Robin, my Mom and I are at home, I have helped Robin to get ready for bed and I read her a story as she falls asleep. When I’m back out with my Mom, she asks, “Where did that parenting come from?”

My brow line wrinkles in puzzlement. Mom lightly smiles, “I don’t ever remember hearing of you reading to your daughter.”

Elaine’s soft voice acknowledges, “You’re right Mom, but I hope it is an acceptable change. I would like to be a loving Mom, um Dad for Robin and Andrea.” I finally sit down and take off my heels. “Mom can I ask a sensitive question?”

Mom scoots a bit closer and touches one of my hands. I ask, “Are you comfortable with me and what I’m doing?”

Mom waits until I’m looking her in the eyes; “I’m comfortable seeing you as a woman and even as my daughter. As opposed to you having blown your job and wrecking your marriage.” Mom pauses, “First, I found it only an acceptable alternative, weird but interesting. Now I’m seeing you more and more as Elaine and I'm liking you. If you get back to being my son, I think that will be good. Right now, I take it one day and then the next see where it takes you.”

“Strange as it may seem, a Mom being comfortable with you as Elaine. Long ago I saw you having a strong feminine side. I feel guilty that I didn’t know how to be there for you. I didn’t like how your father blew up at you, nor with my being quiet. I didn’t see you being or becoming a girl. I saw it as a phase boys go through. Your cousin Darrel did and he’s become a healthy man like I hoped you would be.”

I catch my breath, “Mom, I have another a sensitive question to ask: The time father me caught in the closet wearing the wearing makeup that was there in back of the closet. Whose makeup was that?” His mom pauses and she’s afraid and trying to make up something to say.

I said, “That makeup wasn’t yours I know that now, you used Revlon and Maybelline.”

Mom Woods smiles and her eyes light up with surprise. There is a hint of a giggle to her voice as she speaks up, “You’re right, it wasn’t mine. It’s someone else’s secret, I think it would be better if you asked your Father to explain it.”

I as Elaine became restless, “I’m not sure if I ever want to talk to him again. It is going to be a long time, if ever, before I look like a son he would want.” I stand up as to leave the room. I'm to the door when I turn around, “Are you insinuating that makeup was his?” I drop to my knees with my face is in my hands, “No, no… how could it? How come no one ever said anything?”

I knew if I had jumped to the wrong conclusion Mother would have interrupted and corrected me. I hug my Mom around her waist as I'm still on my knees. Her hands are on my head and shoulders, “I will help you through this, for now focus on your baby girl and your family. You have much to celebrate and be happy about.”

I go to take my makeup off and then to shower. Now, having showered and moisturized my skin, Elaine is visible and looks comfortable in her nightgown. With Robin sleeping, I see it as being alright to walk out to the kitchen as I am. Mom sees me and asks, “Would it be okay if I brush out your hair?”

I hand over the brush and sit down. “Is it okay if I say you are an attractive young woman?”

“Thanks Mom, it is actually nice to hear you say that. I thought that was a given when you said I look like Ruth.” There’s a giggle in my voice, “But it is still nice to hear you say it to me.”

I decide to stay awake, instead of trying get an hour or two of rest. I check the laundry, and quickly have two loads sorted out, having begun one. Robin is awake at her regular time, but she's not fully waking up as she hugs me as she would her Mom nesting her head on Elaine’s chest. I get Robin a glass of juice and have her sitting in a chair at the dining room table. Julie had been working on Robin’s photo album. We go through the photos with Elaine telling stories that go with some pictures. Robin tells about times I had no memory of. “Daddy when Andrea has birthdays, it would be good for you to be there,” she says.

I hug Robin, “I will make sure I’m there for her birthdays and your birthdays as well.” I had made some scrambled eggs for Robin and spoon out a small bowl of yogurt as well for both our breakfasts.

“Daddy aren’t you going to get dressed and to the hospital for Mommy and my baby sister?” My mom had entered the kitchen and echoed Robin’s sentiments. “Dress casually, and please be Julie’s loving spouse Elaine.”

I put on a cute denim skirt with some stitching and trim. I wear a pale blue cami under a beige print blouse. Robin and Mom both approve of my outfit and makeup. I drive Julie’s car to the hospital, saying I planned to be back to take them to the hospital.

Terri, the nurse taking care of Julie and the baby greets him. “Elaine, I have a note from Nurse Heidi that if you came in early you would be wanting to help your wife and baby. Julie is hoping you can help her a little with her appearance as well as washing and changing Andrea.”

I am listening but I'm focused more on greeting Julie with a kiss and a hug. I ask, “Do you have some makeup? How can I help?”

