I was really looking forward to starting high school. For one thing my parents had assured me that this time we would live in the same place for at least five years. This meant that I wouldn’t have to change schools before I graduated. Just imagine, going to the same school for my entire high school experience! So far the only constant factor in my life had been the inconsistency. Ever since we moved from my ”native” Finland when I was two we never had lived in the same place for more than two years. This had really not been good for my social life. Oh, I had been a popular girl in my old middle school. I even had been the head cheerleader, and a good one, but I never had had a really close friend. That takes time and since I always knew I had to move soon I was afraid of the pain and thus never committed.

Now things were completely different. I would spend all my high school years in one place. I could commit to friendships. I could ... It all seemed so easy and straightforward. Yes, I got a bit dizzy and overenthusiastic. A sure recipe for disaster.

It all started well. The girls in my class were surprisingly welcoming. Of course it helped that the high school was rather big and freshmen came from many different schools so we were all more or less “new”. Millie, Mary, Peggy and I, Pentti, became a solid group within a week. All of us were into cheerleading and hoped to make the C-team in the tryouts. The school had three cheerleading teams; A, B and C, just like most other teams in our school. We even managed to do some coordinated training together before the tryouts. We weren’t bad at all.

Then the day for the tryouts came and things started to get complicated. Already from the beginning it started bad. A guy called Doug teased me for being big. Yes, I’m 5’10”’ but that’s no reason to be mean. His verbal abuse nearly threw me off but fortunately the other girls steadied me. I didn’t perform as well as I had hoped but the other girls told me it wasn’t that noticeable. Still, I was rather pissed and afraid that Doug had spoilt everything for me. When we waited for the results the tryouts for the football C-team started. The Doug-rat tried out for wide receiver. My only excuse for what I did was that I was sooo angry and disappointed and I blamed it all on Doug. When Doug was set up to take a wide pass I ran in on the field and jumped to catch the ball. All that ballet training has given me an awesome “ballon”. I snatched the ball and when he ran at me I easily outran him. Bad mistake. Of course the coach saw me and whistled angrily. Then he had me do it all over, only this time he had a couple the really big guys lined up to catch me. I had no problem catching the ball. How could I miss, the trajectory was so obvious and Doug, well, he couldn’t jump at all. And the big guys they were so slow. I ran beyond that white line they had told me to reach and tossed the ball back to the coach and then rejoined the girls. I hadn’t realized what stupid thing I had done.

When the results of the tryouts were announced I got a real chock. I HAD made the cheerleading team as had all of my friends. That was the small shock. The big shock was that I had been picked for the football C-team as well. How stupid could they be? Well, it turned out stupid enough to place the most terrible pressure on me to accept. Apparently they badly needed an at least decent wide receiver. I was told that that position was the eternal weak point in all the school’s football teams. Declining was not an option. Even my friends betrayed me and told me that for the sake of womanhood I should accept. I’d be the first girl on any football team in the school’s history. I finally gave in, on the condition that I could stay on the cheerleading team as well. They must have been really desperate since they accepted and even juggled training schedules to fit me in.

Life changed after that. Not that I lost my friends. That was really fortunate since otherwise I’d been really messed up. First we had the fame, or rather infamy. Even though the school was big EVERYONE knew who I was. I had trouble to get rid of hangers-on. The reactions weren’t all positive. Many, both boys and girls, made it perfectly clear to me that I shouldn’t be on the team. Foremost among those was Doug who also had made the team. The talent pool must have been REALLY shallow. On the other hand Coach might have been smarter than I thought. Without Doug’s opposition I most likely would have found a way to quit the team. Now he made me so angry that I gave it my all. The other team members were just so happy to have one wide receiver who could do the job that they would have put up with anything I did, not just the fact that I was a girl. They welcomed me in the team the best they could. I still was the outsider though. I didn’t share the locker room experience. But apart from that I was always included. When hanging out and partying I was relieved to notice that there was very little drinking involved. Scratch out one more prejudice.

The team spirit was considerably enhanced by the fact that we had a straight three win start to the season. The second game was a classical romantic teen film scene where I scored the winning touchdown in the last seconds of the game. That finally scotched any plans I had to quit the team. The feeling was great. The adulation was great. Luckily I had the girls to keep me down to earth. However, my relation with them inevitably changed over time.

