Song of the Switcher


Song of the Switcher
by Melanie Brown
Copyright  © 2020 Melanie Brown

It just wasn't Steve's day.

This is a "side-quell" to Switcher as the story takes place simultaneously with Switcher. It helps to read Switcher first -- Ed



I stepped out of the grocery store carrying my two bags of food and snack items and looked around trying to remember where I had parked. I still hadn’t gotten used to my new life of being divorced after twelve years of marriage. Actually, it was a lot like my life before marriage only now I’m more tired. Fortunately, since she had had a hysterectomy before we got married, there were no kids involved.

Even though she was the one cheating and sued for divorce so she could marry her lover, the court awarded her everything. My lawyer got the rest. No more marriages for me, that’s for sure. Women are just too damned expensive, both coming and going.

“Shit!” I exclaimed when I saw that a car had parked so close to the driver’s side of my car that I would never be able to open the door. I was going to have to crawl over from the passenger side.

While I was staring at my car wondering how I was going to get my butt from the passenger side of the car to the driver’s seat, I suddenly heard the sounds of several people running from behind me. I turned and just before I was knocked down, saw what appeared to be a woman running full tilt towards me. I was knocked to the ground.

My stomach convulsed and I saw a bright flash along with a tremendous headache. I couldn’t breathe and everything went black. A moment later, my vision cleared and I couldn’t believe what I saw.

I saw me. How could I see me? From my position of laying on the parking lot, I saw me, running away, with three men in dark suits giving chase.

One of the men shouted, “No shot. Just too many people!”

Another man shouted, “Take the shot anyway!”

I heard the report of a pistol and the dull thunk of a car being struck by a bullet.

A voice beside me said, “Ericson, help me get this woman up.”

Some footsteps approached and then I heard someone chuckle. “That’s not a woman.”

I felt someone hold my arm. “Can you stand?”

Still feeling dazed, I said, “I don’t know.” What the fuck? That wasn’t my voice. I started to notice nothing felt right. I felt a hand on both arms and I was lifted to my feet. Those weren’t my feet. I was wearing high heels.

The first man said, “Ma’am, you’ll need to come with us.”

I frowned. “I’m not a ‘ma’am’. Why did you call me that? And what the hell is going on? These aren’t my clothes. And just how the fuck did I see myself running away?” I had a little trouble speaking clearly as there seemed to be something metallic attached to my tongue.

The man said, “You need to come with us so it can be explained.”

The other man, Ericson, was looking through a purse.

The first man asked, “Can you walk? We need to take you to a bus. We have a lot of victims today. What’s your name?”

Still feeling confused, I answered, “Steve Martin.”

The man raised an eyebrow at me and gave me a curious look.

I frowned. “Obviously not *that* Steve Martin.”

The man spoke into a radio, “I have another victim in front of the Quick Mart.”

Over the radio, a voice said, “Stay there. We’ll pick you up.”

Ericson chuckled again as he looked at the driver’s license he pulled from the purse. “I was right. Tony Mullins. This person was a tranny.” He looked at me and shook his head. “Things are going to get interesting for you.”

The man who had spoke to me scowled at Ericson. “Stow that, Ericson. We’re not authorized to disclose any information.”

A bus, much like a city bus, pulled up next to us. The first man said, “Please step into the bus, Mr. Martin.”

I was scared out of my mind. This wasn’t my body. Who were these two guys and what did Ericson mean by his remark and now they want me to get into a bus? I peered inside. There were a lot of people on the bus. Some appeared to be unconscious.

I shook my head and tried to back away, unsteady on these unfamiliar shoes. “Who are you people? Where are you taking me? No way in hell am I getting on that bus!”

The man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a badge. “Lieutenant Garret, Homeland Security. We’re taking you to a facility where you will be safe and be debriefed on what is going on and discuss your options.”

“No!” I shouted. “This is insane! I want to know what’s going on now! Why am I dressed this way? This doesn’t even look or feel like my body! I’m not getting on that bus!”

Lt. Garret calmly said, as if he’d said this a million times, “Sir. We need to take you in for processing and evaluation. Afterwards, you’ll be released. Trust me.”

“Trust you!?” I shouted. “Do I look stupid?”

A woman in a white lab coat got off the bus and approached. “Is this… um… woman giving trouble?”

I folded my arms. “I’m not a woman.”

Ericson suddenly pointed and shouted, “Look! A squirrel!”

I turned to look and felt a needle push into my arm. I couldn’t believe I fell for that. I abruptly felt dizzy and everything went black.