Julie smiles, “I can do most of it, but I would prefer a little pampering. My makeup and stuff are in my overnight bag in the closet.” I retrieve it and my light touch in using the makeup pleases Julie. More than one nurse visits the room to check on what I am doing. One lightly giggles and asks, “Would you mind giving my husband a couple of lessons on pampering me?”

She whispers in my ear, “He has a feminine side, but I have trouble in getting him to learn how to do even his own makeup properly. I’d never trust him like your wife is doing with you.”

When I learned she is doing a twelve hour, seven to seven shift; I suggest she have him come visit her at the hospital. She didn’t think that would be advisable.

During the day, Julie’s breast fill out even more as she nurses Andrea. After Andrea’s last change of the morning, I left to pick up my Mom. I had tried to get a babysitter for Robin, but end up bring her to the hospital as well. Elaine has taken two pictures of Julie and Andrea and sent copies to my sister Ruth.

Sharon Hunt, Julie's Mother, asks Elaine’s mother, “Janice, where is Frank; isn’t he coming into see his new granddaughter?”

Mom turns to Sharon, “I regret saying he’s a stubborn old fart and is out of sorts with his son. And before you assume anything, it is Frank’s fault not Dan or Elaine’s.”

Janice Woods is next to Julie when she said it and Julie stood and gave Janice a warm hug in thanks and solidarity. I was sitting and holding Andrea lightly singing: “Angels watch over my baby, grant her a lifetime of your care, So that even when I cannot… hmm… I'll know you will always be there.”
Julie is now leaning over to me and Andrea asking, “And little mommy where did you learn that song?”

I am embarrassed but gladly so, “When I stayed with you a while back; I heard you singing it in the shower. I thought you would be singing it to her. So I googled the song and learned it. I hope you don’t mind.” Julia leans over to me to give me a kiss on the cheek. I felt warm tears fall from her onto me.

She says, “Begin to sing and we can sing together.” We were both singing, “Angels watch over my baby…” The next time through, the grandmothers began to sing along.

Soon we, our parents and me, agree its time to allow Julie time to rest, but Julie asks me to stay with her. Julie inquires, “How are you feeling, Honey?”

I’m puzzled, “I am feeling very well; why are you asking?”

“Do you know what the couvade syndrome is? My mother and I both think your breasts are bigger today. Would you mind if I ask to see them, especially your nipples?” I’m praying no one walks in while I take off my tops. I pull down one strap and reach back to unhook my bra. It is not as easy for me looking down, but Julie has no problem seeing. “Your nipples are larger. You haven’t taken anything to try and get them to lactate have you? Look your areolas are larger than a half-dollar.” She reaches and squeezes a nipple and it hurts.

“Ouch!”

She says, “I didn’t squeeze that hard.” I knew that but it hurt anyway. Nurse Terri walked into the room and we were both embarrassed, but Julie asks her, “Would you please closely look at her?”

Terri asks, “Would you mind if I got a breast bump or squeeze your breast to see if anything comes out?” ‘I do not want to hear any possibility of whatever they’re thinking. But I’m soon sitting in a chair with Julie and Terri watching over me as another nurse, the Head Nurse Gwen Harlow comes into the room with a breast pump wrapped in cellophane. “Are you trying to tell me this is Couvade syndrome, sympathy pregnancy?”

Terri responds, “I’m not saying anything, rather I’m asking you to casually examine her. We could ask if one of Julie’s Doctors as they are here at the hospital.”

Nurse Gwen directs Terri, “Get me a vial in case enough comes out we can have it tested.” She looks up at me, “I would suspect you never expected a nurse to be trying to milk your breasts?” She has the pump in place, when she asks, “Have you taken anything to stimulate your breasts to lactate?” She presses the bulb of the pump. On the second squeeze there is a white milky drop at the tip of the nipple, and the third and fourth squeezes that she has enough to catch a few cc. of fluid. She pumps my other breast and declares she has enough to test.

Small absorbent pads are placed in my bra cups so nothing leaks and would dampen my bra or cami.

It is four o’clock and the grandparents are back in with Julie. Robin and I get little juice drinks and are going down the hall to the waiting room. Nurse Bonnie speaks up, “Elaine,” she comes up to me whispering, “My husband is here, I was wondering if you would be open to talking to him.”

“I’ll agree if there is a private room and you're sure he won’t lash out at me.”

She says, “I didn’t tell him, I told you about his feminine side. I just mentioned you could give him pointers on pampering me, his wife,” she giggles. “If I take time to watch your little girl, would you take time now to talk to him? Why don’t you go into consultation room 2, and I’ll send him in.”

