When I arrived at the hotel ballroom, I found no signage or indication that anything was going on inside. No indication beyond the two burly guys in tuxedos bookending the doors. They were somewhere between James Bond and some stoic stereotyped secret service guy. As I walked up to the door, they each slid to the side, coming together to block the door. One produced a clipboard, and I announced “Ka...”

The guy looked up at me, then to his bookend, who gave him a quiet glare like 'you have to ask?'. The bookend stepped aside and clipboard guy quickly followed betraying the trace of a sheepish look.

So this was the suit suck. It reminded me of those Matrix sequels with the army of Agent Smiths. All generic and interchangeable. I scanned the room, catching glimpses of recognition as random suits noticed my entrance and nudged their peers. Quickly a wave of murmurs rippled through the room. I picked out a handful of women in business suits among the sea of middle management male mannequins, I spotted Colleen, who was staring my way, waiting for my eyes to catch her. She shot me a grin and I nodded with Katherine's patented pencil thin smile. I continued to scan the room and saw Eoin being harangued by three guys at the bar. I strode straight for the bar, marveling as the crowd parted like a school of tuna scattering before a shark. I barged straight up to Eoin, completely ignoring the suits who were still talking.

“You started without me?” I glared.

“...I just got here.” he declared. Nonplussed.

I snorted. “And you're already making friends without me.”

“Hi. I'm Katherine. Katherine Keller.” I said and thrust my hand at the group of suits.

In classic Katherine fashion, I didn't make eye contact with anyone, and the three guys glanced at each other nervously, unsure of whom I was actually addressing.

I just stood there, hand out, perturbed impatience growing on my face. Finally I started tapping my foot. Loudly. They were simple leather soled thong sandals, but they made a satisfying 'slap' as I rhythmically drummed my foot on the hard ballroom floor. While unblinkingly staring into the center of the group of squirming suits, I noticed from the corner of my eye that heads were beginning to turn, wondering where that irritating slapping noise was coming from. I also sensed some motion at the edge of my vision that I knew was Eoin's subtle quivering.

These guys were getting really agitated and I was wondering how tightly I could wind them before something happened, and just what that might be. This was taking a really long time. The tension in the air was excruciating. Behind my subtly annoyed pokerface, I was finding it deliciously intoxicating.

I finally expelled a loud melodramatic sigh like a pressure relief valve. The three stoogesuits startled, and all thrust forward to take my hand at the same time, crashing into each other like people playing chicken to squeeze into a revolving door. It was pure slapstick, but I held my pokerface. They quickly withdrew and glanced at each other to negotiate who would go first. They seemed to reach a decision, and just as one shifted his weight to reach in and take my hand, I withdrew it and spun to Eoin.

“Moving on!” I declared loudly. And turned to a red faced Eoin. “What are you drinking?”

He couldn't say anything. He just looked up at me, biting his lip. I signaled the bartender, who had been watching this scene from a safe distance. “Another.... whatever... for my comrade here. And I'll have... what's good here?”

The bartender made to speak but I cut him off. “Probably something Polynesian....”

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak again.

I turned to Eoin. “I think I'm in the mood for a suffering bastard....”

Eoin, who was just beginning to regain his composure, spun away from me and leaned into the bar.

“....maybe later....” I muttered to the bartender. “Just a daiquiri.”

“What kind?” The bartender finally got a word in.

“Your best.” I said unhelpfully, and shot him a look that convinced him to ask no further questions.

“151 Rum!” I shouted after him as he turned to grab the fixings. “...and a scorpion bowl with three straws for the mystery men here.” I said cocking my thumb in the direction of the three suits who were now standing like stunned spectators beside Eoin and me.

Upon noticing my mention of them, one of the three stepped forward thrusting out his hand. I quickly put up a flat palm and, fixing his eyes, made a loud “Tssst!” sound. He jerked to a stop. Then regrouped and went to speak again. “Zzzzt!” I said and made a 'zip-it' motion over my lips.

“Let's not spoil what we had.” I said sternly. He was at a loss how to react. “Forward. Forever forward!” I declared to the three bewildered corporate execs.

