by Bailey Summers
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…
I was never ever normal, I never felt normal and I think that most people feel that right? I’m from Toronto and I’ve gotten out of there. I got out of high school this Summer and I got accepted to the University of British Columbia. In truth I had to get out of there, Mom and I don’t get along and neither do me and my sister. Both of them are those real city girls. They want to be treated with respect but they don’t do a damned thing to earn it.
Honestly they make me want to hate them. Catherine, or Kate or Kat depending on who she’s smoozing is that girl. Upper middle class, good looking enough to be popular, we had enough money….(grr) to stay at the head of the trends. Too cool to be a cheerleader, she was very popular in school because…because she was Kate and that’s the way it just was and the way it should be.
You went to school with girls like her. Dated the college guys in high school, analyzed everything about a guy. Hair cut, clothes, shoes, watch, car and the brands and names he wore.
So yeah, I kinda hated her guts.
Mom was just like her and then some.
Dad died when I was thirteen, massive heart attack but he was a lawyer and had good insurance and had set up for us to be taken care of. Mom and Kate and I had stipends care of set up trust funds. The mortgage was taken care of, but a lot what was left they spent. And they spent their trusts they got lawyers and took a penalty on the money to get their hands on all of it as much as they could. They blew through theirs as fast as they could and were always bent on getting mine. When I wouldn’t sign off on it they didn’t really have much of a use for me.
It wasn’t a lot, but it was. Fifty dollars a week can get a teenager into a lot of trouble. I was heading into that for awhile getting into the wrong crowd until it hit me that my best way out and away from my family such as it was would be to get a scholarship and get as far away from them as possible.
Truth is I’m as scared as much as I’m relieved. I’m really packing, packing everything I can take with me of mine that has the least bit of importance to me. I’m going to be living off campus through an ad in the online version of the Vancouver Sun. I ended up calling the guy who’s an older guy who needs someone to take care of the property. It’s an apartment on the property that used to be an old garage, the pictures looked good though.
I take stuff of dad’s too. His tools that he barely used but he still wanted to do things with his hands. His old clothes, My sister pitched a bit of a token fix but her and mom realizing that trying to sell his stuff would be more work than they were prepared to deal with.
Mom did give me his motorcycle. She did love dad and she said that he always wanted to go on a road trip with me. My sister got his car and before I was packed into the moving van she had it sold…she sold a mint rebuilt ‘55 Pontiac with suicide back doors for twenty three thousand dollars. I know Dad had put more into that rebuilding it.
Getting out of Toronto in a large rental moving van was the hardest part of the trip west. I left at the start of the summer as soon as I was ready.
Mr. Robinson’s place was kind of nice but it was also kind of a dump too. It was a big three story house with a big yard in the front and the back all really overgrown. The lawn was mowed but that was all. There was a lot of neglect here, peeling paint, stuff needing fixed or replaced.
He came out to meet me and he was a big guy, in his fifties and well built. He said he got the place to have somewhere here in Vancouver because he traveled a lot and he wanted someone to look after the place. He was a surveyor and did request work only now but he was still a busy guy. I guess I turned out to be alright because he showed me the apartment overtop of the garage and helped me move my stuff out of the truck and into the bottom floor. He said he’d cut me some slack on the rent in exchange for me working at taking care of the place. I said sure. Hey, I’m a new student and needed the money.
It took about a week to get my things sorted and to start with the yard work that seemed an endless cycle of clipping and raking and hauling things to the composter.
Classes soon started after that and I was taking mostly art courses, literally. I know it’s lame to a lot of people but I was a bit of a geek, into comics and graphic novels and erotica even especially some of the mixed gender stuff. It called to me, I even surfed a few of those TG sites but mostly as a lurker, even glanced at some of those TG porn sites and really kind of felt lost, like some kind of freak, pervert and alone.
I guess that’s why I fell back into partying again and getting into the wrong crowd. I guess I wanted to feel all tough guy, all hyper masculine and stuff and I hooked up with a couple of girls but left them for the next fuck that came along. In truth I kinda started to become a douche bag.
Steve and Danny and Chris were my running buddies and we partied together and we were really hammered one night when Steve takes us to teach some faggot he heard of a lesson.
The house was close to where I lived and was one of those two story rambling houses with a walled brick courtyard and a wooden door in place of the gate. We boosted each other over the ten foot wall and in a drunken fit of idiocy we trashed the place. It was a hell of a nice place decorated like it was right out or the orient.
That’s when things all went to hell, or heaven…it was when things changed….
She came out of nowhere and took all four of us on using kung fu or something and I remember getting thrown a few times and the sound of breaking bones and the cries of the guys and seeing them running away. Then I remember her foot under my chin, knocking me silly.
***
I woke up and I was tied up. I was naked and tied up almost hog tied by this silken black rope and I was inside on this hardwood floor. She was in a chair staring at me sipping something in a china tea cup.
Five seven, Chinese with long black hair and the biggest most lovely eyes I’ve ever seen. She was dressed in a Chinese dressing gown but under it I could see her perfect body encased erotically in dark green lingerie. She slid fluid-like to her feet and moved like sex itself to me and pulled my from my side to my knees and I could seen under her underpants the unmistakable shape of a cock and balls.
I ached, I got so turned on I ached.
I had only seen someone like her on porn ads but none of them were as breathtaking as she was. She gave off this look of sympathy and of control, of wantonness and this almost begging for it in a totally unspoken way but all tied together with this hard sexy control and…dominance.
She stared ay me and it was like those sultry sexy eyes were searching me, looking in my soul. It …this…the reality of what she was and the feelings that she seemed to get boiling inside of me…it…it… struck something inside of me. Broke this dam, I never knew was there and it was so deep and visceral that it was like she was shattering who I was with just the way she was looking at me.
I couldn’t look away, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and she was pulling on that something in me just by staring at me for the longest time it seemed. “Look at me.” It was a begging plea, it was a whip crack command.
I looked at her and something broke inside me. She was like gravity to me and I was falling. I knew… “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” I sobbed over and over my head sinking to the floor and nearly falling over again. She let out this sexy sigh.
“I was going to leave you outside like this for the police. But I couldn’t be that cruel. Why, why are you so sorry? You guys are never sorry unless you’re in serious shit.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I..I didn’t want them to know…I didn’t want to know!”
“Know what?….what was this bad secret huh?”
I cry for a few minutes, or a long time I don’t know which.
“You…I can’t get rid of these feelings…”
“You’re attracted to me?”
I nod…. I can’t help but still cry though, still ashamed. “I’m not gay….” I’m not really convincing even to myself.
“Gay’s just some stupid word, it’s not what you are, it‘s not who we are. Hey who we are sexually is just a part of ourselves. Can you tell me about it?”
I shake my head no. I can’t get it out. It’s like my feelings are tearing me apart and I’m actually thankful for the ropes holding me together. She pulls my head to her lower abdomen and holds my head there and I’m crying.
“ Oh fuck, I know that pain, It’s more than that isn’t it? More than being gay?”
I nod. After a few seconds I gasp/sniffle out. “I’ve always felt off and as soon as…as soon as I really seen someone like… you I just…I just knew.”
“That you’re like me yes?”
I wail, crying freaked out and scared more than I’ve ever been in my life. “God…oh god…oh fucking god…..! H..hh..how’d you know!”
She knelt and rubbed my back gently, sweetly. Then she lifted my face to look at her. God she’s so beautiful it hurts…It hurts so much. I’m aching to be like this…like her. Those eyes are full of compassion and there’s this sweetness in her smile. “I know because around seven years of so ago, I was you. I was going through the same thing.”
I nod. “I just know, I just…I want to be like you….I want to feel, the smooth skin, the lace and satin, I want to be beautiful…. Help me…Please Help Me.”
She reached down to my chin and guided my head up to look at her nails alone. She stared in my eyes for the longest time and I stared back lost. “You’ll do everything I say?”
I nod.
“You’ll clean up the damages?”
“Yes…anything…”
“You are going to school?”
“Yes, I take art at UBC.”
“You’ll have to keep up your marks, and any other obligations that you still have. If I’m going to teach you, train you and take you where I am in my life I don’t want you to dishonor me by throwing things that are important in life away for this. There’s a balance in all things. Do you understand me?”
“Yes….”
“Sasha, you will call me Sasha and you are?”
“Jamie, Jamie Blake.”
“Good…good, now we’ll see.”
Sasha reaches past her panties and pulls herself free of it. All those rumors of Orientals having little dicks are wrong or at least in this case they’re wrong. Thinner than a north American one I think but she’s a good hard nine inches long. She guides her cock you my mouth and my lips and runs the head over my lips a few times. I’m nervous and scared and still tied up. “Come Jamie, show me where you’re at, show me what you can do.”
She strokes my face, my neck with her long nails and the ropes have me in this grip and I’ve never been so horny in my life. I part my lips and push forward with my mouth and try and keep my teeth out of the way. Her nails and fingers slide through my hair and the breathy gasp takes me heart and soul into what I’m doing…what I’ve had wet dreams of doing and I suck on Sasha’s perfect cock. The first cock I’ve ever sucked and I try, I really try. I cum when she does and I’m not able to take all of it and some runs down my cheek and chin to my throat and body.
“Down…” she whispers and guides me until my forehead touches the floor. I feel her walk around me her fingertips tracing over my skin in patterns I can’t imagine fully but I swear can feel. I feel something slip into my hole, it’d something nozzle like and there’s a squirt of cold. Then I feel a finger slip into me…I’ve never had anything inside of me and this…I moan and gasp with the pain, the stretching of flesh. It changes into this friction that feels. It feels good in a way I don’t know, never felt and right on the edge of something else.
I feel her finger move inside of me until there’s this touch inside me. Electric but not…so good and…she presses that and rubs…the inhaling “Uuoooh…Oh!” wavery, whimpery higher pitched moan that comes out of me is like no sexy sound I’ve ever made as that buried part of me gets to take her first breath. There’s a few more of those breaths and that feeling getting stronger as one finger had become two.
I gasp and give out this breathy whine when Sasha takes her hand out of me. I feel her hands digging in and grabbing those silken ropes and the sudden firmness leaves me feeling vulnerable. Vulnerable and helpless in the best way possible. I feel Sasha position herself at my entrance, she rubs the rubber sheathed head in and around almost pushing it in, almost a dozen times rubbing.
“Please, please, please Sasha…Please fuck me…I need it…” I’m begging, I know I need it as much as I’m terrified of getting filled…
I feel Sasha push into me and guiding me with those handfuls of silk rope she send her cock into me right along the path to that spot inside of myself…I kind of tighten then just something gives inside of me letting her sink deeper than deep than deep until I scream out the loudest grisliest sound of pleasure and pain I’ve ever had.
And I don’t stop. I can’t stop as she’s in total control over me and My face is sideways on the hardwood and my chest on the floor too, my back bent backwards and my butt in the air held up by my knees as Sasha fucks me.
It’s not violent, it’s not. It’s sweet and fine and steady but she is in complete control of the sex and in a way of me as regular Jamie gets stripped away and there’s only this raw other me left screaming her heart out as she’s being reborn in these so pleasurable orgasms.
It’s over far, far too soon. I’m weak and spent and crying and panting and then I feel the cold steel of a knife sliding over my skin and Sasha cuts me free with an oriental dagger.
“Stand up Jamie.”
I shakily get to my feet, god my insides are still trembling from her taking me. I hurt and tingle from the ropes. Sasha stands all oriental fluid grace and running her hands over my body leaving gooseflesh. She takes one of my nipples into her mouth and those plump lips covered in that lip paint feels so…and her sucking in so insistent and then the tip of her tongue does things to my nipple and I shiver, choke out a whine as it feels so good…too good, she does the other one then kisses me, slipping me tongue in the most sensuous kiss I’ve ever had.
“Not bad…you have the real instincts Jamie, the temperament too but there’s so much you have to learn.”
She sinks to her knees staring at me the whole time, her lips never leaving contact with my body but those eyes, they’re screaming obey me and begging please let me at the same time. She takes my cock in her hand and she nuzzles it, like a pet, like her best friend then her eyes flicker back up to me and she’s hungry. I literally can’t stop the hard on she gives me. Then she smells it like a cigar, runs her smooth cheek over it until I reach her lips. She licks her lips then goes down in one clean gesture but her lips create this seal around me but her tongue cradles the underside of my cock and I feel every inch of her taste buds under me.
She rubs her nose against my pubic bone and she closes her throat around me and bobs her neck but…but…her tongue moves counterpoint to her throat and then she pulls backwards and sucks on me like a straw and crying I fall and she helps me back to the ground never stopping sucking the cum from my body…I swear there’s no spurts just one long continuing stream of orgasm.
Sasha pulls up and away from me. “You’re clothes are in the bathroom over there Jamie. You’re going to fix all the damages and keep your school work up, I want to see a B average. I’m giving you a week, a week to really think about if my life, if being like me is really what you want.” She gestures at a doorway.
“It’s …” she puts her hand over my mouth and gives me this kind and honest look. It changes her, it changes her so much. Like a switch from this sexy goddess to this sweet soulful and vulnerable but strong too.
“A week Jamie, promise me a week.”
“Okay, I promise…”
She walks away from me into another part of her house swaying and once more this almost dream of sensuality.
Chapter 2
I left Sasha’s house and walked home stiffly, strangely…I hurt all over sort of still from being tied up and walking only reminded me of Sasha having taken me. God it felt so good, it felt so right to be held like that and to get fucked hard but gently and irresistibly.
I’m aching for more and hard by the time I get home. I crawled into my bed and curled up pulling my pillow against me and crying. I’m not sure what I was crying for, that this just happened to me and I hated it and was ashamed or that I loved it and was ashamed.
Sleep came fitfully to me and twice vivid dreams of Sasha taking me washed through me and making me reach down and stroke myself until I cried out in relief.
The rest of the week went poorly for me. I had a hard time concentrating in my classes. It was like this switch had been thrown in my head. Not a little switch either but a switch like the breaker in your fuse box. I watched the girls around me in this sort of aching jealous fantasy and daydreamed about what if.
What if I were them.
I spent I don’t know how many hours thinking. Soul searching over this and whether or not this was what I wanted.
I went to the university library and looked up tons of stuff on human sexual behavior, to look up things about why?
My dad died when I was young, my mother and sisters were manipulative bitches of the first order. Does that mean I have daddy issues? Do I think that being this…being like Sasha was part of that? I’m not sure even now…then.
I looked at website after website and there were things that turned me on and there were things that really turned me off. It was becoming oddly clear though, I didn’t want to be a girl, not fully…I wanted to actually be a she-male, a lady boi, seductive, seduced, beautiful but both…The more I watched and read the more it became certain.
The more I dreamed of Sasha and of being like her.
Horny? Like you wouldn’t believe. I masturbated every day, several times a day but it was the third day I sort of broke down and went looking in some of the adult toy stores and spent too much on some gels and lubes, soothers and a very realistic looking dildo with a suction cup base. Humiliated god yes. I was so nervous and scared and out of place buying all of these things. I don’t even remember the clerk of what they looked like I was so nervous and scared and kept my head down the entire time.
It didn’t help me that night when I start having my fantasies and lubing up and kneeling at the foot of my bed I sank myself down on the dildo painfully at first still so unused to being opened up but I slowly sand down on it and waited and breathed hanging onto the foot of my bed until I grew used to the feeling of hard stiff fullness inside as my body reacted to the invasion… waiting until it felt right and I moved slowly at first and in ten fifteen minutes I was bouncing on it, up and down off of my calves until I came hands moving to hang onto the bedposts and crying out….. “Sasha…..”
Did I want to be like her?
God yes, I wanted it, needed it and I’m sure It’s been that one thing that’s eluded me and kept me from being happy in my life. Lying in bed afterwards sweaty, but feeling this deeply satisfied flush like nothing I’d know before this. I fall asleep to beautiful and vivid dreams.
I new I was in pain, I knew it but I thought it was just y’know growing up stuff. Losing Dad and just sort of faking that whole fitting in thing…But this, this was like Sasha showed me the wound. I don’t want to be wounded, hurting, broken anymore.
There was a large part of me sort of soothed by that and it helped me through the parts of the week when I wasn’t in class or obsessing over who I was inside and wanting to be like.
My social life was talking class notes in the halls or the café on campus I’d go home rather than party and I’d study and write but also lose myself in the yard work a bit.
It didn’t take long really for the week to pass. I went home and showered and took one of my boxes of tools to Sasha’s house and I knocked on the doors. Oh god I was nervous.
Sasha opened the doors and my heart had stopped. She was dressed in this simple aerobics gear. Hair loose and she still looked perfect and smelled so good, Opium perfume my favorite…most guys stuff like that’d never register much less stick with. But I’m not really like them am I?
“Jamie, please come in. I’ve been wondering if you’d show.”
“I said I’d come back and fix the damages.”
“You did, but that’s not why I was wondering.”
“I know.” My mouths gone dry.
“Well come in, I just got through working out, we can have tea.” She gave me this inviting, earnest smile and she turned and swayed into her house. Everything about her made me ache and feel just, turned on, hot but also so uncomfortable in who I am. I could feel the me I thought I was. Thought I had to be sticking to me like layers of heavy disgusting clay. I walked into her home and followed her to the kitchen admiring the décor of far east mixture with tasteful Native American art and some middle eastern art as well.
Her kitchen is as nice as the rest of her house and she goes about making tea with a great looking antique kettle as she takes out this jar of green powdered tea. I watch her heat and pour and whisk away with this little bamboo whisk. I can’t help but to sit on a stool at the kitchen island and marvel at her so intense beauty, how exotic she is and the fluid simple grace.
I wasn’t aware of the tears until she gently reached over and wiped those tears away from my cheeks. There’s this look I’ve never gotten from anyone before there in her eyes. Understanding, warmth, care.
“You’ve thought about this then?”
“I…I…I don’t think I’ve thought of much else…”
“Your classes?.”
“No, those are good, I like what I’m taking, even like the campus.”
“Yeah I liked UBC here when I went.”
“You have your degree?”
“Bachelor’s of Science degree in anthropology.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“It was messed up for me. I wasn’t myself then so it was going to be when I got out of school a marine biology degree as an excuse to surf. Then I had my realization and ended up thinking that I had to switch to psychology but that never sat well with me putting people in classifications and little boxes. I turned to anthropology where you really study people.”
“Kind of makes my art classes seem lame.”
“Art’s a vital thing to any culture Jamie, it reflects the world around us, shows us beauty and sometimes truth even if we don’t like the truth it shows us.”
“I..I noticed you’ve got a lot of nice pieces here.”
“I collect, but just things that touch me, and them there’s the art that pertains to my people.”
“I don’t mean to be insulting but that’s…? I…I…can’t tell.”
“Well that’s my thing. Uhm ethnically I’m Métis-Native and Chinese in decent but I’m a fifth generation Canadian. But… Culturally…I’m Mahu.”
“Mahu?”
“It’s from the natives of French Polynesia, it’s the term they use for those who are part of what I call the third gender. Some call us She-male, or Reirei or lot’s of other terms but culturally we show up all over the world.”
“Like ladyboi’s?”
“That’s Thai and that’s not the same exactly. I and others like me live as women, love being female, we identify with women and there are parts of being female we need to have as part of us. But I’m not a transsexual, I’m not transgendered. I’m happy just as I am now.”
I sip the tea, it’s good but so strange. Good I think, I’ve only ever had that green tea they have in stores, you know the mass market stuff. The thing is, I’m getting settled in talking like this. I sort of feel like that. I want to be like Sasha, silky, beautiful, and yet I can honestly say I want that but to lose my equipment below…no thanks…It’s like really…It’s like coming home to a place where someone actually speaks your language.
With the tea there’s an uncoiling of some knot inside me.
“I think that’s exactly the way that I feel only I’ve never had words for it before.”
“Good, but are you really sure Jamie, it’s not a easy thing that you’d be choosing just look what happened here with my house last week.” Her gaze over her tea cup is direct and yet filled with so many honest emotions. I lower my head.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life Sasha.”
“Well then we should get started.”
“How?”
“Movement and sensuality is first.” she takes aside our cups. “Come with me.”
“But the repairs?”
“We’ll get to those now come with me.”
I follow her and we go upstairs to this elegant bedroom, like English Victorian but if it was from when they were in Hong Kong. “This is beautiful, how to you afford it all?”
“Sex.”
“You’re a…”
“I’m a courtesan, not an escort or a hooker but a courtesan and I get paid very well for being that. I’m a lot like a North American Geisha. But without all the finely honed pomp and such. Here get undressed.” We’ve stopped in her bathroom.
I nervously undress. I’m very aroused, she smiles and walks to me and takes my hard on in her hand…stroke me gently with silken fingers. “Well first things are first.” She kisses me then her lips trail down my body stopping only to suckle my breasts and she then goes down on me with that unbelievable skill she has with her mouth and lips, tongue and throat as she treats it like the best treat she’s ever wanted and yet she’s in total control too.
Her eyes show me wanton begging need and this you are mine forcefulness all at the same time. I don’t last long, I’m crying out her name and soon she’s standing again gliding to her feet and smiling.
I’m going to pass over her teaching me how to clean myself out. Then a bath with me applying this very subtle cream that numbs my skin and remove all of my body hairs. She paints this on my face a few different times.
“What is this stuff?”
“It’s a Chinese herbal extract it acts like Nair but it’s diluted and a lot less hard on your skin. I use it because you can do your face with it in layers taking hairs away a bit at a time.”
“Is it permanent?”
“No. But it lasts a long time about three months. But we’ll work with the lasers to take care of them as we go.”
“Okay….”
It’s soak and let it work then Sasha makes us a drink, this funky green misty looking stuff that tastes very strange. I’ve got a light but strange buzz by the time I’m done mine. “What was that?”
“Absinthe.”
“Isn’t that?”
She nods, smiling a little wickedly. “Yes it is, but it’s very good in moderation.”
After that it’s washing my hair, and having her doing that feels so good. She uses things I though were only for girls and then it’s moisturizing and learning how. It feels so good having her touch me, show me how to do these things and smelling nice, with silky skin and soft hair I feel a lot more free than ever before.
A touch of make up just some on my lips, and around my eyes but with my hair it looks…right.
It looks even more right as she sinks lubed fingers into me while I’m in front of the mirror and fingers me until I’m loosened enough for her to sink into me…I groan, it hurts still a little in this good way but watching her as beautiful as she is and me looking like I’m supposed to and watch myself, getting taken and the look on my own face, in my own eyes as I see, as I’m confronted by the real Jamie Blake.
Then there’s more lovemaking on her bed. Sasha pinning me to the bed, me crying out with these little femmy cries as she turns me out and makes me submit. After I rest she get’s us another “Green-Faerie.” and She shows me how to clean myself up after that.
Then there’s a thing, It’s what they call a butt plug and after some lubing again she sinks it into me. It hurt for a bit then. Faded to this, just this feeling of fullness and strange hardness.
“This will help you walk, you’ll be very aware of your movements and the swivel of how you will move. You’ll take it out and get it clean every time you need to use the bathroom and will keep it inside you all the time until I tell you not to.”
“Uhm…Okay.”
I squirm a little and feel it. Then comes the corset. I know what it is and after a nice slip, top goes on it comes next. It’s hard to breathe and to move. Panties are next then just some normal clothes.
“I thought there’d be more frills? Y’know more cross dressing?”
“Jamie, you’re not really a boy, so it’s not cross dressing it’s just dressing. Besides you’ve got work to do.”
“Oh..” With everything I had forgotten.
The rest of my night was actually that, being girled out or just…me? And as it is she’s correcting me on my movements and I’m getting used to the corset and I’m trying to get used to the plug, my body can’t though, it doesn’t hurt but It’s like I have to sway inside around it?
She puts on some music, and she makes a pizza dough just brushed with pesto and garlic and arugula a shallot diced up then shaved fresh parmesan over it and with a few more drinks she instructs me in eating like a girl, careful with manners and without someone to yell at me or to say something rude It’s second nature to me. Just the way I’d naturally do it I guess.
I’ve still more work to do but it’s late. “I think that’s enough for tonight Jamie. It’s the weekend and I have clients so I will see you Monday for supper, everyday during the week.”
“You need to start to look at buying more clothes or saving for them and I’ll help you shop. The first thing you need are more corsets, then we’ll work on the rest. It’s a good start Jamie….You’re going to be more lovely than you know honey, I can already see you in there under all of this.”
She kisses me and it’s not on the cheek either and she closes the door. I’m in a really almost stunned, surreal, but good place in my head as I walk home and lock up and wash off my make up and fall into bed spooning one of my pillows, feeling…Feeling like I’m free and happy for the first time in so long. I can still smell her perfume on my body taking me away.
There’s a few happy tears as I drop away into a deep, deep, sleep. The best in ages.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 3 & 4.
Chapter 3
I wake up with my alarm and I get up…whoa…I’m really feeling the uhm Plug. It feels weird getting out of bed and moving around with it and I cough trying for that first morning breath being constrained by the corset. I got up and took it off and use the bathroom and take my other friend with me. It’s got a handy sucking base for it and I get cleaned up and do my necessaries then by the time I’ve been thinking about it I re-lube and tried placing it in a good place in the shower but abandoning that I go back to my spot at the foot of the bed after I’ve set down two folded over towels so that it doesn’t hurt my knees so bad this time.
I’m still so new to all of this but there’s this feeling that settles into you as there’s this just sexy, kinky, sinful way that it feels all that hard yet soft molded silicon. It’s better than my sex with myself used to be and I don’t even need a manual assist to get me off it and the intense fantasies do that for me.
Another shower and more clean up and I resettle the plug and I put the panties back on from last night and put the corset back on and pull it tight, it’s awkward but it feels worth it and then I take off for my Saturday morning classes. I notice both all day, especially as I have a lot of stairs to use during the day. My hair’s loose and I’m in boy mode but I keep getting looks every once in awhile.
I think that they can see the corset and I am walking funny, no strike that different than before. I know that some of the looks are people trying to figure out boy or girl. And for whatever strange psyche reason that has me smiling.
I spend this two hour span around lunch before my last class in the courtyard with a large green tea, I’ll admit to just starting to drink and it’s pretty good. I ordered it in a light voice, trying for girl…the trick is breathy, guys voices tent to force the air out more and I never realized that women’s voices were like that unless really excited or mad.
I people watch and sketch them mostly the girls, trying to soak in the culture they seem to have all their own. Again more looks from some passers by. Two from guys when I’m lost in sketching, my hair falling in my face now and then. I think I’m being checked out. Very scary, very I don’t know, arousing. I lift my cup to find it empty and give it the old shake and a sigh before setting it down.
“Can I get you a refill?” A male voice asks. I look up, tall and lean, tanned with brown hair and brown eyes, just a t-shirt on and jeans his books with him in a backpack and a laptop.
“Sure, I’m Jamie.”
“I’m Tommy.”
“Tommy, cute it suits you.” Am I flirting with him?
He blushes, I made him blush… I bite my lower lip. “Tommy?” I say as he’s heading for the coffee kiosk. “Yes Jamie?”
“I’m not female.” I don’t look away if anything I sit a little straighter, no not sexually straight If anything kind of like the way the other girls would, that cat like leaning forward. I look at him in the eyes and see him doing at recheck of everything he seen.
“But you act like a girl?”
“I am a girl.”
“Uhm…I…., look I’ll be right back.” He could have just bailed but he leaves his stuff at my table. I watch him go. He’s a big boy, six three, two hundred pounds, long legs but in the guy way, I’ve noticed mine being on the thin side. He’s got a broad back, looks strong he comes back with two cups. “Green tea right? That’s what the girl said you were drinking.”
“Thanks Tommy, You could have bailed.”
“Hey, I offered you a refill, I’d be an ass if I didn’t follow through.”
“I guess, but a lot of people wouldn’t care.”
“I’d care, that’d be messing with my word.”
“That’s really cool of you.”
He shrugs and blushes and looks at me. “So you’re not a woman?”
“I said I’m not female, there’s a difference.”
“I’m not following, I’m just a poor guy from rural Saskatchewan.”
“Oh, farm boy then?”
He rolls his eyes and takes a drink of his coffee. “I always get that y’know. I’m actually from a lumber town which is kind of the same thing. I mean we farmed home but it was always for our own needs kind of thing. You know what I mean?”
“Nope, I’m a city girl anything farmy for me came from the store.”
“Oh, well we had some animals mostly for our own meat and milk and eggs and just a really big garden.”
“Must have been nice.”
“Oh it was now that I’m seeing the prices for stuff here, it’s why I’ve started my own.”
“You have a yard that the landlord will let you garden?”
“No, but I’ve got a nice place I guess with lots of windows and I planted some stuff inside.”
“I’ve never actually met anyone who’s done that before.”
“I’ll show you if you want.”
“I’d like that. Tommy? Why aren’t you weirded out by me?”
“Oh, I sort of am. I mean are you gay?”
“I don’t know, I like to look at girls sexually sometimes but looking at guys that way is new to me too.”
“Oh…?”
“I’m just coming out, I’m Mahu?”
“What?”
“He-she, lady-boi, she-male…” I duck my head and blush. He’s taking another drink of his coffee and smiling. “What?”
“Oh I was just thinking that sometimes you get what you wish for.”
“You wished for me?”
“No not exactly but it’s why I came out here to go to school. I wanted to get out of Bellville and actually see the world and meet all sorts of different people. And no offence Jamie but by my towns standards your definitely different.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“It is to me, home was choking me under the small town bullshit and all the stereotypes and just getting put into another one of their boxes. I should have taken a trade, married a local girl then buy a place or build one and settle down at the age of twenty and start living my life. It felt more like be like the rest of us and we’ll still love you…don’t get better than us or that won’t stand.”
“Sounds like that’s happened already?”
“Second year here, I went home this summer and people were angry, they changed on me because I was the college boy. I got a lot of those people that just tossed that in my face, like they assumed I was trying to be better than them.”
“What’s wrong with wanting to change? I’ve just started this and It’s the most right thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“Bellville’s got about two and a half thousand people and it’s the big town in the area, we’ve even got us a Wal-Mart. They don’t like or want a lot of change there. There’s a lot of there’s nothing out there you need you can’t have here.”
“That sounds…it sounds like hell.”
“It was, I just couldn’t stay there anymore.”
“I’ve got to go Tommy, I’ve got one more class before I’m done for the day.”
“Me too what are you taking?”
“Intro to Amerindian art.”
“Sonnets.”
“Oh English major?”
“No, Architecture but I’m taking English as a minor. You’re an art student?”
“Yup, literally, it’s going to be my stock and trade. I drew my own comics and stuff back in high-school or tried, now I’m looking to open up my horizons.”
“I’ll see you later? Show you my garden?”
I look him over. “I’d like that. It was really nice to meet you Tommy…when?”
“After classes? I’ll make dinner?”
“Okay…it’s a date?”
He looks surprised at the idea, but there’s that look he had while going for my tea.
“Yeah it’s a date.”
“But…but…I’ve nothing to wear.” I’m joking and grinning but really I don’t.
“You look fine.”
I smile and grab my books and spend the afternoon’s last class riveted by the introductory materials and in intervals I’m thinking about Tommy and getting nervous, it could be bullshit of me walking into a gay bashing trap but not too.
I mean it’s Saturday and a lot of the meatheads that I was hanging out with don’t do weekend classes, that’d cut into partying. Besides Tommy really opened up to me…and that felt so…guys don’t do that, not with guys.
I get out of class and do a quick run to the student union store and I buy a bit of make up, a bit of lipstick and some nail polish, fake nails and fake lashes, deodorant, lotion and…condoms. I see him pacing in the courtyard and I come out and smile at him.
“Hey, I needed to get a few things. I don’t live too far from here can I just go get freshened up and stuff?”
“Hey, you wouldn’t be a girl if you didn’t right?”
“Thanks Tommy you’re a sweetheart.” He blushes, it feels really good to be able to do that.
We walk and talk about the area as we do. He’s in his second year so he knows a lot of the local stuff and he goes for another tea as I slip into the salvation army thrift store. I need some real clothes and I buy a couple of dresses that’ll fit I think, some shirts and a few jeans and a pair of Capri’s. Even at these prices this is going to run me a lot of money.
Tommy has this look on his face when I come out of the thrift store and takes some of my bags while passing me my tea.
That earns him a kiss on the cheek. He blushes again which is awesome. He even let’s me stop at the ATM and Take out some more money. I make one more stop to buy underwear and it’s still pretty expensive just for five black cotton panties. Haynes for her isn’t the cheapest but I’m not sure that I’d want to wear the really…really cheap panties.
Tommy is all sweet guy patient as I head home. I show him my place and head into the bathroom. I take a shower and get re-cleaned and lubed and put the plug back in them I put of some of the coconut and orange flower lotion, powder myself and take my time putting on my fake lashes, then the nails and paint them. I brush just a bit of foundation on where I think I could look smoother and add the lipstick. I’ve read TG stories and I know some stuff just from well not being an idiot…Make up isn’t the impossible thing you read in those stories. I mean just…Well I get a bit of a look going without looking like a clown but it’s not as good as it could be but I’m still proud of what I did get done.
I hop and tuck shimmy into a pair of these faded and worn boot cut jeans and…Wow…I mean…I’m still and a far cry from Sasha but I’m so not boy me. I toss on a scoop necked tee-shirt in powder blue and step out.
Tommy looks at me his face just showing surprise. “Wow…Jamie you’re…”
“I’m a girl?”
“Yeah….I mean…I…”
“I know what you mean.” I grab my back pack and toss the few things I need into it. I step up and slip my arm into his and smile at him. “Shall we?”
Chapter 4
Tommy has my arm in his and we walk all over the place as he shows me some more things but all of those little shortcuts through the neighborhoods around campus and we talk about some of the places.
It’s nice to get the tour and learn what little hole in the wall café has the best this and where the good second hand clothing places are and the bookstores. I groan as I see three textbooks I bought new that I could have bought for like fifteen bucks each. To make matters worse Tommy says the student bookstore won’t give refunds just store credit.
He hugs me and cheers me up by laughing and saying. “Next year Jamie, I’ll take you around and we’ll save some cash together and you can get some cash off your old books anyway.”
“Next year?” I turn to look at him. “What? We’ll still be dating then?”
He smiles, he’s got a cute smile. “We’re already friends Jamie. I keep my friends for a long, long time.”
I smile and kiss his cheek.
We’re still arm in arm when we get to his place. It’s this older building mostly brick with these big windows in it like it used to be something industrial at some point and he takes me up what was obviously a fire escape that got turned into stairs for the various apartments here. He lets me insides and it’s a loft space but it’s a poor loft space, exposed pipes, industrial wood floors that’ve been painted a couple times and a few cheap dividing walls set up. It could be so much more but then if it was it wouldn’t be affordable.
But it’s not all bad. Tommy has these bench tables by the windows and a few hanging planters and there’s some stuff I recognize just because of the stuff growing on the various plants, he shows me beans and peas and these trays of these stubby carrots and he grows lettuces and herbs and stuff too.
“You eat all of this stuff?”
“Yeah it’s pretty cheap and if there’s too much I’ll dry it or freeze it. I do a lot of juices too.”
“Wow, that sounds seriously healthy.”
He laughs and smiles. “Cheap, cheap’s the operative word Jamie, I just really got to buy a few things or more likely trade at the farmers market for a few things.”
“That’s more than I’d have though of.”
“Hey, I just started my own little farm and it grew over time.”
“It’s still really neat.”
I walk around checking things out. He’s got a lot of books, a lot of them. It kind of makes me want to read more. There’s a drafting table and all the measuring stuff and supplies for that in a corner where he’s got these great big prints in black and white of these gorgeous buildings, I love the sculpture of them but have no clue of what’s what even when he tells me and passes me a cooler one of those Canadian Club whisky ginger ale things. I have a few drinks and he’s going on about some sculptor like buildings over in Spain.
I take another drink and I look at Tommy.
“Tommy? Where’s this going to go?”
He looks at me, surprised and confused. “Go?”
“Yeah, you didn’t know I was like the way that I am when you walked up. If I was a regular girl would this be heading to something more than friendship?”
“I…I…uhm…Yeah…Probably?…sorry?”
“It’s okay, I get that but are you….did you write that idea off when you found out?”
“I…I…Uhm…”
I set the cooler aside and step to him and kiss him. I press against him and put my hand on his crotch and massage. It’s scary and dangerous but I know this is something I want if I can have it. I break the kissing.
“Tommy?”
“Huh…uhm…wha..?”
“Can I give you a blowjob?”
His eyes went huge and he’s staring at me and I stare back. I want him to see that I want him. My hand is still rubbing his crotch and he’s definitely hard, so am I but I’m tucked into my jeans and it hurts so good. I feel the pug though more than I have in hours as My body seems to clench around it.
He nods and lets out a breathless. “Okay…”
I kiss him again softly and sweetly and say. “Thank you.” this is where some one like me is different I think. GG’s have all sorts of hang ups and I don’t think guys get to hear stuff like that.
I kiss him again and sink to my knees and undo his belt, his jeans, pull down his zipper with my teeth and I look at him through my hair and the false lashes as I use my false nails to caress around his boxers and then get him out of them too.
Tommy’s got a real hunk of meat on him…I guess that’s what you’d call it. It’s growing in my hand hot with the blood being pumped there and he’s long and thick. He’s uncut so that’s new for me and I pull back the foreskin and take a few licks, look up and him, smile and wrap my lips around the bulb of the head and roll my head and suck hard… I let out a moan, of good, yummy…a few times actually letting him feel the vibrations from me doing that.
Tommy’s eyes go huge and he’s gasping already…I look at him paying more attention to his chocolate eyes as I inch him into me more and more. Watching him as I do that works past my gag reflex. It’s only difficult the first four or five times and it makes tears run out of my eyes. His hands wind into my hair, fingers gripping my skull.
I feel him losing control, that guy getting head needing to thrust thing…I close my eyes and just breathe through my nose when I can and relax my throat and let him…I give in and let him and it’s…God I feel so erotic and I can’t help the moans, I want the moans for him to hear…to hear myself as he pumps in and out of me stopping only as he cries out… “Oh fuck….Oh…Jamie…”
I pull back off or mostly and wrap my painted nails around his base and keep him from cumming. He whines… “Jamie…………” I smile and I suck him more, swivel just the head capture by my lips, taking him more and more into my mouth and throat them off, stroking him off hand job like as I stand and kiss him. “Bedroom…”
I try to make it that mix of demand and please. Tommy has to walk backwards but he takes me to his bedroom just some queen sized box springs and mattresses on the floor but that’s always been cool to me.
I know, I know this is whore like. But I don’t care, I feel good, free and a lot of people hook up like at my age. I mean high school was a lot like this for most of the people that I knew.
But maybe this is just me, finally being me.
I ease him to the bed and I sink to my knees and go right back to sucking and teasing him…getting the head of him so teased and sensitive he’s whining my name, begging me…“Let me cum Jamie, please, please let me cum.” When I finally get ready too I tell him breathily. “I’m ready Tommy, I’m ready give me your creamy seed, make me happy, watch me Tommy, watch me…”
He’s staring at me as I loosen my grip and I move my hand up his shaft and hold him steady as he cries out and I suck his creamy offering down thankful for all those times I partied and chugged beers.
Tommy passes out, well flops back on his bed and I pay attention to him until he’s hard again and I slip out of my clothes, remove my plug and crawl onto his bed until I’m where I can kiss him.
“Is this freaking you out?” I ask him.
“Yeah, no, yeah…I think I’ve just had the best blowjob of my life….” He looks me in the eyes for awhile and then kisses me back.
“I like you a lot Tommy, I like you and I just, just wanted to…”
He kisses me and I kiss him back and put the condom in his hand and he gloves up really fast and rolls me over onto my stomach and sinks into me. I’m more open than normal from the plug and the lube and he’s still wider and hotter, there’s nothing like the real thing.
I could get into all the porn like stuff but let’s just say it was good, really good I came twice just from him making love to me…I came once with him reaching around, that was the last one…and that wasn’t making love, that was Tommy using my until I he was done and I was crying and begging for more like I never thought I would and fell into the sheets spent, sated and exhausted. He even cuddled up to me and spooned sweetly soaking the bed in sweat and cum.
“Was…was that good, was I good.” He asks me.
“Good? You were fucking great…was this too gay?”
“Gay? I thought you said you were a girl?”
“I am but I’m a bit of a boy too.”
“I know, I know it’s okay though.” He reaches around and cups my balls lightly, it feels good and I moan. “It’s college we’re supposed to be open minded.” his hand leaves my balls to stroke over my stomach then hugs me for awhile.
What a great way to doze off, just still in that lovely place where everything just feels so right after being with someone. That and having them holding you tightly, just all of the good and no guilt, if anything it’s an affirmation of everything I feel I am.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 5 & 6
Chapter 5
I wake up and feel Tommy moving he’s getting out of bed and trying to do it without waking me. I feel good, actually kind of slutty…but in a good way?
“Hey…what’s up?” I ask as I roll over.
“Bathroom.” He slips off and I see him come back with a cup of coffee after five or six minutes. “Coffee?” I shake my head. “No, You…” I reach over and stroke him until he’d hard again, then apply a condom to him and take him into my mouth again.
I’m not a fan of the rubber flavor or texture but I get Tommy rock hard again. Then add some more lube to him and to myself. He coughs on his coffee a few times. “You want more?”
“God yes, Tommy.” I smile at him. “I want you to get a hard on whenever you think about me. I want you to want to find me and fuck me hard when the girl that you’re with next doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore…I want to be the girl you think of when you‘re alone and needing release…”
I bend over and press myself into the bed and wiggle my butt back and forth. It’s only seconds before his hands are holding my hips and he pushes inside me. I moan, and grip the bed sheets… “Oh god… fuck yes! Tommy, give me that big beautiful cock of yours.” some of it’s verbal foreplay, part of it’s me wanting him to really think of me that way. The rest is that sublime feeling of his thick heavy hot sex sinking into me. He goes in all the way in a long push.
There is something about it in that reptile part of my brain that responds, to feel that long hardness, the heat…my walls clamping around him and when I do I can feel the shape of him.
I am being a slut there‘s no other word for it, but I genuinely like him too. He was nice, funny, sweet and respectful to me. If he was just the average guy being an idiot no…but since it’s Tommy, and he’s that nice and sweet a guy…I really want to be his little whore.
Three condoms later and a long sultry blowjob and Tommy’s collapsed on the bed. “Holy fuck…Oh god, Jamie…Oh Jamie…I…I…I think it’s broken…”
I kiss him. “No it’s not you just had a really good night of sex….I’m just as worn out maybe more so but it the best of best ways Tommy, you really are a fantastic lover.” Honestly I think it’s true. It’s not like I’m that experienced but I know everyone likes to hear they were good for their lover.
We kiss some more and he gets up and kisses me and he goes to the bathroom again and comes bath with something girly and sweet on his skin. “I ran you a bath, in case you wanted it.”
“Lilacs?”
“Ex-girlfriends stuff she didn’t bother taking it with her.”
I get up. Ooooh sore, but like I told him in a good way. I look at his clock it’s 7:34 PM…four maybe five hours of fucking and dozing….it brings a smile to my face. “So am I a rebound girl?”
“Kind of.” Tommy looks embarrassed. At least he’s honest.
“Thank you Tommy.” I kiss him again but earnestly, a really good kiss.
“Uhm, why?”
“For being a good guy, for being honest with me.” I give him another, you’re awesome, you’re a good guy kiss. There’s this look in his eyes like he’s getting emotional. I know for a fact that guys, guys don’t get rewarded for stuff like that anymore…where’d all the good guys go? They’re still here girls…they’re just getting convinced we don’t give a shit about them anymore. Or anything they do…so why bother…girls today, women take just as much advantage over guys as guys do to them.
I give him his boy space, let him get control, we‘re not allowed to let go like that, it‘s socially conditioned into us, I wonder how that‘s going to work with me? . “And thank you for the bath…this is the first time anyone’s done anything so sweet for me.” I move off to the bathroom taking my things and I can sort of feel myself sway a little bit away.
The bath is pure joy, even though it’s stinging at first on my well treated bottom. But it’s my first bubble bath since I was five or so. I sink into it and dunk myself. Honestly, other than meeting, being with Sasha this is likely the best afternoon, evening of my life. I ease up out of the water and push the suds off of my face and hear music playing.
“Yellow” by Coldplay….one of my favorite bands and one of their better songs.
I soak and Tommy’s cooking because I can smell and hear it and there’s laundry on because I can hear a washer going. I take my time, lotion up, use some of his ex’s baby powder, reset my plug I walk out corset on. “Tommy can you lace me up?” He does and he’s gentle about it but it’s good and snug. “Mmm, this smells good what is it?”
“Oh it’s my secret grilled cheese recipe and tomato soup with a salad?” He’s asking about the salad as he’s reaching for his plants. I nod. God the soup smells really good, I cheat and take out a wooden spoon and take a taste. It bursts, like no tomato soup I’ve had before.
“Oh…Tommy this is really, really good. Why’d she break it off with you again? Stupidity tumor?”
“Allie, and I saw things differently when it came to what makes people happy. To her it was money.”
“A lot of girls like security Tommy.”
“It wasn’t so much security as money, She took out credit cards in my name and I cancelled them before she could run me into debt. She just saw me taking what she deserved from her. I mean she was with me and I guess that should have been enough for me to go down in debt for her. I was going to have a high paying job and all, I should have had to problem treating her like she deserved.”
I frown, oh I so don’t like this Allie, too much like my mother and my sister.
“My mother and sister are members of the I’m a girl so pay, pay, pay club.”
I take another taste of the soup. It’s really good, the only things I can make out though are the hints of roasted red pepper and butter or cream of both.
“I hate people like that, I hate women like that.”
I’m going to treat people better than that. I f-ing swear I’m going to treat people better than that.
Tommy makes this salad of several greens, pea shoots…I didn’t know they were edible, green beans and some peas, one of those stubby carrots, shaved thin and croutons made of diced leftover baked potato just oil tossed and roasted in the toasted over.
We eat on his floor by one of those great windows of his and with a few candles in a mason jar. Great soup, salad and these creamy spicy grilled cheese sandwiches while listening to some good music.
I help him clear up. “You don’t have to do this Jamie, you’re my guest.”
“I’m more than that I hope considering…” I smile at him then kiss him again. “Here, let me wash.”
I like doing this, there’s something homey and bonding in that boy girl way to doing dishes.
I look at the clock again. “It’s late, I should go Tommy.”
“You could stay.”
“Not tonight, I want you to think about this, about me okay?”
“Uhm, okay?” He sounds confused disappointed too.
“Here.” I write down my phone number and my e-mail and stuff on the notepad by his phone. “Call me sometime okay?”
“Okay?”
He walks me down to the street and we kiss. “At least let me call you a cab.”
“Sure, it is pretty late.” I kiss him again. “Thank you, this is really sweet of you.”
I get into the cab when it comes and he gives the cabbie my address and a twenty. “I…I had a great time Jamie, I’ll call you.”
“I had a great time too Tommy, you’re a great guy.”
The cab pulls away and I watch him watching me go. You can see it in there, him getting treated differently than usual. It’s just those little things I know firsthand. Getting told those things mean more than guys ever say. I like the way he walks upstairs a little taller…it makes me bite my lower lip a bit, I like that I might have done something good for his heart. I think Allie hurt him a lot and maybe others too.
Chapter 6
I get home and at about an eleven buck ride the cabbie’s happy for keeping the difference I still give him a tooney thanking him.
It’s late by the time I get inside and I go to bed and fall into a nice sleep. It’s a leisurely morning waking up, doing my new routine and I just spend most of my morning drinking coffee in my panties and my corset and one of my new girl tee shirts and study. I want to do better in this because, well just because. I write up a few papers to start with and throw in a sketch or two to kind of try to define what I’m seeing with jotted notes and arrows.
I find it funny in the art courses there’s so much book work and studying, there’s more of a cerebral thing to it than I thought. I thought things would be more hands on.
Needing a break I get into the Capri pants and I go down to the yard to just clean things up and garden a bit. I’m in my bare feet, I’m I guess bad for that. I like going barefoot, I’m not mowing or anything big just raking, clipping weeding and adding some mulch and some of that Miracle Gro stuff then it’s time for something to eat according to my tummy.
It’s just after lunch which was just microwaved vegetable soup and tuna right out of the can. It’s a nice day and I was going to sketch some when actually then it get’s better. My phone rings and I take it out and the call display shows Tommy Maguire. There’s this little feeling in my chest like a little burst of happy. He said he’d call and he did.
I answer the phone. “Hey handsome, Maguire huh, I’ll forgo the Jerry Maguire jokes.”
“Thanks I appreciate it.”
“Good, thanks Tommy.”
“Thanks‘?”
“For calling, you said you would.”
“Well I really try to do things when I say I’m going to.”
“Follow through is very sexy Mr. Maguire.”
“How sexy?”
“Well for me it’s right up there with being sweet and honest.”
“I want to see you again.”
“I’d like that, when?”
“Now?” I can’t help but laugh, it just bubbles out.
“Now? Tommy It hasn’t been that long since I was at your place.”
“Yeah I know but I’ve been thinking about you since then.”
“You have?”
“Yeah, how about we go out, I’ll take you shopping?”
“Shopping? I thought that you weren’t into all that stuff after Allie?”
“I still buy things, you need things you said and it’s Sunday.”
“And that means church?”
“Sunday afternoons are great times to hit the farmers markets and there’s a lot of yard sales.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.” I’m laughing again. “I’ll see you when you get here.”
I head upstairs smiling and as I hop into the shower, I don’t take long but god more and more stuff I need but don’t have. For wanting to be a girl, needing to be me, I really don’t have anything I really need. Lotion and powder and deodorant and I spray some into the corset before getting back into it and lacing myself tight as I can, I even exhale as I do it. I need to get more of these things, more of a lot of things.
I tuck and slither shimmy into a pair of faded jeans and a pink ladies Nike breast cancer charity tee-shirt. I just put a light bit of foundation on and was doing my lip stick when I here him knocking at my door. I look out the window and wave and grab my jacket and wallet and stuff a few girl odds and ends into my jacket pockets just like I did as a guy, only I like what I’m carrying in mine better.
I run down stairs and Tommy smiles at me and presents me with a cardboard box full of plants in tin cans with names on them. There’s mostly herbs but some chives and lettuces too.
“Oh…wow, this is cool Tommy.”
“Better than flowers?”
“I’ve never gotten flowers so I don’t know but I just love the idea of this.”
“So good?”
“Oh very good. Can you show me where I should keep these?”
He comes upstairs and he helps me find places for them in a few places and I like what they added to my place. I kiss him when we’re finished setting the ones up in the kitchen window pressing him into my counter. I rub with my hand until I feel him harden. I kiss him sweet and long one last time. “Can I give you a blowjob Tommy?”
“Uhm…yeah…”
“Good.” I softly purr leaning on him. “I like to, but it’s always polite to ask.”
I slither slide down him body. “Y..You like to?”
“Oh, yeah…Tommy, I’m me. I’m not those other girls, part of what makes me…well…me is I like sex, I like being sexual.” I stroke him and pull him out. “Oh hello handsome.” I smile and like I’m tasting my favorite treat I take him into my mouth and give him a long slow but very insistent blowjob. He has his fingers through my damp hair and I love it, I love taking him there and the eye contact…and the shiver through him as he lets loose. I don’t just swallow but I wrap my lips in a seal around his head and stroke as I chug him like a beer. There’s a lot of suction there and I hear him cry out “Oh fuck Jamie…” followed by him almost whining… “Oh god Jamie.”
Then he’s stroking my cheeks with his thumbs even with him still in my mouth and when I slip off of him he guides me up into a kiss. “Tommy maybe I should brush?”
“I don’t care.” He kisses me even after that and it’s intense and hungry and emotional.
We do brush our teeth and I fix my hair and make up quickly before we head out the doors and he opens the door to his truck. I smile because he deserves it. “Thank you.”
We drive out to Kitsilano and we hit these little stands under the tent tops and I stop on the way at the bank and pulling out some money from my accounts there. I have more access to the money Dad had left me now and I’ve got it parceled out by his lawyers for as long as I’m in school plus the small arts scholarship helped.
I feel a bit guilty though, I never really spent money other than when I was partying. Mom and Kate made me kind of sensitive to all that spending.
It takes me awhile to get used to being there and I’m getting some looks some nice but others questioning, a few hostile. I find some bath and beauty stands and buy some things and even get a few groceries that look interesting, a bit of cheeses I liked the samples of, some two pints of honey, some berries and tomatoes. I hit the tables where there’s some homemade clothes and get a couple of nice denim skirts or I think they’re nice.
“That’ll look good on you Jamie.”
I turn and see Sasha with an older nice looking gentleman with a very sort of Sean Connery look to him. She’s…she’s Sasha…she looks like a model, in this light floral print dress sandals and a matching hat. She’s got that something that honestly just you don’t see in GG’s. there’s some boys that just make better girls than girls…just look online.
I did.
And I wanted that, I want to be them.
I want that look that guy’s giving Sasha.
“Thanks Sasha, you really think so?”
She holds up a few things. “You’re jumping into this really fast aren’t you?”
“This is me? I…I…”
“I know, you’re already as deep as you’re ever going to get. So how’s it feel then to break the surface and get some air?”
“Like I can breathe, I feel like myself even though I’ve never knew I was drowning.”
I buy the skirt and Sasha buy’s me a thin longer one that’s almost hippy like. “A present.” She kisses me lightly on the lips getting us some looks and a definite look from Tommy.
“He’s yours?” Sasha asked linking her arm in mine as we started browsing again.
“We…we...just hooked up last night, I mean…”
“You like him?” she looked back at Tommy who looked back down and through the table of used books that he was looking at when he saw her kiss me.
“A lot but I’m just confused.”
“Confused?”
“He’s a great guy, I barely know him and I can tell he’s a great guy.”
“But?”
“But, I’m just starting to know me, I don’t want to get lost in me and a plus one.”
“Jamie, you won’t. Just be honest with him, be him lover, be his friend. Henry the man I’m here with has been a lover and a friend for years now and it’s been a rewarding relationship.”
“I don’t want to hurt him…”
“That can’t be helped if it happens, we can’t control how other people feel. If this hurts you let him know, let it out, you feel like feeling something you’re allowed to.”
“God I’m still really new to all of this.”
“Yes, but you are.”
“Am I doing any of this right?”
“Well, you’re on you way, getting a start on your wardrobe is a good start. But one, get yourself a purse or two, some good lingerie, and work on your homespace. Make your place Jamie really your space. I’ll see you tomorrow evening for supper?”
“Okay…Supper?”
“Learning to cook and other things really helps you get there in your head.”
“Okay then, supper it is. Anything else?”
“Bring your books from your classes. I want to see what you’re taking.”
“Okay.”
We part ways with another kiss on the lips and there is something erotically zingy? About the feel of my lipstick on hers. I watch her slip her arm from mine into the older gentleman’s and they slip back off into the crowd.
“Who was she?”
I turn and look at Tommy. He doesn’t look mad just confused., nervous? He’s got his hands shoved into his pockets.
“That’s Sasha. She’s my friend, mentor, lover, catalyst…”
“That’s a lot of stuff. You said lover? Is that current?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Did she come at you about cheating?”
“I’m not cheating on her, or you.” I turn and look at him, reach out and slip my fingers into his front pockets where he’s got his hands.
“You and me are friends Tommy, the same as me and her. I love what’s happening with us. I love what we’re becoming. I don’t want to lose it but I don’t want to smother it either.”
“So like friends with benefits?”
“No…” I hit him a bit. “Nothing that crass, you mean more to me than that.”
“Well then, that’s good but…”
“But…”
“What if we’re seeing other people?”
“Then we’re seeing other people but if I don’t like her, I’m going to tell you.”
“Okay, the same here.”
“Good, I feel safe with you having my back.”
“A few other parts too.”
He smiles and kisses me and we get our things and start leaving with the crowd to the truck as the market’s closing. It’s a strange but a good start to a Sunday afternoon.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 7 & 8.
Chapter Seven.
I know I’m literally just getting started on this path I’m on. But you know dressed in my pink Nike breast cancer tee-shirt and my faded but girls jeans. Shopping out in the Sunday sun with a really good looking, decent guy who knows what I am and he doesn’t care in fact he’s touching my arm and just me with that kind of sort of together thing.
I feel like a girl, I feel pretty even this dressed down. I feel like me. I can’t stop smiling.
It’s shopping at yard sales after the farmers market and it’s so far one of the best days in my life. There’s a lot of good deals here too which makes me feel all smart and accomplished even with this really being the first time I’ve lived on my own. Tommy takes us around just driving and we end up stopping at five of the yard sales.
There’s some old records of bands I like and some that are the girly kind of stuff that I’ve never listened to before. I’ve never heard of The Bangles, or Go-Go’s, and Dempsey’s Midnight Runners? Beach Boys? Steve Harvey and Cockney Rebel? I get a bunch of those about twenty of them for a buck each.
I know nobody uses vinyl but to me it’s two things. One it’s rescuing them from being turned into scratch platters from DJ’s and two…there’s just something about owning a real record that’s like owning a book. I’m a sucker for hardcover’s most of all.
Wow I also spent too much on books that are there too. I actually get some of those cheap romance books those are being sold for like five for a dollar. I always dismissed them but I see them as immersion studies. And yes, I bought a few hardcovers too, romance types getting tossed in with my science fiction and fantasy.
I do buy useful stuff too, cheap dishes I like, utensils and even a toaster oven and an electric wok and a few other odds and ends. Like any girl I guess I gravitate towards the clothes and there’s a lot of old, old stuff and here from a lot of the senior types but I can’t help but buy a lot of things. Where else can you buy clothes this cheap, I know it’s strange but I really like some of those old styled housewife dresses. But I actually try to buy some of those clothes and stuff by the bag or the box.
I’m going to buy a sewing machine; I’m going to learn with all these artist ideas bouncing around in my head.
I’m trying to carry the stuff to the truck and Tommy takes them from me and puts all the stuff in back so it doesn’t blow off or bounce around. “Thanks Tommy, I can’t believe the stuff I bought and spent.” I slip up to him and kiss him once he’s done run my hands over his sides.
He kisses me back a nice long kiss and I feel his hands slip down and cup my butt. I Love that. I mean love it. It’s not just the sex thing but…there’s this feeling on him wanting to touch me, to hold me in this cute but very PDA kind of way and there’s that other person’s body heat sinking through the denim and I can’t help it. It makes me feel sexy.
And girly.
And that’s a very good thing.
He breaks our kiss and just holds me casually as he smiles at me. “Hey, You’re just getting started about all this, you haven’t had the chance to get stuff you need as a girl, and you’re in your first year too Jamie. There’s a ton of stuff you don’t own that you should have.”
“Yeah but I feel a little like one of those overspending girls.”
“No…you’re nothing like one of them, you’re buying your stuff with your own money. You’re totally not like those girls.”
“I’m not?”
“No, Jamie…you’re better.”
I can’t help but to blush. “Thank you…” I kiss him, deeply and hungrily. “That’s the kind of thing that makes a girl really want to reward a fellow.”
“Oh…” He pulls me into him a bit more and I can feel him hardening in his jeans against me. I love the feeling, this sense of sexuality as a girl.
“Oh…indeed, let me treat you to supper?”
“You’re going to buy me supper?”
“Don’t tell me you’re old fashioned about girls paying for guys after Allie.”
“No, not at all. We’re out having fun and if you want to treat that’s cool by me but it’s different when I ask you out okay?”
“Certainly as long as it’s the same for both of us.”
“Deal?”
“Deal.”
We seal it with a long kiss and we get into the truck and we start driving looking for a place to eat at. We finally settle on a sushi place. Tommy looks at me as we’re parking.
“You sure about this?”
“Yeah why?...oh…you’ve never had sushi before have you Tommy?”
“No…I always couldn’t get passed the raw fish thing.”
“Me neither but I’m from Ontario, I’m not all that certain just how fresh the “fresh” seafood is in some of the sushi places back home. But I want to try it, I mean we’re here in Vancouver we might as well try it.”
“Okay, I’m game if you are.”
We kiss and we head inside to this sushi place called Zaibatsu Sushi it’s small one of those long hallway kind of thing with a few booths but that glass wall and counter with the bar that you see people belly up to in all those movies.
We’re given menus and we start ordering things, it’s nice because there’s pictures and a little blurb about how they make it. But some stuff we order because someone else ordered something and we’re all “Ooooh! That looks good.”
I learned a lot of things.
Tommy can’t use chopsticks to save his life. I feed him and he feeds me but he uses his fingers once he gets frustrated in a funny way.
There’s like more than one kind of soy sauce.
The rice the use, the sticky stuff is really well named and its way more flavourful than I thought it’d be.
Sesame oil is strong stuff.
I like wasabi more than I thought I would.
And they cook more of this stuff than you think.
It was expensive but worth it. Just over a hundred and twenty dollars with the tip but we ate things and tried things for close to two hours, getting a show watching them make the stuff and trying some free offerings because we’re so new it shows and we get taught a bit of Japanese and I’ve got some California Rolls for lunch tomorrow and leave laughing and having fun with Tommy while loving and drinking this thing called bubble tea.
It’s like the best iced tea ever with these big balls of tapioca that you chew on. Mine are Assai berry flavoured.
I blew more cash here then anywhere else combined but I had the best time I think I’ve ever had. It was a date, it wasn’t but it was just this really, really great time.
Tommy keeps looking at me or rather sneaking these looks at me on the drive back to my place. I smile back and suck as seductively as I can on my bubble tea.
It takes awhile to get unpacked and it’s about six in the evening when the last of it’s put out of the way. Then there’s that we’re still new at this he’s new to my place still awkward quietness. I can’t take too much before I turn on some music and pull him to me by his fingers and we dance a little bit.
“Stay for awhile Tommy.”
“Okay.” He says with a smile.
“Make love to me some more.”
“Definitely.” That he says with an even bigger smile.
I move him into the bed room and kiss him. “I’ll be right back, get comfortable ‘Kay?”
“Sure.”
I grab some things and head into the bedroom and make sure I’m clean and ready and even showered afterwards. I lube myself quite well and lotion up, toss on some powder after that I put on a bit of lipstick and touch up my eyes and slip out and over to the bed where Tommy is near and just getting undressed. I see one of my textbooks out and smile as I walk up and kiss him and reach my hand into his boxers and wrap my fingers around his semi hard and getting harder cock. “I really like that course, Rodin’s a much more amazing guy than I ever knew.”
I take the book and set it aside and sink to my knees. I move my hand and pull down his boxers and pull him to my lips. I open my mouth and take in the head and wrap my lips around him and run my tongue back and forth under the glans…I let out a moan of delight even if it’s muffled.
Don’t get me wrong I like doing this but it’s not a taste thing so much. Aside from the taste of pre-cum its skin. I love the texture; I love the sensuality of it, the dirty erotic feel of it. But My moan is mostly for him. I mean who doesn’t want their lover to go down on them and make a sound of delight and pleasure. My moan of delight is for Tommy and I feel it work as he seems to get harder.
There’s a lot of girls that have such a problem with giving head there’s some kind of social stigma about it. But you know I heard things about some girls in high school, and some of the one’s that weren’t just blatant tramps but sucked their boyfriends without any of the drama or even liked it…those girls had the best relationships.
You guy left you?
I bet at least half found a girl that gives him head and doesn’t make him feel bad about it.
Yeah girls, how you’d like it if he said something about you was gross?
Sometimes it’s not just for him; part of me really loves this too. I pull off for a moment look up at him looking down at me and I smile this happy smile, it’s a real one partly from what I’m doing and partly from the way he’s looking at me. “Mmmm, Yummy.” is all I say before going back down on him and sucking his cock like a baby calf, insistently, with this powerful undeniable want for him to Cum.
Then the power starts to kick in. Tommy’s fingers massage my skull before winding into my hair and he becomes all instinct as he thrusts against my lips, my mouth, the more I control him…oh yes, a hand around the base of his cock squeezing him off, the other’s holding his heavy balls massaging and squeezing he goes from strong and male and in charge slow to me in utter control of him as he gets to where he’s cumming but not because as that first swell to shoot I squeeze him off until the reaction of shooting his load passes.
When guys get to that point they whine, they cry, they beg for release. I get him so sensitive too, the closer he gets the more sensitive his cock gets. All the while I’m taking him deeper and preparing myself…
I let go and rest my hands on his muscular legs and rest my jaw and throat muscles and ignore my gag reflex by focusing on the beautiful feeling of his big veined cock sliding back and forth over my lipstick slick lips.
Tommy’s hands hold my head as he loses self control but takes control of my head holding me like his little fuck-toy and there’s that tied up girl in me that loves this, wants him to be my master….but not in a sick S&M way. I get so into him being like this I cum myself when he buries himself down my throat and I feel the swelling pulses as he drains his cum into me.
I only get to drop out of my slut me lusting trance when I feel him let go of my hair and relax. I take him by his cock and balls and guide him to sit on the bed and I suck him slowly, making oral love to his cock. I pull off only to utter things like. “Oh Tommy, you‘re so built, thank you baby, I love your cock, you‘re so good to me…” I’m touching his body, worshipping his muscles and his tone until he’s hard again.
I slide up and we kiss and I look him in the eyes. “Stay some more, please…I really, really want you inside of me…please….” I drag in out and kiss him and suck on his lips before he rolls me over.
“God, Jamie any man that wouldn’t want to stay and make love to you isn‘t sane.”
I kiss him and he kisses me and he gets his condom on, and I’m smoothing it into place and add another layer of lube then rolling over and arching my back as I slide my bottom up for him…. “Please Tommy…please…”
He doesn’t disappoint. I feel his strong muscular hands grasp my hips and cheeks partly pulling me to him more the way he wants and I feel that feeling….I feel the head and the stretch and pop as he sinks into me.
I cry out. “oh..uh..aaah…” in this small girly cry…it’s not the size, I’m not too freaked by that after my toy and literally living with my plug. But it’s the body heat, there’s body heat inside me…hot, hard cock entering me by hot veiny inches and now I’m getting stretched a bit but…Oh…Oh giving a blowjob might be one thing but I honestly love this. The feeling of hot hard powerful cock sinking deeper and deeper until his pelvis touches my bottom and My insides dance and spasm with the hot invasion and in every clench I feel this huge, wonderful cock shape inside of me and I feel right…sexy, perfect…ideally me right into my soul.
This I love and it’s not long before I’m pushing back, being vocal…crying for… “More!…Please give me more Tommy.” and getting dirty words out in those cries of pure pleasure as he takes me.
I’m new at this but I feel like I’m made to be doing this, to feel this and this is why I love it so much, it’s as deep a thing as Tommy sinking into me, animal, primal, wanting…no…wanton. “Harder….” “More!” “Tommy….!” My hands dig into my bed sheets as that sexual bliss takes over the reptile side of my brain, I cum in a combination moan, cry and girlish whine.
It thankfully keeps going; Tommy keeps going because I’m so in this place in my head…where I’m this wanton woman. In fact there’s this point where I have these little electric mini-gasms as he’s hitting my happy spot so soon after I can and I’m getting all sensitive inside. Not hurting or sore but more sensitive, like I feel it so much better, so much finer.
I get off a second time as Tommy is measuring off his stokes and tempo to last longer…oh god he’s so good to me. He makes me feel so…I cry out in pleasure as he reaches around a handful of lube and he takes me to my second with these slippery sliding strokes that get into rhythm with his strokes in and out of me and I cry out again and my insides fluttering and clenching around him takes Tommy to his second cum too.
After that he rolls over and we just kiss, we kiss and we touch each other for the longest time or it seems like it and he rubbers back up once he’s hard again and he sinks himself into me but this time, it’s from the front…moving my legs and cheeks apart and sinks that amazing cock into me.
We make love, have sex? I’m not sure; it’s the first time I’ve ever done this face to face like this, more soft and slow and taking our time with my legs around his waist and Tommy leaning forward pinning me to my bed by my wrists holding me down with his strength and his body weight as he pushes into me slowly, oh so slowly but so good, I’m crying because it’s that good…him holding me like this so strong and powerful but there’s this sweetness in his kisses, in how he suckles my nipples as he takes me. There’s no mistaking that as Tommy gets more and more into it, more passionate and those determined thrusts become steadier and faster and harder.
It’s like each thrust has this shockwave of pleasure that rocks through me and him holding me down leaves it with nowhere to go but to just flood me, take me over and drive me into my sexual brain.
I sob scream, girly cry out as my climax rips through my body and I only cum a little but it feels like it lasts for so long and I arch against him, seize up and feel Tommy inside me with and almost self bruising force…. and I want to keep screaming and I want to claw at him to sink my fake nails in and drag them down his back, I want to bite him and taste his skin as I go wild for seconds that seem like hours… then he’s crying out at the same time and I swear he vibrates inside of me as he cums.
Then we’re both spent as Tommy sinks on top of me and we’re both panting and sweating as the efforts catch up with us and I fall into sleep barely aware that he’s sliding out of me.
Chapter 8.
I wake with him moving and we’re spooned and my sheets are a mess. Tommy’s face pushes into the back of my hair. “I hate to say this but I have to go Jamie.”
I yawn and nod afterwards. “I get it, I’ve got early classes too.”
We both get up and I let him use my shower while I strip my bed and change the sheets. I feel so tired but in a great way, loose, in the best way and I couldn’t help but sway as I walked and moved around my apartment if I tried.
I don’t really want to. No, I want this, this is me right down to my soul.
I toss on loose track pants and a sweatshirt and Tommy comes out dressed or rather dressing and I kiss him and take his hand and walk him downstairs to his truck. We kiss a little bit more. He looks me in the eyes. “When can I see you again?”
“I don’t know? Maybe the weekend. Sasha has me committed to her lessons all week and then there’s school.”
“Oh will you two be…?”
“Likely, I hope so.”
“You hope so?”
“Yeah, there’s so much I want to learn from her, to get from her so I can really be me?”
“You can’t do that on your own?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to. I told you that. It’s part of the package with me. Is this going to be a problem?”
“No…I guess I’m just jealous, I think I might be addicted to you.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Fuck yeah good. I want you so hooked on me that you have wet dreams, I want you to have that beautiful dick of yours aching for my mouth or my ass. I want you to look at other girls and not be able to help compare them to me.”
“Oh…you want an awful lot Jamie, you sound like you don’t want me with other women.”
“No, It’s not that Tommy. I love us right now, I love the way you treat me and make me feel. But I want an open life too. But I just want you to remember me…I don’t want to just be one of those other girls that you’ll be with I want you to remember me.”
“I’ll always remember you.”
“No, I’m a selfish little bitch Tommy, I want you to remember me when you’re seventy five and I’ll still get you rock hard.”
That gets him laughing. “Done, it’s a deal.” He kisses me again, I kiss him back.
“Thank you Tommy.” I say as I lean into him after the kiss and smell him.
“You’re welcome….?” He sounds like he’s trying to figure out why.
“I had a great day. It was the best day I think that I’ve ever had in my life, and you are such an awesome guy for doing that.”
“It…was? It was just yard sales and the farmers market, I mean you paid for lunch and…”
“And I might have simple tastes, today was perfect. I had blast this morning and at the sushi bar and tonight…especially tonight.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. You’re a nice guy and so much more. I hope you’ll believe it someday that you’re way more special than you think Tommy. Just don’t go and change on us.”
“Us?”
“Yeah, there’s an awful lot of girls that need to meet a great nice sexy guy like you that’s not afraid to make a girl feel like a woman. You make me feel good about myself, more than I ever have and there’s a lot of us out there who need guys like you.”
He’s seriously blushing and he’s got this look, that blinking, and swallowing because he might cry guy face. “Jamie…………” Yep, he’s got that guy-emotional lump in his throat thing going on.
“Later Tommy, call me or text and stuff.” I give him another kiss push him to his truck to give him a face saving exit and I watch him go. I even hug myself happy and do that tiny little wave from my chest thing.
I turn to head upstairs and Mr. Robinson’s looking at me from one of the windows drinking a glass of something that’s likely whisky or something close to that color. He just nods and a bit of a smile and walks out of sight but I can hear him playing music, classical I think. Don’t ask me what because I’m limited to knowing a few infamous bits and that’s from TV and movies.
I slip back inside, get my books ready for tomorrow and set out some clothes and I take a bath. I have another great soak and go through my beauty routine such as it is and get back into my corset, and reset my plug and I slip into my bed sheets and fall asleep.
I don’t really remember my dream much but I was at the market, and there was lots of sex.
Even after last night I wake wanting a little, and have some moments with my store bought friend while I deal with my morning stiffy and then I get cleaned up again and dressed and off to class.
I’m in my corset and panties, and I’m wearing my long denim skirt that Sasha bought me and a camisole cotton top under one of those old styled blouses from the yard sale and just socks and sneakers and my Dad’s leather jacket which is miles too big but it just feels right.
I even take a purse.
***
I get looks and I don’t get looks. I’m sure I’m checked out a couple of times and I think I’ve been made a few times.
It happened in both class and in between them and I’ve been getting looks from a lot of girls.
Stares when I come out of one of the designated transgendered bathrooms. I get a few hateful looks from these girls that seem to really just seem to be knotted together. They’re part of the lesbian art course crowd. Apparently I’m creating the sin of false advertising.
I meet Neela though.
I was fixing my make up and she was watching me. Hindi, with dark skin and eyes but dressed in this really great business skirt and outfit and so much the finance major. She was even on her blackberry while she was checking me out.
She finished and walked over to me. “You’re a T-Girl?”
“No, I’m not but close enough I guess.”
“Transvestite?”
“No, I’m a girl alright just not biologically female.”
“But you’re going around dressed and you’re not a Trans?”
“Nope, I’m I guess gender queer? I’m in transition to becoming a fully functioning she-male I guess you’d say.”
Her mouth kind of hung open a second and I could see her WTF bouncing around in there. “But…why?”
“Why?, Why are you a lesbian? It’s who I am? I want curves, the right skin, the boobs, the looks and all of those wonderful girly things and I’ve never, ever felt right as a boy but I like my cock, I don’t really see the need for surgery.”
“But you’re stuck half way?”
“By who’s gauge, It’s me, it’s who I am and I think it’s my finish line. I don’t want of need to be one or the other.”
“Oh you’re going to ruffle a few feathers. Have you been to a LGBT meeting yet?”
“No I want to though, I need help getting the university ready for me being me and stuff but honestly I’d love the advice, or to talk and just kind of wiggle through this part of me without setting too many people on edge.”
“Well, you’re still going to do that. I’m not even sure that some of our trans student will get you. I’m Neela by the way.”
“I’m Jamie, God you’re lovely looking.”
She blushed. “So are you a lesbian then Jamie?”
“I’m not sure, I’ve been with one guy and another woman like myself and I love sex with them and there’s definitely a lesbian vibe between me and her but I’ve never ever been with a genetic girl before.”
“So, when you said I was lovely looking?”
“I meant it you are. I love your sense of style, if anything it makes you very sexy.”
“That’s not what I was asking.”
I write my phone number, and text and e-mail down on a scrap of paper and then step in and kiss her and do it long and slow and as sensual as I do with Sasha. I slip the paper into her pocket. “Yes, I’m interested, curious and scared and nervous Neela… Call me sometime if you decide if I’m worth it or not.
The rest of the day was pretty standard and she texted me back as I was walking up to Sasha’s house with her leaving me her phone number and her e-mail too.
Sasha open the door looking melt my brain as usual and smiles like I made her entire day… “Hey Jamie, come on in.”… and just pulls and leads me in by two of my fingers and takes my backpack and leads me to the sofa in the living room and she sits and undoes my skirt and pulls my panties down as she takes me into her mouth and there’s that look and sound and just plain feeling of her sucking my cock’s going to make her really happy.
I close my eyes as she takes me to places…. “Ohh….ohh…Sasha.”
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 9 & 10.
Chapter 9
I can’t help but to pant and exhale/moan “Sasssssssssha….” I almost a hiss/gasp as she works her magic on me and I’m shaking because while I’ve had some really great sex, and really great orgasms there is nothing as…sexual and powerful as she is right now.
