I was in bed, fast asleep when I heard a noise. It was my door being battered in. Bill got in and he was standing there with an axe in his hand. Fred was behind, leering at me.

‘You disrespected me. You made me think that you were a girl. I kissed you. I don’t kiss boys, I’m not a fagot but you are.

He raised his axe…

I screamed.

Then everything went dark again.

I heard a beep, beep sound and I gradually opened my eyes and then shut them again as the light was too bright.

I groaned.

I was in pain and my jaw ached and my middle felt as if I had been kicked by a horse.

Then it all came back.

Bill…Fred…

I started crying. I wanted to go back to sleep, to end the pain.

Then I felt a soft hand hold mine. It was warm and tender.

‘Emma.’ she said softly.

I opened my eyes and there was Hannah.

‘Pain.’ I gasped.

‘Okay, I’ll get a nurse. Don’t go away.’

Her hand slipped out of mine, and I closed my eyes.

A few moments later the pain drifted away and I opened my eyes again. A nurse was standing by me, her hand fiddling with a drip.

‘Okay Emma, is the pain going away a bit?’

I nodded.

‘Thank you.’

‘No problem. If you need me, just press the buzzer.’

She left the room, and I was getting more aware of things going on around me.

I was obviously in a hospital room, but this wasn’t NHS, this was more like a posh hotel room. By the side of me, was a bedside cabinet with some get-well cards on it. On the other side were some medical equipment and a screen with lots of numbers and wiggly lines.

My arm had a bandage on it with a few things coming out from under it including a clear plastic tube.

I was slightly propped up in bed and in the middle, there was a hump thing that was keeping the sheets and blankets away from me.

I shut my eyes again as I was feeling slightly woozy.

To say that I was a bit muddled would be an understatement.

Why was I here?

What had happened to me?

Had I had an accident?

Then it all came back with a rush as I remembered and I started to cry as the horrors came back.

The door opened and then closed quietly. Seconds later I felt someone sit on the bed and I opened my eyes. It was Hannah.

She slid her hand into mine.

‘Hello,’ she said, ‘how do you feel?’

‘Like I’ve been run over by a lorry.’ I sniffed.

She frowned. She looked like she had been crying for some reason.

‘Sorry,’ I said.

‘Why?’

‘I’ve been nothing but trouble.’

‘Like, don’t be daft. None of this is your fault.’

I had a horrible thought and the heart bleep thing went and started to bong alarmingly.

The nurse came in and did something to the machine and it stopped that annoying noise.

‘Don’t upset her,’ she told Hannah.

‘Who me?’

‘Yes you. Emma, ring the bell if you need me.’

With that, she left us to it, closing the door quietly behind her.

I ran my sore tongue over my lip. My top lip had split slightly and felt uncomfortable, as did my tongue which felt like I had bitten it somehow. The was secondary to me as I needed to know…

‘Have they caught them?’

‘Those creeps?’

I nodded. I couldn’t stand it if they were out there and could get to me again.

‘Yes, they ran off but were caught shortly after, pleading their innocence. According to Dad, they were bang to rights, that is guilty as hell, I think. Look, you don’t need to worry about that now. I don’t want to you like, get all upset again…’

‘I need to know Han. I need to know what happened. Some of it is a bit hazy.’

‘Okay, Dad told me not to talk to you about it until he’s spoken to you but what I will say, and I’ve not told you this, is that we wondered why you were taking so long to go to the loo, and Megan needed to go anyway.’

Hannah looked at the closed expecting her dad to burst in or something. Then she continued.

‘So we went to the loo, but we heard boys shouting down that passage behind the cottages and we saw…’

She stopped and looked upset. I swear that she was going to cry again, but I had to know.

‘Go on.’

‘Those two boys were like, beating the crap out of you. They ran off past us and threatened to knife us if we followed.

‘We were like obviously more interested in you. Megan got there first and covered you up. You were unconscious and bleeding from down below. I was in a bit of a state and could only like cuddle you whilst one of the twins, God knows which, phoned 999 for police and ambulance. I can’t tell you any more or Dad will kill me…’

The door opened again and Auntie came in. Hannah reluctantly let go of my hand and stood up.

‘Well honey, back with us at last,’ she said as she came up to the bed leaned over and kissed my cheek.

That kiss hurt a bit but I didn’t mind.

She dragged up a chair and sat next to me.

‘Hannah, go and me a coffee.’

Turning to me she asked.

‘Do you want anything?

‘Coke please.’

