Sometime later, one of the staff arrived with the news that our dinner was ready, and that signaled an end to our time out in the garden, and not a moment too soon.

Aaron wheeled my father back indoors followed closely by the rest of the family.

"Jess?" I called out to her as we approached the house's entrance.

"Yes?"

"I hate to bother you again but could you help me watch Jackson?" I asked, "I need to make a call"

"Oh sure thing" she answered, "Come on, sweetie," she said after turning to him with a smile.

He'd been quiet since finishing his meal, too quiet. I was worried about him and knew I'd have to talk to him when we were alone. But now, there was only one person I desperately needed to talk to.

"It's okay, go with her" I urged him along even though he looked reluctant to leave my side. "I'll be with you soon, okay?"

Slowly, he parted from me and walked up to meet Jess who gave me one last reassuring smile.

When I was alone, I took several steps away from the house and made sure I was out of earshot before dialing his number. The phone dialed twice before there was a click.

"Hey baby" I heard his deep voice over the phone and immediately felt weak, "Sorry I haven't called, I've been putting things in order before taking my leave from work"

"It's okay," I said weakly.

"How's the family?" he asked.

We'd talked for a bit that morning just after I landed but hadn't had the chance to talk since arriving at the house.

"They're fine" I answered while pacing around.

"That's good, that's good" he replied simply. I could tell he was busy or at least very distracted and didn't have to wait long to get confirmation of that.

"Hey uh," he continued, "I still have some things to wrap up so maybe I can call you later tonight? I haven't even packed yet" he laughed.

I forced a laugh as well although it sounded awkward even to my ear.

"You know me, I'm useless about that sort of thing" he added.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked me. It may have only been a simple question but something about his voice and his tone was enough to put a crack in the dam I'd built up to keep my emotions in check.

I sniffed and the next thing I knew, tears were rolling down my cheek.

"I'm fine," I said through the tears fooling no one.

"Baby," he said again. His voice only made me cry harder. "Tell me what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, I know you're busy. We can talk later" I wiped some of the tears with my free hand.

"Stop, stop, just tell me what's going on? Why are you crying?"

"It's just--" My voice trailed away, "It's just--"

"Ruth, what is it?" he asked softly.

"They hate me" I answered and the tears flowed freer.

"What did they say?" he asked. Even over the phone, I could hear the anger in his voice. "Where's Jackson?"

"He's fine," I shook my head even though he couldn't see me, "I would never let anything happen to him" I voiced eagerly.

"Baby, I know, that's not--" He paused, "I'm going to try to find a flight leaving this evening, let me call you back"

"No, don't, I don't even want you to come here anymore" I quickly stopped him, "I'll just come back home. I'm sorry I made you waste your vacation days"

"What about the funeral?" He asked.

I shrugged, "Matty didn't care about the funeral. He wanted me to give my family a second chance and I've done that"

"Okay" Tom replied and that was that.

I was leaving. I'd given it a decent shot and it hadn't worked out. I could go once and for all with a clean conscience.

'Matty, are you watching? I tried' I thought to myself.

"Baby, how about this?" Tom continued, "I could come meet you there and we could fly somewhere else together. I have all these vacation days saved up, we might as well use it"

I perked up. The idea of Tom, Jackson and I going somewhere as a family sounded perfect and was a much-needed stress relief.

"That sounds nice," I informed him, "Where were you thinking?"

"Italy?" he asked.

I shook my head again, "I'm thinking somewhere a bit more tropical"

"We'll figure it out, don't worry" he assured me.

I smiled. It sounded nice and was just what I needed, somewhere I could relax and let loose and not worry about being judged.

"I can't wait," I told him.

"Me neither"

"I can't wait till you get here. I miss you so much"

"I miss you too, baby"

"It's just two days" I did my best to psych myself up, "I can do this"

"You could always just go to a hotel" Tom reasoned, "You don't have to stay there"

"Yeah I guess I could"

Jackson and I could leave tonight and never come back. I had been looking forward to seeing Rebecca again but I was sure she'd understand. Someday I'd make it up to her.

And considering everything, leaving was probably for the best. Matty would have an even more beautiful funeral without me there souring the mood for everyone. It was decided.

"I'll go pack," I said finally.

=^..^=

I walked back into my parent's house fully intending to make my way towards the dining room where I expected to find them but I was quickly drawn off-course by the sound of the children's laughter coming from the living room.

