Showtime Pt 1

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SHOWTIME

By

Jacquimac

Part one

The dance teacher asked all the girls which of them could do splits comfortably, she was trying to get some sort of show ready for Christmas.

The boys were across the other side of the room and Brian and me were sitting against the wall about half between the two groups.

Me and Brian lived next door to each other and were best of friends, well to tell the truth we didn`t have any other friends.

We didn`t play sports due to being small compared to to rest of them, and soccer and rugby were the sports they played. The only time we mixed was at school and at dance class

The girls kept to themselves and only mixed at school and at dance class, but even at school everyone ignored us except for if they needed a target for they`re latest prank, and we were always the target.

To everyone at school we were knowned as the four eyed weirdoes because we always did well in the exams, what`s so wrong about reading a book or being good at subjects like science or maths?.

We didn`t do a lot that night in dance class and went home early, Brian`s mum picked us up in her car as usual and we went to the local fish bar.

The next day was saturday and as we didn`t have school to attend we could our own thing, the pair of us were out back trying to make a snowman without much success there wasn`t enough snow yet but we had fun trying and there was no snow left on the paths.

Later on we went watched some film on Television then attacked our homework when both mums decided to partake of their saturday afternoon fix of soaps.

On sunday morning Brian came round with his mum we were all going to the nearby retail park to shop another fun day, but we were there as pack mules carrying all the shopping to the car and returning for another load.

We hadn`t been home long before the three women who ran the dance studio arrived, they were friends of mums and had been invited for sunday dinner.
As soon as dinner had finished me and Brian disappeared to my room before we got roped into something.

To be fair both mums and the dance teachers were good to us, they didn`t treat us like freaks but they usually put is into some embarrassing situation at times, especially when it concerned dancing and no doubt it would happen again this year.

Yes this year was definately going to be another year were we were going to feel ridiculous and yes it was dancing again. We could never refuse to do what the Ladies asked us, but they didn`t treat us like mugs that would do anything for them.

Size, stature and that we wore spectacles limited us in gym and sports at school, so we took up dancing after our mums suggested it as way to keep fit and we took to it like fish, we were more supple than the rest of boys and most of girls and enjoyed what we could do.

For the next few weeks those of us that free in evenings would be attending the dance studio to get ready for new show, whatever they had chosen this year.

We knew the five women were plotting going by the sudden silence if we appeared near by and they kept their down so we couldn`t hear what they saying, but with the giggles and looks we got of them we knew they scheming again.

Both our fathers had been brothers and killed in the same crash a few years ago and the way we brought up we were well mannered and respected women as equals, and unusual for boys were tidy in our habits.

Monday at school went as normal for Brian and me with everyone either ignoring us or calling us names, after school we went to the dance studio and when everyone else arrived the teachers started seeing who could do the splits.

Most of girls managed it but when it came to the boys anly Brian and me could manage them with no problems, oh yes what a fun evening. Maybe we could manage better than the boys because we did ballet twice a week but it was laughable watching the other boys try.

The week continued like this every evening everyone was doing or at least trying to do the splits with those that manage okay helping were we could.

School was fun in a way after tuesday evening watching the boys hobbling a round at least none of them got hurt but they were a bit sore, the girls thought it was hilarious.

Try as we might we couldn`t find out what the show was going to be, I had snuck into the main office when no one was around but still couldn`t find out what planned and I didn`t like it.

I decided to try the room were they held the costumes and found it locked, looking through the glass panel on the door I saw a pile of newly delivered boxes and a rack filled with costume bags. I got caught during my snooping and was taken to the office, there was no punishment but I was told that we would be told on friday on what we were going to be do doing and as I left the room the giggling started.

As we walked to the dance studio I said to Brian " Have you noticed that when the teachers start giggling me and you usually end up in dresses ?"

"thats true and the fickle five start giggling when they see us" said Brian

We arrived at the studio and they started splitting us into two groupsall the girls were in one group and the boys in another and it finally came to me and Brian and we were told to join the girls, nothing unusual in that so far.

I notice most of mums and some of dads had turned up this evening and all the mums were looking at me and Brian and giggling, yes we were going to be doing girls parts again.

Before we left we each handed an untitled Video and told that we would be doing a dance that originated in the 1890`s in Paris France and that it would entail a lot of hard work, the giggling from the mothers got worse and the dad`s started laughing when we were told we would be doing

"THE CAN CAN"

It didn`t mean anything to us but the parents must know what type of dance it was going of the all the giggles and laughter.

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Comments

Showtime

Very few males a limber enough to do the splits.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

can can

i am looking forward to the next chapter. youre off to good start. keep up the good work.
robert

001.JPG

One sentence paragraphs

I counted nineteen one-sentence paragraphs in this story. Quite a few two-sentence paragraphs. While the story may be a good one, the mechanics make it more difficult to follow and therefore weakens the story. Plot, as well as character development, is only part of being a writer; one has to also understand the mechanics of writing. A good source for English writing is Harbrace College Handbook. The Handbook can be found cheaply as college students tend to discard them after the required English classes. Furthermore, there are free resources on the internet to help with the mechanics of writing. You may also wish to enlist a person to proofread your material as it is hard for one to proofread one's own writing.

Best wishes as a successful writer.

One Sentence ...

