So, sitting here watching "Back To The Future". It's late at night and looking at my account it'll be 9 years soon. I was one of those poor bastards that had PTSD and a dozen other things so bad that the Docs would later say they doubted I would live. 7 hospitalizations later, I finally started to get better, but I won't say how except to mention that shrinks and medications were a waste of time for me. It took something else.

So, I have sort of lowered my shields a bit in public and public media and am pleasantly surprised to find out that many of the "Muggles" I know have TG and GBLT friends and seem to be on friendly terms.

Perhaps the world is getting better for T and Intersex folk? My references to it in public media are and shall remain very oblique. I do hope that does not upset too many of you. I never told you that I was a brave activist and nothing I ever learned in life taught me to be foolishly brave.

Perhaps the days of pain and rejection are becoming fewer? One can only hope so.

If you are wondering about my story Mercy, you can relax in the knowledge that I am working on Part 2 right now. When its done, I wouldnt mind having someone who knows Whately better than I do take a peak to make sure I havent made any really major errors, even if the story is fan fiction.

So if someone like that is interested in being an editor, give me a PM.

This week was destined to be insane, I have 5 tests, a report, and the PSAT all in the next three days, but shit got real today as I found out that one of my oldest friends (we have been friends for 4 years) ran away from home and tried to commit suicide last night. He is fine now and is safe in a hospital, but the fact that a kid who was always so happy could do so just took me by surprise.

Anyway, everyone involved is fine and some of the other kids from the website that we use contacted the police when he posted his suicide note.

Sn1per01 (Ember)

If you have attended a family gathering, chances are you may have gotten or given a kiss on the cheek as a greeting. In some parts of the world, such a kiss is not just for family members, but is part of normal life.

Why am I bringing this subject up?

Because today at church, I got kissed.

By a guy.

On the cheek.

I asked him about it afterward, and he told me I had been glowing, which made him want to give me that kind of greeting.

The best news about it is that the kiss didnt trigger my PTSD, so there is that.

My son has started another one of his emotionally abusive rants and it has been so severe that I will take what legal action that I can. Here in Oregon, what he is doing may be illegal, but he lives in Longview, Texas. So, there is probably not much that can be done unless he comes to Oregon.

It makes me feel really shaky and upset. I am sure that most of us know what it is to be attacked by relatives. He is a member of the same nutter Christian group that threw me out.

For those who pray, I would appreciate your prayers.

Gwen

I suspect I may have been wished an interesting life as very little runs smoothly. I'm still having awful broadband problems (0.2mbs current speed) despite changing supplier - I suspect they're all as useless as each other.

Well, for those of you who wondered why I hadnt been on as much this weekend, I can now tell you I had company in the form of Star.

It was really nice of her to fly all the way to visit me, and I hope she had a good time here.

I sure enjoyed her company.

Sleeping, it wasn't. I saw the 'blood' moon and the eclipse, sadly I couldn't photograph the red colour, which was actually more a brown colour.

I've been heavily involved in some activism for T folk in the Mormon church for some time and it feels like I am dealing with an unchangeable monolith. Perhaps abandoning what I've been doing is best? Sometimes no matter how many unimpeachable facts you give it is not worth the struggle since their agenda is not what I thought it was. Any who would like further explanation, you may PM me.

This is how a co-worker described my work last night:

"Dorothy was amazing. She kicked butt!"

I blushed a little. Wouldnt you?

I have my first appointment this morning at the clinic (Callen-Lorde) to start HRT. (4 hours from right now!) And I realize I'm scared.

Well... Im finally a junior, but it is bitter sweet. It means that I only have a couple more years with the few friends that I have. It will also mean that I will no longer be able to see my sister. My mom makes sure to remind me of that almost every day. Now that I am a junior, I am taking AP classes, which fills up my schedule. I am always in the dark as to what is happening to the chat room... I am taking two AP classes at the moment, AP English III and AP US History.

Bit of a mixed day at work last night. I had some severe moments of pain, and a mild PTSD attack, but on the plus side, I applied for a less physical job.

To start with, my back hurts, and it's been this way for two weeks now, ever since I pulled a muscle during a not particularly violent sneeze. I've been applying a heating pad to it and that's been helping a lot, but it's still limiting how much I can do, and how long I can sit at the computer to write.

So, I get up this morning feeling pretty good having slept pretty well. Then there is this story about a 14 year old boy getting arrested and cuffed for taking a homemade clock to school to show his teacher.

What? Seriously? Oh, forgot to tell you that he's Black! And he's one of them Muslims! He got arrested for making a what? A clock you say? Really? Gosh, I've been off my meds since 2008 and have been doing pretty well ...

Well, yesterday I got a bit of bad news/good news about my hip.

I was helping Sharon get some stuff done for Samantha, and I complained about my hip. She brought me to her doctor, who got a copy of the x-ray I had done at the hospital. He told me there were signs of arthritis as well as bursitis in my hip, and he wanted me to go for an CT scan to see what else we could learn before deciding on a treatment.

But on the other hand, he didnt even blink when I told him I was transitioning - in fact he asked me which way I was going!

Ok, I am trying to find out if we have any Trekkers here besides myself and Jennifer Cavazos. We are both members of a Facebook Closed Group of Transgender only Star Trek Fans. The two of us have been working with the Founder of the Group to build and crew our own Starship, the USS Jorgensen. I am the Chief Science Officer and was originally a Lt Commander and Jenn is our Chief Engineer. Because of the work we have been doing for our group, our Captain has also assigned me as the Ship's Second Officer with a promotion to Commander. Jenn also received a promotion to Commander as well.

okay, I noticed something strange at work last night. The last while, I start my shift okay, slowly get more and more depressed until lunch, and then slowly recover till I am mostly okay when I am heading home.

Weird, huh?

Just wanted to say thank you to all the people who sent me messages of encouragement yesterday, and especially the ladies on the big closet chat site who talked with me for more than an hour to make sure I was okay.

Huggles for everybody !

There are some things in life that are unobtainable, like the legendary white stag. Everyone has that one thing they've wanted, and every organization has that one lofty goal that every member seeks.

Today (or, in point of fact, last night,) I have obtained one of those goals.

I am now a full-time employee.

Today I have performed a task that I have done many times since I was a little girl. Last night I could not find my cat Jon. Today I searched the house and still could not find him. When I left the house to take care of some tasks I spotted Jon under a bush. I had been having the feeling all day that Jon was no longer with me because he had been refusing to eat, even the tuna from a can that had been opened for sandwiches. When I got back to the house I got the pillow case he loved to lay down in and placed him inside it.

Okay, here is a bit of a giggle for you all.

When I got my tire replaced, I was told I would have to come back in to get something done after 50 k or so, so when I woke up this afternoon I phoned about making an appointment.

Now, because I had to sign legal stuff, I was using my male name when talking with the guy.

Except that when he was talking to me on the phone, he called me ma'am.

Apparently, my voice is feminine enough that he ... slipped up, as it were.

Not that I mind ...

Giggles.

Well, I am back connected again!

(Does a happy dance)