Daddy, Please Refresh Your Lipstick

Printer-friendly version

Daddy, Please Refresh Your Lipstick

When it counted, when I was growing up, my dad was nothing to me. To him I was a "Mama's Boy". I wasn't the real boy he wanted. I didn't play football. I didn't go hunting. I didn't spend my weekends working on junk cars. These were not the things I was interested in. I was thoughtful and bookish. I preferred the Cooking Channel to American Chopper. I was shy and didn't really know how to be a boy around girls. I kinda liked the way they looked and that they didn't have to get dirty to please their father.

When I won first place at the County Fair for my cherry pie, he wasn't there. He was watching the tractor pull. When I got my first perm and manicure, he stared at me and walked away. When I decided to try the profession of Hair Stylist, he laughed and went to the bowling alley. When my mother was dying of breast cancer, he was having an affair with the blonde tootsie waitress down at the cocktail lounge. When my mother died, I moved out of the house and he didn't notice. He was invited but didn't come to the opening of my first salon. I called and asked him why he didn't come and he said: "I don't like Sissy stuff".

It has been many years since I had seen my father. I had been doing just fine without seeing him. I have built a nice little business of five salons and spas which are known as the swankiest in the city. I am, what you would call, rich. And I am what I am. I am a somewhat feminine man in a feminine profession who makes rich females feel and look as feminine as possible. Let me tell you that means big bucks. And a lot of satisfaction. And I love what I am doing.

Over the years I had gotten information about my father from time to time. After Mom died and the blonde cocktail waitress kicked him out, he started drinking and missing work. He had lost several jobs during those years. As he contiued to drink, he got into trouble with the law and finally landed in jail. It was from jail that he called me and asked that I go his bail. I did. Big mistake. When I hauled his ass out of jail, he was happy to walk thru the door. But when we were outside he took a look at my permed hair and manicured nails and said: "Thanks for the bail but I can't let anyone see me with a Sissy, see ya, Bye."

Whatever I had felt, if there ever was anything, for this man, left me at that moment. I was through with him. And he never was with me at all. He wasn't there for me or for my mother. So be it.

A few years later, I was doing very well. The business was going great. I was doing great. There was no wife or girlfriend, but that is how I wanted it. I enjoyed working with my employees, who were almost all female. And I enjoyed working with my clients, who were almost all female. And I enjoyed being myself, which was almost, but not quite, female. You can call me a Sissy if you like. But that would be a rich, happy, contented Sissy.

Then one day, as a sat in my office, picking out new gowns for the salons, my secretary, Syd, buzzed me.
"Mr. Leslie, there is a rather scruffy looking man at the reception desk, who claims to be your father. Should I send him away?"
I flashed on the in house monitoring system and panned the reception area. Yes, there he was. It was my father.
"No, Syd, send him up to the office."
I don't know why for sure, but just seeing him reminded me of all the slights and sarcasm and meanness this man had caused me over the years. And I thought of my poor mother who died knowing this pisser was screwing around while she lay on her death bed. I didn't know what I wanted to do to him, but I was sure I wanted to make this man miserable. I had no doubt that he was here to try to get some money from me. Maybe he could. But he would have to earn it. A little light bulb was lighting up in my sissified head.

Syd knocked lightly on the door and opened wide to allow my father to come into the room.
The man who came in was scruffy. His clothes were dirty, His shoes were scuffed and had holes. His face was covered in a scraggly grey stubble. And he smelled. I smelled of Intimate. He smelled of garbage.

