Dare To Live – Chapter 2
( Vivere è bello anche )
By Julie D Cole

Dare to live until the very last, Why, why, why is the life we live not the life we want?
Our life is often all we have to give.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I couldn’t believe she took lines from the song in my mind. Maybe there was a connect of minds somehow and who are we to even try to understand the wonders that go on.

Sarah just laughed and said it was a sign and if I couldn’t recognize when someone is trying to put us together then she’d have to deliver me herself

The message certainly re-kindled the nice feelings I had and the excitement of opening messages and how we shared photos and stories and music that she often downloaded. She made me feel like the woman I knew I was. I’d never quite worked out how to download music so Suzi gave me step by step instructions.

From that point our relationship developed with her taking the more dominant and protective role that she enjoyed and of course it was easy for me to enjoy the lesser role and to treated as her girlfriend.

Sarah was already in bed and after searching for an English speaking channel on TV and eventually switched the TV to a music channel. She coaxed me to join her to talk a bit about Suzi and my feelings after two or three days settling into a new life experience. We were sharing a big double bed but neither of us had any reservations since nothing was likely to happen.

‘Did you ever think about meeting Suzi face to face and coming clean. It’s not really fair on Suzi and it’s not fair on you either. How do you feel about her? “

‘ I thought it was just a bit of fun and nothing would come of it. Yes I ached to come clean and hoped she would accept me if I could have had the courage to tell her. I hoped she’d understand when she saw me and that she wouldn’t get angry or upset.’

‘ So how did it all start? “

I explained as best I could. Who would have guessed that that by joining an internet dating site as Julie and posting the best shots of myself in female guise that I would attract as much attention as I did. I got more hits in the first 2 days than I could handle but Suzi stood out because of her eyes and the smile on the photo she posted, For a while I had 3 or 4 friendships developing but each time I looked at Suzi’s photo I was entranced by her steely blue eyes.

Suzi quickly won me over and I felt every bit the woman I wanted to be when we were writing to each other. I felt I had met someone very special who had lived a very exciting life and gone through some real bad times as well as being full of fun.

‘What was it that made you realize she was different and special? She seems very nice and she is not frightened of letting you know she is lesbian. She obviously feels you are the same. ”

“Yes I know she is lesbian as far as people judge others but to me she is just a boy/girl wheras I like to think of myself as a girly/boy. I guess I fancied her and she fancied me when we saw our photos on the dating site. She encouraged me to post a few. I was careful to choose the better ones and not my early efforts. We really connected when she opened up and told me her beliefs. She told me about her experience when she’d been involved in a motor cycle accident and almost died. She believed she had in fact died in the accident and she was looking at the crash scene because her spirit had left her body. She was being beckoned to leave her body behind. But she turned back. It appears that a medic managed to pump air into her lungs and by working hard he had brought her back to life after which he rushed her to hospital. She was there for 2 weeks in intensive care. “

By co-incidence I’d been listening to a song that I had never heard before that wouldn’t leave my mind and I imagined the scene with the song playing softly in the background. I told her that I believed her experience actually happened and that by co-incidence I’d found this song she might like entitled ‘In the Arms of an Angel’. She quickly down loaded on the internet and she sent it to me to save on my computer. I still have it and it became our special song.

“How nice. Why don’t you play it if it is still on your computer? ‘ She turned off the TV.

I played it and soon we had tears rolling down our cheeks. At the end of the song Sarah urged me to reply to Suzi and think seriously about the relationship. I agreed to do it before I went to sleep. Then the more I told Sarah about the life Suzi had led and the experiences she’d had after she split from her husband the more she understood why I had been attracted. Her life was one long adventure for 2 years so she could appreciate being blessed to be re-born. Now she had a totally different outlook and wanted to enjoy new experiences. She attracted friendships in all the places she visited and just back-packed..

Suzi had visited parts of South Asia working for spells to pay her way and moving on. Somehow eventually she’d ended up in the USA and met a small tribe of Indians. She had 6 months with them living as a squaw at first before taking up a role of one of the braves in the religious ceremonies they had from time to time. She’d even smoked a small pipe. She slept under the stars some nights and was offered her own squaw by the Chief as a gift. She’d had experience with mild drugs and finally accepted she wasn’t a failure and to this tribe she was male not female.

“But Julie then why did she give it up?”

“ Unfortunately she had been involved in some protests and was taken into custody. The officers saw she was a woman when she was strip searched and it caused a stir until female officers were called. She had no visa or working permit and they saw she was European. She had been in the USA for over twelve months without the need to prove her identity and so she was jailed and then deported. She was sent back to Italy to her mothers home.” .

Sarah was almost as hooked on Suzi’s story as I had been. As I went into greater detail and showed her the library of photos we’d exchanged and the music I’d stored she understood the attraction. Most of all she was impressed by the story we’d written together that she wanted to read. I’d promised Suzi it was our story but I wanted to share it. In the story I was the female delicate butterfly and Suzi was the loveable lion who had first met her when she perched on his nose. She liked me to paint her as soft and cuddly with big paws and not as an aggressive lion.