Hannah seemed like she was going to argue about going but Auntie gave her a laser-like look and that was enough to send her scurrying out.

Auntie turned to me.

‘You look a bit better than I last saw you.’

‘Thanks, I think.’

‘We need to talk about things. Are you up for it?’

I nodded.

‘Your uncle will be in to see you later and his sergeant will interview you with him looking on. John is too close to you for him to take a lead on the case, but he will be there for you, okay?’

‘Yes, can you tell me anything, about my erm, injuries?’

‘I have permission from the doctors to talk to you in general terms about what has happened, but your surgeon Dr Withers will explain more fully. Are you really up for this Emma?’

‘I need to know.’

At least the bonging noise had gone away from the heart machine thingy.

She nodded.

‘If you want me to stop, just say, all right?’

‘Yes.’

I wished that she would just get on with it.

‘Firstly, I need to tell you that the boys were caught trying to catch a bus out of the village. A stupid thing to do. If I was them I wouldn’t have used public transport. Megan recognised them as they pushed past her. They were seasonal workers at the fish warehouse beyond the quay. They had evidently been troublesome and had been sacked from their jobs. As soon as they arrived in the area, one of them, Bill I think his name is, tried to get involved with Megan, who told him where to go when he was being a pest. Also, they were suspected of stealing things from the corner shop, but it couldn’t be proved.

‘Larry, our local bobby on the beat, when given a description of the lads thought that he knew who they were and said that he had had a run-in with them on the quay. They were causing you problems and he sent them away with a flea in their ears. One had ginger hair and that was a bit of a giveaway. They’re in police custody in Penzance. They’re under 18 so they are treated differently to adults, but due to the seriousness of their assault and possible flight risk, they will not be released according to John.’

That was one worry off my shoulders, but there was another.

‘Did they hurt me badly? I can’t feel anything…down below.’

She looked at me and sighed.

‘The doctors said that I can tell you some things that aren’t too technical. Dr Withers will be in to see you later to explain in more detail. It might be good to tell you what happened after you went to West Cornwall Hospital A&E. You were unconscious, which can be a worry at any time Apart from more superficial wounds to your face and body, the doctors were concerned about the fact that you were bleeding from your genital area.

‘Emma, those boys did a lot of harm, apart from your face, which had to be x-rayed in case you had skull injuries, they damaged your genital area by repeated kicking. Luckily your jaw wasn’t fractured so that was good. However, the kicking did cause a lot of damage that had to be rectified urgently.

‘West Cornwall Hospital doesn’t have the necessary facilities to sort out the problems and you would have had to be transferred to Exeter for the work to be carried out. By this time I had arrived at the hospital and to cut a long story short, because you had already agreed to go private and were due to go in anyway, you were transferred to St Hilda’s BUPA hospital.

‘The decision was made that you would have to have your damaged testicles removed and some minor surgery to correct your torn scrotum carried out as soon as possible. There was some concern about possible infection. The attack took place in an area that wasn’t very tidy and had a lot of rubbish around; by boys wearing shoes that were probably covered in germs.

‘Because of your circumstances at home, your parents were not involved with the decision to operate. As this was by way of an emergency procedure and you are living with us, we were considered to be in loco parentis. This was confirmed after consultation with Antonia, who agreed that, in effect, this was the case.

‘As I already mentioned, after explaining what had happened to Dr Withers there were no problems with this hospital taking over your case as you were to come here anyway to have some work done.’

‘So my testicles have been removed and the sack was damaged?’

‘Yes, that’s right. Your testicles were not functioning anyway and they had to be removed. To be honest, even if you hadn’t been attacked the doctor said that they would have had to have been taken out anyway. The sack had been torn when those thugs attacked you.’

‘So I’m going to be all right?’

‘Yes, I think so. The doctor wants to talk to you about the blood results that have just come in tomorrow. Nothing for you to worry about evidently, but the results help to explain what has been happening to you.’

‘Auntie.’

‘Yes love?’

‘They didn’t…didn’t, you know?’

I didn’t want to use the ‘R’ word

She stood up and leaned over me, giving me a gentle hug, trying to avoid all the leads and tubes.

‘No Emma, you weren’t harmed that way. It was good that you had some friends come to your rescue, but I don’t think that that would have happened anyway.’

For some reason, that set me off again and I cried my eyes out with my lovely Auntie hugging me.

After that, I calmed down a bit and Hannah came in with the drinks. I had wondered why she had been so long, but I think that it had been planned that way.

Devious or what?

