Off the Books - Part 10 - Finale

It was just after one in the afternoon when we arrived at the house in Wiltshire. We’d taken a pretty roundabout route just in case we were being followed but a diversion through some very narrow lanes in South Oxfordshire and West Berkshire had made it next to impossible for any vehicle to follow us without us seeing them.

Jemma got out at the top of the drive to do a quick reconnoitre of the property and the surrounding land. She checked her Glock and then smiled at me as she disappeared into the undergrowth.

Off the Books - Part 9

“Exactly where have you heard that name before?” I said as I wiped the sleep from my eyes.

“Savernake Forest,” exclaimed Jemma.

The trouble with my partner was that when she was overly tired or woken up in the middle of the night, sometimes she spoke total gibberish. I’d learned to handle it but many people we had to work with couldn’t handle her without losing their patience pretty quickly.

My brain was slowly starting to work and as I tried to remember the last time I’d or rather we’d been to Savernake Forest. This is an area of ancient woodland to the South East of the town of Marlborough in Wiltshire. Then it came to me.

“Oh, you must mean Farthings home?”

“Yes, that’s it. He left his home very much in a hurry, didn’t he?” reasoned Jemma.

“Yeah, we stopped him as he left in his Porsche. If I recall you lit him up with your target light and his face turned to ash. But what else did you remember?”

Off the Books - Part 8

As I lay fast asleep in my delightfully comfortable bed, a series of co-ordinated events sent the whole of the Police, Security Services and all parts of the Military into overdrive.

It all started with a successful attack on the head of MI5. His car was ambushed and he was assassinated in broad daylight very close to Tower Bridge. As his schedule was a carefully guarded secret, everyone went on Red Plus Alert. Red Plus means imminent threat of attack.

In other words, the UK went into total lockdown.

Off the Books - Part 7

The dust had just about settled by the time I came to my senses. I realised that I was lying on top of Jemma. I felt her groan and move so I knew she was alive.

As my head cleared, I realised that Bathroom door had been blown off its hinges and was lying on top of us. The fact that it was solid had probably saved our lives.

For some strange reason, I remembered cursing the building inspector for insisting on it being a ‘fire door’ because the Central Heating Boiler was in the Bathroom. I moved a bit and didn’t get very far at all. The extra weight of the door would make getting out from under it a lot harder. You win some and lose some.

I chuckled to myself. It is strange what passes through your mind at times like this…

Off the Books - Part 6

Just over seven minutes later we were parked in a quiet part of Reading Services near the Motel.

“Ok, out withi it... What’s so important that couldn’t wait until we got back to the office?” asked Jemma slightly impatiently.

“I’ll show you. Give me a moment.”

I flicked through the photos of the documents we had found in Farthing’s safe until I found one in particular.

“Here read this,” I said giving her the phone.

The document was in Spanish.

Jemma struggled for a few minutes before giving me the phone back.

“I’m confused. Your Spanish is better than mine.”

“What it says is that when Mr Farthing went to Portugal a month ago where he met with Daniel Esteban. It goes on to say that he came to a deal with Esteban to get us killed in return for the two million Euros.”

Off the Books - Part 5

Less than an hour after leaving the base camp, we said goodbye to the RSM outside Abergavenny Railway Station. He gave both of us a big hug and said,
“Watch your backs ladies. You never know who is really a bad guy in disguise.”

Jemma had a hard time keeping a straight face but we both gave Jock a kiss on his cheeks and then made a hasty exit.

I looked back at him in the rear-view mirror and saw Jock give us a wave. It made me go all gooey inside for a few seconds.

Off the Books


Audience Rating: 


Off the Books

By Samantha Michelle Davies

[At a second floor flat in Chelsea around 21:00 on a Monday evening.]


“I’m sorry, there is no Roy Meier on this number. I’ve only just moved here so he might be a previous occupant.”

“Yes, I am sure that he does not live here.”

