Nancy and I stood a little behind. She gripped my hand fiercely. I think that she was as afraid of rejection as I was.

This was the moment of truth.

Mummy and Sally moved aside and he finally saw us for the first time...

A New Life

By Susan Brown

 
 

---

---

I felt a slight tremble from Nancy’s hand as he looked at us for the first time although, it could have been my hand that was trembling.

Dr Dempsey looked slightly confused. Mummy went to him and whispered into his ear as a smiling Sally rushed over, stepped between us and grabbed hold of our hands.

‘Daddy, this is Annabel and Nancy.’

Mummy whispered something else in his ear as she and her husband walked up to us.

He was smiling and I hoped sincerely that this was a good sign. To say that I was quaking in my shoes would be something of an underestimate.

I was acutely aware that when the good doctor last saw me, I was very different looking than I was now, in my pretty but slightly grubby dress and coat with my bonnet tied under my chin with a ribbon, as it was a bit windy. I believed that I now looked every bit of the girl I believed myself to be. I did so hope that he would agree with me.

He stooped down and looked me in the face.

‘Annabel, is it now? Well, it is a bit of a shock seeing you as you are now, as pretty as a picture, and I think that we will need to have a nice long chat about what has been going on with you. I am so sorry to hear about your father passing away. My wife says that you have some health issues that need looking into rather urgently but, I am sure that we can rectify what ails you.’

He smiled warmly and my heart melted. He was not judging me and he was treating me most kindly. It gave me the strength that I sorely needed at that moment.

He turned to Nancy, who was still holding my hand and looking somewhat scared.

‘Nancy, is it?’ he asked softly.

She nodded, saying nothing.
‘Well Nancy, I am sorry to hear that you have lost your parents. I fear that you are far from the only child to lose their parents in this tragedy. We will look after you, have no fear of that. The same goes for you, Annabel. Now everyone, let us go home.’

So, we left the quay where so many people had come ashore for the first time. I was acutely aware that many others had not had the chance to reach America and as such, we should consider ourselves as the lucky ones that had survived the sinking of that great ship The Titanic.

Soon I found myself in a very smart and expensive-looking four-wheel brougham carriage, Sally, Nancy and I sat on one seat and Mummy and the doctor sat opposite us. The coachman was taking us to the home that the doctor had bought for his family. I wondered what it would be like and whether Nancy and I would have a place there, despite the assurances that we had had.

The doctor was nice and kind, but my confidence was not great. Too much had happened to me recently to give me very much confidence in my future.

Sally and her father were having a lively conversation about where we were going. He described the new house and it sounded wonderful. Mummy looked at my worried features and smiled. She had no worries now; she had arrived safely in New York with Sally and their future seemed assured.

I looked out of the carriage window, listening to the turn of the wheels and clip-clop of the horses. It seemed much like London here, if perhaps a bit newer in places. The buildings were large and imposing. After a while, I noticed that we were going along some sort of high street where shops abounded. Everywhere was bustling with so many people going about their business. I wondered in passing if they had followed the tragedy involving The Titanic.

As if on cue, I then noticed a paper seller with a sign that said Carpathia arrives with survivors and that answered my question.

The streets were packed with people going about their business. All manner of transport filled the streets, sometimes stopping us from moving on. There were horse-drawn carriages of all kinds, trolleys, something that I had seen and occasionally ridden on in London, many bicycles and a few noisy automobiles chugging along with much smoke billowing from the rear. I also noticed stairs leading down to subways, similar, I think to the underground railway we had in London.

Eventually, the shops, offices and other such places turned into more residential areas. Unfortunately, the areas that we were passing through had a depressing familiarity where poverty, inequality, and inadequate living conditions were evident and reminded me of where I had been living of late.

In our carriage, Nancy had fallen asleep and was leaning against my shoulder and I put my arm around her. Sally was still talking animatedly to her father and I could see the love that they had for each other.

‘Are you all right Annabel?’ asked Mummy quietly.

‘Yes Mummy,’ I replied.

‘Any pains?’

‘A little but not too bad,’ I replied.