I’ve got this Chinese woman with just enough Native America mixed in there to drive the sexy exotic thing She has on over the top. And her looking up at me with those exotic eyes, the thick lashes, those shiny lips wrapped around my cock as she’s looking into my soul and there’s this earnest almost slave like can I please you thing just coming off of her like smoke…and oh gods the sweet sounds and loving words she uses.
I feel oddly super empowered by the way that she’s acting and sounding and yet I’m fascinated and entranced by the things that she’s doing to me and I’m soaking in the experience…I want to do that, I want to make my lovers feel that…this…
Honestly the sexual part of this is so much more…because of this, the way she’s doing this, being and acting but she’s not acting because I can just tell that…that she is really doing this, feeling like this for me…over me…about me.
I can’t hold back…not with the things, she doing with her tongue, her throat, vibrations from the sounds she makes and her hand up my panties and moving my plug grinding…oh fff…ff…grinding it into my pleasure spot up inside of me and she has to turn us around and guide my to her sofa as she makes me Cum and my knees go weak.
I’m clutching the sofa and humping her face and Sasha’s got this look like she a vampire sucking the life in this hungry and sexy, sultry way right out of my body…It was like just by this feral sexual look she was screaming at me with this demand for me to give her every drop of cum in my body…It hurt…I swear she made me cum so hard that my balls ached from cumming and it was this freaky kinky kind of good hurt.
She was finishing sucking me while I was panting and my heart was racing with her face transformed again with the expression of a woman eating chocolate and lost is her foodgasm.
Sasha stands up and leans over me and kisses me with what’s called a snowball and that soon becomes this tongue kissing, thing of cum, and kissing and my lipstick on hers. I’m not sure how long but when we broke she was staring deep into my eyes.
“I want to see how far, you’ve gotten on your own Jamie.”
She leans back but sinks her fingers into my hair as she does and pulls me to her. I undo her yoga pant’s and her beautiful hard dick is there stiff and stuck in her panties I wait until she steps out of her Yoga pants and I pull her cock out of her panties and hold it, stroke it and face rub, smell her like it was a cigar. I take her into my mouth and try to pleasure her, I do all those things that I do with Tommy and before too long Sasha’s got a hold of my hair and fucking my face…it’s easier with her than with Tommy, Sasha’s got a wonderful eight inch dick but she’s Asian and there’s a bit of sleek slenderness to her’s compared to Tommy’s ten inches of thick monster.
I get rewarded for my efforts by Sasha filling my mouth with her cream and I hear her tell me. “Take it all…slowly, taste it, savor it Jamie. You’ll learn to love the taste.” I do and close my eyes and as much as some people can get grossed out by the whole idea I’m not…I’m going to be me and live like this and be like Sasha and just not some she-male then…I savor it, slowly drink it down and look up at Sasha and pull my lips off her dick with a pop… “More.” Then I go for more, I return to sucking and French kissing her cock until she’s hard again.
Sasha pulls out of me. “Turn around, on your hands and knees.” I move and she pulls my skirt all the way off and my panties down to my knees and wriggles the plug, presses into my prostate and even turns it inside of me. “Uhnngn Sasha, please…please it feels so good, please more….better than more…please fuck me…please…”
She slowly pulls the plug out which hurts in the slow stretch but once it’s out she sinks herself into me. I cry out at the mixture of invasion and satisfaction…Toys are great and their fine but I still like the real thing better. I hear her. “Come on Jamie, come on show my what you got, work that beautiful ass.”
I love this, I love it and I fuck with Sasha for god knows how long getting into my reptile slut brain. Bareback…I cum extra hard and unexpectedly when Sasha coats my insides with her hot sticky seed. She pulls out and the plug goes right in and she spoons with me awhile on the couch.
“You’ve gotten better, You’re a born cocksucker, but I can show you a few tricks, there’s a lot I can teach you.”
“S’good.” I sort of mumble trying to not to fall asleep. “I’m sorry Sasha, it’s just this after classes…”
“It’s okay, sleep, take a nap, you’re safe here.” She’s pressed against me her breasts into my back, her cock semi hard into my butt and she’s got an arm idly over my hip and she kisses my neck and I drift off to the scents of sex and Sasha’s Opium perfume.
…………………………. I wake up or rather I’m woken up by Sasha kissing me. Sasha looks at me. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Feeling better?”
“Yes.”
“Good, here.” She passes me an Absinthe in a martini glass. I drink and actually missed the taste. She kneel down and starts to suck me off again…pulling off and looks at me. “Lips first, a good lipstick or a good lip-gloss.” She goes back to work with her majik mouth…. “Lips are next, you pull your jaw in when you do this…the trick is to use your lips and that curl on the inside you feel when you run your tongue over your teeth…like this.” She goes back down and I can feel, her lips starting with that inside curl settling in just over the edge of my head and the rest of the head of my cock help by her sexy lips…she tilts her head back and forth driving me crazy and when she pulls her lips off my cock there’s this soft, full, flesh perfection sliding over my head.
Those few things and her stroking me drives me to this really sensitive cum. I’m panting and draining my drink. She kisses me again sharing cum again. She slinks to the bar and I notice she’s changed, she’s in this all matching stockings and garters, panties, one of those corsets that’s a bra and all in this light green with frosted green trimmed lace.
She move’s like a goddess in her four inch fuck me pumps and makes us another green fairy and another drink of Japanese green tea and something else that turns out to be sake we do two shots each and drink our second Absinthe.
There’s a bit more kissing and then she smiles. “You’re turn.”
It takes me a few tries to get it right, but all the while she’s stroking her nails through my hair, moaning and cooing at me when I do good and telling me things like. “Oh Jamie, yes honey that’s it, that so good, you’re so beautiful looking sucking cock, purse your lips more…use the tip of your tongue…swipe my head from up and under as you pull your lips off and over me…”
I’m eventually rewarded with more sweet cum. And Sasha and I kiss more and more sharing more cum and I feel my lips so much, the friction and they feel swollen from it but that just makes me feel more girly. I’m so turned on by thinking what this’ll do to Tommy…
“Sit..” I sit and she moves her panties aside and guides herself onto my cock and she leans on me making this “ooohaaah….” Gasp of pleasure as I sink into her and then she hugs me, presses into me and her insides enfold around me in this sexual perfection as she lets out this cooing sound…
I want to know that, be her, but at the same time as much as I’m a girl, I’m a cock loving sexy little slut in my head she’s still able to make me feel ten feet tall and more of a man lover wise than I’ve ever felt…
I don’t know what she’s doing but on the down sinking of her onto my cock she slides like silk and the upwards pull as she rides up I’m caught, trapped in her perfect ass and it’s so good, I feel like she’s milking the cum right out of me and she every once in awhile does this salsa like dancing roll of her hips and belly that just seems to be reaching past my balls and it’s like she trying to suck my cum from my brain via my spine.
And the wild thing is we kiss, we talk, She want’s to know about my week, my classes and Tommy and Neela and we’re fucking and making love and I’m getting her talking all these points about my lessons and my love life and sometimes it’s this glide, clench, glide all perfect and slow and others like when I’m talking to her about Tommy and what we do to each other, the way he makes me feel and the things going on in my head that I get about him because I’ve been there.
Sasha smiles. “Exactly, just because you’ve found the truth to your soul and you’re not the guy that you imagined it doesn’t mean that when you didn’t know the truth that you didn’t try to be a good a guy as you could. I didn’t know, and I still look back to that time with great fondness.”
“Y..you do?”
“Yes, I had nice girlfriends, I was middling popular, I wasn’t really a failure as a guy by any means but the first real time dressed, that first cock I sucked, the first time I was fucked I knew I wasn’t going back.”
“But you’re so beautiful, perfect.”
“Oh there’s no one that’s perfect Jamie, I wouldn’t want to be perfect anymore than I’d want to really become a woman. I’d likely make a good one but I really wouldn’t be happy as one. I’m a two spirited being in my own eyes and in order to really be myself I have to live in between to be happy, for my soul to breathe.”
“Oh…oh..fuck, yes…I know, God Sasha that’s it…that’s exactly the way I’ve been feeling and I didn’t ever know it.”
“I know, you’re a lot like me for being a blonde white girl.”
“Yeah but you’re so exotic Sasha. I want to be like you so much…”
“I can teach you honey, but you’re exotic too. Just in other places in the world. Hot and blonde is very big in other parts of the world.”
We keep gyrating and moving in this amazing rhythm and this way that it’s not just fucking, but not being in love but us being lovers I’m actually pushing into her and the plugs inside me so there’s those clenching muscles of my male side of my anatomy trying to do their push but it makes my insides seize up around my plug and take me even more out there.
And the lipstick on lipstick kisses, and Sasha pinching my nipples until the get sensitive and then whining is relief and pleasure as she sucks on them. I didn’t know that I’d get anything from that and the buzz from the drinks I have a bit of a fit as she takes me over the edge into orgasm land. And she’s cries out in this sound of pure girl but somehow more joy as she showers the space between us with her own.
I’m panting and looking at her and we kiss some more. “Oh God Sasha, that was incredible, teach me…please show me that…please…”
“Oh course I will, silly girl. Now come on, shower time and more lessons.”
“More lessons?”
“Oh yeah, practice makes perfect Jamie and you’ve got a lot to learn. Besides you owe me five hundred dollars.”
“What?, Five hundred dollars I thought…” I though she wasn’t a hooker.
“No shithead, I bought you some things you need. But are you having money problems?”
“No, I’m good I’ve got a trust that covers my education and gives me a decent amount as a weekly stipend. I’ll give you the money tomorrow?”
“Fine, I’m in no rush…C’mon.”
She pulls me along with her to the shower where I get cleaned up with her and she teaches me the finer ways and points around a woman’s breasts and as we dry I’m told to service her again and practice my cock-sucking skills.
It’s so strange that she’s using a towel and drying my hair while I’m on my knees drinking her cum again.
Then it’s a new plug for me…bigger and I moan as she lubes me up and inserts it into me. and she shows me the rest of the things other corsets she bought me and the gel inserts a nice modest middle B-Cup and some cheap but nice shoes…heels.
I get cinched into an new corset and nice panties and stay up stockings and a nylon slip and a bra, once I’m in the shoes a pair of red open toed three inch heels I click-swish sway my way over to the full length mirror….
“Holy shit…Oh…Oh….wow…”
“You like?”
“More than, this…this is me…”
“How’s it feel?”
I stare at myself in the mirror, turn this way and that and try to picture me like this everyday, and it’s right there. I mean it’s not even a sexual thing or zing with me this time but it’s just.
It’s that you know when you looked in the mirror and there’s you there but you don’t really know what’s wrong with you, while you feel off. This is looking in the mirror and just feeling this hey you feeling.
“It feels like, I’m me. Like the person who’s under the skin matches the outside finally.”
“Yeah I so get that. C’mon Jamie girl more to learn.”
Chapter 10.
Lessons for the rest of the night was walking like a woman, gestures and dancing. And cooking.
Sasha’s a firm believer of the way to a lovers heart if through their stomach, and we’re both hungry actually starving after our love making and she teaches me a dish I can make for Neela but it’s just plain good too.
It’s diced carrots cooked in a can of coconut milk and with a can of chick peas with ginger, turmeric and cumin until they’re soft. Then you add in a dollop/heaping tablespoon of peanut butter and blend the whole thing. We garnish it with a diced red chili and bagged coconut we roasted off in the oven and we’re using pita with it but she tells me about Nan and some simple side dishes too.
Apparently I’m a natural at least in walking in heels but getting used to doing things in them is another. I’m a decent dancer insofar as I’ve never really done it and before I leave she gives me another chance to practice my cock-sucking skills again.
Sasha kisses me at the door. “G’nite Jamie, I want to see you here in the morning around six.”
“Huh, I though before this was after classes?”
“Oh yeah but you don’t have classes until around nine so I thought we’d get in some jogging and get you into a rhythm of things. You trust me right?”
“Of course I do, I…I love you Sasha.” I bite my lip and look at her, I don’t know how she’s going to take that.
She gives me this long slow kiss. “I love you too Jamie, now go home I’ll see you tomorrow.”
There was love in the kiss, love in her eyes and in her voice but it’s that mature I love you love. Not that take your breath away I’m IN love with you love.
No, I’m not disappointed, I’m doubly relieved because I’m not sure if I’m ready for that all out IN Love thing yet. But I do love her, she’s hugely special to me. I’m happy she loves me back.
I get home and slip into my night corset and put my new things away and go to sleep dreaming sexy, lusty, little girly dreams and smiling.
***
I pant out after the little Injun-Chinese so and so. “You know I hate you right?”
Sasha bubbles out this laugh and turns around backwards while I’m running or puffilly jogging with her.
“Life is pain princess, anyone who says something else is selling you something.”
“Fuck off.”
I’m wearing a bra and my boobs and it totally changes the way I’m running and so is the plug inside me. It’s such a heady, freaky feeling but a good one and accented by me in a real girls style pony tail. I love the swish of the hair the sway and bounce of me.
I’m on my third bottle of water and sweating like a pig when she’s finally done running me. It was only four kilometers but it took me an hour. She came home with me and we go upstairs to clean up.
Sasha takes me from behind and start undressing me. “On the bed Jamie…bend over…” It’s that thrilling kind of commanding tone she gets. I do and the plug come’s out as she sinks in after a shot of lube inside of me. My body and my muscles react, I react sex mixed with the endorphins from the run…
“Easy, Jamie easy…I want you to relax, exhale and just let everything go…” she’s sliding out. “Okay, just relax and…” She sinks in hard slick fast…hitting my yay spot… My response was a “Ughn…!” in a good way. “Good now clench, tighten up…” I bear down and feel her hard cock inside me so much…Sasha pulls out and …”Oh…oh…” comes out of me as I really feel her cock0head and feel it dragging it’s way through my inner core. She’s almost out. “And relax…exhale…” I do and she sinks in hard, but not hard it’s this perfect stroke through me. Sasha talks me through getting the rhythm and oh…this, this is what she was doing while riding my cock last night.
The pleasure of this builds so good, so much sweeter and so fast…that relaxed thrusting into me is the sex-electric thing and soothing too after her cock drags through me…I get through maybe twenty, twenty-five thrusts before I cum and explode hard…
The first one was just powerful and the next had less volume but more pleasure as I’m getting more sensitive inside and my third comes when Sasha coats my insides with her cream.
She kisses me after. “C’mon lets get cleaned up.” She stays and showers with me and leaves saying. “I’ll see you tonight.”
……………….Classes are interesting, even fun actually and the morning see’s me getting some looks and I see Tommy in passing and we wave to each other both busy. We text for a few minutes and I tell him about jogging and he LoL’s at me and I send him a happy face icon giving him a raspberry.
After lunch I have some free time so I actually attend on of the LGBT student meetings and there’s some campus staff there and I register both as a member of the campus’s LGBT group but get the stuff for the notices and e-mails and stuff traded off too. There’s some faculty there and I get myself registered there too as a transgendered student.
The guy there looks at me. “You have you’re carry letter yet?”
“No, what’s that?”
“It’s a letter from a qualified therapist or mental/medical professional that legally says that you’re in transition.”
“Oh, do I need one?”
“No…but it really helps and it’ll keep you clear of a lot of bullshit if something does happen.”
“Oh, but if I don’t?”
“I’ll still put you on the campus list but your student file will note you don’t have the carry letter. But it’ll help that you sign a declaration.”
“A declaration?”
“Yeah it’s a paper we have that say’s you’re choosing to transition into your real gender and it gets witnessed here and we can go by this and the date you signed it in case something does happen.”
“Oh, okay.”
He gives me the declaration forms and I sign them out and he gets me to give him my social insurance, Medicare and my drivers license he photo copies them and he gives me copies of the declaration for myself and another set of papers with a copy of my Id’s.
“What’s this for?”
“This is me signing off on your declaration and with those you can go to the office of admissions and get your student ID as a transgendered girl student.”
“Isn’t that kind of outing me?”
“No it’s a designation number on the card that only some of the faculty and campus security know there’ll be nothing on there but your real gender for people to see.”
“Oh, cool thanks so much.”
“Hey, no problem.”
I leave and head straight to the office and I get my student ID right there and then without barely as look from the woman behind the desk. The funny thing was her pressuring me in to getting a student meal card for the dining hall and a campus debit card. I didn’t know you needed one of those to use stuff like the photocopiers and stuff.
I ended up jogging to my first afternoon class. I was really happy too with this proof of this is me. Ms. Jamie Blake. That I’m starting to be who I really am and everything now.
Even the leg cramp I got three quarters of the way through the class wasn’t that bad.
…………………… saw Neela after the last class of the day. She was texting again on her Blackberry and in the courtyard near where I met Tommy. She’s drinking something and I take out my phone and text her.
[Hey Neela, It’s Jamie what’s up?]
[Nothing just going over my schedule, and checking things online and ordering a few books to download.]
[So would you like to get a cup of coffee?]
[I’m having one now.]
[Would you like a refill?]
Yes, I’m stealing Tommy’s line. I smile and wave at her when she looked up and around then she smiled when she see’s me.
[How long have you been there?]
[Five minutes, I’m getting a tea myself, can I really get you anything?]
[Another medium soy milk cuppucino please?]
[Coming right up.]
I get her coffee and my Japanese green tea and walk over to her table. She’s looking me over as much as I’m looking her over. Black hair, that skin like toasted spices, long lashes, big eyes and dressed in this power suit again but no blouse of bra just this thin but beautiful hindi patterned camisole that just drives home the hot and the exotic look she has.
“Here’s you coffee, my god you look beautiful do you know that?”
“Thank you for the coffee Jamie, but you don’t really need to flirt so hard.”
“I’m not, I’m stunned and confused again.”
“Again?”
“I think you look drop dead gorgeous and half of me wants to ask you for tips and the other half of me really wants to be closer…”
“Closer?” she looks at me and does that coy eyebrow thing.
“Yes, closer…” I smile and look her openly in the eyes and lick my lips after a sip of my tea.
Neela looks at me, breaks eye contact band smiles. “You really don’t beat around the bush do you?”
“I like you, I like you in a whole bunch of way’s I can’t really articulate and I want to go out with you maybe, if you’re not seeing anyone.”
“I’m not, when?”
“Saturday night?”
“Okay, where are we going?”
“I have no idea, I’m new to Vancouver and I don’t know what you like to do? You’ll be the first girl I’ve ever gone out on a date with since coming to B.C.”
“Okay then, dinner on me, movie on you and then maybe we’ll go out dancing?”
“Sounds good. What time?”
“Six thirty, you can pick me up.”
“Indian food?”
“No…I really don’t do the cliché. No, I’ll surprise you, I’ll give you directions.”
“Okay I’ll pick you up?”
“You have a car?”
“Motorcycle.”
“Great, I love bikes, I’ve never dated a girl with a bike.”
“Good. Then I’m a first for you too.”
“Oh you already are Jamie. I’m really not into guys at all, I’m really going out on a limb here.”
“Oh Neela, I’m so not really a guy.”
“I noticed nice breasts.”
“Thank you they’re what I’ve got until I get my own.”
“Really, you’re not getting snipped but you’re getting breasts.”
“I hope so, I really want my own.”
“You’re an interesting person Jamie.”
“Thank you.” I smile at her.
“Well I should get going I’m done for the day.”
“Me too, can I walk you somewhere?”
“Okay, my car’s over in the far parking lot.”
I get up and take my books and head with Neela over campus to her car. She must have money because she’s driving a BMW. She unlocks the car. “Thanks for the coffee Jamie.” She steps up and kisses me on the lips. I kiss her back but not like I’d kiss Tommy but like the way I kiss Sasha.
It’s get’s a little deeper. It get’s a bit hotter and her hands slip to my sides and mine to hers and there’s more kissing. Then I’m touching her through her silk camisole and my hands very gently glide over her breasts with the silk and just fingertip traces, gentle grazes of my nails…her nipples harden…. “Oh…Jamie…you…oh…girl…”
I smile. “Told you so.”
We keep going and she opens the back door of her car and slides inside and so do I. It’s darkly tinted windows make it nice and private in here. I sink to my knees on the floor and slowly undo her pants and pull them and her panties down around her ankles.
“Oh…Jamie…”
I lower my face to her shaved sex and lick, and moan pressing my face into her pussy. “Ooooooh…Neela, I’ve never seen something so pretty…God….you’re beautiful.”
I lick, I lip her lips and her folds and she gets wetter and wetter and I kiss it, trace those sensitive lips first with the smooth back of my fingernail, then the pad of my finger and then my lips and then my tongue over and over until she’s squirming. “I’ve never done this Nee…tell me if I’m doing things wrong…” I look up at her with that worshipful please let me please you look and she’s staring back at me hands massaging her breast nodding and messing up her dark hair into this wanton sweet exotic look.
“Oh…Okay…” her voice is panting and small and breathy. I rest my forehead on her pubic bone and kiss. I say with this quiet wonder in my voice. “God Nee you’re so beautiful…”
I sink my face back down gently pulling her open and slipping my two index fingers into her on either side of her hard little clitty and use my thumbs to hold her open very gently …the rest of my hands cupping each side and I suck her clitty like it was this perfect little dick.
My lips do that trick Sasha’s been having me perfect on giving head and I…I…I suckle on Neela like she was a ring pop. The entire time my two index fingers that are holding her clitty I use to rub the other off shooting parts of her clitoral organ and I soon feel her crying out as she comes, and she runs her fingers through my hair and she pulls me closer by handfuls as I keep going. I stop in between her cumming to just licking with the tip of my tongue while I stare intently up her body until that long stare into her eyes seems to get her off.
The third time I’m looking up and she’s playing with her breasts and crying out, panting and sweating her fourth cum I think. I stare at her. “I really wish I could do that, I really wish I could feel what you’re feeling…” I’m serious and I’m sincere in that and I go back down into her pretty sex and lose myself into it and worshiping her pussy and clitty until I get into this place where I’m doing my own kagel squeezes, feeling my plug and pretending that her cries are mine and pretending she’s fucking me with a strap on and playing with my titties and I use one hand to go into my bra and squeeze my back gel breast and just….hormones…me reacting to her, to the situation, her sounds…I cry out as I bury my face into her pussy and cream my panties.
I just pant right there and I hear her crying, sniffling and giggling….
“Nee? Are you okay? Did I do anything wrong?”
“Nnn..No…I…God Jamie I’ve never been with anyone like that…Never…”
I look up at her and she pulls me up to her and we kiss. We rest our foreheads against each other and kiss and pant and she’s crying.
“Neela…are you sure you’re okay?”
“Jamie, I’m fine I’m just really happy…and really fucking confused.”
“Confused…?”
“Yes damn it. I’m a lesbian, It’s me, I’ve never really liked guys that much only a few relative and friends.”
“Okay?”
“Okay…Well I’m all confused….”
“Why?”
“Because, the best goddamned sexual experience of my life just came from a girl who’s genetically a guy!”
“Oh.”
“No…! Fuck Jamie, No I didn’t mean it like that! I…It…It didn’t feel like we were just hooking up, not like some hook up like my usual…It felt like more than that.”
“It was More than that Nee, we made love.?”
“How? How could we make love we don’t even know each other!?”
I slip over and straddle her like she’s a guy and rest my arms on her shoulders and run my fingers and fake nails through her hair straightening her up. I look her in the eyes.
“You want to know why? How? Because it’s true. You liked me well enough to kiss me, you went further and further with me of your own free will Nee, you don’t like guys and even though I’m a girl of my own sort in my soul, my body’s not but you let go and you trusted me anyway…you let me in…you…didn’t let all that other stuff matter and that showed so much heart and honor Neela that I couldn’t help but respond in kind to it and we went from two people having sex to two people making love.”
She’s crying now and staring at me eyes wide despite the tears.
“Nee, I’m right in the middle of things like you said or I’m on the way there. I was scared too in a lot of ways because with a real live girl you’re my first. You took a chance on me and that’s huge.”
“It was?”
“Uh-huh, very chivalric-Sapphic, very stand up girl full of heart and soul.”
“Jamie….Dammit!” She’s crying again. “No one’s ever said shit like that to me?”
“They should, you’re worth it.”
“God Jamie what am I going to do with you?”
“Give me a drive to my mentor Sasha’s house? Then buy me a nice supper Saturday night.” I smile and kiss her. She kisses me back a bit then get’s dressed. “Sure.”
We get straighten around and the windows are down to air out the car and she drives me to Sasha’s house. She looks at me, stares almost. “This Sasha, she’s your mentor in what?”
“She’s teaching me to be me. She’s like I am.”
“A she-male?”
“Yeah, I guess, it’s not really the term we use.”
“What do you use?”
“Girl, woman…sometimes Mahu will work.”
“Mahu?”
“Guys…sort of guys living as women because we are in our hearts isn’t a new thing, it’s really not. Just think of me as being literally two spirited.”
“Oh and she and you.”
“Are lovers yes.”
“Oh.”
“I’ve got a great guy to as a lover Nee.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I’m taking love wherever I’m lucky enough to find it. I’m trying just to be myself.”
“So this was a fling. God you‘re such an asshole!”
It hurt like I was punched, no…I’d rather be punched.
“Hell no!” I sort of shout it, well raised my voice. “I don’t say make love when I don’t mean it Nee. I loved being with you. I love being with you and we had something really special but I’m me, and I don’t come with strings, No bullshit Neela…I like, you I like you…I don’t, I don’t…”
I’m crying with tears streaming down my face. I get out of her car and close the door. I don’t slam it but I close it and I give her a last look before going fast up Sasha’s walk having to hug myself because it hurts so bad.
I hear her car pull away with a chirp from her tires and I’m just too…I pound on the door instead of using the doorbell and Sasha opens the door after I don’t know how long and I take one look at her and burst into tears sinking to my knees.
I feel her kiss my forehead my arms around me and she leads me into her house.
I haven’t hurt this bad since my Dad died.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 11 & 12.
Chapter 11
I’m crying…I’m crying harder than I should be right? God it hurts, I don’t…I hurt her, didn’t I? Sasha takes me to one of the rooms in her house there’s a big sofa and a gas fireplace that’s going and she eases me down and I curl up. And break into wracking sobs. Why...why did everything go sideways? I keep seeing the way she looked at me, hearing the tires squeal.
Sasha closes the drapes and that makes the afternoon sun go away and she leaves and comes back with a comforter warm like from the dryer and wraps me up in it.
I cry and cry. I feel like an idiot, I feel just…
I feel bad and I can’t seem to stop it. Sasha actually settles in behind me and she wraps her arms around me and holds me. I really start crying then at the sheer caring of the gesture that’s been missing from my life for so long.
I cried myself to sleep. My eyes feel crusty and gunky when I wake up and Sasha’s still holding me. I stare out at the flames in the fireplace. “I don’t get it? I told her about me, about my life and she freaks out on me.”
“Jamie…tell me what happened?”
“That was Neela, the girl I told you about…we met near the little area with the tables and the coffee kiosk and I bought her a coffee and we talked and flirted and we made plans to go out.”
“So you two went out and…”
“No, we didn’t we walked to her car and then we started making out and I…we…we started making love in the backseat of her car and later she drove me here. We were talking and she wanted to know if we….you and me…were going to and I said yes and she starts to yell at me and…”
“Jamie, telling her is one thing but this was rubbing her nose in it. I’d have likely been pissed off too.”
“Oh…I guess I royally fucked up huh?” (Sniffle.)
“Yeah, but we make a lot of mistakes in life and this is just one of many for you my girl.”
“So what do I do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay that’s fine, no lessons tonight.”
“Sorry…”
“Nonsense, we all hit shitty nights. Tonight we’ll just be and you can think.”
“Think?”
“Yes my dear think, get your shit together and everything. Did you eat?”
“No, not for awhile.”
“I’ll order in, let’s go and run you a bath.”
She slides over me and she leans down and that gorgeous asian hair spills down and it’s a long kiss, passionate and deep, it’s an I love you kiss. With that hurt and confused feeling I’ve got the kiss feels nice, more than nice. She leads me off the couch with that kiss and into her kitchen where she gets some stalks of fresh rosemary and bashes them with her mallet and grabs some limes and her zesting rasp?
I’m curious and she takes me into her bedroom and to her big old fashioned claw footed tub and turns on the hot water. She waits until it’s steaming before she tosses in the rosemary and then grates the peeling into this cheesecloth bag and the hot water releases all these oils from both and the smell is amazing…She’s amazing, who does stuff like this? Well Sasha does.
“You relax and enjoy, think things through and I’ll make us something to drink and order in.” She’s really beautiful in this played down way right now and her exoticness is just so perfectly blended with her easy charm.
I gasp and wince once I’m naked and unplugged and in the very hot water. I don’t think she used any cold water at all in it and it stings and I sweat but it’s one of those good sweats. It takes about ten minutes and I’m finally used to the temperature and I’m starting to relax and the scents from the bag of zest and herbs is so relaxing. Maybe aromatherapy isn’t bullshit.
I’m just getting into it when Sasha comes in with two milkshakes even in those metal diner things and gives me one and it’s so good, chocolately and more she sips at hers and gets me to duck under and she washes my hair.
I’ve only had that done at like a hair place, not a salon but like at the tops cuts place and she’s better than they are, there’s this lovely smell to the shampoo and conditioner but it getting the scalp massage that goes with it that just bleeds the stresses out of me.
“You’re really good at this.”
“I should be I took lessons.”
“In washing someone’s hair?”
“Yes, for some people it’s a very pleasurable thing, washing hair, or feet, massaging it’s all part of what I do for the people that I’m with.”
“So it’s not just about the sex?”
“No Jamie the sex really is only a small part of the things that I do with the people that I see. Some men just want a date, some people just want an experience, or to relive an experience.”
“So do you have any body that’s married with you?”
“No, that’s my one rule. No married people and if they say their divorced I want to see the papers first. Widows and Widowers are something else though. I’m more like a therapist than a sexual partner, but I do use sex in what I do.”
“But why do you do it in the first place? I mean why not just work and stuff you’ve got lots of education for it.”
“I did work, but from my relationships came the fact of I need to be with other people. And I like helping people and why can’t I do both?”
“I’m not sure if I could do that. I kinda of feel a bit like I’m a slut sometimes.”
“Well good slut or bad slut?”
“There’s a difference?”
“Oh yeah a big one. You don’t have to be with anyone you don’t feel like being with Jamie, but you have to be careful, sex can be addicting and so can being attractive, you’ve got power Jamie and you’re going to learn how to use it.”
“Power? Like a superhero?”
“No, you’ve got a nice heart, you’re a nice person. There just people like that like you that can just draw people in. It’s what happened with Neela. You gave everything into being with her and once you get passed someone’s defenses that’s a powerful thing when you’re with someone Jamie in the moment you’re totally with them.”
“Doesn’t everyone do that when they’re supposed to be with someone?”
“No honey, real deep loving someone just because you’re with them Honesty is rare.”
“It is?”
“Yeah and dangerous.”
“Dangerous?”
“Love can be the most dangerous thing around Jamie, wars have been fought over it, people have killed over and killed themselves for it.”
“But, what do I do? Hold back?”
“No, first of all holding back like that will likely make you miserable; maybe even damage your spirit. You have to be more selective; get to know these people that you want to be with more than what you have been.”
“But…What should I do I mean too, I still haven’t figured out what I want to do and stuff I want to be like you so much Sasha it nearly hurts me.”
“I’ll show you I told you that I would but honestly Jamie I don’t want a clone of me around even if she’s a tall skinny, leggy anglo blonde girl. I’d rather she find her own voice.”
“Okay…”
We get out of the tub and dried off and I get lent these really comfy quilted silk Pj’s and a cotton shift and I’m back in the fireplace room when she comes in with the take out. I’ve been to Quebec a few times but this is the first time I’ve had real French food.
Some kind of potato scallop with layers of butter and cream and thyme and pepper with that there’s toasted baguette with these little glass jelly jars with stuff called comfit? And there fois gras, and this dish called casolle with is like this stew with sausages and beans and veggies and herbs and these little delicate green beans and there’s glazed carrots in like butter and a bit of grand marnier and orange marmalade too just enough to get these pepper coated crushed toasted walnuts to stick to them.
Best meal that I’ve ever had in my life I even liked the escargots, snails but not in the shell but two snails on a skewer dipped in a batter the deep fried and then covered in this garlic butter filled with parsley and some sea salt and black pepper to taste.
I’m going to learn how to cook like this, those little jars of the spreadable meat and stuff oh my god; I could live off the stuff.
I’ve maybe eaten three meals that I can remember being this good and they were at my grandparents place on my dad’s side when I was little. Sasha even ate with gusto. We made coffees and curled up together under the comforter she brought me and we watch a few movies on her TV.
She took me to bed about eleven and we just slept curled up together in her huge bed. I know we’re still lovers but this was more than that. Can friendship be like making love to someone but just between your souls and not your bodies?
I also have figured out I like sleeping with someone. It’s good but weird too because it’s not my own bed. Now to sleep with someone in your own bed…yeah…I’m going to have to try that one of these days.
Sasha kisses my neck in the morning pressing into me and I get to feel her hardness combined with her breasts pressing into me making my own morning wood a little sturdier.
“Feeling better?”
“Yes, much thanks for this.”
“Good, you’ve got to take the knocks and keep going Jamie.”
“Are you offering to knock me?” I ask playfully.
“Oh…well yes, yes I am.”
I roll over and kiss her and she kisses me back and she moves under the covers and pulls down my bottoms and I feel the exquisite way her hands touch me, stroke me, cup my balls and the way her cheek feels on my hard on and her nose as she takes my scent in like a cigar and then her hot wet mouth.
Oh….
“Oh God Sasha you’re such a good cocksucker…please…please more…”
She’s working her majik and I’m gripping the sheets instead of her hair and I’m being dragged away from reality into the seductive haze of sexual bliss. I’m torn between wanting to suck her cock too….because I’m addicted to that now. I really get the feelings on loving the act of it and everything about sucking cock to the point of I can’t quit, I can’t go back to being the old Jamie….
I arch as she sucks the cum out of me so hard and fast there’s that sucking out my spinal fluids with it feeling.
I’m panting and still seeing stars as I feel her lube me up and then sink into me….I’m forgetting my cravings as Sasha’s beautiful cock sinks into me. I let out a moan between pleasure and relief. The sensation of being filled inside…completed by hot hard cock just is soul deeply satisfying.
It’s so good as we get into that rhythm her sinking into me as I relax inside and it’s faster..harder..deeper that way and then my tightening around her cock and feel it so much more pulling out through my contours inside of myself raising the fact that…it’s pulling out of me and I don’t want it to…I want more, I want more of that feeling of hot hard cock sinking into me and it feels so good when she sinks back into me like this loop, I love it…I love this and getting drilled like this, made love pushes me into feeling so good, so alive.
“More…Sasha…more! Harder….Oh…Oh!..” Are things that just come out of me. When you’re really having great sex you tend to say stuff, I do at least. I’m not so much into the swearing and the dirty talking though.
I cum before she does but my orgasmic movements bring her over the edge as I feel her hot cream coating my insides. It makes me shudder and takes me a little higher. Afterwards we cuddle until I’m ready and hard and Sasha sinks onto me and then tucks her legs under me and rolls us over…I get that, sometimes you just want…need to be the bottom…I pull her top off and start making love to her breasts. I love them I want my own so bad… “Oh God Sasha you’ve got the most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen.”
“Uh…thanks…but…you’ve only seen mine…”
“No…I’ve seen lots of porn…”
“That’s so not the same Jamie….”
“I want my own; they must feel so awesome…”
“They’re boobs Jamie not miracles, they’re a pain sometimes.”
“I don’t care I still want mine…”
“I know…I couldn’t be without mine…oh…J..Jamie…”
I’m aroused and jealous and I’m fondling her, touching and caressing and suckling and pumping and moving in and out of her moving with her legs around me. I can tell they make a difference, I can see it in the way that she moves and heaves, pants breathes I’m not long in cumming and filling her with my cream and we collapse together back into the sheets.
Chapter 12
I didn’t get to rest after that for long and she and I get cleaned up and Sasha walks me home and once I get changed into a nice light violet blouse and one of my new corsets and my inserts and a nice set of underwear and bra. I go for slacks and just some flats and Sasha gives me some pointers with my make up and she takes me out to the campus coffee kiosk for a bagel. She gives me a hug. “I’ll see you tonight about six?”
“Sure, I’ll bring my books?”
“Yes definitely.”
……………………. The day went by pretty fast and I’m still getting looks now and then from people. There’s a few people that whisper in their little clucking clutches but mostly I’m left alone.
I seen Neela in out while going from one class to another and she’s with friends. I avoid her and them. I know I shouldn’t, that I should be strong and everything but the way things went still hurt. I can feel her watching me; I can feel their eyes on me.
I don’t see Tommy today and I end up eating my lunch alone just off campus at this sort of café place where I have a croc monsieur and a light salad with pea greens while I study away at my books on sculpture and art history. They must be used to students because they don’t decide to clear me out of there and other that being alone it was a good lunch.
I end up going home and do a bunch of laundry with the used clothes I bought and some housecleaning before taking a bath and getting ready for Sasha’s. I put my bedding in to wash and change into a tee-shirt and hoody and head over to Sasha’s place.
It’s a different night than the ones; I’ve been having with her. I study having brought my books and she talks about the stuff I’ve been studying knowing a lot about art and sculpture and there’s something nice and engaging about getting into a real conversation about art and where things came from and who influence who. We talk for hours about it and Sasha has me walking and sitting moving and dancing as we talk.
It’s a really good night actually very sedate until the last hour our so that we spend kissing, yes kissing…or rather me really learning how to and perfecting me accepting a kiss being the sub and pulling her passion to me then being the more aggressive one. It get’s us hot and bothered and we spend time perfecting other oral skills until we’re both sated.
I head home about ten or so then make my bed after a long bubble bath. A change of corsets and my plug and I settle into the sheets for the night the warmth of the bedding fresh from my dryer knocking me into sleep.
……………………………. Wednesday started with Sasha calling and waking me up to go jogging. I wasn’t the most athletic kid in school I was an art geek, into comics and stuff just taking gym for as long as I had to because that and shop weren’t my scene too much.
I love Sasha but I hate her too right now as I’m puffing so hard I almost feel sick and running in a corset is really rough. We head to a different place afterwards this little park where some of the other women joggers are congregating and after a smoothie and a rest she signs us both up for Tai Chi.
Okay I actually enjoyed that even if I wasn’t that good at it and I liked the music they played and the company and I felt how something like this could distress a person. I really enjoyed the Chinese green tea they served with it.
School’s school and I’m enjoying my classes and saw and waved to Tommy while he was eating lunch with a pretty looking strawberry blonde and I spent most of mine in the library on campus researching stuff for a term paper about the start of the impressionists and the effect they’ve had on art today.
I run into one of the girls that hung around with Neela as I was leaving the library and she gives me this dirty look and mutters. “Fake.” as she passes me. It stings but I don’t respond. I just grip my books and go.
That kind of put a damper on my afternoon. But I’ve got to expect things like that. Not everyone is as accepting of someone like me. The campus is however pretty safe and very LGBT friendly or at least they are in this campus because it’s Vancouver and there a large sex and gender variable community here. Heck you can find them talking about Davie Street in tourist websites as a point of interest.
I head home after my last classes of the day and get changed into some jeans and a tee-shirt with a scoop neck and do some yard work and then hook the hard boxes/saddlebags to Dad’s now my motorcycle and take it out for a drive. I’ve driven it before but not as a girl and if the way the engine makes my plug do things to me I can see where there are girls that like them.
I drive out to the local Canadian Tire and do some shopping for it, like I said I’m not a “typical guy” but I did keep it in running order since Dad had passed away and before that he had me helping him in the garage. I’m going to give it a complete tear down over the winter in the garage and keep hand in knowing how to do all the things that I do know how to do. I see some other things there that I both want and need but I’ll need a car or a cab to get them…well one, one I can make on my own.
I stop and call Sasha. “Hello?”
“Sasha, hey it’s Jamie.”
“Hello Jamie, it’s pretty early yet you’re not going to cancel are you?”
“No…I’m out on my motorcycle and heading back I was actually wondering if you need anything?”
“Jamie, how sweet you’re wonderful for asking, let me check the fridge?”
“Of course.” Just so you know I’m safe I’m having a coffee while calling her, I’d never drive and use a cell phone.
“I could use some eggs and some milk and creamer if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all, you haven’t started your supper yet have you?”
“No, not yet why are you offering to buy supper?”
“Yes I am, I’d like to repay the favor from the other night.”
“You don’t have too Jamie but I won’t say no to being treated for the sake of being treated.”
“Deal, I’ll be there soon.”
I hang up and order take out from the same French place she got the take out from using my phone and then heading off to the bank and use the ATM and I head out to get some flowers too I buy her some peach colored roses having read somewhere that they mead desire and excitement and I get the well wrapped the head to Tableau to pick up the take out order.
Cheese and charcuterie snacking platter, Chipolini onions coked and caramelized with pork belly, rabbit and duck rillette, the herb roasted chicken with creamy polenta and green beans and slender carrots and I get two creame brule and two chocolate mousses each.
I carefully put the take out in the bikes saddle bags and strap the stuff I got at Canadian tire down and take my time getting to Sasha’s. I get off the bike and shake my hair loose and get my armloads of stuff and head inside to have her open the door for me wearing another beautiful white satiny lace number with from La Senza and that creamy white against her asian skin looks so damned beautiful.
I might be a she-male but she’s definitely waking up the male side as if the buzzing yay vibrations of the bike haven’t already stirred things up. I’d love to have an outfit like that maybe in that color or maybe in red…
“Hey….That looks like a lot of stuff. Let me take…” I present her with the cone of paper wrapped roses. She carefully opens them. “Oh Jamie these are lovely!” she kisses me thank you with a long kiss.
“You’re welcome, I think it’s perfect for a girl to buy another girl flowers I seen them and I thought of you.”
“Well flowers and supper, I am a lucky girl tonight.”
“Sasha you mean an awful lot to me you’re more than a lover, and a teacher you’re the closest friend I’ve ever had too.”
She doesn’t say a word she just glides up and kisses me and I kiss her and we get lost in that embrace for awhile and when we break it she takes my hand and we go back to the living room with the fireplace in it and we kiss and feed each other and eat just half of the deserts that I brought and spend the rest of the night kissing and dancing, it’s a lot harder to dance as a girl than I thought but then again I never danced really except the few goofy attempts in high school, this was ballroom or well sort of like that it was learning how to slow dance as a girl and lots more practice at kissing…
“Stay the night?” Sasha asks me.
“Alright.” Just that plain and simple.
We go to her room kissing and she turns music on there I’ve no idea what it is but it’s jazz and lots of trumpet and sax in it and she kisses me and bites my lower lip and little… “Take your shirt off.” Her voice sultry and authoritative as I’m peeling out of my tee shirt she’s undone my jeans and pulled my cock out of my panties and stroked me until the stiffening starts and as soon as that happens I’m in her mouth with the same sound she made eating the chocolate mousse. Her hand stroking and the other hand playing with and moving my plug my hands reach into her hair and our eyes meet mine still filled with wonder and hers just giving off that sexy smoldering look.
It’s Sasha, I can’t resist her talents for too long before I’m emptying my cream into her perfect lips and throat…she pulls off of me with a slurping pop and comes up and kisses me sharing my flavors with me and she reaches into a drawer and pulls out a satin scarf and smiles and raises an eyebrow…My mouth goes dry and I nod.
“Turn around Jamie.”
I turn around and she pulls my arms behind me…my nipples are actually hurting and I’m starting to get hard again…
“The secret to doing this so you don’t cut off the circulation is the width of the tying, lots of rope layers almost like a think bracelet or a wide piece of cloth like this…I wrap each wrist a few times and then place them together and wrap both together…subtle, soft restrained…try to move…”
I try but I can’t move my arms really, from across my palms to five inches up my wrists their bound together… “I…can’t…”
She leans into my hair, my ear… “Good…… does it hurt?”
I shake my head no…my skins tingling with this…the first night she had tied my up with Japanese bondage stuff and now we’re doing this again…..and in my other ear…nibbling… “Good….get up on the bed.”
It’s hard but I knee crawl onto the bed and fall over and I feel her take and tie my ankles the same way then she lights candles and turns down the lights and classical music starts to play. Sasha leans over and kisses me… “Jamie, enjoy this, it’s okay….there’s something completely different about surrender.” She kisses me again and rolls me face down but arched so my butt’s high and she removes the plug and sinks in herself.
She’s in total control of things and she uses the ties on my arms to hold me to steer me and it’s not violent or demeaning she does use me, makes very dominant love to me. I get boiling over in erotic senses as I watch me in my bra and panties move to one side ties up with satin scarves in the candle light my face changed into one filled with pleasure as Sasha takes me in that sexy white satin lingerie she’s wearing… I cry out as I cum over and over and so does my teacher, my lover calling out.
“Oh Jamie my blonde princess, tigress… I’ll take you gorgeous, I’ll show you, teach you…I’ll hold you and keep you and tame you with love.”
“Oh f…Ff..Fuck Sasha!... please show me, take me, make me yours…take me out of this life I’ve lived and show me more! Make me more!”
She does and she fucks me and takes me and I cum and cum and she cums and cums and I hit this place in my heart somewhere in the middle of it where I just let go, I let go of who I was and who I am and offer it up to Sasha…she could hurt me badly and I’d be willing.
She doesn’t, not even close, she makes even sweeter love to me and she unties me and I don’t change a thing…I’m hers until we run out of steam and we fall asleep kissing.
It was almost religious for me. I gave her my entire heart and all my trust and she treated it like it was this sacred and treasured thing.
Spent and exhausted she kisses me and we curl up and fall asleep together again.
………………….Thursday morning and it’s not even dawn when she wakes me up and gets me going. Espresso shots and a quick shower, we take each other while in the shower and she packed a few things as I get my stuff together and I leave with her to my place on the motorcycle and then it’s right back to the work out clothes and the corset and everything else as she takes me out for our run with the jogging group that she’s signed us up for.
“You know (pant) that you could have asked me if (pant) I wanted to join a jogging club.”
“Nonsense, besides its good exercise and it’s not the only thing that I signed us up for.”
“What! What else?”
“Well, Mondays there’s swimming at the YWCA in the mornings, Tuesdays are going to be a yoga class, Wednesdays are Tai chi, Today’s going to be Pilates and Fridays are going to be Judo.”
She says all of this without losing her breath.
“Won’t the YWCA have an issue with me being in there?”
“No, I’ve gone there for years now and they don’t have an issue with me or a few other women like us.”
“Oh well that’s pretty cool I like to swim.”
“Good and you should look at getting yourself a bicycle too.”
“Why? I’ve got a motorcycle.”
“It’s great for the legs.”
“So I’m taking Judo?”
“Well the class is self defense sport and it teaches Judo in it and some stuff like kick boxing too. It’s a class that every girl should take.”
“I’ve never been in a fight in my life Sasha why would I start now?”
“The sheer fact you’re not following a normal sexual social norm Jamie. There’ll be someone who will take a swing or worse.”
“The whole thing still might not happen.”
She gives me this look I’ve never seen on her face. “It’ll happen Jamie; it’s not if, it’s when.”
She’s quiet after that and I’m assuming that she’s caught up with something that happened in the past and stuff. She’s even kind of out of it all the way through the Pilates class she dragged me into although I’ll say this it should be taught in schools as it’s a lot better that the jar-headed gym teachers take on calisthenics.
It takes me getting her back to my place and giving her a long sweet blowjob and then taking her onto my bed and then making hard love to her to break her out of her funk. Well that and us sharing coffee and the two leftover creame brules that she had brought over with her for our breakfast.
Sasha left me with a kiss and I went off to my classes and my day as usual. I like college a lot better than high school but then again I like myself now a lot better too.
I go to Sasha’s that night and there’s more lessons and training in deportment and talking, speech and dancing plus more lovemaking lessons. She’s so good at making love because it’s what she does so often, it’s not even second nature it her nature.
It’s mine too.
I go home and sleep alone Thursday night and Friday was more of the same except I won’t be going over in the evenings as her weekends start on Friday nights. The class was good, interesting and left me sore. The first thing that he’s teaching us is how to fall. I see the need for it after he shoved me down hard to the mats like an attacker then seen how one of his advanced students sort of took the fall right and got out of his range by rolling and getting to her feet. Lining there sprawled on the mats I could picture someone doing that and me as I am now not really being able to do much than duck and cover.
He’s a very no bullshit kind of teacher Mr. St. James is. He’s not a sensei just a guy who knows a lot of stuff, ex-military, ex-cop and now he does this class in his spare time.
…………….The weekend was mostly me shopping and working. I did the yard work but I also had some lumber delivered and built my own set of shelves in my place using dad’s tools and a sewing corner and a whole bunch of material, threads, and all sorts of sewing stuff and worked on the idea I had while I was out with Tommy.
I’m going to make my own clothes and outfits and stuff and pretty much spent the weekend getting things all set up and buying clothes and stuff at yard sales and stuff I went to on Saturday and Sunday, well actually most of Sunday I actually sewed and went to the library to do more for my various papers and stuff that I had going out.
I’m wearing some of the things that I made on Monday getting changed into them after showering off the pool. Sasha was right there was a time set aside for us different girls at the YWCA and being in typical Sasha shape she lapped me.
I’m wearing a black Led Zeppelin men’s large concert tee shirt (Houses of the Holy, if you wanted to know.) with sleeves that I made from this old grey dyed tattered suede jacket I got for less that two dollars. I wanted the suede and the fringe it had so once I re-sewn the material it had these seven inch grey suede sleeves ending in those fringes you see on some jackets and there’s a cute dangly fringe now that just about goes to my elbows. I sewed to the shirt a shirt that I made from faded used “distressed” jeans.
I think it rocks and I wear a pair of black knit tights with it and a thick black leather belt with a nice buckle on it. I finish the look with my pair of black flats; some bangles and cheap jewelry I thought was pretty or just wound go with my look and do up my make up and some sunglasses, the vintage small ones with the round lenses in them.
I made a purse out of an old set of black army BDU’s making use out of all the pockets and a matching book bag/knapsack to carry my books in.
I feel pretty good both in feeling cool and pretty and even get some compliments on my outfit and asked where I got it. “I made it, but thanks it’s just something that I’m trying out. That whole clothing is wearable art and all of that.”
I end up taking some numbers and stuff and even asked if I’d consider making stuff to sell. Actually, I don’t tell them any more than “I’ll think about it.” But it’s kind of exactly what I’d been thinking about doing.
I see Neela again when I’m getting my green tea. And I give her a small smile and a wave. She was staring at me since I walked into the square and hadn’t taken her eyes off of me.
She’s startled that I waved and her little circle of friends most of them part of the hard core lesbian crowd are giving me these dirty looks but I ignore them as best as I can and get my order and I leave for my next class throwing in some well taught sway.
I can feel her eyes on my butt the entire way out of there.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 13 & 14.
Chapter 13
It’s actually turning out to be a good day. Nothing really special and yet it’s one of those Mondays in the early fall when it’s Summer with Fall teasing her edges like a flirty lover. I’m loving my look today, the way I feel, the sway as I walk the feeling of not just being on my way to becoming who I really am but liking it too.
I slow it down as I drink my ex-large Chocolate Chai tea. Nothing to do with Neela I’ve always loved the spices with that whole hot chocolate thing. I actually stop and look at some of the art and plaques and neat stuff here on campus that we usually ignore.
It’s a nice way to just sort of be mellow. I’m not even sure of why I’m in the mood today that I’m in. Endorphins from the running and swimming more than likely still I feel pretty good and honestly…okay I know this sounds bad but I’m likely in the best shape of my life or getting there. I wasn’t really one of the chunky kids but one of the read my comics and magazines and draw and live behind my computer kind of kinds.
I never ran outside of gym class and as soon as I could take my own classes I was out of there. It’s not like I hated doing those things but the jocks and actually it’s not the professional ones like the varsity types it’s the little meatheads that see gym class as a way to prove that they’re as good as the guys on the teams. It’s this whole… “Look at me, please look at me I’m cool too see how I beat up the nerd.” No I wasn’t the nerd. I’ve never been in a fight in my life. A few scraps as a kid with like other kids but never a real fight. I just got really sick of having to be around people like that.
I think I’m really starting to enjoy my life. And even as I’m thinking it I kind of realized just how dead inside I was getting. The thing is I’m here looking over some of the public bill boards in a dress and slinky bra and panties and other things and I’ve never been this happy before, no…better than happy, content.
And that’s a good thing.
I’m more than cheerful going through my classes that day and its fun being here. I mean its work but I throw myself into my projects and classes. I’m into my drawing stuff and the painting classes and it’s funny and has me laughing at myself because I can draw stuff or paint it but put a lump of clay in my hands and I just can’t quite get the same effect. It’s fun and I make some class friends while we talk about the various ways that we suck at things and I might be older now but get a class of three quarters girls and tell them to sculpt a banana and you see if you don’t get a lot of giggling and a lot of off colored jokes that made most of the straight guys in the class get really uncomfortable or embarrassed which just made it all the more fun.
I guess that really says to my psyche that I really am more girl than boy.
It also led to me making a few friends through that little episode. Noel who is this thin, slender Scandinavian waif that would be drop dead gorgeous if she wasn’t too this, I mean she’s see her ribs thin. There’s also we’re naturally almost the same bra size. The one thing really about her was she had this amazing head of hair down to the small of her back with that real ash blonde and those perfect waves in it.
I like her but she’s quiet.
Dina is raven black haired and Greek with the nose and all the stuff you’d expect to see in a Mediterranean girl and short and curvy with great wide hips a really nice butt that she shows off in jeans a lot and has these ripe full DD’s that she shows off too. As great looking as she is she’s a relentless flirt with guys and I love the stuff of her’s I’ve seen that she’s done in acrylics.
Victoria is a funny Kenyan exchange student and her family is in the oil business so she’s been all over and she has a really cool accent. She’s like me into drawing and inks more than anything but she’s mixed her tribal old school art with other cultural art from around the world.
And Henna, she’s like that youngest of something like nine kids and her parents are honest to god hippies or like second generation hippies and she’s pretty normal but a red head with this talent in her hands like she’s good with everything she tries in the studio labs. A really nice outgoing girl but when we’re in the classrooms she’s struggling.
It’s kind of nice that we’ve started to make friends and we leave class together talking and laughing about guys and their certain parts and If I count Sasha and my own I’ve seen just about as many as Dina who’s the most experienced of the girls and we’re talking about sizes and shapes and ball size on a guy but also what constitutes a nice ass on a guy and we head to the food hall to grab a late lunch as it’s close to one in the afternoon and most of us hand eaten dinner yet.
Henna looks over to me and asks. “So Jamie what’s the deal with you and Neela?”
I look at her and bite my lip as we hit the food lines and I see that Henna’s seen the look I’m getting from Neela and the not so nice ones from her friends. They’re all sitting together in a small cluster of tables looking like the lesbian Conservative Alliance party of Canada and the lipsticks and diesels that love them.
I start putting together a salad and shrug. “We hooked up and we were going to try a date but she didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t exclusive.”
“Really? I heard some people saying you’re really a guy and she found out and she flipped out.”
“No, it’s not the whole thing that I’m genetically male…well maybe she did have a problem with it and is using the fact that after we hooked up I went to be with someone else.”
Henna, Dina and Noel are staring at me like I grew another head. Dina recovers first. “You’re a guy?!”
“No, I’m not a guy, I’m a girl.”
“But you said you’re genetically male, that makes you a guy.”
“No it doesn’t.” Noel and I say it at the same time. Henna asks “Trans?”
I shake my head no. “No I’m good with the factory installs except they’re not quite right, I’m missing some fine detail work and some hardware.”
“Come again?”
“I’m Mahu.” Victoria is nodding and smiling. The other three look confused. I take one of those deep breaths. “I’m a she-male….” I get some of the steamed chicken and rice stuff on the side of my salad then get a V8 juice.
Henna’s nodding but doesn’t look too sure of the idea that must be in her head it that I’m thinking and puzzled look and but Dina and Noel are checking me out not sexual or hostile but girl curiously checking out another girl kind of looks.
Victoria’s nodding and looks over to Neela. “So she’s having a right fair conniption fit over the fact she’s got a thing for you and you’re on the wrong side.”
“Sort of maybe we haven’t talked since that night even though I told her that I was doing this.”
Dina coughs. “Oh so she’s in a snit that you got a taste of her curry pot and you went elsewhere after her? Oh Jamie you’re such a bitch, you should have fallen instantly head over heels for her.”
Noel finally speaks up. “She has a rep, Jamie she’s very L word her and the ones with her are the more man hating hard core feminazi.”
Dina looks over at me and slaps me on my arm. “Bad! Bad Shane!” They’re laughing and I’m so not getting it.
They try to explain it to me as we get to a table that will fit all of us and I’m sort of getting it. I sit though and look at them. “You’re not freaked out by what I am.?”
They mostly shrug. “Takes all kinds Jamie.” Henna says. Noel plays with a slice of tomato. “There’s gay guys in our classes so how’s that a different standard?” Victoria’s nodding and Dina’s looking at me. “You’re too pretty to be a guy. So…”
“So…?”
“How big’s you’re cock?”
The other girls look shocked and I’m choking on my juice. Dina’s got a big smile on her face. “I guess about average five and a half, six inches…Why?”
She bursts out giggling and the girls do too and I can’t help but to as well. “What?” I ask them.
“You’re just so matter of fact about it. And I thought it’d be smaller.” Dina says. Henna Chips in with. “Yeah most guys would either lie or they’d get all braggy about it.”
I shrug. “I’m not a guy. I’m a girl in my head or close enough that it doesn’t matter, it might get smaller though…I’m not sure I’m not taking anything yet so….”
Dina say’s. “That’s true, you don’t move really like a guy or even really act like a guy. You’re not like most of the girls I know either you don’t have some of the subconscious habits that we do.”
“Yes, you are very much like some of the lady-boi’s I’ve known in the east.” Victoria says. “They have their own way of being that isn’t like either sex. Even then they can be beautiful ladies.”
“That’s me; I guess I’m like part of one of the genderqueers, or somewhere in between the whole binary gender thing.”
Dina looking at me asks. “So have you been with anyone other than Neela?”
“Yes.”
“Who?”
“A really nice guy I was with for several really good days…” I cut myself off as Tommy the really good guy in question comes over with a smile and leans down and kisses my cheek.
“Hey you.”
“Hey back.” I smile as I say it. The girls awe all gawking at him. Tommy is really cute.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“No…I missed you like you wanted me to miss you.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, oh.”
I look him in the eyes and it’s not even putting a look on it’s more like letting something show and that’s my smile and the fact that I want him…I really really want him. He really smells so good.
“You done for the day?”
“Yeah you?”
“I’ve got one more class in like…two hours.” The pause is me checking out the wall clock.
“Do you want to go someplace?”
“I thought I seen you with some other girls this week?”
“Dana and Kate, yeah they’re nice but we just went out and stuff.”
“And stuff?”
“Well, me and Dana…”
“Oh?”
“I…I…it was okay…I mean it was good, but after it…I uhm…I was thinking of you…” Tommy’s blushing really red right now and I get up as Noel’s frowning and saying. “So you were thinking of her while you were with this other girl?”
“It’s not Tommy’s fault, I spoiled him for other girls.” I smile and take him by the hand and say to them. I’ll talk to you girls in class?”
“YES!!!” all four of them say it at once and I lead Tommy out of there.
“My place?” I ask.
“Yeah…”
We get into his truck and I’m pretty close to campus about a twenty minute walk we make it in like five minutes driving and we run into my place kissing passionately as I fumble for my keys and once inside it’s into the bedroom where I turn as we’re kissing and get him to sit on my bed as I pull off my dress and sink to my knees and unbuckle his belt then free his beautiful cock from it’s confinement. I stroke him a few times and suck his heavy balls into my mouth and get him moaning and rock hard and I smell him and his long hard cock like a cigar as I make my way from his base to the head and hold him with both hands and wrap my lips and mouth around his head and rotate my head using him for my lollipop and letting my hair get messy.
“Oh Tommy…thank you…I’ve been wanting and dreaming and craving your cock almost as much as I’ve been missing you….” I go back to lollipoping as he asks.
“You missed me?” I nod my mouth full of his dick but I look him in the eyes with a yes then push my head and throat down the huge shaft until my face is into his public bone and I burble? (Happy laugh with a dick down your throat?) and make this sound like I’m having chocolate for like the first time in a year and I’m having a Foodgasm.
The thing is I’m really not bullshitting in any of this. I have missed him. I just never got all obsessive and stuff but I missed him. And I missed the way that he makes me feel. I love the taste of Tommy, I know I’m a pretty dedicated cocksucker now but I really long the way that he tastes and the feel. I’m past choking at this point and there is something so femme and kinky and dirty all in a good way when I have him pumping through my lips and over my tongue and down my throat and my throat muscles contracting every time I have to swallow because all that cock has me salivating.
I use that to start getting this almost seal on his cock and I suck and suck only breathing through my nose and Tommy sinks his fingers through my hair and grips my skull with an. “Oh! Jamie! Oh! fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” he’s starts chanting as he goes all boy feral sex beast and start to hump my face. I take a beak from the suction to just relax my throat for his invasion and just get into being his fuck puppet.
How do you get into something like that? For me it’s the feeling of his cock caressing and stroking my insides, my throat and being able to do that form him and the best is the friction on my lips. There is nothing like the friction puffy lips of sucking cock to me. I feel so beautiful and powerful from that.
Oh yeah, powerful. Tommy want’s me so bad he’s lot regular Tommy and I’ve got this completely feral cave man version on him because he’s that caught up in me.
Me…I did this to him and it’s really empowering.
Tommy gets to that point of no return and I take control of the situation by holding onto him balls with just enough force to sort of snap him out of it and I pull myself back until all I have is the front of his cock in my mouth and I’m making that suction seal again and my other hand is jerking him off and I suck for all that I’m worth once I get a mouth full of my own saliva and that sort of swallow-suck-guzzle get’s him off .
Tommy let’s out a whimpering cry of “Jamiiiiiiiiiiiee!” As I more suck the cum from him as opposed to him Cumming and shooting.
I can’t help but to smile and pull off of him at the same time and look up his torso and kiss the head of his cock and smile and play with him. “I love this Tommy, God I know I shouldn’t be such a slut but I can’t help it Tommy. I love doing this for you…I love that you’re such a good guy Tommy…thank you…”
I do mean these things but you know some girls won’t say that to a guy that they’re with. They want the thanks and to be told that they’re awesome and often I’ve seen a lot of guys getting a raw deal from some of the girls that they are with.
I just make sure to say stuff like this to my lovers. Self esteem and feeling good is one hell of an aphrodisiac. I go back down on him to harden him up and only take breaks to smile at him. “My jaw’s sore, your big dick did that to me.” I tell him and laugh a soft sexy laugh I’m not making fun or complaining.
It’s even little things like a happy playful kiss to his cockhead or use a hand to massage his pubic area. Not erotically even though it is but to actually just touch him there. Guys don’t get touched enough…there’s more that butt, back and chest and shoulders.
I think just touching someone you care about in just little ways and places, is loving and sensual.
Once he’s hard enough I slide up his body and kiss with him for a few minutes really making out the roll off of him deeper into my bed and slinkily bend, arch myself for him. “Please Tommy…please I’ve been dreaming sometimes of this…of you taking me.”
I’m well lubed and I’ve been using my plug but still Tommy is ten really solid inches of thick hard cock and it sort of hurts as he sinks in. it mostly feels great…better than great actually like I’m getting a fix but it still hurts in a good way.
“Aiiie….oh…oh…oh…ggnhh!...oh… aiiie…oh fuck…Tommy…!” I can’t help those sounds coming out of me as I feel him bottom out inside of me and I’m the one losing control this time as with another “Aiiie!” he finds my prostate, my G-spot as it is and I fall into that pleasure pain mix of bliss that totally changed my life. I’m a cock loving whore and I love it. Ever since Sasha slid hers into me it was like a missing part of my brain and heart and soul turned on inside.
Ten eleven strokes I used that stuff that I learned from Sasha and that’s great for long slow fucking and things but this is different. This is between classes making love squeezing every last drop of life from it kind of sex.
So I’m begging… “Ggnhh!, fuck me Tommy…pleas fuck me…fuck me hard…grab my corset…use the bottom edges…please, please, please baby fuck me…show me…use me…”
It so works too, I relax as much as I can as he gets this really good grip buy curling his fingers into the bottom edge of my corset and gripping hand holds of at and he starts to use it the thrust away in me. I like I said relax so I’m as slick as possible and I’m drooling pre-cum from myself and almost in a continuous cry of pleasure from getting fucked as fast as he can and him going into that feral boy-made-fuck-god and I cum once and he keeps going fucking right through a couple of my cum/muscle clenches and that hurts so good and all the way until we’re both reaching our limits again and I cum again and this time he knew and buried himself into me and I came…hard…and twice in a row.
Yeah twice, see this time when he stayed buried into me as I clenched my insides twitching as I came I felt him inside of me in this squeeze moulded around his cock way the made my girly brain parts squee Cock! With made my sexual response even more powerful until I was nearly vibrating that made Tommy lose what little control he had and while clenched he was shooting and drench my insides with his cream. That hot blast in me sent me way over that edge.
The pleasure welled up in me like an eruption and exploded and washed over my whole body sheening me in sweat and making me twitch out a little cum from my cock but it wasn’t that kind of cum. This was something else better, a g-spot cum ….my version of the female orgasm and …wow…no wonder I love cock.
I passed out almost and Tommy did too falling sort on ontop of me his weight ontop of me. We laid there and panted for the longest time and just panted and breathed then it all got made better as Tommy kissed the sides and back of my neck once he caught his breath and slid those big country boy arms under me and around me and he hugged me tight.
I had this happy little sob come out of me. As that just brought tears to my eyes. “Are you okay Jamie?” there was concern in his voice. It just made it better.
“Yes…God Tommy…don’t you change, don’t you ever fucking change please?! (Whining sniffle talking.) do you have any idea just how…how good it is to be kissed, held and cared for after we made love?”
“Yeah I do Jamie…You’re telling me right now, you’re holding your hands over mine too…I…I…Needed to Jamie…Needed too, I just sometimes need to hug someone, it’s more than holding someone…”
I nod, and feel his face buried into the back of my head and neck. “Being held’s more than that for me too Tommy.”
“It grounds me.” We both say the exact same thing….
I roll over and feel his arms and hands slip into the small of his back and stare up at him as I wrap my hands and arms around his neck lovingly. It’s French kissing for awhile and nuzzling each other’s faces as we make out and he picks me up and carries me to the shower and we get washed up but not before we have shower sex.
……………………………. I’m just barely on time for my afternoon classes and I step into the painting studio with this happy sex drunk sort of sway. I’m so happy it’s like I’m buzzed. And yes we talk and while I don’t go into graphic details about the sex except for the few dreamy shivers and off in space look while I’m talking about it we girl out about it and especially talking about the after the love making stuff. Even Noel who’s the lesbian out of the four apparently says she hasn’t gotten that out of some of the girls she’s been with that I got from Tommy today.
Classes are pretty good and we even go for a coffee the five of us after we’re done. We’re all taking pretty much the same classes going for our bachelors degrees in visual arts and we just hang out for a bit and end off trading off our numbers on our cell-phones and e-mails and stuff too.
I’m smiling as I go home and get my things for going over to Sasha’s. I’ve never really made friends this easy before. I mean I’ve really barely known them for a month and today was kind of the clincher.
Actually counting Tommy and Sasha this is the most friends I’ve really ever had before.
Sasha kisses me long and slowly once I’m through the doors and I drop my things off in the usual spot and we kiss for a good long while. She’s just in her jeans and a nice top that I unbutton and leave on her but take her bra off and spend time being taught to suckle and make love to her breasts.
I get her panting and moaning until she tells me to. “Oh Jamie, take me…take me…I’m so…hot…I need you.” I pick her up and carry her to the fireplace room and undo her jeans and pull them off of her and pull her hard cock free of her panties and take it in one fast gulp almost. After Tommy, Sasha seems so much easier…I lube her up and slip fingers into her as I suck her to a squealing cum and then lay her back on the couch and sink into her.
The sex is great as usual and by the time I’m filling her with my cream the motion and squeezing and pulsing around my plug has me so wanting my own needs to be filled. And we switch places.
Then it’s her teaching me how to do all the trimmings for a roast chicken dinner and we set the food into the stove’s oven and we go to her bathroom and take a long hot bath together and just relax and wash each other and each other’s hair as I tell her about the day and meeting the girls and making friends and everything with Tommy. I’m a lot more graphic with Sasha and she finishes my bath with her sinking into me all over again and we have a soft warm soapy beautiful sexual encounter.
We get dolled up after that and eat supper in our lingerie like some decadent date dinner and we dance together some to some soft music and honestly I need the practice and everything.
After coffee we just lounge in her big bed with my notes and my laptop doing my homework and looking things up online and she’s really smart too. It’s so much more than the sex as she helps me rewrite some things and reword some others and shows me things to look up online that I wouldn’t have thought of to use as examples of what I’m talking about.
We take a few breaks and we sixty-nine once and I give her a fuck massage where I’m sinking into her and giving her a back massage at the same time. It’s about an hour between each time we have sex and by the time I’m kissing her goodbye for the evening at about tenish I’m yawning all the way home.
Chapter 14
The rest of the week actually just gets better and better or is it just because the suck factor was really low. I’m getting really good marks with some of my classes and Sasha’s other tutoring has really been paying off and not the sex stuff, the real tutoring and things.
I cracked her up in yoga class because I didn’t de-plug before class and yeah I found out the hard way about how inflexible that is inside of me.
I think I like Yoga though. I know I like both my class in Tai chi and my class in self defence. And I’m starting to slowly get to the point of where I’m not wanting to puke when I’m running with Sasha.
There’s a few other little things too.
I’ve bought some language CD’s to listen too at night while I’m sleeping. I’m going with French, Han-Chinese, and German I’ll plug them in twice a week and take them with me all that day when I’m just wanting something to listen to while I’m doing other things.
I want to learn some new things besides the art stuff.
I hang with the girls a bit before classes or afterwards every day and slowly work away at my sewing and designing outfits and stuff. I’m kind of on this handbag and pack kick right now with me making them out of recycled clothes and stuff. I make and sold four of these purse laptop bag combinations that I had made from old corduroy pants and jackets in this reddish brown and edged it all in black leatherette and used the nylon like satiny inside of an old ladies coat to line them so the computer doesn’t get scratched. I sold them each for a hundred dollars. Considering most of the stuff I got from the thrift stores I’ve almost made back the cash I spent setting things up.
Lol, but I blew two hundred of it Thursday afternoon shopping with the girls for a few hours for shoes. I got about four pair at Payless and a good but expensive pair of ladies Nikes at footlocker.
I seen Tommy a few more times during the week but mostly just in passing or to wave. I’ve seen him on a few dates by the look of it. We did walk to one of his classes though on Friday while I was on my way back from my self defence class. He bought me a skim milk hot chocolate and I bought a half dozen brownies and had one and a half as we ate and walked and I chattered his ear off about making the shoulder bags and the money.
Everything was good until Friday afternoon when I was walking home I ran into Steve, Danny and Chris…
I mean literally, I hadn’t been hanging around any of my old haunts that I’d started partying at when I first got here so I haven’t really seen then in two weeks.
Steve looked at me. “Sorry miss…holy fuck its Jamie…Jesus you went fag!” He shoved me away from him and Chris followed suit.
“Hey, stop it guys!”
“Hey stop it guys…” Chris sneered making fun of my voice. “Fucking pussy.”
“You fucking went fag…I though you were cool.” Steve says again and spits on me. Chris goes and swings on me twice. He’s no fighter just an ass but the first on hits me hard in the chest and I manage the basic block we’ve been learning. Ow…that hurts too. I try a basic stance and yell for “Help!” a few times and Steve takes off but Chris has his whatever kind of hate on for me still and keeps swinging a few more times while I’m shouting for help then Danny who really hadn’t done much but stand there and let things happen jumped Chris and started hitting him yelling “Leave her alone, leave her the fuck alone!” over and over again as they beat on each other until campus security showed up.
The go separated and cuffed and Chris got put in the back of the security guards car and Danny was just detained as questions were asked and I gave my statement that Danny backed up as he stared at the ground and stuff. I was crying by the end of it and I did press charges and even against Steve for spitting on me.
One of the guards drove me home where I ended up just taking a long really hot shower and crawling into my bed and cried myself to sleep. The girls woke me up about eight PM banging on my doors and…and calling me.
I went downstairs to get mobbed by them and hugged and there were a couple of others with them too as word had spread about me getting “gay bashed” and attacked and I spend the night with them all in my place about a dozen people or so until about eleven o’clock when the girls chased everyone else out.
I did cry a few times telling them what was said and what had happened and even Danny coming to my rescue even if it was a bit too late in the whole thing and Noel went out and came back with feel better ice cream for all of us and several bottles of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Kaluha and we got drunk and talking and tearful and stuff while we watched the L-word on DVD for my first time and Dina joking again and calling me Shane and me getting it really helped.
I think Victoria’s bi or lez because I walked into Noel kneeling in front of her with her face into Vic’s shave African sex and Vic leaning almost sitting on the edge of my bathroom sink.
I left and went back to my booze-shake and the shows and we all ended up sleeping together in my bed. It was really sort of slumber party like in a way. But with booze and two of us hooking up and my four best friends coming to my rescue on a Friday night dumping everything that they either had planned or were doing. That made me cry more than the attack. I was expecting an attack, just like Sasha had said would happen.
It was my first and not likely my last. I hated every second of it and it’s made me wonder at how Sasha went quiet and broody just how much and what had happened to her.
Dina made us all breakfast and I’ll tell you that Greek girl can cook. I had the best omelette I’ve ever had in my life. Which was good because we were all a little hung over. I might be the way I am, choosing to be Trans or whatever but it wasn’t an issue with the five of us being just five different kind of girls. I guess in a way my equipment is no different in meaning then Noel being a lesbian or Dina having her big breasts or Victoria being black or Henna who has so many freckles all over her body its amazing. It was just one of those things that just made sense to my heart.
Although Vic and Noel were trying to keep the fact they hooked up on the down-low.
We were doing the dishes when Tommy showed up knocking at my door. I opened the door and he scoops me into this huge hug and buries his face into my chest and holds me and shakes a bit. “Thank god…I just heard what happened, I’m so glad that you’re alright…”
The real feeling and the emotion in his voice and in his eyes has me nearly crying again and then he kisses me. It’s one of the best kisses I’ve ever had in my life so full of his heart that I could feel it pouring into me. I run my fingertips through his hair and can’t keep the loving smile off of my face as he’s holding me. “I’m okay; it’s not as bad as it could be Tommy, these things happen to girls like me.”
“They shouldn’t, they shouldn’t and if I ever get my hands on the asshole….” I kiss him to interrupt him but don’t chastise him about what he might do. He’s a guy and sometimes guys need to let that stuff out that way. I know I used too, still might I just haven’t gotten that pissed off yet I guess. Yes girls lose it verbally too, just not as much as guys do…usually. I kiss him a few more times and touch my forehead to his. “Thank you.”
We kiss some more and Tommy carries me inside and the girls were talking until they see him come in carrying me with his hangs holding me up by my butt and there’s a few grins and blushes as they quickly get dressed and leave kissing each of us on the cheeks before leaving.
I look at Tommy. “Take me back to bed and make love to me.”
He does.
It feels instantly better as he sinks into my well lubed depths and starts to make long slow love to me with these deep, deep strokes. It’s so much of what I love about being this way with that feeling of his hot length going in so deeply and beautifully into me that it’s an instant validation of the choice I made to embrace this side of myself that I had buried all of my life.
That kagel like technique is perfect for times like these. I get sort of drunk on the feelings as I clench around him as he’s sliding out and I feel the head and his glands riding over and massaging my insides in the most delicious of ways. It’s just as good as that relaxing as he sinks back inside of me and over and over until I’m getting ready to cum and he sinks into me and stays there and strokes me off. But it’s slow and it’s good…really good. Even better when he fills me with his cream too.
