13-year-old Jimmy gets caught dressing in his mother's clothes and smoking her cigarettes. Is he a big girl now?
by slimv
13-year-old Jimmy gets caught dressing in his mother's clothes and smoking her cigarettes. Is he a big girl now?
Just a note from the editor: Slim V. emailed me that there is more to this story, hopefully to be appearing soon. :)
by slimv
PART 2
Jimmy felt queasy with excitement. He'd never experienced this kind of anxiety before. He looked at his mom and glanced back at the cigarette between his fingers. For crying out loud! He was 13 years old. He was sitting in a public restaurant with his mom- wearing girl's clothes and smoking Virginia Slims! This was insane. He was insane. After all, hadn't he just promised her he'd see a psychiatrist?
"Can we go home now Mom? I think I'm feeling kind of sick."
Carol crushed out her cigarette and signed the credit card receipt. "I guess you've had a lot of excitement for one day."
A very confused boy named Jimmy Higgins, who was masquerading as a girl named Katy, picked up his bags of wonderful new clothes and followed his mother out of the restaurant, and through the mall.
They were riding down the escalator as a pair of teenage boys was riding up. Jimmy didn't recognize them. They were older and in high school. They were shoving each other but never took their eyes off him. They were obviously trying to get his attention. If they only knew, he thought. Carol noticed them too. She watched the boys as they flirted with her new daughter. She watched as Katie looked away from the boys. She was clearly embarrassed by the attention
Katie turned around and looked up as her feet hit the floor. The goofy boys were still following her with their eyes. One of them even waved. She looked away as heat rose in her face.
"They thought you were cute," said Carol.
"I don't think so," said Katie. "They weren't looking at me. They must have seen something else."
"No Katie. It was you they saw and they liked what they saw. I thought they were cute. Didn't you?"
"Come on Mom. They're guys. I'm a boy. How can you ask if I think they're cute?"
*****
The ride back home was fairly quiet. Katie stared out the window as his mother drove. His mom was smoking. He wanted one too. He fiddled with his purse but couldn't bring him self to take out the pack of Virginia Slims.
"You know," said Carol, "you can have a cigarette if you like. I did give you my permission."
"Really" asked Katie?
"Yes Honey. Really. I'm not kidding. You're not going to get in trouble. And I do understand what you're going through. I remember how awkward I felt when I first started smoking in front of my mother. But I got used to it and so will you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I know it's something you need to do now. And I suspect it's something you want to do as well. It's kind of like the clothes you're wearing. You've been raised as a boy, but there's a girl inside that's been trying to get out for years. She needs those clothes you're wearing. And she wants them. Am I right Katie?"
"Yeah, I guess so. It's just so weird to think about. I know how I feel but I don't know how to say it."
"Are you happy?"
Katie turned in his seat and made eye contact with his mother. "This has been like the best day of my life. It's like I don't want it to ever end but at the same time I'm afraid of it."
"I know you are. That's why I want you to talk to the doctor. Bobby says the doctor is really nice and I think you'll like her a lot. He says she's real easy to talk to."
Katie thanked his mom and took the pack of Virginia Slims from his purse. It was still a shock to see the pack in his hand. He took a cigarette out and returned the pack to his purse, holding it between his lips as he searched for the lighter in his purse.
They were pulling up to a traffic light as Katie lit his cigarette. He breathed the smoke in and nervously exhaled toward her window. There was a group of guys in the car next to them. They were looking at him, watching him smoke. But they weren't looking at him. They were looking at her. Katie took a deep drag from the cigarette and exhaled toward the carload of boys as seductively as he could. He saw their eyes pop. He felt their desire and he basked in it within the safety of his mother's car.
Carol laughed and said, "Young lady! I do believe you're flirting."
He turned to his mom and vehemently denied her accusation. "I wasn't flirting. I was just smoking."
She gave her daughter a knowing nod and smiled.
*****
Dr. Laura Doyle listened as Carol told her about Katie. She liked Carol and quickly saw why her friend Bobby liked her. Carol was calm, collected and open minded. The vast majority of her patient's parents were not receptive to the underlying needs of their gender-disoriented children. She commended Carol on her compassion.
"I'll be as honest with you as you've been with me Mrs. Higgins. After meeting Katie and talking with you, I feel confident in diagnosing your son as having a severe gender identity crisis. I wish more parents could be as sensitive to their children's needs as you've been with Katie."
"So you agree with me? You think I should do every thing possible to help Jimmy become Katie?"
"Absolutely Mrs. Higgins. I've worked with many young boys like Jimmy. He may have some doubts but I don't. Your son is female and the sooner he realizes this, the happier he will be. I admit it's usually the parents rather than the patients who have trouble coming to this conclusion. Jimmy is confused by both his sexuality and his gender. He's afraid he's gay and of course you and I know this isn't the case. Jimmy is as much of a woman as you or I. The only obstacle between her and happiness is his penis."
"So you think Jimmy is a candidate for gender reassignment surgery?"
"There's no doubt in my mind Mrs. Higgins. He needs to begin hormone therapy right away. The hormones will help Katie's breasts grow, but expediency is a priority. I'd like to schedule breast implants for Katie tomorrow if that's OK with you."
"Of course it is Dr. Doyle. What about the size? Will they be big or small? Will Katie need to wait a year before he can have the reassignment surgery? I'm sorry about rambling, but wow, this is all so incredible."
"That's OK Mrs. Higgins. Your excitement is completely understandable. As far as breast size is concerned, the decision should be left completely up to Katie. Take her home and go to a website called Southern Charms. Let him look at the girls and he'll be able to decide what size breasts are right for him. Let him choose as large or as small as he likes. As far as the surgery is concerned, it's completely up to you and Katie. I realize it's standard procedure to wait, but I don't recommend it in Katie's case because he's a heterosexual. Time wouldn't be an issue if he were gay. But time is a luxury he doesn't have. He's at the age where he needs to start forming healthy relationships with members of the opposite sex. The sooner he becomes a woman, the sooner she'll be able to do that."
"When will he be able to have the surgery?"
"Even on the fast track, it will probably take at least a month. In the mean time, you need to encourage him to date. I realize he'll feel awkward about dating boys but it will make his transition much smoother, so please push him Mrs. Higgins- even if he resists. It's for his own good."
"I'm sure he'll fight me on that. He'll also be upset about the surgery. Should I tell him or would it be best coming from you?"
"Believe me Mrs. Higgins. Jimmy will be very excited about this. Remember, he wants to be a woman. What he says and what he really feels isn't always the same thing. Tell him about the breast implants but keep the surgery under your hat until the time nears. Even though it's what he wants, it would be best not to overwhelm him."
Dr. Doyle leaned forward in her chair and fixed her eyes on Carol's. "The most important thing you can do for Katie right now is to boost his confidence. He needs to feel desirable and attractive as a woman. Dating will help build his self esteem but he needs to feel good about him self in order for his dates to be successful."
"He needs plenty of reassurance from you. Use compliments. Tell him how nice he looks. It's very important to avoid saying or doing any thing that romances the notion of his maleness. I know he was dressed as a boy today because he came from school, but does he still have all his boy clothes?"
"Well yes," said Carol. "I haven't had enough time to replace his wardrobe. I didn't realize how serious this was."
"It's very serious Mrs. Higgins. And because Katie's transformation is on the fast track, it's crucial to eliminate his male side as quickly as possible. That means a new wardrobe. It also means changing his room. There's another thing. I saw a pack of Marlboros in his shirt pocket."
"You must think I'm an awful parent for letting him, I mean her smoke. But he's been doing it for a while and I think he's addicted. He's also got this thing about smoking. He thinks it's sexy. You should have seen her when I let her smoke in the restaurant Saturday. All the boys, even the men, were looking at him."
"Mrs. Higgins, I don't think you're a terrible parent. You're wonderful. My job would be so much easier if more of my patient's parents were as caring as you. It's not the smoking that concerns me. It's the brand. Marlboro is such a masculine brand. It would be so much better if you encouraged him to smoke something more feminine. Even something like Benson & Hedges would be better than Marlboros."
"I did buy her Virginia Slims. He just wanted the Marlboro's for when he wears his boy's clothes."
Dr. Doyle raised her brow and lowered her eyes on Carol.
"Well at the time, I didn't expect this to happen so fast. He still has three months of school left. I can't send him to school dressed like Katie can I?"
"If you love your daughter, and if you want what's best for her, you'll home school her for the rest of the year. You'll also need to legally change her name to Katie. I can give you the name of a lawyer who can help you with this. It's imperative that you sell your home and move to another school district so Katie can start high school as a girl."
"I can do that," said Carol. "And it's OK to let her smoke? Should I place any limits on her?"
"No limits Mrs. Higgins. You gave Katie permission to become an adult when you gave her permission to smoke. Cigarettes are a symbol of her adult status. As a matter of fact, you should encourage Katie to smoke. After talking with him today, I discovered he has made a strong association between smoking and femininity. He has a fetish for smoking. If he didn't have issues with gender, he would focus his fetish on being with women that smoke. But because he feels he is a woman, he needs to harness that fetish to his advantage. I want him to feel sexy when he smokes. You're a smoker Mrs. Higgins. You know what I'm talking about. It's not enough that you gave Katie a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. As her mother, you need to teach your daughter how to use them. Do you understand? Do you have any questions?"
"No Dr. Doyle. You've been very helpful. Katie and I appreciate everything you've done for us and I'll follow your advice to the letter."
"Good," said Dr. Doyle as she reclined in her chair. "After Katie gets breast implants, I want you to focus on getting him to date. Don't take no for an answer. His happiness depends on it."
*****
"Well what did she say Mom. You two were in there for almost two hours. Does she think I'm sick? God, I feel like I'm going out of my mind."
"She said a lot of things Jimmy," said Carol as she backed the car out of the space and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse.
Jimmy followed his mother's example and took the pack of Marlboros from his shirt pocket. Before he could extract a cigarette from the pack, his mother took them from him.
"What's wrong," said Jimmy. "I thought you said I could smoke. Did Dr. Doyle say not to let me?"
"No, she didn't," said Carol. "She said that from now on you were to smoke like a lady and that means no more Marlboros. Here, have one of my Virginia Slims. Their your regular brand anyway."
"But Mom, I'm wearing boys clothes. What if someone sees me?"
"They won't," said Carol. "You're in the car. Besides, I don't want to see you in boy's clothes again. When we get home you need to change into your girl's clothes. Then you can help me clean out your closet. We'll give all your boy's clothes to the Salvation Army. Oh we have so much to do. We have to redo your entire room. You're ready for a change aren't you?"
"What did she say Mom? Are you going to tell me?"
"She told me what I already told you. She just confirmed what we already knew. Simply put, you should have been born a girl and we're going to fix that. You have an appointment tomorrow to have breast implants."
Jimmy's jaw hit his chest. "Breast implants! I can't do that. Everyone will know. Mom. I like dressing in your clothes. I admit it. I love it, but I can't get real breasts."
"Why not," asked Carol?
"Well, you know. I'm a boy. Boys don't have breasts. I got a penis and everything. Everyone will make fun of me."
"What if no one knew? How would you feel about it then?"
"Come on Mom. I think people will know. Guys with breasts kind of stand out. I think my friends will notice."
"I'm serious Jimmy. And I want you to be serious too. I want you to think about this and I want you to tell me how you would feel about the breast implants if no one ever knew. If we do this, we'll do it right. We'll change your name legally to Katie. I'll home school you until you start high school next year. We'll sell the house and move to a place where no one knows you. You'll have a fresh start. Think about it. Today could be the last day of your life as Jimmy if it's what you want. You don't have to tell me now. Wait until we get home. There are some things I want to show you on the computer. You can tell me what you think afterwards."
Jimmy listened to what his mother said. The seriousness of the decision he was about to make sank in. He put the Virginia Slim between his lips and lit it. He savored the feeling of the smoke in his lungs as he pondered his mother's words. He thought about the last two days he had spent dressed as Katie. He thought about how much better people treated him when he was dressed as her. Even his mother treated him better when he looked like a girl.
He'd been to the mall hundreds of times but had always been invisible until last weekend. People noticed Katie because she was beautiful and glamorous. He thought of how comfortable he had felt smoking at the mall while dressed as a girl. He could never do that as a boy. He had carried the Marlboros along with him all day without getting up the courage to have one in public. People respected Katie. They didn't respect Jimmy. The idea of spending the rest of his life as Katie appealed to him. He sat back in the car, looked out the window and took another puff from the Virginia Slim.
*****
He was glad to get out of his boy's clothes when they got home. Sitting at the computer with his mom as she clicked through a porn site was weird. It bothered him but it didn't stop him from fondling his breast forms. Until today, their computer had always had a porn lock. He knew sites like this existed but he had never seen one until now. His mother told him to look at the girl's breasts and that's exactly what he did. He looked and looked. Some were kind of homely, but others defied description. Many of them were smoking! He envied them.
"Do you see any thing you like," asked Carol? "Dr. Doyle said the surgeon could make you breasts like any of these. All you have to is to pick a girl you like. Their breast sizes are listed in their bios. It's kind of like window shopping."
"Go back to Claudia," said Katie. "I want to see her again."
Carol gave him a rather disgusted look as she clicked on Claudia's picture. "I don't think Dr. Doyle had 36 G in mind when she said to choose your breast size."
Katie's eyes grew big as the thumbnails presented them selves on screen. "Click that one," he said.
Carol clicked on the thumbnail and Claudia exposed her self to them on the screen. She looked to be in her early 20's and was busting out of her silky red negligee. She was sprawled on a bed smoking a cigarette, giving them her best come hither look. "They're very big. Don't you think? She probably has back problems. Have you thought about that Honey? They wouldn't be light."
"Mom, I'd give any thing to look like her. She's beautiful. Besides, breast size is just a number, right?"
Carol clicked on the printer icon and the inkjet came to life.
*****
Dr. Brown smiled when Katie showed him the inkjet photograph of Claudia. "Are you sure," he asked?
Katie shook his head yes as Carol winced.
The last thing Katie remembered before the lights went out was an attractive nurse ramming a sharp needle in his ass while his mom held his hand.
His mother was still holding his hand when he woke up. "Is it done? Do I have boobs?"
"See for your self," said Dr. Brown as he held a mirror for Katie to look at.
"Oh my God," said Katie. "They're huge. I didn't know they'd be this big." He placed his hands on the huge melons and tried to give them a squeeze. "Ouch," he screamed!
"They'll be tender for a few days," said Dr. Brown.
Katie smiled at the doctor and thanked him. "What do you think Mom?"
"I think you're going to need some bigger clothes," said Carol.
by slimv
Part 3
His mother was true to her word. As Jimmy's chest recovered from Dr. Brown's scalpel, Carol made some calls. The lawyer referred to her by Dr. Doyle created a new identity for Katie. He even helped Carol forge school transcripts so Katie could start high school at Gilmore in the fall.
Katie's new wardrobe had become worthy of his new melon sized breasts and his room had undergone a transformation of it's own. The walls, once stark white and covered with posters of quarterbacks yielded to a feminine shade of pink and posters of Brittney Spears. He didn't shed a tear as he packed up the remnants of Jimmy's life for the Salvation Army. He was caught up in the excitement of his fantasy turned real.
He spent hours in front of the mirror experimenting with his new make-up kit. He would lie under the canopy of his frilly bed turning the pages of 'Seventeen Magazine' and smoking Virginia Slims.
Dr. Brown had been right about his breasts being tender. The first day after the surgery had been miserable. The pain would have been unbearable if not for the ecstasy of his imagination. He had fallen in love with the idea of looking like a woman. The permanence and reality of his transition were overshadowed by the immediate thrill of the change. The mirror didn't lie. He looked fabulous! But underneath the skirt he was still a boy and still thought of himself as one.
Katie clenched the cigarette between her teeth and ran her fingers across her massive breasts. Unbelievable he thought as he pinched the nipples between his fingers. He hadn't expected them to be so sensitive and reveled in the feeling. He was on his way to becoming his own dream girl.
Nothing about his transition seemed real. It was as if he expected to wake up from a glorious dream or worse- to get caught indulging in a full-blown perversion. He hadn't closed the door and his mother's voice sounded in his ears.
"Are you checking for tenderness," asked Carol? "Or are you just feeling your self up?"
Startled by his mother's presence, he jerked his hands from under his blouse and put the cigarette out. He blushed when he looked at her. "I guess you caught me," he said.
"That's OK Honey. You weren't doing any thing wrong. You're just getting oriented to your new body. I bet you never even heard of silicone until a couple days ago. Dr. Brown did a wonderful job. You should be very proud. I know I'm envious."
"Really Mom? You think they look good on me?"
"I do," she said as she sat down on the bed beside him. She smiled at her new daughter and asked, "So tell me, why did you put your cigarette out when I came in. You hardly smoked it. That's such a waste. You know how expensive they are."
Katie shrugged and blushed. "I don't know."
Carol nodded and sighed. "I wish you wouldn't be ashamed about smoking in front of me. Do you think it makes you a bad person?"
Katie shrugged again.
Carol looked past the breasts, the clothes and the make-up. She saw an insecure boy who lacked confidence in her self. She knew he was in need of a heart to heart talk.
She pointed to the pack of Virginia Slims on Katie's quilt. "Mind if I have one? I left mine in the kitchen."
She took her daughter's silence as a yes and picked up the pack, removed two cigarettes, lit one for her self and handed the other to Katie.
"I don't understand what's wrong," said Carol. "I thought you wanted to smoke."
"It's hard to explain," he said as he took a small drag.
"This is about your fetish, isn't it," asked Carol.
The crimson color returned to his cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I think you do, but you're too ashamed to talk about it. Dr. Doyle told me all about it. You think girls are pretty when they smoke, don't you?"
"Yeah, I guess," said Katie. He sighed and trimmed his ash over the ashtray on his nightstand. "I guess that makes me pervert- that and the clothes and the breasts."
"No Honey. You're not a pervert, but you're confused. So much has happened so fast- maybe too fast. But Dr. Doyle says it's better this way. She says the sooner you get used to thinking of your self as a woman the happier you'll be."
"Well that's just it," said Katie. "I don't think of my self as a woman. I'm still a guy. I just like dressing up as a girl."
"So you're saying that wearing girl's clothes, having breasts and smoking is like entertainment for your brain. It's just a game for you. It's not real."
He looked at her as if she'd read his mind. "Yes," he whispered. "Exactly. This feels like a dream, like I'm doing something wrong. I keep thinking you're going to yell at me and call me a queer or scream at me for smoking. It doesn't feel right. It feels good, but I don't deserve to feel this good. I'm not a girl Mom. I'm a boy. You know it and I know it." He felt a tear forming in the corner of his eye and looked away so she wouldn't see him cry.
She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's the hormones Honey. They're making you emotional. That's why you're crying. It's OK. I know it feels strange but it's normal."
"Nothing about me is normal Mom. I'm a freak."
Carol lifted the cigarette to her lips and hallowed her cheeks as she searched for the words that would comfort her daughter. "This must be so hard," she said. "I was born a girl. I had my entire life to prepare myself for womanhood. You've only had a few days. Your head must be so jumbled with boy thoughts. You're looking at this and feeling as if you're life is happening to a boy. Am I right?"
Katie nodded, sniffed, dried his eyes, and took a puff from his cigarette.
Carol handed him a tissue. "Your mascara is running. You'll have to do your make-up again before we go out."
"We're going out? Where?"
"We're meeting Bobby and one of his friends from church at Antonio's. You like Antonio's. I thought maybe you'd like the chance to show off your new breasts in public. I know I would if they were mine?"
"God Mom. I don't want Bobby to see me like this. He'll laugh. And I sure don't want to his friend to see me."
"Bobby won't laugh Honey. Who do you think gave me Dr. Doyle's name? He's fine with this and he wants you to be happy, just like I do. And as far as his friend goes, so what? He'll never know. He just thinks he's meeting his buddy's girlfriend and her daughter."
"I'm not sure if I did the right thing Mom. I know I'm weird but being a girl is a lot different than just dressing like one. I've never been like a girl for more than a couple hours and now it's been like five days non-stop."
"You need to quit thinking of your self as being 'like a girl' Katie. You are a girl, and very soon you'll be a woman." She leaned in and hugged her new daughter. "I'm so proud of you Katie."
Tears welled in his eyes as he caved under his mother's embrace. "How can you say that Mom? How can you say you're proud of me when I'm such a freak? Look at me. I'm a boy with boobs and they're huge boobs. I'm wearing make-up and smoking cigarettes. How can you say you're proud of me?"
"I'm proud of you because you're my daughter. The cigarettes, the boobs, the make-up and the clothes are all a part of being a woman. Any mother would be pleased and proud to have a daughter like you Katie. Believe me. I know because I've wanted a daughter like you my entire life. I want you to be as happy as you've made me. Will you let me help you to be happy?"
Carol gasped as her chest collapsed under the pressure of her daughter's hug. Katie looked liked a girl but was still as strong as a boy. It was her turn to cry when she heard the words, "I love you Mommy," whispered in her ear.
*****
Katie closed his car door and waited for his mother to come around so they could walk up to restaurant side by side. He finished his cigarette and crushed it on the pavement beneath his sandal. "How do I look," he asked? "Are you sure this purse goes with my dress?"
Carol shook her head. "I told you a hundred times before we left. You look beautiful Katie. You're absolutely stunning. The purse is black and goes with everything. Besides, with that cleavage of yours, you could be carrying a greased pig and no one would notice. Now quit worrying about what you look like and let's have a good time."
Katie stood behind his mother as she checked their reservations with the hostess.
"Mr. Rogers hasn't arrived yet but we can seat you. Follow me."
Carol and Katie followed the hostess as she led them to a booth in the smoking section. "If you'll be seated, I'll have the waiter take your drink order and I'll show Mr. Rogers and his guest to your table as soon as they arrive."
Carol thanked the hostess and took a seat.
"Did you see the way those men in the front were looking at you when we walked in?" asked Carol, as she removed a pack of Virginia Slims and a lighter from her purse.
Katie blushed. "No. I didn't see that and I wouldn't have wanted to either."
"Get used to it Honey. You're a beautiful woman, and how should I say this politely? Your figure is especially striking."
"I'm so nervous," said Katie. "You don't know how weird this is for me. What if they laugh at me?"
"He's not going to laugh Honey. Have a cigarette and calm down."
"What about Bobby?"
"It's OK Sweetheart. He knows you smoke. Go ahead and have a cigarette. It will make you feel better. Besides, don't you want to put on a show for the men?"
Katie removed the cigarettes and lighter from her purse and lit one. His Mom was right. The smoke went a long way toward soothing his pulsating nerves. "What do you mean about putting on a show," he asked?
Carol gave him a look of surprise. "Are you serious? You should know better than anyone. Lots of guys like to see pretty girls smoke. They think it's sexy. Isn't that why you started?"
Katie was puzzled by his mother's question. "I don't know. I don't think I ever thought about it like that. Are you saying I'm not the only the only guy that likes to watch girls smoke?"
Carol laughed. "Of course not Honey. But remember? You're not a guy. The shoe is on the other foot now, so to speak. You're the girl who smokes and guys look at you now. Can't you see? They're looking at you now."
"You mean Bobby likes it when you smoke?"
"Duh," said his mother, sounding like a teen rather than an adult mother.
"I don't get it," said Bobby. "He doesn't even smoke. I thought he was some kind of health nut that ran 50 miles a day and ate trees for breakfast. Doesn't it bother him when he kisses you?"
"Don't believe every thing you see on TV. Sure, smoking bothers some guys, but lots of men find it attractive. Now I want you to do every thing the way we talked about. Remember to keep your cigarette in front of you. It's important to emphasize how you hold it. By holding the cigarette by the filter, it makes your fingers look longer and accentuates your manicure."
"Like this?" asked Katie as he demonstrated his technique.
"Yes. That's perfect!"
Katie took a deep puff from his cigarette, being careful to do as he was taught. "Wow," he said. "This sure is weird. I didn't know girls had so much to learn. I always thought it just came natural to them. I didn't think they really practiced things."
"Well," said Carol. "A lot of things are instinctual. But then again, a lot of things are learned over time which is why you've got some catching up to do."
"Don't look now," said Katie, "But here comes Bobby and his church friend. Are you sure it's OK for me to smoke here? What if it bothers Bobby's friend? I thought church people were kind of weird about things like smoking and drinking."
"I guess we'll find out, won't we?"
Bobby leaned over the table and kissed Carol on the cheek. "Hey girls," he said. "This is my friend I was telling you about." He turned to his companion and said, "George, this is my girlfriend Carol Higgins and her daughter Katie. Girls, this is George Hathaway."
George extended his hand to both ladies and greeted them by name. Bobby sat next to Carol and George sat beside Katie who couldn't help but notice George's eyes following his breasts as he pulled out his chair.
Carol took a deep drag from her cigarette. She smiled when she did so, holding the smoke in her lungs longer than usual before exhaling gracefully toward the ceiling. "I hope our cigarettes aren't troubling you George. Katie and I can put them out if our smoke bothers you."
George laughed and told them that if smoking bothered him, he would have divorced his wife years ago. He told them about his family. He and his wife had a 16-year-old son named Brent who would be a junior next year at Gilmore High School.
"What a coincidence," exclaimed Carol! "Katie's going to Gilmore next year."
"Oh really," asked George? "What subject do you teach? Maybe Brent will be in one of your classes."
Katie blushed. "I'm not a teacher. I'm only 13. I'll be a freshman next year."
George choked on his water. "You're kidding? You're only 13? She's kidding isn't she Bobby?"
It was Bobby's turn to laugh. "She's only 13 George. Girls mature much faster these days."
"You're telling me," said George! "I'm sorry. I don't mean to seem so surprised. But you look much older Katie. I guess the cigarette threw me. You smoke like such an adult. Have you had the habit long?"
When Katie didn't respond immediately, Carol came to his rescue. "The little devil has been sneaking my cigarettes since she was 11. I tried every thing to get her to quit, but girls will be girls. They're in such a hurry to grow up and be women. What can I say, like mother, like daughter," she giggled.
*****
Carol was bursting with silent pride as she watched her daughter blossom during dinner. The shy longhaired boy she had once caught wearing her clothes and sneaking cigarettes was gone. In his place sat Katie, beautiful, elegant, sophisticated and mature.
Katie had passed his first test.
"Excuse me," said George. I probably shouldn't ask, but do you have a boyfriend?"
Katie blushed. Why would a man who was old enough to be his father ask if he had a boyfriend? Was he coming on to him? He was married. He was supposed to be a Christian. Didn't he hear Bobby tell him he was only 13? Just the idea of George or any other guy being attracted to him made him sick to his stomach. But it wouldn't be polite not to answer and Katie knew this.
"No, but I don't think my mom would let me go out with you either. I'm only 13."
It was George's turn to blush. "I'm so sorry," he said. "You must think I'm pervert. I wasn't asking for me. I was asking for my son, Brent."
George took out his wallet and showed Katie a picture of Brent as Katie smiled politely. His mother hadn't taught him how to handle awkward situations and he was winging it. After all, this was Bobby's friend and his mother would be remiss if he offended this guy.
Carol reached across the table for George's wallet. "Oh I just love pictures. Let me have a look."
Thank God, thought Katie. His mother would get him out of this. There was no way she'd let him go out on a date. He'd asked her before, back in his boy days and she had always said no, saying he wasn't old enough to date girls. Well if he was too young to date girls then he was definitely too young to date boys.
"He's a hunk," exclaimed Carol! "Don't you think Brent is cute Katie?"
Katie took a puff of her cigarette and exhaled. "Yeah Mom, he's real cute. But he wouldn't like me. He looks like such an athlete and Mr. Hathaway said he plays football and wrestles. He'd hate me cause I smoke."
"Nonsense," said George. "If any guy didn't want to date you because you smoke then they should have their head examined. If it's OK with your mother, and you of course, why don't the two of you go to Six Flags tomorrow."
Before Katie could say no, his mother told George that it was a wonderful idea. As Katie struggled to keep his food down, his mother and George decided on a time. George was so happy, he insisted on paying for the entire meal. He then told them that he needed to cut out early and apologized.
Bobby followed George with his eyes as he left the restaurant. He then turned to Carol. Katie noticed the perplexed look on his face.
"What in the hell were you thinking Carol? How could you set up Jimmy on a date with my friend's son? Have you gone out of your mind?"
Thankfully a voice of reason had penetrated the madness of his mother's world.
"I didn't set Jimmy up on a date," said Carol. "I set up Katie. I think she and Brent will have a marvelous time."
"But what if he finds out I'm a boy. I can't do this Mom. He'll find out the truth and when he does, he'll beat me to a bloody pulp. Why are you doing this to me? Brent is huge. He'll kill me!"
"Not only that," added Bobby. "George and his family go to my church. I'll be ruined. I'll never be able to show my face again."
Unalarmed by their stress, Carol lit a cigarette and calmly exhaled a stream of smoke. "Well I guess Katie had better be convincing then." She looked at Katie and laid her hand across his. "Don't be scared Honey. This is exactly what you need. Dr. Doyle said so."
"But Mom, I don't want to go out with Brent or any other guy. I thought you understood that."
Carol smiled and gave her daughter an understanding look. "Dr. Doyle said you'd be apprehensive about dating. But she assured me it would be in your best interest and I agree with her. This is for your own good Katie. Like it or not, you're going out with Brent tomorrow.
*****
Katie lay on his bed and stared into the darkness. His mother had lost it. She had turned his thing for women's clothes into a death wish. He had argued with her on the way home from the restaurant but she had refused to budge.
The rules were simple. Pretend to have a good time and don't let Brent discover the truth. Katie cried him self to sleep.
*****
She stood in front of his mom with his hair tied back in ponytail. He was wearing a pair of cut-off jeans and a red halter. For the first time since getting his implants, he felt like an exposed milk cow. "Can't I wear something that doesn't show so much skin," he asked?
"What? And have a heat stroke? It's going to be close to 90 degrees today. Besides you look great. Put this on your waist," she said handing Katie a pink nylon fanny pack. "You don't want a purse getting in your way. You can use this to carry your cigarettes and make-up."
"I don't feel too good," said Katie as he strapped the pack around his waist. "Maybe we should do this another day. I don't want to get sick on the rides."
"Non-sense, you'll be fine. You're just nervous." She stood back and lit a cigarette as she admired her daughter. "I can't believe this. My little girl is going on her first date!"
The doorbell chimed and Katie shuddered. He wanted to crawl under the couch.
"Stay right there," commanded Carol. "Don't move. I'll get the door."
Katie stood his ground as his mother opened the door and greeted Brent.
Carol knew by the look on the young man's face that he wasn't looking forward to taking a 13-year-old girl on a date. He was just following orders from his father. His look of apprehension vanished when he stepped inside and saw Katie. His eyes opened wide and a telltale bulge in his pants appeared. 13 or not, he was smitten by Katie.
Katie smiled at Brent and looked down shyly as his mother had taught him. He wasn't flirting though. He was in fear of his life. Brent looked like a larger version of the boys who had taunted him in middle school. He was a muscle bound jock. Needless to say, Brent was probably the kind of guy wouldn't have given him the time of day if he were meeting him as Jimmy rather than Katie.
He was a good-looking guy, standing six feet tall. He looked to weight at least 180 pounds. His biceps quivered when his arms moved. Katie knew that one false move on his part could cost him his life, or at the least- total humiliation.
Carol helped with the introduction and kissed Katie on the cheek. She warned Brent about driving too fast and told them to have a good time as she closed the door behind them. She rushed to the window and watched approvingly as Brent opened the car door for Katie.
She sighed and took a drag from her cigarette while praying that she was doing the right thing by forcing the date on Katie.
*****
Under normal driving conditions, the ride to Six Flags takes about 30 minutes, but construction on I-285 had slowed traffic to a crawl. Brent was nice enough, but she was so nervous about being with him and it felt like ages since her last cigarette. She looked around the car as he talked about wrestling. Brent looked like a wrestler and Katie would do every thing necessary to avoid his grasp regardless of whether it was loving or hateful.
The ashtray on the car's dash was pulled out, but it was impeccably clean. Apparently Brent didn't allow his mother or anyone else to smoke in his car. Katie fidgeted in his seat as he made up stories of imaginary people he knew to pass the time. He looked out the window at the other cars trapped on the highway. He needed a cigarette. The worse Brent could do was to say was no. And that might not be so bad. Brent didn't look like the kind of guy who appreciated second-hand smoke. The more Katie thought about it, the more she liked the idea. His mother said he had to go on this date. She didn't say Brent and he had to hit it off. It wouldn't be his fault if Brent hated smokers.
"Are you OK," asked Brent? "You're moving around like you have ants in your pants. If you're too cold I can turn the air conditioning down."
"No, it's not that," said Katie. "I just didn't know there would be so much traffic and I really need a cigarette."
"Oh yeah, my dad told me you're a smoker. You're welcome to smoke in my car. I don't mind. My mom smokes so I guess I'm pretty used to it."
"Are you sure you don't mind?" asked Katie as she unzipped her fanny pack and removed a pack of Virginia Slims and a lighter.
He assured him that he didn't mind so Katie lit up. In one way he was relieved to be smoking but in another way he was disappointed that Brent hadn't protested.
"Wow! I can't believe you're only 13," said Brent as he navigated the car through the slow traffic. "You look so much older. When my dad said he wanted me to go out with a 13-year-old girl I freaked. I told him I wasn't a baby sitter. No offense you know, but I'm still freaking. I never knew a 13 year old whose parents let her smoke. Hell I don't know anyone my age whose parents let them do it. I think that's so cool that you're mom knows and she's OK with it."
Katie smiled and exhaled a lungful of smoke. He had never dreamed anyone would ever approve of him smoking cigarettes much less compliment him for it. "My mom's real cool about a lot of things. What are your parents like?"
"They're pretty strict. They'd kill me if they ever caught me smoking. I guess that's why I think it's so cool that you do it. My dad didn't even say anything bad about it when he was telling me about you. It's weird you know. I'm 16- three years older than you, but I feel like you're a grown-up cause you look and act one like one. My dad said he thought you were a teacher when he met you."
Katie laughed. "Yeah, that was pretty funny."
"I'm serious Katie. You're the first girl that smokes that my parents ever let me go out with. I liked a few girls that smoked but I could never ask them out because I knew my parents wouldn't go for it. They're usually real weird about things like that. They're always thinking that people are going to be a bad influence on me or something like that."
"So I guess that means you've never kissed a girl that smokes before, huh?"
Brent blushed. "No, but I always wondered what it would be like. My mom smokes and my dad kisses her all the time so how bad can it be?"
"Real bad," said Katie as he exhaled another lungful of smoke. "I'm surprised your parents are still married. My mom dates a guy named Bobby. He was the guy your dad went to dinner with when he met me. He doesn't smoke and he's always complaining about my mom doing it. He hates to kiss her and he's always trying to get her to quit but she can't because she's addicted and so am I. You'd be a lot better off if you listened to your parents and stuck to girls who didn't smoke."
"I am listening to my parents," said Brent with a shy smile. "And they wanted me to go out with you. My mom even let me borrow one of her lighters so I can light your cigarettes for you in the park, if that's OK with you."
Katie returned Brent's smile. He was so dopey. But he heard himself telling Brent that he would like that.
"Cool!" said Brent. "I've never lit a girl's cigarette before, but I've seen my dad do it for my mom a lot."
Several minutes later Brent was exiting I-20 and turning left on Six Flags Parkway. After parking the car, they caught a tram and rode it to the entrance where Brent paid for their tickets. When they were through the turnstiles, Brent asked him what she wanted to ride first.
"I wouldn't mind riding the Scream Machine," said Katie as he placed a cigarette between his lips and searched the fanny pack for his lighter.
"Here, let me," said Brent as he fumbled with his borrowed lighter.
As Katie accepted his light, a little girl and his parents walked past them. "Look Mommy, that boy is lighting that lady's cigarette like Daddy does for you. Does that mean they're in love."
The mother shushed the little girl and pulled on her arm.
Brent and Katie both blushed. "Thanks for the light," he told Brent as he allowed the smoke to float past his lips.
