Fancy A Bite?

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She was really pretty and I could feel a bit of a twitch in my pants.

Fancy A Bite?

By Susan Brown


 
 

She was really pretty and I could feel a bit of a twitch in my pants.

The music was loud and the cola I was drinking tasted flat and seemed to have been mixed with water.

I tried to appear cool, but it was hard. Here was I, a 14-year-old going to the school disco for the very first time, worrying about the pimples and spots that had begun to erupt on my face and whether the looks I was getting from the other partygoers was contempt or just pity.

She looked at me and smiled. I carefully glanced behind me to make sure that there wasn’t anyone else behind that she might be smiling at, but no, just little me.

As I said, the music was loud–dance stuff. I hadn’t thought about dancing ’cause I’ve got two left feet, so I was just propping up the wall, watching the other kids gyrating to the bomp, bomp, bomp of the music.

She was still staring at me, her little black dress barely covering her essentials. Her long black hair shone in the flashes of the strobe lights and her beautiful face was still smiling at me. Then she lifted her eyebrows slightly. Did she want me to leave the safety of my wall and go to her?

I wasn’t good with girls and had never had any sort of relationship with one. ‘Oh?’ I hear you say scornfully. All right, some of the others in my year were veterans at this kind of thing but I was shy, introverted, small, and had just moved here from another school that thought bullies should be praised rather than punished.

It wasn’t my fault that I was rubbish at sports. I preferred to read, play chess and mess about with computers–how nerdy is that?

Was she waving at me to go to her?

Once again I glanced behind me and just saw the pale green of the wall covering. It must be me. I had another swig of tepid, watered-down cola then took a deep breath and choked–it’s not a good idea to breathe in mid-swallow.

After a moment’s pause, during which I coughed several times, I regained my breath again; I hesitantly strolled over to her. Maybe she had forgotten her contacts and as I get nearer, she might scream or, even worse, laugh.

As I made my way through the heaving, jiggling, wiggling masses, I wondered what I should say, maybe ‘Hi, babe, how ya doin?’ No, too common and anyway I speak proper English. Should I say, ‘What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?’

That sounded stupid and obvious. By now I had arrived and was wondering if I had cleaned my teeth properly before coming out and also if my breath smelt okay. As for my pimples, I just did not want to go there.

I just said, ’hi,’ and hoped that my dental and facial issues were not going to be a problem.

‘Hello, Stewart, isn’t it?’

She knows my name–wow!

‘Y—Yes.’

‘I’m Clarissa.’

N—nice name.’

‘Thanks, so’s yours.’ She said with a smile that lit up the dance floor, ‘Want to dance?’

I just nodded and we went to the centre of the dance floor and started waving our arms and legs about. I was jerky like one of those Japanese robots you sometimes see on the techie shows, but she seemed to be made of rubber–fluid rubber and she swayed her hips and did things that would be illegal in certain countries.

I began to relax. No one was paying any attention to us, maybe everyone was caught up with the dancing and the music and the moving…

Then things slowed down and I found that she had her arms around me and I had my hands on her slim, lithe hips. We didn’t talk. I felt a bit numb to be honest, not quite sure why I couldn’t say a word to the vision so close to me. She put her head on my shoulder and I could smell the sweetness of her silky hair and a fragrance from her warm, oh-so-close body, it all seemed almost overpowering.

The song finished and she smiled at me. ‘Want to go outside for a breath of fresh air?’

Looking into her deep green eyes I didn’t hesitate. ‘Yes.’ I whispered or was that whimpered?

She took my hand and we left the dance floor. People were still not taking any notice of us and that was a shame, because walking hand in hand with a gorgeous girl would do my street cred–which was zero at the moment–no harm at all.

Her hand felt cool as she gripped mine with a strength that was unexpected but it seemed like she just didn’t want to let go of me. I had no argument with that. Stepping outside, we went round the side of the gym where the dance was taking place and over to the cricket pavilion where there were benches to sit on. It was warm out there and the stars shone. There was a full moon and that helped light up the way to where she was taking me.

I tried to say something but couldn’t for some reason. But it didn’t worry me; nothing did as she led me across the soft grass to the seats.

We sat on the bench and then without much thought, I found myself in her arms. I was a bit fuzzy by now and wondered if my cola had been spiked or something. Surely she should be in my arms?

