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Sam & Jess
Chapter 25
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Previously:
“I’ll have to talk to Steph than and you HAVE to come to the mall with us. You need something new too. I want my mom to look the best for her date.”
“How did you know I was thinking of buying something new for my date?”
“Mom, you didn’t buy new clothes since dad died. I think it’s time for you to start renewing your wardrobe and I want to help.”
“Okay, sweetie. If Steph agrees I will go to the mall tomorrow with you to get a new dress for my date. We can start building up my wardrobe a little later when we have a little more time.”
“Okay mom.”
“Now tell me about your day.”
Chapter 25
Mom and I talked about my day for a long time and she got upset when she found out about the reporters in front of the school this morning but somewhat relieved that they weren't looking for me. I am still a bit worried that they might come to create more problems when they find out about me, I also want to talk to Joan about that sometime, it must be hard to be in the spotlight like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it isn't me that they weren't after, but I don't think it's right for her to go through that alone, although I have no idea what I can do to help.
After dinner I went to have a long relaxing bath, and do my homework. I sighed when I thought about it as I still have a lot of homework to do because of all the homework I missed from last week.
After I finished my homework for the day I went to bed and thought about everything that happened these last couple weeks.
I still can't believe it has just been four days since I started to live as a girl. Has it been just four days? Maybe I'm thinking about it the wrong way, it has been four days that I stopped hiding who I am. I still wonder if daddy would accept me, I like to think that the dream I had about him was more than just a dream, but the doubt still pains me a little. I miss him so much.
There is also something else nagging me, but I can't really put my finger on what it is. The change in Tom's, I mean Tommy's behavior seems too drastic in such a short time. I'm still going to keep my eye on him for a little while before deciding if I can trust him or not. I'm glad he saved me from David today, but it could be a set up. One more thing to talk about with Joan. He said she forgave him and if she really did so I guess I can too, but first I need to talk to her. Also I need to find a way to talk to her about Steph's interest in her brother. I think he is interested in her too.
Thinking back I hadn't much time to myself these last few days, everything happened so fast and I still didn't have the time to just think about it. Not that I would want it to be any other way. I had more fun these last four days than I had in years, and it's good to be able to be myself too. It has been a bit overwhelming but worth it. Of course I need to talk to the girls to give me a little quiet time for me sometimes so I can just relax and think about things.
* “Wake up pumpkin.” I hear a voice say I slowly open my eyes and see dad sat down on my bed.
“Dad?”
“Hello pumpkin.” He said with a big smile on his face.
“DADDY!!” I yelled and gave him a biiiiiiiig bear hug. “I missed you sooooo much.”
“I'm happy to see you too, princess.”
“What are you doing here? Is this another dream?”
“If this is or isn't a dream is up to you to decide, and I'm here because you brought me here.”
“I brought you here? How?”
“You are having trouble moving on, you still feel guilty about what you are doing and unsure of my acceptance of you.”
“How can I be sure of that? You died because I dressed as a girl and you freaked out. How can I not feel guilty about it?”
“Princess, you need to stop blaming yourself. I am the only one to blame for what happened. I made you suffer in a way no parent should ever make their child suffer.”
“But... but... if... I... hadn't...” I tried to say between sobs.
“Don't cry, princess. It was not your fault.” He said holding me tight. His embrace made me feel so warm and safe.
“I don't want you to leave, Daddy. I need you so much.”
“I know you need me, but I don't have a choice. This is the last time I am allowed to talk to you. You need to move on, if not for you, for me, please.”
“You mean this is the last time I'm ever going to see you?”
“Yes, princess. This is the last time you will see me as your father.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“I think I talked more than I should. I'm sorry princess, but I can't talk about it.”
“I'll I ever find out what are you talking about?”
“Maybe. It will be up to you.”
“Okay. Can I at least have one last hug and kiss?”
“Of course you can, but first I want to give you a little farewell gift.” He said and showed me a necklace with a small round pendant in the shape of a familiar symbol.
“That's so pretty, daddy. What does this symbol mean?”