*          *          *

I wondered how much longer I was going to have to wait in this tiny room painted all white with no windows and only one door. There was a small desk and only one other chair. I found what I was told in the briefing really hard to swallow. That some international criminal could switch bodies with someone through mere touch, I looked down at myself and I couldn’t deny that what I saw wasn’t me.

I heard the door unlock. I knew it was locked because I’d tried it several times. The door opened and a bespectacled small, dark haired woman who looked like she hadn’t slept in a while stepped in, carrying a notebook computer. I caught a glimpse of a soldier who closed the door behind her.

I watched her in silence as she took a seat and set the notebook on the small desk and turned it on. She lifted her glasses off her nose for a moment as she leaned into get a close look at her screen.

After a setting her glasses back on her face and sighing, she leaned back in her chair. “Miss Mullins?”

I frowned. “I’m not a miss anybody. If I followed the chain of events correctly, Mullins is who was originally in this body. Lady, I sat in the meeting, but I still don’t know what the fuck is going on.”

She looked back at the screen a moment. “I’m sorry, miss. As a rule, we refer to individuals as their new gender role so you can start acclimating to it.”

I laughed without humor. “Lady, don’t let the make-up and high heels fool you.” I pointed at myself. “This is a dude. I know. I looked.”

The woman looked squarely at me. “Well, miss. From the information in your purse, our investigation indicates that the person you are now was in the middle of transitioning to being a woman. You’re on hormones, which we recommend you continue taking. You had a confirmation surgery scheduled for six months from now which as part of our assistance program we can help pay for and you haven’t legally changed your name or gender yet.”

I frowned. “Why do you keep saying that I’m doing this and I’m doing that. I’m doing none of those things. I want my old self back.”

The woman shook her head. “As you have already been informed, you can’t have your old body back, miss. This is who you are now. You are now a transwoman and we need to plan accordingly to get you back into society.”

I waved my hands dismissively. “Oh no. That’s not me. I’m not some fruit. Some confused man who doesn’t know what bathroom to use. I’m not any of that. I might be stuck in this body. It’s younger than I was and so I want to be able to start my life over. You said all my debts will be cleared?”

The woman clasped her hands together and set them on the desk. She took a deep breath. “Yes. Who you were, Steve Martin is now declared legally dead. Tony Mullins is legally dead. All ties to your and Miss Mullins’ life is severed. But there’s something you don’t understand…”

I grinned and interrupted her. “Then this is great. I don’t owe my lawyer or my unfaithful ex-wife a dime now. I’m free to begin my life over. In a way this is a godsend. I feel huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders.”

The woman waved her hand as she shook her head. “Yes. You get to start over and that’s how many of Simon’s victims are handling their situation. However, you’re not understanding your own situation. Yes, you can and really must start a new life. But remember you are also a transwoman and you must plan accordingly.”

I leaned forward and raised my voice. “I’ll say this a thousand times! I am not one of those… those its. I’m not going to take the hormones. I sure as hell don’t want tits and I’m not cutting my pecker off. Fuck that.”

Again she shook her head. “Miss. There’s a condition that so far has occurred in really, ninety-nine percent of victims. It’s called ‘going native.’ You stay you. You keep your memories, but you revert to the original person’s personality.”

I shook my head. “I can see that if you switched with a woman or a child. Those are immutable factors. But hey, I just got switched with another dude. All that gay and tranny shit are just life style choices. I’m just not going to make those same choices.”

The woman looked down her nose at me. “You can try. You might be one of the few that succeed in resisting. While I can’t divulge any details, I can tell you that there were many who switched with a gay individual that felt just as you do and they are now in happy relationships with same sex partners.”

I leaned forward and angrily said, “Like I said. I’m not cutting my pecker off and I’m not having sex with men. Just the thought makes me want to throw up.”

The woman looked at her notebook’s screen. She smiled sympathetically at me. “Well, keep those thoughts. We need you to select a new name. Your old identity is officially dead. Your case was adjudicated last night. You will receive from us to get you started in your new life, an apartment in an undisclosed city with six month’s rent pre-paid. Almost any place you apply for a job for your skill level will hire you. We will supply you with both male and female clothing in your size. We have confiscated Tony’s bank account and put it in escrow for your use when you decide to get your surgery since it was already earmarked for that purpose. We’ll also provide you with a counselor to help you through your transition”

I laughed as I leaned back in my chair. “Don’t waste your time. No way in hell am I going to ‘transition’.” I put up air quotes when I said transition.

