Heath was interested in being visible himself, but Nera giving him a difficult time made it hard for Dara to back-off. Teresa and Katy hugging Dara made the first evening easy enough. Dara knew what was usually there that might make a supper that the girls usually liked. Why don’t I make some pigs in a blanket it will be like breakfast for supper? The girls screamed “Yes” as Nera said. “No!”

I let the girl and Nera talk it out. I was soon cooking the sausage and pancakes. Teresa found some fresh berries that we used to make a syrup.

When I said, “We don’t have a vegetable?” Little Katy said, “Cheesy potrs” well enough we knew what she wanted. We did have some frozen shredded potatoes and shredded cheese. It all came together in forty minutes. Even Nera and Elva had smiles on their faces.

I asked, “Since I cooked, would it be alright if you two cleaned up? I would like to read to the girls before bed if they’re interested.” The girls yelled out the books they wanted to read as well as saying, “Please, please Mommy, let Auntie Dara read to us.”

Usually, I would read in one of their rooms, but I felt more comfortable tonight reading in the living room. I had stopped at Kohl’s and got two of their five dollar books for children and splurged another five dollars apiece and got little-stuffed figures that went with the books. I read one each of their books and then the new story books. An adorable bunny rabbit in pajamas went with one book’s story and a cuddly donkey went with the other.

I had rarely gone out of my way to enjoy them as I was tonight. Nera clapped as we finished reading. Elva seemed pleased enough but showed no emotion either way.

Nera said, “Why don’t I help one to get ready for bed and you help the other.” We did that and I was even hoping maybe Nera was having a change of heart.

Once the girls were nestled in their beds, we left them and returned to the living room. Where Nera and Elva were hoping for a quiet evening together. Nera looked to Elva and then me. “This is where I’m letting you go your own way. I hope you don’t mind, but you need to know this isn’t your home anymore.”

I was choking on my thoughts from a few moments before and the warm emotions I had been feeling. Despondent I made my way to where I’d be sleeping.

I spent some time thinking of various apartment complexes the next community over as well as places I might apply for jobs.

The next morning I was up early and dressed as Heath; I helped get the girls up and ready for the day. I wasn’t sure what Nera was doing with them. Usually, Teresa would be going to daycare and Katy only went two days a week. Then Nera indicated both girls were fulltime in day care now. I could tell Katy was hoping to stay home and get more personal attention.

It was only when Nera got back that she said, “I told the people at KinderCare that their Dad as a woman named Dara would be picking them up at 4:30. …I hope it won’t be too awkward for them but I thought you might as well experience the consequences of your actions.”

I said, “It should have been talked out between the two of us. But thanks for at least letting me know before 4:00 o’clock.”

I had planned to go looking for an apartment and telling the people who I was. I wasn’t surprised that the morning had gone roughly with people back tracking on if they had an apartment for rent. I sat and ate at a dinner up on the highway the next town over. I was looking at advertisements for apartments available and saw one that looked like it might work short-term.

A woman with three children and a large house; she had an apartment available, but stated that she was likely selling in the summer. I called ahead and she would be home and could meet me after 5:00. It would give me enough time to pick up the children and then go there. I informed Sandra that I’d be bringing the children but they were not renting the apartment with me.

It ended up being a blessing in disguise.

Leaving the diner I made the mistake of saying hello to Patrick a Conservation Ranger on my way out. He turned around saying ‘Hello’ back but paused when he didn’t recognize me. I had been in a social club representing Nera’s company when we met.

Patrick O’Donnell said, “Hello.” And then held out his hand to shake mine saying, “I’m sorry, but I need to ask your name. I can’t quite remember your name and where we met.”

I was embarrassed, but by now he had taken hold of my hand and clasped his other hand over mine. I couldn’t think of what to do or say, so I decided to go with the truth. “Patrick, you won’t recognize me, as you know me as Heath Martin. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I wasn’t thinking and just automatically said hello. Dressed as I am, I’m Dara Martin. I just recently came to embrace myself.”