Looking up at her juicy red lips and her two cute cusped incisors peeking out from under those full, red lips, I couldn’t resist her. I closed my eyes and our lips met, our mouths opened and lips entwined. I felt a slightly salty taste in my mouth and swallowed–it tasted like blood; she jumped slightly and yelped and then I could feel one of her teeth scratch my tongue. I wondered vaguely why her teeth would be so sharp, but I was still hazy and not quite in control. That drink must have been spiked, I thought hazily but not caring very much.

Our lips parted and she gazed at me longingly. ‘You’re nice, Stewart, and you taste–really good.’

I looked into her liquid eyes and just smiled.

I noted in a rather detached way that her cusped teeth had grown longer and were sharp, protruding further from her mouth. I wasn’t worried for some reason and just accepted it; she was so pretty and her mouth looked red and lovely…

‘Just relax, my sweet, this won’t hurt.’

She moved my head to the side and then her lips touched my neck at the side. I felt twin pricks, but she was right it didn’t hurt a bit. I could feel her sucking at my neck and wondered sleepily if this might be what a love bite was. She stayed there for some time and I closed my eyes. I felt very drowsy and relaxed. I could still smell her hair and scent and it was so very wonderful–

After an age, she lifted her head and looked at me. He mouth had some blood on it which she wiped away with her hand. Her sharp teeth were no longer visible and she had a frown on her face and was breathing heavily.

‘Erm, you’re still awake.’

I was coming out of my dream now and feeling a bit more awake. I felt my neck and couldn’t feel any bite marks or anything–funny that.

I sat up, admittedly feeling light headed but coming around a bit more.

‘W…what happened?’

She looked at me and was a bit upset. ‘I am soooo much in trouble.’

‘Why.’

‘You should be in la-la land and when you woke up; you wouldn’t remember any of this.’

‘Any of what?’

She was feeling her bottom lip and winced slightly.

‘Oh hell!’

‘What Clarissa, I don’t understand.’

‘Shut up a minute, I need to think.’

She looked at me, her eyes, less liquid, more piercing now.

‘When we kissed, did you taste anything?’

‘Like what? You tasted lovely, I’ve never French kissed before–’

‘Yes, yes, but did you taste anything sort of different?’

‘Well, come to think about it, you sort of went ouch, I thought it was an ouch but as you had your mouth full–sort of, I’m not sure; then I had this salty taste like when I clean my teeth and catch my gum, you know–blood.’

She sat down on the bench and held her head. I was now fast coming out of the fog I had been in and began to wonder what all this was about and then there were her retractable teeth…

‘Clarissa?’

She looked up. ‘What?’

‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’

‘I–you–well. Oh hell, I can’t handle this. I have to make a call.’ She took her mobile out of her shoulder bag and speed dialled someone.

I sat there feeling a bit weird, to tell you the truth, my insides seemed to be a bit queasy and I was aching a bit all over. I wondered if I was catching the flu or something; what was it horse flu…pig flu. budgie flu? I shook my head. I was rambling now and my hands were shaking.

‘’Hi, Auntie Mara, we have a problem–code red.’

‘Mmm…yes…okay, right. It’s a he…erm, he tasted my blood…I know, I got carried away, he is rather nice you know!’

She moved away and carried on talking, leaving me feeling a bit better at being called, ‘rather nice.’

A few minutes later, she came back.

‘When are you due back home?’

I looked at my watch and was surprised that it was half past ten. ‘Mum’s picking me up at eleven.’

She handed me her phone. ‘Ring her and say you’re sleeping over at a friend’s house.’

‘I am? Wow.’ I said enthusiastically, ‘but you’re a girl.’

‘And what’s wrong with girls?’ she said tapping her foot on the ground.

‘N—nothing it’s just that mum will ask and if I say a girl she might not think it’s right or, maybe, even believe me.’

‘Mmm, you have a point. Right ring her and say that you are staying at…have you got any friends in your class?’

‘Not really, I’m new, remember.’

‘Give me the name of any boy you’ve ever even spoken to.’

‘Well, I did ask Michael Miles for a pencil and he opened his box and gave me one.’

‘Michael it is then. Tell your mum that you will be staying with him. If she doesn’t believe you, pass the phone to me.’

I looked at her doubtfully, but the chance of spending the night near her overcame my doubts.

‘Hello, mum?’

‘Oh, Stew, I was just putting my coat on. Have you had a nice time dear?’

‘Yes, I’ve had a great time. Erm, look, a boy at school, Michael, has asked me back to his place for a sleepover…his mum says it’s okay.