I then turned to Eoin who was just pulling himself together. I grabbed the daiquiri in my left hand, swooped my right arm around Eoin's middle and swiftly scooped him beside me. I looked down at his upturned face and loudly declared “Let's mingle!” as I planted my right palm into the small of his back and propelled him forward in a near stumble.

As we tore through the dazed crowd like a snowplow, I put my mouth down to Eoin's ear and quietly said “What do you say we double-team them?” with a wink.

He grinned at me. “This is SO not a fair fight!”

Perhaps not, but it was much more fun. Eoin would target a group of suits and we'd swoop in for the power schmooze. Eoin would do the introductions and grill them on their role in the corporate hive, all the while I would loom over the group like a distracted bird of prey, scanning the crowd and seeming to pay no attention to the banal chitchat. Until at some point, I'd sense Eoin was ready to move on, having fulfilled his unctuous obligations... at which point I would utterly derail the conversation with something random, yet obliquely related to the conversation I had seemed to be ignoring. While the group was recovering and trying to get back on-topic, I would seize Eoin by the elbow as if I had finally found what I was seeking, and drag him off with me.

That's how the whole Spartacus thing happened. Utterly by accident.

The vice president of online content delivery for South America was complimenting us on turning the Birds tour from a promotional junket into an event in itself and praising the secret superfan event at the Hollywood bowl as a surprise gold mine for his division, thanking us for the unexpected gift of all that saleable content. He asked Eoin and I what surprises we had planned for the last leg of the tour. I put on my razor thin Katherine smile and said quietly “If we told you, we'd have to kill you.”

The suit laughed politely, then began fidgeting when I refused to look away. Polite smile still frozen on my face and holding my gaze on him like a child holds sunlight through a magnifying glass on an unfortunate insect. It was far too easy to be ambiguously menacing as Katherine. And far too fun. Finally the squirming suit turned back to Eoin.

“SO... soon the Asia leg of the promotional tour will be done and Thornbirds will be behind you. What are you working on next?”

Eoin started to talk about 'Blue Balls' but I interrupted him with a loud, dismissive “pfffft”.

The group all turned to me, surprised at the interruption.

“Everyone already knows about that.” I dismissed. “He's trying to find out your next BIG project.”

Eoin gave me a lost look. He was as baffled as the suits where I was taking this. Truth is, I had no idea myself. I figured I'd make it up as I went along. That approach had served me well so far. I had faith that something would come to me.

“You know.... the thing!....” I stage whispered out of the side of my mouth.

Eoin just blinked back blankly.

“That ….secret project?” I continued. I saw the subtle shift in his expression when Eoin got on board.

“Jeez, Katherine. I'm not allowed to talk about it. NO ONE is supposed to know about that. How the hell did YOU find out?” he whispered loudly.

“I have my spies.” I said, slowly raising my voice from stage whisper to quiet conversation. By this time Eoin and I were completely ignoring the suits, but they didn't seem to care. They were straining to eavesdrop on this private conversation.

“You have nothing to do with this.” he hissed.

“I know. And I want to know why. Wasn't I fun on the Birds shoot? Didn't I work as hard as everyone else? Harder! I had to learn f-ing Australian for gods sake!”

“It's not a bloody language! It's just an accent!” he nearly spat. He was getting into this.

“It's all bloody English! The same language... the only language you speak!” he whispered with some heat.

I shook my head. “Wrong wrong wrong wrong …..WRONG!” I Stooped down until we were nose to nose, glaring at each other, and I desperately hoped Eoin would not break into a laugh. He kept his stern face on.

“First, I speak American! NOT 'bloody English'... BUT... that is one of the other languages I DO speak... as well as Australian AND fluent Canadian!”

“Those are ALL THE SAME LANGUAGE!” he said in a strangled whisper-shout. He was doing tightly-wrapped-irritation really well, but I could sense a few cracks. I had to wrap this up before he lost it.

“We'll see about that.” I said in 'Canadian' ...and I noticed Eoin beginning to tremble. “BESIDES... I know lots of words in French and German, Swedish, Flemish, Spanish, Finish... Russian, Farsi, Cantonese, Japanese, Tagalog...” I stared at the ceiling as if trying to remember more. If I kept looking at Eoin, I was sure he was going to blow. “....and a little Klingon.”