I don’t believe I’m in a hospital consultation room on an OB floor waiting to speak to another husband to be in touch with his gentler nature. Mark comes into the room and introduces himself. He’s 5’ 10” and a bit heavier than I was at my heaviest. I’m guessing he’s 160 pounds. He’s beginning to turn around as he sees me.

“No, please stop, your wife didn’t insinuate you are like me. She just saw me pampering my wife and asked...”

Mark stops and pauses before he would turn around. I knew he was trying to decide if he would visit and possibly trust enough to open to me. Soon after we sit down, Mark comments, “She's not comfortable with me trying to pamper her in that way.” He quickly knew he had given himself away. I had gotten out lipstick, nail polish and eye makeup.

I say to him, “It takes practice, plenty of practice and one can’t be too sensitive about getting it wrong or being corrected. You won’t ever get better by depending upon her. She really would like you to pamper her, but to do so you need to be comfortable with yourself.” It was not the regular way I would do it but I buffed several fingernails and touched up my nail polish and they came out looking very pretty. “When you do something like rub your wife’s feet or shoulders be gentler as one pampering her. If you work at enjoying being gentle, you will find your fingers become more sensitive. It’s like learning less makeup is often more beautiful.”

Mark says, “But I don’t want to become a woman like you.” He quickly apologized. We talked about a number of things as I interlaced our conversation between sports and makeup tips.

“No, but you probably don’t want to be like a lot of other guys the other way.” I could see by his eyes I touched a nerve. “Mark, I am not a reflection of what you will look like when you become more comfortable with your sensitive side being visible to your wife. But I think more women would like their husband learning to be more comfortable in their world. Women are asked, even required to do that all the time with men.

I push the three pieces of makeup toward him. Touching the lipstick and nail polish I say, “These two should closely match until a husband gets a better eye for color I recommend you not mix different colors. The eye makeup should complement the other two and your overall look.”

When we part ways, I am happy with what I shared and glad I am not responsible for what he does in the future.

When I got back to Robin, she's finished with her drink and ready to go and see her Mom. With Robin on Julie’s lap and me in front of her the nurse brought Andrea over to be held by Robin. Both Grandmas took turns taking pictures. It's another precious moment.

Head Nurse Gwen is back into the room and whispered in Julie’s ear; Julie smirked and was heard to say, “That’s precious; could we try that later.”

I and both Moms asked what the news was, and Julie insists it is news only for her. Come a little after five thirty Julie’s dinner arrives; it is lobster tail with all the trimmings. The rest of us were excused to go get dinner on our own. We were leaving the room when Julie insists, “Honey I need you to stay for about fifteen minutes.”

Nurse Bonnie is now back in the room bundling Andrea to nurse as Julie prepares to eat her dinner. “Elaine, I suggest you make use of the bathroom to take off your tops and your bra. And please put this on so it opens in the front.” I see what is coming and I try to argue, finally I turn to Julie, “You can’t be serious about me doing this?”

Julie says, “My milk is still coming in and they say your milk shows it has the added nutrients.”

I am soon back out and sitting down; my eyes are watery as Andrea is brought to me. Bonnie and Gwen encourage me not to be disappointed if Andrea won’t nurse from me. Andrea is in my arms and I just lift her and bring her cheek touching my left nipple. Andrea’s head turns and her mouth opens. I can’t believe how natural this seems as Andrea begins to suckle. Nurse Gwen waits a moment and then checks and there is the milk on Andrea’s lips and tongue. She is nursing off of me. “That is sweet Honey,” says Julie. I look up and she is taking pictures of me nursing Andrea.

It is only a few minutes and Gwen has me switch Andrea to my other breast. “You would look a little foolish and it would be hard to explain if only one breast is nursed and begins to grow a little more than the other.”

Fortunately, Andrea is soon ready to nurse from her Mom Julie. However the feeling and the vision of nursing Andrea is etched in my mind. I go with the others to supper, but while we’re gone part of my attention stays back with Julie and Andrea. Robin is the only one at supper who can get and hold my attention.

The next day My mother and I have the house clean before go I to bring Julie and Andrea home. It’s me who continues working the most around the house since they’re home. Julie thinks my new domestic side is cute though we do clash when she tells me, “You’re the second woman in this house and I’m used to things being done certain ways.”

Twice a day when others aren’t around Julie sets me down and has me nursing Andrea. We’re always going to have me do it just one more day, but this is the seventh day and if I don’t stop I’ll need a nursing bra or at least a larger bra.