He shuffled into the room and looked around at the feminine decor of the office and at the salon chair and professional dryer standing in my private work station. (It really was nice being a rich Sissy) He coughed in his dirty hand and said:
"Hello, son. Long time no see."
"Yes"
I wasn't going to help the bastard make conversation.
He reached out his disgusting hand for a handshake. I hesitantly offered my French Nailed hand. Which he took with a quizzical look on his face.
I didn't say anything.
Let him do the talking. I was just a Sissy.
"Son, I know we haven't been close. But I haven't got a cent. I have been sleeping on the street for the past week. I am totally desperate. Can you help me out?"
I wanted to laugh in his face. But I knew it would be more satisfying to use another approach.
"Dad, I won't give you a cent. You never gave me anything but grief. And you did the same to Mom. I shouldn't even let you in this office. But being as soft and ineffectual and sissified as you always thought I was, I can't let you go back to sleep on the street.
I will give you a job and a place to sleep. I will not give you any money until you work a month at this job and do it properly. I will feed and cloth and house you until you have enough money to do it for yourself. You have to accept the job I give you and anything else I give you with no complaints. It that understood?"
"Yes, it is, son. I knew you would treat me right."
"Syd, please come here."
"Syd, please that this gentleman down to Salon B. I am sure the girls down there will be happy to do a little clean up work. Then find a salon gown which fits him."
"Syd, do you remember that special gentleman we serviced this summer? I am sure you do. This gentleman will need all those services and probably a lot more. Just get things started and I will come down and give some special orders after a little while."
"Dad, follow this young woman. She will get you cleaned up and something to wear. The clean up will involve some things you have never experienced. DO NOT COMPLAIN! You asked for my help and I will give it. But only the way I want to. You are now my employee. And my employees look and smell and dress a certain way. That will be your way now. Do you understand?"
"I can use a good clean up and some fresh clothes. Thank you, son."
"Don't thank me too soon, DAD! But I guarantee you are going to cleaned up and have new clothes. You have never been cleaned up and dressed like you are going to be today. If you are working with my clients, you have to look and feel like one of us."
"Syd, a clean up and then Steps 1 - 5. Then I will give you further instructions."
Dad looked at me curiously and asked:
"What are 'Steps 1 - 5'?
"OH, Dad, you are going to love it.
Step 1 is Total Depilation.
Step 2 is a soothing Facial.
Step 3 is a shampoo and roller set, good thing you haven't been able to afford a haircut recently.
Step 4 is a Mani/Pedi Package.
Step 5 is the Ladies Who Do Lunch Makeup Application. Enjoy!"
"SON!!!! I can't do that!"
"Yes, you can, FATHER! You are broke. You have nowhere to live. You have no job. You have no clothes. You have no food.
You can do THAT. You have to do that. Do you want to live? Do you want a job? Do you want to eat? You better learn to love lipstick, Daddyo!"
"Syd, take him down and make sure he knows exactly how a sissy feels. He might even like it."
My father left the room with his head down. My head was as high as could be. I was wondering if his hair, after it had been washed, would be long enough for a nice sissy perm. Such a nice thought.

About three hours later, I wandered down the street to a pretty shop where I was well acquainted with the owner. I purchased a great deal of her merchandise for my father and even bought a few things for myself. As I left the shop, I smiled and looked over the mannikins wearing the sexy lingerie and the chic dresses. I loved my life and I loved being able to give my father just what he deserved. Besides, what I bought him was actually rather cute. I carried all the packages into Salon B and tossed them on the pink velvet daybed. I heard murmuring behind the curtain where the makeup application station was located. I smiled to myself and pulled the curtain aside. Syd and two other beauticians were standing there admiring their handiwork.

There he was. My father. Sitting in the makeup chair. His head covered in pink rollers. His fingernails and toenails shiny scarlet. There was not a nasty old man hair anywhere on his body, other than those tightly rollered on his head. But best of all, from my viewpoint, Syd had outdid her best work. His eyebrows were thinned and shaped as though he were June Allison. His complexion was flawless, in a cameo cream color. His cheeks blushed rose and I hadn't even said anything. His eyes were intense with the radiant smokey sexual glow of a Prom Queen's wet dream. His lashes curled up so high with jet black mascara that they almost reached the peaks of his arched eyebrows. And, Oh My God, his lips! His lips said" "I am Doris Day and please have your way with me." Syd had never never done my lips like those lips. I was jealous. Syd just smiled. Dad did not.

"Well, Daddy, I have been shopping. You had no clothes, so I have taken care of everything. Too bad for you that a Sissy like me only knows certain places to shop. But for your new job, I bought you just what you need. Now that Steps 1- 5 are completed, we can get you dressed and off to work. By the way, I forgot to tell you what your job is to be. We need a new trainee in the Nail Salon. I hope you like feet. Now let's get you dressed. I know you want to get out of the pink silk gown and get your hair out of those rollers. No problem. We'll just ask Syd to help you into your new clothes and then it's off to painting nails you go."
"Syd, he will need a lot of training with these new clothes. I bet he doesn't even know how to put on a longline bra. Please teach him well. We can't have him falling out of his cups while he is bending over some fat woman's piggies. Brush out his set into something nice, but schedule him for a perm tomorrow, he really needs the volume for the bouffant style I envision for him.
"Here's his first bra. Help him into it."
Dad's lipsticked mouth had fallen open a long time ago.

"Dad, please close you mouth.
"And, Daddy, Please refresh your lipstick!"