Pat half laughed, “Well I guess I wouldn’t. But as Heath, you were a pretty good guy and being Dara seems to agree with you.”

I let out a sigh of relief. He responded, “I gather you worry about how people see you or you haven’t always gotten a warm greeting.” He said, “You’re welcome to sit down and talk if that would be helpful.” He found an open table and I sat across from him as he had lunch and I had more coffee.

During our conversation, he said, “You know various agencies are usually looking for people of diverse backgrounds to fill various positions. If you’d be looking for employment and like in conservation let me know.” He gave me his card when I said I might.

It was 1:30 in the afternoon when I finally left the diner and went back to my house. I refreshed myself, changing my blouse and taking care of other matters. I had not been comfortable using the women’s room at the diner.

I called my counselor leaving a message that I was ready to talk about embracing myself. We had parted ways when she said I should get back in touch with her when I was ready to change.

When I went to pick up Teresa and Katy, a woman who managed apartments but wouldn’t rent to me was picking up her children. When I asked for Katy and Teresa, she spoke up saying, “Oh you’re Teresa and Katy’s Dad. I am sorry I didn’t have an apartment. If you don’t find anything contact me next week I might just have an apartment come open.”

Cheresse one of the staff taking care of Teresa came to me. “Hello Dara, it looks like you’ve made a friend. I’ll be happy to be a friend. I want things to work that would be best for your girls.”

She calls to the next section, “Sonja is Katy ready? Dara’s here to pick her up to go home.” Mrs. Jackson and Brenda, I don’t know her last name, both look at me. Neither recognizes me.

I turn to Cheresse, “If anyone asks who I am, you can tell then, Dara Martin and either I’m Aunt Dara as Nera wants me known or their father that is fine with me.”

Cheresse says, “Thank you, I glad to see you being so healthy for the girls’ sake. You have a good day.” She and others said good-bye to Katy and Teresa. Katy was up in my arms and Teresa took my hand as we walked out to the car. I knew Katy was waving her hand good-bye as well as saying it. Teresa asked, “Did you already put our day care things in the car.

I turned in my footsteps and returned only to find everything could have stayed there until tomorrow. The girls were happier and would rest easier so it was good I went back. We got to the town of Cove Center. It was 5:20 by the time I found Sandra Hart’s place. Sandra was soon to the door and waving us in.

It is a big old house that looks like it had been remodeled and well taken care of from the outside. It was no different when we went in. The Harts problem was that Paul Hart had died over a year before and the refinancing of the house for the remodeling was too much financially and too much work for a single working parent.

I apologized for bringing my daughters but assured her they would not be living with me. She showed me the apartment and there were three rooms, a kitchenette, and bathroom, all up on the third floor. It had its own entrance up the back steps or the common entrance in the front that mostly for emergencies and to pay my rent.

There was an area off the street to park but no use of the garage. Sandra repeated it enough that it was for rent until she could sell it and move hopefully early in the summer. But each time she reiterated that. She said it would be a sad move for the girls and her. Finally, I said, “Is that true even with the apartment being rented and with me cutting the grass and in winter removing the snow?”

She was going to rent the apartment for $7oo hundred dollars per month. I said, “It would be worth it to me to pay $850/month as well as help as I suggested.”

Sandra smiled, “I could give you a renewable fifteen-month lease if it was $900 plus the yard work. It is also okay if you were planning to use my riding mower the snow blower attachment.”

I would have to allow her most of the week to draw up the rental agreement. It would also require me to have renter’s insurance and a thousand dollar deposit.

It was well worth it as I considered it a god send after my experience in the morning. I went back up to the apartment to take some measurements and to consider what I needed.

Sandra allowed my girls to play with her children, two girls and a boy the youngest was six and the oldest was close to being eleven. Upon my getting my children and go home, Sandra asked, “Would it be okay if my children called you Aunt Dara when you’re dressed as Dara and Mr. Martin when it’s Heath who is showing himself?”

Sandra was forthright in saying. “If you become someone drastically different and unsavory, I will cancel the lease quickly. I know you have rights but this is my home and I put my family first.”