We make love face to face, and then with my legs around his waist and then again with my legs over his shoulders. I fall asleep very well boned and vibrating from the sex and the love and oh yeah I was so right falling asleep with someone you love in your own bed it so perfect.
Tommy woke me in the afternoon with him giving me a blowjob. I was very surprised to say the least but I wasn’t going to tell him to stop, I moan and writhe on the bed and preen his hair with my fingertips and tell him how good he makes me feel. He even swallowed. We share a French kiss with the taste of myself on his lips and we get cleaned up…shower sex is great…I’m getting so used to him inside of me I swear I was made for his cock.
We go out for the afternoon and he takes me shopping. No he’s not paying but he does take me to some of the farmers markets and to some of the yard and garage sales going on and carries my things as I scoop up old clothes and things I can use for making my things. Actually for me some of the older things the better. Old curtains and drapes and jackets and even old broken purses and stuff are great things that I can break down into other things.
We park twice for a quickie that afternoon, I might be reacting or acting out sexually for being attacked over the way that I am I don’t really know. I just need to have him every time he’s turned on that afternoon. Once is me giving him a blowjob and the other is me on top and him filling me with two loads of his cum before he’s limp again. I have handy wipes to clean him up with and myself but my plug get swapped out for a tampon after that.
Tommy takes me out to supper at a nice looking place neither of us had been too and it’s called Gustav’s and it’s a Cuba place and we eat Cuban food for the first time. I’ve heard of beans and rice as a dish but never thought that it’d be as good as this was. There’s spicy pulled pork of some kind and plantains which I really like but Tommy didn’t so I had his and there were these big prawns as a side that were broiled in this like BBQ sauce and coconut milk. Those were really good, we ate and order of those each and the waiter told us how to suck the stuff out of the bodies like I’ve seen them do with crawfish on television.
Which of course got me and Tommy all playful and after the blowjob he gave me as a wake up call we do this flirty teasy sucking thing with each other. Which really was a lot of fun and after that we had dessert which was butter fried bananas with hot peppers and brown sugar as this sauce that got poured over vanilla ice cream.
We went to the theatre after that and caught the early show watching the Lion King in 3-D which was good and bad. I haven’t seen it since I was a kid and when Simba’s father died I bawled as much as any of the kids there that the parents had brought to the show.
I was reminded though of how much I loved Raffiki and the song “The Lion sleeps tonight.”
Tommy stayed the night with me and we made love until we just couldn’t any more. I took top this time first going down on Tommy and losing myself in sucking his beautiful cock, taking my time and giving him this really long blowjob where I keep bringing him to his peak and the slowing things down until Tommy’s writhing on the bed and whining because he needs to cum, because I’ve made the head of his cock so sensitive and he’s begging me. “Oh! Jamie! Please let me cum, please, please baby let me cum it hurts oh god it hurts please…” He arched his back off my bed when I sucked the cream out of him and her was panting so hard he was nearly hyperventilating…it’s funny and not funny because I made him get a stitch in his side. I took top after than loving the feeling of him filling me so deeply it became ecstatic and that way it so almost feels like I can feel his cock sliding up my spine. We finished with me face down butt pushed up into him and him fucking me through two more loads of his cream into me before we passed out totally spent and I couldn’t get a rise out of him if I tried.
I woke to him gone with a note on the night stand saying.
*{Jaime…I had to go honey, I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay but I had a bunch of things to do today that I couldn’t put off. It was late and I didn’t want to wake you. I made you some breakfast and it’s in the oven……Love you, Tommy.}*
I’m not sure what happen to me or why but I read the note and I just burst into tears and cried for what felt like hours before I fell asleep again. He made me French toast and bacon on the side in case anyone was wondering. It took me an hour to eat it after I got up. I just dressed in some cut offs and a long nightshirt with teddy bears on it after a bath. I almost pick up my phone and call Tommy, I almost call the girls but there’s this part of me that doesn’t want to be a pest and needy and not worth it? Have you ever just felt that way…that voice in your head telling you you’re not worth it, that you shouldn’t reach out and bother them because that’s all you are is a bother.
I suppose I could have called Mom or Kate too, but honestly I’d fucking chew broken glass than talk to them about this or anything anymore.
I looked in the bathroom mirror and sort of saw my other self, old Jamie looking at me and I must have been in there an hour trying to figure out if I was just some kind of faggot and a freak. Why was I like this? Why was I trying to erase my father’s son?
“I need some serious counselling.”
I moped around for awhile then sat down and studied awhile then went to my sewing corner where I began a vicious assault on the stuff I had got with scissors and craft knives and a seam ripper. I was crying during some of that too and blaring some music off of my laptop. “So What.” By Pink really, really fits my mood and so does “Do What You Want.” By Evanescence does too but “Lithium.” By her too and then “Creep.” By Radiohead.
Creep is one of the old songs I used to listen too when everything in my life just sort of felt like that song. I kind of go there listening to that kind of music and I spend most of the night sewing and kind of get into this skirt making run with some sharp looking denim leather and leatherette skirts in various lengths from some old jackets and coats I got and some more of my leather sleeved tee-shirts. A few more shoulder bags and purses until it’s about eight PM and there’s a knock on my door.
I go down to see who it is and when I look through the glass Danny is there staring down at the ground and he looks Like he’s been crying. I open the door a little, wary and nervous.
“Danny? What do you want?”
He looks at me with these red rimmed eyes and sniffles out. “Jamie…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”
“Okay…you’re sorry. That wasn’t cool Danny; you should have helped me before that.”
“I know…I know…but I was scared…”
“Scared of them? You did pretty good against Chris. Or scared of saying something?”
“Scared I…I’m scared I’m like you…”
“Like me?”
“Yes…”
“Alright come inside.”
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 15 & 16.
Chapter 15
It was all very surreal and Déjá -vu as I led a shaking and scared and miserable Danny upstairs into my loft. I made some hot chocolate and looked at him as I stirred it. “Danny?”
“Yes…” his voice was really meek sounding.
“Why? Why me?”
“I dunno? Scared I guess of what’s going on in my head. But not just that, it’s not being able to get you out of my mind.”
I walk over with the hot chocolates and set him his on my coffee table. “I’m not really the best one to talk to about this. This life isn’t really a choice as much as it’s a choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“I knew, I knew as soon as I set my eyes on her that that was the real me.”
“I’m not sure that I get it?”
“I wanted it all, to be tied up, to have the soft skin and the breasts to suck her cock down my throat and have her fuck me into a different person. The real me. Teach me train me remold me.”
“Are you sure that you really want to go down that road and stop being Danny?”
“I..I…I don’t think I can…but Jamie what’s wrong with me am I gay?”
“You might be, have you been with a girl yet?”
“Y..Yeah a few times.”
“Did you like it?”
“Y..yeah….”
“Do you still want to fuck me?”
“Yes!”
“Do you still want me to fuck you….uhm….yes?”
“Sorry Danny you’re not like me. At most I think you’re bisexual and you’ve been fighting it so much it’s freaking you out. It’s okay, human sexuality is a scary thing. But I’m not going to sleep with you.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because I’m not that kind of girl. I’m not having sex with you Danny just because you want it. I’m not your sexuality beta test. I’ll be with someone when I want to be with someone and after the last little while that might be awhile…and that’s even with the ones I’m currently lovers with.”
“But…but…what do I do?”
“Go to the LGBT meets, talk to people, listen if you don’t want to talk about stuff but just don’t go running off to Davey street with a I’m a virgin bust my cherry sign on. Be smart about this.”
“But you weren’t?”
“No, I wasn’t and yet I walked into it with my eyes wide open too. I’d been covering who and what I really am all my life Danny. Deep down something like this you just know…there’s no going back either…I mean look at my place, you’ve been here before.”
“Yeah…” He gets up and passes me the empty cup of hot chocolate. “This place is so not the Jamie I was doing Bong hits with at the start of the year. This is kinda a chick place.”
“Kinda of a chick place?”
“Yeah…, it’s just not my thing.”
“Not at all?”
“Uhm…no…”
“Danny?”
“Yeah?”
“Think about sucking Steve’s cock.”
He closes his eyes and he shudders and opens his eyes. “But…”
“Oh chill, you just have a thing for girly boys and stuff.”
“Just?”
“Yes Just…people can have some really weird kinks out there, yours is just more like having a type. Just talk to someone, maybe meet one of us…talk to her…we’re more than just that stupid she-male porn that is all over the place.”
“But I like that stuff.”
“Danny…” I let out an exasperated sigh. “Look you can find some random T-girl or lady-boi or whatever variety floats you boat and you can get ass boned and you dick waxed and that’s fine or you can find a girl that likes you and treat her good and she’ll do for you maybe what I do for my boyfriend and that fuck until we’re both out of cum.”
“But not you…”
“No. there’s been just too much between us that it’d never be right for me.”
“Okay…could I call you sometime, ask your advice and stuff?”
“Yes, you have my number.” I start leading him downstairs and see him off. I watch him go and lean in the doorway and breathe a long sigh of relief.
“Trouble?”
I jump and my first reaction was to throw my coffee cup at him but I throw like a girl and it goes about seven feet wide and somewhere out on the lawn. I then realize that it’s my landlord.
“Oh sorry Mr. Robinson, no it was trouble anymore or at least I hope he doesn’t get into any.”
“Good, I was just checking. It would do to leave a young lady in distress.”
Oh….well I guess he would know, he’s seen me at least once that I know of. “Oh thank you…?”
He smiles at me and there’s that magic there, that certain something someone has that wakes me up. He’s actually a really handsome guy. Really well built but not buff, tanned but it’s that tan of years and he’s got tone from being hiking all over in his work. Thick hair in a pony tail but it’s all that steely grey and sexy green eyes.
“You’ve changed a lot recently?”
“Yes, I’m finding myself. I’m leaning how to be myself.”
“I’ve seen you at Sasha’s.”
“Oh, you know Sasha?”
“Yes we’re very acquainted.”
“Oh…”
“How would you like to come in for a drink?”
“Okay…”
He takes me by my hand into the main house and it’s beautiful just the way he guides me that way up the steps and the way that his hand fits into the small of my back and then he opens the door for me. I’m so not dressed for this kind of attention but my heart and part of my brain is just vibratingly happy.
I like manners, I like being treated nicely, it’s a shot right into my self worth and self esteem…
Oh…oh…holy…he just turned me around and took my chin and tilted my head and pulled me to his lips and kissed me. The only way I can describe it is this is that make your heart hurt great old black and white so much better than the best kiss I’ve ever had…Turner classic movies kiss.
“I’m sorry Jamie, you just remind me of this really beautiful girl I knew once about thirty five years ago…”
“Really…?”
“Yes, you remind me so much of her and yet you are definitely you and this isn’t New York.”
“New York?”
“That’s where I met her and she left me head over heels as she took a cruise ship away from me to Europe.”
“I’m sorry.”
“If I can have one more kiss Ms. Blake I’ll forgive you.”
His eyes sparkle and I can’t help myself I’m the one kissing him next. It really doesn’t matter he pulls me in like no one else ever has before and kisses me back and over and over again until I’m stunned, dizzy and screamingly turned on…I swear every sexual nerve in my body is just waiting to have and excuse to go a bit bonkers and explode at his touch.
There is nothing, nothing like a really sexy experienced man.
And the thing is I just flat out refused Danny?
I so wasn’t into the whole getting with anyone tonight I’m really thinking that I need to stop and slow down or decompress and see someone who can help me get my head wrapped around just all the stuff about myself.
But the kiss.
And there is just something so smoking hot about him right now. It’s the age, the power in him as an older man, a man who’s lived and loved and been with how many beautiful women and he wants me…I know he wants me I can feel his hard on through his pants.
And there’s this really loud part of me screaming to just let go and sink to my knees or to bend over for him and god if that Slutty girl part of me isn’t winning out right now.
I’m right on the edge of sinking to my knees for him when he stops kissing me. “Ms. Blake how would you like to go out to a late supper with me?”
“Like a date?”
“Yes a date. I’m not seeing anyone and with my schedule I’m not here enough to have a stable relationship. So I’m asking you if you’d come out with me.”
“I’m your tenant?”
“That could just be a permanent house guest?”
“What would I have to do? I know what Sasha does and I’m not like her. I won’t just y’know.”
“Yes I know, and no I’m not asking for anything but that but you’re a full time student and starting over so you’re going to have a lot of expenses. Just come out with me when you aren’t busy with Sasha or someone else when I’m in town and keep me company and we can just be ourselves.”
“What else?”
“Well I’d still like it if you still kept the place up according to what we had already talked about.”
“But you’re not asking for sex?”
“No, if you decide that you want to sleep with me than I’d rather you decide to be with me of your own choice.”
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course, but Jamie?”
“Yes?”
“When we are out on a date fully expect me to try and win you over into spending the night.”
“That’s fair.”
“Good, I try to be a fair man.”
We kiss again but he initiates it and I linger in it almost soaking in the way that he touches me, the way that he kissed me and everything. We break the kiss and I step back into the house some more. “What’s your name Mr. Robinson?”
“Ian.”
“Well Ian, It’s late and maybe we should just eat in.”
“Let’s then I know several take out places.”
I pull him by his fingers. “I’ll cook for you, something home cooked when was the last time you had something home made?”
“In this country?”
I nod.
“Years.” He’s smiling this smile that has a little bit more behind it than sexy. “You mean it? You’ll cook for me?”
“Yes….” I drawl it out all slow and sexy. “Show me to your kitchen Ian.”
He takes me by the hand through a hall into this really big what I thing is referred to as a country kitchen. I kiss him again. “Let me look around and you get us some drinks.”
“Alright what would you like to have?”
“A beer actually would be fine Ian.”
I like the surprised look that he has on his face and he heads back the way that we came and I look through his kitchen and the larder and find a few things. He hand what was labeled caribou on a package of steak in the fridge and I take it out and some onions a touch of garlic and a package of mushrooms. I wash off a few potatoes and slice them with the skins on and drop them into the pan with a touch of oil to make pan fries. Once those are done I use the food processor to pulse the garlic and onions into small bits and then I get the same skillet I cooked the potatoes in really hot and sear the steaks after rubbing them with a lot of salt and pepper and Lea & Perrins.
I cook the steaks until they’re medium and them a bit of my beer into the pan and the buzzed up onion and garlic then the mushrooms and then take a spoon and a knob of butter and a spoonful of flour and scrap the pan making a pan-styled steak gravy.
I set the table and serve myself a small portion and serve his from the pan to the plate and there’s this look in his eyes that kind of gives me this warm fuzzy feeling and I lean over and kiss Ian long and slowly and deeply. “Enjoy, but you’re taking me dancing in your den after this.”
He kisses me back a little more. “Absolutely.”
We eat a nice meal together and I eat delicately but I still eat. As much as I like French food there’s part of me that’s a meat and potato kind of girl. I learned to cook the steak from seeing my dad do it when I was a kid, it’s funny how I remembered him cooking it when I was little at the cottage he rented up in lake country. Of course Mom and Kate hated it. I can’t even remember where the place was but I remember Dad cooking for just me and him on the brick fire pit that was on the deck.
I can’t help but smile as I eat. It’s a bittersweet memory but a good one regardless. I’m surprised too at my first taste of wild game. There’s a very different flavor to it. I actually like it.
Ian helps me with the few dishes and then escorts me to his den where her lights up the fireplace, pours me a scotch? I try it and it’s potent, earthy in a way I’m not sure of but there’s a maybe honey flavor there? It’s my first scotch and nothing else in it not even ice, Ian insisted that be the way to try it my first time. I think I like it.
He smiles like I passed some kind of test and he takes out a few records and set them up to be played. I’ve never listened to an actual record before even though I’ve picked up a few on those weekend sales.
Real old school music starts playing and Ian starts showing me how to dance to the music, the old Sinatra day stuff and singers like that and there’s a lot of them. I love every second of it and actually all thoughts about the sex stuff kind of fades into the back ground of the great time that I’m having. I’m just dressed in the same clothes as I was just up in my apartment but he’s making me feel like I’m in a killer dress and all dolled up and just honestly liked and beautiful.
Beautiful is always a great feeling but liked, and really liked just for being me is actually a lot nicer I’m finding than being lusted after. I’m almost purring I’m that contented and semi-boneless I’m that relaxed as we do several slow dances.
I walked him to the door by pulling on his hands and we kissed for a good twenty minutes in front of mine. I smile and kiss his cheek.
“Okay, When our schedules match I will go out with you Ian.”
“You will?!” He’s smiling.
“Yes, thank you for the wonderful night.”
I kiss his other cheek and step in my door.
Chapter 16
I wake smiling, feeling a lot better about myself from the night with Ian. I had dreams that have me very “Awake” and a bit sticky. I’m just getting up when there’s the knocking I’ve started to come to expect from Sasha. I go downstairs and peek through the curtain first then open my door reach out and hook her cleavage with two fingers and gently pull her inside and into a kiss.
It’s that awkward in the just right way as she’s got a tea tray from a café in one hand and her morning knap sack in the other and she’s in a blue deep v-necked tee and a moss green set of Root’s sweats over her Nike compression wear stuff. Hair in a pony tail she looks stunning as always.
She smiles as we kiss and her eyes dance as she get an idea of how hard I am and drops her bag and passes me my Macha green tea and she sinks to her knees and takes me quickly into her mouth and down her throat. God getting blown is just perfect this morning…I drink my tea with one hand while other hand gets a hold on her head by the pony tail and I lose myself in the moment and slowly fuck her face.
I’m even lasting a while until she started playing with my plug and just before I cum she said “Wait.” pleadingly, sexily…Sasha is never routine, never off and so fucking sexy and then she took a very suggestive sip of her tea looking me in my eyes playful and yet submissive and then she took me into her hot, hot deep throat…it was so hot and wet and perfect that when I came it was so strong it hurt a little.
I thumped my head against the wall and moaned. “Sashaaaaaaa….”
God I’m so fucking stealing that move. My cock felt incredible…She stands and we share another kiss and cum tastes oddly good with Macha tea flavoring it or the other way around.
We head upstairs and she’s rubbing my ass and my plug and it’s straight to the bed where she’s got me out of my panties and the plug’s pulled out and Sasha sinks into me. I love it, I love that sinking heat of her entering me and the feeling of it. We don’t have a lot of time so it’s a hard fast romp as she grips the corset I was sleeping in and uses it as a grip to hold me and control me and…and …I like being controlled.
Afterwards is a quick clean up and getting into my running gear and taking my swimming gear with me and Sasha’s cooked me up this quick breakfast of scrambled eggs in a wrap with a lot of my salad greens.
I’m getting better at the jogging thing, I know I am and while I’m not a pro at this yet she’s not losing me as much and it’s not feeling that it’s killing me. I’m actually enjoying it all or starting to.
“You were right Sasha.”
“Of course, about what though?”
“I was attacked.”
“Are you okay?” She slows to a lighter pace, there’s care and some concern there but acceptance too.
“I’m okay body wise but it really messed with my head.”
“That’s where the most of the long term damage is anyway Jamie.”
“I’m getting that, some of the self defense stuff worked and security got there in time and I had some friends help me through it along with Tommy but after they were gone and he had to leave I kind of lost it.”
“It’s a habit from being a guy, hide it, stow it away, I’m fine…until it becomes safe for us to let the fortress we’ve built up inside down. That’s when we lose it.”
“I think I need to see a professional about all of this.”
“Are you regretting your choice?”
“No, not at all this is me or nearly me. I’m more myself than I’ve ever been before but there’s other stuff I want to get straight in here from being a kid and being in hiding from who I really am that I want resolved. I just really want to start my own life, my real life.”
“I think that’s a good idea, it took me a good dozen years too late to get to where I knew I needed help. I think it’s a sign of how much you’re maturing now that some of the stuff tying you down’s been cut away.”
“Thanks Sasha, I needed to talk about that at least.”
“Good, I’m no professional but I’m always going to be there for you. We’re friends and lovers even if I’m guiding you through this.”……………….. “So…..”
“So what?” I know what she wants to know and give her a coy eyelash flutter.
“So…you were in a very horny and happy state this morning.”
“Oh….well, Ian and the real me finally met. He said you knew each other.”
“Mmmm, Ian’s a treasure. He’ll treat you good but he’ll never settle down. He’s too much a rock hound and a caver for that.”
“We’re sort of seeing each other.”
“Oh?”
“He’s waved my rent and letting me basically house sit in exchange for him trying to woo me when I’m available.”
“Are you good with a gift like that?”
“I had to think about it and yes. I mean he offered and there’s no guarantee of sex or even a date. I’m a little leery of him getting mad and changing stuff around though if he doesn’t get his way.”
“He won’t Ian’s not like that. He’s seen too much, lived out in the really real world.”
“So what’s he really like.”
“Oh, no I’m not going to wreck the treat for you Jamie but I’ll just say he’s worth it.”
“Sasha?”
“Just what do you do with all these guys, men?”
“I date them, I’m an escort in the real sense of the word. I go with them to functions and on dates when they want me for my company. Anything from business to pleasure and in between. I see only who I want, when I want and I never take payment from them in money.”
“But how to you live?”
“Oh I accept gifts. I don’t see married men unless they’re widowers. Most of these guys are confirmed bachelors who want someone to show them a good time.”
“So do you have sex with them all?”
“Yes, but not all of the time. But that’s because I’ll only see the ones that I want to sleep with.”
“Huh…so I don’t have to put out for Ian?”
“No…but yes…”
“Okay I don’t get it?”
Sasha gives me this mischievous smile. “Oh trust me you’ll want to make love with Ian.”
“Oh…”
She nods. “Oh…and even more oh.”
We laugh and giggle our way into out TG friendly swim class and we laugh and swim and have a great time. It’s got some lap lanes and there’s aqua-cise classes for both the uhm…bigger girls and another that’s faster and way more aerobics mixed with bits of synchronized swimming we do that one and a few laps before jogging back to my place and fall onto the bed panting and sweaty and tearing off each others clothes and making love to each other.
Then again in the shower. I need to ask whoever I’m going to get as a councilor if I’m a sex addict or something. But…there is just something about Sasha that gets me so excited and…yeah…I want her inside of me just as much as I want to be inside of her. God I really, really want my own breasts. It’s almost an ache not having them as I get dressed. I go nice today, pretty. A short floral print dress and some of my best lingerie and I say to hell with it and go all the way with white stockings and grey ankle boots with a three inch heel that go with my dress but match my military grey cropped army jacket that I made myself.
I smile when Sasha stares at me and smiles at my look. “Nice, girly meets sorta street.”
“Thank you.”
We kiss at my door and I head off to class, normally I walk but about a block away from the house Tommy picks me up. I get in and he leans over and kisses me as I get in his truck. “Are you okay?”
“I will be yesterday was different but it turned out pretty good.”
“Good, I was kind of worried leaving and all.”
“It’s fine, I’m a big girl, I need to be able to cope with things Tommy, but it was sweet of you to leave the note, and everything else.”
I kiss him again and again and again.
“God You’re awesome Jamie….you look incredible this morning.”
“Swimming, jogging and a lot of sex.”
“Sasha?”
“Yes.”
“Damn…”
“Oh…”
“Ever since we met at the farmers market and knowing what you two do together kind of paints a mental image I can’t shake.”
“In a good way?”
“Uhm yes.”
“Good, I like the idea of you stroking off with me as a fantasy.”
“You do?”
“Oh…very much.”
I reach over and stroke his hard cock through his jeans and he quickly finds a parking spot and I look at the clock on the dash and undo his jeans. I think I’m really a sex addict as I’m salivating from the sounds and feel of unbuckling his belt and unfastening his jeans and pulling out that beautiful cock of his.
I mean is the thought of me sucking Tommy that good I’m drooling, I’m rabid with how hard and deep and fast I suck him and by the time he’s cumming and I’m drinking his creamy seed down he’s mini humping my face and hanging onto the steering wheel for dear life as he’s calling out my name. It’s literally not enough because his reactions got my blood so fired up that I pull down my panties and take out my plug and still lubed from the plug and open still I impale myself on him and wrap my arms around his neck and I ride Tommy like his cream is the anti-venom I need to save my life from a snake bite.
I’m loud too as I bounce on his cock. There’s no way not to be, he’s that big and warm and hard inside of me and he’s banging my she-male g-spot with every time I bounce up and down on him and seven, eight, twelve strokes that way and I reach and dig out a spare pair of panties and cum into them and keep fucking him like one of those magical mouth things guys use to get more size. I use that clench pull trick and while on top it’s different it’s like it creates this suction inside and when he explodes inside of me he doesn’t just cry out but he bites my bare shoulder…not hard enough to break the skin but hard enough to really hurt…but it hurts in this good way…
Good enough like Sasha’s blowjob I cum so hard it hurts a little and I’m seizing up around him so hard I have that dazzling flare as the impression of his hard pulsing cock is so there in my body and in my brain that I swear it’s becoming part of my soul….
We pant as we come down from the sex, kissing long and slowly and deeply and passionately as I use stuff from my purse to clean us both up and I sink my plug back inside all fluidly lubed and apply a pad to my panties and we kiss some more before parting our separate ways for out classes after he buys me two trays of lattes for the girls and myself and then him and I share a brownie and an espresso shot together. I kiss him deeply. “You don’t have to treat me like this, or them Tommy, we have our own money.”
“I want to besides their your friends and it’s always good to seriously be nice to the friends of a girl that you love.”
“Thank you…I’ll say they’re from you.” I kiss him again this time with some tongue. “I love you too Tommy.”
“I’ll talk to you soon?”
“M’kay and Tommy?”
“Yeah?”
“Close your eyes.” He closes them and I lean over and whisper into his ear. “I love having your cream still inside of me…For…hours…” I bite his ear a little and graze his neck with my teeth. The turn and sashay away with my knapsack and the trays of coffee.
I wiggle a bit more but that long sway…I almost can’t help not to. It’s getting to be like it’s really the way that I’m built.
I get a few looks from people mostly some of the girls in the coffee courtyard. Actually it’s them shooting me nasty looks because of me being with Tommy. It’s all in the way their fondly looking at him and then sort of scowling at me.
And I don’t care.
Tommy chooses to be with me whenever he wants too. I don’t force him to spend time or be nice to me.
I heard a few murmurs of “Bitch, Cunt…” and even “Faggot.” from some of them. But on the other hand I hear a few guys saying. “She’s smoking. Yeah she’s hawt.” and my favorite. “There’s no way that’s a guy.”
I loved hearing that.
I run into Neela with some of her friends in the hallway on my way to the theory studio. She stares at me then blushes and I almost go around them until she says. “Jamie…? Wait…”
I turn and look at her bite my lip and not say the few bitchy things that floated up just now. “Yes…”
“I…I…I heard you got jumped by some haters some guys I knew and wished I didn’t.”
The mood of the little posse alters a little. Neela steps a little closer. “Are you okay?”
“I think so, the damage is more on the inside really…” I look her in the eyes. She looks down.
“I’m sorry Jamie, I…” One of the girls with her puts her hand on her shoulder to stop her and even leans in and whispers. “Nee, no! you don’t have to apologize to “HIM” c’mon lets get going.” she tugged and Neela shrugs off the girls hand.
“Jesus Karin, leave me alone I’ll talk to whoever I want!”
The one called Karin stares at her then at me and gets angry. “Nee, don’t fall for his bullshit. It’s not real, he’s a fucking guy.”
I step up towards Neela and Karin steps up and she slaps me in the face. I drop my knapsack to the ground and there’s two more staring at me and Karin as Neela yells “What the fuck! Karin, she was sexually assaulted just a while ago!”
Karin yells back. “He’s not a she!, that’ll never happen and…”
Neela yells at her. “Fucking stop it!, stop it!, You’re freaking out because I told you that I had the best sex of my life with Jamie!”
“Because he fucked you! You fucking traitor!”
“No!, It was the best fucking lesbian sex I’ve ever had in my life!”
Karin screams and tears herself away from the two girls restraining her and runs away. There’s a few others watching all of us now and I’m getting some strange looks from the Lez crowd and I blush but walk up to Neela.
“Hey…”
She’s crying and all sobby voiced. “Oh God Jamie I’m sorry, I’m….”
I lean in and kiss her and use the sleeve of my jacket and my free hand to dry the tears she’s got running down her cheeks. I break the kiss and her eyes are wide and I smile at her.
“Hey, it’s already forgiven.”
“But…but…”
“Yeah Jasmine, you have a nice butt.”
She blushes. I take a coffee out of the top tray and give it to her. “If you care about her go after her Nee, it’s the right thing to do. You’ve still got my info?”
She nods sort of stunned.
“Good, call me sometime. We can talk or even pick up where we left off.”
“Okay….” it’s a kind of dazed, recovering from tears voice.
I grab my book bag and head into class and the girls are staring at me, actually everyone in the studio is staring at me because it overlooks the courtyard area where the fight went down at.
I hold up the trays. “Coffee?”
Absinthe, Opium and Honor… Chapters 17 & 18.
Chapter 17.
The girls and I go through classes together having such a good time. There’s a lot of just girl talk about hair and make-up, clothes and I’m actually able to hold my own. But as much as I can relate and hold my own there’s this great feeling of getting immersed in the world of girl in a way outside of the things Sasha was teaching me.
Oh and they really enjoyed the coffee’s that Tommy bought us.
We eat together in the food hall and I spot Tommy heading over and I finish and get up. “I’ll see you later girls.” There’s a smile on my face then I walk over to him and kiss him deeply. I notice a few girls looking our way. More than a few actually and there’s a couple that really don’t look at me with friendly looks.
Yeah, he’s more interested in me than you. Get used to it.
“You’ve got some time?” He asks after the kiss.
“Mmm hmm, I’m done for a couple of hours you?”
“I’m done for the day.”
“My place it’s closer.”
“Definitely.”
We leave me first but I have Tommy’s hand and we get out of there and head for the truck. I notice Neela watching both of us leaving and Karin too, Karin’s got a really stormy look as she watches us leave.
It takes no time to get back to my place and get upstairs while we’re kissing and his hands are all over me.
I absolutely love the feeling of his big strong hands running over me and the feeling of his hardening cock through his jeans. Once we get to the bed we undress each other and he sucks on my nipples enough to make them feel really good and make me make these little cooing sounds and there’s an ache though…God I want my own breasts.
I sink to my knees and like Pavlov’s dog the sound of unbuckling his jeans and the zipper almost has me drooling. I love cock; I’m completely serious about that too. I really have no doubt about that part of me.
I stroke Tommy’s cock and love as it blooms to hardness and wrap my lips around the head and twist my head rubbing the fullness of my lips around the head and that sensitive line of man where head meets shaft. Yeah, I’m good at this; you should be good at what you love.
I love Tommy’s moans and my body responds my skin getting flushed and I get hard and my little boy nipples get pointy and I’m clutching around my plug. He lets out this long slow deep. “Ooooooohhh….. J…Jamie…”
Fuck…Oh…fuck I love that…
It just does something and I shove forward taking Tommy down my throat and once his pubic bone is rubbing my nose.
The first thing I do is this sort of throaty muffled laugh moan around his cock of having his sweet cock inside me, It’s not really an act but something I do…well because guys love it, love the thought of it.
I know I get harder than hell knowing and hearing how much Sasha loves sucking my cock and she loves it when I return the favor.
I mean who does want their partner going down on them in joy.
I swallow clench and close my throat muscles around him and pull back. His moans pushing me to do more to do better…then his fingers are running through my hair, massaging my skull then holding me fast and tightly as he starts to move his hips and fucking my face and I don’t panic, I take short breaths and let him take me that way, I use my tongue though pushing my tongue to the underside of his beautiful cock letting the bumps of my taste buds drive him wild.
Just by the sounds he’s making I know he’s close and I reach up and hold his dick, and cup his balls and wait…He cries out and the first spurt hits deep then I squeeze off his cock squish swallow while looking at him…
“Jamie…!”
I jack stroke him while looking at him let him release another two spurts…close him off, swallow again… “Jamie!”
And do it again… “Jesus fuck Jamie!!!”
Then I suck, suck hard…that guzzling something kind of sucking with all that pressure I let him Cum the rest of the way and I’m stroking him off really fast and it’s only two more spurts but they’re powerful and thick and yummy. And I cry/muffled by cock moan hard around his dick as I’m so excited I cum too.
But the way his whole body shudders and the sweaty sheen that he has just breaking out all over him and this whining crying sob like I’m killing him of “Jamie….!” I actually have to turn him lose as he flops down onto my bed.
I’m still swallowing his cream slowly and lick
Then move over to him and cross my arms on his thighs and rest my head on them as he’s panting like a race horse. He stares at me after a few seconds of breathing in wonder and I smile. “God Tommy I love you y’know that right?”
“Oh… Jesus Jamie, I love you too holy…holy fuck…”
“Oh good boy…I really, want that…please Tommy, please…I really want you.”
I reach and start stroking him again slowly still leaning and lounging on him. Then start sucking on his cock enough to get him hard again. Once he’s hard again I take out my plug and crawl up the bed and over him and kiss him deeply. I keep kissing him and lubing myself and him then I sink onto him.
“Oh…Tommy, oh…oh…god…”
It feels so good…It really, really does. The sensation of being filled is amazing, the steel sheathed in velvety flesh of his cock and the literally heavenly feeling of his body heat sinking into me. So good and really, really I could close my eyes and tilt my head back and cry.
I roll my pelvis and move with him inside of me and his hands are on my hips and then sliding up over my sides and my corset and I get into my routine of relax as he enters clench as he moves out.
I get to this point where as beautiful as this is I need more…and more…I move off and turn around and sink back down facing away from him. “Tommy, Tommy, take me…pin me down…take me…please, please baby…”
He gets up onto his knees and takes control I’m on my knees but arching into the mattress grabbing the sheets. I feel him moving in and out of me and he hits my love spot inside and I cry out. “There! there! Oh fuck Tommy there!”
He starts to hit that spot more and more and I get vocal…really vocal and crying out. “Ooooaah!…..Ughnnn!….More…Please Tommy More!, More…make me yours…take…me…take…meeee!”
I relax myself inside band let him glide through me as much as possible as he pounds my love spot inside until I’m moaning almost steady and I’m….. I…I can barely think because well honestly Tommy is fucking my brains out.
I know that sort of a bimbo thing to say but I hit this wall where my pleasure just totally overrides my active day to day brain…Tommy’s the same way, I really doubt he’d be rational while he’s doing me like this.
Then it happens Tommy takes me to blast off, to with so much pleasure running through me I don’t get the build up of my own orgasm until I cum, and I cum hard…on moment I’m moaning and then I’m…girly screaming/squealing out “Ughnnn!!!…Tommeee….!” As I pop like a champagne cork all over the bed and myself…Then the best part…He knows, by now he knows and as I’m vocally cumming He buries himself into me and My body seizes up in that inside clench as I’m coming and I seize up around his hot huge cock and vibrate because I’m coming that hard and that feeling of Tommy so huge in my so pronounced from my body tightening around him is so….
But there’s more as my body going through that is enough to vibrate and squeeze and drive him over the edge and I get take over in that overload I’m having as I feel him flood my insides with his hot cream.
I nearly faint…I go limp in his arms as I have a massive orgasm but only shoot a bit…it’s a very inside, girly-boy orgasm. It’s as close to a female one as I’ll ever get and feels more like an implosion then me exploding in the male way…only to me it’s twice as strong.
I’m panting and Tommy’s collapsed on top of me. I enjoy the feeling of his weight on me. My insides are still twitching and reacting to the super intense lovemaking we just had made and despite our sweaty panting breathing state I can feel him going again from semi-soft to hard inside of me…I love his endurance…Tommy moves some of my hair and kisses my neck.
“God Jamie…Why, why are you just so good at this? None of the other girls are like you, y’know that?”
“I know, I think it’s because girls like me try more. I love making love with you; I get to really be me when I’m intimate with you. I get to say to myself…he’s with me. I am pretty. I am good enough.” My voice is kind of small and there’s a lot of stuff that’s part of me in that, of how I feel. Tommy wraps his arms under me in this big hug even as he’s fully hard again and takes a long slow stroke through me. I push back, gasp a bit.
“I didn’t know this was the real me Tommy, not until things happened but there was something really wrong and missing inside me…oh…mmmmm…but I grew up in a house with the most entitled bitches in the world and even went to school with a few more. I’m a girl too, a woman but I’m me too and I just want to be different than them…have to be…sniffle.”
Tommy pulls out then turns me to face him before sinking into me but it’s not as him touching my face and combing back some of my hair with his fingers. Looks me really deeply in the eyes and kisses me. Not the sex kissing but the sweet tender kisses of a caring lover, of someone who cares about me. It makes everything better, sweeter; he’s such a beautiful guy.
“That’s one of the things that I really, really love about you Jamie, you’re just you…no bullshit, no drama, no games.”
“Oh there’s drama in my life Tommy, sometimes…Mmmm…I…I just don’t go chasing it or try to make it.”
“Exactly, I feel like I can breathe around you more than I can with some of the other girls.”
I kiss him this time deeply.
“Thanks Tommy, I needed to hear that. I needed to hear all of this.”
“See…see…most girls I know wouldn’t say that, just wouldn’t….they wouldn’t thank me for it.”
“I don’t get that, I hate that…My sister, my Mom were those girls that were those entitled girls…those tell me what I want to hear but you have to read my mind types…I need to be me…I need to be a girl but just not one like either of them….”
“You’re not Jamie, You’re not…You’re you and that’s why I can’t get enough of you, I love your soul.”
Okay, that makes me cry these happy tears and I kiss him over and over and we make love a lot slower and longer this time and I cry but the good cry, and we kiss and we smile at each other… God do you know how much that makes a difference, just smiling at your lover…real smiles all the way into your eyes smiles.
It makes all the difference in the world…
We cuddle afterwards and I look at the clock and snuggle into him. “I really don’t want to move but I’ve got to…I’ve got two late classes.”
“Mmm, when do you have to be there?”
“Four.”
“Okay that’s in about two hours.”
“Yeah but it takes girls longer to get ready.”
“Okay…C’mon.”
Tommy gets up and pulls me up with him and we kiss and make our way into the shower and take a hot shower together. No sex, but this just really nice shower, kissing sharing of intimacy.
“It is really nice, better than nice to have someone wash your back….just that, just having someone touching you right?” I’m smiling as I say it as he’s washing my back and I finish with a wistful sigh.
“Just one more thing I love about you Jamie, you just get it.”
He leaves me to getting “Cleaned” then re-lubed and plugged then made up and lotioned and powdered as well. I hear him in my mini kitchen doing stuff and I slip into new underwear and matching bra and my inserts a nice camisole under my corset and exhale re-doing my ties a bit tighter and I look good in the mirror. I slip into a nice dress it’s fall so pretty soon it might be too chilly for that.
I love this, I feel pretty and girly and sexy and I look the part too.
Tommy’s smile at seeing me just tops it all.
I smell this lovely smell. I walk over and smile at him and hug him as he’s cooking. “What are you making?”
“Soup.”
“Okay?”
“Potato soup.”
“Potato?”
“Yep, I nuked the potatoes then browned them in the pot here with a bit of olive oil then added a bit of your onion and then milk and now…”
I watch him just take some chives and a bit of fresh rosemary both are things he gave me and then so salt and pepper and he takes my stick blender and puts it into the pot and buzzes it up over the heat. The smell is amazing…He pours it out into two soup cups and takes some toast with herbs out of the oven. He cleans up fast too; he didn’t use a lot of dishes.
I sip mine and it’s creamy and savory and herb flavored but the browned potatoes really let you know it was potato. It’s even better when I dip the toast. “Damn Tommy this is really, really good.”
“Thank you beautiful I stole it from a place downtown and really it’s cheap and easy to make too.”
I laugh. “So you though about cheap and easy when it came to me?”
He grins and laughs a bit too. “No, but like you its simple and great.”
I lean over and kiss him. “Thank you, that’s really sweet to say and I love that you cooked for me.”
He kisses me back and we finish and he drives me to my late classes and I get out with him and he walks me to the little coffee spot and we kiss a bit while waiting in line. I’m getting looks again but I don’t care. I have every right to be me. I get a tray of coffees for the girls and get him his large cappuccino. “Hey I could’ve bought…” I kiss him to shut him up then slowly break it. “You drove me around and you were so…just awesome this afternoon and you cooked…Just let me buy you a damned coffee.” I smile and kiss him again the sway off to my late classes.
…………….. Classes are good even if there’s a few looks from the prof’s as a whole lot of my afternoon is really girl talk and play by plays of me and Tommy even though Noel’s all “Ick!” about the “Het sex.” but I can tell Dina’s getting a little hot and bothered by the talk and Henna’s got this goofy grin and blushes a lot and Vic, well she’s all worldly and stuff about it but happy for me too.
I tell Noel I’ll tell Tommy she want’s some of his recipe idea’s. Apparently in Lez world the way to a lot of girl’s pussies is through their stomachs.
It was a fun afternoon all in all.
……………… I met Rick getting two large Macha tea’s one for me and one for Sasha.
He was in line and he was looking at me. I tried to ignore it not knowing what he wanted but at the same time I really noticed him. Short cute brown hair nicely cut, green eyes, clean shaven in a high-school hockey jacket and big broad shoulders. He was wearing a UBC t-shirt and jeans and was equipped with a nice bulge.
Yes, I looked, girls baskets watch as much as guys boob surf.
He came up to me as I was ordering. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“I’m Rick and you’re Jamie?”
“I am…we haven’t met have we?”
“Uhm, no it’s just I’ve seen you around and asked and stuff.”
“Oh, am I that interesting?”
“Well uhm….I’ve heard things.”
“What kind of things?”
“That you’re uhm not a girl….” He’s quiet and blushing.
“Oh I’m a girl but just not born as one.”
“Uhm Yeah…” He’s really blushing.
“So you’re curious?”
He nods.
“You like chocolate?”
“Uhm yeah?” He’s confused.
“So are you curious about me as a girl or are you curious about me with you as the girl?”
“Uhmm..uhmm…you…”
“Why?”
“I…I…I…heard stuff, and I mean I seen stuff uhm online…” God he’s all nervous and whispery and cute. I order a small hot chocolate and a brownie too as he’s sort of studying the ground.
“Rick?”
“Yeah…?”
“I’m scared to but excited too, not a lot of guys are brave enough to come up to a girl like me in public. But I need to get to know you before we do something more personal.”
“More…?”
“More.” I put the small hot chocolate in his hands and shove the brownie in his mouth gently then kiss his cheek. “Ask me out, I’m free this weekend.”
I leave and swat out of the courtyard and notice some girls staring at me from their tables with this sort of angry and sort of confused look. Like Rick being around me was all WTF or something.
…………………………….. Sasha’s was Sasha’s what can I really say? I had our tea and we talked about stuff and it was more lessons. Not really the whole sexual stuff either, cooking, talking in my language lessons and girl voice and enunciation…it’s a lot of practice and vocabulary, not just sounding like a girl but sounding like an educated girl.
We do make love, though in our favorite place the fireplace room of hers and on that big beautiful couch of Sasha’s. Us being together, it’s a completely different thing way more of a lesbian experience.
I snuggled and we curled up talking together my head on her chest and idly sucking one of her nipples while I played with that breast. “I wish I had breasts like yours.”
“I know but they’re expensive Jamie and there’s a lot to being like this.”
“I know that, but this is me now. I can’t just go back to the way that things were and I really would like to have more of the shape and features that I really want to have.”
“I’d still like you to be really, really sure about this and see a therapist and make sure that you’re really, really sure about all of this.”
“Okay…do you know someone?”
“Actually yes I know a few people that you could talk to but you should maybe look for one yourself and see who you’re going to like.”
“But the one’s you know would get it.”
“Yes but I’d feel more comfortable not being a part of your therapy.”
“Really?”
“Yes really it’ll make me feel that you’re doing this because you really need to more than any connection to me.”
I look up into her eyes and we stare at each other then I get up and get my clothes and kiss her on the lips. “You’re right, you’re always right aren’t you?”
“Oh no, I not always right Jamie I’m just older than you and I’ve been through my own versions of things. It’s just life experience.”
“So you had a mentor too?”
“Sort of.”
“Where is she now?”
“Dead, let’s just say that people when I went through this we’re as tolerant as they are these days.”
“Oh, sorry Sasha.”
“No you don’t have to be sorry Jamie. A lot of us have gone through hell so the next generations didn’t have to.”
I can get that, even when I was in school we had a sort of sociology class and we talked a lot about the civil rights movement but not just the race thing but the LGBT stuff to like that Harvey milk guy.
“Thanks for being here Sasha and for helping me through this.”
“It’s okay Jamie, I’m sorry for how we met and tying you up and all of that stuff.”
“No…don’t…I like being tied up…I wanted what we did, I loved what we did. It’s alright.”
We kiss and she walks me to the door and I head home and crawl into a long hot bath after I make another pot of that cream of potato with rosemary soup I take a big mug of it to sip with me into the bath.
Chapter 18
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ignore the stuff in my life that’s been ordinary. I did my usual for the rest of the month with my classes and hanging with the girls and Vic and Henna had so far bought rounds of coffees for us in out classes.
I’m still slowly getting better at jogging and swimming and I don’t look like I’m totally out of sync with my Yoga and Tai-chi groups. I’m actually liking both of those because I just can sort of feel more centered after those classes and stuff.
I really apply myself in my self defense classes and I’ve got good reason for it too.
Neela still looks at me now and then and Karin still glares at me but I’ve been getting some looks from the hard core lez crowd the real man haters.
Why?
Oh I still have a dick.
And I’ve been talking with some of the more laid back lez girls and even flirting with a few and then there’s been Amy.
Amy is this little cute pixie of a red head with really short hair and an almost elfin quality to her and she’s very, very hot. Just tiny and perfect in this skater girl non-goth artist kind of way. She’s got all the single and not so single Lez girls drooling over her. She’s also a friend of mine recently. No, we’ve never gone down the whole sex route or we haven’t yet but she likes my clothes and she had actually came over to my place and knocked one day and we just talked as she looked over my stuff and bought like five hundred dollars worth of my stuff.
A hooded black wool sweater-knit styled long coat with a built in hood and she got gloves and leg warmers too. Plus two of my purse-laptop case combos.
But as much as anything people are assuming that we’re having sex. We’re not but Amy likes to give me a long sweet kiss in the food hall when we part our separate ways. Actually I think she’s into Noel but its funny Noel’s not really showing her any interest.
Probably why Amy likes her.
………………… And there’s been some stuff with some of the straight girls too. I’ve been getting some more attention from some of the regular guys and the straight guys with sort of open minds. They don’t get why at all that they talk to me, they don’t like that they talk to me. That we’ll flirt kind of sometimes and have coffee together and stuff or even just wave at me or pass me by and say “Hey Jamie.” Apparently that’s not supposed to happen in their worlds. I’m expecting trouble from both camps actually. The thing is with the guys except for a few blatant haters of all things LGBT the majority actually likely barely know I exist, or don’t care what I do with whom.
Fucking girls and their fucking need for drama.
And yeah, that’s likely one of the reasons that they do talk to me as much as they do. I don’t like the drama. I’m honest in who and what I am and if they can deal then cool if not there’s lots of places they can take a hike off to.
Honestly most of them have just heard things and come up and talk to me just to be curious and wow…they find out that I’m a person. But not just that but they’re people too. I never, never treat a guy like he’s his wallet. I don’t judge his clothes, or his size or even how handsome he is. Yeah there are some guys who are really better looking that other guys but I’ve never met any of them yet that I couldn’t smile around and just be nice to and stuff.
I have rules. I try to always say something back when I’m talked to, even if it’s just a “Hi.” I don’t ig-fucking-nore people because they don’t fit some magazine checklist.
I don’t make fun of people in a mean way ever.
I refuse to sat shit or even listen to someone talking shit about them behind the other person’s back…I leave if I can.
I thank people who are mannerly towards me. One of my biggest pet peeves really, they want equal rights, but pamper me, treat me like and equal but treat me like a whore?
Someone, any gender holds the door open for me and I thank them. Them doing that isn’t my rightful due.
Do I sound pissed, a little freaked…sorry, I think I’m hormonal.
I don’t hate girls, I love women but just like all the asshole guys out there, there is this group of women that just completely wreck every bit of respect and beauty and shine about being a girl for not just me but GG’s even.
I know Vic and Dina have both said because they’re good looking and the way other girls have acted there’s a lot of guys that just assume by looking at them…Bitch.
Anyway…Rick asked me out the weekend he came up to me and he’s still shy and no we haven’t had sex yet.
I’ll get to that in a bit.
But me dating another hot straight guy isn’t sitting well with the entitled GG straight bitchy crowd.
Rick asked me out three days after we’d met in the food hall for Friday night and I said yes and he picked me up at seven that night and he took me out to the movies and we had a good time. He was pleasantly surprised when I wanted to see Fast Five and we shared popcorn and had a good I didn’t talk through the movie and we talked about it when we left and he’s not really a car nut and neither am I but we had a good time and he was pretty impressed that I had Dad’s bike. I showed it to him while we were at my place and we had a coffee.
But at the end of the night I walked him to his car and we shared a nice really long kiss. I think he was surprised at that.
Tommy and I have gone out more than a few times just simple me and him just being us dated and doing stuff we’ve never done before. Like bowling. I’ve never been bowling and he didn’t have a bowling alley in the town he grew up in. We went and he paid for the game and I got us slices of pizza and he bought the beers and we just had a good time.
Another time we just drove around town and stopped where we seen something interesting and just got to know Vancouver and the areas that make it up. That time we ate at a real crab-shack and got really, really messy but neither of us had done anything like it.
The best night though was the time that we did make love and all we did was stay in at his place because it was raining like crazy out and we watched stuff on TV and made supper together Hamburgers and French fries all homemade and snuggled in and just had a normal night and that was the only time I slept with him once since last time.
I’ve only been with Sasha a few times too lately but she’s really actually good with that.
Why?
Because the next day after her and I had that talk. I went the next day after classes to the LGBT center and I talked to some of the councilors there about where I am in my head and what I’m doing in my transition, they turned me onto a couple of people who are therapist for the Trans/Genderqueer types like me who don’t fit into the guidelines of the regular LGBT setting.
I’ve started seeing Dr. Lyonnes and he’s pretty decent, kind of laid back and we’ve been talking for about three weeks.
I’ve told him everything except for names and that. “I’m a little worried about my sexual activities. I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me wanting sex so much.”
“How many people have you had sex with?”
“Well, three…”
“That’s not a lot of sexual partners.”
“Well, one of those was just the once…but I’m having sex all the time!”
“You’re not having sex right now are you?”
“No.”
“Do you want to have sex with me?”
“No, no offense.”
“None taken, but Jamie you told me that you had a sexual and gender identity awakening with your mentor right?”
“Yes.”
“But you were a virgin before that?”
“Yes.”
“And did you have sexual fantasies as a teenager?”
“Yes.”
“But you had pushed them back and suppressed them.”
“I guess.”
“Jamie, the problem isn’t the sex. Or even the way that you’re seeing yourself it’s the fact that this is happening very quickly. You remind me of a middle aged patient that has come out of the closet and they dive in full steam ahead into the gay and lesbian lifestyles and get in over their heads or are just too way over the top in being the stereotype.”
“Huh?”
“You’re coming out and while you’re not sleeping around with a lot of people you’re putting yourself in the role of she-male that you’ve seen in the ads and on the internet and everything else. You need to tone it down and stop wanting to be the sex object all the time and just figure out who Jamie is and where she fits in the world.”
……………… Needless to say once I thought about that over a few sessions and stuff the more it really made sense. I found out too that my really big issues with my mother and my sister we’re all just because they’re greedy little self serving bitches. And they are but that part of me growing up was jealous because of the fact they got to be who they really were. And that I had fought it for so long as a way that I’d not betray my father’s memory. That his only son wasn’t so much his son really.
………………That was really hard to hear and accept and brought up a three day crying jag and fit of depression with me questioning whether or not I was really dishonoring Dad by being this way, being girl Jamie.
Sasha came over and she stopped me in mid-purge as I wasn’t just tossing out my stuff but I was going to light it all on fire.
Looking in the mirror that night as old me but old me post the real me wasn’t a pretty sight.
…………………But that was about a week ago. My Therapist has given me my carry letter, I’ve gone to a reputable Genderqueer friendly Doctor, Liz Winters and I’ve started on the female hormones and I’m taking them, I had the shots to start me off and I even signed onto a “hormone patch” local experiment for the University. It’s not what you’re thinking the amount follows my prescription but they want to see if a patch applied to the breast area will increase the speed of development because of placement and the slow release versus injecting the hormone doses into the breasts.
So far nothing breast wise except a bit of tingle now and then but it’s early yet. I’m noticing two things though.
My moods are sort of all over the place. And I’ve been really, really into my art and there’s a texture difference starting in my skin.
I’m kind of excited by the changes.
Anyway that’s kind of it, lately Ian called me the other night and he asked me to clean out his fridge and use up some stuff in the freezer because he’s going to be in Peru another month. I missed him leaving the first time so I said sure.
I’m going to have Sasha over for a big cooking lesson thing and then cook for Tommy and then maybe for Rick and who knows.
But my life is definitely starting. It’s been an interesting October.
Absinthe Opium and Honor… Chapter’s 19 & 20
Chapter 19
It’s been awhile since things have gotten started with me on the hormones. I’ve actually slipped into this new state of things. I’ve been dating a little bit mostly Rick who seems to have a serious thing for me lately and I still haven’t been with yet and Tommy once in awhile but he’s been seeing other people too.
Actually he’s seeing this really nice black girl going to school up here from Washington State named Loretta and she’s pretty down to earth. We’ve met and talked a few times and she’s just nice. She waits tables near the campus at a little Bistro place and me and the girls have gone there a few times and have tipped pretty good.
She’s a little freaked by the fact she’s dating a white guy and everything but it’s Tommy…he’s such a sweet guy he’d make anyone reconsider going out with him.
Sexually it’s been pretty much me and Sasha. And lately that’s really been a good speed for me. I’ll go over after classes and we’ll cook supper together and then I’ll go over my class notes and stuff and work at my papers and we’ll make love in the middle of the evening usually around eight or nine and it’s getting very lesbionic? My skin’s getting smoother and softer, my nipples are showing signs of my changes and even some breast growth too they’re still budding and itching too but Ooooh are they sensitive.
If you don’t have them then you can’t really describe them. If it sounds fast it’s been fast about three weeks since the shots and taking my dosages but I’m on these patches and they’re helping and then there’s Sasha.
She’s firmly of the opinion the more attention she gives them, or I give them and the more stimulated they are the more the blood flow in increased to my breasts is and the more the hormones will get to them and react.
And she has me eating more high fat stuff but good stuff. I’m eating a lot of coconut stuff and avocado and things high in fat but that heart healthy stuff but I’m in what she calls my fat shifting stages. I’m sort of seeing it a little in my butt and my hips too more than anything else and my small budding breast but a lot of that is the corsets I’m wearing all the time. There’s less of places for the fat to go or settle at especially with my exercise routine. She’s added twenty crunches every time I regularly change my corset. My ab’s are feeling it but not showing but it’s a trim waist and I’m starting to get a figure.
I’m off the plug. It’s been two months and stuff living with it almost all the time so I sway when I walk. I tried it the other day and I actually can’t remember how I used to walk and move. I guess she way right between that and the corsets and heels it’s all automatic now.
Kinda feels like big accomplishment.
It’s weird too that I’m actually in the best shape of my life. I eat better; despite my fattier diet I’m eating not a lot of junk. Actually if it’s really trashy stuff I kinda get a tummy ache.
Jogging, I’m finally keeping up with her stride for stride but about our third jog with me keeping up she added two more miles to our route which is her usual route I guess and I’m still keeping up but I’m just as tired and gross and sweaty from it as ever. But…I’m not as winded.
I’m also starting to look like I actually know what I’m doing with the Tai-chi and the yoga lessons and my self defense stuff.
And my languages on CD are getting easier and I can use basic manners in German, French and Chinese. I think I’m actually going to take a couple of them as credits next semester and round out what I’m learning with some actual learning in class.
Sasha speaks like nine languages. I want to kind of be as sort of accomplished as she is. Sasha just seems so together and with it and worldly. I want a good education.
I’ve been doing well in my classes and I’ve been doing well in my home design and sewing stuff too. I’ve picked up a pretty lucrative sideline to that. Sewing. Yep just plain old sewing.
No one sews anymore, barely any of the dry-cleaning places do it so more often than not it’s do it yourself or go to a seamstress or tailors place both are few and far between and they’re expensive too. I do repairs and alterations. I charge ten dollars for materials and expenses and then fifteen dollars an hour after that. Steep? I’m fast and convenient and the places that do, do it cost twenty bucks an hour.
I’m busy too, there’s a bulk market just in the campus kids alone. Rick actually got me started with him complaining one night about not being able to find a cheap place to get one of his jackets fixed. So I fixed it. He liked what I did the next thing I know I’m getting stuff from his sports buddies and his frat brothers and then word just spread.
I had to get some more room in the bottom of the garage and you bet that Rick helped me. Actually he dragged a lot of his buddies in to help me with the shop and it was done pretty fast. Sometimes I’ll study while I’m sewing. And I’ll do an hour or two before going to bed while sipping at my absinthe or a macha tea and sometimes an hour before I have to go jogging.
The thing is some of the repairs to stuff’s a five minute fix especially for the guy’s things. It’s the women and alterations that are more time consuming and they’re fussier over. And well of course I do stuff for myself all the time and my friends too and I don’t charge Rick or Tommy but he pays me anyway.
Very very busy in fact I’ve stopped sewing on the weekends unless I really feel like it. But still I’m pulling in really decent money and I’ve been banking a lot of it. I’m living for free with Ian’s blessing and I’ve got my money from my part of Dad’s insurance coming in, I’ll make about forty dollars a week with my store and my designs and my sewing has been bringing me in close to three hundred a week. I’m making some serious money and with me eating on the food plan at the student center and supper most nights with Sasha and lately out on the town with Rick my food costs are next to nothing.
I’m even getting to the point of not really needing that much in the way of stuff for my apartment or clothes. Plus I don’t really have the time to shop.
My biggest expenses have been buying coffee and teas and stuff for my friends and stuff.
Which is good because I’m getting myself some implants as soon as my breasts get well past that whole budding and growing stages and there’s some other stuff I want done too. I know it’s vain and all that getting work done isn’t something someone so young should need but I want to be me.
And I’ve a very strong image of who that is in my head.
Plastic surgery is really expensive.
Anyways…
It’s been a good Friday and I went through my classes and hung out with the girls then spent part of lunch with Rick kissing and making out. He’s still sort of shy about being all PDA with me because who and what I am isn’t a secret.
After classes I Twitter people that has stuff done to pick up and to get it by seven.
I get paid and close up shop and get ready for Rick to take me out. It’s nice, getting dressed up and I go through my regime of making myself pretty and it’s so much a part of me that I don’t really think about things as I get all smooth and smell good and smile in my mirror at the blonde girl there instead of the angsty boy that was never really happy. I love, slipping into my underwear and stockings and my lacey miracle bra by Victoria secret.
Girls if you’re just starting or small boobed then this is the thing, enough lift for nearly two cup sizes and combined with a matching corset…I look good. I know vain, vain, vain but I like looking good, I like being pretty and have the life I have. I’m the real Jamie and I’m never going to not try and do everything to just live the life I was never connected to before.
I wear nice shoes and dab myself with a bit of my favorite perfume…Opium, I wear it all the time it’s my signature scent. Yeah I picked it up from Sasha just like my absinthe, not all they time but times like this…getting pretty, getting dressed, feeling sensual it’s nice to have one or two in a martini glass and I love the ritual of it too, the pour, the knife, the sugar cube, I do mine a little different with just a curl of lemon peel I wrap around the sugar cube and let the pour infuse some of that fragrant oils into my drink.
I get into a nice pink dress with a low neckline and white flowers on it and a few bits and things to go with it to complete the look. Way too many people, too many girls are either what is too butch and tomboyish or they go out, just out in this over the top super sexual prowly look.
Yes I’m wearing some very provocative under things and the low neckline and the short but not to short length of the dress shows off enough.
And you know what?
Guys love the way I look, Rick loves the way I look. I get looks from guys until they figure out who I am or get told. And I still get looks from them afterwards part of the time…most of the time.
We go out and we go to an actual plat called Spencer about a lawyer who goes from being this big city bigot kind of guy to fining out he’s got a half native kid who’s a junkie and a prostitute in the worst neighborhood in Vancouver. Other than in school drama club stuff I’d never seen a real play put on. Nice clothes on everyone dressed up, manners… Rick and I were there in the age minority but there was no pushing or people talking over other people and no swearing. I never got “clocked” once as far as I could tell and I had a really good time.
Then we went to the Keg Steakhouse at close to nine for a nice late supper. A few shared appetizers and we both got steak and a salad on the sized. I went for a steak in peppercorn sauce but a smaller one and he got a grilled one.
I asked him to stop at one of the chain big grocery stores and I ordered two more steaks and a few things for the weekend and he was looking crestfallen when we pulled into my driveway.
“Rick? What’s the matter?”
“I took you for groceries, that’s kind of a big hint that tonight wasn’t going to be tonight.”
“Pardon?”
“This is like out tenth date, I know that there’s not hard and fast rule about stuff like the whole third date and everything but…”
I kiss him then break it. “But you heard things and one of those thing was that I’m pretty easy? That I’m a whore?”
“Uhm…” He’s looking trapped, nervous.
“I am, but I’m a whore who likes really nice guys and you’ve really proven over and over you’re that.”
I kiss him and kiss him and run my hand over his crotch and leg where I feel him hardening nicely.
“Uhm…” I do that to some guys a lot.
“You shouldn’t be sad I had to pick up things so I could make us breakfast.”
“Oh…wha…oh? Jamie? Really?”
“Yes really come on.”
Chapter 20
I lead him upstairs and I show him to my stereo while I put away the groceries and then made us both an absinthe cocktail or a green fairy. I slip into the living room and kiss him then dance a little for him while sipping our drinks.
There’s some more kissing then another drink and we’ve got that electric tingle edge from it and there’s more kissing as I lead him into the bed room. I start undressing him and he’s a nice surprise under his clothes.
Rick’s beefier than Tommy, more across in the shoulders but he works out a lot I’d guess as a jock. Lots of muscle, waxed and tanned too. I love the effect his body is having on my brain through my fingers.
Girls are soft and slinky and sexy and I love that, Sasha is beautiful to touch and so was Neela but Rick’s hard muscle, and there all this body heat there and it might sound strange but feeling his body is a lot like feeling a hard-on. Soft yet steely.
He’s got a nice cock too, about seven inches eight really but he’s got this upward curve in it that I’ve seen in porn but never in person. “Ohh, Rick you’ve got a wonderful cock.”
“I do?”
“Mmm hmm.” He’s not sure hot to take that but he’s a little red, shaking a bit as I run my hands over it. Most girls seldom tell stuff like that to their guys. “Can…Can I please suck you cock?” I ask a mix of shy and forward, flutter me eyes just the once but hold his gaze.
They don’t do that for the most part either, why they make guys ask to get oral sex is beyond me. I love to suck cock, I think I’m genetically predisposed to it or something. I think GG’s are messed up sexually anyway. Way too repressed and too many head games.
I sink to my knees and take him into my mouth and I moan, I love the taste of men, and I make the sound of having good chocolate as I get my first taste of Rick. He’s got this way different flavor then anyone else. Salty, sweet like most guys are in some way and that thing…that taste of pre-cum mixed with flesh that’s umami to my senses actually there’s this very light sort of miso-esque flavor to sperm and that’s flavored by diet. There’s an odd fruity hint to Rick.
I use all my tricks on him wrapping my lips around just the head and moving my lips as I tilt my head from side to side…if you can get your lips to settle just behind the hood of the head or his glans it drives guys crazy…makes them whimper your name.
Even with the hormones that gives me a hard on. No I’m not ashamed of my cock, I’m good with who I am. Binary gender just doesn’t apply to me and I wouldn’t ever want it too.
There’s pressing your tongue into a curve and letting your taste buds tickle his underside on the in stroke. There’s curling the tip up putting pressure there on the outstroke.
And other things, but being vocal, even if it’s to catch a breath and say “Yum” or stuff like that they don’t get that enough you treat a guy really well like that and make him feel like he’s something you’ll have a lot better sex and he’ll connect with you a whole lot more.
He surprises me when he cums, not when, I’m that good at sucking cock I know when it’s coming just me and Sasha I’ve been sucking cock and learning how and loving it between eight and ten times a week.
No he’s thick and creamier than any guy yet? My first taste and I suck his cock as he’s cumming like I’m nursing.
I back off and clean him off. “Oh Rick, wow…what had you been eating, you taste amazing?”
He blushes. “Uhm smoothies? We uhm all have these strawberry kiwi banana shakes with protein powder for breakfast in the mornings…maybe that’s it?”
“God that was the best tasting cum I’ve ever had.” I’m actually not kidding, I’ve looked it up, people can acquire a flavor over a prolonged period of expose to diet. And these protein shakes can actually be good for a guys sexual function, apparently semen and sperm production is kinda a chemistry set full of stuff they need and there’s a lot of it in these things.
I’m buying this stuff for the guys I like from now on.
I stand and kiss him and he doesn’t shy away from my kiss an I turn him around so he can sit on my bed and I drop my dress.
“Oh wow Jamie, you’re so beautiful…”
I blush, there’s just this honest tone in his voice, this reverence even. I don’t get that from Tommy. Tommy and I are different, easier but like really close friends or better. Rick pulls me closer by my hands and sits on my bed and looks at me.
“Jamie, can I?” His hand reaches out and strokes my hardness through my panties. Almost in awe, like he’s entranced.
“Rick are you gay?”
“No..no..I’m not gay, guys don’t turn me on at all it just I..I don’t know Jamie girls like you are so fucking perfect.”
“Thank you, There’s lots of people that find this alright all over the world Rick, just like being this is the real me…I’d really love it if you did…if you really…oooh…”
He certainly didn’t need much encouragement, and he knew some stuff, he was really careful about his teeth.
Oh god it was good too, a guy, guy has this suction that’s amazing. He needed gently coaching, my boy-clitty was a better word for this than dick or cock and he liked being praised. I’m going to have to talk to Sasha about this. Rick was giving me a blowjob and it really was just that, but it wasn’t gay feeling. There’s got to be something to this because I’m not into being the top with a guy, guy but this was nice.
Oh he was a good boy and he swallowed and kissed me. It was good. Oh he was so hard and ready and dripping his juices.
And there was learning something new too. With his curve doggy style was very different feeling, but it was really perfectly set, curved to touch and slip over my love spot. Once I teach him where it is. I’m liking face to face with Rick because that feels so good and with my budding breasts the touching and feeling and kneading ow…okay, okay.
“Rick!, Rick stop.”
He stops, looking confused. “Who taught you how to fuck?”
“What? No one?”
“It shows.”
“What, I’m..” He moves to pull out of me and I hang onto him.
“No, Rick just grow the fuck up! I had to learn too, that the problem!”
“What? That I’m a bad lay?”
“No, but has anyone ever told you what was good before, how things feel, what not to do?”
“No, I’m supposed to know this stuff right?”
I sit up and pull him into a kiss and have my arms around his neck. “No, there’s just sex like a lot of people just have and that’s it and there learning to be a great lover…I want to show you how to be a great lover.”
“Oh..”
“Yeah Oh, you goof.” I nuzzle his face and smile and kiss him.
I pull him pack down over me and ride, clench, kiss and stuff until he’d hard again.
“Okay just really slow strokes, what you were doing is fine but it’s best when she’s begging for harder and faster, and don’t give her full speed at once just because she asks or even begs for it, that need is part of the best part of sex for a girl. Do the harder faster to us like those treadmills that build the inclines.”
“Now remember my spot…my…oh yeah…oh…ghnh…Right there…”
I enjoy it for a few blissful moments.
“Now slow down to just sliding in…okay feel that…that’s it…think of this like slow motion demonstration…unngh…in…then about an inch, inch and a half of your cock move it back and forth just two little strokes… (My eyes nearly roll back in my head while I’m trying to tell him.)…and sink into me…ooh!”
“Oh fucking repeat, repeat…You do this closer to the front with a girl…she should get twice as much stimulation to her clitty than the stroke…!”
Rick’s a quick learner and he’s an athlete he’s steady and once he gets to that pace he was good. Great stamina now that he’s not just fucking me like a horny teenager.
He’s still going after I cum, it was a really good cum too…even with my internal climax happening and squeezing him until he came inside of me it still took minutes for him to soften but not really all the way.
We kissed, and cuddled and I taught him the tender ways talking and coaching like foreplay but better… I teach Rick to touch my breasts, and even new things. He has these real guy’s guys hands, strong but rough.
“Use the rough bits to just tease me, like teeth grazes but calluses, hoe it’s all right like this to take all that time because it’s attention. Look me in my eyes, just lock at my and read my feelings the pleasure you’re giving…ugggnh…there…don’t…don’t think about anything but seeing those changes…you’ll think less about you and that’ll make you last longer… Touch my throat, slide a finger down my jaw line, kiss places like my arms, like my ribs…laugh because this is a good time but laugh into my body…roll me over and get me to take top…ask me to tease you with my breasts, to let my hair fall on your skin…tell her you need that…”
Third time around for him the sex was three times as good…He’s got me crying out and begging for more, for harder and that just on the edge of enough get’s tantric and when I do get there it’s amazing.
I get him to give me a fourth time before we need to take a break. He might not have Tommy’s massive long weapon but Rick’s got more muscle and Stamina, Lots and lot’s of Stamina.
He watches me with a smile while laying kitty corner of my bed as I got through the kitchen, barefoot and white stocking with sex tears in them and I get us each a bottle of water. I toss him his as I drink from mine. Great sex can dehydrate you. (Grins)
I love the goofy, puppy dog smile he has, the way that he watches me. He even pouts when I slip on my sheer little robe.
“Aw, no fair.”
“I…don’t have you’re delicious body heat pressed to me so it’s a little chilly.”
“Oh is that a request?”
“No, But I wouldn’t mind.”
“Can I use you bathroom first?”
“Sure.”
“Jamie..?”
“Yes..?”
“I want all of you tonight, is that okay?”
“Are you sure?”
“Please…?”
“I’d love to.” I just couldn’t say no. It’s just the sweet way he asked me and everything. “Rick?”
“Yeah…Jamie.”
“There’s a box in the cupboard in there use it and the directions that’ll get you ready.”
I let him go and get ready and I turn up the stereo to cover any embarrassing sounds. I make us some drinks. Gordon’s gin and I slice half a lemon into a pitcher then add ice, then squeeze the lemon’s other half over the ice and pour two coffee mugs of gin and add a tea bag of Earle Grey tea and a liter of tonic water and let it set up. I don’t know what it’s called but Victoria makes it. No I’m not legal drinking age not until my birthday but I get my absinthe from Sasha and the other booze is Ian’s.
I make a quick stop at my purse for another Sasha toy, a little blue pill. Yeah I’m young but I’ve already came a few times and that’s my girly limit without help. I crush it to powder on a spoon and eat it that way so it’ll work it’s way faster through my system.
I make something to eat next. I take a baking potato wash it and dice it into my soup pan with some butter and brown it off. I add in a few onion flakes, salt and pepper and then a can of chicken broth ans some thyme. By the time Rick comes out I’m using my stick-blender to buzz it up and some heavy cream added into it making this creamy butter roasted potato and roast chicken soup. Yeah Tommy’s saved me a ton of time with that simple soup pot stuff.
I let it sit to cook off the heat and take him a drink and we have a few drinks dance a little bit and get a little bit of a lift. I can just sort of feel a little something below too. “Go, I’ll be there in a second. I slip into the bathroom and just a simple sponge off the sweat with a face cloth and my body wash, a touch of make up and a tiny little spritz of my perfume again. Yes I’m getting pretty to fuck a boy, I’m who I am so why not. Oooh wow, my nipples are really hard too. I’m actually excited by the thought.
I get the soup in a big coffee bowl-mug and go into the bed room. “Here.” I pass it to him and rearrange the bedding until I’ve got him sort of sitting up and I take top and straddle him and he’s excited all over again. I sink onto him with a sigh. He looks at me. “I though we were going to uhm…you know.”
“We are but I like this, I like us having soup like this and I like having your cock inside of me Rick.”
“You do?”
“Yes, it’s not all about getting off. I just thought you inside of me while we did this would be intimate.”
“God yes it is Jamie, you’re so cool.”
I laugh at that. “No, I’m a bit of a romantic, and a artist sort of comic book geek and very much a whore.”
“You’re not a whore.”
“I am, it’s my word, I’m claiming it for what it is. I like sex, love sex , love this what we’re doing right now and I’m good with it. I love being me.”
“Like I said cool.”
“Thank you.”
And it’s kind of cool, I’m on top doing my slow moving riding clench unclench in no hurry at all and we’re sharing that big cup of soup and licking the few drips off of each other that fall and Rick sits up once it’s over holding himself up with his arms as we move sexually together and just kiss and he makes soft love to my breasts until he cums inside of me again.
I kiss him. I’m so hard now with the stimulation and the time for stuff to kick in. “Are you ready?”
“Oh god Jamie yes please…I wanted you to sink into me when I’ve been doing that to you.”
“Okay, relax and lie back.”
I start by giving him head again after he’s nice and cleaned off. Handi-wipes and some lube will clean that off really well.
As I suck on him I slowly apply a bit of lube, then some more until he’s ready for the tubes nozzle and I’ve warmed it by laying on the tube. I apply a lot inside of him, then coat my fingers then gently work him open more and more and feel out his B-spot. I’m rewarded by moans and his gasps.
He’s ready and I come up for air and rubber up. Then kiss him and take the blankets and the pillows. “Here slide this one under here.” I kind of set it lengthwise under his butt and small of his back and all the rest I arrange in a big C behind me piled onto the backs of my legs.
It’s so different taking his muscular legs and setting them resting on the bedding and around my hips. I back and forth between sinking myself into him and looking him in the eyes.
Even lubed he’s really tight.
I go right to the limit of my six and a half inches and kiss with him while he adjusts taking my time and then I start doing to him what he’s been doing to me. He’s all guy but so into the lady boy thing it’s surreal, the cries have this in love with cock sound that if you do you know it.
I go for slow endurance, he comes twice more …his muscles clenching so tight in his spurt clenches it’s hard for me not to cum with him That last one I talked him through the feeling me and my hardness inside of him as he came with very little fluids this time and what’s to be his last one I’m building to mine and I take Rick to the crying begging for more thing that is so sweet and driving me on at the same time …We both scream…and hold onto each other as my balls ached as I emptied what little there was left in my tank out and Rick…he dry came which just pushed him over the edge to the B-sot boygasm.
We fall asleep together in a heap, and aching heap and completely drained and snuggle in the totally messed up bed sheets. He’s really snuggly and touchy feelie cuddly after this and he’s in afterglow, which is kind of cool that he did.
I kind of love the way, the feel of how he’s holding me as we drift off.
Absinthe, Opium & Honor…Chapters 21&22.
Chapter 21.
I’m still convinced that it’s so much better to sleep in your own bed but it’s so much better than that sleeping with someone in your own bed.
I know that I’m the right me in these little times you know when I’m lying here awake with Rick’s arms around my body and spooning. It’s feeling this, feeling so female, just girly with every breath.
Okay, maybe Rick’s hard on pressed against me might have something to do with that.
I yawned and that must have woke Rick because he kisses the back of my neck and my shoulder then me as I turn my head and I feel his hand slip down to my sex and stroking me hard. Not the usual wake up for me but…
“My god you’re beautiful Jamie.”
“Thank you, you’re pretty hot yourself.”
He kisses me again and rolls me to face him. He moves a little and he’s kinda sideways and he’s using one hand to stroke my sex and the other one to cup and suckle my breasts and it starts feeling really good, then his hot wet boy mouth sinks over my sex and I get a morning blow job.
I take over at rubbing and massaging my breasts and playing with my nipples. It really sends me over the edge these feelings are so strong from my small breasts. That and this hungry look in Rick’s eyes. I just can’t help from emptying my cream into his mouth and he swallows like he loves it.