School, football, ballet, cheerleading and my friends... I didn’t really have time for them all. By Christmas I had to take a painful decision. I loved cheerleading but I quit the team. I had thought about quitting the football team but I realized that that was not an option. Even my cheerleading coach had made that perfectly clear. Inevitably that changed my relationship with the girls. Not that we stopped hanging out but they were cheerleaders and I - a football player. Football players date cheerleaders, they don’t do sleepovers with cheerleaders. Well, I still did but ... I hadn’t expected to be replaced by – a boy! Taylor (no joke!) had transferred to our school after Christmas. You’d think he’d be thrilled to be accepted into the C cheerleading team if he was so inclined. Not really. He was an awesome cheerleader and the way he swished his cheerleading skirt was a lesson to the girls. However, he really thought he had traded down. In his old school he had, after serious work, been accepted into the school’s seriously high-status All-boy Girls Cheerleading Squad. Their training schedule was grueling and highly efficient. After only a few years of existence that squad had become very famous and the members were among the school elite. Now he was just another freshman. Well, another freshman cheerleader even though he was head and shoulders above the other cheerleaders (metaphorically only). He was nice though and tried to hide his disappointment. The girls took him under their wings and included him in our group. I can’t deny that he was fun, cute and a genuinely nice kid. Soon he was one of us “girls”. He even participated in sleep-overs. Still, he was a bit strange. At times he could be the girliest of us all but at the same time he was very confidently male. It was only that he didn’t limit his definition of male. Wearing a skirt definitely was within his own definition. He intrigued me. He annoyed me. Of course his inclusion in our gang changed the dynamics even more. Slowly I felt that I drifted away.

It didn’t help that my football fame increased. We had a great season and while I couldn’t claim to be MVP I was certainly one of the team’s pillars. My relationship with the guys deepened, especially after Doug was kicked out of the team. Coach could never prove that that very dangerous move he made against me was deliberate. Luckily my ballet training had given me a very good control of my body. The least that could be said was that it was unforgivably stupid. That was enough for Coach and Doug was out.

Too bad I was locked out of the locker room though.

Next year I was advanced to the B team, as were the girls and Taylor in cheerleading.

Coach realized that my absence in the locker room was a problem, in particular when integrating in the B team. He talked to me and asked if I could consider changing with the guys. If I did, the guys had sworn that they would treat me with all due respect. Coach explained this would make us a better team so I accepted. Now I officially was one of the guys. I really had to work to retain some femininity!

Amazingly it was Taylor that rescued me. He noticed how my appearance started to degrade. He arranged an intervention with the girls and he was the one that organized the girliest week-end possible. It felt good to be my old girl self again. I enjoyed football. I enjoyed the comradeship of the team but it all sure made me messed up. That week-end also made me realize how genuinely decent Taylor was. Actually I found no end of nice qualities in Taylor. Not least the way he kissed me. Yes, we became girlfriend and boyfriend that week-end.

Since I was a football player I was obliged to date a cheerleader wasn’t I? At least the entire school thought so, at least after the fact. Yes, we got featured in media. Taylor made sure to look particularly pretty whenever we were interviewed. The fact that thin but wiry Taylor was a couple of inches shorter than my 5’10” and by then rather massive frame only enhanced the stereotypical image of our relationship. Nonetheless, my dates with Taylor were my safety valve. He had a knack of reminding me of my femininity. Of course it was he that taught me how to apply makeup in an expert way. On the stereotypical side: I was thrilled by the way Taylor ran up in his skirted cheerleader uniform and kissed me whenever I made a touch-down,

The B team was fairly successful that year. As I’ve told you before my high school always had lacked good wide receivers so few people apart from myself were surprised when Coach bumped me up to the A team in the spring.
I also spent quite a lot of time helping coach with the C team’s new twin wide receivers and my replacements in the B team. Amazingly Calvin recognized their talent and was prepared to stand back and be a substitute. Calvin was not a great player but a great team member. Don and Dave had talent, real talent, as opposed to their brother Doug. Too bad they spent so much energy hating their brother. Helping coach got me further immersed in football. Now I got more and more interested in the choreography of the game. Yes, I had cut back on ballet too but I still thought in those terms. It was fascinating. I started to ask Coach questions. Questions led to discussions, deep discussions. That’s when Coach started grooming me. NO, not THAT way. He always thought a couple of years ahead. He realized that Don and Dave had the potential to outperform me if trained and motivated correctly. He also saw that I had the potential to be a good quarterback. Potential is not achieved reality though. As a result of Coach’s new plans I lost whatever free time I had had. Taylor was NOT happy. Proud though. On the other hand Taylor didn’t exactly have an abundance of free time either. Taylor had made his A team before me. That boy is talented AND works hard (and is too cute for words). Not surprisingly he had soon ousted the cheerleader A team captain. Everyone except the former captain, Dolly, recognized Taylor’s superiority. That made me proud of him. Dolly quit the squad and started dating Doug.