As I turned to leave Salon B. I realized I hadn't felt so good in years. It felt good to be a Sissy who had an even bigger Sissy for a father.

up
69 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Cleaned Up and Deservedly So

littlerocksilver's picture

There are times I have to go along with this sort of thing and this is one of them. If this story continues and I hope it does, we may find out a lot about his father's repressed sexuality. Two thumbs up! :) Portia

Portia

I cannot concur...

He was taking his father far beyond a necessary humility. He was simply being vindictive. You don't get a chance to own being charitable if what you are doing is not done with a charitable heart. The kid had bitterness and it was with that that he was driven to do what he did to his father. (Same thing with a lot of these stories where the kid is put into womens clothes for no useful purpose other than the person wanted to do that to him). Now as for delving into another persons latent sexual tendancies.... Who gives anyone the right? You simply are NOT right!

Poetic Justice

jengrl's picture

I think it was rather funny how the tables got turned on the old man. He had been calling his son a sissy for years and treating him like dirt. I think that the whole thing is poetic justice for what he has done.

Hugs,

Jen

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

ginger collins

Well written and cleverly done!

Daddy...

Wow, what a great story!
This could be a fantastic storyline. I'd love to see how Daddy adjusts to being a beautiful sissy!

Get him

Oh, there is a side to me that would have my step father in Ballet Heels, and bondage. I'd leave his but with red welts like he often did to me. He'd never ever be in control of even his toilet habits ever again ...

The rational, caring side of me of course could not do that. I just don't know what I would have done. Maybe he'd just do the same shit he used to do.

Sorry, I am just very pissed off lately and I don't know why. No one here is telling me I am bad. They just say that finally I am getting it out. So, if Gwen is a bitch, she does not meant to be.

A hand grenade for a field mouse?

I think one of the story's basic problems is its lack of a proportional response from its hero. When it comes down to it, humiliating his Dad for all of his tiny petty crimes cheapens the protagonist by portraying him as the sort of person who would kick someone when they're down without sufficient reason.

After all, his father was a jerk his entire life, but he didn't beat our hero up, physically or emotionally. He did neglect him, true, but as a child growing up, your protagonist wasn't interested in any of the things the father was interested in, so why should the father feign interest in the interests of his son?

There's no denying the father was a philandering creep in later life, but when it came right down to it, he wasn't purposefully evil or sadistic, just stupid and clueless. So if the son pushed him out into the street and rejected him, the way the father did after the son bailed him out, that would have been a proportional response.

Instead, you sacrificed this reader's identification with the protagonist by pursuing sissification apparently without sufficient justification. Because there's no real justice here, not even poetic justice. There's just a rich successful man who might have been a good person at one point using his wealth and his business to kick an old man when he's too far down to get up.

Randalynn

Really?

"I think one of the story's basic problems is its lack of a proportional response from its hero." (Randalynn)

Criticism is just fine. But indeed should be rational.

Exactly what Proportionality should be rationed out in response to someone who refuses to love his child, refuses to honor his fatherhood, dishonors and neglects his wife and sacrificies the love of his family for cheap sex and booze, under the guise of bigotry?

"all of his tiny petty crimes"(Randalynn)
There must be divergent meanings of "petty", to say nothing of "tiny". I am not familiar with your meanings.
"sufficient justification"(Randalynn) - in the immortal words of Sarah, The Moose Killer, Palin - You betcha!

I'm a Wendy and I love it!

I'm a Wendy and I love it!

Okay, his crimes ...

... were not tiny nor petty. But they were done out of selfishness and stupidity, not malevolence aimed at our protagonist. I thought he went a little overboard in how he treated his father at the end, and enjoyed it a bit too much. If the father had been purposefully evil instead of just a jerk, I could have continued to feel warm and fuzzy for the protagonist and happy about his revenge. Everyone else seems to feel it's justified. But to me, it felt like he crossed a line somehow.

I think what made me feel that way was that the ending felt emotionally disconnected from the beginning of the story, Maybe that's what made the story feel unbalanced to me -- the tone in which the protagonist's personal history was laid out earlier in the story. He didn't seem particularly upset with his father's actions at all, and seemed to have moved on from his past to become both wealthy and happy. It felt like he had left it all behind him. As a result, his treatment of his father seemed to come out of nowhere, because any pain or outrage that could have justified it to the reader was minimized.

To me, it ended up feeling more like a cruel revenge for his father's random, selfish stupidity. Sorry if my read disagrees with everyone else's. It's just how it felt to me.

Randalynn

I don't want to get nasty about this ...

erin's picture

... but you make the same kind of statements about nearly every femdom story. I could probably find a dozen or so recent ones where you have made this sort of comment.