He either does or is a fast learner or both.
He moves up my body and into me almost taking me in away, he moves my legs up and opens me up, then grabs the lube and he’s so wanting me it doesn’t take long and he’s sinking into me.
It’s that eye widening, inhale and sensation of getting filled with hot hard cock that just…”Oh god, of fucking god I love cock.” I do I really, really do. “Uggnh! Oh Rick, yeah there…there…there…” He didn’t forget last night and in a few thrust his hard hot cock is hitting my love nub and there’s something so fucking good, awesome girlish about my legs up over his shoulders and him pressed over me and pushing down on me and he’s fucking me and taking me as well.
I’m screaming out. “Yes, yes, yes! Fuck me yes! Oh…! Harder Rick!…Harder!”
It’s that feeling, that something inside of me, soft and yet unbelievably hard and it’s gliding in and out of me making me feel hot, flushed, excite, sexy, alive and then there’s that cock hitting , rubbing my most intimates of intimates and it becomes too much and not enough that please, please don’t stop.
You ever feel that perfect pleasure from sex the way it was meant to be and you’ll question why this is ever called wrong.
There is something so more than right about getting fucked so beautifully first thing in the morning. When a boy fucks you until you see stars.
It’s actually what we end up doing all morning. He’s fucking me, then I’m fucking him…oh he loves it, cries out, moans he’s so into me…how do I know? “Oh please Jamie, more, more, fuck me more, cum in me, oh!…Boygoddess, Boygoddess, Boygoddess!”
Yeah he’s calling me Boygoddess. Just the thought of it gets my sex stirring, while fucking him it went straight to my ego and reptile sex brain and I think I fucked Rick harder than I’ve ever fucked anyone, well maybe more intensely…I jackrabbit humped his spot over and over not just until he way just shouting and screaming in passion but until I cam e and made sure that I unleashed my cream into him but all over his love nub.
“Jamie, Jamie…jamie…” he was crying as I kissed with him and his eyes were glassy and afterglowy. For a guy he curled up sweetly into me his face into my shoulder cried.
“Ricky, are you okay?”
(Sniffle) “Y..Yeah…God, you’re awesome, you’re so fucking awesome.”
“Okay, Okay you’re fucking awesome too Rick, sexy and handsome with a nice cock and so sweet inside…a Boygoddesses dream.”
He blushes and I hold him and nuzzle with him and get up and get cleaned up then make some more lemon drop cocktails. It’s close to noon so I’m not being too bad by doing these but the pitcher goes into the fridge and I make a couple of green fairies (absinthe) before getting out the groceries I bought on the way home.
A bit of a buzz on from my drinks and I put the cast iron grill pan on and take out the steaks. Nice New York Strip steaks I got cut by the guy in the meat department. I’m learning; Sasha says that a cut of anything the way you want it is the best way to have anything. These are two inches thick and I toss salt, peppercorns and a bit of onion and garlic powder and celery seed and grind it all up in my mortar and roll the steaks in it them put them smoking hot on the grill pan.
I love knowing how to cook. There is something girl satisfying about not just being a sexy girl or rather Boygoddess, but to able to hit another key mark on the checklist of man important stuff on their lists. Guys have a list just like girls and I love being able to be their fantasy, better than that if I can be.
I get some potatoes cut and did fries and go into the bedroom and wake Rick. He gets up wrapped in my sheet and still spacy eyed and giving me puppy dog eyes. He still eats like I’ve been starving him and I love the sounds that he makes as he eats and we do the laundry and change the bed and slip back into bed together and sleep.
We wake and have drinks and dance and make love all afternoon, and all night just really not having to do anything and not doing anything other than each other.
Jock-boy or not I have sex a lot a whole lot and I wore Rick out and settle into sleep with him.
………………………….. It’s about seven when my phone wakes me up. I slip out of bed and walk into the living room with it. “Hello?”
“Hey beautiful did I wake you?”
“Yeah, what’s up Tommy?”
“Loretta and I broke up.”
“Oh baby, I’m sorry what happened?”
“It was a black thing…apparently she was getting grief from some of the black community on campus for dating a white guy.”
“That sucks, she didn’t seem like that.”
“I know but I guess word got back to her family too and it caused some shit.”
“Still Tommy if she loved you it shouldn’t have mattered.”
“It’s no big deal, it wasn’t love Jamie, it was good, great but it wasn’t love.”
“Still are you okay?”
“I was wondering if I could come over.”
“Let me ask?”
“Ask?”
“Yeah ask, just relax I’ve had a lover over all weekend.”
“You and Sasha?”
“No, me and Rick why?”
“I still think you and Sasha would be hot.”
“No fucking way, Sasha’s too powerful for you and I don’t want you falling for her more than me.”
“That’d never happen.”
“Good, give me a minute.”
I walk into the bedroom and kiss Rick awake. “Hey Boygoddess.” He smiles at me.
“I’ve got Tommy on the phone he wants to come over.”
“You want me to leave?”
“No, but I wanted to ask if it’d be okay if he came over.”
“With me here?”
“Yes…” I kiss him. “You can both be with me…two hot great guys fucking my girly self.”
He’s getting hard. “Uhm sure okay.”
I get up and slip back out and get back on the phone. “Sure if you don’t mind sharing me with another guy?”
“Uhm…”
“You wanted to live and try things out that were new.”
“Okay, Hell…Yes, I’ll be right up.”
“You’re downstairs?”
“Uhm Yeah.”
“Sure get up here, I miss you and I’m already horny. Bring yourself up here.”
He hangs up. I bounce walk to the door and let him in and we’re kissing not wasting anytime and I’m already naked and stripping him of clothes and guide him to the bed room. “Rick, Tommy…Tommy, Rick…” They shake hands and I kiss Rick and stroke his dick. “When I’m in position come in and sink you’re beautiful horn into me.”
I sink to my knees and start pulling out Tommy’s monster cock and I’m drooling literally wanting him but I stroke him all over with some lube and apply my lip gloss before wrapping my lips around that huge fucking cock. I moan around it, I can’t help it this is fucking heaven to me and the feeling of my lips wrapped around his head then shaft as Tommy moans and slides his cock into me, down my throat…passed my gag reflex…there’s that tickle there a twinge that’s like the feeling of an addicts needle with that. It’s that kiss of bad with the very, very good.
I heard Rick inhale with this… “Oh fuck Jamie that’s so hot…”
I bottom out my face into Tommy’s pubic bone and moan some more, sort of laugh, and even more as Rick’s cock sinks into me from behind.
Absolutely whorey-slut-fucking paradise.
Honestly I lose that whole sexual control I have in no time. Tommy’s fucking intoxicating and if you truly love cock like me then having his fingers wound through my hair and him throat fucking me taking control and just mastering me, taming me and the insane cock lust I’m in just hits my tie me up and fuck me hard buttons.
Rick’s fucking me hard and playing with my breasts and even giving me a reach around. I bliss out as Rick takes me to boygasm and them climax as I clench around him my insides molding around him inside me and I can feel my body screaming Yes…!….Cock! The fact he’s squeezing both of my little breasts just sends me even higher and still fuckdrunk I suck on Tommy’s huge cock relentlessly until he cries-growls my name and I increase the suction my nose breathing and beer guzzling his cum hard before he even shoots his cream I’m almost pulling it out of him.
I turn and French Rick with a mouthful of Tommy cream and he looks surprised. But he takes it he swallows it and After we catch out breath I make some more drinks and then Tommy takes me while Rick sucks on me and that takes me to this boneless place so we get on the bed. There’s some clean up and Then I’m fucking Rick sucking Tommy again and then after I’m done and drained I slip off and kiss with Rick and his eyes widen as Tommy is lubing him. I forehead to forehead to him. “You okay with this?”
“Yes…Oh god, yes…I’m scared, but yes, please Tommy, I have to feel it, I need that monster in me…….!”
I kiss Rick through the invasion of his insides by Tommy’s twelve inch dick. There’s nothing like that, nothing like being fucked by cock and feeling your flesh being mastered, moved, made to be his place and you are his little fuck toy.
It’s the head and then the veined shaft sinking in deeper and deeper until you don’t thing you can be taken deeper but then he’s inside and if you take those minutes to adjust them you can feel so much heat inside you, another pulse and then he starts to slowly fuck you.
The head is majikal the feeling of the flared glands pulling back over every nerve and bump inside of you only increases the pleasure and after a short while the aching need to feel filled again. And his size only makes it impossible not to stimulate the luv nub.
Rick get’s very quickly lost to the cock. He get’s this half lidded look and eyes actually rolling back as Tommy fucks him. The thing is Tommy’s not just his dick, he’s a nice guy so his arms are wrapped one around Rick’s torso another one takes Rick’s hand and puts it on his abdomen. Kissing his neck and whispering into his ear. “You’re so tight, god Rick this is better than I though Guy on Guy would be…Feel that…under your hand? That’s me…inside you. Feel that beautiful boy?”
Rick get’s hopelessly lost in the Tommy. I’d almost be a little jealous if not for the passionate kisses from both of them.
Rick gets taken to that place that’s just lust and pleasure…I’ve taken him there, he’s taken me there but there’s nothing like Tommy carrying you there. Rick get’s to that screaming speaking in tongues thing we all get when being masterfully fucked and I know he’s close by his breathing. I slip down and treat him to that same draining blowjob I gave Tommy and he unleashes a lot of cream more than I thought he had and He’s shaking his way through his climax, not the boy cum but that clenching around the cock inside you that you can’t help when you get off and all those fucked raw and awake nerves scream at the shape and size and the feeling of cock inside of you and that get’s literally imprinted on your brain.
Rick’s face is buried into the pillows and he’s sobbing out in pleasure and pain as part of him that wasn’t aware of this side of himself wakes up.
Honestly there’s part of everyone, GG, Boygoddess, Bi-boys, Lady Boi-lovers like Rick that get’s into shock when that part of your life wakes up with a vengeance and is just a plain honest cockslut.
And The cuddling and snuggling and touches afterwards are really good too. I love the fact of yeah Tommy’s a top, he might give a bit of head or suck a clitty but he’s not ever going to be into the receiving end.
But he’s far too sweet a guy not to say nice things, and not to touch and kiss. I can see it in Rick’s eyes. The sweet and tender means a lot after getting fucked like that. He’s still processing but he’s in the same boat as me.
…….Tommy….sigh.
I get up and get cleaned up after a bit and take a nice long bath and get all beautiful again and I hear the sounds of more lovemaking. I get another drink while getting into my panties and bra then a soft robe and watch Tommy and Rick on my bed. They’re face to face and Rick’s got his legs around Tommy’s waist and they’re kissing, and Tommy’s making love to Rick with though long perfect strokes. Not fucking but this is long slow sensual lovemaking.
I’ve been there Rick, I’ve been there.
I can’t help but smile at them being together like that. College is where you’re supposed to find yourself. I found the real Jamie here and I get dressed and actually slip out of the house and take my bike and my travel bag and I slip out and go for a drive. Only about an hour and I stop at the local video place and get a couple of movies. Super 8 that sorta suspense horror sci-fi thing and Captain America and I stop at KFC and get the full meal deal.
They’re asleep again when I got home and I forgo the drinks but change into a baggy comfy sweater and sweats and just pony tail my hair and then I pop the chicken into the oven and heat it back up and let it get crispy.
Fried chicken is a god smell.
Okay I’m weird but there’s these things I believe that are just so hardwired into us that we can’t help but react to them. Scent is one thing. A god smell is that deep inhale…oh my god…thing and it makes you react.
Fried chicken, bacon, coffee, clean linen hung out on the line, chocolate, fresh baked apple pie, cookies, or bread.
For me you can add Man-scent, English leather cologne, real leather goods, a nice cigar or a pipe…I can’t help it, I don’t smoke but there’s just something powerful about that for me. Especially in my dad’s biker jacket…I keep a few cigars in the inside pocket of the jacket and it smells just so.
I’m a girl, I’m allowed to have daddy issues.
The fried chicken god smell wakes the boys and I double it up with a fresh coffee for both of them.
It’s a great wonderful afternoon with us just hanging out and It’s not about the sex, Heck it seems like I’m almost the third wheel some moments. Tommy and Rick are shy but it sort of just slips away as they relax and are in a safe place. Hell I sort of brought them together, I think it’s kind of cool that they’re really into each other. I almost hate the thought of it being a gay thing, too much of hanging a label on it.
Chapter 22
Classes and stuff started to get interesting. Rick and Tommy have been dating and Tommy and I’m been talking and stuff with Tommy and Rick at the LGBT meetings and Tommy’s Bi but Rick’s come out as gay.
He’s gotten some grief and shit from some of his teammates and stuff but people have been not too bad so far. I think though Rick’s gay he’s still Rick. Shy and quiet a lot of the time and still a nice guy.
They’re being open about it too.
Tommy’s the top and Rick’s the bottom and they are a sweet couple. They went camping last weekend out some where nice and it was tents and sleeping bags and stuff. A nice time with a curry over a campfire and that bread reheated in a frying pan. Tents and sleeping bags and late, late fall.
Rick’s idea not Tommy’s. That might be a big draw for Tommy…He just wants someone who isn’t about the bullshit and just wants something real without all the drama.
There is some drama, though. The fag-queens are jealous as hell at Rick landing Tommy, and jealous of the relationship they have.
Yes I said fag-queens. I don’t have a thing against anyone sexually or gender wise. But it’s that faggy behavior that’s so over the top gay and fake that it’s literally the cliché. Just like the man hating uberdykes, yeah some of both are true but a lot of these people are being fake.
I hate fake people.
I am who I am and yeah people do have a problem with it sometimes.
I dated Rick and Tommy and turned them gay. The jocks and the girls both have and issue with that.
I got a Tee-shirt made for being a Boygoddess and it says that too. I actually register that as a trademark for my clothing line. Yeah it’s likely a porn sight or something but it’s mine as far as a clothing label goes.
Why?
It’s awesome of at least it is to me and also it’ll keep some of these trendoids from stealing my stuff. It might sound snobby and elitist but if you don’t have the TG thing going on then I won’t sell you one of my logo shirts. I’ve see the L and the G take something nice and trendoid the living fuck right out of it.
Breast wise I’m almost where I need to be. I’m looking at the stuff I want done and my finances and stuff. I can take the money out of what’s there for everything. I’m making good money with my sewing business. But there’s stuff I really want to get done, to feel like I’m me. I spend another hour getting up earlier than before my usual day starts, work another hour at night before I go to bed and start to e-mail and tweet to get these things picked up. Not to be greedy but I really need the cash. Savings, it all goes into my savings.
I’ve put a serious drive into my classes and take some time at Sasha’s to actually do some sketches and paintings and honestly she loves having me there doing that and she’ll watch me getting into that for hours nursing a tea or a drink then it’s usually a really lovely lovemaking session then sleeping together and since Tommy and Rick have hooked up I’ve been only with Sasha and there’s times it’s almost relationship like with the things that we do together and even our cuddle time curling up together often.
It’s all I have time for between my morning routines which I’m getting hooked into. I get up and into my workout clothes, get some fruits and veggies into my magic bullet it pretty much can liquidize things. Almond milk and soy milk, a banana, yogurt, flax seed oil, few baby carrots and some mixed frozen fruits and berries. There’s enough for me and Sasha, I change the recipe a bit with lots of stuff. Granola with coconut milk mixed with almond milk a can for a liter is usually right on and it’s great with cereal.
Yeah tightening the corsets and lots of exercise. I’ll tell you this the soy milk and green tea helps the hormonal mood swings. The exercise my endorphins and the Yoga and Tai-chi my soul. Even if it’s just once a week I’m in a really good headspace.
I’m turning down dates too, a lot of them. I’m not in the headspace for something else in my life right now.
Loretta’s pissed at me about Tommy. She’s giving me the cold shoulder as are some of the other girls. A lot of the guys interested in me are straight and stuff, some of them are popular and I’m honest with them, I talk with them, treat them to a coffee or something. You know how novel it is for some of them to just eat lunch at talk with no BS in there, even better when the pretty girl buys you a cookie or a pudding cup?
Honestly not all the girls are users just the majority. They seem to think that there’s this law that the guy’s supposed to buy them stuff and treat them like a princess. The thing is most guys don’t want a princess, they want a girlfriend. Someone who’s nice to them and actually….gasp!…their friend…
I’ve been warned off of two guys this week and there was just stay the fuck away from so and so if you know what’s good for me. Both were girls that were chasing these guys and I think they avoided them to lunch with me. But we really talk, and some of it is me giving my unvarnished opinion on stuff with girls and sex and god damn it would these silly bitches just tell a guy what she wants. If honestly I have to teach the basics to a guy because a girl he’s with won’t tell him that it feels good when he does X, I’ll scream or I’ll seduce the poor boy and teach him the right way.
Sigh…
It’s not the fucking hormones either, it’s the gender culture. The bullshit, the games and the double talk and treating each other like shit even. I mean they are their own worst enemies.
And my best friends are girls too that’s the thing. I’ll actually smack them when they’re slipping into common cuntiness Victoria’s alright and Henna both raised in very different cultural norms then the others.
Still I have to remind some of the girls sometimes. The guys don’t want to have to guess, they don’t want to read your mind, and they don’t do stuff you ask them to do in that passive aggressive way because it’s fucking annoying. You want something done right then say it. Not whenever you get around to it honey then get pissed because he didn’t get you meant now. Oh he got it and you never showed him the respect to actually ask him to do something.
Guys don’t need to speak girl.
They just want honesty.
Sigh…
I’m glad my brain isn’t programmed to be like that.
Why am I harping on it because My Mother and My Sister are those girls, the campus is full of those girls and really no guy want’s them. But they’re kind of stuck with them. And I do love women and girls if they’re nice people.
Sugar and spice maybe but nice has been lacking.
………………….. I just closed up shop after a busy afternoon with the repairs and alterations and selling some of my shop made clothes. There’s a knock on the side door and I open it to see Ian my landlord of sorts. He passes me a drink. “You’ve been busy all afternoon, do you think you could beg off from Sasha tonight to go out with me tonight? Dinner, dancing?”
“It’s Friday night I’m free for the weekends. I’d love to get out give me an hour?”
“Certainly, make it two lots of time for a few drinks first.”
“Alright, how should I dress.”
“Sexy, love to see you in a dress.”
“I’d love too, this is just what I need after a long week.”
“Good, I see you soon.”
I smile and head upstairs and put things away and my money in the safe I bought and go start getting ready for my date.
Absinthe, Honor and Opium…Chapters 23&24
Chapter 23
I take my drink upstairs with me sipping on the hard yet smooth scotch. I’m not that well versed in alcohols of any kind but I’m getting there. I’d actually love to know good stuff from bad even as far as maybe cigars and stuff like that too. Not that I’d smoke them, heck I don’t really smoke anything besides really smelly and not good for you. But I’d like to know it in case of conversations or to know what to buy as gifts
It’s be a nice skill set to have.
I get undressed and slip into the shower and go over myself making sure all the hairs are gone and lotion up and then baby oil, I get into my routine of hair and make-up and getting “prepped” inside and tonight I want a little sexy sway so I use one of my plugs a bit wider, one that’ll really keep in the lubricant I used. I might not sleep with Ian tonight but it always seems to give me this slippery inside feeling that helps with my sway.
No bra or corset I’m dressing in this satin low cleavage little black dress that well above my knees and is backless its just head up by these little spaghetti straps.
But I wear my black lacy panties and garter belt and sexy black stockings with a four inch heel to go with them.
Clutch purse and a wrap that I made myself of black lace in two layers and held together by a faux black sable line of trim.
I make sure I smell nice with just enough of my favorite scent Opium.
I twirl in the mirror and smile, I look pretty damned good. A bit flat but still good actually my small breast seem not too out of place on me with my tiny waspish waist and I head downstairs and take the empty glass with me and knock on Ian’s door.
My oh my oh my…
His hair is really nicely groomed and there’s just this kiss of black or dark dark grey under the silver that he has there. Six foot two and likely two hundred even he’s got broad shoulders from the work that he does and a damn fine body that just happens to be wearing a nice shirt and tie along with very expensive looking slacks, shoes and dinner jacket. Gold rimmed rectangular framed very nice glasses and a killer smile and nice eye.
“Jamie please come in I thought we’d have a drink while waiting for our drive.”
“I’d love one.”
“Here let me take that.” He takes my wrap and gentle folds it before setting it over one of his chairs. “What can I get you?”
I sway-glide to him and take his arm and go to his bar with him and stare at his smiling. “Really Ian I’m open to anything, educate me.”
He gets this look in his eyes. Guys do when you ask them stuff like that. They get to be all…it’s a kind of power really for those that do know what they’re talking about but can make it interesting and for me too. Men live for this stuff. “Have you ever had a martini?”
“Just the clubbing trendy one’s nothing really classically done.”
He makes us a martini and I like it. Then again I like liquor and spirits to have a flavor and I like gin. Yes I learned something there. James Bond always has that line “Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred…” Well a real regular martini is gin and vermouth, you ask for a martini at a bar you’ll get gin. You have to ask for the vodka. I like mine shaken because you get flecks of ice in the drink and I like the effect. I’m not a fan of “Dry” as it turns out because you skimp on the vermouth.
We have a few drinks and it’s enough for me to figure out I like a dirty martini shaken with three olives. Actually I was more worried about the olives, we never really ate them home and turns out that they’re another thing I enjoy. Oh and a dirty martini just has some brine in it from the olive jar.
A good drink like this to me would go great along with a really good Caesar salad. I’m going to admit to this.
I’m a Caesar salad snob. There has to be garlic in the dressing, and the anchovy, good olive oil, lemon zest and juice and shaved…shaved parmesan cheese with it. Done right and it’s stunning and get’s you wanting something more.
I’m a bit looped but in a good way wanting to eat by the time our cab comes for us. One of the clearer cab companies too. Not cheap either it was eight dollars when we sat in the thing.
He takes me to this very nice very upscale place where the restaurant is upstairs in the building with a great view of the Vancouver harbor and the city at night. He opened my door, helped me out of the cab and even draped my wrap around me before we went inside. I loved how close and how attentive he was and the small touches to my back and to my bottom as he walked and guided me inside.
I am so leaning towards having Ian tonight.
Did I already mention he smells so…perfect.
The place is called Chiffonade and it’s a really nice French place with a big bar and dance floor as well as a pianist playing music and this very pretty black girl singing this great sounding French jazz?
We got to the bar and get another martini each and Ian orders the cold bar plate for us. Oysters served on the half shell on ice and flavored with just a bit of black pepper, lemon juice and sweet vermouth just…just drizzled over them and a bit of what has to be caviar.
My first time for raw oysters and caviar. Just six on the tiny plate and they’re good really good and after those and my drink he leads me out onto the dance floor. We are killing time, the place is packed but in an exciting way. Everyone here is nicely dressed, being nice, acting very…I feel like a princess.
I like the feeling.
There are also more than a few stares sent my way and most of them friendly if not sexually inquisitive. Both from men and women, I feel sexy and the dancing…I’ve only ever slow danced really with Sasha in her lessons but loved it…but dancing with a man, a real man who knows what he’s doing and has been dancing like this for longer than I’ve been alive. It’s pure bliss, whatever part of my brain is really female is squealing and so over girlied I’m charged up like never before.
I feel his hard on not that far into dancing and…wow…it’s good length, hung at eight inches I’d guess. But it feels so thick…thicker than any I’ve had. Just thinking about Ian’s cock literally has me drooling…I want it really bad and my insides are closing in a wicked grip with the plug inside of me.
I see a few people from campus, some of the well monied profs, a few of the really hot girls and Neela who’s there with Karin and two girls that look to be their dates. Both of them are dressed in very nice but more masculine clothes…the slacks and such. Actually Karin for all she dislikes me looks rather butch stunning…great slacks and dinner jacket a lot like a nice suit. It’s a deep smoky grey with dark blue undertones and she’s matched it with a black blouse that’s silk with a revealing neckline and shows off her cleavage. Fine chain with a white gold cross and matching diamond studs. It really shows off her blonde hair. Neela looks good too but just they’re something more cross gendered about Karin’s look that I like better.
I smile and finger wave to them as I’m dancing. Neela’s watching me intently so there’s a bit more soft, soft sex kitten in my dancing and glide sway as we go back to the bar. I opt for a sparkling cider this time because I really don’t want to get hammered. I’m a little on the safe side of drunk. Safe enough I’m mature enough to stick to the alcohol free beverages at least until I sober up some.
Nothing worse looking than a nice girl all sloppy drunk. Actually that’s the key word isn’t it? Girls, ladies and women don’t get out of hand like that.
Ian orders us another appetizer because you are more allowed to eat naughty, sex with your hands foods at a bar. It’s why tapis bars are so popular these days. We get these really large spot prawns with the heads on but they are or have been cooked in this coconut cream that has some butter in it and a touch of Thai red curry to it and reduced and reduced until thick and rich and decadent and the prawn itself is what is cutting through that decadence with that slightly salty sweet flesh.
“Here, it’s too messy, but too good to pass up.” Ian says using his hands to pull them apart and feed them to me and one has the prawn and the other has a napkin under it to protect my dress.
I take the tail into my mouth and suck the sauce from it before daintily working the meat from the split shell with my teeth in two little pull tugs wrapping my lips around the meat …like I’m sucking a cock…soft, decadent teasing and looking him right in the eyes.
“Mmmm…so good, creamy, salty and sweet, thank you Ian.”
“You’re welcome Jamie, so do you suck the head?”
I love the innuendo. I’m so hot right now my nipples hurt, really hurt and so do my small breasts. And I love it… I love the agony and the foreplay of it, the wetness oozing from my own cock as it’s trying so hard to get hard past the hormones and the plug…it actually helps.
“Oh…yes Ian, I always suck the head.”
He holds it up to my lips and I make a definite cock sucking girl imitation that has me turned on. I love the act of it and the inside of a prawns head is excellent, like the roe and such of any good shellfish it’s often the best part to some.
There’s only four but slow as we’re doing it they last and by the time we slip to the dance floor the very many people close to us that had been watching us are ordering the same thing. I hear the line from where Harry Met Sally twice… “I’ll have what she’s having.” It takes us both to that nuzzling kissing talking laughing about the whole thing.
I think I’m getting popular…There’s a few more people staring at me. I notice nice bulges in more than a few pants and some hardened nipples.
Neela is watching me again, Karin too. She looks pissed at me and shoots a few upset with her glances at Neela too. I ignore then both really past a polite smile…I told Neela we were okay. Karin, I honestly think she hates me or the thought of me. (Sigh.) Not everyone’s going to like you Jamie.
Ian’s hard on says that he likes me very much.
We get back to the bar just in time to get seated and we both agree on The Chef’s table which is a series of dishes, teases really. I Love French food so I’m game plus there’s still that booze-hunger that goes with it.
The first is a tiny four bite salad but with endive and olive oil and beet greens and cubed yellow beets and goat cheese with maple candied walnuts.
The next is escargots I love these things, people might think eew snails but they are soft and poached just a slight chew and taste between a clam and a mussel, in this wonderful butter sauce, again just a tease.
Hot asparagus with French styled green beans was next then the main course.
Scallops cooked just right with a nest of king crab on this lettuce called frisee? But with this sauce of cream and butter but with sea urchin inside the sauce. I loved every bit of it and if I was home I’d have been licking the plate.
We take a break to dance before desert and I slip off to the powder room. I do my business and I’m getting made up and getting looks from several women and there’s this red head in a really nice slinky dress also red nice long legs, generous breasts, slender waist in her thirties maybe older but she really doesn’t look it we make eye contact in the mirror and she smiles at me. “I’m Rebecca, you’re…really stunning…are you Bi?”
“Yes, are you trying to pick me up?”
“I guess, I am…I was watching you at the bar and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since.”
“Thank you but I’m not what I look like, well I am but just some people make assumptions.”
“Oh?”
“I’m not a genetic girl.”
“Oh…well you still like women?”
“I love women, I live as one.”
“Maybe we can go out sometime?” She offers me her card. I take it and write my number on it with a pen from my purse. “Sometime…I’d like that.” I smile at her, and reach up and tuck a strand of hair from her face and behind her ear.
Some other girls come in as I’m doing it and it’s Karin and Neela and their dates. Rebecca pecks my lips and slips out swaying and looking over her shoulder at me before she goes out the door.
There’s some tenseness or awkwardness the girls with Neela and Karin are in and out quickly they look at me a lot, and checking me out a time or two and I return the favor and lock eyes with them. They leave first and there’s whispering as soon as they’re out the door. Neela went to do her business. Karin’s staring no… glaring at me. She looks like she wants to say something…get angry…well physically angry.
The thing is that we’re in the same self defense classes.
Neela comes out looks at me starts getting cleaned up. “You…you look beautiful tonight Jamie.”
“Thank you, I think you look beautiful as you always do Nee.”
She blushes. I step over and hug her, stroke her back some. “You haven’t called me?”
“No…” She looks down and away from me.
“It’s okay, I get it, you have to still live your community, I’m not well liked by some of the Lez crowd.”
“Sorry, I’ve been….”
“It’s okay, we’re good.”
“You’re out on a date? With the older guy?”
“Yes, his name is Ian.”
“Are you going to…”
“Oh yes, I am…”
“Oh…”
“Neela?”
“Yes?”
“Call me, life’s just too short for this bullshit.” I hug her again but slide into her personal space more and kiss her and kiss her really slowly. I slip out of the powder room with a sway.
I do want another chance to be with Neela. She’s a nice girl but too hung up of her lesbian code. We had a great moment and she let those ideas get in the way as well as her hardcore friends.
Okay, there is a temptation to go and really seduce her in spite of them. But no, that’s a scunt move. I am letting her know that I’m very interested if she can get past the things in my life.
I can feel the heat from Karin’s glare at my back as I leave. Yeah I can feel a confrontation coming.
I sway over to Ian and have another Martini and then another dance. That sets my mood back to rights. I love the feel of his hands guiding me on the dance floor as he leads. I love the very nice and subtle way his hands touch me. And I love the feeling of his hardness pressed against me. By our third dance I lean into him. “Let’s go back to your place Ian, I want this to get a lot more personal.”
“Absolutely.”
He get’s our coats and drapes me in my wrap and takes the chance to kiss my neck and press his hardness against me again. He calls our car and helps me inside and we end up softly making out in the back. He’s a great kisser and the things the caresses over my breasts are so soft and patient that I feel so horny I could boil over. It took a lot of will power to not pull cock out there and suck him. I’m salivating at the thought.
We get home and it’s still those incredible manners. Helping my out of the cab, guiding me to the house his hand in the small of my back. He opens the door for us and lets me in first. I’m not sure if I could handle these manners everyday but to get the consideration, the time and the care…it’s social foreplay and I like it.
“Would you like a night-cap Jamie?”
“I’d love one, can we have them in your bed room?”
“Yes, we can. Are you sure you want to do this on our first date?”
“Yes I am Ian, honestly I love Sasha but she’s a she even with her excellent parts. I’ve been without a real man for far too long and you certainly deserve that kind of consideration.”
“I do?”
“Yes, I’ve had a wonderful evening, I want to have an unforgettable night too. I want to stay the night with you and make you feel like the incredible guy that you are.”
“I’d like that.”
We kiss and he puts on some jazz. I’m not sure what it is since I don’t know jazz but there’s saxx and trumpet I think being played in long notes. He makes a shaker of Martini’s and leads me to his bedroom.
It’s amazing, an antique bed with the metal frame and the porcelain decorations and panels. But the rest is just. Big floor to ceiling shelving units that look handmade and they’re covered in books and pictures and knick-nacks of a man who’s lived and traveled the world. Just the thought of it turns me on, my brain keeps saying real man over and over. This is the kind of guy that really they don’t make anymore.
The music is up here to and he pours us a drink and we drink those and dance. By our second dance he slips his fingers under my dress straps and it falls a bit…he doesn’t let it hit the floor. He gathers the fabric and walks me backwards to the bed. I sit as he gets it down past my bottom and pulls it from my legs and he folds it over the back of his chair for me.
That was sexy, the care the actual thought, doing that….I’m aching and vibrating for him. I stand and undo his shirt and tie kissing him gently but passionately. I moan just a bit into him mouth as his skilled hands are touching my breasts and I very nearly cum in my panties. He has these big hands and they’ve gotten tough from years of work in the field but he knows how to use them, he uses that hardness and roughness as a tease…that kind of hand is a man’s hand, rough, tough, hard working and to feel them touching me drives me wild with the thoughts I just said…these real mans hands touching me and there’s the body heat and there’s all this experience…I sink to a crouch in my garter and heels to get away from getting off too fast. My stiffy is aching, my breasts are screaming for me to let him continue and I’m clenching around my plug…My body is flushed and throbbing but I want to suck his cock first.
I pull his boxers and pants off and “Oh Ian, you’re magnificent!” I coo, I’m enraptured by it. He’s eight and a half inches but he’s so thick! I’ve never seen a cock that big I mean Tommy was long but this is long but hard, and covered in veins pulsing with virago and my hand can’t wrap around it. He’s drooling pre-cum that I lap up happily and that first taste and the texture and smell turns on my crosskicking gene. I swear I have to have one, I love it so much.
It’s even an effort to get his head into my mouth. Oh heaven, I try and try to get more and more into my mouth, my throat and I have to swim breathe through it. It almost hurts getting his cock down my throat, I can’t help but to clench…there’s no room for anything but cock there. His fingers run through my hair and he’s moaning. “Oh Jamie, oh god you’re so amazing…I haven’t had a woman take me so deep in nearly twenty years…god your so beautiful, such and amazing girl…”
It takes me most of everything I know to deep throat his monster, swim breathing in bursts, trying to relax my throat as much as possible, fight through my gag reflex…until I get to the base of his pubic bone and I fondle his large balls and move my body to move my throat and start using my face to fuck him…I moan, laugh, gurgle in pure lustful slutty joy as he cries out. “Oh sweet god!” I keep going until I get to that point where he takes over and fucks my face. I hang on to his powerful thighs and relax and just breathe.
I feel my lips getting cockburn, from the friction a sensation I love. And I can feel his massive head pushing through my throat and it takes my mind into this place where I’m blessed out by that hard cock. I pull back when he starts telling me that he’s ready that he’s going to cum for me. I pull back until it’s just my lips fastened to his cockhead and I suck and swallow even before he shoots off and when he does it’s a lot of his essence. It’s so rich and thick and good…like a man’s cum that has been a long time between now and his last orgasm. Vintage cum, I love it. And the sexuality of it has me just aching even more. I feel feverish from need actually. I catch my breathe with my face in his groin pressed against his cock. I kiss it to life and Ian pulls me up gently and lays me back on the bed.
He kissed me and plays with my breasts in that amazing way before he slides down and gives me a very skilled blowjob playing with my plug and driving me wild. He removes the plug and replaces it with a finger and finds my prostate and massages it until I cum crying out “Ian!”
He slides up my body and gives me a snowball kiss with my own cum and we kiss some more and then I feel him up against me. He sinks in and I scream…pain, pleasure, lust…He slows. “No!, don’t stop Ian I need that cock of yours, God I want it so much! It hurts so good!”
He kisses me the softy say. “As you wish.”
Never, oh never have I felt a cock like that and the ridges and the massive head and filled…oh this wasn’t filled, or stuffed…. it was possession. I was being possessed by cock and when he nudged my boy-spot he smiled and said. “Good…there it is.”
He pulled my right leg around his waist and my right over his shoulder and began to make love to me. Never, oh breathing felt odd, strange, beautiful. That massive cock sinking in and out of me and I couldn’t clench I was at my limit and every nerve in me was feeling the head, those veins, that heat…oh fuck the heat and there’s a pillow slid between my bum and the small of my back…Holding me up into this perfect angel and I’m screaming…so fast so soon and I’m screaming…. “Ooooooooooh!…Fuck!, oh fuck!…Ian!!!…Aaaaaaaaagh!”
I writhe, just bucking my hips in this almost trace, taken over sweat soaked and possessed by the voodoo of his massive cock I don’t eve feel my cum building until my orgasm hits me and I shoot….then it happens.
My body seizes around Ian’s cock. It happens when we cum, all of us be it male or female we clench up, in bursts as we get off. Only Ian sinks to the hilt and my body squeezes and my brain is consumed by the sensation of fullness, heat, and shape over and over with each pulse squirt I’m supposed to have turning that buy cum into this over and over again orgasm but it’s all pure Boygoddess.
I blank out stop be Jamie and just became this painful beautiful fuck creature. Then dazed, full, breathing and panting and it feels so fucking good…Ian slowly starts moving inside of me but this time he’s caressing band suckling my breasts with that older man perfection and sharing these long passionate kisses.
I keep having these mewling, crying, gasping little mini-gasms and there might not be anything shooting out of me and Ian’s taking me to that place where I was when I first started with Sasha and he’s taking me to a whole other plane in my sexuality. I’m his right now I’m his and there’s so much pleasure overwhelming me I fall into being his little fuck toy with abandon.
His sex talk is so… “Jamie, oh god sweet Jamie, you’re so good, hot, deep…it’s been so long…so long since any girl’s gone all the way with me, let me sink all the way in and…oh Jesus you feel so good, so right…perfect, you’re fucking perfect.”
You know what that feels like? To have this well off, charming worldly handsome man fucking you to a place you’ve never been and of all the women and companions he could have he’s with you and tell you how good you are how perfect you are? I’m crying, because it’s that powerful for me.
“Fuck me Ian, please, pretty please don’t stop…you’re more…so much more than the men I’ve had before…I love this…ugh…oohh….amazing cock of yours but you…I want you…you’ve see…done so much…ughn..!…fuck me with it, make love to me…show me me your world tonight please…please…please Ian, make me a better woman baby…”
I meant every word of it. But men, guys…they deserve the same thing as we do. To be told their special, to get to feel like they are worth it, worth a lot to us girls and that we can love and treasure them sometimes.
He stops fucking me and kisses me and stares at me with this intensity. That makes me spasm around him into anther little whimpery cum. “You mean that?…what you said…really mean that?”
“Yes…Yes, Oh my god yes…Ian…I want you…I’ve…I’ve never head a night like…this…known a man…like you…and you want me, and you like me just for who I…oooh…am…I need that, I need you…I want to… to take me, make me better, love me, teach me…”
He kisses me deeply and he gets a lot slower, deeper better…turning his hips into me as he sinks to the bottom inside of me. Lots more foreplay, great loving kisses. Another boygasm that sends me into my crying screaming then before that’s even over Ian finally cums inside of me coating my insides, my sensitized inside with silky, sexy, liquid heat. It sets me off harder and leaves me sobbing very out loud in sounds that have no words just cries of pleasure.
It feels like all night, it feels like forever, it’s one of those experiences that happens to you in life where you either get swallowed up by the experience or you dive headlong into it and welcome the changes that come.
Face to face, face down pushed into the bed, spooning style side to side, up top of him crying and dripping sex sweat…and more, and more. The more I let go the better it got the more I got into it, the more used to it my body became and I started returning the love…finally getting to the relax and then grip, hold and clench and use my insides to pump his orgasm out of him.
He’s not used to a woman taking him, he’s not used to having a girl there enough to start fucking back, to wanting more.
Fuck yes I want more…I…want it all…And when I really get into him I’m on top riding that heavy pipe of his using that size and the seal between us to literally be a real actual pump like one of those things guys use in the porn mags that are the vacuum pumps.
I suck on his nipples, I use my matted hair to tease and tantalize him and lean ahead enough to feed him my nipples and breasts.
There’s a lot of back and forth and I’m not done until he’s done. We curl up together and I hurt, it the very best of ways…I feel so empty…so…fucked…I feel his cum running out of me and I’d honestly be crying in shock if exhaustion hadn’t set in and I fell asleep in his bed and his arms as he pulled me closer.
Chapter 24
I spent most of the weekend totally out of communication just living, loving and fucking with Ian. He was headed out soon to some job up in Yellowknife. It was a truly great weekend the sex, the lovemaking was incredible and Monday I was still sore and so well fucked that I was glad to get back to my schedule.
The girls had different reactions to my weekend. Dina frowns at me at the coffee place and points at me with her pen. “I hate you y’know that, how is it you keep finding all this excellent dick?” Victoria laughs. “I keep telling you it’s the Mahu thing, there are men in the world who like she-bots better than us.”
Henna’s nodding drinking one of those vile wheatgrass things. “The evidence is right there Dina, Jamie is hot and guys like the freaky exotic.”
“Oh Puh-lease…can’t we not talk about guys, not all us here have a use for those things.” Noel’s pulling a face. I smile and look at her. “Hey, guys aren’t that bad.”
“Yeah….still…yuck…” she shudders and looks at me. “You sure you have one of those…things…on you?”
“Yes, I still have my original equipment and I still like it.”
“You’d be better as a girl y’know.” She almost pouts.
“Noel?”
“Yeah?”
“You ever been with a post op t-girl?”
“No…uhm…yuc…” She’s staring at me. “Oh shit sorry Jamie, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Yeah you did Noel, it’s okay. We’re friends. And I get it, you’re into girls, and to you a t-girl is just a reworked guy right?”
“No…I’m not like that…I mean if someone’s a girl then they’re a girl it’s just even a t-girl just sorta the…same…just.”
“But you just said a girl’s a girl.”
“I know, I just…I mean I can like them fine but I just couldn’t. I’d be picturing the dangle.” She really looks upset. And to be honest it sorta hurts but doesn’t at the same time. I mean I’m not going to change and she has every right to feel that way. I just think that she’s short changing some t-girls. The thing is I think she thinks she is too.
“Noel, it’s okay. You don’t have to be politically correct all the time just because of your sexuality. It’s okay not to be into someone for whatever reason. No ones asking you to go out with anyone.”
(Sniffle) “Okay…”
We hug and head off to our classes and the day is pretty routine. Although I do get some more clothing ideas and sketch them up at lunch. I’m going to make some pseudo-Victorian dresses kind of like what some of the goth girls wear but mine’s going to be less dark ad more friendly. Built in corsets, low bodice a little lace. I like the designs to a bit of a shorter skirt…yeah these would look nice.
That afternoon another near run in with Neela and Karin’s with her little entourage of man-haters. I really don’t get the men are scum thing they all seem to have. I can see it in like a case of abuse but honestly I doubt that’s the general rule. Most abused people that I’ve met at the LGBT meetings aren’t like that, even if they’re lesbians a lot of them are hurt and trusting anyone looks to be hard for them.
Anyway, I keep an eye on them as they’re eyeing me just in case.
It’s funny to me though.
They hate men.
They dress and act all aggressive in a parody of them.
They say no violence against women.
But they’re looking like they want to kick my ass.
But according to them, I’m not a woman. While technically true I dress and live as one, I have small but real breasts but no…not a woman.
It’s also kind of sad really.
They’re so convinced of these things that they miss out on some really great chances for meeting people and making friends.
I get through the day without and major incidents. Sasha’s was nice to come home to and we relax. I show her my sketches and tell her about my weekend with Ian. She’s a little jealous and I’m a little proud. He’s been with her, and she couldn’t take all of him.
I make it up to her by making us Martini’s like I’d been drinking all weekend and once the class work it out of the way and supper is in the oven the lessons get really relaxing as she starts to teach me massage.
Oh that was very nice.
Returning the favor was too. Not just the erotica of massage. It wasn’t like that but real massage. And I really wanted to learn this too. Then some supper, I’m still learning and I really enjoy that too.
The making love was nice too, just soft and gentle sex, lots of eye contact and just letting go. I already love her and she loves me and we just go with it. We are who we are and we just don’t let things get in our way, like being all dramatic over the other people in my life or the people in her life we just are.
The part I really like though is when we fall asleep in each others arms in mutual afterglow and in the fireplace room under a quilt. Honestly there are times like tonight I could be just into this, just into Sasha.
Times.
But there are huge parts of Sasha’s life I don’t know about. I’m afraid to know about and she doesn’t volunteer either. And no she’s not a fuckbuddy. I…I don’t really have those. Rick went on from me to a full time coming out of the closet relationship with Tommy and Ian…well Ian’s…he’s a lover, has to be after our weekend.
But tonight…I’m aching again, my breasts are sore and have been since the weekend. They’re sore and itchy a lot with the hormones and those patches and Sasha’s gentle hands and soft lips and wet sweet mouth are so soothing. “They’re growing Jamie.”
“Really? I thought so, my bra’s are starting to hurt. I think it’s the patches.”
“Could be what’s in them?”
“Some kind of absorbable amino acids and hormones.”
“You have any on you?”
“In my purse for after I shower.”
She went over and looked at the package. “This study is for?”
“They wanted to see if a hormone patch would be more effective for breast growth if applied directly to the breasts.”
“Well, I think you’ve been on HGH with these.”
“HGH?”
“Human growth hormone, all the rage with jocks but also in breast growth creams and pills.”
“But those don’t work?”
“It does to some extent. You have to get it to work by diet and exercise and stuff like that. If you’re just a slug you’ll end up a bigger slug or it’ll do nothing. How big is your mother and sister?”
“I dunno, a mid C cup?”
“And on your Dad’s side of the family?”
“I don’t know.”
She sways over and pushes me down and straddles me she cups my breasts and caresses them. “I’d say you’re a high B-cup now.”
“Ooooh….are you sure isn’t too soon.”
“Think back to school, did your sister get a sudden visit by the titty fairy.”
I giggle but think about her and … “Yeah there was a spring when she really took off.”
“Well you certainly have that in common. They’re coming in like you’re having a teen growth spurt the HGH is compensating for the whole missing growing up as a girl.”
“Is this dangerous?”
“How much longer do you have?”
“Until December fifth, it’s a sixty day…oooh Sasha…” I gasp as she gently squeezes my breasts and suckles. I feel my nipples harden to little, everything start to react.
“You should be okay Jamie but we have to feed them.”
“Feed them?…Ooooh…more?”
“Oh yes baby, lots of blood flowing there, and dieting right, exercise…”
She gets really loving and caressing, squeezing sucking on them and introduces me to breast sex. Titty fucking some people call it…I don’t care it feels good, and I love it when Sasha let’s go of her cream al over my breasts.
Yeah I spend the night.
……………………….She’s actually a bit obsessed with me getting the best results out of all of this as the next few weeks go by. Really tight corsets, and in between lots of sit ups. Breast strokes in the pool and even hitting the weights to firm the “girls” as their growing…high fat diet with me working out and giving the fat that’s building up naturally to do so with the hormones in the patches pulling the fat cells there almost. Turns out fats and hormones like each other or something and my breasts ache, not bad but they feel swelled all the time. I guess it’s because the fat cells really only have a few places to really go and that’s my breasts and my bottom.
Wednesday I make my appointments for my plastic surgery and deciding to skip getting breast enhancement gets me a faster appointment and Friday I go in the hospital and Sasha stays with me. She actually cancels her weekend and moves me into her place.
So what’d I have done? A chin implant to give me a classic female oval face with the softly pointed chin, lip implants not collagen I only want to do this the once and a nose job, just a smaller reduction and a tweak to my eyelids…just a tweak to the folds giving me a hint of something exotic.
But Sasha shows me above and beyond where I thought we were at. Like I said she turfed her tuff for two weeks to pamper and take care of me. She brought my sewing over and my assignments and it becomes something so special.
She models for my clothes, and for my painting. She breaks up things with making love and dancing, she teaches me too more dancing, Chinese as well as my French and German we cuddle a lot too and take naps and we even drop our workouts… though we do our tai-chi and yoga everyday at her house. I just want to stay out of the public eye while I’m a mess. I know it’s vain and silly but I really just need the space from everything and I think Sasha’s taking a vacation from her life.
And the food. Not a lot of take out instead we cook a lot, she cooks a lot. I learn really basic stuff. Cookies, biscuits, bread and rolls with baked beans and chili, how to roast and fry chicken, make a roast and ribs. We can’t eat all of the stuff but we freeze some of it. Ian comes over twice. I’m shy about my bruising and it’s not a big deal. And it doesn’t go to the whole sex thing either. One night we play games, cards in a few different games as they introduce my to how to really play poker, blackjack but I learn backgammon too and Sasha is unbeatable at monopoly and Ian is a complete killer at scrabble.
I’ve never played those things at home. Between Dad working and well Mom and Kate couldn’t be bothered…and I didn’t really have friends much in school….
And being on these hormones gets me upset about how alone I was, and that I’m scared of losing this. It’s a scary thing to go from nothing and feeling like being nothing to having so much to lose.
That leads Sasha to really blowing my mind with her inviting everyone over after I’ve been home for about a week. I’m embarrassed at first looking still bruised and swollen but (Sniffle.) I don’t care after they don’t care and It’s Tommy with Rick…god they look happy…and they don’t look like what most people would assume is a gay couple. Dina and Noel, Victoria, Henna all show plus Ian.
Dina is staring at Ian a lot at first, and Noel is staring stunned just completely stunned by Sasha. It’s hard not to be when you first meet Sasha and she’s even just being relaxed and dressed down. That being said she’s in these perfect old faded jeans, not the bough ten crap either but these are just perfect age worn beloved jeans, she’s just got a Chinese silk camisole top on and her hair in a pony tail. Sasha is truly lovely, she looks model stunning too.
We watch movies, not even new ones but the three Jurassic park movies, the King Kong remake and Indiana Jones. It’s funny Ian can quote nearly all of Indiana Jones. Sasha and I make Chili pizza’s where you make the dough then bake off the rounds or pizza skins. Her and I do all of them first with a bit of hickory chips on her outdoor grill for smoke. Topping them we do refried beans, then chili as sauce and then we top them with sausage, chorizo, jalapeno peppers and really thin sliced red and green peppers and onions. All topped with jack cheese with the peppers in it.
There’s baked beans and lots of popcorn and munchies, and we just hang out. Like hungry happy university kids and there’s joking and a lot of beer and then there’s the drinks, green fairy’s and Martinis and the perfect game for drunk people.
Trivial Pursuit.
It was one of the best nights in my life really. We didn’t break things up until close to dawn. At one point Noel was dancing wit Sasha then they were gone for awhile, and Dina had been flirting heavily with Ian all night. The next time I seen Noel she was walking swaying, almost singing and really glassy eyed. She did kiss Sasha goodbye then hugged me more than still a bit drunk but at the same time not drunk enough that Sasha took advantage.
“I… I was wrong, You and…and…her…Sasha…you’re great lesbians…she’s...she so fucking beautiful…”
“I know Noel, trust me I know.”
Okay she might have been a little looped. As she kisses me and cupped my breasts but there was something serious there in her eyes before Victoria pulled her away and she giggled her way to Vic’s car.
Sasha and I clean things up and go to bed together. Make love, I can smell Noel in her bed and it doesn’t bother me, it adds a little bit of something there as I get pictures of them together and get pretty turned on… that asian she-male model body of Sasha’s in contrast to that pale nordic skin and skinny slender tiny breasted waif. I can smell Noel’s perfume on the pillow and make up telling me that Sasha had her face down…here right here.
We got friskier than usual or rather lately.
“Sasha…”
“Mmm…”
“Thanks for tonight.”
“You’re welcome Jamie.”
…………………………….. It’s after my surgery and my recovery and I’m back to school. It feels good to come back. Honestly, I feel amazing…I looked at myself very deeply in the mirror this morning and all that I felt was myself looking back at me. My real self. It felt like one of those science fiction scenes where you step into yourself.
Five ten, and one hundred and fifty six pounds, my eyes are blue but have this slightest of slant to my eyelids like there’s a bit of asian somewhere back a few generations, almond shaped eyes they call them, pert nose, full lips and classic oval face.
I’m a 36B but have a 22 inch waist an 26 inch hips but I have a very nicely filled out bottom. I can’t help but feel great, sexy, lovely, smart and good about myself.
I dressed in one of those pseudo-Victorian dresses today, it’s a russet color with golden brocade on wine colored silk at the edgings. I’ve loved that look those dresses had then like the gowns back in the sailing ship days just moderned up. Low bodice that’s combined with the built in corset with front lacings, short skirted just above my knees with a white cotton underlayer with just some lace at the edges where you might see it when I move.
I really like it, it’s cotton and velour and it’s pretty and warm and I love the effect when I slipped into pretty white stockings and these great calf high buckskin boots Ian bought me as get well present. I take a shoulder bag to match it and a white lacy knit cap.
I even take a shawl. There’s just some days that some old school can really make something new and beautiful.
I looked great, I look great and feel better than that as I listen to my I-pod and smile at those that smile at me and I’m waiting in line for my green teas when I hear Neela.
“J…Jamie?”
“Hey Neela, you want to join me?”
She’s staring at me and I smile and get us both our usual orders and I get an oatcake for myself and a berry scone for her and she smiles at me with a bit of surprise but she takes it.
“God Jamie, you look….You’re beautiful.”
I smile and blush, tuck some hair back behind my ear. “Thank you…where’s Karin.”
“She’s been out sick, she’s got a bad case of the flu.”
“She doesn’t like me very much.” I tear little bites off my oatcake as I talk. She’s really staring, looking me all over taking all of me in. She looks down and she pulls off a bite of scone then a sip of her coffee.
“No, she really doesn’t Jamie, you’ve no idea, she goes off on rants about how you’re fake and have an agenda or are making fun of “real women.” there’s a few others who feel the same way too.”
“Why? I don’t even know them?”
“You’re beautiful Jamie, every time I see you, you get more and more stunning…I…I feel like crap that I haven’t been the kind of girl that’s been strong enough to stand up when they’ve been ragging on you…I feel sorry that I freaked out on you after we’d been together…”
“It’s okay, I told you that Nee…what hurt most was….” I wasn’t expecting tears and I blot with a napkin. “What hurt most was the way that you thought I was just using you for a cheap fling…I don’t do those…”
I almost want to hug myself but I adjust my shawl and look at her. She’s looking down at her coffee. “I’m sorry, I was scared, you’re…and the things you did, the things you said no one’s said anything like that to me before or since.”
“Ask me out.”
“What?”
“Ask me out.”
“Okay…Jamie…Do you want to go out tonight?”
“I’d love to Neela.”
“I’ll pick you up?”
“Please.”
“Dinner?”
“I’d like that.”
“French?”
“No, surprise me.”
“Okay….” She’s smiling now. I can’t get over how it changes her looks, she is very pretty and really exotic. The smart classy New York business look she usually sports only makes her that much more to me. If she was decked out in her ethnic stuff she’d seem more regular.
I get up. “I should get to class, when should I be ready?”
“Seven?, Wait aren’t you with Her during the week?”
“Her name is Sasha and our date’s more important to me than Sasha and my’s usual. I’ll call her and take the night off.”
I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. “See you later.”
I leave with a smile on my lips and head to my classes.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor Chapters 25.
*Due to some changes in my writing and posting I’ll be only putting out single chapters of this story for the foreseeable future.
Chapter 25
I’m in a very good mood as I attend the rest of my classes and I’m a bit glowing with all the flattering looks and the compliments that I’m getting. I actually had to reintroduce myself to two people.
It was seriously fun actually.
It all changing so much seems to have made this kind of lighter feeling too. I’m just feeling really up all afternoon and I have a great day in class and in the labs sketching and painting things I get a really nice painting started of this little girl in a dress shop but one of those ones with all the really excellent vintage dresses on these old school mannequins and I put some of the dresses that I think are like timeless classics by all the great designers. I really do like stuff out of the 50-60’s in nice dresses. There’s just something about all those classic lines and the look that I find make things just so artistic.
I’m not painting specific designers things but just the look. Those dresses on the mannequins.
Actually it’s got me all tuned to the feel of those things and I think I’m going to maybe research some of these things later on and see if I can actually reproduce any of these dresses and outfits.
I’m sure that most of the girls my age wouldn’t be so into these things as anything but costumes but not me. I’d wear something like these around. They’re so lovely and feminine.
Women’s lib and equal rights are great things but in my opinion it really thumped the hell out of the whole notion of that era’s sense of beauty. Like the clothes they wore then were a stigma of the politics of the day.
Piffle…there’s nothing that takes away from a woman if she wants to dress nice. I’ll freely admit that dressing slutty does.
I leave my classes and the labs feeling pretty accomplished and covered in paints and head home. I look through my clothes and some of the yard sale vintage stock setting things out and get ready to take a long bath.
I want to be a little different tonight so as my bath is really scalding hot I bundle up some Carib and a vanilla bean and put it into the hot water to steep.
I make myself a green fairy and call Sasha.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Jamie I need to beg off tonight.”
“Oh?”
“I have a date.”
“Oh? I guess that’s okay. Anyone I know?”
“Neela.”
“Oh…are you sure you want to go down that road?”
“Actually yes.”
“She hurt you before.”
“I hurt her by being with you; she thought things in my life’s changed when her and I made love.”
“That’s not quite what happened.”
“I’m trying to feel and hear her side of things. It wasn’t just a hook up for either of us Sasha we’ve still been having all these little moments ever since. I need to go for it. I need to see if this will go anywhere.”
“Just be careful Jamie, I don’t want to have to hurt her if she hurts you again.”
“I will, Love you.”
“Love you too beautiful.”
I smile at that because it feels good to be loved and I know that with me and Sasha it’s really meant too. Sure our relationships definitely non standard but we’re close. I’m closer to Sasha than anyone else in my life.
I take my time getting ready, I’m actually pretty meticulous tonight getting ready because I honestly don’t just want to look beautiful but I want to outshine every other girl she’s been with.
Undergarments…very nice, very sheer French made white lace…Simone Perelle’s collection in their divers edition. Just getting into them for the first time makes me feel so sexy spoiled like I’m wearing a confection. This garter belt that’s like a lace shirt goes with it and matching stockings and sandal pumps…four inch heels and a soft yet dusky rose v-necked sweater dress that really shows off my curves and hugs me tightly and is short too stopping about mid thigh.
I leave my hair loose but I style it and tiny little citrine studs and a cultured pearl necklace that I salvaged to fit with this old Celtic cross brooch that’s all redone to be a necklace and the pearls lead the cross to where it’s nestled in my cleavage.
I’ve got an old lace patterned white cream wool shawl that goes nicely with the whole thing instead of a jacket. I pack my little clutch with some essentials and then make another drink and listen to Coldplay as I spruce up the apartment with little touches.
I’m so feeling sexy and beautiful doing this. I might even wear something pretty like this some more, kinda feels nice.
I’m about to start some other thing to keep me busy when the doorbell rings. I take a peak out the kitchenette window and see Neela there at my door with her car running. I get my purse and shawl and go and meet her at the door.
I see her eyes widen slightly as I open the door and give her my happy to see you smile. It’s not fake I’m actually excited and happy to see her and to be going out on this date with her. I just really believe in showing it because people respond a lot more to be real with them and being kind too.
And I’m very happy that she seems to like what she’s seeing.
“Hi, how was your afternoon?”
There’s this look there on here face like she wasn’t really expecting to be asked. I love that reaction, there’s just too many people who are just too go, go, go today. Honestly I blame computers. Way too much instant gratification really it’s not really all that good for us personality wise.
“It was really good actually; I actually really have been looking forward to our date all afternoon.”
“Me too, would you like to come in for a drink?”
“Well I made reservations and I’ve never been there so if we could maybe we could go?”
“Okay.” I smile at her. She looks really nice tonight with her exotic looks and the shoulder length straight hair and she’s dressed in this really nice charcoal slacks and jacket with a purple silk blouse under the jacket. She smiles back and takes my hand and she leads me to the door of her beamer and opens the door for me and makes sure that I’m in and that nothing gets caught up.
She get’s in and we drive and she even makes polite conversation about some of the places around town we’re driving through that I don’t know and sharing little tidbits about the places that we do know to each other. It’s nice, we’re not driving too fast, there’s some classical music on the radio but turned down low enough that it’s just nicely there. She even had the heater on my side just blowing some warm air on my feet.
We end up in a part of downtown I’m not too familiar with and there’s this little building that’s like one of those slant roofed old school diner/doughnut places. It has this redwood stain on the trim and the outside walls are murals of plants like a garden and it’s small and cute looking with this neon sign saying. “Lady Bugs.”
The garden theme is on the inside too and the waitresses are all wearing these 1950’s styled short sleeved, short dresses with a lady bug red with place spotted or rather polka dotted style and all had those geek-chique glasses on and it all mixed into the now as most of the girls had tattoos.
It was nice a cute and really busy and we got our table and we ordered supper.
I had their seviche with sweet tomato, roasted red bell peppers and the shrimp and king crab marinated/cooked in the acid from the juice of mandarins and blood oranges as my appetizer. I’m on the west coast I will eat sea food here because it’s so fresh.
Then there’s this soup that’s carrot with pumpkin and roasted squash that had these almost motza-ball kind of dumplings but made from chick peas that was good and we shared a salad. I’ve never eaten shoots and leaves from the pea plant before and the main course was a braised short rib inside a grilled cheese sandwich that had mushrooms in a béchamel and the cheese was Bree.
Neela paid for the meal and while I’ll go Dutch I’m being taken out tonight so I’m more than willing to let her pay.
We leave from there and we go to Buick’s. It’s sort of at the city limits? In the suburbs but it’s a pool hall but a nice one built onto a bar and a nice dance floor place the place is busy and packed and this is definitely a lesbian club of some kind the place has a few couples of guys and obvious in betweens but there’s a lot of girls with girls here and women with women here but not like any place that I have seen before. This is a very laid back not a shimmy and shake kind of place. I actually like the sort of slow dance vibe that they have going on here. I check my shawl and purse and Neela does the same with her jacket and she leads me to the bar by my hand smiling.
It’s like being in a place like this just dropped a bunch of walls or something. I’m getting looks, not like at school either most of these people don’t have a clue as to who I am and I’m getting checked out and Neela is too.
God she has the sexiest behind in those dress pants she’s wearing and the sway is just yummy.
We actually have a really good night. There’s some shimmy-sway kind of dancing but not that boom-boom-boom club stuff just good rock and stuff like Queen and Bonnie Raite and ABBA and others mixed in with a lot of great slow dance tunes and in between the best Time I’ve ever had dancing we have a few drinks and even shoot some pool.
I really am awful at the game in the worst of the lipstick lesbian stereotype ways.
Yeah most of the people here just assume I’m a lipstick lesbian. But it’s really fun and really sexy when Neela presses up against me and shows me how to make my shots. She just kind of fits her front like a glove up against my butt cheek and I can feel her heat and her breasts pressed into my back and that has my own nipples harden in excitement.
Pool has never been so sexy. There’s this shiver of her pressed like that and me bent over the table to take the shot and her arms are around me and she nuzzles my ear and even smells my skin. “God Jamie you smell so good like chocolate and perfume.”
“Carib and vanilla with a few dabs of Opium.”
She nuzzles and sucks on my neck right where my ear is…well a bit lower. “Well I think it’s damned sexy Jamie.”
“Are you saying that you want to leave?”
“Are you inviting me to your place?”
“Yes, for the night. I would be lying if I said that I dressed like this just to go out in.”
“Really?”
“Yes really.” I turn around to face her and we kiss. “I want to sleep with you and cuddle up together after we make love.”
“Jamie…you’re so…”
“Blunt?”
“Yes, sorry…but I’d rather be honest and have everything out on the table before I get involved with someone.”
“I’m sorry I’m not used to it.”
“That’s okay; I guess I’ve got a strange sense of ethics when it comes to being with people nowadays.”
“It’s not so strange it’s nice, you’re an honorable girl.”
“So you do see me as a girl?”
“Very much.” She kisses me.
“Take me home Neela.” I kiss her back, long deep and with some tongue. I love the feeling of my lipstick on hers.
We leave the bar and she get’s me my wrap and escorts me to my car and she drives me home. She opens the truck and takes a travel bag out of it and slings it over her shoulder.
“So do you travel prepared or were you planning on getting lucky?”
Neela blushes but just a bit but then walks up to me and looks me in the eyes. “Actually I was hoping that we’d be doing this.”
“You were huh?” I smile teasingly touch her side and kiss her.
“Yes…” It comes out breathy and nerves up or excited but sort of shaky sounding in a good way.
I lead her inside and up the stairs to my apartment and we kiss a few times as I’m working the doors and a lot once we’re inside the actual apartment. I break the kissing. “Drink?”
“Sure, where can I set my jacket and bag?”
“Just over there.” I go and make us an absinthe cocktail and turn on my stereo and some music.
We sort of step into each other’s space and kiss, then we slowly start to touch each other and slow dance to the music. Then we start to undress each other and I can’t help but to reach out and touch her caramel colored skin and she’s doing the same too and there’s this swell of feeling so girly and so pretty when my dress falls to the floor and Neela who’s a lesbian’s lesbian and she takes in a breath when she see’s me.
I absolutely love and swoon when she hungrily kisses me. This is so better than before this feeling of being wanted and desired by such a beautiful girl who only wants to make love to beautiful girls.
I’m hard as a rock right now and it’s pushing into my panties making them tent and she keeps kissing me and we dance as “Long way down.” Starts to play on my stereo and that song just…she actually sings along a little bit when the song gets to that whole part about… “Your love is better than chocolate…”
A few happy tears slip from the corners of my eyes and she wipes them away and leads me to my bed snagging her travel bag as we go.
I get a little lost in the getting kissed, she is a really good kisser and I can really see if they were an item where Karin would get jealous. It’s very, very nice to not be the one that’s initiating everything either.
She was doing something as we were kissing and the she slips a hand down into my panties over my hard on. I feel her touching it and still kissing me and applying lots of lube to it… “Neela…?”
“Shush…I’ve been thinking and thinking about this…”
“About…” Oh….oh…she pushes it to my belly and folds the palm and fingers of her hand around it and she…oh god…just like a real clitty she’s got me so lubed she’s rubbing me off!
My legs go to rubber and she lays me back on my bed kissing me and very deftly taking off my bra one handed very slowly and she’s so good, so gentle and careful leaving these amazing feeling lipstick marks on my nipples…oh god there’s just something so…that feel of the balm like texture of it on my nipples, and made even more…just more by the touch of her lips, the pleasure of the suckle, the flicker of her tongue and her hand…oh!
The slippery bumps of both fingers riding over the slick super sensitive underside of my head…hood.
“Neela!...oh!...oh shit!...Oh!...you’re…rubbing…rubbing…oh f..ff..fuck yes, make me your girl….make me you’re little lesbian.”
She leans into me, over me more and I’m hit with that coffee skin, that complexion and the make up those eyes and her kissing me and kissing me so much the one in charge right now and I cry, sigh, moan and arch my body as she brings me off and it’s even more intense with her talking dirty to me.
“Oh yeah…Jamie, I was wrong, really wrong about girls like you…honest, open…beautiful too…My hot little lesbian boy…you like this, me kissing you, our breasts touching…me rubbing your Venus…”
“My…Venus?”
She laughs. “I picked it up from this amazing blogger; she’s a t-girl like you.”
“Oh…”
“Oh…indeed.” Neela smiles and kisses me with lots of tongue and she works off my panties and the gets somethings from her bag. She really doesn’t stop kissing me either. So either she’s done this a lot or she’s got really good manual dexterity…
“Oh…” I feel her fingers slip into me and her applying lube.
“Oh you like that do you?”
“Yes…I love that, more…left…there..ughh….that’s my…my…spot.”
“Oh good to know.”
I feel the tip of her strap on sink into me and I gasp… “Oh..! Nee! It’s hot!”
She chuckles and kisses me. “Yes, I’ve got one that has a battery heater coil inside it…plastic and rubber’s too cold and hard even for my crowd this is just a degree or two warmer than body temperature…with soft silicone over the molded ceramic…you like…?”
It feels warmer than any cock I’ve had in this really good way; it’s also got that real cock feeling of rock hard and yet soft too.
It’s all I can do to just nod and moan and push back, pull her in by wrapping my stockinged legs around her with my heels still on.
It’s not huge it’s just right actually as she finds my boy-spot and starts driving me mad with feeling and there’s this hungry look there in Neela’s eyes. She’s getting off on this, on doing this to me, making love to me but also fucking me hard too…and then she gets into these mini thrusts but as she starts them the strap on starts to vibrate and she rubs it in back and forth strokes over my boyspot.
My orgasmic clench as I’m getting off is full of the most intense vibrations and this deep inside me heat and shakes me hard.
Three times that night each time broken up with me between her legs my fingers working in delicate earnest as is the rest of me to return the favor and repeat what I had done in the back of her car in the university parking lot.
I barely remember the exact moment where I fell asleep but I was boneless, and just so sexually exhausted but we fell asleep in each other’s arms…smiling at each other.
…………………………………………….I wake up feeling just so good but at the same time Neela’s gone but there’s a coffee bean on the pillow and more leading me to my coffee machine with a post it saying “Turn me on.” I start the coffee and head to my bathroom to clean up and see another post in there. “Have early classes and the gym to get to. Last night was Brilliant Jamie and I look forward to us seeing each other again sometime.” I smile and yes brilliant was in caps but it was all in really nice penmanship and there were little smiley faces drawn in as the points topping the eye’s in brilliant.
I smile and take all the cute things and put them in a box with some of my other treasured things that I’m planning on scrap booking sometime. I go and take a bath and have a soak when I hear the key open my door and Sasha calls out.
“Jamie, are you okay?”
I call back to her. “In the bathroom! Help yourself to some coffee!”
I start washing up a bit more when Sasha comes in looking her usual beautiful self but slightly concerned. I smile at her. “Things went well I take it.”
I spend the next hour going on about how everything really was different than I thought it’d be and how once the date got going and stuff she took over like once she figured out what was alright and what wasn’t.
And yes; I kind of gush about it.
Absinthe Opium and Honor 26
Chapter 26
*Rick…
I wake up and I feel so different than I ever thought that I’d ever feel. Stretched out inside, sore but in this good way and fucked.
Yeah fucked, but not me doing the fucking but me being the bottom. And I can feel Tommy pressed against me, his huge cock slowly getting harder as he’s spooning me. I never thought it’d be something in my life.
Never thought I’d be gay.
I’m sort of not, but I am. I loved girls, thought they were great, awesome loved sinking my dick into a hot wet pussy. Then I saw my first T-girl and there was just something so fucking erotic about them.
They were just a fantasy until I met Jamie here in college. We dated for nearly two weeks and she’s totally out. I so was catching shit for dating here from the guys in my frat and the team and yet there was no way I could stop.
Then we made out, made love and then she fucked me.
I never thought a dick would feel so good.
Until Tommy.
He came over for a three-way with the two of us on Jamie then it was during then that he sank that huge, hard, perfect dick into my insides and that’s when we happened. I was really fucked, fucked so long and hard straight boy Rick just vanished away replace by the non-stop pleasure fest of Tommy fucking me so long and hard.
And it’s starting again.
I feel his arm move the one that’s around me move and feel me up, touch me then reach down and stroke my cock. I’m hard really fast… “Mmmm morning.”
“Morning Rick you sleep well?”
“Like a rock.”
“You’re awesome you know that?”
“Why?”
“This…”
His hand rubs and circles around my cockhead making me shiver and he moves my leg and pushes it up and I feel his hard cock sink into me, pushing my anal ring muscles open and I feel my insides suck to the shape of his cockhead and veined bulky shaft. I’m already wet from his cum and the lube from last night and inch after inch sinks into me.
It pulls me apart, thrills me as it fills me. It changes me…I totally relax as it happens and I love the feeling of him, of Tommy inside of me making me his. I feel him hit my prostate and groan. The fifth brush of that feeling and I pop off in his hand. Tommy and I’ve been steady lovers and seeing each other for a month and he stays sank into my depths all the way and I…moan…moan…oh….Jamie’s so right…I cum and there’s that way my insides clench on their own and when you’re filled with a long thick hard cock two things either happen.
One, you’re not really into it and it sort of hurts…and you’re not cut out for being a cockslut.
Or you’re like me and the clench reveals the complete feeling, heat, hardness and shape of cock, beautiful and amazing cock inside of you and it’s….transformative. I’m his, I’m his slutty little fuck boy and love it.
This could just be another stick’m fuckem thing but it’s not like that. We roll over o I’m face down and I pull the pillow into my arms and under my head. Tommy sits still inside of me as we gets the lotion this nice wild yam ginger stuff and it’s not lube.
No Tommy puts little dabs over my back and some on his hands and he starts giving me this really nice massage as he slowly fucks me. It’s inside and out TLC and that’s making all the difference. I mean sexually I love his great big cock but things like this, falling in love with him makes me love it all the more. It’s so fucking good when he cums inside of me and I feel him filling my depths with his Cum and I know how good I made him feel.
“Mmm, roll over Honey.”
“Honey? Since when are we using pet names?”
I roll over and he sinks down into the bed and kisses me. “Maybe since I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”
“You are?”
“Yeah…”
Tommy kisses his way down and takes me into his mouth.
He’s done this before but he’s never been bottom with me and I’m fine with that but he does give excellent head. He’s learned things from being with Jamie too…both our lives really just changed for the better in my opinion or for now.
I might be open and out here but not home.
I’m thinking that I need a part time job not just for school but to help pay for things and save up. Tommy will have to take me to the hospital for shock if my family is good with this
They won’t be.
And lying here with my hands through Tommy’s hair as I’m feeling things that I never thought that I’d feel…I’m talking about falling in love not the sex even though the sex is great.
I moan my way though his gentleness and his power too as his throat does amazing things to me. And as I get closer and closer his fingers and the pads of his middle two fingers rub and massage my P-spot and when I cum it’s almost involuntarily.
He saves some of me for a kiss and we neck for awhile before he and I have to go to our classes.
I wasn’t expecting what he asked me though.
………………………………………………. *Jamie….
I smile and I hug Rick but in that supportive way the poor boy looks really confused. “Hey, this is a good thing right? He loves you right?”
“Yeah?”
“And you love him right?”
“God yes?”
“So….think about it at least.”
“But going home with him, to his parents place for Christmas?”
“Yes and he wants you in his life that much it’s a good thing right?”
“I don’t know, I mean he does this and he’ll be out in a pretty small town.”
“Rick…society wise there a lot worse things than being gay.”
“I know but I’m not sure if I’m ready to come out yet.”
“Rick, everyone on campus knows you and Tommy are and item, you’re already out.”
“Yeah but that’s here.”
“I know Vancouver’s a whole other world from back home but you’ll be pretty anonymous there too.”
“I’m just afraid he’s having me be his goat.”
“Goat?”
“Yeah him coming home and bringing me home so they can all blame me as the guy that turned their son into a fag.”
“Tommy is not like that and I doubt that a home that raised a guy like that would be like that too.”
“Yeah I know I’m just scared.”
“Meeting his family, you should be.”
“Really?”
“I would be.”
“But you’re always so cool and stuff.”
“Ha! That’s Sasha’s fault, you get used to anything at this point.”
He looks at me in the most damned endearing way like I’m his go to person for advice and stuff and it’s sweet, it’s messed up because we’re the same age and stuff but it’s sweet.
I give him another hug and hold him a bit. “Rick it’ll be cool and if Tommy suddenly does be a putz you can come crash with me until things settle. But honey if they get in your face about it get in there back because how dare they be surprised that their son/brother is such an amazing guy that of course you fell in love with him.”
I see the light and fire kind of there in his eyes about things now and I hope it does work out. Rick will be a shock to the small town where Tommy’s from they likely have a very media based picture of gay and rick doesn’t fit that.
I get my books and I head to class sort of thinking about coming out myself. I mean I really don’t need to but at the same time I just kind of want to leave the old fake me behind in the dust and just move on.
It’s been about a week since me and Neela went out and the first few days after that we sort of hung out a bit and had coffees in the morning together and she met my friends and I got snubbed by hers.
Honestly I was expecting that as the response and she wasn’t going to dump her friends and I wasn’t going to dump my friends or change myself just to fit in with the way that they wanted me to be so things actually cooled off between us.
Oh the attraction and the fact that we liked each other was still there and some of them were decent to me at least to my face but this was just one of those things that happened where we really just didn’t…happen.
And it was and is kind of sucky but I’m not in tears over it.
To be totally honest though, I’m more than glad it didn’t end in drama.
Karin though I heard flew into an ugly fembitch fit over me and Neela hooking up and as far as I’ve heard she’s that mad that she still isn’t talking to Neela because of it.