The woman looked back at her notebook. “All we need is a new name for you and we’re done for now. We recommend the name Tony Martin.”

I waved my hand dismissively. “That’s fine.”

*          *          *

I looked through the boxes of clothing that had been delivered to my apartment. The government must have been the delivery service because the shipping label only said my name, “Tony Martin”. No city or state listed. I have no idea where I am. I’m supposed to get a new driver’s license soon.

One box contained items like jeans, t-shirt, and shoes. And one suit. I guess for a job interview? I have some time, so I’m not going to rush out and look for a job just yet. I need some time to adjust to who I now am.

Standing in my skivvies, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a young, boyish face looking back at me. And tits. Small, but definitely tits. The original Tony had had electrolysis done, so I had no facial hair. Just smooth skin. I was also skinny as hell. But I oddly didn’t feel particularly hungry. I had none of the upper body strength I was used to having. My legs were thin and shapely, like a woman’s. Man, this Tony character was definitely hell bent on becoming a woman. What a sissy. I’ll have to find a gym and start working out.

I shook my head as I opened the other box. It contained a few dresses, some skirts and blouses and tank tops. There were high heels and sandals and casual shoes. There was some jewelry too. I hadn’t noticed until I woke up in my apartment that I had pierced ears. Well, I won’t be needing any of that shit.

I pulled a dress from the box and held it up. I thought, oh, this is cute. I held it up in front of me and looked in the mirror. I then scowled and tossed the dress onto the bed. What the hell am I doing?

I took off my underwear and looked at myself in the mirror again. I couldn’t believe that I was looking at me. I saw a definite feminine form. My face could be described as pretty. I had tits. And I had a cock and balls. But they were so small. I hoped they’d grow back when I’m off the hormones.

I shook my head. How could any man do that to his body? To abuse his parts that way and then just cut them off? I shuddered at the thought.

I opened my mouth to look at my tongue. I suddenly felt disgusted again. At my request since I didn’t know how to do it myself, the medical staff at the facility where I was processed removed my tongue piercing. There was still a hole in my tongue. There’s only one reason to have a tongue piercing and I wanted to throw up when I wondered how many cocks had been inside my mouth. How much sperm had I swallowed? How much had been up my ass? I felt sick. Of all the people in all the world to switch with, I had to get a twink.

*          *          *

It took me a couple of days to finally get brave enough to venture outside. Well, unless I wanted to starve, I pretty much had to. And even though I wore my male clothes, I was usually addressed as “miss” or “ma’am.” I had to admit the sad fact that I was feminized just too much to pass for a male, despite what I wore.

I found a nearby neighborhood grocery store. I couldn’t get much as I could only buy as much as I could carry for the block and a half I had to walk. I was shocked though. I got hit on by men while shopping. It never occurred to me before to hit on women in a grocery store for dates or even just sex. But then, I married almost right out of college, so I never hit on anyone anyway.

Three different men near the produce section asked if I wanted to get a drink (at 10AM?) and if they could have my phone number. I was tempted to tell them I had a penis, but I didn’t want to start a ruckus. One man asked if he could help me carry my shopping bags back to my apartment, as if I was stupid enough to show him where I lived… alone. I don’t care how cute he was.

As I was setting my bags of groceries down on the kitchen counter, my cell phone rang. I looked at it and it was some doctor I’d never heard of. This was the third time, apparently a she, had called me this morning. If she had called this many times in this short of time span, I doubt she’d quit, so I went ahead and answered,

“Hello?” I answered with an annoyed tone in my voice. I’m still not used to how I sound now.

“Miss Martin?” queried the voice on the other end.

Annoyed at being addressed as “miss”, I said, “Look. If you’re selling something I’m hanging up now.”

“Miss Martin. It’s important I speak with you. I’m Dr. Natalie Taylor. I’ve been given your case file and it’s urgent I speak with you about your transition.”

Well shit. The government is determined I can’t decide for myself to not continue becoming a woman. I sure as hell don’t want to be a woman. Even a fake one. “Sorry, but I’m done with this. I’m not going to transition. Good-bye.”

“No, please wait,” pleaded Dr. Taylor. “I have your case file from your previous counselor. Their name and your file is heavily redacted. From your file, this change of heart seems extremely sudden. You’ve been living as a woman for over a year, and you have your confirmation surgery scheduled. Are you being pressured in changing your mind about your transition? This is why we need to discuss this in person. What time works best for you?”

Frowning at the phone, I said, “How many times do I have to say it? I’m not interested in becoming a woman. Can’t a girl change her mind?”

