Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

September 27 - October 3, 2015

September 27, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary

A few weeks ago, I was being told that I was a sissy. I wore a diaper to bed. I was a sissy baby. Now I did not wear diapers and no one was making me wear dresses. I admit that I still always had a pacifier in my pocket and I put a chair against my bed so I would not fall out.

My life was changing and it had a promising look. Mr. Lewis now wanted me to be a model for him. I knew that some models were very famous and it confused me as to why he wanted me to be a model. However deep down, I knew that I was put on this earth for more than being bullied at school. If I was a model, I could use my fame for people to be aware of hunger, poverty, and injustice in the world. I could really make a change.

I told mom that we should go to the doctors to see why I had pains once in a while. Mom smiled and said that she told me that they were just growing pains.

September 28, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary

I woke up with pains, especially in my legs.

During the lunch break, I was hiding in the school Library reading the newspapers. There was interesting news that scientists have found evidence that there was water on Mars. This means that there could have been life on Mars. This made me think. Did the Marsians destroy their own planet? Could this be a warning for us to take better care of our planet? The newspaper said that there could be a colony of humans on Mars in the future.

After school, Sarah and I were at Bellas house as we usual, Bella was very quiet. I asked her what was the problem. Was her mom mad at her? Bella sat on her bed and told me that she had something important to tell me. I sat on the bed and listened. There was silence. I felt my heartbeat once again. Was Bella about to tell me that she was really a boy and not a girl? It could also be that Sarah was right, and Bella would tell me that she fancied me.

Bella stuttered and was trying to force her words out. Then she snapped and said that she had could not tell me. The excuse was that she thought I was unhappy and confused. She told me that I was lost. Before I could even respond, she said that I kept saying that she lived with her mom. Bella shouted and cried that she was her granny and not her mother. How could I forget that?

That night, I wondered why I forgot such obvious things. How many other things did I forget?

September 29, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary

I asked mom if she would sign the modeling papers. Mom said she was considering it. However, she had second thoughts about it. She told me that children should not work and have stress in that way. A lot of children that worked as models or entertainment had a bad life. She did not want my life to be ruined. She reminded me to look at Micheal Jackson and his childhood.

I did not learn a lot today. I spent most of the time looking at Annie daydreaming and imagining what I would respond to her the day that she admitted her deep love for me. I would probably mess that up by stuttering or saying something totally stupid. This was a cross I had to carry. I loved Annie, but it was only a one-way street. I am sure someday Hollywood would make a film about it.

I listened to the shrinks music when I was home. I started thinking of who I was. Why was I so different than other boys? I put a pacifier in my mouth and figured that being a model would help my life a lot. This led to another question. Why was mom so slow in signing the papers?

September 30, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

Today we were at Bella's house after school as my parents were busy at the police station. They were being questioned about my Aunt. She would be having her trial in a few months. I hope that she was not going to be beheaded or hung.

Sarah was playing with Bella so I decided that this was the time to be a detective. I went around to see if there was any evidence that Bella was a boy. I also wondered what happened to her mother and father? Why was her granny taking care of her? I looked around everywhere I could. I could not see anything that a boy would have. I could not even see a picture of Bellas's parents. I could only see the picture of a boy.

I knew now that Bella was not a boy. It was some mean pupils that spread false rumors about her. How sad!

Bellas's grandmother said that if I was bored, I could help her. She was sewing some clothes and wanted me to try them on. I agreed, not thinking that they would be dresses. I didn't complain. I put them on and stood on a table and let her stick needles in the dress where it needed to be changed. I didn't think about the fact that I once again had a dress on. I was more worried every time she put a needle on the dresses.

I was having a lot of fun, even when Bella and Sarah came out and her Granny asked them if it was hard to see I was a boy? Bella said in a serious voice that I was prettier than most girls at the school.

While I was blushing, I heard Dad come in and asking was anyone home? He stopped in his tracks when he saw me standing on the table in a party dress. He was silent for a few minutes and then told me to get changed as we had to go home. As we walked across the street, he kept on asking me what was wrong with me and he thought the sissy phase was over. Dad did not want me to rant. He just wanted to rant.

As I was going to bed tonight and about to write in this diary, Mom came in and asked why do I always have a chair against my bed. Then she told me that she washed our clothes wrong. So some of my t-shirts and other things were now pink. I started crying. What will I wear tomorrow at school?

I still have tears in my eyes as I am writing this. I found my pacifier.

October 1, 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary

Mom found one of my brother's old uniforms, so I was saved from total humiliation. I wore white socks from Sarah. I was an optimist. It could have been far worse. It did not stop the usual teasing from school. Even when I was teased, I had to smile as they did not realize that I was wearing girl socks.

That evening, Mom was doing Sarah's hair. I just stood around and watched as Sarah was getting pigtails. She didn't need her hair done. It was just a mother and daughter thing. I do not know why I stood around. I think that I was jealous.

Then mom told me it was my turn. I did not complain. It was my turn to get attention. As mom was tugging at my hair, she asked if I really wanted to be a model. It would be hard and could mean more teasing. I told mom that it was my wish. I wanted to be cool and then I would have money for a new phone.

When Dad came in and he asked why I had pigtails. Then he picked up a vase and threw it across the room. Sarah screamed and I started crying. Dad told me he was tired of seeing his son act like a girl. He told me to shape up and be like any other boy. Dad said that I shamed him.

I am still crying. Dad came into my room and moved the chair from my bed. He said it's time I acted like a teenager.

October 2, 2015
Friday
Dear Diary

I fell out of bed last night.

When I came home from school, I asked mom if she could measure me. She said she only did that when we had birthdays. I explained that I wanted to know because of the growing pains.

She looked confused after she measured me. Mom said she must have done it wrong, as I was an inch smaller than I was.

This was confusing for both of us but could explain why Sarah now looked a small bit taller than me.

October 3, 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary

Finally, it was the weekend. Mom said that she wanted to visit my aunt as they had to have a serious talk together. That suited me, as I thought it was so boring and Aunty would just confuse me.

I wasn't speaking with Dad. I felt bad, but there was a growing feeling of hatred towards him.

The good news was that mom signed the model pictures. I was going to be a model. However, she said the money will not be used on telephones or anything. They would be put in a savings account. She read in one of her parenting books that this was the best thing.

I stormed downtown and looked at the shops. I was mad. I needed a new smartphone to be cool! Mom and Dad were so old fashioned that this would never happen. These thoughts were going through my head all afternoon. As I stood at the bus stop ready to go home, I realized that I had a smartphone in my hand.

I could not believe it! I stole a cell phone!

To be continued