Blessed Hearts Series

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It seemed to have fallen to Dale to be the comforter; nothing wrong at all with that, but so foreign to whom she perceived herself to be. Hannah was the girl in the relationship, right? That meant that Dale must be the guy…the strong one. Dale was the one who laughed it off when the talk came behind her back at work. Dale was the one who sucked it up when her dog died. And Dale was the one who was stoned-faced and stoic when Hannah insisted that she needed someone to love.

“Fuck this,” she thought to herself. She held Sandy in her arms and rocked him, pushing the swing back and forth with her legs. She put her head back against the upright of the swing and stared out into the night, feeling spent. She blinked back tears as she thought of how it should be...needed to be, but then she looked down into Sandy’s eyes, seeing for the first time the kindest girl she had ever known and she wept.

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Previously

“Look, I gotta get to the hotel…I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay.” Dale said as she walked swiftly to the front of the hospital.

“Geez, Dale, it’s okay…Wait up, I’ll walk you over there.” Sandy said trying to catch up.

“Thanks, but that’s alright. It’s just a few blocks…the mean streets of Sandusky are well lit, and I’ve got a can of Campbell’s Tomato soup in my purse. I’ll be okay. I just need to be alone, alright?” She didn’t wait for his answer as she hurried out of the hospital and down the street.

As he rode back up to Dana’s floor to collect his mom and Carrie. He looked at the mirrored finish on the stainless steel of the elevator wall and noticed a very handsome young man stare back at him. A nice image but for the fact that he longed for the day when an attractive woman would stare back in approval; he shook his head once before he put his forehead on the elevator wall and wept...

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The Pevour house two days later

A sharp rap came at the front door. Sandy got up and went and opened it, finding two policemen standing nervously on the porch. A chill went up his spine as he feared the worst; sadly he was not disappointed.

"Excuse me... is this the Pevour house hold?" The older of the two cops said as the younger one stepped back and looked away.

"Yes. My mother, Collette Pevour; it's her home. I'm her son Sandy," he said. Even in the midst of this nervous intrusion, he couldn't help but remember how much that word hurt him; 'son'.

"Would you mind coming outside and talking with us for a moment?" The look on the older cop's face said that the request was urgent, and not a request at all. Sandy quickly stepped outside and closed the door behind him. Thankfully Collette was napping in her bedroom and hadn't stirred at the arrival of the police.

"Do you have a brother named Marcel?" The older cop seemed resigned to do all the talking as the younger one grew red from nervous embarrassment.

"Yes...that's my brother Johnny." This was getting scary. Sandy tilted his head and bit his lip in anxious anticipation.

"I...I'm afraid we have bad news. Your brother....there's been a shooting. I'm afraid he's gone." The younger cop swallowed hard as the older one stepped back and held his hands apart as if to apologize.

"What?!!!" Sandy nearly shouted, but remembering his mother, quickly toned down his voice.

"No...that can't be...what are you saying? What...what?" He bit his lip as tears came to his eyes. There was no argument; no plea that would dissuade the cop from his task.

"His...Apparently he was shot by his girlfriend's husband. The man killed him and her and shot himself. I'm sorry." It was the first time the younger cop had been on a call like this, and it got to him immediately. He tapped his partner on the shoulder and waved, indicating he was going to go to the patrol car.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to need someone from the family to identify the body. Mr. Pevour? I'm so sorry for your loss."

Sandy stood on the porch and began to shake. He slumped back against the front door and began to cry softly. A moment later he composed himself enough to acknowledge the cop's request.

"I have to call someone...My brother's in-laws are in town due to a family emergency. I'll have to have someone come over for my mom and they're going to have to have time to tell my sister-in-law that she just...just became ...a...aaa ..." He couldn't finish the sentence and the cop half-frowned while patting him on the back.

"Take all the time you need, kid. If you don't have a cell on you, you can use mine, so you don't have to disturb your mother, okay?"

"Thanks, but I've got one, okay?" He stepped over to the porch swing and sat down and called."

"Pete....Pete...listen...I've gaaa gaa..." He looked at the cop and broke down. The cop leaned over and gently took the phone from Sandy's hand.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry. Is this Marcel Pevour's father in law? I've got some bad news."