“Of course, Miss Martin,” said Dr. Taylor. “Since you are so far along in your transition, I just want to make an evaluation that you’re making an informed decision in your best interest. Can you be here tomorrow at 9AM?”

“You’re going to keep hassling me until I agree, aren’t you?” I sighed.

Over the phone, Dr. Taylor said, “It is in your best interest.”

I sighed heavily. “Okay, okay. I’ll be at your office tomorrow morning. Text me your address.”

Speaking brightly, Dr. Taylor said, “Actually, from your address, I’m right across the street from your apartment. See you in the morning, Miss Martin.”

I scowled at nothing in particular. “Stop calling me ‘miss’!” I said to my empty apartment. I walked to my closet and looked through my clothes. I pulled out a skirt. I’ll wear this tomorrow I thought to myself.

*          *          *

After checking in with the receptionist, I stepped into the waiting room. It was full and I asked myself if there were this many trannies here. Then I realized there was more than one doctor in this office. I took the only empty seat that was next to an attractive young woman. Something seemed different about her.

She smiled at me as I sat down and in a hushed voice asked, “Are you new here? I think I’ve met all of Dr. Taylor’s clients. Hi. I’m Jenny.”

I smiled back at her. “Hi. I’m Tony. Yes. I just moved here. I guess you’re transitioning?” I really didn’t know what to say to her.

She grinned. “Oh yeah. I’m going to talk to her about getting the surgery scheduled. I feel I’m so ready! I can’t wait.”

I looked down at my hands. “I’m pretty sure that’s what we’ll be discussing as well. But I’m not sure if I want to go through with it or not.”

Jenny nodded knowingly. “I understand. I’ve had some friends who get cold feet. The thought of actually removing and altering body parts gets to them. “

Still looking at my hands, I said, “It’s more than just that. I’m considering de-transitioning. I don’t think I want to be a woman.”

Surprise crossed Jenny’s face. “You’re so far along. You’re very pretty and feminine. I’ve only just met you and I can’t imagine you any other way. Can I ask a personal question?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

She leaned in towards me. “Have you tried living as a woman yet?”

I glanced over at her. “For a little over a year now.”

Jenny’s eyes widened. “Wow. That long and you’re changing your mind? Well, naturally it’s always your decision, but let me tell you, honey. You’re already a woman, even without the bottom surgery.”

The door to Dr. Taylor’s office opened and a woman stepped out. “Jennifer? I’m ready for you.”

Jenny smiled. She opened her purse and pulled out an old receipt. On the back she started writing. She handed it to me as she stood up. “Here’s my phone number. Call me. Maybe we can hang out or something.” She then followed Dr. Taylor into her office.

I just sat there and stared at the paper in my hand. Should I keep this? Should I call her? I sighed. I don’t have a single friend in this town. Is she right? Am I too far down the path to being a woman that I couldn’t return to being male? Honest to God I don’t want to be a woman.

After sitting for almost an hour, the door opened again. “Ms Martin? I’m ready for you now.”

I never saw Jenny leave. I guess she has a back exit. I got up and walked towards Dr. Taylor who was holding her door open. I didn’t look at her as I passed through the door. I really didn’t want to be here. Why didn’t she call for “Mr. Martin”?

Dr. Taylor pointed at a chair. “Nice to meet you. Please have a seat and let’s get started, shall we?”

She walked behind her desk and sat down. There was a thick folder lying on top of her desk. She opened it and started thumbing through it. Without looking up, she said, “This is a very interesting file I received from your previous counselor. Her name and address have been redacted as well as your previous address.” She looked up at me and smiled nervously. “There was no return address on the package with your file. Just a letter from the Office of Homeland Security directing me to contact you and make an appointment. This is unusual to say the least.”

I shifted nervously in my chair. “It’s a long story.”

Dr. Taylor looked up at me. “I’ll bet. I’m not sure how to deal with you, Ms. Martin. Your name in the file has been redacted and replaced with Toni Martin. I need to get a base line with you, so I need to ask a lot of questions. That’s probably all we’ll accomplish this first visit.”

I frowned. “You can start by not referring to me as a female. I’m not changing to a woman.”

She tilted her head at me. “That’s unusual. People do change their minds, but looking through your file, that seems contradictory.” She looked down at the file. “According to this, you’ve been living as a woman for over a year. You’ve stated how excited you are at getting your confirmation surgery. You’ve felt different all your life. Why the sudden change of heart?”

I shrugged. “It was like a switch went off in my head. I decided that becoming a woman was the wrong direction for me. Can I go now?”