I said, “That label of being unsavory could come from any of your neighbors being uncomfortable with a trans-woman in the neighborhood. How can I be certain, you won’t be quickly changing your mind when others say the smallest of things?”

Sandra said, “I and my husband were very open-minded and I’m not changing now. After all, you’re helping to make it possible that we continue to live here.”

I called and told Nera that we were leaving Cove Center and give her a rough time when we’d be home. We ended up meeting them at a well-known diner over in Flemington, though I was not invited to sit with them and the children.

That was okay with me as I wanted to call Cortney and tell her how things were going. I used my wireless to check some things and the wages for a full-time Conservation Ranger was decent. I checked other sites for possible jobs and had a few leads to pursue starting tomorrow.

I called Cortney driving home after supper out. I continue to worry that Cortney is going to change. She sounds tired but it was because her work was demanding and she had two clients going through traumatic times in their life.

Cortney wanted to meet me half way the following night and to stay together. Actually, I’d be traveling over thirty miles closer to her place. The distance, however, wasn’t too much. It would cut into my time getting ready to move, job searching and helping with my girls. Come morning I was planning to cancel my meeting with Cortney. But after a phone call from my mother, I was convinced I needed to keep my time with Cortney.

I would spend the morning and a half the afternoon as Heath. My daughters were happy to see me as Dad, though Katy asked why I was in the same room as Aunt Dara. Teresa helped to explain it and Katy was comfortable that her sister understood. I’m not really sure she did.

I had posted my job search online and with two headhunter groups. By the statements and questions of one group, I withdrew my search through them.

I met some people for coffee as I’ve done for three years. They were amazed by my pictures of me. But they asked me who was fixing the pictures Nera or me. Two of our pictures were the same yet noticeably different. Fortunately, Myrt, one of the coffee group, was at the same café the day before for lunch. And she now recognized me from the day before. She said, “I saw this person yesterday and I can tell you she makes a good looking woman. You didn’t say hello to me then.”

I went back to my house come two thirty to change and head to meet Cortney. But I had received my third call from Nera’s clients. Each was trying to contact Nera and were told by someone, there were changes that would soon be fixed. The Conklin Group was one of those firms and they asked if I could take over their account that they were desparate. It was a tempting offer but one I refused. I did tell them I could help them tomorrow if they got permission from Nera. I was fairly sure what the problem was and it would be a relatively easy fix if it was what I expected.

I roughly knew the location Cortney said we could meet at but I had never been to Fiddler’s Lounge or knew it existed. It only advertised itself when business tapered off. Otherwise, its reputation was enough to keep customers coming in good numbers. It was women’s night which caused the number of women to swell and stay above forty percent of the customers.

We got a raised table that was small in width and the chairs high enough that each of us had to step up on a rung and quickly turn to sit. All the while I was worried about the hem of my skirt.

I could tell Cortney had been upset and had probably cried. She wasn’t going to say anything as she was set on having a good time. Finally, I asked, “Was it work or family that’s upsetting you?”

Trying to tell me, ‘It’s nothing,’ she broke and began to cry. Then one of her former clients was taken by another worker with seniority and last night the woman tried to take her life. Luckily the person had reached out to Cortney when she was unable to reach her present worker. But she had already sliced herself and taken pills.

Cortney called the 911 hotline, and thankfully it was an enhanced program. She gave them the client’s name and location and suggested the hospital that she should be taken to. Cortney had reached the client after the emergency people.

Cortney’s parents had become angry with her when she would not stay on the phone with them, while she was responding to the emergency. Our drinks came along with some finger food. I was now one of Cortney‘s BFF on a whole new level of the relationship. We danced together and after two dances, two gentlemen cut in asking for dances. Cortney’s wink and taking her guy steps away from said, ‘go for it.’

This, however, wasn’t an LGBT pub, and my guy was six-three and buff. If what he said was true he was upper-level research for IBM. He had the fragrance of musk and that of a well-groomed man. If I were looking this would be a nice find.

Max and Davis followed us back to our table and paid for our next drinks and some clams. When it came time to use the women’s room, we excused them with a not so subtle thanks, but time to move.

