enough to drive him from the house. Tim exited the front door like a cannon ball from the mouth of a cannon. In his hand he still carried the mask from the Wizards shop. Now, as he ran, he could see flashes of his hands as they pumped to carry him away from that wretched mirror behind him. Now acutely aware of his physical appearance, he watched them in horror as they seemed to change before him. The color turned from a grayish blue to a deadpan flat grey. I'm dying… he thought to himself. I'm decaying as I'm standing here… OH GOD! In a little while, Tim could imagine that his limbs would simply begin to fall off from the impact of running.
Tim practically dove into the woods he had used as a short cut after reading the handbill about his disappearance. He wandered about, pacing, worrying about what to do next, where to go. His fingers almost subconsciously exploring the dead and dried out right eye. There was no feeling to it. In fact, there was little feeling to the tips of his fingers as well. Panic fired in his heart. What was he going to do? He didn't have hours to find out what was going on here. He barely had minutes. Having answers didn't solve anything either. People in his condition simply didn't survive.
In his hand was the mask. Eyeing it, he spat hate from his heart at the cursed thing. He turned to heave it deep into the woods but could not muster the bravery to do it. Tim didn't even know if it could be used again, or if it could, what condition Kim's world would be in. Ben had been right about this one thing, you can't just screw around with the lives of everyone on the planet. This mask wasn't just about Ben and himself. It was changing the fates of everyone!
Was fate again conspiring to trap him? Tim no longer believed that there was a consciousness or anything like it that could be called "fate". There was just rotten luck, selfishness and bad timing. The only thing he truly believed was the mask had done all this to them. Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to throw the damn thing away. Several convenient excuses continued to pop into his head, all of them narrated by the voice of Kimberly Glass, What would happen if someone else found that mask? What if it breaks and all that magic comes spilling out of it? What if you're really supposed to be ME?
Crying now, afraid, Tim slammed his hands over his hears and cried, "Get out of my head!"
I can't, was the answer that came back in Kim's sweet voice, It's kinda my head too. Fraid you're stuck with me now.
That was the crux of it wasn't it? It was the memory, or rather the Kimmory of all the things he'd learned about that other life. They were still with him, as vivid as ever. He had the baggage of two separate and distinct lives in his head. Granted there was a significant piece of this life now missing, four months worth of it. Other than that, he was two people here. He could feel them fighting inside of him, each one vying for control, trying to split from the host, each one so different, both of them the same person.
Go see him Tim…
"NO!" Tim knew right away who his other side was speaking of, "That old fucker started this whole mess."
I don't think so Tim.
"SHUT UP!"
Think about it Tim. Think about the extremes you're seeing, the thoughts you had back there before you went in the house.
You still have his mask, he's there. They were the last words he would ever hear from Kimberly glass. She retreated deep within him, content to watch the show from the sidelines. Tim knew she was right. It wasn't over, not by a long shot. He'd come back to set things right. Now that seemed impossible, but he had to find out for sure before he did something else stupid.
His mind flashed now with a memory not from this life but one from Kim's. The strongest Kimmery he'd had yet. It was the image of that shoe stepping past the limits of that open door of Bobby's room at the hospital. She had known whose leg it was attached to in an instant. She had not needed to see his face. If she had been blind, she would have known by the way the air had changed when he entered. He remembered the sudden release of all that compassion and love at seeing his face after so long. He could still feel how the vulnerability of the day had fallen away when he had opened his arms as she had leapt up into them.
Tim fell to the damp forest soil, the knees of his jeans soaking up the musty moistness from beneath the dead leaves. He hit his hands, hanging his head, unable to breathe, unable to think. A long, mournful groan oozed out of him as the pain in his heart grew exponentially as each Kimmory and Timmory of his father assailed him like angry phantoms.
"Please…" he wept, "Please help me."
"Then you have to get up son!" said someone standing very close by.
Tim tried to look up but his head weighed about a million pounds it seemed. He was helpless against its weight. "Here, I'll help you," said the voice so kindly that Tim wanted nothing more but to get lost in it and stay there forever. "Come Tim… give me your hand."
An old man in faded old Chino workpants and scared and scuffed old loafers stepped up where Tim could see only the feet. At least, this is what the world at large would have witnessed had they seen him. Just another old man in old man's clothes doing old man things. But what Tim's eyes beheld was very different from what anyone else lucky enough not to be associated with him would see.
What he saw was the hem of a deep blue satin robe with sparking white fur trim along the hem and up the middle. It flowed out hiding the feet beneath. The lower limit of the robe floated magically just above the ground. The white fir gathered no dirt, it touched no rock or rise in the soil. In stead, the hem danced just above the ground with a life of its own, avoiding the soil and debris of the wooded forest floor.
On the robe, within the limits of his sight, Tim could see galaxies and comets orbiting in three dimensions on its blue field. Only the robe didn't look like it was made of fabric. It seemed to Tim that this was a door way to so many worlds, so many galaxies that all he would have to do is reach out and pluck it from its place there. He fancied for a moment that he could grab one and simply put it in his pocket. He wanted so badly to see if it could be done that he began to reach up as if to do just that.
There was a tremendous cold emanating from the robe. It was bone chilling. Tim had heard the phrase used in the past, but now he felt he understood what it really meant. The dimensions of the robe's field seemed boundless. That if he got too close he would simply tumble off into the depths of space itself. The voice called out to him again, "I wouldn't advise it Tim. You're in enough trouble as it is." At that warning, Tim's hand simply continued up toward where Maurice held out his old, craggy but warm and gentle hand. When their fingers met they were no longer in the woods across from the deserted glass home.
-*-
There was a flash of bright light and an enormous crack of what sounded like thunder.
Tim found himself on the floor of the Spells-R-Us Boutique. He was alone, still on his hands and knees. "Oh my GOD!" cried a sweet but obviously disturbed voice. "Look at him. He looks awful."
"Well, you would too if you were dead."
Tim squeezed his eyes shut against the words and cried weakly, "I'm not dead."
"Well, as far as anyone knows, not yet. It's the only reason you're here at all Tim, because no one knows yet. But they will. Now that you've brought your body back I'm afraid that, as they say, is merely a formality."
"Nice Maurice. Very tactful," Darla scolded obviously annoyed, "Why not just say, Ah, just in time for the funeral."
"I don't really have to do that now," Maurice said with a certain amount of glee.
"Oh?" Darla seemed to ask. "Why's that?"
"You just did."
From somewhere above him Tim heard Darla growl in frustration, "Here," she said and suddenly there were hands on him, helping him stand. "Get up. There you go." She turned him to face her, "Let me see. Oh my." The grave tone in Darla's voice was clear. She brushed his hair out of his eyes and he looked at her. "He's failing fast."
"Not before we conclude our business," Maurice said, "Tim, my mask if you please." The old man held out his hand and waited for Tim to hand over his property.
"What happens if I go back?" Tim asked.
"Impossible, our deal is done. It's time to face your future here now that you're back."
"Future? You just said I was dead," Tim said unbelievingly. "What kind of future is that?"
"It's your future Tim," the Wizard said sternly.
"Is this because the mask got stuck on me?"
"No Tim. Fate simply used that moment to let what was going to happen anyway happen."
"Don't give me that crap about fate!" Tim tried to yell but his energy seemed to be draining out of him faster than he could understand.
The Wizard's robes turned dark, black and gray storm clouds formed, blocking the view of the heavens and striking a terrible image with lightening and claps of tremendous thunder, "DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME BOY!" he bellowed in a voice as large as that of God himself. It echoed from places where there was no space to echo from. Tim cowered away from him and trembled in fear.
"You're scaring him!" Darla cried and took a swipe at the old man with an open hand. "Stop it."
"DARLA," he tried to bellow once more but Darla was having none of it.
"You be quiet, right now," the apprentice insisted and in the blink of an eye, the Wizard's robe returned to its Astral configuration.
"Okay, but I want my mask back," he said sounding a lot like a chastised ten year old.
Darla reached down and grasped the mask. Tim clung to it for a moment, refusing to let it go. "I'm sorry Tim, it is his." She had such a pained look on her face that for a moment he thought she too might start crying. He looked down at his only life line, not just to his father and his best friend, but to life itself. Looking back up he sadly let it go.
"I'm truly sorry Tim," Darla said apologetically.
Tim followed it with his one good eye, carefully watching what the Wizard did with it. The old man set the plastic mask down on the corner of the counter. It wobbled there for a moment and fell still. He knew his chance was gone. He still needed to find Ben to put the mask back on. Now that the mask was back in the Wizard's shop, there was little chance of getting it back.
Tim hung his head wishing he had listened to that voice inside his head. He could have put the mask on himself. The cost would have been that under no conditions could he have changed the outcome of that act. He would have become Kimberly for the remainder of his life. But, he reasoned now. Isn't that really better than what they were proposing as a future?
"Sir?" Tim asked.
"Yes Tim," The Wizard replied.
Teary eyed, Tim lifted his head, "What happens now?" The degree of Tim's denial amazed even the Wizard. He seemed to understand that Tim was still trying to negotiate the situation. Perhaps the fact of being alive and dead at the same time could be deceptive to the subject?
"Have you seen your self Tim? Do you know what you look like?" Tim clinched his fist and laid his forehead on it in frustration. He did not respond to the Wizard's question however. All that was left was for the Wizard to be brutally honest with the sad young man.
"Now it's time for you to go." There was a profound regret in the old man's eyes and Tim began to understand there was no way out of this for him.
"But I'm NOT dead!" Tim shouted. He was beginning to become more angry than frightened as his flight or fight instincts began to wrestle with each other. "You're talking about this like it's already happened. But I'm still here! If this is you're idea of some kind'a sick joke to teach me a lesson… Don't bother. I've had more lessons in the last four months than you or… or… God or anyone could teach me in 100 life times." Tim ranted as he paced about.
"It's not a joke Tim," Cautioned the old man.
Panic began to dawn in Tim's eye. Even with the suspensions, the wild theories he had never really believed any of it. "But I just missing. HELL, I'm not even missing. I'm right here! I'm standing right here. All you have to do is put me back into my life here. Just give me some way to explain this to my mom…"
"I can't do that," insisted the old man.
"What do you mean you can't do that? You changed me into a girl didn't you? Well use your magic or something. Give me a fucking cosmic kiss for my supernatural booboo to make it all better."
"I didn't change you into anything Tim. The mask changed you into who you would have been if the circumstances of your birth had been different. That's all. A lot of space and time had to be manipulated in order to do that and it screwed up a lot of lives in the process. I can't change anything that's been put in place to compensate for that disturbance. Our arrangement was for 24 hours, not four months. If you and Ben had stuck to that deal, then none of this might have happened. As it is however--"
"That was not our FAULT!" Tim cried.
"Why did you come back Tim?" the Wizard asked folding his arms across is chest.
"Because of Ben… His mother was murdered."
The Wizard eyed him smugly, "And here, you're the murder victim. Funny how life compensates for the vacuums we create as we live our lives. In this world your father is dead as a result of a plane crash, in Kim's, its Ben's father and yours is still alive. Balance Timothy. Even those things we can't possibly begin to understand accomplish some sort of balance somewhere.
Tim tried to piece the logic together, but there seemed to be no logic at all for him to grasp on to. "My mom, what about my mom and my brother?"
"You've been missing since Ben put the mask on you. They spent every penny they had trying to get you back, posters, fliers, T.V. ads. You're mother quit her job to look for you. She was devastated Tim. They sold the house to raise more money, to raise hope."
Tim's heart was broken under the crushing weight of this news. "Where are they now? They wouldn't just leave without me."
"They're still looking Tim. And tomorrow morning they'll have an answer, one way or the other, when police find your body," the old man said regretfully.
Tim began to pace franticly around the store. "This is CRAZY!" Tim cried wildly. "I didn't want to do this in the first place. Now you're telling me my life is over, because I got stuck in that thing?"
The old man came out from around the counter. He seemed to pass through some barrier but managed it easily. When he appeared on the other side of what looked to be no more than distortion in the room, he was again wearing the Chino's, Chambray work shirt and scuffed loafers. Only this time Tim could see them. He draped his arm around Tim's shoulder trying to console the walking corpse that called itself Tim. "You weren't listening. I said Fate took that point in time to do something that had to have some resolution in reality. When you became locked in it Tim, the odds of being able to come back here, of even wanting to come back were so remote… the world simply moved on."
Now shaken deeply, Tim cried, "Without me?" The old man nodded sadly.
