The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 3038 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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Talk about thunderstruck, if I’d be struck by something, I couldn’t have been more shocked. I looked at Tom and his mouth was moving my ears weren’t receiving. Then everyone rose from their seats except him and me.

“Thae meetin’s o’er, Cathy. Ye no away to tell yer secretary the guid news?”

“And what good news would that be, then?”

“Yer promotion.”

“I don’t remember saying I’d accept the job yet.”

“Ah but ye did, ye voted wi’ a’ thae ithers.”

Damn, I had too. I couldn’t let him get away with this, he’s insufferable enough at times as things are, this will push him, or me, over the edge.

“I thought nothing was finalised until I signed a contract?”

“Aye, ye accepted thae offer—that’s legally bindin’.”

Damn, he was so smug at times.

“That’ll teach ye tae drift off in a dream.”

“How could you of all people do that to your own family?” I said standing up.

“Och sit doon, Cathy an’ grow up f’ once. There was only ever one candidate f’ this job, it wis tae important tae gi’ tae anybody. If the meetin’ hadn’t gi’ it tae ye, I’d hae had tae ask ye directly tae dae it.”

“Hang on a moment. You’ve just spoken normal English for two hours, how come you’ve lapsed back into Lallans?”

“I’ll talk Sasenach if it pleases you.”

“It’s easier to understand.”

“I thought you were a professor, perhaps I did pick the wrong person, but you have to admit manipulating forty other people to do exactly as I wanted—now that is management.”

“I’m not impressed.”

“Feel hard done by, do we?”

“A little, betrayed may describe it better.”

“That bad?”

“Yes.”

“It comes with another ten thousand a year.”

“Money isn’t everything and I’ll just pay more tax on it.”

“Turn it down then, I’ll look stupid but not as much as you will.”

“Why me?”

“You’re the film maker.”

“On things I know something about. I’m a biologist remember not a chemist or physicist.”

“You’ll have enough budget to find someone who can do that bit for you. What I want from you, is the expertise to keep everything else up to scratch and on budget. So you’ll be producing the films and we need them by Easter.”

I laughed, “I thought I heard you say Easter.”

“I did.”

“It could take that long to find someone to shoot them or to do scripts.”

“I have every confidence in you.”

“That’s more than I do. I thought I had enough challenges in running my department and dealing with your project on dormice hibernation.”

“That’s been scrapped.”

“Don’t I decide that, as head of department?”

“No, I’m the budget holder for that. These films are more important. How would we look as a university if we lost two fundamental science departments because they were no longer fashionable.”

“They need new blood at the top, that’s one of the reasons.”

“Well now you have the authority to do some bloodletting, if that’s the case. It’s your department now, all of them are.”

“I can hardly sack two professors can I? Not after they’ve been here so long.”

“All right, you want me to do it?”

“Not at the moment, but I want to bring in some consultants to appraise both departments to see what we need to do to change things and how we bring it about.”

“Consultants?”

“Yes, someone from another university where they’re more successful recruiting and why?”

“Okay, how much will you need?”

“I’ll have to cost it.”

“Okay, what else?”

“Some money for new equipment and some new staff.”

“Okay, do the costings again, no big surprises, eh?”

“I have no idea what that sort of stuff costs but it won’t be cheap, but we’ll need to feature it in the films, so that a degree here is as good as London or Oxbridge.”

“You’re never short of ambition, I’ll give you that.”

“I get to choose who runs the biology department, until I’ve finished with this nonsense.”

“Of course, you have some ideas?”

“Some, they might need some firming up or working out. You’ve given me so little time to do this.”

“One film by Easter the other by Christmas.”

“What if they don’t work?”

“They’ll need a new Vice Chancellor and head of science.”

“I take it I keep my secretary?”

“You’ll have a PA and a secretary, you’re going to need them. Take Diane as your PA if she’s agreeable and we’ll get you a new secretary.”

“How much is all this going to cost?”

“I have a budget of one million for the next three years. If we improve our intake in Chemistry and Physics in that time, the budget will be given for three more years. You’ll be controlling a budget of about eight million altogether but with only limited opportunity for virement.”

“It’s a lot to take in. Where will my offices be?”

“First floor of the admin block behind your current abode. Never mind worrying how you’ll be able to see what’s going on in the labs, that won’t be your worry any more, you’ll be managing the people who manage them. Cathy, you’ll not just be a big fish in a small pond, you’ll be a blue whale in a small pond, with loads of others reporting to you.”

“So what are you going to do?” It sounded like I had half of his job to do and it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Keep the wolves off your back. This is a huge experiment if it goes belly up, so do we.”

“You and me or the university?”

“Both, Cathy we are the university. It’s that important.”

“No pressure then?”

“Awa’ and tak wi’ yer secretary.”

“Aye faither, I’m awa’ thae noo.” I answered him back and he snorted something very rude at my back.”

I sat with a cuppa in my office with Diane sat across the room from me. I told her what I’d learned and asked if she was on board. She’d be on another three to four thousand per year plus she’d need to recruit a secretary.

“Wow, there’s never a dull moment with you around is there?”

“I try to keep you entertained.”

“I suppose this will be unlimited hours will it?”

“I hadn’t got that far.”

“They usually are, a minimal of thirty seven or eight per week plus what’s needed.”

“You’ll be earning as much as my junior lecturers.”

“I know, but I’ll be working a great deal harder, boss, so will you and you work too hard now.”

“I was day dreaming about dormice when they talked this through.”

“Are you sure you’re up for this, really up for it?” She looked me directly in the eye as she asked.

“Yes, but after this I’m not sure what I’ll do, perhaps breed dormice or go and study them by myself.”

“What’s that charity who organised the conference you missed?”

“The People’s Trust for Endangered Species, you mean?”

“Yeah, go and run that afterwards, it’ll be a doddle compared to this.”

“So you up for it?” I asked thinking life would be much easier if she was.

“I need to talk to hubby, but I guess so.”

“Thank you—let’s have lunch to celebrate—I’ll buy you a sarnie over in the refectory.”

“Cor, Prof, you really know how to treat a girl, don’t you?”

“You can have tea and fruit juice if you really want,” I said trying not to laugh.