“Amanda asked me to have a talk with you. She has told me about your situation, but don’t be embarrassed, because I’ve been in the same position as you, but have now been a full woman for some years, and I can give you a lot of advice and support if you want it.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“I wish she hadn’t said anything, I just want to be accepted as Jane, not to be seen as the village weirdo, but thanks anyway, I appreciate your concern for me. I can’t believe that you are transgender though, you just seem so natural.”

“Thank you but it has taken many years for me to get this far. You can trust me to keep your secret and you can trust Amanda and Michael, they have helped me a lot since I came back here, but be very wary of anyone else, many people are not so liberal-minded. I am now fully accepted by the locals, but it wasn’t always that way. I’ll tell you the story another time, but I just wanted you to know that you have someone you can talk to if you need it.”

“We’ll get together another time and you can tell me the problems you had, and how to avoid them, but meantime I just want to settle in to the community and be accepted as Jane.”

The next few weeks was a busy time, I was now legally Jane, my name change had been cleared, I had signed the lease for the shop, and had brought over all of the equipment and supplies that I had bought from Julie Marshall. With a lot of help from Amanda, I gave the shop and workshop a good clean and a fresh coat of paint, and re-arranged the working areas to suit my intended production processes. I also moved into the flat, buying furniture and cooking utensils from the charity shops, and Amanda gave me a lot of surplus bedding and soft furnishing that she never used. Some of the stuff was not perfect but was quite acceptable and met the purpose, it would do until I got myself fully established. In a way Amanda was sorry to see me leave, she had got used to my company while Michael was doing his work or reading in the study, but was happy that at last I was getting on with my life. We were only 2 miles or so away so we were regular visitors to each other.

It was time to get in touch with my sister Chloe, we had always got on well and she deserved to know that at least I was still alive and well. I had completely disappeared and no doubt Josie had given her all the details, or her own version of it. Since her marriage to Robert, we had drifted apart, I never really got on with him or he with me, so we had all kept our distance. Although I had now got a new phone network contract and number, I used the pay-as-you-go SIM to call her as, until I knew how she reacted to me, I wanted to keep my new details and location a secret

“Hi, Chloe it’s me.”

“Sorry, who is that, I don’t recognise your number or your voice?”

I immediately realised that I had become so used to talking in a feminine voice, and had even picked up a bit of the local Northumbrian accent and would sound totally different to her.

“It’s James, although I am now living as Jane, can we talk? I know I have not been in touch lately but something important has come up.”

“ I’m so glad you have called, I heard all sorts of stories from Josie and have been so worried. She called me up asking if you’re staying with me as you had left home, and when I said I had no idea where you were she got really angry and started calling you, and me, all sorts of nasty foul names.”

“Chloe, can we meet I really need to talk things through with you? As I said I am now living as Jane, as a woman, but am still me. I know that when I dressed up with you, all those years ago, you probably thought it was just a bit of fun, but for me it was much more. Josie threw me out because she discovered that I liked to wear women’s clothes and because she said that I had not been honest with her, but I think that was just an excuse, things have not been good between us for a long time for lots of other reasons. I have moved a long way away from Stoke, can you meet me in Carlisle, it is about halfway and both of us can easily get there by train? I’ll tell you all about where I am living and what I am doing when we meet, but don’t worry, I am ok, and please don’t let Josie know that I have been in touch.”

“You’re right we need to meet, you have shocked me, although I am not surprised, I always thought this might happen sometime. After what she said to me, Josie is the last person I will be talking to. I’ll text you on this number and we can sort times out. Take care until I see you, love you Ja… ne. Bye.”

I got off the train at Carlisle station three days later and made my way to the cafe just off the main concourse. I wanted to make a good first impression as Jane with Chloe and had had my hair styled tinted and streaked, and a professional makeover, at a beauty parlour the day before, and wore a smart scarlet knee-length boat neck shift dress and black Jacket with matching kitten-heel ankle boots. I arrived before her train was due and while I waited for her with a coffee, I did some last minute touching-up of my makeup, I wanted to look my best.

Chloe soon came in, looked around, ordered a coffee and sat down at a table not far from me. She obviously didn’t recognise me, so I picked up my coffee cup and went over to her table.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“ Actually I am waiting for someone. Oh my god, is that you Ja…ne?” She stood up and came to give me a welcoming hug and kiss. “I saw you sitting there but didn’t recognise you, you are looking gorgeous. let me sit down before I fall down. It’s like looking in a mirror a few years ago” We quickly finished our coffee and went to the hotel next to the station and found a quiet corner in one of the lounges where we could have a more private chat.

i told her all about Josie finding my clothes in the loft, making me leave, having packed only my women’s clothes, and how that led me to make a decision about changing my life style.

