Rivers and Brooks - Update 02 - My struggle

Printer-friendly version


Rivers and Brooks
Update 02
My struggle

I woke up the next morning thinking about my date with Laura. I realized that when I talked with my mom, she seemed happy about my dating Laura, but it seemed like there was a hint of some problem she wasn’t telling me. It wasn’t anything I could put my finger on and it was probably my imagination. I put on some jeans and a top and went to the front yard where a rope swing had been run to a limb that must have been about 100 feet up, so the swing would go in a very wide arc. I started to swing a little as I thought. I wanted to see Laura … now! . Was I in love? I think I’m a pretty smart person, but I am clueless when it comes to love. Oh, family love is easy; I know I love my family completely. Romantic love is a completely different concept with a completely different set of rules and characteristics. Love of family, for instance, is not based on physical attraction at all, but the sharing of hereditary and the bonding that can only come with time and association. Physical attraction, however, plays a big part in romantic love. This attraction is often confused with love, and is part of what causes marriages to fray at the edges as one or both of the partners hangs on the desire for an attractive partner as the years pass and the physical attraction that was once mistaken for love gradually fades.

Would I love Laura if she were not so attractive? The answer to that is made very difficult by my inability to imagine an “ugly” Laura. Her awesome beauty was an inseparable part of the person she was. The fact that she honestly didn’t see herself as beautiful made her even more attractive to me. As I thought, I began to wonder if my concern with looks meant I was actually a “shallow” person.

As I sat in the swing and mulled this over, a man was walking by my house. He was meagerly dressed and barefoot. I caught his eye and he turned and walked into our yard and approached me. He was obviously someone that young women would be advised to avoid, but something about him exuded calm, so instead of making a quick exit I smiled and greeted him. “Hello!”

“Hello there, little girl!”

I ignored his ‘little girl’ reference. “Can I help you?”

“No, I was just admiring your house. It’s really nice.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You must be rich people.”

I remembered the mistake I had made with Brian; bragging about the superiority of my family. “I don’t like the term ‘rich people’. I would rather say we’re ‘blessed’.”

“You sound like a very wise young girl.”

“Thank you, sir. I wasn’t always so wise, but I found that bragging about my family only brought me distress and regret. Our blessings are mostly the result of my father. He’s a very wise and good man.”

“Well, that’s good. He’s probably happy to have such a wise and beautiful daughter. I’m sure you’re a very loving person, too.”

“I was just sitting here thinking about love.”

“Did you come to any conclusions?”

“Actually, I think I’m more confused ever.”

“You’re struggling with a question. That question is, “Do I love this person?”

“Exactly! How do I know?”

“The’ gold standard’ of love is this: Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.’ How does that fit into the context of the person you’re considering?"

“Well, that’s a tough one, and I don’t think there are many people I could say that about.”

“A wise person realizes what he doesn’t know, and is not reluctant to seek advice from someone wiser.”

“I guess I should do that.”

“The Bible speaks much about love. When Jesus was asked which of the commandments was the most important, He said ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’ So, according to Jesus, love is the most important thing.”

“But I think I’m in love with another woman! Is that wrong? It feels so right! It feels … pure and wholesome! Some people say it’s a sin. How can it be wrong?” Still sitting in the swing, I looked down at my toes and began drawing circles in the dust.

“You are a very loving person. That’s a very good start. Find someone to share your love, and share your love when you go out into the world to heal the sick. Love goes a long way toward healing.”

I looked up. “How did you know I was …?” But he was gone. I looked behind trees and up and down the road. I didn’t really expect to find him. I looked at the dirt under the swing and the circles I drew were still there, so I hadn’t been dreaming.

I needed to talk to my dad.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Just then, my dad came out of the front door, hurrying to his car.

“Dad!”

“Hi, Sarah. Got an important meeting!”

“Dad, I need to talk to you …”

“OK, can we talk after ….”

“ … about God!”

He pulled out his cell phone and punched a button. “Fran, postpone Freeport until I get back with you. Something’s come up.” He turned to me. “Come on, Honey.”

We went into his home office and I told him about my strange visitor.

“Sarah, this was undoubtedly an angel. Angels are messengers and you must not ignore the message.”

I was near tears. “But Dad, I think I’m in love!”

“Well, Honey, take your time. What is his name?”

I buried my face in my hands and said, “Laura.”

I put my hands down and saw disappointment and dread in my father’s face.

“Oh, Sarah. Please tell me his parents just gave him a girl’s name!”

I had to laugh briefly about that. “I’m so sorry, Dad. It’s a woman.”

“Oh, Honey. I won’t tell you that there’s anything wrong with what you’re considering, but there are some Bible scriptures you should read before you make any decisions. I’ve never faced a situation like this, so I’ve never researched it or prayed about it a whole lot. Believe me, I will now! I know you believe in God, and you believe that the Bible is His Word. Since I know so little about the morals of this, I’m certainly not in a position to preach to you, so let me give you some scriptures to read. Then, you can pray and get an answer from God.”

“OK, Daddy,”

“Do you want me to stay with you today and pray?”

“No, Dad, your meeting is important, I’m sure.”

“Meeting? My meeting just sunk to the bottom of the ocean in relation to my daughter and this issue. Take my hand and let’s pray a little before I go.”

He prayed with me, then wrote down some scriptures references for me to read. He left for work, and I looked at the paper: “Romans 1:18-32 and Genesis 19:1-29”

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+1%3A18-3...

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+19%3A1-...

I went to my room and read the scriptures, then put my head down and cried. “Oh, Laura, I love you. God, please help me. What am I gonna do?”

I went to the kitchen and found my mom. She took one look at me and said, “Sarah, my goodness. What’s the matter?”

“Mom, I’m in love with Laura, but I can’t be in love with Laura!”

She put her arms around me. “Oh, no. Honey, who told you this?”

“Well, nobody told me, but Dad gave me some scriptures to read, and they make it pretty clear that God doesn’t like it.”

“Sarah, I should have talked with you about this, but I was waiting for us to get together with your dad. You’re an adult, you know, but you also know what the Bible says. It’s up to you to decide what you honestly believe is right.”

“Mom, I love her. I love her so much ….” I could say any more. I just lay my head on my mom’s shoulder and sobbed.

“Honey, you’re going to have to pray more than you’ve ever prayed. You have to get an answer from God!”

“That’s what Daddy said.”

I thought about this issue all day. When it got late in the afternoon, I went to my room and lay across my bed to think. If I decided to marry Laura (if she asked me, that is), I could picture the hurt and disappointment in the eyes of my parents. Could I live with that? If I decided I couldn’t have a relationship with Laura, I knew she would be disappointed, but I didn’t know how she would react. She had experienced a lot of pain from losing her parents. Could I put more pain on top of what she had already experienced? It broke my heart to think about bringing such pain to someone I loved so much. I wanted God to come to my room and tell me what to do. Was that what the visit from the angel was about?

My heart was telling me to “go for it”. My heart was telling me that I was deeply in love with Laura. I thought of a scripture I had once read about what the heart desires. After a bit of research, I found the scripture, Psalms 37:4 “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” I know the desires of my heart, now, how do I delight myself in the Lord? Was this scripture my license to go ahead despite the other scriptures that said I would be committing “unnatural acts”?

Until now, I had lived a pretty comfortable life with not a lot of controversy. Now, I had to make a decision. If I went one way, some people I love would be happy, others unhappy. If I chose another route, the happy vs. unhappy feelings would be for opposite groups. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Laura with all my heart. I was very deeply in love. I prayed, considered the options, and fought with myself until I went to a deep, restful sleep. In that sleep, God Himself came to me and told me what to do. I’ve had many dreams, so I know when I’ve had a dream. This was not a dream, but a Divine Revelation.

I woke up to a bright, sunny day. I knew what to do. Despite who would be happy and who unhappy, it was wonderful to have all the doubt removed. I’m sure I will have other major decisions to make in my life, but I doubt that any of them will affect my path as much as this one. I got out of bed and got ready to start my day … and the rest of my life.

The End … REALLY. The Brooks and Rivers families will continue living their lives without documentation by this author. Thank you to everyone who read what’s been written. I hope you have enjoyed their story and will always remember the families and the other characters with whom they interacted. For me, this is like saying “goodbye” to old friends, and I will never forget them.

up
64 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

So...

Rose's picture

It is up to the reader to guess what choice Sarah made? We will never know? Ah well. I suppose I can live with that. Beautiful story. Thanks!

Signature.png


Hugs!
Rosemary

What Did God Say?

Despite the community I'm in, I don't do homosexuals, or lesbians... something in my nature. I know women who have been very good, exceedingly good friends. It is not up to me to decide if they have crossed the line. The same with men, though my own experiences with men have been bloody awful. They have three brains you know. I do not know why God made men such predators? When I was male and intact, my own drives were so distressing to me, and I wanted to do the holy work of God. I got cut, and now have one brain. Look in the Bible. That is pleasing to God. You have to strike out on your own path, no matter what they say.

Well.... *sigh*

Samantha Heart's picture

End with a ciff hanger? Well my guess is Sarha & Laura do get together & do marry eventually.

Love Samantha Renée Heart.