Charlotte’s Tale–part 22
by Angharad

I had thought if I kept quiet, Mrs Appleby would forget about me singing in assembly, alas she didn't. I found later that both she and Mrs Edmonds the headmistress, had memories of which an elephant might be proud. So about a month later, I had several practice sessions with Mrs Appleby on the Rutter Pie Jesu, she was much tougher than Mr King ever was, and then I had to sing it in assembly. I was like a jelly, it would point me out as being different which was the last thing I needed, but after assembly loads of girls came up to me and told me they wished they could sing like me. Suzy was especially effusive in her praise telling me quietly that no boy could sing like me. I didn't argue with her even though I could, it would serve no purpose would it and she was trying to tell me that she completely accepted me as another girl. She is still my best friend and she has found a group of girls who like girls and seems to be growing in confidence.

I still train with Mr King and Miss Daws for concerts and things provided I do equal amounts of practice with Mrs Appleby, the upshot is I get singing tuition twice as often as before and I would say my singing is even better than it was. I won a prize in one concert I did, it was presented by the Charlotte Church who told me quietly, "Keep in touch I may know an agent who can help you." We exchanged email addresses and she's already told me I was probably better at my age than she was. That is quite a compliment.

So what happened to Jane? I don't know the fine detail only what I pick up and what Mummy tells me. It seems she was running a group of twenty girls mainly and the odd boy, who was shoplifting to order, she had a fence who would pay her and shift the goods they stole. They all received cautions except Jane and the fence woman, who had a couple of second-hand and discount-type stores, which was how she shifted the stuff. Of course she tried to wriggle out of it by say she bought things from all sorts of people like a pawn shop, I always thought porn was about dirty pictures of nude women or doing naughty things with men, I didn't know it was about buying things from people who were on their uppers.

Anyway, Jane was given a psychological assessment and she tried umpteen times to say I was the one needing assessment and I was the brains behind it all. Simon and his mother gave evidence against her and my mum was brilliant in defending me against her slurs. Apparently, she has a personality disorder, where she dissociates from other people and feels justified in manipulating them or exploiting them. She is quite bright but ruthless.

I became quite scared that once she got out of wherever they sent her she'd try to do me some harm and reading that trans girls are quite frequently attacked and murdered, made me doubly scared. Suzy was helpful and kept me calm, she also told my mum and she reassured me that it was quite rare and that no one would know I wasn't a natural girl.

We go to visit Dad's grave about once a month and take flowers or a plant to leave there, I also tell him about what I've been up to in school or with my singing. I know he's not there really, just a pile of ashes that he once was, but it helps me with my grief. Sometimes I go on my own and once or twice Suzy has come with me. She very kindly offered to share her own dad, he's a lovely man and he's told me to come and see him if I ever need to talk about anything.

I asked Suzy why she was in Jane's circle, she told me she wasn't because she had refused to break the law too, but she felt it was better to try and stay close to the monster and hopefully be able to react to any provocations that Jane made. She liked to have Suzy around because her liking other girls made her vulnerable and Jane liked to tease her about her sexual orientation a little like she did with me and my gender difference.

I am at last under the care of a psychiatrist who specialises in gender confusion, she's Dr Henley and is an Aussie. She referred me to a paediatrician who said my testes had to go as they were precancerous. Of course, the C word frightened Mummy and me and I had them removed. The doctor then told me as I was without a source of hormones, I'd need to have them prescribed, agonagle or something, means my testosterone source has gone, which means I am only taking a small dose of hormones, the same as a girl my age would naturally produce. Since they've been gone my boobs have grown much quicker and the nipples are bigger and darker and my hips are a bit wider, so my bum is bigger too. The doctor suggested I'd have breasts like any normal fifteen-year-old. I really need to wear a bra now like most other girls, Suzy thinks they look lovely but I try not to take any notice of her because I never know when she's just ribbing me or actually fancies me.

Simon did well in his GCSEs despite spending more time with me than his books, we are both very fond of each other. I know they say that teen romances don't last, but we're still together. I know he goes with his mum to see Jane now and again but we never talk about it. Mum talks to his mum occasionally so she keeps up to date about her. She was sent to a children's mental health facility and is supposed to be receiving some therapy, it's a secure unit and she received an18-months sentence. Simon doesn't think it's long enough but I hope they can help her. Despite what she threatened to do to us, I try not to bear any malice, especially if she was ill. Suzy is like Simon saying that she was evil and should be locked up for years. I don't know how long Suzy suffered at her hands, but she hasn't forgiven her, neither has Simon she really messed with him, thank goodness he was relatively unaffected, but he still hates her and any attempt to get him to talk about it, he refuses and changes the subject. Something I have learned is that girls talk, sometimes cattily, boys bottle things up. I used to do that but now I share with my friends.

