A Miracle Lost — A Miracle regained recounts the events Of Halloween Night 2010, when a young girl, who had formerly been a boy, reverts to his old self, because of horrifying events, and then through a new miracle and the assistance of an ancient hero who is commanded back into existence regains her lost femininity.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I screamed in a voice that I had not heard since March. The voice I heard was that of Robert Ian Mazel. A boy’s voice. It was the voice of the boy I had been, before that miraculous Purim night. On that night, a miracle had happened and I transformed, from a boy, to a girl, named Robyn Esther Mazel. The girl that I always knew I was and whom I always wished and prayed to become.
My scream had awoken me from a nightmare. I could not recall it exactly, but I knew horrible things had occurred. I could recall that I was in danger, and that evil supernatural beings had tried to destroy me. It all seemed very real. I knew I was dreaming about a real event, about something that had occurred recently. I sensed having seen something too atrocious to contemplate. A name kept on repeating itself in my head. It was an odd name, but one I’ve heard before. The name was Molech.
I related in “The King’s Outstretched Scepter,” that my transformation from boy to girl had occurred when during the reading of the Megilah, King Ahasuerus stretched out his scepter to his queen. I did not really realize that a miracle had occurred until the next morning when I woke up. On waking, I immediately knew I was a girl. I had done a quick survey of my important bodily parts, and noted the significant differences. But, what I knew in my heart, was confirmed, when my entire family began treating me as a 12 year old girl.
The miracle of my transformation was so complete that even our family’s photo albums, contained photos of me as a girl. The photos started when I was a baby girl in a pink outfit, and included pictures of me as Queen Esther. Nothing remained that indicated that I had ever been a boy.
I still had memories that I had been a boy. But after the first couple of days, those memories were never in the forefront of my brain, and unless something specific triggered a memory, such as playing softball over the summer instead of baseball, my past remained my past. As far as I knew, there were only two people who knew what had happened. They were my cousin Susan and my Bubby Elka. Of course, they kept the secret. It was seldom discussed.
I woke up terribly shaken and sobbed, with great big tears. I was scared about my nightmare and afraid of what the return of my old voice portended. My cries began to get worse, until I realized that I had better get a grip on myself. Such a racket would surely lead to someone, a parent, or sibling to come running to my room to check out the commotion, and see if I was safe.
The first thing I did was look at the clock. It was one of those fancy ones that had both the day, date and time. It read Monday, November 1, 2010, 12:00:55 A.M. Since I had gone to bed at just after 11:00 P.M. Sunday night, October 31, 2010, it meant that I had been in bed, asleep, for less than an hour. I was surprised that I had awoken after such a short time, since a 11:00 bed time was unusual for a school night, but I had been up late because, Sunday night was Halloween and I had been out with a few of my girl friends from class doing Halloween things like trick or treating. On reflection they were not girl friends, they were just like classmates.
As I slowly awakened, and shook out the cobwebs I remembered my scream. The scream that had actually awakened me, and whose voice it had been in. I felt a terror, course through my body, a terror that would rival the terror that had awakened me. In fact, for a fleeting second, I felt like dying. Of course, I was rational enough to reject that feeling immediately.
I knew what I had to do, so I commenced a body check, reminiscent of the one I had conducted when I had awaken on that happy March morning. I started at the top of my head, my long gorgeous brunette hair that hung down several inches past my shoulders, was now a typical boy’s cut. It was even shorter and more in style with the hair that other boy’s wore then what I had worn before that March day. As I worked down my body, I felt the material and feel of what I was wearing. A pair of boring boy’s pajamas replaced my pretty pink nightie. Of course, as I glanced down I did not see those tiny little bumps sticking out of my chest that signified that I possessed a pair of A cup boobs. I was now as flat as a board. I then worked my way down; I lifted the hem of my pajama bottoms and looked inside. The slit that signified where my vagina had been had been replaced by a penis and a scrotum. My examination of course revealed that I was no longer a girl, but had returned to the boy I had been.
My next rational thought was to convince myself that I had had a nightmare and it was all a dream. Perhaps I decided if I went back to sleep it would all go away. I convinced myself that remaining awake would do me no good. So I tried to go back to sleep, but doing so was difficult. I tossed and turned, tried to rearrange the pillows and blankets, and counted sheep.
I guess I finally fell asleep, because the next thing I knew, actually the next thing I felt was this feeling in my bladder that indicated that I needed to pee. I got up and ran to the bathroom turned the knob and pushed. The door did not move, it was locked. That door had not been locked since March. My sister with whom I shared a bathroom had no recollection of it ever being required to be locked because she had no recollection that I had been a boy, and sisters did not need a locked door between them.
As I jiggled the doorknob, to try to let Ellen know I needed to get in, I yelled, “Ellen I got to pee, open the door”. From behind the closed door, I heard her snap back, “Twerp, stop bugging me, use Michael’s. I ran to my brother’s room, entered the bathroom, and out of instinct, at least recent instinct, I sat to pee. As I started to pee, I realized that something was protruding between my legs that must be held to direct the stream. I immediately grabbed my penis, and while finishing my pee, sighed with despair. What had occurred last night was not a dream. With a tear in my eye, I finished my business, washed up and returned to my room to dress for school.
As I entered my room, I looked around, and it was defiantly a boy’s room. No more vanity and the decorations had changed. As I opened my closets, and then my drawers, they contained only typical boy’s clothes. No dresses or skirts hung in the closet. No panties, bras, pantyhose, or tights were in the drawers. There was no jewelry case. None of my much-depleted pairs of shoes contained even one with heels. Everything looked the same as it had before I became Robyn.
As I completed changing, I heard my mom calling. She called out, “Robert hurry up, get down here and eat breakfast. You’ll be late to school.” The words filtering up from the kitchen were similar to those that I have heard since I was in Kindergarten. But for the last 7 months or so, they had been directed to Robyn, and not Robert. I listened to her and came down for breakfast.
“Susan called”, mom said to me as she was serving breakfast, “She said to tell you to wait for her to come over before you leave for school”. I wondered why Susan would make such a call. We were best girl friends as well as cousins. We always walked to school together. Then I realized that she walked to school with Robyn, and I was now Robert. While Susan and I were close for cousins of different genders, we seldom walked to school together when I was a boy. But, I thought, how did she know I was no longer Robyn?”
I quickly recovered my composure, “Mom, did Susan say anything else like why she wanted to walk to school with me. I was planning to walk with the guys. I hope it something important, and she doesn’t bug me”, I whined.
“What is the matter with you; were you up too late; did you eat too much candy; I warned you about that”, mom scolded. “Your right, I’m sorry, for a girl she is okay,” I muttered.
I finished breakfast, and got my backpack. Of course, it was for a boy and not my pretty pink one. I told mom I was leaving. I walked through the living room towards the front door. Before exiting, I stopped to look at the Purim album I had told you about last March. As I looked at the pictures I let out a small sigh, all of the pictures in the album were in their original form, showing me as a boy from birth.
I went outside to wait for Susan. I was dressed as a typical guy. I had on a watch and my Chai on its chain, but of course, I was wearing no other jewelry; my ears were not pierced; and I wore no make-up what so ever. I felt weird and wished I were dressed differently.
I spied Susan walking up the street, and she was alone. That was weird, because even on the few occasions when we walked to school, when I was a boy, before I changed, at least another friend usually accompanied her. As she walked up, I noticed that my mom was standing outside near the front door.
“Good morning Tanta,” Susan said, “I hope you have a good day; thanks for asking Robert to wait for me to get here”. I turned to mom, waived to her, and said, “Bye”.
As we turned and started walking to school, she looked at me very strangely. She looked me up and down, stared at my chest and I thought she also looked at my crotch. I felt very very uncomfortable. We continued to walk to school; we had not spoken with each other since we started out from my house.
“Huh, what the matter with you” I said, “stop looking at me like that, you’re making me nervous”.
“You had to do it didn’t you! You would not listen to me! You could not resist the urge”, she sneered at me!
“What the fuck are you talking about”, I shouted, immediately upset that I used profanity.
“You had to go trick-or-treating; with those so called friends of yours didn’t you Robyn!”
I was shocked; I started to stammer and could not say anything.
“Yes, Robert, I know you used to be Robyn, at least you were still her when I left you at your front door when we walked home from Hebrew School yesterday. And I also know that you became Robyn, after as you say ‘King Ahasuerus stretched his scepter out to you last Purim’. What I do not know is what caused you to change back. Can you explain it?”
“I don’t know why. I can’t remember everything that happened.” I started to sob, hysterically. Susan came over and gave me a big hug, and tried to calm me.
“You need to compose yourself. You need to calm down, we have to get to school”, she stated in a soothing voice; continuing she said, “I will try and keep an eye on you during school. But you cannot freak out. We’ll talk more after school. We’ll go to Bubby Elka’s. She may know how to solve this”.
I took some deep breathes, and calmed down just a little. “Susan, why didn’t I listen to you, why was I such an ass. You warned me not to go trick-or-treating. You told me that Halloween was not a holiday Jews should celebrate. That it was a either a pagan holiday or a Christian holiday. You told that if had to go, I shouldn’t go as a witch, that I should go as a princess or something, but I refused to listen. I’m such a schmuck, look what happened to me”. I started to cry again. She comforted me again.
“Calm down, please. Somehow, we will work this out; I just know it. Tell me as much as you can.”
I looked at her, saw her smile at me. I stopped walking for a second took some more deep breathes, and felt just a little better. I had this strange inkling that she was right, that somehow everything would work out. That somehow, some way, sooner or later I would be Robyn again.
“As you know that I never had the opportunity to go trick-or-treating as a girl. So I figured I would do it this year, before I got too old. I was concerned because I did not want to go myself, and had to find someone to go with. That proved to be difficult since, most of the girls I knew, thought they were too sophisticated go out in a costume this year,” I paused as we crossed the street in front of the school.
After we crossed Susan said, “Go on.”
As she said that, I stopped, and pointed to three girls gathered in front of the school talking with each other. “I went trick-or-treating with Kaitlin and Emily from our class, and with their friend Cozbi, who think is in Ms Jackson’s class.”
“I know Kaitlin and Emily, heck I’ve known Kaitlin since kindergarten. But I’ve never seen that other girl before. Cozbi is a strange name. I know I have either heard that name before or read it somewhere, but can’t recall where”, Susan said. “Are you sure she is in Ms Jackson’s class”.
At that moment, the three girls turned towards us. Kaitlin and Emily waved to us, but Cozbi just glared at me with this strange and mocking smile. I looked at her and then noticed her eyes. Her eyes were not normal. Instead, they were burning red spheres, No pupils just red spheres, like burning flames.
I immediately felt a jolt passing through my body. I felt faint. I felt nauseous. My body became rigid. I immediately knew that my nightmare had not been a dream at all, but a recollection of a real event. I almost collapsed, but luckily, Susan had seen my reaction and grabbed me before I collapsed to the ground.
“Are you okay? What’s the matter? What happened?” Susan asked.
I finally was able to compose myself somewhat, and gasped, “We need to get out of here. I am in
danger. So are you. I know how I changed.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Susan, please believe me. You have to help me get away. If I don’t get away immediately, I will be killed or worse my soul will be excised from our people”.
“Okay, let’s go, but this had better be good, or Robert, you will owe me big time”.
I was hurt that she called me Robert, but then I realized she said it to get my attention. We turned around and began to retrace our steps. As we were retreating, I turned around and noticed that Cozbi had parted from the other two girls. She headed away from them, the school, and us. She looked at me with a mocking smile, with the same burning stare. My fear and trepidation increased when I realized that Cozbi was flying.
We raced down the streets away from school. After we had gone several blocks, we stopped. We had received several stares from friends and schoolmates who saw us running in the opposite direction of school, and glares from some folks we had bumped into.
“Okay Robyn, what gives? Tell me what scared the hell out of you. What do you mean you’re in danger?” Susan asked. “You also might as well tell me how you changed while you are at it”.
“I promise that I will tell you everything, but we need to get someplace safe. I need to tell the story to someone who will know how to help”.
I guess we were both thinking of where to go and who would be able to help us, because we both simultaneously screamed out, “Bubby Elka will know what to do”!
We immediately headed toward Bubby’s house. Luckily, we all lived in the same neighborhood, so the walk to her house took less than 15 minutes. We were knocking in fact pounding on her door at just after 9:00 AM.
We heard Bubby coming to the door. Through the closed door, we heard her ask who was there. Her voice was cautious, as if she was apprehensive about who was pounding on her door, at such an early hour. We answered in unison, “It’s me Bubby, It’s Robyn”. Susan added, “and me, Susan.”
The door flew open, and Bubby looked out concern in her eyes. Of course the first words out of her mouth were, “Rachel, uh Raphael, what is wrong”. I started to cry. Bubby pulled me close to her and gave me one of her trademarked hugs. The one that enveloped you and made you know everything would be okay. “Maidalla it will be all right, stop crying. Let me know what’s wrong.”
Of course there were some kisses on my keppie with the hugs. I did not notice her looking over my head to my cousin with a look that was asking her what was wrong. I finally broke the hug, and stepped aside as bubby hugged and kissed Susan.
Bubby said, “Come children, let’s sit in the kitchen, I will get some mandlebread and my special iced tea and we can talk”.
We sat at her kitchen table, bubby brought us the cookies, and the tea and we sat for a few minutes before anyone said anything. The first to talk was bubby.
“What is the matter darling. What happened? Something strange must have occurred to cause you to change back to Raphael.”
While we were walking over to Bubby’s and while sitting at her table, I was able to think about what had occurred to me since 5:00 PM the day before. I was able to recall what had occurred and what had happened to me, what had caused me to change back to Robert. It was scary and horrible, but I knew that I could tell, had to talk about what happened. I took a deep breath and began my tale.
“Bubby, please forgive me, I know I should not have done this, but I went trick-or-treating yesterday. I guess that’s the reason all of this happened.” While glancing at Susan I continued. “Susan argued with me, told me not to go. I drove mom and dad crazy before they agreed, but I got them to do so”. As I was saying this tears came to my eyes.
Bubby who was sitting opposite from me, motioned for me to join her on the couch, held my hand and calmed me by saying, “Maidalla, it will be okay, there’s nothing to forgive, you’re my girl and I love you. Please continue”. She then kissed me, as she used to do when I was a baby. I also realized that she called me Maidalla, which meant she still thought of me as a girl.
“Once I got permission to go trick-or-treating, I had to find someone to go with and what costume to wear. I asked around class, and found two girls, two nice girls, bubby, who I could go with.” I turned to Susan, and said, “Susan, tell bubby, about Kaitlin and Emily.”
“I know both girls, and they are ok”, replied Susan with a shrug.
“We talked about what we would do, and what costumes to wear. I decided that I wanted to go as something very girly. So I decided to go as a Princess”. I gave a sort of shy smile, and continued, “I know it sounds silly for a 12 year old to go as a Princess, but, but you know now that I am a girl”, I hesitated, “I guess was a girl, I wanted to dress the most girly as possible”.
“The next day, Kaitlin and Emily, told me that the plans had changed, and that another girl would be joining us. They introduced me to this girl, who was from one of the other classes. I did not know her, but that did not bother me. The three of them told me, that we should all go as witches. Even though I did not want to go as a witch, as a Macher-Schaefer, I did not say anything. I did not want to get into a fight with them, I really wanted to go trick-or-treating with them”, I said.
“This new girl has a really strange name, bubby,” said Susan. “I never heard a girl with a name like that. Maybe you know what kind of name it is,” she added. “Robert, excuse me, I mean Robyn, told me her name was Cozbi”.
Bubby let out a gasp, and her face turned ashen. “Are you sure, positive that that is her name? Are you positive? Please think it is quite important!”
“Yes, that is her name. She is evil. I don’t think she is a real girl, at all. I think she is a real witch or maybe some kind of monster,” I cried.
Bubby, who had seemed to have lost her composure, took a deep breath, sighed, looked at me and then Susan and began, “I guess at 12 years old, you may not have studied this in Hebrew School, or paid much attention in Shul, but Cozbi, is an evil, evil woman who is discussed in the Torah. She was a Midianite woman. She and her family worshiped an idol named Baal-Peor. After Balak, the prophet, you know the guy with the talking donkey, failed in his attempt to curse the Jewish people in the Sinai desert, the enemies of our people tried to harm them, by getting them involved in worshiping this idol.” She paused and then continued,
“I guess you’re both old enough to hear this. The evil Midianites did this by using their daughters to try to get the leaders of Israel to reject Ha’Shem, through illicit sexual relations. Cozbi was the King’s daughter, but still participated in this evil. She tried to seduce Moshe, but he resisted her attempts. She succeeded in her efforts with Zimri, the leader of the Tribe of Simeon.”
A terrible plague broke out among the Israelites. The plague ended when Pinchas killed both Cozbi and Zimri by sticking a spear through both of them. So if you saw Cozbi, you were seeing a ghost.”
“Bubby, I definitely saw her, and talked with her. She convinced me to dress as a witch. Now that I recall she seemed to hypnotize me and I had no ability to think clearly”. I turned to my cousin, “Susan, I should have listened to you. You warned me about doing this Halloween Narishkeit. You were even more explicit, I think you called me a moron, when I told you that I was going to dress a witch. Next time I don’t listen give me a kick in the ass.”
“So child tell us what happened next”, bubby said.
“We met at Caitlin’s house at about 6:30 and started Trick-or-Treating. We were all dressed as witches. We, Caitlin, Emily, and I were dressed as Macbeth’s three witches and Cozbi was dressed as the queen of the witches. We must have been out for about an hour, our bags were full and we were starting to get a little tired, but mostly bored with what we were doing. So we turned and headed back. We were just passing Jezebel Street, when Cozbi, pointed to this big black house and said we should make that our final stop, before going home.”
Both Susan and bubby stopped me by talking almost together. Bubby shushed my cousin, and asked, “Where is this Jezebel Street? I’ve lived in this town since I was younger then both of you, and there is no Jezebel street. I also do not know of any black houses around here.”
I looked at her and said, “Well that was the name on the street sign. But your right I do not remember a street by that name, either.”
She told me to continue my story, so I did.
“We all agreed to what Cozbi wanted and walked to the door. We knocked on the door, and that is when everything got very strange and scary. The door opened, and there was a flash of very bright light. After the flash, I was disoriented and blinded for a moment. When I came back to my senses, I noticed several things, several terrifying things. First, Kaitlin and Emily seemed to be frozen in time and not moving. The women who had answered the door had taken on the shape of what I could only describe as the witch Maleficent from ‘Disney’s Sleeping Beauty.’ Cozbi also changed. I cannot really describe her transformation, but as best as I can she was looked like ‘Gollum’”.
“The witch moved her hands and chanted something. I quickly came under some sort of spell. I had little or no will power. She started to communicate with me. I am not sure if she spoke, or did so telepathically.”
What I heard or sensed her to say was, “We have finally found you. We cannot let you survive. You are a danger to the old religions. The priests or priestesses of Baal, Astarte, and Molech condemn you to death. Your only salvation is to accept one of these idols to worship.”
I began crying and moaning. My body began to float as I followed the witch down a dark hallway. The creature that was Cozbi scampered after us. In a moment, we entered a strange room. It appeared that to one side of the passage we entered through, was a raised platform. Spaced equally around the rest of the room were three curtains.
I floated to a position in front of the raised platform, and then dropped to the ground. I bumped the ground with a thud. The witch then raised me to my feet. She stood to one side of me; the creature was on the other side. The witch commanded me to watch, listen, and learn my fate.
Majestic music began to play, and I saw three people dressed in ancient royal garb approach the raised platform. Some sort of light illuminated the platform and I beheld a throne. As I watched, one man sat on the throne, another man stood next to him and the third person, a woman approached me and stood behind me.
As soon as the women stood behind me, my witch costume changed into what I knew to be Queen’s Esther clothing.
The women whispered into my ear. “Usurper, you tried to gain my throne. Because of you, I was deposed. You took my place next to my beloved husband. But you will not win. I will prevail. Marduck and Ishtar have come to my assistance. They have rescued me, and your evil plot against my husband and dear Haman, will not succeed. Watch what occurs when you try to approach my husband’s throne.”
What I then saw before me was a scene from the Megilah. Queen Esther approached the King, hoping and praying that he would stretch his scepter out to her. In the Megilah, that is what happened. But that was not occurring now. As Esther approached, the King looked to the person standing next to him, the light then illuminated that person, and it was Haman. They both began to laugh. The scepter was not extended. The royal guards ran into the room, seized Esther, and dragged her from the room. At that moment I began to feel my body tingle, and the next I knew, I was no longer Robyn. I was again Robert. I blacked out.
When I awoke, the King, Haman, Vashti, and the throne room had disappeared. I was now dressed in a Dracula costume and was standing in front of one curtain, with the others to my right and left. The witch and the creature were still on either side of me.
The witch simply said, “Boy, watch and choose. Choose whom to serve and live, or reject all and die.”
The curtain to the right, opened, and I saw before a strange tableau. There was a path leading to what seemed to be a raised hollowed out metal slab. On either side of the path, there was a trench. Standing by the slab, was a man in a goat’s costume holding a torch, and a man and a woman holding a young child, a 3 or 4-year-old boy. The couple with their child approached the beginning of the path and halted.
The goat man, in a shrill voice intoned, “Approach the alter of Molech. Pass your child through Molech’s fire.” The parents responded, “We will bring our son to Molech’s fire”. The goat man then took his torch and touched the trench, which burst into flames. The flames surrounded the pathway as well as the metal slab. The man and the woman, holding the child’s hands led him down the pathway, with the flames leaping up almost reaching the child. The parents’ had a glazed drunken look about them. The child screamed hysterically. The goat man had a gleam in his eyes with a demented smile on his face.
The parents then reached the metal slab. The father lifted the child. He waited as the mother hugged and kissed the child. She whispered something to her son, but I could not hear what she said.
Then the father kissed the child. He turned and handed the child over to the goat man. As the parents fled back down the path, the goat man raised the child over his head. Over the crackling of the flames, the screams of the parent’s and the cries of the toddler, I heard the goat man intone, “The fires of Molech await you. You shall pass through Molech’s fire.” He then brought the child down and placed him on the slab. He then screamed, “The fires of Molech accept you and consume you”. At that moment, a burst of flame consumed the child. I screamed, vomited and fainted.
The next I knew, I was inhaling a foul smelling concoction that woke be. I noticed the creature passing a vial under my nose. I sat up and began retching. I must have vomited up my guts previously as nothing came out this time.
The witch turned to me and intoned in her evil voice, “Do you wish to serve Molech or should I reveal to you other paths”. With what strength I had left, I glared at her and shook my head. She then said, “If Molech does not appeal to you then other paths remain open to you.” The curtain to the left opened, and she continued, “Behold the glories of Baal.”
The creature left my side and climbed upon a metal bull, which occupied the center of the stage. The creature began to howl. A pounding of drums and a blare of horns surrounded me. A group of six men all dressed as bulls entered from one side and began to dance clockwise around the metal bull. Following them a few moments later, six women dressed as cows entered from the other side and began dancing counter clockwise. As they did so, another man and woman jumped on top of the bull and kicked the creature to the ground.
The drums continued to pound, and the horns blared louder and louder. The tempo of the music increased. The dancing became frenetic. The dancers starting screaming a chant, “Baal, Baal, Baal. Baal is great. The seed of Baal is the seed of life”. They repeated that chant again and again, as the dancers resembled Whirling Dervishes. The next I knew the man and woman on top of the bull shed their clothing. Those below had stopped their circling and after pairing up, also shed their clothes.
The music and dancing had hypnotized me, but at the last moment, I was able to regain my wits and turned away from the horrendous happenings. I did not want to look at the orgy that was occurring before be. The witch grabbed my head and tried to force me to watch. I don’t know how, but I resisted her efforts. I glanced back and the curtain had closed on the immoral activity.
In a similar manner as she had done before, the witch turned to me and intoned in her evil voice, “Do you wish to serve Baal-Peor or should I reveal to you other paths”. This time, with strength that I did not know that I possessed, I looked her in the eye, and said, “HELL NO!” She started to laugh, and said, “If Baal does not appeal to you then you may save yourself by taking the only path that is still available to you. Accept Astarte and live. Accept none and you shall roast in the fires of Geheena”.
The center curtain opened. What I beheld was nothing like the previous apparitions. I saw a beautiful garden. There was a bubbling brook running through the garden. The garden contained flowers of every type and color imaginable. There were fruit trees, loaded with the most delicious looking fruit one could imagine. In the center of the garden was one particularly large and magnificent tree, loaded with a golden looking fruit. Music played in the background. The symphony was soothing. Nothing composed by the greatest composers that ever lived could compare with it.