“ I am now legally Jane by the way, I officially changed my name, although that is as far as I have gone at the moment, except always presenting myself as a woman. I have wanted to do something more artistic for a long time and I have opened a pottery studio and shop. I have made some good trustworthy friends who know about me, but to everyone else I am just Jane at the pottery studio, another single woman trying to make a living.”

“I just can’t believe you, you are just totally feminine, I love your look and outfit by the way, it all really suits you. I’ll definitely have to start thinking of you as my sister now. You haven’t told me yet where you are living. I understand that you are worried about Josie being able to find you, but after what she called me, blaming me for corrupting you and turning you into a per……, never mind, I wouldn’t tell her the time of day if she asked. She never really liked me anyway and it is mutual.”

“You remember how we always visited Grandma and Grandad when we were kids, well that’s where I ended up, in Seahouses. I was in a right emotional mess, but met some really kind people who helped to sort me out. I am enjoying my new life much more, have some good friends and am happy at my work, what more could I need, particularly if I now have you back in my life too.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with what we had both been up and it was soon time to get the train home, for both of us a 21/2 hour trip. We promised to meet up again soon, and keep in touch, she now had my address and new phone number. After saying a slightly tearful goodbye, I went home a much happier person, now that Chloe was aware and comfortable with my new life, it was a big weight of my mind.

Grace, who was by now a close friend as well as my accountant, was a member of the local lifeboat crew, her family had a long history of involvement, and she convinced me that joining in would help me integrate into the local community and get me quickly accepted as belonging to, rather than just living in, the town. Going out to sea particularly in rough weather did not appeal to me, but there were lots of shore crew roles for me to take on, helping to maintain and stock the boats and assisting with their launch and recovery and general support during incidents, and I soon found that there was a very close relationship, almost a family atmosphere, among the staff and other volunteers. It was useful when I needed extra pairs of hands to do heavy lifting and such like in my studio and shop, there was always someone available and willing to help.

I was soon able to turn my attention to the pottery business, and after a lot of trial and error, I soon had several master models and their associated silicone moulds, that gave me acceptable clay or porcelain castings . I now felt confident that I knew what I was doing and could produce an acceptable range of items for sale and committed with suppliers for a regular delivery of raw materials. I had started off with items for the tourist souvenir market, a grey-seal lying on a rock, the Longstone lighthouse, the ‘RNLB Grace Darling’ lifeboat on a stormy sea, and Bamburgh Castle, the last two being particularly fiddly needing several separate casts which were then stuck together with slip before firing in the kiln, glazing and re-firing.

After several attempts I finally mastered the final painting and finishing and was satisfied enough to put them on display for sale. While I was working I was happy to encourage visitors to watch and even to have a go themselves and word was beginning to get around about my workshop, and I was getting some income, enough to live on but not making much extra.

Although the figurines were the most intricate to make and were the most expensive items, most of the visitors were more interested in me throwing the clay and drawing out a bowl or vase on the turntable, it was a much quicker operation and the results could be seen in a few minutes while they watched. I also personalised vases bowls and mugs by tacking on or cutting in names or commemorative messages or simplified family crests as required and this proved an extremely popular, and profitable, sideline.

“ How are you settling in?” asked Michael one evening when I had Amanda and him round for dinner. “You seem to be getting your pottery business sorted out and fitting in with the lifeboat crew, but how about your personal life? Have you given any thoughts about relationships or where you want to end up? I’m asking as your doctor now, are you happy to stay as you are, crossdressing, which is not unusual, or are you thinking about sometime transitioning to fully become a woman.”

“I am not sure, to be honest I haven’t thought about it, I’ve been so busy recently. I suppose that means that I am probably happy as I am for the moment. I think I may go down that road eventually but it’s one step at a time, I’m still adjusting to acting and dressing as a woman. If I change my mind I’ll comes to the surgery and have a proper official discussion with you.”

It was soon approaching Christmas and the lifeboat crew and volunteers always had a bit of a celebration in one of the hotels down by the harbour and now I was on the crew I was invited. Whilst not a ‘black-tie’ do, everyone made an effort to go smartly dressed, and as it fitted the mood of the season I wore the same scarlet dress as when I had met Chloe, only this time paired with 4”stiletto heeled colour-matching court shoes, and a much more glitzy party makeup and jewellery, and felt quite glamorous.

Whilst most of us had an excellent meal and an enjoyable time, some of the lads were on standby for emergency call-outs, and limited their drinking. Luckily it all went off smoothly with no alarm pagers going off and it was a very enjoyable and sociable night. Later most of the crew, mainly the married members, left for home, leaving only a few of us, still single and unattached, to stretch the evening out.

As we were getting ready to go home, Andy, who worked in the local bank as well as crewing the main boat helped me on with my coat.