She shook her head. “Not just yet. I need to ask a few more questions to get a better understanding. After being desperate most of your life to be female, even doing an excellent job of feminizing yourself, you… just like that change your mind? What’s really going on with you, Ms. Martin? I get this file on you out of the blue. From the file, the only reason you haven’t had the surgery yet is you haven’t saved up enough for it yet. Did you have a fight with your boyfriend? What does he think of this change of heart?”

I just looked at Dr. Taylor for a second before answering. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Dr. Taylor looked at me quizzically. She pulled out a few sheets from the stack. She held up one with a photo. “This picture was taken two weeks ago. You wrote on the back of the picture, ‘This is Pete. The best boyfriend ever!!’ Did you have a fight? Is that why you moved out here? Sorry. I’m just trying to evaluate if you’re in any danger.”

I realized there was no point in trying to argue that I didn’t have a boyfriend. I nodded and lied. “Yes. Pete and I had a big fight. I had to get far away from him. And have a new start. That’s when I decided being a woman just wasn’t for me.”

Dr. Taylor shrugged. “I think there’s more here than what you’re letting on. But you’re free to do what you want. I don’t understand what’s driving your change of heart on this. Just from your file, I’d strongly recommend for your future happiness that we schedule your surgery fairly soon. But I can’t make you of course. I want to see you in two weeks to re-evaluate your situation. You can always call me if you need to see me sooner than two weeks.”

I stood up. “I don’t see my position changing in two weeks, but okay. See ya, doc.” She started to say something else, but I had already turned around went back out the front door.

*          *          *

I was sitting on my couch, with a bag of chips in my lap and a beer can resting on the arm of the couch. I was surfing the cable channels. I chuckled humorlessly as I went through the channels. Life just doesn’t get any better than this.

I started to skip past a news channel when I heard the news reader say, “…Outrage tonight as federal agents apparently gunned down an eight year old boy in the streets of San Francisco and then just left him to die as the boy begged for help. The agents all appeared to be deathly afraid to even venture near the fallen boy. A nineteen year old woman was also lying nearby on the ground crying hysterically. It is not known at this time if she’s related to the boy. FBI spokesman was quoted saying …”

Just before they cut away from the scene, I watched the teen girl cry out for her mom. From the brief story, I knew what happened. They finally managed to corner that piece of shit Simon in the body of an eight year old boy. Nobody watching that news report will understand that an international criminal who caused so much pain, including for me, has finally been removed from the planet. I felt sorry for the real eight year old boy. His life is going to radically change. He’ll never see his parents and friends again as he’s whisked away. No more ball games with his dad. No more on-line gaming with friends. To all the world, that boy is dead. And now his world is going to be consumed with hair, make-up, nails and boys. Maybe not at first. But in a few weeks, she’ll go native and will be just what she appears to be. A teenage girl.

I narrowed my eyes and set my jaw. That’s not happening to me though. It’s different to jump into a female body. I can resist the urges of this fairy I became. I can overcome this attraction to men I suddenly have. Once I’ve done that, I’m sure I can resist this desire to become a woman as well. A random thought of could I live with a desire for men even if I still managed to squelch the desire to be a woman? I dismissed the thought. I shuddered at the thought of dating men. No matter how cute they are.

*          *          *

I really need to get a job, I thought as I sat on my couch bored out of my mind. But I can’t get one until I know I’ve beaten the desire to transition to being a woman. I don’t want to get a job until I can feel that I’m still solidly male. From everything I’ve been told, if I can hang on for another week, I’ll be past the going native part. At least that’s what I’m hoping.

I looked at my phone. Should I call Jenny? I haven’t called her yet. I haven’t wanted to because she’s a tranny. And I’m not. I’m not. I’m not. Dammit. But she did act like she wanted to be my friend. And I sure could use one. I’m tired of sitting alone in my apartment.

“Hello?” said a hesitant Jenny on my phone.

“Hey Jenny. This is Tony. Remember from Dr. Taylor’s office?”

“Toni! Hey girl,” Jenny said excitedly. “I’m so glad you called.”

I really wasn’t sure what to say. I was hoping she’d carry the conversation. “Yeah. I’m just sitting here staring at the walls and I really need someone to talk to.”

“I’m glad you called,” Jenny repeated. “It’s tough to face this alone. Hey, I was thinking about going to my favorite club tonight. Would you like to join me?”

I hesitated. Would this be a date with a tranny? But I do need to get out of this apartment. I’m going stir crazy. “I would like that.”