Thus life went on in a rather pleasant way. Thanks to Taylor I reconnected to the girls, I enjoyed all aspects of my football commitments, my studies went reasonably well, my love of Taylor only got more and more profound. Then the Big Booze Party Scandal changed everything again.

In May one of the more popular seniors invited the cheerleading and football A teams to a party. The senior’s parties were famous. I was surprised to learn that Don and Dave were invited as well but chalked it up to recognition of their potential. I was not happy to go to the party due to the reputation the senior had but since the whole team was expected I went and so did Taylor. As soon as we got there Taylor and I each got a glass with a multicolored sweet drink thrust in our hand. I really don’t like the taste of alcohol so I could feel it even though hidden by the sweetness. It was strong. That made me uneasy and I put away the glass immediately. The demeanor of the people at the party made me even more uneasy. Taylor and I didn’t like the situation at all and quietly we made sure that our teammates left. Most of them anyway. A few were so intoxicated not only by alcohol but also the “honor” of being invited to the senior’s party. When we couldn’t talk sense into any of those remaining Taylor and I left. Just in time. Only a few minutes later the police came. They had been tipped-off about underage drinking.

It was bad, really bad. There was not only alcohol but drugs as well. However, things could have been worse. Taylor must have had some moral authority since only ONE cheerleader got busted. On the football side it was worse. The quarterback, the other wide receiver and the half-back! Disaster! Of course they were off the team and we had an important game only a week later. Taylor and I also had questions to answer but there were enough people that had seen us taking just a sip and then starting the “exodus”. Besides, only those actually arrested were punished and the rest got warnings.

Now Coach’s forethought paid off. I was unexpectedly thrust into the quarterback position and Don and Dave were poached from the B team. The principal even gave the reconstituted team time off to practice and we used every minute available so we had a modicum of team cohesion before the BIG GAME.

We won the game. It was only by a whisker and mostly by hard sluggish work. No flashy last –minute touch-down this time. I was relieved that the early lead we got thanks to Don and Dave that then slowly eroded held out to the end of the game, just. Had the game been five minutes longer I have no doubt we would have lost. While Don and Dave were amazing given the circumstances they didn’t have the needed stamina yet. Oh my, more work. However, I could NOT complain about the quality of the kiss the head cheerleader gave me. Some stamina there!

You think I should have been happy, right? Wrong. As soon as the game ended a rumor got around school that it was I that had tipped off the police to get rid of the quarterback and take that position. The fact that coach had trained me for the quarterback position only “proved” that I coveted the position and was prepared to do anything to get it. Then add that Taylor and I just made it out of the house before the police came. And,,. you can never trust a girl who doesn’t know her place, can you? Especially a girl that used to be a cheerleader. Haven’t we all seen all those movies with devious and evil cheerleaders? The way Taylor had become A team cheerleader captain was no help. There was just no way I could prove that I was innocent. Luckily the BIG GAME was the last for the season since team spirit went down the drain. My team mates didn’t really believe the rumors but ...

All of a sudden my Paradise had turned into Hell. I had the support of the girls and some of my teammates but the rest? The “We don’t really believe the rumors but ...” attitude spread. Nothing tangible but it was there, all-pervasive, ever-present. I had loved my sophomore year but now I couldn’t wait for summer break. Maybe I could even persuade my parents to move again. It wasn’t like we never had done it before.

Then on the penultimate day of the semester the police arrived and arrested Doug and Dolly. Later the same day a very angry and vengeful former senior somehow managed to get into school. He had some very interesting tales to tell. And he was eager to tell them. Apparently it was Doug and Dolly that had made him invite the A teams to the party in exchange for drugs that Dolly could supply. They had been very specific about who to invite. Doug had then tipped off the police. The former senior had only learnt about that last part when he had got high together with Dolly the day before. Until then the former senior had protected Doug and Dolly. Now he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. He himself was history but he wanted to demolish Doug and Dolly completely. The things he told about them! I felt sick when I realized that Doug deliberately had tried to frame his own brothers. Me and Taylor I could somehow understand that warped minds like that could go for but his own family?!