“That's the yin-yang symbol, do you know it?”
“I heard about it, but I'm not so sure about the exact meaning.”
“That symbol has a lot of meanings, but one of the most common is the feminine/masculine meaning. Each half of the symbol represents one of the opposites and together they represent the unity, completion.”
“But why are you giving me this?”
“You are just starting a journey to find yourself. I am giving you this so you remember where you came from and where you are heading, also to remind you that no one is completely feminine or completely masculine. That's what the dot on each half of the symbol means. We all have a bit of both. Don't be afraid of showing some boyish interests and qualities they are part of who you are and wouldn't be healthy to push that part of you away, the same way it wasn't healthy for you to hide who you are.”
“I think I see what you mean. I will always treasure this, daddy.”
“I know you will, princess. Now give me one last big hug and a kiss.”
“I love you daddy. It is so hard to say goodbye.” I told him while giving a very big hug.
“I know it is. I feel the same way. I love you Sam, and I always will. I want you to live a full and a happy life. Also there is one last thing I need to tell you before I go.”
“What is it?”
“Soon something will happen, something that will make you very happy.”
“What will happen?”
“That I can't tell you, just keep your mind open and pay attention to yourself. There will be some pain but in the end you will be very happy.”
“Pain? Is there needles involved? I hate needles.”
“I can't tell you that. I love you princess, but it's time to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye daddy, I love you.”
“Goodbye, Samantha. I am proud of you.” *
I woke up feeling refreshed and thought about the dream I had with dad. I still wonder if it was a dream or not. Either way I felt a lot better about myself after the dream, just like last time.
I yawned and stretched before getting up and make a beeline to the bathroom as my bladders feels to be above max capacity already. After relieving myself I take out the nightgown to take my morning shower. I look at myself in the mirror and suddenly I see it. I look down and see the necklace dad gave to me in my dream hanging down from my neck. I reach for the pendant and start to cry. 'Thank you daddy. I now know that it was really you talking to me. I will always treasure this. I love you.' I though to myself looking up towards the heavens.
Comments
Special Universe
Andrea,
You write about a special universe. I continue to enjoy how this is playing out. I'm pretty sure about the implications of needle,etc.
Portia
Portia
“Goodbye, Samantha. I am proud of you.†*
moving. I would give a great deal to have that acceptance....
dorothycolleen
Home » Author » Andrea Ribeiro Sam & Jess - 25
A very special time for SAmantha and her Dad. And magical, too.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Very Good!
Wow! I had missed S&J! It's good to see it back. Are you launching into a new storyline, something like Sam's Quest for Self? If it means more S&J, I'm all for it!
Wren
yin-yang
Ahh... the inner turmoil that pulls at all of us, no matter where we stand as individuals upon the gender spectrum; the yin-yang. It is always important to one's self esteem to bear in mind that one cannot exist without the other.
Andrea, you are becoming a bit of a master at 'ghostly insinuation'. That is, to say, you hint ever so slightly at a possibility and allow our imaginations to run away on us, only to toss in a curve ball here and there.
I am sure that I can speak for my fellow readers that we all missed you.
I always love the Daddy parts, as I never really had that opportunity. I often wonder... what if....? :)
__-=Foxxe=-__
Interesting Continuation...
I'm enjoying the story, glad to see it continue, and from a plot standpoint, I do feel it's good that Samantha has the reassurance she needs as to her late father's approval in order to move on.
FWIW, I'd have preferred that her Dad's spirit remain a dream presence, instead of someone capable of providing a tangible gift like the pendant. (There are other ways the pendant could have turned up once he'd identified it.)
It was tempting to think that Dad's spirit was staying because it needed to reassure Samantha one more time before being allowed to move on to whatever afterlife follows. But that "...the last time you will see me as your father" sets up a whole lot of possible alternatives: to name a few, the father-spirit being one of the Joan entities in disguise; some form of reincarnation; Dad's soul joining someone already living who'll become part of Samantha's circle of friends and relatives. I guess we'll see if anything comes of it.
Eric