They’d Never Believe That in Court

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They’d Never Believe That in Court
by Lin Dale

Synopsis: Husband and wife, Judy and Ollie, were both barristers. Ollie had built up a good professional reputation and was under consideration to become circuit judge. His wife, Judy, had an even better reputation, incredibly energetic and rarely lost a case. But whereas he was white, middle-class and, of course, male, she was black, female and from a working-class background. No surprise, then, that whilst Ollie was likely to become circuit judge, Judy was still a junior barrister. But earlier that day, Judy’s lovely grandmother had died.

“Oh, Ollie, I didn’t want Nanna to die,” my wife, Judy, said as she got into bed besides me, that Friday night.

“I know darling,” I said, slipping my arm around her. “Your grandmother was a wonderful person but she’d been in terrible pain over the last few weeks. That’s ended now. And during her ninety-one years, she brought up five of her own children with fourteen grandchildren, one of whom is the most lovely person in the world.”

Judy grinned at me. “Apart from you, of course.”

“Of course.” I smiled at her, delighted that Judy was reacting to normal life once more, after the trauma of her grandmother’s death.

“When we spoke together for the last time this morning,” Judy said, her voice faltering a little at the memory, “she remembered when I was still at school and you were picking me up for our first date. I was furious with her because I’d arrived home from school with plenty of time to get showered and changed, and then Nanna was there and kept me talking about cousin Eddy, as though I could care. Then you arrived, looking so handsome. Today, Nanna told me that she thought you were absolutely right for me so she sprinkled her love potion over you, which is why you immediately fell in love.”

“Then it certainly worked,” I said, “and it’s continued working ever since. Personally, I thought it was your wonderful way with words which seduced me.”

She grinned. “I was a plump schoolgirl, late for her first date and in a terrible panic. I couldn’t get rid of my grandmother and I was trying to impress you. All I could do was throw on some jeans and a tee shirt and suggest we go out for a burger or a hot dog and then come back to coffee.”

“Whereas, ” I said, “you actually said that we should go out for a dog and then come back to fuck me.” We’d reminisced over that moment many times in our twenty years together and more than ten years of marriage. Fortunately for her career, that was the first and only time that she’d ever made such an error with her words. “Perhaps Nanna’s voodoo magic was working on you, as well.”

“Since you’re a potential circuit judge, ” Judy said, “ I really don’t think you should be considering a love potion as anything other than a sham.”

Judy had always played down the occasional hints from other family members that Nanna had voodoo powers. Indeed, since it was complete rubbish, why shouldn’t she?

“And as you’re a very accomplished barrister,” I said, “it’s good that you never confessed to having a grandmother who claimed she was a voodoo witchdoctor.”

Judy’s grandmother had emigrated from Jamaica to Britain as part of the Windrush generation. Judy and I had met at school, and after we’d started dating, she’d encouraged me to study law, as she was intending. Later, when we worked as trainees in the same law firm, it was immediately obvious she was far more skilled and accomplished than me. But she was a black female and I was a white male, so it was me who was now hoping to be appointed circuit judge, whilst she was still working her socks off as a respected, but still junior, barrister.

“Before Nanna talked about our first date this morning, she’d been saying we should start a family soon, or it would be too late.”

We both recognised the accuracy of that statement, as we also recognised the hurdle it would place on Judy’s career. And if I successfully made circuit judge, it would mean having far less time at home to help Judy through pregnancy and motherhood.

“What do you think?” I asked, although we both knew the answer. There was no simple way forward.

“Nanna said there was a solution but it would mean us both accepting changing roles, if we were to go along with it.”

“I think we both accept that parenthood will bring that,” I said. “What did she suggest? Another magic potion?”

“That’s when she started talking about that first date and me getting my words mixed up,” Judy said. “She added that rather than going for a dog, we should go for a double-dog. Any ideas, apart from it being some kind of street-speak for a dare?”

I shook my head. “No… Except that…” Memories were stirring in my mind. “No, there’s no way she could know about that.”

“What are you talking about.”

I shook my head again. “It’s stupid, really. My sister, Jenny, is two and a half years older than me so when I was eight, she’d be around eleven. She would play with me after school on some nights – and I absolutely forbid you to mention that I told you about this. One of the things she started doing was to go down on her hands and knees and pretend to be a dog and do a few ‘Woof-woofs’. Then she said I had to make it a double-dog by lying on top of her back. My arms hung down beside her arms. My knees folded into the back of her knees with my ankles on top of her ankles. Then we’d walk around the lounge as a double-dog. It was fun, but I used to get a strange discomfort in my little willy. When my mum found out she was absolutely furious with Jenny, which I didn’t understand at the time.

“Of course, afterwards,” I continued, embarrassed as I recalled my naïveté, “I realised Jenny was playing around and discovering sex, and I was having my first erection, and rubbing it against Jenny’s crutch.”

“But,” Judy surmised , “Nanna couldn’t possibly know about that unless she really was a voodoo witch.”


“So let’s do a double-dog.”

I was quite surprised where this conversation was going. After her well-loved grandmother’s death that afternoon, Judy was now suggesting trying sex in a position we’d never tried before (and believe me, we’d tried plenty!). I certainly wasn’t unwilling but… “You don’t really expect that your grandmother’s hocus-pocus will do anything, do you?”

“Of course not, but in the legal profession, proof is everything. Before deciding that it doesn’t work, we have to prove it.”

I wasn’t convinced, but hey, what the hell, Judy was proposing sex which would not only be good for her to overcome her grief, but it would be fantastically good for me.

“Come on,” Judy said, as she got out of bed and pulled her nightdress over her head revealing her voluptuous body whilst I hurriedly removed my pyjamas and threw them on the bed.

Judy dropped to the floor on her hands and knees and said, “Woof.”

“It’ll be very painful if I kneel on your legs,” I said.. “I think you need to spread your knees a little.”

The doggy obligingly did as she was told, and I knelt down behind her, gently inserted my cock in the place where it was meant to go and then lowered my chest onto her back.

“You’re very heavy,” she said, having to use the strength in her arms to support the two of us.

I dropped my arms besides hers and helped to support our combined weight.

“Woof-woof,” Judy said, adding, “You’re meant to Woof-woof as well, aren’t you, and shouldn’t we be moving around?”

“Woof-woof,” I said and we cautiously took first one step forward and then another. Then, we both went into a crescendo of barking as we cavorted around the floor of the bedroom, which later turned into a howl of pleasure from both of us.


“What the fuck!” a male voice said behind me.

Bloody hell, that scared me. Who was in our bedroom, watching us have sex. In fact, not just watching, as I realised he was actually lying on my back. An instant later, he’d lifted himself away.

Who the hell was this? I managed to twist around to accost my attacker, only to come face to face with my double, whose face bore a look as astonished as, I’m sure, was on my own face.

“Holy shit!” I meant to say, except that I heard Judy saying the words as I spoke them. I wanted to look around for her but couldn’t take my eyes off my double. Where had he come from?

“Now say that you don’t believe in magic,” my double spoke, pointing at my chest and adding, “Nice tits.”


It was five minutes later. I’d gawped down at the magnificent breasts sprouting from my chest, at the black skin all over my body, and felt down to the place where a semi erect cock should have been, only to discover it had gone.

“Is this some weird dream?” I asked in my Judy voice.

My double shook his head. “If it is, then I’m in the same dream as you are, and I don’t know which is most unlikely: that, or that my grandmother really has the voodoo charms to transform us into each other’s bodies.”

I stood up, my huge boobs wobbling about on my chest as I did so. They’d always looked fantastic on Judy; now they were on my chest, I was realising they were quite uncontrollable.

“If it’s a dream,” I suggested, “then we wouldn’t be able to reason or have self-will. We’d just have to do what happened in the dream. I feel like we can choose what to do, for example...” I reached forward to squeeze my double’s nipple.

“Ouch!” he said. “That hurt.”

In return, he reached forward and squeezed mine. It was rather erotic.

“This is so weird, Judy,” I said.

“Objection,” my double said. “You should now address me by my current name. I am Ollie.”

“Overruled,” I said. “I can’t get my head around that.”

“Then you’d better call me Oliver,” he said. “I’ll call you Judith, Judith.”

I slowly nodded my head. “Did your grandmother give you any clue about what might happen?” I asked.

“Not directly,” Oliver said. “But she did say to prepare for something pretty dramatic but not unpleasant. You’re not finding this unpleasant, are you?”

I opened my mouth to say ‘Yes,’ but the word didn’t come out. “It was an unpleasant shock,” I said. “Are we stuck like this forever?”

He shook his head. “Nanna wouldn’t do that to us. I’m sure we’ll be able to revert by having another double-dog. Do you want to do that now”

The tremor in his words revealed their importance. “Now we’re like this, we could try it out for a while,” I said. I was thinking of an hour or two.

“Then let’s review it on Sunday evening,” Oliver hopefully suggested.

“Sunday evening? That’s two whole days away.”

“Two days in the rest of our lives, together,” he said, staring me directly in the eye.

I gulped. Staying like this for the rest of our lives meant him taking the post of circuit judge, which I had worked hard for, and me trying to combine being a junior barrister (which Judy had worked even harder for) with being a wife. And a wife, I realised, who would become pregnant and give birth to our child. Our child! Oliver and Judith’s child. A child which would be coming out of my womb!

“Fuck me!” I said as the realisation sank in.

“Was that an invitation?” Oliver asked, moving his hand to touch me just behind my ear, in a way which made my nipples immediately harden.

My lover of twenty years now had a cock and wanted to stick it inside me and squirt semen.

I smiled. “Go easy with me, darling,” I said. “Remember, this is my first time with a man.”

Oliver smiled back. “They’d never believe that in court.

“But,” he added, “I suspect it certainly won’t be your last.”

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You Could Bottle It

joannebarbarella's picture

And sell it for millions. It would go like hot cakes on this site.

Very cute!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

I expect Ollie will be in for some shocks. Things he knew, and regretted, but “damn it’s just a shame the world’s that way,” will suddenly become real, concrete, and “you have got to be fucking kidding me.” But Judith might be in for some shocks as well. Like the first time a colleague or superior says something ghastly, “just between the lads,” will she call him on it? Or will she succumb to the pressure not to make waves, to go along to get along, knowing that is the path to advancement?

You could take this one far, though it also makes a delightful and thought-provoking solo. Thanks!


Oh Nanna

Dee Sylvan's picture

Double doggy, what a novel idea. I wish I had known about this before I got divorced. I bet my ex would have swapped in a heartbeat. Oh well... :DD