"Mmmmmm…"

The sound was low and throaty. If Adele's lips weren't mere inches from her husband Ray's ear he might have thought the cat had jumped up on the bed and was expressing his approval of a good ear scratching.

"Ahhhhh…"

Could it be considered non-verbal communication if the vocalizations were not really actual words?

"You have warm hands," his lady purred.

"You have a warm breast. I doubt you'd be going 'Mmmmmm' if I had cold fingers."

"You warmed your fingers quite nicely in other places, sweetie. Nothing like a little friction the right places to generate some heat."

"You have a hot body without any outside heat, love."

"You say the nicest things. And do the nicest things."

"Like this?" he inquired.

"Mmmmmm."

"Or maybe this?"

"Ohhhhhh. You seem to have a breast fetish, sir!"

"You noticed. I just wish…"

"Wish what?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Some nothing. Go ahead and say it, lover. No time like the afterglow to let your feelings show."

"It's just…" he stammered, then screwed up his courage. "What's it like to have breasts?"

"When you do things like you've been doing, it's delightful, otherwise it's just - I don't know - they're just there. Occasionally they're a pain, like when I run around without a bra for too long. And don't say it! I know damn well you like to see me running around without a bra."

"I guess that makes them sort of like my balls, delightful when you play with them but in the way most of the time."

"At least you don't have to worry about bouncing your balls off the door frame if you get distracted."

"And you don't have to worry about little kids jumping on your crotch when you're distracted."

"True enough. So what brought on this bit of philosophical inquiry?"

"I suppose that when I'm enjoying your breasts I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have my own. Silly thoughts, though."

"You sound like me when I was eleven years old. I couldn't think of much besides what it would be like to have breasts and when I would get them."

"I don't think the natural method would do me much good, to answer that question."

"I suppose so - I despaired of ever getting boobs. My best friend Suzy liberated some of her mother's Miracle-Gro from the plant shed and we used it for a week before Mom found out. When she got done laughing she explained that plants and people had different needs for growth. She and Suzy's mom did take us out for our first training bras the next day."

"I always wondered what a training bra trained. I had visions of some guy with a whip and a chair screaming 'grow, damn you!' until something sprouted."

"Sounds like we're back to the Miracle-Gro again. The training bra must have worked, within six months after putting it on I had almost filled a B cup, but nature was on my side. You really want to have breasts?"

"Sometimes. It's pretty silly to be thinking about such things after we just made love. I should have been satisfied with torrid sex and kept my fantasies to myself."

"That's the problem with torrid sex, it makes you want to have more torrid sex."

"You're insatiable!"

"Let's find out, shall we?"

Monday Night

"That was delicious!" Ray complimented Adele, "but we've been together long enough that I know you have something up your sleeve."

"Why darling! Can't a loving wife simply prepare a fitting repast for her tired mate and provider without some hidden agenda? Besides, this blouse is sleeveless."

"When you sound like the heroine of some Victorian romance novel, there isn't a chance in the world you're not up to something."

"Curses! Foiled again!"

"Stick to being the heroine, Snidely Whiplash you ain't!"

"Care to rip my bodice, lover?"

"What, the torrid sex over the weekend wasn't enough?"

"Torrid sex with you is never enough, but it does have a connection."

"And I'd be perfectly happy to connect certain body parts with you any time."

"Speaking of body parts, we were discussing some of mine, remember."

"Ah! It all comes back now."

"Since you brought back my childhood, I couldn't help thinking about how I felt back then. As your loving wife, I didn't want you to experience the trauma I went through at eleven, so I found time to do a little shopping."

"And you want me to think this is a sacrifice?"

"Not unless you have the urge to bow before my magnificence and maybe light a candle or two."

"Can I use the ones on the dinner table?"

"Literalist! Close your eyes."

There were suspicious rustlings and cracklings, then a soft thump on the table before Ray.

"OK, you can open your eyes, now."

"Darn! You still have your clothes on."

"I take it back. You certainly need more trauma in your life. Open your presents."

"What did I ever do to deserve someone like you? They're lovely."

"Open the small one first."

Just to keep Adele frustrated, Ray carefully unwrapped the first package, keeping the gift paper completely intact. It had taken Ray years to convince Adele that Christmas wrapping paper was meant to be torn to shreds with abandon, not carefully preserved.

"Miracle-Gro? I thought you said that only worked on plants."

"Who can say? Maybe it will plant an idea in your mind."

"I'm almost afraid to open the other one. I didn't want to make a big deal over a silly passing thought."

"If you've had it in your head all these years, it isn't so silly. Go ahead, open it!"

"OK… Petticoat Faire? Shouldn't I be giving a box like this to you?"

"Any time you get the urge, feel free. This time it's for you. Open it!"

Of course you've figured out the present was a bra. Make that three bras.

"You're kidding!"

"Nope! I can't figure out how to have you know what breasts feel like from the inside, but maybe your own training bras will help you get some idea. After all, it only took a few months after I started wearing them before I started to develop."

"You're insane. Three of them?"

"Red, black and beige. Colors when you want to feel sexy, beige when you don't want the world to know you're wearing a bra."

"And why would I be wearing a bra in the first place?"

"I told you, so you can have some idea what having breasts is like. Go ahead and try one on."

"Uh…"

"Really, Ray! Be adventurous! I know you get excited when I wear a sexy bra, maybe it will work the other way around."

"Torrid sex?"

"Try it and see. I'll leave my bra on if you do the same."

"You'll have to show me how."

"Really, if you haven't figured it out after all the times you've watched me do it, then you haven't been as observant as I thought."

"I wasn't observing your bra, I was observing your beautiful breasts."

"Come to bed, darling. We'll see what may be seen."

The Following Morning

"Aren't you forgetting something, Ray?"

"After last night and about three hours of sleep, I could be forgetting just about anything."

"Even what we did to keep you awake?"

"That will be what's keeping me awake, my love. Nobody could be that forgetful!"

"You could be right. But what would people say if I left the house without my underclothes on?"

"Hubba-hubba!"

"How anachronistic. My great-grandfather might say that, but not anyone of our generation."

"How about 'Wow!'?"

"Closer, but not what I'm looking for. What would your mother say if you left the house without clean underwear?"

"As I recall, 'What would the doctor think if you had an accident.' would come close. I never could understand that; if you dirty your underwear isn't it is usually called an accident?

"No shit."

"And 'no shit' means there was no accident."

"As interesting as this diversion may be, you've forgotten to put on your bra, darling."

"Ah, but I didn't forget, it was quite intentional."

"Boo-hoo! You don't love me any more. You don't like my presents! Oh woe is me!"

"A little more emphasis on 'woe' and a rising inflection on 'presents!' with it bridging into a hopeless wail would give that line more impact."

"Everybody's a critic! I'll make you a deal."

"I'm listening."

"Wear your pretty new bras for two weeks and if nothing changes by then we can reconsider."

"We? I did my considering already. Should I be wearing colored shirts to match my bras?"

"Once you get the hang of matching colors, my love.

"I wonder if Oscar de la Renta would approve of that look? OK, I will graciously accede to your wishes and don my bra before leaving."

Wednesday evening, bedtime.

"I hear snickering."

"Who, me," came Adele's strangled voice. "Just something caught in my throat."

"No, I heard a distinct snicker."

"Snickers is a candy bar. Maybe one of the peanuts got caught in my throat."

"And you didn't offer to share with your loving husband in his training bra?"

"Maybe it was the caramel. That stuff's sticky, you know."

"Go ahead and snicker. The image in the mirror gives us both something worth snickering about."

"Well, one doesn't often see someone wearing a training bra and boxer shorts."

"With what some designers consider fashion these days I would hesitate to rule it out."

"Some of those Italians do have interesting ideas."

"Such as your plan to help me know what having breasts is like?"

"In comparison, I suppose that could be considered tame."

"So go ahead and say it."

"Way what?"

"That I need to start wearing panties so I won't look so stupid in a bra."

"Now that you mention it."

"And you weren't going to, I suppose?"

"Not for a few days, anyway."

"And I suppose that tomorrow there will be a package of panties waiting for me on the dinner table."

"Actually, if we're doing this for two weeks you'll need a few packages."

"Why of course, silly me."

"Cotton or nylon?"

"How would I know? I gather yours are nylon. They're too slippery for cotton."

"Right. Plain or frilly?"

"You decide. Surprise me, you seem to be good at that this week."

"Only the best for my lover."

"You still have that look."

"Look. That's pure innocence. As a lawyer you aren't familiar with that sort of thing."

"I am, however, very familiar with guilt. You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I haven't had so much fun since I got to dress up my Barbies. Never thought of putting Ken in a bra, though. With the size of Barbie's boobs it would have been grotesque."

"Interesting. You have breasts, I want breasts, but barbie has boobs."

"Couldn't call them anything else. They were grotesque."

"But I always wanted to see a real-life Barbie when I was a horny teenager."

"And now that you're a horny man?"

"Yours are quite satisfactory, but you've managed to change the subject again. What else are you planning?"

"Perhaps a nightgown?"

"I should have guessed. But no baby-dolls!"

Friday, two weeks later

"That was delicious!" Ray complimented Adele, "but we've been together long enough that you have something up your sleeve."

"Why darling! Are you repeating yourself?"

"I do believe I am. My memory has improved, as I remember a thre… a mention of doing something different tonight if I haven't sufficiently discovered what having breasts is like."

"So how have you liked wearing a training bra?"

"Uh…"

"Be honest."

"Actually, it kinda grows on you."

"Which makes sense as breasts tend grow on those who wear a training bra."

"Actually, I've gotten a kick out of standing before Judge Jane and wondering if my bra is prettier than hers. Can't tell what she's wearing under those robes."

"And have you compared your breasts to hers?"

"Still no breasts to compare, I'm afraid."

"Such a shame. Do you trust me?"

"Somehow no mater how I answer that question I'm going to be in trouble."

"So little faith. I tell you what, want to shower together?"

"As if you had to ask!"

"Then strip, lover. Want me to unhook your bra?"

"Only if I can do yours."

"Done!"

 

"Nice and clean, lover?" she asked him.

"So clean I feel like whistling."

"Perhaps you can whistle a merry tune while I tend to you. Lie down for a few minutes."

"And what…"

"Remember - you trust me?"

"I'm trying."

"Close your eyes and let me take care of you. Keep your hands at your sides and don't touch until I tell you."

"I trust my wife. I trust my wife, I trust…"

"OK, I get it. This will feel funny but I did warm up the lotion so I wouldn't freeze your manly pecs."

"And just what do you intend… That tickles!"

"Simply a side effect of Miss Adele's Miracle Breast Beautification Program. Meditate on the whichness of what while the miracle potion does its work, then you can once again luxuriate in the copious streams of deliciously warm water in the shower."

"You're sounding like a Romance author again - or a snake oil salesman."

"Why fancy that - it says there is refined and emulsified snake oil as one of the ingredients of Miss Adele's Miracle Breast Beautification Cream. You're so smart, my love."

"Ong Namo Guru Dav Namo… Ong Namo Guru Dav Namo…"

"You remembered! The guru would be so proud."

"It's hard to chant when you're itching. What is that stuff?"

"Snake oil, emulsifiers, perfume, aloe, lye."

"Lye! What the hell!?"

"Otherwise know as Nair. You should be ready now. Into the shower, darling."

"You don't have to tell me twice!"

 

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Compared to what? Nuclear holocaust?"

"Be brave, lover. Can I play with your nipples?"

"I suppose since you let me play with yours I couldn't really refuse."

"Then lie down and let me proceed."

"Mmmmm. Not bad without any hair."

"Keep your eyes closed, this next part may be a bit cool."

"Thanks for the warning. I know that smell! Isopropyl alcohol. You aren't prepping me for surgery, I hope."

"Relax, no knives involved. There, you're all nice and clean. This part might be cool as well."

"Now what? Wait a minute! You aren't sniffing glue, by chance? There are better ways to get high, Adele."

"The smell will be gone in a minute or two, give it a while to get tacky."

"I think this whole thing is kind of tacky. I'm beginning to wonder if you've been hiding a megalomaniac side to your personality all these years."

"And you think I'm using fancy language tonight! Megalomaniac?"

"So maybe just your garden-variety dictator. 'She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed' if you're into Rumpole."

"I know you're a fine lawyer, but if you try to take up smoking small cigars I would become 'She-Who-Must-Be-Given-Alimony."

"Remember when She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed tried to divorce Rumpole? It didn't go too well."

"So we'll have to stay married. Your sparkling conversation has taken us to the next step. Hold still so I don't miss."

"Ong Namo Guru Dav Namo… Ong Namo Guru Dav Namo… What the devil did you put on my chest?"

"Your new breasts. I told you if wearing a training bra didn't yield results by today we would try something else. I'd say you're about a B cup now. Instant gratification, that's Adele's Miracle Brest Beautification Program. Want to sit up and see how it feels to have breasts?"

"I bet Rumpole never had to cope with anything like this."

"But I get to have the fun of watching you get used to breasts for the weekend. I think it ought to be interesting. Maybe you can come up with some interesting diversions for the two of us, eh?"

"Will these things fit in my training bra?"

"Of course not. Want to pick out which bra you want to wear tonight?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Of course, darling. I bought several just for you."

Saturday Morning

"Aren't you glad you have a nightgown now, Ray?"

"I suppose my pajamas wouldn't quite accommodate my breasts, would they? Of course, I'm not sure I can accommodate my breasts, either."

"I rather liked feeling your breasts touching my back when I woke up."

"I'm glad someone got a good night's sleep. I kept waking up dreaming the cat was sleeping on my chest. Then the darn thing did curl up there and I almost suffocated."

"We'll have to work on that. Those things are filled with silicone gel, I don't think claws would do them any good."

"The question is: are they doing me any good?"

"Think about it until Sunday night. You might have an answer by then. Shall we have breakfast?"

"Sounds good to me. First things first, though - I need a bra."

"Just think of what your mother and sister have to put up with. You're only a B cup and they must be in the D range."

"Mom's a DD and sis is a D. I used to do the laundry so I know. I had to sort out their bras and panties."

"So you have experience!"

"Washing a bra is a far cry from wearing a bra. As is shaving while wearing a bra. I bet you never had to do that!"

"You'd win, but I could pluck your eyebrows after breakfast."

"When does this experiment end? Wigs? Skirts? High heels?"

"All in good time, it's up to you."

"Speaking of which, what am I going to wear today? I was planning on doing the lawn, but that might not be the best idea with my current configuration."

"You could always spend a lazy day in your nightgown and be decadent."

"Eating Bon-bons and watching chick-flicks on the tube?"

"No need to go overboard."

"You don't still have that cute little sailor suit you used to wear?"

"It wouldn't fit you. I was thinking my dashiki would do for the day. That's very forgiving."

"Speaking of forgiveness, what would Father Henry think of all this?"

"What would any guy that wears a dress to church on Sundays have to say?"

"I suppose I could always use my on-line ordination and start a new career as a preacher. You could negotiate the TV rights and the Sister-Ray-Of-Hope Show could keep us keep solvent as long as we could stand the hypocrisy."

"You're a lawyer, there is no limit to the hypocrisy you can stand. You're a professional."

"How many old-time hymns do you know?"

"Do the Rolling Stones count?"

"You'd be better off with the Beatles. Imagine, Let it Be, that sort of thing."

"This isn't getting us breakfast. Can we continue the discussion in the kitchen?"

That Evening

"So how was your first day with breasts, lover?"

"Actually, now that I'm getting used to them it wasn't bad. A bit confining staying around the house, but that to-do list is appreciably shorter."

"You need a wig, though. That short hair clashes with the rest of the body."

"Sure. I've had breasts for less twenty-four hours and already you're body shaming."

"So sue me!"

"I'd need a wig if I were going to show up in court like this, wouldn't I?"

"You have a preference in style?"

"I could be a Valley Girl, but then I'd have to have surgery so I could show off my boobs in a bikini."

"Think 'Lady Lawyer.' Longer hair would suit your facial shape. Something that has a pert little curl inwards around the neck. Put on a skirted suit and a pink blouse with a whole raft of ruffles. Sensible shoes, of course, you'll be on your feet a lot."

"You're really into this 'dress up Ray' thing, aren't you?"

"Aren't you? Be honest."

"I suppose so. I'd like to see what a wig would do for me."

"I'll take a run up to the wig shop after church."

"Will you unglue my breasts or are you attending church alone tomorrow?"

"You're a busty babe until we wake up Monday."

"Too bad these things are silicone. I'd invite you to play with them otherwise."

"I'm sure there's something we can do before we go to sleep."

Six months later

"So, what do you think of Mardi Gras, Raylene?"

"Quite the show. A girl could get to like this sort of thing. All the beaded jewelry you want and it's all for free."

"You look cute with flowers in your hair."

"So do you, Adele."

"Lets go find some real Dixieland, shall we?"

"With the way your good ideas have enriched my life, who am I to say no?"