“No, I won’t give you my name. I don’t know who the hell you are. You could be a serial rapist for all I know.”


I put the phone down. I was shaking like a leaf. I had been named this Roy Meier but in a previous life. If the caller really had put 2 and 2 together then I was well and truly up shit creek big time.

Off the Books - Part 3

Ms Jennings came into my room with a smile on her face.

That made me very fearful given her reputation.

She worked for a Government ‘Special Services’ Department somewhere in Whitehall. A sense of foreboding came over me. Their normal function was to provide HR services to a number of departments but their real function was known to very few people. Everyone in her section had ‘Top Secret’ security clearance so if something a bit out of the ordinary was needed doing that wasn’t assigned to us, they did it.

The HR function meant that you generally only saw her or people from her Office when it was bad news and for us, that bad news invariably meant ‘we have no further use for your services’.

Off the Books - Part 2

The revelation from my Doctor that I no longer had any ‘dangly bits’ as he called them was not altogether a shock but the realisation that I would have to ‘pee’ sitting down for the rest of my life was the real downer.

“There is an alternative to life as a eunuch you know?” he offered.

“Gee, thanks doc,” I replied slightly sarcastically.

“We could make… a vagina.”

“What to do you mean make a vagina?”

“We didn’t cut the remains of your penis off. All we did was repair the damage and re-route your waterworks. Your Penis was pretty badly damaged from a function point of view but the fleshy bits are not that bad. There is plenty of bits that still have a decent blood flow that can be used to make a very passable vagina. From my POV as a surgeon, it would be that different from a run of the mill sex change operation.”

I sank back onto the bed and started to weep.
“I’d end up looking like some poor tranny then, but for real?”

Off the Books - Part 1

[At a second floor flat in Chelsea around 21:00 on a Monday evening.]


“I’m sorry, there is no Roy Meier on this number. I’ve only just moved here so he might be a previous occupant.”

“Yes, I am sure that he does not live here.”

“No, I won’t give you my name. I don’t know who the hell you are. You could be a serial rapist for all I know.”


I put the phone down. I was shaking like a leaf. I had been named this Roy Meier but in a previous life. If the caller really had put 2 and 2 together then I was well and truly up shit creek big time.


Another boring day at work was over. Marty Chapman was bored. He’d been bored for years. He worked in a warehouse as a palette truck driver. He’d been there for more than 10 years. The only thing he had to look forward to was seeing Ellie, his only daughter at home in the evening.

His whole life revolved around her. Since his wife and her mother had traded them in for a Spanish Waiter some 8 years earlier, they’d been in it together.

A 'Minor' Romance

An opportunity presents itself or striking while the iron is hot but sometimes it isn’t hot enough

The first time I saw her it was slightly embarrassing for me. There I was underneath ‘Bessie’ trying to fix a troublesome exhaust. ‘Bessie’ is my 1959 Morris Minor soft top. The place was at the Goodwood Revival meeting that is held at the Goodwood Motor Racing circuit every September.

The Voice

“Hi Dawn, Thanks for fitting me in at such short notice,” said the man was obviously dressed in drag as he came into ‘Dawns Hair and Beauty’ late on a Friday afternoon.

“No problem Roxy. Where are you playing tonight?”

“Nelson and Colne Working Men’s Club, replied ‘Roxy’ as she sat down at the chair.

“Them’s a hard bunch over there.”

“Aye, they are but the money is good. Give and take eh?”

“Where’s Gina?” asked Dawn referring to the other half of the double act.

Ships that pass in the Night

Subtitle : Travellers’ Tales

Dining alone when you are working away from home is not the most enjoyable of pastimes. Many restaurants turn their collective noses up at single diners or at best, they seat you in the most awkward table possible. These are usually right next to the entrance or exit from the kitchen or even worse right by the toilets.

The exceptions seem to be those eateries that are directly associated to the Hotel where you are staying. During the week, the majority of their customers, coach parties excepted are the single travellers.