It was also the day Bridgette, Cathy, Cassie and Ashley come to visit. We were an hour or so into our visit together when Bridgette took me aside and to another part of our house. She calmly says, “Elaine it appears you’re nursing too.”

I tell her what had happened at the hospital with my breasts being tested and I subsequently nursed Andrea twice. “But you didn’t stop there did you?” She asked to feel my breasts, “I am not expert but it feels like your mammary glands are developing. If they stay like a woman’s, I would suggest you consider having the implants removed.”

It was later when Bridgette speaks with Julie and me, “Julie, I have mentioned to Elaine/Dan recently that if he is to be Dan he may need to quit his job. His body is beginning to respond more substantially to his male hormones being blocked. And now you and he are allowing him to nurse. Are you comfortable with your husband becoming a woman? This can be beautiful if it’s what you want. It is not so beautiful if it happens unintentionally.”

I expected a startled look on Julie’s face, but she’s quietly in thought. She looks at me and then to Bridgette. “From the time Elaine had the breast implants with his male-self hidden away I’ve been contemplating this. I had fallen out of love with the old Dan, and I’m kind of leery about Dan changing back. It might sound strange but I’m very much in love with Dan as Elaine. I like sharing my life and our family with her.”

“Dan, you might not realize it, but some of our neighbors know who you are and are okay with you as Elaine.”

Part of me was ready to cry in embarrassment, but I'm too happy to be embarrassed.

I nursed once each of the next two days and stopped nursing the next day. It was arranged if in a month my breasts were still larger than before I would have the implants surgically removed.

It is good to be back to work as well as exciting to get home with Julie and my family. Soon however I am back to my apartment at Bridgette’s. It is good to be there as I am having mood swings with my job and in my family life. Bridgette and Dr. Josie are good therapeutically for me. Ashley at the apartment and Julie at home are my reality checks.

I knew I had found my new normal when I am officially made Lynn’s Associate at work and there's talk about me moving home. There is not much talk either by others or me about becoming Dan again.

Having the implants removed wasn’t as big of an ordeal as I thought.

My new problem was finding myself attracted to men. Josey helped me to realize two things were behind that. The biggest and most problematic was I was looking for approval. I realized it meant I should meet with my Dad, whether it settled anything or not between us, this would be for me.

Mom and Ruth were at home when I arrived to meet with my Dad. It was like the ‘S**t hit the fan’ until Mom spoke up quite dramatically. “Frank, shut-up! Elaine has a right to know some things from you. If you decide to stay bitter that is your decision. But if you won’t even talk then I’m out of here for good.”

Dad barked, “You’ve threatened that before!”

“You don’t want to try me this time; I can assure you of that.” Ruth spoke up, “Dad, you heard Mom and you better talk to your son.” Ruth didn’t make any threat, but something was implied.

I waited for them to make their way to the kitchen. “Dad, it’s no more fun for me than it is for you, but I want to try talking with you. I wasn’t your idea of a son before, so I’m sure I’m not now.” Dad mumbled under his breath. “Julie and I have two beautiful girls who are your granddaughters. Would you like to see their pictures?” He mumbled under his breath, but then reaches out his hand.

When he said, “They are beautiful”, I sat down. Dad looked at me though not directly.

“I want to ask why you got so angry with me when I was ten or so and you found me in your closet with some makeup on?”

Dad was gruff again, “You were supposed to be a boy ready to become a man, and you were becoming a girl like your sister. I knew I couldn’t allow that. And now you’ve gone and done it anyway!”

I asked, “Whose makeup was it that I got into. I realize now it wasn’t Mom’s?”

He said gruffly, “She wasn’t to tell you that she promised!”

“She didn’t Dad. I’m seeing a counsellor and she helped me to recall what I saw. That makeup was different from Mom’s. I had gotten into both at different times. I want to know whose it was.”

I can see a tear in my dad’s eyes. He says, “You want to know, so you can laugh at me or say that’s what you guessed and rub my face in it?”

I said, “No Dad, I’m just looking for peace for a boy from back then. It might not help but I’m hoping.”

Dad surprised me with what he said next. “I felt guilty because you probably got being queer from me. Did you know I threw that makeup out the next day? My Dad and Grandpa had taught me a lesson when they caught me. I couldn’t do that to you because I was still like that.”

I said, “You know it’s something that we both stuff deep down inside us. But if it’s us, it doesn’t go away.” It was as though he hadn’t heard me.