“Great! Give me your address and I’ll be there around six.” Jenny paused for a moment. “Is that okay?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you then.” Jenny disconnected.

I went to my closet and pulled out a clean pair of jeans and a button down shirt. I’m sure whatever place she’s going to will be casual. I shook my head when I checked myself out in the mirror. I just saw a very effeminate boy or a pretty girl in men’s clothes staring back at me. There didn’t seem to be any way to make myself to appear more manly.

Quarter past six, there was a knock on my door. When I opened the door, there stood a grinning Jenny. She looked beautiful wearing a short, black dress and heels. “Hey girl,” she said. She poked my shirt as she walked past me to enter my apartment. “You’re not seriously going out dressed like that?”

I touched my shirt. “What’s wrong with this?”

Jenny laughed. “You’re dressed like a boy. Don’t you have a dress? I bet you do.” She headed to my closet and opened the door. “You really need to throw out all these boy clothes. I mean, seriously.”

I stood there watching Jenny rummage through my closet. “I wanted to be a boy tonight. And that’s my stuff, you know.”

“Ewww. Who wants to wear boy clothes?” Jenny wrinkled up her nose. She pulled a dress from my closet. Of course I’d never worn it. “This is a pretty dress. You should change into it. Right now you look like a girl wearing her dad’s clothes.”

I shrugged and smiled nervously. “You know, I’m trying to get away from the whole girl thing.”

Jenny put her hands on her hips. “Well, I want to have some fun tonight and I want you to have fun with me. And honey, that ain’t happening with you dressed like that.” She laid the dress on my bed. She pulled a bra and panties from my dresser. “Let’s see how pretty you can be. And I’ll help you with your make-up if you want.”

I could tell Jenny wasn’t going to accept me saying no and would probably just leave me here if I continued to refuse. I had to agree with her that the dress was pretty. And the clothes I was wearing really didn’t fit me all that well.

I sighed. “Okay, Jenny. You win. Give me a minute to change.”

Jenny grinned. “I’ll help to speed things up. Hey. It’s just us girls here, right?”

Embarrassed, I stripped down to my underwear. Jenny shook her head. She picked up the bra she had placed on the bed and held it out to me. “You got some tits, girl. Let’s show them off. Eww. And take that guy underwear off and burn it or something.

It was only a few minutes to put on the bra and panties and slip the dress on. Jenny was right. Panties were sooo much better than my old male underwear. When I de-transition, I’ll probably keep wearing panties.

As I posed in front of my mirror, Jenny rummaged through a box on my closet floor. “Oh good. You have some jewelry. Here. Wear these earrings.” She handed me a pair of gold hoop earrings.

Jenny stepped back and looked me up and down. Grinning, she said, “Now you’re cookin’. Even without make-up, you’re looking pretty hot. Let’s get your face on and get going before it gets late.”

I sat down as Jenny started to apply my make-up. At first, I thought I was going to hate it. But as she went, I was astonished that it all started to feel normal. The dress started to feel normal. When she was done and held up a mirror, I saw how very pretty I was. A sudden question popped into my head as I asked myself, what’s my objection to becoming a woman? I pushed that thought out. I have to remain strong.

I looked again at my face. I smiled. That’s such a pretty lipstick color Jenny picked. I need to learn more about make-up from her. I frowned slightly. Or not.

Jenny giggled as I stood up, a little uncertain in my high heels. “You’re a doll! Come on. Let’s go find some men.”

*          *          *

I stood next to Jenny as we waited for the Uber that she called to arrive. I felt very self conscious wearing a dress in public. But even so, I didn’t dislike it. What bothered me was how natural I felt presenting as woman. Taking Jenny up on her offer to go out and dress as a woman was probably a bad idea.

I was also bothered by her comment about finding some men. I haven’t been able to slow down my attraction to men. I really have to beat this whole going native business. Going out to clubs with another transwoman to meet men probably isn’t the road to success. Instead of the idea disgusting me, I actually found myself excited.

We finally made it to the club. Once inside, we had to stand for a few seconds for our eyes to adjust. The club was darkened with flashing lights and a really loud band. Jenny pointed at an empty table not far from the dance floor.

Jenny grinned as we sat down. “Look at all the cute guys here! Maybe we can catch one or two… or ten.”

I laughed. “What would you do with ten guys?”

Jenny shrugged. “I dunno. I’d like to try. I’ve never been with more than five at one time.”

Surprised, I said, “Seriously?”

Jenny grinned broadly. “Oh yeah. I was in heaven.”