‘Well I don’t know–’

‘Don’t you believe me?’

‘Of course but what about his parents?’

‘Parents?’ I looked at Clarissa and she grabbed the phone.

‘Hello, I’m Michael’s mother. They seem to have hit it off and it would be nice company for Michael if Stewart stays over. Would that be all right?’

‘Oh yes, fine–’

‘Right, we’ll have to rush. I’ll bring your son back tomorrow so you don’t need to worry. Oh my battery is just about dying so we’ll see you tomorrow. ’Bye.’

She pressed the disconnect button.

‘Easy peasy.’

‘Blimey, you’re only my age but you sounded just like a mum then.’

‘Hidden talents…right let’s go over to the school gates, our lift will be here in minute.’

She grabbed my hand and led me across the cricket pitch, down by the side of the gym and along the footpath to the school gates. It was busy as a lot of kids were being picked up. It was strange though, because no one seemed to take much notice of us, just like in the gym. I was feeling even weirder now.

‘Clarissa, I think I might be getting the flu or something…I feel really strange.’

‘Don’t worry, erm, I’m sure that you’ll feel better soon. Oh, there’s our car.’

I blinked twice as a black Rolls Royce pulled up and a door opened by itself or so it seemed. I was bundled into the car and Clarissa followed me in. The door closed and once again, I couldn’t see any hand. Then the car whispered away as I sank back into the deep cream leather upholstery.

There was a dark glass partition separating us from the driver, so I hadn’t a clue who was driving. Mind you I didn’t care much as I was feeling decidedly sick and weak. Clarissa was holding my hand and that was nice, but I felt so sleepy I just couldn’t stay awake–

The next morning I awoke and stretched. I had vague recollections of the previous night, but it all seemed a bit like a dream. Opening my eyes, I expected to be in my bedroom, with the posters of the Melchester football team on the walls and my TV, computer and play station in the corner, but the room was a strange one, old fashioned, high ceilings, stuff like that, with drapes around the walls and I realised that I was in a four-poster bed. I sat up and scratched my chest. My hand flew off it as if I had touched something red hot. I had breasts!

‘Aahhrg! I screamed in a higher voice than I was used to. Then I discovered that I was wearing something white and silky, and was out of that bed in an instant in search of a mirror. Inspecting my reflection I became aware that I was wearing a nightdress. Something felt decidedly strange down below–a sort of absence strange. I lifted the nightdress up discovered. I was wearing silk panties–girls’ ones–and where my thingie should have been, there was nothing!

I felt a bit weak at the knees, so I sat on the bed. My hands shook slightly and my heart beat loudly in my breast (breast!) as I pulled the panties away from my body and rummaged around underneath. There was a moist slit where my wee willie winkie used to be!

It was about then that I heard the girlie scream that unfortunately came out of my mouth and I must have fainted clean away.

I was wakened suddenly by a nasty smell up my nose.

I sneezed and opened my eyes. There was a lady there, with jet black hair, a bit like Clarissa’s actually and her face looked similar too…

‘You’re awake then?’ she said taking the bottle of nasty stuff away, ‘sorry about that. Smelling salts–always works.’

I was lying in bed again. I brushed some hair away from my eyes and noticed that it was jet black. Funny, it used to be a sort of dirty blond and looking at my shoulders, where the hair was sort of covering them, I realised that I had serious female type hair too. What else? I thought desperately!

I didn’t want to think too much about my erm body shape, but “I’m sure my bum didn’t have this much padding previously,” I thought, wriggling a bit and making things wobble that didn’t ought to wobble.

‘Can you stop doing that?’ said the raven haired beauty.

I stopped and looked at her.

‘Are you Clarissa’s mum?’

She snorted.

‘No way, her aunt. Her mum and dad are clueless.’

‘Clueless, about what?’

‘Us, of course.’

‘By us, you mean, Clarissa and you?’

‘And you.’

‘Me.’ I squeaked–I wish I didn’t do that sort of thing; it’s so…so…girlie!

‘Yes, you.’

‘I don’t know what all this is about.’

‘Clarissa didn’t explain?’

‘No.’

‘Stupid girl; wait here.’

I wasn’t sure if it was me being called stupid or Clarissa. To be honest I was so confused, I didn’t really care.

She stormed out of the room and a few seconds later stormed back with Clarissa in tow.

‘Right, Clarissa, explain.’

‘Explain what, Auntie?’