Eoin exploded in a single sharp laugh that rang through the room. But it was like a safety valve. He put back his petulant face and followed the laugh with scornful sneers.

“Klingon is NOT a language!” he scowled.

“Tell that to a Klingon.” I deadpanned. He regrouped and dismissively waved his hands.

“So when did you learn all these languages?”

“Not languages. Just words. Hel-LO.... supermodel?” I waved my hands into myself. “I didn't need languages. Just some key words to express myself wherever I traveled... Including sci fi conventions.”

Eoin was trying to keep the annoyed face, but I could see mirth trying to horn in.

“OK, miss linguist....” He came this close to smirking. “Let's HEAR some of those foreign words.”

“I was told not to use them in polite company.” I said primly. Eoin startled slightly but quickly pulled it back together. I was pushing this and had to get off it quickly before he lost it.

“Well, at least some Klingon.” he sneered.

“Those are the worst words of all.” I said flatly and I saw his quivering. Meanwhile the suits were quietly transfixed. I had to distract Eoin, and quickly, before it all fell apart.

“Anyway. This isn't about me or how many languages I speak. I let you distract me.” I scolded Eoin. The scolding seemed to be working. He seemed on the brink but seemed to be reeling himself back. “Clever clever clever.” I teased waving my finger. “You almost distracted me. But this isn't about me... It's about Spartacus!” I said that last part with such heat it was like a knife lunge. It worked. Eoin startled.

And I immediately clamped both hands over my mouth with a stricken look on my face.

“Oh God!” I turned to Eoin, meanwhile the suits were transfixed and I noticed a larger crowd trying to sidle into earshot. “I'm so sorry! It just slipped out.”

“Spartacus? What is Spartacus?” one of the suits said.

“Nothing.” Eoin nearly barked, looking daggers at me. That's why I love this guy, he's a great improv partner. It's like we're reading from the same unwritten script.

“Nothing.” I said, mortified. “No. Really. Nothing. All those rumours are just rumours. There's nothing to them.”

“What rumours?” one of the suits asked, trying not to be heard by the gathering crowd.

I leaned in and whispered much too loudly “The rumours that Dez Lehmann is lining up his next project. A musical version of Spartacus. That he's this close to acquiring the rights, that he already has Andrew Lloyd Webber secretly working on the music and he's quietly shopping it around to studios.”

“I would have heard about that.” one of the other suits mumbled.

“If he were talking to your company. I heard he's still sore that you tried to strong arm him into Thornbirds 2.”

The suit turned beet red. Meanwhile the rest of the group – including Eoin – just stared. Rapt.

“AND... all those false rumours say he's talking to every leading man in Hollywood with a musical theater background. The cast is so big most of them are nearly guaranteed a role, but the real competition is for who will get the lead. Rumour has it after his performance in Thornbirds, it's someone's to lose.” I said staring at Eoin.

I don't know where the blush came from, but it played perfectly. All eyes turned to Eoin, which only made him blush deeper.

I abruptly turned on a breezy demeanor and said in a normal volume. “Well, it's all so much Hollywood gossip. There's nothing to any of it. It's all just rumour and lies. Don't believe a word of it.”

I grabbed Eoin by the elbow. “Time to go dear.” I smiled through gritted teeth, nearly yanking him off his feet.

As we turned to leave the group, I looked back to our still stunned group. “This never happened. We never spoke. You've never even MET me. And I didn't say ANYTHING! ….none of which is true by the way.” I furrowed my brow and gave them my 'evil glare', the one that worked so well at the Ciregna champagne reception. These guys wilted as quickly as the girls back there. But I knew they'd recover moments after we left, and I wondered with some amusement, exactly what I may have started.

It didn't take long to find out. As we swiftly strolled away for another corner of the room, Eoin squeezed my wrist tighter and leaned in.

“What just happened?”

“Huh? ….just messing with them. I thought that was the plan.”

He cocked his head. “Spartacus? Where the hell did you get Spartacus?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. I just thought when they asked us what's next, that maybe I'd be brooding because there's some big spectacular brewing, but there's no place for me in it because it's like, nearly an all male cast.... I was thinking maybe lots of folks from 'Birds would be involved... which meant Dez... so it would be a musical... and it would have to be big and lavish because it's....Dez....”