‘Sarah, I’m sorry but it’s mush really that was fun to write and was more like a children’s story. How can a lion and a butterfly fall in love?’

“Julie please. Suzi is such an interesting person. She has a boyish charm and is clearly in love with you. I promise I won’t tell anybody. It will be our secret but you should be proud. She probably helped you come to terms with your femininity. I’m pleased I have been able to help you recently but you really ought to pick up where you left off. ”

By now it was 1 am and we were both wide awake so we opened the refrigerator and I opened two small bottles of wine. Sarah finished the story that was some twenty or so chapters long with each chapter written in turn by Suzi and I. She had a strange look on her face and tears again appeared. Sarah felt we were using the story to experience an internet courtship and we were obviously able to play the male and female roles in reverse and let our feelings for each other come out.

‘ Julie, Send her a reply. Do it now. Tell her you love her and accept her offer to talk on Skype.’

‘I can’t. She’d see I am not who she thinks I am and anyway I don’t have Skype on my computer.”

“Don’t be silly. You don’t buy Skype you just register for it and make up a name. It’s free. You can talk to people and even see each other. It’s free to make calls. It has the option of being used like a phone or you can video conference and see each other. Don’t worry you choose whether or not to switch the video on. So she doesn’t need to see you. Well not to start with anyway.”

“ I’ll think about it.”

‘Come on Julie. Do it this minute. Go for it girl. Send her a message before you go to sleep. Make her day tomorrow when she wakes up.”

I agreed just so I could switch off the computer and get some sleep. So I let Sarah read it after I made the draft.

‘ Hi Suzi,
How amazing that we were both looking for our star. I have missed you and I’m so sorry if I have hurt you but I have really wanted to let you see me and to see you.
I am in Tuscany and just saw Andrea Bocelli performing in the open air and guess what? He sang ‘Dare to Live’ with Luisa. It was wonderful and I stood up to cheer at the end. I was picked up on the big screen and invited to meet them. You were right. There is a similarity between Luisa and I. It was strange. She was really kind.’
If you wish to write I’m very happy. But please give me time to be more open with you about some skeletons in my cupboard.’
I’m sorry if it’s too late and you already found someone else.
I’m not quite the person you think I am. So please try to help me and be patient. I’m happy to set up Skype to explain and my best friend has told me I have been stupid to push you away.
Will you ever forgive me?
Big Hugs and Love
Julie xxx
I sighed. Looked across at Sarah who had been watching me type until I sat back. Then she said ‘Press the bloody button.’
I shut my eyes and pressed send. Then I shut down then I went to clean my teeth and hoped I wouldn’t regret it.
I climbed into bed and Sarah put her arms around me to give me a hug. I returned the favor. I felt nervous but we were both tired that we were soon fast asleep.
Sarah was first to wake up. She ordered coffee since no facilities in the room. I hid as it was delivered out of shyness.

‘Come on then see if you got a message back from Suzi.”

I started up and sure enough there was a message.

‘Hi Jules,
Wow. Wow, Wow. How wonderful to hear from you at last. How amazing to hear you saw Luisa. I am on my way to Milan to see her show on Saturday night. Where exactly are you? I can get another ticket. Why don’t you meet me or I’ll divert to find you. I have never got you out of my mind.
Of course we can Skype but not whilst I’m on the road. I need a hotspot.
And don’t worry I’ve still got a hotspot for you. So don’t apologize. It’s never too late. I’ve been praying for this day.
Send me a reply or a text message. Better still call me please. You have my number. Call my mobile and I’ll pull over or call you when I stop or even when I arrive at mums. She still lives outside Milan near Lake Como. You should come to see the lake. Bring your friend. I hope you are not lovers..
I’ve got so much love to give you. Please save yourself for me.
Don’t you see that I’m still mad about you. I can never put you out of my mind. Whatever I find out about you it doesn’t matter. Please ‘it’s never too late.’.
Oh I love you my sweet Julie.
Your one and only,
Suzi xxxxx

Sarah was over my shoulder by now and so I got a bit embarrassed. She hadn’t been able to wait for me to read it out.

‘See I was right. Something inside me tells me she knows more than you think she knows.”

“How can you tell? “

“Female intuition. It’s a skill you have too but you are not a 10 yet so we might need to work on a bit.”

Do you have her number? Come on girl wake up. As soon as we had breakfast you can call and we can then sit and adjust our plans. You have to meet her. I can get home on my own. Come on girl we have a lot to do and we might just treat you to a bit of pampering before you both get together.

But Sarah I can’t. I’m a man not a woman.

Too late. You declared your intent so now it’s time to man up or should I say man down and let Julie take full control.

……………………………………………