"I don't deserve this....do I"

It's hot outside, but the air inside the tiny room is nice and cool.
I can hear the people outside, the noise, the laughing.

I don't deserve this.
I killed her, It was an accident I didn't mean to but it doesn't matter I ended her life.

It was five years earlier, I was twenty one and vacationing in Florida. She was beautiful. Tall, blonde, slim with an amazing smile.

Her name was Lauren, she was a bar tender at the hotel I was staying at and we hit it off well and after a few outings it happened. I was drunk, she was drunk and we got it on right there under the board walk.

But that's when I found out that Lauren wasn't a girl, not a true one anyway. I was angry and enraged so I punched her. A single punch was all it took. She fell to the ground limp.

I didn't know I had hurt her that bad, I stormed off cussing and ranting while a few people who had also been at the small party ran to check on her.

I was arrested, charged and sentenced but thanks to my old man being the high priced lawyer he is I only got two years in prison and five years probation for accidental manslaughter. But I deserve more, I even asked for more but my dad being the slick talking lawyer he is got me committed so my pleas went unheard by the court.

I killed a person and got off easy, it wasn't right. I spent my time in prison thinking of some way to make it up, some way to atone for what I had done, Kill myself? No I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I thought and thought and then It clicked.
I knew what I had to do. I got out and almost immediately started my plan.

I hated what I was, I hated what I had done and I hated how most people I knew treated it like water under the bridge.

I expected to live a life of misery, to just exist till I died. But I never expected.... I never intended...

The music started, "I shouldn't be here" I thought as the doors opened.
The room filled with family, new friends and some old who had stuck by me. Mom looking so happy, dad not so happy but here anyway.

Aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides.
And there they were, James and Melanie Lawson. Laurens parents right there in the front row.
"Why are they smiling?, why.... Why don't they hate me".

I stood in my place, I smiled when he smiled. I don't deserve this" I thought as the man said the words and asked the questions.

"Why am I......"

"You may kiss the bride" The preacher said.

"....Happy?" I thought as my husband kissed me.