Eoin grinned and nodded.

“So I was thinking, big Hollywood epic, Dez Lehmann spectacular, all male cast... half of Hollywood... it would be like those old 50s Demille films like the 10 Commandments, or How the West Was Won... which was like over 3 hours long, shot by teams of big name directors and employed half of SAG... AND was also kind of a musical.... so, I was thinking what could be done today that would be that epic? It had to be a remake, because these people don't do new. And it just came to me... Spartacus!”

“...the MUSICAL?” Eoin grinned.

I nodded. “It's not THAT big a stretch. Someone did it as a rock opera years ago.” I knew that because my fanboy cousin had the vinyl album.

Eoin just laughed. “God, Katherine. Where do you come up with these?”

I shrugged.

“The funny thing is, even though I knew you were ….being you... and this was all ...you... the more you talked, the more I found myself thinking... why not? I'd want to be in on that!” he chuckled. “...but Thornbirds 2? You really jumped the shark on that one. That's a bit much even for you!”

I simply smiled at him. That was real. I was at the meeting.

We found a group far from our original prank and lapsed into the rote banal conversation. But it only took another 10 minutes or so for people to begin asking us about Spartacus. We of course acted guilty and flustered and denied – badly – any knowledge of Spartacus. To the point of me acting like I had never even heard of the original. Which was the most believable part. Katherine may not have ever seen Spartacus.

About a half an hour into our corporate meet and greet Dez pulled Eoin and me aside.

“Have you two been up to something that maybe I ought to know about?” He asked with a sly grin.

Eoin blushed. I raised a finger. “All just rumours. Total lies. Utter gossip. Falsehood and innuendo.” I vehemently denied like a red-handed politician.

Dez just crossed his arms and stared at me with his sly grin.

“What have you done now, Katherine?” he smiled.

“I was just trying to get my sweetie some work... I want him to remain a steady earner and treat me in the manner to which I'm accustomed.” I deadpanned.

Dez rolled his eyes.

“It wasn't entirely her fault. I kind of played along.” Eoin meekly chimed in.

“Of course you did.” Dez said. “You don't sail against a gale wind.” he smiled.

“...Or a hurricane...” I muttered. I caught Dez's stifled snort.

“So will you please explain to me why everyone thinks I'm holding out on them and want to make amends to get in on my new project? Why are people trying to throw money at me?”

“They think you're angry at the company and shopping around.” Eoin grinned.

“Shopping what around? And why would I be angry?” Dez was confused.

I was about to explain when Eoin cut me off.

“They think you're angry because you were pressured to make Thornbirds 2” Eoin laughed shooting me a 'where does she come up with these?' look. “And because you're angry, you've shut them out of negotiations for Spartacus.”

Dez pulled his head back slightly, struggling to process. “...Spartacus?”

“The musical!” Eoin laughed.

“Eoin's the lead!” I chirped.

Dez just hung his head, staring at the floor.

Eoin and I stood there, looking uncertainly at each other. Dez didn't seem exactly angry. I thought maybe he was disappointed or was feeling blindsided by our little prank.

He began to slowly shake his head from side to side, still staring at the floor. I was becoming certain he was disappointed and overwhelmed at what we'd dragged him into.

Then his shoulders began to shake and I wondered if I misjudged him. When he finally raised his head, the tears streamed down his beet red face. His lip bitten tightly, he struggled to compose himself. As he ground a knuckle into his eye to clear the tears, he looked us in the eye.

“Spartacus?”

“The...um...musical...” Eoin said hesitantly.

“Starring..” and I cocked a thumb toward Eoin, flashing Dez a tiny grin. “...according to rumour....”

Dez shook his head again.

“Do you know who even owns the rights to Spartacus?” he asked.

“Not you?” I asked. He shook 'No'. “Well, with all the money they're trying to throw at you it shouldn't be too hard to secure the rights. ...as long as you act swiftly and grab 'em before the rumours go viral and the price goes up.” I grinned.