“Wow,” I said shaking my head. “Doesn’t sound very romantic though.”

Jenny laughed. “Who cares about that? I just wanted to be fucked.”

I smiled as I looked about the room. “I don’t know if I could handle even one.”

Still laughing, Jenny said, “Well, if ten guys show up at our table, you can have one and I’ll take the rest.”

I sighed as I sipped my drink. Jenny’s here just to find a sex partner. Am I here for the same reason? I think that’s what Jenny thinks. I looked at my glass. Maybe I should avoid drinking alcohol. Or maybe I should get plastered.

Jenny had said this place wasn’t strictly a gay bar, but I did see a lot of men dancing and being with men. Same for women. But I also saw men and women together.

Jenny nudged me and pointed. “Oh! See that guy? I know him. He prefers women, but he also gets turned on by women like us, with that something extra. Maybe he’ll see us. He’s with a cute friend too it looks like.” She managed to catch his eye and waved.

A few moments later, the two men were pulling up chairs at our table and sitting down. From her expression, I could tell Jenny really liked this guy.

Jenny’s friend said, “Well hello, ladies. Jenny, it’s great to see you again. And who’s your friend?”

Smiling, Jenny said, “Hey Rick. I was hoping you’d be here.” She pointed at me. “I’d like you to meet Toni. As you could probably guess, she’s like me. Only she’s having second thoughts about the surgery, so I thought we should go out and party and lighten the mood a bit.”

Rick looked at me and nodded. “That’s a big step. Nice to meet you, Toni. And this handsome, horny fellow next to me is Frank.” He looked back at Jenny. “You know, girl. I’m not sure I’ll date you once you get your tally-whacker whacked.”

Jenny leaned over and kissed Rick. “You know you can’t stay away from me!”

Frank held out his hand towards me. “Nice to meet you, Toni.”

I smiled shyly as I took his hand. “Nice to meet you too, Frank.”

Frank gave me a curious look. “You’re so pretty. Are you really a guy?”

His question annoyed me. But it reminded me of my personal quest. “Technically yes.” And I’m damned well going to stay that way! Maybe. “I’ve been considering de-transitioning.”

Frank looked at me questioningly. “De-transition?”

I nodded. “I’ve been thinking of going back to living as a man.”

Frank frowned. “But you’re so beautiful. You seem every bit a woman.” He put his hand on my knee.

I laughed. “Well, you can’t judge a book by its cover.” I studied Frank a moment. My God he’s very handsome. I wondered what it was like to kiss him.

Above the noise of the club, I heard Rick ask Jenny, “Do you want to dance?”

Jenny grinned. “As a matter of fact, I would!”

They both stood up and Rick took Jenny’s hand and then walked to the dance floor.

Frank glanced over at me. “Would you, uh… do you want to dance?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know how to dance!” Honestly, I don’t.

Frank laughed. “That’s okay. I can’t either.”

I grinned. “Let’s go, then.”

We both stood up. Frank took my hand. It felt weird for a man to hold my hand and actually lead me to the dance floor. I was totally embarrassed to stand on the crowded dance floor wearing a dress and high heels. Frank was still holding my hand.

We both laughed as we stared at each other. I said, “This is crazy.” Frank nodded and then started to move around like he was dancing. I watched him for a moment and then started doing the same. I started to loosen up. I don’t know if you could call what we were doing dancing, but I was having fun anyway.

After fifteen minutes or so, the band stopped for a break. Frank and I both decided to go sit down. Jenny and Rick came to the table, but they didn’t sit down.

“Hey Toni,” said Jenny. “Rick’s taking me back to his place to show me his Naruto collection. I’ll catch ya later.” She gave me a wink. “Have fun.”

Frank and I waved as they left. I watched Jenny walk off. I was using her as girl support and now she leaves me.

“Was she your ride?” asked Frank.

“We used an Uber,” I said with annoyance. How could she just leave me alone with a man?

Frank took my hand. “Do you want to dance some more when the band returns? Or are you ready to go home?”

I frowned. “I think I’m ready to go home. My feet are starting to hurt.”

Frank chuckled. “Yeah. I’ve never understood how women wear shoes like that those. You don’t have to call an Uber. I can take you home.”

I smiled. “I appreciate that. But I’d hate to be a bother. I mean, you don’t have to leave because I do.”

Frank shook his head. “No problem at all. I don’t mind taking you home.”

I’m sure he just wants to know my address. I’d do the same thing.

I sighed. “If you’re sure, then let’s go.” Frank paid my tab, took my hand and led me out to the parking lot.