Seven identical sisters inhabited the garden. They were beautiful, and they beckoned to me. Though I knew in my heart, that it was wrong to do so, I wanted to join them.
As I approached the stage, I heard the witch, saying, “Yes child, join the sisters, and accept the beauty of Astarte. Join us and live.” I wanted to stop. But I was unable to do so. I climbed onto the stage and was helped up by two of the sisters who held their hands out to me. Hand in hand, the two of them led me towards the center of the garden and the singular tree.
One of the sisters said, “I am Lilith, and I serve Astarte. Eat of the fruit of Astarte’s tree and gain immortality.” She smiled at me; I nodded and walked towards, the asherah that stood next to the tree. The smell of the fruit was intoxicating. Lilith reached up, and picked a large piece of fruit from the tree. She handed it to me, and I raised it to my mouth. Just as I was about to bite into the fruit and go to my doom, I saw a snake, coiling itself around the asherah, in a similar fashion to the snake one would see on a caduceus.
My fear of snakes, saved me. I dropped the fruit, and fell to the ground. As I did so, my shirt caught on a branch of a bush, and tore off me. The seven sisters, the witch and the creature who had returned all turned and looked at me. I noticed their eyes go to my exposed chest, and they all stared at the chain and the Chai that hung from my neck. Instantaneously, there was death-curdling screams emanating from everyone in the room. The legation of evil beings from the other stages and the throne room came running in to see what was occurring. They stared at me, saw the Chai and the commotion grew greater and greater. The ground shook, and everything went black.
“Somehow, I returned home. I don’t remember if I was Robert or Robyn. I showered and went to bed about 11:00 P.M. The next I know, my screaming Nooooooooooooooooo awakened me. You know the rest.”
I stopped my tale, and looked at Bubby and Susan and said, “Now you know everything. I cannot explain what happened, and would have dismissed it all. Except, I am now Robert, and Cozbi was at school today. I guess I am lucky to be alive, and have my sole. I guess it could be worse. I now understood that Pesach song Dayenu.
Everyone was silent for what seemed liked minutes.
Bubby then asked, “Darling, obviously this was not a dream. Something real and dangerous happened to you. Your Chai, which means life, saved you by popping out at the final moment. It would appear that this symbol of life threatens these evil creatures.”
“If this Cozbi is still around then you are not safe. Possibly the world is in danger as. We must do something now. I have an idea; I will be back in a moment”.
Bubby got up, and walked out of the room. I stared at Susan and she looked at me. I started trembling. Susan got up, joined me, hugged me, and told me, “Robyn, everything will be alright. I’m sure Bubby has an idea of what to do. I am sure she’s working on that now, and you know if Bubby takes on a project, she always succeeds.”
At that moment, she returned to the room. “Girls, I have called your parents, and told them, that you were both with me.” We both groaned, but she shushed us. “I am sure that the way you ran from school someone must have told your teacher that something was wrong. In fact, that is what happened. The school called both of your homes, just a few minutes ago. Luckily, I caught them before they got panicked and called the police. I said everything was okay and that I would explain what occurred when I returned you home later. Of course Robyn, your mom was asking about Robert as was your Aunt Dottie.”
We both nodded our understanding.
She continued, “Children, get your coats, we are going to see Rabbi Lowe. I just spoke with him. He needs to know about what happened. Rabbi Lowe will certainly know a way to handle this matter.”
Susan and I knew better then to argue with Bubby we got our coats on, and went out to her car. In a few minutes, we got to the Shul and Rabbi Lowe was outside the Synagogue waiting for us. He looked quite concerned. We all exited the car, but I was quite apprehensive. What would the Rabbi think when he heard my story. Would he think I was crazy, and tell Bubby to have me committed.
Rabbi Lowe greeted us and led us into his study. He seated us, asked if we wanted anything to drink. After we all refused, he closed the door and took his seat, behind his desk.
He turned to me, and I almost fainted, as he said, “Rachel Hadassah, it seems that you have been through a strange adventure last night”. I started to sputter and tried to say something. He waived me off and continued. “I know that beneath that old shell is the real you. I know what happened on Purim. I felt something happened when I chanted the Megilah, but did not know what until the next day when, Rachel Hadassah came to the Purim carnival and, Raphael was nowhere to be found.”
“I did not know you were involved, but last night I felt something evil was occurring. As they said in those Star War movies, ‘I felt a tremor in the Force’. Now Rachel Hadassah, tell me what happened.”
Even though it tired me out, I retold the tale from the beginning. As I was telling the story, the Rabbi was playing with his beard and twisting his peiyess. He kept saying okay and uh huh.
He was in deep contemplation. When I finished he looked very disturbed. He got up walked to his bookcase and got a large tome off the shelf, and brought it to his desk.
“Girls, I know your grandma probably knows most of this, and I hope you have learned some of this in Hebrew school and through stories that may have been read to you as children. As you know, my name is Rabbi Lowe. My first name is Yehudah or Judah, and I am the 10th person in my family to carry that name. I am named after my multi great grand grandfather, who lived in Prague, Czechoslovakia, from 1525-1609 CE. He was known as the Maharal of Prague and was a famous Rabbi. He was well known for his writings, both religious and secular. But in common lore he is most well known for making the Golem, a man like being made out of clay.
Susan said, “Of course we know about the Golem, in fact, I have a story book about him at home.”
Rabbi Lowe continued, “My grandfather as the story goes, built the Golem to protect the Jewish community of his city. He activated the Golem by placing an amulet with Ha’Shem’s real name around its neck. When the amulet was removed, the Golem ceased to function.”
“Most people think the story a myth. Other’s think Mary Shelly had heard the story, and in part based Frankenstein on my grandfather’s companion. I do not know about Ms Shelly, but those who think the Golem is not real are sadly mistaken.”
As he said, this Susan and I stared at him incredulously.
“I think your ‘Disturbance in the Force’ calls for drastic measures. I think the Golem can help us.”
He beckoned us to follow him, and he led us into the Shul’s basement. He unlocked several doors, and led us into a darkened room. As he switched on the light, we saw a 7-foot tall creature, which had human features, but apparently was not alive. It was inanimate.
“Mrs. Solomon, Sarah Adina, Rachel Hadassah, this is the Golem. It is the same Golem that my grandfather made and he has been passed through the generations from father to son. I now have possession of it. I also have possession of my grandfather’s writings. So I know how to activate the Golem.”
“Those books were unfortunately lost for over 100 years, from 1850 through 1952. I do not know if the Golem could have helped, but my great-grandfather, of blessed memory was unable to activate him during the Shoah. However, few people know it, but my friend here and I spent the summer of 1967 in Jerusalem. Though I wished to take him to the Kotel after it was liberated, I thought better of it.”
Bubby, Susan, and I walked over to the creature and touched him. He felt like a lump of clay. While we were doing this, the Rabbi was writing something in Hebrew with a quill on pieces of parchment. The Rabbi completed two documents. As he finished he said,
“This piece of parchment contains instructions for what I want the Golem to do. I am instructing him to enter the mansion in which you were imprisoned and to destroy all witches, ghosts, necromancers, sorcerers, and idolaters in the building along with their idols and alters. I will place that document in the Golem’s mouth. The next parchment contains the complete name of Ha’Shem, as pronounced by the Cohen Gadol on Yom Kippur in the Holy of Holies. I will place it in this amulet and then place that around the Golem’s neck. Once I do so, the Golem will become alive and will follow my commands.”
The Rabbi then placed the first parchment in the Golem’s mouth. He placed the parchment into the amulet, and placed the amulet around its neck.
Miraculously the creature began to stir. It bowed to the Rabbi and stared at him. The Rabbi spoke to the Golem in Hebrew. He then said to us, “Mrs. Solomon, take your grandchildren and follow my car. I need Rachel Hadassah to point out the house where this all occurred so that there will be no mistake. You should not be frightened, because the Golem can do you no harm. He can only vanquish the enemies of Ha’Shem and the Jews.”
I gave him directions to where to go and we followed his car. The Golem entered the Rabbi’s van and had to lie down in the back seat or he would not have fit. We finally arrived and parked across the street from the mysterious house. The Rabbi walked over to our vehicle and asked us to get out. He and I talked and I confirmed that this was the mansion in question.
The Rabbi began to concentrate. He nodded several times, and the confirmed that this in deed was the house in question. The Rabbi said, “This house contains the essence of the Evil Inclination, the Yeitzer Hara. It must be destroyed.”
Rabbi Lowe, spoke to the Golem in Hebrew, and led him to the path leading to the front door of the house. The Golem ambled down the path and reached the front door. The next I knew there was a great commotion as the Golem ripped off the door and entered the building. Instantaneously the building seemed to implode and disappear. In all the commotion, I must have fainted.
I awoke later that night in my bed. I was trembling. I looked at the clock, it read Monday, November 1, 2010, 12:00:00 A.M. Exactly Midnight. I pulled the covers off me, and walked to the bathroom. The door was open. I walked in, and stood next to the toilet to pee. I began to reach down to grab my penis and do my business when I realized I was wearing a nightie, and before I could do anything, I needed to pull down my panties and sit. As I sat I glanced down, my boobs had returned. There was nothing for me to grab while urinating. I finished my business, washed up, and returned to bed. Before going to sleep I whisper a prayed of thanksgiving. While I was trying to be silent, Robert's voice did not utter the prayer. It was definitely Robyn. Another miracle had happened at Midnight.
You can bet all the money in the world that I will never go Trick-or-Treating again. Enough of that silly nonsense for me.
© 2-29-2010 by Rami
For Jaime Kim Luck, His Foolishness Led to Some Strange Consequences. Now Her Name and Her Gender Fit Perfectly!
“Amy, you said that there are two other types of patrons. You mentioned the Mistress and their subs, but did not name the other group, who are they.”
Just after saying this, I saw Countess Zoraida out of the corner of my eye, but my attention was diverted from her, as the four girls replied in unison,
“Well silly, girls like you. Girls like you who were born boys, but always wanted to become girls. Also, boys who will become girls with our help.”
Things then went black.
I Knew That I Was Foolish! If I had not been foolish, I would not be in the situation that I am now facing. A situation that is too new for me to even fully contemplate.
How did I get to where I am now? Well it’s because I was foolish. Foolish from almost the moment I arrived in town. Foolish enough to be tricked or deceived by everyone who knew me at my job in this new city.
I knew I was foolish. But I was new in town, and I had a new job, a job that I thought I had already lost, and then amazingly regained. I was foolish to think that my new employer was not trying to trick me. Boy, or is that girl, was I deceived.
I knew that I should not do it. But I thought that no one I knew in this new town would be concerned about what I was going to do. After all I do recover, eventually.
I knew that I could not hold my liquor, and knew that I should not drink. But, even knowing that about myself, I decided to go to the bar. I had been asked to meet my new colleagues there. After all it was a Friday night, TGIF, and the next day, a Saturday was April 1st, April Fools Day. So if I was careful, and I knew I could be, I would not be too foolish, or act foolish until it was a day for fools. The consequences could not be that bad, could they? After all what new consequences could, I face in this new town. I had had a strange time in my new job, and had thought that all was going well. Why was I too foolish not to recognize that I was being deceived? If I had known the consequences, I would have acted differently. Well maybe not, I reflected, as I enjoyed my new relationships.
I knew that I could not hold my liquor. I first learned that, when I acted
the fool, after having my first beer when I was 15 years old. Knowing that I was doing was wrong by sneaking that Bud, I did it anyway. Oh well, my foolishness led to serious consequences, I got drunk, and as I knew or should have known would happen, I got sick. I should have known, it would be worse then that. I knew before I started that my folks would learn of what happened and I would have to suffer the consequences. Well it happened and I was grounded. I wanted to blame my friends, to blame them for tricking me to go to the 7/11 and buy that beer. But in truth, I was not deceived. I was just a fool.
As I said, I was new in town. I came here for a new job. I had been fired, really laid off from my last job, for lack of work, but when you lose your first job and do not think it was your fault, you think you were fired unjustly. You think that those who had hired you in the first place, had tricked or deceived you into taking a job that they knew would not last. Of course I was being foolish, but would, being foolish have any serious consequences?
By the way my name is Jaime Kim Luck. I guess I was foolish and deceived myself into thinking that that name would never cause me problems. After all my last name is Luck. But, once I was old enough to know better, I should have realized that a boy with that name, would have to suffer the consequences of having a name, that most people would think belonged to a girl. Foolish me! It happened regularly. I never blamed my folks. They could be weird. I still am not sure where I got the Jaime. But, Kim, was because dad loved Rudyard Kipling, I think he wanted to call me Mahbub Ali, but that did not fly, so I was named Kim. Perhaps in retrospect, if I had been named Kimball things might have been better. I would not be feeling the way I am right now. Things that are new would not be new, and things that were old would not be missing.
To describe myself, at least how I was when I started my new job, I was 5' 7' tall and weighed in at 150 pounds. My build is or is it, was average. I do not know, but I do not think that those measurements have changed. But I do know, that other changes have occurred, to how I would now describe my measurements. I exercise almost exclusively by running. I have a fair complexion. I wore my hair long by today’s standards for a man, but not that long. No pony tails or things like that. I currently do not have a girl friend because I knew with life up in the air I did not want any entanglement. Perhaps I will find a new girlfriend when things get settled. But for some reason, I think a relationship with a girl may now be somewhat different.
I work in the fashion industry. I hope to be a fashion designer. My family has been in the fashion industry since a great grandma and a great grandpa came over from Russia. The business started just the two of them on New York’s Lower East Side. My dad and mom now run the business; they design, make, sell and distribute top of the line Wedding Gowns and other top line evening gowns for “The Fashionable Lady About Town.” At least one of their gowns, if not more, graces the top actresses when they attend the Tony Awards or other award ceremonies held in New York. The consequence of it being the family business is that I grew up destined to continue in the business.
I went to college in New York and graduated with a B.F.A. in design. The folks wanted me to go to work in the family business, but they wanted me to start at the very bottom, even doing jobs that I had learned and mastered when I was still in High School. Something about learning the ropes. I had my new diploma and knew that I was better then that, so I was foolish and deceived my self that they were not being fair. I took a job elsewhere.
When I left the last job, fired or laid off, I was an assistant to an assistant Fashion Designer. Still being foolish, and not realizing the possible consequences of my decision, I refused a second offer to work at the family business. Jaime Kim was better then that. So I took a job as a Lay Out Designer in a fashion house located in Miami.
So finally I show up the first day for my new job, in this new town. I immediately introduced myself to the receptionist. I said,
“Hi, my name is, Jaime Luck, I have an appointment with Ms Zoraida about my new job. I’m to start today. Ms Harris, from Human Relations told me to be here at 9:30.”
I should have known something was wrong with the looks I was getting from the receptionist. I was being looked at up, down and sideways. Her stare mad me feel foolish. I should have seen the trap, and known something was wrong, fled the place immediately, but as I said, I usually do not see the consequences of my foolish actions. Why should I, I had just walked in the door?
The receptionist whom I later learned was named, Sandy, exclaimed,
“Could you please repeat what you just said. You’re Jaime Luck, The Jaime Kim Luck and you here for to see Countess Zoraida about the Layout Designer job.”
I looked perplexed but answered her by saying,
“Yes, I am, Jaime Kim Luck, please call me JK, and I am here to meet with Ms Zoraida about my job here. I am scheduled to start work today and was told to come in at 9; 30".
She continued to look perplexed, excused her self, and left me sitting there, as she walked through a door and closed it behind her. The receptionist returned about ten minutes later. She started a conversation by introducing herself and said,
“JK, let me introduce my self, my name is Sandy, as you can guess I am the receptionist, but I am also in charge of helping new employees get acclimated to working here at ‘”Countess Zoraida Fashions”. Countess Zoraida, asked me to tell you that she is running a few minutes late and that I should show you around the place”
I said, “Thank you, that would be nice. Lead on Sandy”
She beckoned me to follow her, with what I took to be a wink and a flick of her finger. I wondered what that meant. If I had been thinking with my brain instead of thinking with a dick, I might have realized something was wrong, and foreseen negative consequences of my foolish actions.
As we walked through the different sections of the building, Sandy started to introduce me to her fellow workers told me their names and job duties. I asked Sandy where and with whom I would be working, but she strangely ignored the question. I also noticed that all of the women were beautiful. While, I immediately noticed all the woman were beautiful, it took a few minutes for me to realize that I had only seen woman. We did not run into a single man. Of course I foolishly did not think anything of this. No alarms bells signaling danger went off in my head. I had no robot friend to say, “DANGER JAIME LUCK, DANGER JAIME LUCK.
Sandy’s cell phone went off, and after looking at the name of the caller, she answered the call. I heard several, yes Madam, no Madam, and of course Madam, followed by Sandy telling Madam that we would be there in a few minutes. Sandy put down her phone, and said to me,
“Countess Zoraida is ready to meet with you now, so come along, follow me and be hasty about it”.
Her demeanor had changed significantly.
So, finally after have been given the grand tour of the entire facility from, Sandy, I was led into what was obviously, the secretary’s area for an executive office. I was asked, no it seemed more that I was told to sit. Sandy, my up until then friendly guide, said:
“Sit here, Countess Zoraida will see you soon.” It seemed that when she said Countess, it was exaggerated. She then turned towards, another beautiful woman and said,
“Jane, this is Mr. Jaime Luck, the applicant for Melissa’s old job. He is here to see the Countess.”
It seemed again that when she said Countess it was drawn out and exaggerated. It also appeared that when she said Mister, it was in a snide voice. The introductions were not formal or mutual. She then turned to me, and said,
“Jane will now take charge of you. When the Countess is ready to see you, Jane will tell you. Otherwise sit here and wait”
Again, the tone of voice was not as cordial as before. She was barking commands, and not giving instructions. The warnings should have gone off, but I was foolish and did not see the danger ahead.
Jane did not say a word to me, and did not offer me coffee or anything else which would have been normal. She just sat there and looked, no, sneered at me. I should have said something, but I did not. I kept looking at my watch, but finally, after about 15 minutes, with the glaring stare from Jane making me uncomfortable, I heard the speaker on her desk squawk, and an imperious voice, state,
“You may send that man in now”. Alarm bells should have rung, they did not. Foolish me.
Jane got up and showed me into a large very beautifully appointed room. You could tell by the color, the art work and the pictures on the wall that this was the office of a very important and powerful woman.
I was led, yes led, to the front of a huge desk, and left there. Jane turned around and left the room without saying a word. Behind the desk sat, the most beautiful and extraordinary woman that I had ever seen. I remained standing there, while she continued to work. She did not do anything from a word, to a look, to acknowledge my presence. Finally, after about 15 minutes while I stood in front of her desk, and was starting to get antsy, she turned to me and said in a very imperious voice.
“Why Jaime Kim Luck, you are Mr. Luck aren’t you?”
I was about to answer, this strange question, when she raised her hand and said,
“Stupid male, that was a rhetorical, question. There is no need for an answer”.
I remained standing while she examined me with her beautiful, sparkling blue eyes, eyes which stared into my very body and soul. She examined me from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. I had never been examined more closely in my life. She sent a shiver up my spine. I started to fall in love with this woman, even though I had not even truly been introduced, and she was, while not old enough to me my mother, old enough, that even contemplating a relationship would be stupid. Foolish thoughts lead to serious consequences.
She then arose from her chair, walked in front of the desk and looked at me. I could hardly return her gaze, but I did notice that this woman towered above me, by a good 8 to 9 inches. She would have been taller then me even if she was not wearing a pair of 4" stiletto heels.
She circled me, and even her being behind me, I knew her eyes were probing my entire body, and perhaps my mind and soul. If I was not now, head over heels foolishly in love with this woman, my radar might have warned me of the consequences that would follow.
She finally returned to her chair and sat down in a manner that only a queen would. After staring at me again, and after she completed her through examination, she said,
“Mr. Luck be seated.” Again the Mister was exaggerated and drawn out.
”Thank you”, I said and seated myself, in the only chair in front of the desk. It was a chair that looked somewhat out of place for that room. It seemed that two chairs that I had notice against the back wall, fitted more properly in this place. The chair was the most uncomfortable, I had ever sat in. It reminded me of the fictional chairs that I had read about that were used by headmasters’ in fictional English or New England Boarding schools to terrorize their students.
The lady whom I had not yet been introduced to finally spoke and said,
“Good morning Mr. Luck, may I please call you Jaime? I so much rather use that name then using Mister. Mister is much too formal to use under these circumstances.”
I quickly replied and answered “Yes, please call me Jaime, if you want.”
She replied, “Thank you, however, the informality at this time, only works one way. You must refer to me as Countess Zoraida, as in the name of my establishment”
I of course answered, Thank you “Countess”.
Countess Zoraida, then started to talk, and it is a conversation, I remember distinctly, and one I should have heeded. But I was acting the fool, being infatuated with her and never saw the ultimate consequences of my foolhardiness.
She said in very strong and punctuated words’
“Mr. Luck, Jaime, there has been a very unfortunate mix up here. A mix-up that I want to rectify, right now, today, before we proceed one step further. You Jaime Kim Luck are a man, an unfortunate male, who happens to have a name more fitting to a beautiful woman. The woman we thought that we were hiring. A royal screw-up has occurred which I still have no idea how it happened, but I will find out what occurred and I assure you that the culprit will suffer for the indignity that I am being put through. You see Jaime Kim, “Countess Zoraida Fashions” hires only woman. Woman and only woman, and unless it is not possible, all of my woman, read my female employees, must be beautiful and lovely enough, and have the poise to me one of my models.”
She paused, raised her hand to stop me and gave me look and then continued.
“Stop Jaime Kim do not talk, do not open that male mouth of yours or engage that minuscule male mind of yours. Do not tell me that it is illegal to hire only woman, or that it may violate state and federal laws. You see Jaime, such laws do not apply to me, Countess Zoraida or to “”Countess Zoraida Fashions””. We have always gotten around those silly laws, one way or another. And by the way, those laws were meant to protect woman, not men.”
I stupidly stood there, not moving and not saying a word as she continued.
“I do not want or need any useless male working here, even if you are the prettiest male I have ever seen. You really are too pretty a person for me even to consider you to be a man. That being said, I still do not want any males here at ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions’”.
She got up again and walked around me, again staring through me as if I did not exist.
As she circle me, she continued to talk and said,
It is ultimately my fault that you were hired. I am the final say, and somehow, I screwed up. Do understand, that someone messed up, and they will pay dearly, with their hides for this screw up.”
At that point I did not understand what she had meant. If I had known what was to happen, I would not have been foolish enough to do what I did and I would not now be suffering the consequences. But am I suffering.
“Jaime Kim Luck, we need to fix this mess. While I would never have hired you, it is against my principal’s to fire someone without a good cause and I would not do so. I only fire people who have failed at their job and who have been tested by me.”
Again I should have listened clearly, or I would not be suffering the consequences I am now. She continued and said,
“So, I will offer to buy out your contract. You will not even need to start work.”
She walked back to her desk and picked up what I suspected was my contract and looked at it. After reading it she said,
“Jaime, ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions’ will pay all the expenses of your move to Miami, even those that we had not agreed to pay, and pay all of your expenses of your returning to New York, relocating elsewhere, or if you should find another job here in Miami, they will serve as a relocation bonus.”
“Ms Harris, my Human Resources Manager will assist you in looking for a new job. She after all is probably responsible for this royal screw up, and helping you will only be partial payment she owes me for this mess. Against my better judgment, I will allow you to stay on here for a week, working with Ms Harris. I will also pay you six months of your salary. I am sure that you will accept, wont you.”
I almost refused her offer, and tell her that I would fight her, but I was not that foolish, because I knew I was not wanted. However, while something told me, I should reject her offer for job hunting help, I accepted. Foolish me!
Countess Zoraida then apparently pushed a button, which was hidden some where in her desk, because the next thing that happened, is a beautiful African-American woman walked through a door on the side of the room. She walked to a space next to my chair and stood erect facing the Countess. She stood there silently waiting for Countess Zoraida to speak.
After a few moments, which seemed much longer, Countess Zoraida said,
“Ronnie, as you can see Jaime Kim, is not the Jaime we expected. Do you know why, there is a male standing before, a male who is now my employed by ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions”? The first male ever employed by me. Well do you have an answer?”
The Countess’ tone would have scared the bravest person. I could see Ronnie Harris start to shiver, and as she tried to form an answer, Countess Zoraida, imperiously stated,
“No answer is necessary. You can report to me later and we will discuss this in my private quarters.”
With that statement Ronnie Harris started to sweat.