Brent returned the lighter to his pocket and proudly took Katie's hand as they began their walk through the park. He kept one eye on Katie's breast and the other on all the jealous guys who were leering at them.
Katie's breasts bounced with the rhythm of his steps. He found it took some coordination to smoke, walk and bounce at the same time. He was self-conscious about walking through the park holding a boy's hand. He felt repelled and excited at the same time.
Brent was obviously thrilled to be in his company. And why wouldn't he. He had no idea that Katie was really a boy. As far as Brent was concerned, he was holding hands with the hottest girl in the park. Katie shook his head in disgust as he thought about the ruse. Brent looked so happy just to be with him.
It blew his mind to think he was hanging out with someone like Brent. Any girl in his school would die to go out with him and Katie strongly suspected that was the case at Brent's school as well. He noticed the looks they were getting as they walked through the park holding hands. Even though Katie was really a boy, he knew Brent was good looking and the nasty looks he got from the girls without dates proved his theory. They hated Katie for being with Brent.
Oddly enough he began to loosen up and became almost at peace with the idea of being with Brent. He had never considered himself to be the talkative type but there he was being a chatterbox as they waited in line for the Scream Machine.
So far Brent had been the perfect gentleman. He had lit Katie's cigarettes and held his hand and had hung on every word Katie said. This day was turning out nothing like he had envisioned the night before. He was actually having a good time.
The train pulled up to the gates signifying their turn. Katie got in first and Brent got in beside him. He lifted his arms as Brent reached across his lap for the seat belt. A slight rush went through his head as Brent's elbow touched his breasts. He wondered if Brent had done it on purpose and kind of hoped he had.
Brent pulled down on the metal lap bar trapping them inside the car. The train lurched forward on its track. People screamed and raised their arms. He felt Brent's arm come across his shoulder and pull him close. His arms felt so strong. He wanted to melt and felt foolish for thinking such thoughts. The train began its ascent up the first hill. It's ancient gears clanked and groaned. Katie felt the excitement churning inside him as their car reached the top of the hill.
Katie screamed as their car plunged down the track. His breasts, victims of gravity, bopped him on his face. He screamed and so did Brent whose arm never left his shoulder as the train raced up and down the track. The wind whipped his ponytail causing it to smack against the nape of his neck. The speed of the train, the wind in his face and Brent's heavy arm on his shoulder felt exhilarating. When the train screeched to a halt they were both screaming and laughing with everyone else and once again, Katie felt Brent's elbow brush against his breast as he undid their seatbelt. He also felt his lips against his cheek. It was brief but intentional. He said nothing to discourage him as they got off the train and made their way up the wooden ramp to the pavement.
The rules prohibit smoking in line while waiting for the rides and Katie's lungs were parched and in need of nicotine. He thought about his craving as he reached in the fanny pack for his cigarettes. He was grateful to his mother for insisting he take along two packs for the date. With his mother's encouragement he had become quite a heavy smoker over the past couple days.
Katie looked at Brent playfully as he accepted his light. When the cigarette was lit, he thanked Brent and seductively exhaled in his face. Brent inhaled the cloud of second-hand smoke and kissed Katie directly on the lips. Once again, Katie didn't discourage him. He took Brent's hand and walked along the pavement beside him.
Jimmy Higgins would have been dead meat if he had blown smoke in Brent's face. But he wasn't Jimmy was he? He walked along the pavement with a cigarette in one hand and Brent's hand in his other. Their arms swung in unison as they walked. He was having a great time with Brent and it disturbed him when he thought about it. After all, despite the breasts and clothes, he was still a boy when it was all said and done. He brushed off the thought, telling him self it didn't matter and it wasn't his fault. He hadn't asked Brent out. He had begged his mother not to make him go. But she had forced this on him. He was just trying to make the best of a bad situation.
It was easy to rationalize his behavior as it applied to his situation. However, try as he did, he could not rationalize his feelings. He had to let Brent kiss him but that didn't mean he had to enjoy it or look forward to it. What did that say about him as a person and as a boy? Katie didn't want to think about it.
The hard truth was this. He was having the time of his life. Being with Brent was wonderful! Never had so much attention and respect been lavished upon him. He made Katie feel like a princess. How could something that felt so right be so wrong? Again he found himself trying to brush away the thought and just enjoy his time with Brent.
"Do you want a Teddy Bear," asked Brent?
"What?"
"A Teddy Bear. I'll win you one if you want," he said pointing to something that looked like a big thermometer with a bell on top.
Katie stood back and enjoyed her cigarette as Brent traded a guy $5.00 for a big sledgehammer. He couldn't help but feel proud as he watched Brent's biceps ripple under the weight of the heavy hammer. He gripped it like a baseball bat and swung it up and over his shoulders. The sound of the hammer hitting the board echoed forcefully and disk sailed up the tall vertical measure ringing the bell. He did it two more times and called Katie over to choose a stuffed animal as a souvenir of their day together.
Katie ground the cigarette beneath his sandal and walked up to the display. Brent looked so proud to have won a prize for him. Katie pointed to the pink rabbit with long floppy ears. The guy gave it to Brent who exchanged it with Katie for a kiss that he willingly gave.
The rabbit came with a carabineer clasp and Brent used it to attach the stuffed bunny to the back of Katie's fanny pack. The rabbit bounced against his ass as he walked. It looked strange but it freed his hands to smoke and hold Brent's hand.
Katie had come to understand that Brent was one of those boys his mother had told him about- the kind of guy that gets off on seeing girls smoke. In other words, Brent was a lot like him. He paused and took out another cigarette and allowed Brent to light it for him. The way Brent looked at him when he smoked made him feel sexy and he relished the feeling. He had never felt sexy to another human being in his life. So what if Brent was a guy. That didn't change the feelings he was experiencing and since he had to be here he might as well enjoy it.
It was official. Katie had become a chain-smoker. As fast he could smoke a cigarette, Brent was prepared to light another one for him. It made them both feel very grown up.
As they walked around the park, Katie spotted three boys who looked to be about his age. They were scrawny little losers like him. They were huddled together trying to light their cigarettes with a match but were having trouble with the wind. Guys and girls, both smokers and non-smokers, walked by and made fun of them. Brent, his bully boyfriend was no exception. He called them fags as he walked past them. Fags, thought Katie. That's what he'd think of me if he knew the truth. But it would be so much worse because he kissed me. He thought of all the little kisses Brent had given him that day. They had all been quick pecks for the most part. After all, they were in public. It wouldn't be proper for Brent to rape him with his tongue with all these people around.
"Look over there," said Brent excitedly. "It's the Monster plantation. Wanna go?"
Katie grimaced. The Monster Plantation was Six Flag's version of the tunnel of love. It was a little boat that floated around in the dark giving couples a chance to get it on in a "G" rated kind of orgy.
He finished his cigarette with a deep puff and ground it into the pavement with his heel. "Sure," he said. "I'd love to."
Several minutes later Brent was helping him into the boat. He sat down and put his arm around him. Katie leaned in and nestled his face against his neck. He felt so safe and secure beside him. But more than that, he felt excited. He didn't understand what was coming over him. Maybe it was the hormones. His mother told him the pills would make him emotional. If that were the case he would stop taking them immediately. Today was a day he would do his best not to repeat or remember. And then Brent kissed him on the cheek. But I'll make the best of it, he thought.
The flame of Brent's courage was fanned by the darkness. He squeezed Katie tight and buried his nose in her blonde hair. The smell of smoke clung to her and excited him. He had always had a thing for girls that smoked but had never been this close to one. And never had he been with a girl who looked as good as Katie. The fact that she was only 13 meant nothing when he looked at her breasts. Her breasts he thought. He moved his arm across her shoulders until his hand was on top of her breast. He could palm a basketball but not Katie's massive breasts. But that didn't keep him from trying. He felt her move. Was she trying to get away? His father would have his head if he found out he had behaved less than honorably with the young beauty sitting beside him. But he was thinking with his penis now and he wanted her. He squeezed her breast and drove his tongue into her mouth.
The feel of her massive breast in his hand, the taste of her smoky breath in his mouth. He was kissing an adult woman. She couldn't be 13. The kiss was sloppy and wet. All his years of wondering what it would taste like to kiss a girl that smoked were finally answered. His eyes rolled to the top of his head as he became lost in her smoky kisses. He knew he shouldn't but was powerless over his urges. With one hand still on her breast, he reached around her with his other. When he found her hand, he moved it to his groin. It was wrong but he couldn't help him self.
Katie didn't draw his hand back. He felt it close around Brent's penis. I'm a fag he thought as he rubbed Brent's erection. As disturbing as this thought was, he couldn't remove his hand from Brent's groin nor could he unlock his lips from Brent's mouth. He kissed Brent passionately as he told himself he was just making the best of a bad situation.
*****
It was past seven o'clock when they arrived back at Katie's house. Brent parked the car and walked around to open her door. Katie took his hand and allowed Brent to help him to his feet. They held hands as they walked up to the house.
Katie smiled warmly at Brent and thanked him for the date. He told him that he had had a wonderful time. And then he put his arms around Brent's neck and kissed him passionately one more time before saying goodnight. Brent asked if he could see her again. Without making a promise for a second date, Katie told him to call her and kissed him one more time before going inside, leaving Brent to walk down the drive by himself.
Katie closed the door behind him and leaned against it. His knees were weak. His emotions were in overdrive. His mother was sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette. He wondered if she had peeked at them through the peephole in the door as they were kissing. He was so ashamed of himself.
Carol knew by the look on Katie's face that he had been on an emotional roller coaster. "Come sit down and tell me about it," she said as she patted the couch.
Katie looked up toward the ceiling as he fought back the tears before falling on the couch beside her. He broke down and sobbed uncontrollably on his mother's shoulder. She rubbed him as he cried, telling him to get it all out and he would feel better in a moment. When his sobbing slowed down she offered him a cigarette and he accepted it. They sat on the couch and smoked without talking.
"Why are you crying Katie? Did Brent do something to you?"
Katie shook his head and took a deep drag from his cigarette. He exhaled the smoke slowly, looked at his mom and said, "No, he was perfect."
"Then what's wrong? Didn't you have a good time?"
"I did Mom. I had a great time and that's the problem. He kissed me and I liked it. I feel so gross. I kissed a boy Mom! How sick is that?"
Carol smiled and gently rubbed her daughter's shoulders. "It's not sick at all Honey. It's normal and it's natural."
"No its not! It's not normal at all, and I did more than just kiss him. I touched his penis! He was wearing pants but I still touched it."
"Oh Katie. That's normal too. Your normal and he's normal. He's a guy and you're a girl. I know you don't think of your self as a girl yet, but you are."
"I'm not a girl Mom. I've got breasts but I also have a penis and so does he."
Carol took a deep puff from her Virginia Slim as she contemplated her next words. "OK, lets think about this. You're right. You do have a penis. But tell me, did you want to stick it in Brent today."
"Gross! Of course not. I'm not gay!"
"I didn't say you were Honey. We're just talking. What about Brent's penis? Did you want him to put it in you?"
"I don't know," said Katie. "Maybe. But I didn't think about it like that. It wasn't like I wanted him to fuck me in the ass."
"That's good," said Carol. "It means you're thinking like a girl Honey. It means you're not gay."
"Really? Are you just saying that to make me feel better?"
"I love you Katie. I'd do any thing for you, but if I thought you were gay, I wouldn't have allowed this to go as far as it has. I wouldn't have spent the time or the money. I did this because you're a girl in a boy's body and I'm trying my best to make it right. If I thought you were gay, I would have loved you the same. But I would have helped you come out of the closet- that's all. This is different. Don't you see?"
Katie sniffed, took another puff from her cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray. "I'm so confused Mom. I don't know what I am."
"But you know how you feel, don't you?"
Katie nodded as he picked up his mother's pack of Virginia Slims from the coffee table and lit one.
"Good," said Carol. "Let's have a mother-daughter talk with just your feelings in mind. Let's talk about your date but we'll talk about it like you're a natural girl. OK?"
"OK," said Katie as he took a deep drag and composed him self.
"You said he kissed you. Let's talk about that. Did he kiss you first or did you kiss him?"
Katie told his mom about how Brent had kissed him several times on the cheek and on the lips but they were like pecks.
She told him that he was using the quick kisses as a way to test the water. "He wanted to see if you'd be receptive to him but he didn't want to risk your rejection."
Carol beamed as Katie described his first real kiss with Brent in the Monster Plantation.
"And you liked it," asked Carol?
"I felt like I was floating Mom. It was like my toes curled. And all these explosions were going off in my head. I didn't want it to end."
"And that's when you touched his penis? When you were on the boat in the Monster Plantation?"
Katie nodded and took a puff from his cigarette.
"I think that's wonderful Katie. I'm so proud of you. Did it feel big?"
Katie smiled at his mother. For some reason his feelings of shame were being replaced with excitement as he thought about touching Brent's penis. "It felt a lot bigger than mine Mom. I know that isn't saying much. But it was so hard. It felt like a rock."
Carol put her hand on Katie's and looked him in the eye. "I think that's so wonderful Katie and I'm so glad you're attracted to him. Maybe someday you will be able to have intercourse with Brent like a real girl, but there are other things you can do before then."
"You mean like giving him a hand job," asked Katie?
"And even more if you'd like," said Carol. "I know you're only 13. But you've heard things and you've probably thought about them too. Do you know about oral sex?"
"Oral sex- like blow jobs," asked Katie?
Carol nodded.
"I don't know Mom. That sounds so gay. I couldn't do that."
"You have to quit thinking of your self as being gay. You're not. You're a woman and someday if you want, we'll fix your body so you'll be able to have sex like a real woman. But the important thing to remember is that in your mind and heart, you're as much of a woman as I am."
"You really think so?"
"I know so Honey. There's nothing wrong with a woman putting a man's penis in her mouth if she really likes him. You like Bent, don't you?"
"I like him a lot Mom."
"Well there you go," said Carol throwing her arms in the air.
"But what if he cums in my mouth? That could happen couldn't it?"
"If you're lucky it will. Bob and I have oral sex all the time and he always cums in my mouth. I love it and so will you! Oh Katie! Don't you just love being a girl? Isn't it wonderful?"
Cigarettes Are A Girl's Best Friend
by slimv
Part 4
"I think you've made terrific progress," said Dr. Doyle as she leaned back in her chair and studied the expressions on the faces of the mother and daughter sitting in front of her. Her experience had taught her that what a client didn't say was as important as what they did say. She had the uncanny ability of being able to extract hidden information from her clients by studying their facial expressions and body language.
Carol was energetic and could hardly contain her self as she talked about her daughter's first date. It was obvious to Dr. Doyle that the mother was reliving her life through her daughter as mothers often do.
Katie, on the other hand, was clearly confused about his new feminine feelings. Much of the confusion could be attributed to the introduction of hormones to his body. He was also experiencing grief over the gradual loss of his male identity and the shrinkage of his already slight penis. And last but not least, his heterosexual programming was at odds with his new situation.
"So tell me Katie, how did Brent react to your smoking?
"He liked it a lot I think. He kept telling me how mature it made me look and he was always lighting my cigarettes."
"How did you feel when he lit your cigarettes? Did you enjoy the attention?"
"It was great. It made me feel sexy and kind of powerful. It was weird cause he's so much bigger and stronger than me but when I was smoking I felt like I could make him do any thing."
"You said he's an athlete, so I assume he doesn't smoke. I suspect his parents wouldn't allow it. You also mentioned that his mother smokes, so I would expect him to associate smoking with female superiority. I'm not surprised in the least that he is attracted to your smoking. Because of his upbringing, he has a great amount of respect for you. Tell me Katie. How does this power and respect make you feel?"
"I love it. No one ever treated me like that when they thought I was a boy. I felt so grown-up when I was with him."
Dr. Doyle raised her eyebrows and told Katie his comments were very interesting. "Yet, you're still bothered about losing your male parts. I would think you'd be biting at the bit for a complete sex change. It sounds as if your life as a female is much better than it was when you were completely male."
"It is. I love dressing like a girl. I love having breasts. I like the way people treat me cause they think I'm Katie. It's just that I kind of wonder what it would be like to use my penis. I don't know what I'm going to be missing and that bothers me. I think I really want to be a girl someday but I keep thinking it's going to bother me if never know what it was like to be a guy."
"So what you're saying is that you want to have sex with a female to know what it's like to be a male."
Katie bowed his head and looked away.
"Wanting to have sex is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure your mother told you that sexual desires are normal, natural and instinctual. Wanting sex is a part of being human. Sex is a basic human need. So please don't feel embarrassed about this."
"Katie, look at me when I'm talking. I'm going to be blunt. Carol, I want you to hear this too. Katie, I'm 100% convinced that your future happiness depends on your ability to forge good relationships with men as a woman. That means you won't find happiness as a lesbian. You're heterosexual and you need to feel good about your feelings for Brent and other young men that will become a part of your life as a woman. However, I'm also convinced that you need to get this male wild hair out of your system. I think you need to have sex with a woman."
"How is that possible Dr. Doyle," asked Carol? "Katie has breasts and in case you haven't noticed, they're huge! What girl in her right mind would have sex with him looking the way he does now?"
"First of all Carol, Katie doesn't need a girl. You're right. It would be impossible to find a girl his age that would willing to engage in such an encounter. Katie needs an experienced older woman who can show him the ropes while maintaining a professional consideration for his emotions. With circumstances as they are, I feel it would be appropriate if you allowed Katie to have sex with a prostitute."
"A prostitute," shouted Carol! "You want my daughter to have sex with a whore? Do you realize how dangerous and unhealthy that is?"
"I admit there are risks involved, but the only other alternative I can fathom is incest. Would you being willing to have intercourse with Katie?" She looked at Katie and asked, "Would you be willing to have sex with your mother?"
Katie didn't answer, but Carol did. "Yes! I'd be willing. He was my son and now he's my daughter. I love her more than life itself and I will do anything necessary to ensure her happiness."
"Very well then," said Dr. Doyle. "Do it tonight. I'll have my secretary make an appointment for a follow up visit tomorrow afternoon so we can discuss the event and it's implications."
*****
Katie followed his mother to her bedroom, the place where his transformation had begun. It was ironic that this was the room in which his manhood would be experienced for the first and last time. Carol closed the door behind them. She had two packs of Virginia Slims and a lighter in her hand. The look on her face was both grave and loving.
"How do you feel," she asked?
"I'm scared Mom."
"Are you sure you want to do this? Do you think it will bother you?"
"I got to know what it's like Mom. I'm just sorry it's got to be you."
"Don't worry about that Honey. Believe me. This isn't going to painful for either of us. And if it makes you feel better, I used to fantasize about making love to you when you were a boy. I know that sounds awful, but I needed to tell you so you'll know I'm kind of looking forward to this."
Katie's eyes grew large. "No shit? Me too!"
"What," asked Carol? "You used to fantasize about making love to me too?" A smile that reflected Katie's formed on her lips. "Come on," she said. "Lets get undressed and have a cigarette while we talk about this."
Mother and daughter sat naked on the bed smoking cigarettes as they admired each other's bodies with their eyes and hands. The situation, once tense and guilt ridden had become fun and lighthearted. The uncovered knowledge of each other's hidden passions had given them courage and peeked their curiosity in each other.
Katie placed his hands on his mother's breasts and she did the same to his. He kneaded them between his fingers and played with her nipples. It was the first time he had ever touched breasts other than his own. The fact they belonged to his mother made the moment even more special. His mother wasn't young, but she was still attractive. Her breasts, even though they sagged from age, still held great appeal to him.
"I remember when you used to nurse from them," said Carol. "You were such a beautiful baby. Even then I imagined you as my daughter. Would you like to suck Mommy's breasts again Honey."
Katie grunted yes.
"Put your cigarette out first. I don't want to get burned."
Katie took another puff from his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray. He positioned himself low on the bed so his face was directly in front of his mother's right breast. She drew on her cigarette as his mouth engulfed her swollen nipple. He felt her hand upon his head, stroking and petting him as if he were her lap dog.
"That feels so nice Baby. You're sucking Mommy so good. It feels just like it did when you were nursing. But now you have teeth," she giggled as she pulled his head off her breast so that they were face to face.
Katie watched as his mother lifted the Virginia Slim to her lips. He watched as the tip of her cigarette glowed red. She pulled it away and without inhaling touch her mouth to his. He felt her soft lips lock on top of his and tasted the smoke as she gently blew it into his mouth while bathing his tongue with hers. He had no choice other than to inhale, and as he did he felt his small penis stiffen.
"Did you like that," asked Carol? "Bobby calls it sharing smoke. It drives him wild."
"I thought he didn't," smoke said Katie. He was still dizzy from his mother's passionate smoky kiss.
"Let's just say he's addicted to my kisses," giggled Carol.
"Do you think Brent would like that if I did it to him?"
"Why do you think I showed you," asked Carol? "But whatever you do, don't let him take up smoking on his own. If he asks you for a cigarette, tell him no."
"Why?"
"Because it could demystify the feminine experience for him. It's all about that power you were telling Dr. Doyle about. You could lose some of that power you have over him if he starts smoking on his own."
Katie picked up the pack of Virginia Slims and joined her mother in a cigarette. "Mom, I've been wondering. You didn't get mad at me the day you caught me smoking and wearing your clothes. I know you didn't believe me when I said I wanted to dress up for Halloween as Cruella DeVille. But I was wondering. Would you have let me smoke if all of this hadn't happened- if I was still a boy?"
Carol took a deep drag from her cigarette as she pondered her daughter's question. "No Katie, I wouldn't have. I've never been attracted to men that smoke. I don't know why and I can't explain it but it's how I feel. I'd be ashamed to have a son that smokes. But when I saw you wearing my clothes and smoking my cigarettes, I saw the daughter I could never have but always wanted."
"Don't get me wrong. I think smoking is very unhealthy. Neither of us should do it, but then again, neither of us are ever going to quit. But there are some very positive aspects to the habit as I believe you're finding out for your self with Brent."
"Dogs may be man's best friend Katie, but cigarettes are a girl's best friend. They're almost like the perfect food; zero calories, zero carbs. They taste wonderful and make us look sexy. They help us maintain our weight. They relax us and stimulate us and help us deal with stress. They give us something to do with our hands while we talk on the phone. You probably knew all that. But what you probably didn't know is that cigarettes and sex go together like peanut butter and jelly. Smoking during sex will amplify and enhance a woman's orgasm and it drives men wild with passion."
"Really," asked Katie as she took a drag from her own cigarette?
"Oh yes," said Carol. "And you're about to experience it first hand, right after me of course. Now lie on your stomach and put your head between my thighs. I want you to get your face right up next to my vagina so that you're kissing my clitoris. I'm going to teach you how a man pleasures a woman with his mouth."
Katie followed his mother's instructions and positioned his head between his mother's thighs. His mother's vaginal aroma was pungent but rather pleasant as well. It was the first time in his life he had ever seen a real vagina and he was in awe of it. He rubbed his fingers against her course pubic hair.
"It's beautiful Mommy."
"I'm glad you like it Honey. Maybe someday you can have one just like it. Ok Darling. Mommy is going to start smoking now," she said as she lit a cigarette. "And she wants you to lick her clitoris lips with your tongue."
"What's a clitoris look like?"
"It's folds of pink skin shaped like a lip. There's a little nub inside and it's going to make me feel real nice when you touch it with your tongue."
Katie shifted on his stomach and stretched his neck. He recoiled slightly from the taste of his mother's flesh. It was acrid and somewhat salty, but his excitement and hers drove him forward.
"Oh yes, Honey! Just like that. Keep licking Mommy just the way you're doing. Oh Baby, it feels so good. Don't stop. Whatever you do don't stop until Mommy tells you too," she said as she pulled hard on her cigarette.
She wiggled her hips and squirmed against his mouth for five or six minutes and suddenly stopped. The pause was only momentary. And then Katie felt his mother's hips lurch against his face. Her legs clamped down on his head like a vice and heard her scream his praises to God.
When it was over, he lifted his head and propped himself up. His mother was laid out beneath him, spent, her half burned cigarette dangled from her lips. His face was wet with his saliva and her juices. He wiped his face on the sheet and lay beside his mother who told him how wonderful he was as she finished her cigarette.
Carol took a drag from her cigarette and held the filter to Katie's lips so he could share a puff. "You'd make a wonderful lesbian," she said as she exhaled a lungful of smoke. "But that would break my heart, so no more women for you after tonight."
Katie took his mother's spent cigarette from her lips and put it out in the ashtray. He sat up and lit two more, one for each of them. He was proud of himself. He had brought a woman to orgasm. The fact that the woman was his mother sweetened his sense of accomplishment.
"Stay right there," said Carol as she got to her knees. "I'm going to show you something else you can do with Brent."
Katie looked down and watched as his mother took a deep drag from her cigarette and exhaled her smoke against his stiff little penis. As small as it was, it was still throbbing hard.
"That's so neat," he said.
"I thought you'd like it," she told him. She took another puff and did it again, putting her cigarette out in the ashtray afterwards. "OK," she said. "Turn about is fair play, so now I'm going to do for you what you did for me. I'm going to suck on your penis while you smoke. You're going to sense the orgasm right before it hits and before it does, I want you take a big puff and hold the smoke in your lungs without exhaling until you cum. OK?"
Katie nodded as his body tensed in anticipation. "Should I tell you before I cum so my stuff doesn't get in your mouth?"
"Your stuff is called sperm and I want it. You just lay back, relax, and leave the driving to me."
Carol smiled as she took Katie's stiff little penis between her fingers and lowered her mouth on it. It was so small and cute- nothing like Bobby's. She heard him groan in pleasure as her tongue worked it's magic on his little member. She couldn't see her daughter's breasts from between his legs. Her daughter was for all practical purposes her son as she engulfed his small penis.
Carol was an experienced cock sucker and Katie exploded in her mouth before he was halfway through with his cigarette. She couldn't help but smile when she saw the spent look on his face. "Better than your hand," she asked?
Even though he was young, Carol knew he needed time to recoup before continuing. She used that time to discuss what she had done for him while they cuddled and shared a cigarette.
"So what do you think Katie? Did it feel good when I sucked your penis?"
"Mom, it felt wonderful. I don't know what to say. It was incredible!"
"Do you think it would bother you to suck a boy's penis if you really liked him?"
"I don't know Mom. I like Brent a lot. But I don't know if I like him like a friend or like a boyfriend. It still seems weird to think about doing something like that to another guy. Something about it doesn't seem right."
"OK. If you were a boy do you think you and Brent would have any thing in common? Would the two of you be friends?"
"No way," said Katie. "He'd hate me if I were a guy."
"It felt good when he kissed you didn't it? You told me you saw fireworks and your toes curled. Why do you think you felt that way?"
"I don't know. It bothered me. It felt good but it shouldn't have because it wasn't right. I shouldn't have let him kiss me and I shouldn't have kissed him back. That was wrong Mom."
"It wasn't wrong Katie. It was nature defeating nurture. You're an attractive girl and he's an attractive boy. You have sexual feelings for each other and there's nothing wrong or abnormal about that. I was so happy when you told me about him kissing you, and holding your hand, and lighting your cigarettes. He likes you and he treats you with respect. When he looks at you, he doesn't see a boy. He sees you and you're a beautiful girl. I wish you could see your self that way."
"I bet he'd like it if I sucked his penis wouldn't he? It felt so good when you did it to me. I do like him Mom and I'd like to make him feel good."
"Helping a boy to feel good is only a part of it Honey. Oral sex or any kind of sex between two people should be taken seriously. It's not recreation and it shouldn't be casual. Sex with the wrong person for the wrong reasons can be degrading. I didn't feel degraded when I sucked your penis. I don't feel that way when I'm with Bobby. It's a very intimate expression of love."
"I know that Mom. I wasn't a slut when I was a boy and I'm not a slut now."
"That's good. I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. And I want you to know that if you have feelings for Brent, and if he's as nice as he appears, well, it wouldn't bother me if you shared your self sexually with him. I think it would be good for you."
"I understand Mom. I'll think about it, OK? Thanks for doing this for me. I know it was kind of weird but it meant a lot to me. I guess we should get of bed now, or at least I should."
"Not so fast Katie. I thought you wanted to use your penis to make to love to a woman."
"You'll do that for me?"
"Oh yes. I want you to know what it's like for a guy and I want you to think about me as well, so you'll know what to expect if you become a full woman."
Katie grinned. "Are you going to smoke like you did when I used my mouth?"
Carol answered his question with a smile as she laid back and lit a cigarette.
"Alright Honey. Get on top of me like you're doing push-ups. You need to get your penis over my vagina. That's it. Good. You're doing so good Honey."
Carol reached down and found Katie's small penis with her hand and guided it to her vagina."
The sight of his mother lying naked beneath him smoking her cigarette was candy to his eyes and food for his erection. His jaw dropped when he made penetration. His penis was so small; the expression on his face was the only way his mother could tell for certain that he was inside her.
"That's good Honey. Now move your hips and bounce around. You know what I'm talking about. Just do what makes you feel good."
Human instinct took over and Katie began to buck his hips as he inhaled the sight and fumes of his mother smoking beneath him. It was over almost as soon as it started. He arched his back, threw back his head, groaned and then collapsed on his mother's naked body.
"How was it," asked Carol as they shared a cigarette?
Katie exhaled a lungful of smoke and wiped his brow. "Amazing. It was absolutely incredible Mom!"
"I'm glad you liked it Honey."
"Was it good for you too? You didn't look like you had an orgasm like you did when I used my mouth."
Carol leveled her eyes on the remnants of her son. "I'm going to be perfectly honest with you Honey and I don't want you to get upset about it. Your penis is too small to sexually satisfy a woman."
Katie deflated. He looked down at his penis. Even erect it was less than four inches. The only thing it was good for was pissing and jacking off. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Don't be sorry Honey. It's not your fault. It's the way you were born. It pains me to hurt your feelings, but you're my child and I want what's best for you. You should think of it as one more reason to finish what you started and become the woman you should have been born as."
*****
Dr. Doyle listened as Katie described the sexual experience with his mother. As she had expected, the experience had helped him come to terms with his diminishing male attributes. It had made him more receptive to the potential of his female side.
"Your mother did you a favor by not sugar coating the truth Katie. I know how much it must have hurt to hear her say it, but she's right. Your penis is pathetic. No girl in her right mind would want to be with you because you're incapable of satisfying her sexual needs. But as a woman you could satisfy both your self and your male partner's."
"So I'd still have orgasms if I had a vagina. It would feel the same as if I had a penis?"
Dr. Doyle smiled at Katie. "No Dear. It would feel better than that."
Cigarettes Are A Girl's Best Friend
By: slimv
Part 5
Laura Doyle put down her menu, gave her order to the waiter and lit a cigarette. "You know Bobby, I'm always glad to see you. We go back a long way and
you mean a great deal to me, but I have to tell you, I'm a little uncomfortable talking to you about Katie. I know you're seeing her mother. But you're still not family and even if you were, there would still be doctor-patient confidentiality issues to consider."
"We're friends Laura. So lets talk like friends. I think I have every right to be involved with this because Katie's life involves my life. My God Laura! My entire world has flip flopped ever since I gave Carol your phone number. My best friend's son is dating my girlfriend's son. And you realize of course that Brent has no idea that Katie is really a boy. Their relationship affects my life. And then there's what happened between Katie and Carol. I couldn't believe it when Carol told me. They committed incest you and encouraged it!"
"I didn't encourage it Bobby. I'm Katie's doctor. I'm not a cop and I'm not their pastor. You think I'm evil because I don't share your views. I realize your church is important to you but it's not important to me. And it gets in Katie's way. The last thing she needs right now is a bunch of bible thumping hypocrites throwing stones at her."
"I'm not throwing stones at Katie. I'm throwing them at you Laura. Carol said you suggested a prostitute. Why didn't you stick to your guns? For Christ's sake, all he needed was a willing female to get his rocks off with. It didn't need to be Carol. What were you thinking?"
"I was killing two birds with one stone. Katie isn't like most of my patients. He's confused about his gender but he's walking a fine wire as far as his sexuality is concerned. He's bi-sexual. Some people think that's fine but I don't prescribe to that school of thought. I believe a person has to choose a team and stick with it. You're either straight or your gay. It's black and white in my book. I think any thing else causes uncertainty and doubt later in life."
"Maybe you're right Laura. I wouldn't know. But shouldn't Jimmy or Katie decide this for his or her self?"
"That would be OK in a perfect world, but we don't have that kind of time."
"OK, now that you mention it. I've been wondering about this too. Why is everything happening so fast? I'm not an expert but I thought this kind of thing took years to resolve."
"It often does take years, but it shouldn't," said Laura. "Look Bobby, I've already told you more than I intended, but since I've gone this far I'll go all the way. The reason why I didn't discourage the incest issue between Carol and Jimmy is because Jimmy is heterosexual. That means he has an Oedipus complex."
"Give me a God damn break Laura. Why do you shrinks think every guy wants to fuck his mother?
"Because it's true Bobby. You may not want to admit it because you're over that stage of your life. But you're really not. You're forgetting. I knew your mother well. And from what I can see, Carol and your mom could be twins, so don't sit there holier and thou and tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe if you had had sex with your mother you wouldn't be with Carol now. Maybe you never would have married and divorced Janet. After all, she was quite a lot like your mom too. Well Jimmy has this Oedipus business behind him now. He needed to know what it was like to have sex as a male and I helped him to discover what it was like. He can proceed with his new life without regrets. And he won't be burdened by trying to find his mother in all his future sex partners."
"You can rationalize anything Laura, can't you?"
"That's why I get the big bucks Bobby. Good logic doesn't always mix with good morals."
"Let's say you're right about this Oedipus thing. Why the hell are you rushing things?"
"The urgency is based on my personal experience and I happen to believe my personal experience has value. Jimmy isn't my first client with gender issues. I've tried it by the book Bobby. Just because his condition doesn't appear to be immediately life threatening, it still requires an immediate remedy. He's 13. He has his whole life in front of him but that life is largely based on his life right now."
Laura took a drag from her cigarette and continued. "There's no doubt in my mind that Jimmy should have been born a girl. I feel it in my bones. If I'm wrong, he won't be able to bring him self to have a sexual relationship with Brent. He'll stop before it happens. His wiring won't allow it. And if that happens, I'll readjust my strategy. But it's not going to happen. Katie wants this more than Jimmy doesn't want it. You mark my words Bobby."
She crushed out her cigarette and lit another. She pointed the lit end at Bobby as if she needed a prop to get his attention. "Bobby, I've been in love with you since the first day we met in college. And you loved me until..."
"Until I found out you were really a guy with a penis," finished Bobby.
"Precisely," said Carol, pausing to take a drag. "I knew I was meant to be a woman when I was Jimmy's age. But my parents wanted to cure me. My doctors wanted to make sure. My life was a living hell in that in-between stage. You're a good man Bobby. If I had been a woman when we met, you might have been able to accept me. I don't blame you for changing your feelings when you found out. But I remember the look on your face when you saw my penis. You can't tell me that look would have been different if I had showed you a vagina and told you that there used to be a penis there."
*****
Katie puffed nervously on her cigarette as Brent steered the car along the narrow and winding back roads. They were supposed to be going to Stone Mountain Park for a picnic lunch. That's what Brent had told Katie and that was the story he had told his mother. But here they were on the shores of Lake Lanier driving toward Brent's lake house. Of course it wasn't Brent's house. It belonged to his parents who didn't know their son had plans to borrow it.
He could have told Brent no. Going to the lake house was Brent's idea but he had asked Katie if it would be OK and she had said yes. He could still change his mind. Brent would be disappointed but he'd survive. More importantly, Katie would survive.
Katie lit another cigarette and looked out the car's window. There were few houses and many trees. Brent could bury him in these woods and no one would ever find him. For that matter, he could dump his body in the lake. Either way, the stakes were high. His life depended on him keeping his head.
"Are you sure this is OK with you," asked Brent. "We can still go to Stone Mountain if you want. You look so nervous."
"No, I'm fine. I want to see the lake house. It's just that I started my period today and I feel a little queasy. But I'm fine. This is fun. Thanks for taking me."