She’s not come at me about it either but if looks could kill then I’d be a dead girl.
Ha…It’s Karin…if she could kill with a look there wouldn’t be any men in the world.
And speaking of Men…
Ian comes back from his trip this weekend and he’s already called and asked me if I have plans. I really don’t well other than getting into bed with him and letting him make me feel that way that he makes me feel.
I know he’s thinking of taking me out but he’s been out and away from home for so long right now that maybe we can just go out maybe on Saturday night and Friday night I can just treat him at home.
He’s been down in South America doing some stuff for a mine down there and he’s likely had all the food down there so much that he’s sick of it. Maybe I can do a nice roast something all red meat like and homey like with carrots and baked potatoes and stuff.
I think about that through my classes and also about actually going public with me being me and breaking that to my family and stuff. I’m actually pretty sure that I’m going to start a Facebook account and not hold anything back on it and even but up some of the old me pictures and I know that there’s enough pictures of me between then and now.
Maybe I’ll get some professional shots done of me now so that it really sinks in and one of me on my Dad’s old bike and stuff.
I was thinking about all of this stuff when I felt the hands hit me from behind on the top of the stairs at a shove and there’s that sickening moment of feeling nothing under me and then…
Three flights down stone and concrete steps….I know I screamed and stuff and I heard things break…then everything went black.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 27.
Chapter 27
……………………………………..I hate them, I mean it I really hate them and it’s because he’s not a woman, not a girl, not a real female. I think that them saying that these Trans people have the soul of the wrong gender in the wrong body is bullshit.
Gays mostly but a few way out there lesbians.
Honestly it makes me kind of sick
I’m a lesbian and honestly I love that about myself. I love women I love everything about them. And to have these freaks lessen what we are, to try to steal our rights and our powers from us that we have fought, cried, bled and died for just makes me fucking sick.
Jamie makes me fucking sick.
He shows up and he’s not just one of the Trans freaks but he’s calling himself a woman and stealing from us. He’s stealing our imagery, our mystery and our power like a fucking leech.
And the worst thing about him.
He’s so damned good at it. I don’t get it. I mean I can see it because disgustingly he’s so convincing that I’ve even reacted to it. Yes I said it. But I know what Jamie is and I can make that soul saving leap from falling for his bullshit.
But others have fallen for Jamie’s shit.
Why am I so angry? Why do I hate men so much? Why the hell not? What fucking good has a man ever really done this planet or this race? I wish, I really wish that we didn’t even need them to have children. All they ever do is hurt people. And these ones like Jamie are like vipers waiting to strike.
They even take our words at wreck them.
Hir, wimen, wymen, womyn…I hate all that Trans bullshit!
It’s Her, She, Woman. Women…that’s it!!! They have no right to fucking steal from us what is exclusively ours and….
That little faggy cunt Erika had been slinging those terms around in my women’s studies class. His name is Eric and he faked his way into letting himself being classed as a woman and took a deserving real woman’s right to that spot in our class and then “she” is slinging those terms around like that have some kind of legitimacy!
And that’s when I saw Jamie.
And I was going to rip the bastard a new one and maybe tear off a fake fucking tit while I was at it.
Then I saw these three girls come out from behind one of the pillars and they rushed Jamie and I saw then push her yelling. “Die you fucking whore!”
Jamie wasn’t even close to knowing they were there and it happened too fast for me to yell a warning. And I don’t know why I felt this sick lurch in my guts but I did as she was shoved a good ten feet straight out front the top step of the outside staircase for the liberal arts building…
Its three landings high.
There’s no guy, no man that I’ve ever known that made that sound….
You get scared, you get angry who you are comes out. I’ve seen trannies and fags and stuff lose it and yell and it’s not this sound that came out of Jamie.
Jamie sounded like a very real girl.
Shocked and scared and terrified even and then the sounds she made falling, hitting those steps…bouncing and falling down more.
Like Mum…..
Like Mum when he’s throw her down the steps of our apartment…
I’m running down the stairs and I’m going as fast as I can but there’s this whole feeling like my world just got plunged into slow motion and black and white all except for the color red.
Why can’t I block out the red?
She’s cut up from the concrete, and she’s laying face don’t and she’s not moving…one arms twisted at a horrible angle. And Jamie’s not Jamie the tranny thing…
God…all I can see is the battered girl, woman there in front of me bleeding.
“Jamie?! Jamie can you hear me?”
Nothing.
I check.
She’s breathing but it doesn’t sound good. I take out my phone and dial 911.
“Help, I need help a woman’s been assaulted on the UBC campus outside the liberal arts building! She’s taken a three story fall down concrete steps! Please hurry, she’s not good!”
I feel a finger touching my leg. I look down at Jamie and she’s staring up at me…her eyes don’t look right.
“Karin?”
“Yeah it’s me…” I bite down on the instinctive need to say something shitty to her.
“I’m sorry…”
Sorry? For what…
“For what?”
Nothing she’s passed out again…I hope.
Sorry…sorry…sorry… that just keeps playing through my head until the EMT’s come. I get in the ambulance with her. “We need to call the police, this was an assault…I saw the girls that did this.”
I want to be sick the entire ride to the hospital with them trying to talk to Jamie and checking her eyes and having her on oxygen full tilt.
God I’m such a shitty person!
Why didn’t I try to stop them?
*Jamie…………………………………………………………………………..
I remember the parts that I was conscious for in perfect clarity. The feel of the hands on my back and the violence of the shove. Then that sick feeling of nothing underneath me and being so high up.
I hit part of the railing and the last two steps on that top set of steps.
Then everything was a tumble of chaos and my breath got blasted out of me and then my arm too like the worst cramp ever and then felt like it was on fire from it being broken. I broke my leg in the eighth grade trying to jump my bike on a very unsafe homemade ramp with a few friends. It’s sort of the same feeling.
But not being able to breathe.
That was scary.
And so was Karin being there when I sort of came to the first time. I remember her talking to me and I remember trying to tell her that I was sorry. I was sorry for whatever that I had done that made her hate me so much.
Then the EMT’s I remember them because of the shouting at me. And the blinding light in my eyes and…
Getting fully packaged.
That was scary as hell too.
They strap you to a backboard in case you have a spinal injury then they put you into these blocks made of coated foam to protect your head and the whole thing leaves you unable to move and unable to see except for what’s right above you.
That really sucked hard.
I come too with some serious cotton mouth and Sasha looking at me from behind a copy of Newsweek. And there’s that lovely part when your breathing changes from sleeping to being awake and when your lungs aren’t in the best of shape…you cough.
Oh holy hell that hurts.
“Hey…easy…easy…” She’s up and soothing me.
I’m taking in some breaths trying to get some air in and trying to quell the pain as it spreads through my ribs. Sasha’s rubbing my back. I slow myself down taking big slow deep breaths until I’m able to nod. “Thanks okay…I’m better now.”
“Yeah you sound like it.”
“I’ve been better.”
“You got jumped by three hater girls.”
“How’d?”
“Karin, she saw them do it and reported them to the cops.”
“Karin…I remember she was there sort of.”
“Yeah for one of the people that hates you a lot she’s been really upset and as been sticking really close by.”
“I think that there’s been a lot more to her having a hate on for me than just her hating men.”
“There usually is.”
“Is she here?”
“She’s out in the hall waiting room, she has been for the last two days.”
“Two days?”
“You’ve been out for awhile.”
“Well I have been busy, I was bound to be tired.”
“You took a bad hit to the head.”
“I figured, I still feel so of fuzzy but it could be the pain killers.”
“More than likely but you’re going to be on the mend for awhile.”
“Mmm…yeah.” I look at the cast on my right arm. “It’ll be interesting to paint with this.”
“Try using the other hand, maybe your profs’ll give you extra credit for trying.”
“I’ll have to. Can you send Karin in?”
“Sure.”
Sasha get’s up but she leans over and gives me this long sweet passionate kiss that’s really nice. Then she sway walks out of the room and I sigh watching her leave. I’m there for awhile feeling…antsy? Nervous….Being alone sort of feels kind of awful at the moment.
I can’t help but feel sort of relieved when I see Karin come in.
Wow…she looks like hell. Reddened eyes, some dark circles under them too like too little sleep…but it was sleep in the same clothes.
But she’s here.
And there’s this look of relief in her eyes and not those spikes of hate and fear she usually has for me. Here’s another thing girls, when you look like that, when you’re wearing your heart more than you clothes or make-up.
No woman is ever more beautiful.
She’s shy coming over like she’s scared to talk to me. Avoiding my eyes, biting her cheek nervously. “You’re awake…”
“Yes, thanks to you Karin.” I wince as I’m trying to get more comfortable but there’s a smile in my voice. I can’t help it really.
“I…I just…I mean we had our issues…but I never wanted you to get hurt…that wasn’t right.”
“Life’s full of not right sometimes…” I sort of try to hug myself a bit but nothing doing it just aches too much.
“I…” She hangs her head and her hair has this fall and there’s tears. “God Jamie…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I’m been such a bitch to you….”
“Karin, come sit here.” I pat the side of my bed.
She comes over and at first she’s nervous, and she won’t look at me and she fidgets. I sit up with some effort and pain and take her hand in mine and I use my good hand to reach up and move the hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. Tears leak out as she looks at me.
“God Jamie, how can you even look at me?”
“Kare…I just see someone who’s been hurt before…I’ve never felt the anger that was between us. I don’t feel it now. I’m just grateful really.”
“Grateful?”
“Yes, I’m okay, you’re okay…three of them if you got involved they might have turned on you too then where’d we be?”
“I dunno…”
“You called 911, you stayed with me when you never had a reason to other than under that anger and all of that pain there’s a really great girl there with more heart than she knows what to do with.”
“W...what..?” She staring at me and it came out like a sob and a question and tears are pouring from her eyes.
I look up into her eyes and smile at her and use my thumb to wipe away some of those tears.
“I said I see this amazing woman that’s been fighting something horrible all her life but she’s been so strong that she didn’t let it drag her down and she fought her way to actually getting out…going to a good school no matter how much it hurt…I see this woman that when the chips were down she didn’t let whatever had hurt her so bad twist her up to where she’d walk away from someone hurt, she was strong enough she still had her sweet heart…scars and all.”
“J…Jamie…” She’s staring at me more, my thumb can’t keep up with the tears and then she leas down quickly and kisses me and her hands are shaking like leaves as they come up to hold my face.
It’s a good kiss, a great kiss and soft that soft that only a woman can be but hard and desperate…that kiss that you get from someone where you can sense the hurt and pain and the need and the loneliness and it’s you…they need you and whether it was God or the Goddess or something in between you get to be there…to be that person that she’s shakingly putting her wounded heart and soul in the hands of…
I’m crying too because that’s such an overwhelming feeling…such a huge thing and I can feel the anger and hate blowing off of us like we just walked out from smoke into a clean breeze.
I’m crying because deep down I hated that feeling of not being good enough with Karin.
I’m scared because this could backfire if she balks and retreats behind her razor wire wall she’s built.
I’m crying and scared because…I’m just scared from the attack and it’s sinking in….
But…
I pull her up some more despite the pain onto my lap and into my arms and hold her…we slowly stop kissing and while I’m holding her in my arms I start sobbing just everything starting to hit me as I bury my face into her chest.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapter 28.
Chapter 28
I’m not sure how long Karin held me there into her chest but she didn’t move or push me away and she was even crying too for awhile then I could sort of tell even while I was crying that shift in her as she got a hold of herself and took one of those shaky but big centering breaths and there was this shaky sigh as she adjusted herself to wrap her arms around me in a better way.
My ribs are still really sore and I’ve lots of bruises but it still feels nice. I let out a sigh of my own and lean on Karin.
We’re there like that for awhile before she says anything.
“Jamie, you’ve got me so confused.”
“I know…sorry?”
“Why?”
“You were comfortable behind those walls Kare…but at the same time when you’re behind all that stuff you put up to keep yourself safe you don’t get to live.”
“I thought you were some guy, just all perved and stuff trying to steal what makes women, women…my gender…it’s…being a woman…a lesbian…It’s mine, it was something that men couldn’t touch, couldn’t get their claws into.”
“But I’m not a man.”
“Yeah…I’m sort of getting there but all I was seeing was your extra bits.”
“I know, but trust me on this having a dick doesn’t make you a man, it really doesn’t make you male it’s just plumbing.”
“But you…you like it…”
“Yes, I like it and like who I am.”
“I don’t get that.”
“I know…Kare, there’s really more than one gender y’know it’s just the western ideas of it that need to get adjusted.”
“It’s just so strange…scary really to actually see that there’s way more woman in that soul of yours Jamie than guy.”
“Well, I’d like to think I’m Jamie and I have Jamie’s soul and that there are female tones in my song that are part of me that make me who I am rather that just all the other absolutes.”
“Huh?”
“People are way more complicated than just being one thing.”
“Okay…?” (Sniffle.)
“I think of all the things that make us up Kare like a song. You take a wonderful piece of music and think how the notes and times and places in the song all make it what it is so do our own bits and pieces and times and voices make us up.”
(Sniffle.) “Oh you’re such an arts major…what about the pain, the bad things the shitty stuff?”
“Blisters, cuts, broken strings, missed notes, strained voices.”
“Jesus..”
“Not quite but I try.”
She actually softly laughs a little. Then she moves so she can look at me. She really is a nice looking woman. Oval face, brown eyes, brown hair and even tired without the make up she’s got this honest clean look when the hates not there, when the weight’s off of her heart.
“You are not like anyone I’ve ever met Jamie, I’ve…I’ve never had someone not hold me against me…not hate me for being me…no one’s said the stuff you’ve said either…I’m sorry…I’m really sorry for everything…I just didn’t get it…see you…Hell I’m still sure that I don’t really get it…just what you are but…I think I get who you are…”
“Good…”
I sit up despite the ow of the ribs and kiss her long and slowly and deeply but softly and sweetly just letting go…letting her hear my girl-song in the kiss. She lets me and there’s that inhale of surprise, then the uh…moan of it being that oh I like that, then she’s kissing me back.
I don’t break the kiss and when she kisses a little deeper and more passionately I go with it, sink into her being in control…I’m good with being sub or the girl or whatever you want to call it. Our nipples are hard and our chests are lightly rubbing together and our breathing quickens and she breaks the kiss breathing hard. She bites her lip and looks at me. I can see it there. She liked it, but she liked it. I have a dick and she liked kissing me and that’s swirling in her head. She goes to talk and I reach up and put my finger on her lips.
“I get it…there’s a lot to think about….”
She nods but she doesn’t move my finger. I’m pretty sure that no one she’s been with has ever done that with her before…dared to. I smile at her.
“Go talk to Neela, really talk okay…get another girls view of who I am.”
“Okay…”
“Kare?”
“Yeah…?”
“Find someone to talk to, someone who really knows their stuff before what’s cutting you up since then kills you.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “How…?”
“No one’s born that hurt Kare, we’re not born knowing that kind of pain and anger…I don’t know what happened but you need help.”
“I…I…I’ve gotten past…”
I stare right at her leaning kiss close to her and some tears spill out.
I give her a soft kiss.
“Hey, I’m here because I needed help…you can’t see all the things that hurt us…Kare get some help please, get it out of your heart…please?”
She nods but gets up.
Upset in retreat mode, thinking about…well likely everything but needs to get away from me because. Well when you’re hurt you curl up right.
“I’m…I’m…going to go Jamie…is that okay?”
“Sure…hug first?”
She gives me a soft hug but it’s actually a long one and I can tell she’s right on the emotional edge. She gives me this shaky sweet, hurt scared smile before kissing me on the cheek and heads out of my room. I watch her go and I sigh and try to get comfortable. I relax and try to ease my breathing but if you’ve ever had injured ribs you’ll get how much of a task that is.
“You okay?”
I open an eye to see Sasha there or rather back with a tray and she passes me a take out cup with a Japanese green tea in it and I savor the first taste. “Fine, sore…but I’ll live.”
“You almost didn’t.”
“I know…just thinking about it scares me.”
“It should, they really wanted to hurt you.”
“Job done.”
“You seem pretty calm about it Jamie.”
“I freaked out with Kare awhile back and I’m too sore to get worked up about it all over again.”
“Kare?”
“Karin.”
“Yes but I though there was a lot of badness between the two of you.”
“I have a dick, she didn’t know how to deal, what box to put me in.”
We both look at each other before grinning and sating together. “You don’t put this in a box honey you just get me naked then wrap me in a bow.”
It’s actually a quote from a TG-Poet that Sasha follows. We both like it as a quote though.
It’s nice to smile. “Karin’s got stuff that she really has to face and get over, we talked and stuff I’m not sure where we’re at really but there’s this whole diamond in the rough under the hate thing there.”
“I hope she doesn’t burn you though.”
“Actually I’m keeping it in mind. Fear hits people hard. I’m not going to take her lashing out if she does as something personal.”
“Why, it usually gets personal.”
“She saved my life and she was really upset with who she was when she didn’t have those walls up. I saw her then Sasha, it earns her a pass or to in my book.”
Sasha leans over and kisses me, softly and sweetly and passionately. “I love that you can see the world and people like that Jamie…don’t lose that.”
“People deserve better Sasha, we keep saying it but we have to start living it sometime right?”
“Right…” She says as she moves her hands and my bed clothes and strokes me hard and starts kissing my breasts gently.
There was a bit of movement at the door and I glimpse a nurse getting an eyeful before smiling at her and closing my eyes and letting Sasha apply some of her own gentle TLC for me and my hurts.
………………………………...................They’re keeping me for observation just to keep an eye on me overnight. My ribs aren’t broken but cracked and heavily bruised. My arm though was broken in three places and I’ve some screws in there holding things together.
Sasha stayed until visiting hours were called and between that time and just after supper Rick and Tommy showed up to visit as well as the girls and I even received a couple of things and flowers from people I didn’t really know.
And of course there where the campus police and the regular police and the RCMP too all wanting my statements. Not all at once thankfully and I’m actually a little concerned for the girls that attacked me.
Yes you heard me say that right.
I know who and what I am. I’m good with it but I also know that there are those people that can’t get past it or just really, really have the wrong idea about people like me. I’m not condoning them attacking me by any means but.
The RCMP are talking Hate Crime and that on someone’s record, and the assault charges can ruin someone’s life forever. I know just from what my friends said that the three girls are all first years students like me.
Plus there’s a really big stink about this on campus brewing. I really am not going to be the poster child for a fight between LGBT and the world.
I’d really rather this be about my attack happening because we really aren’t talking to each other and setting all the hate and stuff aside.
Sigh…
“That sounded tired.”
I look to see the nurse that caught the bit of a show from me and Sasha. I get a good look at her now and she’s trans.
Tall, older like in her forties and just starting the process. She’s wearing a wig and she’s a big girl…not like super heavy big but yes she’s carrying some weight but tall six foot three in flats. She’s done a good job on her face but a bit heavy on her make up but then again I’ve never had to fight the beard. Some one showed her how to really do her eyes to pop and not in the over done drag way but to draw attention to them and away from the things she’s struggling with.
“I’ve a lot to mull over in my head.”
“Sounds like it, I just thought I’d check in on you before my shifts over.”
“Thank you, it was really kind of you.”
“You’re lucky with your friends.” She looks a little wistful.
“I know.” I give her a look, really take her in.
“You’re not from here are you?”
“No, I moved here from the states…I just couldn’t stay there when there wasn’t enough of a support system for me to be me.”
“Hard?”
“A lot of hoops, a ton of money and a lot of unacceptance.”
“Heard that.”
“Sorry…I did hear why they brought you in for.”
“It happens.”
“It does.” She extends her hand. “Uhm…I’m Michelle.”
“Jamie, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I smile as I’m looking her in the eyes and she’s blushing. “Oh…you did see…so which one of us were you?”
“Uhm…both…”
“Michelle?”
“Y..yes?”
“Help me to the bathroom?”
“Oh…sure…”
I get her to help my get off the bed and while I can walk it’s still really obvious that I’m sore. She stays right beside me and helps me get inside.
“Thanks Wolf-girl.” I smile at her.
“Huh?…how’d you…?”
“You’re wearing a first nations charm bracelet they sell around here and there’s wolves on it. That and your look.”
“My look?”
“The girl that was with me today, Sasha she’s native blooded and really into native histories and anthropology I guess some of it stuck with me. I guess I can see the traces of it.”
“Most people don’t.”
“It’s pretty common here.”
“Yeah it’s something that sort of helps…”
“So how do you like it here.”
“It…It’s…lonely…”
“It doesn’t have to be…” I turn around once I’m inside the bathroom I turn around and I kiss her. I have to…there is just something hurt and alone, needing in her that I’m responding too…just going on instinct…feeling…heart…
“J..Jamie…” She kind of gasps and whispers it out at the same time. “W..Why?”
“Why does there have to be a why Michelle? I like you…I have a good vibe from you and your heart…I like being with people…”
“But…but…”
“Will you stop over thinking this and get over that yes someone finds you attractive.”
“Jamie…”…………………………......... “Oh Jamie….” a bit more excited because I sat on the toilet seat and took her cock out of her light blue scrubs and her anime panties? I look up at her as I’m stroking her hard…nice good solid…average…but solid…hard…
“Anime panties?”
“Uhmmm…Oooh…Bleach…”
“I know but you…liking anime…”
“I know…I’m too old…I’m weird and just not into…oh…Jamie…th..things someone my age…should…”
“No…I think it’s cool actually…” I smile at her and even though like I said she’s a big girl, and she’s just not there yet there’s something about her…well…
Her mascara is a bit blurred from passion sweat…she’s biting her lip and even though she’s wearing a wig it’s tumbled and messy sexy looking and she’s got wolf eyes.
Hazel but that hazel that gives you green like the forest at one way the light hits them and that native deep rich brown the next minute but if you catch them just right, just like they are reflecting some of the light they have that wolf golden hue.
And that’s just sexy as hell and somehow spiritual to me as I slip my lips over her cock…clitty…I’m not sure what she prefers.
I can tell just by the way she moves, shivers and breathes…it’s been a long time since anyone has done this, or touched her and I sink into it, losing myself to this sexual trance place I go so often with Sasha to really enjoy this…make it last…
“Jamie, Jamie…Jamie…Jamie…”
I love it when a lover chants my name like it’s a mantra.
I drink down and swallow her offerings for the first time she cums for me…then the second time we end up down on the floor and she’s whining and trying to breathe, pant not scream as I have two fingers inside of her and I’m rubbing her boy spot like she’s a GG and that’s her clitty while I’m lustfully enjoying the feeling of her deep in my throat…And while it’s hot and it’s passionate it’s not rushed…I’d never hurt her with rushing things…
……………………………….....................Michelle helps me up and helps me back to my bed after I get cleaned up and freshened up and Oh…I’m sore. She get’s freshened up herself before leaving my room so she doesn’t have to do the whole walk of shame thing through her workplace.
She gently stares at me when she comes out and watches me ease myself back into the bed. She walks over and there’s something there that had been hammered down from her old life seeping back out of her…there’s a spark there.
“You pushed things.”
“I usually do.”
“Oh so do I have to keep an eye on you?”
“No, but I’d love for you not to be a stranger.”
She blinks…shy again. “Are you sure?”
“Michelle…yes I’m sure…I thin k you get that I’m really open when it comes to my relationships but while I’m carefree like that I’m loyal too…I don’t just shack up with people but I don’t just hook up with them either…I meet someone that touches my soul I want them around in my life. Is that okay with you…”
“Y..yeah…It is…I…I…My ex…”
“Left scars?”
“Yeah…I’m not sure if I could…be…really, really with someone…like long term yet.”
“I get that…but…in my life? Me in yours?”
(Sniffle) “Yes…Jamie…definitely…”
“Good.”
She leans over and kisses me and it’s a nice kiss but yes…out of practice…or maybe she’s never kissed someone as a girl much but it’s still a good kiss… “Get some sleep Jamie, nurses orders.”
“Yes Ma’am”
I like the way her eyes shone when I called her that. I know that feeling.
I watch her go and we finger wave goodbye when she gets to the door of my room and I sigh and lean back and close my eyes.
Life’s just kind of strange but I’m going to live it my way anyway.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 29.
Chapter 29.
I got out of the hospital with Ian coming to get me in his car with Sasha. Rick and Tommy would’ve come but Tommy’s truck would have been a bit much for me and my ribs. As it was there was pretty much everyone there at Ian’s for my welcome home party.
I was really surprised that they had one for me and really delighted to see Neela and Karin there too. There wasn’t even any tension between them and my friends since Sasha had said Karin’s saving me had gone a long way. Karin’s a little edgy though but there’s not a lot of men here in the way that might freak her out and hit her panic buttons. Ian’s an older gentleman and the host so she’s sort of good with him if guarded. She’s staring at Tommy and Rick a lot especially since they’re very affectionate with each other but they’re not the whole campy gay thing.
Tommy’s just Tommy and he made some really great stuff. Rick’s making a few jokes about how Tommy’s a definite keeper with being great in bed and a great cook. It’s actually a nice pot luck thing with people bringing stuff.
It’s funny how Karin stares at Sasha like she’s trying to see the guy there. It’s there but Sasha is three times as sensual as any GG I’ve ever met so she’s having a hard time.
Most of the girls bought and brought except Dina who brought Baklava and Tazatzki dip? And Victoria who made this desert that was raspberry jello and passion fruit with red roobios tea? But she topped it with a nice plain custard but topped with this mix of curry spices raw sugar and nutmeg...it was just a pinch but it was really exotic like Jello pudding and Jello if it came out of West-Africa. We all killed of those and you know it’s good when Sasha was getting the recipe.
I’m into my drinks with two nice glasses of white into me and now an absinthe with Sasha and even some of the others when I bring up.
“Does anyone know a really good lawyer?”
“Gonna sue the bitches.” Karin grins.
“No, I want to speak on their behalf and try and get the charges reduced.”
Silence.
Noel, Dina, Karin, Neela, Rick are all talking at once at me. It’s all protests.
“No!”
“They jumped you.”
“You nearly died!”
“No fucking way!”
“The bitches deserve it!”
“It’s was over some fucking man!”
Sasha and Ian just watch and get more drinks and Tommy is shaking his head and yet he’s smiling at me and gives me the thumbs up. Henna looks confused and Victoria’s curious.
I hold my hands up. “Just…just listen okay? I love you all for wanting me to get justice but I can’t just let this happen. I’ve read stuff in the paper and talked to the police.”
I sigh then look at each of them. “These girls are any older than any of us. Who the heck here hasn’t been so stupid that we haven’t done something like this, or just as stupid in a different way? I can’t just let these girls go to prison…prison guys with like a record that’ll ruin the rest of their lives.”
“Jamie they tried to kill you!” Karin and she looks pissed. “Over some fucking male!”
“No, I don’t think they wanted to kill me. I just can’t feel that way. Hurt me, hurt me badly yeah. But Kare we’re talking hate crime charges, Assault, Attempted Murder, premeditated and all those things…that are going on. This is federal time decades even and expulsion and after all of that a record for the rest of their lives.”
“They deserve it after what they did. Reap what you sow.” Noel says looking pretty pissed too.
“No, Look Noel say you’re not seeing this the way it really is? When the hell do we even know who we are at this age? I didn’t last year I was a totally different person than now. I just can’t sit back and let them get trashed by a huge, huge mistake.”
“So scot-free then?” That was Neela.
“No, I can’t get that even if I wanted to the Crown will go ahead with charges especially something this juicy. But If I can get the charges down with stuff off their records…like fines even if big fines and serious community service but I need them to have a second chance! God guys I just can’t let this go, I don’t want to answer their anger and hate with hate or anger of my own but with an open hand…It’s the only way that anything is ever really going to change.”
Rick comes over and hugs me. “Hey, I’ll talk to the guys see what we can do.”
Tommy nods. “We get enough students backing you and how you feel we might be able to sway the judge and the deans office.”
Karin’s frowning; Noel’s frowning but get their turns in hugging me. “You’re fucking too good Jamie…if this is really what you want we’ll back you.” Noel says Then Karin’s hugging me too and stares at me a little. “Are you sure, they did this over some asshole guy…” I give her a small kiss. “Lay off the guy, I heard all he said was that I was cute and dateable…we’ve never met and they took it too far not him….”
“But…”
“No…no butts he never got close enough.”
She rolls her eyes. “Jamie…”
“Seriously, Men haven’t fucked up the planet Kare, only some did and they had help.”
She purses her lips and I kiss her lips again. She does this little exhale and hugs me tight. “How…how do you do that…?”
“What?”
“Make the shit I can’t get to myself make sense?”
“Because, you want to stop hurting and hating care…you just need a candle.”
She moves and Neela replaces her and hugs me gently. “I know a few people who know a few people…I’ll ask around. You sure you want this? No one would deny you your pound of flesh.”
“I’m sure, I can’t be about the hate…this’ll wreck them but it’ll ripple out to their families…siblings…if they get sent to prison and stuff they’ll get labeled and those people will hate my guts without ever having met me.”
“They could’ve been raise haters you know.”
“All the more to show them, their families and others that we’re not like that.”
“You’re one of a kind Jamie.”
“Yeah well.”
She presses her breasts to mine and kisses me long and slowly and sweetly and I kiss her back. “Yeah well…take care of yourself Jamie…don’t push yourself.” she leaves with Karin and the others slowly do the same hugging me and leaving so I can rest.
Tommy and Rick are the last to head out taking some of the leftovers with them and Ian kisses me goodnight saying. “I’ll talk to some friends Jamie; I’ve been around a long time and know some people besides it might be sort of fun. I haven’t been political since the sixties.” he’s pressed against me and he’s thickening. “Thank you…and I’d love too but I’m way too sore for you…rain check?”
“Definitely…you know, you know a certain person here who really knows people.” He does that thing with his eyes to indicate Sasha.
She rolls her eyes. “I’ll talk to a few people…but just for you.”
We head to her place with Sasha insisting that I stay with her until I’m feeling a lot better and she carries the bulk of my things for me and she even makes three trips. Yeah I have the feeling that I might be staying for awhile.
It’s really nice to be taken care of though and the way that the people in my life have rallied around me really touched me deeply. In my old life I was way too much of a hurt and lonely and even angry person to really have this or appreciate it the way that I do now.
Sasha get’s me moved into her room with her and we take time getting things put away and it’s a big thing really with her having made real space for me in her closets and dressers and drawers. It feels like I’m moving it and the fact that she’s putting part of her life on hold for me.
“I really appreciate this; you’re going above and beyond Sasha.”
“No I’m not there are times that you are presented with choices whether to help someone or to keep just going on with your life and turn a blind eye to things. I love you Jamie, you are a real loving, living part of me and there’s no choice at all.”
What does a girl say to that?
“Thank you…” And as soft and as sweet as I can make it before I kiss her and keep it going over and over again until I move us to one of the chaise chairs and I sit carefully as I slip her dress off her shoulders and pull that lovely cock of hers out of her forest green lacy panties.
I might be sore and it might sting to hold me breath or breathe a bit more intensely but it’s actually nothing compared to how I feel for her and how much I love sucking her cock.
My first and the one I am most intimately familiar with and I can’t help the moan of lusty satisfaction as my lips slide over her so lovely so perfectly velvety hardness that I know so well.
I wonder if you’re with someone like this for so long that all of this doesn’t really get to be routine but more like…something you get ingrained into part of you? Does a wife or any significant other get so used to her lover, husband that after they’re gone it feels strange to be with someone who isn’t your love?
I think I’ll remember the intimate feelings of Sasha and me forever. There is part of her imprinted into my soul now.
Oh…that’s something I like? The people that we cherish, really cherish are like tattoos on the inside of us inked by love onto our souls.
I love the feeling of her nails slipping through my hair and grazing so sexily. I love the friction of her shaft sliding over my lips…that’s one of my favorite things because you can feel the act on you lips later for a while. I love that sensation and to kiss another person like that when they’re like that and add in lipstick….
And right now with Sasha in her lingerie.
It’s not long before we’re sharing a kiss with her flavors as she undresses me and guides me to her bed and there’s this really nice softness that wasn’t there before. She smiles at the look on my face.
“Bruised ribs suck, so I went out and got a memory foam mattress for us.”
“Oh…thanks, it feels pretty good.”
“So will this.”
Sasha is very gentle as we make love and even when it does hurt and everything it doesn’t because I sort of like pain…not any S/M stuff but this…it’s so like the pain makes the lovemaking because of what I’ve been through that much sweeter.
I cuddle into her afterward our bodies slipping together so well and I drift off. And I’m safe and happy and clear in my heart about what’s going to come out of this between me and those girls.
I’m going to be me, and I’m going to try because it’s important to my heart and who I feel that I should really be and how I should treat others.
I guess I want just to be an honorable woman.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 30 & 31
Chapter 30...
I wake and resist the urge to stretch it’s been awhile almost three weeks actually it’s not my arm or my bruises but it’s my ribs. I had no idea that bruised ribs would suck this much. I can breathe now, well I could but it doesn’t hurt and twinge me with pain like they did.
But I’ve cat stretched twice without thinking and so not a good thing to do with bruised ribs. No it’s my range of motion that can hurt me and things like that. I’m home, while it was nice to have Sasha taking care of me I think I’m getting more and more independent and after three days I moved back to my place. It’s nothing on Sasha but it’s just that feeling that makes you have that good sigh…being home, my own space.
And Sasha could get back to her own things.
Hot water and half a lemon first thing…it’s a blood cleanser thing everyone says this will help you detox more than anything else. I’m on hormones even if they’re now and they can be hard on you no matter the doses you take. So hot water with lemon every morning now and while I’m getting ready plus the vitamin C’s good for me too.
I can use my broken arm pretty well it’s kind of amazing how far they’ve come with casts and stuff. It’s about three times lighter than the one I had as a kid. I have mine now painted in these really pretty acrylics of flowers and faeries and some vines with strawberries. Hey, I’m an arts major besides it’s pretty and I love pretty things. I wrap my cast for my shower and get cleaned up and then dressed or at least partways as I get my morning started before classes.
I want a juicer.
I know random thought right but I’ve been playing around with my blender and I’ve started to use juices for a boost every morning. I’ve got lots of bottles of juice here in my fridge. This morning it’s tomato juice, carrot juice a shot of prune juice…don’t laugh there’s a lot of good for you stuff there, and I add it a dash of Worcestershire sauce, a squeeze of tube tomato paste and salt and fresh ground black pepper and a tablespoon of whey powder for protein. See I take a multivitamin and all that but this really is a booster mostly because a vitamin pill doesn’t work as well as people think.
Breakfast is for me a sandwich usually. Whole wheat pita’s good and stays with me and I’ll just stuff it with some mixed greens and some cut tomato and cucumber and a scrambled egg and some cottage cheese.
Teeth brushed and then into my jogging stuff and my corset…it helps actually a bit and want to take the chance and actually train my waist. I go meet Sasha with my bottle of water. I’m not doing everything or even running hard but we still jog. It hurts but not badly just an easy lope. Sasha’s of the opinion that getting the blood pumping and everything sends all the stuff I need inside to heal faster. That and I’m kind of hooked now on feeling that exercise everyday feeling. I’m not swimming so that got replaced with Sasha teaching me how to dance better, the really nice stuff not the club dancing stuff.
It sounds like I’m a heath nut or something but I’m trying to live just better than I did as a guy and trying to work into a better shape…literally. I feel good like this and then I when I want to indulge I don’t worry about it. I like looking nice…I think I look nice.
I’m going by the looks and head turns that I get while jogging with Sasha though. Mind you she literally defines lovely and beautiful in my books. But when you hear “Check out the hot blonde.” Well I’m the blonde.
I’m not the type to really let that get to my head though. There is a huge difference between knowing you’re attractive and being thankful for the gifts that have come my way. I hate anyone boy…girl…both…I hate the people that are good looking and know it but still you better know it too. I hate that they use it like a weapon, like a way of being better than others.
My mother and sister are prime examples but look around everywhere and they’re all over the place. I will smile at someone that smiles at me, I’ll thank someone for opening the door or moving out of my way for me. I don’t avoid looking at anyone.
That’s my biggest burn zone. And it’s not just the “Pretty people.” just there’s a lot of people in this world that don’t fit the media mold, that aren’t skinny or even average, they are what really makes up most of society. But there’s these…fuckers that see an overweight person, or some one with psoriasis, or just something that doesn’t jive with mainstream and they look anywhere but at that person. I want to see everyone, everyone has something amazing about them right? Isn’t that what we keep saying to ourselves.
I had been asked earlier this week at LGBT if I had one wish in all the world what would it be?
“I’d wish that everyone looked the way they were really on the inside on the outside.”
Wouldn’t that be nice? Honest, to show everything, to be who we are deep deep down on the outside? It’d be scary too. Imagine how truly ugly or horrifying some people could be.
It’s the girls that attacked me that have me thinking this way. Them and the whole thing has been a long drawn out pain in the ass and other places. I really, really had bitten off more than I thought with this whole thing defending the girls that hurt me.
But I guess I like my causes like I like my men…big and really hard.
We’d been getting together and trying to get signatures to sway the Dean and the school. It was two days of arguments over it at the schools LGBT meeting rooms and only a third agreed with me that we should show we’re better, that we can forgive and that these girls need another chance. A third didn’t want to get into this at all or didn’t care and the rest were against it and wanted blood. That got pretty screamy as there was a whole lot of the L’s up in arms over it all.
Neela and Karin being on my side threw some for a loop, there was some saying that I wasn’t a woman and that me doing this was encouraging violence against women. It’s funny and sad that they were the ones right on the edge of getting violent about it also.
The guy that thought I was cute was also on the hit list of most of those people even though he has just made a passing comment about me to his friends and we’ve still never met…there was some of them there that said this was his fault and plan from the start.
The turning point finally came when I ended up talking to the media about it. It wasn’t huge, huge news but local news, bloggers and a few others carried the story and I caught flak and praise both.
It sort of boiled down to this.
Q: So you’ve been advocating on the side of the three girls that attacked you why?
A: I think they made a mistake, that this was and is something that they deeply regret even happening.
Q: But they assaulted you and you were badly injured and had to be taken to the hospital?
A: Unfortunately yes but kids make mistakes and I make mistakes, being stupid happens.
Q: But it’s like you’re saying what they did was alright.
A: No, it wasn’t alright. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t get away with it either that’s something other people seem to think that I’m saying. What I mean is that this was a sheerly stupid thing they did out of prejudice and jealousy and they need to learn from it not have their lives and other lives ruined over it.
Q: Ruined? They committed assault with bodily harm and some could even say attempted murder and it’s a hate crime. You don’t think that should be treated seriously? Others might see this as open season on LGBT persons such as yourself.
A: One it’s still largely open season on the LGBT even in these days. You don’t fight ignorance and prejudice with force. And if these girls are convicted there will be other people hurt, maybe a lot of them.
Q: A lot of them for having justice done.
A: Justice can have mercy and honor. These girls get everything thrown at them for example. They go to prison for who knows how long. They have this on their records for the rest of their lives. They lose their place here at college and that will probably keep them from getting into another school or getting a good job even after they get out of prison and that’s not counting what might happen to them on the inside. But that’s not all either. You think the attitudes they had came from nowhere, they learned this stuff. You think that the people close to them are going to be LGBT friendly after these girls get thrown away into prison? They’ll take that out on other LGBT people and that leads into an ever growing spiral of hate and bullshit. What are the chances any LGBT kid might have in those families if this happens. I want to break that chance of happening. If me standing up for them making a mistake changes just one haters mind out there then that’s more than good. If I can make someone just stop and think that being different isn’t the end of the world or a bad reflection on them it’s worth it.
Q: That might not ever happen, then what?
A: Then nothing, I’m trying to turn the other cheek. This is about more than the four of us really it’s about the message. I’m not just fighting the whole haters on the “Straight.” side of things either there’s way too many people out for blood on this.
Q: And the message is?
A: Different isn’t bad or wrong and people make mistakes. We all should learn from our mistakes not be destroyed by them. This world should be better than that. My world is better than that.
Well that got passed around for about a week and I went when called to the Dean’s office and said pretty much the same thing and with him again with the board and there was lots of talking about it and they had finally agreed to not kick the girls out and not to revoke the scholarships from the school itself. They couldn’t say what the other places that gave the girls their scholarships would do and that’s out of their hands.
He took the matter up with the CP and I and Karin had to go to court to testify. Kare had more to say about the actual event them me because well I experienced it and there wasn’t much I could technically add to things. I did get to speak my piece to the judge. And I think I swayed her some.
I was right there were some haters there in their families. I got some looks that should’ve killed me. Those looks changed after I said my peace to the judge and the courtroom.
I’ll say this the girls had spent the entire time in jail, not prison but jail and even in the women’s section of the Vancouver jail it’s not pretty or nice Vancouver for all it’s charm is a city with it’s dark side and these girls had a really terrifying taste. They all were crying, they all looked like hell and they all couldn’t look me in the eyes.
They in the end got charged with some pretty serious fines. Reckless endangerment and Assault plead down with leniency and intercession of the victim…me all came down to twenty months of community service with the LGBT, twenty two hundred dollars in fines, three years of probation and mandatory sessions in anger management and court appointed therapy. No prison time….there was also a stern and firm lecture from the judge as to their behavior and how lucky they were that some people still had the belief that they were still good girls at heart but if they didn’t adhere to all the conditions they’d be looking at five to seven years in prison.
There was a lot of crying and some relief but there was still some anger there with some of the family, at the girls, at me, at the judge. But there was also looks that had changed too during the length of the trial.
I never was thanked by the girls or their families and they avoid me anytime they see me at the food hall or the LGBT meetings.
And I’m good with that.
Catherine Morris was the girl that started it being the girlfriend of the guy in question ended up getting dumped by the guy. I honestly don’t blame him really. I’m just saying the court ordered therapy with her might just be a good idea.
I’m just glad that it’s over.
Chapter 31...
Sasha looks at me as we get done the light jog and I’m pacing and sweating and drinking my water. “You okay? You seen a bit angrier than usual.”
“Yeah, just some hormones working with the stuff that’s been going through my head.”
She nods. “Anything serious?”
“Yes, no…I just been getting fed up with the way that people are always treating other people.”
“Okay, but that’s not going to change anytime soon Jamie.”
“I know but it was just so easier to just bottle things up before and ignore them.”
“Welcome to the better part of being female.” She actually smiles at that and I get it and smile back.
“Okay, yeah I’d rather feel all of this and be hurt by it then go back to the way I was living.”
“But it’s an adjustment isn’t it?”
“Yeah but I like it, I like being myself even though there’s stuff that gets to me now.”
“Jamie, you are who you’ve always been a bunch of hormones hasn’t changed that. They can’t they’re not miracle hormones their just hormones. It’s you just being you that’s doing it. The hormones just sot of loosen out emotions up in a different way.”
“You…always have this way of just putting things into perspective…” I tell her as I walk over and kiss her passionately.
Sasha breaks the kiss. “That’s the advantage of getting older and wiser love. Let’s go upstairs ad shower.”
We head upstairs and take our little blue helpers and shower together and it’s something we actually do a lot, yeah my arms wrapped and I’m still recovering but still it’s so good after exercising to feel her soapy sexy body against mine and her washing me and my breasts…I really, really love my breasts…honestly I’m not sure if I’d be as much me without them. Well I’d still be me but they’ve become such a part of me and my psyche now that they’re utterly me.
We go from the shower to my bed and make love to each other. We again do this a lot, usually after our exercise times together. It just goes together I guess like coffee and a smoke or a smoke after sex. I’m just guessing at that. I’m a non-smoker as a rule. Yes as a rule. I smoked a bit in high school and that didn’t take, like I smoked pot in high school and even here before I got to be me. The stoner bit had been literally a smoke screen for my gender and sexuality denials. The only time I will have a smoke is if I’m drinking hard liquor and I’m pretty looped. But I really don’t get looped anymore either so I’m pretty much a non-smoker.
But I’m still on the fence on whether or not I’m a sex addict. I’d have to say no because I don’t have sex with just anyone. I actually haven’t slept with that many people. It’s just I have a lot of sex with the ones I have been with. Except Michelle…the nurse…and honestly I wouldn’t mind seeing her again. I’d like our encounter to be more than a single encounter. But I’m like that with people, there are just sometimes people that tell my heart yes. Like her, or Neela or even Karin.
But with Sasha and I this is just something else. We are so close, so loving and sexual and separate hat it’s like nothing I knew could happen and yet, we do what we do. Lovers can be friends. You don’t have to get any more complicated than that sometimes. We kiss goodbye and I get cleaned up some more and get changed and I do my hair and make up for the day and put on a touch of opium and slip into my clothes. It’s getting cooler and heading into the later part of the fall so I go with some leggings. I have a nice collection of those except for the jeggings thing. Tights are tights and jeans are jeans please don’t wear jeggings they’re an insult to good jeans.
Anyway I go with those in a nice sot of eggshell tone with a knit look to them. I love that look of those honestly and get into another corset this one a bit naughtier and push up shelf built into it and put on my new dress. I made this one and it’s a peasant blouse cut top and it’s just above my knee long with elbow length sleeves but the fabric is this nice cotton print I found that is a light rose color and I tricked it out with this cute lace machined trim that actually has the shapes of wild strawberries and stuff as the pattern.
I put some bangles on my non-casted wrist and add this plastic girls pink heart gem necklace on that settles into my cleavage and I pin my I-pod mini to this three inch old school cloth strawberry shortcake doll I hot glued a safety pin to the back of.
Yes I like strawberries. One I’m from Ontario and we have great strawberries there. Two they’re the only fruit I know that’s red and often heart shaped. And three the whole thing is cute and girly and I feel like being cute and girly today. Even if this really is more of a summer look.
I go with a simple wedge heel in light brown that sort of has some red to it and them get my bags and stuff and walk to class.
I meet up with everyone at the coffee kiosk and get several compliments on my look and Neela just shakes her head.
“What?”
“I could never wear that.”
“No, this is definitely not you.”
“It’s just so… lipstick.”
“Thank you it’s sort of the look I was going for.”
“Better you than me.”
Karin’s looking at me. “You look really nice Jamie.”
“Thanks Kare.” I smile at her. “You look great too.”
Actually they all do really. Noel and Henna are sort of as girly as me but Neela has the business skirt ensemble going on and she looks great in charcoal with a great sense of taste. I like the black lace and green bra she’s showing under her dark green satin top and there’s some of that green in her make-up too and with her being hindi it just pops.
Karin is just as good looking too in her own very butch les style. Suit with pants but more of a real cross between the men’s cuts but like…well knowing her she did buy a men’s suit and took it to be custom tailored. I really like the satin camisole she’s wearing with it and it really shows off her breasts and cleavage. I’m guessing a strapless bra. Bur with her hair in this really perfect ponytail and just some nice jewelry she’s very…strapping?
I mean guy styled, girl styled handsome in a sexy feminine butch way. I’m attracted but I like both these girls and honestly can see why they both do have a lot of the lesbian girl interest.
I also think by the way Karin is sort of looking at me and at Noel she has a thing for the girly girls as a dating preference. No I’m not going there even yet with her, she still needs to relax off the alpha female stuff a lot more but she is getting better. A lot better actually.
Rick and Tommy join us and they’re cheerfully greeted by all as Tommy bought our morning drinks this morning and Rick brought the treats. He’s baking some now. I know almost a stereotype but really it’s not. It’s just he can actually cook much to everyone’s surprise including himself. He got into it over thanksgiving when he went home to Tommy’s place as the Boyfriend.
That was a big bit of nothing. Tommy went home for Thanksgiving and he convinced Rick to go with him. They both came out then. Rick’s family I guess are still freaked out. His dad’s reaction was. “But he’s…he’s so good at sports?” and I guess his mom is sort of okay with it. His sibs and the rest are a mixed bag of reactions. It was funny I guess that Rick’s paternal grandfather approves of Tommy because he’s going to be an architect and not something silly or useless. The man was apparently an engineer of some kind.
Tommy’s family didn’t care in the least except for the general thoughts of gay means swishy and camp. But Rick actually got corralled by some of the family women in that whole assumption of connection that he’s the bottom and therefore…
Turns out they were right. I get the connection, Rick is the bottom, he and Tommy have that kind of relationship. Tommy and I did, that’s just Tommy and he’s an excellent guy. But with being the bottom and loving and taking care of your guy comes common ground. It wasn’t “Gay” or like the whole fag haggy thing but they clicked. Rick even said that some of Tommy’s female relatives are pretty butch tough chicks themselves with a fire fighter aunt and a mechanic and the rest kind of those lumber industry town girls or farming. But he had a knack for cooking he never even knew he had until he was helping out. And Tommy cooks too so it’s cheaper to make than buy sometimes.
I smile taking my large Japanese green tea and a cookie. Mmm…really good too, a plain sort of white sugar cookie but with lemon in it and a lemon glaze. Just tart in the right way to the sweet and goes great with my tea.
I’m reaching for another and meet a strange hand.
A really big hand.
Attached to this really big black guy.
Oh…
He’s dark too, that really nice coffee color and he’s tall, like taller and bigger than Tommy and rippling with muscles and he’s got these tight neat long braids that really work for him and the thing that stuns me.
These incredible green eyes.
Tommy grins. “Jamie this is my cousin Jax, Jax… This…is Jamie.”
Jax gives me this really sweet smile and he holds the cookie to my lips. “Half?”
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 32 & 33.
Chapter 32
I can’t help but to just stare into those eyes for several long sweet minutes and then smile at him and I step in close to him and press myself to him and hang onto his arm…oooh…his rock hard solid arm and I lean in and take a careful long slow bite.
“Mmm…yum…”
His eyes get that look, that I want you look. That’s totally alright because I want him too.
“On second thought since that was incredibly sexy how about I just feed the rest on this to you.”
“I wouldn’t mind.” I smile and he feeds me another bite.
“Good because I like feeding women.”
“Oh…so…Tommy never told you about me?”
“He did and I said what I said.”
“Thank you I appreciate it.”
“Go out with me tonight? Dinner and my motel room?”
“Well that’s not going out really how about I cook you dinner and you come over to my place?”
“Are you sure you’re not missing the point of my motel room?”
“No, not at all but I don’t really like motels when I can have you in my own bed.”
“I that case I accept.”
“In that case what would you like to have for dinner?”
“You.”
“That’s dessert Jax.”
“How about take out?”
“I can cook.”
“I was just offering so you wouldn’t have to.”
“Well how about we see how tonight goes and then I’ll think about us seeing each other more than that.”
“That’s fine by me…more than fine.”
“Good then I’ll see you at seven?”
“Seven it is then.”
He steps up and he kisses me and he’s a good kisser, his hands are strong and he’s powerful yet careful and still I know just by his grip on my skin that he wants me. Well that and he’s pressing a very Tommy like cock against me and that’s got me happy and horny.
I’m really going to enjoy the anticipation all day for this.
And I kiss him back just a hot just as hard and wantonly.
We break the kiss and I take my tea and head off to class the entire group of the girls with me.
Neela and Karin look both shocked and stunned and aroused…their nipples are poking through their bra in a very pronounced way.
We’re heading away and I can’t hear what Jax said but I hear Tommy. “See I told you sexy, smart, hot and no bullshit.”
That makes me smile especially the part about the no bullshit. I’m a lot of things but there’s one thing I’m not and that’s one of those girls that are liars and bullshitters and full of headgames.
I don’t do headgames.
It’s maybe ten minutes and we’re right outside the Art course labs.
We stop so Noel can have her pre-class smoke and Dina’s looking at me a few seconds before saying. “Holy fuck Jamie slut much?”
She’s not being a bitch about it she’s sort of is but it’s mostly humor and a lot of shock.
I look at her. “What? Jax is hot?”
“I know he’s hot, but you just…”
“Invited him over to my place for a nice meal and a night of hopefully great sex.”
“Yes!!!, I mean c’mon who the hell does that?”
“I do?”
“But…you just don’t do that with guys?”
“Why? Tommy told him about me, he came to meet me and he started the flirting.”
“But there’s a way of doing things.”
“But I don’t play that way?”
Noel exhales some smoke and passes her smoke to Victoria who uses the ember end to light hers, she smokes those clove things. “Dina, you’re just pissed that he’s hot looking and he never gave any of the rest of us a look.”
“But…dammit, I’m hot…I’ve got great tit’s right?” She cups herself.
I smile at her. “Dina you’re a fox and if you ever really wanted I’d slip into the sheets with you in a second.”
She smiles back. “Dammit Jamie one of these days I’ll get over the fact you’re such a damn girl and use you for my lesbian college fling.”
Noel coughs on her coffee. “Hey! I’m the lesbian here why Jamie she’s got a dick that shouldn’t count!”
I smile but shrug. “I could do a three-way.”
Noel shudders. “No, Nofucking way…I..I mean…” She turns red. “Sorry Jamie…”
“Noel, its okay. I like having normal friends.”
“Hey don’t get insulting, I’m not normal?”
We laugh and Dina hugs me and hangs onto me hip to hip. “I didn’t mean anything by that Jame; it’s just holy shit you just moved so fast.”
Henna nods. “It was fucking hot, not just you but him it was like this teasing flirty tango thing…”
“I just would’ve liked him to at least check me out y’know?” Dina still sort of pouts.
Victoria smiles that exotic smile she has. “He never looked at me either; he was not looking for us. He came looking for Jamie.”
“Yeah but what’s wrong with us, we’re great right?”
Victoria shrugs. “Great? I’m just myself, but he was here for Jamie. I told you before there are some men who prefer their girls to be boys.”
“Seriously?” She’s shaking her head.
“Some of them are better women than us Dina.” She says sipping her drink. Red tea I think.
“How can a guy be a better girl than a girl?” She’s looking at me and Victoria.
I shrug. “I’m not a guy so…”
“And you just proved why Dina.” Victoria says.
“Huh? I don’t get it still.”
Noel rolls her eyes. “She means cunt we get full on ourselves and it become we bitches be trippin…Jamie isn’t like that, did you here the biggest selling point Tommy was saying to the guy?”
“No…”
“Jamie’s for real, straight forward, no bullshit, no drama…hell I’d be so fucking happy if I could find a GG like her that was into girls.”
“But…I just don’t get it, is it the cock?”
Noel rolls her eyes then reaches out to Dina shaking her. “No…Jamie is just that Jamie no bullshit.”
“But…aw man he’s so hot!”
“Hung too.” I say reshouldering my bag.
“What?!” She stares at me.
“Jax was hot and hard when we were pressed together. I’d say he’s definitely the whole deal when it comes to the big black lover.”
“So he’s?”
“Hung like Tommy at least.”
“And you’re seriously going to…You don‘t know anything about him?”
“Tommy’s is cousin for one and two he introduced him to me. Tommy’s a great guy I love him to death and trust him.”
“You trust Tommy that much?”
I stop and think a second, it doesn’t take long actually. “I’d trust Tommy with my life actually.”
Dina looks as me. “He’s that good a guy?”
“Yeah he is?”
“Why aren’t you two still together?”
“He’s in love with Rick.”
“But Rick’s a guy and you’re…and Tommy doesn’t get dicked right?”
“No he doesn’t but he’s honest and nice and when him and Rick happened it just happened and Tommy’s not going to let something like gender stop him from being happy. Rick honestly loves him and is in love with him. There’s a difference. I love Tommy and always will but I’m not in love with him.”
Victoria nods. “Again…no bullshit from Jamie or from Rick. Sometimes the best thing in any relationship is being honest.”
We start heading inside and she says as we’re taking the stairs. “Who’s the whore? The honest slut who just is who she is or the girl that fucks you but comes with strings…things to buy, concerned with herself more than her lover…tests his heart and loyalty with others?”
I frown. “You’re describing my mother and sister to a tee.”
Henna nods. “Actually that’s a lot of girls I know.”
Dina’s frowning too. “But a guy’s gotta prove himself right? You gotta be sure he’s worth your time, that he cares and will fight for you and provide.”
I can’t help it. “That’s fucking demeaning. You’re making the assumption that he’s not who he is at face value?”
Dina shrugs. “Jamie most guys aren’t, most are assholes and douche bags even the good ones.”
“Not the men I’ve ever been with. Women have got this whole idea of these rules and make the assumptions about guys and that’s wrong. I’m not saying guys don’t do the same things or close to them. But there are a lot of guys that want to be decent guys but why fucking bother being nice to a bitch that assumes he’s a creep with an agenda. Guys want to be better; they want to be believed in.”
I’m looking at her and she’s looking at me. “I’ve been hurt by guys Jamie, I’m had my heart broken by them. Guys are guys.”
“Stop dating guys. Date men.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Call Ian?”
“I’m scared to…”
“Dina…he’s a good guy a good man. Just tell him that you’re scared, that boys hurt you before and ask him to show you what it’s like to really know a man.”
She laughs. “Jesus Christ Jamie it’s not as simple as that!”
I sigh but smile….she doesn’t get it…most of them don’t, won’t… “Okay…just saying.”
I head into class. It really is that simple, just no matter who you’re with just cut the bullshit.
I settle into my seat and take my books out for the lecture and the slide show before we hit the lab/studio to get into techniques.
Chapter 33...
The rest of the day went pretty decently. I was really looking forward to tonight and I even got the whole sort of fight with Dina out of my head. I said my piece and she said hers and that’s fine.
Mmmm…thinking of fine I held out catching a cab to head to Nester’s market down in Yaletown which isn’t too far away and it’s my usual grocery place anyway and I have my credit card and I proceed to shop for the stuff I want to serve Jax supper. Yes…this is a booty call as things go but I did invite him to dinner and there will be dinner.
When we eat well that might be a different matter. I want steak and I buy a nicely cut strip steak for myself about two inches thick and a large rib eye steak for him. I get some mixed wild mushrooms and some dried mushrooms along with some young carrots and some green beans and find two really good baking potatoes.
And dessert I’m not a super cook but I have an idea and I get some grape flavored Jello and some powdered gelatin to make this idea and some dark red grapes and some red plums and some frozen Saskatoon berries along with a small can of cherry pie filling and a pre-made can of pie crust and a pie shell.
I get home and first things first I go into Ian’s and I raid his bar. Some whisky and a few beers for the fridge and some Guinness for the side board in my kitchen as well as two beer glasses.
I rub some whisky on both steaks and leave them for a bit before anything else and then I put a pot on the stove with the fruit except the plums and set it to simmer with on the stove and then I take off to change.
Shower and as I get ready I make myself several green fairies and get a bit of a lift going while I get cleaned up and lubed and insert the biggest plug I have…oh…that’s been awhile.
I go with my red and black lacey looking corset with the built in shelf and red lacy garters and stockings and heels to match. Blonde and red go together and this sort of goes with my cast’s artwork too.
I make the bed with nice sheets, make sure all the stuff’s where I want it there and by my big wicker chair and I load my I-pod with the songs that I want to listen to.
That done I go back to the kitchen.
I make another drink…my fourth and I open some windows and turn off my smoke detector and get out the big cast iron pan I own. I don’t turn the burner on but the oven and set the pan in there while I’m busy cutting up the plums and adding them to everything in the pot.
Next is taking a bit of salt and pepper and the dried mushrooms and using them to flavor the steaks and then put on some kitchen gloves to peel and finely slice some onions and some garlic. By that time the filling is ready for the pie and I pour it into the pie shell and then put a crust on it and put it on a cookie sheet in the oven.
While that’s going I mix another drink, and sip at it while I clip the beans and scrub and trim the carrots and get them ready in a pan. I do the same with the mushrooms and stuff but a bowl because they’ll go in the frying pan after the steaks are done.
I dance a little to some of the tunes playing I’m a great fan of Dido and after ten minutes the pie comes out and I put it aside to cool. All it really needed was the crust to cook. It’s not fancy and I’m not sure if you could call it homemade but at least I tried. I’m hoping it’ll set up nicely by the time we’re ready to eat it.
The door buzzes and I look out my window and Jax is there and he’s fifteen minutes early with a bag full of stuff. I go down to meet him. I’ve got a really decent buzz going and walking in my lingerie and heels with my plug in and fully clean and lubed I feel so sexual and beautiful and amazing.
Oh…
I love the way his breath caught and the way his eyes widen when he takes me in. I smile.
“You’re early.”
“I wanted to make sure that I found the place.”
“Please come upstairs.”
I let Jax in and I turn and sway up the stairs ahead of him. I can feel his eyes glued to me and my ass.
“Are you hungry?”
“I could eat but I’m hungry for something else.”
“Good so am I. I was thinking that we could work up an appetite?”
“You’re very direct Jamie.”
“I thought that Tommy told you that?”
“He did but he really never did you justice.”
“Actually I love that about Tommy, he doesn’t brag or crow he’s just a really good guy.”
“Yeah he is.”
“So have you always liked girls like me?”
“You’d be the first actually. But Rick and Tommy said so much about you I was really intrigued and I had to meet you plus there’s the other reason.”
“Other reason?”
“Tommy said that you could take all of him.”
“Oh yes Tommy has a wonderful dick.”
He’s looking at me when I turn around and I’m not sure if he’s turned on or shocked.
“Uhm, here…I brought some wine and things I wasn’t sure what would go with what so…”
He passes me the bag he’s got and there’s a nice bottle of Chardonnay that I can keep for later and a bottle of Beaujolais which is a nice red.
“Thank you this will go nicely with supper.” There’s more in the bag including a nice store bought cake and a wrapped bouquet of flowers. I set the cake in the fridge and get some water for the flowers and open them carefully. I was sort of expecting roses or something but these are mini sunflowers.
“Oh…Jax these are perfectly lovely, thank you so much for being so thoughtful. I love them. I set them on one of the end table by my sofa and slink over and kiss him softly and sweetly a real kiss not a sex kiss and hug him. “These are the best flowers I’ve ever gotten.”
“Really? They’re not hokey or corny?”
“Not to me and being corny is good, if you’re hokey and corny there’s a real chance that you’re being honest and being yourself.”
He blushes.
“You want a drink Jax?”
“I’d love one.”
“Well beer, Guinness, whisky and I guess wine now or can I make you a green fairy?”
“A what…no uhm whisky will be good I think.”
“Okay.”
I make him a glass of whisky two fingers neat in a glass with no ice and the open the red to breathe. I walk over with his drink and mine and I’m killing mine and he’s taking the first few sips. I take his hand and lead him to the chair I have set up. It’s just my TV chair a big wicker thing that I can actually curl up sort of sideways in and I guide him to sitting.
I start to give him a lap dance as we drink and *Black Velvet.* by Alana Myles is playing.
It doesn’t take long before I can see he’s hard and I take a quilt and set it still folded on the floor to protect my knees and kneel and pull him over into a kiss. I slip him some tongue; I suck on his a bit too.
“I’m going to suck your cock now okay Jax?”
“Uhm…Okay…”
Jax is a lot more bashful than he was acting and it’s cute. I undo his belt and his dress pants and pull them and his underwear off on him letting it hit the floor. There’s this little trip hammer that went off inside at the sound of his pants and belt hitting my floor.
I fucking love men.
He’s a bit bigger than Tommy is in sheer size and just a little shorter in length. But it’s still this ten inches of hot hard shiny black cock and it’s really thick. Huge juicy looking balls too…
I take it in my hand and stroke it and he moans and I just smile and kiss it all over and coo to it and lick it like he’s a chocolate ice cream cone.
I love hearing. “Oh Jamie, Oh Jamie, Oh Jamie…”
“Jax?”
“Uh…”
“Thank you.”
“Thank me…w…why?”
“For being stand up, for asking me in front of everyone, for being attracted to me and being thoughtful.”
“Oh…Uhm…” he honestly looks shocked and stunned or at least a loss for words. I lock eyes with him and take a long and slow inhale through my nose and still holding eye contact I relax and take Jax all the way down my throat.
“Oh god, oh shit oh holy fuck…fuck…fuck…Jamie…Uh…Jamie!”
I nuzzle my nose into his pubes and moan around his cock and he groans and whines my name. I don’t want him to cum yet so I wrap my hands around his base and he does this little bucking thing a few times. I think I just stopped him from getting off.
I love this…I love that he’s starting to lose control in that savage guy, really a guy way and his hands slip into my hair and unconsciously take handfuls and he’s pulling me onto him. I relax and let him go loose and just breathe, master the gag reflex and then it just becomes this magic thing where I’m his ultimate…the thing his entire life is focused on and oh…the feeling of the friction on my lips, the taste of him, the fullness of my throat when he’s all the way inside.
The sounds he makes that primal needful man sounds that as he pumps in and out of me gets more and more needful and he almost growls and whines as he gets close. I use my hands to clench down and cut him off and his aggression turns to putty leaving me in control…
Once his second near orgasm passes he’s panting and crying out my name and I take charge and pump myself back and forth over him hard and fast taking my hands and feeling his muscles, those abs of his and running my hands over that hard body just reveling in the feeling and the fact that he wants me so bad and that he needs me and that I’m in control….I grip his hips hard for a good three minutes of me using my throat to fuck him and then he’s rapidly getting there again and I pull back until he’s really just in my mouth and I suck him hard…you generate saliva with anything in your mouth really and that’s letting me suck and swallow making more pressure and I use one hand to stroke him off rapidly and the other to massage his heavy balls until I feel them contracting.
This time I let his cum and I drink his seed down just like I’m chugging a beer…or rather shotgunning a beer from a can and I drain him almost faster than he’s shooting until there’s no more and I leave a good mouthful to savor the taste.
And I do…I love the taste of man…of men and I let him watch me slowly savor and swallow it all.
I pull my lips from his cock and smile at him. “Oh…Jax that was amazing. You taste amazing thank you.”
I’m thanking him because one I enjoyed it and I am thankful but also. Regular girls don’t. Unless she’s really into her sexuality and she likes cock as much as me most regular women don’t. They even pretend not to like it.
The guys I’ve been with have a profound reaction to me just saying stuff like that. Just like Rick and Tommy, Jax is sort of stunned by the sex and how I’m treating him.
“Uhm…wow…Jamie…no one’s every been like that with me…I’ve never had a girl take all of me before…”
“You’re welcome.” I say it pleasantly and smile at him. “Do you want another drink? Or should we move to the bed?”
“Both?”
“Mmm…good idea both would be good…The bed’s through there I’ll be right in…I won’t be long Jax.” I slide up and kiss him. “I really, really need your cock Jax.”
I slip of swaying and go get another whisky but pour three fingers and carry the glass into the bedroom and have a few sips myself before giving him the rest. He drinks and I go down on him again and get him hard once more. He’s gets his desire to be inside of me up and I let him take over, let his work his magic and talented mouth over my nipples and the rest of my body…he slowly peeled me out of the corset…took the plug out of me after pumping me with it for a minute or two.
Missionary and face to face is the way that we start and I fall into that whole rapture of being taken…of being filled with hot, long, thick black cock and revel in it.
Especially after I teach him where my boi-spot is.
That first time was hard and fast once he got going and soooo good, the feeling of him and the power in his body and the hardness of his muscles as well as his rock hard cock…the fact my stocking clad legs are pushed up as far as they’d go and him almost breaking me as he’s got me folded in half.
It’s all bleeds together into this whole experience like touching the next life as he fucks me into another state of consciousness. I’m all sexual reptile brain and it’s screaming, I’m screaming… “More Jax!, More! Fuck me, fuck, me, fuck me!”
I came so hard when he came…his hot fluids sending me over that edge again and he’s buried inside of me and I cum and everything contracts when that happens and I mold so tightly around his super hard cock until that’s all my brain registers is Cock!
I actually can’t get past that thought…literally imprinting into my thoughts and base emotions.
Sending me over into a whole other orgasm and can’t stop my body from having pleasure spasms.
Giggle, cry, giggle and kiss him soft and kiss him hard and I’m just so high from the pleasure and the endorphins.
Blissed out and making out and rolling and massaging him with my insides. And there’s something so primal female in me that rejoices and crows in happy vibes as Jax buries his face into me and my chest and pants and cries.
I hold him and play with his hair, I don’t ask to talk I don’t do that stuff. I hold him while he’s pulling himself together; I’m pulling myself together just letting things become normal but never fighting these feelings that whole effect.
Not me, I pull that into my heart and soul and make it mine. It’s something that Sasha and I have talked about and that taking that and she does this too, taking this stuff and soaking your soul in it. Being as happy as the experience can make you and becoming this sexual being.
It feel so damn good and really pulling the whole sex act into my heart without reservations….god I feel so free.
“Thank you Jax…”
“You keep thanking me…god…oh god Jamie I should be thanking you…I mean Tommy told me but…”
“But what?”
“But girls like you don’t exist?”
“Yes we do, there’s girls like me all over the world Jax, you just have to find us and treat us for exactly who we are.”
“I’ve never met a regular girl like you.”
“I’m not like a lot of them.”
“I know, you’re so much better.”
“Thank you. There are regular girls as you put it out there like me though, they are real.”
“And fucking hard to find.”
“True…but they’re we’re out there.”
“Well I’m thanking my lucky stars that I’ve found you Jamie.”
“Well how about you just thank me and let me please have more of you?”
“Please? God no one’s ever…”
I kiss him and smile. “Well I am, and I want more, I need more of you Jax, I want all of you that you have to give me…please.”
The next two times are from behind and he’s more than nice enough for the reach around and I’m much more able to use the things that I’ve learned that relax as he’s pushing into my depths then clenching on his out strokes and we get both times to that him going hot raw primal man on me and using me hard …and I scream, beg, plead for… “More!” and “Harder!” and do downward facing dog and my breasts like this take me even higher into that realm of me becoming his feral little fuck-slut.
I love the way he’s making them bounce, move and ache, they hurt from the movement in the right ways because all that bouncing soreness I know it from getting fucked that hard…the weight and the motion is so utterly womanly that it pushes my brain and emotions over the edge further when we hit that point of my losing myself in the climatic clench.
Our last time was on top…which is long and slow and me getting to control everything and there’s a lot of him fondling my breasts and there’s a lot of kissing and there’s also this part I just love and that’s being impaled and Jax being so big and not just his cock but he’s a big guy and with the sheer bulk of him that I’m straddling I can’t pull myself off of him unless I slide and move up his body.
I get to go to this really great other place too as I feel his body all over while I’m on top. Tommy’s a big guy but Jax is big and he’s ripped. The scent of him, his sweat and feeling all that so sexy muscle and raw power there does something to my brain.
The last one was the longest.
We ended up passing out into each others arms sweating it out and soaking in the afterglow and the soreness…as the adrenaline slows I’m feeling everything including my very tender ribs and I…like I’ve said before.
I kind of like pain.
About an hour passed and I wake actually hungry myself, the absinthe well worn out of my system and the whisky too I’m in that post sex, exercise hunger mode and I slip out of bed.
Jax opens his eyes and stares at me in just my garters and red ripped stockings and just watches me as I slip on my panties and his shirt. I kiss him long and slow and over and over for a good minute or two.
“I’m starved and I did promise you supper didn’t I?”
“Oh…yeah I could eat.”
“How’s steak with mushrooms and onions and baked potatoes with some carrots and green beans on the side sound.”
“It sounds like I could marry you.”
“Thank you that so amazingly sweet Jax.” I kiss him really deep. “I’m not ready for that but that was a beautiful thing to say.”
“That’s true Jamie, god if the men around here had any clue…”
“Then I’d likely be too busy to be with you and have times like this.”
“Fuck that, I’m keeping you a secret.”
“Hmm…thank you again…that’s so got me wanting to suckle on that fine black dick of yours Jax but I’m really, really starved.”
I pout but push off and sway to the kitchen. “How do you like your steak?”
He calls out medium and I smile and put on some music and start cooking to the Alana Myles song *Black Velvet.*
It’s not long before he’s in the big chair wearing a sheet tied around his waist watching me dance and cook in the kitchen.
I hope he stays for awhile. I’ve missed feeling like this.
I love the way he’s staring at me and drinking me in.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 34 & 35.
Chapter 34
I feel amazing…some people wouldn’t…sore ribs, finger bruises from where Jax has held onto me as he was pumping me so hard…my breasts achy from the same and the bouncing and the sweet feeling lingering of his big black cock inside of me.
I love the feeling of my torn stockings, my garter belts…and just that…no corset, no panties or bra…I slip on my apron smiling and start to cook supper.
I really am enjoying cooking for Jax. Well for the men that I’m with actually. I’m never intending to be in the kitchen all the time, screw that idea but…
But…I want to cook and when I do I want to cook as good as I fuck and I know I’m amazing in bed. I love being amazing in bed. I feel so good about rocking Jax’s world and the way that he’s looking at me now.
I don’t want to be one of those women that think the deserve all the attention that the get. I want to earn the love and respect and yearning .
Other than my ribs and arm I feel amazing.
I just cook the steaks simply, a really hot pan and get a really good sear on them. I like mine just the cooked side of rare. We have really good beef here and it’s a damned shame to cook the hell out of it.
I do Jax’s similarly and the rest is just easy. I’m not reinventing the wheel with potatoes, carrots and green beans…the only thing I do is add a teaspoon of flour to the frying pan and let it brown from the fats off the steaks as I scrape the browned bit off the bottom and add a bit of coffee to that and make what my dad called pan gravy it’s not a lot but just enough to drizzle nicely over the steaks.
I bring the food over and kiss Jax sweetly as I set his plate down and we eat. I’m hungry too and I really enjoy watching him eat and watch me. I’m eating lady like but I’m not really all too dainty about it. Knife and fork, eat with my mouth closed but I eat. Jax eats like a hungry guy but slows as he’s really enjoying it.
“You want anything else?”
“No, my god Jamie this is really great.”
I get up and get us a drink. I get use both a beer. “Thank you, I couldn’t do this anywhere near as good when I first started out here but I’ve been getting tutored in how to cook better.”
“It’s the best steak I’ve ever had.”
“Good, worth the time then. I don’t eat red meats a whole lot but when I have a steak or something I like them to be good ones.”
“So what do you mostly eat.”
“Well seafood is my favorite and given we’re here on the coast it’s really good, chicken from time to time…pretty much anything really I’m not overly fussy.”
“I’ll get some crab on my next visit.”
“That’d be nice.”
“I work on a crabbing boat so it’s pretty easy to come by.”
“Oh, dangerous stuff from what I’ve seen on Discovery.”
“I don’t work on a deep water boat like those, but it’s still got it’s moments.”
“So how’d you get into doing that?”
“Came out here looking for work a year ago and got into it through a friend he money was too good to pass up.”
“You must know the other fishermen too.”
“Some, yeah I get some good deals and even send them home sometimes. My Gran is from Nova Scotia and misses good fish having moved out west to live with dad and I’ll ship some home as a treat.”
“Good…I like a guy with family feelings like that.”
“You’re not close to your family? I haven’t seen any pictures.”
“Just my dad, I don’t like my mother or sister.”
“Oh? Why?”
“Both are the entitled girls that would only like you for your money and in your case maybe that awesome cock but they’d suck your accounts dry before your dick.”
“Uh-huh…Tommy had an ex like that.”
“I hate people like that, male or female they just use people Jax.”
“Tommy said you were different.”
“Thank you, to me deferent’s good.”
“You’re certainly the most unique girl I’ve been with.”
“Thank you, and you’re opening my world.”
I get our plates and dishes.
“Opening your world?”
“I don’t know anyone that’s black, not really and I had a lot of stuff in my head that was wrong. I went to school with black kids but wasn’t really friends with them.”
“Why?”
“I’m an upper middle classed lawyers kid, and we never really were in the same circles.”
“Same circles?”
I wash the dishes and the beer bottles. “I was one of those guys that was into art but like graphic novels and heavy metal and hanging out with some of my stoner friends. The black kids in my school were into rap, hip-hop and sports and acting middle class Wangster.”
“Wangster?”
“I lived in a nice part of town, went to a pretty nice public school so eve the black kids that were there were pretty well off and they went in for the cultural identity stuff…wanna be gangsters…or Wangsters as I called them.”
He nods and smiles as I bring in a big slice of the berry plum pie I made with a bit of whipped cream and a little blue pill on top.
“Oh…” He pops the pill. “This looks great, you made this?”
“Some, I took some short cuts. I’m still really learning how to bake though.”
“Still this looks amazing.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you you’re really open and honest Jamie.”