"Tim, you're acting as if you're the first person something like this has ever happened to. Remember Jimmy Hoffa?"
Tim was beet red, flush with anger now. "I don't give a rat's ass about Jimmy Hoffa. I wasn't even born when… whatever happened to him happened to him. I don't want to be dead."
"No one does Tim. That's kind of the irony in death. No one wants to live forever either. What do you think about that?"
"Not too much." Tim spat. "What happened to me?"
"Does that really matter?" Maurice said trying to move the business of the day along. He seemed in a hurry and this only served to annoy Tim further.
"I think it's fairly significant, yeah!" Tim concurred excitedly.
The old man went on to tell Tim briefly of how Tim had vanished after Ben put the mask on him. The Wizard then went on to confirm something that Kim had already suspected, Tim had been the only one sucked completely through the rabbit-hole. Only a portion of Ben's consciousness had been pulled through with him. The remainder, the physical Ben of this reality had been left here. Since he was entwined in this, part of Ben had to follow so that the mask could be removed.
The part of Ben left here had an entirely different experience however. "As it was, all the Ben of this dimension knew was that he had no explanation as to why you might have disappeared. In fact, he remembered was going to the bathroom and when he returned, you were gone." The Wizard let this sink in for a moment. "The only clue they had was an open door to the upstairs fire escape well at the back of the house. No one actually found the door standing open for almost thirty minutes, an eternity in an abduction case."
"What are you talking about, abducted?" Tim asked not really sure he wanted to know.
"When something interfered with your return, this thing I'm calling 'Fate' compensated for your disappearance. That power needed to shift things around to maintain the equilibrium of life, the continuum, the constant of cotton candy… call it whatever you want, it doesn't really matter. That flow had to be maintained. All magic does in manipulate that flow a little. So, when you vanished, there had to be a real life rationale for it. That force put a rather nasty burgeoning child molester in your path in this reality while you were off being Kimberly. That's why you don't remember anything else of this world. He killed you in fairly short order."
"Oh God…" Tim said feeling sick to his stomach. Tim turned back to the Wizard pleadingly, "Please, you can change this… You have some spell or something that can let me go back and…"
"Sorry Tim, no refunds. Once something's been changed, once it's in the past, it's permanent."
"That doesn't make any sense to me. I never drowned, but I can remember breathing in the saltwater when I got dragged off the boat that time when I was a little girl. When I think about it, I can remember how much pain I was in. I can even remember the taste of the saltwater in my mouth." That never happened.
"Yes it did Tim. But because it happened in a life you weren't there to enjoy, all you could have from it is the memory of it. But Fate constructed those events based on other events of your 'altered' existence. It's sort of like watching a film in ultra fast forward. You did live it, it just happened so fast, it took time for the memories to plant themselves. That's why it took you so long to recall them all. But I think the thing you need to remember is that in that world, as Kimberly, nothing on Earth or in Heaven can change the way they happened now. They're permanent. They are part of Kim's finger print.
Tim's shoulders slouched forward. He was the very picture of a beaten human being. His spirit was broken, his hope had been stolen and his life was, very literally, over. He wished desperately he'd listened to Ben when he had offered at the last second, 'you don't have to do this.' He had no idea that things could have been worse in the reality he had originally come from. Now, everything that had happened to him as Kim seemed like Christmas morning compared to what was transpiring now. Soon, everything would be blackness.
"It's time to go Tim," The Wizard said. There was a flat, detached tone in his voice.
"Please… Don't do this to me."
'Maurice," Darla begged, "he's scared."
"I understand that Darla, but this is out of my hands." Turning to Tim, the old man said once more, "Come along Tim."
Tim's face balled pathetically in a mixture of fear and panic, "Please… I'm just a kid."
"Tim…"
"I want to see Ben. I want to talk to him." The old man glanced at Darla who could only look away. "What?" The two said nothing. "What is it? What was going on at his house? You know I saw that, tell me."
"Tim, I'm afraid there's no way you can talk to Ben. If you left the protection of this store yourself, without the mask to protect you, you'd sorta just, fade out. Even the force of that magic wouldn't protect you long, as you can see from your deteriorating condition."
"Then bring him here," Tim insisted. But his request was met with stony silence. "What's happened?"
"What you saw at Ben's house Tim was part of an investigation that started yesterday morning. Ben's mother took her own life three days ago. The police found her body in the house yesterday afternoon." To Tim, Maurice sounded as officious as a State Police Officer delivering the news of a highway accident. I'm sorry to have to inform you Mrs. Doe, you're daughter Jane was in an accident…
Tim was shaking his head. Even with the sight of that yellow plastic tape everywhere, he had not allowed himself to think the worst. Even now, he was not letting himself consider the obvious possibilities. "That can't be. Mrs. Ackerman wouldn't do something like that." He staggered backward in shock. His words were for no one in particular. They were just statements of fact. He tripped over a box that sat tapped up on the floor behind him, stumbled and fell backward sitting down hard on it.
"If you think about it Tim, there is one reason why she might." The Wizard prompted.
Darla came and squatted down next to him, her small frame seemed so large to Tim who now felt every bit the inexperienced teenager he had once been. "Tim, we all know that Ben wasn't the best driver. You've thought the same thing yourself, haven't you?" Her tone was sympathetic, her eyes sorrowful. Tim pressed his lips together in a tragic sort of smile, his mind empty except for the obvious conclusions to be draw from what Darla had told him. More than anything else, he had wanted to save Ben.
Perhaps it was Kimberly's persuasion, her influence that made all of this seem so futile. But it had been Ben she wanted to save, much the way he had selflessly saved her one night three months ago. Ben had been the one to lose everything. It had been in her power to give him something back. So was it Kimberly that sat silently and mourned or was it Tim. He couldn't say. Perhaps there was no Kimberly, no Tim. There was just this life force and the vessel that contained it didn't matter. All he knew was that she had failed, and that feeling was perhaps the most crushing reality of all. Ben had needed her and she had failed him.
"We never wanted this," sobbed Tim.
"JUST what was it you wanted Tim." The Wizard said cutting him off clearly losing patience. "What was it you were looking for? Wasn't it enough that I gave you what you asked for?"
"What I asked for? I never asked to be a girl!" Tim insisted angrily.
The Wizard began to speak, but this time it was Tim's own voice coming from the old man's mouth, "Who do you think you're fooling Ben. If you think it's me then you're nuts. I've known you too long Ben. So don't sit there and think that if I manage to get a date, then you're in too. I can't make a girl like you Ben. Fuck, I can't even make girls like me!"
Then the old man's voice returned to his normal, old man rasp, "Remember that? Or how about this golden oldie?"
This time it was Ben's voice that came out of the Wizard's mouth. "Half the guy's think we're gay because we only hang out with each other."
Startled beyond words all Tim could think about was his response to Ben's comment, "They think we're gay?" Tim flushed again at the memory of it.
The Wizard didn't stop there however, "I think you're both a couple of malcontents. That's what I think. Nothing is good enough for either of you. At least Ben had the decency to be honest about what he was looking for when you both came here. You know something Tim, he stuck to the bargain. You were the one that tried to change the rules. He was also honest with you about being in love with Sarah. I have to admit, he surprised me. But so did you, cause when you were no longer being picked on, no longer unpopular, loved not for who you were but WHAT you were, you still weren't happy. Now you want to go back to the beginning and start over? I hate to burst your bubble Timmy boy, but there are no 'Do-Overs'' in life. You go forward, that's the end of the issue. Game over man!"
Hurt, Tim sulked, "I though you were our friend?"
"I have no friends Tim, I'm a Wizard. Most of the people that come into my shop are selfish, self-centered people that get what they have coming to them. It was rather refreshing to think that this once I was doing something good for someone that deserved it for a change, but now I can see you're just like all the rest. That is exactly how you surprised me, Tim. I thought you were different."
"Well, you're back now. They'll find your body soon and since coming back, it's become vitally important that they do. The man that took you will end up killing seven more children before he's caught, that is unless they find your body and the forensic evidence they find with it tomorrow morning as they're supposed to. Call it a little welcome home gift from the powers that be. You're going to get to be a hero."
"So," Tim said indignantly. "Let them find my body," Tim complained.
"Well, that's a problem because right now, you have it. It's not yours any more Tim."
Tim smiled a malicious smile, "Then they can't find it right?"
"Oh no Tim, they'll find it as of 7:43 tomorrow morning whether you have it or not. The problem is for you is, you'll just cease to exist in…" The Wizard checked his empty wrist as though he were examining the face of a watch, "16 hours, 7 minutes and… 20 seconds. You've only been here eight hours and see how much time has compensated for your arrival."
Tim could feel time draining away no differently than he could feel his life's blood draining away.
"So Tim, I'm curious?" asked the old man incredulously. "Is it fairer for all the kids that die in house fires or car accidents or of cancer or who drown each year than it is for some nobody from Hick Central, Tennessee to die at the hands of a murderer? So let me tell you what is fair Tim. You're going to give your life so that seven other children can live. I'm sorry that this tragedy falls on the heads of your family after you've already lost someone they love. I really am. The reality is this though, you're going to save a lot of lives this way because being born a boy in this reality is the only way you can do that. As Kim, you managed to save at least seven lives by just being Kim, maybe more. But then, I guess we'll never know."
And so this was the corollary. This was the balance the wizard had spoken of. There was a police officer somewhere in Kim's reality that Abs had not killed because her father had punched out Abs' eye. Kim having appendicitis had saved her father, and then there was Ben. But this is where Tim lost the connection. Was one of them Sarah, maybe her brother? He was about to ask when the Wizard said, "It's time to go Tim. Time has come."
Tim continued to weep, his head down where neither the old man nor Darla could see his face. The Wizard began to move back around the corner of the counter, putting himself between the shop and the mask which still sat one the counter where the Wizard had put it. "Come along Tim, I'll take you to the quarry myself and put you where you'll be found. You'll just go to sleep. There won't be any pain. I promise you that."
As soon as the old man was clear of the mask, with his back turned to him, Tim leapt up and snatched the mask off the counter and bolted for the door.
"TIM!" the Wizard called out, "Come BACK!" But the old man knew all too well that Tim was not going to be turning around. It happened exactly as he'd planned it.
"Elvis has left the building," Darla said glumly. "I know how she feels."
Maurice turned to his apprentice and asked, "So, how'd I do?"
"You're a ham," Darla said disapprovingly. "Did you have to scare the shit out of her like that?"
"She wanted answers. She wouldn't have taken them any other way."
"I think she would have gone back on her own. Even if she wasn't really dead here, she would have gone back."
Maurice gave her a quizzical look, "How do you figure?"
"She has something neither of us have," Darla said with great regret. "At least until today, I know I didn't."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," Darla confirmed, "A heart."
"I'm actually jealous of her, of what she has. Can you imagine, me, jealous?" Darla said seemingly in a daze. The Wizard watched as the pieces fell into place in Darla's feminine mind. A slight smile, a smirk almost, touched one corner of Darla's pretty mouth. There were volumes of emotions written there in that smile, and plenty of room for volumes and volumes more. That smile hung there for a moment until she asked, "You know something Sir?"
"No Darla I don't."
Darla didn't answer at first. She just smiled that wonderful smile and The Wizard watched enjoying this young woman's glow as it filled the room. At length she began to untie the short apron she wore to keep the dust off of her clothes. Darla folded the garment and then laid it gently on the glass counter at the front of the store. She exhaled softly and laid her hand flat on the surface of the apron. Her smile was somewhat sad, thought The Wizard as he watched her. She wasn't facing him when she answered him.
You're an old liar..." She said and smiled.
The old man smiled a big smile for her. "Will you come and visit me after you get settled?" He asked her.
"I don't know. There are a lot of bad memories associated with this place." She turned toward him and he expected tears, but she was not crying. Instead her eyes were ablaze with the fire of a life not yet lived. When he looked at her, all he saw was potential. "I may not be able to find you again," Darla admitted. "You know how this old store is, here one day, gone the next."
"It's Okay," her former mentor assured her, "I know how to find you."
"I can't believe I'm actually going to just walk out of here like this." she said in amazement. "This will be it won't it? I mean, I won't be going back to being male ever again if I do this?"
"It's already too late," The Wizard said, "You couldn't stay here now if you wanted, and you don't want to, do you?"
Darla thought a moment, "No, I want a life. Not a pipe dream."
"Well, go on then. There's some lucky man waiting to meet you out there. Don't disappoint him by not being there when he shows up." He gave the girl a light swat on the behind.