I sipped my drink which was nice as my throat was a bit raw. We spoke about this, that and the other, but avoided talking about my attack. I think that they knew that I wanted to let it be for the moment.

After a while, I started yawning. Probably something to do with the painkillers in my drip.

‘We’ll leave you to have some sleep and come and see you tomorrow,’ said Auntie, standing up.

‘Oh, I was supposed to see my tutor today.’

‘That was yesterday,’ said Auntie, ‘I contacted her and she was so sorry about what happened to you. She said that she will see you when you are ready and not to worry. She sounded really nice and sympathetic.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Right girls, I’ll wait outside. Hannah, be quick, she needs her rest.’

Auntie kissed me on the cheek and stroked my hair.’

‘See you tomorrow. Rest as much as you can.’

I smiled as she left the room, leaving me with Hannah.

She held my hand and looked at me. A tear fell from her eye.

‘Don’t you ever do that to me again.’

‘What?’

‘Make me worry about you. I can’t leave you alone for one minute, can I?’

‘Sorry,’ I said, tearing up myself.

She sighed.

‘No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. If I could get at those boys I‘d tear them apart if I could.’

‘Stop it, it makes you the same as them.’

She looked at me, stroked my hair and smiled.

‘Don’t ever change Emma, I love you just the way you are.’

‘Except for one little thing?’

‘Yes, there is that; one snip and it's gone!’

‘Not very good at biology are you?’

We both laughed until I said, ‘Ouch!’

I had a good sleep that night without those horrid nightmares. I wanted to have a sleeping tablet, but the nurse said that they would have to check on me during the night because I had lost consciousness during the attack.

The next morning I was feeling much better. My jaw still felt a bit swollen but my lip didn’t feel too bad and my tongue was still a bit sore, but nothing like as bad.

Down below ached a bit, but not exceptionally.

I had porridge and orange juice for breakfast and I had to eat and drink carefully due to my mouth injuries.

I had a catheter tube and that took away the need to go to the toilet. I had pads and bandages covering my scrotum and I wondered how well I was healing.

Nurse Petra told me when she came in to pick up the breakfast things, that Dr Withers would be coming to see me on his rounds a bit later and that I could ask her how things were going down below.

I wanted to go home but knew that it wouldn’t happen that day. I would just have to be a bit patient.

About mid-morning, I was bored. I had a nice TV but there wasn’t anything worth watching.

Petra came in after a while and took my temperature and other vital signs. I wasn’t plugged into anything now, apart from my plumbing which was a relief.

‘Right,’ she said, ‘you have a visitor. Shall I send her in?’

‘Yes please,’ I said, sitting up in bed a bit. Maybe it was Hannah.

Nurse Petra went out and a few moments later, the door opened and in came Megan!

The tall pretty girl came over with a smile and dropped some cards on the bed and a paper bag.

‘Hi Emma, all the others are in college today, but I have a few free periods so here I am. I’ve got some get-well cards and also a few sweets and chocolates for you. I hope that you like them.’

‘Oh, thanks for coming Megan, we didn’t have much chance to talk the other day.’

‘Yes, that was awful. You’ve really been through it haven’t you?’

I nodded.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

She dragged up a chair and sat down next to me.

We talked about the weather, how I was doing now and other things but I had a feeling that she had something on her mind.

There were a few moments when things went quiet and then Megan spoke up.

‘Look Emma, I know that you don’t want to talk about what happened, but I need to say something about it.’

I was dreading this. I was pretty sure that she didn’t know about my being trans.

‘What?’

‘When we stopped those creeps attacking you. I was there first and I saw how badly you were injured. Your skirt was up and I could see your torn panties, the blood and sorry to say this, your boy bits. I pulled your skirt down…’

‘Look…’

‘Let me finish, this is hard. I shouted for something to stop the bleeding, it wasn’t too heavy, the bleeding that is, but it needed stopping and the area kept as clean as possible. The alley wasn’t that nice and it was quite dirty where you were laying.

‘One of the girls, not sure who, gave me a couple of sanitary towels and I placed them over the area that was bleeding and then I pulled down your skirt. I had no idea if the other girls knew about you being trans so I was trying to save you from any embarrassment. I’ve taken a St John’s first aid training course, so I knew what to do.’

‘Thanks for that. The others do know about me, but I didn’t know you well so I said nothing. I would have told you if we became friends.’

She smiled.

‘So we are friends then?’

‘If you accept me for who I am, a girl in a boy’s body.’

‘Of course I do. It would laughable if I didn’t .’