Dez raised a finger, I think to scold me, but hesitated. He furrowed his brow and tilted his head slightly. “I'll be back.” he said and quickly left the room, calling out loudly over his shoulders “I'm not through with you two!” as the whole room watched and quickly began buzzing the moment he left.

Eoin and I continued to 'work the room'. The more we tried to sidestep the Spartacus silliness, the more out of control it got. By the time we hooked up with Colleen and Nancy, it seemed the only thing anyone wanted to talk about.

“So I guess congratulations are in order?” Colleen smiled to Eoin. Nancy just stared, unblinking, at me.

Eoin sighed. “Oh, please not you too!” His eye roll was very over the top silent movie.

Colleen quirked her brow. “Huh?”

“There IS no movie.” he sighed.

“There are lots of movies,” I cheerfully interjected.

“And NO. I am NOT the lead.”

“Nothing has been announced. Every leading man in Hollywood wants this plum, but after 'Birds, rumour has it it's his to lose.” I smiled. “If there actually WAS a movie. Which is a totally unconfirmed rumour.” I smiled with upraised finger.

Colleen's eyes darted from Eoin to me and back. His expression was vaguely weary. Mine was suspiciously mirthful. Nancy continued to stare, unblinking, at me.

“A totally unconfirmed rumour which you started a half hour ago!” Eoin glared at me.

I just batted my eyes, the picture of innocence. “Sorry. It had been such a well kept secret until I let the cat out.”

“No one knew about it because it didn't exist until you made that crack in front of those corporate guys a half hour ago!” Eoin was getting a bit heated, but I didn't sense anger. It was more like alarm that we'd somehow started an avalanche that was about to bury us.

Colleen smirked. Glancing at me but addressing Eoin.

“So there IS no Spartacus?” she smiled.

Eoin shook his head vehemently.

“Maybe not yet.” I muttered under my breath.

Eoin glared at me. Colleen snorted. Nancy continued to stare, unblinking.

“Don't your eyes get dry?” I asked, startling her as if a microscope slide decided to strike up a conversation.

She blinked.

“Thank GOD!” I declared melodramatically. “I was beginning to think you O.D.'d on Botox.”

Colleen snorted. Eoin glared. Nancy resumed her stare. Is this really the girl Matt had to fill with coffee to finally stop her talking?

Colleen got back on topic. “So... this film... Spartacus... real? Not real? What.”

“Just a rumour. Started as a joke.” Eoin grumbled.

“So YOU claim...” I smiled.

“I was there remember???”

“So YOU claim...” I smiled.

“Look...” Eoin pleaded with Colleen. “Trust me. I was there.” he glanced at me as if I was going to interrupt. “I WAS!...” He calmed himself and gave her an earnest look. “It's just crazy talk.”

“...Doesn't sound that crazy...” I muttered.

“No, it doesn't.” Colleen agreed with a smile.

Eoin rolled his eyes. “It's all …..talk!”

I nodded and caught his surprise at my agreement.

“It seems to be the only thing all these corporate bigwigs can talk about.” I said wryly.

Colleen smiled.

Nancy stared.

“...and pretty much everything starts with a conversation.” I said cheerily.

Then I spun to Nancy. “RIGHT???”

She jerked back as if I'd bit her on the nose. Then I guess all those pent up blinks spilled out as her wide eyes fluttered and fluttered, her mouth agape.

I turned back to Colleen with an airy demeanor. “Oh, well. Time will tell. ...Come along sweetie,” I said to Eoin. “I think we've done what we can here, and I need my beauty sleep.” I latched onto his elbow and yanked him to my side.

Before we breezed out of the room, I again spun to Nancy with a wicked grin. “YOU!” I said with a too loud leer and an arm thrust out with pointed finger like a manic Uncle Sam “...I will see tomorrow!”. I grinned as mischievously as I could. If Nancy could curl up like an armadillo, I'm certain that's what she would have done. Instead she stood there, wide-eyed, slack-jawed and frozen.

I blithely turned away and breezed out of the room. Dragging Eoin along with me.

As we rode the lift, Eoin whispered to me “What did you do back there?”

“Me?” I raised an eyebrow. “Don't you mean WE?” I cracked the slightest trace of a smile.

Eoin sighed heavily. “Oh God.... What the hell did WE do back there?”

I shrugged. “Too soon to tell. We'll know soon enough.” I indulged myself a full wicked grin.

Eoin raised his finger and opened his mouth to speak just as the door opened.

“Your floor.” I chirped and nearly shoved him out. As the door was closing and he stood staring in at me I laughed. “Sleep well!”

I leaned back in the lift and smiled to myself, wondering how long it would take to find out what we had done.

Not long at all, it turned out. As I breezed back into my suite, Matt and Dennis were huddling, going over the next days shoot and brainstorming locations. Mikey was buried in his iPad.

Upon noticing me, Dennis & Matt looked up smiling and nodded, I smiled back and breezed toward my room to lose the sarong and let my hair down.

I was cut off by Mikey, who sprang from his chair and scrambled to plant himself in front of me.

He stared up at me wide eyed. I couldn't read the emotion on his face. It seemed a mixture of surprise, wonder and mirth.

I stared down at him with Katherine's patented expressionless expression.

“Spartacus???” he exclaimed.

I simply stared at him. Not reacting at all for an uncomfortable long time.

“No. Katherine. ….have we met?”

Matt and Dennis laughed, Mikey scowled at me with a derisive snort.

“Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this?” He snapped.

I cocked my head. “Spartacus?”

“Damn right cuz!” he spat, not even caring at his deliberate use of that dangerous word.

“You didn't know about Spartacus?” I asked incredulously.

“Not until five minutes ago.” Mikey barked waving his iPad around so forcefully I worried he would slip and fling it into a wall.

“God. Kubrick made it in the 60s.... Even I know that, and I'm not half the film fan you claim to be.” I said with mock disbelief.

Mikey was having none of it. He was not going to play. “Cut it Kat!” he spat. I was grateful that even in his fury, he kept in role. “Stop messing with me. You know what I'm talking about. What the hell is all this about Spartacus.... Desmond Lehmann's Spartacus... Spartacus – the MUSICAL!!!”

THAT got Dennis and Matt's attention. Their heads turned to us, forgetting their own conversation.

All eyes on the room were glued to me. I heard Dennis whisper quietly to himself 'Oh girl. What did you do now?'

“OH! Dez Lehmann's Spartacus.... the uh... musical” I acted as if I just remembered to pick up my dry cleaning. I motioned dismissively. “It's nothing. Really.” I turned to stare down the three of them. “NOTHING” ….I made a 'pfffft' sound. “No. Trust me on this. It really is nothing. Doesn't exist. Not Hollywood's best-kept secret. Maybe some crazy rumour started by some gossiping gossip who overheard something... MIS-heard something eavesdropping on a conversation, that they mistook in a flamboyantly wrong way?” I batted my eyes innocently.

Dennis laughed. Matt just stared at us, bewildered. Mikey burst into a grin and threw his head back with a whoop.

“What on earth does ...Spartacus – the musical...” Dennis couldn't say it without snickering “have to do with Katherine?” He was curious but confused.

“Nothing!” I said folding my arms like an angry child. “That's just the thing... it's boy boy boy boy boy... the occasional slave girl, but mostly it's a celluloid sausage fest.” I pouted. “You would think that after everything Katherine Keller did for Dez Lehmann's bankability, someone would at least throw her....” I blushed slightly, lowered my eyes and quietly said “um.... a bone.”

“So THIS is what you were grousing about at the suitsu... the meet & greet?” Dennis grinned.

“Just to Eoin since it looked like he was born to play the lead. ….and maybe I got a little ...heated... and raised my voice a bit...” I looked at him with contrite discomfort.

“And now it's all everyone can talk about.” Dennis clucked, glancing to Mikey who nodded gleefully holding up his iPad as evidence.

Dennis looked like he wanted to say more, but I caught his eyes dart to Matt. He didn't know how much Matt knew, and unlike my CUZ, he wasn't going to let anything slip. So he just shook his head and gave me a look. “This isn't OVER...” he said to me mock-sternly.

I nodded, stonefaced. “...probably hardly begun....” I said quietly.

Dennis snorted and waved me off to my room, turning his attentions back to Matt and their planning the next days shoot.