‘Don’t Auntie me. You did this, and the rule is that you have to explain. I’ll stay though, as you’re so silly, even after all these years, you might get it wrong.’

‘You don’t trust me!’

‘With good reason, now get on with it.’

Looking at Clarissa, I felt no sort of sexy type urges like I had when we were at the disco. Perhaps I liked boys now? I shuddered at the thought. Mind you, I had been waiting for ages for those hormonal urges that I read about in mum’s magazines, but I hadn’t had any yet. Maybe in my transformed state I might get some. Mind you, I expected that I would get some sort of pill or something that would change me back to being erm, me. Strangely, I missed my willie for some reason and I wanted him back.

Clarissa coughed.

I looked up expectantly

‘Stewart…look I can’t call you Stewart looking like this. What girls name do you like?’

‘Sharon, Tracy?’

‘Too Essex, try again.’

‘Erm, Heather?’

‘Yuk, you’re 14, for goodness sake think of a name that’s a bit more with it.’

I thought hard. Was I becoming an air head? I hoped not as I wanted to get on the next level of Grand Theft Auto IV.

‘Buffy…’

‘Never use that name. One more try or I’ll name you something awful.’

‘Jessica?’

‘Mmm, that will do. Right Jessica; you may have noticed that you have changed slightly.’

‘By slightly, you mean from a boy into a girl.’

She looked at her aunt, who didn’t look very pleased, and then back at me; she gulped and then hastily continued,
‘Yes, well, you see, I think I need to explain that I am not quite a normal girl myself.’

‘I know that, how many girls have retractable teeth?’

‘Right…okay, look, don’t interrupt and I’ll tell you what happened.’

I sat up in bed, very conscious of my wobbly, though quite small, breasts and my other bits and pieces. The hair was getting in my eyes…again and I brushed it away impatiently as I listened to Clarissa.

‘I—I saw you in the disco and thought you looked nice. So I sort of encouraged you to come over and then I thought you smelt nice too. I was feeling a bit peckish so I fancied a snack. You went all gooey eyed after my putting a fluence on you.’

‘Fluence?’

‘I said not to interrupt … a fluence, spell, enchantment, call it what you like. Anyway, you came over like a lamb to the slaughter. Sorry, wrong thing to say there. Well anyway, my feminine charms got you over and after a few dances, I sort of persuaded you to come with me and then as we sat on the bench; as I say, I fancied a snack and your neck didn’t look too bad. Anyway, I felt sorry for you so we had a bit of a kiss and a cuddle. I bit my mouth with one of my sharp teeth, and you sort of swallowed some of my blood. When I’m hungry, I get a bit silly so I ignored that and went for the jugular, luckily avoiding the pimples you had dotted–or do I mean spotted?–around your neck. I really hate pimples, puss tastes so ickie. Anyway, I had a nice entry point so I engaged, had a bit of a feast and then it was over.’

‘Over?’

‘Well yes, I thought that it was over and then I realised that you hadn’t swooned.’

‘Swooned?’

‘Yes, technical term for the bite-ee.’

‘Bite-ee?’

‘Yes, the one who has been bitten; God, do I have to explain everything? Anyway, you hadn’t swooned, or fainted, and I noticed the glow.’

‘Glow?’

‘Yes. It’s the thing that makes us stand out. No one can see the glow unless they are one of the Chosen.’

‘chosen?’

‘Yes, with a capital C.’

‘What am I chosen–sorry, Chosen, for?’

‘I can NOT stand this anymore, Clarissa, you’re enough to make an angel weep. I will explain–’

‘But, Auntie Mara, I was doing okay.’

‘No you were not. Now listen and I will show you how to explain to a neophyte.’

Mara sat on the bed and held my hand.

‘Jessica, child, I have things to tell you that might shock you, so be prepared.’

I sat up straighter and looked into her eyes. Somehow it made me feel a bit calmer.

‘When Clarissa bit her lip and you swallowed her blood, things changed in your body. The fact that she drank of your blood sealed your fate. You see, Clarissa and I are vampires, and because your blood has mixed with hers, you too are a vampire now. Her DNA has mixed with yours and you have become one of us. One in five of the people that have mixed their bloods become the sex of the one who feeds from them. These are the facts and they are not reversible.’

I found it hard to take all this in, but the calming influence of those eyes and her powerful presence made me not react to the facts that she had given me.

‘Am I dead?’

‘No, you are very much alive, and please, do not believe the stories that you may have read or the films. They are so wide of the truth.’

‘S…so, will I be a boy again?’

‘No, as I say it’s not reversible. But there are fringe benefits.’

‘Are there?’

‘Yes…you will live for centuries and will always be the age that you are now.’

‘But I want to grow up.’

‘No can do, kid. Accept that you are a teenager and remember that they have a lot of fun without the responsibilities. Another thing is that you can happily live on two hours sleep, you will get to love the taste of blood and you will, after training, be able to fly.’

‘Fly?’

‘Yes, as a bat, but you need to get your wings first and of course you have to attend Vampire School.’

‘Vampire school? I can’t do that! Mum and Dad would object, because I have just been bought books for my present school and anyway, when I go home with breasts and other girl bits, one, they won’t recognise me; two, if they did they might think I was transgendered and subject me to years of therapy, and three, if I grow teeth like you and Clarissa have, surely my dentist would suspect something.’

I was rambling, I knew I was rambling. I fell back on the pillow, exhausted.

‘My dear, we have sweep teams to deal with all of this. Right now a team is getting your name changed officially; putting a fluence on your parents so they know that they have a daughter and accept that you have changed school to a private exclusive one that you will board at during the week. Money will never be a problem–we have funds to cover certain indiscretions–and you are one of them––’

‘–What about the vampire thingie?’

‘They will never know that you’re a vampire and will accept it without question when you have to go out at night–a lot.’

‘Why would I need to go out at night?’

‘It’s the best time to feed.’

‘Feed?’

‘Yes, you need a daily dose to keep you going.’

‘By dose you mean?–’

‘Blood. All this will be taught at your school.’

‘I can’t drink blood!’

‘You can dear and you will. Want a drink?’

‘Okay, coke or orange juice?’

‘Try this.’

She picked up a glass that had been on the floor and handed it to me. It was warm to touch and the contents were red–blood red. I nearly recoiled as I held it and then a funny thing happened; I felt some of my teeth extend downward and I felt the overpowering need to put the glass to my lips. Without thinking, I drank deeply. As I drank, I could feel power surge through my body. It was a wonderful feeling and after I drained the glass, I was somehow disappointed that the glass was empty. I licked my lips and felt the sharpness of my cusped teeth as they slowly retracted and returned to normal. I sighed and felt very calm somehow.

‘Good stuff eh?’ said Clarissa enthusiastically. ‘As auntie says, it’s great being a vampire, lots of perks. You don’t need to book any flights and you can forget that rubbish about killing people, the undead, stakes through the heart and not seeing your reflection. That thing about not being able to go out in the sun is rubbish too, but you do need a good sun block. Sure we do drink blood, but we don’t take much and the mark never knows that it’s been done to them; no puncture marks or stuff like that and for them it’s good, because in return, it helps them be healthy and live longer. Our saliva has special qualities and we pass it on to whoever we feast on. My mum and dad have been healthy for years because of me.’

‘H…how old are you?’

‘I’m quite young, only two hundred and twenty. My parents are two hundred and forty two, but they don’t realise it, they are just as happy as when they were first married; all because of little me.’

‘Does that mean?’

‘Yes, I have a snack most nights and they taste delicious!’

‘A—and I have to do that to my parents?’

‘Yup, after the first few months it becomes second nature.’

I was left to myself then. I had a lot to think about. I was a vampire and although they tried to persuade me how wonderful the life was, the thought of doing the things that they wanted me to do, made me feel a bit sick.

I got out of bed, marvelling at the silkiness of my gown against my now hairless body. I went over to the mirror and pulled off the nightdress and stepped out of the panties. I stared at the vision of beauty before me. I was drop dead gorgeous. There were certain signs of my old face but not much. I was slim, beautiful and my body had curves in the right places. My breasts were small and pert and my–my groin looked–different. Looking back at my face I couldn’t see a spot or pimple in sight. My jet black hair was so long, I could feel it half way down my back. It felt strangely heavy but not unpleasantly so. Looking closely in the mirror I realised that it was true, that I could see my reflection, but it was slightly translucent and I could see the vague outline of the bed behind me.

I licked my lips, recalling the blood that I had drunk. Already I had a craving for more and I could feel my teeth extend slightly and my heart pound as I thought of the sweet warm blood coursing down my throat…

Would I accept my fate? Could I be a good little vampire and do as I was told? Will I enjoy vampire school, and what the hell would the school dinners be like? Finally, could I fit into a nice little black dress like Clarissa had on or was my bottom too big?


The End?



Angel

A St Vlad's Story

Please leave comments...thanks! ~Sue

My thanks go to the brilliant and lovely Gabi for editing and pulling the story into shape.

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Comments

Fancy a Bite

Yes please!
But the question is will there be a Dessert coming up?

I hope you are going to Follow up on such a good start.

ELIZA


ELIZA

Snack attack

Well, I had to read it, didn't I? After all, you're one of my favourite authors.

Nice one Sue, a 'changes' as good as a rest!

Susie

Batwarts?

joannebarbarella's picture

The school should teach some interesting subjects; Defence Against Infected Fangs; Assault and Battery; Batmail; Bloodoholics; Avoiding Haematitis. The teachers should be interesting too, like Claudia Nek and Bat Masterson (oops!).
Sue, you cannot stop here. This is a transfusion to save Melchester or maybe turn Nigel and Olivia into decent people, or give Abby and Samantha hundreds of years of life,
Joanne

Sue Brown! You Need To

Save this for the Horror contest!

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Are you nuts?!

I've read this one and I already crave for more!! And you, you are proposing me and all of us to wait another two months just to get the next installment?! My speech fails me...

Faraway

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Too late Stan, Its posted...

....She can write another story, but this would have been a perfect entry! I was cringing when I saw this posted this morning. It would have been nice for the TG Terror Contest.

Very good story Sue!! Excellent development, perfect pace, and nice plot!

Sephrena Lynn Miller
BigCloset TopShelf
TGLibrary.com

I suggest a slight change of the rules...

Puddintane's picture

Allow readers to nominate stories written within the last month or so, plus any new ones that come along. That way it doesn't penalise authors who already had stories in the works for Halloween, and didn't hang around waiting for a contest to come along.

Cheers,

Puddin'

-

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style

Not Horrible !

Nah, STAN,

Not to be saved for a horror competition, it was not at all horrible enough ! Nice to see the poor old Vampires getting a bit of better PR for a change !

Very unususal concept, Sue.

Briar

Briar

Poor vampires? Good press?

Isn't that like talking about an honest thief?

Not prejudiced at all; hang on, there's a call on my bat-mobile phone! Holey tights!

Susie

Good healing

In over 200 years, nobody has managed to strangle Clarissa? Or maybe she just recovers. One hopes the ditzyness didn't transfer with the portion of her DNA. Or is being stuck as a teenager for hundreds of years emotional as well as physical? Nice story.

Mir

About time vampires got some

About time vampires got some good press, they have been maligned for too long and those stories were getting a "little long in the tooth" (pun). Janice Lynn

So, Sue, being a vampire doesn't ...

... SUCK as much as we've been led to believe.

Hey, you ALL wanted to say it, so somebody had to BITE.

I see you went with the unageing aspect of Interview with a Vampire.

So can our hero, um, heroine have children ... and not as a late night snack? And if so would they be human?

Um, who else has Clarissa changed by accident? Aunty was reacting like "Here we go again."

Begs for a sequal, like YOU need another serial, Sue.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Cute, fun story here.

An accidental vampire. I loved it! Hope to see more of this one.

Fancy a Bite?

terrynaut's picture

Sure! That's really all this story was ... a bite. Actually, I want a full course meal. Please?

This story is cute and funny. I liked it a lot. The ending didn't seem very strong though. I'd like to see it continue to a better stopping point.

That's all I've got.

Thanks very much and please consider adding more.

- Terry

I Thought It Was...

...just FINE. Perfect, in fact. Just the way it is.

Of course, if Sue Brown wrote any more, that would be perfect, too. Because that's the kind of writer she is!

Enjoyable

Sue,
You are a very talented writer. This is a departure from your other stories, yet your story telling talent makes it fun and interesting. Please continue. You create such delightful characters. I see Clarissa as a sweet but naive 220 yr old teen, who has a tendency to get into trouble. She and Jessica should have a howling good time at Bat U or whatever the school is called. She will help Jessica adjust. It should be fun and entertaining.

Thanks for a new fun story world.

Hugs,
Trish-Ann
~There is no reality, only perceptions.~

Hugs,
Trish Ann
~There is no reality, only perception~

Vairy Interestink!

Quite a departure from your usual subject matter, Susan. Well written and very interesting. It is perfect as a stand-alone story, so don't be tempted by all the pleas (and pleeeeeeases) to continue it. It's perfect just as it stands.

But near the end you ask;

and what the hell would the school dinners be like?

My thoughts on that subject:

BLOODY AWFUL!

Best wishes,
Norma

I had an urge

to say bite me, but it might cause more problems than it would solve.

What a splendid story.

Thank you, Sue

Jessica
I don't just look it, I'm totally evil

Laughing...

...my head off. ^__^ This is a wonderful start, and I'd love to see more. Thanks for this!

-Liz

-Liz

Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"

warm fuzzy vampires

laika's picture

Sue, you seem to have found a way to take all the carnage and victimization out of the vampire myth. These creatures are certainly less scary than Olivia and her Father, or Footballer Sue's psycho dad! (2 of my favortie stories here). And I wouldn't want ALL vampire tales to take this tack, but it is kind of a treat for those who say, "I wouldn't mind being a vampire (especially with the change of sex!) if I didn't have to hurt people." Hope you continue this one too. WHEW! I MANAGED TO WRITE THIS WITHOUT ANY VAMPIRE PUNS!
~~~hugs, Laika

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(In the best dream I ever had I was a vampire hunter, who had infiltrated a vampire village with prosthetic fangs before the strike team moved in. May find that transcript and post on FICTIONEER...)

Interesting Worldline...

...and I'm confident that Sue can do justice to anything her mind conjures up.

But the thought of 242-year old parents who don't notice that they've been living for the past 210 years or thereabouts as relatively young parents with neighbors who age normally and a school-age daughter who doesn't -- no matter what our Chosen friends are doing, that seems like an awfully clueless existence, sort of a nearly endless purgatory that can't be very enjoyable. As our characters say, there are perks to being a vampire here; I'm not so sure about their continuing "customers" if they're shielded the way that's been described.

Given the conditions we've seen here, it sounds as though if a vampire does find someone he or she finds romantically desirable, it's not necessary to convert that person -- and may even be undesirable, if the relationship is heterosexual, since one in five will change sex. They just need to feed on them often enough to keep them young and healthy. Hopefully under those circumstances they'd be permitted to let their partner know what's going on.

Interesting, in terms of the vampire school question, to know how many of them are teens or children. If vampires don't age, Aunt Mara obviously wasn't infected (if that's the word) until she was an adult, but she presumably saw to it that her niece didn't have to wait that long. Is that the norm, or do some parents or guardians (Sue hasn't told us whether her vampires can reproduce in human fashion, either with each other or with others) wait longer? Clarissa doesn't seem to have matured mentally -- are there accidentally-infected children who still act like four-year olds a century later?

Anyway, there are certainly places that Sue can take this if she wants to continue and doesn't think the concept would fall apart under its own weight. But she doesn't HAVE to: I'm satisfied where she left it.

Eric

(3418 reads in less than 11 days? That's more than twice what Changes gets (or Princess and the Plague, or any of the popular serials here. Anyone know what's going on?)

Bite me, please!

What an absolutely little charming tale on two of my favorite things: Transgenders and vampires!(ok, I'm weird, I do admit it. Viva la strange!).

Anyway, please, please, please Sue Brown, tell me this isn't really the end!(Btw, love the little bat animation at the end). I know you are terribly busy already with Changes and Football Girl, and believe me, when I see an update on either, my day is made. But you are such a wonderful and diverse writer, that I hope you can come back to this little tale when you might find yourself stuck between the others.

Or, when you get a bit more free.

Or when the fancy strikes you.

Please, please, please with chocolate sprinkles and cherries and nuts on top? Please?

Have I begged enough yet?

Anyway, thanks for a nice little story, and if you perchance continue, I wouldn't be exactly upset.

(deliriously happy might be more accurate. Can you tell I like this little story, yet?)

Thank you again :)

Once bitten twice the girl!

This beats any SRS I've heard about?

Can you send me their address please?

LoL
Rita

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)

LoL
Rita

It is GREAT !!

gothic.jpg I love it Susan, as I do all of your other stories. In this case I need to join with the multitude that is asking you to continue with this wonderful story. Love I.

gothic.jpg

Good story, the plot is

Good story, the plot is quite amusing.

My favourite part is the 'butt too big' comment at the very end.

The only complaint I might have would be that the writing seemed a bit choppy, but I'm picky that way.

Thanks!


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Oops

Jamie Lee's picture

This is a cute story, including the slight turn of events.

Others have feelings too.