‘Because I’m like you, trans.’

‘You?’

‘What?’

‘Like me?’

‘Well, I’m not as pretty as you but yes.’

‘Trans?’

‘Yes Emma. Don’t look so shocked. I was born a boy but have always been a girl inside. I have boy bits like you, but as soon as I can, I will be as much of a girl outside as I can be. Inside I am and always will be a girl. I’m under my doctor and I’m taking puberty blockers. My breasts are false though and that’s a pain. Silicone breasts are hot and sweaty in this weather. I want my own real ones as soon as possible. Yours are natural, you lucky cow!’

We both laughed. That was good, it was the first time I had laughed in ages.

I looked at her as she spoke. She looked like any other girl, although she was quite tall; taller than the other girls I knew. Mind you, there are tall girls so that wouldn’t really count as a sign that she was born a boy.

‘Don’t say that I’m prettier than you. You are lovely.’

‘Thanks,’ she replied turning a slight shade of pink.

‘What do your parent think?’ I asked.

‘About me being a girl?’

‘Yes.’

‘It took a bit of time to convince them, a few years actually. Things got a bit rough and I…I tried to commit suicide by taking a load of Mum’s sleeping pills…’

‘What!’

‘Yea, I know, stupid, but I was in this pit and I couldn’t get out. I was in a boys' school at the time. I was quite short, thin, weedy, call it whatever you like. This was before I shot up in height. Bullies were hounding me and Mum and Dad kept me there and wouldn’t believe me when I said that I was really a girl. They took me to our GP once and he said that I would grow out of it and that it was a phase and Mum and Dad lapped that nonsense up like a cat with warm milk.

‘They wouldn’t listen to me. They trusted that damned doctor more than their own child. In the end, I had had enough. I was in a very dark place. Mum and Dad were out one day, so I put on my prettiest dress and carefully applied my best makeup, I had a few girlie things hidden away from prying eyes that they never knew about. I then wrote them a note telling them all about how I felt and then took the pills and laid down on my bed. I was thirteen at the time. A few minutes later I was well and truly out of it.

‘I woke up in hospital with a huge headache and a very sore throat. Mum and Dad had come home earlier than I thought they would and they found me. Talk about panic stations. I was evidently rushed to hospital, the full blue lights and sirens experience, but I didn’t know that as I was in la-la land on the way to heaven, hell or whatever. They caught me in time, obviously or I wouldn’t be here, but it was evidently touch and go whether I would pull through or not.

‘Things changed after that and I had a doctor more sympathetic with what I was going through. Mum and Dad were so guilty about what had happened that they went the other way and fully supported me. There’s a lot more I can tell you, but that’ll do for now. So yes, I know what you are going through and it’s nice to know that there is someone else like me around. We can swap medical stories and support each other, if you like.’

‘I don’t know what to say. You’ve had an awful time.’

‘So have you.’

I smiled.

‘We are a right pair, aren’t we?’

‘Yup!’

‘Fancy sharing a bar of chocolate?’

‘You bet!’

After Megan left, I pondered about what she had told me. I wasn’t the only one that had been through hell. It comforted me that I now had someone who had experienced similar problems to me. I loved Hannah, but she had no real idea of what I had been through. In Megan, I had someone I could talk to about things to do with transitioning. I had found a new friend and that went some way to cheer me up.

Later that day, Dr Withers came in with a nurse.

‘Hello Emma, how are you feeling?’

‘A bit sore down below.’

‘Not surprising. Let me have a look.’

Nurse Petra lifted away the sheets and blankets so that Dr Withers could have a ferret around. I couldn’t see anything as the bedclothes were in the way.

‘We are just changing your dressings, it shouldn’t hurt. Everything looks nice and clean. We’ll have a chat when we’re finished ok?’

‘Yes.’

It did hurt a bit, but not much and soon they had finished.

The doctor came and sat down beside me and Nurse Petra gave me a nice smile and left us to it.

‘Right Emma, it’s all a bit swollen around there, but I’m happy with your progress. I don’t know what you’ve been told but you obviously want to know what’s going on.’

‘Yes please.’

It took a while to go to sleep that night, despite the sleeping pill that I had been given.

I tried to recall all that had been said to me by the doctor, but a lot of it had gone over my head, probably due to the aftereffects of the trauma of my attack.

However, several things got through my befuddled mind. Firstly, my testicles had been removed and the other damage down below had been cauterised and stitched. Neither of the testicles were cancerous, which was one hell of a relief.

