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Chapter 20 Preparations for a visit

As soon as I read my Aunt’s message, I switched the SIM card in my phone to my usual one from the UK and dialled her number. She answered almost immediately.

‘What’s the trouble Aunt Emm?’ I asked, feeling a little bit alarmed.

‘Your mother has booked a double-cabin on your ship and will be joining the cruise at Venice in a week’s time and then sailing back to Southampton. She rang me this morning to ask if I wanted to accompany her.’

‘But why is she coming now and why isn’t Dad coming?’ I asked.

‘She said that she was fed up with waiting for your father to suggest a convenient time for him to take a break from his work, and since you seemed unwilling to speak to her on Skype, she’s decided to come to check-up on you in person.’

I was silent for a moment, rapidly going through the implications of her arrival.

‘Ally, are you still there?’

‘Yes, sorry! Are you planning to come with her?’

‘Well it is a generous offer on her part and it’ll give me a chance to see Carol in action as well, so I’ve agreed to go, although I wonder if she’s going to be prepared to share a cabin with me once she finds out what you’ve been doing over the last few weeks.’

‘I promise to make it clear to her that my decision to live and work as a girl has nothing to do with you or Carol.’

‘Maybe, but I’ve known all about the Honey Bunnies and haven’t told her.’

She then paused for a few seconds before continuing.

‘In fact I haven’t really been told the full story, have I? I’ve just been watching a film clip of you on You Tube with your long blonde hair and bunny-girl outfit. I hadn't realised that things had gone so far. Goodness only knows what your mother is going to say when she sees finds out.’

‘I suppose Maria and I did get a little carried away with my makeover, but Carol and Beth look just as good as I do in the outfits.’

‘I think you all three look lovely but I’m not sure that my sister is going to feel the same way.’

‘Do you think she suspects anything already?’ I asked.

‘She didn’t give me that impression but that will be an academic question when she meets Ally for the first time.’

She then thought for a while before continuing.

‘I assume that she will be meeting you as Ally.’

‘Oh yes,’ I replied without hesitation. ‘Apart from anything else I no longer have any clothes for Alex to wear.’

‘Why not?’

‘I’ve got rid of them.’

It was probably just as well that I was unable to see the expression on her face as I gave her this news. I heard an intake of breath.

‘In that case you’re going to have to sort out what you are going to do or say to your mother pretty quickly.’

‘I know; so what exactly are the travel arrangements next week?’ I asked.

‘She’ll be flying into Gatwick Airport six days from today, and will stay overnight in a hotel. I’ll meet her there the following morning and we’ll fly to Venice Marco Polo, arriving at lunch time.’

‘Alright, I’ll talk to Carol later this evening and then let you know our plans tomorrow.’

I rang off not sure what to make of the news. On the one hand I was dreading the inevitable row once she found out about me and the Bunnies, but she was going to have to know sometime and maybe it was better for her to do so when I had Carol and Aunt Emma as my allies. I went to find Carol, but she and Beth hadn’t arrived back on board. In fact they only just made it back in time to meet the deadline before the ship set sail so I had no chance to talk to my cousin alone.

It was not until we were preparing for our performance that I got any opportunity to talk to her. We were due to contribute to the theatre show that evening as we left Barcelona, heading towards Italy. On these occasions we took a little more time than usual in getting ourselves ready. Thus the three Bunnies and Maria were in our dressing room by seven o’clock.

‘Ladies, I have two announcements that I’d like to make,’ I began.

Beth and Carol looked at me. Maria, who guessed the subject of one of the announcements, continued fixing Beth’s hair for her.

‘I’ve already told you that Alex won’t be coming back. Ten days ago I started taking testosterone blockers to prevent my features from becoming any more masculine. Earlier today I also consulted a doctor who has prescribed for me a course of female hormones.’

Beth and Carol glanced at one another but didn’t look as surprised as I’d imagined. I felt that they must have discussed this matter and considered it as a possible outcome.

‘What effect will the hormones have on you?’ asked Beth.

‘Over the next few months my weight distribution will gradually become more like that of a woman and I hope that I will begin to grow my own boobs, so I’ll no longer need the forms. My skin should become smoother as well. Thankfully I’ve never had much facial or other bodily hair, but I’m now unlikely to grow any more.’

‘You’ve obviously been thinking seriously about this for some time. I trust that you know what you are doing,’ said Carol.

I nodded.

‘Yes, of course. This is something I’ve dreamed about doing for many years, but have only just had the opportunity to do so,’ I replied.

‘So this isn’t just the result of you joining the Honey Bunnies,’ said Beth a little anxiously.

‘Joining the Honey Bunnies has enabled me to recognise the real me – who I really am. It’s the best thing that has happened to me and I’m very grateful to you both, and also to you, Maria.’

‘Will you be telling the guys about this?’ asked Beth.