Darla walked to the door way and stood there looking out at the busy mall. Most people could not see the store front as they passed by. All most of them saw was an empty, out of business shoe retailer, with its windows covered in craft paper and a sign on the door that said closed. Darla began to tremble. "I'm scared... It's like I've never been out there before. I've been a girl for three years and now I'm scared to go home."
"Darla?" Asked The Wizard.
Darla turned around with a questioning look. She half hoped that the old man would ask her to stay. She would have given up her inspiration in a second if he had. Maybe I haven't gone too far after all. He'll save me. He'll throw me a line and pull me back in. I can't go out there and be a girl, not like Kim. I'm not even a real girl! Now the old man was going to give her a way out, Thank God... He saw it was a mistake, Thank God!
"Would you do a favor for me?" Darla sighed in relief. He was going to ask her to stay.
"Sure, I'd love to..." she was going to say, 'stay' but was stopped in mid sentence when a small red and white sign appeared in her hands.
"Would you be a Dear and put that sign in the window for me love?"
Darla looking surprised and hurt, turned the sign over slowly. It read, "Help Wanted!" A tear of fear and heart break splashed onto the 'H' of the sign. Help Wanted... yep That's what I want. I hope I find it out there.
"Sure, I'd be happy to." She blew the old Wizard a kiss, slipped the sign in the window and stepped out into the mall. She waited for just a second before turning around. When she did, all that was there was an empty store front with an old sign that said, The Shoe Barn and a closed sign on the window. There would be no going back now. Darla turned and walked away, blending into the crowd of shoppers, just another 18 year old girl in a world filled with 18 year old girls.
-*-
When Tim burst out of the doors of the Spells-R-Us shop, he found himself spilled out on the ground of the woods across from his family's home. The mask still clutched in his hand. Perhaps none of what he remembered had actually happened? He gingerly touched his bad eye and flinched. That at least appeared to be real. He had to assume the decay he'd witnessed was still there too.
The idea that he must HURRY, nagged at him.
The image of a dream he had as Kim came back to him. A dream of the two of them, Kimberly and Tim in the Tennessee River, their souls being pulled gently apart by the swollen river's current. He could see himself drifting away as he had that night in Kim's dream, only now, curiously, he was looking back at Kimberly who clung to the branch of the old dead tree. She wore a white cotton dressing gown and an expression of intense anguish on her face. Her platinum hair plastered to the sides of her head. There was no way she could come in after him. And so there was nothing left for her to do but diminish in size on the horizon as Tim slipped farther and father from her grasp, from rescue, from hope itself.
He began to lift the mask to his face, to shut out any possibility of the old wizard chasing him down to claim his property. Something stopped him cold however. It was the idea that if she popped back into her own time, several miles away from where she was last seen, more than twelve hours from that point in time, God only knows what would happen. It might have been a found-less worry, but there was risk attached to that idea that Tim wasn't willing to lay anything valuable on. That bet was stacked in the house's favor. She had to be at the hospital when it went back on. And, she'd have to be alone.
The walk was hard and tiring. His feet were barking Dobermans after only three miles. Tim's only solace was that Kimberly's feet would be well rested and comfortably in her workout sneaks when she finally got back into them. Tim misjudged the walk and ended up at the hospital at 7:17 p.m.
Noting the time, Tim realized when he got back, Kim was probably going to be in trouble. "I'm gonna get grounded again…" Tim said miserably but found that he was now thinking of himself tucked snug in Kim's room, nestled among all her stuffed bears, happily sleeping safely in her own home. "Okay then, let's go get into T.R.O.U.B.L.E."
Tim made his way back up the fifth floor. When he peeked in the room he discovered that they had already given the room to an elderly woman. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be either sleeping or drugged. Either way, it meant, Tim hoped, that he could slip the mask on without being seen. Tim looked about briefly and then slipped into the room and closed the door. Tim turned and was startled to see that the old woman was wide awake and staring at him.
It's okay. It's dark and she can't see you… he told himself when she suddenly screamed, "RAPE!"
"No!" Tim said holding his hands out and shaking his head.
"RAPE!" she cried again, louder this time.
"Oh no…" Someone would be coming soon. The old woman's voice was the pitch of a fire siren and had the volume of a jackhammer.
She ripped off one horrendous cry, "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!"
"You have to be kidding me lady, what are you, a million years old?" Tim asked and immediately hated himself for being so cruel. He was, after all, dead and not looking all that attractive himself. Tim thought briefly about turning on the light, letting the old woman see that her would be rapist was actually a zombie in disguise. That would send her for a loop, Tim thought. But, he cautioned himself, it just might send her into cardiac arrest too. The humor drained from his idea as the old lady began to press the buzzer to the nurse's station and right away, a nurse rang back, "Mrs. Clutter? Are you Okay?"
"RAAAAAAAPPPE!" she cried again, this time spraying herself with thick spittle as she pursed her lips to purr out the 'P''s in rape.
"For God sake lady... I just want to change."
"RAAAAPE!" The woman began to thrash about. Shit, she's going to have a fucking heart attack right here.
Tim dashed to the bathroom and locked the door. There was no time to think about it now. Fate was vying against him. He felt it was trying to keep him from moving the pieces around again. They would be here to open the door soon. Tim understood that the locks on these doors were easily opened from the outside if a patient became disabled while using the facilities.
Tim pulled the mask from under his shirt and held it up to his face. He just couldn't touch it to his face. "Now you asshole! NOW!"
Outside, Mrs. Clutter shouted, "He's in there... He's in thereeeeeeerrrr!"
"Okay Mrs. Clutter. I'm here now," said one of the young nurses from the nurse's station. "Stop... you have to be still or you're going to..."
"RAAAAAPE" the old woman cried.
"Mrs. Clutter, I don't think whoever it was really wanted to rape you..."
'Thank you!' thought Tim.
Tim returned his gaze to the mirror before putting the mask on. But he had lost his focus on his relative distance from the mask for just a second. The thing flew from his fingers and on to his face. Tim saw in the mirror the utter surprise and horror in his eyes beneath the mask, 'I wasn't READY,' his mind wailed, but the deed was done! No matter how he clawed at his face he could not tear the mask off. There would be no more time left to him as Tim. That boat, as they say, had sailed.
Next: The conclusion to Dancing On Daddy's Shoes.
Authors Note: Is there a sweeter context in which to write other than irony? I don't think so. So perhaps it's appropriate that this story met with discontent when it felt as though I was dragging it out. I did a lot of writing here, on this piece before publishing this story. But the truth of it is that I have worked on this story collectively for two years. I have no less than seven versions of it. I have chapters and chapters of unpublished material that no one will see. Some of it was good, real good. Some of it, admittedly, was not so good which is why it didn't end up here.
This story began as I was beginning Skin Deep II and only now did I find the ending that I wanted from all the discarded scraps and ends and pieces. That was almost seven years from the time I started writing it. But most of it has been written for years. So no, I wasn't writing this as I went along. I knew exactly where I wanted it to go. Sometimes, I just couldn't figure out how to get there. Thank God for Tom Tom!
I did this story because I think there are fantastic universes created by other artists that can be explored in novel format that can truly be engaging, entertaining and show the complete range of human emotions that any author might want to bring to their readers. I wanted to demonstrate that in this story, in this universe. Bill Hart created a vast wealth of possibilities. All we need do is tap into them. How many more novels are out there waiting to burst free of the confines of their short story restraints, hundreds, thousands maybe? Only you know the answer to that.
I hope this story wasn't completely disappointing for everyone. I know there was much grumbling and gnashing of teeth when this story started. But I feel it is necessary to set the table before my guests come to eat. I may not have prepared the proverbial feast, but I hope that some of you walked away satisfied, your hunger tamed. At least for now.
And now, I give you the final chapter, Dancing On Daddy's Shoes
Thank you,
Mark McDonald
Chapter 17
Dancing On Daddy's Shoes
The hospital building shook through every floor. From the feel, it was a miracle that the entire structure had not caved in taking the sick and dying to a premature grave beneath the rubble.
* THA WUMP *
The sound of it made her shriek a muffled cry of alarm from behind the mask that was already melding its way deep within her face, changing her back into Kimberly Glass once and for all. The entire hospital building felt it had been dropped from a height of a few feet. From behind the mask, in the two feminine eye holes cut in the plastic, she could see two, fully functional, crystal clear, pale blue eyes jacked open as far as they could possibly be opened.
Outside the door in the room beyond, both Mrs. Clutter and the nurse who had come to her assistance, shrieked with the noise and vibration. Presumably, the nurse cried, "JESUS Christ, what was that?" and Kim asked herself, I not going to drag them along with me am I?
Kim found she had no interest if they were taken along for the ride or not. Now, through her struggles, she could see the water like ripples of distortion Ben had seen when he had put the mask on her four months ago. It was back on her, nine hours after Ben had removed it.
Her fingers found the edges were already gone, sunk beneath the flesh of her face even while the mask itself was still a visible and hard, restrictive surface on her face but she could see it also forming the now familiar features of Tim's feminine counterpart. Someone began pounding on the bathroom door. All this was going on, shouting from a male voice outside the door, presumably hospital security. The nurse was shouting for the man to "just get him out of here before she goes into arrest."
She could not breathe easily through the mask and the panic of feeling the transformation on her body from male to female, the lack of breathable air and the knowledge that this was irreversible was starting to squeeze her brain just as surely as a trash compactor might.
"Mumph! Mumph," she cried, Kim couldn't help but notice as her voice changed rapidly from Tim's deeper voice to her much higher tone. Outside the sounds of knocking and shouting, even the cries of "Rape" were diminishing into more distant echoes until they were finally gone.
Kim knelt on the floor, exhausted. When her lips were freed from their frozen plastic smile she gasped the deep rich pleasure of disinfectant laden, hospital room air. Clinging to the sink she felt she might cry out of gratitude. S he closed her eyes and drank in as much of the cool environmentally sterile air as she could until she was no longer heaving. When she opened her eyes, she saw her legs were now sticking out of a pair of tight pink capris, the same ones she'd put on this morning. The same one's she'd worn four days ago when Ben suddenly, miraculously emerged from his coma. She wore a pair of wrap around sandals that tied with the leather straps in front. Over her breasts she wore a white spaghetti strap tank. Her rich platinum blond hair hung down as she inspected herself. The image was a familiar shock and a thankful relief. She fought against her fatigue to stand. The girl's face that rose in the mirror was unmistakable.
She was back. As much as she was glad to be out of the situation of facing eternity at 16, she could not separate the sadness she felt for having to abandon such a large part of what and who she had once been. She was after all, only sixteen. She wondered if someone of much wiser years would have struggled as much as she had struggled to let go of her identity as Tim and embrace womanhood so suddenly as she had been forced to.
Kim braced her self on shaky legs, still not sound enough for comfort, but holding none the less. Fully erect, Kim once more examined herself. She place her hand flat on her chest and felt the familiar rise of the breasts that were, as of yet, unaffected by age or gravity. She slid her hand down her smooth fronted pants. No zipper. Kim felt along the back of the shorts and there it was.
Dread trickled into her heart, and she couldn't help laughing at herself a little because of it. She was still a little frightened of what now must be. She'd be Kimberly forever now. In the months since she had first become trapped in her body, Kim had come to love who she was, if not somewhat begrudgingly at first. Soon, the sense of ever being a young man named Tim Glass would fade into fond remembrance, and the uncertainty of being a girl would pass. But for now, there was still sixteen years of male history that had been obliterated. Kim knew she'd figure out this new role. But even this knowledge didn't expunge the fear of being made to be someone else, with an entirely different sexual identity, different tastes and most of all, expectations from the world around her.
As a thought, she placed her hands on the sides of her face and gave a healthy tug. "Mump!" she grunted. There was no give. "Thought so." The mask was gone.
She turned and opened the door to the bathroom, which, of course was now unlocked. She went out into the hospital room. Ben was sleeping. She had no idea of how long he'd been sleeping or what he might be aware of. If he could remember nothing of the event, then she would say nothing. She would tell him it did not work and the mask must be locked on now forever. She felt Ben could cope better with being stuck here, rather than being dead there.
Here, they had all had a second chance and things were more than good enough, they were fantastic.
She smiled softly glad to be home, glad to see his peaceful face as he rested. She crept to the chair where she'd sat watching him for so many weeks now. She felt comfortable in her body as she slid into the chair she sometimes shared with Sarah when they were both on watch.