The Guardian Angel

Tony Rendell was a dreamer. He’d been one for as long as he could remember. All the dreams he’d ever had since he was old enough to remember them, involved him becoming a famous woman. From an early age, he knew that he had been born wrong. His parents reinforced that view by embarrassing him by telling the family at almost every opportunity that his breech birth meant that he had to be wrapped in cotton wool all through his life. He didn’t but once his family had decided that this was how it was going to be, there was no way in hell that it would change.

As a result, the kids at the various schools he attended, and there were many, made his life hell. He was different to everyone else in that he loved classical music especially Opera and often dreamed of playing Brunilda in the Ring Cycle. His problem was that he was tone deaf, could not sing to save his life and could not play an instrument.

Taking a break from posting

I've been posting a lot this year and also been really busy in real life so I've decided to take a break from posting until the end of January.

I have been busy writing an entry for the january competition using the 'flash fiction' style but after 12 parts, I realised it was
1) going nowhere
2) needed an awful lot of editing to lick it into shape
3) not very good at all. More like dog excrement really.

Hanging on the Telephone Line

Hanging on the Telephone Line (with thanks to ELO and Jeff Lynn for the inspiration)

“Hello. How are you?
Have you been alright, through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely nights
That's what I'd say. I'd tell you everything
If you'd pick up that telephone yeah yeah yeah”
I looked at the phone for the umpteenth time.

Why didn’t it ring?

What was wrong?

Has something happened to him?

A 'Model' Romance

“Ms Wilson will see you now,” said the assistant.

I stood up and after a moment’s hesitation; I followed her into the very impressive office. The views out over East London were impressive.

They should be. We were on the twenty third floor of one of the large tower blocks that fringe the edge of the City of London.

Ms Wilson stood up from behind her desk and came to greet me.

“Thank you for coming Susan. Please take a seat.”

I was shown to a comfortable seat where after smoothing my skirt I sat down.

Confessions of a Train Passenger

[This story is based upon a conversation I overheard the on the train to work in 2011].

“Hi Wendy. I’ve not seen you on this train for a while?”

“Oh, hi Kylie. Yeah, I’ve been at the branch in Slough for the past few months. I could drive there in twenty minutes from home. Now I’m working in Reading for the next six months. The assistant manager is off on maternity leave. So here I am on the commuter express that stops at every station!”

“How are your kids?”

“Davy is a real handful. All he wants to do is play football.”

The Editors Dilemma - What Happened Next

This is a sequel to “The Editors Dilemma”

The tale resumes at the Hotel in Cynthia’s room after Cynthia has poured a cup of tea for Jennie.

Jenny sat down totally stunned by the person who was in front of her.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Cynthia smiled.

“I know that both my manuscript and how I look now is a bit of a shock but this is me now. Oh, and the final three chapters of it are on the table.”


Can't A Person Change?

Sometimes you encounter a person who just stands out from the crowd. When they do, you remember it for a very long time. The day I saw her was one of those.

The day began as normal as I like hundreds of thousands of others with a commute into London by train. On this day of all days, I alighted from my train which had arrived at Platform 2 at Waterloo Station. I can even remember the time. It was 08:29 on a Monday morning. So, what was so remarkable about her then?

I didn’t see her face but her hair shone just like those adverts you see on TV for shampoo. You know the ones that when you try that very product out, you find that your hair does not look anything like the Advert yet you still but the same product until you see another advert for a different product and so the cycle goes. But I digress…

1000 Words


“I have to do this darling. It is really who I am,” I said as I pleaded with my wife.

I was dressed in a way that she’d not seen before. I was wearing a dress, makeup and all the rest including my first pair of high heels!

“Don’t give me that rubbish. These past few years it has all been about you. I don’t get a look in.”

“Really? I don’t think so.”