When they were still there we change and sat in the corner so Cortney could vent some more. Cortney had two more calls: one from the worker who took over her client. Cortney now insisted the client Sally was hers once again. Cortney wasn’t sure if she would be fired. The second call from her boss settled that. The co-worker was out and the client was now hers and the psychiatrist.

We decided to end the night out, and I would sleep over so she wasn’t alone. We were there for each other but it was a quiet night of us being just close and cozy.

Come morning I checked and had two messages. Sandra had my lease and she was eager to get it formalized. Nera was hoping I’d be back in time to pick up our children and ready to watch them tonight.

I quickly called both of them. Sandy was glad to hear I would stop by and sign the agreement.

Nera was surprised about my getting calls from her clients. She didn’t know Elva had forwarded her business calls to her own phone. The fact they were put on hold was even too much for Nera. What would come of it wasn’t my problem. I wouldn’t be saddened if Elva was sent packing, but no way did I want Nera back.

I did go and fix the mess with the Conklin Group. They were more than a little surprised to meet Dara. Happy with her capabilities, they wanted me as their representative.

Come two o’clock I arrived and Sandra’s house, where we shared cups of tea and signed our agreement. Sandra said she was surprised, “I can’t believe I just opened up to you like you’re an old girlfriend. I know I wouldn’t have done that even with my brother or father. Even Paul would draw the line comes to my cramp issues.”

When I got home, I found out Nera’s plans had changed. She was still going out, just not with Elva. Unfortunately, they would be back together by noon the following day.

I would move my belongings to the Cover Center apartment and then go see my parents with the girls. Supposedly, Nera and Elva were taking the weekend to arrange their priorities and plan the future.

When I asked if her customers were taken care of, Nera’s only reply was, “It wasn’t your business any longer.”

Frustrated after asking what I could have for my apartment and getting no answer. I made decisions on my own. I took the 42” TV now in the basement, the bed from the guest room, my stuffed chair and two extra chairs for the kitchenette.

Nera and I both were surprised by the number of clothes I collected as Dara. True enough much was purchased this past weekend. But I also had a beautiful bra and several skirts Nera had discarded over the past two years. Two I offered back, but she really didn’t want them and declined my offer.

Upon taking my bed and furniture over to my Cove Center apartment, I asked Sandra about having a girlfriend stopping over.

Sandra’s reply was, “I only rented to you. I’d like that she would come some day during the weekend and we could visit. I’d rather you not rush into anything nor for you to do it in spite of your wife.”

I decided to apply for the Conservation Education position. It covered three conservation districts. It was a state position with a federal grant covering half of my salary and the position’s five-year budget.

I was going to pick up the girls and pack up their things for a weekend at my parents their grandparents.

Cheresse and Sonja greeted me at KinderCare. We talked about how the girls were doing. Cheresse would be moving up to the next level in two weeks. Sonja, they said was hard to read, but probably have some problems. They weren’t sure if it was us her parents or something about another child who left their center. There were reports in their letters going home. Cheresse and her co-worker were happy it was me who picked up the girls. Nera is the one who usually gets defensive hearing news from there.

I called my parents and got my Mom to confirm our coming for the weekend. She was excited to see her granddaughters. She asked if I was going to talk to my father about a new hardware store.

I did plan to do that, though I didn’t see how it could work. A call was coming in so I put my mother on hold.

“Hello Dr. Casandra,” I answered as Dara. I could tell she was pleased.

She said, “I can see you in two weeks unless there is an emergency.”

“Not any sooner than that,” I asked?

Casandra Youngblood said, “I’m booking six weeks out. And it’s me and not my secretary you’re talking to, is that important enough for you. I’m glad that I’ll be seeing you again and that you sound ready to move forward. We’ll take enough time to make sure you don’t rush into something else unknowingly.”

I took the appointment and thanked her. She wants to know the basic information of what brought this about before our appointment. She also requested I see another Doctor if I was serious about transitioning. Her Sharon her Secretary would text me with the name and information…

Story to be continued...