The door creaked opened and like being conjured from some magical place, Sarah stuck her head in the door, "Pssst?"
Kimberly smiled, and waived her in. Sarah shook her off and waved for her to come into the hall. She check Ben before leaving, but he was fast asleep and snoring lightly now, so Kim left for the hall.
She greeted Sarah with a pleasant, glad to see you smile, "Hey,"
"Where have you been?" Sarah asked angrily. "We've been worried sick about you. Your mom and dad are going nuts. They called the police…"
"The police?" Kim exclaimed, "Ugh!" Just then Tom Glass stepped off the elevator down the hall. He turned in the direction of Ben's room, saw Kim and nearly Goose-stepped toward the two girls.
"Uh oh," Sarah said, "Time to die."
"Don't even say that in jest," Kim said gravely beneath her breath.
"Kimberly Lynn Glass, where on earth have you been young lady?" Tom's face was flushed, his eyes wild.
"Hi Daddy," Kim said as innocently as she could manage.
"Don't try being adorable with me Miss Thing. I'm pretty angry right now."
"Yes Sir. I'm sorry." Kim found herself on the edge of tears. Not just for disappointing this man she saw as a Great Man, but for everything. It had been a harrowing four months what had nearly ended with a permanent stop in a six foot mud pit. "I didn't mean to scare you."
Tom, seeing how terrified Kimberly was becoming dropped to one knee and folded her up in his strong arms. "Okay… shush. I'm sorry Princess. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just so worried."
At the sound of his nickname for her, she did breakdown. It was a flood of emotions that she had not dared let out before. As incident after incident had assailed both Ben and herself, she had tried to remain strong. After so much fear, so much uncertainty and destruction, to see the possible ending to it all simply overtook her with everything that it entailed. Every emotion was condensed in each tear. All the terror embodied in every sob.
Tom lipped to Sarah to go find Cindy and tell her Kim was Okay. Sarah nodded and took off in the direction of the elevators without another word.
Kim shook terribly, trembling with the force of it, unable to stop. After trying to sooth her for a few moments, Kim lifted her head away from his chest and for the first time in her life, she lied to him.
"I'm sorry Daddy. So much has happened. I just had to go some place quiet and think about it all. You know, in my own way." Kim sighed. Kim considered the fallacy she had just spun. She was happy to realize it wasn't a complete fabrication after all. She had gone someplace alone. There had been much thought about many things, all things in fact. And now, she was back from that place.
"I know Princess. Old men sometimes forget they aren't the only ones trapped in the experience. I watch you going through all these things, and I just worry…"
"… that you're going to lose me." Kim finished for him. "Yeah, I know." Kim laughed a phlegm choked laugh.
"Well, come on. Look at your track record Kiddo." Tom brushed a thick lock of hair from her face. "There, that's better. Now I can see those lovely…" Tom grimaced a bit, "blood shot eyes of yours." Kimberly barked a quick laugh at his joke and his funny face, and turned her head away.
"You're being mean," she said joking with him.
"Hey," he said sobering, "I really am sorry for coming off like a tyrant."
Kim lowered her head and raised her eyes to meet his in a sort of sly pretty girl way, "I'm fine Daddy. It's just been a lot to take in all at once. Maybe now we'll all get a break, huh?"
"Amen to that," Tom said wearily.
"You know though, if I had a cell phone, I could have called you."
Slowly, a large, all knowing smile broke out on both their faces. Tom nodded, agreeing silently. Kim was pleased that the excuse worked. She would say as little as possible about it later. Keep it simple stupid. Everyone needed a good KISS every once in a while.
A shriek came from the far end of the hall way as Cindy and Sarah stepped off the elevator, "KIMBERLY!" Cindy came running down the hallway, eyes ablaze with maternal anger. "Where in God's name have…"
"Cindy." Tom said softly.
"… you been. Oh, I'm so mad at you I could just shriek!"
"Cindy," Tom repeated.
"WHAT?" snapped Cindy.
"She's been right here the whole time.
"That… No Tom, we would have found her before now."
"She's going to be seventeen in a few months Cindy. What happens when she's eighteen and she doesn't want to be found? What are you going to do when she's an adult and she has a right to go pretty much anywhere she wants to? Are you going to yell at her like this?"
Cindy pressed her lips tightly together, furious with Tom's suggestion. She spared a glance at Kimberly and glared at her. "You're groun…"
"No she's not," Tom preempted calmly.
"Don't you dare tell me how to discipline my children!" Tom chuckled to himself at Cindy's rage. "This is not funny Thomas!"
"No, you're right. It's not, because you're going to drive her away eventually. She's going to grow up Cindy. It really doesn't matter if you want it to happen or not. In a couple of years, if she wants to move out, if she doesn't want to call you every night, then she won't have to." Cindy glanced to Kimberly in complete shock at the idea. "That's not to say she'll choose to do that. I don't think it's in her nature to be cruel. Just the same however, she will have the option to simply be able to refuse to keep you in the loop. Nicely I hope, but she can just not call. If you come at her like this, accusing her… of God knows what it is you think she's doing, then she'll just stop talking to you all together."
The pain in Cindy's eyes was remarkable. Her face sagged slowly and Kim fancied how her mother might look in twenty years or so. Cindy's lips parted slightly. She glanced around embarrassed, then at Kim. For a moment she struggled with some deep inner demon. It was a monster so dominate for so long that they could almost see trying to rip free of Cindy's body in protest. "I don't want to talk about this right now." Looking at Kim she snapped, "You scared me half to death. A phone call would have been the considerate thing, to let us know you were alright."
"Funny you should mention that," Tom said his face a mask of restrained seriousness. "We're going to take care of that very issue tomorrow, for all of us."
Cindy stood for an uncomfortable moment in the silence of the staring eyes of her daughter and ex-husband. "I supposed I'll go see how Ben is doing as long as I'm here."
Kim caught her mother's hand before she managed to walk away. "Mom," Cindy turned, still self-conscious, still a little angry. "I'm sorry I frightened you. I know it's no excuse, but I just had so much on my mind, I needed a little time and I…" Kim sighed terribly, "I guess I just got lost in it all."
Cindy's mouth worked, she bit her lip and finally a tender, touching smile bloomed from the place where only moments before there had been a scowl. She exhaled heavily, letting the frustration out in sheets, "Thank you Kimberly. I just love you so much. I don't know what I'd do…" Her words were choked of by the intense emotion behind that idea. Cindy looked away, her eyes damp, her lips working silently, as she struggled for control.
It was Kim's turn to wrap up her mother in her embrace and squeeze her tightly. Cindy threw her arms around Kim in return and they stood there, locked together as Tom and Sarah looked on from a short distance. When Cindy and Kim finally ended their embrace, Cindy saw the two there, standing and smiling. "You think you'd find something more interesting to look at," but the smile on her face spoke of so much more than her few short words of pride.
With that Cindy stepped into Ben's room and away from the smiling, consolatory eyes of her family, where she could shed her pride in private.
When Kim turned to her father, his eyes were glistening. He was on the edge of choking up once more, but this time, Kim had no idea why. "Daddy," She asked taking his hand, "are you Okay?"
Tom sniffled, "Uh yeah!" he said turning his smiling eyes to hers. "It's just that it looks like someday got here a lot sooner than I expected. That's all."
-*-
To Kim's great misfortune, Ben did remember removing the mask. That part of him could not be transferred back to Timothy's reality when she had transitioned back because there had been no Ben in Tim's world to transfer any experiences from.
About a week later, Kim was able to spend an extended amount of time with Ben alone. She explained what had happened on her return. It was not an easy thing to face again. Consequently she was forced to stop several times and collect her thoughts. Alone with Ben, the effects of the moment seemed far more intense now than they had been as they were actually happening. Ben suspected it was because, only now, after she had safely returned did she have time to actually think about the true implications. At the moment of transaction, most people are most eager to see their purchase and rarely stop to count their change. Being too busy trying to find a way out of the mess she had found herself in had been all consuming. There's not a lot of time to think about much else when you're fighting for your life.
Of course Ben was heart broken. But he didn't show Kimberly this side of his emotions. He would not burden her with something she could not fix. If she had the ability to do so, he would not have indulged it. It had been too close a call for her and Ben blamed himself for letting her do it. Now, the presence of this girl named Kim was so engrained in his idea of the way things should be, he could not imagine a world without her. He was part of something much larger than anything else he had ever before been a part of. He felt Kim was responsible in large part for this extraordinary gift.
Perhaps Kim sensed this and they shared a good cry together, as best friends often do in these moments. When at last their mutual commiseration was over and a past that had never happened put to rest, Kim kissed his forehead lightly, took her place in the chair beside his bed, "I don't think you heard this entire book," Kim said as she cracked open the cover of dog-eared copy of Watership Down. "So I'll start it from the beginning."
They never spoke of the mask again or the lives they had both lived previously. There was no real reason to now.
Ben entered therapy three weeks after regaining consciousness. The work was painful and frustrating. It was three months passed before anyone could come to the determination if Ben would ever regain used of his paralyzed limbs. After that, the hospital opinion universally agreed that Ben would probably never walk again. But just two weeks after that, Ben surprised everyone by managing to flex his left leg up three whole inches at the knee, unassisted. The physician examining Ben was so startled she literally jumped backward spilling a plastic tray of hermetically sealed supplies.
After regaining her composure, she asked him if he could do it again. Smiling, Ben honored the request with a five inch lift. Ben however, was not smiling at the end of the exercise. The physician could see the effort had been a painful one for Ben, which was an even more encouraging sign.
Ben admitted that Sarah had been practicing, providing resistance against his leg, helping exercise it when he wasn't in therapy, impressing this therapist. He tried to make her promise that she would keep his secret until later. While she made no real promises to hide his development, she also did commit to not making it a matter for the 11 o'clock news.
That November, the families spent Thanksgiving at the hospital with Ben. It was as sorrowful as it was joyous. Ben could remember the Thanksgivings he'd had in this past as clearly as he could those from Timothy's reality. In each, his mother had always tried to bring the greatest amount of happiness to his holidays as she could provide. Not having her to share this with him was one of the hardest things he'd ever experienced.
The Becklock's catered the event with a 31 pound bird and all the trimmings. They even allowed champagne for a toast to a grand future for all of them. Kim drank two glasses of the rich bubbly, relishing the way it tickled her nose. Cindy had watched disapprovingly, but much to her credit, said nothing. It was with no small measure of satisfaction that Kim's mother found Kim in bed the next morning with a horrendous headache. Right then and there Kim groaned that she would never drink anything like it again.
Christmas came and again the champagne flowed. Once again Kim drank two glasses, caught up in the moment and the next day regretted it even more.
By February of the next year Ben was walking with assistance. His steps were small and labored but he was walking. On the 22nd of that month, they gathered again to help Ben celebrate his 17th birthday. On April 9th, the Becklock's threw a surprise birthday party for Kimberly at St. Anne's.
Kim arrived after school as she did everyday, to visit. There was not much she could do to care for him now. He and Sarah had become very close now and Sarah had willingly assumed most of the responsibility for Ben's care. Kim did her best to give them all the time they wanted together. Still, she could not deny that the chasm between them was growing every day. And while no one was actually talking about it yet, Kim fully expected an announcement of a marriage proposal between Ben and Sarah any day.
When she arrived at the hospital both her family and the Becklocks were waiting on the stairs of the hospital, along with a small group of friends.
"What's going on here?" Kim asked innocently. She felt she understood what was happening, it was her birthday after all. But at best, all she had really expected was a card, perhaps some spending money.
Now here they were, everyone important in her life, standing on the steps to the hospital entrance as though they were posing for a group photo, when they all began to sing.
"Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…" the group parted in the center to reveal Ben standing on the top stair. In his right hand he sported a cane. He was dressed in a grey suit, red tie and white shirt. His eyes were clear and sparkling and he wore a crooked grin that touched only the right side of his face. Slowly, as the song her friends and family sang wound down, Ben cautiously inched his way down the three marble stairs and walked out to where Kim stood in the mid Spring afternoon.
Kim watched in tearful amazement, her hands covering her mouth as Ben approached. His gait was clumsy. She could see how labor intensive the act of just moving his left leg was. Ben had to stop and concentrate on getting that leg to respond to his desires. Making it bend at the knee seemed every bit as hard as sprinting up Mount Everest would be. She motioned to cover the remaining distance and meet him, but Ben stopped, held up his hand saying, "You do that and I'll personally make sure you get seventeen swats on your butt that I promise you won't enjoy." Kim burst out laughing as did everyone else behind him.