“Now you are just grasping at straws. If you think that I’m going to sit here while you go out all dolled up like a dogs breakfast then you have to think again. After all the things I do and have done for you…”

End of the Line. All Change - Part 4 of 4

I was stunned by what Barbara had just said about becoming a sperm donor.

“Say something even if it is ‘No’?”

“I never even considered having another child.”

“Well, and thanks to the bracelets, we are going to have a new start in life, aren’t we?”

“This is a big… A big surprise.”

She laughed.

“And?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

End of the Line. All Change - Part 3 of 4

I sat for a while when I was back in the Depot at the end of my first week back from holiday. It had been working for the company for almost ten years and very soon, I’d be giving it up for good. Letting go was hard but it had to be done. It was time to move on to pastures new.

On my way out of the Depot, I checked my schedule for the next day. I smiled when I realised that I’d be returning to the Depot in the middle of the afternoon to change both the type of bus and the route. I’d have a chance to go into the supervisor’s office to hand in my notice. In a strange way, I’d miss the place and a good few of the regular passengers that I carried almost on a daily basis.

Jon was waiting for me when I got home. The expression on his face told me that he had something he wanted to tell me.

“Out with it!” I said as we sat down to eat.

“I was sort of wondering if I could go and see Christine for a couple of days?”

End of the Line. All Change - Part 2 of 4

After quite a bit of juggling and working extra days to allow other drivers time off to do their Christmas shopping, I managed to secure a decent period off over Christmas. I didn’t tell Jon/Fiona until I’d booked a week in Tenerife over the holiday. It wasn’t cheap but I’d secured a self-catering apartment and flights for a week away. The downside was that the flight was from Birmingham on the 21st. We’d need to set off really early in the morning to check in by 07:00. The other downside was that the return flight was not due to land until 23:00. I booked a Hotel close to the Airport for that night as I guessed that neither of us would want to drive home in the small hours of the next morning.

When all the tickets and everything arrived, I showed them to Fiona.

“Dad?” she said when she’d seen everything.

“Don’t you want to go?”

“You know I do but I don’t have anything to wear for that amount of time away.”

“Funny that, neither do I. Why don’t we go shopping in Manchester a week on Saturday?”

End of the Line. All Change - Part 1 of 4

Being a parent is stressful even at the best of times. You are always worrying about your children no matter how old they are.
But, being a single parent is just doubly or even triply so. Since ‘she’ left me to go off with ‘him’ because of … well, just about everything, it had just been my son Jonathan or, as he preferred to be called ‘Jon’ and me.

Jon was growing up fast but the worry of being a patent didn’t reduce as he grew older. Teenagers have their own special set of issues.

This particular Friday night, he was out god knows where with some friends. At least that’s what he told me via a text message earlier. The weather was filthy so I’d stayed up waiting for the inevitable phone call, ‘Dad, can you come and pick me up?’

Sarge - Part 4 of 4 - Finale

For once in my life, I was lost for words.

“The thing with George is just business,” said Pritti in a total expressionless manner.

Those words seemed so cold, so out of place for her.

Pritti reached up and kissed me. Part of me I wanted to break away but I didn’t. I just wanted to savour every second. The woman I loved was going to marry someone else.

When we broke off, I said,

“How can it be just business?”

Sarge - Part 3 of 4


Pritti came in from outside just in time for lunch. The change in her that one week in the country had done was remarkable.

“Hi there. I saw you arrive. I was out collecting the eggs.”

I smiled.

“We’ll make a country girl of you yet,” I said jokingly.

“Sorry, but the smell of animal poo still makes my stomach turn,” replied Pritti.

Sarge - Part 2 of 4

[Ten Months later]

“Hi Jayne. I’ve been expecting you call. Good verdict?”

“The judge was certainly harsh but that’s good, isn’t it?”

“A Twenty stretch is fair in my eyes but he’ll appeal, won’t he?”

“Oh! That’s not good. When will they be pulled out?”

“That soon?”

Then I thought for a second.

“Can you swing it so that they are on the job until the weekend?”