Brent grimaced as he thought of her period. He was a guy and he wasn't knowledgeable about such things. He was on a need to know basis as far as the female body was concerned and periods were something he didn't need to know about it.
Katie took a deep puff from her cigarette and wondered if Brent would pick up on his subtle message. His mom, being a wise woman had told him about the period ploy. She said it would keep Brent out of her panties. Katie hoped his mother was right.
Katie's shoulder bumped against the car door as Brent turned off the paved road. The gravel trail was bumpy and Brent swerved to miss the potholes. An ash fell from her cigarette to her lap and she bushed it away. When she looked up, Brent was pulling up a driveway that led to a cedar A-frame house. He could see the lake behind it and thought it would probably make for a nice view from the back of the house.
"We're here," said Brent, as he put the car in park and turned off the engine.
*****
After touring the house, Brent led Katie to the couch. He told her to have a seat while he got one of his mother's ashtrays from the kitchen. He asked if she wanted any thing to drink and Katie told him to bring a Diet Coke if he had one.
As he sat on the couch waiting for Brent, he wondered why he had allowed himself to get in this predicament. He knew full well why he was here. He had come to prove a point to himself and to his mother and to Dr. Doyle. He would find out today if he had what it took to be a woman.
Brent placed an ashtray and two Diet Cokes on the coffee table and took a seat beside Katie. He saw she was holding an unlit cigarette, so he fished the borrowed lighter from his pocket.
Katie accepted his light, inhaled a deep puff and thanked him as he exhaled the smoke directly in Brent's face. He wasn't being rude. He knew Brent liked it when he did it. And he needed the confidence boost.
Brent felt a stirring in his loins. Katie noticed it too but said nothing, so as not to embarrass him. Seeing Brent's erection and knowing he was the cause of it made him feel sexy.
Brent had a difficult time believing that the beautiful busty chain smoker sitting beside him was only 13. He feared she was more of a woman than he was a man. It bothered him to be intimidated by her adult features and habits. He felt like a little boy sitting beside her. He grew up hearing his mother say girls mature faster than boys. Perhaps his mother knew what she was talking about.
"Is every thing OK," asked Katie? "You look bothered. Are you on your period too?"
Brent laughed at Katie's joke. "No, nothing like that. At least I hope not. I just can't get over the fact that you're only 13."
"Is that a problem," asked Katie shyly?
"No, it's not. I just feel nervous. I've never been out with a girl as pretty as you."
Katie smiled at him and blew another puff of smoke in his face to keep the fire in his pants stoked.
Brent shifted his body on the couch so he could put an arm around her. He drew her close and pressed his lips against hers. Her mouth opened to receive his tongue. She tasted like burnt tobacco. It was a taste he had dreamed of every night since their first date. He loved the flavor of her smoky kisses.
As much as it turned him on to see her smoke, it bothered him that she was allowed to something he wasn't. He knew it was a juvenile thought. He was being stupid and showing his immaturity by thinking about it. Better to be quiet and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt. He spoke up anyway.
"Can I try one of your cigarettes," he asked.
"No."
He was surprised by her prompt rejection. She hadn't even thought about it. "Why not," he asked? "You smoke and I'm older than you."
Katie told him that age had nothing to do with it. "If I jumped off a cliff, would you jump too, just because you're older than me?"
"That's not the same thing," argued Brent. "What's your problem?"
Katie was just following his mother instructions by saying no, but he didn't want the disagreement to get in the way of what he needed to do. He took his mother's advice. He put the cigarette to his lips and pulled hard on the filter. Without inhaling, he pressed his lips to Brents and blew the smoke gently in his mouth.
Brent was taken by surprise. He coughed and sputtered. But he was also excited. "Do that again," he said.
Katie disregarded Brent's request and unzipped the fly on his jeans.
Brent forgot about the kiss and undid the button as he squirmed out of his jeans.
Katie stared at his destiny, as it stood tall between Brent's legs. He closed his eyes and opened them again. The penis was still there, all seven inches of it. As he looked at Brent, he thought of the night spent with his mother. He liked Brent and he wanted to make him feel as good as his mother had made him feel that night.
He took a puff from his cigarette and exhaled on Brent's penis. Brent gasped. If Katie didn't do something right away, Brent would have an orgasm without his help.
He put his cigarette out in the ashtray and knelt on the floor in front of Brent's spread legs. He felt Brent quiver as he took the penis in his hand. He ran his fingers up the shaft, stopping to play with the engorged head. The sight of Brent's penis in his hand was strange indeed. He analyzed his feelings as he moved it between his fingers. He thought about the softness of the skin. He leaned forward and kissed it with his lips and then rubbed the head against his cheek.
"You don't have to do this," said Brent.
Katie looked up at him. "You're right. I don't have to do any thing. But I want to do this. I think I've wanted to do this from the first time I saw you. I really like you Brent."
"I like you too Katie. I won't cum in your mouth. I promise."
He gently kissed the penis head, looked up again and smiled. "That's OK. I want you too."
Brent watched as Katie's head went down. Her long blonde hair covered his lap. He tensed as he felt his penis disappear in to the sweet dark recesses of her wet warm mouth. His head fell back and he took her hair in his hand and stroked it as she lovingly attended to him.
This wasn't the first time a girl had sucked him off. But this was different. He'd never cared for those girls. They were sluts- all of them. But Katie was different. She was his princess and the love of his young life.
For the first time since putting on his mother's clothes, Katie felt like a woman. Making love to Brent with his mouth seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Brent's moans were music to his ears. The touch of his hands against his hair made him swoon. He felt no shame as he caressed Brent's sweet penis with his tongue. He was Brent's girl and he was her guy.
He heard and felt the warning signs. The muscles in Brent's thighs tensed. Brent's groans penetrated his ears. He felt the power of his hands and thrust of his hips and they joined to push him deeper into her mouth. He was cumming and the taste of his sperm was like victory. His life fluid filled her mouth. It was hot. It was salty. It was Brent and she loved it. She swallowed it without hesitation. And when she was done, she released him from her mouth and kissed the tip of his penis that was still erect.
He thanked her. She answered him by kissing the tip of his penis again.
"I wish I could do the same for you," he said. "I wish you'd let me make you feel as good as you made me feel."
Katie smiled up at him. "You will some day. Just not today."
by slimv
Part 6
Carol spied Katie and Brent through the peephole as they sat in the glider underneath the porch light. The glow on her daughter's face spoke volumes. She couldn't help but smile as the young couple swayed back and forth on the glider serenaded by a chorus of crickets. The look of shared love on their faces was undeniable. Something important and meaningful had passed between them.
Carol fought the urge to open the door. Her heart was bursting with pride. She wanted to hug Katie. She wanted to cheer her on. Carol had battled her share of doubts and fears. There had been times when she had questioned the transition. Was becoming a woman really in Jimmy's best interest or had he just been going through a phase?
Carol was a beneficiary of the change. She had loved her son but had yearned for a daughter. The emergence of Katie filled a gap that completed her life. But had it completed Jimmy's? Two is company and three is a crowd, she thought as she strained her eye against the peephole. She saw Katie and Brent, but Jimmy was nowhere to be seen. That hadn't been the case until tonight.
She watched through the glass as Katie took a cigarette from her purse and held it to her lips. Without being asked, Brent fished a lighter from his pocket. Katie fixed her eyes on him as she steadied his hand in hers and cupped the flame. She accepted the light in the manner she had been taught.
Carol chuckled and shook her head as Katie leaned toward Brent and kissed him with smoke in her mouth. The expression on Brent's face was priceless. He was putty in her hands.
It was obvious to Carol that her daughter was no longer making the best of a bad situation. She wasn't reacting to Brent. She was purposely causing him to respond to her. She was the one in charge and she was clearly enjoying her power over him.
Carol had seen enough. There was no reason for her to continue this invasion of her daughter's privacy. She stepped away from the door but couldn't fight the urge to take one last peek. She looked again. They were kissing. Oh how sweet, she thought. She grudgingly pulled her self away and took a seat on the couch.
She picked up the Lady's Home Journal and lit a cigarette. She turned the pages but the words were a blur. They didn't compute. She was too blinded by thoughts of Katie and how happy she looked on the porch with Brent.
Happiness had eluded her son. As his mother, she had sensed his sadness and inability to fit in. Time and compassion might have healed some of his wounds but not all of them. Life is a crapshoot. Maybe he would have grown up and found a woman to share his life with, or perhaps not. Her son had been bullied. Those boys at Columbine had been bullied. That was not the destiny she wanted for her child. The irony of her Katie's relationship with Brent wasn't lost on her. He was the kind of boy who had made her son's life miserable but now he fawned over him. She smirked at the thought.
She looked up from her magazine as the front door opened and Katie stepped in, closing the door behind her. She pushed her blonde bangs away from her eyes and sighed when she saw her mother.
"Don't you look happy," said Carol. "Maybe Bobby and I should go to Stone Mountain and have a picnic."
Katie plopped down beside her on the couch. "We didn't go to Stone Mountain. We went to his family's lake house."
"My oh my," said Carol as she sat up straight. "You were alone with him? You look good so I guess you didn't have any problems."
"I told him I was on my period," said Katie as she lit one of her mother's cigarettes. "You were right. He didn't try to touch me down there."
Carol nodded as she searched the vibrant blonde for any signs of life from the insecure boy buried beneath her daughter's massive breasts. Jimmy had vanished without a trace. In his place sat Katie, who was suddenly more woman than girl. The maturity was more than physical. Any girl could look older with the right make-up and a cigarette. The beasts alone were enough to make a difference. But something else had changed.
Katie grinned at her mother as she tapped her cigarette over the ashtray. She leaned back and enjoyed the smoke as it entered and exited her lungs. She smoked it with the passion and confidence of a woman who knew what she wanted and had set out to get it.
"So, are you just going to sit there and torture me by making me guess or are you going to tell me why you're so happy? Something happened between you and Brent today, didn't it?"
Katie sighed joyously as she exhaled a lungful of smoke. "It was wonderful Mom. I never knew being a woman could feel this good. I never knew a woman could make a guy feel so good. I always thought boys like Brent had it made. When I was a boy I wanted to be just like him. I thought he was so big and powerful. It's not that way at all. I mean, sure, he's big and he's strong and he could wipe his ass with me, but he'd never do that. He can't do that. He loves me. I can make him do any thing I want him to do. I'm so little and he's so big but I'm bigger than him."
Carol took a drag from her cigarette and giggled. "Is this what it's all about. You finally realized how strong women are? I told you that in the beginning. Guys think with their with their penises and a woman can lead a man by his penis. I thought something else happened."
"It did Mom. Something else did happen. I sucked his cock today", she said proudly.
Carol gasped and choked on her smoke. "You did what? You had oral sex with Brent? You're kidding me, aren't you?"
Katie smiled knowingly at her mom as she leaned back against the couch cushions and pulled on her Virginia Slim. "He came in my mouth and it wasn't gross. It was beautiful. It's so weird. I don't know how to describe it. I liked the way it tasted but it's not like I would drink it by the glass or any thing like that. I liked it because it came from Brent. I think I love him Mom."
Tears of joy ran down Carol's cheeks as she devoured her daughter's happiness. She put her cigarette out and used both arms to embrace her. "Oh Katie. That's so wonderful. I'm so happy for you."
*****
Katie stood in front of her full-length mirror admiring how her waist length teddy clung to her curves. She lit a cigarette, puckered her lips and exhaled into the mirror. Her body felt electric. She quivered with delight as the silky fabric struggled to contain her bulging breasts. She held the cigarette to her cheek and swished her hips, cocked her head and absorbed her profile. She was so in love with her new self that she hardly noticed the tiny stiff penis ebbing and bobbing with her every movement. She blew her reflection a kiss and lay down on her bed underneath its frilly canopy.
With her cigarette clutched securely between her lips she looked forward toward the foot of her bed, hoping to see her self in the mirror, but her 36 G breasts rose like mountains on a plain, blocking her view. She placed both hands on top of the mounds and kneaded them with her fingers. She cooed at the sensation that radiated from her firm nipples.
Katie smoked like a train as her right hand wandered off her breasts, across her flat stomach and coming to rest on top of the nub her alter ego had once called a penis. She took the stiff nub between her fingers. She stroked and pulled it as she thought of Brent.
Oh how wonderful it would be she thought, if her penis were a vagina. She imagined Brent between her legs making penetration as she smoked beneath him. The ash grew longer with each puff she took. She knew it would fall and fall it did as it came to rest on her smooth neck. The ash was warm but not hot. She was making a mess but she didn't care. Each puff of smoke that entered and left her lungs along with each pull of her short-slender penis brought her closer to the ecstasy she craved.
What would Brent see if he looked down on her now? Smoke pouring from her flaring nostrils? Her eyes rolled back in her head? A grimace of pleasure glued to her face as, oh my God! The world collapsed like a soft pillow smothering her with an explosion of endorphins that coursed through her body from head to toe. She groaned as the feeling swallowed her whole. Her hand basked in the slick moisture of the hot sticky semen that flowed from her diminishing manhood.
She rolled to her side and put out her spent cigarette. As she did, her mountainous breasts collided with the mattress, giving her cause to giggle. She didn't bother to wipe up the mess though she knew it would dry to her sheets and teddy. She closed her eyes and thought of the last kiss she had shared with Brent as sleep stole over her.
Cigarettes Are A Girl's Best Friend
by slimv
Part 6
Carol spied Katie and Brent through the peephole as they sat in the glider underneath the porch light. The glow on her daughter's face spoke volumes. She couldn't help but smile as the young couple swayed back and forth on the glider serenaded by a chorus of crickets. The look of shared love on their faces was undeniable. Something important and meaningful had passed between them.
Carol fought the urge to open the door. Her heart was bursting with pride. She wanted to hug Katie. She wanted to cheer her on. Carol had battled her share of doubts and fears. There had been times when she had questioned the transition. Was becoming a woman really in Jimmy's best interest or had he just been going through a phase?
Carol was a beneficiary of the change. She had loved her son but had yearned for a daughter. The emergence of Katie filled a gap that completed her life. But had it completed Jimmy's? Two is company and three is a crowd, she thought as she strained her eye against the peephole. She saw Katie and Brent, but Jimmy was nowhere to be seen. That hadn't been the case until tonight.
She watched through the glass as Katie took a cigarette from her purse and held it to her lips. Without being asked, Brent fished a lighter from his pocket. Katie fixed her eyes on him as she steadied his hand in hers and cupped the flame. She accepted the light in the manner she had been taught.
Carol chuckled and shook her head as Katie leaned toward Brent and kissed him with smoke in her mouth. The expression on Brent's face was priceless. He was putty in her hands.
It was obvious to Carol that her daughter was no longer making the best of a bad situation. She wasn't reacting to Brent. She was purposely causing him to respond to her. She was the one in charge and she was clearly enjoying her power over him.
Carol had seen enough. There was no reason for her to continue this invasion of her daughter's privacy. She stepped away from the door but couldn't fight the urge to take one last peek. She looked again. They were kissing. Oh how sweet, she thought. She grudgingly pulled her self away and took a seat on the couch.
She picked up the Lady's Home Journal and lit a cigarette. She turned the pages but the words were a blur. They didn't compute. She was too blinded by thoughts of Katie and how happy she looked on the porch with Brent.
Happiness had eluded her son. As his mother, she had sensed his sadness and inability to fit in. Time and compassion might have healed some of his wounds but not all of them. Life is a crapshoot. Maybe he would have grown up and found a woman to share his life with, or perhaps not. Her son had been bullied. Those boys at Columbine had been bullied. That was not the destiny she wanted for her child. The irony of her Katie's relationship with Brent wasn't lost on her. He was the kind of boy who had made her son's life miserable but now he fawned over him. She smirked at the thought.
She looked up from her magazine as the front door opened and Katie stepped in, closing the door behind her. She pushed her blonde bangs away from her eyes and sighed when she saw her mother.
"Don't you look happy," said Carol. "Maybe Bobby and I should go to Stone Mountain and have a picnic."
Katie plopped down beside her on the couch. "We didn't go to Stone Mountain. We went to his family's lake house."
"My oh my," said Carol as she sat up straight. "You were alone with him? You look good so I guess you didn't have any problems."
"I told him I was on my period," said Katie as she lit one of her mother's cigarettes. "You were right. He didn't try to touch me down there."
Carol nodded as she searched the vibrant blonde for any signs of life from the insecure boy buried beneath her daughter's massive breasts. Jimmy had vanished without a trace. In his place sat Katie, who was suddenly more woman than girl. The maturity was more than physical. Any girl could look older with the right make-up and a cigarette. The beasts alone were enough to make a difference. But something else had changed.
Katie grinned at her mother as she tapped her cigarette over the ashtray. She leaned back and enjoyed the smoke as it entered and exited her lungs. She smoked it with the passion and confidence of a woman who knew what she wanted and had set out to get it.
"So, are you just going to sit there and torture me by making me guess or are you going to tell me why you're so happy? Something happened between you and Brent today, didn't it?"
Katie sighed joyously as she exhaled a lungful of smoke. "It was wonderful Mom. I never knew being a woman could feel this good. I never knew a woman could make a guy feel so good. I always thought boys like Brent had it made. When I was a boy I wanted to be just like him. I thought he was so big and powerful. It's not that way at all. I mean, sure, he's big and he's strong and he could wipe his ass with me, but he'd never do that. He can't do that. He loves me. I can make him do any thing I want him to do. I'm so little and he's so big but I'm bigger than him."
Carol took a drag from her cigarette and giggled. "Is this what it's all about. You finally realized how strong women are? I told you that in the beginning. Guys think with their with their penises and a woman can lead a man by his penis. I thought something else happened."
"It did Mom. Something else did happen. I sucked his cock today", she said proudly.
Carol gasped and choked on her smoke. "You did what? You had oral sex with Brent? You're kidding me, aren't you?"
Katie smiled knowingly at her mom as she leaned back against the couch cushions and pulled on her Virginia Slim. "He came in my mouth and it wasn't gross. It was beautiful. It's so weird. I don't know how to describe it. I liked the way it tasted but it's not like I would drink it by the glass or any thing like that. I liked it because it came from Brent. I think I love him Mom."
Tears of joy ran down Carol's cheeks as she devoured her daughter's happiness. She put her cigarette out and used both arms to embrace her. "Oh Katie. That's so wonderful. I'm so happy for you."
*****
Katie stood in front of her full-length mirror admiring how her waist length teddy clung to her curves. She lit a cigarette, puckered her lips and exhaled into the mirror. Her body felt electric. She quivered with delight as the silky fabric struggled to contain her bulging breasts. She held the cigarette to her cheek and swished her hips, cocked her head and absorbed her profile. She was so in love with her new self that she hardly noticed the tiny stiff penis ebbing and bobbing with her every movement. She blew her reflection a kiss and lay down on her bed underneath its frilly canopy.
With her cigarette clutched securely between her lips she looked forward toward the foot of her bed, hoping to see her self in the mirror, but her 36 G breasts rose like mountains on a plain, blocking her view. She placed both hands on top of the mounds and kneaded them with her fingers. She cooed at the sensation that radiated from her firm nipples.
Katie smoked like a train as her right hand wandered off her breasts, across her flat stomach and coming to rest on top of the nub her alter ego had once called a penis. She took the stiff nub between her fingers. She stroked and pulled it as she thought of Brent.
Oh how wonderful it would be she thought, if her penis were a vagina. She imagined Brent between her legs making penetration as she smoked beneath him. The ash grew longer with each puff she took. She knew it would fall and fall it did as it came to rest on her smooth neck. The ash was warm but not hot. She was making a mess but she didn't care. Each puff of smoke that entered and left her lungs along with each pull of her short-slender penis brought her closer to the ecstasy she craved.
What would Brent see if he looked down on her now? Smoke pouring from her flaring nostrils? Her eyes rolled back in her head? A grimace of pleasure glued to her face as, oh my God! The world collapsed like a soft pillow smothering her with an explosion of endorphins that coursed through her body from head to toe. She groaned as the feeling swallowed her whole. Her hand basked in the slick moisture of the hot sticky semen that flowed from her diminishing manhood.
She rolled to her side and put out her spent cigarette. As she did, her mountainous breasts collided with the mattress, giving her cause to giggle. She didn't bother to wipe up the mess though she knew it would dry to her sheets and teddy. She closed her eyes and thought of the last kiss she had shared with Brent as sleep stole over her.
Cigarettes
Are A Girl's Best Friend
by slimv
Part 7 (Conclusion)
"What do you think of that one?" asked Carol as she pointed to the mannequin with her cigarette. I've always thought lavender was your color. What kind of corsage is Brent getting you? If he hasn't picked one out already, then maybe..."
"He has Mom. They're red roses with baby breath. They match the boutonniá¨re I'm getting him. I like that dress, but they probably don't have my size."
Carol laughed. "Well maybe you should have thought about that before you told Dr. Brown to give you those rubber baby buggy bumpers."
"Quit it Mom. I get enough grief from everyone else. I don't need it from my own mother."
"Sorry Dear. I'll try to do better. Let's go inside and have a look around. There's not a lot of room between the racks so watch out for your rack."
Katie sneered at her Mom as they entered the shop. She didn't see the helpful sales girl lying in wait. The girl took a direct hit in the face from Katie's gunnery, causing her head to snap back.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you alright," asked Katie.
The sales girl was stunned but recovered quickly. "No problem," she said. "It happens all the time. So can I help you find something?"
"Yes, please," said Carol as she motioned to her own breasts. "We need to find a prom dress that will fit her."
The girl gave Carol a knowing nod. "Really? What school do you go to?"
"Well actually, its not my school," said Katie. "It's my boyfriend's. He goes to Gilmore."
"Me too," said the girl. "What's his name? Maybe I know him?"
"Brent Hathaway."
"No shit? Brent?"
"You know him," asked Katie?
"You might say that. We used to date."
"How awkward! Is this going to be a problem? We'd completely understand if you'd rather not help us. We can look ourselves." said Carol.
"It's no problem. It's just weird to finally meet you in person. I've heard so much about you from his friends." She lifted her hands to her breasts and pushed them up. "Apparently they weren't exaggerating."
"Oh by the way, I'm Cindy," she said extending her hand to Katie who took it. "Let me show you some dresses in the corner. They're kind of special. Most of our customers only dream of filling them if you know what I mean."
After picking several dresses, Cindy pointed Katie and her mom in the direction of the dressing rooms. She told Katie not to worry too much about the fit because if it was close she knew the name of a good seamstress who could do the alterations.
*****
"Holy fucking shit, said a pimply faced boy hidden in the back of the store with his eye to a camera. "That girl has a cock!"
*****
After paying for the purchases, Katie and her mother bought a couple of Cokes at the food court and took a break.
"Cindy is really pretty," said Katie as she lit a cigarette.
"She is, but she's not as pretty as you."
"But she's a real girl. I think that counts for something."
"You'll be a real girl too, and very soon I might add. Have you told Brent about the vacation?"
The vacation was Carol's cover story for her daughter's absence. They had told everyone that Katie was spending the summer in Portland with family.
Katie nodded. "He's pretty upset. He says he'll write me."
"You told him to use email didn't you? We can't have him sending real letters to some phony address in Portland."
"I'm not stupid Mom."
"Sorry."
*****
Carol opened the front door and invited Brent in, telling him how fabulous he looked in his black tux. He was holding a corsage consisting of small red roses and baby's breath as Katie predicted. She led Brent to the couch and sat down beside him.
"Katie will be just a minute," said Carol as she took a cigarette from her pack of Virginia Slims.
Brent's penis stirred as Katie's mom handled the cigarette between her fingers like a small baton. "Allow me," he stuttered as he retrieved the lighter from his pocket.
Carol smiled graciously and cupped the flame with her hand. Unlike her daughter, Carol tilted her head and exhaled away from Brent. "Katie was right. You are a gentleman."
Brent blushed nervously, hoping she couldn't read his mind or else she'd know what kind of pervert was dating her daughter.
Carol was an experienced woman. She was well aware of the effect her smoking had on men. Even so, she was amused by his response. Though it had been predictable, she still got a charge from it. She looked toward the stairs. Katie would be down soon. A part of her felt guilty for teasing her daughter's boyfriend, but that didn't stop her from seductively raising the cigarette to her lips as she asked about his plans for the evening.
He shuffled uneasily on the couch. His mind went blank. The name of the restaurant escaped him. Something warm and sticky trickled down his thigh.
"Coach and Six. We're going to Coach and Six."
"That's nice," said Carol. "It's one of my favorite restaurants- Katie's too." She knew what had happened but gave no indication. "I hope you made reservations for the smoking section."
"Oh yes Mrs. Higgins."
Carol smiled at Brent. "You're a good boy. Oh, I think I hear Katie," she said as she craned her neck toward the stairs.
Brent stood up when he saw her. A small stain had replaced his erection. He prayed neither woman would notice.
"You look great Katie. You're beautiful!" he said as he followed her breasts with his eyes as they bounded down the steps.
He wasn't exaggerating. She looked stunning in the dress Cindy had helped her pick out. If not for Cindy, she'd be wearing a halter to the prom. Not that Brent would have minded, but Katie wanted her first prom to be special.
"The roses are beautiful," exclaimed Katie!
Brent looked down at the corsage in his hand. He had forgotten all about it. He removed it from the box and began the arduous task of trying to attach it to Katie's dress without impaling her with the stickpin.
Carol watched with amusement as Brent struggled with the corsage. She could have assisted but opted not to. Katie could have helped too, but her mother hadn't taught her what to do in such a situation.
Brent turned red as he braced Katie's breast with one hand while pushing the pin through the lavender silk fabric. The tip of the pin finally poked through. "Did I stick you," he asked?"
Katie kissed him on the lips. "Uh-uh, you did it perfect. Look, no blood," she said as she pointed to her bosom. "Mom, can you get Brent's boutonniere from the fridge?"
"Sure thing," said Carol as she got off the couch, cigarette in hand, and went into the kitchen.
Brent tried not to stare as Carol's ass waltzed across the floor with a feminine wiggle.
She returned from the kitchen with the boutonniere and a camera. "OK guys and girls. It's picture time," she said as she handed the single rose to Katie for her to put on Brent. She snapped a picture of them as Katie fastened it beside his breast pocket. "That will make a great picture," she said.
"Over there by the fireplace, said Carol.
She posed them in front of the mantle, and stood back to take their picture, when another thought crossed her mind.
"Katie! I know what would make this picture perfect," she said excitedly. "Stay right there. Don't move a muscle- either one of you. I'll be right back."
She returned with a cigarette holder in hand. Katie grinned when she saw it. Brent's penis stiffened.
"Remember when I bought this for you," asked Carol? "It was right after I gave you permission to smoke," she said as she took a cigarette from her pack and inserted it in the silver barrel.
She handed the holder to Katie and asked Brent if he would do the honors by lighting Katie up."
"Cool," said Brent as he pulled out his lighter and held it steady so that Carol could take the picture.
Katie felt like a high fashion model as she followed her mother's directions as the camera flashed.
After the pictures were taken, Carol put the camera down. She hugged her daughter and warned Brent to drive carefully. She sighed as she remembered the magic of her first prom. Katie will remember this night forever, she thought.
*****
Their dinner had been delicious and full of conversation. Brent had never once taken his eyes off her. They talked about the dance, about who would be there and who the band was. They talked about Katie's upcoming vacation and how they would miss each other.
Brent lit Katie's cigarette and paid for their dinner with his father's credit card. He waited patiently for her to finish the cigarette. He didn't mind. He loved the way her lips looked when they were pursed with smoke.
She had developed quite a habit during their three-month courtship. He wondered if she could make the transition from home schooling to Gilmore where smoking was not permitted. It didn't seem fair to keep a girl like Katie apart from her cigarettes, he thought as he watched her smoke.
*****
Brent pulled up to the Ravinia's front entrance. After giving his keys to the valet, he offered his arm to Katie and they went inside.
Katie was wowed as they walked beneath the crystal chandelier as throngs of people walked past them on their way to places they had to go. A sign on an easel welcomed then to Gilmore's prom and they followed a crowd of students to the ballroom as Brent took the tickets from his wallet.
Everyone seemed to notice them. Katie had become accustomed to the stares. Brent beamed as she walked beside him attached to his elbow. He made small talk with the guys around him as they walked. Sometimes Brent would introduce her to one of his friends.
The ballroom was decorated with streamers. A mirrored disco light hung from the ceiling, casting reflections around the room as it spun to the music. The band was playing something from Matchbox 20. It was too loud for the room but Katie didn't mind. The deafening music added to the excitement. She felt like Cinderella at the ball with Brent as her prince.
They were standing by the refreshment table. Brent was holding two cups as a server filled them with punch from a ladle. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Cindy, the girl from the dress shop standing beside her.
Katie greeted her by name as she tried to speak over the music. "How do you like the dress," she asked?
Brent walked up beside her. She felt a cup being placed in her hand. He looked awkward and Katie wondered if the break-up had been as cordial as Cindy suggested.
The smile on Cindy's face was menacing. "It looks wonderful Katie." She turned to Brent and greeted him with the same menacing look. "The two of you make such a darling couple," she said.
Brent nodded and ushered Katie to an empty table, spilling a bit of punch on his tux in the process.
"What's wrong?" asked Katie as she put her purse on the table and took a seat beside him. "I thought you and Cindy were still friends."
"Where do you know Cindy from," asked Brent?
"She works at the dress shop. My mom and I met her when we were shopping. She helped me pick out this dress. I thought she was real nice."
"Yeah, real nice if you like rabid dogs. She hates my guts."
"She hates you because you don't date her anymore?"
"No, she hates me because I broke up with her after I met you."
"Oh," said Katie. "She didn't say that. She was so nice when I met her in the store."
"Let's not talk about it anymore, OK?"
Katie dropped the subject. The glass ashtray on the center of the table beckoned her. She looked around the ballroom to see if any of the other students were smoking. "Do you think it's OK to smoke in here," she asked?
"Sure," said Brent. "We're not in school.
"I don't see anyone else smoking."
"Over there," said Brent, as he pointed toward the corner. "I see Mrs. Warner and Miss Dobson smoking. It's OK. Go ahead."
"They're teachers though," said Katie as she removed a pack of Virginia Slims from her purse.
Brent lit Katie's cigarette and prepared himself for the blast of smoke from her lungs. He was breathing in her exhale as he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Dale Evers, Cindy's pimply-faced brother. Dale was a kind of a jerk as far as Brent was concerned, but he shook his hand as if they were long lost friends.
He introduced Dale to Katie and thought that would be the end of it.
"Are those real?" asked Dale, as he pointed to Katie breasts.
The offensive question caught Katie off guard and she answered him with a confused and hurt stare.
"Get the fuck out of here Evers."
"Don't get out of joint dude. I saw her at the dress shop when I was visiting Cindy."
"Well there you go you little perv," sneered Brent. "You shouldn't be hanging around women's clothes stores. Don't you have better things to do with your time?"
Dale returned the sneer. "Hey, you know what? You're right. I never should have brought it up. Katie, it was nice to meet you. Love the dress. Make sure you sit down when you piss so don't get it wet."
The gist of Dale's comment went unnoticed by Brent but made Katie shudder. She must have heard him wrong. She'd never seen Dale Evers in her life and there was no way he could know her secret. She thought of the dressing room. Had Cindy looked in while she was changing? She didn't think so. She would have noticed something like that. Besides, her mother had been standing guard. She took another puff from her cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray.
"Wanna dance," asked Brent?
Katie nodded. They got up and she followed him out on the dance floor. Brent took her by the waist as she draped her hands around his neck. He nuzzled her while they moved to the music. He inhaled the sweet scent of smoke that clung to her hair and kissed her lovingly on the lips. She was receptive to his gesture and opened her mouth to receive his kiss. Although they were on a crowed floor, taste of her smoky kiss shrouded him in an invincible blanket of passion. Only when they pulled apart did they notice the laughter and the stares. But they were too caught up in the moment to understand their role in the crowd's amusement.
They sat back down at their table. Brent was lighting Katie's cigarette when Cindy and her brother Dale stopped by.
"Don't look now," said Cindy to Brent. "But here comes Mr. Clark and Ms. Ryan." She then turned to Katie and said, "I'd get out of here if I were you, but don't even think of trying to return that dress. We couldn't sell it now if we tried to give it away."
"What's she talking about," asked Katie? "Who are Mr. Clark and Ms. Ryan?"
"They're our school's principal and assistant principal," said Brent as he took a sip of his punch.
"Are you going to get in trouble because I'm smoking?"
"It's nothing. Don't worry. Cindy's just a jealous bitch."
Mr. Clarke and Ms. Ryan approached the table. The looks on their faces were both stern and uncomfortable. "Do you mind if we share your table," asked Mr. Clark?
Brent shrugged and Katie smiled nervously.
The pair of authority figures sat down. "Excuse me," said Ms. Ryan to Katie. "You don't look familiar and I pride myself in knowing all my students. Do you go to Gilmore?"
"Not yet," said Katie. But I will next Fall."
Ms. Ryan acknowledged Katie's answer with a nod and looked toward Mr. Clark who loosened his tie and cleared his throat.
"Brent, there are some things I'd like to discuss with you and your... um date. But first I need to ask if you're familiar with the school's policy in regard to same sex dating at school functions."
"What are you talking about," asked Brent?
"Not that Mr. Clark or myself agree or disagree with the policy," interrupted Ms. Ryan. "But we do have a responsibility to enforce the rules."
It was obvious to Clark and Ryan that Brent didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about or more importantly, why they had brought it up. His date, on the other hand, was showing clear signs of being under stress as she puffed furiously on her cigarette.
"This is very embarrassing," said Mr. Clark, "But it's been brought to our attention that your date is not really a female. If this is true, it would violate our school's policy on same sex dating at school functions."
Brent laughed. "What? You think Katie is a guy? Did Cindy Evers and her dumb ass brother tell you that? Cindy's just mad cause I broke up with her after I met Katie. She's a stupid jealous bitch."
"Please tone down your language Brent. We can get to the bottom of this quickly and quietly if your date will accompany me to the lady's room," said Ms. Ryan.
Brent was incensed. "You want to strip search my girlfriend because my ex-girlfriend hates my guts and has 'suggested' that Katie isn't a girl. This is insane. You're insane."
"It was more than a 'suggestion'. It was an accusation and a convincing one at that," said Mr. Clark.
"Just take me home," cried Katie. "I don't want to be here anymore. Please Brent. Let's just go."
Brent slammed his forearm on the table. The band had quit playing as people gathered around the table to get a better look at the scene as it unfolded. The sound of his arm against the table reverberated across the dead air as punch spilled from his cup, staining the white tablecloth.
Brent and Katie found themselves in the center of a full-blown scene and it was not the kind of attention that either of them wanted.
Katie bolted. She grabbed her purse and stumbled through a jeering crowd that laughed at her pain. The band started back up with the most appropriate song they could think of- 'Lola' by the Kinks.
I met her in a club down in old soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
The crowd screamed 'Fag!' and grabbed at her breasts. Her high heels gave out under her feet and she fell to the floor. A strong hand hooked under her arm and pulled her to her feet. It was Brent. The crowd turned on him, shouting 'Brent is a homo' and 'Brent is a fag'. He hustled her to the exit as they were pelted with cups and plastic plates.
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said lola
L-o-l-a lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
The crowd stopped at the door but their mocking and the band's music followed them as Brent shoved his ticket into the valet's hand. Katie sobbed uncontrollably and he tried to comfort her.
Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola
He didn't know what to say as he drove toward her house. It had all happened so fast. The crowd, his friends, they had all turned against him. He told her they were all fucking assholes, as if his condemnations would make her feel better. He told her how sorry he was. He swore he'd get even with Cindy and that he'd kick Dale's ass. His father knew lawyers. They'd sue the school. They'd sue Mr. Clark and Ms. Ryan.
Katie became hysterical as Brent pulled up her driveway. Her worst nightmare had come true. Her secret had been revealed in the worst possible way. Not only had she ruined her life, but she had ruined Brent's as well.
"I'll kill them," shouted Brent as he turned off the engine. "I'll kill them all! Those fucking liars!
