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Shame and Desire Chapter 45

Okay, so before getting into this chapter I want to leave these notes here. First and foremost, I have received criticism regarding the politics in this story, and honestly I completely agree with most of the criticism. Including politics in this story was a horrible mistake. If I had the time and energy to rewrite this story, I would take this specific subplot with Elise's grandparents out, as well as most of the political stuff. I fully understand any criticism I get for this chapter and this story's use of politics. "Shame and Desire" is not a perfect story, and I am very much aware of that. I don't think anyone here reads these stories for lectures on capitalism, imperialism, and fascism.

If I will say anything to defend myself, it's that when I started writing this story, I wasn't exactly very serious about it and often times included certain elements for the sake of it. Quite a big chunk of this story was just used as a vessel to spout left wing political views. This is my first really big story, it has just hit 98K words and we still have quite a ways to go until the end. I am bound to make some mistakes. And now I have to live with them. This doesn't mean you're not allowed to criticize me or this chapter, but I thought it was just worth pointing out.

If you don't like the politics in this story, then you can be glad that there will be no major political subplots or commentary in this story from now on. I want to take writing this story more seriously and start only including elements that will add to the plot. They might still be thrown around here and there, as I've come to like Sierra's characterization as someone who cares a lot about left wing politics. And I also like the dynamic between Sierra and Elise in regards to this, with Elise being more of a liberal socdem and Sierra being far left (I'm not sure if she'd be more of a communist or an anarchist). But it won't be big, and it definitely will not take up a major part of the story.

If there's anything positive I can say here, it's that if you do like political debates, you'll probably enjoy this chapter. But other than that, go into this chapter and come out with whatever opinion you want.

Shame and Desire Chapter 44

Elise rang the doorbell to her house and saw that Devin’s face was red and his body was shaking.

“Don’t die of a heat stroke out here.” She said to him.

“Sorry. I’m just nervous.”

“Yeah, I can see.” Elise said. “I think we should let your body breathe a bit when we go inside. We’ll head to my room and take that sweatshirt off.”

“Do you think they’ll let us close the door?”

“If they don’t I’ll make sure to cover you.”

“Thanks.” Devin replied.

Shame and Desire Chapter 43

When Devin first went to his electrolysis session, he was told that his facial hair would take about a week to start growing back. He had already known that it would take far more than one session to remove all his facial hair, but he was still pretty stoked to have a whole week clear of it.

Looking at his face in the mirror, it was apparent that that week was over.

It was subtle, but he could see and feel some fuzz on his chin. He tried to shave all that he could off, but his attempts still left a light shadow marking the bottom half of his face.

Shame and Desire Chapter 42

1 Year, 8 Months Earlier

Elise could not believe what she was hearing.

“What!?” She exclaimed. “Are you serious?”

“Could you try to keep it down?” Corey said, slightly annoyed. “I don’t want to attract any attention.”

Elise looked around the cafeteria and saw that quite a few people had turned their heads to see what the commotion was.

“Okay.” Elise said. “But only because I don’t want to attract any attention either. I don’t give a damn what you think.”

“Yeah.” Corey said quickly, not believing her.

Shame and Desire Chapter 41

The first chapter of Minikisa’s “Of Heroes And Villains” starts with a heist. The plant based supervillain, Dionaea, goes to a vault on a train to steal the goods, before being stopped by the teleporting martial artist, Shade. A fight ensues, a classic clashing of good and evil, completely normal, until Dionaea tears off a part of Shade’s uniform, revealing the vigilante’s dark secret to the world.

The superhero, Shade, wore panties.

Shame and Desire Chapter 40

At the end of Sierra’s neighborhood lay a large, long field. It was flat, full of crops and extended for as far as the eye could see. It almost looked like a farmer’s field, and maybe it was. Sierra couldn’t exactly tell.

Sierra had seen the field many times throughout her life and had oddly fond memories of it. She had never actually been in the field, but it seemed the simple sight of it was enough to remind her of familiarity, comfort, and home.

Parallel Lives Chapter 2

“No.” Natalie stated firmly.

“No?” The woman asked. “Why not?”

Natalie forced out a laugh. “Why not?” She repeated mockingly. “Because no program will ever help me get over the fact that my entire life was a lie that didn’t happen.”

“I know this can all be very hard to accept.” The woman said back. “But what you said is hardly the full picture-”

Shame and Desire Chapter 38

Author’s Note:

Okay, so I have a few things to say here. First off, I am deeply sorry for the very long hiatus. It’s been kind of a tough time for me and writing just isn’t coming as easily anymore. If you’re wondering, no, I have no plans to cancel this story. It will still go on. My goal is, by the end of October, I want to have at least 100,000 words written. That just feels right, 100K words in 1 year. Anyway, what I wanted to state is that I want to get more serious with my writing, and will hopefully come up with a schedule to do so. Will try to go back to 10K words per month, maybe more. Hope you all understand.