The drive to my apartment was mostly uneventful. The conversation mostly over the weather and traffic. I kept looking over at Frank.

When we arrived at my apartment’s parking lot, Frank announced, “We’re here. I’ll walk you to your door. I never liked this neighborhood.”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to. I’ve never had any problems here.”

Frank smiled at me. “I insist. I don’t want to have to worry about you.”

I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I sighed. “Okay. Thanks.”

He took my hand, but this time I led him as he didn’t know where my apartment was.

We stopped in front of my door. Frank said, “Here we are. Safe and sound.” He stood there looking at me.

I looked at him as well. I felt a longing I couldn’t understand. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee before you go?” I regretted asking that before I even finished saying it. Why was I inviting a man I met only a few hours ago into my apartment? That’s just insane.

Frank grinned at me. “That would be great. Thanks.”

I opened the door and let him walk through. He was taking a chance too. For all he knew, I was an axe murderer or something. But I could tell he was a lot stronger than me.

“Make yourself at home,” I said as I turned on the coffee maker.

Frank nodded and plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. He then put it on a sports channel. Well, I did stupidly say to make yourself at home.

After a few minutes, I handed Frank a cup of coffee and then sat down on the couch… at the opposite end from Frank.

Frank grinned at me. “Whatcha doing way down there? Come sit next to me!”

I smiled nervously and moved to sit next to him. Almost immediately, Frank’s arm found its way around my shoulders. At first it annoyed me. I don’t want a man touching me. He pulled me to him and I then decided it was kinda nice to have someone to cuddle next to.

And then it happened. I couldn’t believe how sudden the switch was. I’d been trying hard to stop this going native business and then it just happened without me really being conscious of.

Regardless of whether the original Toni wanted to be a woman or not, it’s been clear from the little nagging thoughts I’d been trying to ignore. Toni liked men. I mean she totally loved men. Like it was pent up waiting to explode, I had an overwhelming desire to have sex with Frank. It was crazy. I wanted him inside me and like right now.

I leaned over and kissed Frank square on the lips. He was taken aback at first, but he recovered quickly and soon he was pulling me close and sliding his tongue into my mouth. I kissed him with a pent up passion that shocked me. I’m kissing a man! And I can’t get enough of it.

I dropped my hand to his crotch and felt Frank’s growing hard on. I gave his cock a squeeze through his pants. I wanted it. I wanted his cock so bad. Never in my life could I have dreamed of such overwhelming desire for a man.

Grinning, I slid down between his legs and freed his cock from his pants. I stared at it for a moment. It was so big and hard and I grinned again knowing I had done that. I opened my mouth and started giving Frank oral pleasure. I couldn’t believe I had never sucked a cock before. I loved it.

Just when I thought I was going to get my reward, Frank stood up and bent me over the couch. He pulled the skirt of my dress up and slid his saliva covered cock up inside me. In my mind I shouted I’m being fucked by a man! It hurt as he slid inside, but Toni’s body was used to it. I loved it as he started a rhythm of sliding in and out. I squealed as Frank released his seed with one final thrust. I gasped for air.

I guess I’m gay now. But I don’t mind. I love cock. I may have lost the battle of desiring men, but I was still sure that there was no way I was going to become a woman. As Frank pulled his cock from my ass, I stood resolute to not allow myself to become a woman. It just wasn’t happening.

*          *          *

I kissed my husband as I started to slide out of the car.

Reese, my husband said, “Bye bye, honey. Have a good first day of work.”

I looked over my shoulder and grinned. “I’m certainly going to try.”

“I’ll see you around 5:30. Take care.” Reese gave me a quick wave.

I stepped from the car onto the curb and walked confidently to the door of the tall, steel and glass office building. I was amused by the sound of my heels clicking on the concrete. I was so nervous to start my new job.

A few steps from the curb, I turned to watch my husband drive off. I felt so lucky to have him. We met at a library of all places about 8 months and three boyfriends after getting my confirmation surgery. Frank lost interest in me not long after I got the surgery.

I was worried about revealing my history to Reese, but after I told him, he grinned and said we were perfect for each other. He revealed his sperm count was too low to conceive children and I didn’t have a womb. After we get our financials stabilized, we both want to adopt.

As I walked through the entranceway, I stopped to look at my reflection in the glass wall. I shook my head. I still couldn’t believe how pretty I was. I also couldn’t understand why I had any question about the rightness of having the surgery.

I love my husband and I really love being a woman.

*          *          *

The End

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