“Ha-ha. I might have an idea. That girl needs a few friends in her life.”

Hidden Talent

Hidden Talent – September Contest entry

Monday’s were always a trial for Tristram Morris. He worked in a TV Advertising sales office with three women. Monday was the day when his female colleagues recounted in glorious (or should that be gory?) Technicolor detail their respective weekends.

Most of the chatter was about men and who did what to whom in bed and how much booze they’d consumed in how short a time…

For much of the time that they were chattering, Tristram was simply ignored because he wasn’t a woman. Add to that, he wasn’t particularly interested in their frankly juvenile antics. He considered them just silly and immature even though they were almost the same age as him.

The only time his presence was recognised was when one of the three recounted a particularly intense or lurid sexual act. Then they sent their jibes in his direction in the hope of seeing him get embarrassed.

Sarge - Part 1

“Sarge? What are you doing?”

I sighed. Someone up there really has it in for me. Why do I always get the rawest of raw recruits to mentor? Didn’t they learn anything at Hendon?

“Constable, there are times when the rulebook is just not right. That’s when common sense is needed so that the problem can be solved with compassion.”

“Sarge? At the Police College, we were told that common sense has no part in law enforcement in the 21st Century.”

I smiled.

“Well Constable, what does your 'Police Academy' learning tell you about this situation?”

The Essex Girl

“Whose round is it?” asked one of the six women.

The six were celebrating a good Christmas Season for their Company. They all worked in the Offices doing various Admin and Clerical jobs apart from one of then, Elise. Elise was the boss, the Managing Director and principle shareholder in the company. They were at a pub in the market town of Sudbury in Suffolk. The locals were always willing to stress that it wasn’t Essex but the more salubrious and, in their opinion, the frankly superior county of Suffolk. Many of the staff came ‘over the border’ from Essex. As a result, when episodes of TOWIE (The Only Way is Essex) were on TV, there was much talk about the lifestyles of ‘Essex Girls’ the following day.

Go West they said..


Go west.... Well I went as far west as is possible to go on the UK Mainland today.
Thankfully, the weather cleared a bit today.
This is taken from Ardnamurchan Lighthouse. This is the furthest west you can go on the UK Mainland.
The Mountains with their own weather system are the Cullins that are on the Isle of Skye, some 30+ miles away.

Greetings from Uig

Uig, the gateway to the isles....
It is doubtful that my lodging for Monday/Tuesday has anything like a decent internet connection (if at all) so I'm posting this from a damp and windy Uig. That means that you lucky people get to read the last part of Coming Out from Undercover a day early... Good Eh.

Coming out from undercover - Part 9 -Finale

Mary and I spent three days talking about everything to do with us. One sticking point was her son and another possibly bigger one was her parents. How they’d accept me was a big unknown. She had her doubts that they would accept me and it was fairly obvious that she was being torn apart internally over the subject. She talked very little about it but I could tell that it might tear us apart. How that would affect me was concerning but I knew that… well, what would happen, would.

We also discussed our futures. I had the job offer from Sir Richard but there was still the issue of Mary/Caitlin’s future and where were would be based.

Coming out from undercover - Part 8

ACC Bishop called later in the day with some news. She told us that she’d managed to get a prominent Journalist to agree to interview me on the understanding that no manipulation of my words would be done post interview. We all felt better for this as despite my former colleague being arrested and charged with numerous offenses, the press seemed to be having a feeding frenzy with my past. Many facts were being reported about me, most of which were simply fiction. This made me angry. Mary did her best to calm me down and tell me that my side of the story would be told in due course.

The she asked,
“Did Sergeant Pratt go anywhere in the house apart from the hallway after you dialled ‘999’?”

“No Ma’am. I made sure that no one went anywhere else. I didn’t want to contaminate the crime scene.”