I followed the sound until I found them huddled together on the couch giggling at what must have been a very entertaining cartoon playing on the television.

Jess had passed on the task of watching them to one of the house helps who stood quietly in the corner ensuring they didn't get up to anything too mischievous.

It hurt a bit to drive a wedge between his relationship with his cousin with whom he'd become fast friends but it needed to be done.

I quietly stepped away and continued my journey towards the dining room. As I arrived, I found my parents sitting at the table with my brother, sister, and Jess preparing to be served dinner.

"Good, you're here" my mother called out to me, "You haven't eaten anything since you arrived, have you? Take a seat"

I took a step forward and cleared my throat before speaking, "Thanks, but actually, I'm leaving"

Leah rolled her eyes but didn't say anything.

"You're leaving?" my mother asked.

"I figure I'll go stay in a hotel tonight" I answered.

"And why would you do that?" My mother returned.

"Mum, let him leave if he wants" My brother chimed in.

"Aaron, stop" My mother quickly rebuked him, "Just sit down first and let's talk" she added turning back to me.

I remained standing in defiance. I had already made up my mind, I was just informing them as a courtesy.

"I just don't feel like I'm welcome here" I explained with my gaze locked on Aaron as I said the words, "The last thing I want to do is make anyone uncomfortable. Everyone is here for Matty's funeral and I don't want my presence to sour things, that's all"

"Umm-- Ruth--" my mother managed to force the word out, "We talked about it and we'll all try our best to be more understanding about your choices"

I sighed and looked away, under my breath, I said, "It's not a choice"

"Can you speak up?"

I could tell she was trying even though she was repeatedly getting it wrong and I was tired of arguing so I just said, "Nevermind"

"Will you sit down and eat with us?" My mother asked.

"Just let him go, Jesus Christ, mum!" Leah raised her voice, "Always the victim, aren't you? Well run away like you always do and this time, maybe don't come back".

I shook my head, I was tired. It had been enough, too much.

"I'll go pack" I announced, "Goodbye Mum and Dad," I said as I turned around.

"You're leaving now? Tonight?" My mother called out to me. "Your sister is on her way here and you're leaving without even seeing her? Are you even going to attend your brother's funeral? Why are you being so selfish? I didn't raise you like this"

"Selfish?" I turned around sharply and glared at her, "Selfish? You haven't said a single word to my son, your grandson, since we arrived. You've treated me like shit this whole time but I'm the selfish one?"

"I have not" my mother detested the statement, "I've only ever made it clear that I think you're making a mistake but despite that, I've always loved you and I still do. I just hate to see you throw your life away like this"

I felt like I was going crazy. Over and over again, we kept going around in circles and no matter what I said, she remained just as resolute in her stance. I imagined she thought the very same about me.

I hadn't come there to argue. I just wanted to say goodbye, but there we were, arguing again like we always did.

"Mum, I'm not throwing anything away" I replied letting my frustration show, "My life is great. I have an amazing husband who loves me and the most wonderful son anyone has ever had. Why can't you see that I have everything you could ever want for your child?"

My mother sat back in her chair and said no more. The silence that reigned over the entire dining room told me that the entire household must have heard our family business. I imagined I'd be a topic of conversation among the help tonight.

"At least stay the night," My mother said finally, "See your sister when she gets here. Lord knows she's been looking forward to it." My mother smiled.

There it was again. Just the mere thought of her was able to bring a smile to my mother's face. I was jealous.

"She brings you up every chance she gets" She continued, "We're having the party to celebrate Matthew's life tomorrow. You can leave after. I'll have one of the drivers take you wherever you want to go"

"Okay," I said simply. I just wanted out of the conversation at that point. I could handle one more party.

"Now please take a seat" she finished, "Let's have a nice dinner like a family"

=^..^=

I thoroughly ran a towel through Jackson's hair after his bath later that evening.

"There. Squeaky clean" I pinched his cheeks as soon as he was dry enough which caused him to giggle, "Go put on your underwear"

Jackson quickly ran over to the bed where I'd laid out his bedtime clothes.

"Do you need help with your pajamas?" I asked just as he finished with the underwear.

Jackson shook his head energetically. He'd grown very independent very quickly and many times, he'd even insisted he could bathe himself but I wasn't going to risk that. At least not for a couple more years.

