Photo by Wilson Vitorino from Pexels
 

Part 26 of 29

Monday, December 16
Oddly, I got the answer to finding Mary Ann's gift in the psychology exam this morning. There were questions about family relations and - of course! - dysfunction. Which made me realize I should call her brother Dale and ask him if he has any bright ideas. I had to slap myself and put my mind back on the exam after getting another bright idea.

Tuesday, December 17
Sometimes you have to admit I can be blind as a bat when the answer is right there in front of me. I knew that Mary Ann is an architecture student. I knew that she loves the work of Frank Lloyd Wright. I knew that one of his most famous buildings, Falling Water, was in Pennsylvania. Despite all that knowledge being in my head, it took a call to Dale to put it all together.

After checking with Grandpa to borrow the car, I reserved a deluxe tour for two of Falling Water for over the winter vacation. The trip is long enough that we will be spending overnight in a nice hotel, so I get a benefit from her present as well.

Thanks, Dale!
 

Wednesday, December 18
No exams today, so I spent an hour or so calling doctors on Audrey's list. The fourth one had a cancellation available on Monday, so I took it. I can hardly wait, I may actually get real breasts, or as real as I can get without hormone therapy.

Wow!
 

Friday, December 20
Exams over, Mary Ann and I are both vegetables. Grandpa just smirks wisely at us sprawled on the couch together, Eve gave him one of her behave yourself, Earle! looks.

Neither one of us were wearing skirts, so being sprawled was not as bad as it could have been. December in Pennsylvania is cold, even I am not dumb enough to wear a skirt unless I'm going out somewhere fancy. I did make one attempt to ride the bus in a skirt on the first really cold day and I have become a believer in pants on women.

Eve laughed at me, telling me how her father wouldn't allow any of his daughters to wear pants when she was young. Women wore skirts and that was that. Sounds like another father I could name. She didn't get her first pair of pants until she was away at college.

There must be something ironic about her granddaughter-in-almost-law wanting to wear skirts as much as she wanted to wear pants. People are perverse.

Funny thing, though. It may be colder here than back in New York, but we get a lot less snow here than back home. At least here I don't have to shovel snow - a man's responsibility, by the way - because Grandpa hires a plowing service to do the job.

Monday, December 23
Everything was packed into Eve's van but we had to wait for me to see the doctor. Mary Ann and I used Grandpa's car to save time over the bus and we got to spend an hour with the woman. We had done some intensive research over the weekend, updating what we had found when we started thinking about implants for me.

Since the FDA doesn't think I'm old enough for silicone implants (my first choice) I'm pretty much limited to structured saline types. Everything the doctor told us agreed with what we already knew, so that part was taken care of.

The Surgeon was concerned because I hadn't done the full RLT, but the letter from Audrey worked some magic. Apparently she has quite the reputation among people who deal with the transgendered. So I got examined (I had unglued my forms the night before) and she didn't find anything to concern her.

Now came finding a date. I wanted it as soon as possible so I would be recovered before the next semester, which started on January 20th. Figuring two weeks of recovery before the worst of the pain was over, that meant surgery as soon after the New Year as possible. My luck must have been working overtime because there was an opening on January 7th. I couldn't tell Mary Ann, but that meant we could visit Falling Water just after New Years while I was feeling good. Driving several hours with aching breasts didn't sound like the best of ideas to me!

So we left the doctor and talked to the money people in the office. I was still covered by my parent's health insurance. Even if my father had disowned me, there was no way to take me off the family plan from his job. I was surprised that the plan covers some of the expenses - not much, but every little bit helps.

Grandpa and Eve didn't have to ask any questions when we got back, the smiles on our faces told the whole story.
 

We were on our way back home. I have to think about that word home a bit though. For eighteen years the house my family lived in was home. Now Grandpa's house is my home. Our home, the place where I want to return to at the end of the day.

I vaguely remember a quote that goes something like home is where they have to let you back in the door. I thought it was kind of funny until I discovered that I am happier living life as a woman, living with a woman. I tried to find out who said it on line, but came up dry. I did find one by F. Scott Fitzgerald, an author whose work usually leaves me cold, but he was spot on this time.

"It's a funny thing about coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realized what's changed is you."

I was going back home, not to the house I grew up in, but to the home where I am welcomed with open arms, the home where Mary Ann grew up. I'm satisfied with my choices - no, make that joyful with my choices - but it still hurts that my father was so willing to abandon me because of his fanatic faith.

How can God approve of a father rejecting his child? Doesn't the Bible have several stories that warn against just such actions? Maybe Christmas will bring a change of heart. I can only hope.
 

It was strange to enter Mary Ann's old house. The last time I was there I was her boyfriend and we were leaving for Grandpa's house for the summer. I had never been in her bedroom without both feet on the floor and the door open.

Things have changed a bit.

I know that Mom and Pop know we are sleeping together, after all they had come to visit at Grandpa's place and it was plenty obvious. However, sleeping together in her bedroom at her old house was more than a little strange. After all, my parents are still living only a couple of blocks away. I can't help but feeling time warped back to last May before my life changed so drastically.

When we did close the door to the bedroom, Mary Ann took off her clothes and didn't put on a nightgown. She practically undressed me all by herself and dragged me into the bed. I guess making love in the bed where you slept growing up with your parents' blessing is a real turn on.

Somehow, I doubt I'll ever be able to reciprocate. We did manage to be quiet, though.
 