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The Muldoon’s hotel room

"Dale...honey…can you come out here for a second?" Pete said from the hallway of the hotel. Dale walked out and smiled.

"Anything for you, Pops." Her smile quickly left her as she saw the look of sadness etched across her father's face.

"Johnny got killed tonight, and I need your help telling Dana." The tears fell from his chin as she embraced him. She never liked Johnny Pevour; he had never given anyone in the family reason to. But this was her niece's father; her sister…her twin's husband and she loved him in her own way even as she had loathed his treatment of Dana. She squeezed Pete's hand and they went inside where Dana was sleeping on the couch in the living area of the room with Carrie.

"Dana...Dana..." Pete started but was unable to continue as his voice broke. She looked up at her father and sister and knew what they were about to say.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! No...Daddy nooooo. noooooooo." Dale sat down on the couch and held her sister, rocking her and kissing her and crying; for Johnny more than she ever would have imagined, but mostly for her sister; her best friend and soul mate. She stroked Dana's hair, weeping along with her and trying so desperately to console the inconsolable. Annie walked out from the bedroom of the suite and looked at Pete, who just shook his head and bit his lip.

"Oh, God no....noooo....Dana, my baby....noooo..." She rushed to her daughters and joined the sad embrace, feeling helpless. Carrie woke up and began crying. Dale picked her up and cradled her as her own tears fell upon the baby's face.

"Chá¡u, Chá¡u, shhhhhh...shhhhhh." She looked at her father and swallowed hard.

"You stay here with Dana, Dad. I'll take mommy over to Collette's and then Sandy and I will go to the hospital, okay?" He nodded. She wiped her face with her sleeve and handed the baby to him. Annie kissed Dana, her own tears mixing with her daughter's in a sad expression of love.

"My baby...I will be back as soon as I can...Tá´i yáªu bạn (I love you!)" And they were out the door.

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Later at the Pevour home

“Mom…Mommy?” Sandy hadn’t called her that since he was seven after Billy Callahan had hit him in the nose. Collette stirred and looked toward him as he knelt at her bedside. Dale and Annie stood behind him rubbing his back.

“Philippe?” She only called him that when she was worried about him; something that hadn’t happened in years as well.

“Muhhhmmmom…Juh..Juhhhnny.” He barely got the word out when Collette began to sob.

“Ohhhh…noooooo….” The realization was complete and overwhelming. There was something so unremarkable; so sadly expected….anticipated. No one seemed surprised and yet everyone was shocked and hurt beyond words.

“AAhhhh Annie is going to stay wiiiith yuuhooo.” He couldn’t continue, falling into his mother’s arms as they wept together. After a few moments she grabbed him by his face with both her hands and kissed him over and over, all the while her tears blending with his.

“My baby…my baby….oh….” He began to think of how much she missed Johnny until she continued.

“Mon Petite Philippe, I love you so much….I’m so sorry….so so sorry….” She pulled him closer and buried her face in his chest and wept and wept.

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Later at the Pevour home

“Are you going to be okay?” Dale sat on the railing of the porch while Sandy sat on the porch swing. The trip to the hospital and back took less than an hour but felt longer.

‘I guess so…yeah.” He was hugging himself and had looked away, almost trying to convince himself as much as Dale.

“Well, I suppose my work is done, she said as she flung back her cape and flew off. Fuck, Sandy, yeah, you’re okay, alright.” She walked over and sat down next to him.

“I couldn’t stand him…I hated what he did to Dana…He was a prick…and I still fucking miss him. I don’t know why…but I’m sorry he’s gone. Sandy…he was your brother…you loved him! Let it out…Please let it out.”

She put her hand on his shoulder and that gesture said to him, “You’re safe…it’s okay, I’m here.” He fell into her arms and wept. He wept for Dana…and Carrie…and his mom. He wept for Johnny and himself. And he wept for her…that part of himself who never had a name or a home or a family; who hurt more than she ever had in her life.

It seemed to have fallen to Dale to be the comforter; nothing wrong at all with that, but so foreign to whom she perceived herself to be. Hannah was the girl in the relationship, right? That meant that Dale must be the guy…the strong one. Dale was the one who laughed it off when the talk came behind her back at work. Dale was the one who sucked it up when her dog died. And Dale was the one who was stoned-faced and stoic when Hannah insisted that she needed someone love.