I did not want to make a fuss. The jarring of the carriage had made me feel somewhat uncomfortable, but it wasn’t too bad yet. I wished that I had access to the medicine that I had been able to have on Titanic, but I would just have to do without. I scratched at my chest, my nipples were somewhat itchy, but I put that down to the clothes that I was wearing. Thinking about it, my chest had seemed a bit puffy and itchy of late, but I had had other things to worry about…

Dr Dempsey was looking at me with a slightly puzzled expression and I could feel my face get hot. I suddenly realised what I had said. Did he object to me calling his wife Mummy?

He then smiled.

‘Mummy, is it? Interesting. So, Annabel, you are in some pain?’

‘Yes Sir, a little.’

‘As soon as we get home, I will have a look at you and try to ease your pain, is that agreeable?’

‘Yes Sir. Thank you, Sir.’

‘Hmm, I don’t like the ‘Sir’ thing. Perhaps you would like to call me Father or Daddy as it looks like we are on the way to increasing our little family?’

‘Daddy,’ interjected Sally, looking at him sternly, ‘not Father, that sounds a bit too Victorian and formal.’

She then turned to me.

‘It has to be Daddy, Annabel.’

‘Thank you, Sir…erm Daddy.’ I said to him grinning, my heart feeling like it might burst out from me in my happiness.

For some reason, we all laughed and that woke up Nancy who looked at us wondering what we were all grinning at.

‘What?’ she asked.

‘I’ll tell you later, young Nancy,’ said Sally.

‘I’m not that young!’ said Nancy.

For some reason, we all laughed again and Nancy, after a bit, joined in.

---

We continued on our journey and as I looked out of my window, I could see that the houses gradually started to look nicer and there was more greenery around. In myself, I was happier. It appeared that the vague promises given to me by Mummy were, in fact, true. It very much seemed that Nancy and I were to be accepted into the family. I wondered, in passing, just how much my new Daddy, as I loved to call him now, knew of what happened to me and how much Mummy had told him in the brief conversation that she had with him whilst on the Carpathia when she had access to communications with the land.

I wondered, not for the first time, how I found myself in the position of being effectively a girl - although I knew in my heart of hearts how impossible that sounded – and also after all my trials and tribulations I was now being looked after by such a wonderful family. I felt that indeed I was blessed and I strongly felt that my original father and mother were looking down on me and with God's help, allowing me to live the life I was now experiencing.

I knew that things would probably get difficult for me in the future and my current health was a possible cloud on the horizon, but I would let the future look after itself and see what would happen when it did.

I had no illusion of how unusual my position was. I felt like a girl but I had parts that only boys had. In our enlightened and modern society, I would hope to be accepted but time will tell. I would just have to wait and see.

Looking back on my life as a boy, it all seemed somewhat distant now, almost as if I was another person, as I supposed, looking down at what I was wearing, I probably was!

Since dressing as a girl to hide myself on the ship, no one had questioned my gender. I had been accepted for who I now considered myself to be, a girl. I looked back with some distaste at having to be a boy; someone who is expected to be strong, never cry or show feminine emotions. Perhaps I had always felt that I was a girl and the influence that Sally had on me had rubbed off. I had no idea and I would just accept that I was different from boys and be happy that I had found the real me.

My thoughts were interrupted. We had been going along a wide road and then we suddenly turned in through some wrought iron gates. The gravel drive seemed to go forever as we went through what looked like a nice, large, well-tended park and gardens.

After some little time, we stopped outside a large house, almost a mansion.

Surely this is not our destination? I thought.

But indeed, it was.

As we all got out. I was, as usual, holding Nancy’s hand. She required as much if not more reassurance than me as we were greeted by a smiling servant who opened the carriage door and helped us out.

I was feeling hot and achy, and I suppose slightly lightheaded, but I had felt that before and was distracted by what I was seeing before me, so I ignored it.

The servant led us into the house.

Sally being Sally, ran on ahead and did not seem overalled by the magnificence of the house. I wondered, in passing, just how rich my new parents were. I was aware that Daddy (I did love calling him that!) had come into some money and judging by what I was seeing, it must have indeed been an immense amount!

I looked up and gasped at the magnificent hallway, with a marble floor and a staircase to rival the one on the late lamented Titanic.

There were some pictures on the wall in gilt frames, some portraits of people long ago, judging by their clothing and others that were of country scenes.