"It's true," said Katie. Her words were soft but audible. By saying them she had put her life in jeopardy. But in that moment, her life lacked value.
"Don't bullshit me like this. That's the last thing I need right now. This isn't funny."
"That summer vacation I'm supposed to take next week in Portland, I'm not going to Portland. I'm going to the hospital. I'm getting castrated and they're giving me a vagina. I was born a boy, but it was a mistake. I should have been a girl. The doctors are going to make it right. They're going to fix me. I'm so sorry Brent. I should have told you before but I didn't know how. I never thought anything like this would happen. I would have died before I let anything like this happen. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault. You're not gay. You didn't know."
The whole world had gone insane! It wasn't just back at the hotel. It was in this car as well. His anger swelled. He felt nauseous. Why was she saying this? Could it be true? He had kissed her. He had sucked her tits. She was a girl, wasn't she? She had touched his dick. She had sucked it for Christ's sake! He didn't want to believe a boy had made him cum. But why would she say it if it wasn't true?
"I love you," said Katie.
She leaned toward him and tried to kiss him. He pushed her away. She told him she was sorry as she opened the door. He didn't walk her to the door. He didn't wait to see her safely inside. He started the engine and revved it with his foot. He pulled the gearshift down. The tires squealed as the car raced backwards down the driveway.
The mailbox collapsed under the weight of the car's rear bumper with a crash that shattered the morbid silence of the night air. Katie watched the sparks fly from Brent's bumper as his car screamed out of the neighborhood, dragging the mailbox behind it.
*****
Despite the tragedy at the prom, Carol convinced her daughter to proceed with the surgery. She took responsibility for what had happened. Things would have turned out differently if she had encouraged to Katie to be honest with Brent about her condition. But then again, if she had been honest, Brent never would have accepted her, even if his acceptance had only been temporary and built on a lie. The dishonest transaction of misguided trust had given her daughter three months of bliss. But what was the cost of that bliss? Lives and reputations had been ruined.
The surgery had been painful. Katie's body felt like an open wound. She had few visitors other than her mother and Dr. Doyle. Bobby had broken up with her mother after news of the prom incident rocked his church. He hadn't even sent her a get well card.
She was glad to be out of the hospital. Recovering at home hadn't been pleasant but at least she didn't have to face the nurses who looked upon her with curiosity veiled with mock concern. Her mother had put the house on the market. Atlanta was a big city, but her notoriety had outgrown the small bedroom community. There had been lookers but as of yet no contract had been signed.
Time heals all wounds- so said her mother. It had been almost three months since the surgery and she had physically healed. Life goes on- so said her mother. Katie refused to leave the house. She spent most of her time in her bedroom smoking cigarettes and watching TV. The friends she had known as Jimmy were now aware that their old friend had not moved away, but none of them came to see her. As far as they were concerned, Jimmy had died and Katie was someone they didn't want to know.
School was scheduled to begin next week. She would watch the neighborhood kids from her window as they got on the bus. Her mother would continue home schooling her until they could sell the house and move to a new place- a place where no one had ever heard of Jimmy or Katie Higgins.
She took a final cheek hallowing drag from her cigarette and it crushed it out in the overflowing ashtray that sat beside her bed on the nightstand. She noticed the orange nicotine stains that covered her fingers but didn't care. Good hygiene had gone out the window. Smoking had lost its glamour. All that was left was the addiction. Since she spent most of her time as a prisoner in her own bedroom, it had become like one huge ashtray. Her dresser, once stark white had yellowed under the build up of tar that rained down on it. She knew she smoked too much but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything. She cuddled her pillow and stared at the canopy that spread across her bed and closed her eyes.
She awoke to the sound of knocking and the voice of her mother asking to come in. Katie groaned and rolled away from the sound of her mother's voice as the door creaked open.
"You have a visitor," said Carol. "I'll just leave the two of you alone now."
A visitor, thought Katie. How odd. She yielded to her curiosity and rolled over toward the door. The visitor was Brent. She gasped and sat up. She was torn by competing feelings of love and fear. Why had her mother let him in? But it was only appropriate that her life should end like this- by Brent's hand.
"How are you feeling," he asked?
She detected no sign of anger in his voice.
"It's over. I'm better. At least that's what they tell me."
"I've been thinking about you," said Brent. "I'm sorry I haven't visited before now, but things have been kind of crazy since the prom."
"I didn't expect to see you at all after what happened. I wanted to call you or at least write you. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am but I was afraid I'd just make it worse."
"It's probably best that you didn't," said Brent as he took a seat on the bed beside her. "I'm not going to lie. I hated you for a long time. Every one laughs at me. They think I'm a fag. Even my own dad looks at me funny."
"I'm so sorry Brent. It wasn't your fault. I should have told you."
"So why didn't you."
"You don't want to know. It would just make things worse."
"Oh no. You're not getting off that easy Katie- or whoever you really are. You changed my life and I think I deserve to know why. That's why I'm here."
"I didn't tell you because I was in love with you. I was so stupid. I thought no one would ever know and this sounds so dumb but I thought we would live happily ever after like in some stupid fairytale."
Brent nodded as he listened to her explanation. That's what my mom said too."
"I bet your parents are pretty pissed at me."
"Dad is still scratching his head but mom understands. She and I talk a lot. She thinks I'm in love with you."
"I'm sorry," said Katie as she reached for her pack of Virginia Slims and lighter. She placed the cigarette between her lips and was about to light it when Brent stopped her with his hand.
"Let me," he said as he took the lighter from her. Katie said nothing as she accepted the light.
"I think my mom's right," said Brent. "I think I love you."
Katie turned to him, her big doe eyes moist with tears. "Oh Brent, please don't torture me like this," she pleaded as little puffs of smoke punctuated her words.
He pulled her toward him. She didn't resist. His breath was hot against her cheek. She reeked of smoke, just as he remembered. She whimpered as his soft lips met hers. She threw an arm around his broad shoulder and ran her hand across his muscled back as the cigarette continued to burn between her fingers.
He pushed her gently to the mattress. Her breasts rolled like the crest of a wave as it crashed against the beach. He unbuttoned her shorts and pulled them off as she helped by extending her legs. Her panties were the next to go. He stripped them off and dropped them to the floor beside her shorts.
He knelt before her and absorbed the beauty of her finely crafted vagina. Although he hadn't seen many, he saw nothing that indicated a difference between Katie and any other woman. A thick mound of coarse blonde hair covered it. Her pink lips glistened with the moisture of her excitement.
He swung a leg off the bed and caught his balance as he unbuckled his belt. His pants and underwear fell in a pile next to hers.
She stared lovingly at his raging penis as she engorged her lungs with smoke from her cigarette. He took it from her and put it out in the ashtray. Without asking if she wanted one, he took another cigarette from the pack and gently placed it between her lips and lit it.
He climbed back on the bed and straddled her as she wiggled into position beneath him. The smoke from her lips met his and he inhaled her gift as pushed his hips down.
She felt the tip of his penis as it tickled and teased the sloppy wet lips of her vagina. She reached between his legs and guided him home with her hand.
Brent groaned with pleasure as his penis entered the doorway of her soul. She gasped beneath him as smoke billowed from her mouth to his face. She took him inside one inch at a time, slowly until he filled her with his girth.
The instinct of the nature buried deep within her since birth came forth as she ground her hips into his, slowly, forcefully and with rhythmic precision. Every thrust of his hips sent his penis colliding against her sensitive clitoris. She smoked frantically as she fought to keep pace with his fast approaching orgasm. She was the first to cross the finish line. She held the smoke in her lungs as her body quivered and trembled in ecstatic ecstasy. He reared his head back and followed her as the nails from her fingers ripped into the flesh of his ass.
He collapsed next to her, breathing rapidly, covered in the sweat of his passion as she blistered his neck with hot kisses. She pulled his face to her breasts and cradled his head with one hand while putting her cigarette out and lighting a new one. He nuzzled her and mumbled promises of love as she responded with smoky kisses.
Fin.
(I have written several other smoking/TG stories that are available at Sapphire's Place and some straight smoking stories that are available at Smoking From All Sides)
Parental Permission
Arlene fired up a cigarette and exhaled angrily and glared at her son. "I still can't believe this. Didn't they teach you anything in school? Didn't your father and I teach you anything? What about sports? Did you ever stop to think about that? You know you can't play sports if you smoke. Are you stupid? Tell me Hank because I want to know. Do your friends smoke? Is that it? Is this some kind of peer pressure thing?"
Hank shook his head no as he struggled to fight back the tears.
"Then what is it Hank? Why in the the world would you do something so stupid? Did you think it would make you look all tough and grown-up like your father?"
"No."
"Did you want to try it because you saw someone you like in the movies doing it?"
"Nooo!"
"Then tell me why you're so stupid Hank! Tell me why?"
"BECAUSE I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU MOM!" screamed Hank. "I love you so much and you hate me so much." He fell to his knees and started bawling.
Arlene was flabbergasted. She was overwhelmed by her son's display of emotions. Even more, she had heard what he said about wanting to be like her. She didn't understand it but she had heard it. She'd seen the pain in his face and knew he had tried his best not to say it. Her heart had ached when he said he loved her. How could he think she hated him? She was angry and confused but she loved him with every breath she took. She fell beside him on her own knees and pulled his wet face to her chest.
"I don't hate you," she said. "I love you more than life itself. I'm just trying to understand."
"Me too," choked Hank.
Arlene stood up and took him by the hand, leading him to her bed where they sat down on the mattress. "You said you want to be like me. Why did you say that?"
Hank didn't hesitate. "Because its true. I want to be like you."
"But you're a boy. A boy should want to be like his father."
"I know that, and I do kind of, but not really. At least thats not what I think about. I just think about what it would be like to be you."'
"I'm still not sure what you mean. Are you saying you like the kind of person I am and the things I stand for? Or are you talking about being like me physically?"
"Both," said Hank. "I think you're the greatest person in the whole universe and you're so beautiful. Everything you do looks so wonderful when you do it. Its like I want to do everything you do the same way you do it."
Arlene followed his gaze as it focused on her cigarette while he was talking. "So I'm the reason you started smoking," she asked?
He wanted to be truthful, but then again, he didn't want to make her feel worse.
"Its okay Hank. I think I need to hear this.
Hank nodded. "I"m sorry. Please don't hate me."
Arlene rubbed the back of his neck with her hand. "I don't baby. Maybe I should be flattered. You know what they say about imitation being the sincerest form of flattery?"
Hank sniffed and wiped his eyes.
Arlene got up and put her cigarette out. "So how long has this been going on," she asked?
Hank laughed. The sound of his laughter reflected his relief. "A real long time," he said. "Forever, I guess."
Arlene smiled as she sat back down on the bed beside him. "Tell me about it and don't leave anything out."
"I don't know Mom. Some of it is kind of embarrassing."
"Then those are the parts I especially want to hear. It means they're the most important. Who knows? Maybe I did or thought the same things when I was your age."
Hank shook his head. "I don't think so. Probably not."
"Tell me anyway and start at the beginning."
"Okay, well for starters, I guess I've always thought you were like the coolest person in the world for as long as I can remember. I'm talking like when I was probably five or six. I used to watch you do everything and then I'd try to do it like you did."
Arlene scowled. "I hope you weren't smoking like me when you were five or six."
Hank laughed. "No, but I pretended to. I used pencils and pens and pretzels. I didn't start using real cigarettes until I was eight or nine."
"What? You started smoking then?"
"No! I was just holding them. They weren't even lit. I was just pretending. I didn't start smoking for real until about a year ago."
"I see," said Arlene. "So do you like the way you feel when you smoke?"
"Yeah, but its hard to explain."
"Well does it feel physically good or is there something else about it that you like?"
"Definitely both. I know it makes me feel good, but there's more to it than that. Its like when you asked me if it made me feel manly and grown-up like Dad. Well it doesn't make me feel like Dad. It makes feel like you and that's the part I like."
"So what else do you do like me?"
"I don't know. You know. Just things."
"Oh really? Like what?"
"I can't say Mom. Its too weird, but I'm not going to do it anymore so it really doesn't matter. The thing is that I really love you a lot and there's a lot of times when I wish I could be more like you, to know what it feels like. Its really dumb and I don't even know why I'm telling you this."
Arlene rubbed her eyes and then she put her cigarette out. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise I won't be mad or think less of you."
Hank shook his head no.
"Okay then. I'll tell you what I think it is and you tell me if I'm right."
Hank agreed, knowing she'd never guess his shameful secret.
"Are you drinking alcohol?"
"No...not really. Dad lets me have a sip of his beer sometimes when we're watching football or baseball, but its not like I've ever drank a whole can of beer or anything."
Arlene nodded as if she were satisfied with his answer. She sighed and placed her hand on his thigh. "I didn't think you were drinking."
"Then why'd you ask?"
She shrugged. "Because I didn't know how to ask you what I really wanted to ask you, so I guess I'll just come out and say it. Don't take this the wrong way, but someone has been getting into my closet and dresser and I thought it was Tommy, but now I think it might be you."
Hank's jaw dropped and the moisture in his mouth evaporated.
"It's okay honey. I'm not mad. Please don't be embarrassed. I'm sure a lot of boys your age have probably played around with their mother's clothes."
His eyes watered and his lips trembled as he looked at her.
"But I think those boys are probably just curious about women in general and I think it might be different with you."
"I'm not gay Mom. I promise. Please don't tell Dad what I did. He'll hate me."
"Your father won't hate you Hank. He loves you. We both love you."
"But I don't want him to know!"
"He already does."
"You told him?"
"Yes. But I didn't say it was you. I told him about thinking that someone was playing with my clothes and I told him that I thought it might be Tommy."
"Okay then," pleaded Hank. "So don't tell him. He doesn't need to know. I'm not going to do it anymore anyway."
"Its okay Hank. He wasn't mad when he thought it was Tommy so he won't be made when he knows its you."
"But Mom..."
"He's your father and he needs to know."
"No he doesn't. He never has to know. You don't have to tell him."
"He's your father and he needs to know but I don't have to tell him tonight. Maybe you can tell him yourself later, when the time is right."
"Uh-uh. No way."
"We'll cross that bridge later. Right now we have to deal with your smoking. He already knows about that because he caught you."
"And he hates me for it too. You saw the way he was looking at me when he told you about catching me."
"Quit saying he hates you. Nobody hates you. He was just angry and disappointed. We both were."
"I'm so sorry."
"I know you are and I'm sure this and everything else must make you feel like its the end of your world, but it isn't. Things will get better. You'll see."
Hank sniffed and wiped his eyes.
Arlene placed her arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. "Well at least now I know why you got caught with my Virginia Slims instead of your father's Winstons."
Hank forced a nervous laugh. "I told him that I took yours because they were easier to get."
"How would you feel if we got you some nice clothes of your own? I know we're about the same size and you could wear mine, but I was thinking it might be better if you had some things of your own."
Hank croaked. "I couldn't do that Mom."
"Why not? You do it with my clothes. Since you're probably going to keep doing it, I think it makes sense for you to have your own clothes. I also think it would be a good idea for you to explore this side of yourself. Maybe you'll get it out of your system or maybe you'll figure out that it really makes you happy."
"I don't think so Mom. Its just too embarrassing. I wouldn't want anyone to see me."
"You're just saying that because you're afraid you'll look silly, but I think if you let me help you, you'd be proud of the way you look. All you need is a little make-up and your eyebrows shaped. Of course you'd need a wig and some breast forms, but other than that, you have the perfect features. Your nose is small and your lips are full. You have nice cheekbones too."
His breathing became more labored as he visualized his mother's offer to make him over. She was right in thinking he was afraid. "I can't Mom. I'm a boy."
"A boy who wants to feel what its like to be a woman," she said softly. "Its okay, I know you're scared. We'll figure it out later. In the meantime, I need to decide what to do about your smoking."
Hank took a deep breath and braced for his punishment. At best he could expect to be grounded for two weeks without allowance. The worst she'd probably do is ground him for the rest of the summer. But that would screw up their family vacation with the Dicksons and their kids. It wasn't as if they'd leave him at home by himself, but it would certainly be nice if they did. Then again, a week with Mrs. Dickson in Disneyland was nothing to sneeze at either.
"I'll talk to your father tonight. No promises, but I think I can get him to go easy on you."
"Thanks Mom. I love you."
"I know you do honey. And after tonight, I know it more than I ever did. I love you too darling." She stood up and kissed him on the top of his head. "And don't you worry about it. Some day all your dreams will come true."
This is a Smoking Fetish / TG Story. It's about Hank, a boy who gets caught smoking and winds up with Parental Permission to do the things he's always dreamed about and some of the things he never would have dreamed about doing. They're short chapters and should come in at one a day. It's bizarre and unbelievable from afar, but when viewed up close, it can be a fun ride. There is no time element- maybe it happened in the 70's or maybe it happened last week. Oh, did I mention this is a Smoking Fetish / TG Story?
Hank Wilson woke up the next morning somewhat surprised and disappointed to discover he was still alive.
I got caught smoking, he thought. I told my mom everything. She knows about the clothes. Now she thinks I'm some kind of sissy.
He sat up in bed and looked around his room. His walls and shelves were covered with trophies and sports medals. How could he have done what he did? And more importantly, why did he feel compelled to keep doing it?
It was as if he were two people, one male and the other not. His feelings didn't make sense to him. He liked being a boy. He was good at it. He wasn't one of those boys who felt as if his life would have been better if he had been born a girl.
He wasn't a fag or a sissy or anything like that. He liked girls. He loved them. If anything, he loved them too much. And his mom- she was like the queen of them all. Arlene Wilson was Hank's standard for judging all other females, both girls and women.
Girls and women, thought Hank as he dangled his legs off the side of the bed. There is a difference and his mom was definitely the latter. Last night, under duress, he had confessed to her that she was indeed his role model.
Today and for the rest of his life, he would have to face his parents with the knowledge that he was not their ideal son. He had always known that, but now they knew it too. His father had caught him smoking like a punk and now his mother knew his secret.
Getting caught smoking had been very bad, but it had also been good in a way. It had changed the relationship between him and his mother. She'd been angry at first, even angrier than his dad had been. But all that changed the moment he blurted out the truth.
A ticklish feeling shot down his groin as he recalled the confession he gave. How could he have been so honest with her about his private feelings? And why had she seemed so understanding and eager to help him explore them?
Had she really offered to make him over and buy him his own womanly things? He replayed the conversation in his head and indeed she had. And he had turned her down.
Of course I turned her down! What kind of guy does she think I am? The answer of course was obvious. She thinks I'm a sissy.
He got out of bed and threw on some shorts and a tee shirt before going down stairs. At least my dad went to work already, he thought as he walked past his little brother's room.
Tommy's door was open so that meant he was already awake and downstairs. He'd been fortunate that Tommy had been at his friend's house when his dad caught him smoking.
Tommy looked up to him and the thought of Tommy finding out about the smoking made Hank sick to his stomach. Hopefully Mom and Dad will keep this between us, he thought as he walked into the kitchen.
"Good morning Honey," said Arlene as she poured milk into Tommy's cereal.
Tommy looked up from his bowl and shouted out his brother's name. The look on his face reeked of respect and admiration for his big brother.
"Hey Toad," said Hank as he got a glass from the cupboard and poured some juice.
Tommy laughed. He loved it when his big brother called him a toad. He turned to his mom and asked, "Is Hank really a smoker now like you and Daddy?"
"Yes sweetie. He is?"
Orange juice flowed over the lip of the glass and spilled across the counter and on to the floor. Hank's knees buckled as he turned and faced his mother and brother.
Arlene shot him a nervous but happy smile. "Surprise honey. I talked to your father last night. I told him everything."
Tommy tugged on the sleeve of his mother's nightgown. "Is Hank really going to be a lady like you Mommy?"
"Yes sweetie. But not all of the time. Just some of the time."
Recognizing that her son was in a state of shock, Arlene got up from the table and helped him with the spill.
She had betrayed him! How could she? "You told Dad," he said. "You told Tommy."
"I had to honey. It was the only way I could think of to get you out of the closet."
"Hank was hiding in his closet?" asked Tommy.
"No dear. That's just a figure of speech. Don't worry about it."
"You ruined my life," said Hank. "I trusted you."
"You're just upset right now because this is new. Once you get used to the idea of people knowing, it won't bother you as much."
"People knowing? Did you tell someone else?"
"Of course not honey. I'm just talking about our family. You don't have to hide it around us any more. You can be your self. I thought you'd be happy."
Hank burst into tears as his mother embraced him. He wanted to push her away but her hug felt so warm. And then he felt a second hug around his hips. Wiping his eyes, he looked down to see Tommy wrapped around his leg, doing his best to make it a group hug. He reached down and rubbed his hand against his brother's head. He still loves me, thought Hank.
This is the third installment of Parental Permission. Start with chapter 01. First and foremost, this is a Smoking Fetish / TG fiction story. It's about Hank, a teenage boy who gets caught smoking by his parents. This is the story of him getting parental permission to do the things he's always wanted to do but didn't have the guts to do on his own. It's a personal adventure story. How would you feel if your parents had told you it was okay to be yourself, even if you didn't know what that was yet? How would you have felt if they had supported you in finding out? How would they have felt? Hank is about to find out. By the way, did I mention this is a smoking fetish / TG fiction story? It is.
Arlene had warned Hank that the first couple weeks or so might feel awkward until the family got used to the idea. That was an understatement as far as Hank was concerned. But she had also told him that his newfound freedom to express his femininity would yield joy and satisfaction beyond his wildest dreams if he would just relax and enjoy it.
The change in lifestyle didn't happen overnight. It came in small daily increments, making it easier for the entire family to adjust to the new situation.
Arlene began Hank's introduction to womanhood by presenting him as a Virginia Slims smoker to his brother and father. She gave him a sophisticated looking brown leather cigarette case to carry them in. Hank was both embarrassed and proud of the case.
Paul Wilson looked the other way whenever his son pulled a cigarette from his pretty leather case and lit it with his pink lighter. Tommy, on the other hand, was impressed by his big brother's new adult status as a smoker. One of the worst moments of the first day came after dinner when his mother criticized him for holding his cigarette like a man.
Hank knew he'd never forget the look on his father's face when his mother encouraged him to be more ladylike when he smoked. He knew it was difficult enough for his father to see him smoking at all, much less doing it so elegantly like his mother.
Of course his mom had explained everything to his father beforehand, but in some ways, that just made Hank feel worse. At least he knows I'm really addicted to these things and I'm not faking it, he thought as he held his long white cigarette aloft in a feminine salute.
I'm wearing panties, he thought. Dad can't see them but he knows I'm wearing them. He looked down at his shoulder. He couldn't see the bra strap through the Polo's dark knit loose fitting fabric, but he could feel it as it dug into his skin. It was his mom's bra. Even though he didn't have anything on his chest to fill the cups, it was still tight. Dad knows I'm wearing it though, because Mom told him.
Arlene Wilson had told her husband everything she knew about their son. She told him it was Hank, not Tommy, who had been getting into her clothes and undergarments. She told him about their son's feminine side and his need to explore it. She told him it wasn't Hanks fault.
Paul Wilson was depressed. He blamed himself. He wondered if there was something he could have done to prevent it. Arlene told him that Hank was born this way and there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. My son is a sissy, he thought as he watched Hank take a draw from his wife's cigarette.
Arlene Wilson smiled across the the table at Hank as she lit her own cigarette. She wanted to make him feel comfortable and at ease. She'd been a teenage smoker once and remembered how stressful it had been when she told her own parents about her addiction. She also remembered how liberated she felt after getting it over and putting it behind her. She hoped Hank would feel the same way. But he has so much more to deal with than I ever did, she thought.
Her husband had asked her if this meant Hank would start wearing dresses and dating boys. She told him she didn't know. She reminded him that Hank was just as confused and in pain over this as they were.
Paul Wilson was hoping for the best possible outcome. He and his wife had discussed it in detail when they both suspected their youngest son of pilfering her clothes. She had researched the issue in great detail. She told him there was a good chance that Tommy was only a crossdresser. Only a crossdresser, thought Paul? Arlene explained to him that lots of seemingly normal heterosexual men had fetishes for women's clothes. She told him that Tommy might be satisfied with wearing a pair of panties and a bra under his regular clothes. But this wasn't Tommy. It was Hank.
Over the past year, Paul and Arlene had become knowledgeable on different types of fetish and sexuality issues. The most unnerving aspect of all was how tragic things could turn if the issues were ignored or squashed. Paul loved his children and wanted to do right by them, but it was still very difficult.
Paul had laughed when Arlene told him that Hank had a "smoking fetish". He tried to put her mind at ease by explaining that lots of guys are attracted to women that smoke. He reminded her that he himself had always thought she was sexy when she smoked.
Arlene told Paul that in Hank's case, it was much more than being sexually turned on by women that smoke. He looked across the table at Hank and recalled his wife's exact words. "Hank needs to smoke like a woman."
He still held out hope that Hank's urges and needs would be satisfied by allowing him to smoke like a woman rather than dressing and living like one. But he understood there was a legitimate possibility that he would lose a son and gain a daughter.
Arlene convinced him that this summer would be a good time to encourage Hank to explore his femininity, but they needed to do so without making him feel uncomfortable. It was her idea to start him off with a bra and panties underneath his regular clothes. By the end of summer, Paul feared he would see his son wearing dresses and make-up just like his wife.
Later that night, as Hank was preparing for bed, his mother brought him one of her old nightgowns and several more pairs of her older panties.
"I suppose you've probably worn this one before," she said as she handed him the long silky nightgown.
Hank immediately recognized it as one of his favorites and blushed as he took it from her. "Yeah, I used to put it on and smoke in front of your mirror whenever you and Dad went out."
Arlene smiled playfully. "Well now you don't have to wait until we go out."
Hank shook his head. "I can't do that in front of you and Dad. Especially not in front of Tommy."
"Yes you can and you should," said Arlene. "I bet you look very pretty when you're smoking in it. As a matter of fact, I think you'd look even prettier if you let me put some make-up on you and buy you some clothes of your own that fit properly."
Hank blushed again. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet."
******
The rest of the first week was uneventful and pleasant compared to the first couple days, but the second week started with a bang when Mrs. Dickson, his mother's best friend stopped by to talk with Hank's mom about the Florida vacation they were taking together.
Mrs. Dickson's first name was Barbara. Her husband's name was Sam, but everyone called him "Big Dick". They had a little boy named Peter who was four- a year younger than Tommy. Tommy loved the vacations because he had a friend to pal around with. Hank loved the vacations because he could watch his mom and Mrs. Dickson smoke.
Hank followed Mrs. Dickson into the kitchen and took a seat at the end of the table, close enough to watch both women but not so close as to appear like an intruder.
Even though his parents had given him their permission to smoke openly, he was too paranoid to do it outside the house or in the presence of anyone other than his family. His penis expanded at the thought of Mrs. Dickson seeing him smoke but he had left his cigarette case in the living room for good reason.
He realized there was a good chance that she would see him smoking during their vacation and this excited him greatly. Since they were going with the Dicksons, he would ask his mom if it would be okay if he smoked his Dad's Winstons while they were on their trip. He didn't want the Dicksons to see him smoking his mom's Virginia Slims, especially not with the leather cigarette case.
Several minutes passed before the conversation turned to him. He'd been so mesmerized by Mrs. Dickson's smoking that he forgot he was sitting at the table.
"So Hank, your mom told me that you've joined our little club. Are you excited about it?"
Mrs. Dickson's question caught him off guard. What did she mean by "club"? Was she talking about the "smoker's club" or the "women's club"? Surely his mom didn't tell Mrs. Dickson about him wearing bras and panties.
Hank blushed and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I guess so."
"I don't want you to feel self-conscious about smoking in front of me and Big Dick when we go on vacation," she said as she lit one of her lovely brown Mores.
He was overcome with relief. She was just talking about smoking. Not that that wasn't a big deal, but he had expected it. "Thanks. I'll try not to be," he said.
"I know this isn't your regular brand," said Mrs. Dickson, as she clutched the long More between her teeth and removed another from her red pack, "but would you like to try one?"
Hank looked at his mother and she nodded her approval.
"Thanks," said Hank as he took the cigarette and lighter from Mrs. Dickson and lit it. His penis immediately hardened as the smoke filled his lungs. What a rush! He was smoking Mrs. Dickson's cigarette right in front of her. His head spun and he wondered if he was about to pass out.
"Are you okay," asked Mrs. Dickson? "Is my cigarette too strong for you?"
Hank shook his head violently. "No. This is nice. I like it. Thanks."
Mrs. Dickson smiled at him. "Good. I was worried because you looked a little wobbly. You're probably nervous about smoking in front of me for the first time, aren't you?"
Hank nodded and took another pull from the cigarette.
"It gets easier. You'll see," said Mrs. Dickson. "By the way, I think you look very mature and grown-up as a smoker."
Hank sat up straight and beamed.
"Why don't you show Mrs. Dickson the pretty cigarette case I got for you," said Arlene.
Hank closed his eyes and groaned. When he opened them, his mom and Mrs Dickson were still there.
"Its okay Honey. Mrs. Dickson knows. I told her and she's fine with it. That's why she's here. She wants to help."
"You know," said Mrs. Dickson, "there's no one in Orlando who knows who you are. I bet you'd have a fun time dressing up as a girl and going out in public. You could be a girl the whole time you're there."
"Who else knows," asked Hank?
"Well I did tell Big Dick and little Peter," said Mrs. Dickson. "But I promise you that its okay with them, and its certainly okay with me. I think spending a week with you as a girl would be so much fun. Don't you?"
This is chapter 4 of a Smoking Fetish / TG fiction story. Hank has agreed to go on vacation as a girl. Problem is that Hank doesn't want to look like a teenage girl. He wants to look like a woman his mom's age. He gets Parental Permission to do so. How does he react to the new look? How does his family react?
Hank had said 'yes' to Mrs. Dickson when she asked him to dress like a girl for their vacation at Disney World. He still couldn't believe he had agreed to it, but he had. He was scared, but he was also excited. His mother was excited too.
She praised him for having the courage to express himself. She told him he wouldn't regret it.
"But what if someone figures out I'm really a boy," asked Hank?
"You're going to be with us, so you'll be safe. Besides, its like Mrs. Dickson said. No one in Orlando knows who you are. And if you play it safe around the house, no one here will find out here either. We park the car in the garage, so no one will see you coming and going."
Hank thought about it and supposed his mother was right. Still, it would be a disaster if any of his friends from school saw him.
"We're going to have so much fun shopping for your clothes," said Arlene excitedly. "But first I need to take you to the salon. And then we'll need to something about your chest. Maybe we can get you a padded bra. Most teenage girls do have a little something upstairs after all." She paused when she saw the look of hesitation on Hank's face. "What's wrong honey? You look bothered. Did I say something wrong?"
Hank shook his head. "No. Not really. I guess I'm still just a little freaked out over this."
"I'm sure you are. But there's something else. Isn't there?"
"I don't know. Yeah. I guess. Kind of. But its not a big deal."
"Then tell me what it is," said Arlene.
"I don't want to look like a teenage girl," he said.
"But I thought..."
"I don't want to look like a teenage girl Mom. I want to look like you."
"Like me?"
"Yeah, like a real woman. At least while we're on vacation. You know, to see what its like to be more like you."
"But honey. I'm 42 years old. I'm an old lady compared to you."
"Not to me you're not. I think you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world and I want to be just like you."
"Are you saying you'd rather pick through my closet than go shopping in a store?"
"You'd be okay with that," asked Hank?
"I suppose so," said Arlene as she sat down on the couch and lit a cigarette.
Hank sat next to her. "I hurt your feelings, didn't I? I'm sorry."
She patted his hand. "Don't be. Its my fault for misunderstanding you in the first place. I was thinking of girls and women as being the same thing and they're not. I'm glad you told me, or else I might have dressed you in pig-tails and bobby-socks."
"I love you Mom. You know that, right?"
"I love you too," said Arlene, "but it sounds like I'll need to start thinking about you as more of a sister than a daughter, if we're going to do this right. This really means a lot to you, doesn't it?"
Hank sighed and wiped a tear from his eye. "It does, but I can't explain it. But I've felt this way for a long time."
"Have you thought about how far you want to go with this?"
"You mean like sex change stuff?"
"Actually I was talking about the vacation, but I'd like to hear about that too, that is if you've given it some thought."
"Not really," said Hank. "Having a penis doesn't bother me. I just wish I had boobs, big ones, like yours."
Arlene laughed. "Mine aren't big. They're just saggy because I'm old."
"Then that's exactly the kind I want," said Hank.
"Okay then, I think I can handle that part. I'll take you to a store that sells breast forms. They make them in all sizes and shapes, so I'm sure we'll find something you like. I think they sell hip padding too. If you want to look my age, you'll need more of a caboose than you have right now."
"What about my face and hair," asked Hank?
"We'll get your breast forms and padding today, and tomorrow I'll take you to see Brenda at the salon I go to. If she can't fix you up, nobody can. We should also get your ears pierced while we're out today."
*****
Hank's salon appointment wasn't until 12:00, so he and his mother spent the morning going through her closet looking for something he could wear.
"I can't believe how well my clothes fit you," she said.
Hank laughed. "I already knew they'd fit."
"I bet you did," said Arlene as she picked up her son's cigarette case. "Do you mind? I left mine downstairs."
"You know I don't mind. I like sharing things with you."
"So I've gathered," said Arlene as she lit the cigarette and handed the case to Hank. "Light one up so I can see what my son looks like smoking like an old lady."
Hank laughed and lit a cigarette. "I still look like a boy from the neck up."
"Right now you do, but wait until Brenda gets a hold of you. Did I tell you she used to work in Hollywood as a make-up artist before she opened her own salon?"
"Only about a million times since yesterday," said Hank.
"Are you sure you don't mind going there without a wig or make-up? Its like you said, you do look like a boy from the neck up."
"Its okay. I can do it. Its not like I have much of a choice if I want to do this and I really do want to do this."
"I can tell," said Arlene. "Have I ever told you that I'm proud of you."
"Only two million times since I was born," said Hank.
******
Brenda had advised her receptionist to be on the lookout for Arlene and her son, who would probably be dressed like a woman.
The receptionist spotted them as soon as they walked in. She politely greeted them and immediately escorted them to back of the salon where Brenda was finishing with a customer.
Brenda stopped what she was doing and allowed Arlene to introduce her to Hank.
"I like your dress," said Brenda. "Of course I'd like it better on you if you looked old enough to wear it, but I guess that's why you're here."
"Yes Mamm," said Hank.
She reached out took his chin in her hand and moved his head from side to side. "Nice profile. Good cheeks, strong nose. I can work with this." She turned to Arlene. "I can take him from 16 to 60 in less than three hours."
"Forty-five or less will be just fine," said Arlene.
"It's going to take three hours to do my make-up every day," asked Hank?
Brenda laughed. "No sweetie. It's going to take that long today because I'm giving you the works; brows, nails, wax, and a make-over. But you better plan on taking at least an hour every morning to get ready, if you want to look your best."
"Okay."
"You can take a look at the wigs while I'm finishing up Darlene. Unlike you, she wants to look younger than her real age."
*****
Paul and Tommy were in the living room watching TV when Hank and Arlene came home from the salon. It was the first time either of them had seen Hank fully dressed and made-up as a woman.
Paul was speechless but Tommy couldn't stop talking. It took Hank and his mother more than two minutes to convince him that it was really Hank.
Arlene asked Tommy if he thought Hank looked pretty.
"Yeah! He's really pretty, and he looks like a mommy now.
"Thanks Tommy," said Hank as he set his purse on the table and removed the brown leather cigarette case from it.
He pulled a cigarette from the case with his long nails and loaded it between his painted lips.
"Your brother is right. You look really nice and very grown up," said Paul as he watched his son wrestle with his pink lighter.
"Thanks Dad," said Hank as he continued hand to hand combat with the uncooperative lighter. "Darn! My nails are too long. How do you do this Mom?"
Paul dug a lighter from his pocket and stepped forward. "Let me get that for you honey."