“I don’t like lies or bullshit that’s all.”
“More than that, I like the person you are too…you haven’t treated me like those stereotypes you grew up with.”
“I try not to but you make it easy. You don’t fit the mold for any of those things Jax.”
“Thanks, my dad was very big into us not being what he calls MTV black.”
“It’s a cultural thing but I ca see how a lot of people of color don’t like it.”
“Yeah it’s not just my dad. I’m not a fan of it either not when you look at us as a people. I’d rather look up to people like Nelson Mandela than any rapper.”
“I like the few quotes I’ve seen of him.”
“Yeah, great man there’s a lot of others too. I just can’t get into a lot of the whole general idea that people have about us and the way people embrace it. I mean I’m black, I’m from Saskatchewan, I grew up farming and working in the woods, I hunt both rifle and bow, I played baseball and curling in high school….and so did a lot of my family and the other black families home. I didn’t like those guys at school either that were as dad aid were MTV blacks.”
I sit with my slice of pie, a decent sized one and I smile. “I feel the same way about women. I love women, most of my friends are girls. But I really hate the ones that live the life of I have a vagina and that entitles me to everything I want and to say anything I want no mater how selfish, hurtful or rude.”
“Tommy’s ex. Great looking but she really knew it. And she loved to play games and stuff.”
“Yeah, My Mother and My sister in a nutshell. And it’s getting worse, there just….”
“Like the Wangers…fake people too shallow or scared to have anything like self worth…no honor.”
“Yeah…I like who I am, want to be someone that has some honor and shares that feeling with others.”
“You do…Jamie you’ve done things with me no girl I’ve been with has ever doe or said. The sex stuff but even this stuff you’re not afraid to admit and talk about this stuff instead of avoiding the issue. I don’t know how many times race gets in the way of a good thing even if it never gets talked about.”
“I try, and I guess it’s I want to keep trying to be a better person. I want to be a good lover…and that means liking things some people won’t allow themselves to do.”
“Like?”
I get up and take our dishes the make myself an absinthe and Jax another whisky. I come back and sit on him straddling him my apron off and smile. “Like sucking your cock…I love cock, I’m not ashamed of the fact but way too many women are so caught up in the social expectation that they deny it even if they do like it. I think loving it and not being scared to admit it is sexy for a guy…”
“It is…Jamie it…it felt good and not just the sex part but feeling sexy for you as a guy? I’m not even sure how to word it right.”
“No that’s right, there’s a nasty social under current with guys in regards to their bodies…that whole eww thing women and girls are doing gives me the wrong idea too all their lives…people get way too hung up on stupid crap Jax.”
“Yeah but you’re literally the fist girl that I’ve met that’s so honest about his stuff that does these things.”
“Thanks.” I smile and he’s getting hard again since I’ve been massaging his cock as we’ve been talking. No the pill won’t have kicked in yet but he’s young and strong. “Now speaking of that yummy cock of yours.”
I slip off his lap and to my knees and pull out that beautiful ebony shaft and start giving him a long slow deep throating blowjob. It’s never just about the cum either I love all of it and I have no problems smiling around his dick, making sounds of lustful appreciation…I could go into more details again but really I treat he way I love sucking Jax the way most women treat really high end chocolate and it’s not a back metaphor this time it’s just on that level.
I do love the taste tough when he cums and savor it.
I stand and have a drink after his fingers are out of my hair. “I’m going to get cleaned up…how about you just relax on the bed while I do that?”
I lead Jax back to my bedroom and he surprises me nicely by pulling me into a slow dance with the music playing and after three different songs I leave him to nap and recover his strength while I get cleaned up inside and out even taking a soak in the tub.
More lotion, powder a spritz of Opium and new lingerie and freshly and very well lubed I slip back out into my bed and wake him with another blowjob….Yes It’s either the forth or fifth time I’ve had his cock down my mouth and throat but I do love it. And there’s an intoxicating power that comes with sucking cock too. Being in that much control over such a physically powerful guy.
The little blue pill has started working too as Jax recovers quickly and he’s sinking that big long hot thick cock into me. It’s incredible…it always will be as we go from slow lovemaking, to almost tantric holding ourselves back over and over until we had blissful orgasms and ten that hard wild screaming reptile brain sex that gives me those wonderful female like orgasms as I cum and my body seizes in full clench around him and all I can feel is hat hot hard cock inside of me like nothing else could ever feel like.
It’s like I’m reduced to being this addicted cock loving whore. And I love feeling that so free that it’s a revelation…primal, passionate and perfect.
Every time it just cements in my psyche that there really is more than one gender…I’m more female than male, not gay not really but somewhere in between…made to love both genders…open, whole…
It’s two in the morning when we finally stop and we curl up and fall asleep blissed out.
*Chapter 35.…
Morning and Sasha comes early and she was there waking me. “Feel up to getting dressed and going back to our routine?”
“Mmm…yes.”
She makes coffee and Jax is blinking sleep from his eyes and sort of smiles. “Thanks for the coffee.” as she gave him one too. I sip mine getting up. “Stay, sleep we’re going out for a run.” He nods. Sasha looks at me. “Can I?” I nod. “If he’s good with it sure?”
Jax looks at me and her. “Good with what?”
“Sex with Sasha.”
“Uhm…well…uhm…”
“It’s okay she’s my oldest friend and lover and you’re beautiful Jax, worth sharing.”
“Okay…”
I take my coffee into the kitchen as Sasha takes top undressing quickly and sexily and I make the fixings for breakfast…scramble for eggs, thin slices of potato, ham ribbons and some veggies. Then head in and get showered and cleaned up…they’re pretty loud and it’s mostly Jax…but I hear Sasha’s lovely sounds too.
She’s getting dressed and fixing herself in my mirror by the time I’m out and getting dressed too. I kiss her tasting Jax lingering there and we smile, kiss some more and hug. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
I head over and kiss Jax who’s gone back to drinking coffee with this mind blown look there. “Stick around, I’ll make up breakfast when we get back….I’d love some more of you too before classes.”
“Jesus Jamie you’re going to kill me.”
“No…but I want you to think every time you get a hard on about me sucking you or being wrapped around you…”
“God no problems there.”
“Good.”
I get some water and Sasha and I head off for our jog and morning exercises. Yoga too…it hurts but in a good way. I like pain remember…
Sasha’s in a good mood too since Jax and there’s sometimes when a good fucking is a real treat fist thing in the morning…I can see it in the way she walks and jogs. It makes me smile. Hey, sharing is good.
I really enjoy the morning too we do an extra mile just because there’s such a good feeling inside with those lingering big cock feelings inside of me and tai-chi and some meditation just centers me just right.
You ever have those mornings when everything in your life is just exactly perfect? I know I’m glowing from it, I can feel the real me shining inside.
Sasha and I jog it home too and I kiss her at the doorway and bring her just inside and sink to my knees. Yes…more…but ours has gotten into this whole deeply personal intimacy between us. It’s so much more than sex. We kiss again and she’s off to her day and I head up my steps and can smell food.
Jax is up and he decided to cook the breakfast stuff I had ready. “Oh…thank you…this is really sweet of you.”
“Jamie…I don’t really have the words for…well for everything…”
“No, they’re not needed…” I kiss him and we sit down and eat then do the dishes together. Once they’re done I take him by the hands. “I need to get ready for classes you want to shower with me?”
“Hell yes.”
It’s great…shower sex is great and having someone to wash my hair and my back too just made everything so much better. I like him watching me get ready for my classes, lotion, powder, make-up I like being petty and well done up especially as sexy and beautiful as I’m feeling…He gets another hard on watching me settle my plug in place…I want the feeling still to last inside and it still trains my hips to move and sway…the corset and getting him to tighten me up I think was the final thing that got him hard again.
Yes…one more long sweet blowjob even if I have to fix my make-up and my hair after…he’s dressed after and still watching me…drinking me in maybe? I love the feeling of it.
I dress in a loose sweater but one that hangs right to show off my breasts and comfy but skin hugging jeans, wool sock because it’s fall and like most girls if my feet get cold I find I get cold, sneakers and my books, backpack, laptop and my purse.
We walk down my steps and he walks with me to school and the food hall. I’m not hungry but me and my friends meet up there. Jax holds my hand the whole time and even slips my pack and laptop off my shoulders and carries them for me.
We’re there a bit early and my classes today don’t start until en so we head to the coffee kiosk place and he buys me my large Macha tea and he actually gets a Yerbe Matte which is sort of the same but from South American places. I kind of like that he gets something so different it says stuff about him.
“Different choice.”
“You too.”
“Sasha got me hooked on it.”
“We’ve got a Columbian guy on our boat as the cook.”
“Ah that’s actually pretty cool.”
“I…I…Jamie this was the best night of my life.”
“Not the best.”
“Yes, the best…just perfect…no games, great lovemaking, a stellar meal…amazing conversation…this has been the best night I have ever had.”
“Good, thank you.”
“I want to see you again.”
“Okay, me too but you know I’m with others…or might be with others.”
“That’s okay…honestly I’m not sure if I can still wrap ky brain around how fucking amazing you are.”
“Don’t, I don’t want a pedestal Jax, just love me the way that I love you and what will be will be. I’m far from perfect, I’m just myself.”
“You…you love me?”
“Yes, somewhere last night between the lovemaking and dancing and the food and the talking you became part of my heart.”
“Jamie…”
I look him in those great eyes of his. “Jax, it’s true…we shared magic last night and that’ll never change, never get old and it’ll be a night I’ll carry forever.”
“It was magic wasn’t it?”
“Yes, and I will never mind telling someone that I love them. After tonight you’re part of me. I’ll always care about you like no one else…people just limit love was too much and think it’s wrong to love others but I’ve a big heart, room enough for you and all the others too.”
“I…I love you too…”
I kiss him and he kisses me. “When can I see you again?”
“What’s your work schedule.”
We sit going over our stuff he fishes all week and will be out on the boat then mostly but he has weekends off so he’s free tomorrow. Honestly I want more of Jax…I’ve missed being with a guy like Tommy and Jax is definitely that but so different too. We trade phone numbers, face book, e-mails and text information and I smile. “Tonight?”
“Sure.” God I love the excitement in his voice. “You want to go out?”
“I’d love to go out on a real date with you.”
“Movies?”
“Sure I don’t get to the theatre much.”
“Me either so movies and supper?”
“Sure.”
“Where?”
“I like surprises, so surprise me you’ve been here longer than me so take me to one of your places.”
“Okay.” He’s smiling and I can’t help it I’m smiling back.
The gang comes over and he gets up and goes to the kiosk again and I’m hugging and kissing Rick and Tommy and getting some looks from some of the other kids…some scowls from some of the girls…and interested looks from some of the guys. I still can’t get the smile off my face I guess and Rick and I lean on each other a bit. He gets it too plus he has that look too like Tommy made his night and morning. Then the girls show up and there’s some hugs all around and the girls are giving me these knowing looks.
Jax comes back with a double tray of coffees and another tea for me and a box of the mixed baked goods. Neela and Karin look pleasantly surprised at the treat and I see Karin bite down on the knee jerk response she might have had and thank him quietly.
Good…she’s really trying.
Dina still looks a bit feather ruffled at the way Jax kisses me and looks at me but she blushes too when our eyes meet. We’ll have to talk this out again maybe, she’s a great girl but she’s still new to other viewpoints…and honestly she’s very hot looking but can’t get passed the trained I’m hot mentality of her high school life.
I kiss Jax some more. “Tonight? About seven thirty?”
“I’ll be there.”
He leaves and we sit and we talk and eat and drink before we head off to our classes. I’m looking forward to tonight…and maybe even more. I’m with others but something more, something steady has a pretty strong draw too.
I do notice a slender young man watching me fairly intensely though during the morning, more than the others. He doesn’t head my way but he was definitely watching me really closely.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapter 36.
Chapter 36
Alex…..
He walked from the dorm towards the gym to get in some time before classes on the machines. He had just got a decent sweat going on when he saw them. Rick who he was on the hockey team on back in high school and Tommy.
His boyfriend.
Not his but Rick’s.
It really didn’t compute either here was Rick a well built and decent looking guy and he was with another guy. Hell he’d moved in with the dude and was now a full on card carrying member of the cocksucker club.
And they were really kissing.
Part of him wanted to flip out and yell at them to stop but he really didn’t want to look like an asshole. Instead he watched. He watch Rick leaning on this Tommy guy and this Tommy guy had his arms just resting relaxed and stuff on Rick’s shoulders and they were slowly kissing.
The truly fucked up thing was Rick looked kind of…no he looked happy.
He kept watching and the Tommy guy left. He heard things, mainly that Tommy had some kind of monster dick. And that he was with that Jamie Blake…girl.
Well they we’re a girl but they were a tranny… hell he might just cross that line to fuck that sweet ass. He shook his head a bit. Rick had been with her too and he’d come out of it a fag….queer…gay…that was something scary. No it scared him and a lot of guys too because she was so damned fine. If she’d been a real girl she’d have any guy she wanted.
It was near enough like that right now. Slender waist, nice hips, great ass, perfect tits…like big but super perky and a sweet face with killer lips. The thing was too she was a nice person, a really stand up kind of girl with the way she so turned the other cheek with the girls that jumped her. She was also rumored to be really polite and nice to guys, and she never resorted to bullshitting a person.
It’s why he avoided her. If he really liked her, then the other stuff might not matter and then what if he ended up like Rick?
But Rick looked really happy and he was smiling and stuff as he started working out.
And that was another disturbing thing. Rick didn’t come off as a fag. He just seemed well like Rick except for well… the gay thing.
He realized that Rick was looking at him.
“Hey s’up Alex?”
“Huh…what…why?” He checked out his own crotch to make sure he wasn’t sporting wood.
Rick laughed. “Dude, chill…I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Shit, sorry…I…”
“I freak you out, I do that to some of the other guys too.”
“Yeah…I guess.”
“That’s okay I’m freaked still too.”
“You are? You’re gay, how can you being gay freak you out?”
“Hey, I’m technically Bi but I’m in a gay relationship.”
“Oh you still like chicks?”
“Sorta, I mean I kind of still do, I can appreciate them but I’m in love with Tommy.”
“Dude how can you be in love with another dude?”
“Well liking dick really helps.” He grinned and Alex rolled his eyes.
“Dude I’m not gay?”
“I never though I was either, but Jamie showed me things.”
“Jamie so she did turn you gay?”
“You can’t be turned gay, no she showed me things about myself that led me to get over my hang ups and admit my turn ons and introduced me to Tommy.”
“Oh…and you’re really into him right?”
“I’m in love with him.”
“Really? How?”
“Okay, sex aside he gets me, I get him there’s no bullshit we’re just us with each other and no games or macho bullshit posturing.”
“Macho bullshit?”
“Alex, c’mon we both know there’s as much bullshit piled on guys to man up and be a guy as women have with their stuff. Tommy and me we’re done, we’re past that stuff and we’re just us.”
“But you’re getting fucked by another guy.”
“Yeah and it’s fucking awesome.”
“It is?”
“You kinda gotta like cock though.”
“No fucking duh but how do you know?”
“For me Jamie woke me up to it. I’m not giving her special make you gay powers but she really, really knows her way around a cock and inside of you too. Honestly though she’d be the first person to say though that by the time she would be done with you you’d know. And some people it’s just not them?”
“But it is for you?”
“Hell yes, I a rampant cockslut.”
“Rick! Jessus!”
“Ah…okay…I’m a whore and I love it but I’m exclusively Tommy’s.”
“I though gay guys slept around a lot.”
“Some do and aside from maybe us being with Jamie again…maybe, I don’t really want to be with some other guy.”
“Tommy’s that hung?”
“Well yeah but it’s not that, It’s love and loyalty, we’re exclusive.”
“But Jamie.”
“Jamie’s special and even then a maybe only.”
“So you wouldn’t with me?”
Rick gave him the queer eye look over. “Alex you’re cute, blonde, blue eyes, cute dimples and a nice body even a pretty decent dick but no…Not even tempted.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really…Tommy…Tommy is a person I’d marry.”
“Really, that’s so…”
“I know, seriously screwed up but it’s the way I feel.”
“Cool I guess…”
“Oh thanks…no, actually thanks Alex you really could’ve been a real shit about all of this.”
“Oh hey just kinda curious y’know. Freaked but curious you’re the only gay guy that I actually know.”
“Well there’s lots on campus and in the city, it is Vancouver.”
“I’m not like gonna approach a dude Rick it’s…it’s too freaky.”
“Well uhm…here there’s a number I know and she’s like Jamie but she might be able to give you the whole experience that you want with no strings.”
Alex took the business card offered. “She’s a tranny?”
“She’s Sasha and Sasha’s about as close to being a tranny as I do fitting the whole gay stereotype.”
“Huh…”
“Alex she’ll get your head on right one way or another I know the woman and respect the hell out of her, you’d better too. She’s not a game player and doesn’t tolerate fools either.”
“Uhm…okay.”
The finished working out and showering which again and not for the first time took note of who seemed to be cock watching and who wasn’t. Rick might have lingered more than a straight guys over the bodies of other guys but maybe not…it was honestly hard to tell.
There were some other guys that were definitely checking other guys out and they seemed to watch Rick a lot too? Did Rick have something that attracts the gay guys? He sorta had a nice butt, he must wax it or something because it was smooth in the shower.
“Hey, Rick you’re getting stares from some of the gay guys.”
“Yeah, I know some straight guys too.”
“Okay……”
Rick sighed. “I’m with Tommy and they’re trying to figure out why and what I have that they don’t.”
“Huh?”
“Tommy’s got a really big cock, it true and all over campus, he’s got a decent apartment, a good paying part time job, his own wheels and he’s going to be an architect.”
“So he’s a good catch?”
“Yeah and a whole lot of people thought he and I were straight. But I’m a first year so I can sort be seen as coming out but Tommy had never taken and one up on so much as a blowjob and after his first year his dick got a bit famous.”
“Famous?”
“He broke up with his using bitch ex-girlfriend and he banged a lot of girls last year.”
“And people don’t get why you’re with him so they’re looking at you?”
“Looking, hating in some cases. Jealousy can make some people into real bitches.”
“Okay….sounds like liking dick’s complicated?”
“Not just typical drama but the whole thing’s kind got no point now.”
“Oh? I mean I saw you guys and you’re not broken up not with the PDA I saw.”
“No, but I went to his families place for thanksgiving and we’re out…open a couple.”
“Oh…like people home know?”
“Yeah, mine was over the phone explaining to my family of why I wasn’t coming home this year was because I was with my boyfriend at his parents house.”
“Oh…wow people are gonna freak.”
“People are already freaking, you should keep that in mind.”
“Yeah I’ll do that talking to folks from home.”
Alex left and spent the day in his classes or just staring at the card he was given. Would he really call them. This trannygirl, guy whatever?
It was on his mind actually the rest of the week. Quietly in his dorm room he’d surf the porn sites and there were ads everywhere for these she-males. They where even on Facebook with links to other places that showed more…if not all.
He was starting to get into these strange and alluring creatures far more than he was curious about how two guys could be together. And girls? Well he had always been into girls but there was also the thing that they were hard to get, and really girls didn’t seem to get guys much either. Unless you were with a doormat kind of girl…Most girls he knew used sex and ran the relationship.
But the stuff some of these girls wrote was either sexy as hell or heartfelt in their own ways.
He eventually on Friday night picked up the phone and dialed. He was nervous as it rang. “Hello?”
The voice was soft, sweet, but had this depth like the promise of more.
“Uhm, Hello…My Name’s Alex and Rick gave me your card.”
“Alright, but why?”
“I was looking to learn?”
“Learn what?”
“Why Rick could change like that? Why he seems happy with being with a guy?”
“Oh well easy he and Tommy are in love.”
“I know that but he was straight and now.”
“Alex dear Rick was just living straight, it’s not the same thing.”
“Oh…”
“You want to test the waters but you don’t want to hook up with a real man right?”
“Yes…sort of.”
“I usually don’t entertain these kinds of things, I’m usually with partners that are very sure of themselves one way or another. Guys like you get scared and angry and that can be dangerous.”
“Oh…no, shit I’d never…”
“No you don’t sound like that type.”
“Oh…thank you?”
“You’re welcome. Please then come over and we’ll explore yourself.”
“Thank you Miss…”
“Sasha, just call me Sasha. My address is on the card. I’ll see you when you get here.”
She hung up and he paced and worried and paced then left. He wasn’t even sure he was even going to go until he found himself outside her door. He saw a very big, older but nice Victorian styled home with three floors and shutters, turreted windows and a nice front yard and flower beds. It was a really nice house, better than the split level house he’d been raised in.
He went up and rang the bell.
It took a minute and she open the door and he was taken aback.
Alex was not expecting this tall leggy, raven haired, jade eyed beauty in front of him. She wore a silk robe with a bamboo print and dark green lingerie and deep glossy sexy red lipstick and he just stared rocked at her beauty. He was hard in seconds. She looked at his crotch. “Alex? Well there’s a good start.”
He blushed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t expecting you to be so beautiful.”
“Thank you I’ve been taking the time to look this good for you. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”
“For me?”
“Yes, well for myself first since I’m the one getting the salute from you’re instinctual half. Please come in.”
He came inside and she closed her door and locked it and with a ouch of her hand to the small of his back she led him into a library looking room with a really old style big couch and leather furniture and books everywhere. She glided to the bar that was there.
Garter belt, stockings and no panties and her cock was hard and bobbing freely barely hidden by her robe. Alex’s mouth went dry. God he’d seen cock before but he couldn’t take his eyes off of hers.
“Drink Alex? You look like you could use one.”
“Yes please.”
“What do you drink?”
“Oh anything I’m not fussy, usually.”
“Oh, yes college guys, whatever does the trick?”
“Uhm…yeah.” He should’ve thought about that. Women like her drank classy stuff. He had drank like she said, beers and whatever was on hand or cheap.
He kept staring as she made a drink for herself and what looked like a whiskey drink of some kind for him. She swayed over with a grace that a guy shouldn’t ever have. Okay on a fag it’d be like maybe swishy but on Sasha it seemed natural, a glide…sensual as any woman…no better, Sasha was better at being a woman than some natural women he’d seen.
The drink was strong alcohol mixed with alcohol but had the full flavor of good whisky and something nut like that smoothed it out. He liked it, it strangely reminded him of her.
Sasha sat and drank her odd greenish drink on the edge of the couch. “First thing’s first Alex I want you to know how feeling how good anal and oral sex can be.”
“Okay…”
He was nervous this was getting to be fast and scary.
“Here.” She offered a little blue pill, he had no doubts what it was.
“I thought?”
“In time, first I want you, I want to show you how both should feel from my side but also the best way to teach you is by example.”
“Teach me?”
“Yes, it’s so much more really then you sucking a dick or getting fucked….that’s too random for me.”
“Oh…”
“Yes, and I want you clean, inside and out.”
“Oh…”
“Problems?”
“No just….”
“I’ll show you, take that and bring your drink.”
“Okay.” He popped the pill and took his drink and sipped as she gave him a quick tour of her house. He was impressed. Everything in Sasha’s house spoke to a well educated and well traveled woman with very nice tastes in everything. She finally led him to her big bedroom and the very large spa like adjoining bathroom.
“Here, you can shower and use this body cream to take off all the hairs.”
“All my hair?”
“I like all my men I’m going to make love to nice and smooth.”
“Oh…okay…”
“Then we’ll get you cleaned inside.”
“Okay….” He took another swallow and was getting really uncertain until Sasha disrobed. “I’ll join you.”
Outside of her robe and taking off her lingerie she was still stunning. “How’d you get like this, you’re damned beautiful and your waist…is so small.”
“Hormones will reshape you somewhat, targeted area exercises, corset training and some good genes helped of course too.”
“Oh it sounds complicated.”
“You’re completely changing yourself into another person, of course it’s complicated.”
“You never got it snipped?”
“No, I like this part of me. I like having sex like this too. I’m Mahu ,Alex like a ladyboi but more like a third gender than just the sex trade worker types, I prefer to exist and live in a very female way.”
“Oh, not a lot of people do that huh?”
“Tens of thousands actually Alex, binary gender is a very Western culture like thing.”
“Oh…”
She smiled. “Yes oh…a very big oh when you realize things like that.” She looked him over as he undressed and took his clothes folding them. “Nice, I like the swimmers build.”
“Runner, I used to be pretty good at Track but I'm here for Hockey.”
“Sports scholarship?”
“Yes but it's mostly family money. My mothers family is into building sailing boats and there’s been a lot of them sold out here so friends of friends recommended me to go out to school here. I’m taking business courses here because dad want’s me to maybe get my feet dug in out here for the family business.”
“Hmm, we’ll have to go sailing sometime. I have several boats friends would lend me.”
“If we did I’d like to go with them first a few times, it’s always good to get to know the water with a local before going out on your own.”
“Good to know, I’ll see about arranging that I wouldn’t mind learning the basics of sailing.”
“You could take lessons?”
“No, I’ll learn from you.”
The way she smiled at him made Alex blush and he slipped into the spacious shower stall with her and she washed his body hairs away and he washed her body…he couldn’t believe how hard holding and stroking her hard on made him while kissing her soft lips and her beautiful breasts were pressed into him. His cock hurt from the pressure…ached…
Good god this was so erotic, she was so erotic.
“Now we get you clean inside…” She kissed him again and led him from the shower to the counter and passed him a kit for…well the contents were… “Five times, just to be sure.”
“Okay…uhm…okay….”
She left and it was the strangest thing he’s ever done…hurt…sort of, the pressure…he felt very strange and vulnerable…empty…achy…but charged and he slowly and shyly made his way into the room. She smiled at him. “I know…It’s okay .”
She rose naked and swayed towards him and took his hand and guided him to the bed. He sat and she kissed him and the awkward strangeness soon was being replaced with her cock touching his. He moaned and she moaned and French kissed him.
“First Alex I want to show you, I want you to feel what real oral lovemaking is.”
She slipped to her knees. “Remember it, all of it’s important.”
Alex moaned as Sasha touched him and stroked him gently and smelled and nuzzled his cock with her face and her lips and them parted her lips and took the head of his cock inside her mouth. This wasn’t just a girl trying to give head Sasha was this amazing…she wrapped her lips around him and she did just suck but she suckled, savored those lips kissed literally kissed and pleased and pleasured him.
She pulled off his head. “To really truly love doing this, is the only way Alex…there’s no point sucking cock that you don’t like, don’t wish to honor. It makes it amazing for both of us….learn baby, pay attention.”
Pay attention…
Oh Jesus……
He’d never been so mono-focused on anything in his life…and it was amazing…from the sweet way she nursed on his cock and balls even and every detail was being slowly and sweetly engraved into his brain. But with that pleasure was the thought he knew she was trying to teach him. If you’re going to suck cock them you should treat it like a lover…not just some fuck.
Then he felt her put something to his butt and there was this sensation of cool, wet but not wet…lube? He though…oh…then Sasha slipped a fingertip inside. It didn’t hurt just shocking and really, really odd. She kept sucking his cock soooo perfectly white that finger went deeper and he could feel more now…the finger moving around…exploring his insides…touching rings of muscle…massaging his insides until he felt like he was melting …it was so good, so gentle and then she touched something that made him gasp it felt so good…she massaged it and Alex whined and his eyes rolled back in his head from the pleasure until he couldn’t hold back his orgasm….
She sucked the cum out of him so hard and greedily that he hurt….hurt in the best possible way and the hardest and sweetest cum of his life as her finger kept massaging him inside over that spot and he was sure it made him have a couple of extra spurts.
He laid there and panted and tried to respond…to recover…She added another finger and massaged more…moved her fingers in and out….he was soon hard again from the little blue pill. But the slow deep penetrating fingering had started to become this amazing sensual thing.
Then she was up and sliding up his body and kissed him deeply French styled with a salty sweetness that he knew was his own cum. And he didn’t care…he didn’t mind it at all.
Then there was the sensation of her cock at his butt…all the while Sasha had continued to move those fingers in and out like he was her little lesbian fling…It was so seamless her fingers slide out as she guided her cock along them and inside of him.
Alex gasped and grabbed at the sheets instantly knowing and feeling the difference…inch after inch of her shaft sunk into his body and he could feel so much body heat inside of him…and the thickness…it was such a whole rounded shape stretching him inside in the best fucking way and filled her brain with sensation.
Oh…her brain…?
“Good…easy…you like that?”
“Yes….” Oh he whimpered or simpered but Alex didn’t care.
Sasha kissed him remaining still inside of him. “Good…just breathe, breathe and feel it…enjoy it, that feeling of being filled and warmed and desired…”
“Mmm….Oh….d..desired?”
“Of course I want you…I’m hard for you Alex and I’m no kid…I only make love to people I want to.”
It made a difference…he knew that it did and made it different too, this wasn’t him experimenting with some she-male…this was Alex…having a first time with this beautiful, caring she-male that was strong too.
They kissed some more. “Listen…I want you to feel this right Alex, anal sex isn’t just pushing…it’s amazing and can be so perfect and powerful…I want you to feel that. Now I’m going to move sweety and I want you to inhale as I do…tighten up inside…like you do when you flex inside for you cock kagel.”
“Cock kagel?”
“When you clench and flex your cock honey….”
“Oh…”
She pulled out and he did what she asked and could really feel the cock inside him so much more…the hardness…the heat…the way her head pulled through touching all his most sensitive insides until. “Okay baby…exhale and relax…”
Alex exhaled and relaxed and Sasha’s cock sank into him so smoothly and sweetly and oh god deep.
So deep.
“Good, good …”
They did it again and again as they slowly made love and Alex fell deeply into the savor of both sides…the pull out was just something that made his senses wake up, be anally alive and aching because she was pulling out and the sinking in became so much more…hot massaging relief…pleasure at getting what had been so obviously now made for him.
Or he’d been made for it.
Oh god yes, as Sasha’s cock changed angles and she pressed her beautiful cock into his prostate over and over of god…god …god so good over…..he knew he was made for cock.
And letting go had never felt so good…
Right now as Sasha slide into and against his boy-spot driving him into these deep depths of some hidden part of his soul he was leaving behind the old hates and prejudices and fears.
Every touch inside drove pleasure jolts through him until e reached the point of not being able to stand it any more and never wanting it to stop. “Aaaah…Sasha!, fuck me, fuck me harder!, harder!…ugnh!…deeper!” Alex heard his own voice, higher, more girl and it wasn’t something he was trying to do in fact it’s the opposite of usual…A lot of boys were told to talk like a man…project, yell, be loud…the cries he was crying out begging for more weren’t too girl but they were coming from a voice he had choked off long ago.
Something tensed up snapped inside him.
Eyes closed and a voice. “Stop talkin like a damned sissy.”
He cried…whatever broke inside had lots of tears behind it.
“That’s it Alex let it out, be yourself. Close your eyes and feel that spot I’m touching, feel it, feel it, feel it…” Sasha’s voice was warm and soft, and it made it so sexy easy to just drift into that realm of feeling and sensation. He lost track of his cries and moans and whimpers until it became too much all over again and he came….and as everything contracted inside to squeeze out his boy juices he felt Sasha inside of him his insides molding around her cock so profoundly that there was just that sensation whipping through him like a storm. Then she was cumming too inside of him…and Alex felt this sense of joy…of being completed…in this whole new way as this other feeling of pleasure rocked him…like he came like a girl.
……………………It was a few hours maybe before he woke and she was snuggled to him. He knew he had cried, bawled even at everything that had come crashing down.
(Sniffle.) “Shit…I’m gay?”
“It’s okay Alex, it’s fine to feel this way.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s alright for you, you’re beautiful I’m just me.”
“You’re beautiful too Alex.”
“Not like you Sasha.”
“You want to be like me?”
“I…” He didn’t know he just knew that he couldn’t just go back from this point.
“I could teach you. You have the body where it’ll work.”
“No, I’m too big too much muscle.”
“Hormones, will do a number on that honey.”
“Oh…”
“Yes, but you really need to seriously think about this Alex, this is a hard life, there’s nothing really simple about it.”
“Okay….”
“Two weeks at least.”
“Okay…”
“Good.”
They slept some more and Alex left and returned to his dorm room.
……………………………….......................................................It was maybe three days after when he had seemed to have recovered when he noticed he was watching other guys. Sizes and shape and condition and even crotch watching….sometimes his mind wander to what they’d feel like…inside.
He watched girls too…they were getting more and more interesting and he actually started to watch how they did things and why? But sexually?
He wanted cock.
They couldn’t really hit that thing he needed now.
He was stewing over the whole thing and his room mate Jeff came in and fell on his bed. It was late and he let out this frustrated groan into his pillow.
Alex looked over from the human sexuality stuff he was reading. “Rough night?”
“Yeah, Dina…she wasn’t in the mood.”
“Sorry.”
“Man I’m trying, took her out, was doing the nice guy and this is like the fifth time we’ve been out and she always ends up not being in the mood.”
“Maybe she’s looking for more? I’ve heard that there’s a lot of girls want a guy to hook up with that’s a catch or going to be.”
“Yeah, she’s always into the whole… “Why don’t you change our classes Jeff.” thing lately.”
“What’s wrong with you classes I thought you were doing good.”
“I am just she’s got this thing against an arts degree.”
“Isn’t she taking an arts degree?”
“Yeah, I just don’t get it.”
He watched Jeff adjust himself. “Jeff?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m….”
“You’re?”
“I’m available.”
“Huh?”
“I’m available….If you wanted to you could fuck me tonight.”
Jeff sat up. “Dude what the hell!?”
Alex held his hands up. “Chill…I’m just offering.”
“Dude, you’re a fag?”
“No, gay maybe but I had an experience Jeff and I like guys….”
Jeff looked at him and he looked like he was on the edge of freaking out. They’d been great roommates up until this point, not close but as room mates went they were very decent to each other. Jeff went and locked the door. “I’m not into dick Alex…”
“I’m not offering to fuck you…I’m…I’m more of a bottom…”
“Really?”
“Yes, I’d rather be the one getting fucked.”
“Oh…but why me, there’s lots of gay guys to hook up with?”
“And I’m scared of them, heck I’m scared of the whole gay life scene.”
“But you want me to fuck you.”
“I’m just saying I’m available…”
He set his lap top aside. “Come here Jeff.”
Jeff walked over and Alex reached out and ran his hands over his bulge. “You’re still hard, the idea of this hasn’t washed out the need?”
“I..uhm…”
Alex unzipped Jeff’s jeans and pulled Jeff’s cock free of his underwear and stroked it. Jeff gasped… “Alex…jeeze…Alex…”
He took Jeff’s cock into his lips….yes…it was the first cock he’d tasted but he was in love with the feelings, the way it felt and the way it was making him feel. He wanted long fingernails and lipstick…he wanted more….
He took his time, tasted and savored and made appreciative noises over Jeff’s seven inches. Jeff moaned as he slowly sucked on his balls and then smelled the length like a fine cigar and then took him into his mouth.
It was harder than he thought but not either…he knew intimately what this was like and loved actually returning the favor Sasha had paid him. He didn’t deep throat it but he sucked, sucked and stroked and licked and then sucked some more getting a good seal with his lips over Jeff’s cock and got ready as Jeff was whispering over and over that he was going to cum.
When he did Alex was ready and stroke Jeff off as he was cumming and sucked hard guzzling Jeff like a party beer so not to choke on the load of thick, salty man juices. He kept going like that until he was sure Jeff was done. He pulled off Jeff’s cock and nuzzled it and kissed it. “Thanks Jeff…”
He meant it, the whole experience was amazing and sexy enough he came when Jeff did.
“Holy fuck Alex you can really suck cock.”
Alex smiled, the praise felt good. “Thank you, you’re my first Jeff.”
“Your first?”
“Yes, and you have a wonderful dick.”
“God, you’re…maybe you are gay.”
“I think so maybe….can I have some more?”
“Uhm…sure?”
Alex knew he wasn’t ready for anal again, he wanted to be a clean partner for Jeff but the rest of the night he sucked and nuzzled and drank all of Jeff that he could.
It was amazing when Jeff slid into his bed with him after Alex had swallowed Jeff’s fourth load. “Jeff?”
“Quiet, you…you were amazing…fuck…I’m not gay, I don’t want to do the things you did for me Alex but you were amazing and it just doesn’t feel right for me to just get laid and sleep I my own bed.”
“Okay, this is nice though.”
“Just shush okay.”
“Okay.”
………………………………........The morning was a little awkward but there wasn’t any complaints when Alex sucked a morning load out Jeff. In fact there was a lot of tenderness in the way Jeff played with his hair and his ears and his face.
He headed off for classes and practice and to do a little shopping too. They acted like the night had never happened and Alex found himself thinking about that for a good part of the day and between trying to take a good long look at himself and his wants and his needs and the changes that he’d have to make. School was going to get expensive when he lost his scholarship, and he knew his family wouldn’t back him…not even if they could. His family had a fair strong view on faggots and those like them.
Money without resorting to the sex trade would be rough…there was some he could handle, some he’d have to look up the costs for but to stay in school…he’d need money once he lost his scholarship and changed classes…It’s not like they’d allow for a trans hockey player.
While shopping though he knew what he wanted there so at least that was easy. He even was able to look the clerk at the drugstore in the eyes as he bought things most guys didn’t buy. It was on the credit card his parents gave him but these could be explained b him having a girlfriend, especially the tampons.
He even went for some groceries for their room. Dorms had the no cooking rule other than microwaves. So he looked and bought one of those folding closet organizers and two cheap sets of plastic shelves that you snapped together.
He had to take a cab home with all the bags ad he got looks from some of the guys in the dorm. Jeff was in classes for awhile yet so he wiped down the walls with a spring scented cleaner and used a swiffer to wipe everything down and even clean the floor.
He unrolled the decent floor rug he’d bought at Wall-Mart and he hung a few pictures since they didn’t have anything on the walls. Nothing gay or girly, though he tried looking at those with new eyes just to expand his tastes.
No there was one he had that was a raging surf taken at night he liked and that he put over on Jeff’s side and another night shot one of wild horses running under the full moon at night taken from a close ground angled shot.
Then he took out his new sheets and the roll of bedding foam ad remade his bed. He adjusted his closet with the organizer in it and added in his toiletries and a Rubber made bin for his more private things he was storing in in a new shaving kit along with other things.
He set up the one set of the shelves to stand beside the mini-fridge and their microwave. He added in the cartridge cup coffee and tea maker and then he put away their groceries. Microwave ready soups, mac and cheese, chili, but there was also peanut butter, granola bars, bottles of water, puddings, and even treats like Snickers bars and microwave popcorn eve some cases of on sale pop.
He put the pita breads and the packs of hot dogs and the buns in the mini fridge along with their milk and creamer.
Last he tackled the other set of shelves and used them in front of their window after covering it with a heavy fuzzy blanket that would shut out the light. They were on the third floor anyway without much of a view so they really never used it anyway and there he took his Desk top his grandparents bought him for school and finally set it up and the speakers and the connectors and finally his old CD’s and DVD’s and set up their entertainment center/study spot when they needed a computer.
Done he made himself a coffee and settled in to watch some of his DVD’s.
It was a few hours later and Alex had relaxed enough to just be lounging on his bed thinking of what he wanted. What his life would be like after everything or once he made the decision to go ahead with this.
Jeff came in and he looked around. “Whoa, cool what the hell happened you get rich?”
“I decided to put a dent into the credit card before I’m cut off.”
“Cut off?”
“Yeah, it’s just a matter of time before they find out.”
“That you’re gay.”
“I’m not sure I’m gay Jeff.”
“But before, and this morning?”
“Yeah, I loved that.”
“See gay.”
“No, female.”
“You’re not a girl Alex.”
“I think I am, in here.” He tapped his temple.
“Whoa… like a transexual?”
“You know what a transexual is?”
“Yeah and transgendered , I might be a jock but I’m not stupid.”
“Sorry…”
“So how do you know?”
“It’s partly the sex…I…I like cock…men…and I…I’m not all that into doing someone else.”
“So, you’re a bottom.”
“I guess.” He shrugged. “But it’s more than that, I want the feelings…I want breasts and smooth skin and…I want to be pretty….” He blushed and looked away. “Sorry…it’s just so hard to explain…I…”
“It’s okay Alex, you said I was your first so you’re still all new to this right?”
He nodded. “I know a guy and he turned out gay and I couldn’t get it. He was taking dick and all of that stuff and he’s happy, so fucking happy. I wanted to try…I mean happy was happy right and he told me about this trans woman and she took me to this place where it was like this whole light bulb moment for me.”
“So you never knew since you were little?”
“No, not that I know of but really I haven’t thought about why I feel the way I feel like from my past and everything. It’s just since that time with Sasha I found this thing in her that’s had my insides screaming that this is you Alex.”
Jeff looked at Alex then hugged them. “Hey, you have me backing you girl and not because of what we’ve been doing.”
Alex shook a little and pressed to Jeff and sighed. “Thanks Jeff.” They snuggled in a bit and they just sat there for awhile. Alex was actually pretty surprised at the way that Jeff was being pretty cool with things. They looked at him after a bit pretty close together.
“So, how are things with you and the S.O.?”
“Over.”
“Over?”
“Yeah….She was just. I’m so tired of bending over backwards ad doing things for her just to make her happy with whatever she feels like doling out in bed. “
“Women want to be appreciated Jeff, even me…”
“Where’s the line though? Where does it become the point of it’s not me doing a dozen different things every time before we’re together?”
Alex frowned a bit. “That’s not right.”
“I’m just sick of her BS so I told her we’re done.”
“Was she passed?”
“Yeah guess what? She wasn’t. She gave me this shitty look like I was worthless and she got up and left and was on her phone before she even left the food hall.”
“You think…”
“She’s been seeing other guys? Yeah I do.”
“Sorry…”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Alex looked at him. Then rolled them over until Jeff was on his back. “Alex?”
“Yeah….?”
“What are you doing?”
“Cheering you up…you really need some TLC.”
“Alex…you don’t have to.”
Alex leaned down and actually kissed his, they tried to do it sweetly and softly. “Jeff, I want to. I like you, I like you and I trust you and I like your cock.”
“Alex!”
“What? I do, you have a nice cock, I’m just being honest about it.”
Jeff bit his lip. “Okay…”
Alex pulled Jeff’s shirt up and kissed down his bare stomach to his pants and then unfastened his belt and pants and pulled Jeff’s semi out and kissed it slowly, then stroked him, nuzzled it as he grew becoming hard. They took Jeff’s hardness into their mouth and suckled, not just sucking but oral lovemaking. Taking her time and making Jeff writhe and moan saying things like. “Oh fuck, oh baby, Alex oh god…”
The fingers in Alex’s hair and massaging her scalp with gentleness was taking her into that place where she felt right. She knew in her hearts that this was her and she was going to change, she was going to make this happen.
When Jeff came he came really hard and she let it fill her mouth before looking up Jeff’s body and locking eyes with him and slowly swallowed. He was sweating and staring at her. She pulled off his softening cock and shyly smiled at him.
“Good?”
“Good, god you’ve amazing Alex.”
“I was told that you have no business sucking cock if you don’t like it.”
“Makes sense.” Alex smiled he looked a little stunned still. She took his cock in her hand and stroked him.
“Alex…”
“Can I have you tonight Jeff, can I have you deep inside me?”
He nodded, staring and gulping a little. “Yes…damn me yes.”
Alex smiled. “I’ll be back okay…”
They went and got their kit and slipped out to the bathroom and very carefully used their things to get cleaned using the shower stalls to fill things after getting their body clean and the bathroom stall to be clean on the inside and then lubed.
Still being careful they slipped back into the room and locked the door and said. “Just give me a second.” Alex even tried to talk lightly, femmy whisper soft.
A little touch of female stick deodorant, a brush though their hair the scariest part a pink plain cotton camisole and panties.
Almost nervously she went to their bed. “Jeff…?”
He’d been watching her but this was different, it was suddenly not just sex it was opening up to someone a part of Alex that even as Alex had barely seen the light of day.
Jeff opened the sheets and made room for them. Alex sliding into the bed with Jeff and couldn’t help but stare quietly at him.
Alex blushed after a few minutes. “I was so good with this when it was about the sex.”
He smiled and touched her face. “Alex…relax we’re really new to this…we have all night.” He kissed her and it was so different. Strong, the way his lips felt, the way his hand touched her face and cradled it the feeling of stubble and muscles under her fingers.
And Alex couldn’t really put it down to why they kissed or even why they kissed for so long but it helped and Jeff’s touch, it was different…like he wasn’t touching a guy. He was actually trying to be gentle and it really helped and soon the desire returned.
“Jeff…please…I want you…”
“Are you sure Alex?”
“Yes…please…”
Jeff started gently again with kisses and he even spent some time on Alex’s nipples and while underdeveloped from her old life it was still pleasing and very erotic and like a present…it was the thought behind it that counted.
He used a condom and they added lube to it and some more to Alex before Jeff slowly pushed his way inside Alex. She gasped at the feeling the opening and then the heat and then exhaled slowly remembering those things that Sasha had told them exhale and relax on the instroke…inhale and clench on the outstrokes.
Jeff gasped… “Oh…oh Alex…what was that…?”
“Lessons…”
“Lessons?”
“Yes…The woman that showed me that…she’s the same one that showed me, me…and some of her showing me was like lessons…” she lowered her hands to the bed to get a grip and then rolled her hips and relaxed at the same time to meet Jeff’s thrusts.
This, this felt good…better than good it felt right…moving together, the way Jeff felt, the thick stave of body heat sinking in and out of her. It felt right…it felt natural actually in a way more comfortable way than erotic really.
But then again when you’re finally being you. When you’re finally feeling comfortable that can be intensely erotic too.
Jeff released fairly quickly and he kissed her and more he actually snuggled and kissed and looked at Alex intensely.
“Jeff…what?”
“I see you.”
“What?”
“I’m seeing you…her…the girl you…”
“I told you…”
“No…I mean I know but this is different. I really am seeing you Alex.”
“Jeff…”
“Alex.”
“Jeff?”
“You’re beautiful.” He kissed her again and slide his fingers in with hers and sort of held her like that, sort of pinned her to the bed until he grew hot and stiff and thick again and the second time he made love to her was longer and slower and this time Alex Came first…moaned and called out his name in a hushed femmy whisper.
*Jamie……………………………………. I’m feeling very relaxed after my time with Jax and happy even. He called and left me a message before he had to head off on the boat for most of the week. I managed to get off a few messages back and told him to be careful while he was out there and that I looked forward to seeing him again.
Then it was the morning usual with Sasha coming over and me getting things ready and heading out to work out with her and my ribs are feeling a lot better enough that I can breathe as I run and even the stretches during my Tai-chi class aren’t as bad or doing my Yoga. Actually both are helping me get better faster, each of the teachers has worker with injured people before and I get a little reiki touch from my Tai-chi instructor and a lesson in healing chakra breathing from my Yogi.
It’s pretty much normal actually for a few days just classes and hanging with my friends and spending my times with Sasha which is always good always intimate and always caring. We’re even getting past the sex part of us more and the personal bond is growing. We explore things together me with my cooking lessons with her and even trying new things with her that way for each of us to try. Me I have my languages, I listen to my tapes and bounce my lessons off of her with the ones that she knows.
It’s a really big thing for me too to have that as part of me. To me if I’m going to be lady like and smart and polished and the best me that I can be I just see being as good and as educated as possible as part of that.
Sasha does that too…I’m cooking or learning a recipe to make curried lamb last night and Sasha was practicing the cello. And it was practice…it’s the first time really that I’ve seen her not be stunning at something. I can honestly say thing she has every ounce the shy, sweet, sexy Japanese thing going on when she’d muff something and end up blushing.
My lamb and curry? Meh I seriously need to change something really before I think about serving that up to anyone. I will say however I’m not half bad at making rice now and I think I like jasmine rice a lot more that some of the other kinds. It has a nice smell to it even when you just cook it plain.
Food’s another thing I’m trying out. I want to learn to cook a few good dishes out of a lot of types of cooking so when I have company or am invited over…I can be a good host or guest.
I’m waiting in line at the coffee kiosk when the girls join me. Me I’m getting my macha tea and some fresh Madeline cookies and the girls are getting their orders and Dina has this really deep frown going on and sour expression on her face.
I clear some cookie away with a sip of tea and look at her. “You okay?”
“No…fucking men.”
“Something fall through?”
“Yeah me and Jeff broke up.”
“I didn’t know you were seeing a Jeff.”
“She’s seeing a lot of people.” Victoria supplies sipping her tea and smiling.
“Nothing wrong with that, I’m open myself to new relationships.”
Dina looks at me. “Actually you’re where I got the idea from. Why should I limit myself to one guy at a time? If I’m going to find Mr. Right then I should be taking it seriously enough to see all sorts of guys to find the right one.”
“Jeff wasn’t the right one?”
“He had potential he had a sports scholarship and stuff but he was getting an arts degree.”
I tilt my head. “Uhm Dee? You’re taking an arts degree.”
“That’s different.”
“Why? Most jocks end up taking their B of A.”
“Yeah and that’s a waste, guys should be taking stuff that they can y’know get a job with and support a family with.”
I look at her. “So women should go to college and guys should be in trade schools.”
She frowned. “No it’s not like that I just think a guy really should think ahead to his future and stuff.”
“Everyone should.”
She looks at me again. “Anyways it was going south he wasn’t even thinking about listening to me and I’m not about to sleep with a guy that doesn’t have the brains to listen to me.”
“That’s not really fair Dee, if you’re not in a serious relationship with him you really don’t have the right to be putting demands on his life.”
“Actually I do, it’s how you tell if a guy’s actually serious and not just into you for the sex.”
“Well we both admit that we see sex a lot differently. But I’m sorry that you guys couldn’t make it work.”
She’s looking at her phone checking stuff and she looks at me. “Yeah, me too. Normally guys actually do try and do the stuff I suggest once I point it out to them. But some guys are just too effing stubborn for being in relationship material.”
I actually bite my tongue on that. To me that’s almost the polar opposite to the way that I want to see guys being treated. Yes I say the way I see guys being treated. Oh I know men are assholes…blah…blah…blah feminidiot stuff.
But to me the thing is there are REAL assholes and then there are the ones that women make. You assume the worst and treat a perfectly decent guy like he’s the last seven assholes you went with he’s going to eventually after enough kicks to the heart by enough girls get it.
It doesn’t pay to be a nice guy.
I really could go on at length about it and I get this hate on for the times I see women being abusive like that.
I am NOT saying men are angels or that abuse doesn’t happen and violence against women doesn’t happen but I am saying that there are too sides to the whole system and far too often men don’t get to say anything. My mom and my sister Kate are great examples. They’ll drain a guy dry as much as they can and use all their weapons to do it. From looks to sex to female scorn…you’d be sick to your stomach at how some guys get abused by that. It’s really not hard to hit a guy where he’s concerned about the kind of guy he is. You can’t really do that that much to women, well it happens but these guys are pretty obvious jerks and abusers…but women get away with that kind of stuff a lot more.
Hell ask other women…women are really good at emotional abuse. Just look how they/we generally treat each other. I test flown a set of steps because three of them thought that hurting me physically was easier than socially.
And yes I used Feminidiot.
You demand respect…give it back.
You want equality…then be thankful when manners are shown to you…it’s no longer a matter of course.
Yes I see myself as a feminist. I believe we’re just as capable as men in OUR own ways not they’re ways and we shouldn’t be competing with them. Not the way some of these hard cores like the one’s that Karin knows are like.
There’s NO point to feminism if we use it to just be estronigized men.
But I’m TG by their broadbrush and I don’t get to have an opinion.
Okay Jamie deep breath.
“Well hopefully you’ll find a nice guy that you like that fits what you’re looking for Dee.”
“Oh I will, it’s just a matter of time. Besides I’ve a few prospects already.” She’s smiling as she adjusts her top and bra. Dina has a really great set of breasts actually killer curves and great hair too it’s just her looking at guys like a resource first that I don’t like.
I kind of get it’s cultural, she’s Greek and from a Greek family so there’s a serious cultural thing with getting married and stuff but I just…I could never do it. But she’s not my mother or Kate and demanding stuff all the time from their guys. But even as much as I don’t like Dee’s methods, she’s a huge cry from the type of women that they are.
And I’ll hang up my purse and my pumps if I ever become like that.
She takes a drink of her coffee and looks over the courtyard. “That’s him over there with his roommate Alex.”
I look and check them out. Jeff’s decent enough looking but Alex…Alex is someone different than other people think. There’s just that feel the way that their hiding things like movements the way that him and Jeff are close together like really close but at the same time trying to avoid the gay thing.
I have a good idea that they’re more than just roommates, there’s a lack of personal space issue between the too even if they’re acting like there’s nothing going on.
I lock eyes though with Alex while I’m looking at them and he’s looking at me with very keen interest. That’s interesting because he’s interesting too. I can’t quite put my finger on what’s so interesting about them but there’s something for sure.
I get my things together because my phone’s playing some classical music I downloaded that’s my ten minutes before my first class warning and the girls go with me but I can feel Alex still watching me.
I think we’ll have to have a talk at some point.
In someplace public enough to be safe. I’m just being careful but you never know.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor… Chapters 37 & 38.
Chapter 37
It was too long after Alex joined us at Sasha’s that I knew she was the person Jeff was seeing instead of Dina. I actually liked Alex the first time I met her we talked.
It was after a few glasses of absinthe and Alex giving me long lovingly slow blow jobs.
(Smiles) I can tell right now that Alex like me has the cocksucking gene just by the smile in her eyes as she’s blowing first Sasha then myself.
I still say really that if you don’t love sucking cock don’t bother…go ahead and try but really if you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it. Neither person really has fun with it.
It’s a lot more fun too for me with the lessons. I get another person to lovingly suck myself, to sink into me or ink into her…and then there’s times when it’s the three of us together and while Alex is a bit too new for it. She is very excited bit the times we’ve been sharing and me.
Well I love cock and getting it two ways is just amazing….It’s better when Sasha’s sinking into me and I’m sucking Alex because frankly Sasha is incredible and loving and talented from her years of experience.
But I guess you can see what the bulk of the lessons are like.
Well it is and it isn’t, there’s a lot of sexual mechanics too…orally, how to use your lips there’s nothing just there…tongue, pressure, tactile tricks, suction….just like anally…breathing, reactions…loosening hen tightening…how to move, how to roll you hips and with both sensuality.
Making the sweet sexy sounds, wordplay, erogenous zones, it’s learning how to be sexy and slutty but sweet and powerful too…it’s work as much as it’s fun.
And it is fun too once you’re past the sex. It’s really high level dress up and pretend where you practice moving and walking and swaying, dressing and make-up and a thousand little things. Really even GG’s can’t just pop into lingerie and be anywhere close to someone that’s used to wearing it.
Aside from that Alex is here on her parent’s dime and a hockey scholarship and is riding the cliffhanger edge of her family finding out. She a gamer and she’s very into video games and some of the computer ones it’s really interesting stuff once you get past the jargon.
I was enough of a guy to still get most of that stuff since I was an art/horror/comic geekette myself. Though with my limited knowledge of video games I’m more of a Nintendo 64 and Mario and Zelda person really I think other than the odd time I stopped playing video games in favor for being a sort of angry preteen around thirteen and fourteen years old.
The stuff Alex has talked about sounds really complex but sort of fun. I think I’d enjoy watching them play more than playing. I’ve done that with Noel and her WoW stuff with the undead guy that lich king guys or whatever.
Though we’re all wondering what the result of Alex changing will be with the coach and the faculty and her scholarship status. She’s started squirreling away cash now just in case and for her boob job.
I can really just see how much she want’s them though in her eyes but both Sasha and I are telling her to take her time and be careful. It’s a journey not a race and you tend to burn a lot of bridges when you do.
Though mine I’m kind of good with.
I don’t Hate my mother and sister but they are people that honestly I don’t want anything to do with anymore in my life. It sucks losing family in a way but I’m building my own. Like Rick and Tommy…we might have been and still might be lovers but really we’re close as it gets sometimes it’s like I have two brothers.
So like I’ve said it’s been sort of a busy week with my classes and my lessons at Sasha’s and that’s sort of a good thing since Jax had called me and he’s going to be out at sea awhile longer than we thought. He’s had a job handed to him to help out on another fishing boat and he has to take the work and the pay when he can and him being available like that and a hard worker builds his reputation up and in that business it’s your name way more than your resume that’ll get you hired or in his case starting to get people asking for you.
Okay that kind of sucks since we were just starting to see each other and he’s a very nice guy and a magnificent lover no matter the fact he’s blessed with an incredible cock.
Like I just said he’s a nice guy and I was looking forward to spending more actual time with him.
And Ian’s still off working so…
I’ve been sort of left on my own except for my times with Sasha and Alex. But with school and my classes along with the shop I’ve plenty to do. Thankfully I’ve been feeling better and better and my ribs are still bruised and still sore but they’re hugely better in comparison to how they used to be. But I’m still wearing my corsets and even tightened them a little more.
Hey every little bit helps, I’ll admit to being kind of vain enough to want to look good. I’m not a GG and I have a whole other list of things that I have to do and keep doing if I want to keep looking good. Oh I know that GG’s don’t have it remotely easy either given the way people expect us to look as women and I am a woman.
So I want a trim waist even if I have to train it and I want nice abs because they’re sexy and nice hips and everything else and I’m willing to work at it.
But I’m not going to use it like a lot of other women do.
And I’m not talking about my mom or sister this time but the good looking girls that won the genetic lottery. XX and all the bonus features to go with it and just going to classes and stuff I see them and how they sometimes behave.
Honestly yes mean self absorbed bitches.
And it’s not just the fact they’re good looking and they have all the parts in the right places and use that to string guys along and squeeze them for stuff.
Well there is that but they are mean, really, really mean to girls that are actually very pretty but aren’t on their level of pretty…and the worse it gets the more unperfect or plain that a girl is when they set their eyes on them.
And the other thing that gets my blood up about these people? It’s that it doesn’t even register.
They will be scathingly mean to some poor girl just because they’re in their way…seriously like in line in front of them or something just as inane and the break out the super bitch powers on her and say shit or do shit and then she’ll leave in tears or on the edge of tears and they will totally forget about her once she’s out of eyeshot.
Meanwhile some of these girls are the type that have screwed up their courage to come to university out in the really big and scary and effing cruel world to try and get a degree and maybe, just maybe find some people that didn’t treat them like trash, it was supposed to be better than high school not worse.
Shit like that hurts, it hurts people really badly and really deeply and sometimes if the person has been bullied and put down enough it can really…
So when this little miss bottle blondie omigawd sipping on a Slavebucks coffee is starting to make these comments in the food hall about this girl in front of them. Apparently she didn’t move out of their way when she and her two twitterhead friends came up so they think that it’s fair game to start hassling her about her weight.
So I go and get a tray and I cut in line right in between this girl and them.
“Oh! He…llo…like fucking excuse me who do you thing you are like cutting in line in front of us?”
Nasal and not even like valley girl but more like MTV jersey whore kind of talking.
I look at the girl ahead of me. “Hey thanks for holding my spot.”
She looks at me wide eyed a bit and nods. “Y..you’re welcome…”
The girl behind me reaches out and grabs my arm. Not hard but she grabs my arm and I use my tray and whack her fingers.
“Like ow!”
I look at her. “Look but don’t touch didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”
I raise an eyebrow staring at her.
“You hit me!”
“You grabbed me.”
“You cut in line!”
“So you should be thanking me.”
“Thanking you! Waffor?”
“Stopping you before you do something really stupid.”
“Like what?”
I lean over to her but all three of them. I put on my mean face myself the one that I do have and usually keep to myself. It’s the face that I have when I think about my sister or when I get mad over the fact those other girls thought it was okay to “Flight test” me.
“Like you saying any more shit about my friend…three stories on concrete didn’t stop me and you three won’t be a problem either if you keep acting like the entitled little cunts that you are. This is college, no one gives two shits about who you were in high school…and frankly nobody cares.”
She looks like no one has talked to her or the other two like this in their lives and I wasn’t lowering my voice either so you know what happens? All the unperfect kids, some of the girls and some of the guys well they’re tired of their shit to and I guess they just needed an excuse to tell them off.
Old high school fears die hard but they do die sometimes. The look on their three faces as people actually started to clap was amazing. It got louder as they turned red and made little bitchy piggy squealing and addle brained hen squawking sounds at me and about all of this as they beat a hasty retreat.
The applause followed them out.
Then some is for me and I take a bow with an extra flourish of my tray and I start recounting. “This be the winter of my discontent….” There’s some boo’s and people throw wadded up napkins at me but it’s in fun and I’m not letting it get to my head.
It helps to show that too and just go with it.
I turn back to the girl who’s looking at me a little but she’s sort of wiping at tears with the back of her hand.
For the record she’s really pretty, five four maybe and likely a hundred and eighty pounds. Yes a big girl but to be fair a whole lot of that is breasts and those are really nice and she does have these wide hips and a big butt but honestly not that huge and she has a very pretty face. Shoulder length brown hair and these really big doe like brown eyes.
Like I said she really pretty.
I offer my hand. “Hey, I’m Jamie.”
“Uhm Emily.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Really?”
“Sure.”
She looks at me and she blinks and while she’s trying to get whatever’s going on in her head worked out I get my lunch. The food here’s actually not bad really for a food hall. There’s all the usual stuff like mac and cheese, cheap pizza and burgers and fries and hot dogs. Tater tots seem a big thing here and I don’t really get that but they seem a popular trendy on campus thing.
Me I get a salad or rather make one from the salad bar which is really well stocked so I make a salad of baby spinach and arugula with baby tomatoes and slices of cucumber and zucchini and I add a lot of feta cheese in it and some yogurt drizzled over it as a dressing they have some decent looking baked white fish so I get some of that too then I get a granola cup with a honey crisp apple two bottles of water and a chocolate milk.
Emily is looking at me. “What no desert?”
“No not here they have much better baked good out at the coffee kiosk.”
“I was kidding; you’re actually going to eat all of that?”
“Yes and maybe more if I’m still hungry.”
She’s looking at me. “Really…”
“I burn it off.”
“How?”
“Lots of exercise and lots of sex.”
Her eyes get wide. “So it’s true?”
“Depends on what it is?”
“That…they say that you sleep around a lot…”
I shrug. “Not really not compared to some, I’ve been with around…seven people in my entire life compared that to some here on campus and…”
She looks at me and sort of nods and we get to the cash and I reach past her to give my food card to the girl at the cash. “Both please.”
Emily looks at me. “You didn’t have to do that but thanks…”
I smile. “No problem I usually just grab the odd snack or something here on campus and eat at home.”
“Still thanks every bit helps y’know I’m kind of broke all the time.”
“I hear that it’s why I’m trying to make my own money even though I’m lucky enough that my dad left me some money when he passed away.”
“Oh…sorry about your dad.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that.”
We head over to a table and we’re getting a few looks and Emily is blushing and sort of hiding her face behind her hair. We sit and I add a little salt and some pepper to my salad just because I like both in my salad and most people never think of it.
I’m sort of seeing people that aren’t my usual talk about me’s checking us out. I look at Emily. “So…what gives we’re getting some looks.”
“You…you’re here sitting with us and with me.”
“So?”
“You’re from the popular tables.”
“I am?”
She gives me this look like Duh… “You’re Jamie Blake you’re the poster girl for TG here at school, you’re an actually makes real art, art major. You look effing amazing enough that even as a trans girl you rate in most of the campus’s top hotties lists, you broke through some of the lesbitches and made friends….they don’t get why you’re even over here sitting in nobody land.”
“There’s no such thing as someone being a nobody Emily.”
“Really? Well not everyone thinks that Jamie, I mean…not even us…or me.”
I look at her and she’s sort of blushing and sort of staring at her food and is getting quieter.
“So…I take it that you don’t have a problem with trans-girls?”
“No…I mean Jamie look at me where could I really stand giving anyone crap about their body?”
“You’ve got a nice body.”
“Pfft…yeah right…” She has this bitter old hurt look and trust me I get it I wasn’t heavy as a guy but I was the do not apply you’re nowhere near cool enough metal head geeky teenager home.
“I’d go out with you.”
Emily stares at me and for a good long time.
“Look Emily you’re pretty and you look healthy and healthy is different from athletic…people put way too much emphasis on that kind of thing. If you don’t mind going out with me I’d love to take you out.”
“Like a friend right?”
“No…well yes I like you like I said even though we just me and I’d like to take you out on a date and honestly…?”
I raise my eyebrow and she’s blushing but she gives me this go ahead nod.
“Honestly I’d like to get to have that good kind of night sometime where we do end up sleeping together.”
She coughs on her forkful of fried rice and I smile and let her get composed as I open my chocolate milk.
“You’d sleep with me…?” she doesn’t seem to believe that.
“Emily, I’m the gender queer person here shouldn’t that be my line?”
She blushes and smiles a little it’s cute but it’s a nervous smile. “I’d sleep with you too Jamie…I mean like if we got to that point and stuff from dating not like just right away and stuff.” The second part of that came out fast in a nervous rush.
“Cool, so do you have plans tonight?”
She’s blinking all shocked again.
“No…I never have plans just watching TV…or something.”
“Supper someplace and a show?”
“Okay…” She does a visible swallow and lick of her lips nervously.
“So what looks good playing right now I never really get to see that stuff these days?”
Emily shrugs. “I’m not sure but we can look up where the theaters are and see what they have playing where.”
She takes out one of those computer tablets which are really cool and I don’t have one yet but I sort of want one. I’ve never been the tech toy guy as a kid with my mainstay being my music and the comics and graphic novels and stuff.
I get up and I move to sit right beside her so we can look things up together and we’re sort of looking at places to eat at for our date and we’re taking our time and eating together which is great since it sort of is breaking the ice between us with the whole being in each other’s personal spaces. It’s actually fun because we’re looking at some of the movies and playing the trailers for them which has us talking and laughing.
She’s a dyed in the wool geekette and we’re going to see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice with Nick Cage in it. Which is fine by me because I might be me but there’s just some movies that the supposedly market for the female audience that’s just…retarded…no plot, no sense and just all whining and drama and romance….without a storyline.
I like girly movies too but to me any movie has to have a point to it and not be a bunch of random stuff. That’s just lazy.
“So well go out to the Richmond Mall?”
“Okay…I’ve never been on the train yet.”
“Well I was thinking I can drive us since they have a parking garage.”
“Uhm…okay…” She’s giving me a funny look.
“It’s better for me to part my motorcycle inside where it can be looked after better.”
“Oh…oh uhm…motorcycle?”
“Yeah is that okay?”
Emily stares at me and she bites at her lower lip and she nods but says shy and quietly. “I’ve never been on one before.”
“Good, can I get your address?”
She writes it down blushing and sort of smiling too.
“So around six thirty? Gives us time to get there and have supper before the movie?”
“Okay…” She still looks I don’t know in shock at us going out?
I lean over to her as I’m getting up since I do have afternoon classes. “I’ll see you then.” I give her a soft sweet kiss on the cheek and smell her a little. Yes enough to know that I did and I’m smiling as I pull away from her and get my bag and then my tray.
And because I know she’s watching I do a nice full measured sway as I’m going.
Chapter 38
*Alex…………
I guess things really started when I rolled over the next morning and nuzzled into Jeff and said. “I’m saying yes.”
“Mmmm…yes to what?”
“Sasha…I want to…I need to learn from her.”
“That’s the woman that’s like you and that Jamie girl right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you’ll be with her?”
“Yeah…are you okay with that?”
He just layed there awhile then nodded. “I can’t really get why you need to be you Alex, I mean like the whole changing to be you thing and she does…I think I’m good with it.”
“Okay…thank you.” I reached down and stroked him until he was hard.
“Oh….oh no…no problem.”
I smiled at him as cute as I could make it and slid down and helped myself to his cock for a dose of Jeff’s special shake.
I’m still sort of trying to process things too really with that I mean I was raised in a house that wasn’t like total bigots but at the same time you just weren’t gay…or trans…or Mahu as Sasha likes to say.
So I’m still kind of emotionally huh over the fact that I’m sucking Jeff’s cock and I love doing that these days.
It’s visceral and sexy and powerful to me. To hold him in my fingers and taste and to suck and lick and make those sounds come out of him turns me on so much. And I’m a greedy girl too because after we’ve had sex by the time I’m swallowing his cream with a happy Mmmm sound I want him inside of me.
I have to give him time to get hard again but I still got that to that morning and Jeff left well laid and with a bounce to his step. I’m kind of proud of that y’know. His ex never had him acting like that.
……………………….It’s sort of needless to say that during my days at Sasha’s were filled with sex is kind of an understatement. I showed up at her place and she opened the door and let me in and I looked her in the eyes and said. “It’s who I need to be, teach me.”
And we kissed long and slow and I went down on her and that’s how that started again.
Jamie came in on things the very next day.
And as much as I love the sex, I’m being taught to love the sex.
Taught…yeah to slow down and to savor the feelings of being filled, to let the feelings of sexual pleasure push me into even deeper levels of lust and want but control too…like imagine feeling so horny that while someone is making sweet love to you filling you and hitting all those amazing sexual places you have a cock in front of you and you want to suck it so bad…you’re so turned on that it’s just something that you need.
Well I’m being taught to handle that lust and those feelings and to show just how much need I have as I’m doing it…moans and savoring it and thanking them…always thanking your partners in sex…and not just after but before you even take your first taste…as their sinking into you…you take that lust and turn it out as emotion…grateful to be filled , to suck, to tell them how good they taste or feel to be grateful and humble and wanton all at once.
It sounds all sorts of Stepford wife like doesn’t it but also being on the receiving end of Sasha looking at me so sexy and so eager and so pleased and wantonly and sexily saying… “Oh…Alex…such a pretty cock…nice, sweet…thank you…thank you for letting me suck it.”
It’s such a turn on.
And make no mistake about it she only gets cock shoved down her throat if that’s what she wants with her hands there and her mouth she is in control…but it sure doesn’t feel that way.
And Jamie’s even better when it comes to getting her face humped…she has no gag reflex and I’m slipping in and out of her throat and she’s acting like I’m actually fucking her and making these happy muffled super sexy sounds…I want to learn that but it’s going to take a lot more time.
Both of them just seem to be able to wield their sexuality so powerfully that I ache to be able to be like them.
And heaven help me the sex is like only like a small part of it. Kissing…how to kiss the different ways to kiss and how to put feelings into them and practice and practice and more practice and posture and manners and corsets and…
Oh…oh yes it’s all in with them it’s this is me…if I said that this is really who I want to be then I made my choice.
And all in apparently includes a butt-plug and living with it to start teaching my body. Jamie even went back to using hers as like a show of solidarity and to sort of cheer me on.
And there so much more coming…no pun intended. Mannerisms and not just manners the way to move and clothes and heels and lingerie are all going to be part of what’s in store for me.
I’m kind of excited.
No I am excited.
Jamie took me around to the LGBTQ rooms on campus and we talked and met people and we talked to some of the councilors there I’m coming out, there’s no other way to really do this and be who I really feel that I am inside but that…that’s got problems of it’s own for me.
I’m a hockey player, I’m here on scholarship and while I’m second string I’m in goal and that’s switched out a lot. I do see ice time. I see ice time and I’m coming out. And who I’m coming out as isn’t like being gay where they can just sort of ignore it I’m going to be changing inside and out.
It’s a good thing actually Jamie brought me here because I’ve been meeting with some of the councilors and some of the probono legal members of the LGBTQ here and helped me get all the I’s dotted and the T’s crossed.
As long as I perform to the standards of play that I established by getting my scholarship and how good I can play they can’t legally discriminate against me any more than if I was just gay. And they can’t do that.
It was actually anti climatic as far as the coaching staff went and the administration. I have to change in the women’s locker rooms and stuff but they almost seemed like they were prepared for this kind of thing to happen.
And if you think that’s all too easy well it was a lot of work and it was nerve wracking with the whole build up to it and everything but the scariest stuff for here is yet to come.
One… I have to talk to Jeff and let him know that I’m going to be officially out soon and that I’ll be sort of stopping being fake Alex.
That’s…we’re not out and he’ll have to choose to either come out sort of with me or we’ll be done if he can’t do that…or won’t do that.
Two…until I can move or something I need to keep living where I’m living and that means if I’m going to be me I need to come out to the house. And who the hell knows what will happen there. I mean we’re on a LGBTQ friendly campus but that’s only for the most part…I mean look at the things that’ve happened to Jamie.
And Sasha has said very seriously to me a few times that I will get hurt by being me. That it will happen sooner or later. It sucks to think that way but I’m not stupid either…I’m walking into the world where there are people who are violent towards women, add in homophobia and then transphobia and yeah…I’ll have enemies just being myself and some will be people that don’t even know me.
Three…I have to come out to the team and the best way will be just to be honest with them about this. And that could still scrub my scholarship. See if there’s enough of the players that refuse to play with me after that they can’t suspend all of them, heck legally they likely can’t go after them for not wanting to play on the same team as me.
So…so if enough players walk then I’m a liability to the team.
And…and if it’s only a few or even one if the matter can’t be resolved and it comes to him losing his scholarship because he refuses to play with me on the team I have to resign.
Sasha said so.
Yeah unfair?
No…I mean yes but not. (See I really am girl brained.) I made this choice and I can’t make someone feel better about me being me if they’re set against it and if I’m standing by my rights to play and ignoring his rights I’m in the wrong because I did something that had changed everything for everyone of the team.
So to be fair and honorable I have to offer to walk if it comes down to that.
If it comes down to it…I will.
It’s so strange how much that I want to be that kind of girl that has that kind of code. I mean it’s scaring me that I could lose so much with all this at stake but just look at Jamie…I’m her lover and I still see those yellow and ick looking bruises there from what had happened.
I’ve seen her need to stop and take a deep breath before going up or down those steps and that’s…that PTSD kind of stuff and she actually fought to not have the book through at those girls because she believed that they were young and stupid being our age.
Just like I seen her stand up to those three girls just now and be open and wonderful and making a new friend to the girl those three were making fun of.
There’s so much to be scared of and yet there’s so much that I want to be now.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 39 & 40.
Chapter 39
The rest of my day ad my classes is pretty good. I actually spend a good deal of it thinking about my date with Emily though. Despite Neela the being with girls is still pretty new to me and it’s dating so it sort of doesn’t apply to Sasha or Alex times.
And I’m the one that asked her out and that to me at least makes it different.
I run into one of the girls from earlier at the coffee kiosk and she’s staring daggers at me.
I raise an eyebrow looking at her. “Problem?”
“Yeah, you think you’re hot shit don’t you?”
“Not really but honestly I don’t think I’m the problem.”
“No? You’re a fucking tranny, you’re nothing but fake…queer bullshit.”
“I don’t lie to people about who or even what I am so how’s that fake?”
“You’re not a real woman.”
“You go ahead and think that.”
“What the fuck does than mean?”
“It means I really don’t care what you think.”
“I’m not the only one that thinks that either y’know!” She’s getting mad and raising her voice.
I look at her and get a Yerbe Matte for a change and a packet of brazil-nuts, my fave after pecans. “Good for them I still don’t really care. I’m…like I told you and your friends before not in high school. I don’t have to care who likes me al that much. It’s not that important.”
“Bullshit.”
We’re getting some looks. I pay for mine and hers since she ordered and leave a good tip and me doing that has her brain-stalled. I gesture for her to walk with me.
“Look what’s your name.”
“Amber.” She's looking at me suspiciously.
“Look Amber, this is college, no one honestly cares who was popular in what school. The ones that are worried about it are wasting their time and their lives.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay I’m going to call bullshit this time. Are you taking an arts or business degree?”
“Business and how’d you know?”
“Okay, you’re hot, you’re really hot but the plan is get a degree and then into someplace where you can meet a guy with enough scratch and marry him right?”
She’s staring at me, turns red and sort of between mad and embarrassed. “It’s not like that.”
“Really? So what is your plans then.”
She’s quiet then glares at me. “Okay so what if that is the plan? You don’t have to make it sound so bad. And being popular is important it’s who you know in life.”
“That’s true to a point Amber but it’s also how you were remembered. And I’m not the one making it sound bad, it just is a bad idea.”