Looking up, I could see a large crystal chandelier, reflecting the light coming from the large windows to the side. It all looked rich and opulent and was all a bit intimidating to a girl not used to such surroundings.

A side door opened and a matronly looking woman in a dark dress came out and Sally ran over to her and hugged her tightly.

I recognised her as being the family cook. I knew her from when I visited Sally’s home occasionally. She made lovely biscuits and cakes, I remembered. Her name was Mrs Abbott or as she preferred to be called, Molly.

‘There you are, Miss Sally. My, you are as pretty as a picture, although your clothes have seen better days, not surprising after all you have been through, you poor thing.’

Mummy and Daddy had come up to Nancy and me and Daddy put his hands on our shoulders.

‘Molly, this is Annabel and Nancy. You may or may not recognise Annabel.’

The cook looked up at us as she held Sally’s hand.

‘Hello girls, erm Annabel, I seem to recognise you from…wait a moment, Arthur? Why are you dressed as a girl? I do not understand…’

‘Molly, let me speak with you,’ said Mummy, going over to her and leading her away.

I was slightly upset. I knew Molly to be a kindly soul and I wondered how she would feel once my circumstances had been explained to her. I felt then that not everyone would accept me for who I was, a girl in the wrong body. I wondered how things would be for me in the future and worst of all, that I might be forced to pretend to be a boy and wear clothes that did not reflect who I really was.

‘Don’t worry Annabel, we will sort things out for you…’

I was glad of that, but by now, I was acutely aware of the pains in my body. I leant up against a wall. The journey in the carriage had, at times been a little rough as not all the roads were paved smoothly and it jarred my already slightly delicate parts.

Just then, a door opened and a woman in a fine dark green dress came into the hallway.

She was young, perhaps very early twenties, very pretty and had a nice gentle smile on her face.

'Ah, Miss Smith, this is Annabel and Nancy, two welcome additions to our family. Girls, Miss Smith is to be your governess and will be assisting us with your education and other things. When my wife and I are not here, she will, apart from being my secretary and assistant, be looking after you when you are not at school.’

‘School?’ asked Nancy.

‘Yes, you will both be enrolled in the same girl’s school as Sally. We believe in a good education for girls, unlike some less enlightened people. It will set you up in life.’

Through my pain, I vaguely reasoned that there might be problems with me being enrolled in a girl’s school. Much as I considered myself to be a girl, I had difficulties that even you, dear patient reader, might consider to be insurmountable, but I had more immediate problems that were concerning me at that moment and it was all getting a bit much for me.

The ever-present pains in my groin area were becoming even greater and I was beginning the perspire and feel a bit faint. Perhaps all this was getting to me.

Suddenly things went dark and I could feel myself slipping to the floor and after that, I knew no more.

---

On reflection, I did not realise that I was quite ill. For some time, I drifted in and out of consciousness. The fact that I was in pain was obvious at times and at other times, I felt numb, pain-free but unable to move. Sometimes I felt hot and fevered and at others as cold as ice.

I was occasionally aware of people around me; the sound of hushed voices and my fevered brow being softly wiped. However, it was all a bit hazy.

At one point, I could feel something being put over my mouth and nose. It smelt rather unpleasantly of rubber, but before I could think any more about it, I went to sleep.

I had a strange dream that felt so real to me. I was in a park. The sun was shining and the flowers were so pretty. The slight breeze rustled the leaves in the trees and I was at peace. I was wearing a long white flowing dress and my lengthy hair occasionally brushed against my face. I had no shoes on and my bare feet felt wonderful on the cool grass as I walked down to a lovely lake.

Suddenly from beneath the lake, there was a slight disturbance in the calm water. I stood there and watched my father, mother and my dear sister emerge from the water and walk up the shore toward me. Although they had been submerged, they were as dry as a bone.

A lovely little girl, who I knew must be my sister was in my mother’s arms and looked about three years old. They all looked healthy and happy, with no signs of illness or distress. They were all well-dressed, Father in a smart suit, Mother in a long white dress and my dear sister in a short dress, also white but with pink ribbons.

I felt no fear only the love that I had for my family. I wanted so much to be with them.

They stood before me and my mother spoke.

