When among Dragons... Chapter 14 Acceptance
by Machara and Chryos Stormwing
Special thanks to
my love Chryos who creates this with me
and Gabe as my editor and friend
Looking at the glimmer of the embers in the fireplace which were now almost gone Garrus gathered his thoughts before heading up after Drew. Back in his room he looked around to find Drew lying on his bed, rolled together in the fetal position close to the wall, holding a pillow to his head, sobbing.
After watching Drew for a while as he stood there, observing, Garrus decided to sit down right beside the bed on the floor. The hardwood floor was cool to the touch but not entirely uncomfortable, giving off a kind of warmth of its own after a bit. Breathing calmly, Garrus sat upright and remained watching Drew’s form, almost a bit like a cat waiting for someone to finish preparing its food.
After a while, the sobbing ebbed away and the room was silent. Garrus watched Drew sitting up, hunched over slightly, looking down at the bedsheets that he did not see. Then he raised his hand in the air before himself, looking at it.
He stood up, walked over to the wardrobe and looked at himself in the mirror that was embedded into one of its doors. Very slowly and deliberately he took off his shirt, then his pants. Then his undershirt, socks and finally boxers followed.
Standing there, stark naked, he looked at himself for a long while, his face unreadable beside a hint of sadness but also relish.
Garrus remained watching him attentively, his head tilted to the side a little while Drew stood near that mirror and despite the face that he was making he seemed to be enjoying himself at least to some extent.
His curves now looked undeniably female and only left a hint of maleness.
Small breasts protruded from his chest along with female labia between his
legs. All of it felt naturally feminine to Garrus and were it not for the
deep purple scales and draconic features he’d have thought for Drew as a
human girl. But those differences feld more normal every day.
He walked back to his bed, and with a sigh, sat down.
Looking up, gazing at Garrus, he tapped on a place on the bed beside him with a flat hand.
Garrus chose to remain where he was but asked.
“… What was that all about?“
Drew looked at him by turning his head to his right giving him a sad smile, then leaned against him and put his head on Garrus’ shoulder.
“Intentional or not, father had me confront with what I'm becoming and made me realize for the first time that I can't go on like I used to.
I thought I took it in stride. I was wrong. That’s why I reacted this hard.
But I realized now that I have to face it, so I deliberately looked at myself … like this, and choose not to hide any longer, also from you.
When … dad took me aside before, he warned me not to have sex with you. I think he meant to tell me there were risks if I were to get pregnant. It scared me how adamant he was about it, yet not telling me much at the same time.
I… I think I'm really a girl now, Garrus, for the most part. I explored myself earlier today when I needed to go to the loo because I was surprised I no longer pee through my penis but some hole below. When I looked more closely I found my penis is still be there, and I managed to get it out. It's still about the same size. But further below there is another hole forming. Dad was right!
What hit me then when I tried transforming is that I can't go back. My body changing is already too much to handle, but my mind changing as well… that kind of loss of control… it's scaring and confusing. Not because I hate how I’m changing, but because it feels natural. Part of me is going along with it… just like that… but it made me question what it means to be me.“
All of a sudden, just as Drew was telling him about all that stuff, Garrus started to smile. Openly. Warmly. But patiently waiting until he finished.
“The meaning of being you… hrm… wanna know the meaning of life?“
“I was not gonna go that big. But if you managed to find the answer, I'd like to hear it.“
“The meaning of life… is to give meaning to your life.“
Garrus chuckled and returned to smiling, but explained further.
“As in… what feels meaningful to you? Apparently, there is something within you that thinks it means something for you to be male. Or female. Another part doesn't seem to think that… as if it's not important at all. So … you are at odds with yourself. And you'll have to find that meaning.“
Drew held on to Garrus by putting his arms around his body, pulling him closer to himself and then looking up to his face.
“Maybe both are true?
For most of the time, it was not. Or at least for me, it wasn’t.
But sometimes, it is. Like now. Or for some reason, when I am close to you.“
He paused thoughtfully, then frowned.
“Maybe I'm just a bit of a sissy.
Looking at you, this has not left you untouched, either.“
He traced a finger along Garrus’ cheek, studying his face.
“How do you feel different?“
Garrus paused and looked at him, but not quite - a distant smile was on his face as he pondered the question.
“It's … weird, in a way.
It doesn't feel different at first thought, but then… it's like changing a melody to a different baseline. Like… I don't know… driving a diesel instead of a petrol engine, like … playing Shakespeare in the Klingon original?”
“I'm really confused, that's some mental… imagery I’m producing right now. I guess it's not very coherent.
At the very least it feels like I’m only on the brink of this… change. A tension that runs through my body at times, makes me all giddy for a second and then … I can almost hear myself growl.
Does that make any sense to you?“
Garrus remained with an empty but pensive look.
I take it you are speaking of your overall feeling? Your change to a different species, the abilities, and dangers it implies, how your body feels? Or how your face looks now… what has more impact on you? That it has a draconic flair or that is androgynous and changes to look more feminine as before?
I'd like to answer your question in more detail, but I need to better understand you at first. I care how you feel. Both in general about anything, but also about these changes.
I think I also feel some of what you described, but that’s subdued since the concerns about my gender identity are more pressing. So I wonder whether your gender identity - maybe how others might perceive you - has been challenged at all.“
“My… pardon what?” Garrus eyes were big with surprise. “… gender identity?“
He looked at his half-brother, flabbergasted, dumbfounded and utterly speechless for a moment. Then he vehemently shook his head.
“Goodness no. T'is true, my face has changed for the more androgynous, but so what? That doesn't change who I am? Does it matter what my sex organs look like? I guess it does… under the sheets, if you will? But other than that I think I have more pressing matters. And lastly… I guess… yeah… No. I still feel male. No more. No less.“
Sighing softly, he looked at him again after his gaze wandered off during his elaboration.
“I’m sorry, I hope that answer didn't disappoint you.“
Drew smiled and hugged him tighter once more.
“You did not. You actually made me feel better.
Maybe I worry too much what others think of me. But there is no chance that anyone will consider me male anymore. Garrus, some may mistake you for a girl under certain conditions, but from what you told me, that would be it. Maybe you think it annoying, or even funny.”
Playfully suggestive Drew smiled.
“You still feel all male to me, though.“
As he continued leaning against Garrus he closed his eyes and sighed.
“… But I no longer do.
When I put that aside, however…“
Garrus felt Drew relax somewhat and he slumped down slightly, allowing gravity to pull him down and further against him. Several moments passed.
“… I do feel different, somewhat. I know what you were trying to describe. There are two aspects to this. The first is how my body feels. Even though I still feel somewhat strained since our changes don’t feel finished, I also feel more alive. I feel lither and my senses are sharper. Maybe not better, I’m not sure about that, but like the clogs have been drained and my brain can process them more fully.
It leaves me a bit restless, however, like I could and want to do so much, yet am wary of it, but at the same time, as you said, giddy to try.
The other is that the meaning of those changes are starting to sink in. I may still feel somewhat like me, but I'm also different. A new feeling to life. Changed responsibilities. I feel childlike with what it means, yet I also feel some maturity infused into me, whether I like it or not.
Is it like that, for you?“
Halfway through Drew’s explanation, Garrus started chuckling and only stopped as he finished his descriptions. Still grinning a bit Garrus paused for a second and then nodded eagerly.
“It does. And it does sound like every other 'psyche-enhancing' drug, XTC foremost. ‘Might be wrong though.
Mh… I guess we should not trust these new 'senses' completely, is what I’m saying. If we're still changing then there's no telling what that's doing to our nervous system.“
“What do you mean? Do you think they could cause a false sense of confidence or make us do stupid things?“
“Basically…“ he smirked.
Grabbing him with one arm, Garrus pulled Drew to the ground and started tickling him under the arms in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“… like so.“
Drew tried to press him away and shake him off, but that did not work as he felt so weak compared to Garrus. So instead he hugged Garrus back hoping for it to open a point of weakness.
But he found none. Only affection, closeness and warmth. The next thing he knew, they were holding each other, Garrus hand gently stroking the back of his head.
Drew still felt shaken and unsettled by the tickling - not that there wasn’t some fun in that, he thought - but that melted away with Garrus’ ministrations and he settled down in his arms, feeling more secure. His giggling ceased and he began to murmur instead. Closing his eyes, Drew smiled.
“Way to turn around the mood, Garrus. Thanx.
I'm sorry for the rather serious subject… I guess it's not so easy for you, either.“
Garrus smiled absent-mindedly, but soon he was more attentive again.
“Oh… don't worry… the unfamiliar topic as it is… is just that. Unfamiliar. All this is new, or rather… it's not just the 'topic', it's this whole new aspect to life that's new. Sure, mutants themselves aren't exactly big news any more… but being one? It will take lots of time to get truly used to it… and the way you're feeling… un-clogged or how you called it… is just part of getting to terms with yourself, just as it is for me.“
Note from the author:
I'm not doing very well and have just managed to prepare this chapter in time for the weekend, but I've not had the energy and positivity to work on adapating the following chapters, so you may have to wait longer on future chapters. I'm considering putting the current status and thoughts concerning the future of this story in a blog entry.
Please give your thoughts on the story so far and whether you'd like to see it continued.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos!
Click the Thumbs Up! button below to leave the author a kudos:
And please, remember to comment, too! Thanks.