Ben reached in her ten additional steps that took fifteen minutes to complete. He was exhausted and sweating heavily, but he managed a smile as, with great effort, he raised his left arm and held out a small ring with two keys dangling from it. "Happy Birthday Kimberly."
Confused she reached up and took the Key's Ben offered. Looking over his shoulder for some sort of clue her father gestured in the air with one finger in a circular motion for her to turn around. Kim looked back to Ben questioningly. With that Ben flicked his eyes in a glance behind her. When she turned to see what he was looking at, there behind her was new a Ford Taurus with a large pink bow on top of it.
She'd been so caught up in Ben's achievement, she hadn't even heard her brother, free of his halo for months now, drive up in the patient drop off circle behind them. Kim whirled around on Ben and hugged him cautiously, a large bright smile on her face. "How long Ben?" she whispered in his ear.
"A few months," he replied, breaking her embrace to meet her eyes. "I figured it was the only birthday gift I had to give you. So I've been practicing." He blushed slightly, "I didn't really have anything to do with the car, that's from your folks, the Becklocks, your brother. They put my name on the card and Robert told me if I didn't sign it he'd break my good leg."
Robert had been just approaching them as Ben was finishing his statement. "That's a lie Kim. I told him I'd break his good leg off and beat him with it if he didn't sign the card." Both Ben and Robert balled up their fists, rammed their knuckles together and laughed richly.
Turning back to Kim, Ben asked, "So, you going to give it a spin?"
Kim smiled shyly at Ben for a moment and offered, "I'd like someone with some serious driving experience to come with me I think." Ben stepped back to make room for Mr. Glass when Kim laid her hand on Ben's and said, "I meant you…"
After several minutes, Ben managed to get into the passenger side seat. Kim got behind the wheel. They were rapidly joined at the open windows by their extended families. "Be careful Kim," her father said tenderly.
"I will Daddy," Kim assured smiling. "Thank you. Thank you Mom!" Kim called out to her mother who was standing nervously behind Tom. Cindy smiled as best she could, flipped a short nerve-racked wave of her hand but said nothing.
"Where ya gonna go?" Sarah asked peering in the passenger side window.
Kim turned and said. "I think there's a ride we never got to finish that I'd like to finish now." Kim said to Ben more than anyone. She met Sarah's eyes and asked, "If that's alright with you?"
Sarah didn't answer. Instead she leaned in and kissed Ben whispering, "Have fun," then withdrew from the window. Everyone withdrew from the car as Kim turned the ignition. Kim turned the car out of the hospital pointed the car away from Baker and out toward State Road 881. They made the forty-five minute drive last an hour and a half. In that time they both allowed themselves to believe they were completing the journey they had both set out to finish nearly a year previous.
They sat wordlessly, windows open, radio on, enjoying the bright cool Tennessee Spring afternoon. It was Ben who with great effort, slipped his left hand gently into Kimberly's right. They said nothing to acknowledge it except for a brief shared smile between them. For a time, things were as they should be. The world was as right as it was ever going to get. They both understood this and took the time to enjoy the good things that were there to enjoy.
-*-
April 9th, Kim's 18th birthday.
If you'd seen her that day, squatting, legs together, knees bent, behind the counter putting the samples under the display case at Coles Department Store, you might have known who she was from the thick wavy platinum hair. Her face was still very much the same, soft and beautiful with pale creamy skin. But, there was much about her that had changed. Her body had become much fuller, her hips had widened out a little as her body prepared for the eventual biological function it had been designed for. Her breast had grown larger as well. Kimberly, no longer a skinny all arms and legs sixteen year old was a woman.
As she worked, her head down, concentrating on what she was doing, one of her co-workers touched her on the shoulder from behind. She gave a small "Eeep!" of surprise, and startled, jumped a little causing her to loose her balance. She landed on her fanny, her gorgeous, tapered legs splayed beneath her.
"Oh my, Kimberly, I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you," It was Carol Bergoff, an older friend and manager of the cosmetic and beauty department. Carol had grown to love Kim as a younger sister and wanted desperately not to laugh but couldn't help herself. Carol broke into a fit of the giggles as Kim tried to pull her dress back down around her legs.
"It's not funny Carol." Kim insisted and Carol tried to sober her display of glee some. But in the end, the giggles got the best of both of them and soon both girls were giggling so hard that neither of them could get Kim off the floor.
Carol was finally able to curtail the attack of the giggles and reach down and lend Kim a helping hand, "It's good to see you laugh," Carol admitted and was instantly sorry she had said anything at all.
Kim surprised her by saying, "It felt good. It seems like forever since I've had the desire to laugh."
Carol stroked Kim's bare arm and said, "I'm sorry Kim, I really didn't mean to bring it all up again. It just sorta' slipped out. It's just…"
"I know, it's been five months since the funeral and I've been moping around here like an animal trapped in a cage. I'm sorry about that." Kim said touching Carol's hand. Kim straightened out her dress; turned over one high heel shoe with her foot that had come off in the fall and slipped it back on. She stared at that foot for a moment, 'I'm getting used to wearing these… who would have ever thought I could have pulled this off?' Kim almost laughed out loud. 'Pull it off, oh how very appropriate.'
Kim turned to Carol, "We never really talked about it did we?"
"It doesn't matter Kim, we don't need to," Carol confided.
"Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself; but I think I do need to talk about it someday with someone. I just don't know if I can put the words together just yet, you know?"
"I understand Honey. You don't have to do anything until you're ready. Just remember that." Carol smiled and so did Kim. Then Kim gently touched her forehead to Carol's and closed her eyes.
With the store empty and not due to open for twenty minutes, Kim decided to give Carol a moment of gratitude for taking her under her wing and sheltering her there. "Carol; I'm so grateful I had you there to be my friend. I don't think I could have gotten through this without you to distract me." Kim lightly kissed Carol's cheek and then made herself busy by finishing the work of storing the samples out of sight.
"Kim, I don't know why you bothered to come in today, your birthday of all days. Why don't you go home? I'll finish up here," Carol offered.
Because then I'm all alone with these memories… Nope, I don't think so.
"I'm fine, I'll be fine," Kim said but the truth of it was that she wasn't fine. He was gone again and that just wasn't fair. They had become so close, not like before when she had been a small boy. Something in their dynamic had changed between that time and now. He cherished her company so and she his in return. She would miss how kind and loving he was to her. At times she would have to stop and remind herself that he had always been that to her. Maybe not to Tim, but Kimberly had always held a very special place in his heart. That was hard letting go of. She just didn't know if she could do it.
Her angst in all of this was that she had to try. She couldn't go on crying endlessly over it. It's not like he had intended to die. This wasn't out of spite but sometimes it sure felt that way.
Kim looked up at Carol. The tears were welling up in her eyes. Kim tried to smile but her ordinarily beautiful smile was strained and looked almost painful to Carol. "Go on Hon, get out of here."
Kim tried to shake off the past as one might shake rain water from an umbrella after a violent storm. She was startled by the clarity of the memory that had just ambushed her. "Really, I can…" Kim started but Carol cut her off.
"I know you can," Carol said helping her to her feet again, "but today isn't the day."
Inside Kim had to agree, she wouldn't be able to make it though the day, not at this rate. Carol was right, she had to leave. Not for home, if she did that then she just might open the jug of wine in the refrigerator. Kim got drunk too easily to start this early in the day. In the long-run Kim understood it was the best thing to do and was grateful Carol cared enough to insist.
Now Carol dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and said, "None of that here. I know you're still sad. None of this will go away immediately, but it will in time Sweetie. It will in time."
"You're sure this won't be an inconvenience for you? Jamie isn't due on for another two hours."
Carol smiled, "What good is being the boss if you can't tell people to get lost every once in a while?"
Kim mouthed the words, 'Thank you.' Kim gathered her purse to leave and was out in the expanse of Heritage Mall enjoying the freedom of the day before Carol had a chance to change her mind.
As she walked down the long corridor that was the mall, she didn't window shop, she thought. She retraced the steps that had so completely changed the who and what she would become in the years a head.
She allowed in one solitary, constant voice from her past. A deed half done-- Something her grandmother had told her in both lives. 'Remember Kim, A deed half done, is a deed well begun.' The moral was, of course, you're not finished until you're finished. That wasn't quite the end of the meaning her grandmother had intended Kim to understand. There was another facet that lay hidden under the cute colloquialism and was that you must make sure your deed is rooted in the right soil, otherwise it will die. If what you do isn't for the good of everyone, then what are you doing? In spite of everything, in spite of having to remain female, in spite of the uncertainty a head; Kim had no doubt that the choices she had made had been not only the best choices but the only choices she could have made.
She continued to walk, vaguely aware of the slap - slap - slap, sound her shoes made as she lifted her foot to take another step. Even with the knowledge that she had made the best decisions, the only decisions she could have made there was little comfort for her. In it all, they had both lost so much. It was Ben however who had been the one who had gained the most and therefore had had the most to lose.
Walking, the distraction of activity was no longer enough to keep his memory from invading the peace. His face, slender and a little goofy just three years ago pushed all other considerations aside as if to say, Hellooooo, Remember me dork? Kim smiled in spite of the heartache associated with his memory. The unexpected emotion knocked down her defenses and she succumbed to the pain hidden inside her. Searching the half-empty mall, she located a small marble bench tucked between two large palm plants. Finding it suitably hidden, she retreated to the relative privacy of the jungle-like refuge to purge her emotions.
"God damn it Ben," she sniffled, "why can't you just leave me alone." In her heart, she had never really wanted that. Even now, she hastily begged for forgiveness as she wiped slow running tears from her face. 'I didn't mean that… I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, Oh God, I just want to feel good again. Just for an hour. I really didn't mean it Ben.'
Kim blew her nose on a cloth handkerchief plucked from her bag. In stead of putting it back however, she tossed it away into a nearby trash bin. Spent emotionally, she enjoyed the cool of the marble on the back of her legs. The sensation was soothing and went a long way to cracking apart those stubborn memories of last autumn.
"The 9th." She said aloud and laughed a bit crazily. Not anyone that might have heard her would have understood the comment. That didn't matter, Kim did and that's all that counted.
What she also knew is that it was coming for her.
It always did. Not as viciously as it had in the first week, or the first couple of months, but it was coming just the same. Being away from work might make it bearable, but only if she was able to get to her car before it arrived.
She wanted to forget. That's all. She didn't believe she was asking for too much, just to be free of the ambush attacks on her heart and soul. 'Please let it stop. I've been a good girl. I've done everything I'm supposed to do, I just want to stop crying all the time.'
Then it hit her full force, right between the eyes. Kim felt the world fall away beneath her feet. She remained there, suspended above it, watching it recede below her. The feeling of catastrophic vertigo set upon her, taking her breath, filling her brain with the greatest, deepest despair, helpless and useless all at the same time. Kim gasped, mouth open, looking for all the world like a human fish stranded as far from water as possible. Her hand was planted over the pronounced rise of her breasts but her chest did not rise or fall. Instead her body moved up and down, trying to force air into it.
Grief is like that for so long. It ambushes with the slightest hint of memory. All it takes is a flash of color, a particular smell, a bright clear cool day like so many other spent in particular company. The walls come down and the world spins away from under you leaving you stranded in space, hovering in an airless void in which you suffocate. Or at least you feel you might. And if there was any justice in the world, at times, that would be a merciful end.
After April, Ben had been discharged from the hospital after spending more than eight months all together confined within the walls of St. Anne's As expected, Ben proposed to Sarah and the two moved into a small but cozy pool side cottage behind the Becklock estate. Ben continued his therapy every other day and began working as a Junior Draft Engineer at one of Harvard's massive carpet mills. With no formal training, the engineering staff at Harvard Mills was eager to help train the local hero. Harvard had even promised to provide Ben with college tuition at UT once he was comfortable moving around a little freely. Until then, Harvard told him, "I know how important it is for a man to make himself useful. So the job is yours if you want it, for as long as you want it as often as you want it." Saying basically, come to work if you want or don't.
It was essentially a license to do what ever he had wanted to do, for whatever reason he needed to do it. Harvard knew nothing of Ben's work ethic and didn't want to insult him by suggesting he had to have one, all the time hoping desperately that Ben in fact did possess a strong work ethic. Ben did not disappoint him.
All Ben had ever wanted was a chance. Brilliant beyond his years, Ben took to engineering the way Einstein took to mathematical equations. With an almost audible sigh of relief, Harvard was very happy.
Ben improved that summer. His mobility practically returned to 87%. He would always have some limitations in his mobility, but he had gotten his driver's license back and didn't have to depend on others to feel independent.
The summer transitioned to autumn and soon the Holidays were closing in. The Ackerman's as Sarah insisted they be referred too as, had invited Kimberly and her family to Thanksgiving dinner the day October handed over the reigns to November. The excitement in Sarah's voice was so refreshing. Life had found Ben and Sarah both and they had grabbed on with both hands to ride it for all it was worth.
On November 5th, Sarah asked Kimberly to come over and help decorate the pool house and the grounds for Thanksgiving. Kim was thrilled to help out. For the next three days Kimberly and Sarah hung harvest wreaths, strategically placed stalks of bundled corn, hung banners of autumn leaves and lanterns around the Becklock's enormous yard.
Each night Ben would come home as Kim was packing to go home herself. Each night Kim couldn't get over how much he'd changed. He wore a different suit each day, handsomely dressed but tired when he arrived, she would offer him a teasing whistle, and a "Hey handsome," and Ben would return with a peck on the cheek. He would then swing Sarah into his arms as she giggled wildly as he tried to suck her face off.
"Ugh," Kim would sometimes complain good-naturedly, "Why don't you two get a room or something?"
"We have one," Ben would always say, "You're standing in the middle of it." It was Kim's gentle queue to shut down the tea party, as often Ben put it, and get the hell out.
Then on the 8th something changed.
Sarah had gone to the store after she ran out of Velcro tape. Ben returned home from work a few moments after Sarah had left. "Hey handsome!" Kim cried out, her back turned to the door for the moment. But this time, Ben only grunted.
Kimberly turned and was surprised to see Ben, his skin pale, sweat breaking out on his forehead. "Oh God," Kim raced to him, took his things, removed his coat and sat him down. "What's gotten a hold of you?"
"Just tired, that's all. Thanks." The gratitude for her attention in his eyes told her he wasn't just tired. He was not running a fever however, so it was not likely he had a bug.
"Okay, you're home now. Can I get you something?" Kim offered sweetly.
"Where's Sarah?"
Kim threw an afghan over him, "She'll be back in a bit. Ran out of tape. You're dinner's in the oven. I can get it for you."
Ben let his hand brush down Kim's hand. It was not a provocative gesture, nor was it a sexual one. He was thankful not to be alone feeling the way he was. Kim turned her hand and let his fall into it. She gave it a gentle squeeze and smiled. "How about that dinner?"
Ben nodded groggily. "I think I'd like to take it laying down on the bed. I can sit up and watch the news that way."
Kim helped Ben to bed, covered him up and was delivering his dinner to him when Sarah returned home. "Ben's home?"
"Yeah, he looks like he's coming down with something though. I was just taking him this." Kim held up the tray with Ben's supper on it.
"Uh oh," Sarah said and hurried into the bedroom ahead of Kim. After bringing him his tray, Kim offered to stay and help but both declined gratefully. Kim gathered her things and went home. "Night Handsome," Kim shouted as she exited their home.
Ben called back, "Good night Beautiful."
At 7:30 on the morning of the 9th, the phone rang as Kim was making coffee. "I got it!" she called out. She lifted the phone as her father stepped off the landing and rounded the corner preparing for work. He had recently moved his offices back to Baker intent on staying in Tennessee with his family.
Kim answered the phone, "Hello," as she winked at her father giving him two thumbs up on his choice of suit, "Oh, hey Sara… What? No… NO. SARAH!"
Tom heard the phone hit the kitchen floor with the sound of a body following close behind. Tom called out to his wife, "CINDY!" as he rushed to the kitchen. Kim lay on the floor, her eyes closed, one arm stretched out over her head, her nightgown rucked up over her hips. "Oh God, Kimberly!" Tom slid to his knees beside her and lifted her gently. "Kim baby." Patting her gently, worried that his daughter had found yet a new and unique way to threaten her life, he tried to coax her back to consciousness. "Kim, come on baby, wake up. CINDY, I NEED YOUR HELP!"
Cindy appeared at the landing and of course, shrieked, "KIMERBERLY!" Amazingly, this is what began to bring Kim around.
"Oh good," Tom said thankfully. "Kim, what happened?" But Kim was still not completely sure of where she was let alone what happened. Cindy saw the fallen phone and picked it up. She could hear Sarah's cries on the other end before she even lifted it to her ear.
An autopsy would prove later that he had suffered from an arterial aneurism. Doctors theorized that the jolt of the impact from the accident must have weakened the walls of the major artery from the heart that fed the rest of the body. The night before, he may have even been leaking blood into his body cavity already. Ben died instantly, in peace and in his sleep while Sarah slept beside him.
Kim had not attended the funeral. She would apologize to Sarah for not attending and apologize privately to Ben on many afternoons sitting beside his grave. Deep inside, she was glad that she had not been up to it. The news alone had felt as though it might
kill her. She would blame herself for that and hold it in bitter secrecy for the rest of her considerably long life. She visited his grave frequently. Sometimes, she found Sarah there. Kim would always hold back when she did. It felt right to let her have her time alone with Ben the only way she could now.
Now, five months to the day, the wound was still painfully fresh. Sarah needed some help getting around these days. She was large with Ben's twins. She was due in mid July some time.
Kim considered that perhaps this was why she could not stand at Ben's grave with Sarah just yet. Kim was not jealous, not at all. In fact, exactly the opposite was true. It was unfair that Ben had not survived to see his children, to share a life with someone that earnestly loved him, to be the kind of man he had wanted to be when this whole thing started. Ben got there but he wasn't given the time to enjoy it and that was just wrong!
"Fucking wrong!" Kim mumbled bitterly as she sat still hidden between the palms.
This only proved to compound another, older wound she carried deep in her heart. With Ben's departure, she now had no one who knew the truth of who she had once been. Now she had no one she could talk to about it. It didn't matter that they no longer talked about it, just the possibility of needing to and having someone to share it with had made all the difference in the world. It felt like it belonged to them alone, a special thing they shared with no one else. Now that too was gone.
The power of that mask had never left her. She was, like the princess in the movies, 'enchanted'. She was still powerless to refer to anything that had come before or rather, in that other place. None of that was real. It had ceased to have any possibility of being real when she made the decision to come back by her own hand. None of those old memories had actually ever happened. She had been Kimberly Glass her whole life now. Some time ago, she had buried Tim Glass right along side Ben Ackerman. At times she could almost imagine them, reunited, casting rocks into some river some place on a hot almost summer afternoon. Every so often, that notion had the ability to make her smile, if only subtly.
Now that Ben was gone, everything had changed. Everything!
Kim rummaged around in a small bag she carried and at length pulled a small palm sized mirror from it. She examined her eyes and preened at her hair for a moment, then shoved the mirror back deep inside the bag. She had grown into a beautiful young woman, just as everyone had told her she would. Kim was now two inches taller than she had been just a year ago. Life was settling down once more. Only this time, it was doing it without Ben.
Working helped keep the emotions at bay. If anything about herself was a surprise it was the connection of all things in her life to her emotions. She seemed helpless to avoid attaching them to everything. And, her emotions were overpowering much of the time, rich, vibrant but also, horribly insistent that they receive attention when and where they wanted attention.
Men, married and unmarried, attached or otherwise, watched her as they passed the spot where she sat. She was getting used to it by now, though, it was still a bit awkward when her eyes met the eyes of someone who had been covertly gawking. It seemed they both turned red faced at the moment and did their fumbling, doing best to move on with the day. One time, not long ago, Kim had been scolded by a woman whose husband could not stop following her around the department store where she worked. A horrible fight had broken out between the woman and her husband. Kim did her best to hide from the fracas, but the woman refused to leave until she had given Kim a piece of her mind, even after police arrived.
Later, confused and a bit frightened, Kim had hid in the break room. It had been Carol who had come and calmed Kim's frayed nerves, "You're going to probably see that again."
"Oh no… I can't do that again." Kim had said shaking her head. "I didn't do anything. I didn't even know he was following me around!"
"You're an unusually pretty girl Kim. You're going to find that a lot of men are going to want to get close to you, for a lot of reasons. Some reason's will be harmless, others--" Carol had not finished the obvious. Kim already had experience with the "others". She didn't need another lesson.
"It doesn't seem right." Kim had complained.
"Ah God, are you really as innocent as you appear?" Carol had laughed. It took only a second to see that Kim was as innocent as she looked, and maybe more. Seeing Kim's hurt look, "Hey, I didn't mean nothing by it. I'm an old New Orleans battleaxe, too much scotch, too many cigarettes too many men, and waaaaay too many Mardi Gras. Don't listen to me. I'm old, I'm bitter and I still have my period so I have a lot going against me."
Kim would learn that she was none of those things. At fifty-three, she looked more like a woman half her age and lived the part. Carol and Kim would strike up a close and unique friendship that would last them the better part of thirty years at which point Kim would be there, at Carol's side to happily, calmly help Carol from this life to the next.
Carol had smiled at Kim and instantly put Kim's concerns and self-doubts at ease that day, "You know Kim, it wouldn't seem right if men weren't interested in you if you'd been born without the looks Kim. You're not going to win at that game. My advice, don't play by the rules."
Now, with the panic beginning to abate, Kim could perform her ritual. It was a simple thing, merely a self affirming exercise that proved to her that she would not implode without Ben's presence. "You're going to be Okay Kim," she began. "Okay now. You're Okay. Everything's going to be just fine. Breathe in…" Kim inhaled, "breathe out…"
"Still hurts does it?" asked the old man.
Kim didn't flinch. She seemed to sense him materialize beside her as though she had expected him to just show up. She answered him without stirring. Her speech was sullen, her expression deeply saddened. "So much so that sometimes it feels like I can't remember how to breathe."
"Yeah, I remember how that is?" Maurice agreed.
"You?" Kim asked a little surprised.
"Sure. I had a mother, a father. There was a time when I had friends. I wasn't born a Wizard you know." He stopped as though considering what to say next. "I've been doing this so long now," he sighed deep and low, "too long maybe. I've had to watch everyone I've ever cared about pass away and leave me here alone. I always thought I was doing some sort of good. You know, teaching the wicked the error of their ways, or giving the greedy their just rewards… that sort of thing. It gave it all purpose. I used to enjoy my work." The old man chuckled at the idea of it, then admitted, "Perhaps a little too much. I guess I'm trying to say, I'm sorry for the way things turned out. And I suppose I wanted you to know that this wasn't my design."
Kim finally turned and looked at him. He seemed weary. His eyes were red and now, in the harsh florescent lighting of the mall, for the first time since she had met him almost two years before he seemed truly old.
Kim felt the familiar pang of panic, once more mentally reminded herself to breathe and inhaled a panicked breath and sighed.
Now Kim allowed the emotion to break through. In her open sorrow she was somewhat conscious that people must be looking at her emotional out burst sitting next to this strangely dressed man. When she glanced about however, she saw that no one was looking, not even glancing at the odd couple sitting in the middle of the mall so conspicuously.
"They can't see us or hear us, it works like the emporium, it won't be visible until it needs to be or until I want it to be," Kim wept freely; grateful for any time the wizard could give her to purge this terrible guilt.
When at last she seemed to quiet, she turned to the old man and asked. "If you didn't come to stay, why did you come then?"
"To finish what I started."
Confused, Kim's face became a study in confusion, "What--" The wizard tipped his head forward and Kim turned to the point where he indicated. There, standing before the storefront window was a girl Kim had seen some time ago, Darla.
"I thought-"
"She was my apprentice if that's what you were about to ask. She saw something in the dedication you had to the ones you loved that she admired. I don't think she understood that. When you marched out of there, mask in hand, I don't think she quite believed it. So she decided to set off on a quest of her own. One that would be more restorative than the one she thought she wanted."
Kim now once more thought of the dream, the one where her Tim counterpart was floating away down the river, becoming only a small white-faced dot on the horizon of the water. Kim had been clinging to a gnarled old tree that had fallen into the river. Once Kim believed that Ben was to have been that limb, the thing she was to cling too. But she would have clung to that limb forever, never leaving the cold water until she died of exposure. She understood now she had to find the strength to get back on shore. Maybe by helping someone else, she could inch her way back into some kind of a life.