Oh, by the way, “Parallel Lives” is on hiatus. I probably won’t be posting any of that story until it is completely finished.

Shame and Desire Chapter 37

The twelfth chapter of “For a Girl” started off with a bang. Really. O2bxx wasn’t fucking around here.

Immediately in the first paragraph, Stephanie gets grabbed, punched, and then forced into a room where her hands get tied to a pipe. It all happens just as quickly for Stephanie in universe as it does for the reader out of universe.

And then, of course, in the midst of her torment, Stephanie raises her head to see her captor, Andy Marks.

Shame and Desire Chapter 36

Home, sweet home.

After spending hours in a loud and crowded shopping mall, it was nice to finally be somewhere more private and quiet. With the thrill of her few accomplishments mostly gone, Sierra was able to relish in the calmness.

Once Sierra came in through the front door, she collapsed onto her living room couch almost immediately, just like she did every day after work. Elise, not wanting to pester her in any way, simply let her lay there as she left for the bathroom.

And lay there Sierra did, until, eventually, she had to get up to put her clothes away.

Shame and Desire Chapter 35

It was a long process of trying on bra after bra, finding the ones that fit and the ones that didn’t. To her surprise, Sierra wasn’t really bothered by being topless in front of the fitter anymore. She didn’t even close her eyes. The fitter had proven that she was a trustworthy person, and that she was only trying to help. There was no reason to be embarrassed or afraid around her.

Shame and Desire Chapter 34

After using the women’s bathroom, entering the women’s clothing section felt like a leisure walk. Of course, it wasn’t like this was the first time that Sierra had been in the women’s section, but it was the fact that she hardly felt any stress at all that surprised her. It really seemed like she was just walking in the mall, shopping for female clothing, and spending time with her girlfriend. It didn’t feel like anything was at stake.

Shame and Desire Chapter 33

“How much money do you have?”

“Well… enough for some food and a few other things.” Elise answered. “That’s about it.”

“Okay.” Sierra got out her wallet. “I think I have about the same amount you do. Together we could probably buy three or four small clothing items, depending upon whether my guesses on prices are correct.”

Sierra put her wallet back in her pocket. Elise giggled at her action.

“What?”

“When the time comes, you’re gonna miss that little convenience.”

Shame and Desire Chapter 32

“Wait, you wanna go… now?”

“Yep.” Elise smiled. “Thought it would be better to go to the mall first since it’s kind of a long drive.”

“I don’t know.” Sierra replied. “Forty minutes isn’t too long a drive.”

“Well, whatever. The point is, we’re going to the mall now so… are you ready?”

“I, uh… hang on, I need to go to the bathroom.”

Sierra ran over to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. Truthfully, she didn’t really need to go. She just needed a few minutes to… collect herself.

Shame and Desire Chapter 31

It was a pretty lucky night for Devin. He didn’t have any nightmares that night. There was no dream to taunt or tease him about wanting to be a girl. Nothing to bother him. He couldn’t possibly be happier.

Devin sat down on his living room couch as he contemplated what he was going to do that day. Today was going to be a pretty big day, by the looks of it. A mall trip and they were probably going to finish “For a Girl”. It had been a week of reading it, but it felt good to finally get it done.

Shame and Desire Chapter 30

8 Months Earlier

This was it. Today was the day.

Devin could hardly contain his excitement as he ran to the mailbox to collect his well awaited prize.

It was right there waiting for him.

The hormones. Spironolactone and estradiol to be exact. He had been waiting for this day for a long time and it had finally come.

He stowed the pill bottles safely in his sweatshirt before walking inside. He hadn’t yet told his parents or anyone else about these hormones, and he planned to keep it that way.

***

Shame and Desire Chapter 29

“Did you see that new bridge at the end of town?” Julie asked. “It looks really high class. Doesn’t fit this town very well.”

Ronald looked up from his laptop at the sound of his wife’s voice. “Yeah, it’s, uh, it’s weird.”

The married couple’s conversation was interrupted by Elise coming in through the front door.

“You stayed a bit late.” Ronald said to his daughter. “That makes me kind of upset.”

“Oh shut up Ronald, our daughter is very responsible.” Julie said. “Just ignore him, sweetie.”