I was still happy for summer break. I couldn’t handle all the ashamed excuses.

Junior year was great. The few guys on the A team I didn’t like had graduated. This year we had a great A team. Oh, I didn’t turn into a passable or even good quarterback. I turned into an amazing quarterback. I think only Coach had seen my true potential. He also stopped me from dropping ballet completely. I had been prepared to do that sacrifice but Coach thought that my footwork must be due to ballet and urged me to continue. The thing about potential was true with Don and Dave also. They developed in an amazing way. Don and Dave ran very precise short patterns which allowed me time to develop my arm-strength. Never any long passes. There was mostly running of the ball and only passing to keep the other team's defense honest.

Together with some other talented players we formed a great core for the team at a level that the rest seemingly effortlessly rose to. You think I was getting a swollen head? You’re perfectly right, I did. All this was heady stuff. It could have been even worse though. Fortunately I had this great boyfriend that kept me connected to earth. Admittedly many new students and the teams we were playing weren’t aware that Taylor was male. I may have been prejudiced but he definitely ranked among the ten prettiest students in school. And those short skirts showed of his adorable strong legs to perfection.

That season the A team won practically every game. I especially was happy that we completely destroyed our traditional nemesis Savonarola High in the final. Not only had they been particularly obnoxious about me being a girl playing football. They had also made every effort possible, mostly by foul means, to hurt me physically in the games we had played against them. They were not the only going for me but the other teams did it more or less according to the rules. My speed saved me many times but I still got my unfair share of bumps. Savonarola High didn’t limit their attacks on me to the field though. They even started a campaign to get me banned from playing football. Not very successfully, I thought. No matter. We had been great my junior year but everything pointed to us being formidable my senior year. There was no limit to what we could achieve.

Just before the end of my junior year I was called to the Principal’s office. Why? When I got there Coach was already there. A very angry and troubled Coach.

Coach: I’m sorry Pentti but it looks like you won’t be the quarterback for the A team next year.

Me: Why? Have I done anything wrong?

Coach: Nothing, nothing at all! That’s what makes me so furious. It’s all devious, evil intrigue and politics. I guess that you won’t be surprised to learn that the Principal and Coach of Savonarola High are heavily involved. The have pushed their friends in certain circles to move more rapidly than they had planned so according to what I’ve been informed there will new statutes already the coming school year mandating all high schools to have girls’ football teams no matter the number of participants. All this so we can’t invoke Title IX any longer

Me: Is that legal?

Coach: Probably not but the legal tangles before it’s settled will keep you off the field anyway.

Principal: But transgender ...

Coach: That’s the beauty of their little scheme. They will also rush through another statute forbidding transgender students to participate in any team not according to their birth gender.

At that point Coach was shocked by my and the Principal’s laughter.

Coach: Don’t you understand. This will stop Pentti to claim to be transgender. Don’t think I haven’t seen how you have drifted to a more male persona over the years, Pentti.

Principal: I’m amazed, absolutely stunned. I never would have believed this of my students and I have been a teacher and principal for almost 40 years. I couldn’t be prouder. Now I can retire knowing I must I have done something right.

Coach: Are you completely out of your mind? What are you talking about? Don’t you realize the gravity of the situation? Are you both completely insane?

Principal: I never thought that even one team could keep a secret like that. Now several teams have. My students couldn’t have made me more proud.

The principal then collapsed laughing

Coach: Shall I call for an ambulance?

Me: No need. It’s just that we didn’t realize that even you had been kept out of the secret.

Coach: What secret?

Me: It’s true that I’m a girl. There has never been any doubt about that, no matter what you appear to believe, but my birth certificate states “Male”. I haven’t even bothered to change my name since you Americans don’t understand that Pentti is a male name in Finland. My teammates both in Cheerleading and Football that I have shared locker rooms with have been kind and loyal enough to keep my physical imperfection a secret. As the Principal noted that is something for this school to be proud of. And for your information - Taylor is an amazing male so confident in who he is that a minor matter like this doesn’t change the love he has for his girlfriend.

Coach: So you mean ...

Me: According to the new statutes I have no option but to play for a male football team. Playing for the girls’ team would be absolutely illegal.

Coach: And our first game next semester is against Savonarola High School ....

The secretary DID call for the school psychologist when she heard all those weird noises from the Principal’s office.

I’d like to thank Jill (a.k.a. Angela Rasch) for her help with insights into American football and a few other things. Of course any mistakes still here are entirely my own fault.