‘I’m not intending to say anything to them to begin with, although I hope that the changes to my body will eventually become apparent.’

‘What about your parents?’ asked Carol.

‘They still don’t know, but now that I’ve taken this irrevocable step, it is only fair that they should be told, which brings me to my second announcement. My mother, and your mother, Carol, will be joining the cruise at Venice in six and a half days from now and returning with us to Southampton.’

This time everyone looked surprised.

‘When did you hear this?’ asked Carol.

‘About an hour and a half ago. Your mother has been trying to phone you all day but has been unable to get through.’

‘I’ve had my Spanish SIM card in place all day. But will you be letting your mother know about Ally before she arrives.’

‘No, I don’t think so, just in case she changes her mind and cancels her booking.’

‘So you’re planning to wait until she’s on board before telling her?’

‘No, just in case there are any histrionics – I’d rather they didn’t take place on the ship in front of my colleagues. I thought the best place to do so would be at the airport when she arrives. In fact it will be obvious as soon as she sees me.’

‘So that meeting will be with Ally rather than Alex?’ said Beth.

‘Of course, as I've just said, Alex isn’t coming back, In any event, he would have nothing to wear, if you remember.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘Carol, would you be willing to come with me to the airport, so we can separate our respective mothers and then I’ll have a private word with mine.’

‘Exactly how are you planning to separate them?’ she asked.

‘We’ll tell them that we’re planning to meet them off the plane. When we know that they’ve arrived and are through immigration and customs, I’ll ask the information desk to make an announcement for my mother to collect a message. Your mother should suggest that she waits in the Arrivals Lobby with the luggage whilst my mother goes to collect the message. I will wait and then introduce myself to her whilst you join your mother. Then I will take a little time to explain to her the situation before we all meet up again.’

‘Alright then.’

‘Are you planning to tell the guys about the impending arrival of your two mothers?’ asked Beth.

‘I suppose we’d better warn them just in case there is some come-back as a result of Mum’s visit, but maybe we should leave it until a little nearer the time,’ I replied.

Our performance in the theatre that night was a triumph. Everybody looked great and was singing or playing their best. George and I had recently introduced several new numbers to our repertoire and Carol and Beth had worked out some new dance routines. In fact the Bucks and the Bunnies were really performing well together once again. I felt it to be the most professional show we’d ever done.

‘If only Mum and Dad could have seen us, I’m sure they would have been proud of me,’ I thought as we took our bows.

‘If we can keep up that standard on a regular basis it might be worth our thinking about going professional in the longer term,’ commented James to me as we left the stage. ‘As long as you didn’t mind continuing as Ally, that is.’

I answered him with a non-committal smile. It was a nice idea, but I didn’t think it was likely to come off. Carol and Beth both had university courses to finish and I was becoming more attracted to the idea of starting one – if only I could do so as Ally.

Over the next couple of days Carol and I made detailed plans for our mothers’ forthcoming visit. We would have no difficulty in taking a bus out to the airport in time to meet their flight. Assuming that we all took a land taxi from the airport, we would have about four and a half hours available to divulge my news to Mum, calm her down and get back to the ship in time for them to check in before it was due to sail. There were no flights back to the UK during that time and so she would have no choice but to remain with us. I was also counting on the fact that she would be feeling somewhat jet-lagged after her journey and less inclined to have a public row with me. Thus when the ship called at Palermo Carol telephoned her mother to put her in the picture, and Aunt Emm agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to co-operate with our plan and not to say anything to my mother prior to their arrival. I also sent an email to my Mum, with a blind copy to my aunt.

Hi Mum,
I’ve just heard that you and Aunt Emm will be joining our cruise. That’s great news and I’m looking forward to showing you what we’ve been doing over the last few weeks. I’ve also some exciting news to divulge to you, but I’m afraid it will have to wait until we have the opportunity to speak together.
Love to you and Dad,
Alex.

As I typed that name I promised myself that it would be the last time that I ever used it. Alex could be used as a girl's name, but not for me; it had too many uncomfortable associations attached to it.

I continued to allow one Estradiol tablet to dissolve under my tongue each morning as well as continuing with my daily dose of Aldactone, never doubting the wisdom of my taking this medication. I knew that I would have to tell Mum at some stage although I was still unsure exactly when and how to do so. It might be better to let her get used to the idea of having a daughter first. I didn’t notice any significant change as a result of taking the new tablets, just a vague tingling in my left breast. Nevertheless, I removed my breast forms just to check that all was well and left them off for a few hours overnight before replacing them. These days I was so used to wearing the forms that it felt decidedly odd to be without them.

Once the ship entered the Adriatic Sea, George wanted a talk with me after one of our regular practice sessions together.

‘I wondered if you’ve any plans for our day off in Venice, Ally. I enjoyed our afternoon there together last time even if it did end badly.’

‘What are the other Bucks planning to do?’ I asked.