“Fuck this,” she thought to herself. She held Sandy in her arms and rocked him, pushing the swing back and forth with her legs. She put her head back against the upright of the swing and stared out into the night, feeling spent. She blinked back tears as she thought of how it should be...needed to be, but then she looked down into Sandy’s eyes, seeing for the first time the kindest girl she had ever known and she wept.

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The following afternoon at the Pevour home

“I can’t, Mommy. It’s too soon.” Dana sat at the table in Collette’s kitchen. Annie looked at her with a half-frown, her eyes filled with tears. She reached across and grabbed Dana’s hand.

“I know, con tá´i…but I had to ask. Just let us know what we can do. Daddy can come up at any time and help you, sweetie.” Dana got up and walked around to the other side and embraced her mother.

“It won’t be forever, but Johnny's hardly been gone and I just can’t walk away yet. There’s something here for me to do, Mommy. I don’t know what, but there’s something here for me and Carrie, I just know it. Oh, Mommy..I don’t know…it’s so confusing….there’s a pull here…like not just feeling like I should stay, but even more like I can’t go. Do you understand? I’m so sorry.”

“Baby…I don’t…but I know that you understand, and that’s enough. It’s okay. We’re just a phone call away, honey.” She turned and smiled and kissed Dana on her lips, like a blessing.

“She needs someone to keep an eye on her, right baby sis?” Dale laughed as she walked into the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down.

“I’ve got an idea that I think surpasses the brilliance of anything I’ve ever come up with,” she said as Dana hugged her before sitting back down.

“I’ve nothing to keep me at home for the time being.” She frowned, thinking about the new-found but sad freedom she had gained when Hannah ended their relationship.

“My grad program is online, and I’m gainfully unemployed. Do you mind some company?’

“Mind?” Dana’s lip began to quiver and she covered her face with her hand.

“I’ll take that as ‘welcome Big Sis!” Dale found herself feeling oddly vulnerable and she began to cry; the stress of the past several days had finally reached a saturation point. But even more, she was moving away from the expected and demanded and insisted and toward the freedom of being and living.

“Wow,” she said with a laugh after a few moments. “Where did that come from?” She leaned over and hugged Dana and put her hand out, which her mother grabbed. Collette felt left out, but Annie turned and smiled.

“We’re family…all of us, my dear sweet friend.”

At that moment Sandy walked in from the living room, holding the day’s mail. He noticed that the room was filled with females as it were, including his niece who was fast asleep in her carrier.

“Don’t mind me…I’ll be just a moment,” he said as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Dale looked up at him and smiled a knowing smile; almost an uncomfortable moment of foreboding doom. She winked at him and grabbed his hand. Pulling him down to the chair next to her, she spoke.

“Oh, that’s alright, we’re all girls here!” She smiled again and his face began to turn a bright red. He looked at her like he had lost his best friend and burst into tears; his own stress and tension reaching their saturation point as well. He began to sob and put his head down on the table. And he wasn’t angry or sad or scared, but relieved. At least mostly as he realized on his other side his mother sat silent.

“I’mmmm sooooo sorry….Mommmm I’m sooooosoryyyr…..I can’t ddddooo this annnny mmooore.” She put her hand on his forehead, brushing away a lock of hair before kissing him.

“Mon petite Philippe…Mon doux enfant ne pleure pas je ne suis pas fá¢ché, (my sweet child, do not cry, I am not angry)” she said as she stroked his hair. Her ministrations caused him to cry harder; his shame and guilt and regret overwhelming him until heard her finally say,

“Je vous aime, ma douce fille…”

Dana turned to Dale and half-smiled.

“I took Spanish in high school, but ….did she just say what I think she said?”

“Oui ma soeur, oui,” Dana giggled.

“I love you, my sweet daughter.”

Next: Distractions

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Illustration adapted from
"Maud Cook" 1895, a painting by
Thomas Eakins 1844 - 1916

At Seventeen
words and music by
Janis Ian
as sung by Natalie Merchant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5gu2_Wy3aA