Hank leaned forward and dipped the tip of his cigarette into his father's flame. His dad's hand was shaking so Hank steadied it with his own. After it was lit, he looked away and exhaled off to the side. "Thanks Dad!"
Paul blushed and stowed the lighter back in his pocket. "I don't think anyone is going to believe I'm old enough to be your dad, looking the way you do."
"I"m sorry," said Hank.
"Don't be. That wasn't a cut. You really do look great. I just want you to be happy and I hope you find what you're looking for."
"Thanks Dad. Me too."
*****
That night after dinner, Paul excused himself and Tommy from the table to watch the baseball game on TV. He usually excused Hank as well, but this time he felt uncomfortable doing so.
As they were cleaning up the kitchen and putting the dishes away, Arlene asked Hank why he wasn't watching the game with his father and Tommy.
"I don't know," said Hank.
"I thought baseball was one of your favorite sports. Or were you just pretending to like it?"
"Are you kidding? I love baseball. I love football too. I just don't feel like I fit in. Things are kind of different now."
"Things are different. But you can still be a woman and enjoy watching baseball," said Arlene.
"You don't watch it."
"I do now," said Arlene as she grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and walked into the living room.
Hank picked up his cigarette case and sat down next to his mother on the couch.
Paul smiled when he saw them sit down. "Its a good game," he said. "Bottom of the third and the Braves are up by one."
Hank returned his father's smile, lit a cigarette, and sat back with his legs crossed in a feminine manner. He felt on top of the world as he chain smoked his Virginia Slims, keeping up with the pace set by his parents, who were both heavy smokers. This is heaven, he thought. And then he wondered, does it get any better than this?
He had posed an interesting question to himself. But what was the answer? He was smoking like a woman- like his mom. He was dressed like her. They even looked the same age. HIs parents and little brother had accepted him as such.
Somewhere in the eight inning, it dawned on him that he had reached his goal. He had always been big on setting high goals for himself, but he'd never reached one before- until now.
Three days ago it had seemed like an unreachable challenge. But here he was, sitting in the living room with his parents, dressed like a middle aged woman and burning up his lungs with Virginia Slims.
Sure, he was happy. He was happier than he'd ever been in his life. But could it last? He wondered if he should give it up now that he had done it. He crushed out his cigarette in the ashtray he was sharing with his mother and looked around the room. Everybody seemed happy and content. And then he realized why. They had accepted him and were happy for him. Where do I go from here, he wondered?
Smoking fetish/tg story. After his make-over from the 4th chapter, Hank looks like a middle-aged woman. Hank comes clean with his mother about his sexuality when he tells her about being attracted to older men. This story takes place in the 1970s, but I'm sticking to current age of consent laws, because most of you are reading this story in 2008. BTW, there's no sex in this chapter.
Parental Permission_05
by slimv
Hank woke up the next morning and began the daunting task of putting on his make-up the way Brenda at the salon had showed him. Looking at the clock, he noted that it had taken him almost an hour and a half. Does that mean I'm going to be spending an hour or more doing this every day for the rest of my life? And then he remembered how long it took him to take off his make-up before going to bed. The boy inside him was impatient but the woman inside him understood.
He went to his mother's bedroom to pick out an outfit for the day. She looked at him through her mirror as she was putting on her make-up. A cigarette was burning in the ashtray. She turned around and greeted him.
"I can't you believe how well you put on your make-up by your self," said Arlene. "How long did it take?"
"Longer than Brenda said it would, but I'll get faster."
"I'm sure you will honey. That nightgown looks good on you, now that you have breasts."
"Thanks. I just came in to borrow some more of your clothes, if that's okay with you."
"Sure it is honey. You can think of my closet as your closet for the rest of the summer. How about that?"
"Okay, thanks." So there it is, thought Hank. The end of summer. She put a time frame on it.
"Of course," said Arlene, "if this is something you want to keep doing, we should really go shopping for some clothes of your own."
"You mean if I want to keep doing this on the weekends when school starts back?"
"Unless you plan on going back to school as a teacher instead of a student. Of course you can still do it when you get home, but by the time you get your make-up on, it would be time to take it back off."
"So it wouldn't bother you if I kept doing this, even after summer is over?"
"This summer is for you. Your father and I want you to use it to figure out who you are and to discover what makes you happy."
His mother's noncommittal comment did relatively little to put his issues in perspective but he thanked her anyway.
"Your welcome honey. And by the way, I was serious about taking you shopping for some clothes of your own. We can go to the mall after we get dressed if you want."
"The mall? But what if I see someone I know?"
"Then you'll see them, but they won't see you. I promise you honey. No one is going to recognize you looking like that?"
"But what will you say if they recognize you and they ask who I am?"
"I'll tell them you're my sister and they'll believe me, because that's what we look like. The only thing I don't know is what to call you."
"Hank is short for Henry and Henry is a boy name for Henrietta, isn't it?"
Arlene shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I've never heard of a woman named Hank. Are you saying you want me to call you Henrietta?"
"No. Not really. But if you really had a sister and her name was Henrietta, you might have called her Hank for a nickname, right?"
Arlene nodded. "I suppose I might have. Does that mean you want me to introduce you as Hank if somebody asks?"
"Yeah, but make sure you tell them its short for Henrietta, and you named me in honor of your sister. That would make sense. Wouldn't it?"
Arlene smiled. "Actually it would. So do you want to go shopping?"
"Yeah Mom. Lets go."
******
"This is really fun Mom," said Hank as he browsed through the women's pant suits hanging on the rack in Chicos.
A sales girl working close by shot them a funny look as she went about her business of arranging blouses by size.
"Not so loud honey."
"What did I say?"
"You called me Mom," whispered Arlene. "And the woman by the blouses heard you."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't think of that."
"Your father and I did. We talked about it last night. He wants you to start calling us by our first names when we're in public."
"Really Arlene?" asked Hank, trying it on for size. "Like this?"
Arlene burst out giggling. "Yes," she said. "If you want that suit, lets buy it and get some lunch. And then afterwards, we need to get you a bathing suit for Orlando."
"A one piece like yours," asked Hank?
"I'm afraid so. Most women my age don't wear bikinis."
*****
Arlene ordered off the menu for both of them and laid down the menu.
"Would either of you ladies care for a cocktail before lunch," asked the waiter?
"Two Diet Cokes will be fine," said Arlene.
Arlene and Hank were discussing bathing suits when the waiter returned with their drinks. Hank was placing a cigarette between his lips.
"May I?" asked the waiter as he held out a light.
"Yeah, I guess. Thank you," said Hank as he allowed the waiter to light his cigarette.
"My pleasure maam."
Arlene giggled at the expression on her son's face as he exhaled. "Don't tell me you're surprised that a man wants to light your cigarette. With your smoking fetish, you should know that better than anybody."
"I guess so," said Hank, "but its still weird having the shoe on the other foot."
"I imagine it is, but did you like it?"
"Yeah. Actually I did. I liked it a lot."
"I know we haven't discussed your sexuality, but your father and I have flirted with the question and not that it makes a difference to us, but we are rather curious?
"You're asking me if I'm gay or straight?
Arlene raised her eyebrows and pulled on her cigarette. "It's a simple question. Is there a simple answer? Or is it more complicated?"
"Definitely more complicated."
"Then I take it you're bisexual. You like boys and girls, right? That's not so complicated. A lot of people are bisexual."
Hank looked away. "No. I'm not bisexual."
Arlene was starting to get frustrated. "Well if you're not gay or straight or bisexual, the only thing left is asexual."
"That's not it either."
"Then what is it darling? Please tell me so I can help you."
Hank closed his eyes and spit out the words he never hoped to say to anyone, much less his mom. "I think I like men."
"Then you're gay!" said Arlene, feeling as if she'd won a game of twenty questions.
"Not men as in boys Mom. I think I like real men, older ones."
"How old? College aged?"
"No. More like Dad's age, or older."
"Honey! your father is 55 years old."
"Don't you think I know that Mom?"
"Have you ever even been with a man or with a boy for that matter?"
"No."
"Then how do you know you don't like women? Or females? Whatever you want to call them. Girls."
"Because I don't think about girls when I think about being with someone. I think about older men and I hate myself for it but that's what I think about."
"Maybe you're over reacting? All this sudden femininity has probably overloaded your senses. And this thing about liking older men...well I hate to be the one to tell you, but its probably a figment of your imagination. Look at you honey. You've been through a lot. This is probably some kind of...I don't know- post traumatic reaction to that make-over Brenda gave you. Heaven knows its giving your father and I one."
"I don't think so Mom. I've had these feelings forever. I just never talked about them before. I don't blame you for not wanting to believe me because I don't want to believe it either."
"Really," asked Arlene? "You've always felt this way?"
Hank nodded. "I can't remember when I didn't. Even when I was a little kid and you'd take me to see Santa Clause. I'd get an erection when I sat on his lap because he had a gray hair and he was smoking a pipe."
"Oh dear," said Arlene.
"Yeah, I know."
"Are you really willing to give up your life as a boy for my life as a middle-age woman? Think about it, because your life would be a lot like mine is now."
"That's exactly what I want Mom," said Hank as he extracted a cigarette from his smart looking cigarette case and lit it.
"Okay," said Arlene. "We'll talk to your dad about it."
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction: Hank has a conversation about womanhood and sexuality with his mom and Mrs. Dickson in the back of the motor home on the way to their Florida vacation. Hank asks the question: Do I really want this?
Parental Permission_06
by slimv
June 2008
The Dickson family arrived on time to pick up the Wilsons up. It should have taken less than fifteen minutes to load the Wilson's luggage into the Dickson's motor home, but Barbara Dickson couldn't stop making a fuss over Hank's new appearance.
"Oh honey! You're mom said...but I thought she was exaggerating," said Mrs. Dickson as she examined Hank from top to bottom and side to side. "You look so real!"
"So you like it," asked Hank nervously.
"I love it. You look fabulous," said Barbara as she studied the tone and texture of his skin. "It's like you're an entirely different person."
"Thanks Mrs. Dickson. I kind of feel like one."
"And you can stop that Mrs. Dickson crap. You're no kid any more. Call me Barbara!"
"Okay...Barbara. Thanks."
"And what are we going to call you? Looking like you do, we can't call you Hank any more."
"Actually you can. Hank is short for Henrietta," he said as he went into the explanation he had worked out with his mom.
"Get on the bus girls!" yelled Big Dick Dickson. "You can talk all you want inside."
*****
The Dickson's motor home was nice. It had upfront seating for four and a table/booth in the back with a good bit of distance between the two ends. The two men, Paul and Big Dick and the two boys, Tommy and little Peter sat up front. Hank sat in the back booth with his mom and Barbara.
"This thing is so big," said Hank. "How come we never sleep in it when we go on vacation?"
"Camping out is for boys and men," said Barbara as she lit one of her long brown Mores. "If you don't like the condo we're staying in, I'm sure you can talk Peter and Tommy into camping out with you in the parking lot."
"Naw, that's okay. I saw the pictures of the condo and it does look pretty nice. It has five bedrooms, doesn't it?"
"It better or your father and Big Dick will be looking for a refund," said Arlene as she lit a cigarette and offered the pack to Hank.
Barbara shook her head and grinned as Hank lit his cigarette.
He noticed her out of the corner of his eye and suddenly felt self-conscious. "What? Did I do something wrong?"
Barbara touched his arm. "No dear! Not at all. I'm just admiring how pretty and grown-up you look. It's so surreal. I have to keep pinching you to make sure you're real. When your mother told me that she wanted you to explore your feminine side, I had no idea your feminine side was so old."
"Neither did I," mused Arlene.
"Will you go back to your old self after the vacation, or are you going to enjoy it until school starts," asked Barbara?
"I think I'll be staying this way for a while," said Hank.
"Hank doesn't think he wants to go back to being a boy," said Arlene.
"Even so, he can't stay like this forever!" said Barbara.
"It turns out this is a lot more complicated than just exploring his feminine side," said Arlene.
"I'm listening," said Barbara.
"Hank thinks he's attracted to men," said Arlene, "much older men."
Barbara's eyes lit up. "How much older?"
"Well if I were you, I wouldn't let Hank spend time alone with your husband or your father or even your grandfather, if he's still alive," said Arlene.
"Oh Hank!" exclaimed Barbara as she clasped his hand. "I don't know what to say! You're just full of surprises." She turned to Arlene and asked, "Does Paul know?"
"He does and he doesn't like it," said Arlene. "But he's being supportive. We all had a big talk and he agreed to give Hank permission to start dating men."
"That's wonderful honey!" exclaimed Barbara as she grabbed him and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm so excited for you! I bet you're excited too."
"Scared is more like it," said Hank.
"But why? Older men are just like boys your age, except they're older. They're still built the same way. They just come with more bad habits and they're set in their ways."
"I've never been with a boy either," said Hank.
"So you're a virgin," asked Barbara?
Hank laughed. "Yeah, right! I'm a guy. Guys don't have cherries."
His mother corrected him. "Hymen's. Guys don't have hymens."
"Whatever," said Hank.
"What I mean is," said Barbara, "have you ever had sex before with anyone?"
"No."
"Oh, I see. Well in that case I'm sure you're going to be quite a prize for the right man." She looked at Arlene and asked, "I don't know honey. You tell me. Are we starting from scratch here?"
Arlene gave her an embarrassed shrug.
"I know about the birds and the bees," said Hank, "I'm not stupid."
"But I'm going to guess that no one ever told you about the bees and the bees," said Barbara. "They both have stingers."
Hank suddenly felt overwhelmed by his ignorance. "A stinger is a penis, right?"
Barbara nodded.
Arlene sighed. She wanted to kick herself and Paul for not being more open with Hank. She vowed not to make the same mistake with Tommy.
Hank continued to stumble through his thoughts, trying to separate fact from myth without embarrassing himself. "Men just hug and kiss other men," he said, "because they can't make babies the way men and women can, right?"
"No honey," said Arlene. "Its a lot more complicated than that.
*****
The motor home rolled down the highway and Hank squirmed in his seat, nervously chain smoking his Virginia Slims as Barbara and his mom explained the details of male/male sex and how it was similar to male/female sex.
Until then, the terms "cock sucker" and "ass fucker" had only been words that kids got in trouble for using in the locker room. Cock sucking sounded gross and ass fucking sounded painful. Of course his mom and Barbara only used those words to give him a frame of reference. For the most part, they described it as oral sex and anal intercourse.
"Doesn't it taste bad when a man has an orgasm in your mouth," asked Hank?
"I'm not going to tell you it tastes pleasant," said Arlene. "I've tasted much worse and I'm sure you have too, but that's not the reason a woman does it for a man."
"A lot of things that sound gross now won't seem so gross when you're with the right man," said Barbara. "If you truly have feeling for the man you're with, you'll want to do it for him because it will make him feel good."
"Why not just jack him off," asked Hank? "That should feel about the same."
Arlene instructed him to use the world masturbate instead. "Jacking off is a vulgar term. It feels the same, but it means more to a man if a woman takes him in her mouth. Keep in mind, sex should never be a casual thing. Intimacy should always be special."
"So real women do these things with men too? Its not just gay," asked Hank?
"Absolutely sweetheart," said Barbara. "Big Dick and I did the anal sex thing last month. So try not to think of it as gay."
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes, especially the first time. But the pain eases once your rectum adjusts to his penis and then it can feel very nice. Of course you should always use the lubrication we were talking about."
"The KY," said Hank. "And that's the jelly stuff that the woman puts on the man's penis before they have intercourse."
"Yes," said Arlene, "but always put a condom on the man's penis before he has intercourse with you."
Hank asked why the man didn't put the condom and the lubrication on his own penis. He wanted to know why the woman had to do it for him.
Barbara laughed. "It still works if the man does it himself honey, but he likes it better if the woman does it for him. Men you see, are very egotistical and insecure about their penises. It makes a man feel good about himself if he thinks the woman is impressed by his penis."
Arlene lit a cigarette and exhaled. "I'm sorry Hank. You're father and I should have been more upfront with you about sex. I guess we put it off because its so awkward to talk about. If it makes you feel better, my mom didn't tell me anything either. I learned most of it from my friends."
"So did talking about this change your mind about liking men," asked Barbara?
Hank grinned and shook his head. "No, but I can tell you I'm not going to do this kind of stuff with just any guy."
"And you shouldn't," said his mother.
"But if I meet a guy this week, is it okay to kiss him and hold hands with him," asked Hank?
"Absolutely," said Barbara enthusiastically?
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction: Big Dick hurts Hanks's feelings causing him to seriously reconsider his womanhood. He returns to the park the next day dressed as a boy. Maybe its not so bad afterall being a boy. Then again...
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Parental Permission_07
by slimv
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The first couple days of Hank's vacation as a middle-aged woman had gone well. Age and sex have nothing to do with having fun in Disney World. He rode the rides and enjoyed the park with his family and the Dicksons.
He wore white shorts and a pink pastel halter the first day. On the second day he wore a floral sun dress. Both men and boys turned their heads for second peeks as he passed them in the park wearing his big sun glasses. At times he was having to much fun to notice their interest in him. But it made him feel good about himself when he did notice their stares.
On the third day of their vacation, they were taking a break at some tables outside the haunted house. Tommy and Peter were kicking a stone while Hank and the grown-ups chatted and smoked.
Hank was feeling great about himself. The weight of his sagging breast forms and the long white cigarette between his manicured fingers made him feel pretty. It was warm, but the slight breeze cooled him as it flirted with the hem of his skirt.
Big Dick, who hadn't had much to say to Hank since the vacation began, spoke up and ruined his day. "I'd hate to be the man who finds out what's under your skirt." And then he laughed.
Big Dick genuinely liked Hank and hadn't meant to hurt his feeling. He just lacked tact. His wife would have strangled him if she'd been closer. The big man caught on when the looks of disapproval came into his focus.
He apologized, but the damage had been done. Hank felt self-conscious and depressed for the rest of the day.
*****
Hank's depression continued into the evening after returning to the condominium. Big Dick felt the urge to press his apology but Barbara assured him that he had done enough.
He went to his room after dinner to take off his wig and make-up. After taking off his make-up, he removed the starter earrings from his lobes and pried off the acrylic nails from his finger tips. He slept in the nude that night, not wanting to wear his mother's nightgown that he had so adored.
******
The Dickinsons and the Wilsons laid their coffee mugs on the table and stopped their conversation when Hank walked into the kitchen unmade, without his wig and wearing shorts with a loose fitting top.
Big Dick groaned because he knew it was his fault.
Hank's mother spoke first. "Sweetheart. Do you need some help getting ready?"
"No Mom. I'm going like this today."
"Are you sure?" she asked as she stood up from the table and approached him.
"Yeah, but I wouldn't mind stopping by one of those souvenir stores and getting a regular tee-shirt."
"We can do that," said Hank's father. "But only if you're sure thats what you want to do."
Before Hank could answer, his mother grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to his room, closing the door behind them.
"Honey, I know you're upset about yesterday, and you have a right to be. But Big Dick didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"He's right Mom. No man is ever going to want me, at least not after he sees the real me."
"It doesn't always have to be like that. Doctors can do things honey. They can make it so that you have a vagina- just like regular women. They can give you real breasts too. That's real easy. If you want, we can get you breast implants when we get back home. We can see a doctor and you can start talking female hormones."
"Really," asked Hank?
"It's a promise baby."
"They can give me a vagina too?"
"Have you ever heard of Renee Richards- the tennis player?"
Hank nodded, "Oh yeah, I guess you're right."
"Of course that part would take some time. Doctors won't give you that kind of surgery until you're at least 18. But you could start taking the hormones and get the implants before then."
Hank thought about what Big Dick said at the park and shook his head. "I don't think so Mom. The more I think about it, the more I think that Big Dick was probably right."
"Don't talk like you're not worth anything Hank. As a woman, you'd have a lot to offer any man. You're kind and sweet and you saw the way men were looking at you in the park. You're downright gorgeous."
"I don't know Mom. I don't think so. I just want to go like this today."
"Okay honey. We'll stop by the store and get you a better shirt that fits. Maybe we can talk about this later when you feel better."
As they were getting up, Arlene saw Hank's cigarette case on the dresser and went to get them.
"You almost forgot your cigarettes," she said.
"That's okay. Maybe I can get a pack from Dad."
Arlene put the cigarette case back on the dresser and followed her son out of the room.
*****
Hank got out of the car and put the pack of Winstons his father had given him inside his tee-shirt pocket. The top of the pack was exposed making the Winston logo very visible. He thought it felt strange to be carrying his cigarettes around like a man, the way his father and Big Dick did. Maybe being a boy wasn't so bad after all, he thought as he followed his family and the Dicksons into the park.
It didn't take long for him to notice that a lot of people in the park were taking notice of him. As a woman, he had been used to people looking at him, especially boys and men, but now girls and women were looking at him too.
The first thing that came to mind was his eyebrows. He asked his mom about them. "Are my eyebrows that noticeable?"
"Up close they are, but people are staring because you're smoking. I guess they think you look a little too young, but don't worry about it. Its not like we know these people," she said.
Hank thought about what his mother had said as they toured the park. She was right. People didn't know him here but they would back home. He had loved the kind of attention that smoking had earned him as a woman, but as a boy, it downright sucked. I'm going to quit, he thought as he finished his cigarette and put it out in a large public ashtray.
He thought about throwing away his pack of Winstons as he was putting out his cigarette but decided that would be a waste of a good pack. I'll smoke a few more today and give the rest of the pack to my dad when we get back to the condo, he thought.
Throughout the day, he tried but failed to limit his smoking, even though he really didn't like the way the Winstons tasted. He also hated their stubby appearance and the way they felt between his fingers.
The pack was gone before noon and Hank found himself needing to make a decision about quitting or bumming a cigarette from his father. He thought of how awful the Winstons had tasted and turned to his mother.
"Mom. I ran out of cigarettes. Can I bum one from you?"
"Of course you can honey. But wouldn't you rather have one of your father's?"
Hank rolled his eyes. "I hate Winstons. They're so gross."
Barbara couldn't help laughing, as she overheard Hank's whining. "I'm right there with you honey. Men's cigarettes taste like paper and horse feathers. I won't smoke Big Dick's Marlboros unless I'm desperate. You can have one of mine if you like."
"That's okay. I really like Virginia Slims," he said as he took a pack from his mother.
"Then you should keep smoking them," said Arlene. "It doesn't matter what other people think. Keep the pack. I have more."
Hank thanked her but he was hesitant to put the Virginia Slims in his shirt pocket. He wound up lighting one and giving her back the pack. "It's okay, I'm going to quit soon anyway."
His statement brought laughter from both women.
"What's so funny," asked Hank?
"I'm sorry," said Arlene. "I'm not laughing at you. It's just that you're father and I say the same thing at least once a week."
"The same goes for me and Dick," said Barbara as she chained into her half smoked More. "Haven't you ever heard the saying about how the best way to quit is never to start?"
"Barbara's right honey. It's going to be a lot easier for you to go back to being a boy than it is for you to go back to being a non-smoker."
As Hank savored the sweet Virginia Slims smoke, the thought of having to smoke cruddy old Winstons for rest of his life gnawed at him. At about this time, a nice looking older man with kids that might have been his grandchildren bumped into him. The older man begged his pardon as he tipped his hat and moved on. Hank muttered something intelligible. He couldn't take his eyes off the man as he played with the children under a tree.
Barbara followed Hank's gaze and smiled. "Excuse me Hank, sweetie...but did you just see something you like?"
Hank blushed and grinned.
Arlene was smiling ear to ear as she took the extra pack of Virginia Slims from her purse and tucked it in her son's shirt pocket. "Do you want me to check into those breast implants when we get home," she asked?
Hank took a deep breath and nodded as he followed the older man with his eyes.
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction: After getting back from vacation, Hank starts the process of becoming a woman. His father tries to talk him out of it. Barbara and Arlene help Hank plan his future. The chapter takes place over the remainder of the summer.
Parental Permission_08
Upon returning from their vacation, Hank and his mother spent the next four weeks planning his future life as Henrietta "Hank" Wilson. The first thing Arlene did was find a sympathetic gynecologist who agreed to administer female hormones. The doctor recommend a plastic surgeon who agreed to perform breast and butt augmentation on the final recommendation of the gynecologist.
Hank's dad was stoic through it all. Unlike his wife and her friend Barbara, Paul clung to the hope that Hank's ambitions were a passing phase. He never said no, but he played the role of devil's advocate.
Paul did his best to put questions in his son's head. He'd ask things like: What are you going to tell your friends? What about school? Will you get a job? What will you do when people learn the truth? Do you want to live a lie?
"You have your whole life ahead of you," Paul said to Hank. "Wouldn't it be better to live it from beginning to end without skipping past the next 30 years?"
Hank understood what his father was saying, but he didn't agree.
The idea of a man his age or even older, plowing his way through Hank's bottom made Paul's stomach turn.
"You've never even been with a man," said Paul. "It might not be as wonderful as you think. What are you going to do then?"
He reminded Hank that hormones and surgery weren't a costume he could take on and off whenever he got his feelings hurt, the way he had done in Disney World.
Hank considered everything his father said. After all, his father had asked some good questions and had given him a lot to think about. He kept some of the thoughts to himself, but shared others with his mother and Barbara.
All three of them were convinced that Hank should continue his hormone therapy and get the cosmetic surgery. Their opinions differed after that.
Arlene and Barbara both agreed that even though it would be difficult for Hank to be honest about his transition, in the end it would be easier than continuously trying to hide it. They thought he should tell his friends so none of them would think he'd been kidnapped by aliens.
Arlene thought it might be a good idea for Hank to finish high school as a teenage girl and put off middle-age until after graduation. She argued that the teenage years are often some of the best years of a person's life and she didn't want him to miss out on them.
"I hated my high school years," said Barbara. "I wish could have gotten a G.E.D. and just skipped them. You could do that and go to cosmetology school. Working in a salon might be a job you'd like."
"I don't think so," said Hank. "I don't want to get out of school just to go back to school."
"Then maybe you should work as a waitress," suggested Barbara. "That way you could keep your options open in case you change your mind."
Hank nodded. "Yeah, I could do that. Okay. I'll think about it."
*****
Two days before his surgery, Hank began the stressful task of telling his friends why he wouldn't be returning to school. None of them understood. They looked at him as if he had a contagious disease. One or two of them thought he might be insane but most of them just thought he was a fag. They turned their backs on him.
Paul was disappointed that Hank had told his friends. Telling them had ruined his chance of ever having a normal life in their home town. He also feared it would taint his family's reputation as well as his own. Despite his own feelings, he promised to stand behind his son.
While his friends began their junior year in high school, Hank spent the next three weeks at home, recovering from breast and buttocks surgery. He spent most of that time watching soap operas on TV and chain smoking Virginia Slims cigarettes.
The female hormones had begun their work on his body. His penis rarely became erect unless he stimulated it with his hand. It didn't matter though, because his interested had turned to his back side. He looked at the dildo Barbara had given him as a gift after he had gotten out of surgery. He wondered if he was ready to start learning how to use it. Both Barbara and his mother had warned him against having great expectations. Barbara reminded him that he was doing it more for the future man in his life rather than for his own pleasure.
He remembered those words as he lubricated the device and began the process of inserting it. She had said, "You just don't want it to hurt when the right time comes."
He repeated her words over and over as the tears rolled down his cheeks.
*****
Hank found it difficult to land a job without his G.E.D. It seemed most of the restaurants he applied to were convinced he couldn't tally a tab and make change without a G.E.D.. He was sitting at home looking thought the help wanted section of the newspaper when Barbara called about a job opportunity.
Barbara's husband, Big Dick, had arranged for a secretarial job at the company he worked for.
Hank didn't hold a grudge against Big Dick, so he was excited when Barbara told him about the job.
"Will Big Dick be my boss," asked Hank?
"No honey. Dick is just a copy writer. You'll be working in the secretary pool for the advertising executives. He says its a great job and it pays good too!"
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction: Hank takes a job as a secretary and gets his first date which winds up being a let down. He has a conversation with his mother about expectations. Arlene thinks she has a plan that will get Hank out of the dumps.
Parental Permission_09
Even though it was a done deal, Hank needed to spend an hour in the human resources department filling out forms and answering questions. He checked female as his sex and used Henrietta as his first name, placing quotation marks around Hank. He listed his age as 45, the same age as his mother.
The lady from human resources gave him a general tour of the office and introduced him to a woman named Maxine who would be his boss. Maxine was a nice looking woman. Hank supposed she was in her late 40s or early 50s. Maxine pointed out his new work area. The type writer was an IBM Selectric, the same kind he had learned on high school the year before.
There were five other desks close by occupied with women between the ages of 30 and 60. Three of them were smoking and had ashtrays on their desks. Hank had assumed smoking was allowed but hadn't asked.
Maxine introduced him to several of the advertising executives as they passed in the hall on their way to break room. She advised Hank to expect typing and filing requests from the individual executives as well as from her.
Hank asked if there was a dress code.
Maxine studied his skirt and jacket. "Like that," she said. "But don't be afraid to show a little cleavage. Since you have it, you might as well flaunt it. I know I would."
Hank decided right then and there that he liked Maxine.
"I know you're not married, and I notice you aren't wearing a ring," said Maxine. "I'm assuming you're unattached?"
Hank wondered if Maxine might be hitting on her. She was definitely an attractive lady. He kind of liked the idea. "No. Why do you ask?"
"Because that's the first question the boys are going to ask me in our scheduling meeting this afternoon. Didn't you see them looking at you?"
Hank giggled nervously. "No. I was too busy paying attention to what you were showing me."
Maxine touched his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll warn you about the ones you need to stay away from."
*****
It took about two weeks for Hank to get acclimated to the job and to the people he was working with. The hardest part had been learning to type with nails. He liked all the women he was working with. Every one in the office accepted and thought of him as a 45 year old woman. Big Dick had gotten him the job without telling a soul.
"He got you that job," said his mother, "and you owe him and Barbara for that. But you've kept it on your own for these last two weeks. You should be very proud of your self for that."
"I am proud of myself," said Hank," as he lit a cigarette. "I just wish I'd gotten paid today like everyone else. Do you think they forgot?"
"Don't worry about that honey," said Hank's father. "All companies do it that way. It means you'll get an extra pay check two weeks after you quit."
"But I don't want to quit," said Hank. "I love my job!"
"I don't want you to quit either," laughed Paul. "You're ten times more expensive as a grown woman than you were as a boy. With this job, you'll be able to pay for all your fancy new clothes and the cigarettes you smoke."
Hank exhaled a could of smoke. "I'm sorry Dad. I know must have cost you a lot of money lately, especially with the surgery."
"That's okay honey. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm thrilled with what you're doing, but I can tell you're very happy." He paused to light a Winston. "You are happy, aren't you?"
"I love being a woman Dad!"
"So have you met any men at work you're interested in," asked Arlene.
"I'll see you later," said Paul. "This sounds like a woman's conversation to me."
Arlene waited for Paul to leave and then she asked the question again.
Hank grinned. "Oh yes," he said. "I'm met a lot of guys but Maxine says there's only a few I should go out with and one of them asked me out!"
They both shrieked and hugged each other.
"What's his name," asked Arlene? "What's he like? Tell me about him. Where's he taking you?"
******
Hank's first and last date with Jared Vogel from the office had been less than fun. His mother told him to chalk it up as an experience.
"He liked my boobs better than he liked me and all he wanted to do was to talk about himself. I don't see why the other girls in the office like him."
"I'm sorry you had a bad time, but it might have been for the best that it didn't work out with Jared. Barbara and I were talking about it and even under the best circumstances, dating at work isn't a good idea. I'm not saying that because you don't have a vagina. But since you don't, well I think that's even more of a reason not to mix business with pleasure."
Hank exhaled a lung full of smoke. "I guess you're right. I was just excited about getting asked out for my first date."
"Maybe you should start going to church. That's always a good place to meet men."
Hank sighed. "That's what Carol at my office said. She's always inviting me to go with her, but I don't know."
"What's wrong honey. You really look bothered. Is there something you're not telling me."
"Maybe."
"Well what is it? You can tell me anything. I know we're supposed to be sisters in public, but I'm still you're mother."
Hank smiled weakly and took a drag from his cigarette. "If I told you, you'd think I was a slut."
"No I wouldn't. Did you do something already?"
"I wish," said Hank. "But that's it. I know what you said about being a lady and all and taking my time to find the right guy, but I just want to know if I'm really going to like it."
"I see," said Arlene. "I guess you're feeling kind of sexually frustrated."
"You could say that and you'd be right."
"I don't think you're slut Hank. As a matter of fact, I agree with you. I think you should find someone to let off a little steam with."
"But what if I don't like it Mom? What if it grosses me out?"
Arlene shook her head. "I don't know honey. I guess you'll either have to get used to it or find a lesbian that likes people like you. Of course most of it has to do with the person you're with. You're not going to enjoy sex with any man if you're not attracted to him. Were you honestly attracted to Jared tonight?"
"Not really, but all the women in my office think he's hot."
"But we're not talking about them. We're talking about you. What kind of man turns you on?"
Hank put his cigarette out and lit another one. "Promise not to laugh?"
"Of course not. I'd never laugh at you."
"Okay. Well do you remember when we were down in Disney World and I was dressed in boy clothes."
Arlene nodded. "And you had a change of heart when Barbara caught you checking out that older man."
"Uh-huh."
Arlene smiled. "That's it? Senior citizens float your boat?"
"He was older but he wasn't a senior citizen," argued Hank. "It just looked like he was more interested in his grandkids than he was in himself. I want a man to look at me like that, like I'm more important than a job or the way his suit looks."
"That man was probably retired honey. It was his job to enjoy life. If you wanted a man like that, you should have gone back to high school as a girl and dated boys your own age."
"That's not the same thing Mom."
"I don't know what to tell you because I can't tell what you want. I don't think you know either."
"I want what you have with Dad," said Hank. "I want what Cinderella had with Prince Charming."
"You want love and romance?"
Hank nodded enthusiastically.
"Then read a book," said Arlene. "That's what I do."
Hank looked at his mother as if she were crazy. "But I thought you and Dad were in love."
"We are, but the kind of love you're talking about ends after the honey moon. Real love is about real living. I love your father and he loves me."
Hank shook his head. He felt confused. "You're happy though, aren't you? You like being a woman, right?"
"I love my life honey and I love being a woman. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But I was born this way. You weren't. Are you having second thoughts about the things you've done?"
"No. Not really," said Hank as he ran his finger across his leather cigarette case. "At least not like you're probably thinking. I don't think I ever hated my life but I always knew I wanted to be like you."
"And now you're finding out my life isn't as glamorous and wonderful as you thought it would be?"
"I wouldn't exactly say that. I just thought things would be a little more spicy."
"Maybe it can be," said Arlene. "Not that life is a party every night, but its the weekend and I know a place we could go that you might like."
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction: After Hank reveals his infatuation for older men, Arlene decides to take him to a VFW dance to meet the kind of men he's attracted to. Hank thinks it will be a chance to find out once and for all if he's really attracted to men or if its just a figment of his imagination. Hank meets Dave Evans, a retired colonel who turns out to be both an officer and a gentleman.
Arlene parked the car in front of the VFW building and turned off the ignition. She turned around in her seat and faced him. "Are you sure you want to do this honey?"
"I think so. At least a part of me is. The other part is me is scared like hell."
"That's your boy side," laughed Barbara. "Ignore it."
"What's VFW stand for again," asked Hank?
"Veterans of Foreign Wars," said Arlene.
"And you think there'll be some older guys here," asked Hank?
"They're having a dance," said Barbara. "This place will be swimming with old lions on the prowl. And they're going to love you."
"And you guys won't leave until I meet someone that seems okay?"
"Even then its going to be hard to leave, but yes," said Arlene. "If that's what you want."
"Okay," said Hank as he opened his door and stepped out onto the parking lot.
Barbara and Arlene got out of the car too. Six heels clicked against the sidewalk as they made their way up to the door. The sound of "Moon River" greeted their ears as they stepped inside.
Hank had never been in a real bar before, but he thought the VFW might qualify as one. The first thing he noticed was that the place was crowded, smoky and dimly lit. He saw more men than women. Most of them were older than his mom and Barbara. The youngest people looked to be in their early fifties.
He counted five couples on the dance floor. Another ten or twelve people sat at the bar. The rest, which probably amounted to fifty or more were scattered along the tables that lined the dance floors.
Hank followed his mom and Barbara to an empty table surrounded by other tables that were populated by men and speckled with women. He guessed there were three men to every woman and every eye in the place turned toward them as they took their seats.
Arlene and Barbara both took their cigarettes from their purse and Hank followed suit.
"I've never been to a bar before," said Hank. "What are we supposed to do."
"Smoke and talk," said Barbara as she lit her cigarette. "If the men aren't shy, one of them will ask you to dance. You can dance, can't you?"
"I don't know," said Hank as he lit his own cigarette. "I've never done it before," he said as he studied the couples on the dance floor. "It looks like they're just hugging each other and moving their feet."
"That's all you do," said Arlene as she exhaled her smoke. "The rest will take care of it self if you want it to."
Hank was thinking of something to ask his mother when he caught Barbara's eyes looking above him. And then he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, followed by the sound of a deep voice attached to a southern drawl.
"Pardon me Miss, but would you do me the honor of sharing this dance with me?"
Arlene and Barbara both saw Hank's expression go from surprised to dreamy as he looked up at the craggy face of his worldly suitor.
Hank looked back at his mom and Barbara for their approval.
Arlene giggled. "We'll be okay. Go have some fun!"
The man introduced himself as Dave Evans, as Hank got out of his chair.
"I'm Henrietta Wilson, but you can call me Hank."
Dave raised an eyebrow as he took Hank's hand.
Hank shuddered as his smaller hand was encased by Dave's firm grip. "It's just a nick name," he said as Dave led him out to the dance floor.
"I like it," he said as he faced Hank and laid his right hand on Hank's hip. "I've seen and done a lot of things in my 66 years, but this is the first time I've ever danced with a Hank."
Hank looked up at him and smiled sweetly as he absorbed the older man's physical attributes before being pulled into Dave's plaid covered chest. Something made a familiar crinkling noise in Dave's pocket. Hank hoped it was the sound of a soft pack of cigarettes, as he had always wanted to kiss a man that smoked. One whiff of the plaid shirt boosted his suspicions. Dave reeked of tobacco. Hank snuggled closer as the older man engulfed him with his arms.
"So what do you think," asked Barbara? "Do they make a cute couple?"
Arlene stubbed her cigarette out in the black plastic ashtray. "He's got to be every bit of 65. Maybe even 70."
"Well I hope Big Dick looks that good 20 years from now."
"He's bald," said Arlene.
"Just on top. He's still got hair around the sides."
"Do you think I should trust him," asked Arlene?
"I'm not wanting to leave yet, if that's what you're asking. Let's feel him out. If we don't like him we can tell Hank its time to go home. Oh! The song's over. What's Hank going to do? They're coming back here."
"Arlene, Barbara, this is Dave Evans. He's a retired army colonel."
"WW2," said Dave as he shook hands with both ladies.
"Its nice to meet you," said Arlene. "Thanks for dancing with my sister. Do you have time to sit, or do you need to get back to your friends?"
"Thanks for the invitation," said Dave as he helped Hank with his chair before taking a seat of his own. "I noticed you ladies smoke, do you mind?" he asked as he padded his shirt pocket with his hand.
"Not at all," said Hank. His limp penis tingled as Dave pulled a pack of unfiltered Camel's from his shirt pocket.
"Bad habit, he said as he lit one. "Started in the war. They gave them to us soldiers free and I've been paying for them ever since. Damn things killed my first wife and they'll probably be the end of me too.
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Hank, as he took a cigarette from his case. "How long has it been since you lost her."
"It will be 12 years in July," said Dave as he lit Hank's cigarette with his Zippo.
"My sister is an old maid," said Arlene.
"She's not old from where I'm sitting," said Dave.
They continued their four way conversation for about an hour. Both Arlene and Barbara were surprised at how well Hank handled himself. He asked Dave the right questions and gave Dave the right answers.
"Colonel Evans," said Arlene.
"Please Arlene, just call me Dave."
Arlene smiled. "Okay Dave, I was wondering if you could do Barbara and I favor. We have some places to go and you and my sister seem to be having such a good time. I'd hate to spoil her fun. Would it be too much trouble to ask you to give her a ride home?"
Hank flashed his mom a big grin.
Dave seemed surprised but pleased that he had made such a good impression on the sister of the woman he was interested in. "I'll take good care of her Arlene. I promise. Is midnight too late to have her back by?"
Arlene smiled. "Hank's a big girl. She doesn't have a curfew. Stay out as long as you like."
*****
Hank and Dave got up to dance after saying their goodbyes to Arlene and Barbara. They danced three dances before sitting back down. Dave's hands became braver with each dance, pulling Hank ever more close and tight. Hank pushed closer too, mashing his big breast implants against Dave's stomach and chest.
Before going back to the table, Dave stopped by the bar and got himself another Budweiser and bottle of Coke for Hank. They sat back down at the table and talked about themselves and their families.
Dave had one daughter. She lived in Oklahoma with her husband and three children. The youngest was 5, the middle one was 12 and the oldest was 15. Dave sounded very proud of his grand children. It was clear to Hank that he also loved his daughter very much. He talked about looking forward to his daughter's visit at Christmas.
"I think you and my daughter Sally would like each other," said Dave.
"Sally wouldn't be jealous of another woman seeing her Daddy?" asked Hank.
"Sally loved her mother, but she wants me to move on," said Hank as he lit another Camel. "I got the impression from your sister that you don't have much time for men."
"I wouldn't say that" said Hank, "especially not tonight. I'm having a real nice time," he said as he pulled a cigarette from his case.
Dave instinctively reached out and lit Hank's cigarette.
"Thank you," said Hank. "You're such a gentleman."
Hank's heart fluttered wildly as they talked. The feeling was so familiar to him. But this was the first time he didn't fight to suppress it. How many times had he laid in his bed thinking of a night like this?
His groin tingled in anticipation as he watched Dave wrap his chapped lips around the moist end of his Camel. I bet he has dentures too, thought Hank, as the smoke trailed out of Dave's mouth. Hank fought the urge to walk around the table and unzip the old man's trousers. I wonder what it looks like, thought Hank? I bet its cute and mushy. His pubic hairs are probably gray. He hoped Dave would let him look at it and maybe even touch it.
His mom told him not to worry about the details. She told him the man would make all the moves. She told him that things would go as far as he wanted them to go. If his mom was right, it meant that Dave might want to suck on his breasts. Hank shivered at the thought.
Of course he couldn't go all the way with Dave, even if he wanted to. But he could get pretty close.
As they talked, Hank imagined himself in bed with Dave. He fantasized that they were kissing and cuddling and sharing cigarettes together. He saw himself laying back against a pillow, stroking Dave's penis, as they watched TV together. Maybe the old man would even let him suck on it before they went to sleep.
Hank was so engaged with both his fantasy and the conversation with Dave that he forgot about the time.
"I better get you home," said Dave as he looked at the Timex on his liver spot stained wrist. "Or your sister will send out a posse."
Hank put out his cigarette and picked up his purse. This is it, he thought as Dave escorted him out of the VFW. I wonder if he's going to take me back to his house. Or maybe he'll take me to a motel.
Dave opened the car door for Hank and waited for him to get in before closing it.
"Where do you live?" asked Dave, as he started the engine.
Hank gave directions to his house. Oh no, this isn't going right, he thought. Maybe I should just tell him what I want. But if I do that, he'll think I'm a slut. His mind raced for a solution that would give him what he'd come for without tainting his reputation as a lady.
They pulled up Hank's driveway and Dave turned off the engine. "I'll walk you to the door," he said without giving the slightest hint of trying to get a kiss while still in the car.
I want him to kiss me, thought Hank as they walked the stairs to the porch.
"I had a wonderful time tonight Henrietta."
"Me too Dave," said Hank as he looked up into the old man's face.
"Maybe I'll see you again at one of the dances. But I guess a girl like you doesn't hang around old soldier clubs on a regular basis. If you did, I would have seen you before tonight."
Oh no, thought Hank! He's holding out his hand. He wants to shake hands with me. I don't care what he thinks about me. I have to do this, he thought.
Hank took a hold of Dave's hand and pulled it toward him, knocking the old man off balance. Not having a choice, Dave grabbed hold of Hank to keep from falling. Hank seized the opportunity and latched on to Dave's lips with his own.
Dave grunted and gave into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around the young boy's hips and held him tight as he took control of the kiss and the situation at hand.
Oh my God, thought Hank. He's kissing me! His eyes flew open as his taste buds were assaulted by the raw unfiltered flavored of Dave's smoky kiss. His mom had told him he probably wouldn't be able to taste a smoker's kiss, but she was wrong! The flavor of Dave's mouth over powered hers. Gross! He thought. But he was still turned on nonetheless. He didn't want the kiss to end but eventually it did.
Dave stepped back and cleared his throat while Hank smoothed his skirt.
"I'm sorry," said Dave. "I wasn't expecting you'd ever want to kiss me. I know you were just being nice. I lost control and made a fool out of myself."
Hank kissed him again.
Dave was now thoroughly confused. "I'm old enough to be your father."
Grandfather, thought Hank, but he didn't say it. "I can't help it. I'm attracted to you. I like you a lot."
"You'd want to see me again," asked Dave. "You'd go on a date with me?"
"I'd like that very much," said Hank. "I have to work through the week though, during the day. I can only go out on nights and weekends."
"I know its not much of a date," said Dave, "But would you like to go to church with me tomorrow. We could get some lunch afterwards."
"That sounds very nice," said Hank. "What time will you pick me up?"
Dave grinned. "If I pick you up at 10:30. That should give us plenty of time to make it."
"Its a date then," said Hank as he laid one more kiss on Dave before going inside the house.
He closed the door and watched Dave hobble back to his car through the window.
"I didn't think I'd see you so soon," said Arlene. "Did everything go okay?"
"I don't know Mom. We didn't do... you know, anything. He didn't even try to kiss me. I kissed him. I don't think he likes me very much."
"I thought I heard him ask you to go to church with him tomorrow."
"He did, but he was just being nice I think."
"Dave likes you a lot honey. He's a gentleman, that's all. He's afraid if he rushes things, he'll scare you off. Do you like him?"
Hank swooned. "Yes!"
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction. Hank's parents get into an argument after Dave takes Hank to church. Hank fantasizes about being Dave's wife. Dave gets drunk at a VFW dance and Hank takes sexual advantage of the older man. This chapter includes sex.
Paul Wilson was irate, but he held his tongue until he was sure Dave and Hank were out of earshot. He turned to his wife and said, "I don't understand Arlene. You're the one who introduced them?"
"Well actually, Dave introduced himself when he asked Hank to dance."
"But it was your idea to take Hank to the VFW so he could get himself picked up by an old geezer?"
"Why are you so upset?" asked Arlene as she lit a cigarette. "You're the one who gave Hank permission to start dating."
"I thought he had a crush on one of his friends. Dave Evans is old enough to my father!"
"Well he's not your father and our son likes him. And he likes our son."
"And that's another thing. Is Hank our son or is he our daughter or is he your sister?"
"Actually he has your last name, so technically speaking, I suppose he should be your sister so that would make him my sister in-law. But what the heck. Wilson is such a common last name anyway. I don't think it matters."
"You're right," said Paul, as he threw his arms in the air. "It probably doesn't matter. Out of curiosity, does any of this seem strange to you?"
"Which part?"
"Take your pick? How about the smoking? What's he up to now- two packs, three packs a day?"
"Smoking makes him feel feminine and pretty?"
Paul shook his head at his wife's logic. "Our 16 year old son has breasts. He looks like a fifty year old woman and he's dating a man thats old enough to be his grandfather. But none of that seems strange to you?"
"I think he looks happy," said Arlene.
*****
Dave was smiling ear to ear as he introduced his friends from the congregation to Henrietta. No one had seen him this happy in years. Everyone was telling him how good and fit he looked. And they were right.
Hank took Dave's arm and followed him down the aisle to a pew. After he was seated, Dave put an arm around his shoulder. He scooted closer and dug in for the sermon.
Hank had never enjoyed church before but it was decidedly different this time. He loved the dress his mother had picked out for him. It made him feel so respectable. Being thought of as the girlfriend of Dave Evans made him feel respectable too. Everyone at the church seemed to admire and like him which made them like Hank by default. After all, if he was good enough for Dave Evans, he must be good enough for them too. That is, of course, as long as they believed he was a woman, and they did believe.
I feel like one of those nice old church ladies, thought Hank as the preacher instructed them to open their bibles to the first chapter of Matthew. At the same time, he knew he didn't look too old. He looked hot! Even the younger men and teenage boys had stared lustfully at him as he ground out his cigarette butt in the parking lot beneath his shoe.
Hank placed his hand on Dave's thigh and fantasized about being the older man's wife. He's probably the kind of man that wouldn't want his wife to work. He'd probably want me to stay home and take care of him and the house. I'd be a housewife like my mom, thought Hank. He pictured himself floating around the kitchen in some cute apron, smoking cigarettes sexily as he prepared dinner for his hungry hubby.
He thought about what it would be like to be a grandmother to Dave's three grandchildren. The oldest boy was fifteen- a year younger than him. How exciting, he thought! If that boy is anything like a typical teenager, he'll probably try to steal his grandparent's cigarettes. Oooh, I'll act so mad at him if I catch him trying to smoke like a grown-up. It will be so much fun punishing him.
*****
Eight weeks had passed since Hank's first date with Dave. They were officially an item now, seeing each other four or five nights a week and at church on Sunday. He'd met all of Dave's friends as well as their wives.
After a bit of discussion at home, Hank's parents decided to give him permission to start drinking, since he was pretty much living as an adult woman anyway. Hank didn't care much for beer, but he did enjoy an occasional glass of wine at dinner with Dave.
Work was going well for him too. Maxine continuously praised his efforts behind the typewriter and he had endeared himself to his co-workers as well. Every now and then, one of the executives would get fresh and he'd have to put them in their place without seeming like a bitch, but he had made an art of it.
Until now, Hank and Dave's sexual escapades had been limited to kissing, holding hands, and occasional grope of the breast by Dave's hand. All of that changed on Friday night after a late night party at the VFW.
"You're too drunk to drive home," said Hank as he wrestled the keys out of Dave's pocket.
Dave slurred something about him needing to drive so he could take 'her' home.
"That's okay," said Hank. "We'll figure out something after we get to your house." He dumped Dave in the passenger side and drove out of the parking lot.
Being a boy, he was stronger than he looked. Placing Dave's arm around his shoulder, he managed to move the older man from the car to the bedroom.
With Dave sprawled out on the bed in a stupor, Hank called his mom and told her what happened.
"Do you want me to pick you up," asked Arlene?
Hank took a puff from his cigarette and exhaled. "I don't know. Do you have too?"
"You know dear, you can't very well let Dave go to sleep with his clothes on."
Hank giggled. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe Dave can give me a ride home in the morning."
"That sounds good dear. Have a good time but don't get too carried away. You don't want to slip up and give anything away."
Hank said goodnight to his mom and hung up the phone. Tonight is the night, he thought as he scurried off to the bedroom.
He felt a small wave of guilt as he removed Dave's shorts and pulled the man's pants off. Guys get in trouble when they do this kind of stuff to girls, and I'm really a guy doing it to another guy. But its not like I'm going to hurt him and he's not going to remember it anyway. The worst it will do will be to give him nice dreams.
Both Barbara and his mother had warned Hank against having big expectations for the size and functionality of Dave's penis because of his age. So Hank wasn't surprised to see it laying limp on its side. But it was definitely much longer than he thought it would be. Hank giggled as he got on his knees beside the bed and began his examination of Dave's groin.
Dave moaned and uttered the name "Sally" as Hank took the limp but long penis in his hand. He thinks I'm his dead wife, thought Hank, as he stroked the penis tenderly. Surprisingly, Dave's penis wasn't as drunk as the rest of his body. It grew in Hank's hand. Hank was thrilled at the prospect of living out his fantasy with an older man, even though Dave would be too drunk to remember it.
He let go of Dave's penis and shimmied out of his dress, opting to stay in his full length silky slip. He walked over to the television and turned it on, pausing to admire the way his big bulky breasts spilled out of the cups in his slip. He marveled at the sight and thought he would look even better with a cigarette in his hand, so he got a pack from his purse and returned to the mirror before lighting it.
I look like a walking wet dream, he thought as he got into bed beside Dave. And now its just like we're married, he thought as he took hold of Dave's penis and smoked his cigarette while watching the TV.
Hank was ready for more after finishing his cigarette, so he crawled to the middle of the bed to get a better look at Dave's penis. I'm going to kiss it, he thought, so he did.
Hank kissed Dave's semi-erect penis over and over as he worked up the courage to take it into his mouth.
"Oh Sally, that feels nice," moaned Dave in his sleep.
Hank opened his mouth and took a deep breath of air before launching his lip attack. Dave moaned again as Hank's lips closed around the penis. The boy that resided within him tried to rebel but "Henrietta" fought him off as "she" swirled "her" tongue across Dave's hardening shaft. I'm giving my husband a blow job, he thought, as he eagerly slurped and sucked his way through the fantasy unfolding on Dave's bed.
"Sally, I've missed you so much," said Dave groggily. "Lets make love tonight."
Hank stopped sucking and looked at Dave. It's almost like he's sleep walking. Maybe I can get away with this, he thought.
"I'm on my period honey. You'll have to make love to me in my bottom, okay?"
"Okay," said Dave.
Hank climbed back up in the bed beside Dave and rolled over on his stomach. "Okay honey, I'm ready. You'll have to climb on top of me. Can you do that sweetie."
Dave answered by hoisting his leg over Hank and mounting him from behind.
Oh my god, thought Hank. He's really going to make love to me. Hank spread his legs and prayed that Dave would be able to enter him without lubrication, even though he knew it would hurt.
After a little coaxing, Hank felt the tip of Dave's penis slide past the lips of his anus. It hurt and Hank bit his lip to keep from screaming.
Hank reluctantly relaxed his sphincter, allowing Dave's penis to fully enter him. The pain began to subside as Dave's hips began slamming into him. He's fucking me thought, Hank. He's making a woman out of me.
Dave groaned and spasamed as his orgasm released a reservoir of sperm into the deep recesses of Hank's body.
"Henrietta," screamed Dave! "Oh my God!" He fell down to his side. "I'm so sorry. What have I done to you. I'm so drunk. Please forgive me."
Henrietta immediately right sided herself and pulled the sheet over her legs. "Its okay honey. I wanted to do it. I'm on my period, so we did it the other way." She kissed him on the cheek.
"You're not mad at me?" asked Dave as he searched the nightstand for his cigarettes.
"They're in your shirt pocket on the floor," said Henrietta. "And no, I'm not mad. I thought you were wonderful."
"You were wonderful too," said Dave as he struggled to get his cigarette lit. "My God, Henrietta. It was fantastic. I love you."
"You're just saying that because you've been drinking," said Henrietta as she removed a cigarette from her pack of Virginia Slims and allowed Dave to light it for her.
"Believe me," said Dave. "I've sobered up and I know what I just said and I've been wanting to say it for days. I love you and I want to marry you. You don't have to answer me right now. I just wanted you to know, especially after what we've just done."
Henrietta was overwhelmed. She knew she couldn't say yes, but she wanted to. "Oh honey. I love you too," she said, and then she kissed him.
"I wanted to wait until I had a ring to ask you, but after what just happened, I had to tell you how I feel."
Henrietta inhaled a puff of smoke and held it in her lungs as she relished the moment. She was sitting in bed having a cigarette with a man she'd just had sex with, a man who had asked her to marry him. I feel like such a woman, she thought as she exhaled.
For the first time since putting on a dress, Hank Wilson began to think of himself as a woman, rather than a boy who was impersonating one.
"Of course I know we can't married in a church or have a legal ceremony," said Dave. "But no one else has to know that except us and your parents. We could make it look real and it would be real for us."
The woman in Henrietta flew out of the room and a scared boy named Hank took her place. "What?"
"I'm sorry," said Dave. "I know you're really a boy."
"No I'm not."
"It's okay sweetheart. It doesn't matter to me. I couldn't stop loving you now even if you hated me. That's why I had to tell you."
"Who said I was a boy?"
"You're father told me two weeks ago. He and I were talking and I mentioned that I was thinking about asking you to marry me. Of course I didn't believe him when he told me. I thought he was just trying to scare me away because I'm so much older. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true. And that's when I figured it out that it didn't matter, because I knew I didn't want to live without you."
Hank smoked his cigarette without speaking.
"I should have told you as soon as I figured it out, but I was afraid I'd lose you if I did," said Dave.
"Do you mean it," asked Hank? "You really love me and you don't care that I'm a boy?"
"I promise," said Dave. "But that doesn't mean I want to tell anyone else, unless its important to you."
"No way," said Hank. I don't know want anyone to know about this." He finished his cigarette and put it out in Dave's ashtray. "I still can't believe you know and you still want to marry me."
"I do," said Dave, "but like I said, you don't have to give me an answer right away. I've already thought about it, but I know you need some time. Would you do me a favor though and spend the night. I'll take you home in the morning. You won't have to see me again after that, if you don't want to."
Hank finished his cigarette and laid down in the bed beside Dave. He purposely left a gap of space between their bodies. It wasn't that he didn't want to be close to Dave. He just couldn't accept that Dave was willing to ignore the truth.
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction: Even if the coding says explicit- its not. This segment is just a hair above mature. Speaking of mature, Hank (Henrietta) and Dave are having their morning after talk. Is marriage still in the air?
Hank awoke the next morning to an empty bed. He sat up, adjusted his wig and lit a cigarette. Before he had time to think about the night before, Dave entered the room with two cups of coffee. He was completely naked.
"Good morning sweetheart," said Dave as he handed the boy a mug. "I made us some coffee."
"Thanks," said Hank as he took the mug and watched Dave get back in bed beside him.
"Did you sleep well," asked Dave.
Hank wiped the sleep from his eyes and nodded. He felt weird about being in bed with Dave and smoking in front of him now that Dave knew the truth. Dave despised teen smoking with a passion. He griped about it every time he saw a person under 30 lighting up. And Hank had agreed with him as he played the role of a regretful adult smoker. But now Dave knew the truth. Hank apologized to him for smoking and offered to put it out.
"Why," asked Dave?
"Because I'm only 16 and I know you hate to see teenager smoke."
Dave thought about his answer before speaking as he was very aware of the boy's awkward feelings. "If you agree to marry me, I think it would be best if you kept doing things the way you do them now."
"You still want to marry me," asked Hank?
"Of course I do. I told you that last night."
"But you were drinking. I kind of thought you'd change your mind after you woke up."
Dave lit himself a Camel. "I didn't change my mind. I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife."
Hank studied Dave's face and tried to gage the sincerity of the older man's expression. "I don't want you to marry me and then have you start treating me like I'm one of your grandchildren or something because I know I'm only a year older than Scott."
"Fair enough," said Dave. "I don't want you to change your mind about being a grown woman and my wife after we're married. You can't go back and be a kid again if we do this."
"I don't want to be a kid again," said Hank. "And I don't want to be a boy again either."
"Then its starting to sound like we both want the same thing," said Dave.
"Do we," asked Hank? "Are you sure?" he asked as he pulled down the sheets peeled back the hem of his slip to reveal his penis. "I don't have a vagina. I have a penis. And you know I'm wearing a wig," he said as took it off and laid it on the bed. My wrinkles aren't real either. Its latex make-up."
Dave looked at the young boy's shapely smooth legs and at the appendage between them. "I know you have a penis and I can't do anything about it. I have money and I'm well off. But I can't afford the money it would take to get you one of those fancy surgeries."
"I don't need a surgery," said Hank. "Last night was great. But there's no way I'm ever going to be able to hide this from you all the time."
"I know that," said Dave. "And I wouldn't expect you to hide it from me. But as much as I love you, I don't think I could let you do to me the thing that I did to you last night. I love you and I think you're beautiful, but I'm not a homosexual."
"I'm not a homosexual either," said Hank as he put out his cigarette. "Last night was the first time I ever even touched a penis that wasn't mine."
Hank's statement about not being gay caught Dave's attention. "You're not? Then why did you have sex with me last night? Why are you even doing this?"
"Its kind of a weird story," said Hank as he reached for his pack of Virginia Slims. "And it might make you mad since I know how much you hate kids smoking."
"I can't see what that would have to do with you getting dressed up like an older woman."
"Actually, it has everything to do with it," said Hank as he removed a cigarette and placed it between his lips.
Dave lit it for him. "Then I'd really like to hear about it," he said.
Hank exhaled his smoke. "Okay, well like I said, I'm not a homosexual either. I like girls, especially women like my mom. I think they're so cool and beautiful, you know?"
Dave nodded. "I suppose so. I like them too, but I've never wanted to be like them."
Hank laughed. "Well I did. I especially wanted to be like my mom. That's why I started smoking cigarettes."
"That's not so crazy," argued Hank. "Most kids who take up smoking do it because they want to be like their parents. I didn't start smoking regularly until I joined the army, but I tried it when I was your age, because my Dad smoked, and I wanted to be like him. He's probably the reason I smoke these stupid Camels without a filter. I guess it made me me feel macho and manly like him. That's stupid, but its not crazy."
"Well if it makes you feel any better, I love it that you smoke those Camels. I think they make you look real masculine and tough, like a cowboy."
Dave accepted the compliment with a smile. "Thanks," he said.
"My dad smokes too," said Hank, "and he's cool, but I never wanted to smoke like a man. Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted to smoke like a woman, and that's pretty much what happened after my parents caught me smoking last summer."
Dave was dumbfounded. "So they did all this to punish you?"
"They didn't punish me. They gave me their permission. But after I told my mom some of the stuff I'm telling you, she thought I needed to get in touch with my feminine side. That's when she taught me how to smoke like a woman. And then I started dressing like one and after we got back from vacation, I got breast implants and started taking female hormones."
"I still don't understand why you wanted to look so much older," said Dave. To tell you the truth, I don't understand much of this at all. I'm still trying to figure out why you don't think you're a homosexual."
"Who knows? Maybe I really am and just don't know it. I know I liked what we did last night. I wanted to look older because my mom is older."
"And where do I fit in to all this? I'm 66 years old. Why me?"
Hank blushed and put his wig back on. "Maybe I am a little gay because I've always thought older men were cute. But the reason its you and not someone else is because I'm in love with you."
"I love you too," said Dave. "That's why I want you to be my wife."
"What about this?" he asked, pointing to the penis between his legs. "Are you sure its not going to bother you?"
Dave touched the boy's penis and fondled his scrotum. Hank cooed with pleasure.
"I have a feeling," said Dave, "that you and your penis and your cigarette are a package deal, so I want to marry the whole package. Will you marry me and be my wife, Henrietta?"
******
Henrietta squealed with delight as Dave masterfully used his penis to make her orgasm. Afterwards, they cuddled and smoked cigarettes. Dave wanted to know more about her smoking fetish and Henrietta was thrilled to explain it to him. Dave was thrilled too, especially when he figured out the quality of their sex life was directly related to how womanly and sexy Henrietta felt as a smoker.
Dave lit her cigarette for her and said, "You look so sexy when smoke."
Henrietta squealed and exhaled her smoke in his face. It was Dave's turn to squeal when she gave him his first smoky blow job in appreciation for his comment.
They shared one more deep sensuous kiss before getting out of bed and getting dressed.
"You need to take me home now so we can tell my parent's the good news," said Henrietta.
Smoking Fetish / TG Fiction. This is the final chapter about Hank/Henrietta. Henrietta wants to get married and have a family. She thinks her new life as a woman and a wife will be all fun and games. Life seldom turns out the way you think it will.
Arlene was doing dishes and Paul was changing a light bulb in the kitchen when Henrietta and Dave came in through the garage.
"Its about time you came home," said Arlene as she towel dried a dish. "Your nephew is worried sick."
"You mean my brother," said Henrietta.
The dish fell from Arlene's hand and smashed itself to pieces in the sink.
"Its okay Mom. Dave knows. Dad told him."
If looks could kill, Paul Williams would have been dropped by his wife's icy stare. "How could you," she asked?
Paul raised his arms above his head. "I thought Dave should know. He was talking about wanting to marry Hank. What else could I have done?"
"I'm sorry Dave. This is my fault," said Arlene. "I'm the one who took Hank to the VFW the night you met him."
"And I'm glad you did," said Dave. "Henrietta...Hank, is the best thing that ever happened to me. That's why I have to ask you and your husband for permission to marry her."
Arlene gasped.
"But he's just a boy," said Paul.
"Not any more Daddy. Dave made me into a woman last night. And he did it again this morning. It was totally awesome!"
Paul struggled to keep his balance on the footstool as he wrestled with the mental image of the older man having sex with his son.
"Oh sweetheart! I'm so happy for you," exclaimed Arlene as she dropped her dish towel and raced around the counter to hug her former son.
Dave and Paul exchanged looks from across the kitchen as Arlene and Henrietta embraced. The look on Paul's face seemed to ask Dave why? How could you? Dave broke their stare-off when Arlene kissed him on the cheek.
"I know we still have a lot to talk about it," said Arlene, "but I still need to hug the man who made a woman out of my little boy!"
His escaped him as Arlene embraced him in a crushing bear hug. This is a very strange and awkward situation, thought Dave as he returned Arlene's hug and whispered in her ear, "I don't think your husband approves and I don't blame him."
"He just needs some time to get used to the idea," she said as she took Dave's hand and turned toward her husband who was still on the footstool. "Lets go into the living room and talk about this honey."
*****
Henrietta and Dave sat in the love seat while Arlene and Paul sat across from them on the couch.
Henrietta smoothed her skirt with her hand. As she did, she felt a rush as the fabric from her skirt collided with the silk slip and her nylon hose. She became acutely aware of her heavy breasts, the jewelry she was wearing and her manicured hands. She felt extremely feminine and mature as she looked across the room and compared herself to her mother who was in the process of lighting a cigarette.
The sight of her mother smoking made Henrietta want to smoke too, so she retrieved the leather cigarette case from her purse and allowed to Dave to light her up before he lit a Camel for himself.
Oh my God, thought Henrietta as she took a puff from her cigarette. I feel like so womanly and grown-up. My friends are probably studying algebra right now and I'm smoking cigarettes! I'm sitting with my boyfriend and we're talking to my parents about getting married. This is going to be so much fun, she thought as Dave talked to her father about his plans for her.
Arlene was halfway listening to the conversation but she was was more interested in observing her son. Or was she observing her daughter? If anything, he was her sister. She marveled at how old Henrietta looked in her matronly clothes and make-up. It was a costume, but she seemed attached to it. She was certainly attached to those breasts.
Arlene wanted to feel happy for her son, and she was because he looked happier than a pig in shit as he sat next to his older fiance looking so womanly and femininely puffing away on her Virginia Slim.
Was the woman sitting in her living room the boy who had seemed so relatively happy and normal not so long ago? Arlene had never meant for this to go as far as it had when she encouraged Hank to explore his feminine side. But the further he explored, the happier and more excited he became. She couldn't say no to him, but maybe she should have.
Paul kept a civil tongue as he and Dave discussed the older man's intentions for his son, but his thoughts were anything but civil as he looked at his 16 year old son made up to look like a woman in her late 40s.
How can that man have the nerve to look me in the eye after he's fucked my son in the ass, thought Dave? And God knows what else he did to that poor boy. If Hank wasn't over the age of consent I'd call the cops.
Dave puffed on his Camel and chose his words carefully. He wouldn't allow his temper, his passion, or Paul Wilson to come between him and Henrietta. But what about his guilt?
He glanced over at Henrietta as she chatted away with her sister...no, he reminded himself. Arlene is Henrietta's mother. He reminded himself that Henrietta was really a 16 year old boy with a penis between his legs. I'm not gay, he thought. Why do I want him or her so much? Even if she'd been born a girl, she would still be 16 and I'd still be 66. I'm 50 years older than her for crying out loud and she's a boy! For some reason that thought aroused him and he was disturbed by his arousal. What does that say about me, he wondered?
Paul turned his attention from Dave to his son. "What do you have to say about this Hank? You're always telling your mom and I that you aren't gay. I know you get off on dressing up and smoking your girly cigarettes, but I always thought this was just some kind of phase."
"I don't know Daddy. I just know I love the way Dave makes me feel and I love him and I want to marry him and be his wife. Please let me marry him Daddy!"
"That's good enough for me," said Arlene.
"Well its not good enough for me," said Paul. "What about your education Hank? Don't you want to finish high school and go to college?"
Henrietta rolled her eyes and blew a plume of smoke. "I don't need school daddy. I already have a job and I'm going to quit it anyway after Dave and I get married."
"That's right," said Dave. "I'm from the old school. A woman's place is in the home."
"Think about it Hank. Marriage isn't a game. Have you seriously thought about what it will be like for you to be Mr. Evans' wife for the next 20 or 30 years?"
"Well if its anything like last night then I'm all for it!"
Dave grinned and rubbed Henrietta's skirt covered knee.
"For starters," said Paul, "you're going to have to do a better job of keeping Mr. Evans' house clean than you do your room. And you're going to need to learn to cook and wash clothes."
"Mom can teach me that," said Henrietta.
"She's right," said Arlene. "I can."
"Mr. Evans has grandchildren, doesn't he?" asked Paul. "You'll have to be a grandmother to them. Isn't one of them almost your age?"
"They'll think I'm a grown-up," said Henrietta as she waved her cigarette around. "That means they'll have to do what I tell them to do. I think it will be fun!"
"She's got a point there," said Arelene. "Bossing kids around is a lot of fun."
"What about his age Hank? Have you thought about that," asked Paul? "Mr. Evans is an old man. He's 66 years old and smokes unfiltered cigarettes."
"I know," said Henrietta! "I love that about him," she said as she kissed Dave on the cheek. "I think older guys that smoke are just so sexy!"
"They also get heart disease and lung cancer," said Paul. "Do you want to spend ten years or more taking care of a sick and dying old man, because I guarantee that will eventually happen if you marry him."
"Oh honey," said Arlene. "You can't guarantee something like that."
"But its highly possible," said Paul.
"I don't care," said Henrietta. "I love him and I want to marry him for better or worse!"
Arlene smiled across the room at Henrietta as she took Dave's hand.
"You don't think you'll get bored of this in a couple months or a year," asked Paul? "You don't think it will bother you when you see your friends going to parties and dating girls their own age? You're missing out on the best years of your life. You know that, don't you?"
"No I'm not Daddy. This right here, the way I am now. These are the best years of my life and I'm going to 45 for the next 30 years because I'm only 16!"
"That's not true," said Paul. "You can't stay 45 for the next 30 years if you marry Mr. Evans. You'll need to age with him or else people will get suspicious."
"Then that's even better," said Henrietta. "I want to be old lady!"
Paul slapped his knees, stood up and walked across the room. Dave stood up to and the two men shook hands.
"Welcome to the family," said Paul. "I can't say I'm happy about this, but I'm almost glad you're taking her off my hands."
"I'll take good care of her and make her happy," said Dave.
Henrietta and Arlene shrieked with joy.
*****
Henrietta sat on her mother's bed, wearing just her under garments, as her mother pulled a long cardboard box from the closet.
"I can't wait to see you in my wedding dress," said Arlene as she opened the box and removed the white dress from its protective packaging.
"Me too," said Henrietta excitedly.
"You're going to make such a pretty bride," said Arlene as she helped her son into her old wedding dress. "We should have done this years ago."
"Why do you say that?"
"If we had, I might have had a chance to have you as a daughter for a while before you became my old maid sister."
"I'm not going to an old maid much longer," laughed Henrietta.
"No you're not honey. But are you sure you want to go through with this wedding? Your father is right about marriage being a lot of responsibility. Dave is going to expect a lot out of you once you become his wife."