It's clear you don't like the genre and don't understand its appeal to others. I'm not fond of it myself, I don't read them and I don't comment on them, usually. But I do understand that other people like them for what they are, not what people who don't like them think they should be.

I like murder mysteries. Some people don't. I like romance novels. Some people don't. I like comic books. Some people don't. I don't expect everyone to like what I like. I don't like horror stories. Some people do. I don't like certain sorts of fantasy stories that I can usually recognize within reading a few pages of them. Some people eat that kind of story up.

Tastes differ for the fundamental reason that not everyone is alike.

This is clearly labeled femdom/humiliation. As such, it is going to use the forms and givens of that type of story. You object to those forms and givens. One of the givens is apparent cruelty. Humiliation that does not have a cruel edge -- well can it exist? Why bother objecting to it? If your purpose is to convince the author or readers who enjoy this kind of story that they shouldn't because it doesn't meet some standard of yours -- I'm sorry?

All of the stories on BC offend someone for being the story they are, the type of story they are. That's why it is necessary for BC to exist. All such stories are entitled to find their audience. If you know you aren't in their audience, why comment?

Every one of your comments here amounts to "this femdom/humiliation/ story should not have so much femdom/humiliation in it." It's like objecting that a magic-based transformation story has a magic-based transformation in it. That would obviously not be legitimate criticism.

You may feel that you are using logic and literary criticism techniques to try to help someone improve their story. But the actual fact of it is that you are like someone who persists in ordering strawberry pie even though strawberries make them break out in hives.

I don't censor stories posted here but I have in the past and I probably will in the future censor comments that are out of line. We talked about this privately a few days ago and I thought I had communicated with you on how I feel about comments that attack a genre, theme or topic that is clearly marked.

If you don't like this kind of story, don't read it. They are easy to avoid. If you go ahead and read it, don't criticize it for being what it is clearly labeled.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Actually, I didn't object ...

... to the femdom/humiliation aspect. I just felt it came a little out of left field and suggested a way to make the protagonist's motivation feel stronger to the reader, so he or she could continue to identify with the protagonist when he took his revenge at the end.

Yes, I'm not fond of femdom/humiliation stories (we've talked about this before), but in this instance I was honestly trying to be helpful to the author. I believe it would be a stronger and more satisfying story if there were more of a sense earlier on that the protagonist still harbored anger or resentment towards the man.

But as Han Solo said in the first Star Wars film, "Sorry about the mess."

Shutting up now.

Randa

To be fair to Randa ....

.... I don't think that she can be accused of criticising tales just because they contain femdom and humiliation themes. My 'Deception of Choice' was not lacking in either and yet Randa was most supportive in her comments throughout its run.

Indeed my villainess, Grace de Messembry, whose behaviour was widely considered to be open to criticism in this respect, later featured in one of her Stark stories.

Of course she may have encountered something nasty in the woodshed since and radically changed her views and attitude, but my own experience is that she has been supportive in her comments whatever the theme, whether a ghost/murder mystery, a love story, or femdom.

Mind you as she has always been flatteringly complimentary then I am perhaps biased. :)

Hugs,

Fleurie Fleurie

Fleurie

I did say...

erin's picture

...nearly every femdom/humiliation story. :)

Yes, Randalynn frequently has some very good things to say about stories and authors. And her advice here would likely be useful to someone who might not be writing a story in the more traditional f/h category. I'm objecting to criticism of genre writing just for being genre writing. It's not that her criticism is not well-intended and even useful, but there are appropriate ways to make such criticisms and inappropriate ones.

Entertainment of a narrow audience is a legitimate aim of a writer.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Agreed

Entertainment of a narrow audience is a legitimate aim of a writer.

I couldn't agree more. I think Vicki Tern is a very good writer and she writes some of the most extreme femdom. I even tried my hand at it with Residue, even though the purpose of that story was to suggest long-term consequences for forcing anyone to do anything.

The writers of BC write for a small segment of the general population. The sub genres of TG fiction make the intended readership and even smaller percentage of the general population. Stephen King says he is only writing for one person (his wife). The rest of us get to read what she likes.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Nice to have so much agreement.

I also think that the entertainment of the writer is a legitimate aim of a writer. :)

Fleurie Fleurie

Fleurie

I Agree Fleurie

The writer is free to write for whatever reason. Quite a few TG stories are self-indulgent wish fulfillments. Quite a few TG stories also are dreary for the reader.