Countess Zoraida then said,
“I have agreed to keep this male on for a week, while you assist him in finding a new job, a job that should be up to the standards, which allowed us to hire him in the first place. Now go, and get busy, so we can rid ourselves of this boy.”
The Countess then turned to me and said,
“Go little man, I will see you again when I am ready to dismiss you.”
I should have run from there and not stopped until I was far away. But, as I have said before, I was foolish, and being foolish, I agreed to follow Ms Harris. A foolish mistake, which has led to the consequences that you can see before you.
Well, things got hectic after that, and I spent most of the next two days, getting my hiring procedures completed and then started on a new job hunt. ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions’ is a big time player in the industry, and the job hunt covered most of the U.S. I did have time to take an unguided or accompanied tour of the facilities, and met lots of nice women, all of whom treated me in a strange way. They seemed nice and courteous, but continued to be dismissive. I heard many comments, about how sad, such a nice person like me was such a useless male. I also heard about how pretty I was, too pretty to be a boy. There were some strange comments, I did not understand about how to resolve my problem. But the strangest comments were that many people were surprised that the Countess had not yet had me visit her clinic, and resolve her and my problem. I had no idea of what they were talking about. But now I certainly do. Again, those comments should have made me cautious of some trickery. I missed the clues.
I stayed at the facility during normal working hours, and then retired for the night to a nice hotel room in a nearby, upscale hotel. I saw a little of Miami, but mainly hung out in my room, eating dinner alone. Wednesday afternoon, I met a woman called Lady Ivana. She was the chief designer and the person I was to have worked for. When we first met, she seemed angry at me and even said,
“Jaime Kim, with a name like that, I expected a beautiful woman. A woman who with your obvious skills could have taken some of the burden off my shoulders. I picked you from dozens of resumes. Your portfolio showed great skill and talent. A talent that you have that would have led you to become my associate and then my protégé. A great spot for a talented girl. Instead, I have no help, because a useless male showed up. What a waste of such fashion talent in a useless male.”
Since I had heard similar descriptions of me since I had arrived, I just smiled and let the words, fall off me, like water off a duck’s back. I decided to be bold, I guess in retrospect foolishly bold, but I said,
“Lady Ivana, I am sorry to disappoint you, by being a sad, useless male. I know of your great talent, and had hoped to have learned at your feet and to be a much better designer by being your apprentice and learning while being in your shadow.”
I had always been told that flattery never helped, but I decided to flatter her never the less. What did I have to loose. Well wonder of wonders, Lady Ivana fell for it. She actually smiled at me, and said,
“For a mere man, you have a way about yourself, which I find pleasing. I think that I will allow you to be my assistant for the next two days. Walk with me and we will look at my designs”
There was an audible sigh among those who surrounded us. The sigh told me how surprised, better astonished everyone was about what had just happened. I guess this was a first for everyone.
I immediately, walked with Ivana, but intelligently I walked at her left side (a side that I had learned showed deference to the person you were walking with) and a step behind. I did not stand next to her unless we had stopped at a table or easel, and she had beckoned me forward. We discussed the different drawings she showed me, talked about materials, colors, cuts, and so on. She surprised me, by actually asking me serious questions, and before too long, she had dropped her imperious air, and had stopped her demeaning comments about me being a useless male. The next I knew we were talking fashion as if I truly was her apprentice, her assistant, and a person who could eventually be her contemporary. If I had been a girl at that time I would have had it made. Her actions made me less cautious. I forgot to think about the implications of my actions. Was she deceiving me at the time? I did not think so.
All of this came to a sudden end, when Zoraida walked up to us, gave me a withering stare and addressing, Lady Ivana said,
“Ivana, what is this male doing walking through the design and cutting rooms? Why are you discussing our products with him? Is there something wrong you?”
Her tone alone could have turned any strong person to a lump of jelly.
To the surprise of everyone in hearing distance, Ivana did not cower at Zoraida words; but instead, she stared back and said,
“Zoraida (this was the first I had heard anyone had refer to her without the honorific of Countess), Jaime may be a useless male. It is really too bad that he is a mere boy, because, if he was a member of our glorious sex, he would be of great assistance to me. Jaime has more talent then any assistant I have ever had. It is too bad Jaime is not a woman, because I would be proud to have a girl with Jaime’s talent as my protégé. It is really too bad since Jaime has the fashion mind, sense and heart of a woman. Are you sure Jaime is not a woman? If not perhaps we should convince Jaime to become one of us”.
I should have looked in her face and that of Countess Zoraida when she said that. But I was foolish, I did not see the look they shared or I would have run away. They were making plans for me, while I listened and was clueless. If I had done so, I would not have suffered the consequences that led to where I am today. Did I say suffered, perhaps I truly mean enjoyed.
Nothing more was said about the subject matter. I spent a few more hours following Lady Ivana, apparently with the permission of Countess Zoraida. We continued to discuss the work that was being done in the complex at that time. I felt honored that Ivana would treat me that way. She even complimented me about my ideas and talent. Of course, her final parting statement cut me to the quick.
“Jaime, if I could make you into a girl, I would do so within the blink of the eye. In the short time we have been together, you are the best assistant I ever had, and if you were a girl, I could make you as great as me.”
She stared at me with a curious smile and asked,
“Jaime have you ever thought of becoming a girl? Perhaps, you have dreamed of it at night? With you name and fine features, you must have been asked if you were a girl? Tell me the truth; it has happened more then once?”
She pressed on and I felt as if I was becoming faint. She continued her verbal assault and said,
“Please, let us make you a girl. You do know that we can do it right now. Zoraida knows how to achieve it. She knows doctors, who can start the procedure right now, Please. Just say the word.”
I said, “No”, in as strong a voice as possible, walked out of the room, and left the premises for the night. I should have gotten out of town as soon as possible, but being foolish, I stayed in town. I should not have gone back to ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions’ the next day; after all they had gotten me an interview and almost the guarantee of a good job at another company in town, but foolishly went to work. I had told them that I would not be there until 9:30 AM, so I showed up after work had started.
As I walked in, everyone stared at me. I got the strangest of looks. Sandy the receptionist, told me to have a seat. She then got on the intercom, pushed a button and said,
“Countess Zoraida, Jaime is here. “What should I do?”
I heard Zoraida’s voice over the intercom and heard her say,
“Please show, Mr. Luck into my office now”. Something was strange, her voice seemed pleasant, but a little strained, and it was the first time she had called me, ‘Mr. Luck” since the first moments of our first conversation during our first meeting.”
I was shown into her office, and asked, yes asked, not told, to be seated. She turned and smiled at me and said,
“Mr. Luck, I know that you just got in, so you have not heard, that Ivana was in a serious car accident leaving work yesterday. She was hurt, badly enough not to be able to come back to work for at least several months.”
She looked at me with the strangest eyes and continued,
“Mr. Luck, when I went to speak with my dear friend Ivana, as normal, she only thought of her work and not herself. She told me that there was only one person who could help us finish the work that needs to be done, to get the Fall Line completed and ready to go to the manufacturing side. She said that it was you.”
I just sat there; she did not say anything for a moment and then continued,
“Mr. Luck, Jaime, I must apologize, I and my associates have treated you badly, and now, I feel embarrassed as I must ask you for a favor. Will you please help us with the work we need to finish?”
She then got up walked over to me, touched my elbow and guided me over to a couch that was placed against one of the walls in the room. She beckoned me to sit, and she then sat down next to me. Her knees were touching mine, and she resumed the
conversation, saying in a voice I had never heard before,
“Jaime, dear, I, we, Ivana need your help, please do not hold it against us the way you were treated.”
THE MIND GAMES BEGIN
As I was listening to her speak, I vaguely noted two things. The first thing I noted was that she was staring at me with the most intense eyes that I had ever seen. Eyes that burned into the core of my brain. The second was that her right hand was clutching my right hand, and that her left which she had placed on my thigh, was slowly climbing upwards toward my, my ... crotch, towards my privates, which I felt starting to grow. I was very embarrassed. I immediately gained some composure, disengaged our hands and shifted away from her on the couch, dislodging her hand. I contemplated what to say and I was about to refuse, but instead, I then said,
“Countess Zoraida, I would be glad to help, what would you like me to do.”
I now realize that I was foolish to have done so. But maybe not. We then discussed what was needed. She personally led me back to the work area, and I got busy. Everyone, in the facility pitched in including Zoraida, who did everything anyone else was doing to help, from carrying bundles, to picking up cuttings from the floor.
Finally, at about, 7:30, we started finishing up for the night, and Zoraida, led me back to her office, and her couch. We started to talk about what was necessary for tomorrow, and again, I felt her eyes boring through my brain, her right hand holding my right hand, and her left again on my thigh. That hand continued to climb up my thigh.
I seemed to have lost sense of what was going on. I finally composed myself, and got ready to leave and return to my hotel. I glanced at my watch, and noted that it was now 8:15. I though Zoraida and I had only talked for a few minutes. I wondered where 45 minutes had gone. I shook it off and went to my hotel.
I was tired so, I just grabbed a sandwich and a coke from the restaurant and went up to my room. I felt slightly disoriented but chalked that up to the long day. I decided to make it an early night. I undressed, washed up, and while doing so, looked at myself in the mirror. Sub-consciously, I thought something looked wrong. My body should look different. How, I did not know at that time. Next, I walked over to get my pajamas, and I had an incredible thought. I was thinking how depressing it was to be wearing theses stupid plain male p.j’s and how much nicer I would feel, how much prettier, did I think prettier, I would feel, in one of the pink baby doll nighties and panties set I had worked on that day. I recalled the sensuous feel of the material, and thought how lovely that would feel against my body, and how the material would cling nicely to all of my curves. I thought all of “My Curves”. I wondered where those thoughts were coming from. I guessed I was thinking these weird thoughts because of my being tired and because of the work I had done that day.
I had a fitful night. I tossed and turned. I had strange dreams. Dreams that I could hardly recall in the morning, but from what I did recall, dreams that I was one of “Countess Zoraida’s girls and Lady Ivana’s female protégé.
I got up to get ready to prepare for work. Before I entered the shower, I somehow remembered to reach for a bag that Sandy had given me when I left the night before. I opened it, and placed the contents in the shower with me. Instead of reaching for my normal shampoo, which I had placed in the stall when I had first arrived, I reached for and opened the shampoo bottle that was in the package. It was a very floral scented brand that I thought was very feminine. I washed my hair, twice, and then used the accompanying, floral scented conditioned. Next instead of using the hotel supplied bath soap, I used a body wash called “Feminine Delight“ that was included in Sandy’s package.
I normally shave in the shower, as I started to apply the shaving cream, I had an immediate urge to shave my entire body, something I had never done or thought to do before. . I almost started to put changing cream on my legs, but at the last second, realized what I was doing, wondered why, and just shaved my face. I was not thinking and foolishly did not realize what was happening. I should have realized what was occurring was strange. But I did not realize the consequences and forged ahead, perhaps recklessly.
After drying, but before getting dressed, I remembered that several of the woman I was working with, asked me to wear, the standard company uniform, which while not required, many employees wore. They said on Fridays, everyone would wear one, including Countess Zoraida and if present Lady Ivana. I was asked this just after lunch on Thursday, and reminded them, that I was only going to be there a short time. I also reminded them that I did not have a uniform. They said not to worry.
Before, I left Thursday night, Zoraida handed me, a garment bag, and two other bags which were attached thereto. She told me that it was the uniform for Friday. I took it when I left, and did not look inside, to see what the 3 bags contained. I had hung the bags in the closet so I retrieved them.
I put on my underwear and a t-shirt, turned and opened the first and largest bag. I immediately saw what I initially thought was a shirt and pants, but on closer inspection, the garments were obviously a pink blouse, which had my initials JK sewed above the left breast pocket, and a pair of burgundy pants. Pink and Burgundy were the colors of ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions’. I hesitated to put these obviously feminine garments on, but after a moments hesitation I started to do so. I figured they would not fit, and then I would be off the hook. I tried pulling up the pants, and they fit well. How did they know my measurements? The only problem was the slacks, isn’t that their proper name, did not fit properly, over my male underwear. They just did not sit well. Some how I thought to look in the other two bags. One contained a pair of shoes. Obviously a woman’s shoe whose color matched the pants, but with what I knew from experience and work a very modest heel. I knew that I would be wearing them today. The second bag contained other items. It contained a pair of panties, a pair of thigh high stockings, a belt, and a broach, with the company logo. I slipped out of my male underwear and pulled up the panties. They fit like they were made for me, and I felt in my mind that these were the undergarments I should have always been wearing. Where did that come from? The pants them pulled up and fit me like they had been tailored just for me. I put on the belt, then the stockings and then slipped my feet into the shoes. The shoes fit perfectly.
Again I wondered how that happened. I then remembered that when I had arrived on Monday, I had to fill out a form with my measurements. The form, had asked many questions, such as my hip, waist, and bust size, as well as my cup size. I answered all of the questions that I could and thought nothing more about it until now. I guess someone used my male measurements and converted them into women’s sizes to make these outfits.
Next I slipped on the blouse and began to button it. That was a little difficult; you know the button on the wrong or is it right, no I mean correct side. I looked at myself in the mirror, and the picture of me in those clothes looked right, as to the color and style, but the way the blouse hung was wrong. It took me a few seconds to realize why. The blouse was cut for a female, a female with certain womanly attributes on the top, attributes that I obviously lacked.
My next thought was, of what would I look like with breasts, and then I started to feel angry. I asked myself that if they were going to supply me with woman’s clothing and even panties, why not include a bra and maybe some falsies. I then thought about what size boobs I should have. 44CCC, first came to mind, and then I thought, nah, that is a sexist man thinking. Probably a 38 C would look nice. I finally realized what I was thinking, and became frightened, why was I thinking like this. Thoughts that I had never had before. I became frightened. But I was foolish, and now thoughts in the recesses of my brain, were preventing me from thinking clearly. If I had thought clearly, I would not be suffering, no, I am not suffering but truly enjoying the consequences of my actions.
I went to work, and I received many compliments on how I looked. No one stared at me, well maybe some, but those were stares of admiration and not disdain. It seemed normal to be dressed this way and working with all of these beautiful and lovely ladies.
Zoraida invited me to lunch with her in her office. We again, sat on the couch, and again, I felt her eyes boring into my soul. Her right hand still gripped my right hand, and her left hand was again on my thigh, continually moving upward towards my crotch. Again, I felt an erection coming on, and the next thing I knew I felt as if I was awakening from a dream. As best as I could remember we had started lunch at 12:15 PM and adjourned to the couch at about 12:45PM. It was now 1:30 P.M. Where had the time gone? If I was not captivated by Zoraida and by the feel of my clothing, which I was more and more coming to enjoy, I might not have been foolish, and I would not be suffering, is it that or maybe it is enjoying the predicament I am in now.
We finished work. I had on Monday, thought that Friday was to be my last day working for ‘Countess Zoraida Fashions’. But I met with Zoraida at about 6:00 PM when we finished work. She told me that she needed my help, and even though I was still, she used the word still with a certain chill in her words, a male, perhaps I was not as useless as other of my species.
I was upset that no one had asked me to join them for dinner. After all I had worked well with them over the week and I thought that if I was not fully accepted by them by now, I was not the pariah I was at the start of the week. Just as I was walking out two of the other girls I had worked with, approached me, apologized for not inviting me to dinner, but asked me to join them at a bar, latter that evening. I agreed, to do so. They then reminded me that it was March 31st and at midnight it would be April Fools Day. They said that at this bar, there was always something special happening when the clock struck midnight.
I joked with them about my being, like Cinderella, and would I loose my slipper or maybe be turned into a Pumpkin?
Jane, looked at me strangely and said,
“Well, yes. You will turn into something else. But I assure you it won’t be a pumpkin. You maybe losing something, but it won’t be a glass slipper. You should not worry though, for everything you loose, you will gain a better replacement”
I had no idea what she was talking about. Again, I should not have been acting foolish. But, I was and the consequences of that foolishness and the deception I was a victim of led me to what I have become.
So, I returned to my hotel, and I ate alone again. I went up to my room, and decided to join the ladies at the bar. They suggested that I arrive at about 11:00 PM, and look for them. They said the fun should really start at about 11:45.
I decided to shower again so that, I would feel refreshed. I noticed it, but did not think it strange that there was a can of a prominent ladies shaving gel in the shower, along with a pink razor. I shampooed and conditioned my hair with my new products. I then began, to wash with the sweet smelling body wash. As I was finishing I had this great over powering urge to shave my legs and underarms. I began to spread the shaving gel on my legs and proceeded to remove all of my leg hair. Then I did my underarms. I also decided that my pubic hair needed a trim, and shaved a way some hair, that I just knew would be peeking out of the panties I was to wear that night. I dried off and decided that I should wear my hair differently. I put my hair into a unisex style that was more feminine then manly.
After exiting the bathroom, I decided it was time to begin dressing. I normally, had no problem picking out my clothes, but tonight it was different. I had a strong desire to wear something different and not boring.
I went to the hotel closet, and started to look at what I had. I saw clothes that I just knew were not those that I had brought from N.Y. There were items that I did not remember owning. For some reason, my mind was telling me to look for a nice flirty blouse and mini-skirt. I found several blouses that fit that bill, but no mini-skirts, or for that matter any skirts at all. At that point my mind was in a jumble. Part, apparently a newly developing female mind, was wondering why I had no skirts hanging there, and my male part, wondering why I was having such strange thoughts.
I strangely had a thought of picking a very pretty and filly white blouse, which was cut in a way that would have accented my non-existent breasts and a pair of jeans. I went to get a clean pair of underwear, and when I open that draw, did not find it strange that there were only panties in the draw. I stared at my choices for a while and finally picked one that I thought was quite pretty. Part of my mind was questioning why I was picking pretty undergarments and the newly developing one was telling me a trip to Victoria’s Secrets was in order.
I had a hard time putting on these strange fitting jeans that had no pockets, because they were tighter fitting, then any pair I had worn before. The female part of my brain wondered if they fit right and would show off my ass properly. The male part wondered where I was going to put my wallet. Then I remembered, that Jane had handed me a shoulder bag that she called a manbag at the time. I guessed that I could use that.
As I looked in the mirror, I was again disappointed that my blouse did not hang right. My newly growing female mind bemoaned the lack of proper breasts and was angry that my new friends had not provided me with, some fake ones and a bra to hold them in, to resolve my problems.
As my female brain, was wondering about some jewelry and make-up, my male mind won over just as I began to look for some lipstick in my shoulder bag. I had a fleeting thought about being foolish, but could not for the life of me determine what part was foolish. I guess my male mind and new female mind were in conflict. As for footwear, I was wearing a pair of women’s fashionable mid-thigh boots, with a 21/2 heel.
As I left the hotel and started walking to the bar where I was supposed to meet the girls from work, I felt stares from the people I passed burning through me. I could not for the life of me tell why they were staring. My mind in conflict did not register what the stares meant. I foolishly tricked or deceived myself into believing they were meaningless. I foolishly did not realize that those stares should have signaled me a warning like blaring bugles that I was entering, not “The Valley of Death”, but the “Vale of Eternal Femininity”.
If I had truly seen myself, I would have also stared. I was dressed in such a way that it was hard to tell if I was a male or a female. Except for my obvious lack of a bosom, from my neck down, I was wearing women’s clothing. From the neck up, I looked like a male, albeit a very pretty slightly feminine male. Since I had no make-up on, it was not hard to tell that I was a guy. I was obviously giving off mixed signals.
As I walked I saw the sign for the bar up ahead. It read ‘The Eternal Feminine”. Strange name for a bar, I thought. As I got closer I saw that there were several people entering the bar, and some others, standing outside. Three of those outside, I recognized from work, they were Sandy the receptionist, Gail who was one of Lady Ivana’s assistants, and Randi, an accountant.
As I got closer, I waved to them and they recognized me. When I reached them, I said,
“Hi girls, thank you for waiting for me. Let’s go inside. I would like to buy you each a drink, to celebrate that it is Friday.”
”
As we started to enter the bar, I failed to notice several things. Things, that as always I failed to notice because I was being foolish. Things that would have signaled me that I was being deceived, and perhaps what the consequences, of the deception were. My final warnings before the consequences became real.
The first thing I failed to notice was that there were only woman entering the bar. Not a single guy in site. I only noticed this much later. The second thing I failed to notice was that Randi, the oldest lady of the group, had used her hands and signaled the bouncer at the door. I did notice the bouncer, and she was the tallest and the biggest woman I ever saw. She was an African American giantess who stood almost 6 feet 10 inches and must have weighed over 300 pounds of pure muscle. Not until later did I see the items she wore on her belt and carried in her hands. Items, that one would find on BDSM web-sites. Finally, and most importantly, I did not see the sign that I was later saw on my next visit. The sign that was clearly visible for all who were observant, read, “Woman only, woe to any male entering these premises. Woe, even to those entering with their Mistresses. Be aware. Punishment for wrongful entrance will be carried out.”
So we entered “The Eternal” as the girls told me the bar was normally called. I glanced around to get the layout of the place, and began to notice many things. The first was the décor. It seemed that while there was a central bar, and a central dance floor, there were also many alcoves that were recessed off the main floor. Each apparently had a sign with the room’s name. I could only see the name of the closest, and it read, “School Mistress Agnes’ Classroom”. I thought it weird but did not comment.
I then noticed the clientele. Every one else in the place, was female. There might have been a few crossed dressed men or transvestites, but I was not sure. The age range appeared to be from just barely legal at 21 to ladies with grey or silver hair who could easily be in their 80s.
The dress of these ladies ranged from women in very proper dresses, to several girls who were only wearing bikinis. In fact from the corner of my eye, I could pick out at least one group of woman who were topless. But most shocking, there were two couples. One couple was a woman in her mid-thirties who was addressed as an exaggerated sexy Annie Oakley, who was holding a tether and tethered to the end was a girl about 21, who was wearing a bridle, had horse ears, a tail and her feet and hands looked like horses hoofs. The other couple, was also outrageous, one lady was dressed as a nurse, and the other who had a collar on, which was attached to a dog’s leash held by the nurse was wearing a practically nude body suit, and there were medical devices sticking out of her various body openings.
Why alarms did not go off I do not know. We walked to the bar, and we ordered drinks. I was about to order my normal rum and coke, which I was always able to drink and not get into trouble, when Gail said she would order and get me one of the house specialties. I told her I would only have something rum based and she said not to worry.
As we waited for the drinks to arrive I mainly looked around and we discussed pleasantries. After the drinks arrived we found a table, and continued the small talk.
Our drinks were served, and I glanced at the girl’s drinks, and thought for a second that they looked like club soda. I began tasting my drink and commented that it was one of the best drinks I ever tasted. After that, I finally had to ask, and said,
“Hey girls, is this a lesbian bar, or what?”
Sandy answered first and said,
“No, Kimmie, (I was thinking who is Kimmie) it is not necessarily a lesbian bar. Only some of the girls are lesbians.”
Randi then said,
“Probably, the greatest number of girls here are, bi, like the three of us. We all like it both ways. Both men and women can make great lovers. Sandi, Gail and I like getting it on together, and since we know each other from work, it is safe for us to be with each other. After work on Friday’s, it is always our girls night out. We usually go back to Gail’s home when were done, since she is single and lives alone we have the run of her house and can be as wild as we want. Girl-girl sex is fantastic, always better then what I have with my husband. But I still love the poor boy.”
Gail then added,
“The Eternal’ also attracts totally straight girls and women, who are looking to let loose and have a good time, without having stupid and gross men bothering them, groping them or harassing them. It also a safe place for women to let loose. Tiny, that’s the giant lady at the door, controls the entrance and won’t let in the rowdies. The bouncers in here take care of the situation inside, and Tiny has some helpers who will escort any girl to their cars, or call a cab if necessary. It is a totally safe environment”.
I was starting to feel a little mellow from my drink. I did not notice that Amy, another girl from work, the Countess’ direct assistant had walked up to the table, with a tray of drinks. Seeing the new drink, I finished the first one and started the second.
Amy then said,
I overheard your question, and their answers. ‘The Eternal’ also attracts two other types of people. It is a safe place for sane and light BDSM practitioners, for Mistresses and their subs. If you notice there are several playrooms, rooms with different fun things to do around the bar.”
She next asked me to finish my drink and join her on the dance floor. I gulped it down, took her hand and we walked onto the dance floor and started dancing. We continued to dance and every so often, one of the other girls, changed places and dance with me. I was beginning to feel a little light headed from the drinks. As it got closer to midnight and April Fools Day, the DJ, announced that The Eternal’ would be passing out free champagne, for an April Fools Day Toast. We walked back to our table, and sat down just as the waitress served our table the champagne. There was one glass short, so I offered to be a gentleman, as it turns out my last time I would offer to be or act like a gentleman, and not drink. The hostess told us not to worry and said that the bartender had told her to bring me a glass of their special champagne. I said thank you, and accepted the glass. As the clock struck 12:00, we toasted each other and drank our glasses down.