"How can you even ask me that Mom? Can't you see how happy I am? I'm going to be a grown woman for the rest of my life just like you! I'm going to smoke cigarettes and have sex with my husband and wear dresses every day. It's going to be great!"
Arlene frowned as she fluffed out the bridal skirt. "Married life is wonderful honey and I hope you enjoy it, but its not all fun and games."
"It will be for me," said Henrietta as she walked over to the mirror to get a better look at herself in her mother's wedding dress.
"I supposed this is a lot different and more exciting than you're old life," said Arlene as she lit a cigarette and handed the pack to Henrietta.
Henrietta lit the cigarette and admired herself in the mirror. "Look at me mom. I'm smoking just like a real woman."
"And from what I understand, you had sex like one too. Did you really enjoy it honey, or were you just saying that?"
Henrietta exhaled as she pondered her mother's question. "Its probably a little of both but it wasn't like I hated it. It was just real weird, you know, having sex with a man, especially Dave because of how old he is. But that's what made it exciting. And it did feel nice once I got used to it. I just hope I can make Dave happy with what I have because its not like I have the right stuff."
"Believe me honey, I saw the way Dave was looking at you today. You have the right stuff as far as he's concerned."
"Thanks Mom," said Henrietta as she turned and threw her arms around Arlene in a hug. "I needed to hear that."
******
Dave's daughter and her family flew in from Oklahoma two days before the wedding. They stayed at Dave's house and Henrietta spent a good deal of time with them. She liked Sally and her family a lot.
Sally and her husband Rick were both in their mid 40s. They had three children. Scott was 15, Katie was 12 and Megan was 5. Henrietta thought they were the picture-perfect family. None of them smoked or drank. Religion was an important part of their lives. Dave and his late wife had done an incredible job of raising Sally. She was a mom's mom among mothers.
Sally adored Henrietta and they became fast friends.
"I'm so glad my father is marrying you," said Sally. "You're so perfect for him!" She looked over at her father and asked, "So how does it feel to be a cradle robber Dad?"
Dave got a worried look on his face. "What do you mean honey?"
"Henrietta is only 45. She's the same age as me!"
Dave grinned. "I guess that makes me a dirty old man, doesn't it?"
*******
Henrietta and Dave spent their honeymoon in Europe visiting Dave's old battle haunts. Seeing where Dave had spent the war made Henrietta that much prouder of him.
The first eight months of their marriage was like a fairy tale to Henrietta. She was living out her fantasies. The wedding ring on her finger made her feel so respectable, even though she was anything but respectable in their bedroom.
Henrietta's fantasy world came to an abrupt end one night when Dave answered the phone. Sally and Rick had been killed an automobile accident. The kids were okay. They hadn't been in the car.
Dave and Henrietta flew out to Oklahoma for the funeral and took the children back with them. Henrietta and Dave's role changed from grandparents to parents overnight. Papers were filed with the appropriate state agencies. Seventeen year old Henrietta and 67 year old Dave were now the legal guardians of three children.
Dave took his daughter's death hard and fell into a deep depression. He spent most of the first three months after the funeral moping around the house or in bed. Henrietta found herself taking care of one old man and three children. It seemed as if her father's prophesy was coming true, but it was even worse.
Henrietta's days were spent cooking and cleaning for five people. When she wasn't working around the house, she was chauffeuring the kids around town. At 16, Scott was old enough to get his driver's license, but his parent's automobile death had traumatized him. He had no interest in getting behind the wheel of a car. Making matters even stranger for Henrietta was the fact that Scott was now a junior at the same high school that he should be a senior at.
Arlene and Paul felt bad for their former son. They helped out as much as they could but they had a child of their own to raise. It was obvious to both of them that Henrietta was caving to the stress. It was obvious to Henrietta as well. She was smoking more and enjoying it less. It didn't turn her on any more. It had become just an addiction that she couldn't shake and a coping tool for her increasing stress. Her love life with Dave had gone down the tubes as well. At 17, she was horny all the time, but Dave had no interest in satisfying her needs. He was just too depressed. Dressing up didn't turn her on either. As far Henrietta was concerned, her clothes were just clothes- something to wear.
Henrietta was complaining to her mom about her life. "I hate it mom. I wish I had never done this. I'd give anything to be a boy again."
"I'm sorry honey, but this is your life now. People are depending on you. You have to make the best of what you have."
"It wouldn't be so bad if Dave wasn't so sick and depressed."
"Then maybe you should try to snap him out of it. The two of you would feel so much better if you just started having sex again. Sex is so important for a good marriage honey. Your father and I have sex at least twice a week whether we want to or not."
"I want to," said Henrietta. "But Dave isn't getting erections."
"Oh my. That's not good, especially at Dave's age. You know what they say about older men and sex."
"No."
"They say use it or lose it. Have you tried masturbating him?"
Henrietta shook her head. "I'm just so tired when I go to bed. All I want to do is sleep when I get in bed."
"You have to try harder on your marriage honey if this is going to work."
Henrietta took her mother's advice. Even though she was exhausted at the end of the day, she'd crawl in bed with Dave and do her best to give him an orgasm with her hand. She used her other hand to smoke with. Every unsuccessful effort brought memories of a better time. She remembered their first night of sex together when he had gotten too drunk to drive. It had been so fun smoking in bed and masturbating him with the TV on. It wasn't fun any more. It was a chore.
Dave woke her up early every morning with his hacking cough as he jump started his decrepit lungs with an unfiltered Camel. She didn't think his smoking was sexy any more, now that he was getting sick from it.
Just as Henrietta thought she couldn't go on any more, she felt Dave jerk beside her as he groaned. Her hands were covered with warm sticky sperm. "You did it!" she said. "You had an orgasm honey."
Things seemed to get back on track after that. Dave started getting out of bed more and leaving the house. By the fourth month after the funeral he had resumed having regular sex with Henrietta. He also started helping out around the house more, though he got winded easily.
Life was still difficult for Henrietta as she raised three children who weren't that much younger than her self, but it was easier now that she had a husband to help. She was starting to feel spunky again. Her clothes started feeling silkier and her cigarettes started tasted good again now that she was getting her recommended daily allowance of Dave's sperm.
Henrietta was enjoying being a mother to Scott, Katie, and Megan. They all called her grandma, but in truth, she was more of mother to them. She'd sit with them at the kitchen table and smoke cigarettes until they finished their homework. On the weekends, she'd take the girls shopping while Dave taught Scott how to drive a car.
One afternoon, while the kids were in school, Henrietta was giving Hank a blow job. Henrietta was certain that she enjoyed sucking the sperm out of Dave's old penis almost as much as Dave enjoyed her doing it for him. When they were finished, Henrietta got up to brush her teeth while Dave had a cigarette in bed.
The phone rang and Dave answered it. Henrietta didn't know who had called but she recognized the agitated look on her husband's face.
"That was counselor from Scott's school. He got caught smoking in the bathroom. We got to go down there."
As they were driving to the school, Henrietta discovered that she was just as angry at Scott as her husband was. She was surprised by her feelings. When she had first married Dave, she would have been thrilled by the prospect of catching one his grandchildren smoking. She would have felt so grown-up and flaunting her smoking over them and punishing them for what she did every day. But she felt different now because she didn't think of the kids as Dave's grandchildren any more. She thought about them as being her own children.
Even though she was only a year older than Scott, she felt as if he were her son. It would break her heart if he were to take up smoking like her and Dave.
Scott was waiting for them in the office when they got in the school. The counselor told him to stay on the bench because she wanted to talk to Henrietta and Dave alone. Dave and Henrietta both shot Scott a disappointed look as they walked past him.
The counselor introduced herself as Martha Timmie and asked them to take a seat. After they were seated, she removed a form from her desk and handed it to Henrietta.
"What's this?" asked Henrietta as she glanced at the form.
"Its a permission slip," said Mrs. Timmie. "We'll need you and your husband to sign it before we can give Scott permission to smoke in our school's designated area."
As a former student, Henrietta was well aware of the school's designated smoking area but Dave was surprised.
"You let the kids smoke in school," asked Dave?
"Yes Mr. Evans, as long as the students have their parent's approval and do it inside the the designated area. Your grandson was caught in the bathroom and he didn't have a permission slip on file with us."
"But why do you let them smoke in school in the first place," asked Dave? "That sounds crazy."
"We've found that kids are going to smoke regardless of the rules. We've also found that it works better if the school controls the situation rather than allowing the situation to control the school." Mrs. Timmie looked down at some notes on her desk. "After talking with Scott, he didn't think you'd mind giving him permission since the two of you are both smokers."
"My husband and I are both smokers, Mrs. Timmie. But we're adults and Scott is just a kid. We don't want him to smoke at school or at home."
"I'm glad to hear you say that," said Mrs. Timmie. "I wish more of our parents felt like you and your husband. Unfortunately, I'll have to suspend Scott for three days unless we have your signed permission form on file."
"Then suspend him," said Henrietta. "My husband and I will probably do a lot worse than that to him when we get home."
Mrs. Timmie stood up and shook their hands. "I'm so impressed," she said. "Scott is very lucky to have the two of you looking out after him. Would you like to get involved with our Partent Teacher Association, Mrs. Evans? We could really use a woman like you."
******
After agreeing to join the PTA, Henrietta and Dave took Scott home to begin his three day suspension.
Scott apologized to his grandparents all the way home, begging their forgiveness but Henrietta and Dave refused to talk to him until they got home. When they did get home, they sent Scott to his room and told him to wait.
Dave wanted to take a belt to Scott but Henrietta talked him into letting her handle it.
"He's my grandson too and I don't want him to smoke either," said Henrietta as she angrily removed a Virginia Slim from her leather cigarette case and lit it. "We're the same age, so I'll know how to talk to him about it on his level."
"What? You're not going to tell him the truth about yourself. Are you?"
"Of course not! I'm just going to talk to him about it on his level," said Henrietta as she climbed the stairs to Scott's room.
Scott was sitting on his bed waiting for her when she walked in.
"Your grandfather and I are so disappointed in you right now Scott."
"I know Grandma. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise."
Henrietta took a long drag on her cigarette and exhaled. "What possessed you to do it in the first place?"
Scott shrugged and gave his best attempt at an answer. When he was done talking, Henrietta sat down and gave him her take on the subject.
"I'm not mad at you," she said. "I thought it was cool too when I was your age. I don't think that way any more though and neither does your grandpa."
They talked back and forth for over 30 minutes.
"Your school suspended you for three days and your grandpa wants to punish you too. I understand why you did it and I believe you when you say you won't do it again, but I still have to punish you."
"I know," said Scott.
"Okay then. You're grounded for the next 30 days. No stereo, television, or radio. You'll go to bed every night at 8:00 through the week and on the weekends. Do you understand?"
Scott nodded. "I'm sorry about this Grandma."
"I know you are honey," said Henrietta as she kissed him on the cheek. "Your grandfather and I both love you very much. You know that, don't you?"
"I love you guys too."
*****
Later that night in bed, Henrietta clenched her teeth and held on for the ride as Dave navigated her anal cavity with the length of his penis. Sex with Dave wasn't nearly as exciting as it used to be when she was first discovering her femininity, but it was spiritually fulfilling.
After releasing his sperm, Dave laid down next to her. He was out of breath, but he felt wonderful. "Thank you," he said.
Henrietta kissed him, sat up in bed and lit a cigarette. "Snuggle with me," she said.
Dave put his arm around her waist and laid his head against her breasts. "Thanks for talking to Scott today," he said. "I would have lost my temper."
"It was surreal," said Henrietta as she exhaled. "If that's the right word. I guess I'd have a better vocabulary if I had stayed in school."
"Surreal is the right word," said Dave as he nuzzled against her breasts. "You're a good mother and a good wife. You know that, don't you?"
Henrietta looked down at Dave's face and smiled. "I don't think if I can do this without you."
"Yes you can," said Dave. "You're not a little boy any more. You're a woman like your mother. You can do this."
A tear fell from her eye and she wiped at it. "I love you so much. I don't want you to die."
"Maybe its not cancer," said Dave. "Maybe its just a cold."
*****
Dave passed away in July. Henrietta did her best to stay emotionally strong for the kids. Money wasn't an issue because Dave had left a generous life insurance policy. Scott began his senior year in the fall. Katie was 14 and a freshman. Megan was 7 and in the second grade.
Henrietta missed Dave. She also missed her life as a boy. If it wasn't for the kids, she would have used the insurance money to set things right with her body. Maybe when they're grown and out of college, she thought as she removed a cigarette from her brown leather case and lit it.
She stared at the cigarette between her fingers with distain. She and Dave had tried twice to quit smoking together before he died. She tried again three months after the funeral and had made it for three days before succumbing. She'd been a total angry bitch during those three days. The kids had wanted her to quit, but they admitted they were relieved once she started back. Megan told her that she was nicer when she smoked. Scott and Katie agreed.
When Henrietta wasn't taking care of her family, she was volunteering at the high school and the elementary school. She was very active in both the PTA and her church.
Henrietta's mother and Katie encouraged her to start dating again but Henrietta wasn't interested in men. She was just doing her time on planet earth until the kids were old enough to go out on their own.
Scott graduated from high school and enrolled in the local college. He lived at home because it was cheaper and because he had fallen in love with Henrietta. As far as he was concerned, she was the woman of his dreams and had been since he had first seen her at his grandfather's wedding. He kept that secrets and others to himself.
Katie followed her brother to college after she graduated from high school. They had always been close. Young adulthood brought them closer. Things were said and secrets were hinted at. Truths became exposed.
"You love her, don't you," asked Katie?
"I can't help it," said Scott.
"Even though you know the truth about her?"
"You know the truth too, and you still love her," said Scott.
"But not the way you do. You love her like grandpa did."
"What about Megan," asked Scott? "Has she figured it out yet?"
"About you being in love with with grandma or grandma being a boy?"
"Both."
"She knows you're in love with her because she asked me about it. But she doesn't know about the other thing."
"That's bad enough," said Scott as he lit a Marlboro and crumpled the empty pack.
"When are you going to tell Grandma about that?" she asked as she pointed at the cigarette between her brother's fingers.
"About the same time I tell her that I'm in love with her so I guess that would be about never."
"You need to tell her," said Katie.
"About the smoking?"
"You need to tell her that you love her. Its okay with Megan. And its not like she's our real grandmother."
"Right," said Scott. "And its not like she's a real woman either." He exhaled the smoke from his cigarette. "But I still feel like she is."
*******
Henrietta sat in front of her mirror on the morning of her 22nd birthday and added another wrinkle to her latex make-up making her look as if she'd just tuned 52. She reminded herself that she was doing it for the kids as she lit a cigarette.
Kids? Scott is 21. Katie is 18 and Megan is 11. She wondered if Scott would move away after he graduated. What about Megan? How old will I need to look when she graduates from college?
She thought some more about Scott. It worried her that he had never had a serious girlfriend all through high school and college. Maybe he's gay and he's afraid to tell me, she thought.
*****
Scott took a job in town after he graduated from college. He asked Henrietta if it would be okay with her if he continued living in the house. He offered to pay rent.
"I'd like it if you stayed," said Henrietta. "But I don't need rent money."
"Thanks Grandma."
Henrietta lit a cigarette. "There's been something I've been wanting to say to you for a while, and this is about as good of a time as any. You're 22 years old Scott. You're an adult now. I'm glad you want to stay here with us, but I know you're not a kid any more."
"So I guess that means you're telling me that I don't have a curfew?"
Henrietta laughed. "No curfew, but I'd still appreciate a phone call if you stay the night out. The reason I brought it up is because I don't want you thinking that you have to hide your lifestyle from me."
"Okay. But I don't understand what you're talking about."
Henrietta sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't make me say this, but I just wanted you to know its okay if you ever want to bring a boyfriend home. Thats all."
Scott laughed. "You think I'm gay?"
"Well I've never seen you keep a girlfriend for more than two dates. I just figured you must be hiding something from me."
"I am hiding something but its not a boyfriend."
"Well whatever it is, you can tell me. You're an adult now and you're free to live your own life."
"In that case," said Scott as he pulled a pack of Marlboros from his pocket, "I'll start with this. I smoke."
Henrietta frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "I really wish you wouldn't but its like I said. You're an adult now and you're free to do whatever it is you want to do."
"So its okay with you if I start smoking in the house with you?"
"Absolutely," said Henrietta. "Do Katie and Megan know?"
"They do and they both say I'm stupid."
"And I'm inclined to agree with them," said Henrietta. "But from now on, there will be two smokers in this house," she said as she kissed him on the cheek. "I guess you'll be be taking your grandfather's place."
Her words threw him off balance. "Grandpa's place? What do you mean?"
"Nothing really," said Henrietta. "Its just that there were two smokers in the house when you're grandfather was alive. So there'll be two more again. That's all."
"Okay," said Scott as he lit the Marlboro.
*****
Six months had passed since Scott graduated from college. Henrietta, her mother Sarah, Katie and Megan were in the kitchen making Christmas dinner. Paul and Billy were watching a football game in the living room with Scott.
Katie, who had figured out the truth years ago, marveled at Henrietta and Sarah as they bickered like sisters. Both women had gray hair and glasses. They were both wearing tacky Christmas sweaters. There was a big Christmas tree on Sarah's red sweater. Henrietta was sporting a snowman on her green wool. They both looked like sweet little ladies as they chain smoked their Virginia Slims and argued about whether or not it was time to baste the turkey.
Katie understood the sacrifices Henrietta had made to raise her and her siblings. What about Sarah, she wondered? Had Henrietta's transition been difficult for her? She let her son marry my grandpa when he was only 16. She must have given him permission to start smoking when he was even younger than that.
That night, before going home, Paul Wilson hugged Henrietta and whispered in her ear. "I'm so proud of you," he said. "You have a beautiful family."
"Thanks Daddy," said Henrietta. "I love you."
Katie watched them hug. She hadn't heard the words they exchanged, but judging by the looks on their faces, she assumed the words had been pleasant. I have to tell her, she thought. She looked across the room at her brother Scott as he picked up some glasses and took them to the kitchen. Nothing is ever going to happen unless I do.
"Grandma, can I talk to you about something private?" asked Katie as they were doing dishes in the kitchen.
"Of course you can honey. What's on your mind?"
"Can we talk about it in your room," asked Katie?
*****
Henrietta sat up in bed smoking one cigarette after the other as she relived the conversation she'd had with Katie. They knew the truth about her, except for Megan. They knew the truth and they loved her in spite of it. And according to Katie, Scott loved her more than anyone.
He wants to be with me the way his grandfather was, thought Henrietta as she lit another cigarette. Her limp penis tingled at the thought. It wasn't as if she'd never imagined being with Scott, but those thoughts had been fantasies. Nothing was ever supposed to come of them.
Katie says its okay and there's nothing wrong with it. She said that Megan and her want this to happen. They want Scott and I live to together as husband and wife. But how would that work?
People know he's not my real grandson. But he's 23 and everyone that knows me thinks I'm 53. Unless we move away, I'll never be able to be young again. This is my home.
*****
One Month Later
*****
Henrietta's heart fluttered as Scott held Dave's old Zippo lighter for her. She exhaled and thanked him as he reached into his shirt pocket and took out a pack of unfiltered Camels. He looked too young for the Camels but she knew he'd grown into them with time. She had begged him not to switch from the filtered Marlboros but he had insisted on smoking the manly Camels like his grandfather had done before him.
Megan laughed.
"What's so funny," asked Scott?
"Nothing," said Megan from the other couch. "I just think you look cute lighting Grandma's cigarettes for her."
Henrietta giggled. "I think he looks cute too."
"So does this mean you're going to be my grandfather now," asked Katie? "Or are you still going to be my brother?"
The End
Another BigCloset TopShelf story. Tony is a 13 year old boy who gets caught dressing in his mother's clothes. Instead of punishing him, his parents take him to the doctor who suggests that he openly explore his feminine side. This complete story is about the relationship Tony has his family. The sequel, if written, will deal with Tony's relationship with his friends.
TONY'S FAMILY
By: slimv
I can still remember the looks on both my parent’s faces when they came home early from celebrating their anniversary and found me on the couch, dressed in my mother’s nightgown. I hadn’t expected them back for at least another couple hours. My little brother had spent the night at his friend’s. I’d been planning that night for more than a week, but I hadn’t planned on my mother getting sick and my parents coming home early. But there they were, standing in front of me. And there I sat, lipstick and blush, smeared across my face, nowhere to run- nowhere to hide.
Before that summer, I had been like most boys my age, playing football, throwing rocks at birds, chasing after girls. I’d always been a good student. I was active in our church. I was my parent’s pride and joy. My little brother looked up to me. The neighbors adored me. Everyone thought of me as the perfect All-American boy, the kind of boy every parent wanted for a son. So what had gone wrong?
The truth of the matter was that nothing in my life had gone wrong. I’d just gotten careless or unlucky. I’d been dressing in my mother’s clothes since the age of eight. But that night in the living room was the first time I’d been caught.
I wasn’t a sissy by any stretch of the imagination, and if you’d called me one I would have popped you in the nose. I was a just a normal boy who enjoyed dressing in his mother’s clothes and parading through the house, acting like a girl. What’s normal about that? Nothing! I wasn’t proud of it. I was ashamed, which is why I’d always gone to such great lengths to hide it. I had tried to stop at least a million times, but I could never stop for long. I finally convinced myself that I wasn’t hurting anyone so long as no one ever found out, but they had found out. I’d been caught.
I sat on the couch bawling, refusing to answer my parent’s questions. Explaining myself would’ve only made things worse. Summer had just started. My situation was embarrassing enough, but if I said the wrong thing, I could very well wind up spending my entire vacation locked in my room.
“I can’t deal with this right now,” said my mother. “We’ll talk about it in the morning, before your brother gets home.”
My brother! What would Randy say if he found out? Surely my parents wouldn’t tell him. I was his big brother and he practically worshipped me. My parents turned their backs on me in disgust, leaving me to wallow in my self-inflicted misery. I prayed that no one would ever find out about that night. Please God, let this stay between my parents and me.
I removed my mother’s nightgown and tossed it in the clothes hamper and scrubbed the make-up off my face before climbing into bed to stare at the ceiling. I was too afraid to sleep. I wished my parents had ended it by announcing my punishement. That would have been better than worrying about it. I didn’t sleep a wink that night.
******
When I came downstairs the next morning, I found my parents sitting in the kitchen. They were drinking coffee and my mom was smoking a cigarette. I was greeted with silence. Judgment day had arrived.
“Have a seat,” said my father. “We need to talk about last night.”
I took a seat at the table and crossed my hands over my lap.
“I know last night wasn’t the first time you wore my clothes,” said my mother. “It’s happened before. I never said anything to you and I didn’t tell your father until last night. I thought it was a phase, something you’d grow out of. I didn’t want to worry him and I didn’t want to embarrass you, but it’s not a phase and from what I’ve read, you’re not going to grow out of it. You are what you are and we’ll deal with it. You’re father and I still love you, but we can’t allow you to sneak around and do what you’re doing. It isn’t right. Getting into my clothes and make-up is an invasion of my privacy and I won’t allow it anymore. That nightgown you took, the one you threw in the hamper the last night; I don’t want it anymore. It’s yours. I’m giving it to you.”
“But Mom! I don’t want it. I’ll never do it again. You have to believe me,” I pleaded.
“Shut-up and listen to your mother,” said my father sternly.
My mother reached under the table and removed the nightgown that had been on her lap and laid it on the table. “From now on,” she said, “you will not take anything of mine without asking. If there is something of mine you like, you may ask to borrow it and I’ll think about it. I would prefer that you had your own things and left mine alone. So if there is anything you want, just ask me, and I’ll buy it for you.”
I started to argue with her. The things she was saying were scaring me. I had come to the kitchen expecting to be punished. I didn’t want her support. Support meant being exposed and that was the last thing I wanted. My dad cut me short.
“Under the present set of circumstances, your mother and I feel it would be for the best if you moved out of your bedroom and let Randy have it for himself.
“We were thinking you could move into the basement,” said my mother.
“Your sewing room,” I asked?
“It needs some fixing up,” she said. “But there’s a bed down there and it will give you more privacy to do the things you need to do without exposing Randy to it. A lot of my old clothes are down there too. I don’t wear them anymore so you’re welcome to anything you like. Of course I know they’re not in style, but I can buy you some clothes of your own later.”
A part of me wanted to scream no. Another part of me was excited beyond description. My parents were giving me permission to be a girl in private.
“I’ll help move you in while your father picks up Randy.”
*****
My mother and I moved things from the bedroom I shared with Randy down to the basement without talking. The silence was uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t necessary but I couldn’t.
“The door has a lock on it and I want you to use it while you’re doing whatever it is you do when you wear my clothes. I don’t want Randy seeing you.”
I nodded shamefully as I helped her hang some clothes in the closets that made up the walls. The sewing room had served as both an attic for my mother’s discarded clothes and a guestroom for visitors, as well as for its intended purpose.
“Look what I found,” she said as she pulled a box from one of closet shelves. “These belonged to your grandmother,” she said as she pulled out a pair of rubber breasts. She explained to me that they were called breast forms and my grandmother had used them after her surgery for breast cancer. “You can have them if you like,” she said as she laid the box on the bed. “Your grandmother always said that wearing them felt like the real thing, and I guess she would have known. Can you think of anything else you need? We can go to the store later if you do.”
I shook my head no. The last thing I wanted to do was continue my shame by going to the store with my mom to buy girly things.
“Let me know if you change your mind.” She kissed me on the cheek and took a step back. “I know you’re embarrassed. We all are. But we’ll get used to it in time, and someday it won’t seem like such a big deal. I understand honey. I really do. I’ve read a lot about cross dressers.”
“What’s that,” I asked?
“Cross dressers are men that enjoy dressing up as women from time to time. They can’t help it sweetie. They’re addicted to it, the way I’m addicted to cigarettes. It’s not your fault. You were born this way. I was thinking that maybe we could talk to a doctor about it. I’ll make an appointment for you first thing Monday morning. I think it would be for the best to get a handle on this before school starts. Don’t you think?”
I didn’t know what to think, so I just nodded and gave her a hug. “Thanks for not being mad,” I said.
******
The rest of the day went as well as could be expected. My parents told Randy that I had moved into the basement and he was getting a room to himself. The thought of sleeping alone in the room bothered him at first, but my parents convinced him that it was an opportunity for him to show them what a big boy he’d become.
My dad shot me some strange looks, or maybe I was paranoid, but I found it hard to look at him that day and for the most of the following week. Mom on the other hand was exceptionally nice. Randy was his self, oblivious to everything going on between our parents and me.
Before going to be, Mom asked me to go to her room with her. I was thinking she was going to give me a lecture, but I was wrong. It turned out she just wanted to give me some things she wasn’t using any more. While I sat on the end of her bed and watched, my mother rummaged through her dressers for old panties. She laid them on the bed and went to her closet.
“These shoes should fit you,” she said as she picked up a pair of sandals from the closet floor. “And this purse too,” she said as she unhooked it from a hanger.
Was I supposed to thank her? I didn’t know, but I did. I picked up the purse, the sandals, and the panties and carried them down the stairs past my father, who shook his head in disappointment as I walked by. I was the furthest thing from proud as I entered my room with my mother’s hand-me-downs.
I sighed as I spotted the nightgown that had started it all. It sat folded neatly on my bed, waiting for me. A blonde wig lay beside it. I recognized it as being from a costume my mother had worn at Halloween party. I’d been searching for that wig off and on for the last two years. A lot of good it was doing me at the moment though. Dressing up was the furthest thing from my mind. All I wanted to do was go back in time and make it so that none of this had ever happened.
I picked up the nightgown and put it in my dresser drawer, under my tee-shirts. I didn’t want Randy finding it, not that he’d have a reason to go through my dresser. But supposedly I hadn’t had a reason to go through my mother’s dresser either. Thinking about it made me cringe. What kind of a mess had I gotten myself into? Why were they being so nice and understanding? This is too good to be true, I thought as I looked around the room. Maybe it’s some kind of trap and they’re waiting to see what I do. If I don’t do anything, maybe they’ll forget about it and everything will go back to normal. But if I keep dressing and they find out, then maybe things will get worse. Maybe that’s when the real trouble will start. But still, it would be kind of cool if all this was for real and it wasn’t a trap.
I picked up the wig and ran my hand against the blond flaxen strands as if I were petting a longhaired cat. No harm in putting it on, I thought. If Mom and Dad are waiting outside the door to catch me, I can always take it off. It won’t be like last night. I checked the door to make sure it was locked.
Not bad, I thought as I looked in the mirror. My hair grew fast and it had been months since my last haircut, but it would take close to year for it to grow as long as the wig. I took it off and put it on my closet shelf and turned my attention to the purse.
It was really nice and I wondered why my mother didn’t use it any more. I picked it up and noticed how heavy it was. I wondered why she hadn’t emptied it when she changed purses. My curiosity was peaked so I dumped the contents of the purse out onto the bed. Pretty cool, I thought as I rummaged through the stuff. I found two Bic lighters, a half a pack of Benson & Hedges Menthols, a compact and a wallet with money still in it.
I picked up the pack of cigarettes and studied it. I’d never smoked in my life but had always wondered what it was like. Being an athlete, I had never seriously considered it. And I’d grown up hearing my parents preach the dangers and evils of smoking.
Once, when I was younger, I remember asking my mom why she smoked. She laughed and said she did it to stay sane. She said I’d smoke too if I were a woman.
“Your father is the one that goes to work and earns the money, but my job never ends,” she said. “I’m a wife and a mommy 24 hours a day. I love it, but I need the cigarettes to get me through my day”. She winked at me. “Besides that, your father thinks I’m sexy when I smoke.”
I was kind of young, so the things she said went over my head. But as I stared at the pack of cigarettes in my hand, the memories of that day began to make sense. Being a woman isn’t as easy it looks, I mused, and I ought to know.
I know what you’re thinking. I should have thrown away the pack of cigarettes or at least put them back in my purse and forgotten about them. But I didn’t do that. I understood that my mom smoked to ease her stress. So if it worked for her, then maybe it would work for me. I was definitely stressed over everything that was happening.
I remembered my mother often smoked when she sewed and it didn’t take long to find the ashtray sitting on the sewing machine. I got up off the bed and sat down at the sewing machine with my mother’s cigarettes and lighter. I didn’t weigh the consequences of my actions. I just lit up.
It was awful at first. Anyone who claims his or her first puff of smoke was like heaven is feeding you a line. It made me cough and hack. The mentholated smoke made my lungs feel simultaneously burned and frozen. My determination to finish the cigarette was fed by a nicotine buzz and my strong desire to feel better. What can I say? It worked. I put out the cigarette and slept like a baby that night.
*****
I woke up kind of late the next morning. I wasn’t looking forward to leaving my room. The thought of things that awaited me made me nervous, so I eased my stress with a cigarette. Afterwards, I threw on some jeans and tee-shirt before going upstairs. My mom was in the living room watching the Today show. We said good morning and I kept my distance so she wouldn’t smell the smoke in hair. She said that dad had gone to work and Randy was still sleeping.
“So how did you like your new room,” she asked? “Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Pretty good, I guess.”
“Did you find the gown and purse? I left them on your bed.”
Once again, I wasn’t sure if I should thank her or just acknowledge that I had found the wig and gown. “I did, but its not like I really need or want them. I don’t need any of the stuff you gave me. I’m okay, really, I am. I’m a regular boy, you know. I just made a mistake and I’ll never do it again.”
“Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. Maybe you can’t help your self. That’s why I made an appointment for you to see a doctor. His name is Dr. Richt. He specializes in adolescent sexual issues. It just so happens that he has a cancellation today and he can see you.”
“And if he says I’m okay and it was just a mistake, then we can forget about all this,” I asked?
“Absolutely,” said my mother.
“What about Randy? Is he going with us?”
“No. I called Zach’s mom and he’s going to stay with her while we’re gone.”
*****
My mom and I arrived for my appointment fifteen minutes early, which gave us time to fill out the paperwork. She filled out the easy stuff, like my name and address, and social security number. I watched as she whizzed through the section on the diseases I never had. She knew exactly what medications I had and hadn’t taken. She paused when she got to the part about tobacco use. The question read, “Does the patient smoke cigarettes?” My heartbeat raced. She started to mark the ‘no’ box but stopped short. I felt a lump rise in my throat. Oh my God, she knows, I thought.
“Is today the 16th or 17th,” she asked?
“The 16th,” I said with some hesitation.
“That’s right,” she said as she filled in the date at the top of the page. Immediately afterwards, she checked the ‘No’ box for smoker and flipped the page. I breathed an audible sigh of relief.
Things got trickier from that point on. There was one section where we were supposed to describe the reason for the appointment. I watched as my mother wrote a few sentences about my dressing in her clothes.
I was embarrassed and asked if she would erase that part. She looked at me as if I were crazy and went on to the next section about relationships. I cringed when she marked the box called “Uncertain” next to sexual orientation.
After completing the patient interview, she got up and returned the clipboard to the receptionist who told us to walk through the door. I followed my mom and the receptionist down a hallway. She led us into a rather plush office and told us to have a seat in the chairs positioned in front of the desk. She placed the clipboard with my file on the desk and told us Dr. Richt would be with us in a minute or two. She left the room as a tall man in his early fifties walked in with his hand extended. He and my mother shook hands first. I gave him my best manly grip as he took my small hand in his. He sat down behind his desk and asked us to sit down. He picked up my chart and thumbed through it before laying it back down on his desk.
“You’re blushing,” he said. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. I meet at least five boys like you every day. It says in your chart that you’re thirteen and you’re parents came home and found you wearing your mother’s nightgown and her make-up. You’re mother also wrote that it isn’t the first time you’ve been curious about her things.”
So began the most embarrassing interview of my life. I actually thought I could talk my way out of it, but Dr. Richt had met a lot of boys who had tried to talk their way out of it. He was a professional and he was good at his job. He asked me questions that caught me off guard and made me think. He observed the expressions on my face as well as my words. He kept my mother in the loop and asked her to confirm or deny my statements. We talked for two hours. There was a moment or two when I thought I might have won. Perhaps I would walk out of his office with my manliness intact. Maybe he’d tell my mother that it was all a mistake and that I was a normal boy who had just made some bad decisions. All those thoughts and wishes came to an end when he asked if I had a female name picked out for myself.
I shook my head no and my mother answered for me.
“His father and I were thinking about still calling him Tony, but spelling it with an ‘I’ instead of a ‘Y’ at the end.
“I think that’s a good idea,” said Dr. Richt. “It will keep things less confusing.”
Dr. Richt noted my nervousness and tried to put me at ease by saying things like it wasn’t my fault and no one was angry. He told me that my parents loved me and I was luckier than most boys who visited him, because my parents were supportive.
I nodded as he spoke.
He explained that every male has both a masculine and a feminine side and that my feminine side was strong and that it would be a mistake to ignore or suppress it. He congratulated my mother for everything she and my dad had done so far; saying most of his patient’s parents were not as supportive or foresighted.
We talked about my little brother, my friends, our neighbors, my school, and our extended family. He said that I would develop a stronger sense of self-esteem if I were allowed to express my feminine side to the people in my life.
The idea of people I know seeing me dressed as a girl scared me to death but Dr. Richt tried to assure me that most of the fear was in my mind and most people would be supportive once they learned the truth.
“The truth about what,” I asked?
“The truth about which side of your personality, the feminine or the masculine, is strongest,” said Dr. Richt.
“No one can make me dress like a girl if I don’t want,” I said firmly.
“You’re absolutely right Toni,” said Dr. Richt. “No one can make you dress like a girl if you don’t want to dress like a girl. But here’s the rub. You do want to dress like a girl. You’ve felt this way all your life and you will continue feeling this way for the rest of your life. If you don’t give into it, it will consume you. It will ruin your life unless you come to terms with it. It might not happen next week, but it will happen, and when it does, not only will it destroy you, but it will destroy those closest to you.”
“Think about it Toni,” said Dr. Richt. What’s going to happen 10 years from now when you get married to a nice woman and have a kid with her? You’re not going to tell her but she’s going to find out, and when she does, a lot of people are going to get hurt.”