My guess would be that Mark Twain probably laughed his butt off while he wrote much of his material. John Grisham probably had one or two legal axes to grind before he started writing.

A writer's motives are her business. Perhaps Wendy was using this story to settle a score with an unnamed father. I've lashed out at RL adversaries by making them a character in something I've written.

Many of my comments are based on a general readership reading general literature. Readers within the TG community may respond to stories much differently than a general readership. My opinions are based on other writers' opinion and some logic. They may not hold water wihtin the TG realm, as suggested by Erin.

For example, cross-dressing stories are seemingly duty-bound to over describe the clothing.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Don't Write About Wimps

There is nothing wrong with your story as written, if your purpose was to write a story about revenge through humiliation. If your readers wanted to read a story about revenge through humiliation they would appreciate your story. Randalynn's comment and mine are salient if you want to reach a general readership. If that isn't your concern, simply disregard our remarks.

Most readers want to read about characters who are are willing to take a risk to move toward their ultimate goal. You're hero can be a sissy without being a wimp. Think about Albert in Birdcage. Nathan Lane played that role to perfection and came across as someone a person could find admirable -- I did. Albert is all about love.

The main character in this story took advantage of circumstances to belittle another human being. There is very little to be said about that other than it is bullying and unattractive to the majority of readers. There was no risk on the hero's part.

If your hero had taken advantage of the situation to show his father how enjoyable some of the more feminine things in life can be - that would have been uplifting and fun to read. It would have been wonderful to see the hero rise above his father's lack of character and in the process take a few personal risks. The hero should have determined the outcome, not the whimsy of his father's lack of choices.

I understand that this story was clearly noted as femdom/humiliation, but fendom and humiliation doesn't have to be totally without conflict. There is no adventure for the hero to overcome. There is no suspense. There is no tension.

Your hero finds a defenseless person who has done some very horrible wrongs. The hero directs his hired help to inflict humiliation on that person, knowing his father has no choice.

How about cleaning him up and giving him the same job you did? He doesn't need to dress him en femme or apply any cosmetics -- right away. Just that job would be enough humiliation . . . but over time the father can slide into the realization that life on his son's side of the tracks has advantages. Then, once the father has been convinced (tricked???) into sissification, the son can arrange for some of the old crowd to see his father in action. This would require you to establish early on that the father's bad actions where done to impress the rough crowd he ran with.

The father can then make a choice. He can choose to return to the life where he turned his back on his family to run with a rough crowd, or he can stay with his son.

Yes -- femdom and humiliation, but for a reason. To help his father repent and understand.

Randalynn's point is well taken. The reader wants to see clever resolution of conflict, not heavy-handed bullying.

Again -- there is nothing WRONG with your story as written -- if it met your purpose.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Please don't be angry with me.

The first time I ever met the man, he beat me for crying when he was yelling at my Mother, and she was bawling, and the next thing he hoisted me onto a pile of books on a chair and he began to cut my hair; my long pretty hair. He yelled at me, "God damn you, shut the fuck up or I'll give you a reason to cry".

I can still remember the hand operated clippers, the smell of the nasty oil, his cursing and yelling. He kept hitting me in the head. I finally sat there shaking and sniffling. He kept hitting me ... I have not relived that day until now.

All he put me through, I can't explain why I am not in prison; why I did not blame him for everything and use that as an excuse to kill others; rob banks; steal and you know all the stuff we hear now days.

He did the same sort of thing several nights a week until I was about 15 and I tried to kill him. I remember him beating me until I collapsed on the floor, begging him to stop. Often he would kick me after he stopped, and then I would be forced to stand up and just stop crying. It was so hard to just turn the emotion off when I was crying so hard that I could not breathe.

Often if I was not doing something fast enough for him, he kicked me, all the while taunting me and calling me sissy. I did not even try to do homework at home. It is pretty impossible to concentrate when you are trying to recover from what he'd just done to me. He used to say that he was going to beat the woman out of me. I never did homework.

He finally beat me enough so that I started impersonating the person that I thought he wanted me to be. I was always afraid that he would kill me. In my late 20's I was aware that I was acting, but I had no idea what I was covering up in my own soul. I thought that I just felt inadequate for a reason I could not fathom. I always told people that I deserved an Oscar. Later, as I transitioned, I suddenly realized that I had always been a woman trying to impersonate a man.