"What we are, Kim, is defined as much as what we do with the life we're given. You don't have to solve world hunger or bring a thousand years of peace to your people. Those are all noble things, but they are no more noble than saving one child from starving in a world rich with food, or saving one soul from the despair of loneliness when all you need be-- is a friend."
"You knew she wouldn't make it." Kim said in a sly sort of tone.
"No, I suspected as much. She made the final decision. I really didn't know until that moment. Events turn us in the direction we're supposed to go. We still all have a choice. I think that's probably why I'm so fond of you. You couldn't begin to believe how many people would have let what happened to you crush them."
Kim smiled in spite of herself. "What about her?"
"That's not for me to decide. The events turn-- with a little help. You find yourself in the spot light and you either perform or you run off the stage. What will you do when the spot light turns on you Kimberly?"
The spot Maurice had stood only seconds before was now empty. All that remained were some already fading sparkles in the air where he had stood.
She turned slowly, aware now that others around her could see her. The cloak of invisibility Maurice had cast over them had also lifted. Still standing before the storefront window, as if no time had passed, was Darla. Now Kim could see the distress etched deeply in the lines on her face. They weren't wrinkles, but if she kept it up, it would only be a matter of time before those lines were permanent.
Kim quietly gathered her things, then stood and waited to be noticed. It was several minutes before Darla turned and saw the pretty young woman standing, watching her. Kim waived with a brief hand waggle, brought up from the elbow. Her smile was warm and inviting, even a little familiar to Darla, but the name to the face was not instantly available.
"Hello," Kim said.
"Ah, Hello," responded Darla, looking confused more than anything else. Kim continued to stand there smiling brightly with no hint as to her identity. "And you are, Sandra Dee I suppose?" Darla said with an edge to her voice.
"Noooo," Kim responded eagerly. "Don't you recognize me?"
Darla looked around the mall, as though a clue might be hanging within sight someplace and all she had to do was find it. Perhaps there was a hidden camera recording her foolishness for the world to see later. Having found no such thing, Darla turned back to, "Ah, do I get another guess?"
Kim nodded her head enthusiastically sending platinum blonde hair flying everywhere.
"Okay, you're not Sandra Dee so you must be Gidgit!"
Frustrated and a little irritated by Darla's obvious derogatory references, Kim said, "I'm sorry if I've interrupted something. I saw you standing there and I… Well, I'm sorry."
A dumbfounded sort of recognition washed over Darla's face. Slowly, a cockeye smirk began to bloom there and her eyes lit up like Christmas lights. "Kim? Oh good God. Look at you," Darla said amazed, "You really filled out."
"Thank you," Kim responded smiling.
"I mean you really filled out!" Darla repeated.
Troubled now, Kim said, "Thanks…" her smirk a little self-conscious, "I think."
Before Kim could say another word, Darla had her in the closest thing to a bear hug Darla could deliver. "It's so good to see you. Oh my God, I looked around for you. But after I found out where you lived and all that stuff going on with Ben… I just didn't have the courage to actually go and-- you know, ring the bell."
The conversation fell silent with Ben's name being evoked. After an uncomfortable moment, Darla added, "I'm sorry about Ben. I heard about it on the news. Wow, he must have really been some kind of guy."
"You mean, all that time with Maurice and you didn't have any insider information?" Kim asked.
"Naw, it didn't feel right, you know? After I left the shop, I've been pretty much on my own. I just never really got the hang of watching over the whole world, not like he did. I would have made a lousy Wizard. I think he knew that right from the start."
Kimberly put on a sympathetic face but said nothing of Maurice's visit. "Does he ever undo things that people get themselves into? I mean do you think he'll ever do something to help you?"
"You mean like change me back?" Darla snorted hysterically, "You're kidding me right?" But Kim shook her head seriously. Darla paused considering Kim's question for a moment. "No, I won't ever see him again. He's probably forgotten all about me. That's the way he is you know. He teaches us our lessons and then moves on."
"He did me a favor. If you'd seen my life before this… well, it was a disaster. With most people, he spends his time getting in the way of people that would just screw up their lives. He play's interference before they can do much harm to others. Sometimes though, like with you, he has a chance to really do something that will make a difference. He told me one time, it's a chance to straighten out the crooked lines of reason and make some sense of things."
Kim smiled at the idea, "So," she asked, "what was the favor he did for you?"
Shyly Darla answered, "He kept me around long enough to meet you and Ben."
This time it was Darla whose eyes began to shine with tears. "Absolutely not," Kim protested, "no more crying. I've been crying nearly all day, and I just started feeling good."
Darla wiped at her eyes, "Sorry. I should probably go."
"Go? Oh no…" Darla had begun to turn away but Kim hooked her arm with hers and pulled her back, "We have some things to do you and me."
"Things, what things?" Darla asked suspiciously.
"Well," Kim said taking stock of Darla's appearance, "First of all, that!" Kim pointed to Darla's hair.
"What? My hair?" Darla asked covering it with both hands protectively.
"Oh… that's what that is. Boy-- We may actually have to shave it off!"
"WHAT! I don't think so! It may be a mess, but it's my mess. Go find someone else to experiment on Gidget!"
Kim began to pull Darla along reluctantly, "Relax, I won't hurt you. Besides, who ya gonna trust more than your best friend?"
"My best friend? And who would that be?"
Together they began to walk off toward the mall exit, "Why me of course. With Ben out there in the cosmos doing-- whatever it is he's doing these days, I was sort of in the market for a new best friend myself."
"Wait a minute," Darla said suspiciously, "don't I get a choice in this?" Darla cried out trying hard to hold back a laugh of pure joy.
"Okay," Kim said trying to sound chagrined, "Who do you want to choose?"
"Okay, let me think--"
"Come on Darla, you must know someone." Kim prodded.
"Hold on, give me a minute." Darla complained.
"Your running out of time--" Kim warned.
"Okay, okay, I've got it, Santa Claus"
"Oh come on--" Kim cried happily. Both girls laughed perhaps a bit too loudly as the left they mall. These were the first laughs of a new season in life. For the first time in quite a while, they both found they were actually looking forward to finding more to laugh about in the months and years to come. It was a small step, but a step none the less. It was followed by another and another. Soon, before they knew it, they were back in the race.
-*-
Kim ended up dragging Darla home with her to share her birthday dinner with her family. In an amusing twist for Kim, her bother seemed to take a keen interest in Darla, in spite of the way Darla did everything she could think of to make herself unappealing.
Every so often she was spare a desperate glance at Kim as if to say, Got a situation here! Little help would be nice. But Kim could only giggle at the futility of Darla "anti-charm" as Kim would later christen it. Even a loud resounding belch after the meal did not put hound of the fox's trail. By the end of the evening Robert had convinced her to let him drive her home.
Half an hour later, a short partially heated discussion from the kitchen caught Kim's attention as she was walking past.
"Because he wanted to see her," her father had said.
"Thomas Glass,"
"Uh oh," she heard him say dreadfully, "We're using whole names already? Good God Cindy, she's eighteen!" Then something turned in the conversation, "You know what, I'm not going to apologize. He's a good kid."
"Who's a good kid Daddy?" Kimberly asked sneaking up from behind them as they loaded the dishwasher. She couldn't help but notice the frustrated and somewhat embarrassed look on her mother's face.
"Well… I suppose we're going to find out now pretty soon." Tom glanced at his watch. And with that, as if timed to perfection, the doorbell chimed. "Ah, a fortuitous introduction if there ever was one." her father said with glee. Cindy looked as if she was going to be sick.
As Tom went to answer the door, Kim approached her mother, "You Okay Mom?"
There was chatter in the foyer, her father speaking to someone, a man, but she didn't recognize the voice, "… does she know?"
"She suspects something," they were saying. It was a little aggravating actually. She knew they were talking about her. But it felt as though they were talking around her, like she wasn't there.
As she listened to the half suggestive conversation, she was swept over with a feeling of surrealism. There was a great deal that was familiar in that voice and for a moment, the face of a cocky, tight bodied sixteen year old boy flashed in her mind. She snorted a tiny breath of air indignantly at her brain's audacity for suggesting such a sorrowful recollection. But the image was still a cherished one, even if it promised to leave her lonely to night in her bed, if not a little horny and frustrated. She let herself drink in the memory greedily for a moment and then had to chuckle to herself.
Finally, able to push the memory away before getting too caught up in it, she was able to return to the real world. It wasn't until she glanced at her mother that the possibility that something else might actually be going on. Something that her brain might actually have recognized long before her conscious mind would have, "Mother?"
"She's in the kitchen right now… Kimberly?"
Kim was shaking her head disbelievingly, but Cindy wasn't. She finally smiled a weak troubled smile and nodded. "Oh god!" Kim spun and tried to run from the kitchen spinning her wheels on the slick linoleum floor. She slipped, cried out in surprise, gained her footing and darted out into the foyer where her father and a breathtakingly handsome young man stood.
Kim tried to compose herself, recovering from her hasty entrance, but the longer she looked into this man's eyes, the less concerned at how ungraceful and eager she must have appeared to be. Her head turned slightly to the right to try to help put the features into perspective. "Is it you?" Kim whispered. "David?"
"Good God, you're all grown up. You're beautiful," whispered the familiar stranger in return. Recollection returned to his eyes. A smile touched them, a smile that had not aged or changed at all in four years. "Happy birthday!" he announced happily.
Cindy warily entered the foyer from the kitchen behind Kim. David smiled to her but quickly returned his gaze to Kimberly. Good thing too, for Kim leapt the three steps that separated them in one bound, threw her arms around his neck and almost choked him. "Oh God I missed you."
"Gak!" David squelched, "I missed you too Kim." Adjusting his neck away from her shoulder, David could again breathe. He gently put his arms around her and rocked her softly against him.
When at last their embrace ended Kim asked, "Where did you come from? Why are you here? Why didn't you call me?"
"Whoa, one at a time," David said trying to slow the barrage of questions. "I'm in town for a job interview."
"A job?" Kim proceeded cautiously optimistic. "So you're coming home to stay."
"Well, it depends on if I get the job or not. I've wanted to come home for a while. But I needed the chance for a job here before I made any plans to come home. It's a tough move in a town like this without work. There's just aren't many national job postings for a small town like Baker."
"So? Did you have the interview," Kim wanted desperately to get to the point, did he actually have a job?
"Yes, today." David teased.
"You're not being very forth coming."
"I'd give you more, but I wasn't told if I had the job yet or not. They said they'd be in touch." David finished.
"Oh," Kim said dejected.
David smiled inwardly just a little, not wanting to get emotional encouraged, but encouraged that she seemed disappointed that he still might not actually be able to move home. "You sound disappointed," he said testing the waters."
"Oh, well…" Kim fumbled, fidgeting with her left foot, not meeting his eyes. "Well sure," she exclaimed looking at him finally, "I mean, I'm sure you are too since you seem to want to move back so badly."
"It's not as bad as all that," David offered hoping that he would get a fairly positive reaction. "It's a fairly good position, Purchasing Manager."
"So how long are you going to be in town?" It was not the reaction he had hoped for.
"Till tomorrow, then I go back to Colorado and go back to work or start packing to come here."
"So you'll know by tomorrow?" David noted there was at least a small glimmer of optimism.
"Actually, I should know tonight," David said surprising her.
She gave him a quizzical look, "Tonight? Who in the world makes decisions on a job in the middle of the night?"
David glanced over his shoulder to the left. "Well, do you think she approves of me?" Kim's loss of the moment became even larger as she glanced between David and her father.
"I was hoping for more enthusiasm than that," Tom admitted teasingly.
Kim's mouth fell open when she realized what was happening. "Oh I think I approve," then added soberly, "that is if he's qualified."
Tom smiled, "Oh, all his qualifications checkout. I guess you have yourself a job. Congratulations." Tom stuck out his hand but as David went to shake it, Kim squealed in delight and latched on to his neck again.
Tom put his hand away and simply nodded instead. In the excitement of the moment, Kim had pushed aside a lot of questions. Tom had taken Cindy aside and was preparing to retire, "Why don't you two go out on the porch and get reacquainted. I mean, since you're going to be neighbors of a sort, that only seems appropriate. Right Cindy?"
Cindy nodded with a weak but genuine smile. In her heart, she had always liked David, more than the other boys anyway.
"Don't worry Mrs. Glass, she's safe with me," David assured her. This time Cindy let herself believe every word of it.