Tuesday, December 24
Christmas Eve, a quiet day for the most part. In Mary Ann's family the day is spent together and the family gathers for a festive meal. They don't do a big Christmas dinner in her family, but the reason belongs in what I'm going to write tomorrow.

Aunt Allison's family was coming over for dinner; the Aunt Allison who unknowingly supplied the first properly fitting bra I ever wore. Now I'm wearing my own bras and I get to meet her for the first time in my new persona. I haven't asked if Mary Ann told her aunt just what went on while we were babysitting Emily.

You could almost call Aunt Allison's expression a smirk, but she happily handed Emily to me when it came time for feeding. Naturally, Emily is old enough now to sit in a high chair and get fed mush these days. I suppose there are prettier names for what she eats, but it still looks like mush to me. I did sneak her a couple of things off my plate and she was perfectly happy gumming them to death.

Her diapers don't smell any better for the passage of time, either. There's a lot more of her to make poop with, too. Aunt Angel to the rescue!

Having breasts to hold a baby to is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. Too bad I won't have the implants for a few weeks yet.
 

Wednesday, December 25
Christmas!

I woke up sinfully late, Mary Ann still sleeping beside me. For the first time in my memory my sister wasn't banging at my door demanding I get up and open presents. For every gain there is a loss. Loving Mary Ann is the finest thing I have ever had happen in my life, yet…

I couldn't help it. If Deborah could drag me out of bed on Christmas morning then I could take a cue from her and wake Mary Ann up. Of course I wouldn't use the bang-on-the-door method.

I briefly considered an entirely different kind of bang but good sense prevailed. I started kissing the back of her neck. She shifted but didn't wake. Nibbling on the earlobe? That brought forth a few odd noises and a wiggle or two. I do love watching Mary Ann's body wiggle, so I nibbled some more.

She rolled over. So I kissed her nipple a few times and her eyes fluttered open.

"Mmmmmm…"

"Want to see if Santa has been here, darling?"

"In a minute…"

So I went back to kissing her nipples. Far more effective than door-banging.

More fun, too.

I started working my way downward and when I reached her navel she swatted me.

"What would Santa think?"

"Too late, he's been and gone. He wouldn't remember if I was naughty after a whole year."

"But I would."

"So, should I be naughty?"

"Don't tempt me."

"Why"

Because I want to see you open your presents, that's why."

"Good idea. I want to see you open yours."

So we got up.

I can't tell you how nice it was not to have to put on that wig or stuff a bra with falsies before I could leave the room. That in itself was almost like a Christmas Present.
 

Is this how adults do Christmas morning? Bathrobes, slippers, coffee, bacon, bagels, eggs? No running to the fireplace to grab your stocking? No tearing just a little bit of the paper to see what's underneath?

No Bible readings and reminders that it is Jesus Birthday? I can get used to that part of how the Wilsons celebrated Christmas. Actually, I kind of wondered why they celebrated at all, since they were avowed atheists. I was going to have to ask, but this was not the time or place.

Before we knew it, Mom had placed identical boxes in our laps and told us to open them first. They turned out to be cell phones, something we had drooled over on occasion but knew we couldn’t afford. We were now on their family plan so we could call them more often to talk.

The reason they had to be opened first was because they had built-in cameras. If you hold still long enough I'll be glad to show you pictures from Christmas morning. No, you don't have to run away, I'll be good.
 

I have to say that a lot of thought went into the gifts, none of them were mass-produced junk but something crafted with the recipient in mind.

Mary Ann was thrilled with the Falling Water tour and I got a big hug and kiss, along with some good natured jeering. I got a card in return, which I opened and read - a gift certificate for electrolysis so I don't have to shave any more.

Mary Ann's dad about bust his gut laughing, but her Mom offered to get him one so she didn't have to put up with a porcupine in the morning. I'll be glad to get rid of my pitiful excuse for a beard, but I think it would take dozens of sessions to do him any good.

Since I had told Mom & Dad Wilson of my plans to take Mary Ann to Falling water, they decided to gave us four nights in nearby Pittsburgh as a sort of mini-vacation. Like I said, personally crafted gifts. But the cards weren't over. I got one from Grandpa and Eve, and it was an IOU for my augmentation surgery.

Unbelievable! How did I ever end up being a part of such a loving and generous family? Once again my father's voice rang through my head: "The Lord will provide, Angel. Just have faith!"

Talk about your inner conflicts! Even though we couldn't agree on what the Lord wants, I have to believe He is willing to provide what I need.
 

I was pleased to see that the Wilsons were paper shredders, not paper savers like my family. I was always too excited to carefully unwrap a present to save the paper. Waste not, want not I know, but come on!

So how did we spend Christmas Day if we weren't in church? Seems the Wilsons have taken a hint from their Jewish friends. There are two places in the retail world that are open on Christmas: the movie theaters and Chinese restaurants.

So we went to see How the Grinch Stole Christmas, which was silly but OK, then we ordered one of just about everything on the menu at Ling's and shared it all among us.

I could get used to this, especially the part about not having to wear a suit all day so we could go back to church for the Christmas night service. Well, actually a part of me wanted to go to that service just like I have done for all of my life. I finally decided to stay home; worship services should be calm and respectful, a time for contemplation and renewal. My mere presence would make that impossible, so I was not going to disturb the worship of others.

I laughed at 'Christmas and Easter Christians,' but was that what I was becoming? Gains and losses, I think I've gained much more than I've lost, but I miss my parents and my sister.