‘Annabel, we love you and want you to be with us, but not yet. You need to go back and be the girl and eventually the woman that we know you will be; kind, considerate and a credit to us. Go back now and we will be together again in the fullness of time. Accept who and what you are and go with our blessing.’

‘Go now Annabel and live a full and happy life,’ added my father smiling.

My sister said nothing but waved and giggled. She looked so happy.

I felt myself drawn away from them and they seemed to be suddenly engulfed by a mist. I was so sad as they finally left me and then, everything went dark…

Eventually, I awoke one morning feeling a lot better, if a bit weak. I lifted my head from the soft pillow and became more aware of my surroundings.

Over in the corner of the bedroom, sitting in a comfortable-looking chair, was a young lady in a nurse’s uniform. She was reading a book. She was very pretty and had a pleasant face.

I coughed, my mouth and throat were very dry.

She looked up and smiled. Putting her book down, she stood up and came over to me.

‘Hello Annabel, back with us, are you? How are you feeling?’

‘Alright, I think,’ I croaked, ‘very thirsty though.’

She reached over to a bedside table, picked up a carafe of water and poured some into a glass.

‘Can you sit up a bit?’

I did as she asked and then she helped me to drink the water.

‘Just small sips Annabel.’

I did as she asked and liked the sensation of the cool liquid as it went down my parched throat.

I felt as weak as a kitten but much better than I knew I had been.

‘What happened to me?’ I asked as she put the glass back on the bedside table.

‘It’s not for me to say Miss, but you have been very ill and are now on the mend. I will go and fetch the doctor.’

She took the glass from me and put it on the bedside table.

I lay back, staring at the ceiling. I felt rather hot and I noted that I was wearing a nightcap and I removed it, allowing my hair to flow freely. I wondered what had been wrong with me and if had it something to do with my groin problems. I absent-mindedly scratched at my chest through the thin fabric of the nightgown. Both nipples felt itchy and swollen and that was puzzling. I remembered that I had had problems there before but had discounted the fact.

I put my hand tentatively under the covers and felt for my groin. The area was slightly achy but covered in a padded bandage of some kind. Had the doctor done something down there?

I smiled as I remembered the kind face of Doctor Arnold. I also recalled that he said that I could call him Daddy and that was nice. I was under no illusion that things might stay the same and my circumstances could change at a moment’s notice. I had been made certain, but what I considered to be, tentative promises about my future but I was an insecure creature and all the things that had happened to me of late did not lend me much in the way of a secure future, however much that I would want one.

The door opened and I saw that the doctor and his wife had come in. I was too shy for some reason to call them Mummy and Daddy, despite their earlier reassurances.

‘Well Annabel, how are you feeling?’

‘A little weak Sir and slightly sore in places but otherwise quite well.’

‘Hmm, would you let me have a look at you?’

‘Yes Sir.’

‘What is all this Sir business, Annabel? Do you not want to call me something else?’

I nodded shyly.

‘Well?’

‘Erm, Daddy?’ I replied tentatively.

‘Yes, nothing had changed you know. Now let me have a look at you. Will you help my dear?’ he asked his wife.

‘Of course, Darling,’ said Mummy, who smiled at me reassuring me.

The bedcovers were pulled down and with some help from Mummy, I stood up rather unsteadily and removed my rather damp nightgown. I noticed that a rubber tube was coming out from beneath the bandage and the tube ran into a bottle by the side of the bed. The bottle had dark orange liquid in it and it was obvious to me that it was urine or wee as I preferred to call it.

‘What is that?’ I asked, pointing at the tube.

‘A catheter,’ said Mummy, ‘it helps you to go to the toilet when you cannot go normally.’

‘Oh,’ I replied, not really understanding very well.

The effort of moving after so much time made me feel slightly giddy and very weak and I was glad to lie back down on the bed with no clothes on except for the large bandage around my groin area.

Mummy held my hand whilst Daddy removed the bandage and had a look. I didn’t want to look down there myself as I was concerned as to what I might see.

I felt his slightly cold hands feel about the area.

‘Does this hurt?’ he asked.

‘No.’

‘What about this?’

I jumped slightly.

‘A little bit.’