Kim turned to open the front door and when she did, David put his large hand tenderly in the small of her back to lead her out. Kim gasped a slow, shuddering breath of sheer excitement at his touch. One that sent electric bolts of pure ecstasy from the roots of the hair on her head to the tips of her toes. She experienced a liquid gush of body fluids and found she would the evening breathlessly slippery.
I'd forgotten just what he could do to me… Oh boy, it's gonna be a long night.
Outside, they did not sit on the rockers, but dangled their feet off the edge of the porch. They both inched progressively closer as they spoke. She asked him why he had not written, why he had not called. He told her he had, many times, but there had been no answer to the letters. The phone messages, unreturned, "When you're sixteen, seventeen… I don't know. I thought you figured what happened had been a mistake. I even bought you something after we got out there, but I never sent it."
"I never got a single letter David. I would have answered it right away." Turning to look at the house behind her, she said, "I think I know what might have happened to some of them." She turned back to David, "But you knew how she was, why didn't you keep trying?"
"I did by mail. My father wasn't exactly rich. Some times we didn't have a phone at all. I finally gave up about a year or so later. I still mailed the odd letter here and there, when I didn't hear from you, even then, I figured you'd just lost interest."
Kim slid closer to him, putting her hip to his, "What we did was a lot of things for me, but I will never think of that as a mistake." She leaned in and tenderly kissed him. "That is my way of correcting the only mistake about that day."
David shifted his eyes sideways in her direction skeptically, "What mistake was that?"
So she told him, "Not thanking you for something I would remember fondly forever."
They sat wordlessly, listening to the peepers and the crickets as they sung the Tennessee symphony of the night. Kim finally broke that silence by asking, "So, I guess you must have had quite a few girl friends by now."
"No." he said surprising her. "Not really. I went on a few dates, but most of the girls I met there weren't… you. How about you?"
"I've been on one date."
"One? Oh come on." David remarked laughing in disbelief.
"Truly," Kim assured him, raising her right hand and crossing her heart with her left, "One date. Remember Ben Ackerman?"
"Sorta," But Kim could tell by the look on his face he was really just being polite.
"Well, I went to the prom a couple of years ago with him."
David, curious now, asked, "Did you have a thing for him?"
Kim stopped and considered this for a moment. She remembered how sharp he looked standing in the foyer of her house the night he had come to convince her to go with him. Dressed in his black tuxedo and bowtie, he had really been an impressive figure of a young man. Kim exhaled audibly, "I guess maybe I did, for a little while anyway. But he didn't have a thing for me. He was in love with someone else."
"Oh wait a minute," David said having an epiphany, "Wasn't his father that biker guy?"
"Yeah, that's Ben."
"I remember him now. I heard something about that on the news a couple of years bac… Oh God, that was you wasn't it?" Kim nodded but said nothing. Oddly, with David here, the resurrection of that memory didn't seem to hurt quite as badly as it had earlier today. "I'm an idiot. I thought I heard something about Baker on the radio one day. Friends told me later there'd been some sort of high school tragedy out here. They wanted to know if it was anyone I knew, but I told them I'd have been out of school before that. I'm sorry Kim. I didn't even think it would be you."
"That's Okay David." Kim gripped his hand more from need of comfort than desire. "It's in the past. It gets a little better everyday." Needing to change the subject before any more questions about that night or Ben were advanced, Kim asked, "You said you were going to send me a present, what was it?"
"Oh shoot," David said, fumbling around his suit jacket, "I forgot, I brought it with me."
"You still have it?" Kim laughed happily.
"Yeah, when I saw the job posting on Craig's List and realized who it was I was interviewing with, I dug it out… you know, just in case."
"That was the long shot of all long shots wasn't it?" Kim asked.
"I'm the endless optimist. You know, life puts us where it wants us to be. It puts a white hot spot light on us and tells us to sing for our supper. I learned a while ago not to be afraid of that spot light."
Kim was in shock. Could this be the moment the old man had been talking about? Had she misinterpreted his meaning again? She watched as David withdrew a wrapped box about five or six inches long. "I got this about two weeks after we moved. I was home sick, I missed you. It's actually pretty silly."
"Nothing anyone has kept this long could be considered silly," Kim assured him.
"Well, I was going to send it that Christmas, when I didn't I thought, well her birthday is in April, but I didn't send it again. So much time had passed, I didn't really think you'd like it."
"David,"
"Yeah?"
"Are you going to let me see it or should I wait until I'm nineteen?"
"Could we?" he asked nervously. How sweet, he's actually nervous. I don't remember him being nervous that afternoon. She leveled her eyes at him and he handed over the box.
The wrapping paper was worn and yellowed. There was a small card attached to it, the tape holding it on had far exceeded its stickum shelf-life and was now just tucked beneath it. Kim withdrew the card and read it,
From: David
To: Kimberly
Merry Christmas
But the words Merry Christmas had been scratched through and the words, Happy Birthday inked below them.
She smiled to herself, wondering what kind of man would hold on to something against all odds of ever seeing the intended girl again. "2000 miles," she whispered, making David smile. Kim peeled the corner of the wrapping way and slid out a velour jewelry case. Glancing at David with a questioning smile, he nodded that she proceed.
Kim lifted the now creaking lid. Inside, still pinned to a small velvet pillow was what looked to be a gold chain. Attached to this was a small gold heart pendent. "David?"
"Go on," he said, his voice cracking nervously.
She gingerly lifted the chain and draped it over her hand. With one nail, she pried the pendent open and inside were two pictures, one on each half of the heart. One was a small picture of David. He was as she remembered him on that last day they had shared together. His hair a little long, a crooked, self-confident smile on his face, his sun bleached bangs hanging slightly in his eyes. Her photo had been taken out by the pool, reduced and put next to his. God she looked young. There was no inscription, just these to smiling faces whose souls intertwined for a moment in time. Just the two children who had taken a giant step toward adulthood together.
"It's beautiful," Kim cried. "Oh my God David, you kept this all that time?" She didn't wait for the answer. Snapping the pendent closed she said excitedly, "Help me on with it." She unclasped the chain with all the skill and deftness of a seasoned jewelry veteran and handed the two ends to David as she twisted around inside it, lifting her hair as she did.
When it was clasped she turned, adjusting the way the pendent lay and asked, "How does it look?"
"It looks great, but… I don't think it's the pendent. I think it's the girl that's wearing it." Kim leaned over and kissed him deeply. They held that kiss for several minutes and for a time, it felt to Kim as though they had never been separated by time and space. They had always been here, on the porch during that warm sunny day when he had come looking to comfort her.
Kim's eyes sparkled, "I'm glad you saved it. I love it. I can't believe you did, but I'm glad."
"Me too." He seemed to fumble for a minute, then he said, "I'd like to see you again. I don't think your father will mind, but…"
"I'm eighteen now, I think I can choose who I see for myself."
"I don't want to cause trouble," David said earnestly.
"Then when you get back with your things, call me." Kim searched his lapel pocket for a pen. She scratched her cell number on the back of the card that had come with the pendent. "Don't loose that card. I want to save it."
"Held on to it for four years so far," David said grinning.
Kim smiled, "Yes you did."
"It's not like you won't be able to find me you know."
Kim smiled again, "Then if you don't want trouble, you'll remember that yourself," she said teasing.
After another twenty minutes of some pretty intense kissing, David finally left telling her he'd be back in three days. Kim watched him drive away in his rental car, excited, enjoying the buzzing feeling of what she called "bees" in her belly. She had the undeniable urge to vault over the yard to the porch as she had once done at school only a couple of years ago. But she didn't. She was out of practice. It would be her luck that she'd hurt herself and end up in the hospital.
Instead, she settled for sashaying happily up the stone walkway and inside their home.
Not knowing if anyone was still awake, Kim gently closed the door behind her. David was still warm in her thoughts and fresh on her lips. For a moment, just in the blink of a gnat's eye, panic washed over her. It was so fleeting and so faint she almost didn't recognize what had caused it.
It still happened every so often, the backwash of a life she had never lived leaving the aftertaste of uncertainty in her mouth. But it never lasted long. The memories were there but she now pretty much controlled what she wanted to remember and what she no longer needed. It had been sad at times to let them go. To flush them away to a place in her mind where the competing memories of her life as Kim would keep them restrained all the time.
But she was tired of being lonely. It seemed much harder as a girl, now a woman to be lonely, so much harder than it had been as a sixteen year old boy. She wanted to live. She wanted to breathe the fresh air of excitement with someone who loved her to share it all with. That was as much of a plan as she had at this point. So far, she was pretty satisfied with it.
Faint music was playing from her father's office. She peered down into the darkened living room and saw a wedge of light that had split the darkness at the end of the room. "Hmm," she tip-toed into the living room and peered in through the crack in the study door. Tom Glass was there, lounging on a recliner, listening to his Louis Armstrong records. He was feeling nostalgic to night. Out of the old speakers, crackling and popping Mr. Armstrong sang;
I see trees of green, red roses too. I see 'em bloom for me and you. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
Kim smiled. It was a genuine smile and the first one she had produced on her own in quite a while. Just then as she was thinking about something, Tom looked over and saw his Angel standing there looking back at him.
"Hi Princess," her father said with a smile.
"Hi Daddy." she walked to where he sat and he stood to greet her. He enfolded his arms around her.
"Happy birthday, again."
"Thanks, all growed up."
"It's hard to believe," Tom said. "I still remember changing your diapers. And that night your appendix blew. I thought we were going to loose you for sure that night."
"There was the boat," Kim reminded him. "And that time at the beach..."
"You remember that?" Tom asked amazed.
"I don't want to be a rhino…" Kim said in a sweet but distressed child-like voice.
Tom roared with laughter at the memory and cried, "Oh God, I'd forgotten that." When he had gotten over his fit of laughter he told her, "There was a time, when you were very small that you shoved a bunch of kidney beans up your nose."
"Ouch!" Kimberly exclaimed.
"We tried to get them out, but there was simply no way. You had'em packed up there pretty good. Then you got phlegmy and the beans began to swell up and you started having trouble breathing, so we had to rush to the hospital." Tom was laughing again, "The Doctor must'a pulled five bean's out of your nose. It was almost like some twisted magic trick. He'd look up there with is flash light and say, 'Oh what have we got here? It's another bean!' I swear Kimmy, I couldn't eat chilly for a year. I'd look at that bowl and think to myself, what have we got here? It's another bean!"
They both laughed over that and when the humor was gone from the joke, Kim said sincerely, "I havn't been very low maintenance have I? I'm sorry."
And uneasy quiet fell between them. Neither sure of what should be said next if anything. They simply continued to hold each other in the semi-darkness of the dimly lit den.
"Where's Mom," Kim finally asked?
"Upstairs reading, I was just about to go up and join her, why?"
She thought briefly of talking about David, maybe the letters he said he'd sent that she was almost sure had been intercepted by her mother, or how much she loved the man standing there that had such creative ways of showing her that he loved her. Then an idea came to her. "Share a dance with the birthday girl?" Kimberly asked
She slid off her shoes and tenderly slid her stocked feet over and onto the tops of his feet. "Tell me if I'm too big for this, Okay?" The leather of his wingtips creaked as it flexed under her stocking feet. The surface was slippery with her hose on, but she curled her toes slightly at the edges and hung on.
Tom said nothing. It looked to Kim as though he might actually begin to cry at this tender mercy she remembered from her childhood. After a time, Tom began to hum along as Satchmo sang in the back ground, shortly after she began to sing along in a sweet sultry voice she didn't know she even had.
Tom began to move his feet around and together they danced the dance of father's and daughter's everywhere. "Princess,"
"Yes Daddy," she answered sweetly.
"You can be as high maintenance as you want, but please, please-" Kim could hear Tom becoming choked up, "-don't ever leave me. You've already tried a few times. Now I know I couldn't bear it."
She nestled into his chest, "I won't Daddy, not ever."
An excruciating pain seared through the edges of her face, white hot and almost blinding. It passed quickly this time. She understood right away what it was. It was the mask. It must not have been locked on after all. It simply couldn't be removed by anyone but Tim Glass. Now however, her promise to her father had sealed it on her. It didn't matter anyway, there was no Timothy Glass that could have removed it, there never had been.
Tom paused sensing something was wrong with his daughter, "Kimberly, are you alright?"
"Yes Daddy," she said almost moaning.
"What was that all about?"
She paused and thought about how best to answer, then smiled to herself and said, "Just keeping my promises."
Whatever uncertainty might enter her life, she was at peace at last in the one place she knew and remembered she would always belong, dancing on daddy's shoes.
The End