“No it isn’t look at me, look at how I look. Guys don’t take you seriously they just want you to suck cock and put out and shut the fuck up.”
“Then don’t deal with guys like that. You don’t have to.”
“Right and what go out with some nerd?”
“Sure go out with anyone you want to, it’s college that’s the point. It’s not just about the degree or snagging some guy. It’s about not being home, not having to go through that bullshit you grew up with and actually start being a person you like being.”
“But…”
“Scary shit yeah I know.”
“How would you know?”
“I started the year as a metal head guy that was drinking way too much and hanging around with the wrong crowd. I had a life changing encounter and after a good chunk of soul searching went ahead with being myself.”
“I can’t see you as a metal head.”
“Yeah, well I wasn’t built of buff, hated sports and the jock guys so I was one of those all in black kids that hated the Emo kids and the Goth ones.”
“But you’re so….”
“Yeah, I know. Like I said Amber life changing. I think there was some of those sort of lingering things going on when I was younger but this was really one of those things that just screamed “Me” to my soul and instead of running from it I embraced it.”
“But you’re a tranny…that’s got to be hard. Why would you choose to be something that’s so…hated?”
“Well honestly it wasn’t a choice. I mean yes it was but after thinking about it a lot and really taking my time with it I realized that I hated who I was, and when I was like this even to start. I was happy.”
She’s looking at me and really looking at me.
I lean over and give her a hug. “Look Amber we’re cool as far as I’m concerned.”
“But…you said those things…and I was…”
“You were being a mean self absorbed little cunt. And that’s okay as long as you can see it. All those people you hang with won’t mean a thing when we graduate; you think they’ll be there once they get theirs? Be someone you like, be someone you respect and make friends that are like family.”
“Jamie…”
I give her my card. “Just think about it Amber. I gotta run I’m taking Emily out on a date tonight.”
“Emily?”
“The young lady you girls were being bitches to.”
“Oh…you’re dating her?”
“Tonight.”
“You date girls?”
“I date people.”
“Oh…uhm…have a good time…?”
“Thanks.” I kiss her on the cheek and head off. I’m not sure how much of what I said will actually get through to her. Beautiful and popular is hard to fight especially if that’s been your life. They start to believe the hype.
I know I look good, I work out and train and have had work done, surgery to look the way I feel matches me but lording it over someone is just…eeew.
The trick is to work twice as much on whom you are inside than outside.
Hopefully though Amber will take a look at herself. I meant what I’ve said. University no one cares who you thought you were in high school. As good looking as you are you’re one face in way too many….no one cares.
And the same thing after we graduate. You can social climb all you want in college too but it really means shit in the long run.
Unless you make real friends, be someone people can actually like and respect. Popularity fades….
That’s why we have elections every few years.
I head home and grab my bike first thing and give him a really good wash and a polish. And I do my helmets too. Then it’s upstairs and a shower and getting done up for my date, defuse myself, lotion and powder and my favorite perfume in nice places…opium, like Sasha wears and I dab some between my shoulders since Emily will be hanging onto me.
I go for some of my better lingerie red lace panties and garter and thigh high dark stockings too. I choose a pair of sexy jeans and boots, I have a pair with a nice platform heel that look great but are very easy to use on my bike. I go with a red satin and lace off the shoulder corset as my top it’s the overbust type so it’ll be nice and sexy and I cinch myself nice and tight and then braid my hair and do my make up last.
I take a medium cutch purse with me and add my lube, small vibe, condoms, my little blue friends and a few other knick knacks plus my wallet. I wear it under my leather jacket and I go and gas up the bike and I hit the ATM while I’m there too and take out some money.
Screw two girls going Dutch. I asked her out so I’m paying. Dutch is for just hanging out I’m on a date.
I make sure everything is good and I get back on my bike and I drive to Turner House just off campus, it’s not a sorority we don’t really have one but it is a apartment building that’s one of the off campus but still owned by the school dorms.
I pull up to the front and park and slip off the bike and head inside. There’s a couple of girls there in this downstairs living room watching a movie and they’re looking at me.
“Evening is Emily here? I’m picking her up for our date.”
They’re really looking at me. One of them blinks and the gets up pretty fast. “I’ll uhm…I’ll um go get her.”
“Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”
She leaves and the others are still staring at me and they’re all girls since it an all female dorm and another one actually raises her hand.
I smile at her. “Uhm you’re not in class but…yes?”
She blushes looking at me and well probably from actually raising her hand but she does ask. “Are you Jamie Blake?”
“Yes I am and you are?”
“Uhm…Anne.”
“Well Anne what can I do for you?”
“Ah…well are you actually uhm friends with Emily?”
“Well I’d like to be friends with her, she’s nice.”
“Yeah uhm it’s just that…”
“Just?”
“You kinda have a reputation…I mean there’s people saying that you’re like a guy.”
“I’m not a guy.”
“No uhm that you were a guy.”
“I was.”
Silence they look a little stunned. I hear a couple of them whispering no way…
I look at them. “Yes way.” I smile at them.
Anne is looking at me up and down and all over. “But you’re so pretty?”
“Thank you! I had a lot of work done really and I’m on hormones too.”
“So it’s true?” Anne asks me again.
“Pretty much.”
“Do you still have your….”
“Anne!!!” Several of them exclaim.
“Yes I do and I’m keeping it.”
Silence again….
I see Emily coming down and I smile at her. She looks good with a nice pair of dress slacks on and a matching black top that is actually decently low cut enough to show off her boobs. She’s carrying a girl’s varsity high school jacket for rugby I think and I smile at the thought of her being more of a jock than people think. Her make up is really light but she actually has a nice amount of jewelry on and a whole bunch of those are bangles.
I love bangles, not that I own a lot of them yet but it’s something I find attractive at least on her and I offer her my arm.
“You look nice.” I offer.
“You look amazing Jamie.”
“Thank you I took a bit of extra time to look pretty for you tonight I’m glad it worked.”
“You…oh it definitely worked.” There’s this look in her eyes both excited and uncertain both.
She stares at my offered arm a little and takes it shifting her jacket to her other hand with her purse and I lead her outside to my bike. I help her put the spare helmet on so it doesn’t mess up her hair and then get her on my bike first and then I slip on ahead of her.
“Hold on tight to me okay?”
“Oh…definitely I’ve never been on a motorcycle before, I’m a little scared.”
“Good they are as dangerous as they are fun if you don’t respect them…Ready?”
“Uh-huh.”
I start it up and pull away I’m not going too fast or too slow but I am keeping an eye out. The most dangerous thing about motorcycles? Motorists, way too many of them don’t give you the respect or the space you need sometimes. And I’m driving with a passenger; my first passenger so yes careful is exactly what I’m being. I do open it up a little closer to the full speed limit as we get on the main way to Richmond.
I feel her tightening her grip a bit but I can here her saying/shouting as we’re going. “Okay this is pretty cool I was really scared of this.”
“I’m glad that you’re having fun I don’t get out enough to drive it as much as I should.”
“You really should! Motorbikes are sexy!”
I laugh and slow down as we get to the parking garage and I get a ticket for my bike and I give them my helmets. Most good parking garages will do that and they’ll have the bikes closer to their booths to keep an eye on them. Motorcycles cost a lot of money these days more than most people not into bikes have a clue about.
Then again a lot of people don’t give two shits about bikers at all either pedal or motorcycles. Well motorists really and heaven help you if you run across an SUV driver too self absorbed to even be a red neck with a truck they’re just like the name they’re “sporty” sorry I’m not a fan of these people or how they drive.
They’re just really bad drivers.
I open the door for Emily and she sort of blinks at me and sort of smiles. I can get that since it looks sort of like two girls going out when it’s really two girls on a date.
And she’s not really mentally in that place maybe?
“So…we can go to the early show and grab a bite later or we can grab a bite and see the late show.”
“Well we won’t buy as much junk if we eat something first…?” She sounds a bit unsure of herself and I nod.
“That sounds like a good plan though I’m still getting popcorn.”
“Oh…but if you want to.”
“Emily relax okay?”
“Uhm…okay.”
“Hmm…yeah that’s convincing.”
She blushes and I take her hand which surprises her again and we go looking for a place to eat together settling on something really different than what we’re both used to eating so we decide to try out the Bourbon Street bar and grill. We’re too young to drink but I’m driving instead we just try some of the Cajun food they have here and we order a bunch of the appetizers to share and we both go with the blackened spice pacific salmon as the main course.
I like the appetizers there’s black eyed peas that are spiced and fried and are kind like peanuts in a strange funky way and then there’s these little pots of soup that gumbo and that’s spicy and we get the little Cajun sausages with bread too.
The salmon was good actually and while I’m not used to the flavors of the blackening spices the crisp they got on the skin was really amazing.
I pay for supper making Emily blush and I leave a decent tip too since we actually had pretty good service and we head out from there and to the theater.
“Jamie you didn’t have to pay for everything.”
“Why not?”
“Well it just we’re both…”
“If you were out on a date with a guy and he paid would this be a big deal?”
“No…”
“Well I asked you out so I’m paying and if you asked me out I’d expect the same thing.”
“Okay but no guy is going to ask me out…and honestly I couldn’t afford to go out like this.”
“Who said I needed something like this?”
“But you took me out like this.”
“And I wanted to. Emily I’d be cool with us just going for a walk and hitting a video store and snuggling up under a blanket as a date or going to something on campus.”
“Really?”
“Yeah really I’m not one of those high maintenance kind of people.”
“Oh…sorry…” She’s blushing and I take her hand again and smile at her. She shyly smiles back.
It’s very different that this is the kind of date that I’m on now after I’ve changed this much. But it’s kind of nice. I like the balance that seems to be settling in me tonight. I love men, I love sex and I like women too but this is another side of that and that’s sort of kind of my male parts of my soul touching base.
No I’m not a guy and I don’t have any regrets but I’m keeping…I’m staying as is and that’s a part of my life that I don’t want compromised anymore than my femininity.
We get tickets to see Fast Five that Vin Diesel movie and I don’t really go for the junk food and we both get water over the pop they have there and…okay that’s a rip off since if you order water they won’t pour you water from the pop fountains they sell you a bottle of water…and it’s over three dollars.
Sorry I don’t usually buy water.
It’s something I don’t really believe in.
But I do get us the biggest tub of popcorn to share and we get some good seats and those I like. It’s a pretty new theater and it has really comfy seating and stuff.
It’s a good movie and we both munch away and we sort of dish about the men in the movie. The Rock and Paul Walker are my faves I like Vin too but he’s just not my type sexually though he’s got that edge in this that I like in movie stars.
Emily admits that there are some nice looking girls in the movie and that the german girl is hotter than the one playing Dom’s sister but that none of them were as hot as Michelle Rodriguez.
We both so have a crush on her.
Which came out as a topic right around the credits and she’s sort of blushing and looking at me and I smile and look at her and I lean over the seat and slide my hand to Emily’s face and I kiss her.
The first one’s a bit slow and tentative and I get a little stiffy and nipple hardening at the way she takes the whole surprised sexual intake of breath and then we kiss again and she’s much more into it.
We actually kiss until the film stops rolling and the house lights turn on and when we break the kiss there’s a few people that stayed behind too apparently watching us making out.
Both of our breasts are sporting very pointy and hard nipples and we are getting looks all the way through the place and while there might have been a few semi dirty looks there’s more just didn’t care…or grins and stuff.
Seriously I love Canada and the west coast, as much as Ontario thinks it’s cool really outside of like Toronto and maybe Ottawa and a few other places it’s kind of racist and redneck in a lot of places. I went to school in one of the smaller cities/towns and I grew up hearing fag or dyke and chink or kyke or paki…paki was big home, any one of middle eastern or further eastern decent got paki.
The only think they seemed almost afraid to say was the N word.
And heaven help you if you were Native American…That meant that you were dirty and lazy and either a drunk or on drugs or all of the above.
I’m not saying that doesn’t happen out here but at the same time it really doesn’t happen like it does home either.
And the fact that we’re holding hands got looks from a couple of other same sex couples at the show as we were leaving and they joined hands too well two other couples did and that was kind of cool.
We get back to the bike and it’s late but I take us for a drive just to go for a drive and its nice driving at night on a motorcycle as long as you’re careful and its right around midnight when I get her home.
I help her off the bike and walk her to her door.
“Thanks Emily this was a really great night.”
“I’m the one that should be thanking you Jamie that was actually the best date that I’ve ever been on.”
“Good.” I smile at her and she blushes some but she looks me in the eyes.
“I mean it. I wasn’t really expecting to have a date like this…the kind of guy that’d ask me out was one I’d either settle for or wouldn’t do stuff like this.”
“Don’t Settle Emily; please just never settle you’re worth more than that.”
She’s staring at me really intently and her eyes have that almost tearful shimmer.
“Really…? I’ve never felt like that….”
“Yes really you’re smart and funny and pretty.”
“I’m not pretty.”
“Yes you are, I think you are and that’s what matters to me not some bullshit that no one can be.”
“You can.”
“I’m had surgery and I work out and I wear make-up. Trust me Emily I’m not anywhere near perfect there’s mornings that I roll out of bed looking like a skinny troll doll.”
“I’d still take it.”
“If you did you wouldn’t be you and I like you.”
“I like you too…” She bites her lip and I wait until she stops and I lean in and I kiss her again.
It doesn’t take as long to get back into the whole groove of us kissing and we even get to the whole light touches and petting and even slide down to sit together kissing on the porch of her house and we touch each other…soft places, breast teasing touches and hips and waists and she’s rubbing my definite stiffy and we’re doing that for a long while until we hear giggling behind the front doors.
We break the kiss and Emily is really blushing but getting up.
“I should, we should…”
“Okay, you have my number and I have yours so I want to stay in touch okay?”
“Okay…and would you really be okay with just home and a movie date?”
“Definitely.”
“Okay…I’ll call you.”
“Good.”
I kiss her lightly yet sweetly one more time before she slips inside and I hear the place burst into girl talk and giggles and I think someone squealed.
They might be up awhile.
I get on my bike and wave to the house and start off again and head home but I stop in at the local Boston Pizza and I send a cheese and a veggie and a pepperoni pizza to their house and I write myself on the boxes.
“Have fun dishing with the girls, thanks for the awesome date….and I sign my name.”
Yes there is part of this that wants to give Emily something to brag about. Even make the other girls jealous a little?
I head home and yeah it was a good night, not we didn’t hook up but it was worth way more than just the sex with her tonight. I’m actually really good with that too and I wipe down the bike with a shammy before I lock up and head upstairs and…yeah a bubble bath would just be the right thing tonight after all of this.
Chapter 40…
*Alex…………
I had a lot of thinking to do.
I mean I knew what I had to do but then there was how was I going to go about telling everyone?
I ended up walking around some of the afternoon on campus and I still went to my classes because Jamie and Sasha wouldn’t be remotely happy about me not doing so or me doing my best. They were really big on that sort of thing which was kind of cool since stuff like that was one of the things that I did need to work on.
If I was good at being a student then I wouldn’t have needed to get here by a sports scholarship.
I even walked through some of the shops and stuff near campus and window shopped. I was honestly interested in a lot of the things in some of the shops that sold stuff for women.
I really do want this.
I skipped out on supper at the food hall and went back to mine and Jeff’s room and I longed a bit and I went online and played around at world of Warcraft and started making new characters. I hadn’t played in awhile and now starting over I was making a couple of female characters this time around I made a paladin to tank around with for the alliance.
I just kind of messed around until I got bored with things and then went and lay down on my bed and just listened to music until Jeff showed up.
He came in and looked at me and I looked at him and he gives me one of his smiles and drops his stuff here and there then sits on the bed beside me.
“You okay? You weren’t around at supper.”
“Yeah I think so I just had stuff to think about.”
“Oh?”
“I wasn’t going to do anything before talking with you though.”
“With me why?”
“I wanted to give you safe distance.”
“Huh?”
“Safe distance so you could get away from me?”
“Why would I want to get away from you?”
“Because I’m going to come out.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah a very big Oh.”
“Yeah….” He’s gone quiet and he’s chewing at his lip.
“Jeff?”
“Uhm…yeah?”
“You don’t have to stay; I’d more than get it.”
He’s looking at me.
“I’m not going to stop being you’re friend but maybe we better stop.”
It…it hurts, I knew it really could happen I mean it’s sort of gay sex and he doesn’t want that label on him when I come out. But part of me was really; really hoping that he’d…yeah what the hell was I thinking right?
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying and I nod a few times until I can find my voice. “Yeah that might be a good idea Jeff I mean there might be a lot of fallout from this.”
He nods but he gets off the bed.
I knew that this might happen and we were good or I thought that we were good but good sometimes doesn’t cut it when it comes to society and what people will think of stuff like this or people like me.
I really thought that I was prepared for how much that this would hurt but really I was nowhere close to actually getting just how bad that this would feel. I’ve known Jeff for a couple of months, we’re room mates and we got along really great and then I discovered myself and came out to him and we started sleeping together. It was more than just having sex too…or it was for me and honestly this was the best relationship of my life even if it was in the closet the whole time.
I’m just hurting to bad and it’s just now too awkward and too quiet to stay here and I get up from my bed and….
Fuck it I grab my bathroom bag and some clothes to get changed into and I go and take a shower.
I’m not hiding tonight since I’m coming out. I turn some music on my phone some Nora Jones and I shower but I go through the whole thing as I get rid of what little stray hairs there will be with some Veet. You don’t need the skin searing full blast amounts to just do maintenance I wash and condition my hair and I towel it up and I come out of the shower and I get a seat on one of the chairs after drying off and doing some lotion and powder.
A communal bathroom in a college house is sort of like a mini locker room minus the lockers and everything has a couple of stalls and a big set of double sinks with make up mirrors and stuff we’re co-ed and usually guys don’t spend too much time here. Usually but there are the preening types though.
Two different guys come in and they give me numerous WTF? Looks and stuff but they don’t say anything as I do my nails and my toes and there’s a couple of girls that come in too and Tara Sweet is the first one to say anything to me.
“Alex?”
“Hi.”
“Costume party?”
“Nope I’m coming out.”
“Really!?”
“Yeah I just can’t keep living as someone I’m not.”
She’s looking at me. Looking me all over and my things all over. “You’re transsexual?”
“Yes, well close enough…I’m a girl.” I pat my chest over my heart.
“You’ve been acting different now that I kind of think about it.”
“Different?”
“Actually quieter and maybe more thoughtful acting?” She’s sort of wincing as she’s talking in that cringe of I don’t want to offend kind of way.
I give her a smile and a nod. “I’ve had a lot to think about.”
“I bet, I mean it’s not like I can really imagine what it’s like so…”
“Well you’re not screaming at me and calling me a pervert or a faggot and stuff so I’ll take it as a win.”
“Hey just because I’m a straight girl doesn’t mean I’ll be a bitch to people for being different.”
“Honestly Tara that’s kind of a relief.”
“Need any help?”
I look at her and while I’m learning things from Sasha and Jamie this is more than just lessons this is an open offer form a genetic girl and one of the cuter girls actually in the house to hang out and get dressed up.
“Sure.”
“Bring your stuff and come to my room we’ll have more privacy there.”
“What about your room mate?”
“Penny’s pretty cool I think she’s friends with a whole bunch in the LGBT thing here on campus.”
I’m nervous seriously nervous but I nod. “Okay.”
I get my robe on around me and I go with her upstairs getting looks from everyone that we pass in the halls on the way and Tara’s giggling and laughing at me and my attempts to go up the stairs with my toes having the cotton between them.
“Alex just forget it we’ll redo it once we get to my room.”
“Oh good because I am not ready for this yet.”
“Alex no girl does the pediwalk gracefully.”
We both get a laugh out of it and we get to her room and we stop. “I’m just going to give Penny a heads up okay?”
“Yeah…that might be a good idea…” Tara looks at me and she bites her lip and slips in and I can’t really hear what’s being said inside but it takes like a whole five seconds so I’m not thinking that it’s a really bad thing.
Tara opens the door and lets me in and her room mate is sitting on the end of her bed in UBC seat pants and a over sized tee-shirt with her hair wet and these big glasses on and I sort of know her to see her around.
“Hey Penny.” I say slipping to my femme voice which makes Tara’s eyes get a little big.
“Hey.” She doesn’t really look up as she’s playing Halo and she’s right in the middle of kicking butt.
Tara’s like. “Oh whoa so that’s what you sound like normally?”
“No…yes, it’s supposed to be my normal voice but I’m unlearning stuff and learning how to say things right.”
“Wow…well I suppose I’d never be able to convincingly speak guy so…”
I nod.
“Okay c’mere and let’s get started girl.”
That makes me smile.
She sits me down at her desk which is closer to her make-up table more that anything she’s using for classes and we start going through my things and I get dressed. The panties are the embarrassing part and getting the tuck just right and slipping them on in front of them.
Tara’s watching sort of fascinated and Penny doesn’t even pay attention really both Tara and I might as well not even be there really. Not that I blame her I still sort of play video games and she’s really good way better than me and it’s sort of cool that she is.
I guess that seeing her sort of shattering a stereotype too actually makes me more comfortable.
My bra isn’t as big a deal though I’m getting points for matching undies and I slip the inserts in and already I feel better more me. I know it’s just clothes but girl-Alex is pretty new so she needs, I need all the support I can get even if it’s just from the clothes.
We go over my stuff and my make up and Tara’s doing a running commentary on my cosmetics and most of it is very approving.
“Well I had help.”
“Oh who?”
“Jamie Blake.”
“Oh her.”
“Oh her?”
“No I didn’t mean anything by it. I just don’t really know her passed all the rumors.”
“Don’t believe the rumors Tara, Jamie’s actually really nice and sweet and a real stand up person.”
“Actually that’s what I heard. There a bunch of people that really don’t like her but a whole bunch of those are jealous chicks.”
“I know, she deserves better.”
Tara nods. “She’ll not likely get it though…some people just want to hate.”
Penny actually pauses the game to get herself a bottle of water and now she’s looking at me a little. “She’s popular and just being herself and that makes the douche-bag crowd scared. They’ll try and tear down anyone like that because if the attention’s on them then they might not notice just how fake the haters are being.”
She looks at me again. “You’ll get shit too Alex people get squirrely over stuff like that.”
I’m sort of looking down thinking about everything to come and about Jeff.
“I know…I was seeing someone and we just broke up because I told them that I’m coming out.”
Tara actually comes and sits with me and hugs me. I lean into it and let her, it feels good to be hugged and I can’t actually remember the last time I was….oh…yeah in bed with Jeff. (sniffle.)
She shakes her head. “Assclowns….” And she goes back to her game. “Look Alex you seem good enough a person to me so if you want someone to back you up just give me a shout.”
“You’d do that? You don’t know me really.”
“Like I said you see okay, prove me different then I’ll treat you like you don’t deserve respect. Be cool and we’ll be cool everyone deserves that.”
“I might need it. I was planning on coming out to the house since I have to live here and stuff….and I have to do the same thing with the team.”
Tara looks at me. “Oh…yeah you’re here on a sport scholarship. Are they going to let you keep it?”
“Yeah they can’t take it from me because I’m trans, but it’s only right to come out to the team and stuff and give them the chance to get used to it and stuff…hopefully they won’t freak out and not want to be on the ice with me.”
Tara hugs me and she looks at me. “So what was the plan tonight?”
“Actually I was going to take my laptop and just go somewhere for coffee and surf the internet for awhile.”
“You tell Jeff?”
“Yeah…he knows now.” I’m not going to out him with the fact that we were together.
“He freak out?”
“No but it just got too awkward.”
Tara’s looking at me and then at my clothes and smiles. “Okay, well that’s not too bad but how about we get dressed up and go out and just hang out for awhile and stuff.”
I look at her…swallow. “Okay…where?’
“In town, maybe get something to eat maybe some movies to watch hit the student union.”
“I…I don’t pass.”
“Pfft.” Penny says and turns off her game after saving. “Passing is bullshit I know girls that don’t ‘pass’ all that passing shit is just you getting caught up in the standards of beauty that the rest of us are stuck with.”
Penny looks at me kind of critically. “Dressed you’ll look fine actually I mean you’re not going to be looking for a guy tonight right?”
“No…definitely not I don’t need that right now.”
Tara kisses my forehead. “That’s my girl right there you’re just like the rest of us!”
I blush and we hug again.
Penny’s opening her closet. “We’ll all go there’s safety in numbers and not just from the physical bullshit but it’ll burn in pack acceptance with you being with us.”
I nod and look at her. “Anthropology?”
She grins. “Yeah shows does it?’
I nod just a little.
We get dressed and we’re not getting dressed up fancy but I’m wearing some nice girl jeans from American Eagle and a nice sort of dusky yellow top with a scoop neck and Tara lends me some girly odds and ends like bangles and bracelets and a necklace and a ring or too nothing major but I am totally without even the girl’s simple mall jewelry.
It actually makes quite a difference and so does the ballet flats too that are popular here with the girls for just going around in.
A little make-up and I’m looking way less guy that I though I would and actually the pretty side of girl plain.
Me…not all lace and silk and stuff like when we’re doing lessons or some of the other things but just me Alex, the real Alex.
Tara wears close to the same thing but she goes with a top with a plunging neckline to show off her great boobs and her lacy check out my boobs bra and Penny she pulls off her top…she was not wearing a bra and she has a very, very nice pair of big full D-cup breasts and she get’s a bra on without freaking at all about me being there and being… and then she sprays herself down with secret deodorant and puts her shirt back on and combs her hair out before putting it in a pony tail and that’s it she slips her feet into sneakers and she’s done. No make up and just herself.
My heart went a little dubstep though.
We head out as a trio and we’re getting looks and oh…Penny has a car. It’s an old red Kia but we all get in and we just start driving around…that’s more fun than I thought…and I’m surprised since I did this with friends as a guy in high school but I never really thought of what girls would do while they drove around.
Okay the music is different with Penny playing a CD she burned but I like the songs even if I never really listened to the bands.
I never knew that girls sang along to stuff like that 500 miles song by those brit guys.
It’s more fun than I expected that I would have had after stuff with Jeff.
We eventually go someplace first to Tim Horton’s for drive through coffee and then stopping at Kodiak Video and we go in to check out if there’s anything to rent.
But outside of the house?
I’m not getting that many looks.
Okay…just maybe okay.
Absinthe, Opium & Honor…Chapters 41 & 42.
*Emily…………
I get inside the house and close the door my pulse hammering in my ears and through the rest of me. I’m hot…and jeez…I ache, I’ve never been so wet before in my life. I see the girls have been waiting up but right now… right now I need.
“I..I’ll be down in a bit I need to get changed.”
I make my way to my room and get in and close the door and lean on the wall.
My shirt comes off and I shimmy out of my pants and let it all pool to the floor as I shrug out of my bra.
Oh fuck that feeling as I’m braless mixed with the ache they have from Jamey’s hands. I have big breasts and I have big sensitive breasts and Jamie left me aching. God she did the right thing. I mean we don’t know each other well enough but making out…her being that guy forward and yet so completely unlike a guy…any guy.
Not that I’ve ever known that…the three guys that had sort of talked to me in high school…two were pigs and one was playing a joke on the fat girl.
But Jamie, Jamie was mannerly, sweet, honest, kind, and passionate and I can’t get the feeling of her hard on pressed into my thigh held back by sexy cute jeans and some very likely hot panties.
Oh I can still smell her perfume too and it’s so good, so not the cheap shit either.
Her cock.
I slip my fingers into my soaked slit and start to feel and probe and rub…her cock…Jamie…me…perfume…her mouth on my breasts. My hips pump and flex wanting more of my fingers.
Oh…oh fuck I’m biting my lip, I haven’t been this hot in months…no…ever because this was someone real…a real life person instead of some wet dream fantasy.
“Emily are you okay?”
Molly, the girl on the other side of my wall comes in.
Oh shit I didn’t lock my door.
“I….” Well what can you say with you’re hand shoved in your vagina flushed and nearly there.
Molly closes my door and locks it. “Oh fuck good date? Can I watch?”
“Molly!”
She blushes really red and she’s really a cute girl, skinny in that naturally skinny way and sandy brown hair and glasses. She’s wearing a tee-shirt and her university sweats. She’d be actually considered hot but she has a sort of almond leaf shaped birthmark on the right side of her face, not huge but about a centimeter wide and two long…more than enough to have her get slammed for it in high school and avoided here too.
She bites her lip and she looks me over lingeringly then into my eyes. “Can I join you?”
“Join me?” I’m flustered as hell and I was sort of getting out of the zone but when she said that my horny brain went Oh…tell me more…I feel my clit stiffen at the thoughts and my nipples get hard.
Oh fuck is this the college lesbian experience that you read about all the time?
I nod…shit what am I doing but I nod and rub myself in front of her slowly.
Molly comes over and moves my hand from my breasts and she smiles. “God Emmy you have the best tit’s I’ve ever seen.”
“Really?” Yeah I’m stacked but I’m fat too.
“Really.”
Molly takes both her little hands and she cups or tries to and feels my breasts and she suckles on them…it’s the first hot wet mouth that has ever touched me there and the burst of sensations floods me and I shove my hand harder and deeper into my pussy.
I cum with someone, in front of someone for the first time in my life. She squeezes my boobs as I’m cumming and suckles hungrily, greedily and It makes me cum harder…my knees are getting weak and I’d have slid down my wall if Molly hadn’t guided me over to my bed and we fall into it.
I’m panting and staring at her and she’s staring at me and straddling me. God she really does weigh next to nothing.
Molly reaches up and pulls her tee shirt off and she’s not wearing a bra and…and I don’t know I’ve been in changing rooms lots but Molly straddling me with her small pert breasts is so erotic.
“Fuck Molly you’re hot.”
“I am?” She looks honestly surprised and oh boy do I so know that feeling.
“Yeah…” I don’t really know what to say since I’m so new to this but I sit up and take a nipple in my mouth and cup her other boob and squeeze it gently but firmly in my other hand and she gasps…moans…squirms.
Oh…Oh I did that?
I come up from her breast and I kiss her hungrily and she kisses me back and our chests are pressed together and holy…breasts touching breasts….soft skin, the way she smells…fuck when did hot wet girl smell so good?
Molly’s hand sinks down into my pussy and my breath catches in my throat.
“Oh…uh…M..Molly…” I exhales and sigh her name as I end up lightly biting her shoulder. “F..ff..fuck..”
I’m the only one who’s ever touched my pussy and the feeling of someone else…and Molly’s slender fucking me fingers…I hunch into her and hang on and I can’t help but ride my pussy onto her sweet hand.
“You like Emmy…”
“Y..yeah…fuck Moll it’s good, so fucking good…fuck me Molly…fuck me…”
I’ve always wondered in a just sort of curious way how two girls fucked but trust me Molly’s fucking me…
I can feel her shift her hand so I’m impaled the full length of my slit by her middle three fingers…it’s not deep by she’s hitting my clitty hard and every time it dragging over all the contours of her fingers as they stretch me and fill me wide.
Her arm and wrist moves with my hips and I cry out as she fucks me hard into another cum.
“Molly…Molly…Molly…”
“Fuck Emmy, God you’re hot, I wanted to do this since the first night after you moved in and seen you in that tight fucking nightshirt….”
I respond by kissing her hard for a few minutes. “You…you should’ve said…”
“I’m…I’m not pretty enough for you Emmy…”
(Gasp.) “Bullshit, that’d be me.”
“No, no you’re real and big and warm and so fucking sexy.”
“Sexy fucking skinny waif…” I can’t stand it I send my hand down her sweats and under her panties.
She’s so damned wet.
And tight…I’ve never done this before but my fingers know where to dance. How to touch…I find her clitty and Molly shivers and moans. “Emmy..oh fuck…Emmy I..I didn’t know…I didn’t know it’d be like this.”
“What…”
“I’m not out…you’re my first…”
“Shit…me too…”
We look at each other and smile and giggle then kiss passionately…deeply falling over to my bed and keep kissing and sucking on our breasts and fucking each other.
I’m not gay, lesbian I know I still like men but now, now I have no idea what gay haters are so afraid of…what freaked me out when I was in high school and seen lesbian porn in my dad’s den…girl on girl.
I get it now.
And the smell of sex but not just sex but the way Molly’s skin smells as she cums. The sounds she makes, the way that she moves. It’s beautiful , it’s more than beautiful and she makes me cum again and again until we’re done and sweat soaked and panting and we snuggle close and naked.
“Molly?”
“Y’hmm.”
“Why me?”
“I told you I was so crushing on you since I’ve seen you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, I think you’re sexy Emily.”
“Me?”
“Yeah why not you?”
“I’m fat?”
“I don’t care, you’re healthy, you’re not a stick like me…you have these amazing curves and I love your smile.”
I nuzzle into her face. “Thank you, just…I’ve never seen myself that way.”
Molly turns her face away. “Em…don’t…”
“What?”
“It’s…you don’t have to…I’m no prize.”
“Molly, you’re fucking beautiful.”
“No, no I’m not.”
“Yes you are, that doesn’t matter to me. I like it actually.”
“Like the blotch?”
“Yeah, it looks like a leaf.”
“A leaf?”
“Yes like on a birch tree or something.”
“It does?” She turns her head to look at me and I reach up and touch it.
“Yes, it’s kinda like an elf mark.”
“Elf mark?”
“Uh-huh you know what elves are right?”
“Yeah c’mon you know this is Hermione House right?”
It’s kind of called that because we’re like the odd women out house with all these geekette girls. It’s been that way for awhile I guess safety in numbers and out here at UBC there is a whole student body of student lovelies.
“Well then you have an elfin birthmark, that’s why you’re so lithe and sleek and sexy.”
“Emmy…”
We’re kissing again and then there’s a knock at my door.
“Uhm Hello?”
“Emily, there’s pizza here for you!” One of the girls calls out.
“Pizza?” I’m looking at Molly and she shrugs. “Wasn’t me but I could eat.”
I blush and she gets it and giggles and blushes too.
“I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
I kiss Molly again. “So now what?”
“I…I’m not out Emmy…I’m not sure I’m ready…”
“It’s okay…I get that, I do heck I’m not sure of what I’m going to do either but I’m glad you were my first.”
“You’re my first too…”
“You’re my first anything Moll.”
“Same here.”
We kiss again and I grab my robe and open my window and light a stick of sandalwood incense and give the room a blast of my can of Secret in the air and I head out to the hall bathroom and get a shower.
What the fuck happened tonight?
Honestly I don’t mind but A date, then lesbian sex with a really sweet sexy amazing girl…and I’m still just flooded with this amazing hormonal flood of afterglow and a good night…a good date and having real proof that I’m not the girl I thought that I was but I’m actually okay being the woman that I am.
God a little bit of self worth feels amazing.
I get out and dried and changed into a sexy pair of panties and a night shirt…one of my dad’s actually an old black big Harley shirt that comes to my knees. I head down meeting Molly in the hall who’s also freshly showered and still just kind of glowing and flushed in a good way.
We smile at each other and It’s…
We both have someone know we can smile like that about.
That’s so cool.
We go into the main TV room where the pizzas are at and the largest room of the house and the girls are there hanging out and lounging most of the ones that were hanging around when Jamie picked me up and they’re looking like they want details.
I grin from ear to ear. “You want me to dish right?”
There’s some nods but some blushes and smiles. Molly grabs a seat. “Heck yeah we don’t have lives y’know.”
“Okay, okay…” I go to the pizza boxes. “Who paid?”
Rachel says. “Already paid for the guy said.”
I move one of the boxes and see the note scrawled on the lid of one of the boxes.
“They’re from Jamie, for all of us to eat while we talk…”
I bite at my lip…okay that’s just…
There’s a couple of sighs.
I nod. “Yeah, sigh the entire date was so like that…”
We gather together and I sit and we all start eating and I start telling them about my date but I start at the whole scene at the food hall.
*Jamie…………
I had such a good night and honestly I was kind of having the nicest yet oddest of moments. I’m a girl, I’m not a standard girl but I’m a girl but tonight out on a really great date with Emily I felt closer to my dad than I felt since.
So nice and it’d been so long too.
I make a snack with some blue berries in a pot with some butter and a little brow sugar and a few torn up bits of basil and a shot of brandy and let it simmer while I make myself a few drinks of absinthe and run my hot bubble bath while listening to Nora Jones cranked loud on my stereo.
Such a good buzz going and I turn off my compote and soak and drink and sing while I full on spa night pamper myself.
My hair conditioning and my face in a mud mask and bubbles all around me and I swear I feel my soul settle.
I stay in until the water’s cold and I get a bit of a chill going before I unplug the tub and rinse off with the shower and I’m not cold enough to get sick but just right to get all snuggly with my bed.
I get my laptop and my compote and some bread and butter and unsweetened Greek yogurt which kind of makes it like a kind of good for you cheating cheesecake. I’m going over my e-mails and stuff when I see this pop up.
[Message to Jamie.
My boss told me that your brief stay with us at the unit has put you on the road to full recovery. I have been taking some mental health days off so I have not been at work to know this. I did not know I needed to reboot my life onto a more harmonious path than when we met and my very nice boss told me to go live my life for a while.
So having some time available I want to say thank you for your selfless boost in that direction. People have the bad habit in not saying thank you enough to the people around them that affect there lives for the better. You were that zen pebble in my pond that has rippled out touching so much of my life.
In my time off I have started to pursue my secret passion of singing and from a chance encounter at a Karaoke contest I met a wonderful women who owns a small studio where she has generously offered to help me to develop my voice. We sung against each other then with each other and a great time was had by all some one even put our performance up on You Tube under the Unexpected Divas Concert. For some reason I can’t fathom I won that night and that has set off a chain of events that is pushing me out of the ditch I was living in and onto a path of growing again.
There is so much to tell that I can’t write it all down. If it is not to presumptuous of me to ask if we could meet for coffee maybe at your collage coffee shop so I can share them with you No strings attached. I was hoping that this was good neutral ground in a public place where we can just chill and get to know one another.
Huggles
Michele
Wolf mama 0104 @ Icelander.com]
I smile at the e-mail letter and after that time that we spent together that one night in the hospital it just seems so Michelle. An e-mail that’s literally like a letter.
Y’know I can see her trying to say all of that in that semi-shy sweet way about her with her getting out what she was trying to say in this ramble.
She was really sweet that way.
I start typing to respond.
[Hi Michelle.
It’s Jamie and I just got your wonderfully sweet e-mail. I’m blushing right now with all those nice things that you’ve said in your letter/e-mail. Honestly you helped me too being with a nice and caring and sweet person like you got my head away from all the trauma and the pain of being flight tested.
I ca actually see you being a good singer you know, though I don’t know what you like I can see you very much like s sort of Stevie Nicks singer and a definite on the Fleetwood Mac thing.
We should meet, get together okay? We can do lunch or go for coffee or something?
You like Sushi? I know a few places.
Write me okay? I should go I’ve got some blueberry compote dripped onto my boobs from my midnight snack. You ever notice that the better something tastes the more you end up wearing?
Great Big Hugs.
Jamie Blake.]
I don’t put my e-mail addy on there since she’s already got it and I smile and use my finger to clean up my gloppy bit of blueberry and switch over to Facebook for awhile.
I get several pretty quick responses from Michelle back.
[Message to Jamie 2
Thank You for that closing visual, it livens up my week every time I think about it. Let us start with coffee then move on to what ever temptations our tummy's after. I would really love to spend some relaxing time with you no pressures may be on a week end. We will pick where you can pick when.
chow for now he he he.
Michele]
Okay the way she wrote out the little laugh was cute. I respond back writing.
[Have you been to campus? We have a great little spot here and we can get coffee or tea and we can walk around and I'll show you around then we can go for a bite to eat. And my weekends are usually free so maybe next weekend?
LOL definitely chowing now :)
Big Hugs
Jamie.]
[Message to Jamie 3
Yes I know the campus reasonably well. We use your facilities for out disaster preparedness drills
The last time we did this one of the Student wanted to propose to her boyfriend but then sneaked in as a mummified victim. He was an EMT our hospital and super brave, but he screamed like a little girl when she garbed his hand and proposed from the gurney.
Let's say noon-ish at the coffee shop next Saturday. Do you like to shop thrift stores I need to upgrade my wardrobe.
PS
I love Fleetwood Mac Stevie Nicks and Christine McVie are fantastic writers and performers. There music has a sense of inner soulfulness and truth in there works.
Huggles
Michele]
Actually that sounds like it would have been fun. I wonder if they’re doing another one this year. Playing with fake blood or getting done up like one of the wounded would be kind of fun. Well now we have plans made so I send back to her one more e-mail.
[LOL you didn't know this but I run a re-used and re-made clothing shop. That sounds like a plan for sure since I'm always looking for new things for my store. Hey if you have a turn-table we can look for some vinyl while we're shopping.
Huggles back see you Saturday!
Jamie.]
I smile as I look at the messages back and forth between us. I like Michele (I thought it was 2 L‘s but only one it seems.)… she comes across as herself even in her e-mails. And I like how she sort of makes them very much like getting a letter. It’s nice getting to actually know some stuff about her from her.
Other than she was a sweet loving girl that was able to be with me despite things and get my head out of that whole place I was in.
No…seriously she took a work risk being with me and she was shy and careful and got me on those first few steps out of that dark post assault place in my head.
When you’re hurting and in a hospital bed and you wake yourself up by repeating the sound of your own bones breaking…that really sucks and messes with your head.
I definitely want to get to know her better and be friends or better friends at least because we really just didn’t hook up in the hospital. She did her job but in a much more holistic way…she was Michele and the first thing I’ll ever think of her as will be kind.
And it’s kind of nice to have some plans for this coming weekend. Heck even if Jax lands ashore he can take the time to crash here while I’m out since I can’t see him getting a whole lot of good sleep on a boat in deep water.
Then again, I’m from central Ontario I’ve barely ever been out on a little hobby boat before.
I log off with a long relaxed sigh then head to bed.
I really should ride my bike more before winter sets in. Okay it’ll be a Vancouver winter but still.
And it would be nice to actually go out on the water here too there’s so much sailing and boating around here.
Mostly though I’m thinking it might be nice to have someone here right now in bed with me tonight. Ian, Jax…or maybe something softer and curvy and sweet?
Hmmm…tomorrow will be Sunday, no classes and nothing else to really do I might just relax
Chapter 42
*Alex…………
I’m still a little nervous being out with Penny and Tara but it’s actually really very liberating too. If I don’t “Pass” people aren’t saying it and I get the occasional stare but that’s more from other girls than it is from the guys.
Friends are a good camouflage
I’m not just totally goofing off with them but looking for help wanted signs too while we’re just well goofing off.
Once I’m out, I’ll be out and sooner or later that’s going to hit home and then the shit will hit the fan and I am pretty sure that what help I am getting from my folks and likely the odd cheque or two from my relatives for like the holidays will vanish.
I’m going to need a job and hopefully something that can fit into my classes, even though my classes might change…hell if things go bad with the team then I might just lose my scholarship too.
It’s not fair if the fact I’m going to transition will put some of the other players off and they won’t want me on the team. It’s not right that they might feel that way and it’d suck but at the same time. It’ll affect the team if they’re forced to have me playing when I’m not wanted really.
Alright I’m seriously going to need to step up my practicing and training by myself and stuff to see if I can get better. I mean if I can get better then I might have a better shot at proving to the guys that I’m good enough.
Though…I wonder if post op transwomen are allowed to play like for the Canadian national women’s team?
Wouldn’t that be something.
Yes I’m actually considering full transition unlike Jamie and Sasha. Don’t get me wrong I don’t crave it or hate my guy bit though it’s kind of embarrassing to me a little. But watching Tara and penny and seeing the way that they move and the way that they are…just are and the way that their clothes hug their bodies especially there has me wondering if really that’s not the way that I should be going?
I mean I’m living like that now or I’m starting to and there is the sexual aspect of it.
No not this whole kinky I want a pussy so I can have all the cock that I supposedly want. Well I do like that but it’s entirely unrelated to the other reasons that I might want to do this.
I am very sure that I am a girl at heart now that I’m doing this. I mean I guess little stuff like sort of those what if thoughts were there pretty much always and I honestly thought that most people actually wondered about being in some other genders shoes.
I never thought that I was gay and I think, I think I still kind of like girls too but it’s the Jeff thing.
Ow…it still hurts and sucks that we’re quits and that he thought that we’d be better off this way. Well we are or rather I am because if that was the way that he felt even if we went together on the sly I’d just be a booty call.
And while I like sex, really like sex.
Those sorts of few moments when we weren’t fucking and were still alone together were very good. I think I liked actually being a girl friend.
And maybe being post op might be easier to be and get into a relationship?
But maybe not either?
Why maybe not?
I like what I get to do with that part of me with Jamie and Sasha…and then there’s other girls too.
Not Penny or Tara. I mean I could do that and look at them that way but honestly I don’t want to. I’m not saying that I’d say no if they offered but I’m really enjoying having female friends.
It’s very different as much as it’s so much like being out with the guys.
Okay with Penny a lot like.
She is a dyed in the wool gamer geek and she gets into this mind boggling conversation with this clerk at the video store as we’re looking at movies that has me left in the dust and while I’ve sort of been the jock in high school I’m still a bit of a geek too.
I play WoW.
She sooo leaves me in the dust.
I’m looking at Tara and she giggles. “She’s been like that as long as I’ve known her.”
“You knew her before this?’
“Nope, just since we ended up being roommates but Penny’s never really gone out of that girl geek thing.”
“There’s a lot of guys that like that these days.”
“I’ve never really seen her be all that social either or date at all.”
“Really?”
“Yeah she has like all of these weird test questions that guys have to answer right before she says that she’ll go out with them.”
“Okay…like what?”
“What’s the sexiest guy in Nintendo…I so don’t get that.”
“Me neither I never owned one.”
Tara’s passing me movie cases and a lot of them are chick flicks and honestly I’ve never really watched them before. I wasn’t really like the way that I am now when I was watching stuff and I’m trying to look at them with new eyes.
I’m trying to see the appeal and the sexiness of some of the male leads. I’m looking at The Notebook and remembering the girls home raving about in and how the guy from Breaker high is supposed to be all sexy and stuff and I’m just not getting it.
Penny’s there looking over my shoulder and she’s frowning. “Ewww Ryan Gosling.”
“You don’t think he’s cute?”
“Young Hercules, nope not at all.”
“Ick okay I was thinking Breaker high but yeah not for me?”
She’s really critical of a lot of the movies that we look at and Tara’s just as bad about the sci-fi stuff because it’s not romantic and it’s all just too…geeky.
I grab a few oldies. Practical majik, Say Anything and Clerks.
Tara’s looking at Clerks. “I’ve never seen this before….and it’s like seriously old like the one with that guy from the movie with Catherine Zeta Jones and Julia Roberts.”
“Clerks is awesome it’s a Kevin Smith movie.”
“A who?”
Penny rolls her eyes. “Tara it’s required watching like The Princess Bride.”
She blinks. “I’ve never see that one either.”
Okay I actually face palm with that one.
And Penny wisecracks. “Inconceivable.”
We’re both actually smiling and I grab the case for that too. “We’re so going to have to teach you about just what a cult classic movie is.”
“But I’m not a film student?”
Oh…
Well that’s, that’s an idea….
I wonder if I can switch next semester.
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 43 & 44.
Chapter 43
*Emily…………
I never, ever really though about myself as a lesbian before. I’m not really sure that I am either but after the long session of girl talk with the rest of the girls in the house about my night with Jamie and there was a lot to talk about like.
How great looking she is…actually most of us agreed on that even if there was a few of the girls that were kind of jealous.
Yeah jealous…I even admitted to it too. I’m a big girl; I’ve never been the skinny girl ever. Not even in like back as far as the first grade. I’ve done the diets and the binges and tried working out.
Okay going to the gym and stuff helped a lot but there is always these girls there that are the gym rats that make you feel like crap and that you’re some fatty invading your space. Hell even Curves back home was like that. It’s not supposed to be but it too was invaded as a women’s only gym they could go there without getting hit on.
That’s fine but they didn’t have to be the passive aggressive little bitches that they were. It’s the same almost everywhere that I’ve been. And if you’re not in shape…then it just takes something muttered some whisper here and there to take whatever momentum that you’ve built right out of your sails.
Here in the house we’re geeks, geeks and nerdy girls and skinny or big or whatever we’re not the pretty ones by far.
And then you have Jamie…five ten, long legs, C-cup boobs that are really proud and perky and a really nice butt plus she’s blonde and gorgeous…like seriously great looking she actually gives all the hot girls on campus a serious run for who’s the best looking.
And she was born a guy, and her gear still works.
But we talked about that and her at length but also about how she treated me on our date and how much of a woman she really is but too…just how much of a courteous date that she is too.
Like knowing the girl thing well enough that we’d be talking.
And being that kind of person that bought us all pizza.
Actually none of us had ever heard of anyone guy or girl doing that after a date.
It was a lot of serious cool.
Sigh.
And then there was Molly.
Molly who not that long ago I just had my very first lesbian encounter with and I know it’s like cliché stuff for girls in college and stuff but holy hot damned I could not keep myself from steeling glances at her the rest of the night.
I rubbed out a few orgasms in the night thinking of both of them but Molly a lot burying my face in my pillow to muffle the noises. I’ve never masturbated outside of my bedroom at home before and actually never since I was sixteen. It’s been like a year and a half since I did anything like this and even after the sex I had with Molly I hand-hump myself into three more waves of rushing pleasure before I was exhausted and fell asleep.
I’m really glad that I put down a towel.
And actually having someone actually real to have a fantasy about…wow…I’ve never had a jillingsworthy time that was so powerful before.
I see Molly in the hall as we’re doing the whole morning shower thing and I blush a lot more than I think I might have if I hadn’t touched myself and she does the same…she’s showered already but she was looking like she was basement bound with a load of her bed sheets.
I’m blushing harder and yet I’m smiling all the way to the shower and I am aroused and happy.
More happy than aroused.
It is a huge, huge thing to have someone actually attracted to me and not put off by me and I’m giddy, I’m happy and giddy of just having some self worth.
I’m even daring enough to get a good bra on for classes and wear a low cut blouse. Nothing like super sexy and racy but nice and it shows off my bust and my cleavage.
I do a bit with my hair for a change and even some make up.
There is nothing like feeling like a nobody to inflict a whole cloud of why bothers on you and the effect can bury you pretty quickly. Or like dark clouds you get rained on and depressed because of that feeling and you feel like you’re weighed down by life and the longer it goes on the more it saps stuff out of you.
I actually feel great today.
I go with some of the others and walk to campus and we head to the food hall and I’m getting looks. Not a lot but some and some of them…I think…I think might be like checking me out looks?
Me?
Wow…I…I don’t know how to take that really.
Rachel’s with me. “Wow Em, you’re kind of like popular.”
“What me?”
“Uhm…yeah I think.”
“Me…”
“Yeah…you.”
“Why?”
“Hot by affiliation?”
I look at her. Okay Rachel’s cute but she’s not that cute. I mean there’s nothing wrong with her but she’s kinda punk and it fits here and it doesn’t all at the same time. She’s a brunette but the bangs she has are dyed blonde and she has a few piercings okay a lot of piercings and she has tattoos.
Okay I like her tattoos, a girl with tatt’s freaked me out at first but she is sleeved? Both arms done and she has flowers and stuff even dandelions on there but she has Pooh and Tigger and Smurfette and yeah she has like thorns and stuff here and there but she also has like electric guitars and musical notes and she’s that much of a geek that she has the Tardis as one of her tattoos hidden in the foliage as well as a weeping angel.
She also has a tattoo for the Federation badge and one for the Klingon crescent sword thingy.
She blushes and gives me this purse lipped little hip bump. “No not me but like thanks a lot for being all skeptical about it.”
“Sorry.”
“Naw, it’s okay. I’m used to not being that girl. Guys see me and stuff and the back right off and usually I’m way too geek for the lesbian crowd too.”
“Okay…you’re into both?”
“I have no idea about the girls; there one or two I’ve met or seem that yeah maybe but I like guys for sure but….”
“But?”
“Most guys are complete assholes and I want someone brave enough to step up despite of myself and at the same time to not be some overconfident douche bag and actually get me.”
I nod. “I can get that, there’s definitely bad attention.”
Rachel looks at me.
“I have had no shortage of assholes either. Nail that fat chick she’ll be begging for it and then there’s all these guys that want to cum on my chest.”
I grin as Rachel does an orange juice spit take and she’s looking at my boobs. “Yeah…I can actually really, really see that…eeew. That’s as fucking bad as that whole facial thing.”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah I just want to take guys like that and finger flick mayonnaise in their faces and ask fun isn’t it?”
We both end up cracking up in like and I grin and I step up to get some food and there are some of the pretty bitches there doing their little thing but so is Jamie.
“Hey you, good morning.” She says it sweetly like she’s happy to see me and she does the hug thing and she smells good. And there’s this whole glow about her. And out of the blue to me and in front of everyone she gives me this light kiss.
And not on the cheek but on the lips.
Oh wow, screw the coffee.
She smiles and we move along the line and its Jamie she’s getting actually a good amount of food.
I start to do the same watching Jamie putting a lot of food on her plate. I’m getting yogurt and a banana and some Special K cereal and she’s getting granola and some yogurt too but blueberries and then some scrambled eggs and a lot of bacon and even some toast.
Rachel is getting pancakes and some more juice and that’s about it but she’s looking at Jamie’s bacon with longing. “How are you able to eat that without getting fat? Bacon’s not good for you y’know?”
“I know but I’m hungry I worked up an appetite this morning.”
“Oh yeah I’ve seen you running some times.”
“I run everyday usually, well most days in the week.”
“Oh so like what else?” Rachel asks and I’m interested too, like I’ve said Jamie is one of the prettiest girls on campus.
We go and we get a table and sit and Jamie gets a slice of bacon. “Well we break it up into different stuff so I did running today and yoga and then swimming but I do some other stuff usually before I go running.”
“We?” I ask.
“Well Alex and our teacher Sasha.”
Rachel asks. “What’s she teach?’
“How to be like I am?”
“Huh?”
“I take lessons, how to walk and talk and move and smile and cooking, dancing, clothes and sex.”
“Sex!” We both say it at the same time.
And Jamie looks at me matter of factly. “I like sex, I like sex a lot and while I don’t have a lot of partners I do actually have sex a lot and I want to be good at it.”
I’m trying to mull that over and Rachel is looking at her. “So you sleep around?”
“No…but I’ll sleep with whoever I want whenever I want.”
“So how many people have you slept with?”
“In my life?”
Rachel nods.
“Eight.”
Okay even I’m blinking in surprise. Look I’m no virgin but that seems like a kind of low number given some of the things that are sort of floating around Jamie.
Rachel asks. “That’s it?”
“Pretty much, but I’m still having sex with like half of them.”
“What?” We both exclaim.
“I don’t do one night stands even the one night stand I did have with a girl is something that I’d love to repeat. I like the people that I’m lovers with otherwise I don’t sleep with them.”
“And they’re good with that?” I ask. I’m not sure where my head is at with this whole thing.
She looks right at me. “Yes, the people I’m with get full disclosure about stuff like that but they also have to know that I don’t come with strings, I’m not a puppet.”
I look at her. “What about relationships?”
“I’d like to be in one sometime but to me a relationship is a big, big deal and something you just don’t leap into because people expect you to be in one.”
Rachel looks like she’s processing that. I start to eat. “That would so never fly back home.”
Jamie looks at me. “But it does.”
“Huh?”
“Oh sure it does but you’re not allowed to.”
“Like I said it’d never fly at home.”
“But it does with those girls.”
“Those girls?”
“The ones that are hot and they know it, the ones that you went to school with that got all the guys.”
“Jamie that’s stereotyping.”
“I know but you tell me how often the pretty but not up to that standard girls got to do that, date like that without getting slut shamed or teased and taunted until they stopped?”
I have to think about it a few minutes. There were some girls that did that, four or five but they did go out with the best of the high school guys…and if someone did go out with someone that it seemed they didn’t think that they approved of that girl had better watch out.
“Okay there were a few.”
“Right and these girls pretty much were never called sluts right? They were the popular girls and that was just that?”
“Yeah…”
“Most of them were doing what they wanted to…including being bitches enough to scare off anyone else that muffin in one the attention and the popularity and all the perks.”
“Perks?”
“Girls like that also like to score stuff from these guys, clothes, rides, anything the guy will pay for.”
“So you’re saying for sex.” Rachel asks. “Aren’t you saying shit about women now?”
“Yes I am, heaven forefend someone actually point out in these feminist days there are some women that do this, that there’s a lot of women who quantify men be material gain and then go for that gain like a guy is an ATM.”
“You sound biased against women.”
“I am a woman, I love being one but it doesn’t mean I won’t say what I think.”
“So a guy can’t pay?”
“Sure he can but there’s a huge difference between letting a guy pay because he asked you out than being a leech.”
“But if it’s like that then why do these guys want to even be with these girls.”
“The same way it sort of works here…sex…because few guys are going to turn down hot sex with a pretty girl and two she’s a pretty girl, so more guy points.”
“Guy points?”
“Yeah y’know dick measuring, which man is the better man. Women do it too…hell we do it to each other that’s why the pretty people seem to breed with each other. They look good together.”
“You’re joking.” I say but Jamie just gives me this serious look.
“You know it’s real.” She says.
Rachel looks at her. “Wow that’s kind of bleak.”
“Yes it is but it’s also not everyone. It’s why going to college is so great.”
We both are giving her a skeptical look. “Right….”
“No it is, see all the privileged kids that we went to school with are either in their white tower schools or eve if they’re here they’re not the kings and queens anymore. They’re here with their attitudes and guess what? So is every diva and guy that thinks he’s god. They’re just another face in the crowd. So they either quit because uhm life is hard or they get over themselves and try to be a human being or they are like those girls from the other day still doing the same cliquish bullshit here only they’re outnumbered.”
I look at her. “Wow…so never thought of it that way.” Rachel’s nodding and Jamie smiles and taps her temple.
“That’s high school programming. When I discovered who I really was a lot of that went out the window. I am going to do whatever I want, what makes me happy and not live to socially please a bunch of people with no impact in my life.”
Rachel laughs. “So one of those girls gets in my face then…?”
Jamie grins. “Ask her if she’s eating your pussy, No? Then she doesn’t get to have a say in your life.”
I have to stop eating or choke and we’re all laughing pretty hard which is getting us looks too.
It kind of hits too that some of them, some of them seem to be looking at me like I’m not supposed to have fun like this.
Before I’d think that I was being too loud and would shut up but…no one really is paying attention to us laughing except for some of that crowd that looks like they’re “special”….and my first thought was to quiet down.
I look at Jamie and she looks at me nodding. “See…and notice how they’re the minority? We don’t have to put up with it here, we don’t have to put up with it in life either. High school is over.”
I grin and eat and I look at her. “So classes today?”
“Nope just out to get out, I might slide by the library to do some stuff and study some too. It’s a nice day and I brought my books and stuff.” She sighs. “I just want one of those nice fall study Sundays.”
I nod. “I’m kind of doing the same thing except I have a French class I’m taking. They barely taught decent French in school home but you need to be bilingual in any kind of good paying job.”
She nods. “I’m taking some language classes online and even doing the sleep at night tapes too. My French is pretty good since I took the immersion classes but there days learning languages is a big deal. I’m doing okay in my German and Spanish but Arabic, Japanese and Chinese are a lot harder.”
Rachel chokes on her orange juice again. “Jeeze are you a genius?”
Jamie smiles. “Not even close, I try a different one each night and stuff but I just want to maybe travel and see places and be able to talk to people or even maybe get a job as a translator.”
“A translator?” I ask because I know they exist but I never thought about who’d do it seriously.
“Yeah…most get good jobs with international companies, some get tourism jobs and some even do diplomatic stuff but they usually travel and usually pay really well.”
“Really?”
“I’ve been looking at a cruise line to get on with for the summer and its sixteen dollars an hour and a staff cabin and meals so really little overhead.”
I’m blinking…that actually fits Jamie even stewardesses would likely pick up someone multi-lingual and there’s travel and they put you up wherever you end up.
“Wow I should try something like that.”
“You should.” Jamie says. “International experience is a great thing to have on a resume.”
“I thought you wanted to be an artist?” Rachel says.
“I do but who says I can’t be both? I want life experiences to paint, to get myself a collection built too before I even try and start my own gallery.”
“Your own gallery?” Rachel says a little shocked.
“Easier actually than trying to break into the art scene by getting into an established place without kissing ass and eating shit.”
I look at her. “You sound so together, like you have a plan.”
Jamie gets up. “Nope just things I want to do. I’m just being me no matter what and if people like me fine, if not fine too it’s a big world.”
“I like you.” I say it without thinking.
She smiles at me. “Thanks Emily I like you too.”
“You doing anything tonight?” I can’t believe I’m doing this but I want more Jamie. And I’m going for what I want.
“No plans, a friend might be coming home from being away but I have no plans set in stone.”
I bite my lip. “You want to do something tonight?”
“Are you asking me out on a date?”
I blush. “Yes.” I’m squeezing my hands so hard I can feel my rings digging in.
“I’d love to. How should I dress?”
“I never thought that far ahead….”
Jamie smiles and she leans down and kisses me softly and really nicely and I feel that happy yay girly boner starting. Yeah it’s that good a kiss and she’s that hot. Lesbian stuff or not…I’m not the girl that gets a kiss like that much less in public.
She breaks the kiss and tastes her lips and that settles it for me being aroused. No one in my life has done that and I…I love the way that feels.
“You have my number call me when you know. Rachel it was really sweet to meet you hopefully we’ll do this all again sometime.”
Rachel just nods and Jamie leaves moving with that sexy sway and I’m noticing looks. The nasty bitchy people and some of the hard core lesbian crowd are checking us out.
Rachel takes Jamie’s seat. “Shit…you just les-kissed in public.”
“I know, I mean it wasn’t like a heavy duty kiss but wow.”
“Your nipples are showing through your bra y’know.”
“I know…and yow…more.”
“More…?”
“Rachel…I asked someone out.”
“Yeah that was pretty rocking, that took some guts.”
“I know…and I have no idea what we’re going to do.”
“Shit…right, you asked her.”
“Yeah…” I can’t help it but I’m grinning. “So what do I do?”
Rachel grins. “To quote Jamie what you want to do.”
I finish with a sigh. “I’ll have to think about that. I have to get to class. See you after?”
“Yeah I’ll be over at the student union most likely.”
I leave with my things and drop off my tray then head to class. What kind of date do two girls do together on a Sunday night?
And then there’s the sexual thing.
I’m really turned on and a very big part of me wants to be the “Bad girl” and sleep with Jamie.
It’s scary and powerful since I’ve never been in sleeping distance of someone I really liked before.
I so don’t know what to do.
** Chapter 44**
*Alex………….
It’s outside the life I know and that’s kind of the point. I pay for the movies that we rented and we head out and stop at a grocery store one of the chain places because it’d cheaper and we go it and get snacks.
I’ve never seen anyone actually but ramen noodle cups as a snack before? And that mock crab stuff and a bag of coleslaw mix and another of that broccoli slaw mix and some mushrooms.
We head back to the house and up to their room and I look at them both. “Girls…thanks so much for this it really helps.”
Tara hugs me. “Hey break ups suck, and they hurt like hell.”
“It’s my first.”
She hugs me again. “Oh honey.”
I end up sniffing. “I really want this y’know, tonight being one of the girls. It means a whole lot right now.”
Penny looks over at me. “Hey, its okay friends are friends.”
“I might just have even less of those once I come out.”
They both look at me before Tara hugs me again. This time I hug her back and it feels good.
We start to watch movies and I’m snuggling into blankets with the girls as we watch DVD’s on Penny’s X-box and we make munchies.
Okay this one’s new on me but you take shrimp flavored ramen cups and you put into them some of the veggie mixes, the broccoli slaw and coleslaw about a good rounded fork full of each and then the hot water after you let it stand you take the imitation crab stuff and break it into the noodle broth and it gets the flavor of the soup mix added to it.
We go heavy on all the toppings but doing this you could feed like six people of just the stuff in the packages added to the noodle cups.
Okay it’s so not fancy food it’s dorm food but that’s almost the point and Penny who seems to know lots of oriental stuff actually teaches me how to use chopsticks.
No actually I didn’t know the only Chinese place for me growing up was another town over and actually had knives and forks because they were a small town too.
I get noodle juice all over me and that’s like half the fun I guess and we actually do have a lot of fun watching the movies and trying to teach Tara just what makes a classic movie a cult classic movie and we even end up doing our hair and makeovers and stuff some while we’re watching the chick flicks.
Tara is over the moon at showing me more and getting to play even more Barbie and dress up with me while Penny mostly watches.
Okay one thing that sets me off giggling a lot is a couple of times someone would go by their room and go.
(Knock, Knock, Knock.) “Penny.”
I can’t help it I giggle and Penny gets this look on her face and if a human could go flat eared cat mad she was doing it. Oddly enough it didn’t bother Tara who was giggling because I was giggling and that was a lot of fun.
Penny’s mood improves as we watch The Princess Bride and her and I are as bad as any Monty python fans are for rabid quoting.
I mean seriously it was like we were reciting the movie. I’m not a big geek or geekette kind of borderline that and being a jock and stuff but I am a movie freak.
Not even a lot of my friends liked them as much as I did back home and having someone to shout. “Inconceivable!” with and I think Tara still had fun because we were having fun.
I will say that Penny becomes a different girl when she’s having a good time. It’s like you can see this amazingly good looking girl there hidden away under her layers of clothes and gamer posture and very well executed plain Jane.
It makes me wonder why a girl as pretty actually as beautiful as she is would hide it under wraps? But then again I’m not a pretty girl…not like her and I can tell that she has been one of the better looking girls since she was a young teenager.
So what if you were a geekette right up until then?
Would you not like the whole morphing into a princess thing? I knew girls that did in school a couple of them and they went right into the whole pretty girl social network thing.
Penny does seem different.
It gets late and we slip through the house before crashing and we out up flyers for this afternoon for everyone in the house to come to the main living room if they could at six thirty in the evening so like just after supper.
I’m really nervous doing this and doing the clenching my hands in my sleeves thing and feeling jittery doing it and then…Then I’m staring at my door.
Tara leans over to me. “You want to bunk with us tonight?”
I look at her. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“No, you don’t seem to be really ready to see Jeff right now.”
“I’m not.”
Penny looks at me. “So…roommate was the BF?”
I blink at her then slowly nod. “Yeah but I wanted to give him an out before I came out to everyone.”
She nods. “Okay, you’re bunking with us tonight.”
“You girls won’t mind?”
Penny shrugs. “Doesn’t matter to me, I’m cool with it.”
Tara nods.
I let them lead me back to their room. I’m not sure about this because well I have a…well you know still and…
“Uhm…it still works you guys and sometimes it still will…”
Penny opens the covers on her bed inviting me in. “Well I won’t be bugged by that happening heck I wake up that way too sometimes.”
“You do?”
“Heck yeah so no worries okay? I don’t hump you and you don’t hump me.”
Tara giggles. “You two start and I wanna watch!”
I’m blushing but I get ready for bed and it takes awhile for me to get to sleep and settle down. I’m not used to actually sleeping with a girl and stuff and I’m really nervous about Sunday and I think I tossed and turned a bit until I feel Penny’s arms circle around me and she hugs me.
Okay she’s pretty strong for a girl. I mean…no she’s pretty strong and it feels nice and I actually drift off once I’m being held.
……………………………………..Morning comes early for me and my phone wakes me up and it’s set to vibrate and I look at it blearily. It’s Jamie texting me.
[Morning you up for going out for a run?]
[Not really but I will, wait it’s Sunday isn’t Sasha busy?]
[She is but I still go. Run, park yoga and a swim?]
[Sigh. Yes.] And yes I texted the sigh part.
[See you at the coffee kiosk.]
[Get me a macha.]
[KK.]
I get up slowly and try not to wake the girls and I kind of fail at that and Penny and Tara are looking at me. Tara’s barely conscious and she has that look like whoa she really looks different in the waking hours and stuff and Penny looks pretty much the same as when she went to bed except for a bit of bed head.
She looks at me. “What’s up?”
“Going out with Jamie for our run and some working out.”
“On a Sunday?”
“Just about everyday actually…I need to lose weight.”
“You know working out will put muscle on right?”
“It’s not like that it’s running and yoga and swimming. It’s toning exercises….I’m not doing the guy styles of exercise anymore.”
“It work?”
I blush some and just sort of turn to show myself off the way that Sasha has taught me to pose. “The difference is that I’m going to get smaller with being on the hormones but to girl tone as I lose the muscle mass but I want the fat to kind of go where I want it too also with out getting cellulite.”
“How far?’
“Usually five miles. Do you want to come?”
Penny laughs. “Fuck that, it’s Sunday.” And she rolls over enough to go face down in my warm spot. “You go though have fun.” She says face down muffled by the pillows.
Tara taps her cheek with a finger and I kiss her on the cheek and she smiles and she slaps my butt as I leave and I carefully open my door once I’m at my room and I slip in there and look at Jeff who’s asleep like…well.
I bite my lip and I get my things and I go and get a quick shower and a lotion and take my pills and vitamins and make sure I’m clean before settling my plug into place…it’s painful relief. I missed being filled and feeling it inside of me and it’s big and it hurts at first but in a good way.
I get dressed the rest of the way and just a little bit of make-up that’s water resistant for sweating.
A girl can still look a little bit good even when she’s going to be a sweaty mess.
I’m used to the feeling inside me as I get finished getting ready and the trick is to relax…to use the width inside as the point of where to sway and roll my hips and get that female gait going until it’s first nature to me. I want that too…I want that thing that some girls have that they just know how to do and that’s sway and move rhythmically almost hypnotically.
I know, I know I sound vain as it gets but I really have this part of me that craves being appealing and sexy and graceful.
The feeling turns into just that by the time that I leave and I meet up with Jamie at the coffee kiosk on campus and she smiles when she see’s me and she passes me a hot macha green tea.
She looks at me, her head tilts her pony tail just right and she’s…Jamie is stunning…she’s had work done and hormones and stuff and she works really hard at being who she wants to be and she shines for that.
And to top it all off she’s giving me this caring sisterly look that makes her just…well she’s Jamie.
I could so easily fall for her if it came to that.
I want those looks that she’s getting in her running gear…nothing overdone, nothing out of place and you can’t even tell that she’s not a genetic woman. I can’t tell and we’re lovers, there’s a good number of folks looking at her this morning and trying to get their heads around what they know.
“Alex are you okay?”
“Yes and no…I’m telling everyone in the house tonight about myself.”
“Oh…are you going to be alright?”
“I don’t know but I think so…I’ve made some friends and they’re pretty cool and are going to stick by me.”
“And Jeff?”
“I gave him an out; he doesn’t have to get caught up in all of this when I come out.”
“Good, if he really wants to be there and to be with you he will be or he won’t be Alex. At least this way you’re the one being straight up and giving him a way to bow out before this explodes because of the bigots and you have a hard time.”
“Really…? I…I miss him already Jamie.”
“I know sweetie, but you’re better off letting him go now then later when he decides that he can do something violent to shut you up.”
“Jeff wouldn’t do that.”
“You never know what shitty things a person might do to comfort to the social bullshit they put over plain feelings.”
I sigh and we hug again. Jamie smiles. “C’mon I’ll take your mind off of Jeff.”
We walk for awhile drinking our tea and it’s actually a whole bunch of stair climbing its really good for the butt. And watching Jamie…I’m just…she looks that good she’s making me feel very naughty and then there’s her smell.
Opium perfume, the same scent as Sasha wears and that almost brings up these scent related autonomic feelings. That scent on a woman will always be hyper erotic to me.
Once we’re done our teas we start to jog and go from a jog to a run and then a jog again as she takes us all over out usual route that we run with Sasha all to way to one of the parks where they are having a free come as you are or all prepared sort of yoga class.
I was never really into this stuff before and it was all kinds of hooey to me really but breathing and moving and learning and feeling about my body and myself and it really helps me. Once you get into even doing some of that Yoga stuff I guess it really helps like I said I’m not that into all that stuff but I just kind of go with it and I do sort of believe in like meditation and stuff so all those breathing things really help me shed off a bunch of anxiety and stuff.
It’s also kind of very nice that the people that come to this place are all pretty varied but they’re all very mello and stuff and they have no problem with me being me or Jamie either actually there’s another T-woman there by the name of Pauline there with her wife who’s helping her with her transition and staying beside her.
Kind of gives me hope for my own future and stuff that there are people like her are out there.
We all talk for a few minutes before Jamie and I head off to the gym where we’re members at and it’s open…yeah this early and on a Sunday this is Vancouver after all and it’s a very gym rat kind of place.
I actually like Seasons…it’s our gym and it’s got the full rainbow triangle logo on the doors with some rainbow leaves too and it’s fully open to regular people but it’s mainly a LGBTQI type of gym.
And one of the best things here is they have body shape specialists that actually work with overweight folks here trying and TG people whether going male or female.
It’s a very non-judgment place here.
I do frown getting there because the plate glass is spider webbed and fags is spray painted on the side of the wall here.
Being an LGBTQI friendly place makes you a target for the bigots…even as good as Vancouver tends to be about different people there are always assholes and rednecks.
There’s a water jug. For donations to paint, the paint isn’t covered by their insurance according to a sign they have taped to it. I’m not well off but I’m not broke so I put a ten in and Jamie put’s in a twenty.
Sometimes you just have to give back.
Okay it’s swimming after we get in and get changed and Jamie is hard to keep up with in the water. I’m not bad actually I’m about as fast as Sasha but Jamie had a pool at her high school and was on the swim team in her junior school years before she I guess went all metal head?
So hard to see her like that.
We do about twenty laps and I’m tuckered out while she’s talking and treading water for awhile until I finish and then we both head to the showers.
The showers here are stalls so everyone has some privacy and that sometimes leads to sex. There’s two women there sort of helping to dry each other off and they have that look of a post sexual glow to them.
I’m entertaining the thought when Jamie takes my hand and leads me to a stall by my fingers.
Then it’s soap and shampooing each other then kissing and touching and she pays such careful attention to my pre-budding breasts…I return the favor and once she’s hard I slip down and take Jamie’s click into my mouth.
God I needed this, me and Jeff and stuff it’s just what I really needed was to forget it all for awhile and be me…cocksucker and all. I’m actually a little greedy and fevered at first with her hot hard length of her click in my hand and in my mouth.
There’s really nothing that I can say in my defense about doing this I love it. It makes me feel sexy and sweet in a naughty way and powerful all at the same time. I love the way Jamie tastes and especially when she cums.
She cums too like Sasha…trying for this release and then holing back or trying to even as she’s having an orgasm to prolong it. The end result is a very pleasurable one for them and maybe a bit painful too trying that but for me a nicely manageable time to drink down and tastes all she has to offer.
She helps me up and rinses my hair and she turns her back to me and has her hand on my click and is guiding me to her.
I sink in easily as she exhales with a moan and a sweet sigh. “Oh Alex…I really, really wanted this…I wanted you inside of me all morning.”
“Oh shit Jamie this feels so good, you are so good.” I feel her tighten around me once I’m all the way in and just for a second I stay there before I pull back feeling all those tight muscles squeezing my click then she relaxes as I sink in again. “You haven’t been with anyone this weekend?”
“No…Jax is still out on the boat and Ian’s coming back from his job sometime tonight I think…no lover this weekend and I really, really wanted something inside me since last night.”
“I was thinking about going all the way…maybe transitioning…”
(Gasp-breathy-moan.) “Why? Do you really want it?”
“I don’t know…it’s just…”
“Jeff…you had a steady and you were wondering… (Yum-moan.)…wondering if you going all the way and maybe even stealth might be better…oh fuck yes harder Alex.”
“I…yeah…have you thought of it too…?”
“Nope…I love what I am…I don’t want to change…I don’t have to…”
“But guys…?”
“There are lot’s of men that prefer women like us…and I like using my…”
“Your Click?”
“Click?”
“Yeah…I read the term…clitty and dick…so we have a click.”
