At last ‘A life’
By Julie D Cole

Chapter 12 The shock

OMG she knows!! How? Why didn’t I go straight home or go to work as Chris and tell her before she sees me?

I sent a text to Julie and asked where she was and would she pick me up since I felt terrible and daren’t go home.

Within 20 minutes she had arrived and I said my goodbyes. Jessica said I’d gone white and asked if I was OK. I just said it was the excitement of the day and that I’d contact her later. It reminded me to send a text to Sally and I asked if she could meet me the following evening for a chat. I got a nice smiley response and ‘Good Luck — You’ll be fine. Just be yourself!!!’ She is a brick.

Julie opened the car for me and then admitted she’d decided to intervene and warn mum that I’d something to tell her but she’d badgered her all evening until in the end she’d told her that I had an identity crisis and was feeling confused with my gender. She said mum had then sat down and appeared very calm and hardly said anything because she wanted to talk to me before making any judgements. I just kept saying ‘Was she angry? Was she upset? How did she seem when she left OK or not?

Each time Julie just said ‘She was fine don’t worry.’

When we arrived home Julie opened the door and we went straight through to the lounge where mum was waiting. She was sitting in her favorite reading chair with her glasses perched on the end of her nose. She’s quite young looking despite her greying hair and has always kept her good figure.

She stood up and then said ‘Chris is that you? Is it or not? Oh my goodness?’

Then she burst into tears and staggered backwards saying ‘Oh My Oh My Oh Oh’ as she fought for breath. Julie and I both jumped forwards since we knew this was one of her nervous palpitation attacks and she might faint. We sat her down and she held us back to try to get air. Julie shot off to the kitchen to get a glass of water and a powder that mum takes that always seems to calm her down.

She squeezed my hand so tight I wanted to scream and then she seemed to calm down and the tears stopped. She sipped the water that seemed to relieve some trapped air from her lungs and then she looked at me and shook her haid. Oh Chris I don’t belive it, I don’t believe it.

I started crying and went down on my knees saying Sorry Mum Sorry Mum please I didn’t mean it’ the I said I’m really sorry I promise I won’t dress like this again. I don’t want you to be so upset. She made me sit on the settee and Julie sat on the arm with her arm around me. She said ‘Mum it’s OK he is not a freak’.

Then mum said we had it all wrong and that it wasn’t the shock of me dressing as a woman it was something else. She was shaking her head and the tears flowed again for a while.
Julie sat with her and held her hand and said ‘Mum what do you mean?’

Then she said that it was bringing everything back and the awful memories from her youth just before she married dad. She’d been out with friends and her sister Judith who was in the car in front that was hit by a truck on a roundabout and Judith and the driver of the car had been killed. Mum had screamed as she saw it happening. She said it was slow motion and the most horrible thing that she'd ever seen. The wdding had to be delayed for 6 months until she could pluck up the courage since judith would have been Chief Bridesmaid.

Then mum said tearfully ‘Chris I’m so sorry but I thought you were Judith as you walked through the door. You look exactly like Judith when she dressed for work’. We all burst into tears and hugged each other. Julie and I knew some of the story and how beautiful Aunt Judith was and how mum missed her and never had chance to share happy lives with children growing up that they'd always talked about. She said that as her elder sister she never orgave herself for not insisting they were in the same car. Her mum and dad had been broken by the tradgedy but did often say that they had to thank God we were not both together in the car that was hit. It did affect mums life and her marriage.

Eventually she just hugged me and said that it was wonderful to see 'her sister' walk through the door and that all her married life she so wanted to talk to her. So it had been a big shock. She said I looked lovely and that she’d like to know what caused this to happen and why it had been so sudden since I’d never shown any sign of a desire to be a girl.

We decided to go to the kitchen and make some tea and we sat for an hour or so whilst I told her what my life had been like before the last weekend and how easily I’d switched to Christine. I told her about Sally and about what had happened at work with Kate Harper. She was pleased that I’d overcome some of my problems but concerned about what might happen in the future.

Then I got a text from Sally saying ‘What’s happened? Are you still alive?’ ‘Please call me when you can since otherwise I won’t sleep.’

Mum said she was OK now and suggested we all got ready for bed and in the meantime I should call Sally since she was so concerned.

I went to my room and called Sally and a few minutes into the call Julie popped in with some clean nightclothes and a dressing gown. I was just wiping my eyes with a tissue so she smiled and said 'Say Hi to Sally.I'd love to meet her'

Sally wanted to know everything from the moment I’d woken up to the last conversation with mum so I was on the call for ages. Even though we were supposed to meet in less than twenty four hours she wanted me to ‘dish the dirt’. Jessica had told her that I’d done well at work during the day and we’d had lunch with Kate Harper. But she hadn’t told her that Kate asked me to be her PA for a while. Sally was over the moon and said this could be my chance. Eventually Julie called upstairs to me so I had to finish the call and she thanked me for ringing and sent her best love and kisses down the phone line. I went to the bathroom where I cleaned my face and brushed my teeth. I then thought I’d better shower that was really quick.

I put on the nightdress and the dressing gown and also put on a clean bra and clean panties so that it was clear that I was more Christine than Chris.

We met in the lounge and by this time mum had made some cocoa and each of us had a digestive biscuit. Mum and Julie then said that they wanted to fully support me whatever decision that I took. We chatted about some of the difficulties I might have and mum promised to make a list that we should go throgh together. I said I wanted to experience the life of Christine for a bit longer and that I couldn’t be certain how I might feel to switch or if I might revert back in 2 weeks time. They said to take my time and not set any deadlines. It was a massive relief.

Then the house phone rang and mum jumped.’ My goodness who is that at this late hour?’

To be continued……..