Dr Withers had the results of the blood test and it confirmed what she thought when she examined me while I was out of it. I had what is considered to be a fairly mild form of partial androgen insensitivity syndrome or PAIS for short. I would be looking it up when I got out of hospital but to cut a long and complicated explanation short, it was a gender thing that was carried down from my mother, and that was what caused my lack of hair, breast growth and other signs of female physiology.

So, there was a reason why I looked different from normal boys and it wasn’t just to do with the pills I had been taking.

And that was my final thought as I had, by now, drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

I was in hospital for three more days and then I had to convalesce for a week more. I stayed with what I now considered to be my new family at Seashell cottage whilst I recuperated and that was much nicer than the hospital, which, even though private, was still a hospital. I was made a fuss of and that was nice for a while, but I just wanted things to go back to normal. It was nice having Hannah nearby when she wasn’t in college and my other new friends to come and visit me, especially Megan, who I had a strong connection with due to our shared experiences.

Uncle John told me that the boys had been charged with a string of offences including grievous bodily harm and were in youth detention custody awaiting trial. It wasn’t known yet whether they would plead guilty or not.

I avoided thinking about what had happened to me, it was all too painful. The subject was avoided by everyone and I was happy with that too.

To offset boredom, my tutor had me do some home studying through the college portal and I was grateful as it helped keep my mind off my troubles.

It was on the Wednesday that I received a visitor. I was in the sitting room, reading a textbook off my laptop when Auntie showed in Ivy, my cleaner, and went off to make some tea for both of us.

‘Well, there you are young Emma,’ said Ivy as she sat down opposite me.

‘Hello Ivy.’

‘I told Len that I would come and see you. He’s doing something with the delphiniums, whatever they are. You look peaky, not surprising really. Those little buggers that did for you should be strung up by the short and curlies. Len said that he would have kicked them into tomorrow, whatever that means. Mind you, when he heard about it, he’d had six pints down the pub and you know what men are like with the drink in them, all mouth and trousers.’

Just then Auntie came in with a tray. There was a teapot two cups and saucers, not the mugs that we usually had and a couple of slices of fruit cake.

The phone rang and Auntie went outside to answer it.

‘This cake looks nice,’ said Ivy taking a huge bite out of her slice.

I, of course being the dainty type, took a much smaller bite.

‘Mmm,’ said Ivy, showering crumbs, ‘very nice but not as good as mine. My Len says that I bake the best fruit cake in Cornwall. Anyway, You look as if you have been through the wars. How are you feeling?’

‘A bit sore but getting better.’

Ivy took another, much smaller bite of cake and I did the same. She was looking at me strangely.

She had a sip of tea.

‘I’ve given your cottage the once over, though it’s quite clean really. Dust gets everywhere though if you don’t keep on top of it.’

She polished off the cake in record time and had another slurp of tea.

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t in a very talkative mood for some reason. To be honest, I just wanted to be left alone. Everyone was being so nice it was a bit claustrophobic and cloying.

She put her cup down on the saucer with a slight bang that made me jump slightly.

‘So, everyone is pussyfooting around you, not wanting to hurt you or even talk about what happened, right?’

I supposed she was probably right, especially after the initial shock of my attack. But I had not realised it.

‘I can see that I’m right. People don’t want to upset you, fair enough, but you need to talk about it. I’m just a cleaner, a very good one, mind you, but even I realise you need to get all this off your chest, see a psychiatrist or counsellor. My son Michael was in the army and he saw and experienced some awful things. He has PTSD and he sees a counsellor about it and it’s helped. You don’t have to bottle it up. Anyway, enough of that. Do you still like living here?’

I thought for a moment.

‘I think so.’

‘You don’t sound convincing. Is it about those thugs?’

I nodded. I was so worried that it might happen again.

‘Wherever you are, there’s always the chance that you might be attacked or have other problems. It’s a thing that all women have to live with. Those idiots were not locals, they came in to cause trouble. You left home because you didn’t get on with your parents?’

‘Yes.’

‘You can’t keep running away. You and young Hannah have got a thing going?’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Word gets around, not that I listen to gossip, of course. Look, there are people here that care for you. If you went away, you can’t say that that would be the case again. We villagers look after our own.’

‘But, I’m new here.’

‘You might be new, but you have ties of blood here. You’ve your grandma’s blood in your veins and she had lots of relatives that came from here. Hell, back in the past, like in many places like this, there was a lot of inbreeding going on, so we are probably related somewhere back in the past. What I’m saying is that you belong here. I won’t say any more, I have to go and do Mrs Slocombe’s place. That pussy of hers makes a lot of mess.’