“Oh…well yeah I like that and I like sinking into someone…I like sinking into you…I am so going to sink into you Alex…”
The feelings of her magically massaging insides and then the thought of her inside of me with her hardness and heat sliding away as she fucks my b-spot inside until I’m shivery and breathless takes me right over the edge.
“Oh…please…Please Jamie I need you too.”
“Uhhnnn…god I love that big click of your’s Alex…”
I hug her…doing little pushes into her as she uses her muscles inside to pull me dry inside of her and I smile…okay the jury might still be out on transitioning…I kind of really like what I’m doing right now.
I pull out and she does this slippery soapy turn around in my arms and we kiss deeply…lovers and friends and she lays me down in the shower floor and the hot water is hitting her but running off like she’s over me and protecting me from the storm…very awesome and romantic and my heart cries out as Jamie sinks into my depths and I exhale and do this sexy breathy moan as I relax my insides and let her sink into me.
Three…four strokes and I am right there loving the heat and the hardness and wrapping my legs around her waist and letting go all the stuff that’s been bugging me…surrender to Jamie and let her set the pace and the rhythm and soon I’m going with it…clenching and relaxing rolling in time to her thrusts and starting to whimper and bite my lower lip and cry out as she repeatedly touches and loves and caresses my boy spot until that’s all I want to feel…Jamie fucking me until I cum and then…then the best yet.
When I do my whole body shakes and I clench around her involuntarily so hard as I’m getting off it feels like she’s molded to my core and I fill with heat and her and…it’s so orgasmic and hot and for as long as I’m like that those few seconds I’m one with her.
It is so one of those seeing stars orgasms.
Jamie took a little blue friend I think because she kisses me and sucks on my chest and in short order she’s ready again and she rolls me over onto my hands and knees and she repeats my pleasure…and actually harder…as hard as I’m shouting for it.
When we’re done we hear some clapping from some ladies out in the changing area and a lot of giggles.
Like I said this place while a safe place it’s not exactly shy of hook ups either.
I’m smiling and blushing after and getting dressed and feeling so much better even if my knees are a bit sore from the shower floor.
We kiss and I head for downtown to see some of Vancouver’s yard sales and Sunday traffic and Jamie’s headed off to campus for breakfast and to study.
**Jamie…………
It’s been a very decent morning I woke up early with the sun shining in really brightly enough to wake me up and I made a single cup of coffee and took a shower and got ready to go and do some exercises.
Sasha was doing her weekends off thing from Alex and me so she wasn’t available so I did my dishes and I tossed my bedding in the washer and changed my sheets and made the bed and just some light housework while thinking about what I wanted to do today.
So I ended up calling Alex and going off for an unscheduled bit of a morning work out. Well for her I’m kind of getting semi religious about it and once she agreed I slipped into my workout gear and went to meet her at campus.
I was pretty early so I slipped into the gym and did a half hour of weights for a change. Butterfly presses are good for the girls I’ve heard so I did some reps on them and some leg lifts…actually on the squat press.
Squats are a proven way to tone the bum. All the work out girls are into doing that and the step climber machines are always busy.
Then it was Tea and walking and then our full run and then heading to the par for the free yoga class. It’s one of the great things that you can find in Vancouver. On a nice day there is a few of these or even a tai-chi class that’s free and you can just walk into.
Then off to our gym for some swimming…and well…Alex time was fun…she really is a great girl and while I’ve never really entertained the idea of transitioning fully I can see where she was into a guy where doing that and going stealth might be appealing to some people.
Me…I’m good with my relationships.
My relationships are good with me.
And once Alex and I parted ways I went home and changed and hug out my washing and got my shoulder bag and stuff and went off to campus for a late breakfast. Tennish, does Tennish equal brunch? It had a very brunchy feel with my second tea and a nice start on some food.
Seeing and having Emily was a plus too, oh and her friend Rachel. I was kind of yay about her tattoos. I’m an artist and she had some serious ink going on two full sleeves and some others for sure and she laid out some cash for them too. They were all really clear and well drawn and had nice color and she seemed to sort of plan what she got done. I dislike sloppy looking tattoos.
I’m never going to get any really they’re too permanent but I do like them.
I think Emily was pleasantly surprised by the kisses too and the stuff that we talked about.
I’m a very, very frank woman.
Though I was pleasantly surprised at being asked out by her myself.
It’s always a nice feeling when that happens.
I head out to the library and I spend a nice part of the morning until just past lunch there doing some research. I am into oils and there’s some I want to study up on I like Chagall he has an impressive way with colors particularly darker shadings. *Evening at the window* has a wonderful worked blur that almost lends itself to waning light like you’d see in the sky as the blue changes before twilight sets in.
I like Monet too, Impressionism has a strong appeal to me with that way of capturing light and movement to look at water painted in these delicate brush strokes and be able to see the play between light and water or the way the eaves seem to dance in the air from a tree in autumn because you can see the strokes in the rendition of the sky/air in the background not just filling in the picture but showing movement too.
It’s really a tricky thing to do to make a painting look like something while making it look like it’s doing something and not doing something at the same time.
You’re supposed to get the wind is there but not see actual strokes that obviously show the wind is there.
I am in awe of the way that it’s wet painted. Wet paint over wet paint to soften lines and provide depth and illusion.
I read and write and I’m doing a paper or rather giving my comparisons on several different paintings and how the style itself changed and progressed between artists before post-impressionism came along.
Actually I save images from one of the painting archives that the library has online and save them to my laptop and I spend lunch with a Croc Messieur and a scone in the quad with a large cup of good coffee and a brownie with caramel drizzle and sea salt on the top while I sit in a sheltered sunny spot and type away and listen to my Japanese lessons on my I-pod.
It’s going really good too and I’m doing it all…a nice cover of four of the pictures I use for my paper and room for a title and my name and I include a source page and I go through and edit it twice. No chat speak, no abbreviations and I keep it simple but still technical.
I do copy some of my opinions on this paper and I do another few pages of modern impressionist artists echoing that style and the inclusion of them into digital art programs and have samples of art and artist for that and their links to their artist pages and sites.
I’m actually still a nerd in a way…I am good with my computer but not an expert, I’m a fast typist and while I played a lot of computer games I was really into art on line and still have accounts on DA and some stuff still out there on LJ.
Yes I know most people like Blogger more I’ve just never really gotten around to using that yet but I do Face book and Tweet some. Twitter is actually good for my shop because I can post stuff like new outfits or stuff and sales and people will show up. I actually have like over a hundred some followers on it.
There was more but they filtered off once people figured out that I wasn’t going to tweet or even FB post about me gender status or my sexual activity. Also…I don’t post selfies on my wall and I will never…ever…duck face.
All my pictures I have of me are actual pictures taken by other people. Though I am guilty of posting some of my meals though if they’re really yummy.
Like my brownie.
But by the time I’m done writing it’s mid afternoon and my papers are done for Art History and Art Theory are done.
It’s a nice feeling with all the accomplishments and stuff so after that’s done and e-mailed off to my professors in-boxes I head off to home and get some of the records that I had bought at the yard sales and go down to my shop and play around with my sewing listening to Big Country…and no they’re not a country band.
I’m there a couple of hours and I’ve sewn together a new purse with what was left of this old red maple colored ladies leather coat and four short skirts. I actually sell a lot of skirts if their fun and flirty then they actually sell really good.
My phone rings and I answer it. “Hello?”
“Jamie? Uhm it’s Emily.”
“Hi, I was waiting for your call.”
“You were?”
“Yes, I was really hoping you’d call about us going out.”
“You were?”
“Yes I was.” I can’t help but laugh a little she seems so eager and so surprised by this.
“Oh okay…I…I’m sorry I really haven’t come up with anything like for a date. I’m kind of broke.”
“That’s okay…Emily?”
“Yes?”
“Will you go out with me tonight?”
“Jamie…”
“If I ask you I can take you out and money won’t be a big deal.”
“Why are you rich?”
“Not even close but I have really cheap rent and I have a job.”
“Oh…so what do you do?”
“I run a thrift boutique.”
“You run your own business…”
“Well it’s just kind of a small part of the house I’m living in.”
“Oh…so…”
“Let me pick you up and we can go out.”
“Actually…could I come over and see it?”
“See what?” I ask it a little coyly and I can feel her turning red on the other end.
“Your store.”
“Oh okay, here’s my address.” I give her the address and “I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Uhm…okay…”
We hang up and I’m smiling and I’m actually weighing the chances of Emily wanting to come over for more than just seeing the store. I take pictures of the new stock and post them up on my site and on Twitter and I slip upstairs and I change.
Nice underwear something slinky and lacy and pink from my Jessica stuff a quick wash up and then I slip into a pair of jeans that look good on me and a v-necked black top that have enough in the cleavage area that it shows off my breasts and short enough that it shows of my middle a little.
A few dabs of perfume and some brushing of my hair to get it awake as it were and shiny and my ballet flats and I’m back downstairs and I sit with my sketch pads and my kit and work on the idea of a painting or two that I want to do and put my Chinese lessons on from my i-pod and just kill some time until I see Emily coming to the door of my shop.
I take out the ear buds and open the door for her.
“Hi?”
She looks really nice and she’s wearing a nice outfit this demi sleeved grey tunic with an almost tattoo looking design of thorns and roses on the sleeves and she had a brown faux leather skirt on with it and the tunic hangs down to cover part of it but a belt breaks up the body line.
Her hair is really nice looking and she has it loose with some wave to it and her make up is light but done really nice.
She smiles and tucks her head. “Hi.”
Shy girls are really kind of sexy.
“You look great.”
“I do?”
“You do.”
“You look great too.”
“Thank you I wanted to be casual looking for when you showed up but sexy too.”
She blinks.
No games, Yes I might be breaking some rule but I dressed this way for her to see me looking casual and sexy. Plus I actually like to do that is a bonus too for me.
It’s just people rarely admit to that stuff.
“You got dressed up for me?”
“Uhm…yes, you’re worth it Emily.” I take her hand and lead her into the shop and smile as she takes it all in.
My shop is called Jamie’s and it has a handmade sign out on the outside and a smaller one out on the street by the fence. It’s actually the downstairs of my place and in the back part of Ian’s huge house. The main part of it is this glassed in sun porch and the room beyond and I have a bathroom and a closet that I’ve made into the changing room.
I put art on the walls, some is just basic stuff but some of it is my hand painted record album covers. Those are just paint on cardboard with cheap frames but they’re the same size as the original record would be but just a painted version of it.
They’re all for sale at seventy dollars each and I do sell one every once in awhile I know it sounds steep but it’s time and labor and materials. And I’m actually not paying myself when that’s factored into it much more than minimum wage.
I have a corner rack for other paintings that I want to sell and then there are some tables along one wall with the records that I have for sale. The other side of the place is a long set of racks with dividers for my clothes and I have and sort of long thin table going down the middle with a lot of my signature stuff and all the jewelry is behind the counter and some shelves where I sell some other art like sculptures and stuff.
“Oh wow…Jamie…this is…you sew?” She asks seeing my sewing machine there at the counter and some of the leftover bits of things.
“I do, though I’m not really trained it’s kind of something I’ve picked up.”
“I forgot the few months of it that we did in grade seven home Ec.”
“Sasha taught me as a good way for altering clothes and I liked it so I actually started doing that altering clothes on the cheap for people and repair work which we still do.”
“You do? Wow…I feel so lazy compared to you.”
“I really wasn’t planning on doing it. It was just a fast way to make money on my own time and not work for someone else. Everything else here we’ll I left home as soon as I graduated school and was out here before the end of June.”
“Still…you’re so together.”
“Honestly I’m really lucky and Sasha’s more than a huge help…she’s a lover and a teacher and she helps keep me focused.”
“She sounds intimidating to a girl like me.”
“No…she’s a sweet person just really sure of herself and her life and she’s done a lot with it and with me and with Alex and the other people she knows she actually helps.”
“Helps?”
“Like the shop I had the idea and I told her about them and she told me how to do it…she didn’t do it for me but at the same time she would keep on me about the place…like she’d weave it into our conversations and stuff…she kept me interested and from getting scared and from slacking off. She thinks that I don’t know all the stuff that she’s helped me with as a person but I do. And honestly having a mentor really helps.”
She’s looking at me and I like the way that she is doing it there’s just this something nice there.
“So…are you ready for our second date?”
She blushes. “Uhm…okay what are we doing?’
I start shutting the lights off and get my purse and my coat and the offer her my arm. “You like games?”
“Like an arcade?”
“Sort of but better.”
“Better?”
“You’ll see, you like Sushi?”
“I’ve never had it but I’ve always wanted to try it.”
“Good first the pachinko arcade then Sushi.”
I offer and she takes my arm and then looks at me. “What’s pachinko?”
Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 45 & 46.
*Chapter 45.………..
*Before…Jamie’s Part.
I start shutting the lights off and get my purse and my coat and the offer her my arm. “You like games?”
“Like an arcade?”
“Sort of but better.”
“Better?”
“You’ll see, you like Sushi?”
“I’ve never had it but I’ve always wanted to try it.”
“Good first the pachinko arcade then Sushi.”
I offer and she takes my arm and then looks at me. “What’s pachinko?”
*And Now…
I actually walk with Emily to the bus stop and yes I’m still holding her arm and just doing this makes me smile. I can tell she’s looking at me a few times and I look back at her. “I look okay?”
“Yeah, amazing actually…I’m just a little freaked out.”
“Freaked out?”
“This is a very lesbian kind of date so far.”
“Is that a bad thing that this is a very lesbian date so far?”
She smiles and there’s a strong blush there. “Not really…I mean I’ve kinda gone there before and it was…”
“It was?”
“Should I even be kissing and telling?”
I look at her and I can tell by that sparkle in her eyes that whatever it was it was a good thing.
“Definitely not, be a classy lady and don’t kiss and tell.”
“Uhm…okay.”
I stop us and look at her once we get to the bus shelter.
“There’s a whole lot of girls that really act in that tell all and be all gossipy and stuff and that’s fine with some things like a date or something that isn’t intimate. But intimate stuff to me is just that it’s intimate and keeping those things to myself for me well that actually makes it way more private and person and actually keeps the spark of the encounter alive and well because I respect it.”
Emily looks at me and she steps in and lightly kisses me on my lips.
“I like the sound of that actually, I hated the gossipy girls in school and stuff and was hoping to get away from all of that stuff coming here.”
I nod. “Mine was to get away from my family.”
She looks at me. “Bad?”
“Opportunists, never even knew I was trans because I thought that bad about them.”
“Huh?”
“My mother and my sister are both serial gold diggers and users the ones that give all women a bad day.”
“Oh…ick, but I see your gold diggers and raise you fat shaming, sex guilting, relationship guilting and distance guilting.”
Okay now it’s my turn to give her the questioning look. “I can get the fat shaming bullshit.”
She has this sort of rueful look on her face that’s actually drawing in the way she’s expressing.
“Guilt for not having sex, guilt for having sex and not having a steady boyfriend, not wanting to settle and being judged as stuck up and of course this is all coming from my family as well the people I grew up with so there’s the why’d you go so far away, closer would be cheaper, what are you going to do with a fancy degree anyway you just should’ve gone to community college.”
I slip close and lean on her and smile. “Now this is a date, talking about the bad stuff while waiting to take the bus.”
She smiles and it’s a nice smile. Emily is a lot prettier than I think she’d ever give herself credit for. “Actually Jamie, right now this is the best non-bullshit date I’ve ever been on.”
I smile. “Wow, it almost like we’re adults or something.”
Emily smiles and shrugs. “I don’t know about adult I don’t think that I adult very good really and can’t see it as something that’s likely to change.”
I nod. “There are times I even kind of have this whole tightrope and wing walking feel about going through life and then I kind of like that…I was so, somebody else before this and I wasn’t very happy before I started to become myself.”
“You mean transition?”
“I’m not even sure that I’m in transition, just becoming more myself.”
“Well so far I kind of think that Jamie rocks.”
I smile and take her hand and I interlace my fingers with hers. “I agree and thank you.”
She gives me the eyebrow of curiosity.
I grin. “Hey I’m not going to try and be all stuck on myself but I’m not going to do that thing where I’ll sort of disagree with someone saying good things, people do that way too much when we’re told that and especially girls and women.”
Emily looks at me and she nods slowly. “Yeah…wow…do I ever do that…”
I scooch over close like hug close and sort of give her a little tug so she can lean on me. “We get taught not to, we get taught how to act and we just go with it…and then we usually make it worse by sort of telling others how to treat us.”
She lets out a sigh. “Jamie this is actually nice, nobody like actually talks to me. I mean not in like years.”
“I like talking to you.”
“Thanks…that’s…that’s cool to hear.” I can tell that that is something new to hear from people for her.
“I hate being fat-cloaked.”
“Fat-cloaked?”
“Invisible until people want to be shitty to me or some guy’s being gross because all he cares about is my boobs and thinks that I’ll be desperate enough to sleep with him because I’m fat and lonely.”
“Wow that really shitty and really stupid because I think that you’re pretty and that you’re smart and kind of funny and we’re still just getting to know each other.”
Emily looks up at me and she gives me this really sweet smile.
You ever get one of those better than sexy smiles?
I think I really like that heartful you made me feel good sort of smile.
Then bus comes shortly after that and we both head up inside together and we get a few looks since we’re holding hands still but nothing really bad. I kind of really like how Vancouver is sometimes.
I like the bus, well I like city busses especially here in Vancouver where it’s still sort of just this really nice mélange of folks and we have such a rich melting pot here.
Oh you hear a lot from a lot of people about how Vancouver is going Muslim or Sikh or that we’re the new “Yellow Coast.”
It’s all bull really.
One we’re on the pacific coast so we do have a lot of Asians and that in like from all over Asia including places like Indian and Pakistan as well as Chinese and Koreans and all kinds of other folks.
But you go through the city it’s still pretty white, it’s still very white and the immigrant folks are just here in enough numbers to be visible and I guess that’s too much for some white folk.
It’s kinda bad like that back home in Ontario especially when you get out of the bigger cities you hear stuff. Especially from like this older sort of bigot-quiet crowd.
But yeah I like the bus here it’s a trip, not just four loops of town home where it’s morning, mid-day, afternoon and nights and home it’s the two big main streets and then it’s like off down through downtown and then a sort of route through the suburbs.
You don’t see anything, it’s all the same.
Here, I don’t know Vancouver seems alive to me.
Emily looks around and she’s sort of looking like she’s scared and excited and she’s having fun.
“You okay?”
She beams. “Yeah, it’s sort of scary and new but it’s cool and kinda sad.”
“Sad?”
“Yeah two stops ago was just about the furthest I’ve really ever been from campus.”
“Well I can cheat with that I do have a motorcycle and I do like to get out some when I’m not studying.”
“Or working right?”
“Or working but that’s actually an on the side thing for me that is doing okay right now. It’s something I like to do but it’s not going to be something that I’m going to rely on?”
“So…what if it keeps going good?”
“I find a buyer or a partner.”
“So you wouldn’t like pick up stakes?”
“Not if it could still be running and keeping at least a couple people in a job.”
“Do you make much money at it?”
“Right now I’m good, my landlord isn’t really charging me and that’s really good and I’m making enough to be sort of student comfortable and a little is going towards my student loans so there’s that but if I could run it and keep two people paid and stay afloat while I’m doing other things I’d settle for that.”
“Really?”
I nod. “Definitely pay it forward I had lots of luck with that and all. Plus I’m not like my mother or sister who seem to just have blinders on when it comes to money and people.”
Emily looks at me and she nods. “My family’s not really like that with money and things but I went to school with a few kids that just seemed to have everything and they lorded it over everyone else and they just had all the other stuff too.”
I look at her as we get off at our stop and we walk to the great big gate at the Pender street entrance. “Like what?”
“Cars, but freedom to like do whatever they wanted and the girls all had the best clothes and make-up and they were like all skinny and popular and things. It’s like they never really had to do the stuff to get by that the rest of the kids did like me and stuff and they just seemed so shiny all the time.”
I nod. “Makes sense, when you’re well off you don’t think of stuff that actually sets back lower income families like dental or glasses or even like having to pay for things like medicine or having to pay gas for a lot of appointments. Or even having all the time access to eating things that are good for you but are expensive half the time.”
She looks at me and she’s blushing.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not making a food crack it’s just the way the markets are to like keep their market shares in like fats and oils and sugars and the like all the bad stuff is cheaper because it’s subsidized or something. People buy what they can afford; rich people barely register what they buy food wise in that way so they buy the stuff that’s the best because it’s the best or trendy.”
She’s looking at me and she’s blushing and says. “Lots of people don’t get that, it’s eat less and work out and all of that stuff.”
I look at Emily. “Well there’s a lot of assholes everywhere. Shaming people and making them feel worse about anything and everything does a lot of harm, as much harm as it does or more even than the whole class and income stuff.”
Emily looks at me and she comes over and she kisses me and it’s not a little kiss either it’s a sort of happy and very yay kind of kiss that has her smiling at me and I like that she’s smiling at me and she seem to be happy.
“Thank you for getting it Jamie…just that’s so much.”
She kisses me again and this one’s a little passionate and we’re pressing together breasts touching and that feels amazing to me honestly and we’re getting looks.
Yeah there’s some folks here that might be good with it but it’s also kinda sorta of like whoa…not in public.
But it’s still not a really big deal.
I break the kiss and I take her hand and start walking towards the street gates and she slows to a stop after a dozen steps and I look back still holding her hand and she’s staring with huge eyes.
“I’m here; I’m like actually here in a real Chinatown….”
“Oldest in Canada actually they used to call this place Hongcouver.”
She’s staring at me. “Jamie…I…”
“This is okay for a date?”
“This is amazing!”
I laugh. “Good! I was hoping that you’d like it.”
“Jamie, I…I never thought that I’d ever get to see anything like this. I mean it’s just not something that you think you’ll get to do being a poor fat girl from a small town. People like me don’t get to do stuff like this…the closest I thought that I’d ever come is like watching it on TV.”
“We’re in the same city Em.”
“I’ve never really been out, not far…it’s just sort of scary.”
“Well now you get to. And we can take pictures and stuff and shop and go nuts and have fun.”
“Pictures? You’d want to take pictures with me?”
“Sure why not?”
“But…but you’re so pretty and I’m…”
I walk back to her and I take her other hand and I kiss her, I kiss her really deeply and passionately right there in front of the people coming and going and in front of the street gates and break the kiss.
“You’re beautiful Emily, you’re beautiful and you deserve to feel and be treated that way.”
“Jamie… dammit you’re making it really hard not to like fall for you y’know.”
I nod. “I know, I want people to fall in love with me. I want people to love me and still love me when we’re with other people I’m selfish like that actually.”
Emily smiles really brightly for me. “Well in that case I’m not going to hold back.’
I kiss her one more time and look in her eyes. “Good, way too many people let what others have been telling them all their lives define them.”
We head off in through the gates and there’s so much to see and to do especially if you’re not from here or like as Emily put it only seen this sort of thing on TV.
At first it’s the easy stuff to look at with like the sort of special themed streetlights and the signs and then there’s the pots and planter with flowers and things that are lovely and I use my phone to actually just take some pictures of things that just look cool to me.
I get a really great picture of Emily inside one of those red frame and glass old school looking phone booths.
And the deeper we get the more it’s the tourist and the shopping district and the more shops that we see with all of these amazing things.
And by amazing I mean there’s stuff that’s complete touristy pap stuff but that’s cool too.
I love the toys and the things that you can get with the stuffies and figurines and there’s snow globes and we each get some of those and incense things and holders and we but some Chinese junk food like sesame gum or like lichi gummy worms.
I don’t like lichi it’s got this weird musky taste that’s sort of floral.
I don’t mind floral because we both got a baby cone of ginger and hibiscus ice cream that was actually pretty good.
And we get some cheap clothes, and Emily’s ecstatic that they have some stuff in her sizes.
Well it is tourist stuff and they are selling this stuff in North America and we’re well kind of stereotyped.
But she gets a nylon-faux silk Chinese bathrobe in red with designs with trees and cranes and she gets a black skirt with from what Chinese I’m able to read saying Shang-hai fashions on it which Em’s good with as long as the writing doesn’t say something like tofu-soup or something.
She gets a skater beanie that is panda themed and it looks cute as hell on her and we decide to get that for her and I actually end up getting some slinky wear with a shop that has some of that nylon-faux silk stuff at really cheap prices and it actually looks pretty nice and I found some sexy sheets for my bed too which I want to try in the summer or maybe even this winter if I put like some quilts and things over it.
We’re actually talking about that, like silk and satin on your skin and breasts and how great that would be if it was combined with some heavy snuggly stuff in the wintertime and we both get a boba-tea to share and I take her to go and play pai-gow.
And actually I have no idea how to play or how to win and we’re having a great time in the place because after a while there’s a couple of sort of cute Asian boys that come over and they’re showing us how to play and how it works and it’s sort of really screwed up.
Sort of like pinball that stands upright combined with a sort of old school slot machine and I still don’t really get what Ko and Danny are explaining and they’re locals like as in Canadian guys that really only kind of sort of get it.
And they’re flirty.
Ko seems to like Emily and he really likes her breasts.
So we slip off to the bathroom and she’s smiling and she’s giggling some.
“You like Ko?”
“He’s kind of cute actually; do you mind that he’s like flirting with me?”
I fix my make-up. “We’re going out and we’re on a date but if guys like flirt with us that’s okay too. I mean it all depends on what you want to do?”
She stares at me a little wide eyed. “What? What do you mean?”
“Well they can be part of the entertainment if you want.”
“Like?”
“Like we go out with them and we maybe have a little more fun before we keep going on with our own date?”
She’s staring at me.
I can see the gears working in her head and I smile and say. “No one’s boundaries but our own.”
She’s smiling and she’s nodding her head up and down.
We come out and Danny and Ko ask us if we’d like to go and get something to eat. And I look at them and say. “Something authentic?”
Ko looks at Danny and they have that look like fast food just went off the menu and they look at us both and they’re definitely checking us out like they’re trying to decide if we’re worth it and they nod. “Sure how about Dim-sum?”
I nod. “I think that would be okay.”
Emily nods and we go with the boys as they take us through the streets of Chinatown here and down a few side streets and that’s fine it’s not like the Chinatowns in other cities it’s pretty well laid out here actually and before long we’re being led into this place close to one of the parks and it’s kind of a cross between what a Canadian diner looks like and a Chinese food restaurant and the guys get us a booth and it’s busy here but that sort of adds to the sense of excitement about the place.
They even pull out our chairs and they get these menu slips that we are to check off boxes and they boys are showing off a little with telling us what the things are and it’s cute that they’re that invested in being all worldly and stuff though I can sort of tell that they don’t do this very much.
The food’s good but it’s very Vancouvery and that kind of means it’s mid-range pricey and the thing is with dim sum you don’t get a lot of anything that they serve so if you want more you have to order it and that’s what’s pricey. Kind of like eating at a sushi place. When it’s really good the prices can add up when eating out pretty fast.
Ko’s actually talking to Emily about where she’s from and what she’s studying and Danny’s offering me a soup dumpling on chopsticks and I eat it carefully off them and suck the soup out first so it doesn’t pop and I think Danny was hoping for something like that because he was so watching me suck it clean.
“You do that so well Jamie.”
“I’ve had then before but I’m also really good at it.”
“At what?”
There’s a lot of innuendo floating around between us and I step it up. “I’m good at sucking things.”
“You are huh?”
He’s got a pretty good boyish grin going.
I smile. “I’m amazing at sucking dick.”
His eyes get huge and he’s staring at me and I just have a sexy sip of tea and stare at him.
Ko’s staring at me and so is Emily who is sort of blushing and she looks at me before leaning over to Ko and says something in his ear and he’s staring right at her chest like he’s about to drool.
Danny sort of recovers and he looks at me. “I’m game if you are.”
I lean over to him and brush my breasts against his arm and whisper in his ear. “I’m trans.”
He pulls back and he looks at me staring. “For real?”
“I nod.”
He drinks a gulp of his tea.
I smile at him.
He swallows hard without the tea. “You girls want to come back to our place?”
He looks nervous but he also looks me all over and he’s licking his lips and Ko’s looking at Emily like a puppy dog.
I look at Emily and she’s drinking her tea and I can see the wheels turning in her head and she looks at me and I raise an eyebrow.
“Do you want to?”
“All a part of our date.”
Ko blurts out. “You two are dating?”
I say. “Our first date actually.”
“And you do like get that we’re talking about making out right?”
I give them all my best sexy impish smile. “Better than a movie.”
Emily chokes on her tea.
I finish mine. “Seriously why shouldn’t we? You guys are nice and we all like sex and that’s not going to change the fact we’re on a date we’re just going with it.”
“So you girls are like Bi?”
I shrug. “I’m just really open.”
Emily nods. “Really open and I’m learning…I mean it’s college I’m not here not to try stuff right?”
Ko asks. “Including Asian guys?”
She actually looks at him. “Yes, because I want to try things and yeah that includes you.”
His eyes widen.
Emily actually takes the lead. “Well are we going or like what?”
Her face is flushed and she’s embarrassed and she’s definitely out on a limb her but I follow suit and get up with her.
“We’ll be outside guys.”
We head outside and I look at Emily. “Are you sure that you want to do this?”
She nods and she’s hugging herself. “Ko likes me and he’s attracted to me and he so not the kind of guy that I’d ever hook up with like ever. I mean I’d never have the confidence to even do this if it wasn’t for you Jamie.”
I smile. “Well more good things are to come then.”
She tilts her head looking at me and I step up and I give her a soft kiss right there in public and I keep going as she breathes through it and we start to press together and I slip my arms behind her and over her hips and to her bottom and back up again.
I press my breasts to hers.
And her attention shifts as I hear the guys come out and then I slip my tongue into her mouth and start frenching her in front of the boys.
Emily’s starting to get into it and her knee is rubbing at my crotch some and her hands slid up my sides until she’s cupping my breasts and starts to fondle them in a way that just tells of lots of experience with touch and breasts.
I lose myself a little in the feelings and the kissing and hear the boys calling a cab to here and then they’re taking pictures while the watch us.
We’re all very horny when the cab comes for us and the cabbie just stares and says things in Chinese as Emily and I are kissing when he pulls up and when we get in the back of the van’s back seats and Danny and Ko take the middle row of seats in the back and turn around to watch us.
We kind of blur through the ride to where the guys live sharing deep looks between kisses and our hands are all over each others breasts and mine are aching so much wanting to get free of the clothes I’m wearing.
The apartment’s upstairs and we’re still hands all over each other until the guys get us inside and it’s a guy’s apartment with stuff here and there but weights in the front room and a lot of high end electronics and comfy make-out and stoner furniture and I take off my jacket and top and bra going topless and it feels amazing getting free air on my breasts and Emily drops her skirt and she pulls off her tunic.
She’s beautiful and voluptuous with a great set of underwear on that’s full and lacy and she’s wearing a sort of burgundy color that just goes so well with her skin and she is aroused with her nipples pointing as much as they can through the material and she takes her bra off.
Her breasts are amazing, real and full but they have that sway to them and I go over to them and cradle them in my hands fondling carefully, lovingly as I kiss her and Danny and Ko get down to their boxers and come over to us and Emily and I share a smile and we sit on the edge of the couch and pull their hard cocks free of their boxers.
Nice, uncut too and they’re drooling out pre-cum with a stroke and out and on them like lube and pull out a condom from my purse and so does Emily and then we share a french kiss.
Ko’s like… “Oh my fucking god that’s hot.”
And then I take Danny’s cock in my mouth.
I savor his taste, his flavors different than the men I’ve had before mostly from diet honestly and Danny has a nice cock too six inches and very symetrical if I’d have to say it’s pretty pleasing shape to it and honestly it’s a pleasure to wrap my lips around.
I pull my lips off with a pop sound and nuzzle it, run my lips sideways down the length of it saying.
“Mmm...so good, such a nice cock Danny, so nice.”
Men don’t just love it when they hear this but they really don’t hear it. Sure there’s dirty talk but just honest praise not so much.
Emily’s sort of watching me but she’s got her lips wrapped around Ko’s cock which is also pretty nice and longer than Danny’s but he has a bit of that upward curve to it that actually be a really good thing sometimes.
I smile at her and then wrap my lips around Danny’s cock some more and I get serious and I flatten my tongue against the bottom of my mouth and take him in as far as he’ll for without messing with my gag reflex.
Deepthroating is a party trick.
Oh it’s good, and guys love it but really sucking cock takes actually knowing how...the flattened tongue, the seal of you lips on his skin, getting your saliva going, breathing and then, then actually sucking...using the saliva to have liquid that’s hot and wet surrounding his flesh as you actually have liquids to down...it’s stroking his cock as you hold it and jerk him off and then press your tongue to the underside of his cock pressing your tastebuds into his sensitive undersides as you bob your head...suck hard, and keep that seal as much as you can.
He starts to try to pump my mouth and that’s fine if that’s what you want him to do. I want control more than throat fucking and I use my other hand to lift his balls up just a little higher to the shaft and he stops...it puts a pressure there when the guy humps it’s almost autonomic when they do it and Danny’s getting vocal.
“Nnnnnghn...Jamie...Jamie...Jamie I’m going to nut...I’m going to…”
I know he is because of the flexing in his hips and when he does everything stiffens and I exhale through my nose and then I suck...suck...suck hard creating this whole physical force that has him filling the condom in this searingly fast rush.
His hips flex as he can’t control it a few times then he’s spent and I stroke and pull the last out of his cock and he’s tremble legged.
“Fuck...fuck...that was...I never had a blowjob like that before.”
I pull the condom off and stand feeling his drain tightened sack. “I’m a very good cocksucker Danny.”
He’s staring at me and so are Ko and Emily who is trying to do what I did or something like it and I smile at her then look at Danny. “Bedroom?”
He blinks. “Right yeah this way.”
I walk with him to his room which is nicer than the living room and yet still pretty guy like and we stop and we kiss and kiss and he’s not a bad kisser just inexperienced and Danny unbuttons my jeans and slides them off of me going down and I step out of them and then he does my panties and pulls me free of my tuck and he strokes me and goes in to give me a blowjob.
“Mmm..Danny...have you done this before?”
“No, you’re like my first.”
“Then don’t it goes against my rules.” I pull him up and lean literally into him and press my tits to him and drape my arms over his shoulders.
We break the kiss and he asks. “Your rules?”
“It’s pretty simple you shouldn’t suck cock unless you love cock.”
“I...Uhm...Okay, I can’t say that I ever heard a girl say that or a guy….uhm sorry…?”
“It’s okay I’m not a guy but Oral’s like kissing, it’s personal and I just think it’s insulting to both people when their partner doesn’t love dick or pussy.”
He kisses me. “Well you are an amazing cocksucker so you must really love dick.”
“I do...I really do, I learned.”
“Learned like a mistress/master thing?”
“Some, bondage can be excellent with a respectful partner as you give everything over to them. But no I have a teacher and she’s taught me dick is a wonderful thing and that guys are actually pretty awesome when you get past everything.”
“Wow...that’s just...I never heard a girl say guys are awesome...it’s sort of weird.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s always like guys already have it all like the male world and stuff so it’s like almost bimbo if you hear a girl singing the praises of guys.”
I kiss him and move us to the bed and sit him down and kneel between his legs and stroke him slowly...lick my thumb, swirl it over his head, under his glans.
“There’s a lot of bullshit on both sides of things Danny. I’ll tell you what I know about this awesome guy called Danny.”
I open my purse for some lube and just use a little to slick his cock to fondle and stroke him slowly into being hard again.
“You and Ko seem Emily and I and sure you were attracted and wanted to fuck us but you also were great about it, you showed us stuff at the pachinko hall and walked us through the area and you guys even pointed out stuff and you bought us lunch, helped us order but didn’t order for us and you even tried teaching us some Chinese….and you’re not a bigot because I’m a trans person...Danny, that’s a lot of awesome.”
He’s sort of blushing looking really surprised too as I get him to where I can get the condom on and I stroke him and apply lube to my hole and his cock before I turn around.
“Got any sexy music?”
He actually turns on his stereo and he has a remote and channels and finds something that’s R&B and I move, dance, feel myself up and give him a lap dance for a few minutes before I move back and almost sit on him and Danny pulls me into his cock.
I moan...as he enters… “Mmmmm...awesome….Slowly…”
We go slow and I move a little with him, move to where… “There baby, there that’s my spot, that makes me feel good.”
Move, sort of with the music...breath and relax as his cock slides in and tense and grip as he’s pulling out. I love the way it feels so perfectly between hard and soft the shape defined inside of me as I grip and clench and feeling all of him so much as he is moving out.
Moan in tune with the girl on the stereo when she croons.
Sink down on of the beats.
Over and over until.
“Take my hips Danny, take me, fuck me, hold me, dance...dance baby...lead me…”
That gets Danny going and actually he starts taking charge and getting into it and his hands start to move, slide, roam...his hips moving with mine as he holds me right and her do move with the music.
He’s got a sense of rhythm the other guys don’t have I don’t think.
For a little while it’s actually magical in how hot it is and then the song changes and this has to be radio because I don’t think that the mix would have shifted that much to this cello bit?
Danny though doesn’t miss a thing as he picks me up and turns me and sets me down on his bed and I settle on all fours and he sinks back in as he moves like I’m the cello and he’s the bow.
I don’t know the music but it’s slow enough to be easy to follow and move too and we keep going until the music speeds up more and more until it hits a crescendo and I cum and that makes Danny cum as I seize around him and shiver inside as I spurt.
The music keeps going but that slow down finish kind of thing as we settle Danny pushing me further up on the bed as he climbs on too and we fall over onto the bed and he grabs the comforter there and pulls it over us.
“Fuuuck Jamie….you’re the best piece of ass I ever had.”
“Thank you, you were really amazing though.”
“I never did this kinda sex before.”
“You’ve fucked girls before.”
“Naw, like with the music and stuff.”
“You’re good at it you’ve got great rhythm.”
“I dance.”
“Really like professionally?”
“Kinda, mostly street stuff sometimes and there’s stuff with that sometimes and I tried out for the TV show You Think You Can Dance but I didn’t get past the selection.”
“Sorry.”
“Hey naw it’s just stuff I’ve never actually took classes or anything.”
“So what do you do?”
“I’m a welder for a body shop.”
“That’s good money.”
“Yeah kinda needed it for this place and everything in Vancouver.”
I nod. “It’s expensive here for sure I’m lucky with my place and not being anywhere close to the city center.” I roll over to face him and we kiss and he’s touching me.
And touches me there.
“I kinda wish I could return the favor.”
“Danny, I got off too.”
He kisses me again. “Still.”
I slip him my tongue and we French-kiss for a while then breaking the kiss I looked him in his eyes.
“Are you serious though?”
He looks me in the eyes and he strokes my cock again. “Yes.”
“You do know what I mean right? That I would be fucking you right?”
He blushed some and licked his lips. “Yes.”
“Are you gay Danny?”
“No...why?”
“Do you just want to learn this or learn my perspective?”
“Your perspective?”
“Yes, there’s sex where a guy takes it and then there’s sex where it’s different, where you might discover something.”
“You mean sissy stuff?”
“No...but just different.”
He strokes me again. “I can try different, I want to return the favor.”
“And I said you don’t ever have to silly boy, so I guess step one is you admitting that you want my cock.”
He blinks and blushes. “I...I want you cock Jamie.”
I smile. “See it changes things when you admit stuff like that. Hearing yourself say what’s really inside is a good thing Danny.”
He nods. “Yeah…” He’s definitely stroking me more.
I get up. “Okay first to your bathroom and a number two.”
He’s looking at me and blushing. “Yeah...that makes sense.”
He get’s up and this is a nicer place than it looks as he has his own bathroom and I check my purse and pop a little blue friend and call in. “When you’re done run the shower and I’ll be right in. What do you want to drink.”
He has a mini-fridge with pop and energy drinks and bottles of water and alcohol there too. “Vodka twist please.”
“Please is alway good baby.”
He has vodka and the twist I’m guessing would be the Perrier water and there’s glasses on the top of the mini-fridge and other bar thinks and I pour them three fingers and top it off with Perrier and get myself a Red Bull then my purse and head in the bathroom and it’s flushed and sprayed and I pass him the drink and I drink mine quick and he downs his and we head into the shower.
It’s kissing and soapy fun at first and kissing and washing his butt and him blushing as I do that for him and started teasing his hole and I step outside only long enough to grab his razor and checked the back of the little plastic stand and put on a new blade.
He looks at me as I come back and he swallows and nods.
It doesn’t take long since I do it and he’s not that hairy either and I do everywhere.
And when I do his pubic area I kneel and soap up his hole again and start cleaning him inside and out as I finger him and he gasps.
“Oh, oh jesus fuck Jamie.”
“Lighter, you want to really get it speak lighter Danny, tighten your throat a little, use less breath in the force.”
“Like a girl…”
“Lighter softer.”
They sound surprisingly different this time as they say. “Like this…?”
“Yes baby, just like that, stay still.”
I start rubbing their prostate too and it’s just a few minutes before there’s a soft moan.
“Good babe, sexy sounding.”
“Uhnnn...W...why though?”
“It’s like admitting it, this is you sounding soft, sounding sexy and fuckable...your brain pulls that in Danny just like being smooth.”
“Oh….oh...Yes….I...just…that...Jamie you fingers feel good.”
“I know, I love that too Danni it gets better, trust me it gets better.”
“Oooooh...better I want better…”
I rinse his shaved cock off and Danni’s hard again.
“Time for more.”
“Mmm...more?”
I finger them some more until they’re moaning and pushing their bottom into my fingers.
Then I pull them out and they’re clean.
“Let’s get dried.”
We step out and dry off and kiss and I’m hard and Danni strokes me while sucking on my breasts and it’s an exercise in control as I take Danni’s hand away and take out my bottle of cocoa and shea butter lotion from my purse and lotion them up.
“Now scent...you smell pretty, sweet, fuckable Danni.”
“God Jamie...I’m so turned on right now.”
“I know baby now close your eyes while I do your face.”
“Make-up?”
“Yes.”
They close their eyes and I go light using some of mine...eyes...liner, shadow, mascara and then the lipstick. It does wonder but Danni’s hair is just a little too short but it’s still okay.
“Just a minute Danni.”
I do my make-up too and then turn them around and lotion my fingers and sink them back in their bottom.
Danni’s breath gets shaky and they moan lightly. “Turn around, look at yourself.”
They turn and look...okay open their eyes look especially good and sexy with the make-up making them look sexy and big.
“That’s me?”
“Yes it is.”
“I look like a girl.”
“You look like Danni but maybe with an I.”
“I….uhnn...Oh…”
“Just look, look at yourself feel free babe, just enjoy all of this and let that image sink into you.”
I’m fingering them harder and they shiver and stare and Danni turns and looks at me.
“I’m ready Jamie, I’m ready I want you to fuck me.”
“Let’s go to the bedroom honey.”
I lead Danni into the bedroom taking my purse and lay them down. “Legs open, and off the bed.”
I sink to my knees and put a condom on them and another one on my two fingers and use my lube to lube them inside and out and take their cock into my mouth.
I start fingering them, massaging their prostate and making them moan and cry as they fist the sheets until I have them crying out really loudly in that soft girly voice as they cum really, really hard.
“Jamie...Jamie...f..fuck me Jamie!”
I suck the last remains of their cum out as I finger them more and more.
Danni whimpers and starts trying to push their bottom more to take my fingers.
I let them for a few minutes before I pull them out and take out my viberator from my purse and add some lube and sink it in.
“Oh...oh...oh wh...what?”
“A vibe baby.”
Danni whined in this perfect high pitch, sounding a lot like I would. “Oooooh….ooooooh...Jamieeeee.”
I move it in and out and just let Danni be filled with the sensations and The make noise the whole time. “Yes...yes...oh yes...god...fuck…”
When I touch their prostate now sensitive and all those nerves awake inside of them she does this happy sob.
I massage there with the vibe until I hear them. “Oh fuck, oh fuck Jamie...I’m going to...going to...Cum…..!”
Danni shakes through a great orgasm and next to nothing comes out...and nothing comes from the next one either and that time I pull Danni’s hand down to feel.
“Not hard, not barely, not sticky and you came.”
Danni’s panting. “Wh...why?”
“Because you don’t need to, to get off...all you need is being fucked right, being filled.”
I take their legs and push Danni all the way up on the bed and roll her over.
“Take the pillow and slip it under your chin and hang onto it...press down and butt up baby.”
Danni slips into the position and gets their knees under them arching their bottom up and I hold their hips and sink my aching blue pill powered cock into her.
“Uhnnn...Jamie...Jamie yes, fill me, fuck me….”
“Feels good?”
Danni nods.
“Feel how big it is compared to my little fingers and that slim little vibe.”
Danni nods.
“Feel it’s heat...you’re being filled by another person.”
I stop once I’m in all the way.
“There...We’re together baby...just breathe, just breathe and feel that cock, feel how good this feels….I love it Danni, love it myself and I think you do too.”
Danni chants almost. “Yes, yes...I feel it, I feel you in me and I really love it...love you inside me...I love this.”
“Clench baby…”
Danni does and I pull back. “See...this way you feel every millimeter of cock pulling through you.”
Danni whines.
“Now relax, let go…”
Danni’s muscles go slack inside and I push in with a rush and they gasp.
“Again clench, feel that dragging out…”
We get into the rhythm picking up speed and me sinking in faster and faster until I can hear this whine coming from Danni as I’m reaching my peak too and soon they’re cumming and just before they do I sink in all the way and hold them leaning over them pressed into their back and saying in their ear.
“You’re cumming, cumming because you were cock fucked, cock fucked and filled up Danni and you can feel it inside you as you cum, hard, hard , hard inside of you as you cum baby.”
“Nnnnnnnnnn….gh!”
They clench hard as their body clenches up and spasms around me.
“What’s inside you.”
“Cock…”
“What do you feel everything trembling around?”
“Cock!”
I sexy bite her shoulder… “What do you feel cumming inside you.”
Danni spasms a little more in an unexpected gasp. “Cock...cock...god Jamie you’re cock.”
I hold them as we rest and nuzzle.
Panting then breathing Danni shivering as their body and everything else is still reacting to the experience.
“Good lover?”
Danni nods over and over and sobs. “God yes...I…”
“Still processing?”
They nod a lot more at that. “Yeah...I…”
“Had no clue...no clue this was even possible, no clue this was even a thing.”
They nod.
“Neither did I, but it’s a real thing.”
“I...never...it’s like…”
I hug them. “It gets better.”
They turn their head to look at me. “Better?”
I move my hips as I’m hard again from my little blue friend.
“Oh...oh fuck Jamie.”
“You want me to stop?”
“God no...I want more...I really do.”
“This’ll be harder, faster.”
“Good...I love this.”
“I know.”
“How?”
“You, you still wanted me, wanted this and you weren’t like a few of the gay guys I know...you went with this, you’re into this.”
I move harder push into them making them moan. “Yes, fuck yes, fuck me Jamie...I never want this to stop!”
I push myself back up and let that part of me that still loves doing this out and yet knowing exactly what it’s like I fuck them hard and deep yet with care for their pleasure still.
Harder and faster, and Danni just becomes a mass of feelings and pushing back eagering coming up to meet me over and over until I’m getting close...feel the build up again just starting and then I just start fucking that spot inside of them until they’re over the edge and not just cumming but jissletting...when it’s not spurting but it’s literally cumming out in bounces and sticky strands.
I love that when that happens to me because it feels like one long slow orgasm...Tommy, Ian, Jax all get me there when I’m fucked so perfectly I’m just oozing out in bliss.
And when I’m really close it becomes long deep strokes and Danni behaves just like me with a gasping sound of yes...and we both go until they whine up the scale until they’re body just spasms again.
And I cum too again.
We crash together down again and this time I pull out and fall to my side and Danni rolls over to face me and wraps me up in a hug and shivers and cries.
I kiss them, lipstick on lipstick until they calm down and we stare at each other in between the kissing and their make-up’s running and I pull them close.
And we fall asleep utterly spent.
I know Danni, I know.
We don’t sleep long before I feel Danni kissing me and sliding down.
I look at them and they look up at me and they stroke me and my pill is still working so I am quickly stiffening and Danni takes out a condom and wraps me up before taking me into their mouth.
“Mmmm…”
I see the look in their eyes, they want this, really want this and craved it enough to do this and wake me up.
You can always feel the difference between just doing it and sucking cock to loving to suck cock because you love cock.
“That’s it, that’s it Danni, Lips, sucking, make that seal…”
I start talking them through it and they’re getting really into it picking up pointers and skills as I suggest them.
The door opens and Ko and Emily come in and I’m not sure what they were going to say but both are staring.
Ko says. “Holy…”
I look at Danni who stops and looks back at Ko and they’re both sort of stuck and I say. “Ko, it’s okay.”
“Danny’s sucking your cock.”
I say. “Danni likes sucking cock, they figured out cock is pretty great.”
“Yeah well you have a cock so….”
“So what?”
“So that’s gay?”
“Or Bi or Pan or just crossing gender lines.”
Danni looks at Ko. “I want this...I didn’t know I wanted this Ko but I...I do and it’s fucking amazing.”
“Amazing?”
“Yeah...amazing and I’m going to suck Jamie’s awesome cock and you can either freak out, or you can leave or you can take your hard on and sink that cock in me.”
Danni literally goes back to sucking me and making seriously louder moans and sexy sounds and moving her butt in the air and Ko looks at them and he walks over his cock getting hard and he was stroking it and once he’s hard he sinks into Danni.
“Oh...oh fuck...tight…”
Emily comes over to me blushing while she’s watching Danni and Ko and she lays down and starts kissing with me.
“One heck of a date.”
I kiss her back. “Life happens, you okay with this?”
“Definitely, so many firsts for the big girl too often set aside.”
I kiss her and smile. “They’re either dumbasses and assholes for not seeing how amazing you are.”
I reach over and take her waist and leg and pull her over with her making a squeak as I settle her on my face and I start kissing her and them moving my tongue over her labia and Emily moans and I start from there.
I can hear Ko saying. “Jesus Danny, jesus your ass is amazing, you’re so good, ride that cock.”
I feel Danni humming, sucking, making happy moans around me.
And that brings me off again with a dry cum.
I moan into Emily’s depths making her squirm with pleasure.
I know what to do here and I flich her clitty over and over with it all stiff stiff and sensitized by Ko’s time with her earlier.
Moans, more moans...I grind my tongue in and slither grind it over and over and change directions until I hear Em crying out. “Jamie, Jj..Jamie I’m..I’m…” She cries out and grunts in this sexy way like a female tennis player.
She falls over sideways and I scooch up the bed to kiss her and suck on her breasts and finger her.
I use the things I learned with Neela and slip my middle two fingers inside to move inside and out but also to use my pads of my fingers to stroke and the backs of my knuckles and all those ridges there and then there’s the space between my inserted fingers and the ones outside her to use that space to stroke her labia over and over as I flex my wrist and pump her.
I alternate between kissing her and sucking on her nipples and when I’m kissing her I’m grinding/slipping my breasts against hers.
I make Em cum again and she’s crying out for “Harder!...Fuck Jamie...Bang me, bang me!”
I use the meat of my palm as I flex my wrist to bump into her pelvis hard enough to shake her and make her jiggle and Emily’s loud having her orgasm and she falls back flat and panting.
We’re all panting and all on Danni’s big bed and I slide up to her.
“.....G...good date.” I get out.
“Games, Dinner, new people, shopping...and more sex than I’ve had all through high school….better sex than I had ever in high school...yeah this was a great date Jamie.”
“Good, I wanted you to have a good time and I was thinking differently but not this differently.”
“This was awesome Jamie, this is why I got the hell out of my hometown and came out here. I wanted out of fat wall-flower Emily.”
Ko says. “You’re fucking awesome Em, you’re beautiful too.”
Danni says sleepily. “You’re really beautiful Emily.”
I slip my arms around Emily and we touch heads as we fall into exhausted sleep.
*Chapter 46………………..
*Danni…
Daniel, Dan, Danny...And now Danni with an I at the end.
I’m a slightly mixed race Chinese Canadian with a little native in there and white and something else from back when my ancestors were here building the railroads.
I’m a welder, right along the lines of my family solid trade jobs.
I work for a pretty decent auto-body shop that does a lot of work for the community and the fast and furious copycat crowd.
And yesterday everything was normal.
Today Jamie Blake swayed into my life.
Five ten, lots of leg, great tits, sweet looks...seriously she’s stunning, sexy voice and a dick.
Jamie’s a trans woman.
Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t into that stuff but I wasn’t going to throw her out when her tits were out and she was necking with her girlfriend on my couch.
And everything changed when she sucked my cock.
I get it now, I do...especially that I know what she did and more.
More was falling in love with cock.
Sounds wrong? Sounds fucked up but Jamie gave me the best orgasm in my life.
Then she kept topping that as she took my offer to repay the favor seriously.
Which in all honesty looking back was me trying to be Danni with an “I” before I was even “woke” like as in when you finally wake the fuck up.
She saw that in me somehow and she...she really knew my body better than I did...shaving me in the shower.
Fingering me...soaping me up and fingering me until it went past feeling good but I ached for more.
I love feeling smooth, seriously I haven’t felt this sort of tactile awesomeness ever.
The lotion...just baby powder Skin-so-Soft.
I love feeling silkier after the shave, loved smell pretty...serious it was so nice and such a departure from everything I wore everyday.
Then the make-up and cute asian guy became sexy wide eyed asian girl. And it was shocking and yet as she finger banged me more it was starting to trickle into my brain that something more might be part of me...inside me and I don’t mean Jamie.
Though she so took control...fingered me, sucked me until I couldn’t cum anymore...or so I thought.
You can, I can and there might not be anything come out but You Can still cum.
And once Jamie had me empty and I couldn’t get off like a guy she got serious.
I’ve really never been fucked senseless before but Jamie did it.
Well did it first as I had gotten off so much it was sinking in that I was getting off without my dick being a dick and that I was being taken away by hard fucking cock inside my funhole.
Cumming in what was these impossibly long pounding orgasms that felt like that cock was driving itself through me and literally manually pushing cum from me.
Having shattering orgasms and feeling a hard cock inside of me as every part of me clenched up inside until it was magnified and undeniable.
And when that...when that happened I gave up.
I gave up all the macho bullshit...hell in my brain, in my heart I ran from it to me.
Danni with an I at the end.
Who just had her funhole fucked so hard by her roommate and best friend Freddie Ko.
Oh yeah he found out and he did it by walking in on me sucking Jamie’s cock.
She was right...I love it.
I Love Cock... getting fucked, I know where all that amazing better than anything ever sex comes from. And the thoughts of paying her back of sucking her cock woke me up after falling into a deep super well fucked sleep.
And still horny and with me offering my ass up he sank into me and fucked me...well I fucked back too and did the things Jamie taught me too, did them for Ko and he fucked me into that places where it’s so much my cum just drizzles out of me and I can’t hold a thought in my head but cock...dick...fuck me...all lit up in my brain as I was blissed out.
I know I sound like a bimbo but I don’t care honestly.
And fuck having my “cherry” broken tonight my straight got broken.
And now we’re all lying together spent and Ko’s arms are around my waist and he’s sleeping holding me.
I do sleep for awhile but my brain really just won’t shut down.
All these thoughts, feelings, ideas...who I’m going to be, who I want to be.
All the stuff Danny had ever seen about girls like me comes bubbling up...she-males, porn ads, stuff on TV, Tranny, Ladyboy all of that and it’s not in great ways but all the shitty stereotypes that aren’t me.
Well that shit wakes me up and I slide out of bed and it’s later out and it’s gotten dark out and I go and wash my face.
Looking in the mirror I’m trying to see me.
It’s hard without the make-up now.
I head out and get my robe and now all of my things are off...I have nothing I want to wear just my guy stuff everywhere.
Sigh.
I head out to the kitchen and I’m thirsty so I get some juice but the others are here too so I look at the clock and call West Coast Pizza a place not too far from here and I order in 1 veggie, 1 works, 1 cheese and one original. The original is a seafood pizza and as strange as it sounds it’s great...shrimp, crab, scallops sliced like really thin, there’s shrimp sauce mixed into the sauce and there’s no cheese but they drizzle a sour cream sauce with lemon over it.
A lot better in the restaurant but I’m craving and I order in a couple 2 liter of Pepsi and salad and bread and a bunch of their sides like because it’s a family deal thing.
I tidy up our usual mess and I clear the coffee table and Freddie comes out and he’s looking at me.
“That was wild.”
“Yeah, life changing.”
He looks at me. “Seriously?”
I walk over and get some more juice and hold the jug up and he nods. “I’m serious Ko, you were with me, did I seem like the old Danny to you? You were fucking me and you helped break my straight.”
“Hey...what?”
“Part of my wanted it just to be Jamie but it wasn’t, you took me to the same places.”
“No but...it was so...so fast.”
I resist the urge to sex pun.
I pass him his glass. “I know...I really know and the thing is this is me finding out that I’m like this.”
“But you were straight, I seen you with chicks Dan.”
“Danni please...And yeah...you know that straight’s kinda the default that we all think we are usually?”
He drinks some juice. “But...it’s just…”
I walk over to him. “You’re my best friend Freddie, please be okay with this.” Freddie is his first name and he switched to using Ko back in high school.
He looks at me and sighs. “Our parents will freak when they find out.”
I nod. “Maybe...but I don’t care...I can’t be something I’m not Freddie.”
He sighs and he hugs me. “If you end up looking hot I’m not going to stop from hitting on you Danni.”
I smile and it feels so huge to me right now. “Same mister, I liked what we had back in my room, I felt awesome and you’ve got a great cock.”
He chokes on some juice he was drinking. “Danni!”
“What? You do.”
He’s blushing as the doorbell rings and I grab my pants and wallet and pay for the food with debit and Ko goes and wakes the girls.
Jamie and Emily come out after they showered looking still a little sleepy and I had time to find enough dishes for things and we don’t have a whole lot of stuff for guests.
Actually we’ve never really had guests.
Emily actually had a robe she bought down in Chinatown and now I want one as we’re right here and she looks really good in it and Jamie actually is in my sweats and her bra and I can’t help but stare at both of them as we sit down to eat.
“I’m so jealous, seriously you two are so beautiful and I’ve got so far to go.”
Jamie takes her plate. “You’ll get there.”
Emily says. “I didn’t really do much to be me Danni and pretty much most of that sucked.”
“Not in a good way?”
She shakes her head. “Nope, I’ve from Thames, over near London Ontario and as a native girl in a town full over white folks and stuff I grew up with all the other stuff that comes with being native in the non-Hollywood way.”
I had to ask because I literally don’t know. “Non-Hollywood way?”
“Tall, thin, athletic when I’m short and heavy with big tits and and a huge ass.”
“Oh…”
Emily looks at me. “Guys see me, most see me as undateable or they see me and they see my boobs.” She looks over at Freddie who looks down but laughs. “Guilty.”
She smiles at him. “And you, you’re off the hook because I had a good dose of yellow fever but other guys...I’m invisible if not a walking set of tits.”
Jamie says. “You underrate yourself Emily, seriously you’re smart, beautiful and you’re making changes.”
I say. “You’re here you got out so there’s that.”
She smiles. “Okay, okay guys I’m just saying Danni...I don’t know...I’ll help however I can.”
That makes me smile.
And Jamie says. “I know exactly how you feel Danni but I want you to really think about this. If you’re thinking about changing and coming out it’s a big deal. It’s hard out here, this isn’t easy.”
I ask. “But was it worth it?”
“For me yeah. But even now there’s a ton I’m still learning and unlearning and there’s a ton of stuff I don’t want to learn. It’s really hard to not drop off into the stereotypes of being trans or genderqueer and everything.”
“Stereotypes?”
“Well there’s two main kinds there’s what the public and media see and that includes porn. That’s the stuff that gets all of us in trouble with the bigots and the transphobes and the stuff that has ordinary folks call us he-she’s and all that garbage. Then the second one is the stereotypes within ourselves the trying too hard, the hyper active gender reactions like stuff that’s way more fetishy than being trans.”
“Fetishy?”
“Super extreme plastic surgery like lips and boobs that are cartoon levels of fucked up. Then there’s sissydom stuff and chastity stuff. Lots of trans folks jump into that and they try and find something there.”
“But what if they’re into that?” I ask.
Jamie shrugs. “If it’s sex that’s one thing but there’s some folks that just go down the rabbit hole with it. I’ll drop and suck the hell out of and love a cock but outside the sex I’m me first.”
“So how do you balance the two, the sex and living.”
“Just live, find things you love, learn things, do stuff and then for me I have a plan that I want to follow through.”
“A plan?”
“I’m taking arts and working on that and learning languages seriously. I want to be a translator so I can see the world eventually and live.”
I nod a couple of times at that. “I got as far as a classic car, I want to save up for a classic muscle car or I did. Well that and a place to put it.”
She’s nodding. “I got my dad’s bike so get the old school thing. Trouble is property here’s impossibly expensive.”
“Yeah, I’ve given up on in town at all.”
Freddie says. “That’s a big, big deal with our families most of us grew up in apartments or rent houses so owning a house is huge in the family.”
We talk until the food’s gone and we even have a few drinks and it’s getting really late and we call them a cab and they get changed and head off to wherever Jamie lives.
It takes me a few minutes of thinking before I go and get the sheets and bedding and toss them in the wash and get dressed in some sweats and slip my sneakers on and I go out for a walk phoning in to work to call in sick for a couple of days.
I do have sick time and now I’m using it.
There’s a night life even really late here in Chinatown. And yeah I live here because of the tourist girls. It’s kind of how we picked up Jamie and Emily in the first place and we considered the tail worth the rent.
I can still hours later feel Jamie and Freddie having fucked me in my insides and I kind of like the post sex feeling.
It still makes me think though.
And I walk and walk and think...about how it all felt, family, my community...about living like me now and everything and being out and me.
Really tired of the thinking I made a decision that I’m not going to go home to nothing but Danny’s stuff and things.
I call a cab and head out to the Wal-Mart Super Center, it’s the only place open this late and I get a cart and go shopping.
I kind of started with some cleaning supplies first. I want to do a good cleaning and start to whatever’s going on and I know this is a bad stereotype but I think as Danni me should? Or Me?
Anyway just as Danny I wouldn’t have bought a Swiffer and Swiffer Scrubber my and Freddies biggest things were just basic things really and girl fancy soft toilet paper. I get some things for the windows too and the kitchen and there were sales on some things we needed like bulk paper towels and dishwasher soap.
Speaking of dishes I swing to housewares and I buy some since we don’t have a lot of stuff for company and I get us the kit of the semi-glassware stuff that looks like ceramic. Green and white but four of everything from plates to saucers to tea cups...I did get the one on sale though since it’s just a sort of place holder for maybe nicer things later.
But being there led to buying a couple of bedding sets that looked cute. Again not fancy but those ones that came in the zipped up plastic bags. I get a new bath mat and some guest towels.
That’s when I’m sure this’ll be two carts because most of what I have is big.
I get a nice looking floor rug that feels pretty plush and looks like it’s fake Japanese with like cherry blossom trees and stuff.
And after asking a cashier they’ll hold my stuff giving me a cart pick up number and the greeters look after them. I pay for the first cart and they hold it for me and I go back for more.
This took me taking breaths and going into unknown territory of the women’s clothing section. I buy some panty sets and Fruit of the loom had breathable bikini styled ones and they looked cute and sort of sexy and they were four for like less than fifteen bucks so I bought three packages, one of the Hayne’s boyshorts, three Smart and Sexy black bras because they’re kind of lacy and cute and I get the a grey colored Sweet Nothings lacy one because it looks really sexy….there’s a lot my brain is fighting with, lots I want to buy but this...I just want something to wear while figuring me out.
Oh...gel inserts they have things that I can put on my bras that are helpers I get some of those too.
Sigh...I’m getting in deep, there’s already a lot of clothes here and things.
What if this goes wrong?
I tone it down and get a new robe and there’s a green plaid pajama set that I get because green’s my favorite color and a Canucks long sleep tee, then socks and a pair of sneakers and flats and a few simple tee shirts and Jordache jeans and sweats and a grey ribbed tee shirt dress.
Make-up is really simple….I’m nervous and scared and excited but I pick things that I think will go with my skin tone and try for just the basics and then wipes, brushes, remover...then some body washes and skin care stuff.
I end things with groceries. I get some snacks and then things in for company plus we needed things like milk and our regular stuff plus at the corner shops near us it’s like between a buck to two more for two litres than here. And a few things were on sale that were like just yeah okay buys and while I’m not a great cook I can and I never bake but I do buy some baking things like mixes for stuff.
Then I pay for all of this and don’t even get a look.
I make good money welding at the shop so this all goes on the credit card and I get a cab home asking for a van pick up because I have groceries and things. I check my wallet for cash and get a cash advance off my credit card because I want some money for the cab and
I tip him a twenty because he helps me carry things in and he’s pretty good about that.
It’s morning and Freddie’s off to work and I have the place to myself and I start by putting the groceries away, making a pot of coffee and washing my new clothes.
I don’t wear anything before washing it.
And after a coffee I have a shower and lotion girls deodorant and use the bathroom and wait until things are washed and dried before getting dressed.
Bra...inserts...panties...sweatpants and a tee shirt.
I just try a little mascara and a little of the peach/pink lipstick and...and there I am.
Danni... and I stared for a long time at myself just trying to take it all in.
I do some cleaning with my room and bathroom and toss out a lot of garbage and set up all my things for the bathroom and by that time the rest of the laundry is done and I take it to my room and make my bed then switch to my PJ’s and wipe off my make-up and I crawl in and fall asleep.
I have a lot to do still but I’m just tired and putting the rest of my things away can wait until after my brain is a lot less heavy.
*Alex…
I like it here.
There’s a lot of things you hear about Vancouver but I never really got how pretty it is here in the fall and I just enjoy my walk and actually use it to concentrate on my walking form and try to clear my head from coming out tonight.
I use my phone to find a few yard sales and I just wander mostly looking from one to another but I picked up a Nintendo DS and a dozen game cartridges for ten bucks.
I had one as a kid and it’s a good find.
I’m getting looks though from time to time.
Not everyone but some people clock me as trans, the odd hard look but no one says anything though.
Still it kinda makes my insides do the hard turns.
I left and went for another walk when there was a yard sale where this guy was staring at me with his kid. His son...his son who I see playing with a doll there and he does a take at me and stalks over to his son and rips the toy from his hands and drags him from the yard sale.
“Damned faggots! I told you never to touch that girly shit!”
I watch and I want to move...I want to go over there and do something but I’m froze in place and things actually grey out on me and I’m not there any more but I’m…
…………….Dad’s hand coming on the backswing and his fist connecting to my head. “Stop itm stop being a little faggot!”... There was ripping, tearing and he was wrecking mom’s dress, she’d be so mad at me…………….
I drop to my knees after I hear his son make the same scared sound getting tossed into the car as I used to.
It’s like something broke inside….like that time with Sasha when I broke down.
I used to dress.
Play with things that my dad hated.
Absolutely hated...I… “I’m not a boy daddy!”... I don’t remember why he was dragging me that time but he was raging.
Scared...I was so scared….He tossed me in the car that time and he drove...squealing tires just like this man did.
Dad dragging me out of the car to this big building, a hotel and there were rooms outside and a man at a room with a frowning face.
“Can you do it? Can you help him?”
“By the Lord’s will I can, have you brought the donation?”
“I have…”
Then there was the man looking over me. “We’ll fix you Alexander, We’ll fix you.”
There was a prick in my thigh and everything greyed out.
Then i’m back in the world and my heart is pounding and I’m having trouble breathing and I fall hitting someone’s lawn.
People are rushing over as things aren’t turning grey but black.
I wake up and I’m leaning on a body and there’s some people around me but Rick’s there and I’m pretty sure that I’m leaning against Tommy and Rick has a bottle of water and I was sipping in that not really conscious way until I come too and breath in the next sip and start coughing.
Tommy gives me a few backslaps and rubs my back.
Rick’s looking at me. “Alex?”
I nod.
“Wow, you look like hell, what happened?”
“I...I don’t know. I saw this asshole with his son and they had a doll and he flipped and I...I think I had flashbacks.”
Tommy says. “Of?”
I look at them and I’m shivering. “I think I was a trans kid…” (Sniffle.)...I think that they fixed me.”
Rick swears. “Oh fucking hell, fixed you?”
I can’t stop shaking. “Y...yeah...I...I remember some hotel, dad and some scary guy….”
Rick looks at Tommy. “Alex’s dad was a son of a bitch, I’m going to get shit from him talking smack about me when I go home.”
Tommy asks. “Bad?”
Rick looks at me and I nod and I say. “Full on bigot and dad fired folks that worked for him that were gay or even had gay kids.”
Tommy says. “That’s pretty illegal.”
I nod and Tommy puts his coat over my shoulders and it’s warm from his body heat and both help me up and over to a truck and they help me in and get in with me and we’re still talking.
“Dad never cared about legal he closed our whole store when taken to court until people dropped the charges.”
Tommy shakes his head. “Your dad sounds like an asshole.”
(Sniffle.) “He’s...I don’t...I don’t know…” (Whine)
Rick says. “Alex’s dad when he’s not a bigot he’s really big in the community with stuff like helping the hockey team and the football, baseball and softball teams helping the church out and other stuff. He was so proud of us getting to go to school here because we might scout to the minor leagues for hockey.”
I’m still shaking. “D..dad wanted me to make contacts out here….sp...sports means...b..business people.”
Tommy starts driving. “What’s he do?”
“Silverton Hardware, Boating & Cottage Supplies….he has a big market on boats and cottages and even delivers...we even build and make ice fishing houses and sell snowmobiles and ATV’s and everything for hunting and fishing.”
Rick nods. “Dozens of jobs, Alex’s dad’s a big deal.”
I….It’s there again sticking in my head...in my leg… “There was a needle, the scary guy had a needle.”
I lose it and start crying and Rick pulls me close and I bawl.
I’m not really there when they carry me into their place and it’s so fucked up but okay that Rick takes me to their bed and takes my shoes off and curls up with me and holds me.
I remember crying fits.
I remember a hot blanket smelling of dryer sheets and then I remember a pill...Rick saying “valium”.... And a mason jar mug of apple cider made hot and a cinnamon stick and whisky that I drank pretty fast and then being held until I felt the pill and the drink pull me under.
Dreams and memories happen and while I’m under it’s all mashing up and swirling around and it’s scary, really scary because out of all those snippets I have mixed in with myself now I knew...I knew at like five years old that I wasn’t a boy.
Because I asked her when I was back from my first day of preschool. “Mom...when is my thing going to fall off like yours did?”
I remember her scared, mortified, freaked out.
I remember my dad making life a living hell, a thing of terror until...until the scary man day.
I blurrilly remember talking...movies...I think I remember crying and shocks...like electrical shocks.
I know it wasn’t a hospital.
I remember dad being just so...good after, pushing me all the time but so proud of me.
I can literally remember bonding over beers and making fun of gay folks that were around or at the rental cottages and that he was literally proud of me being a horrible bigot.
I can remember being mad at my mom and couldn’t get why.
There’s so, so much...that’s just fake.
Alex...Alexander was fake...and...it just hurts.
Dehydration wakes me up and I feel groggy but okay and I can smell food cooking and Tommy and Rick talking and I get up and take the comforter with me and head out from the bedroom and into their main space.
Rick looks at me. “Hey you, you okay?”
“No...really, really no.”
He comes over and he hugs me and I let him and lean into it. “I’m so sorry Alex.”
“Lexi...I...I remember I used to call myself Lexi…”
“It’s cute...I like it.”
I nod a few times. “It’s mine, it’s my name, they tried to kill me...replace me...I’m...I’m taking me back….” I’m sort of ghostly angry, you know where you should be screaming in anger and pain but you can’t because you’re barely there in the first place.
Rick leads me to this perfect wicker chair in the corner near the kitchen. It’s beside a window, huge so you can curl up in it and it even goes up and over you in an oval. There’s two wires there that look like for lights with the little clicky white box things and then there’s a little plug there for like maybe recharging their phones.
They have it covered with a ratty old patchwork quilt too that actually makes it sort of neat.
I pull my legs in with the blanket and sit sideways with the blanket. “Can I have a drink?”
Rick asks. “Water, something else or a drink drink?”
“Drink, drink...I’m not sure sober’s something that’s what I want to be right now.”
Rick gives me this sweet sad smile that’s actually a thousand miles from where we were back in high school. “Done, and done, Honey?” He calls to Tommy who’s apparently honey.
Part of my hurt... smiles.
God I feel so fucking broken.
Tommy says. “Coming right up.”
Rick goes and he comes back with big mug of what looks like hot chocolate with marshmallows and shaved chocolate it looks good but tasting it there’s Irish cream in there and other things that I can’t tell and I don’t care to but just sip at.
Rick sits beside me. “Like the blanket fort chair?”
I sip and nod. “I love this actually.”
“Tommy made it for me.”
“For you?”
Rick nods. “Being in love, being in a relationship with a great guy and all of this is still hard on the head. I wanted my like to be normal, to be like all the stuff that we were like told we should want but that’s so not my life now…”
“So a blanket fort chair, I’m actually jealous.”
He smiles and blushes. “I’m seriously happy Lexi.”
It feels so different so automatically deep hearing Lexi.
It was like in the pool of darkness inside me she...me heard it and finally, finally she got to raise her head.
I take a drink of hot chocolate booze getting the hits from the booze and sugar and lots and lots of chocolate.
“I want to be happy Rick, I want to just be...I mean...It’s like everything was just…”
Tears are rolling out and I’m wiping at them. “I just want...I don’t even know who I am.”
Tommy comes over and gives Rick a mug and he takes my mug and he refills mine from a copper pot. “You’re Lexi and I’ve only met you. It’s a start.”
I look at him. “A start?”
“Sometimes we have to start over, there’s zero shame in it, there’s nothing on you for what is just you.”
“But my parents, my family?”
“Aren’t Lexi’s or they’d have had your back instead of dropping their kid into conversion therapy.”
“I…”
Tommy looks at me. “Start living Lexi, just start living, if you need backup you got Rick and I.”
Rick says. “Jamie too, likely others.”
I take another drink and hold my arms out and both the guys hug me.
Tommy looks at me and smiles. “Now how about some supper.”
“Supper?” I look at my watch. “Oh...i have to be back at the dorm soon.”
Rick looks at me. “Oh?”
“I’m coming out to the dorm...I called a meeting.”
Tommy nods. “Okay you get cleaned up and we can eat later.”
“Later?”
“You can come back over after if you need to. If things go bad at the dorm you can couch surf with us.”
“Thanks guys.”
I finish my drink and use their bathroom and get a ride with them back to the dorms and people are at the food hall but will be here soon.
I’m getting my things together and Penny and Tara are there waiting for when I come out and Tara hugs me hard. “Holy fuck I just ran into Rick and Tommy and heard what happened!”
I let her hug me. “Yeah...that, that really is messing with me.”
“You still want to do this?”
(Sniffle.) “Yeah, more than ever...I need to cut these chains.”
Penny hugs me hard and holds me for awhile. “Got your back Lexi, no matter what.”
“How’d….?”
“Rick told us.”
I nod and we walk to the showers and I start getting ready and I’m not super girling it up but I’m not hiding either as I shower...cry some in the shower then get dressed.
Tara helps me with my make-up since my hands are shaking and Tommy and Rick are there in the hall as we head down to the dorm’s common room.
People start to filter in and I’m getting stares and there’s more folks coming in including guys from the hockey teams and I’m getting more looks and I hear.
“Holy fuck is that Alex?”
I look around and take a shaky breath.
Phones are out and there’s texting going on and the word’s spreading and i think some people took pictures of me.
We’re filling in faster and soon the common room’s pretty full.
I see Jeff there but he’s hanging back away from me.
And it hurts but I’m good with it too. He’s my first relationship and that’s so much smaller than what’s going on with me and myself and my background stuff.
I take another shaky breath and hold my hands up.
“Hi...I’m Lexi...and I’m coming out….I’m a trans girl and I...I want to be honest with you all.”
The place erupts in people talking.
My stomach drops away as some people leave looking pissed off, not happy with me doing this.