After sitting, I turned to Amy and asked,
“Amy, you said that there are two other types of patrons. You mentioned the Mistress and their subs, but did not name the other group, who are they.”
Just after saying this, I saw Countess Zoraida out of the corner of my eye, but my attention was diverted from her, as the four girls replied in unison,
“Well silly, girls like you. Girls like you who were born boys, but always wanted to become girls. Also, boys who will become girls with our help.”
Things then went black.
I finally woke up. I could not move and felt myself lying flat on what I assumed was a bed. I slowly began to open my eyes, and looking around determined that I was in a hospital room.
As my mind cleared I determined that I was strapped down to a hospital bed, and that my hands and legs were bound to the rails of the bed. I felt as if I had been knocked down and ached all over. The ache was especially, strong in my groin and on my chest.
I then sensed someone sitting in a chair next to me, I looked and it was Gail. When Gail saw that I was awake, she said,
“Good afternoon Kimmie, I guess you decided to join us again. You just wait there and I will go get Countess Zoraida, she has so much great things to tell you.”
I thought two things, one I knew that I was Kimmie and that there was no way that I would be able to get up and go anywhere.
She returned a few minute latter, with Countess Zoraida and a doctor who started to examine me, and removed some of the bandages. After the doctor examined me, and determined that I was okay, she discussed something with Countess Zoraida. The doctor then removed the devices that prevented me from moving my arms and legs. Moving them made me feel much better. They helped me get up and had me sit in a chair, which happened to face a mirror. I got a good look at my self, my new self that is.
Zoraida, then said,
“Go ahead Kimmie; take a good look at your new body. Take a look at your new breasts. You can’t see much now, but you’re going to be a 39 C. That’s a nice size for a girl like you. And you can also look at your new vagina. Its fully functioning, but you will need to wait a few weeks before you can use it completely.”
I stared at her as she continued,
“Jamie, by the way we all prefer to call you Kimmie, You were too pretty to be a boy. You’re also too smart and too nice to remain a useless male. Also, Lady Ivana wanted you as her apprentice, and since only a girl could be her apprentice, something had to be done to rectify the situation. So, since you needed to be a girl, and we all knew you were really a girl inside, we took the next step, and made you one.”
“It all started, when I first told you about Ivana’s accident. It‘s true that she had an accident. But it gave us all an impetus to go ahead and change you. I knew it could be done, but up to that moment I did not want to start the procedure. I knew the procedure would work, because I have used it before, and I have changed three people, including my son. You met her, she Roberta, Ms Harris’ assistant”.
From that moment onwards, starting with my hypnotizing you, to when you foolishly had too much too drink, by the way drinks designed to knock you out, you were on your way to be a girl. Today is April 5. You were operated on on April 2. So you have been out 4 days. While you were out you have also been subject to further subliminal suggestions to enhance your femininity, and your self awareness and desire to be a woman. Those conducting that part of the plan tell me that you were the easiest patient they ever worked with. I’m not surprised you were half a girl to begin with when you arrived.
Sandi, then walked in and said,
:Kimmie, you look so beautiful. The girls and I are here to help you with anything you need. Once your up and able to go shopping we are planning a big shopping spree to fill up you wardrobe. We will buy you a wardrobe that will enhance that sexy yummy body you have. Now you can join us at ‘The Eternal’ every Friday. Since I think you may still have a liking for girls, you can also join us for some fun and excitement at Gail’s.
The Friday night after I recovered, that is exactly what happened. I joined Gail, Sandi, Randi, and Amy at Gail’s home for what was my first girl’s sleep over. I found myself in the arms of one or another of them all night. Sandi was right, even though I am one of them, I still love girls.
After lots of play, I started to feel sleepy and started to close my eyes. I was thinking about how foolish I had been since the day I arrived in Miami. I was foolish enough to be tricked. I was foolish enough to be deceived. I was foolish enough to be turned into a girl.
I Guess That I Was Not Foolish After all
My thoughts and recollections were becoming somewhat cloudy. Was what I was thinking and feeling real? Is that it! My, oh my, do I hope so. It would be fantastic!!! My dreams realized!!!
© 2010 BY Rami
This is the first attempt at creative writing since I was a sophomore in college. I hope it entertains and meets with your approval.
I want to thank my friend Andrea Lena DiMaggio for reading this story, proofing it, and making constructive suggestions. Andrea's light touch is truly appreciated. Many thanks Andrea. I also want to thank Erin and Puddintane who help with some advise to move this from my word processor to being able to post it.
I have included a glossary at the end of the story that explains some of the words that I have used. Hopefully, it will help you to better understand the story.
Hamantaschen! I awoke suddenly; one of my last memories was my family looking at pictures, in our Purim photo album. My parents have been taking pictures of our family dressed in Purim costumes forever. The first picture in the album shows them in college. It continued yearly, through last year.
Of course, this year’s pictures were still in our digital camera. I have dressed or been dressed in a Purim costume every year since I was a toddler. My first picture in a costume was probably taken when I was about 16 months old. I was dressed as a Hamantaschen... My older brother, Michael’s and sister, Ellen's first pictures were identical; they were also dressed as Hamantaschen. I guess Mom and Dad thought it cute and wanted their three kids dressed exactly alike at least once in their lives.
As I rubbed sleep out of my eyes, everything seemed strange. I felt different. I then recalled the events of yesterday, especially of last night. I remembered the tingling I felt during the reading of the Megilah. It started just as King Ahasuerus stretched out his scepter to Queen Esther. My thoughts and recollections were becoming somewhat cloudy. Was what I was thinking and feeling real? Is that it! My, oh my, do I hope so. It would be fantastic!!! My dreams realized!!!
By the way, since you are listening into my thoughts, let me introduce myself. “My name is Robyn Esther Mazel; my Jewish name is Rachel Hadassah bat Yackov.”
What? Is that what I just said? It can’t be! Can it? Why is it that I remember that my name, is…may…be.. was? At least until yesterday it was Robert Ian Mazel, my Jewish name was Raphael Yitzchak ben Yackov.
“What’s going on”, I exclaimed to myself. I was a boy wasn’t I? Or am I a girl? Why am I using a girl’s name? A girl’s name that I had wished was mine for many years.
You may ask, why it is important that you know my Hebrew name? Well, it’s important because, it seems that everything that is happening, this magnificent and magical change occurred last night, Saturday night, during the Purim service at our synagogue.
For those who do not know what Purim is, allow me to explain. Purim is a Jewish holiday that occurs on the 14th of the Hebrew month of Adar (usually in March). It celebrates a great victory of the Jewish people over wicked Haman (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger), the villain of the story, who wanted to kill all the Jews. He was as evil as Hitler (Yamach Sh’mo — May his name be erased).
The hero of the story is Mordecai, who was the leader of the Jewish Community living in Shushan the capital city of the Persia. The heroine is his cousin and ward, the beautiful and courageous Hadassah or Esther as she is normally known.
The other main protagonist is King Ahasuerus, the King of Persia, Medina and 70 other countries from India to Ethiopia. King Ahasuerus, who could be very evil, had his wife, Queen Vashti, killed because she refused to attend a massive banquet he was throwing, wearing only her crown. After he killed her, he held a beauty contest to find a replacement. Esther won and became Queen.
Haman (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger), who was one of the King’s top ministers and advisors, hated Mordecai and the Jews. He hatched a plan to have each and every Jew in the Kingdom killed. He chose the day to do so by casting lots (Purs) and the date to do so was Adar 13. Haman (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger) convinced the King to do so, and an edict was issued allowing the massacre. Mordecai learned of this and advised Esther of the plot. At first Esther was hesitant to act, but then Mordecai cautioned her, that her failure to act would not protect her. He chastised her and said,
“Do not imagine you will escape inside the royal palace any more than the rest of the Jews, If you remain silent at such a time as this, relief and deliverance for the Jews will appear from some other quarter, but you and your father's house will perish.”
Esther, understood what she had to do, what she was destined to do and wholeheartedly agreed to help her people. She concocted a plan to do so.
After fasting for three days, she would approach the King. This was very dangerous; because anyone not invited to see him, and who came within the Royal Throne room was subject to death. Remember, the King was very temperamental and had killed the previous Queen. Esther had not seen the King for thirty days and was fearful. Nevertheless, she decided to risk her life. She hoped and prayed that the King would allow her to enter the throne room and talk with him. She knew that he would signal his acceptance by extending his hand with his outstretched Golden Scepter. She went to the throne room and entered. She approached the King; he smiled, and stretched out his Scepter. Esther was not in danger, she was safe.
Through some cunning and planning she advised her husband the King of Haman's (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger) plot to kill all the Jews and that, because she was Jewish (which the King and Haman (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger) did not know) she would suffer the same fate as her kinsmen.
The King allowed the Jewish people to defend themselves and they achieved a great victory. Haman (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger), and his ten sons were all hung. In fact, Haman’s (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger) gallows was one he built especially for Mordecai. The Jewish people of the time defeated their enemy. Afterwards the Jews celebrated their victory. If you really want to know more you can read the “whole Megilah.”
So we still celebrate Purim today. How do we do it? Several ways. We go to Synagogue and hear the Megilah read. Whenever Haman’s (Boo Hiss - sound of a grogger) name is mentioned we all make noise, yell and shout and swing a grogger. We give gifts, and have parties. But most importantly for me, all the kids and even some of the adults get to dress up in costumes. Some of the costumes relate to the story and others don’t.
Growing up, I knew that my parents loved me. They gave my siblings and me all they could. Anything we needed was given to us. I do not mean just money or things. They were there when we needed them. They helped us when we needed help with school work, took us places and generally listened when we talked and discussed our problems.
I don’t know what they would have said or done if I had talked to them about my greatest and deepest secret. My heartfelt and deep desire to be a girl. A desire that I had had since I was at least five years old. I had hoped they wouldn’t laugh , because they never laughed at anything we said, even if one of us came up with a really stupid idea. But I was afraid and never told them.
Even when I prayed to change, I was careful to do it silently. Even though I wanted desperately to dress like a girl, I never did so. I never even tried on my sister’s clothes even though her room was next door and we shared a bathroom and a hamper. The most I ever did was touch her clothes lovingly, when I helped with the wash. I never even thought of wearing my mom’s clothes.
Only two people knew anything about my hopes and desires; my Bubby Elaine, and my cousin Susan. Susan was my mother’s sister’s daughter. They lived only three houses down the block from us, and she was 3 days older than me; a fact that she never let me forget. We went to the same school and were in the same class. We used to do many things together, and hung out a lot.
One time, when my parents had to go out of town for a convention for my dad’s business, my brother, sister and I got to stay with family or friends for five days. I stayed with my Aunt Dottie and her family. Susan and I were together almost the whole time. I must have been eight at the time and already knew that I should have been a girl. Susan and I spent the entire five days together. Since we were only eight, and no one apparently thought too much about it I got to sleep on a cot in her room. I was envious of her pretty clothes. I was envious of all of her dolls. I was envious of her gorgeous room. I got so envious and excited being so close to everything I desired that I blurted out how I felt. I remember to this day what I said. I shouted,
“Susan you are so lucky to be a girl. I wish I was a girl just like you and Ellen. I just love everything about being a girl. I know I’m one inside”.
I immediately froze. My deepest secret was out. I knew that I was doomed. Luckily for me, at least I thought so at the time, she thought I was being silly and said so. But she also said,
“Okay Robert, if you want to be a girl, I will help you be one for the rest of the week.”
I took the name Robyn and spent the rest of the week - four glorious days, playing with her and acting like a girl whenever we were alone. I got to dress once or twice, but only for a few minutes. I felt so happy and content, but it all ended too quickly. I don’t think anyone knew what happened; at least no one brought it up again except for Susan. We occasionally talked about my girl time. I’m pretty sure she kept my secret.
As I said the other person that knew was my Bubby Elaine, who is my dad’s mom. She knew my secret. How did she learn of it? I would say it was Bubby or Grandma’s intuition, something that I know both of my grandmas possess. But I think I might have given it away, at least partially.
The kitchen, especially when she was baking, was Bubby’s realm. She was always baking and the smells emanating from her oven were would cause you to salivate. Bubby was a no-nonsense lady. All of her grandchildren, all ten of us, were recruited to help in the kitchen when we came to visit. Boys and girls helped equally. The punishment for not helping or griping too much was to not share in the sweets that popped out of her oven. That was a fate that no one, not even my oldest and most macho cousin would contemplate.
I forgot why, but for some reason I was visiting Bubby alone. There were no siblings or cousins present. I was helping her bake. Being a fastidious person, she always had her helpers wear an apron. She had dozens for us to choose from. I did not realize it at first, but, as it turned out, I always picked the frilliest, most delicate and feminine apron available. No one but Bubby seemed to take notice of this. So on this occasion, when I was alone with her, she offered me the pick of the aprons. But Bubby was crafty. She arranged the aprons in such a way that the plainest aprons including the ones that Zaide used to use when grilling were on top. Not seeing the trap she had laid for me I rummaged through the aprons looking for my favorite, one I had never worn before, a girl cousin, always claimed it. I found it. Yes, it was frilly, it had bows, it was pink, and it had pictures of little girls in aprons on it and said “Grandma’s granddaughter helper.” I put it on without a thought or care in the world. I did not realize it at the time but Bubby had been watching me carefully. I now realize amazingly, that this had happened two years ago while we were baking Hamantaschen. We started to prepare the filling, and Bubby quite gently asked,
“Raphael (she always called me by my Hebrew Name”) why did you choose that pretty frilly apron from amongst all the others?”
I heard the words pretty and frilly and froze like a dear in a car’s headlights. I started to stutter and all that came out of my mouth probably sounded like “Huh, dud, and nuh”. I finally said in a quite tiny voice,
“Bubby it’s an apron, I just grabbed the first one I saw”. Well I got one of Bubby’s looks, a look that made you know that you were caught and had better surrender quickly. She said,
“Tatala, please never lie to me. I can accept an explanation that I may not agree with, but never lie to me.”
As I sunk lower to the ground, she continued,
“You ignored all the aprons on top, all the plain one’s and even Zaide’s apron. I saw you hunting for something specific. You choose the one you are wearing on purpose. It is the perfect apron for one of my beautiful granddaughters, but I am not sure that it is one that I think most boys would wear.”
I immediately started crying. She immediately scooped me into her arms, and starting rocking me and saying,
“Child, Raphael, Robert my love, it will be okay. Please stop crying and tell me what is wrong”.
After a few minutes I stopped crying and calmed down. I said to her ,
“Bubby, I am okay; let’s get back to the Hamantaschen”.
She would have none of that. I finally told her my deepest darkest secret. I started crying again and knew the next thing was that she would stop loving me, and would call my parents to pick me up and never let me return again. But that did not happen. Instead she said,
“Maidalla, it will be all right, Bubby will try and make it better”.
She had called me maidalla. Did she really say that? We then continued to bake, and we discussed how I felt. She agreed to try and help me as best as she could, and agreed not to tell her son, my dad or my mom.
She did make me promise to be careful and think very hard about what I was saying. She said that I would probably change my mind when I started to become a man. I knew she was wrong, but that was okay. At least she would not divulge my secret.
Whenever I visited her alone, she had my favorite apron waiting for me. She also allowed me to play with all of the girl toys, like dolls that she kept for her granddaughters. When I was there with my cousins or my siblings, she had a special apron, put aside just for me. It was not girly or frilly, but it was slightly feminine, but still did not raise any questions from the others that were around.
As I mentioned before, part of celebrating Purim was to dress in a costume. Costumes were of all types and styles; from traditional ones to more contemporary such as the latest super hero or rock star. It was strange, but not totally uncommon to see a younger boy dressed like a girl, or even a man dressed like a woman. The spirit of the holiday was such to allow this to happen. In fact, as attested to by the family album, I must have dressed in my sister’s ballet costume when I was about four years old.
Knowing this I decided to become the girl I wanted to be, even if it was only for the one night and maybe the next day. I started my campaign; yes it was a campaign, before Hanukkah. I even asked that one of my presents for Hanukkah, be a Queen Esther costume to wear for Purim. I of course was ignored. But the seed was planted. I continued my onslaught, on a regular basis. I did not give up. I went to costume stores and got copies of brochures for Queen and Princess costumes. I went on the Internet and downloaded pictures of what I wanted to wear. I fought a battle to wear everyone down.
Luckily, I had two wonderful allies. My cousin Susan, who surprisingly with her mom (had Susan told her my secret) worked on Mom. Susan said we could go as twin Queens, and therefore I would not look out of place. But my champion, and the one who finally carried the day for me was “Bubby the Magnificent”, my great heroine. From the start she argued my case, and finally after having a private conversation with my dad, from which he walked out very quietly (I wonder what happened there. I don’t think that I will ever know), my parents relented and agreed to let me be Queen Esther for both Purim night and Purim day. I felt fantastic!
Grandma Ricki, my mom’s mom, was as great a seamstress as Bubby was a baker. She made her own clothes and always sewed costumes for everyone. While she wasn’t happy at first, she agreed to make Susan and me matching costumes. I got to have mine made in pink and Susan’s was in purple. The outfits were beautiful.
Bubby, Grandma and Grandpa, Susan’s entire family, Mom and Dad, and Michael and Ellen were all going to Shul together. We were all in costume, even my older brother; he was sixteen and thought it was stupid for him to be in a costume. But mom and dad insisted and he was smart enough not to make an issue. Except for Susan and I the rest of the costumes were quite simple.
Susan and I got dressed. Aunt Dottie and Grandma helped Susan dress and Bubby and mom helped me dress. The gown was beautiful. They even placed a tiny bit of makeup on me and Grandma, who still owned some clip on earrings, gave me a pair to wear. Susan had real pierced ears; I wished I had them too, but I knew to leave well enough alone and not risk that my request to have my ears pierced would backfire. Susan lent me a necklace and a bracelet.
The synagogue was packed, as it always was for Purim. Almost everyone had some form of costume, even if it was only a silly hat worn by the older men or a scarf or shawl worn by some women.
As always the services were running late. I knew lots of people there. Some were my friends. Some were my neighbors. Some were kids from school, or my Hebrew School or my youth group. I must have known at least 30 kids around my age alone. Most of them recognized me despite my costume. That really was not surprising, since most knew my parents whom I walked in with or my cousin whose outfit matched mine. I was teased by some, complimented by others, and I was actually told how beautiful I was (I think they were kidding). Only three kids, a girl and two boys gave me real grief, but they were the known bullies. I just ignored them.
The Rabbi, gave a clop on the Bimah, and started the Buruchas. He began chanting from the Megilah. The Megilah is a long piece of parchment on which the story of Esther is written. The story is lengthy and normally takes about 30 minutes to chant for an average reader. It is read aloud in Hebrew, but the congregation can also follow in the printed Megilah, that normally have the Hebrew on one side and English across from it. I understood Hebrew, enough that by catching some words, I was able to keep pace with the chanting.
We were now approaching one of the critical moments, we were getting to the part where Esther, my heroine, was planning on risking her life by approaching the King. After all these years, I knew the story well; the Rabbi began chanting the words which translated into English read,
“When the King noticed Queen Esther standing in the court, she won his favor. The King extended to Esther the golden scepter which he was holding and Esther touched the tip of the scepter”.
As he chanted “the second scepter,” I felt a strange tingling throughout my body. A tingling that I had never felt before started at the bottom of my toes and worked its way up my body; touching and enveloping every inch of it. The feeling came and went quickly. After it was done I felt different then I had before. That feeling continued for the rest of the night. However, the tingling had no immediate outward manifestation. I did not tell my folks or anyone else. The Rabbi finished the reading, and we stayed around for another hour or so, having Hamantaschen, soda, and other treats.
We got home at about 11:00 P.M. and I was tired. Mom helped me get the dress off. She wanted to take the dress out of the room, but after arguing I got my way and she agreed to hang the dress on my closet door. I didn’t need to use the bathroom and jumped into bed. I didn’t change into pajamas, and just left my underwear on and grabbed a tee-shirt. I fell asleep staring at the dress, knowing that I would never wear something that pretty ever again.
As I said at the beginning, I awoke feeling strange and different. I was now fully awake. I was fully conscious. I was no longer thinking of picture albums. I knew for sure that something wonderful, marvelous and miraculous had happen last night. I knew that I was now a girl, truly, I did. I felt it or saw it from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. My brunette hair was now long, very long and silky reaching to the middle of my back. My skin was smooth. My nose was pert.
As I moved lower, I reached my now, just budding, but noticeable bobbies. I had breasts; I had hoped to have the pleasure of this sensation ever since, I saw how happy my sister Ellen was when she started growing hers about three years ago. I saw the bra, yes my bra, my beautiful pink training bra that was laid across my bright white vanity, that I had AA sized breasts. Small? Not at all. They were mine, all mine and I knew they would grow. If I developed like my sister was doing now, and like mom, and Aunt Dottie, then I will be quite proud of them when I grew up.
I looked at my hands and my toes and noticed that I had nail polish on them. I seemed to recall that they matched the lipstick I had worn the night before; how nice. I remembered the King stretching out his scepter to Queen Esther. The tingling started at that moment. In reality he had stretched out his scepter to me. To me, to Robyn Esther Mazel; to Rachel Hadassah bat Yackov. The King had obviously reached out to me since I shared a name with the Queen. A miracle had happened; I had changed from a boy to a beautiful girl.
I realized that I was wearing a very pretty nightie and matching panties. I hoped, beyond hope, that what was to be seen under those panties went along with the rest of my new body. The last I remembered looking or having anything to do with that part of my body was when I went into the men’s bathroom, just prior to the start of services the night before. I had to pee, and did so that time, like any normal boy. Even with the Queen Esther costume on, I was still wearing boys’ underpants; I had to use the men’s room and just stood by the urinal and did my business. Was that going to be the last time I stood to pee? My gosh, I hoped so.
I then stood up, placed a finger on the hem of my panties and pulled them slightly open, and took a look. I must have scared the entire neighborhood and surely woken anyone sleeping in my house by the scream of joy that came out of my mouth. I no longer had that penis that I had hoped and prayed would disappear, probably on a daily basis, since I was about six. It had been replaced by, well since I want to be considered a proper young lady, a vagina. No vulgarity from me. I won’t use any of those other words, like pussy, now would I? No not me.
I knew it wasn’t a dream, I knew when I heard my mom yell from downstairs,
“Robyn, are you okay, is everything all right, why are you screaming like a nudnik?”
She called me Robyn. Yes she did. The next thing, Ellen opened my door without knocking (which she never did when I was Robert) and yelled at me,
“Get a move on Sis, get your tuch out of bed or we will be late for the Purim Carnival. Hurry up and put your leotard, tights and dance skirt. We have to give that dance recital Mom promised we would do.”
A Ballet recital, how great. It was when I was five or six and taking tap lessons at the same school where my sister took ballet, that I would look at all the girls in their leotards and tutus and envy them, knowing that that was how I was meant to be. That I was truly a girl and not a boy. I wonder what we would be dancing.
Something from the Nutcracker? Nah, wrong time of year, and wrong holiday. I found the leotard, tights and dance skirt in my closet, where I noticed all of my beautiful girl clothes. How wonderful.
I would not miss too much not wearing my Queen Esther costume, wearing my dance clothes would more than compensate.
As I went down stairs, I took the time to look at our Purim album. I opened the album and turned quickly to the first page that included me in a costume. Were the pictures of me those or Robert or those of Robyn? Robyn, please I wished! I looked, and it was still the same picture as was in the book that the family had looked at yesterday afternoon. I got scared. I was dressed just like the same Hamantaschen. There was no difference. I was frightened. Was I dreaming? Was I still a boy? Did nothing miraculous happen? Did the King not stretch out his scepter to me, at the same time that he stretched it out to Queen Esther? I tried to hold back the tears that were starting to form.
I trembled with fear as I turned to the page for the next year. The picture that had always been there was of a little boy, who was dressed as Mordecai. The picture that was there was NEW; it showed our family, but instead of Mom and Dad, one girl and two boys, there were now two girls. The little one, obviously me, was dressed as a bride.
I flipped through the rest of the pages. There were always two daughters. I was always dressed very girly, I was always a queen, a princess, a gymnast, a ballerina, or a cheerleader. I was never even once dressed like a boy would have been. All truly wonderful girl costumes. I was ecstatic, I could not have been happier. The scepter that had been extended to Queen Esther by THE KING had surly been extended to me. I hope that my miracle came from the same place like Queen Esther's. Finally, I realized my fears on seeing that first picture had been were for naught. It is funny, but a Hamantaschen looks like a Hamantaschen, no matter if a boy or a girl is in the costume.
FOLLOW more of Robyn's adventures in "A MIRACLE LOST - A MIRACLE REGAINED". Does Robyn return to being Robert and loose the Purim Miracle or does she remain Robyn after strange adventures?
Glossary
Hamantaschen - Purim cakes in the shape of Haman’s hat filled with prunes or other fillings.
Jewish/Hebrew name — Many Jews in the U.S. have a name often biblical in nature that they use for religious purposes. This duality developed as people strive to have a “non-Jewish” sounding name for secular purposes and to blend in.
Megilah — Scroll containing the Purim story.
Grogger — A spinning device to create noise.
Shul — A synagogue or Temple.
Bubby — Grandmother.
Zaide — Grandfather.
Tatala- An affectionate diminutive term for grandson
Mamala — An affectionate diminutive term for granddaughter
Maidalla — A young girl.
Bimah — Platform from were certain prayers are said and the Torah read.
Author's Note: This is a tale regarding Robyn Esther Mazel/Robert Ian Mazel first introduced in “The King’s Outstretched Scepter” and followed up in “A Miracle Lost — A Miracle Regained.” It is a stand-alone story and while it would be helpful to do so, it is not necessary for you to have read either of the previous stories to understand and enjoy this one. However if you wish to do so, I hope you read or reread and enjoy both of them.
At the end of the story there is a glossary of terms used in the narrative. ~Rami.
Admin Note: Due to Rami's situation, I stepped in and formatted this story for her. Any remaining formatting errors are mine. ~Sephrena
There were no stockings hanging by the chimney with care, awaiting a big fat man in a red suit who had just parked his sleigh, led by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, to miraculously slide down that chimney. Twas also the last night of Chanukah, so instead of stockings, five Hanukiahs/Menorahs, one for each member of the family sat atop the mantle over the fireplace. The oil was still burning in only a couple of the glass reservoirs of the largest and most ornate menorah. The oil or candles in the other four menorahs had extinguished themselves earlier.
As I said, it was Christmas Eve, and this year, those who like to dream and sing, like Bing Crosby, about a White Christmas, were in luck. I always wondered if Irving Berlin's Menorah was burning while he wrote that song. Was he eating Matzah, when he wrote Easter Parade? The snow, which began falling as flurries several hours ago, was now accumulating quickly. Tomorrow, after a disorganized snowball fight, I would join the kids on the block, and build a Frosty Snowman.
Christmas Eve was not important to my family or me. There were no chestnuts roasting on an open fire and the house didn’t smell of pines. That's because there was no magnificent six-foot fir tree decorated with gleaming multi-colored strings of lights, topped by a star, and covering a manger scene and gaily-wrapped toys in our living room. Of course no carols were playing in the background either.
If there was any smell, it was the lingering odor of the golden-brown fried Potato Latkes we had eaten for dinner a few hours earlier. The only way to dissipate that smell quickly would be to open the window and let the house air out. Unfortunately, if we did that, Jack Frost might jump through that window, and then a fur jacket like Santa's might come in handy.
Right after dinner, after the sun had set and it was night, my family gathered as usual for lighting the menorahs. While we were each lighting the candles or oil of our own menorah, we chanted the two Baruchot, said on all eight nights. The first sanctified the kindling of the lights of Hanukkah and the second thanked HaShem for the miracles he granted our ancestors. We then sang the traditional Maoz Tzur, and Mi Yemalel. After that, we played a game of dreidel and ate sufganiyot.
It was the 8th night of Chanukah, which normally was a very special night. It was the night that my family traditionally reserved for the "good gifts." Not that the gifts my siblings and I received the other seven nights were bad. On the first seven nights however, most of the gifts were practical or educational I guess that tradition is the fault of my dad's grandmother, my Alter Bubbie Rebecca. Gifts on nights one through seven might contain school supplies, books, serious music, and clothing, lots and lots of clothing. Traditionally and embarrassingly, on the first night, the clothing would usually include underwear and socks. If we got lucky, on those first nights the presents might include an inexpensive toy.
Unfortunately, this year I was miserable. All of my gifts from the first day onward were gifts for a boy and not for the girl, that I should be, the girl I had been for almost two and a half years. At least then, the underwear would have been several pairs of matching bras and panties, rather than plain, unadorned white T-shirts and those stupid tighty whities. Instead of the boring shirt and tie I got on day two, I might have gotten a flirty blouse or camisole.
I was back to being Robert Ian Mazel, and I was no longer Robyn Esther Mazel. You might remember in that in "The Kings Outstretched Scepter." I described how I miraculously became a girl during the reading of the Megilah on Purim two and a half years ago. You might also remember how I became a boy again, luckily only for two days, during Halloween of the same year, because of a curse put on me by a witch. Luckily, I became a girl again, when my Rabbi, with the assistance of the Golem, rescued me. I told that story in "A Miracle Lost, A Miracle Regained."
As you might have guessed from my story so far, I’m a boy again, and have been so since mid-August. My downfall was a consequence of my own stupidity. I had failed to listen to the warnings I had received from my Cousin Susan and a strange woman I had met at the time. I can only blame myself, especially after the mess I got myself into on that scary Halloween.
Susan's family and mine were going to visit family to attend another cousin’s wedding. I had been looking forward to this trip ever since the engagement announcement, right after the beginning of the year. The wedding was going to be a "Black Tie" affair. This would be my first time attending such a fancy party. In addition to the wedding, there would be excursions we would take after the wedding in the beach side community where the wedding was taking place. It would be a blast.
For the first time since I became a girl, I had the opportunity to dress to the nines. Susan and I began shopping for gowns in February. Our mothers, and my sister Ellen, who was going to be a bridesmaid, helped us shop. Even though she was condemned to wear what we thought would be an ugly dress, she wanted to get the thrill of shopping with us. As far as I know, they weren’t trying to help their former son, nephew and brother on this wonderful girl's only adventure. I don't think they had any recollection of who I had been. I thought that there were only three people who knew I had ever been Robert. They were my cousin Susan, my Bubbie Elaine and our family’s Rabbi, Rabbi Loew.
In addition to dress shopping, we also shopped for bikinis. I would need at least three, one or two for our visits to the beach, and at least one more for our visits to what I was advised were the best water parks in the nation.
After getting up early to finish packing, rushing to the airport, and a bumpy plane ride, we arrived at our destination on Thursday in the late afternoon. We were all exhausted. After renting cars, our next stop was the resort hotel where most of the out of town guests were staying.
The wedding was to start on Sunday afternoon at 5:00 P.M. Most of the time from Friday morning through late Sunday night was limited to wedding-related, planned events. While, there was no time for other activities, there was time to plan what we were going to do the following week. We all agreed to do some sight-seeing, and to go to some local museums. It was strange that when I had been Robert, I didn’t mind the sightseeing or the museums that our parents planned for us to attend, especially so, if they were science or history museums. As Robyn, I didn’t mind that either. However, on this trip, I hated the idea; after all, girls just had to have fun.
Luckily, interspersed among those boring family trips were several days or parts of days set aside for amusement parks, the beach and water parks. Luckily, Ellen, Susan and I were successful in getting our parents to agree to allow us to do some of those activities on our own, without them tagging along. Our group on those adventures was to include several other cousins, and relatives of the groom. This included some really dreamy looking guys.
I won’t bore you with many details of the events from Friday through Sunday. If you’ve ever been to a family wedding celebration, you know what that entails. Being a Jewish wedding there were some events, like Shabbat Dinner or the Aufruf, that might be different from a Catholic or Protestant wedding, but the basic similarities are there.
My cousin, the bride to be, asked Susan and I to join her attendants in many of the ceremonies that are an integral part of a traditional Jewish wedding. Even though we could not be witnesses, we watched while the Ketubah, which would be read during the wedding ceremony, was signed. I was looking over her shoulder during the Bedeckening, when the groom, placed the veil over her head.
The wedding ceremony was beautiful. I guess I was a real girl, because I cried and I ooed and awed when the Kallah (bride) was escorted by both her parents down the aisle to the Chupah. With everyone else present, I yelled Mazel Tov when the Chosson (groom) broke the glass. Then it was party time.
I felt like a princess in my gown. I danced with many of the boys who were there, and felt very special being held closely during slow songs. I even danced with my older brother. I thought that if he knew I was once Robert he might get physically ill. After the bride started her dance with her father, many of the girls present danced with their fathers’. I split the dance with my sister. While in my father's arms, I envisioned the day that I would dance with him at my wedding.
Unbeknownst to me, my downfall began, because I sneaked several drinks, that as a minor, I shouldn’t have imbibed. Both as Robert and as Robyn, I was not a stranger to alcohol. A cup of wine at Shabbat dinner, or even four cups of wine at Passover were customary. Since I had been born a boy, I even had a first taste of wine at my bris. My parents even allowed us to taste a drink or participate in a L'Chaim, under their supervision. But, on this night, the older siblings of some of my tablemates slipped us drinks. The drinks were all fruity, masking the alcohol.
My cousin Susan, who was only three days older then me, and never let me forget it, was also my best friend. After I became a girl, she became very protective of me. She wanted to make sure that I, the new inexperienced girl, didn’t get into trouble. That got tiring after awhile. I felt that she was always pestering me to do things a certain way. Tonight was no different. She started nagging me about drinking, and tried to warn me about what was going on. Wanting to be the very adult young lady, in her fancy gown, like Cinderella at the ball, I ignored her warnings. Forgetting that my Halloween nightmare, occurred because I ignored her warnings, I forged ahead like a bull in a china shop. I didn’t get sick or anything like that, but I became enchanted with some of the older girls who would be with us during the following week.
Nothing untoward happened on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. We went to some museums during the day and in the afternoon to the beach adjacent to the resort. It was fun frolicking in the waves, playing co-ed beach volleyball, laying on my beach blanket getting a proper suntan and showing off my bikini-clad body. I had never had the proper opportunity to do so before. I strutted my stuff as my newly discovered friends coaxed me on. Most of the time while we were on the beach, my parents, aunts and uncles and grandparents, left us alone, so I was not under their observation. My sister and brother spent most of their time with friends or cousins their own age, so they were not a bother. From her expression, I could tell that Susan, that old party pooper, was unhappy with my conduct, but she said nothing about the way I was acting.
We all agreed on what we would do Thursday. All the male relatives were going to go to a baseball double-header and would be gone the whole day. If I were still Robert, I would have joined them. Even as Robyn, I had enjoyed both Yankee and Met games back home, but I knew I would enjoy what we girls planned all the better.
There were three water parks in the area, one of which was named Bikini Beach. That was an interesting name, and it was the one picked out by the adults. The choice made no difference to me, but some of the local girls, my new friends, seemed based on their actions and comments to not like the choice. At the time, I didn’t know why, but I was soon to learn.
The girls ranging in age from Bubbie Elaine, and Grandma Rikki, both in their 80's down to the 5-year-old niece of the groom, who had served as flower girl, packed into several cars for the trip to the park. We had all of the supplies necessary for the trip. Since, I already had on a new bikini, the third one I had worn that week, I was ready to frolic. Fun beckoned me.
When we arrived at the park, the adults got in line to pay for the tickets. The rest of us waited for them to get the tickets before entering the park. As I glanced around something seemed wrong, but I couldn’t decide what it was. After we entered the park, we agreed on a time and a place to meet for lunch, and split into several groups. I of course went with my new friends, and actually abandoned my cousin Susan. She went her separate way, with another bunch of girls.
Before entering the water, we all laid down on some chaise lounges to get some sun. It was then that it finally dawned on me, that I hadn’t seen one guy, not even a ground’s crew, since we got there. That seemed strange. The few employees we had run into were all women. All of the patrons were female. I was truly baffled.
It was then that I opened my mouth to ask a question. Perhaps, if I had shut up, I would still be Robyn.
"What is wrong with this place?” I queried. "I haven’t seen one guy here. All I see is girls and ladies."
Tina, one of the local girls replied. "Duh, with a name like Bikini Beach, what do you think you’ll see?
I answered, "Well lots of girls in bikini's and lots of guys to see us strut our booty".
"Well you’re wrong," said Ashley. "That's why we complained when they picked this place over "Ab's Wild Rapids" or "Churning Waters."
Madison added, "Only women are allowed in here."
"Supposedly the old bat who owns this place, wants it open only to women, so that they can swim without guys gawking at them," Lauren exclaimed!
Tina added, "That's the whole point of coming to a place like this, a water park. You want to strut your stuff and show the guys what you got, and maybe make them hot.”
"Oh, so why didn’t't you protest and push to go somewhere else" I asked.
Well we would have, but tomorrow is another day. Since were stuck here today, we will demand we go to Ab's Wild Rapids tomorrow" Madison added.
“Why there and not the other place?” I asked.
"Well, we've never been there, but we hear that there are lots of cute guys there and from its name they must all be hunks" Lauren cooed.
Settling that, we started to swim, go into the wave pool and on the water slides until lunchtime.
We all gathered under the cabana, to discuss what we had done and eat lunch. We also started to discuss what was going to happen on Friday. Mom told us that she had heard from Dad and the other men and they had booked a fishing trip for early Friday morning. They had to leave the resort at 5:30 AM. She had to let him know if any of us wanted to join them. With a yuck or a disgusting sound here and there, none of the girls accepted the invitation.
She then said that the older women, tiring of pools, beaches and water parks, had decided to go to a fancy brunch and a fashion show. She told us that the pre-teen girls would be going to an American Girl doll show and store. The rest of us had choices. We could go to the fashion show. There were no takers. For a second choice, we could join the younger girls and go to the American Girl store. One thirteen-year old cousin of the groom, who had burned badly in the sun, opted to go with them. The other choice was to go to a water park, being dropped off at about 10:30 AM, and picked up at 5:00 P.M. The choice of parks was ours, but we were required to stay on the grounds the whole time.
Ten girls opted to do the water park thing. A dispute erupted about which park to visit. Five of us, including me, wanted to go to "Ab's Wild Rapids" and argued for that decision. Two girls liked it here at Bikini Beach and three wanted to go to "Churning Waters". Our arguing got so loud, that one of the Bikini Beach employees came over and asked us to quiet down. Susan's mom, my Aunt Dottie came over to mediate and the final resolution was that five of us would go to “Ab's Wild Rapids”, and five would go to “Churning Waters”.
After lunch, we returned to the park activities. We pretty much split into the same two groups as in the morning. The Ab's girls separate from the Churning girls. We Ab's girls were quite rowdy. Anyone close by could hear us discussing what we were going to do the next day. We whispered conspiratorially while putting down Bikini Beach for not allowing guys in. We talked about the teeny-weeny bikini's we would wear tomorrow and how we hoped to catch the eye of a guy or two.
I needed to use the ladies room, so I left the group, told them that I would be back soon, and not to run off to some other part of the park. After I was through with what I had to do, I walked over to a stand where they gave out free bottles of ice-cold water. Just as I was leaving, this very beautiful girl, about 23 years old, came over and tapped me on the shoulder. I think that I had seen her around the park, but I didn’t know who she was.
"Hi, Robyn, I’m Anya, my grandmother owns the park." She had addressed me by name.
Since I had not introduced myself, I wondered how she knew it.
"Uh yes, you’re right, my name is Robyn, nice to meet, you. Your grandma owns a very nice park."
"Well, that's not what you said about it to your friends. To quote you, you said, >without guys, this place is a real dump’."
I thought, how did she know what we were saying? We were talking quietly between ourselves and no one should have heard that.
Stuttering, I asked, "How do you know that? Do you have hidden microphones or cameras in the park? That kind of snooping is probably illegal!"
She laughed. "Yes, we have some security cameras, like all water parks and amusement parks, for safety, you know. But it was another sense that allowed me to overhear your conversation."
I didn’t know how to reply. I was wondering if she had heard what we said about her grandmother and if she would say or do something about it. I didn’t have long to wait for an answer.
Anya in a very chilling voice answered my unasked question.
"Grandmother is a very loving lady, but she can also be a tough boss and yes, some people who do not truly know her might think of her as an old bat."
I was starting to get worried about what was going on. She soothed my fears by adding, "We don’t punish thoughts like that, but bad actions will get some reaction."
"So, why aren’t you going to join your dad finishing tomorrow? You used to like doing that a lot didn’t you?"
This was getting scary. As Robert, I had done normal boy things and enjoyed most of them. I was not a stereotypical girl in a boy's body that hated to do male things. I did enjoy fishing as a boy, and would have looked forward to the fishing adventure. Even as Robyn, it might not have been my first choice of a thing to do, but I wouldn’t have rejected it outright as being something, that I a girl couldn’t or wouldn’t do.
She then added with a wry smile, "Of course going to an American Girl doll show, is too babyish for a big teenager like you. That last Hanukah before your "Scepter Adventure," I’m sure you would have jumped for joy if you had gotten that American Girl doll you so envied, instead of that huge Lego set you received. Isn’t that doll named Rebecca? That was your Bubbie's mother's name wasn't it?"
This was getting more then scary. How did this person I had just met, know all of this? There were only three people in the world who knew that secret. They were the Rabbi, my Bubbie and Susan. I didn’t think the Rabbi would be involved, and I knew Bubbie Elaine would take my secret to her grave. Would Susan tell this stranger? I didn’t't think so, but she had been angry with me, since the wedding.
"What are you saying? None of that is true." Of course, I was lying, but how would she know?
"I haven’t talked with your grandmother. And you’re right, she will take your secret to the grave. Don’t worry, that won’t happen for many years. As for Susan, she has your back, like she always has and always will. Even when you’re a jerk, she’ll protect you, just like, she has done in the past. As for Rabbi Loew, since your Halloween adventure, his own magical powers have helped to protect you from evil in your hometown."
I was truly tongue-tied and didn’t know what to say.
She then asked, "So what are you going to do tomorrow?”
I know I had to answer. So I blurted out; "Some of us are going to Ab's Wild Rapids."
Anya then inquired, "What do you know about Ab's Wild Rapids"?
"Just that there are lots of hunky guys there."
I wish I had listened carefully and thought about what she said next. If I had I might still be Robyn, but I was foolish and didn’t hear what she said. Oh, I heard the words all right, but didn’t comprehend their meaning.
"Yes, Robyn, there are lots of hunky men there. Everyone, that enters that park, leaves the park, as either a boy or a man, at least for a few hours."
I stood there looking at her for a while not knowing what to say.
Finally, she said, "Well Robyn, why don't you go back to your friends." I started to leave and was a few feet away, when she added something. I didn’t hear it clearly, and what she said only registered later the next night. "Be careful Robyn. You may meet up with someone named Dagan or Mr. Shahar tomorrow and if you do, it will be Robert flying home with his family."
I returned to the girls and we hung out for a few more hours until it was time to return to the hotel. Foolishly, I didn’t tell anyone, about what Anya and I had discussed. I thought I must have had heat exhaustion or something. The events of Halloween and the power of magic had faded from my memory.
The next morning we all split up. The men were long gone fishing. The younger girls were all dressed for their excursion to see the dolls and they left with a hired chaperone. The women were in the beauty salon being styled before their brunch and fashion show. The rest of us were in two groups, the Churning Waters group and the Ab's Wild Rapids group. Susan came over to me and asked me to go with her and abandon my new friends. I laughed at her and said something not nice.
The hotel shuttle bus dropped us off at Ab's Wild Rapids. The driver advised us that we were to meet the return shuttle at exactly 5:00 P.M. We agreed and got in line to buy our tickets. All we could see were hunky guys and double hunky guys. There were a few girls about our age, but no girls much younger and few women in line or milling around. That was surprising, because with all these guys around me I thought there would be more girls milling about.
Since we were going to buy our own tickets, as we approached the counter to pay for them, an usher directed us to separate windows. The person, behind the glass at my window, was partially obscured. I could not see him too well or read his nametag.
"What kind of ticket do you want Robyn? Normally, I am sure that you would just want a one-day pass, as your friends are buying. However, a good friend of mine suggested that you might be coming by today and said that if you did, that we should sell you a lifetime pass at the regular rate. After all, you are a special girl. Is that okay?"
I hesitated before answering. How did this guy know my name? Why would I need a lifetime pass? Why was I getting such a deal? Instead of the bells and whistles that should have been going off in my brain, I plunged ahead.
"Thank you that's very nice of you, I’ll take the lifetime pass. How much is it?"
He told me the price. I paid it and got the ticket. He then instructed me on what to do next.
If you want to call me an idiot, a fool, or worse, please do so. I know, since that day, I have called myself those names, and worse. You can’t believe I fell for this blatant stupidity, well I did. Hey, at least I can blame it on the magic.
I met my friends, and told them about my luck. They were jealous and ragged me a lot. We went through the turnstiles and headed for the changing room and the showers. We changed into our bikinis and left the locker room. There was a sign that all visitors must put on a special suntan lotion, sold only in the park. If you refused to do so, they would refund your money and you would have to leave. We didn’t want that to happen, so we got on a line to buy the lotion. There were separate lines for guys and girls. The concessionaire, a cute guy, told us the reason for separate lines, was that the formulation was different. We had to show him our passes before purchasing the bottle. The others got purple bottles and he told them to have a great day. He gave me a navy blue bottle, told me I was very lucky to have a lifetime ticket and to enjoy my life. I felt weird vibes, but was too foolish to listen to them.
Tina asked one of the park employees if it was okay if we asked one of the guys sunning themselves if they could rub the sunscreen onto us. He not only said that was okay, he pointed out some guys who would be willing to help us. We walked over to the five guys and they were most, accommodating in rubbing the lotion all over us. They covered our whole bodies. That they were wearing cloth gloves while doing so didn’t register as strange. We thanked them and decided to find a part of the beach to lie on and get some sun.
We gathered in a corner of the beach and then it started to happen. The first thing I noticed is that my hair started to recede. My beautiful brunette mid-back length hair now resembled the cut I wore for many years. Next, I felt my B-cup boobs, a prized possession, start to disappear, shrinking into my chest. I started to grow larger, heavier and taller. I knew what change was next, and what I feared most in life occurred. I knew there was something protruding between my legs. I was equipped as I had been before my Purim miracle. My bikini, the only thing I was wearing, had changed into a man's bathing suit.
The other girls didn’t seem to realize what had occurred. They began talking and acting like raunchy uncivilized teenage guys, let loose to act like fools. Their first comments were about the lack of any girls at the park, and Tommy the former Tina, yelled at Logan, the former Lauren and asked him why he had suggested that we come to this stupid place, when we could have gone somewhere else, even on a fishing excursion with our dads'. Their comments were typical of what might be expected.
I tried to determine if they had any recollection of their former selves and I could tell they had no clue as to what had occurred. I was fully cognizant of my being. I was Robert again, but I knew full well I had been Robyn. I felt like crying, but didn’t think that that was a wise choice. In a place like this crying might be a sign of my being a sissy, and who knew what the consequences of that would have been.
We went swimming, and like the day before I needed to take a piss. I would not have talked like that yesterday. However, today, speaking like that was expected.
I followed the same routine as yesterday and got a bottle of water. That is when someone approached me. I quickly realized it was the man from behind the glass at the ticket booth. It seemed to me that he was the personification of evil. All he lacked were horns and a tail.
"Hello Robert! How does it feel being male again? I hope you like it better than being that stupid girl Robyn! After all, we sold you a lifetime pass and you must know what that means?"
I thought, ‘Here we go again. A stranger is addressing me by both of my names.’
I answered with a dumb question. "What the fuck is going on?"
He said, "Let me introduce myself. My name is Dagan Shahar. I was a close friend of someone you knew. Someone who used to worship me. Her name was Cozbi, and you and that idiot Rabbi Loew and his monster killed her."
I started shivering and was scared speechless.
"She had suspected that you, rather than she, might survive that encounter. Her magical abilities foretold that if you did survive, that you would show up here someday. You were a stupid girl after all. She told me that if I ever sensed your presence, I should make sure that you got a lifetime pass."
"You couldn’t imagine my joy when I felt your presence in the area. I just hoped you would come to visit us. It wasn’t something that I could arrange, but only take advantage of. Your idiot cousin almost got in the way again. Even worse, were that stupid bitch Anya, her damn grandmother, and her stinking water park. They almost were my undoing. But you were the idiot I expected you to be, and now you’re stuck this way for life."
He continued, "I wish I could do more to you, but my masters won’t let me do any more. I guess making you a boy again will have to suffice. By the way, you’ll remember all that happened, but your friends, those bimbos, will return to normal at exactly midnight and forget that they were ever guys."