‘You are healing very well considering, Annabel. I think that we can remove the catheter now. I do not want it to stay in there too long as it can cause an infection and you have had enough of those. It might hurt a bit and I’m sorry for that, but it’s soon over with.’

Whilst Mummy held my hand, I felt a tugging and a sharp pain down below.

I grunted in pain but it disappeared almost as soon as it started.

‘That is better,’ said Daddy, ‘can you stand whilst we help you to get a fresh nightgown back on?’

I nodded and stood up with my eyes closed. It helped, as I was feeling light-headed and the room was spinning around alarmingly.

Soon, I was tucked up in bed again in a clean white nightgown over some pretty lacy drawers that were much more comfortable than bandages and I almost immediately started to feel better. The strange pressure I had experienced before in my groin had thankfully disappeared.

The experience had worn me out somewhat and despite all the questions I wanted to be answered, without realising it, I fell asleep.

---

I woke up later feeling much better. I stretched and yawned.

‘Awake at last?’

I opened my eyes and there was Mummy at my bedside.

‘Sorry, I fell asleep,’

‘I’m not surprised Dear, considering what you have been through.’

‘What happened Mummy?’

‘Are you up to hearing about it?’

‘Yes please, but can I have a drink of water?’

‘Of course, my Darling.’

‘I like it when you call me that. I did wonder if things would change once we arrived in New York.’

‘You know that we said that we would care for you.’

‘I know, but people sometimes say things that they do not mean.’

‘I mean what I said and so does your new father. We have already applied for you and Nancy to be adopted by us. Do you still want that to happen?’

‘Oh yes Mummy, more than anything.’

‘Good, now sit up and take this glass. Try not to spill any water. I will go and get Daddy; he will be in a better position to explain to you what has happened.’

‘Am I going to be alright?’ I asked.

‘Yes, you are. I’ll let him explain as he was one of those who examined and treated you.’

‘Where are the girls?’

‘At school, they will see you presently, I promise. I will not be long.’

She left me to my thoughts.

My fears, such as they were about what would happen when I arrived in New York, were groundless and it appeared that I did not have a dreadful disease, although I was still somewhat puzzled as to what had happened to make me so ill.

Before I had time to let my imagination grow wild, my new prospective parents returned.

‘Hello Annabel,’ said Daddy as he walked up to the bed and sat down on the edge, ‘how are you feeling?’

‘Much better thank you.’

‘That is good. I was going to tell you things the last time I saw you but of course, inconveniently, you fell asleep.’

He smiled.

‘Sorry,’ I said.

‘You have been through a lot and perhaps then was not the time to speak of such things. Are you ready to hear what has happened?’

‘Yes please Sir…erm, Daddy.’

He smiled again.

‘Forget that Sir nonsense; as far we are concerned, you are our child and this will be confirmed very soon. We have already been told unofficially that there will be no objections to both Nancy and you being adopted. So you can rest easy on that score.’

‘Thank you, Daddy and you too Mummy. I’m the luckiest girl alive.’

Mummy pulled up a chair and sat by the bed, holding my hand.

‘Hmm,’ said Daddy, ‘interesting that you say that you are a girl so naturally. Let me explain. When you collapsed, I was very concerned. You were carried upstairs soon after and I examined you and found things that I was not happy about. Your mother had already told me about your medical problems and I was intrigued, to say the least, to find out what was ailing you. As soon as I examined the unusual and perilous state of your testicles, I realised that they would have to be removed as soon as possible.

‘You had a fever and was unconscious. You were conveyed to the hospital urgently. I am no expert on the condition that you have, I’ll explain that in a moment, but luckily, one of the doctors there, Dr Manners, has had some experience with this sort of thing. You had a high temperature and an infection. We had hoped to reduce your temperature and let your body get better and that would normally take some time. Time that we did not have if we were to make you better as quickly as possible. Luckily though, you are young and, apart from a few issues, relatively healthy, so we decided to deal with your problems immediately. Now Annabel, I have a few things to tell you which might be somewhat embarrassing and upsetting for you. Are you ready to hear about it?’

‘Yes Daddy,’ I replied, with a certain amount of dread. Was I dying?

He saw the look on my face and must have read my mind.

‘You are well now and have nothing to worry about, so have no fear on that score.’

