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Part 29 of 29

Epilogue, October 9, 2020
The whole Covid-19 mess has left me with a great deal of time on my hands. One of the things I have done is re-read my diaries from the beginning of my transition. I've decided that sharing them might be a help to someone else who is thinking that living as a woman is a desirable thing to do, so I've excerpted those parts about transitioning.

To catch you up, Mary Ann and I were married as soon as the financial aid check cleared at the start of our senior year. We didn't intend to have a big wedding, but with all the people in our combined families it was a big wedding before we started inviting friends.

I wore Sylvia's wedding dress for the occasion. Grandpa was teary-eyed but I think it meant a lot to him that I was honoring the woman whose wardrobe made my transition a reality. I had no trouble at all saying Yes To The Dress.

Something I didn't expect was that Dad came to the wedding. He didn't give me away - that honor went to Grandpa - but he was there. That's progress of a sort.

Erin ended up being my maid of honor - she got a real kick of being the lesbian maid-of-honor to a halfway transsexual. Our friendship had long since progressed to the point where I told her about myself. I did get a kick out of her reaction, she had a hard time believing I wasn't pulling her chain when I told her. Some of the 'sisterhood' still persist in believing us trans types only do it so we can ogle real women's bodies. Makes about as much sense as most silly ideas that float about on the net, I suppose. Take the Q-anon idiocy that I was just reading about.

I did offer to let Jake stand up for me, but he told me he didn't like the bridesmaid's dress enough to wear it in public. Jake still has a sardonic sense of humor, even though he's made his peace with me being a girl these days. Lula did the honors for Mary Ann, looking awfully cute in violet. The contrast with tall Eve standing next to little Lula was striking. We have a lot of interesting friends.

Grandpa and Eve decided at the age of eighty it was time to move to someplace smaller and more manageable, so they have a nice apartment in a senior living place with option for assisted living when the time comes. They're still the youngest old folks I know but they have a good grasp on reality. They don't have all than much time left to enjoy each other and they know it. They also decided to deed the house to us when we got married, which was something we never expected. We are now the official hosts for family gatherings, always a distinct pleasure.

Once we graduated we immediately went to Grad school. We both got our Masters a year ago May and Mary Ann is now working in a large architecture firm. I landed a job as an adjunct at the college after a minor kerfuffle about my trans status from a couple of folks who were laughed down as I had been part of the student body for six years and a grad student teacher as well. There hadn't been a single incident.

So we are were doing very well for ourselves. The big news is that our daughter Molly arrived this May. Naturally, we had our doubts about bringing a child into the world at this particular time. Would it be fair to the child to plunk her into the awful mess we have made of things?

That's where being an historian provides some perspective. For most of the recorded history of the human race there has been some awful thing happening: wars, famine, plague, drought, fire, flood - you name it. If people waited for the perfect time to have children we would have died out long ago.

And I am very well aware that many of those children didn't live to be adults, that the awfuls did kill them before they matured. There is some comfort in knowing that children today have a far greater chance of survival than they did for most of the time people have been around, but that's no comfort when your child is the one at risk.

So that's where faith comes in. Not the intolerant faith I grew up with, but the loving, caring and accepting faith that God will be there for us, for my wife and for my family.

I know that Mary Ann does not believe as I do and that is perfectly fine. We all will find the way that suits us best and I am not going to condemn anyone else's path to heaven because it is not my own. I do not even care if anyone believes in heaven or hell or or God, that's not my concern. God and I have an understanding, let others find their own without my demands.

We tried to time it so the baby would arrive at the end of the semester so I would be free to be the primary caregiver over the summer. Of course when we did our planning no one had any idea that that damned virus would screw up everyone's plans. I can tell you that expecting a child in the midst of a pandemic is no picnic, but we have learned to cope. We've done a lot of coping, it seems. Since I'm teaching via video and Mary Ann is doing much of her work from home we get to share the parenting duties. At least we still both have jobs.

I had dreams of extending that sharing to feeding our daughter, but the endocrinologist didn't think it was such a good idea if I intended to father another child. We have decided that my halfway status suits us just fine and I have no plans to become complete or whatever euphemism you want to use for getting GRS. So Mary Ann pumps and I feed with a bottle and dream of being able to nurse. Not all dreams come true in this world.

I just hope we can have the family for Thanksgiving again this year, although that is looking pretty dim with the way things are going. I don't want to be the one who has to break tradition because we were afraid we would make each other sick. I'm also glad I still don't use makeup very often, which is a good thing as wearing a mask just isn't practical when you can't let anything touch your face.

And we do wear our masks. We do limit trips to places where transmission is likely. We don't eat out any more, although we have gone through the drive-in a few times. We don't hang around in crowds. We try to be sensible and still live our lives.

I cringe at some of the nonsense that so-called Christians are spouting about 'God will protect me' and then they go out and try their hardest to spread the virus. I can't help but think of the old story of the guy who refused all help when a hurricane hit because God would protect him. The poor fool was mystified when he ended up at the pearly gates. That's when Saint Peter tells him "He sent you weather warnings, He sent evacuation notices, He sent you a boat and He even sent you a helicopter. What more did you expect?" One thing Dad and I agree on - The Lord helps those who help themselves.

I do pray that the people in charge, and the people around us will start to take this seriously and do something effective about it. I believe in the power of prayer, but there is a whole lot more we can do. I want our little girl to grow up and be strong and loving and resilient. I just want her to be able to grow up, period.

No matter what happens in the future, Mary Ann and I will face it together with our daughter and our wonderful extended family, who will be right there with us. Life is good and going to get better. Just keep that in mind and you can do anything.