Shame and Desire Chapter 28

Rule of thumb, never believe a couple when they say “only one kiss”, even if those exact words are not actually spoken. Any situation which calls for a single kiss will most likely result in more.

Case in point, just seconds after Elise kissed Sierra on the lips to make her feel better, the young couple was full on making out on the grassy ground.

It was not nearly as pleasant as the romance movies would lead you to believe.

Elise raised her head from Sierra’s lips. “This is kind of rough.”

Sierra frowned and made a whining noise.

Suhara of Curses: Fanfiction Epilogue

This is a fanfiction for the Epilogue of "Suhara of Curses" by Ruexin. It picks up right where the original story left off so read it if you haven't. Also copyright is an issue here so if you think it is wrong to post this story then please say so.

Shame and Desire Chapter 26

Under the tree, Sierra laid down on the grass, relishing the shade and the fresh summer air. Her breasts were blatantly visible through her T-shirt, one of her bra straps was exposed, and she was wearing a silver necklace with a heart shaped pendant at the bottom. But she couldn’t be bothered to care about any of that.

At that moment, she felt alive. More alive than she had been in a long time. No one, not even herself, could ruin it.

Shame and Desire Chapter 24

It was with quick and uncaring steps that Devin walked into his Journalism class. He had taken the class mainly because most of the other electives were either full, or just looked plain uninteresting. Art? Devin didn’t particularly enjoy drawing and often found it tedious. Creative Writing? He steered clear of that one. He was sure his classmates wouldn’t want to read his gender bending fiction, which seemed to be the only thing he was even partially capable of writing. Culinary? He hated cooking under pressure.

Shame and Desire Chapter 23

It was another frustrating and tedious day at Sheetz. Devin never voiced any of his disdain for his job. If he did then he’d be complaining all day. He assumed all of his coworkers felt the same way. Working in retail was just miserable.

It was apparent that not every one of his coworkers followed his “no speech” line of thinking.

“Listen, my shift starts at 12, so I come in at 12.” Liam stated firmly.

“I wanted you in early.” Morgan said to him.

Shame and Desire Chapter 22

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Devin once again found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror. He'd been doing that a lot recently. Perhaps it was because he was obsessing over every little bodily change the hormones brought him. Perhaps it was because he was inspecting himself to see if he really looked like a girl. Perhaps it was because he simply liked looking at himself. Devin silently laughed at that last thought, as if.

Or perhaps it was because it was an easy way to force himself to do some mental introspection.

Shame and Desire Chapter 21

“Anything new happen with Devin?”

Elise was sitting down on one of the couches in her living room when Amanda sent her that text. She internally groaned once she saw it. As expected, Amanda was going to pester her with more questions about Devin after their chat the previous day.

Annoyed, she simply replied back with “no”.

Shame and Desire Chapter 20

The inherent beauty in a nice summer day is really quite amazing. How the light breeze and the bright blue sky come together to create such a calming and alluring effect. It’s as if the entire world is at peace, and taking you with it.

That peace is exactly what Devin and Elise felt once they returned to the bench swing. The tension from Devin realizing he had forgotten his sweatshirt had all but disappeared. It’s funny really, so quickly it was like he was never even upset about it. As if it was completely wiped from history.

Shame and Desire Chapter 19

Devin and Elise felt the cool summer breeze blow through them as they both sat on a bench swing, reading “For a Girl” on Devin’s phone. The bench swing itself was covered by a few trees in a shady area, a blessing for them, as they were approaching the time of year when the sun could get exceptionally brutal.

Shame and Desire Chapter 18

It was only seconds after Elise withdrew her lips that Sierra nearly threw herself onto Elise. It was then Elise’s turn to give out a surprised look before joining in on another make out session.

Sierra wasn’t sure what was happening but she loved it. She wanted more. She didn’t know how much but she wanted more.

Every other time that she and Elise had made out in the past, there had always been some kind of underlying discomfort. She had definitely liked kissing her before, but there was always something that held her back from truly loving it.

That was gone now.

Shame and Desire Chapter 17

2 Year Earlier

After years of reading through TG stories on the internet, Devin decides to try writing one himself. He had already taken to drawing some TF comics, so this seemed like the next logical step.

What he quickly learns is that writing, just like drawing, is not nearly as simple as it seems.

It takes a lot of time, and editing, and constant rereadings of the same sections of text to make sure everything flows naturally.

Shame and Desire Chapter 16

Elise sat there for minutes on end, waiting for a response. She couldn't even imagine what Amanda was thinking right now. It had to be a lot to process the message just sent to her.

Though at the same time, Elise also thought she may have been making too big a deal out of this. Perhaps Amanda wouldn't see this as that big of a revelation. Only time would tell.