I was tiny as a child, like the stereotypical sissy boy we often see described in these pages. I was the smallest child in the neighborhood. He worked me in the greenhouse, doing things that he did, though he was 175lbs to my 90 or less. At 12 I was hospitalized for a week as a result of a back injury either from his beating or from trying to do the work he wanted me to do. This was 1959 and in those days there were few child labor laws. The Doctor was so pissed that he told my parents that if he ever saw me again, he was calling the state child authorities. I told him not to; knowing that I could not escape him; he would get me somehow.

In a moment of weakness, I allowed myself to experience and express the emotions I have felt at times and worse yet to express them. I was weak for a few moments.

A life time later, I heard that he died of Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and Cancer. Not being God, I can not say if his punishment was adequate. I also learned that he had been so abused as a child that he ran away from home at a very young age and lived with his Grandfather; who also abused him. I had never thought about how he should die. I did hate him for most of my life. That hate eventually destroyed my life.

In the months after my own transition, I was sitting in a Pastor's house with he and his wife. He asked me if I believed in Jesus.

"I can believe in him for others, but not for me, I am too evil". I told him. I'd been to Honduras, Kenya and Israel "doing the work of God". A missionary and I did not believe that Jesus loved me.

He said we should pray, and to this day, I can remember the time almost 4 years ago. I prayed that somehow I would really believe. Somewhere along the line, I simply said to God,"I believe, please help my unbelief". Well the origin of that line is obvious, and I was not original; rather I was disingenuous.

Astonishingly, in the next two weeks I realized that I was no longer bitter and angry at my step father. It has been that way ever since. Tonight, reading that story took me back to a time of my life that was just awful.

The man did things to all of us. My older step brother and step sister never had children of their own. My Step sister did not marry until she was over 50. Both are very successful professional people. We all suffered horribly at his hands. It was endless unspeakable horror.

Now days the only way I feel secure is when I am tied tightly so that I can not move. The pain of a spanking, I long for. None of you seem to get it. He programmed me to be what he wanted. Now, when I tell people how it really is, they just laugh and think I am crazy, weird, evil; but no one really understands.

I was going into a 24/7 total power exchange; a collared slave after christmas. He suddenly backed out.

I appologize for my lapse and outburst. No, I'm not killing myself. I'm going to bed and hoping that I will sleep.

I think there's a bit ...

Jezzi Stewart's picture

... just a little bit - of wiggle room here. I tend to agree with Randalynn and Angela. At first glance this seems like revenge simply for the son's enjoyment. What put me over the edge was giving his dad the pedicure job. I would have put him on cleanup and gradually eased him into working with clients.
However, Dad had obviously not reached the "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." point yet. He could have walked out. I would like to see a continuation to see how the author has both the dad and the son handle the situation.

"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show

BE a lady!

Mew

I'm sorry but I feel this is just desserts mew, the father came begging to the son, and the son offered him a place of employment which normally I'm sure they'd have to go with some sort of training, or to tackle the streets mew. The dad dug his own grave, and he could have walked out at any time.

 

    I just got to be me :D

 

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D

Poetic justice

is just what daddy dearest has gotten. It would be wonderful if homophobic parents could learn their lessons the hard way like this. For mothers who are homophobic, there could be somethin else, but for the homophobic males, this story just reeks of poetic justice. Well Done.

Be strong, because it is in our strength that we can heal.

Love & Hugs,

Barbara

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

Get Back in the Damn Box

Wow! I seem to have let Pandora out of her Box.
Daddy was bad. Daddy crapped on his family. Daddy finally got his due. Seems like a pretty simple story.
What's all the shouting about?
If you write a story about Femdom/Humilation it would be a good idea if someone in the story became feminine and was humiliated.
I didn't realize I had to fit Daddy into exactly the right job. Isn't that the point of Humiliation, making Daddy do what humiliates him the most?
It's a story, folks.
Now. How many of you would like to be Daddy?
And how many of you would like to be Mr. Leslie?

I'm a Wendy and I love it!

I'm a Wendy and I love it!

The Point of the Story

We all write for our own reasons. Perhaps you have some personal devils you want to exorcise? Whatever? It really doesn't matter. I said your story was okay as written for a femdom/humiliation story, but for a more general audience you need to follow more traditional expectations. One of the basic expectations of the reader is that the hero will not be a wimp. He can be trageically flawed, but must struggle mightily against whatever to acheive his goals. That is what creates the necessary conflict in the story. Jezzi has ranted about this for years -- and she is right. A passive wet noodle for a hero doesn't interests anyone. A bully makes a great villain, but makes a lousy hero -- unless that hero/bully shows a glimmer of promise early in the story, and then changes within the story context to become a better person.