“Hiding your needs isn’t going to help you or anyone else in the long run,” said Dr. Richt. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you’re secret is the worst thing in the world, but I’m here to tell you its not. But keeping your secret is the worst thing. This is something you need to be open about- with your family, with your friends, and with strangers you meet.”
I was shocked. I was sitting there listening to every word the doctor said and I was asking myself how he could say such things? How can he sit there and ask me to out myself in front of everyone I know?
“I think Dr. Richt is right,” said my mother. “If you’re going to do this, then I don’t want you hiding it any more.”
“Fine. Then I won’t do it anymore,” I said boldly.
“He’ll do it again and again,” said Dr. Rich to my mother. “He can’t help it. It’s in his nature.”
Dr. Richt focused on me and said, “I know this is traumatic for you and I’m not suggesting you start living your life as a girl today. I think you should ease into it. Take advantage of the room your parents gave you and dress appropriately when you’re in it. Ask your mother to buy you some magazines like “Seventeen” and “Glamour”. Watch a few of those movies that women refer to as ‘chick flicks’. Talk to your mom about the topics daughters discuss with their mothers. Maybe you could ask her for make-up tips and advice about boys. It’s important that you develop a strong infrastructure for your feminine side. So Toni, I’m not saying you have to do everything today, but it would be in your best interest to make a start. And your mother needs to give you a push if she sees you’re dragging your feet. Sometimes the best way to learn how to swim is to jump in the water.”
“Is Toni gay, Dr. Richt,” asked my mother?
“Are you asking if Toni is sexually attracted to boys, or are you asking if he is gay?”
“I’m confused. It’s the same thing. Isn’t it?”
“Not necessarily,” said Dr. Richt. “I don’t know Toni well enough to put a label on his sexual orientation. The only thing I can say with certainty is that Toni is life-long cross dresser and he has a very strong feminine side. Dressing like a girl or even becoming a girl in the physical sense will have no effect on his sexual orientation. However, I will tell you that the majority of my patients who go on to live their lives as women full time, date and marry men.”
I sat motionless while my mother spoke up.
“Should he alternate between dressing as a girl and a boy, or do you want him to dress exclusively feminine?”
“He can have a week or so to adjust, but then I want him to dress as a girl for the rest of the summer. I can’t stress how important is for Toni to make a public statement in regard to his femininity. In other words, he needs to face his family and friends as a girl. Once school starts, he can resume dressing as a boy if he wants, but it would be in his best interest to mix it up a bit.”
“And what if he decides he likes being a girl,” asked my mother?
“Then he should be one,” said Dr. Richt as he scribbled on a tablet of paper. But it has to be his decision. I’m writing Toni a prescription for female hormones. Even though Toni has a feminine side, he has a male body that will continue to grow more masculine if we don’t retard the male testosterone being produced by his body.
“Hormones,” asked my mother? “Aren’t they dangerous? What if we find out Toni is happier as a boy? Will the hormones hurt him?”
“They won’t hurt him, as in make him ill. But with continued use or an increased dosage, they will permanently feminize his body. He’ll develop breasts. His hair will grow faster. His hips will widen. His skin will soften. He’ll notice a reduction in facial hair. And it will prevent his voice from deepening.”
“I’m prescribing a dose of one pill a day. That is the maximum dose he can take for a period of three months without permanently damaging his male body. I’m not suggesting he should take the pills at all, but I want him to have them available at his disposal, so he can make up his own mind. If he does decide to take them, it is imperative that he quit taking them after three months if he wants to terminate the feminization. Of course that doesn’t mean he should stop cross-dressing. The cross-dressing will be a life long issue for him.”
“What would happen if he accidentally took two pills in the same day Dr. Richt,” asked my mother?
“Nothing. But if he were to purposely take two pills a day for say a month or so, it would speed up his feminization and the effects would be permanent.”
Dr. Richt asked if either of us had any more questions as he handed the prescription to my mother. We didn’t, so he wished us luck and told us we could pay the receptionist on the way out.
*****
We left Dr. Richt’s office and got in the car to go home. Mom lit a cigarette and put the pack on the console between us. I could have killed for a cigarette after the doctor visit, but I did my best to ignore the pack.
On the way home, my mother turned into a strip mall parking lot. I asked her why we were stopping. She said the nail salon did piercing and that it would be a good idea to get my ears done. I argued that I didn’t think it was a good idea. She reminded me of what the doctor said and softened it by telling me that lots of boys get their ears pierced and that I’d just be getting a unisex starter set. She said no one would even notice and if they did they would think I was cool for getting my ears pierced.
Her logic made sense. An hour or so later, I was on my way back home with two new holes in my head and a vial of pills in my pocket.
The rest of the day was pretty calm and went as expected. Randy went bonkers over my earrings and asked if he could get his ears pierced too. My parents told him they’d think about when he got a little older.
Later that night, after Randy went to bed, I kissed my parents good night and went downstairs to my room and locked the door. I undressed and took my mother’s nightgown out of my dresser and pulled it over my head and felt the silk fall to my feet. All the while, I kept telling myself that it was okay and I wasn’t doing anything wrong. My parents told me I could do it. Dr. Richt as much as said that I had to do it. Regardless of the rationale behind my argument, I still felt guilty as I took the blond wig from the closet and draped it over my head. I thought about using the breast forms, but decided against it, not knowing how to really put them on. The gown and wig were good enough for the moment, I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror.
Honestly speaking, I would have looked better with make-up and breasts. But the wig did a lot for me and I looked very much like a girl. I liked what I saw and my penis liked the way I felt. It grew large against my gown and jutted out like a stick, ruining the illusion, but I didn’t care. I was very happy and very excited. As I looked in the mirror, I could see my mother’s purse sitting on the nightstand. That reminded me that it was time for a cigarette.
Up until then, smoking had been something I’d done to ease the stress of my situation. I’d always made a conscious decision to smoke, but this time I felt compelled to do it. I thought about that as I lit up and wondered if I maybe I was getting addicted to them like my mother. The idea of being addicted to cigarettes at such a young age scared me. I wasn’t scared because of the health issues. I was scared because my mom and dad would skin me alive if they ever found out. Thankfully, I had just lit the last cigarette in the pack. It was over and done after this last one I reasoned. Ahh, but it did feel good, didn’t it?
I caught a glimpse of my satisfied expression in the mirror as I exhaled. Keep in mind that I was only 13. I was a just a kid playing around in his mother’s clothes. I wore them because they made me feel feminine. I smoked the cigarettes because they eased the pain and fear of getting seen in the clothes. But this was different. It felt different and it looked different. I studied my reflection in the mirror as I struck a feminine pose with my cigarette. I didn’t see a boy in his mother’s clothes. I saw a woman- a woman like my mother, enjoying her cigarette. I felt so grown up and feminine. I took another puff and inhaled my mentholated epiphany.
I was still scared of what the future held for me. I didn’t know if I was gay or straight. I was afraid of what my friends would say when they found out. I didn’t want my brother to know. But eventually everyone would know. And when they did know, I would be free. I finished my cigarette and crumpled up the empty pack. I knew I’d need more, but that would have to wait until tomorrow.
I took off the wig and put it in the closet and pulled back the sheets of my bed. I opened the vial of hormones and swallowed two pills. Of course I’d have to take two pills a day for a whole month before I passed the point of no return, but that moment was symbolic for me. It was my way of telling myself that I was going to do it. I was going to be a girl.
*****
The next couple weeks were uneventful, except for the fact that I made the most out of them while dressed as a boy. That meant playing football with my friends and talking about girls. It crossed my mind to tell them what I was doing in my bedroom. Hey guys! Guess what? I’m going to be a girl! Of course I didn’t say anything remotely like that. But thinking about it made me realize just how hard it would be. They did notice my starter earrings though, but they didn’t think anything “sissy” about them. I wondered what they would say if they knew the truth. They were pretty nice guys, but still, they’d have to think it was pretty weird. Hell, I thought it was weird and I was the one living it! So how could I expect them to understand when I didn’t understand it myself? I guess that’s what Dr. Richt meant when he suggested easing into the transition and adjusting to it. I’d taken two pills a day ever since that night in my bedroom. It wouldn’t be long before I’d need a refill. Mom would know then. She’d know and that would be okay. And then everyone would know because I wouldn’t be able to hide it. And that would be okay too. That would be good.
Thinking about my friends seeing me dressed as a girl stressed me out so much that sometimes I’d just tell them I was going home to use the bathroom. I did use the bathroom, but I also smoked a cigarette in my room with the door locked. I didn’t know why, but smoking seemed to relax me as well as excite me, especially when I was dressed.
******
Four weeks had passed since my visit with Dr. Richt. Doubling the dose had depleted my pills. If I wanted to do this, I’d have to tell my mom about the pills and ask her to get me some more. She’d never even seen me dressed, except for that time in the kitchen. I knew she supported me but she didn’t know what she was supporting. She and Dad had given me space. They had no idea what I was doing in the basement. They didn’t know what I was thinking.
I remember waking up on a Tuesday morning and finding one pill left in the vial. I swallowed it and smoked a cigarette to charge my nerves. I put on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, shoved the empty vial in my pocket, and went upstairs.
Mom was sitting at the table drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette. The cigarette smelled good. She looked at me and said good morning, but instead of looking back to her coffee, she kept her eyes fixed on me. It made me self-conscious. I knew I had pillow hair and I figured she was staring at it. Dr. Richt said my hair would grow faster with the hormones and it had. I pushed the hair out of my eyes and told her I knew I needed a shower.
“It’s not your hair,” said my mother. “Its your chest. I can see your nipples through your tee-shirt. Oh my God honey! You need a bra.”
“Really,” I squeaked? “I do?”
“The pills? How many have you been taking?”
I pulled the empty vial from my pocket and placed it on the table. “Two a day.”
Mom shook her head and blinked. “Oh honey. I don’t know what to say. Sit down. We need to talk about this.”
I took a seat beside my mother and we talked about what I’d done and what it meant. It took a little effort on my part, but I eventually succeeded in convincing her that it hadn’t been an accident and I’d taken two pills a day on purpose.
“So this is what you want,” asked my mother? “You’re sure?”
“I think so.”
“Uh-uh Baby! ‘I think so’ isn’t good enough. This is one of the most import decisions of your life. You have to be sure.”
“That’s not what I mean. I am sure. I’m just scared.”
“Scared of being a girl or scared of what people will say when they find out?”
My lips trembled. My eyes watered. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I shook my head. “What am I going to do Mom?”
I lost it and she put her arm around me and ran her fingers my hair. She said it would be okay.
I told her about my friends and how I tried to tell them but couldn’t. I told her about Randy and how I was afraid he’d hate me when he found out.
“He’s your brother and he loves you,” said my mother. “Randy could never hate you.”
“What about Dad?”
“Your father and I have always known this was a possibility, but we had to let you tell us your self and you have. He’ll be okay with it. I promise. Your father loves you. We all love you.”
“So what do we do now,” I asked?
“Well for starters, I’d say we better buy you a bra and get your prescription refilled.”
I wiped my tears and nodded yes. “What about Randy? How are we going to tell him?”
“I guess we could get you all dressed up and introduce you to him as his new sister.”
I shook my head no. “I don’t want to spring it on him like that. Dr. Richt said we should do it kind of slow.”
“You’re right. I know! We can take him shopping with us. He needs some new clothes for school anyway and so do you.”
“You mean like dresses and skirts and things like that?”
My mom kissed me on the cheek. “That’s exactly what I mean Princess. When school starts in the fall, you’ll be the best-dressed girl in your class, and the prettiest too. All the boys will be fighting over you!”
Hearing my mother talk like that overloaded my brain and sent the blood rushing to my face. I had just gotten to the point where I could think of things like dressing in public. Hearing my mother say the words was mind blowing! We were going shopping. Randy was going with us. He’d see. He’d know. That was bad enough, but it was what she said about boys fighting over me that sent me into panic mode.
Mom immediately noticed the change in my expression and made the connection. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Did that embarrass you about what I said about the boys?”
I semi-shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, it kind of did.”
“You’re thirteen,” said my mother. “That’s about the age when boys start noticing girls and girls start noticing boys. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s a very normal feeling. As a matter of fact, I’d think it was strange if you didn’t have feelings like that.”
“But why did you say it like you did? You know. Like the boys are going to like me and I’m going to like them.”
“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to suggest you’re gay but its okay if you are. You’re father and I love you unconditionally. We just want what’s best for you. We want you to be happy. So do you like girls?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you like boys?”
“No. At least not the way you’re talking about.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I am!”
“Okay,” said my mother, as she threw up her hands in gesture of surrender. “That’s fine with your father and I. We hope you meet a nice girl someday and the two of you settle down and have a family. But don’t you think it might be difficult to find a nice girl that wants to marry a nice girl like you?”
Her rationale hit me like a ton of brick and I began to see her point. “I want to be a girl but I don’t want to be a fag and date guys?”
“Okay,” said my mom, “then be a girl, and date a girl, and just pretend to be a lesbian. The world is a big place. I’m sure you’ll find a girl that will love and accept you just as you are. I’m just saying she’ll be hard to find and you might not ever find her.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“Try keeping an open mind,” said my mother. “Love is where you find it honey. It doesn’t matter who you love as long as that person is your best friend in the world. Your father is my best friend.”
“My best friend is Bill Dickerson. I can’t marry him!”
My mother nodded calmly. “Okay, lets use Bill as an example. Why can’t a boy like you grow up to marry a boy like Bill Dickerson?”
“For starters, he’s a boy and I’m a boy. That’s a good reason.”
“That’s not a good enough reason,” said my mom. “Men fall in love with other men all the time, and believe it or not, it actually makes sense. Men have so much in common with each other. Think about it. You both love sports. Most women get irritated when their husbands run off and leave them to play a game or watch a game, but you’d understand, because you’ve been there and done that and enjoyed it. And think about the sex! When it comes to sex, most men are clueless as to what makes a woman feel good, but it wouldn’t be that way for you and Bill. You have a penis so you know what feels good to you. You’d be able to use your experiences to make Bill feel good and vice versa.”
I didn’t like what she was saying, but I had to admit she made sense, but it still didn’t mean it would work and I told her so. “Even if I wanted to be with Bill, I couldn’t because Bill isn’t gay. He wouldn’t want to be with me.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But Bill Dickerson isn’t the point. The point is for you to keep an open mind so you don’t miss out on the love of your life regardless of whether that love is male or female. True love always finds a way sweetheart. And there is something else you need to consider.”
“What’s that,” I asked?
“You are a very cute boy and you’re going to be a very cute girl. Whether you like it or not, boys are going to notice you and they’re going to be attracted to you. You’re going to have to learn to deal with their affection whether you want it or not.”
Again she had a point. “Okay, so I’ll ask the question again. What am I supposed to do?”
My mother put her hands on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. “It’s real simple Toni. Enjoy being a girl and keep an open mind. That’s all you have to do.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled away my anxiety. A cigarette would have helped more, but I wasn’t ready to cross that bridge with my mom.
*****
I took a shower and changed clothes before we went to the mall. I put on some jeans and chose a loose fitting Polo shirt to conceal my budding femininity. I was feeling very nervous about shopping in front of Randy, but the cigarette I smoked before taking my shower had eased my angst a bit.
On our way to the mall, we stopped by drugstore and refilled my prescription. Mom told Randy that the pills were a special kind of vitamin and he was never to take them. She told them they were only for me and he watched as I swallowed two pills in the car. I didn’t know what to say when he asked if I was sick. Mom answered for me and told him that I wasn’t sick but that my body was going through some changes and the pills would help me. He seemed satisfied by her answer and we talked about college football teams while Mom drove us to the mall.
Randy isn’t a clothes hound, but he appreciates clothes more than most boys his age, as long as the pants are Levis and they’re blue. The first store we stopped in was Macys and we headed directly for the boy’s department. Randy stood straight and patient as mom held Levis and Polos against his frame, measuring the fabric against the length of his body before putting them in the cart. It took less then twenty minutes to fit him for school, including the cotton briefs and socks she bought him.
“What about Tony,” asked my brother? “Aren’t you going to buy some clothes for him?”
“Of course I am,” said my mother as she pushed the cart into the Junior Miss department.
“But all they got here is clothes for girls,” argued Randy.
“I know that,” said my mother. “But they will fit Toni better. You probably haven’t noticed, but his body is starting to change. Don’t you see? His hips are getting wider and you can’t see it because his shirt is loose, but his chest is getting bigger.”
Randy shot us both a confused look, but he wasn’t arguing.
Mom picked up a pair of low-rise designer jeans and held them up to my waist. They were jeans and maybe from a distance they might be mistaken for unisex jeans but the tag said Jolt, a name most girls in my school would recognize.
“I think these will fit nicely,” said my mother, as she put them in the cart.
Randy didn’t notice, but Mom slipped some Baby Phat skirts into the cart as well. The same thing happened when Mom picked out a JLO skirt and Cami. I wondered if he thought our mother was shopping for her self. But all bets were off when Mom picked up a Ruby Rox baby doll dress and held it up for him to see. It was a full skirt with spaghetti straps. Mom asked Randy what he thought of it and he said it was pretty. She asked him if he thought it would look good on me and his eyes widened.
“You’re getting that for Tony?”
Mom looked at him as if he’d said the silliest thing in the world. “Of course I am. Didn’t I just tell you his body is changing? Toni can’t wear boy clothes any more. He’s going to be dressing more like me from now on.”
“Really? You mean he’s going to start dressing like a girl?”
“Yes he is, and I don’t want you or your little friends making fun of him either. Or else you’ll be wearing dresses too. Do you understand?”
I think the threat about him having to wear girl clothes set him in his place and he nodded his head. But he was still curious.
“Does this mean he’s going to be like my sister instead of my brother,” he asked?
“Of course it does Randy. Your brother is turning into a girl, that’s what his vitamins are for, and that’s why you’re never to take them.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Does that mean he’s going to be kissing boys and things like that?”
“It might,” said my mother.
Randy blinked and I swooned from the head rush. It was all out now. Randy knew. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t completely convinced our mother was telling him the truth, but he was accepting it for the moment.
“Okay,” he said.
The rest of our trip went smoothly. Mom and I dragged Randy through the mall as we shopped for me at stores like Victoria’s Secret and Abercrombie. Mom was buying out the mall and we’d need Randy’s extra hands to help carry our purchases to the car.
We spent all day at the mall. Randy was ragged with exhaustion, and I was dying for a cigarette. It was late by the time we got home so Randy went straight to bed. I on the other hand had to stay up and talk to my father.
The conversation went better than I expected. As it turned out, my parents had always wanted both a son and a daughter. In an odd way, I was the answer to their prayers. He hugged me and told me he loved me. Before I went to bed, my mom told me that she wanted me to try on the clothes tomorrow so she could take the ones back that didn’t fit. I hoped they all fit and told her so.
She told me that she was glad I liked them and asked if I was up to going out in public dressed as a girl. She reminded me that my hair was in need of styling and she’d like to get my nails done.
I quivered with a mixture of fear and excitement as I closed my eyes. “Ok,” I said.
She seemed genuinely pleased with my willingness. She kissed me on the cheek and told me she was proud of me before saying goodnight.
The first thing I did when I got to my room was to lock the door and light a cigarette. I’d gone almost seven hours without a smoke and it had been hard. I surveyed the shopping bags in my room and went about the task of putting my new clothes away, admiring them as I did.
******
I would have liked to have a cigarette when I woke up, but Mom was standing over me with a sense of impatience. She said I needed to take a bath and shave my legs and armpits before she could help me get dressed.
My first time shaving was a brutal experience. My knees were covered with nicks and my armpits felt scorched from the razor burn. Mom said I’d get better at it with practice and gave me some lotion to sooth the burn.
She told me that she’d sent Randy out with my father, so we had the house to our self. I appreciated that, because even though Randy knew, I didn’t want him nosing around while I was still getting used to things.
I covered up my penis with a pair of silk panties and let mom look at my bare chest. She said I was starting to blossom and I wouldn’t need the breast forms.
“They’re already too big to hide,” she said. “It’s a good thing we bought you a bra. By the looks of things, you’ll need a bigger cup size when you start school.” She grinned and shook her head. “The girls in your school are going to hate you.”
I didn’t understand, until she explained that girls my age are as obsessed with breast size as much as boys are. “They’ll be envious and jealous,” she said. “Big breasts are a good thing,” she said as she helped me into the push-up bra that accentuated my cleavage.
Mom gave me a pair of hose and explained that even though I had shapely legs, it was always best to wear hose when wearing a skirt or a dress. While I put on the hose, she picked out the colorful Baby Doll dress from my closet and a slip to go beneath it.
She complimented on how the dress hugged my curves as she zipped it up from the back. If it wasn’t for my unkempt hair and lack of make-up, I would have looked gorgeous, but as it was, I looked good. I knew it and mom knew it too. She had me stand in the light so she could put my make-up on.
She warned me to stay still as she applied the eyeliner and told me that if I wanted to, I could get my eyeliner permanently tattooed as she had done.
“A tattoo,” I asked.
She smiled and said yes. “It’s convenient but its forever. We can do it today when we get your hair done if you like. You can think about it and let me know when we get there. It’s perfectly safe.”
“I guess a tattoo would be pretty hard to hide if I changed my mind,” I said.
“Those will be hard to hide too,” she said as she pointed at my breasts. “It’s a commitment.”
“Okay,” I said. “Lets do it.”
“Are you sure?” she asked as she rubbed some blush against my cheeks?
“Yeah. I am,” I said with a note of self-doubt. “Its just that I’m really scared about this Mom.”
“I know you are honey. Your father and I are scared too. But its what you want isn’t it?”
“It is what I want. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do.”
We talked about my life as a boy and how I had felt about it. We talked about what I would be giving up and what I expected to get in return. I had liked being a boy and we both knew that. Sneaking around and playing dress up in her clothes had been exciting and fun, but this was different. This wasn’t playing any more. This was for real.
“I love this dress mom. I love all the clothes you bought for me yesterday and I want more.”
“I know you do Princess.”
“I want to wear them all the time, not just when I’m in my room.”
“I understand that Toni. I really do. You like feeling pretty and wearing pretty things. I do too. But wanting to look and feel pretty is so much different than wanting to be a woman.”
“I know that mom, but I like it a lot, and if I do this then I can do it all the time. I’ll have to. I won’t have a choice.”
“But being a woman is so much more than wearing pretty clothes and make-up honey. I’m not saying its bad because it isn’t. I love being a woman, but it isn’t easy and it will be so much more difficult for you than it is for me,” she said as she lit a cigarette. “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
“I am Mom. I want to be a girl and be your daughter.”
“Oh Princess,” said my mother as she hugged me. “Mommy loves you so much. We’re going to have so much fun together. Let’s get going now. Don’t forget your purse,” she said as she pointed toward the nightstand.
*****
I had a feeling by the way my mother described it that our trip to the salon would take a lot of time, but I had no idea it would take the entire day. The first thing we did was to get my eyelids tattooed like hers. As far as I was concerned, there was no going back after that. Even if I didn’t wear a dress, my friends would see my eyes. They’d ask what it was and I’d have to tell them. If I made up a lie, my growing breasts would betray me. I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to go forward.
Our next stop was the hair stylist. My hair hung well past my collar, but it was a mess. The lady, that did my hair, trimmed away the split ends and styled it so that no one would think I was a boy. She also shaped my eyebrows into a very feminine arch.
I thought we were done after the hair cut, but my mother insisted that I get my nails done. The lady that cut my hair said that Marge did nails and she could take me right away.
I’d never had a manicure before and it felt awesome. And Marge didn’t stop at my hands. She gave me a pedicure too. I walked out of the salon with a beautiful hairstyle and long red talons.
“You look fantastic,” said my mom as I nervously walked beside her with my purse thrown over my shoulder.
“Thanks, but you’re not just saying that, are you? Cause I still feel like a boy. What if someone sees me?”
“Look around Toni. Everyone sees you and they like what they see. You’re gorgeous. Even the older men are staring at you. I’m not saying I like it, but I don’t blame them. If I hadn’t given birth to you, I’d think you were at least eighteen years old. So don’t be surprised if an older boy asks for your phone number today.”
“What should I do if that happens?”
“That depends on whether or not he’s cute,” she giggled. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. What do you say the two of us ladies grab some lunch?”
Mom and I decided on Ruby Tuesday’s. As we walked she gave me some pointers on my stride and gait. She described the motion as fluid femininity and explained the proper way to sway my hips when I walked. By the time we made it across the mall, I had the swing of things, but realized I still needed practice. According to her, and she wasn’t being mean, walking wasn’t the only subject I needed practice at. She said I needed help with my mannerisms, the way I moved my hands when I talked and how I crossed my legs when I sat. She said all these things and more would come with practice and that I just needed to develop some confidence. She thought it would help if I handled things at the restaurant by talking to the hostess and ordering lunch for myself.
It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but until that day, I had never tried to pass myself off as female to anyone other than my self. The hostess was a young woman in her early twenties. I took a deep breath and remained calm when she asked if we were meeting other people. I told her it was just the two of us. She asked if I preferred smoking or non. My mother thanked me for my consideration when I answered ‘smoking’. The waitress led us to a table and gave us two menus. Mom and I sat down and she immediately rifled through her purse looking for her cigarettes. She found her pack, but it was empty.
“Darn,” she said as she crumpled up the empty pack of Benson & Hedges. “I smoked the last one back at the salon. I could have sworn I brought an extra pack.”
I thought about the pack I’d stolen from her the day before. I still had five or six cigarettes left. I considered telling her about them. I knew she’d appreciate it, and I could always tell her they were in the purse when she gave it to me. But then I’d lose them, and I’d have to steal another pack when we got home. I suddenly felt selfish. I needed those cigarettes but so did my mother. How could I even think of keeping them from her after all she’d done for me?
“That’s Okay,” I said as I reached into my purse and removed the pack of Benson & Hedges and a lighter.
My mother kind of gasped. I couldn’t tell if she was angry at the thought that I might be smoking or relieved that she wouldn’t have to wait any longer for a cigarette. She took the pack and lighter from me and lit a cigarette for her self and pushed the pack and lighter back across the table toward me. “Thanks,” she said through her exhale. “I needed that. Care to join me?” she asked playfully. “I just hate smoking alone. Don’t you?”
I was scared out of my mind and I thought about blurting out that she had left them in my purse when she gave it to me, but that would have been a lie, because I had smoked those up a long time ago. This was just one of the many packs I’d stolen from her over the summer. And then I saw the smile on her lips and I thought about the tone of voice she’d used. She wasn’t angry. She was playing. Maybe I should play too. It was just a game. I could play along and get a couple puffs in and feel better at the same time.
“Absolutely,” I said nervously as I picked up the pack and lighter. “I hate to smoke alone too, but a woman has to do what a woman has to do,” I said as I lit the cigarette and tried to inhale like the beginner I wasn’t.
“A woman does indeed,” said my mother, as she exhaled gracefully and cocked her wrist, aiming the tip of her cigarette upwards into the same feminine smoking salute I had mastered in front of my bedroom mirror.
My mother was about to say something, but the waitress interrupted us by asking for our order. I was hungry and wanted a hamburger and fries, but I got the feeling that I should order a house salad with dressing on the side, like my mother, so I did.
“Nice choice,” she said as she finished her cigarette and put it out in the ashtray. “I was so afraid you were going to order something heavy. Of course smoking will help keep you thin, but you’ll still have to watch what you eat.”
“That’s why I ordered it,” I said as I finished off my cigarette as ladylike as possible and crushed it out. Was my mother still playing the game or did she really think I was a smoker? I scanned her face for any sign of disapproval or angst but saw none. Just to be on the safe side, I slid the pack across the table toward her. “Thanks. That was a fun game. I enjoyed playing it.”
My mother slid them back toward the middle of the table. “It stopped being a game as soon as I saw you inhale. A little girl that was playing a game with her mommy would have coughed her head off. You don’t smoke like a little girl honey. You smoke like a woman.”
She saw the fear on my face and told me to relax. “I’m not happy about this but I’m not angry either. Tell me the truth Princess. When did you start?”
I told her about finding the cigarettes in the purse she gave me and how I stole more from her when I ran out.
“I don’t understand. Why did you try it in the first place? You know what a terribly unhealthy and addictive habit it is. I’ve warned you about it a million times.”
I described the stress I was feeling over dressing up in front of Randy and my friends, and being a girl in public. I also told her that I remembered her saying that smoking helps her when she’s stressed out and I wanted to see if it would help me.
“So does it help,” asked my mother?
I nodded that it did.
“Okay then. It’s settled,” said my mother. “I’m giving you permission to smoke. We’ll stop on our way home and buy you a carton of your own. You’re right about the stress. This would be a terrible time for you to try to quit.”
“But Mom! What about Dad and Randy? I can’t smoke in front of them.”
“Of course you can Princess. I smoke in front of them all the time. They’re use to it.”
“But it’s not the same thing Mom. You’re a woman and I’m a 13 year old boy.”
“Believe me honey, you gave up being a boy as soon as you swallowed those pills and put on a dress. And you gave up being a little girl when you took up smoking. You’re a woman now, just like me.”
“Do you really think so,” I asked?
“I know so,” said my mother as she picked up the pack and lit a cigarette for her self before handing it to me.
*****
True to her word, my mom stopped by the store on the way home. Before going in, she asked what kind of cigarettes I wanted. I didn’t know what to tell her because I was still in a state of shock and had never really thought about it before. She just laughed and said she’d surprise me.
She returned several minutes later with a bag under her arms. “The Benson & Hedges are mine and the Virginia Slims are for you,” she said as she put the bag on my lap.
“What’s the difference,” I asked?
“Not much, to tell you the truth,” said my mom. “Yours taste about the same as mine and they’ll give you cancer just as fast. But people think they’re more feminine and glamorous because they’re made just for women. I’d prefer you didn’t smoke Princess, but since you do, I want you to look your best while you’re doing it. You’re going to look very pretty and elegant with your Virginia Slims.”
“Thanks Mom! You’re the best,” I said as I ripped open the carton and opened a pack.
“Open me a pack too and don’t forget to put a couple extra packs in your purse.
*****
I was real nervous about Dad and Randy seeing me dressed and made over, but Mom wanted to make a big production out of it. She told me to wait in the car until she called for me. So I sat in the car and finished my cigarette while Mom prepared Dad and Randy for my grand entrance.
I had just finished my cigarette as my mother’s hand beckoned me from the front door. It took all the strength I could muster to open the car door and sling the purse across my shoulder. Walking up the sidewalk to the porch felt like a stroll down death row. My mother held the door open as I stepped inside.
Dad and Randy were sitting on the couch; their mouths wide open as Mom yelled, “Ta-Da!”
I watched as Randy tugged on our father’s sleeve. I heard him ask if it was really me. Dad told him it was. Randy gasped and jumped from the couch.
“Tony! Tony! You’re so pretty,” he yelled as he ran up to get a closer look at me in my dress. “And you got bumps like Mommy, but they’re not as big. Do they hurt?”
I knelt down on one knee so that we were eye to eye. “No honey. They don’t hurt. Do you really think I’m pretty?”
Randy nodded enthusiastically.
“Are you mad at me for doing this,” I asked?
“No. But I think its kind of weird. Dad told me you’d be different when you got back. But I didn’t think it was going to be like this.”
“Do you still love me?”
Randy wrapped his arms around me in a big hug and I struggled to keep my balance as I hugged him back. I whispered in his ear. “Thank you,” I said.
I caught a glimpse of my father and looked up to see him towering over the both of us. I took his hand and let him help me to his feet where I would face him for the first time as his daughter. His eyes were clouded with tears. I didn’t know what to say, so I hugged him. I felt his arms encircle my body as he hugged me back.
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
I thanked him with a kiss on his cheek. He took me by the hand and led me to the couch. Randy sat across from us. My mother sat next to my father.
“I still can’t believe it,” said my father. “It seems like just a couple of weeks ago, we were playing catch in the front yard and talking about your trying out for the football team when school starts.”
“We can still do things together,” I said.
“I’ve never had a daughter before,” said my father. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Well my father use to take me bowling,” said my mom as she took a pack of Benson & Hedges from her purse. “We had the best time, just the two of us,” she said as lit her cigarette. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows as she exhaled. She was signaling me to tell my father about my smoking.
I swallowed hard and reached for my purse. “Dad, there’s something I have to tell you and I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“Oh really? Well at least I know you can’t be pregnant.” He turned to my mom with a curious look on his face. “He can’t, you know, get pregnant?”
My mother shook her head no.
“What is it then honey? You can tell me anything.”
I looked over at my mom who was nodding her head. I looked over at Randy who had been quietly sitting in his chair watching the moment unfold. I stuck my hand inside the purse and found the open pack of Virginia Slims. I pulled them out for my father and Randy to see and said the words I never thought I’d hear myself say. “I started smoking Daddy.”
My father blinked. My brother gasped.
“Are those real cigarettes like Mommy’s?” asked Randy.
“Yes they are honey,” said our mother. “And you’re never to touch them. Do you understand?”
Randy nodded as I removed a long white cigarette from the pretty green and white pack.
My father was clearly stunned. “I don’t know what to say,” he said. “I never would have thought you would have taken up smoking in a million years. Of course I never would have thought you’d be sitting in front of me in a dress either.” He turned to my mother for clarification.
Mom nodded and handed him her lighter. “Your daughter needs a light honey. Why don’t you offer her one?”
My penis stiffened beneath my dress as the man who had commanded me never to smoke lit my cigarette with a heavy heart. I was petrified and excited at the same time. My father was a good man and a good dad and I loved him with all my heart. I relived a thousand memories in the time it took for me to exhale a cloud of smoke in his face.
I respected him more than any man on this planet. As a boy, I had yearned for his acceptance. I had lived to please him and make him proud. I had been such a good son. I remembered those times when he and my mom had left for the night and I would sneak in his bedroom and steal my mother’s nightgowns from her dresser. It had been so exciting, so terribly taboo! My worst fear imaginable had been that I would get caught and he would see me in my mother’s clothes. I had masturbated to thoughts like that. Of course I never really wanted to get caught. It was just a fantasy. What would Daddy say if he saw his manly little boy prancing around in Mommy’s clothes? What would his face look like?
Of course I knew the answer to that question. For as long as I live, I will never forget the disgusted look on my father’s face when he came home with my mother to find me decked out in her nightgown. My wonderful fantasy had turned into a real-life nightmare. I swore that if I managed to live through that night, I’d never do it again.
My thoughts returned to the couch and the long cigarette between my fingers and the sad look on my father’s face as he struggled to breath through my cloud of smoke.
I didn’t look like a clown with my mother’s make-up scattered across my face. I was dressed to the nines and was made-up perfectly. I stared admiringly at my long red nails and the lipstick stain on the filter of my feminine cigarette. I shifted on the couch and felt the silky panties caress my balls. I threw back my head and felt my long hair as it swept across the back of my neck.
“Thanks for the light Daddy.”
“You’re welcome Princess,” he said as his trembling fingers laid the lighter on the coffee table.
I saturated my lungs with another puff of mentholated femininity and dramatically exhaled a cloud of smoke across the room for my father’s and Randy’s benefit. My fear was replaced with excitement. I felt so grown-up in my beautiful clothes as I smoked like a woman in front of my family. Were they impressed? I think they were. I know Randy was.
“Wow! Tony’s smoking just like Mommy. Does that mean he’s a mommy too?”
“Not yet,” said our mother. “Toni has to have a baby or a kid before he can be a mommy. But he’s a woman now, so that means you and your daddy have to be gentlemen and treat him like a lady.”
“You mean like open the door for him like I do for you,” asked Randy?
“Exactly,” said my mother.
“Cool!” said Randy. “Can I light his cigarettes for him too, like Daddy did? I know! I could light Tony’s and Daddy could light yours!”
“I don’t know honey. We’ll see. But I’m glad you’re thinking like a gentleman. Your sister is lucky to have a brother like you.”
Randy beamed with pride.
My heart sang with glee, because I realized that my brother, who had looked up to me his entire life, was more proud of me now than he’d ever been.
The End
For Now
Look for the sequel called: Toni’s Friends
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