Mummy held my hand as Daddy continued and I was glad that she did as I liked the reassurance of her gentle touch.

‘Now Annabel, as I said, I had Dr Manners have a look at you whilst you were unconscious and it was decided that we had to operate immediately to get rid of your infected, malformed testicles. Although there were some worries about operating on you whilst you were so ill, we believed that it was necessary as the root cause of the infection was situated in your genital area. I am keeping things simple for you so that you can understand. The last thing you want to hear is a whole list of medical jargon that would probably go over your head. Am I right?’

I nodded. I was finding the explanation hard enough as it was!

‘Good girl. Now, how much do you know about the differences between boys and girls?’

‘Erm, girls are prettier, their voices do not change but they develop more, erm shape as they grow up and they don’t have, erm boy bits. Oh, and they can have babies?’

I knew that I was blushing furiously. I found the subject rather embarrassing, to say the least.

Mummy spoke up.

‘You and I are going to have a little talk later, Annabel about such things, but don’t worry, you are not the only one who has a lack of knowledge on this subject. You are of an age where you need to know a little bit more about your body.’ She turned to Daddy, ‘I suggest that you keep it very simple darling, she is only a child.’

Daddy sighed and then shrugged.

‘Very well. I will say this though. When we removed your damaged and very undeveloped testicles, we found out that hidden beneath were some organs that only a girl would have. Your penis was, in fact, a large clitoris, something that only girls have. We performed some surgery to put things right and you are, effectively a girl and not a boy. In fact, it is possible, if everything down there is functioning correctly, that you could bear children.’

‘I…I’m a real girl and can have babies?’

‘Yes, don’t look so shocked, it is normal for women to have babies! As far as we can ascertain, you are a girl. You had a few boy bits like those testicles but they were malformed and damaged and were removed and it was a good job that we did so and found out the secrets that lay under the skin as it were. Mummy will explain about menses and other things that a girl should know about, but had we not performed corrective surgery on you, you would have been very ill indeed. We tidied a few things up and we are pleased that you now look like any other girl down below. We had to do some corrective surgery on you so that you can urinate properly. Of course, you must sit down to urinate but it may be a little messy at times. Mummy will explain how you should try to keep things clean down there.’

‘I am a girl?’ I repeated, not taking much in.

‘Yes Dear,’ said Mummy, ‘you are and a very pretty one too.’

Of course, I then burst into tears, tears of happiness.

---

How should I close this account of what happened to me in that fateful year when I lost my father, journeyed on that fateful voyage of the Titanic, found my new family and discovered that I was a real girl?

It took some time for me to get better. I had been very ill and the infection and the problems involving my transition to full girlhood following surgery took its toll. But get better I did. I had a few minor additional surgeries to make things right down below but eventually everything was sorted out and Daddy and Mummy were pleased with the results and, of course, so was I!

I was formally adopted along with Nancy about a month after arriving in New York. I was now officially part of the family and a very happy one we were. I was given a new birth certificate with my new name and status on it. There were no awkward questions asked by the authorities. Many people had lost their papers in the sinking of that great ship.

It took some time for me to get used to the fact that I had always been a girl and that no one knew of it, not even my original parents. Nancy, Sally and I were the closest of sisters and did everything together. There was no sibling rivalry. We had gone through a lot together and that was reflected in how we were with each other. Nancy came out of herself and grew to be a lovely, confident, popular girl.

Sally, being Sally, was a very forward but occasionally naughty girl who had to be reined in sometimes, especially at school where she was a bit of a torment to the poor teachers. I was accepted at the school as the girl I now know I really was and I fitted in like any other girl, enjoying the lessons, games and many friends I made.

I acquired, as did my sisters, an extensive range of clothes and we all had great fun going to the shops in New York to try things on and purchase so many lovely dresses and other essentials. I was not so happy about wearing corsets as I found them rather restrictive and preferred camisoles, although I was sometimes forced to wear those restrictive garments if a dress required the shape that only a corset could give.

I loved looking pretty and found it hard to remember what it was like to wear boys’ clothes. New York was the place to be to find the latest, best fashions and we girls were lucky enough to be able to afford what, to some, would be some rather extravagant purchases.