‘I’ve no idea, I haven’t asked them. I would prefer to go ashore with just the two of us, if that suits you.’

I sighed.

‘I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to, George, but I’m afraid I can’t, and what’s more you may wish to keep your distance from me on the voyage back.’

‘But why? I thought we were getting on better recently.’

‘It’s nothing to do with you, or how I feel about you, but my mother and Carol’s mother have arranged to join the cruise and we will be meeting them at Marco Polo airport. My mother doesn’t yet know about Ally, and I’m not sure how she’s going to react when she does find out. It’s going to be bad enough for her to find that her erstwhile son is now her daughter and is performing in a girl band without also discovering that she has a boyfriend as well.’

‘Well, it is up to you to decide, but I’m not ashamed of having you as my girlfriend – in fact quite the opposite. I would be happy to meet your mother if you wish.’

It was nice to see that he was at least now willing to acknowledge our relationship.

‘I suggest we play it by ear, let’s see how she reacts to meeting me first,’ I replied.

‘Alright then,’ he replied, sounding disappointed.

‘Thank you, George, and thanks for asking me out, although I can’t come on this occasion,’ I said giving him a kiss.

‘But you might mention my Mum’s planned visit to the other guys in the band, just in case there are any issues when she comes on board.’

‘What sort of issues?’

‘Just in case she betrays my secret to the whole ship's company.’

Later, that evening I discussed with Maria what I would wear for my planned meeting with Mum.

‘I don’t want to look too girly as I’ll probably need to help her with her luggage, but on the other hand I want it to be quite obvious to her that I am now living as a girl.’

‘I do not think there will be any doubt in her mind once she sees you, but I suggest you should wear your skater dress over a pair of leggings and some medium heels.’

‘That’s a good idea, it will look pretty but be practical at the same time. There's also the question of my hair though: I love having the long blonde hair but it is also very noticeable. Is there any way I could tone it down for the first meeting with my mother?’ I asked.

‘It would be a mistake to try and colour your hair, but I will show you how to braid your hair and tuck it away neatly into a bun so that it is not so obvious.’

‘Yes, you’re right. I don’t mind making a few compromises with my appearance to ease the shock of our first meeting, but I’m hoping my mother will come and see the Bunnies perform and so she will have to get used to my long hair and the Bunny costumes.’

In the event, we were all permitted to go ashore for a couple of hours at Dubrovnik the day before the ship reached Venice. As usual Carol and Beth were keen to spend some time with their boyfriends and Maria was happy enough to return to her studies. I therefore asked George if I could treat him to lunch ashore, by way of consolation for my having turned him down regarding Venice. He seemed pleased with the idea and we found ourselves a quiet sea-food restaurant in the old town where we shared a meal of stuffed baby squid in its own ink.

‘How are you feeling about tomorrow?’ he asked.

‘Nervous,’ I replied. ‘In fact, very nervous, but I’ve been putting off letting my parents know about Ally for so long now that I’m not sorry that Mum’s visit has forced my hand.’

‘Well good luck and I hope all goes well for you when she arrives,’ he said squeezing my hand. 'If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.'

I smiled, but didn’t feel particularly confident.

The following morning I awoke early, showered, and then sat staring at myself in the mirror.

‘Do you wish that I fix your hair and makeup for you today Ally?’ asked Maria getting out of bed and putting on a dressing gown. ‘You do not look as if you will do it well today.’

‘Yes please, I’m feeling far too nervous to do it for myself.’

‘But it is only your mother; I would be more worried about the reactions of my father.’

‘No; in our family Dad is the breadwinner but Mum makes all of the important decisions. If Mum accepts me as Ally, then I know that Dad will do so as well.’

‘Breadwinner? What is a breadwinner?’

‘It is the person in a family who makes the money to allow the family to function. Usually it is the father, but not always, especially if the mother has a good job.’

‘I see,’ she said beginning to braid my hair.

‘In Britain we would say that ‘my mother wears the trousers in their marriage,’ meaning that she makes the decisions.’

‘Britain is a strange country where the mothers wear the trousers and the sons wear the dresses.’

‘You have transgendered women in Spain - look at your friend Juanita. In any event I now like to think of myself as their daughter not their son.’

Maria smiled.

‘I know, I joke with you.’

She had now pinned my hair neatly in a bun. I no longer looked so overwhelmingly ‘blonde’.

‘How much makeup do you want me to use?’ she asked.

‘Mum used to like wearing makeup when she was my age, so I do not see why I shouldn’t do so as well,’ I replied. ‘You understand my situation, I don’t want to look like a beauty queen, so please use your own judgement.’

As usual, Maria made a good job and provided me with exactly the right look for the occasion.

As I was leaving I noticed an envelope had been left outside the door addressed to me. It was in George’s handwriting and turned out to be a good luck card signed by the Bucks and the Bunnies. I was especially pleased that George appeared to have bought the card and orchestrated the signing of it.

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