Our school choir has come on in leaps and bounds since my solo in assembly, they all want to copy me and while most can't sing very well, there are one or two who can carry a tune and their enthusiasm rubs off on the others

I still don't like Chemistry but neither do lots of girls, double maths is still a life-shortening event, a study in tedium, but I learn enough to get by. Simon is good at maths so he often coaches me when I can't understand something, he demands payment in kisses, which is a price I'm happy to pay.

You're probably wondering about Daisy, the one who had a gardening accident, courtesy of Suzy. Her position was a little different to everyone else as she had originally been recruited with blackmail by Jane, but had then gone on to assist Jane even when she knew that Jane was compromising people. She claims she tried to stop Jane, but if she did I have yet to find anyone who saw or heard it. She got a suspended sentence and a hundred hours of community service, which she mainly did by helping elderly people in care homes. I hope they checked their purses after she been to visit - actually, I expect she would have been strictly supervised so temptation from the dark side shouldn't happen. She was also banned from communicating with Jane. She came back to school but within a fortnight she'd left and gone to a private school in the area. I haven't seen her since, not that I'd go looking for her anyway, she was a nasty piece of work so the further away she is the better. We think she left because a lot of girls were pointing at her and either laughing or talking in hushed voices.

The scandal was never raised officially so all we had was rumours which varied from Jane being sent away for years to hearing one of her victims had done away with her. I knew a bit more but told no one but Suzy. If the other victims were as afraid of her as me, the last thing they'd have done was kill her, she was too scary to confront. If she killed them, that would have been more likely, I really do think she was twisted somewhere and in trying to see it as an illness or a psychological problem I tried not to feel any malice towards her, actually it was more fear, I spoke to Dr Henley about her, who described the condition in medical terms and said it sounded like a personality disorder which are very difficult to treat, in which case she could be under treatment for years. All I know is she used loads of long words, many ending in ism and which lost me halfway through the subject. I thanked her but was little the wiser except learning that Jane was possibly incurable, meaning that she'd always be a threat to me and to Simon as well. Then I thought of how her mum must be suffering because this was the second time she'd caused trouble. Her mum had always been nice to me so I liked her. I felt for her though and suspected her husband may spend a bit more time with her and less time away giving her some support. Simon did say something about it but I was more interested in kissing his lips than hearing him talk.

We had a small wobble when his headmaster caught him walking me through my old school. He disapproved of me and of my relationship with Simon. He called him in the next day and told him that he didn't think it was appropriate for him to be dating me, another boy. Simon told him to get stuffed and that I was girl, and he'd date who he liked. The head threatened to suspend him for subordination. Simon told me and he was really upset about it. I told Mum who spoke to her friends on the board of governors. The headmaster was censured and one of them threatened to report him for transphobia, which could be seen as a hate crime, it was also seen as him interfering in a student's private life and censured for that too.

Apparently, 'Old fart face,' took early retirement feeling that his position with the governors was untenable, when Mum told me I almost offered to sing at his leaving do, she laughed but told me, no.

Mum was asked to go back to sit as a magistrate, thought long and hard before she went back and then it wasn't to the children's bench, which is the hardest of the various courts they hold and has the highest rates of burnout. She said she had done her stint before so they left her alone. She is a director of the company my dad founded so she has plenty to keep her busy, plus me of course, and my singing career. We live with the fact that anyone could reveal my origins to the press, but it's not as big an issue as it used to be, but that could change so we play it by ear.

So that's where I am, still singing, still dating Mr Wonderful, well, he tells me he is, and I have no complaints. School is okay, I suppose, except bloody chemistry, and we have to consider what subjects we might take for A level. Not chemistry but I may do English and French and of course music, Mrs Appleby, wants me to do it and to try to get to a music academy or even somewhere like Oxford who do degrees in music for sopranos - now that is worth thinking about or turning pro. Well, I must go as Suzy and I are going shopping then I'm meeting up with Simon and he's taking me to the cinema, apparently there's a new Tom Cruise film showing, he likes the action scenes and I just think TC is in very good shape for an old man and is nice to look at and I've been asked to take part in a Vivaldi concert, so I have a new piece to learn, prefer Handel myself, but it's good to put yourself about, oh, not in that sense, duh.

Anyway, watch this space you never know I might be asking you to buy my records before too long. Byee.