Of course, there was a lot of context and information that Amanda wasn't getting.

Elise heard her phone vibrate. She had finally gotten a response.

“Okay?”

“Are you planning on leaving Devin?”

Shame and Desire Chapter 14

Devin collapsed onto his bed as soon as he got to his room. It was a long, uneventful day. He planned on falling asleep right then but he eventually decided to waste some time on his computer instead.

Once Devin turned on his computer, something caught his eye. He had been hit with a pop up ad. It was a very odd looking ad. It said that he had been sent some kind of link by an unknown source, and that it was a “once in a lifetime” opportunity to click on it.

Shame and Desire Chapter 13

“Well, look at that.” Ronald said, looking at his computer screen. “Your father is on facebook, talking about how Trump won the election.”

Julie sighed. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Are you really just gonna ignore this until it’s too late?”

“Why are you so pressed about this? They’re not your parents.”

“No.” Ronald answered. “But a friend of mine said his parents went insane after they bought into that QAnon stuff. And I don’t want that to happen to your parents.”

Shame and Desire Chapter 12

Smut. One of the best ways to start a chapter. And a staple of all good TG stories. Well, not quite all of them, but it did seem to be a common feature. It was a good way to get engagement, at least.

So it was actually a bit surprising that it took until the halfway point for “For a Girl” to have any full on erotic scenes.

Shame and Desire Chapter 10

Dinners with extended family members were never very fun. Especially not surprise ones. Elise could only sit there in silence as she watched her grandparents rant about god knows what.

“And I’m telling you, this is why they gotta start teaching christianity in those schools again.” Elise’s grandfather said. “They stop teaching those kids christianity and everything goes to shit.”

“That’s great, father.” Elise’s mother said back as she was beginning to have second thoughts about having this dinner.

Shame and Desire Chapter 9

What were you supposed to do when a site you’ve grown attached to refuses to take down hate speech?

Devin had pondered this question for a long time at this point. Leave the site, probably. That’s what a lot of the authors did, at least.

So why didn’t he do the same?

He certainly used the site less, but even a year later he was still using it every week or so. Why hadn’t he left it completely?

Shame and Desire Chapter 8

“No, this isn’t right.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“She’s just being nice.”

“It doesn’t matter what she may think, deep within, you are a gross, perverted piece of shit.”

It wasn’t long before Devin’s mind started to turn dark after the initial serenity of the moment faded. He had been standing there on the porch to his house for minutes on end, contemplating what had just happened.

“She kissed me. Why can’t you just focus on that?”

“Be realistic for once.”

Shame and Desire Chapter 7

1 Year Earlier

The moderator still isn’t handling the situation. Liuzixuan is spamming the front page with content and giving their own stories 5 star reviews. This is against the site’s rules. Devin is beginning to become very frustrated. After all, he’d invested a lot of time into this site and to see it not deal with obvious problems such as this is very disheartening.

Shame and Desire Chapter 6

1 Year Earlier

This user “liuzixuan”, seems to be posting a lot.

Their stories are unintelligible.

They kept posting each chapter of their first story, “changeday 中國”, as its own story, which is against the site's rules.

It didn’t help that the story was written in Chinese.

Fortunately this was handled by the moderator and the front page isn’t spammed with their stuff anymore.

But they’re still posting a bunch of stories on the site. This time in english, albeit very broken english.

Shame and Desire Chapter 5

1 Year Earlier

“This is getting ridiculous,” thought Devin.

It has only been the first week of summer vacation and he’s already read 2 TG stories. And now that he’s found out about Scribblehub he has a whole host of new ones to read.

“I need to stop this.” He thought.

Shame and Desire Chapter 4

8 Months Earlier

“Come on Devin, we’re going to be late!” Elise yelled.

Devin ran from his mirror and quickly got to the car. He had specifically picked his suit based on Elise’s wishes. He had never been to a homecoming dance before, and probably would’ve blown off finding an outfit if it weren’t for her. He wanted to make this night very special for her. He wasn’t going to let Elise down, no matter what mental crisis he was in.

“Sorry I was just…” Devin started. “Never mind, we better get going. You look stunning by the way.”

Shame and Desire Chapter 2

Elise was making her way to the front door of Devin’s house. Her parents knew she was going to his house, but they didn’t know his parents weren’t there. She didn’t tell them that part, since they probably wouldn’t have let her go otherwise.

As she approached his house, she knew that she would need to keep a close eye on Devin. She may not have been the most observant person in the world, but she wasn’t blind. Something was clearly happening to him.

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