Too bad that the 'Guest Reader' had so many negative comments. Many of us are happy with short paragraphs, and unhappy with paragraphs that go on and on. Not to say that there are not other problems that could be easily corrected.

I would not make a public comment on another's writing. Much better to communicate with a 'Private Message'.

I hope that will NOT be discouraged, and will continue to post to BC.

If you want some editing, let me know.

Zip

Agree with Zip

RAMI

Comments such as that should come in a PM. Your story is quite readable as presented.

RAMI

RAMI

Agreed!!

Some folks have to show off, and criticize something that is good as it is. I'll agree with Zip & RAMI. I liked the story, and hope it continues.

Wren

PS-We all have problems sometimes. It's just a nice thing to have manners and discuss problems in private, rather than to call attention to them.

Count me in also re story.

I thought the wording and the way it was written put it into context, ie. a young boy telling his story the way he speaks.

LoL
Rita

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)

LoL
Rita

One sentence paragraphs

jacquimac's picture

There have been a few books published , a couple of hundred pages long with no punctuation in them. so how would class them " IRON CLAD?" maybe and they were written by professional authors.

hugs

Jackie

Not a problem imho

Well... If it really annoys you just shrink the browser window...

I wouldn't do one sentence paragraphs either, but it isn't really annoying.

Pretty interesting story... Is this a sequel of some sorts or the first chapter of a longer story?

Thank you for writing,

Beyogi

Showtime

The story had merit, it was read,but had problems. The person
who commented on this story by pointing out some problem areas
did the author a favor. He should be thanked for his effort.

Show Time by Transfemme

RAMI

There is another story on this site by Transfemme, with basically the same title as this story, that story is Story Time and is on the exact same topic. The hero of that story KC, is the best dancer in his dance school and when one of the girls is hurt, he is forced to take her place and dance the Can_Can. It seems KC is seduced by the thrills he gets by flashing his undies to the audience with each high stepping kick. If this story is only half as good as that story, then this will be interesting. Transfemme's story is posted on this site along with several other by the same author.

So far the story is quite enjoyable.

RAMI

RAMI

Transfemme's story

jacquimac's picture

I haven`t seen that one, if I`d known that there was another on the subject I would have found somwthing else to base my story on.

With the 1000`s of stories on BC it wouldn`t surprise me if there isn`t more like for like stories.

Hugs

Jackie

Great story start!

Just one minor critique/question: I notice that you use the grave accent in the place where an apostrophe is most traditionally used. Is this due to ESL or some other variant used in another culture or just a personal choice? I ask not to be overly critical (although it is somewhat jarring on my eyes), but in an attempt to learn, be it from other languages or possibly even other cultures. Thank you for yet another promising story!

Hugs
Diana

i`m a bit thick really

jacquimac's picture

Actually I was using as I couldn`t find the apostrophe on my keyboard, might eyesights pretty bad along with the rest of my body.

As well as wearing spectacles I have to wear hearing aids in both ears.

I almost blind in one eye and the other is getting worse as age catches up.

The left eye was damaged in an auto accident while i was serving at SHAPE HQ in BELGIUM.

But what the hell I`m still alive and can still perform most tasks, it`s just a bit difficult to see really small objects.

I`m glad everyone is enjoying the story so far and continues to do so.

My english and phraseology might not be as good most peoples but I do my best

Hugs

Jackie

So, that having been said

What are you doing wasting your time replying here for? Back to work Writer! Crack! I want more! More I tell you! Mwahahaha!

ahem, sorry about 'dricking out like that, those pesky inner demons are always wanting to get out at the most inopportune moments and have some kind of "fun," usually at others expense... Anyways, thanks for the reply and the explanation, I was just curious :P

Hugs,
Diana

ps your "best" is better than some others :D

There's an Aussie poem which sums this up!

I'm old and grey and only got one eye
But I can ride a horse on a scrubby course
Better than you young men dare try

(That's all I know, but if anybody knows the rest and can give me details I would be most appreciative.)

I really like your story Jackie! Good luck.

LoL
Rita

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)

LoL
Rita

The flash stockman

jacquimac's picture

I'm a stockman to me trade
And my name is ugly Dave
I'm old and grey and only got one eye
In the yard I'm good of course
But just put me on a horse
And I'll go where lots of young 'uns daren't try

I can lead them through the gidgee
Over country rough and ridgy
I lose them in the very worst of scrub
I can ride both rough and easy
With the dewdrop I'm a daisy
And a right down bobby-dazzler in the pub

You should watch me use a whip
I can make the dawdlers gyp
I can make the flaming echoes roar and ring
With a branding iron well
I'm a perfect flaming swell
In fact I'm duke of every blasted thing

You should watch me skin a sheep
It's so lovely you could weep
I can act the silvertail as if my blood run blue
And strike me pink or dead
If I stood upon my head
I'd be just as good as any other two

I've a notion in my pate
That it's luck it isn't fate
That I'm so far above the common rung
For in anything I do
You can split me fair in two
For I'm much two bloody good to be in one

Hard time ahead

It seems to me the the adults are having fun at the boys expense. they are already targets and it's no wonder when the adults subject what by all accounts a couple of good boys are but into situations that will make them even a bigger target for ridicule. I wonder if the so called adults have a clue of what they are doing to the boys social situation, or even if they care beyond their own amusement. I am guessing not because "sweet/sentimental" are not tags on this story.

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Jenna