“Would you like me to walk you home Jane, I know it’s not far, but on a dark winter’s night an attractive young lady like you should not be out on the streets on her own.” He caught me by surprise, it was the first time anyone had made any sort of play for me and I was glad that I was seen as worth the effort.

“Thank you Andy, after spending all day in jeans and a smock top in the studio it’s nice to dress up properly and feel feminine again, and thank you for the ”attractive young lady” comment I really appreciate it.”

He walked me back to the flat, and I invited him in for a coffee, mainly out of politeness, rather than as an invitation for anything more.

“ I’d love to but I really have to be up early tomorrow to go down to Newcastle, maybe next time. I’d like to get to know you better, let’s have a drink sometime, I’ll pop in to the shop and arrange something.”

He gave me a hug and a long goodnight kiss and went off. My emotions were all confused, Andy was a nice lad, and quite attractive, but I wasn’t sure that I was ready for a steady relationship yet, I enjoyed the warmth of the hug and kiss, but didn’t feel any magical buzz of excitement. It unsettled me, I hadn’t really thought about my sexuality as a part of my new gender lifestyle.

The Saturday morning before Christmas, Chloe rang me up, clearly very upset.

“Robert and I have had a major row, I need a bit of space, can I come and stay with you over the holidays until things calm down?”

“Of course you can Pet, you can stay as often and as long as you like, but you’ll have to take the place as you find it, it’s a bit small but I can clear out the the spare room that I am using for storage. Are you driving up or coming by train?”

“It might be tiring, but I’ll drive up. If the traffic is not too bad, I should be there in about 5 or 6 hours by the time I get a couple of cases packed and stop for a break somewhere. I’ll give you a ring if there are any problems and when I am near, and you can guide me in. I’ll use the satnav but you can’t always rely on them.”

“ Drive carefully Pet, there is no rush, if you need to stop for a rest it is no problem, and calm yourself down before you drive, you need all your attention on the roads.”

The next few hours were hectic, I put a lamb and vegetable casserole on a slow cook in the oven to have a nice hearty meal ready whenever Chloe arrived, moved all my storage stuff from the spare room down into the studio, gave the place a clean, changed the bedding, and cleaned myself up and put on fresh clothes ready for her arrival.

She arrived in Seahouses early evening and gave me a call from the harbour car park, which was as good a place to leave the car as anywhere.

“I’m so glad you made it ok, let’s get your cases up to the flat and you can tell me all about your row.” I said as we hugged each other tightly, before making our way inside

“Actually the row started off all about you, Robert had bumped into Josie and she told him about the pair of you splitting up and why, most of which was a lot of spite and venom. I told him that I knew all about it, and that I had met up with you, and he went crazy, accusing me of keeping secrets from him, and encouraging you to continue with your “perverted lifestyle”. Things had been a bit cool between us for a while and it just brought everything to a head, and all the recent arguments came back again and it all got quite nasty. He can be very selfish and controlling. He stormed out in a blazing temper and that is when I rang you. I packed and left the house before he returned.”

“ Does he know where you are, and more to the point, where I am, if he is in touch with Josie she could easily get details from him and just turn up on the doorstep.”

“ No, you are alright, the only details of you are on my phone here.”

“Turn your phone off and use my spare SIM card, if he is so controlling he may have a tracker app on your phone.”

Chloe went to unpack her stuff and get freshened up while I boiled some potatoes to go with the casserole and set the table. Over dinner and a glass or two of sauvignon blanc we did a lot of catching up, when we had met in Carlisle there had been no mention of her problems with Robert.

“Forget about his reaction to me, for a moment, had you considered breaking up before this argument?”

“I had sometimes thought about it, particularly when he went on at me about giving up work, he said that he made enough money to keep us both and he would like me to stay at home and run the house. He also discouraged me from meeting friends, but then you know all about that, he never liked me meeting up with you or even talking to you on the phone. But I was frightened to leave, we had been together about 8 years and it was a comfortable safe relationship even if not a particularly happy loving one.”

“Do you want to make up with him or break up? Take it from someone who has been there, breaking up and starting a new life can be very traumatic, but eventually it can lead to better things and you will begin to see things in a new light and remember things that you had ignored before that should have given you a sign that things were not well. It’s all a balance, nothing is perfect, only you can decide, but until you do decide you are more than welcome to stay here.”

“I’d love to stay if you are sure it’s ok, but I need to get things sorted out, I need money to live on I can’t freeload on you for ever.”

“That’s easy, if you use your credit cards and ATM cards the locations will show up on the statements and tell him where you are. On Monday we’ll open up a new bank and credit card account for you, I’ll loan you the money for that to get you started. Tomorrow we’ll access your old account on line and transfer it all to me, and then I’ll pass it on it to your new account. That way, nothing should be traceable.”