And -- yes -- the reader demands that you pick the "perfect" job, just like they demand perfection in everything else you select for your hero to do and say -- within the context of the story. They don't want their suspension of disbelief to be violated by anything less. If you can tell me you've never left a movie and said, "They should of had him. . . ." I will grant you your point, but I'm pretty sure you (like everyone else) has posed a better way for a Hollywood script to have gone. More important to the story in question is how he is forced to take that job. You method of force with no choice and no struggle by the hero makes for dull reading for all but those looking for a pure humiliation story.

Yes, this is free literature and all comments should take that into consideration. If Randalynn and I didn't think you could benefit from our remarks, we wouldn't have made them. If you don't agree with us, that is your right. We commented because we think you can do much better and would enjoy reading better stories from you.

To dismiss us with "It's a story, folks." is cavalier. It is only a "story" if it meets the requirements to be a story. When you post a story you have created an unwritten contract with the reader to do your best to make sure that story will meet their expectations. I told you -- you met the expectations for a femdom/humiliation story. You did not meet my expectations and those of several others who commented and I'm sure many others. . .and you could have, within the context of a humiliation story.

You're not alone in rejecting my advice. That behavior is quite common on this board, for whatever foolish reasons. Heck -- most people here reject my stories; the highest number of votes I've ever received just barely exceeds what you got on your story, so who's to judge? Yet, I have enough confidence in my writing skills to know what is and isn't good writing. I am a paid writer in the real world, which is to say I've met at least one editor's expectations.

Stories that represent "good writing" are based on conflict and suspense -- and your story lacks in both of those areas. What I don't know is if you were trying to reach the standard of "good writing". If you weren't, Randalynn and I were, and are, wasting our time.

Everyone is welcome to write whatever they want, in whatever way they want, on Big Closet. That is truly a wonderful atmosphere. I have offered help to dozens of writers here and many have taken that advice and become better at their craft because of it. My intentions are not to prove to you that I'm better than you. I simply have acquired a certain skill set that might, or might not, help you achieve your goals. My success ratio in approaching and actually helping writers is about 50%. About half are writing for reasons other than learning how to express their thoughts better in story. What your reasons for writing are doesn't really matter.

An attitude that rejects offered help out of hand without so much as "thanks for the effort" -- does matter. You might want to think about that.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

The Wimps of Femdom

erin's picture

Some of the most popular femdom authors are accused of writing heroes who are wimps. It's one of the forms of the sub-genre.

No author has to take help on offer. Nor does any author who has reason to perceive their story and their writing to be under attack need to feel pressured for rejecting such help.

Yes, Angela is correct that good writing has certain requirements. But genre writing is genre writing in part because the forms of the genre are to a certain extent violating the standards of good writing. In romance novels, the heroine and hero MUST have a happy ending; if they don't, it's not a romance novel, it may be something else and a good story but it isn't a romance novel. In a detective novel, the crime MUST be solved -- otherwise, it may be suspense but it isn't a detective novel. Westerns have their forms and so do science fiction and fantasy. Even bestsellers are a genre and have their forms and conventions that in some part prevent them from being good literary fiction.

If you find Angela's advice, and Randalyn's, useful you would be wise to take it. They are both very good writer's and know what they are talking about. They may have their prejudices against your chosen forms and conventions, Randalynn certainly seems to, but they have insights and knowledge that could help any writer.

Take what you can use and if you don't feel they were gracious in offering it, well, that may be your problem and not theirs. :) Same goes for my advice.

As for your story, I still haven't read it. No one has said you can't spell or construct grammatical sentences, so I suspect you are all right on those things. Several people have expressed enjoyment and at least one person seems to have been deeply touched by your story, it resonates for her with things in her own life.

And, you've inspired two different authors to offer you some advice.

That's one in the win column in my book.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Extremely Triggering

Seeing him, I could not do. What would I have done? Maybe, I'd have called the Salvation Army and contributed toward his recovery?

What is the huge big fat hairy deal?

I agree 100% dad could leave at any time, knowing a fair amount about homeless people it is likely he will be back on the streets at some point anyway. He is a user, cheater, and an angry and apparently hateful man. I don't have any problem with the story. Why don't those who think they are the arbiters of all Fem Dom go to a discussion board somewhere else? I don't remember him being strapped into the chair.

His main crime is in totally forsaking his role as a father and husband. My impression is that he has forsaken most of that which makes us uniquely human as well.

Don't worry Wendy I liked the story for what it was and have met my share of men that this transformation would mean a definite improvement.

Hugs, Kristi

Kristi Lynne Fitzpatrick

John belated jumps into Angela and Randalynn infested waters ...