He had the best traits of both Tom and Ashley. He was extremely intelligent and so very kind. I sometimes wondered whether Ashley would think I was doing okay raising him. Her parents didn't at first and had been openly opposed to my relationship with Tom and proximity to Jackson but thankfully, they'd come around some time ago.

Not that they had any say whatsoever. Tom was a perfectly capable parent so their initial threats to take Jackson away never held any water. That said, I'd always preferred to be Jackson's mother with Ashley's parents' support than without.

When he was finished, I retrieved his hairbrush and sat on the bed beside him.

"You know what time it is" I sang the words while waving the hairbrush.

Jackson groaned before moving to sit between my lap. I ran my free hand through his hair to feel for any tangles before I began with the brush.

"Mummy?" I heard his voice after a few passes with the hair brush.

"Yes, honey?" I replied.

"Are you sad?"

The question was enough to make me pause. It had been that sort of day but I'd been hoping he would have been oblivious to everything that happened. I wanted him to have no worries whatsoever, least of all for him to worry about me. I wanted him to be a kid for as long as he could be before he faced reality.

"I'm fine, baby" I resumed brushing his hair, "I just miss Daddy, that's all"

"Me too," He said and I could instantly hear the sadness in his voice.

"Would you like to talk to him?"

He turned around and showed me the brightest smile followed by a big nod.

"Go get my phone" I smiled back at him.

He quickly ran across the room and retrieved my phone from atop the table. I gently pinched his cheek before taking the phone and starting a video call with his father.

"There's my girl" That was the first thing he said as soon as he answered and saw me staring back through the camera.

After all this time, he still knew just the right things to say to get the butterflies in my tummy riled up.

"Hi," I said through my smile.

"Daddy!" Jackson shouted as he reached for the phone.

"Someone's eager to talk to you" I laughed.

"Big man!" Tom called out as Jackson appeared in front of the camera.

I just sat back and did my best to not get too emotional as Jackson told my husband about the day he'd had.

Jackson told him about his cousin and the ice cream he'd eaten and Tom reacted in that same goofy, exaggerated manner he always did.

I couldn't believe that those two were in my life. Sometimes it was hard to shake the feeling that I didn't deserve them. I could be paying back the debt to Ashley over many lifetimes and I still would never be able to entirely pay it off.

Those two went on with their conversation for so long that I had to step in. If I knew Tom, he still wouldn't have finished packing and I didn't want Jackson to keep him too long.

"Okay honey, let's allow Daddy to get back to work okay?" I stepped in.

"Okay," Jackson pouted.

"Be good okay, buddy?" Tom called out just before I retrieved the phone from my son, "Look after Mummy until I get there"

"You know how he gets on" I chastised Tom, "Don't let him keep you if you're busy"

"Look at that cute face, how can I stop him?" Tom asked with a smile.

"Yeah, just make me the bad guy"

He laughed. I paused for a bit before continuing, "We miss you"

"Likewise" he replied simply.

"I should put him to bed"

"Is that the hotel?" he asked.

I shook my head, "We'll go tomorrow"

"Okay" That was all he had to say on the matter and that was all I was willing to. I didn't want to bring up everything that had happened especially in front of Jackson.

"I love you," Tom said finally.

"I love you too".

I hung up the phone and just sat there biting my fingernails and blushing like an idiot.

It had been way too many weeks and my body yearned for his. I yearned for the way his strong arms would wrap around me and his smell as he would hug me tightly. I wanted nothing more than the taste of his lips and the feel of his beard.

The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing as Jackson disappeared through it broke me from my trance.

"Young man, bed now!" I called out to him.

"I wanna pee"

"Do you need help?"

"I'm okay" he called back.

"Don't fall in" I laughed.

"Okay," His adorable voice never failed to bring a smile to my face.

A few moments later, he was exiting the bathroom with a proud smile proving that he didn't need my help.

"I did it," he said as he climbed into bed.

"Good boy" I flashed him my own proud smile. While it was amazing that he was growing up and needed my help less and less, it was still a bit sad that he was no longer my little baby who cried for me at every tiny inconvenience.

I tucked him beneath the covers and kissed his forehead, "Good night, baby. I'll join you soon, okay?"

"Okay. Good night, Mummy"

With that, I stepped away, turned off the lights, and went down to join the rest of my family in waiting for Rebecca to come home.

The car my mother had sent for her had already picked her up so her arrival would be any moment now.

As I joined them in the living room, I could only pray for an end to the arguing, at least for tonight.

=^..^=

If you had taken a picture of my family sitting in the living room that night with somber expressions as we waited for Rebecca versus the expressions on everyone's faces as she came screaming through the front door, you'd have had proof of just how much of a firework my sister actually was.

She squealed the entire way from the front door and into our midst then tossed her bag on a nearby couch. From the looks of it, I could tell it had to have been insanely expensive.

That was one of the ways Rebecca and I differed among our many similarities. My sister was not shy about spending money, whether it be hers or our father's.

"Mama!" She made a beeline and enveloped my mother in a hug while she still sat. My mother beamed with such joy.

"Welcome home, dear" My mother hugged her tightly and I wondered what that felt like.

"Daddy!" Rebecca screamed as she separated from our mother and made her way to our father sitting in his favourite chair.

She playfully raised her hand to him for a high five and then burst out laughing, "Sorry" she added as she went in for a hug.

"How are you, Princess?" My father forced the words out.

"Oh my God, so good. When I tell you--" she paused, "Later Daddy. I have gossip" She winked at him and I didn't even know that was a possible dynamic to have with my father of all people.

She turned to my brother and made a funny face, "A-Aaron"

"You play too much" he replied while trying and failing to suppress a smile.

"I know" she laughed, "Big sis, you are positively glowing. What is the skincare routine? The blood of innocents?"

Leah shook her head and shot Rebecca a glare.

Without warning, Rebecca ran across the room and threw herself in the chair beside me. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"Ruthie," She said in a sing-song voice, "Look at you!"

She leaned forward and began repeatedly kissing my forehead which made me squirm.

"Stop it" I groaned and for a second, I was the same person I was at ten being annoyed by her sister who laughed at her discomfort.

"Y'all, why is everyone so gloomy?" She asked the group, "Literally who died?"

"Rebecca!" My mother called her name in disbelief.

"Oh come on, Matty would have found that funny. You all are boring. Where's Jess? At least she has a sense of humor"

"Upstairs with the kids"

Rebecca frowned and said out loud, "Jess, save me from my boring family!"

"You're being very loud" Leah informed her.

"Oh my God, Tom and Jackson! Are they here?" Rebecca ignored her.

"Jackson's asleep upstairs" I answered, "Tom isn't here yet. His flight is tomorrow"

"He's asleep?" Rebecca complained, "Ugh I can't wait till tomorrow to see my man. Can I just take a peek? I'll be quiet" She put on an exaggerated pleading smile.

"Your-- husband is coming here?" I heard Aaron ask.

"Is that a problem?" I turned to him.

"Of course, it's not a problem" Rebecca interjected, "I can't wait to meet him"

"He's--" My mother began but quickly paused, "She's planning on leaving tomorrow. Tried to leave tonight even"

"Ruthie?" Rebecca asked confused, "No, that's ridiculous, SHE just got here" she stressed the words.

"I really am leaving tomorrow," I told Rebecca.

"Shh shh" My little sister shushed me and laughed away the idea, "No you're not. We have literally so much to do. Like so so much I don't think we're going to get it all done by the funeral"

"Rebecca--" I began but she quickly cut me off.

"Speaking of the funeral, I have this dress that I think would be so perfect for you to wear" She interrupted, "We might have to get it altered because you're a bit bustier than me which is super unfair if you ask me but whatever"

She laughed and she smiled and she was so animated.

She was what I imagined a truly happy person to be. I wondered if I might have grown up to be so charming if I'd been born a girl like she was.

Maybe if I didn't have to go through everything I did, I might have been more like her.

"Oh by the way, what are you wearing for the celebration tomorrow? We absolutely need to turn up" She smiled at me, "Leah, you too. You better not dress like a grandma"

"I-- never dress like a grandma" Leah protested.

"Right," Rebecca replied sarcastically. "Anyway, I desperately need a shower so I'm gonna go up. Who has my room key?" She turned to my mother.

"It's open, dear"

"I better not see a single one of my figures out of place. Anyway, see y'all in a bit" she called out after retrieving her handbag, "Oh my God guys, let's play a drinking game" she added as she made her way up the stairs.

I was so jealous of her.

=^..^=

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Another chapter down, how we liking it so far? Anything to improve? Anyway, thanks for reading as always. Leave a comment.