Chloe decided to leave Robert in the dark for a few days until she decided what she wanted to do, and we settled down for a general social chat, mainly about our parents who had now retired to a villa just outside Torremolinos in Spain, living a free and easy lifestyle, which suited them down to the ground as they had never been a conventional couple or doting parents.

On Sunday, we accessed Chloe’s accounts and transferred the bulk of it to me, which meant that Robert had no chance of getting his hands on it, and on Monday we completed the loop by moving it into new accounts we had set up for her. It would not have been much of a problem anyway, but was made a lot easier as we arranged it all with Andy, my friend from the lifeboats, who was assistant manager at the local bank. Chloe was now financially independent and untraceable.

For the rest of the week until we closed for the holidays, while Chloe thought about what to do, she kept herself busy helping around the studio. While I got on with the artistic stuff, she kept the place tidy and organised and dealt with the customers and visitors. She had called her employers, a firm of solicitors, to let them know that she had personal problems and needed some time off, which they agreed to as long as she kept them informed, particularly as they were closing for a long holiday break from Christmas Eve until after New Year,.

One day, the RNLI pager went off, and I rushed down to the slipway to see if I was needed for anything, leaving Chloe to lock up. We got the boat launched and they went off to look for some kayakers that had been going out to the Farnes but had been dragged out by the rip tide between the Inner and outer islands. It was not a life-threatening emergency, and the crew were soon back. Chloe had come down to the station to watch the activity, and when Andy came up from the boat she went quickly down to him asking for all the details and arranged that when the crew was stood down and changed out of their sea-suits they would meet for a drink to talk all about it.

“It hasn’t taken you long to get back on your feet after your problems with Robert, has it? Andy is a nice lad, you and him are well-suited, but tread carefully. He did show an interest in me, but never followed it up, which does not bother me as at the moment I am not on the market.”

“I just went for a drink with him, but I must admit I do like him a lot and admire what he does. It’s amazing some of the things the crew has to deal with and it is so selfless that most of them are unpaid volunteers. We have arranged to meet up to see in the New Year down at the hotel with the rest of the crew, if that is ok with you, will you be going too?”

“I’ll be there, New Year has always been a big thing around here and the party will be going on most of the night, even after the hotel closes, there will be a lot of ‘first-footing’, visiting peoples houses around the town, so be prepared for a long night.”

Before Chloe had called to ask to stay with me, I had arranged to spend Christmas Day with Amanda and Michael, and when they heard that Chloe was staying with me, she was invited too. We were up early, opened the presents we had bought each other, Chanel Allure EdP and a cashmere jumper for me, and Cacherel Anais Anais and a handbag for Chloe, along with a few little bits and pieces, accompanied by a celebratory glass of Bucks Fizz, before heading off to the church for the early Christmas communion service.

After church we went round early to help with the preparation of the dinner, although when we got there Amanda seemed to have the main things under control. There were to be 8 for dinner, the four of us plus Jill, Michaels partner in his GP practice, and her husband Keith, Carol the local parish vicar, and her husband Jack. It was a busy morning, the goose was already cooked and ‘resting’, but there were still all the vegetables and trimmings to prepare, the smoked salmon and prawn starters to make up, and the table to set. Michael left us three girls to get on with it while he made a couple of planned quick home visits to deal with medical problems, they didn’t go away just because it was Christmas.

The other guests arrived, introductions were made and we sat down to a really enjoyable meal. The food was delicious, the company all seemed to mix well, and Michael had put out some excellent wines to help things along. Carol and Jack had to leave soon after so that she could prepare for the evening service, Jill and Keith stayed for a while longer before they had to go home where they had promised to pop in to see their elderly neighbours, and soon it was just the four of us left to clear everything up and tidy the dining room and kitchen.

“Thank you so much for your help today girls,” said Amanda, “it made things a lot easier. I don’t normally expect dinner guests to help out but you are almost one of the family Jane and it is always good to see you. I’m so glad that you and Chloe are getting on so well again, both of you have had a hard time recently.”

When Chloe left the kitchen to keep Michael company, Amanda asked me how long Chloe was staying for.

“ I’m definitely getting a bit more girly , I see romance in the air with her and Andy, and who knows where that will lead and how long it will last. Even if it doesn’t work out I think she might settle here too.”

“ And how about you? You seem content and relaxed now, the simple life and sea air is doing you a lot of good.”

“I’m happy as I am at the moment. you and Michael have helped an awful lot to make it much easier for me to re-adjust and I really owe you. This year has seen major changes in my life that I had never in my wildest dreams thought would happen. This Christmas has definitely been different for me, being one of the girls, helping you in the kitchen, getting perfume and makeup as presents, and generally feeling happy to be accepted as I am. I am definitely getting used to living like this, and enjoying it.”

To be continued.