-- snicker --

I must admit I was loath to comment at first.

Most of the arguments for and against the actions/motivations/lack of motivations etc of the characters have been well put forth but I really can’t resist putting my two cents in. One, I agree with the premise the author is King or Queen of their *kingdom* thus attacks on authors are not fair, plus it’s just plain rude. Personally I am more the benevolent dictator for life type myself but I don’t mind a good whack on the side of the head with a two by four when it helps improve my scrubbings.

As this is a very short story the author does not have the luxury of time to gradually develop his main characters motivations. By necessity a story this brief will likely have a fair number of unanswered questions. So long as the major points at covered or at least hinted at, the reader can fill in the gaps.

I find my self leaning several ways in regards to the story, which I attribute to the power of it. About the only complaint I have is I wish there were more paragraph breaks as they ease reading on a screen. Part of my brain cheered at the uncaring, crude father’s comeuppance at the hand of his long suffering son. At the same time I cringed as the son appeared to sink to or even surpass his father’s abuse/uncaring attitude. That you got various parts of my mind to *war* with each other is a good sign. Despite any technical glitches in your writing you produced something powerful enough to garner this considerable response. The fictitious people you created may come off as flawed even nasty people but that is a tribute to the passion you put into your writing. You made us see them as real, however briefly and that shows talent. In other words the characters elicited our strong responces because of their believable flaws, fjust as real life people are flawed.

Please do write more. You have a wealth of hints from us *pushy* readers to help you make your *voice* clearer to us readers. My best tip is give the reader the motivations of your key characters, it makes reading and understanding a story so much easier. And take the assistance of any or several of the helpful people here with the technical side of writing – IE form, grammar, spelling and posting, it will improve the experience for the reader. It has done wonders for me, believe me.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Did everyone actually read the story that commented

If you remember dad came to son. Dad was destitute and he was asking for money. The thing the son could have done was give him a few dollars and turn him back to the streets, that would have been the revenge. However ;the son offered his dad employment. He told him there were requirements to work for him. Dad could have said no.
I don't see the son as doing anything debasing. Maybe deep inside dad was jealous that his son felt comfortable as a sissy. Dad was a womanizer, no scruples and certainly did not support the son in his endeavors as he grew up.
Dad succumbed to what was required. He did not fight the five step process. He did not refuse to get dressed in the new clothes. No one was forced into any position they were in.
I think dad got his just rewards for ignoring the people in his life that were important to him.
He mocked his son whenever he had an opportunity. The finality is he did not resist the changes made so he could earn aliving.

Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow

Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.

sondom humiliation

re: cruelty -

Like father, like son.

re: sissy -

Like son, like father.

Interesting characters .. I'd like to see a sequel, maybe told from dad's point-of-view.

Revenge is never sweet

I felt the story was written well, but disagree with the primary premise.

For all the wrong things that the father did, your protagonist lost all my sympathy for any cruelty committed by the father. In my mind the son is now no better than the father, and maybe even worse, since he was making a conscious effort to humiliate his father. The father clearly had been rightfully punished in life for his wrongdoing. While I would have liked the son to take the high road, since he was presented as a humane person, he has shown himself to be as cruel as the father.

Yes and No

For me, there’s an immense difference between nastiness and deliberate nastiness. There are some people who for whatever reason are abusive, unkind, bullying and a whole lot of other words. Much of their nastiness is an overflow of their nature. Much of what they do isn’t planned at all. They just enjoy their power to hurt, main, damage, destroy.

Separately, there are those who for a specific reason deliberately plan a nasty, unkind, abusive event with the specific intent of causing pain, distress and genuine hurt with little or no remorse on their part.

Those who do feel remorse (at the time or soon after) , I’m not sure I have great sympathy for unless they change their ways and don’t do it again to anybody ever – and they do their utmost to repair the damage they caused.

The high-level psychopath who has no empathy and who has no concept of guilt or remorse – I have to put them into a separate box (hopefully very far away)

In this story – the father was massively incompetent (but that should not necessarily be a punishable offence). The son found himself in a position of power and, by the story’s own heading of femdom & humiliation, did humiliate the father. Under some duress, the father agreed to the terms offered and they were indeed humiliating. Using Bruce Forsythe’s catchphrases ‘Didn’t they do well? NO – neither of them; ‘Is the Price Right’ – I’m not sure.

Anyway, thanks for the story. And I hope the comments encourage you to write more.
AP
This story obviously hits some buttons - it has had more comments than most stories here !!!!!!