Dad looked up to me, “I was taught a Dad had to say and do tough things even when it hurt.” Dad gave a half chuckle, “I couldn’t get me to look as pretty, but I did okay. Especially once before you and your sister were born, mother helped me. She wanted to tell you but I had forbidden it. She wanted tell you to change and be yourself after you started to be more like me. You were doing well at work kind of. Your mother complained you were becoming a hard ass like me. I forbid her to complain. And then when you started being girly again, she wanted to say something, but I forbidden her to say anything and I wanted nothing to do with you.”

He said boldly for him, “I am glad she went behind my back to see Andrea. I knew what she did.”

I reached out and clasped my hand over his. I was surprised he didn’t pull away. Instead he brought his left hand over mine and patted them. “Did you make them look that pretty or does Julia need to do it?” He had to suppress a smile. He paused, “At lease you are still young enough to enjoy it.” He looked me in the eyes again, “Is Julie divorcing you; what about your job?”

I say, “You probably won’t believe this but I was probably going to lose both until I began to change with being Elaine.”

Dad said, “I could use a good drink, how about you?”

“One would be okay,” I said. “Is it okay if I invite Mom and Ruth back in.”

Dad chuckled again, “You better or else they won’t believe it. I was set to write you out of the will.”

I said, “I thought you probably had.”

“I did,” he laughed. “But I wanted to write your girls back into it. Now, I might even include you.”

“Might?”

“Yeah, might. I might be back to being myself by tomorrow. You better hope I don’t see my father tonight. (His Dad, my grandfather had died when I was twenty,) I never got up the courage to do what you did today. You know it would be like me to hold that against you.”

Mom and my sister Ruth came back into the room. Mom cried a lot of happy tears, it was hard to believe what had happened. When I left, we agreed to have dinner the three families together at my house in two weeks.

Dad wouldn’t let himself ask more about how I got myself to look like woman. I had already begun to transition by then.

I had more trouble from some of my co-workers when I began to transition, than when I was pretending to be a woman. It was mostly men but not entirely. Some people were still angry with the old Dan. Some were alright with it only when it was a punishment for Dan.

Mary Halstead had encouraged her husband and the CEO to give me support higher up in the corporation. They did but it was mostly behind the scenes, and nothing official. I became Elaine Hall-Woods for a while and then Elaine Woods…

Postlude…
It is three years later and I have fully transitioned when Julie shared an idea she had kept back in her mind. My sperm had been frozen a number of times when I started with being Elaine and taking hormone therapy. Over two years we’ve begun trying to have our third child. A number of Julie’s eggs were harvested. Nine months ago one of her eggs was inseminated with my sperm and planted back into me.

It is beautiful to see how I blossom as a pregnant woman. It's like I am carrying a world globe under by blouse.

My sister Ruth gave me a baby shower. Our moms, a few cousins, Lynn, Deb and Staci from work, Ashley, Bridgette and Cathy. Dr. Josey Apgar was invited but said she had a conflict. She did send a cute outfit for when our girl would be a little older.

Most other people think I’m a lesbian giving birth and in many ways they are right. We consider ourselves lucky that the baby is to be a girl. Since it is by a Cesarean operation, they did not want Julie to go in with me. But I’m able to have Dr. Josey in with me. Our baby is actually taken a week or two early. The only way I can give birth is by Cesarean birth. That is well with me since most won't get a chance to do so.

It is already obvious that I will get to nurse Abigail; Gail for short. Julie was pushing for Danielle as the middle name, but as soon as we saw our new baby girl. We both knew she was Abigail Anne Woods. I thought it was strange when I nursed Abigail that her mother Julie wasn’t able to nurse her also. I thought nursing was always beautiful and fun. Abigail showed me, I still have things to learn about being a woman. She got so that she could suck harder and chomp down on my tit when it was most sensitive.

I do like the pretty clothes Gail gets to wear. Her fingers are so delicate and she smiles at the sound of my voice. She looks up at me from my breast and I know she see me as her Mom.

Robin and Andrea tell others they have two moms. They tell people, they know their Dad and get along with him very well. The people at the church we attend are friendly. Robin says it is because we have three children and it helps the church look younger. Julie and I have noticed a few more boys come to church since Robin and her girlfriends come. Robin is now twelve and blossoming as a young woman.

Robin tells her friends about me. She, her mother and I find it better people hear and learn things best from us. It took me six months to get my figure back after the pregnancy. My breasts are naturally a good size as I take after my Mom and Robin in more ways than one.

I like being back to work. Julie went to work as well when Andrea was ready for pre-school. She works part-time and from home. It gives us flexibility and to be there for our girls.

Julie would like us to have one more child, but she is not sure if she wants to carry a baby again.

The End