There was a lot of fuss and bother regarding who was at fault regarding the sinking of the Titanic, but my family and I did not involve ourselves in that, as we just wanted to get on with our lives and put that part of our history behind us.

Our family was rich because of the inherited wealth we were lucky to have. We lived in a wonderful house with large grounds and when not at school, we had a lovely time running around and enjoying ourselves. Many times, we had friends from the school visit us and a great time was had by all. I loved my school and made many friends. No one ever thought that I had once been a boy and I was very happy to be there.

Daddy soon became a valued, senior doctor at the hospital but was in the lucky position of being able to spend some valuable time with the family and not be overworked, something that had happened all too frequently when he was working in England, and he wanted to avoid in the future. He believed in the importance of family life and I loved him for it.

As parents, they were wonderful to me. Yes, I missed my father and to a certain extent my mother, but life had to go on and over time I got over my grief about Dad and the loss of my mother and sister. My losses would never fully go away and I vividly recalled the dream that I had when I was ill where I met them all down by that lake. I felt that it was somehow real and that I would meet them one day in heaven.

As I grew, my body changed as all girl’s bodies do when they get older. I developed breasts and my figure became shapelier the older I got. One morning I awoke and screamed. There was blood on my nightgown and the bed sheets.

Mummy was there in an instant and calmed me down. We had spoken of such things as soon as I was confirmed as being a real girl; one of those mother-daughter talks that are so important to a growing girl. I had all but forgotten the fact that eventually, I would have a rather unwelcome visitor once a month.

In a way, after I had cleaned myself up and gotten over the shock, I was pleased to have such a confirmation that everything appeared to be in working order and that I might, one day, marry a handsome man and be blessed with children.

I was indeed a very lucky girl.

---

I sat on the veranda, looking down past the green lawn and gazed out once again at the sea.

Many years had passed now and I still felt that I was very lucky. So many people had perished on the Titanic. It was said that it was unsinkable, but that was never the case. The ship was in the wrong place at the wrong time and the accident happened. The damage was so bad that no ship could have survived the catastrophe.

The sun was setting, casting its reflection on the water. The sky overhead was blue and clear.

I could hear the sound of laughter and looked over to the side of the huge garden where my grandchildren were playing. Emily and John were twins, terrible twins my husband Michael and I called them. But they weren’t terrible at all, they were the light of our lives.

We were looking after them as my daughter, Sally, named after my darling sister, and son-in-law, Phillip was away on a well-needed break.

I could bore you with details of how my life went after 1912 but I won’t as it was not that exciting except to say that I met the man of my dreams in 1922 and he and I were blessed with a daughter and she married Phillip. Not too long after, Sally gave birth to the twins and indeed I felt blessed.

The rest of my history would be unexciting to anyone not in our now extended family.

Mummy and Daddy are still alive and quite well considering their advanced age. We see them often as they live nearby in the house where I first lived when coming to America.

My sister Nancy lives in Chicago and is married to a vet and helps her husband run his practice. They had five children and countless grandchildren and I wondered how they managed to run a vet’s practice and run a large household at the same time! The children have all grown up now and flown the nest. Paul, Nancy’s husband keeps threatening to retire as they are constantly being asked to babysit grandchildren. I think that he will carry on caring for animals though, as that is the thing he enjoys the most doing. We meet Nancy and Paul on high days and holidays and have a great time reminiscing about all the fun times that we have had.

Sally, how can I explain that force of nature? She has ambitions, has our Sally and she hopes to become governor of New York soon. Her husband Mark Joyner, is one of the richest men in the country and I am sure that his financial backing will help to oil the political wheels when the time comes. They had one child, Robert, but he unfortunately died serving his country and is sadly missed by us all.

I often meet with Sally and we have a great time. She wants me to run for Congress, but I have no political ambitions and anyway, I’m not very good at speeches and find it difficult to lie convincingly!

I could go on, but this story of a boy who was in fact a girl has gone on long enough and I see the terrible twins running towards the house and it looks like I am going to have my hands full!

As I stand up and brush the crumbs, being the only remains of a rather delicious cake that Cook has made, off my skirt, I smile. Life is good for me and I am going to enjoy it for as long as I have breath in my body.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

---

 

---

---

Please leave comments...thanks!