Coming out from undercover - Part 7

Before I could render a full explanation to the single officer in the first car, another Police car drew up at the house. Inwardly, I groaned when I saw the officer getting out of the driver’s side. It was none other than 'Ian 'I'm not one' Pratt. He was the class bully when I was at Hendon. His Sergeant's stripes shone brightly in the light from the porch.

He entered the hall and looked hard at me. Then he looked again before turning away to speak to his colleague.

“What is the problem Sadik?” he asked.

“We have this person here claiming to be an undercover police officer. She had only just started to explain why she's on our patch unannounced.”

Staycation - Hacked Off?

“I think that is everything we needed to cover. Any other points?” I said mightily relieved that the meeting was coming to an end.

My team looked at each other but no one spoke until the newest one of the team, Jeremy Ford said,
“So, Frank, are you going to tell us where you are going for your Holidays?”

I smiled. I’d not told anyone what I was going to do for the next three weeks.

“I’m going to the Outer Hebrides. I’ve rented a cottage on the west coast of the Isle of Lewis,” I replied smiling.

“What are you going to do up there?” asked another of my team, Melvyn Sands.

“Not a lot and that’s the beauty of it. There is a long white sand beach just yards from the cottage and not a lot else for miles.”

Coming out from undercover - Part 6

When I came around, I felt strange. At first I couldn’t understand what was happening or for that matter what had happened to me.

I soon realised that my hands were bound behind my back and my legs were tied together. I was lying on something hard and dirty.

Slowly I opened my eyes.

“Ah, you are awake,” spoke a voice from out of the shadows.

I moved my head towards the sound of the voice. A man was sitting on a chair looking at me. From my position on the floor, I didn’t get a good view of him but I knew straight away that it wasn’t the man in the picture that Maxine had showed me… Then I realised that I had no idea how long I’d been unconscious.

There's nowt as queer as folk

The saying seems tto originate from the North of England and 'queer' really means 'strange' not gay or anything to do with LGBT.

So... there I was riding my Motorcycle over the 'bridge to nowhere' aka the Humber Bridge in Eastern England at around 11:30 this morning and out of the corner of my eye I saw someone Water Skiing up the Humber and under the bridge. A 'wtf' moment if ever I saw one.
Then the skiier fell off and into the muddy brown water.
Quite why someone would choose to ski up the river when the sea which was flat calm today is less than 15 miles away.

Coming out from undercover - Part 5

Dinner more than lived up to its promise. I ate some Cornish Lobster that was out of this world. Mary, on the other-hand played safe and ordered a ‘Rack of Lamb’. This was all washed down with some of the best wine I’d ever had. Mary just licked her lips as she savoured each glass.

As the meal wore on, my mind turned to the task ahead.

“The last week or so has really been a rollercoaster. Did you ever think we’d end up here?” I asked Mary after our dessert plates had been taken away.

Mary as ever brought the scene down to earth with a bang.

“Well, if we don’t catch this monster then we will have an awful lot of egg on our face.”

Coming out from undercover - Part 4

We found ACC Bishop in her office. Her assistant soon understood our predicament and arranged for us to see her boss.

To give her credit, the Assistant Commissioner listened intently to our plan without showing any emotion or reaction one way or the other.

At the end of our speech, she closed her eyes for almost a minute.

When she opened them again she smiled at us.

“Well, I have to say that of all the ideas that have been floated by me and the other commissioners to catch this killer… This is just about the most ridiculous and silly and… You know it might just work but…”

Coming out from undercover - Part 3

When we arrived at the office the next morning, we didn’t get much time to talk things over. Crime Stoppers had received a tip off that the killer was living in a terraced house in Crouch End. Naturally, we went mob handed which included full riot gear and body armour. In the end, it turned out to be nothing more than a man who had systematically killed almost all the local tomcats because they kept him awake at nights. Many of us felt like real idiots but the press seemed to be satisfied that we were taking the murders seriously.

We did finish the day with one less serial killer on the streets of London. Unfortunately for us, it was the wrong one but at least the press had something to crow about.


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