With a demonic laugh he walked away, leaving me devastated.
I returned to my friends who were acting like the asses they really were. I could not tell them what happened so I had to fake it until we returned to the hotel, where I excused myself and fled to our suite.
My parents, brother and sister who had returned earlier, greeted me as Robert. It was obvious that none of them had any clue of what was occurring. It was as if Robyn never existed. Obviously, I couldn’t say anything.
Since we would be having a formal Shabbat dinner, I needed to dress. Of course, I was now sharing a room with my brother, rather then with my sister. I dreaded opening the closet. The presence of a drab suit rather then several pretty dresses sealed my fate. I tried to get out of dinner by blaming sunburn, but that didn’t work.
I walked into the dining room and looked around. I wanted to avoid my Bubbie Elaine and my cousin. My efforts were for naught.
Even though Bubbie Elaine was my father's mother, she was invited to the wedding. She sat alongside, Grandma Rikki, and her Husband Grandpa Sam, who were obviously the bride's grandparents, at the head of the table. She looked at me, gave me a sad smile and shook her head. You could tell that she was upset. Other then a Gut Shabbos and other pleasantries, we didn’t talk about what happened for the remainder of the weekend.
That Friday night seating was informal. Nevertheless, they seated Susan and me next to each other. She greeted me with a look of despair and a tepid Gut Shabbos, Robert. You could see that it hurt her as much to say the name as for me to hear it. We were both quiet during the remainder of the evening, so much so that when we were asked if everything was alright, I lied and said that the sun had knocked me out and that I was very tired. I asked permission to leave the table and did so.
I kept to myself as much as possible for the remainder of the weekend. I got stuck in the middle seat between my brother and sister on the flight home. I was quiet the whole way. I guess any hope that the curse would wear off when we got home was dashed when I walked into my bedroom and any hints, even minor ones of Robyn, were gone. It was Robert's old room, with just some minor changes reflecting my aging two and a half years.
I avoided Bubbie Elaine for several weeks after we returned home. However, I couldn’t keep that up. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were soon upon us and avoiding her was impossible. We finally, discussed what happened. She didn’t reprimand me but unusually she also had nothing to offer in the way of help. She tried to console me, but her efforts failed.
I returned to school a week later. Everyone knew me as Robert, and life went on, as if I Robert, rather then Robin had attended school last year. The Jewish holidays passed with no change or little difference from the prior years. I wore a suit and my tallit to Shul, rather then a pretty dress. I longed to be a girl again, but I had little hope that would occur. I prayed for forgiveness with deep kavanah during the holidays. I hope that the sound of the last Shofar blast at the end of Yom Kippur might signify a new miracle, I yelled L'Shana H'Baha Yerushalem, Next year in Jerusalem, but it was as a tenor not a soprano.
The rest of the year passed without any change. I remained Robert, and everyone treated me as such. Nothing in my conduct revealed that I had ever been a girl. Robyn existed only in my daily thoughts. I was unable to get into being Robert, and refrained from becoming involved in activities, that as the pre-Purim Robert, I would have enjoyed. My parents noticed this and asked me what was wrong. Though I was still getting A's and B's in all my courses, I blamed schoolwork for my problems.
I am not sure if Susan stayed away from me, or I stayed away from her, but our close relationship was not what it had been before that terrible day in August. Halloween came and went. I didn’t go trick or treating, and attended no parties. Thanksgiving followed four weeks later. It was much like the Jewish Holidays. We had Thanksgiving at home. While I helped to set the table and do whatever mom wanted, it was as a chore that I have always done, and not a mother-daughter activity.
So finally, the school holiday for, as they now call it, the "Winter Break" was upon us. It is stupid to call it that since in reality it is a Christmas break. A real winter break would occur in late January when the likelihood of school being canceled due to snow was the greatest.
The last day of school was Friday, December 15 and we were to return to school on Tuesday, January 2. The Jewish day starts at sundown of the previous night. Therefore, we would light the first Chanukkah candle on Sunday night December 17, which was the 25th day of Kislev.
I was definitely not looking forward to any part of the two weeks. We would be getting together with family and friends several times. Enduring the endless cackle of uncles, aunts, cousins, neighbors and so-called friends would be unbearable. Sitting down to meals where I was supposed to put on a happy face, gave me indigestion days in advance of the event. If we exchanged presents I would have to smile and say thank you for gifts I didn’t want.
There was no one to come to my aid, or help me overcome my disappointment. Bubbie tried to protect my feelings and helped defuse unwanted questions. However, there was only so much that she could do. Susan and I still hadn’t returned to the close relationship we’d had. Luckily, it was not as bad as it had been through the end of October. I guess she thought I might do something stupid on Halloween. Our estrangement wasn’t her fault. My embarrassment over my own stupidity and carelessness was as much a cause of the problem as her anger about my failing to heed her warnings.
So as I began my story, it was Christmas Eve, and the last night of Channukah, and no one else was home. My parents joined by Susan's were driving up to Vermont, to a ski lodge called The Columbia-Waverly Holiday Inn. My parents left just after we finished an early dinner and lit candles at about 5:30. When they left, it was just flurrying, so I hoped they won’t run into any problems and need to turn back or get stuck before they arrived. My brother was staying at a friend's house, as was my sister. There had been some, make that lots of debate about me staying by myself, but with Bubbie living only a few blocks away, I prevailed. Susan had the same debate with her parents, and she won her argument. In past years, we might have joined in our efforts, but not this year. There had been some discussion that either she or me stay at the others house, but at the last minute that was nixed.
Therefore, I am here home without any companionship, except for Knish, on a cold and wintery night, with the snow blowing across the windowpanes. I watched some movies on TV. The first was one of the various adaptations of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." There are so many versions of the movie, that right after watching it, I forgot who played Scrooge. Was it Mr. Magoo, Scrooge Mc'Duck, George C. Scott or someone else?
You might have asked why I didn’t watch a Hanukah, movie. That’s because except for a few children’s movies like “A Rugrats Chanukah”, there are none.
Of course, I watched that old classic; "It’s a Wonderful Life" next. I must have seen the movie in both black and white and colorized versions millions of times. Prior to that wonderful Purim, I often visualized that I had a guardian angel just like Clarence, who would have granted my wish. However, that wasn’t Clarence's job after all. He didn’t grant wishes he just showed you what life would’ve been like if you hadn’t been born.
While watching the movie, I started to have the same thoughts as before, and realized that I must have had a guardian angel or perhaps even the most superior Guardi-n after all. My Purim Miracle didn’t just happen. Why oh why couldn’t a new miracle, a Hanukah miracle, occur for me on this last night of a week of miracles?
It was almost midnight and being tired I decided to go to bed. I let Knish out the back door to do his nightly business. By now, the snow was about a foot deep. I had just finished, a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream, and before going to the kitchen to wash it out, I walked around the house, and made sure that all the flames in all the Hanukkah menorahs were out, and the doors and windows were secure. I set the alarm and walked upstairs.
Reading from my siddur, I prayed as always, the normal prescribed nighttime prayer. Every night I added my personal prayer to be allowed to become Rachel Hadassah Bat Yakov again. Normally I prayed this silently. Tonight with the house empty, I prayed aloud, with extra kavanah, and tears in my eyes.
After I recovered, I dressed myself in warm pajamas. I guess if I were still Robyn, on a cold winter night like this my nightgown would not have been much different. Unlike the rhyme, I had neither a cap nor a kerchief on my head as I settled for this my night's sleep.
I had just settled snug in my bed and almost asleep and about to have my first dream, which I doubt would have been about dancing sugar-plums when out on the lawn I heard such a clatter that I sprung from my bed to see what was the matter. I then heard a knocking on the door and a stone thrown against my window.
I was scared. Here I was home alone, with no one to assist me. I could call Bubbie, but, it was late and I was afraid a call would scare her. I contemplated what to do. So away to the window I flew like a flash and I opened the Venetian blinds by pulling on the sash. No, I didn’t see a miniature sled and eight tiny reindeer, driven by a man in a Coca Cola Red Suit. I saw what appeared to be my cousin Susan, all bundled up. She was rapping on the door and it was getting louder and louder. It looked like there was someone with her. I couldn’t tell from the way they were dressed what type of person, man or woman, girl or boy, or perhaps something else was with her. (No, I am not crazy, I have dealt with clay men and witches, {apparently both good and bad} and other weird wicked creatures in the last two years.). I had to do something.
I looked around the room, and the first thing I noticed was the BB gun that I had gotten for Chanukkah a few years ago. I had not really wanted it. My father got the idea from some idiotic Christmas movie that had been in the theaters and on TV a few years earlier. I had used it a few times, but it had mainly sat in the closet otherwise untouched for at least three years. I didn’t give much thought to know how it had moved from the back of the closet to the front as I picked it up and pumped to load a BB in the chamber. Better to be armed I thought just in case.
Walking down the steps, I flicked on all of the lights I could. Just before opening the door, I deactivated the alarm. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. As I was doing that, I yelled for Knish to join me.
I went to open the door. I had the BB gun and Knish to protect me. What was I thinking? I unlocked the door, stepped back, and yelled, "Come in, the door’s unlocked", letting those outside open it up. I backed away and held my trusty BB gun at the ready.
"What took you so long? It’s freezing out there," screamed Susan as she pushed the door open, stepped inside, shaking off the snow, stomping her boot clad feet and peeling off her matching scarf, gloves and hat. While doing this she beckoned whomever or whatever was accompanying her inside. Her traveling mate slowly and awkwardly ambulated inside.
"Umm, I was in bed already. I was tired. There was nothing on TV to watch except the umpteenth rerun of ‘A Miracle on 34th Street’ or ‘Charlie Brown's Christmas.’” As I pointed to her and the bundled up figure beside her, I said, "I didn’t expect any night visitors."
She looked at me, and her eyes widened as she saw the BB gun in my arms. "Do you really think that stupid gun will protect you?" she asked with a snicker.
With a look of embarrassment, I put the gun down. Knish, who loved Susan, was growling at the stranger.
"What are you doing here? Your mother and father will kill you if they knew you were out so late! More importantly, who is this?”
"Who do you think would be outside with me, after mid-night on a night like this?"
"I am not in the mood for a game of ten questions." As I glanced toward Susan, I got a better look at her companion. As she began to help uncloak her companion, I knew who, or what it was. Standing 7 feet tall and weighing at least 350 lbs. of pure muscle, it was the Golem. I immediately had a strange thought; perhaps that poem was right and there was a creature stirring in the house, tonight.
Before, I got a chance to repeat the question, Susan started to explain, "After, I went to bed, I began having nightmares. I dreamt that Cozbi had returned and was coming to attack you. I got up in a sweat. I tried calling you, but you did not answer either your cell or home phone. I quickly got dressed and decided to come over and warn you. I left the house and I knew my trip would be difficult. Clouds obscured the moon, and the snow was still falling. I could hardly see because the wind was blowing the snow into my face. Moving through the deep snow was difficult, almost impossible."
After taking a deep breath, she continued, " I had trudged no more then a half block before I noticed something huge approaching me. As I tried to run, I said a quick Shema. The thing intercepted me. My heart stopped. My breath froze in midair. I feared the worst, but then the cloak covering its head fell off and I knew I was safe."
"Knowing I was now safe, we continued to your house. It was slow going. Golem does not move too fast, unless he is on a mission. We did not see anyone else on the street. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being out on a night like this."
"What is the Golem doing with you? Did you see Rabbi Loew?" Before I could continue that train of thought there was a knocking on the door. Simultaneously, several things happened. Knish started barking. I picked up the BB gun and with Susan backed away. The Golem placed himself in between the door and us.
The next thing we saw was the door opening. I am not sure about Susan, but with the Golem here to protect us, I wasn’t afraid. If it had just been Susan and me, I would have been terrified. While I had never seen him bundled up for a frigid winter night, I knew that our visitor was Rabbi Loew.
As he entered the room and began taking off his coat he said, "Chag Hanukkah Sameach kindallach, I hope my Golem did not scare you? Tell me, to which of the two of you did the Golem come to help?”
"Me," replied Susan.
“Nu, so, what happened to cause the Golem to stop his normal routine and come to your assistance on this night? Why did the Golem sense danger?"
"I dreamt that Cozbi had returned, and was coming to hurt, Robyn." Stuttering she continued, “I mean Robert. I tried calling him, her. Oh, I’m so confused, but he didn’t pick up the phone. I got dressed and started walking to her house. I had not gotten too far when the Golem showed up and walked me the rest of the way."
At that point, I inquired of the Rabbi, "I thought you kept the Golem secured. Why was he outside and without you?"
"It’s a long story. He is acting as he was taught, by my Alter Zaide, the Rabbi Loew of Prague, back around 1560. Unfortunately, back then evil people would attack Jews on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The Golem walked throughout the Ghetto of Prague on that night and day and scared off the hooligans. Baruch Ha'Shem that is something that we in the United States, a much more tolerant and blessed land, do not have to worry about."
Continuing, with a benign smile he turned towards Susan and changed the subject, AShoshanna Abigail (the Rabbi always called both of us by our Jewish names) I don’t know why you dreamed of Cozbi. Maybe you ate too many latkes and too much chocolate Chanuka gelt before you went to bed. Don’t worry, I can assure you Cozbi, is no longer a threat. She has returned to Gehennom, where she belongs."
For the first time since Rabbi Loew had entered the house, I noted that there was another individual in the room. He must have followed Rabbi Loew in. It was strange that the Rabbi had not introduced him in any manner. That simply wasn’t his way. This stranger whose had not said anything and was simply hovering in the background.
Susan said, "The dream was so real, Rabbi are you sure?”
As he nodded in her direction he turned to me, "While you are Raphael (my Jewish name as a boy), I must address you that way. Raphael, you have studiously avoided me since the end of the summer. Did you not think that I knew who you were and who you had been? You were so afraid of me, not even to wish me a L'Shana Tova during Rosh Hashana, or a single Gut Shabbos, all these weeks."
While I hung my head, and shrugged, he prodded, "So tell me the whole story, from the beginning of how the change occurred, and don’t leave anything out!"
He sat down in one of the chairs in the living room, and Susan and I followed suit. I started my story and told him everything that happened. Susan interrupted a few times to correct some errors, but mostly to indicate that from her point of view, she thought that I, as Robyn had been acting like a jerk. She added something else that I did not know. Both of my parents, Bubbie, Grandma and Grandpa, and several other relatives had noticed my conduct and were upset about it. They had let it slide at the time, because they figured that I was acting that way because of the influence of some of the girls I had met during the wedding. They had intended to call Robyn on the carpet when we returned home. Obviously, Robert's behavior didn’t require a dressing down.
After I finished my story, I waited for the Rabbi to continue. It took a few minutes for him to say anything. You could hear the clock on the wall ticking away the seconds.
"Dagan Shahar is nothing to worry about any longer. His magic is weak and limited. Of course, Raphael, as the victim of his powers, you don’t see it that way. However, you’re safe from those powers unless you visit that park again, and while you have acted recklessly, foolishly and without thought of the consequences on two occasions, I don’t think you are that stupid."
His words hurt. I felt conflicting emotions. Should I act brave, as a boy is expected to do, or should I let my emotions out, and cry, which would be acceptable for a girl to do? I didn’t have to make that choice because Susan solved the problem for me. She got up from her chair, walked around the table, put her arms around me and gave me a hug, a hug that best friends might give another at an emotional time like this. Her hug gave me the strength to remain calm. I neither had to act tough like the boy I now was, nor did I have to act emotionally like the girl I used to be.
I looked at Susan and we both knew that what Rabbi Loew had said must be the truth. We were both safe. I thought that now that we had nothing to fear from either Cozbi or Shahar, the Rabbi would leave, and take Susan home. The Golem would of course leave as well to either return to his home with the Rabbi, or continue his long ago programmed patrols.
"So, Raphael, what must we do about you? Who do you wish to be? Twice you were granted an unheard-of miracle, and twice you’ve let the miracle be for naught!"
He slowly walked toward me and placed his hand on my chin, and raised my head slightly. With his powerful gaze, he looked into my eyes, and I know, into the core of my existence. He also saw into my brain and my heart. Since I did believe that all humans have a Nefesh, a soul, their connection with HaShem, I knew he was peering into that as well. He remained in that position for what seemed an eternity.
When we discussed this latter on that night, Susan told me that we, he and I were locked in that position for almost a half-hour. She explained that it was the strangest thing to behold. She also explained that she noticed the other individual for the first time. She said that he stood behind Rabbi Loew that entire thirty minutes.
Finally, the Rabbi started to speak. “Rachel Hadassah bat Miriam,” (While he was saying this, I noticed several things immediately, first, he had addressed me as Rachel Hadassah my girl’s name and not as Raphael Yitzchak ben Yakcov, my boy’s name, as he had earlier in the night. Second, he addressed me as Bat, not Ben, meaning daughter not son, and he finally he had used my mother’s name rather then my father’s name. That was significant. It is how the Mi Sheberach prayer, the prayer for health, well-being and recovery is said.) “Your soul is that of a girl. However, it seems that your mind is in conflict. I can try to help you this one last time, but I must know who you are, and who you want to be forever. The person you will always be must be vigilant to protect from all forms of evil.”
I started to say something but he waved his hand to silence me.
"Sha, don't talk, just listen. If Mertz HaShem, you can become Rachel Hadassah again, it will be the final time you can make the transition. If you will stumble again, and return to being Raphael Yitzchak, then you will remain a male forever. You may speak now. What do you have to say?”
"Please Rabbi, I so want to be the girl, the woman; I know that in my Nefesh, I am. I promise, I will take a vow, that I will protect my soul from anything evil that might harm me." As he started to say something, I interrupted his thought. "Rabbi Loew, in Hebrew High School, Rabbi Zalman taught us about vows. He explained them when we studied about Samson, the vows he made, and the consequences when he broke his vow. I know full well the seriousness of making one."
For the first time Rabbi Loew acknowledged the stranger. He motioned for me to follow him into the living room. He beckoned the stranger to follow us into the room. It was dark inside the room except for the light that entered the room from the windows. Apparently, the snow had ceased falling and the only light was that reflected from the first sliver of the new moon of the month of Tevet.
He explained to me in a whisper what I needed to say and do, to complete the vow. Before I did anything further, he explained that this vow was between HaShem and me and I should never tell anyone what had transpired. I nodded my understanding. He also explained that he and the still unnamed stranger would act as the two required witnesses to what would occur. I then said what he told me to say, and I did what he told me to do.
After I completed the process, something strange happened. A flame appeared in all nine reservoirs of the three oil Hanukiahs. There had been no flame, or any evidence of something smoldering when we entered the room.
I turned to the Rabbi. He looked as astonished as I felt and am sure my face reflected. We both must have gasped as Susan, ran into the room. The Golem followed, with a look of trepidation.
"Rabbi, the Menorahs were all out when I went to bed. I checked to make sure. I always do so to make sure that a fire did not start. There wasn’t even a drop of oil left in them"
"Are you sure Robyn?" Exclaimed Susan.
With a disdainful look, I replied, "Of course I’m sure. Not only that, we used up all the olive oil we had in the house."
"So Shoshanna Abigail", Rabbi Loew interjected, "might you tell me what this might mean? I don't think the answer is too difficult."
Susan yelled, "Its Hanukkah miracle."
I added, "The miracle was that the Menorah in the Beit Ha Mikdash burned for eight days, on the one cruse of oil the Maccabees found. It should have burned for only one day. It would take eight days to squeeze enough oil for it to burn longer."
"Shayna maydelach, that’s excellent. But, you learned that when you were little children, in pre-school. That is the reflected open, easy to see miracle. Do you know what the other part of the Miracle was?”
I started and Susan joined in, this is something that we both knew. We both smiled as we said it, proud to show off our knowledge.
"HaShem delivered the mighty into the hands of the weak, the many into the hands of the few, the impure into the hands of the pure, the wicked into the hands of the righteous."
"And where does that come from?"
“From Al HaNisim,” I replied.
Susan concluded, "We say that in the Shemonah Esray and Birkat HaMazon, during the eight days of Chanukah and on Purim."
With his hands, like a conductor, he motioned us to follow him, and we began to sing, to the tune of Moaz Zur.
"Al hanisim v'al hapurkan v'al hag'vurot v'al hat'shuot, v'al hamilchamot she-asita la-avoteinu bayamim haheim bazman hazeh..."
(We thank You also for the miraculous deeds and for the redemption and for the mighty deeds and the saving acts wrought by You, as well as for the wars which You waged for our ancestors in ancient days at this season.)
That is when it began to happen. A big smile came to my face. The first thing I noticed was my hair had begun to grow. In a few seconds, it was down the middle of my back. I then felt other changes occurring. I turned around. The Rabbi was there so I needed to be respectful. Perhaps my failure to protect my modesty in August was part of my downfall. I yelled at Susan, "Please, hurry up and get me my long robe."
I then looked to see where the stranger was standing. I did not want to be disrespectful to him either. I looked in all directions, but he was gone. He had simply disappeared.
She ran up the stairs. She returned quickly and I donned my long floor length robe and tied it.
I turned around to face Rabbi Loew.
He smiled, "Mazel tov, Rachel!"
That was enough. Both Susan and I were jumping for joy.
We noticed the Rabbi followed by the Golem leaving via the front door. After kissing the Mezuzah, he turned to us and said, "Happy Chanukah to all, and to all a goodnight!”
Epilogue 1:
Later when Susan and I saw Rabbi Loew the following Saturday night, after we both wished him a Gut Vok and Shuva Tov after the Havdalah service, I asked, “Rabbi who was that with you at my house? You never introduced him.”
Smiling he answered, “You didn’t recognize him? I’m truly surprised! Robyn, when you were born he visited you at your Bris.” Susan and I looked at each other open mouthed and bewildered. The Rabbi continued, “You must know who it was, he visits you at both Seders every year.” I know I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. As he started walking away, he was chuckling and with a big grin, the Rabbi continued, “You just sang about him didn’t you? You just sang, ‘Eliyahu Hanavie, Eliyahu Hatishbi, Elyahu Hagiladi, Bimherah Yavo Elenu Im Mashiach Ben David.’” (Elijah the Prophet, Elijah the Tishbite, Elijah the Giladite, May he soon come to us, with Mashiach the son of David’).
Epilogue 2:
The following summer, Susan and her family stayed at the same resort we had visited for the wedding. On her return she told me that she had passed by Ab’s Wild Rapids and that there was in large letters on the marquee the following, Ab’s Wild Rapids is under “NEW and IMPROVED MANAGEMENT”. I wondered what that meant. I guess Rabbi Loew was right; Dagan Shahar wouldn’t be a danger to me any longer. I also wondered how that occurred.
Glossary
I have used certain terms throughout the story that are Jewish in context. Some might be familiar to most of the readers. Others might be new. I have given a basic description of each word/phrase. These pretty much follow their order of appearance in the story. Many of the terms are transliteration from the Hebrew or Yiddish. As Shalimar pointed out to me in a note, the “ch” is pronounced like the “ch” in German. It is similar to an attempt to bring up flem. If you need any deeper explanation of a word, or concept please PM me and I will answer all questions.
Hanukkah An eight day Jewish Holiday that starts on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Jewish calendar. It usually occurs sometime during the month of December. It celebrates the victory of the Maccabees over the Syrian-Greeks. Part of the holiday commemorates the miracle of Menorah burning eight days with oil that should last for just one day. Since the English spelling of Hanukkah is based on a transliteration from Hebrew, there are many different spellings for the word. Based on a list of Google searches there are at least 13 more popular spellings and several very strange ones. I have intentionally used several in my story.
Hanukkiahs/Menorahs A nine-branched candelabra lit during the eight-days of Hanukkah. The ninth holder, is called the Shamash is for a candle used to light all other candles. Candles or Olive Oil are used to light the Menorah.
HaShem Literally means The Name, and is the commonly used form when speaking or writing about G-d. The words for L-ord and G-d as written and pronounced in Hebrew are used only while praying or religious study. L-ord and G-d are never written out since it is considered improper to erase or deface G-d’s name.
Baruchot Plural of Baruchah, Meaning Blessing. Many Jewish Prayers Begin Baruch Atah HaShem. Blessed are you L-rd
Maoz Tzur Rock of Ages. A traditional Jewish song sung on Channukah after lighting the candles. This is not the same Rock of Ages as the Christian hymn.
Mi Yemalel A song taken from Psalm 106.2. The first line reads in translation. “Who can retell the mighty feats of Israel.”
Potato Latkes Potato Pancakes. A traditional Hanukkah dish.
Sufganiyot Jelly donuts. A popular substitute for Latkes in Israel. They are fried in oil.
Dreidel A top, used on Hanukkah
Bubbie Grandmother
Alter Bubbie- Alter means old or older, thus Alter Bubbie would be Great-Grandmother
Megilah The parchment scroll containing the Story of Esther. It is read on Purim.
Golem Basically a man of clay. Many stories have him made by Rabbi Judah Loew of Prague, in the 1500’s. See my story The Miracle Lost, The Miracle Regained.
Aufruf Traditionally, on the Shabbos before his wedding, a man receives an Aliyah (is called up to the Torah), when it is read. In Reform and Conservative Synagogues, the Aliyah might be given to both the Bride and the Groom.
Ketubah A significant (required) part of a traditional Jewish wedding is a Ketubah, or marriage contract. The Ketubah sets out the requirements that a Jewish Husband owes to his Wife. It is signed prior to the wedding ceremony. According to Jewish religious law, it is a significant legal document. As such, it requires two witnesses. The Ketubah is read during the ceremony.
Bedeckening Before the wedding ceremony is to begin, the groom is escorted to or visits the bride, who traditionally he has not seen that day and places the veil over her head. This is to make sure that he is marrying the woman he intends to. (See the Leah/Rachel/Jacob story in Genesis.) During the wedding, the Chosson lifts the Challah’s veil twice so she can drink from the glass of wine.
Kallah Hebrew for bride.
Chosson Hebrew for Groom
Escorted by both her parents down the aisle. In a Jewish wedding, the Bride’s father does not give her away. The Bride walks down the aisle escorted by both her father and her mother to the Chupah. The same procedure occurs for the groom.
Chupah A Jewish wedding takes place under a canopy. It can range from very simple to very ornate. There are many different explanations and customs regarding the Chupah.
Mazel Tov Good Luck.
Breaking a glass The last part of a Jewish wedding ceremony is for the groom to break a glass, traditionally the one used for the wine which is drunk during the marriage service. The most common explanation is that, even at this happiest moment, we should recall the destruction of the Temple and times of sadness.
Shabbat dinner On Friday night it is required/traditional to have a festive dinner. The meal starts with Kiddush, a prayer over wine. It is common for young children (3 years old or perhaps younger) to have a sip of wine.
Four cups of wine at Passover The Passover Seder includes drinking 4 cups of wine, again it is common for young children (3 years old or perhaps younger) to have a sip of wine.
Bris (or Brit Milah) A Jewish boy is circumcised on the eighth after his birth, as commanded by G-d to Abraham. Normally, either a pacifier or a bit of gauze is dipped in wine, and the bay sucks on it during the ceremony.
L'Chaim To Life. This is the standard Jewish for a toast. It is said on happy occasions.
Dagan Shahar. Both are the names of Canaanite gods.
Cozbi A Midianite princess who tried to seduce leaders of Israel after Billam failed to curse the tribes of Israel. See my story A Miracle Lost, A Miracle Regained.
Gut Shabbos Good Sabbath
Tallit/Tallis Fringed garment warn for Synagogue Services.
Shul Yiddish term for a Synagogue
Kavanah Praying with deep though, intention and intensity
Shofar Ram’s Horn used on Rosh Hashanah and at the end of Yom Kippur
L’Shana H'Baha Yerushalem Next year in Jerusalem. This is a saying at the end of Yom Kippur Prayers and Passover Seders. It signifies the wish that at the same time the next year, we would be living in Jerusalem. Its essential religious meaning is that the Messiah will have come.
Hanukkah Gelt Before the Americanization of Hanukkah as a holiday occurring during the Christmas season, gifts given to children were generally a few coins. Today, candy in the form of coins, is a treat given to children. (As a chocoholic, I still enjoy a bag or two).
Chag Hanukkah Sameach Happy Hanukah
Kindallach Children.
Gehennom Hell
Mertz HaShem G-d Willing
Shayna maydelach Pretty Girls
New moon of the month of Tevet The Jewish calendar is a lunar calendar. Traditionally, the months begin when the new moon is sighted. Now it is calculated in advance. Channukah falls in two Jewish Months.
Maoz Tzur
Transliteration
Ma-oz Tzur Y'shu-a-ti
Le-cha Na-eh L'sha-bei-ach
Ti-kon Beit T'fi-la-ti
V'sham To-da N'za-bei-ach
L'eit Ta-chin Mat-bei-ach
Mi-tzar Ha-mi-ga-bei-ach
Az Eg-mor B'shir Miz-mor
Cha-nu-kat Ha-miz-bei-ach
Az Eg-mor B'shir Miz-mor
Cha-nu-kat Ha-miz-bei-ach
Stanza 1: Popular English Translation (Rock of Ages)
Rock of ages, let our song
Praise Your saving power;
You, amid the raging foes,
Were our sheltering tower.
Furious they assailed us,
But Your arm availed us,
And Your word,
Broke their sword,
When our own strength failed us.
Mi Yemalel
Mi yemalel gvurot Yisra'el,
'otan mi yimneh?
Hen bechol dor yaqum hagibor,
go'el ha'am.
Shma'! Bayamim hahem bazman hazeh,
Makabi moshia' ufodeh,
uvyameinu kol 'am Yisra'el,
yit'akhed, yaqum veyiga'el.
Who can retell,
the things that befell us,
Who can count them?
In every age a hero or sage,
Came to our aid.
Hark! In days of yore in
Israel's ancient land,
Brave Maccabeus led the
faithful band.
But now all Israel must as one
arise,
Redeem itself through deed and
sacrifice.
Who can retell,
the things that befell us,
Who can count them?
In every age a hero or sage,
Came to our aid.
End of Twas the Night.
“NO!” I screamed quieting everybody down.
My sister Sherry and older brother Jack usually called Jackie had just culminated a bet, agreeing to allow my sister and her friend, Donna to dress me like a girl, so that I could appear on stage with them on Saturday night.
The girls grabbed me, and dragged me out of the garage and into the house.
As they draggedme away, I wondered how I got into this predicament and I feared the consequences.
The Story of a Boy’s Flirtation with His Feminine Side.
Told as a homage to 1950/60s Rock and Broadway Musicals
Throughout this tale, there are references to 1950’s and 1960’s Rock and Broadway Musicals. Some allusions are apparent, others obscure, some fit easily, some are strained. I hope that you will find all of them.
Thanks to Nora Adrienne for Proofing and Andrea Lena DiMaggio for HTML help
Ft. Lauderdale - 2009
Oh What a Night. It was not late December 1963, But Oh What a Night. My wife and I were celebrating our 40th Anniversary, with a gourmet dinner and fifth row center seats for “Jersey Boys” the hit show about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. She bought tickets immediately after the announcement that the musical was coming to Ft. Lauderdale. We grew up listening to them.
Holding hands as the performance began, we continued doing so through the first few songs. A song that had special significance for us was next. As it began her hand moved down and rubbed my leg, she looked up and smiled, as she confirmed what I was wearing. Then she laid her head on my shoulder. Forty-five years earlier, during a summer, I try to remember, strange and unique events brought us together. That song plays an important role for us.
Queens, NY Summer 1964
“NO!” I screamed quieting everybody down.
My sister Sherry and older brother Jack usually called Jackie had just culminated a bet, agreeing to allow my sister and her friend, Donna to dress me like a girl, so that I could appear on stage with them on Saturday night.
The girls grabbed me, and dragged me out of the garage and into the house.
As they took me away, I wondered how I got into this predicament and feared the consequences.
It was a bright Thursday afternoon in late June 1964. School was out. Summer fun lay ahead. Sitting in our garage, I listened to my brother’s band practice for an upcoming show. Jack was lead guitarist, Duke was on bass, and Earl was on keyboards. The fourth member was Louie. Louie played drums. They called themselves the “Belmont Racers.”
We lived a mile from Belmont Racetrack, on Jaybird Street, so the guys thought the name would stand out and have panache. A typical 1960's garage band they played at schools, community centers, and bowling alleys. They made money, but not much, and anticipated they would be the next great band. I on the other hand knew their egos were bigger than their talent. The Belmont Racers had shared the stage with a local girl’s group, the Shangri-Las, who had just hit the big time. The boys expected the same lightening to strike them.
Beach Boys and Four Seasons songs made up their repertoire of 50s and 60s rock. They had recorded two songs. The A side was ‘Rockaway Girl.’ The flip side was ‘Top of the Fair.’ They sent copies to all the top D.J.’s like, Cousin Brucie, Kasey Kasem, and Wolfman Jack. Shock settled in when they received no replies.
Sherry and her friends’ Donna and Barbara Anne often sang with the group and were to do so at the upcoming gig on Saturday night. The show was at the General Jubilation T. Cornpone Center, a local meeting hall shared by veterans’ groups. When they danced and sang with the boys, they were the Jockeyettes.
They scheduled a rehearsal for 2:00 P.M.; everyone was there but Barbara Anne.
“Hey Sis, where is Barbara Anne?” My brother queried.
“I don’t know, she told me she would be here.”
“We got to get started, go call her” said Louie.
“Do I have to? She’ll be here soon?”
In unison my brother and Earl yelled, “Go call her!”
“Ok, don’t get your pants up your ass!”
You could hear her as she ran up the stairs to the kitchen where our phone was located. A few minutes later, she ran down the steps. It sounded like a herd of cattle.
“So!” everyone asked.
“She’s not coming! She said had to go to the zoo with her cousin Mary Lou.”
“That stinks,” “How can she do that to us,” “What are we going to do?”
Sherry announced, “We need a third girl.”
“Yeah we do,” replied Donna. “Who can we get to replace her,” probed someone else?
My brother, taking responsibility as the leader of the pack, turned to Sherry, “Okay, Sis, you, and Donna need to find someone to fill in.We need her now.”
While we waited as they first ran upstairs to make calls. When they returned, they went outside to confer. Only bits of what they were saying reached inside. What was heard was, she won’t do, she can’t sing or dance, she a cow, not that fat pig, too klutzy and the like
Things got really quite after a while, and you could see the girls glancing at us. Some of those glances were smirks, and I got the feeling, that they were looking at me and only me. I felt that I was looking into the faces of two lions. Better make that two vicious, hungry lionesses out for red meat, me. I was wishing that those lions would sleep tonight.
After some nods, a few laughs, and strange smiles, they sauntered into the garage.
My brother asked, “Well, who did you think of?”
Like little girls, they giggled.
A resounding chorus of “Well, tell us already,” came from the band members.
Sherry answered, “Most of the girls we thought about fizzled out. Daisy may be able to do it, after she’s done chasing Abner, and Sue’s running around.We had to wake up little Susie and she to tired.”
“What about my cousin Maria,” asked Duke? “We just met that girl, Maria,” Louie added, “and she's probably hanging out with Tony.”
“But we have a suggestion” Sherry exclaimed.
“I think this will work out perfectly,” Donna declared.
“You’ll love it,” proclaimed Sherry.
Jackie inquired, “So tell us already.”
Sherry and Donna smiled at each other, then walked in my direction, got on either side of me, pulled me off the bench, and shouted, “Robert”
A cacophony of voices filled the garage. Everyone was screaming, it was impossible to tell who was saying what, but you could hear, “What the fuck,” “No way,” “That’s sick,” “You’re nuts,” “He’s not a girl,” “It won’t work.”
My loud scream of “NO!” quieted everyone down.
Smirking Sherry asked, “Why won’t it work?”
Donna added with an evil smile, “It’s not sick! It will work!”
Sherry joined in, “We’re not nuts. He knows the lyrics better than you guys do. He catches you when you screw up.”
Donna continuing her justification, grinning wickedly pranced over to me, grabbed my hand, forced me into a pirouette, and squealed, “He can dance”
I pulled away from her, and tried to get to the door leading into the house. Rolf, who played tackle on the H.S. football team, blocked my escape.
Jackie shouted, “Cut the shit, this won’t work, and we have no time to screw around. We need someone to replace Barbara Anne and we need her now.”
My shout filled the garage, “This is not happening, no way, no how, I’m out of here.” I again tried to exit the garage, but Rolf continued blocking my path to freedom.
My sister knew how to push my brother’s buttons. He always fell for any bet or dare she proposed. Even after losing and shown up as a fool of dozens of times, he always fell for the bait. It was about to happen again.
“I bet that Donna and I can turn him, into a good-looking girl. She’ll be so convincing that no one, not in on what we’re doing, could tell that she’s a he.”
He challenged, “How much?”
“Hey, you’re talking about me, don’t I get a say in this. What am I, a boy for sale?” I screamed.
In unison, they shouted “No!”
“So what’s the bet?”
“If I can make him look good enough to appear on stage as a girl, without anyone knowing better, you and the guys pay us the gate receipts for the next three performances. If we lose, I do all your chores, and I give you my allowance for five weeks.”
“Not good enough was the reply”
“What’s wrong?”
“He, ha, she needs to not only appear like a girl, but has to pass the smell test”
“What?” rang out. “Mack asked, “You mean someone needs to sniff him.”
“No you jerk.” Looking at me with a sneer he said, “No, our new sister must look pretty in her outfits. Can you do that?”
She looked at Donna and they smiled as she walked up to Jackie sticking out her left hand. He saw it, grabbed hers and they shook.
I gulped. Everyone knew this was serious. A left-handed shake meant a lot in our neighborhood.
Making a last ditch attempt to extricate myself from the mess I snarled, “I’ll tell mom and dad, and you’ll both be in trouble.”
Sinisterly Sherry laughed, “Stop that Yakedy Yak, don’t talk back. Mom won’t be a problem, I’ll take care of her, and dad is away on business. He won’t know till it’s done, and I’ll get mom to cover for us.”
I knew I was doomed.
Sherry and Donna, grabbed me, and began walking me out of the garage, and up the stairs. As they dragged me away, I could see the guys laughing and pointing at me. I could also hear their snide remarks. “Wimp,” “Fag,” “Pussy,” my brother was laughing the loudest. I’m not violent but, if I had a hammer, I’d use it.
I put up a fight, but together they had me in a grip. I struggled to get out of this mess and get away; to escape, up on the roof, to no avail.
My release would come, as we passed the kitchen. Mom would surely, look into what was happening, and free me from this insanity. As we passed the kitchen my hopes were dashed, she was not there. Sherry looked at me, and teasingly taunted, “Aint that a shame. You thought mom would rescue you. You’re out of luck. She’s not here. She went to Aunt Dolly’s and won’t be back until after dinner. I didn't tell you, but she left me money to get pizza. It going to be a blast when she learns that she now has two daughters.”
They forced me upstairs, and pulled me into Sherry’s room. Donna looked at me and said, “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, it is up to you.”
I could probably win a fight, but together, they would put up a good contest and give me a hard time; someone could get hurt. I was all shook up so, I decided to, go along, and bide my time, while looking for an escape.
My sister had a mean streak and she proved it. She teased, “Ooo this is going to be so much fun, making that stupid twerp dress like a girl. It will be so much fun dressing him up and putting makeup on him”
I was all alone. I did not know whom I can turn to for help.
Donna said, “Go take a bath, wash your hair with Sherry’s shampoo and conditioner, and shave everything below the top of your head. By the way, don’t splish splash while you’re taking your bath”
Sherry broke out laughing and squealed, “Don’t be stupid Donna. He’s got nothing to shave. He’s never shaved. He has no facial hair, and has less hair on his arms and legs then you or me.” That devastated me. Her taunts hit hard, because it was true, and it bothered me. As I started to walk toward the bathroom, she swatted my tush with a magazine. It was unexpected and stung, but if she expected a reaction, she didn't get it. Grinning I left.
Following my instructions, I complied. The shampoo smelled like flowers, yuck; the conditioner smelt even worse. I took one of her razors and shaved what little hair I had. Stepping out of the bath where I was splishing and splashing in rebellion, I noticed a large fluffy towel waiting for me. Someone had come in while I was bathing without my realizing it. Did they peek?
Trotting back to the room, I was startled to see Sherry and Donna dressed in one of the three costumes they would wear during the show. It consisted of a blouse that was that was form fitting and was tied off several inches above the naval, a pair of the shortest shorts imaginable, and a pair of the highest heels I ever saw. I was clueless as to what they were called. Prior to today, I had no interest in girls’ shoes. I also had no idea as to how high they were.
What was lying prominently on the bed drew my attention. Lying there was a similar costume. Where did they get it? What was it doing there? Why did they have a spare costume? In addition, to the outfit was a pair of panties and a bra.
The next thing I heard was, my sister commanding, “Strip, and put on the panties and bra.” I roared, “Hell No. Are you crazy or something? I’m your brother, a guy. I don’t wear panties and I obviously don’t need a bra.”
Challenging me, “You are going to wind up dressed one way, or another so, do as I say, or I will strip you down myself. Your choice. You do it or I treat you as a rag doll.”
“No, I’m not doing it.”
Snarling, she advanced toward me, signaling Donna to assist her.
Donna exclaimed “Stop, let me handle this. I will get Robin to go along with this. Just leave the room. It will go smoother and better if you were not here. You’re being nasty to him.”
I thought she’s calling me Robin. Why?
Sherry shrugged, gave us both a nasty look, but walked out the door.
Donna sat on the couch, smiling and motioned me to sit next to her. I sat as far from her as possible. It was a sympathetic smile and not a snide one like the others I had seen earlier.
“You must be terrified about what’s happening, and why we choose you to do this.”
I just nodded.
“I can’t speak for your sister; she seems to be doing this to be just mean.When she suggested you, I almost dismissed it, but then I remembered that you tap with Wendy and sing in the school’s chorus. I figured this could be a big prank on everyone.”
“Yeah, but I’m not a girl, I don’t have boobs, can’t dance or sing like a girl, would look foolish up there on the stage, would be the laughing stock of the school if I’m recognized and would be killed by the bullies. I’d never get a date; no girl would ever go out with me.”
“Is that all?” she said with a little laugh.
“What do you mean is that all?” I asked exasperated, not realizing that with that question, I had doomed myself to fall into the trap she set for me.
With a smile, which had I known better resembled the smile a trapped mouse sees in the eyes of a cat before pounced upon, she queried, “What if I can solve all of your problems, except the first one.”
Being clueless and afraid where this was heading, all I could say was an intelligent “HUH.”
Well I obviously cannot change you into a girl. I not a witch, even though right now you may think I’m one. What if I can give you breasts, teach you the dance moves, which will be easy, make you feel pretty, teach you to sing an octave higher, protect you at school, make you a hero, and promise at least one date with a very pretty and likeable girl.
I sat there thinking a moment too long and she knew she had caught me in her trap.
“That will be the day,” I mumbled. Without thinking about what my question really meant, I asked only one, “How will I be a hero?” Subconsciously, I knew that somehow she would be able to accomplish the rest.
With a genuine smile she said, “Do you what girls hate about boys?” Without giving me time to answer she continued, “It’s because boys are insensitive, they do not know what girls have to do to get pretty, do not know what is like to have a boy leering at them, do not know what it’s like for a girl to be apprehensive in going out with a boy. If you do this, you learn what girls go through and would be able to treat them right. You’d even be able to teach your friends what to do. Girls would think you are cool and a true hero. They would want to go out with you a brave sensitive guy.”
I must've hesitated a bit too long because her smile grew bigger and brighter she knew that she had caught me. If I could pull this off it would be a real coup, and might be fun after all. Smiling I said, “Okay, let's do it with two conditions. You have to promise me that you will carry through with your promises I won’t look like a fool.”
She walked toward me and stuck out her right pinky. I saw what she was doing, and stuck out mine. She touched hers against mine and flicked it, while doing she proclaimed, “Pinky Promise, friend.” I knew that Donna would at least try diligently to keep her promise, pinky promises were sacred amongst girls, and she would keep the promise.
Sherry must've gotten impatient because she started pounding against the door, demanding, Donna to let her in. Donna opened the door and she came barging in, demanding, “What the hell is happening? Why isn't she dressed yet? I will just strip her down myself and take care of business.”
I started to retreat from her, but backed into the wall. She looked terrifying.
“Stop it, now! I won’t be part of this if you’re going to act this way. Robin agreed to help us out, and I promised him that, everything would be fine. I won’t let you hurt him. He’s going to help us. If Barbara Anne hadn’t deserted us, we wouldn’t have to do this. Now get out, come back in a half an hour and Robin will be dressed and ready for us to rehearse.” She left the room and slammed the door even harder than before.
Donna faced me and said, “Robin, it's time to make you pretty and teach you to be a girl. I will do my best not to embarrass you, but you need to do what I say as quickly as possible or your sister will try and force you to do things in a way, you wouldn't like.”
Relying I uttered, "So, if I’m going to be the great pretender, what do I need to do? Let’s, get started.”
As Donna walked over to me and handed me a pair of panties and a bra, saying, “relax and put on a happy face.”
“Put these on. If you need help, call. I will step outside to give you some privacy.”
I did not expect that, I thought she was going to stay and humiliate me. That was not happening. Fingering the panties and determining the front by the tag, I was surprised they were cotton when I pulled them on. They felt lighter than my normal underwear. They did not have a fly opening. Otherwise, I did not sense anything different; I expected them to be, sexy, but I did not get an erection, surprising. I wondered if the panties were made of a different material or looked sexy, would my body have a different reaction. The bra was also made of cotton, and seemed quite plain. Struggling for a few moments to put it on, I finally gave up. I surmised that learning to wear a bra was a rite of passage between a mother and her daughter. Opening the door, Donna was standing there waiting for me
“I managed the panties, but I need help with the bra.”
She followed me into the room with a strange grin. She took the bra from me.
“Turn around. I figured you would need help. You, have to learn how to do it. Even then, it takes some time to get it right.” She said this as she reached around me, secured the bra, and showed me how to put my arms through the straps.
“You’re having fun, aren’t you? How old were you when you mom, helped you with your first bra?”
“It was a month after my 12th birthday. Mom and I had a fabulous day shopping, going to a show and eating in a fancy restaurant” Giggling, she added, “Sorry you missed doing this with your mom. You’re a little old for your first bra.”
After sticking my tongue out, she had me stand in front of her and looked me up and down. She noticed that the panties did not fit right.
“I guess we need to do something about that bulge.”
“Uh, why”
“Your outfit needs to fit right.”
“I can’t wear those!”
“We’ll find a way. But first, I have to fix your hair, and use some make up, to make you look cute.”
“Cute?”
With a twinkle, “What? You want Sexy?”
With a gulp, “Ah, no, I guess cute, will be okay?”
She motioned to the vanity, and nudged me into the chair.
“This is going to be easy. Your hair is long enough to style, and it’s really easy to manage,” as she started to brush and fuss with my hair.
As she was doing this, I regretted that I had not listened to my dad. I let my hair grow. I wanted to be cool, like the Beatles but was paying the price for my foolishness. “What are you going to do with it?”
“You’ll see. Don’t be a baby. I promised you’ll look cute, and I will also show you how to style your hair for the future.”
“Why would I want to do that? I start a job next week, and I need to look normal!”
“Well, you may want to look cute for some girl in the future, and what I am doing isn’t permanent. You’ll look like a boy on Monday.” With a little chuckle, “If you want to?”
While she was doing this, she had the mirror covered and I could not see what she was doing.
Done playing with my hair, she started examining my face.
“Hold still. I am going to put makeup on to bring out the cute. Not too much, since you’re a cutey to begin with. Today I will do everything, but tomorrow, you will learn to put on your own make-up, so you can do it yourself Saturday night.”
She started to do stuff to me. She took out brushes and pencils, and other feminine tools. I had never watched mom or sis put makeup on.The only item I recognized was a tube of lipstick, which was the last thing she applied. She turned the chair to face the mirror, pulled off the towel, and “Viola! My new cute girlfriend, Rockin Robin!”
I stared at the mirror. My reflection revealed a near replica of my cousin Ronnie. She was my mom’s sister’s daughter. She was a week older than I was. Growing up we were close. As well as being a cousin, she was my friend. I knew that she was a beautiful girl, and was quite popular. If I had to look like a girl, looking like her was all right.
“Why did you make me look like my cousin Ronnie?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve met my cousin, Ronnie, I look just like her”
“You’re right, it was not on purpose. Is it good or bad that you look like her?”
Blushing I confessed, “Ronnie is a beautiful girl, looking like her is okay.”
At that moment, I was sitting in a bra and panties, and looking like my cousin, a beautiful, 15 year old girl. I wondered what would happen next. A pounding on the door rudely interrupted that thought. Oh no, I thought the Wicked Witch of Long Island was back. Sure enough, my sister yelled quite clearly, “What’s happening, is she ready. I want to see the sissy.”
Donna, rushed to the door, stepped out, closing the door behind her, and growled, “Cut that shit already. I’m tired of your crap, I won’t put up with it. I warned you before. One more crack, negative comment, dirty look, and I’m done with you and this farce.I don’t know what you have against your brother, and why you hate him so, but he is being a good sport about this and is cooperating with me. So, stop it now or else. I pinky promised him, and I keep my promises. Well, what will it be?”
“You what? You pinky promised him. Why? Why would you Pinky promise that Twer…, I mean Robert? You agreed to make him into a sissy, didn’t you?”
“No. When you suggested it, and I agreed to go along, I thought it would be fun, and do no real harm. A little teasing, some jokes maybe. Seeing him on stage tapping, singing in the chorus, and running the show for those jerks downstairs, I knew he, yes he, Robert, your brother could do a good job, and pull off the masquerade. If we could do it, it would be a blast. No, I won’t demean him and for sure, he’s no sissy. So get off his case. Don’t be cruel.”
Sherry stuttered, “Okay, I’ll do what you say. I let you take care of everything”
“Good. I need to get Robin dressed. Somehow, we need to get him into all three costumes. I may need some help for that. Do you still have those falsies? Go get them now.”
My sister returned and I heard her say, “Here they are.”
“Good, your brother will now have boobs. We still need something to help the rest of her. Does your mother have any corsets or girdles?” I heard a “yes” from Sherry. “Okay go get them, bring them here, and leave them by the door. Go get the record player. She should be ready to start practicing in about a half hour.”
Donna reentered the room, I was sitting on the bed, in panties and a bra, a bra that was limp, smiling, she announced “Time to get you dressed and looking hot.”
I sighed, “Okay I guess I have no say in this. What are you going to do to me?”
“I’m not going to do anything to you, I just going to help you into your first dress. Actually, I’m going to help you into all three costumes. We wear one costume during the first half and two during the second. We wear one outfit over the second so that we can make quick changes. There are no changing rooms, and we have to make the switches quickly. You’ve seen us do it before, so you know what to expect.”
“Okay, let’s get started.”
She reached over, lifted the bra off my chest, and inserted something into the cups. When she was done, I looked down and I saw a pair of tits.
She whistled, “Wow, you look good, instant B cups, they fit you better than they did your sister.”
I gave her a questioning stare.
Tittering, “Your sister took a while to develop; she used those to enhance her image when she was the flattest girl in school.”
Though I was sitting in just panties and bra, I laughed for the first time that day.
“The first outfit, a sequined gown, is worn just before the break. We’ll be dancing to ‘Top of the Fair’. That’s going to be the hardest, because you’re zipped in tight, wearing stockings and dancing in heels. After the break, you wear two costumes. The top one is for ‘Rockaway Girl’. It’s a top and a mini skirt. The final costume worn underneath is for ‘Who Wears Short Shorts’.”
Glancing at the astonished look I was giving her, she said, “We’ll get it all to fit, with the proper support, you‘ll have all the right curves.”
Amazingly, my only reaction was, “I can’t wear heels; I will fall and kill myself.”
“You’re such a girl, worrying about the size of your heels and nothing else,” she laughed. “I guess short-shorts, miniskirts, blouses, and gowns will be a synch for you.”
Realized what I had said, I just stood there blushing even more then before while waiting for what would happen next.
“The costumes you’re going to wear were used by Diana. You remember her; she was with us when we were a quartet.”
I remembered her as a sweet, pretty red head, with green eyes, who had a larger build then the rest of the girls.
“You just might fit into her costume without too much difficulty.”
At that moment the door opened, Sherry peeked in and tossed garments to Donna. I could not tell what they were.
“Okay darling, now to make you shapely and help you fit your new garments.” She held up three items. “This is a corset, this is a panty girdle, and this is a waist cincher.” Playfully adding, “Robin, you and I will have to see which one gives you that teenage beauty queen look. We’ll use the corset and stockings for the gown. It’s too bad we can’t even get you into some tights.” Winking she teased, “Maybe we will do that some other time.”
I thought she was teasing, but who knows.
She proceeded to hold up the other garments against by body. She was murmuring something about how high on my body the garments rested.
“Okay, I think this waist cincher is best for the second set. It doesn’t ride up too high on your stomach, it will hold you in better, and I think it will keep ‘Happy’ concealed.”
“Happy?”
She pointed to my groin and said, “To look like a girl, we need to make sure that ‘Happy’ is not bulging or decides to stand at attention”
If I could have, I would have dug a hole all the way to China.
“Don’t be so embarrassed. I know you’re a guy, and I know that ‘Happys’ can become happy at inopportune times, and we can’t let that happen while were on stage. We want to fool everyone and not give away your secrets’ Step into these, pull them up as high as you can. Just before you get to the top of your crotch, tuck Happy between your legs. I will then pull the cincher as tight as I can, and then I will zip it up. Take a deep breath as I do so.”
Struggling into the garment, I pulled it up my legs, and as it reached the top, I did as she said. It felt painful in my groin as she zippered me up, and I had difficulty breathing for a few seconds, until I caught my breath.
As I was looking in the mirror, she circled me twice. The reflection was that of a cute 15-year-old girl. Only this time there was no unsightly unfeminine bulge revealing itself.
“You look wonderful Robin. I am sure we can pull this off and fool everyone. If your sister cooperates, I bet we can even fool the guys in the band, including Jackie.”
“You’re sure. You’re positive that no one will know that it’s Robert on the stage.” While I was saying that, I wondered what kind of fool am I.
“No one will know; let’s get you dressed.”
At her instruction, I put on the shorts. Donna helped by pulling and tugging, until they rode on and we could button and zip it. They were truly short shorts. I could not imagine how anyone could wear such a garment for a long time.
The blousecame next. It was pink and translucent. The one I was wearing looked different from the one I normally saw on the girls. Theirs was tied off just below the bosom, and showed quite a large area between the bottom of the blouse and the top of the short, including leaving the belly button. Mine covered my entire body, with no skin showing.
“Why is my shir uh blouse is different from the ones you normally wear?”
“Ah, you are perceptive. I do not think that you would like to have your waist cincher showing. That would attract too much attention, and might give away some secrets?”
“Sherry would have made me wear the regular blouse I bet, just to embarrass me.”
“I’m not your sister. I keep my promises”
Sherry came into the room, looked at me. You could tell she was shocked. “He, ah she looks like Ronnie. How’d you do it?” Donna just smiled and said nothing.
They had me put on a low pair of heels and I practiced moving about and dancing. Next, they had me dress in the mini skirt and a pair of flats. Again, I practiced moving and dancing. Finally, came the time to put on the gown. Donna told Sherry, she could only stay if she behaved herself. She promised to do so. They had me take off the waist cincher and bra. Then things got weirder.
Standing there in just my panties, yeah I think of them as my panties, they had me go into the bathroom and grab the towel bar. Donna wrapped something around my waist. I had never seen such a garment before. When they finished tying me in, I could hardly breathe. We walked back to Sherry’s room and they helped me sit. I was shown how to roll stockings up my leg and attach them to what they called garter tabs. They stood me up. The stockings went taught. Then Donna took a piece of material that hung in front of my crotch, and brought it between my legs and secured it to the back of the garment. At that moment, I had chills running up and down my spine. Between the sensations of the garment, the tug of the stockings, the pressure of the strap between my legs, my senses ran wild. ‘Happy’ was surely reacting to the various sensations. I got weak and almost fell. Since I was dressed as a girl, I guess I swooned. To tell the truth I’m all shook up.
Sherry started to laugh, but Dona cut her off and threw her out of the room. Donna helped me sit and brought me a glass of water.
“I thought that might happen sooner than it did. Relax. Tell the truth, the clothes feel great? Welcome to the world of sexy girls’ clothing.”
She said it in a comforting way and I was not mad at her. She placed my foot into a pair of 3-inch heels. I practiced walking and dancing, until I could move about the room; not with ease, but I did not stumble either.
The final thing added was some jewelry, some baubles, bangles, and beads.
Finally, it was 7:00 P.M.; we had been at this since 2:30, with only a short break for pizza. Sherry was out in the hall when I heard the front door open and shut. Mom yelled, “Kids, I’m home.” Sherry ran down the stairs, yelling, “Hey mom, guess what I have to tell you”
A feeling of dread came over me. I looked at Donna. She shrugged. We continued practicing the steps and lyrics for ‘Rockaway Girl’, with me decked out in a miniskirt. My confidence had waned, and the steps were sloppy and I no longer sang in tune. About 10 minutes later, mom called, “Robert get down here immediately, and don’t dawdle.”
Followed by Donna, I walked demurely down the steps. I was dressed in a white miniskirt and a sheer pink blouse. I wore sandals with a one-inch heel and was wearing light make-up; both my fingernails and toenails were painted a light pink, and my hair was styled. I looked like a typical 15-year-old high school co-ed, with a strong resemblance to my cousin Ronnie.
We got down the stairs. My mother was standing in the living room, with Sherry next to her. Stopping a few feet in front of mom, I cringed under her willowing glances. She looked me up and down. Her expression was strange. I expected one of total disgust, but that is not what I saw. A sound of silence emanated from her. I could not describe what she was likely thinking. I knew the proverbial shit was about to hit the fan and did not say a thing. Silence is golden in my book.
After staring at me for what seemed ages, but was likely only a minute, she inquired, “I understand that you told Sherry that you want to be a girl rather than a boy. She told me that you asked her to help you get dressed in girls’ clothing, learn how to put makeup on, have your hair styled, and appear on stage with her and Donna. She said that you told her that you always wanted to be a girl since you were little.”
While she was saying this, I glanced at my sister and Donna. With a look of total disgust on my face, I stared at Sherry. She returned my stare. It seemed as if she was challenging me to contradict her. I thought she must have lost her mind. Donna looked at me; I knew she would stand by me. I continued to stand there silently.
“We’ll young man, by the way you do not look like a young man, what do you have to say for yourself, and don’t lie.”
“I never said I wanted to be a girl; never said I did not want to be a boy; never asked them to dress me as a girl, fix my hair, and paint my finger and toes, put makeup on me, not today and not ever. Sherry is being careless with the truth. This all started because Barbara Anne did not show up for practice. Donna and Sherry were unable to think of anyone to replace her, and somehow decided to pick me as her substitute.” I stopped to take a breath. During my rendition, my sister had been making faces and comments under her breath.
“Sherry stand still!Stop making faces and don’t mumble. Stop looking at Donna. I want you to pay attention to every word Robert says, because you’ll have a turn when he is done.’ To me she instructed, “Please continue. This sounds like an interesting story, just like ‘Some Like It Hot’.”
Indignantly, “It is not a story. Everything I told you is the truth.” I continued to relate everything that happened from the moment they dragged me up the stairs until, the moment I walked into the living room.
“Did your brother help instigate this,” she asked? Not sure if she was asking my sister or me, we both answered. I replied, “Yes, he was involved.” Accusingly she answered, “Actually he started it.”
“Where is he? He was not in the garage when I came home.”
Sherry said, “He’s at Gaudio’s.”
Mom told her to call the Gaudio’s house and get Mrs. Gaudio on the phone.
“Hi Maybelline is Jackie there.” Pause. “Please send him home immediately. Tell him to do so quickly and I want him here in five minutes.” Pause.“No major problems, just something between him and his brother and sister that needs to be resolved.” Pause. “He’s on his way. Thanks May, have a good night.”
No one had moved an inch the whole time. Mom started questioning me about what had occurred. Many of the questions were embarrassing. Donna answered some also. Sherry was quiet and did not say anything.
Her final question was, “If you did not want this to happen why did you not stop it, after all you’re a boy and should have done so.”
Pausing I contemplated my answer. Mom seemed upset, that I did not answer her immediately, but I waited a few more moments to formulate my response.
“I could have prevented them from dragging me upstairs, and probably stopped them at any time after that. However, I could not stop them. To do so would have required me to use force, hit them, knock them down, or do something physical.” I paused and looked at all three of them individually. “Both of them would have been hurt. I could not do that. You and dad, but especially dad taught me never to strike a woman. He told me that a gentleman doesn’t do that and he would be ashamed of a son who did so. Therefore, I could not do anything. Since you weren’t home to intercede, I had no recourse. Then Donna and I talked and we reached an understanding based on mutual promises. I decided to go ahead and help out.”
As I said that, Donna gave me a strange look, and my brother walked into the living room. He immediately started to laugh hysterically, point to me, and yelled, “Look at that sissy fairy.”
Mom screamed, “Stop it this instant, or you’ll be in worse trouble then you’re in now. What do you know about your brother being dressed like this?”
Stammering, he pointed to Sherry “It was her idea. She wanted to do this to him. I had nothing to do with it.”
Sherry retorted, “No, you don’t blame this on me. It may have been my idea, but you thought it was okay, and we bet on it. You’re the one to call him a sissy and a fag, and got your friends to stop him from leaving.”
Mom looked at each of us, with a look that could kill. “Well, I’m waiting for the truth.”
“Mrs. Goode, I guess it’s up to me. Robert is telling you the truth. He left out a little about what we did to him, but that is all. Sherry and I came up with the idea when we could not find anyone else to replace Barbara Anne. To tell the whole truth, I was in full support. I meant it as a joke, but it got out of hand. Mrs. Goode, I apologize.” She faced me, “Robert, I am sorry!”
“I guess that puts an end to this nonsense. Robert will not perform with you on Saturday night. You’re grounded. I will tell you how long tomorrow and what other punishment there is.” To my siblings, she ordered, “Go to your rooms, and don’t come out except for the bathroom. Robert go upstairs and I will help you get the makeup off your face. Donna go home now!”
“Mom, you cannot do that. It’s not fair to the ‘Helping Hands’ kids or their folks. They spent a lot of time putting the show together. They decorated the lodge. Bought food and sold tickets. Lots of kids are coming. If you cancel the show, it will hurt a lot of people.”
Shocked expressions were on everyone’s face, including my own. My mom stared at me for a few minutes. “You actually mean that don’t you. You’re willing to go through with this.Why?”
“I’m scared to death about it. If I’m discovered, I'm dead. If I’m not killed, I will be the laughing stock of the school. But, too many people will be hurt. Most important, I gave my word to Donna to do this. I’ve learned from you, and in Boy Scouts that your word is your honor. So I can’t back out.”
“And if I say no?”
“Then I have no choice. I will obey you. And no, I won’t try to change your mind about saying no. It would be an out for me, but one I won’t initiate it.”
Turning to my siblings, who were staring at me, she said, “You two get upstairs now. I have to think about this. All three of you come down to breakfast at 7:00 and I will let you know what will happen. Donna, you go upstairs with Robert and help her, I mean him, remove the makeup. Then leave. Robert, call me if you need help with your clothing. Now all of you get going.”
My brother and sister were out of there in an instant. As Donna and I walked up the stairs, I heard my mom on the phone. I heard her say “Hello Dolly,” she was calling her sister. As we reached the top, Donna kissed me on the cheek. I looked at her quizzically. She smiled and said, “You’re too good to be true.”
“Huh”
“How come you’ve never asked Wendy out?”
“Huh, what”
“You heard me”
“Me ask Wendy for a date. She’s the most popular girl in school. She’s smart, pretty, and is part of the in crowd. She can have any guy she wants. Why’d Wendy want to go out with me? I’d look like a jerk asking her. You promised no teasing.”
“What if I told you she thinks you’re cute, and would say yes to you asking her out in a second.”
“Your nuts!”
“I promised you a date with a pretty girl. Will Wendy do? If you ask her out, you will make someone happy. Actually, you will make two someones happy, both Wendy and you. Now go and change out of that dress and blouse. Hang them up. First turn around and I will loosen the waist cincher. When you’re done, meet me in the bathroom”
I did as she said. Wondering as I did so about my dating Wendy.
She helped me remove the makeup and nail polish. She was going to do something with my hair. I told her to wait, until tomorrow to do that. After she left, I took a shower and went into my room.
As I lay in bed, in the still of the night, unable to sleep, I knew I made the honorable decision, I wondered if I made the smart decision. Mom had given me a way out. She would prohibit me from doing this. I could escape and blame her. Why didn’t I do it? I hope I did not make a mistake. Before I fell asleep, she knocked and entered the room and sat on my bed, and stroked my hair. She gave me a look and I saw my mother’s eyes.
“I told Donna to leave it. Depending upon what you decide, the hair can wait until morning. Have you made a decision?”
“No, not yet. I am not sure what I will do, but I will probably stop this. I spoke with your Aunt Dolly, and your father will be calling in about ten minutes. Yes, I’m going to tell him what happened. He and I have no secrets. She smiled at me. “You meant what you said?
Sheepishly, “Yes mom. Dad told me, that a man has to stand by his word. I will do what I have to keep my word, but if you stop me, it will be your decision and not mine.”
“We'll discuss this in the morning. Good night Robert,” she kissed my head. As she reached, the door she stopped smiled and whispered, “You make me proud. You walk like a man and talk like a man my son.”
I was tossin and turning all night.
The next morning at 7:00, I went down to breakfast. Jackie and Sherry were already there. Mom entered just after I sat. Donna accompanied her. We waited for her decision.
Astonishingly looking at me, she started, “Robin, my son Robert convinced me that the show needs to go on. Until after the show on Saturday night, you will remain Robin. After breakfast, you and Donna, will get you changed into Robin and begin practicing for the show. Donna, after you think she’s ready, rehearsals with the band will begin and will continue until you are proficient.” She looked at my sibs and said, “You will both prepare for the show as if nothing unusual is happening. You will tell everyone that you got a cousin Robin to help. You will say that Robert had to go out of town. If anyone asks about what happened yesterday, you will tell them that after Robert went upstairs, he left. If you tell anyone, anything that will cause Robert any harm, your punishment will be a lot greater than what I’ve planned. You punishment will start Sunday morning. Jackie perhaps you can learn from your brother how to be a man. Sherry you should learn from Donna how to act like a lady. Now eat breakfast and get going”
Throughout the remainder of Friday and most of Saturday, I practiced being Robin and preparing for the show. On Friday afternoon Sherry, Donna, and I began rehearsing with the band. My sister and brother were on their best behavior. They followed mom’s script. The boys in the band were either completely fooled or played along with the charade. However, no one asked where Robert was.
Mom thought it best that I remain in girl mode all day Friday and Saturday. So even when we were not practicing I dressed like a girl. No, I did not sleep in a nightie, just my regular pajamas.
The show was to start at 7:30P.M. Normally, I went with the guys to set up the lights, amps, and mikes two hours earlier. The Jockeyettes usually arrived an hour later. As they were preparing to leave, Robert was missed. There was no one who could set up the equipment, but me. As panic took hold, even Mom had no idea how to act. The girls, yes I considered myself one of the girls were present while this was occurring. I found myself between Scylla and Charybdis. I should have told my brother to hit the road Jack. Even if some of them were jerks, I could either abandon my friends and family or break the disguise and subject myself to humiliation.
In Robert’s voice, I ordered, “Donna, you and Sherry take my outfits, I’ll go set up the equipment.” Seven shocked faces stared at me. I did not let anyone say a thing, as I lifted the control panel and walked toward the Chevy 409 and the Woody station wagon. “Come on, we got to get everything set-up”
The ride to the lodge was silent. We got there and set up the equipment. When Mom and the girls arrived, I went into the ladies’ room, did my own hair and makeup, and let Donna and Mom get me into the first outfit. I was in a slinky dress, stockings, and 3inch heels, my hair was styled, and I was wearing jewelry. Truthfully, I guess I could sing that I feel pretty.
I saw Mom leave. She headed for some people waiting for the show to start. Sherry came over to me, kissed my cheek, and said, “Robert, I’m sorry. I’ve been horrible to you. You’re really brave to do this. Thanks.”
Donna joined us. “Robert relax. To nights the night, it will all be over in two hours. The guys promised to behave and won’t say anything. Jackie and I let them know what will happen if they say anything.”
Despite what they were saying, I knew it was going to be a comedy tonight.
The show started. In a trance, I hardly remembered going on stage for the first number. I shimmied and shaked and sang about going on a date to the ‘Top of the Fair, because my boyfriend’s back from college. Hearing applause catcalls and whistles we were strolling off the stage.
The girls led me to the ladies’ room, where we would have to change outfits for the next set. I froze as we approached the door. There was a line of girls waiting to enter, many of whom I knew from school.
“I can’t go in there. It’s the ladies’ room.”
They laughed. “Well you can’t use the men’s room dressed like that. No one will recognize you. Just go in and get changed.”
I took a deep breath, entered and walked to a corner of the ladies room set aside for us. As I waited for Donna to help me with my dress, someone tapped my shoulder. Fearfully, I spun around to look at who had tapped me and I stared into the eyes of my cousin Ronnie.
“Hi cuz. Robin, can I help you with your zipper?”
I gave her a withering glance. I felt betrayed. As I pulled away from her I challenged, “What are you doing here? Who asked you to come? Are you here to humiliate me?”
She looked devastated by my accusation. She approached me crying. In a whisper, “Robert, I’m sorry. Your mom told my mom, about what you were doing. We just had to see what was going on. Don’t worry; no one knows it’s you. You fooled everyone. I just wanted to come back and tell you how brave and special you are to do this. Don’t be upset with me, please. I can’t take my eyes off of you, you’re so perfect.”
Relenting I said, “Okay. So help me with the zipper.”
She did that and untied the corset. Entering a stall, I got out of the gown. Donna helped me with the waist cincher, and I got dressed for the remaining numbers. While freshening my makeup, I realized that I had been in the ladies room for twenty minutes, and it did not affect me. I guess if I could pass so easily, the times they are a changing.
Wearing a miniskirt and blouse, I returned to the stage for the first song of the next set, ‘Rockaway Girl’. I looked out into the crowd and noticed my father, sitting with my mom. As I ran from the stage, Donna shoved me back and the music started. I did not want a scene so I danced and sang. Throughout the performance, I was fuming at my mom. Asking Aunt Dolly and Ronnie to come was bad enough. But dad coming home early to see me dressed like this and prancing away on the stage was both devastating and humiliating. When the song finished, I left the stage. I had tears in my eyes. Donna and Sherry could tell that something was bothering me.Donna calmed me and whispered, “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”Smiling, I told them not to worry and got ready for my stage debut wearing short shorts. I decided to give it my all.
The music started.
Belmont Racers: Ooh man, dig that crazy chick.
Belmont Racers: Who wears short shorts?
Jockeyettes: We wear short shorts.
Belmont Racers: They're such short shorts.
Jockeyettes: We like short shorts.
Belmont Racers: Who wears short shorts?
Jockeyettes We wear short shorts.
I sang those linesrepeatedly; I danced up and down the stage, wiggled my derriere, and smiled. I shook rattled and rolled.
We exited the stage, to calls for an encore. We gleefully obliged. If asked about this a week ago, I would have thought this impossible. Today I would say it’s possible.
As the show ended, my father approached me. I expected the worst; a condemnation and punishment. I got just the opposite. He teased a little about having two pretty daughters, but then he told me how proud he was of me for doing what I did. He then said something strange, regarding learning about women by walking in their heels, almost as if he had done so himself.
What happened next was most unexpected it was the best thing to occur in my life. Wendy came over to me. I did not even know she was there. She pulled me outside.
“Robert Goode, I’m goin’ out of my head waiting for you to ask me out? How much longer will it be.? There’s a turnabout dance next week. If you won’t ask me for a date, I’ll ask you to the dance. So, what’s your answer, and it better be yes.”
“Wendy, I would be delighted to go to the dance with you and I will be lovely for you. Even dressed in a pair of short shorts, I was a proper gentleman.
“Good, you will have to wear a proper dress. That gown, the mini, and those shorts just won’t do. I will pick something out just right.”She kissed me after I told her that, “I’d do anything for you dear, anything.” I couldn’t resist and returned the kiss.No need for Love Potion Number 9.
“Oh what a night, Oh what a night.” No, we did not do anything that night other than kiss.
That had to wait for our Honeymoon five years later.
My wearing short shorts had finally brought us together. On many special occasions, I wore short shorts and other girly clothes. When I was Robin, my sometimes alter ego I enjoy being a girl. When a man loves a woman, he got a whole lot of loving to do.
Ft. Lauderdale.
Wendy was trying to detect if I was wearing short shorts. Well, I was wearing a pair of the shortest pink short shorts under my suit. Initially I thought that that week in June 1964, was the worst thing that could happen to me. In retrospect it lead to me getting married to Wendy. As we left the theater, she smiled at me and said, “Love me tender, love me true.”
Oh What a Night.
Who Wears Short Shorts
words and music by Bob Gaudio
as performed by The Royal Teens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcvjXAtzaMU