By Samantha Jenkins
Mom and I were driving down the road when I started to get nervous about seeing Dr. Franklin. Mom sensed this and patted my leg.
“Don’t worry sweetie.” Mom said. "Every thing will be alright." I smiled at her. "You have such a pretty smile, I've always thought that it looked more like your father's than my own. Are you aware that you look just like me when I was your age?" Mom asked, slowing the car to a stop at a traffic light.
"No, I didn't know that." I said, feeling my cheeks get warm because I was blushing. I turned and looked out the window.
"You blush easier than your sister." Mom said, with a giggle. "What's on your mind, other than seeing Dr. Franklin?" Mom asked. I just turned and looked at mom.
"I'm not sure." I said, turning and looking back out the window as mom got on the freeway. I had seen Dr. Franklin after dad died and had gotten to know her quite well. She had helped greatly then and I hoped that she would help now. “I guess I’m just worried about what Dr. Franklin is going to say about this. I mean, she saw me after dad died, and I seemed like a normal boy then, but I’ve not been a normal boy since well before that. Do you think that she picked up on that?” I asked, feeling a tear start to fall. “I’ve felt like I’m trapped in the wrong body since I was about ten. I’m not sure why, but I just feel that I should have been born a girl.” Mom just glanced over at me.
“I know sweetheart, I just want you to be happy, if that means that you have to become a girl to do it, then so be it. Your sister and I will support you every step of the way, and so will Katie.” Mom said. I started laughing. “What?”
“If I become a girl, you know have the surgery and every thing, will that make me a lesbian?” Mom just gave me a funny look and then started laughing her self. “Well, it’s an honest question.” I said.
“I know. it’s just the thought of my daughter, who used to be my son, being a lesbian...” Mom let the thought trail off as she turned into the parking lot of the building that housed Dr. Franklin’s office. When she stopped the car and shut it off, I realized that I hadn’t brought my purse with us.
“Mom, I forgot my purse at home.” Mom just looked at me and smiled.
“Your purse should be the one thing you don’t leave the house with out, young lady.” She said as we got out of the car. “I doubt you’ll need it for any thing right now, but make it a habit to grab it when ever you leave the house.” Mom stopped and opened up the door so that we could go into the building. I walked in and then pushed the button that would take us up on the elevator, which opened, so I stepped inside and held the door open so that mom could board the elevator. Mom pushed the button for the sixth floor and the doors closed and the elevator rose to the sixth floor. When the doors opened, we stepped out and walked up to a door that was labeled ‘Julie Franklin, PH.D” I took a deep breath and opened up the door. The receptionist glanced up as the bell on the door rang when I opened it. She smiled at me, I smiled back.
“Good afternoon,” Mom said. “I’m Jackie Smith, and my son Josh has a two pm appointment with Dr. Franklin.” The receptionist looked at me and then raised her eyebrows. She looked down at the appointment book and then looked at mom, grabbed some papers and a clipboard and handed them to mom.
“I need all of this filled out and Dr. Franklin will probably take Josh back before you get it all filled out, but that’s fine.” She said. She smiled at me. “Things have changed for you since the last time I saw you, you don’t look any thing like you did then. You may even confuse Dr. Franklin.” She said with a giggle. I blushed again and smiled at her, and then went to go sit next to mom, who had started filling out the paperwork. The door that went back to where Dr. Franklin’s office was opened and Dr. Franklin looked around the waiting room.
“Jackie, I thought this appointment was for Josh.” She said. Mom and I both smiled.
“I’m here, Julie.” I said, causing Dr. Franklin to do a double take and the receptionist to giggle again. Dr. Franklin shot her receptionist a look.
“Come on back.” Julie Franklin said, sweeping her hand toward the office and consulting areas that were behind the door. Once the door going into the waiting area was closed Julie led the way to her office.
“What do you want me to call you?” She asked as we entered her office.
“Morgan.” I said, sitting down on the couch, Dr, Franklin sat in the chair that faced the couch. As I sat I smoothed my skirt, Dr. Franklin noticed and made some notes on a notepad that was sitting on her desk.
“Ok, Morgan, what seems to be going on?” She asked. “I see how your dressed and assume that has something to do with why you are here today.” I nodded and started at the beginning.
“When I was about ten, I started feeling that I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. I tried to ignore the feelings as much as I could but it always bothered me when I would see a girl at school wearing a cute dress, or a skirt. I wished that I was her and that I could always wear a skirt with out any one saying any thing. When I was twelve, my dad died in a car accident, which you know about; well around one month after his sudden passing, I snuck a dress of Jennifer’s out of her room and put it on.” I paused and took a drink of water. Dr. Franklin stopped writing and looked at me. “Mom caught me in the dress and ‘punished’ me by making me wear the dress the next day. What mom didn’t realize was that it wasn’t a punishment, but that I enjoyed wearing the dress that day. Around a year later we had a play at school, When no girls had auditioned for the female lead role, I persuaded Mrs. Cartwright to allow me to take the lead role and do it even though I was a boy. She allowed me to do it and as a result I got to live as a girl for the month leading up to the play, That was one of the happiest months of my life. I’ve dressed up off and on since then, usually going into Jen’s closet and wearing her stuff because we are the same size, and on Friday, I decided that it was time to get caught.” I paused and took a drink of water again. Dr. Franklin just kept writing on her notepad. “Jen has a pair of boots that have some straps on them that lock shut, well I put on a pink pleated skirt, black turtleneck, a pair of black tights, and the boots. I knew that Katie had the keys to the boots so I locked them. Mom decided that I needed to be punished for wearing Jen’s clothes, yet again, so she told me that I had to dress as a girl at least for this weekend, with today ending the period that I have to dress in skirts. Mom gave Jen some money and told her to take me shopping, which she did. While we were shopping, I tried to sneak a pair of pants in with every thing that we were buying and that added time to my punishment. I’m up to spending the next five months like this, but I don’t’ want it to end after that, I don’t want to have to go back to dressing in boring boy’s clothes. I want to be a girl.” Dr. Franklin stopped writing and looked at me.
“So this is a punishment, but it’s not because you feel that you should be dressing this way anyway, right?” She said. I nodded.
“Yes, Mom told me that I could dress how I wanted to dress today. She laid out two outfits, one was a boy’s outfit consisting of a pair of khaki slacks and a grey polo, and the other a girls outfit consisting of what I’m wearing. You can see which choice I made. Give me a choice between a skirt or dress versus a pair of pants and the skirt or dress will win hands down.” I said. Dr. Franklin looked at me.
“Ok, I don’t need you to show me, but are you wearing boys or girls undergarments?” She asked. I smiled and she scribbled something else on her notepad.
“Girls, it would feel weird to wear boys underwear with a skirt.” I said.
“Tell me about your friends.” Dr. Franklin said.
“Well, I’d have to say that my best friend is Katie Richardson,” I said. “She would be the same Katie that had the keys to the locks on the boots. I learned that she has been throwing signals my way for a while, trying to let me know that she was interested in a relationship with me. I’ve thought about it before but approaching girls for that kind of relationship has never been easy for me. but I’m not attracted to guys either.” More scribbling on the notepad, and then flipping a sheet. “It seems to me that I hang out with the girls more than I do the guys. I know that all of the girls were supportive of me taking the lead female role in the play and I know more than a few that were jealous because they thought that I looked better than them. I mainly hang out with girls at lunch, and Jen and I get along more like sisters would rather than brother and sister. When I was younger I always envisioned my self as the damsel in distress.” I took another drink of water. Dr. Franklin just scribbled some more and looked up when I hadn't said any thing for a few minutes. I had never realized how distressed that I actaully was with the situation. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Dr. Franklin handed me a tissue. I wiped the tears from my face. "I don't want to have to
go back to being a boy." I said.
"Morgan, can you go sit in consultation room two, while I look some stuff up and talk to your mom?" I nodded, thinking that Dr. Franklin knew that I was off my rocker and that she was going to have me committed. I got up and walked into the room labeled 'Consult 2,' not realizing that the room had video cameras and also contained a lot of toys. Most were for kids much younger than my self, but not all. I found a puzzle and decided that I would start putting it together. Mom and Dr. Franklin went into the room next to consult two and watched me putting the puzzle together on a video monitor. The puzzle I had selected was a ‘my little pony’ puzzle that had been in the office for quite some time.
“Jackie.” Dr. Franklin began, “My preliminary diagnoses is that Morgan has something called Gender Identity Disorder. I’m going to write notes for the school, so that she can attend as she is and use the girls rest rooms, locker rooms, etcetera. I want her to live full time as a girl for the next five months, and I want her to keep a diary, She is only allowed to wear girls clothing and I want to see her every two weeks for the foreseeable future.” Mom nodded and glanced at the monitor again.
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