She stood up and looked at me with piercing eyes.

‘Heed what I say. Get yourself together and move on like my boy Michael. If he can do it, then so can you. Enough said, bye.’

Without another word, she left me to my thoughts.

Ivy had brought it all back to me. I could see that I had been hiding my head in the sand. She had helped me to focus on things.

Auntie walked in.

‘Have a nice chat?’

I looked at her suspiciously.

‘I think that you had something to do with that chat, Auntie.’

She shrugged.

‘We’ve all been walking on eggshells around you but I thought that you needed to hear a few home truths. Ivy’s boy had been through a lot and bottled things up until he was persuaded to get some assistance. I thought that she might be able to help you.’

I thought for a moment.

‘I can’t keep running away, can I?’

‘You don’t need to run away. You are at home here and you have people around you who love and support you.’

I got up and gave her a big hug.

‘I don’t deserve you.’

‘Probably not, but who else would put up with your moods and tantrums!’

We both laughed and it was as if a heavy weight was gradually lifting from me.

Of course, it didn’t take long for me to get bored with sitting about. Walking was a bit of a sore experience, but with the painkillers that I had, it wasn’t too bad.

One evening, I felt well enough to go down to the quay with Hannah. It was something that I would have to do eventually and I had to put my fears behind me. Those boys were in custody somewhere and I hoped that I wouldn’t have any more “incidents”.

I put on my makeup carefully. I still had a bruise on the side of my face and my bottom lip was slightly swollen but thankfully, the split had healed to a small mark. One advantage of being young is that you heal quickly. I still had a dressing on down below, but it was a light one. The stitches were to be removed the following week, something to look forward to – maybe!

I put on a soft white t-shirt and blue denim pinafore dress, bought from my recent mega shopping trip to Penzance with Hannah. I hadn’t worn that combo before and I liked the look and comfort of them. I also put on a thin white cardi as it looked like it might be a bit cooler and breezy down by the sea in the evening.

Hannah held my hand as we walked down to the quay. A thing that would have been frowned upon just ten years ago, but now, didn’t seem to matter to most people. For the minority that do not like it, well that’s tough. I was almost beyond caring.

Was I becoming hardened? I hoped not, but I had to put a bit of a mental shell around me to cope.

I shrugged; I was too introspective for my own good.

My best girl was wearing a pink jumper over a t-shirt and light blue skinny jeans. I wished that I could wear them, but it wasn’t possible, maybe someday!

I was happy to get out and about again, but I had some reservations due to my previous experience. Safety-wise, I was still a bit cautious. For example, I would not go anywhere near a public toilet by myself, I had learned my lesson. It was a pity that I felt that way, but it was a natural response to what had happened to me.

Hannah said that she wouldn’t let me out of her sight as I would only get into trouble. I said that it might be a bit difficult in the public toilets though as it might get a bit cramped in the cubical!

The following week, I was to see a psychiatrist about my gender problems and also to discuss and pick apart the attack on me. I can’t say that I was looking forward to it, but it had to be done.

Despite my bravado at letting things get back to normal though, to say the least, going down to the quay made me jumpy. I was living on my nerves. I couldn’t understand how Hannah could possibly act normally.

Then I pulled myself together. I wouldn’t let one incident, however horrific, ruin my life. I started to relax when I saw that no one paid much attention to me.

You may think that I was full of contradictions about how I felt, one minute all bravado and the next, frightened of my own shadow.

That is probably true and I had to live with it. I wondered how much my raging hormones were affecting my mood swings and was that because I had stopped taking those dodgy pills? I had no idea, but I would broach the matter with the doctor or trick cyclist when I saw him or her.

Anyway, enough of that navel-gazing. We were, by now, reaching the quay. Hannah had been prattling on about something and I had just been grunting and nodding.

‘Emma.’

I nodded and said ‘Hmm.’

She stopped me and turned me towards her.

‘You haven’t heard a word I was saying.’

‘Yes I have.’

‘No you haven’t. What have I just been saying to you?’

‘Erm, you haven’t heard a word I was saying.’

‘Ha ha, very funny. Before that?’

‘Erm…’

‘Exactly. I know what you’re doing. You are with me now and you need to forget the past as much as you can. You can’t go around being worried about what might happen because of what happened the last time you were here. Those scum bags are locked up and won’t harm you. Now pull yourself together.’

‘Yes Mummy.’

‘You cow!’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue